1 00:00:25,944 --> 00:00:28,904 So remember that the client pays for the shoot, 2 00:00:28,905 --> 00:00:30,823 but we pay for the overtime. 3 00:00:30,824 --> 00:00:33,701 So whatever you do, don't go over. 4 00:00:33,702 --> 00:00:36,288 But make the commercial as good as possible too, right? 5 00:00:37,747 --> 00:00:39,708 Yeah. Sure. Whatever. 6 00:00:40,417 --> 00:00:41,417 And I had an idea. 7 00:00:41,418 --> 00:00:44,004 Maybe we could all have a picnic together in the conference room? 8 00:00:44,588 --> 00:00:45,880 I can't make it. 9 00:00:45,881 --> 00:00:48,091 - I didn't tell you when it was. - I know. 10 00:00:48,675 --> 00:00:52,762 Come on, Barbara. Could be fun. 11 00:00:53,513 --> 00:00:56,553 We could get to know each other a little. Maybe loosen things up around here. 12 00:00:57,017 --> 00:00:59,101 Well, I've worked with this lot before, 13 00:00:59,102 --> 00:01:03,064 and, yeah, this is as loose as they get. 14 00:01:11,531 --> 00:01:13,908 - We'll see about that, Babs. - Oh, no. Don't. 15 00:01:13,909 --> 00:01:15,952 Yep. I felt that as soon as I said it. 16 00:01:18,371 --> 00:01:19,956 All right, I'm headed out. 17 00:01:20,749 --> 00:01:22,626 Everyone have a great day, yeah? 18 00:01:25,462 --> 00:01:28,715 Oi, don't do anything I wouldn't do. 19 00:01:43,230 --> 00:01:44,898 What wouldn't she do? 20 00:02:07,879 --> 00:02:09,797 Good morning, Viet... 21 00:02:09,798 --> 00:02:11,131 Ted! 22 00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:13,593 - Hey, look who's here. Hi, Keeley. - Hello, Ted. 23 00:02:14,469 --> 00:02:16,095 Trent Crimm. Are you kidding me? 24 00:02:16,096 --> 00:02:17,596 Hey, nice to see you, man. 25 00:02:17,597 --> 00:02:19,890 You know, they got a big old Ziploc bag full of your hair ties 26 00:02:19,891 --> 00:02:21,767 down at the lost and found. You should pop on down, 27 00:02:21,768 --> 00:02:22,686 if you still want 'em. 28 00:02:22,687 --> 00:02:27,274 Thank you. Mr. Crimm has requested to follow the club this year. 29 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:31,068 - He wants to write a book about us. - Yeah? 30 00:02:31,069 --> 00:02:32,949 I think there's a story here worth telling, Ted. 31 00:02:33,613 --> 00:02:36,115 Yes, and we all love the idea. 32 00:02:36,116 --> 00:02:37,866 But obviously, as manager, 33 00:02:37,867 --> 00:02:39,995 we thought you should have the final decision. 34 00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:42,330 Okay. 35 00:02:44,749 --> 00:02:46,334 I mean, geez, you know, like... 36 00:02:54,342 --> 00:02:55,594 No. 37 00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:02,516 Sure, what the heck? Why not? When can you start? 38 00:03:02,517 --> 00:03:05,519 No time like the present. Except 11:11. That's my wishing time. 39 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:09,231 Or 23:11, if I'm at a military base or Euro Disney. 40 00:03:09,232 --> 00:03:11,984 Right, well. Decision made. 41 00:03:11,985 --> 00:03:13,987 Wonderful. Trent, welcome. 42 00:03:15,947 --> 00:03:17,948 - Holy shit. - Uh-oh. 43 00:03:17,949 --> 00:03:19,743 Zava is leaving Juventus. 44 00:03:21,536 --> 00:03:24,788 What about their kids? I'm sorry. I didn't know what any of those things meant. 45 00:03:24,789 --> 00:03:26,582 I thought it was like Greek mythology or something. 46 00:03:26,583 --> 00:03:28,250 I was just lost. I just went with that. Sorry. 47 00:03:28,251 --> 00:03:31,296 Zava's a world-class striker who's about to leave his club in Italy. 48 00:03:32,130 --> 00:03:33,589 Cacio later, Pepe. 49 00:03:33,590 --> 00:03:36,217 Apparently, he wants to play in the Premier League 50 00:03:36,218 --> 00:03:39,803 because his wife binged The Office and she wants to live in England. 51 00:03:39,804 --> 00:03:41,889 I think you mean Scranton, Pennsylvania, buddy. 52 00:03:41,890 --> 00:03:43,682 No, the British Office, Ted. 53 00:03:43,683 --> 00:03:45,935 That's right. Y'all did a premake over here. 54 00:03:45,936 --> 00:03:47,853 If we got Zava, that would be amazing. 55 00:03:47,854 --> 00:03:50,940 He would be huge for the club's brand. He's got like 90 million followers. 56 00:03:50,941 --> 00:03:53,525 One time he just posted the word "7 million likes." 57 00:03:53,526 --> 00:03:54,818 It got 10 million likes. 58 00:03:54,819 --> 00:03:58,447 Yes, but he is very expensive. And isn't he supposed to be a bit of a diva? 59 00:03:58,448 --> 00:04:01,116 Yes, huge diva. Enormous. 60 00:04:01,117 --> 00:04:03,911 He goes through teams like you go through manicurists. 61 00:04:03,912 --> 00:04:06,456 The fumes make me dizzy, and I overshare. 62 00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:08,916 Please don't print that. 63 00:04:08,917 --> 00:04:11,961 Zava has played for 14 teams in 15 years, 64 00:04:11,962 --> 00:04:14,256 leaving behind nothing but chaos and trophies. 65 00:04:15,006 --> 00:04:16,549 Beautiful, shiny trophies. 66 00:04:16,550 --> 00:04:19,427 Yes, but, Leslie, who wants to deal with all that drama? 67 00:04:20,136 --> 00:04:22,596 Apparently, everyone who can afford him. 68 00:04:22,597 --> 00:04:26,141 Chelsea, Arsenal, United, West Ham. 69 00:04:26,142 --> 00:04:27,434 I say, let's just go for it. 70 00:04:27,435 --> 00:04:31,064 I mean, maybe he's a handful, but who doesn't love a handful? 71 00:04:31,940 --> 00:04:34,066 I mean, if you're talking salted peanuts, yes, please. 72 00:04:34,067 --> 00:04:35,776 If you're talking Skittles though, no, thank you. 73 00:04:35,777 --> 00:04:37,903 You know, the dye melts, and it gets all over your fingers, 74 00:04:37,904 --> 00:04:39,071 makes 'em all sticky. 75 00:04:39,072 --> 00:04:40,740 And that, you can print. 76 00:04:43,368 --> 00:04:46,120 - Wonderful. Let's set up a meeting. - Great. 77 00:04:46,121 --> 00:04:48,205 - Let's go and get Zava. - Yes! 78 00:04:48,206 --> 00:04:49,791 - We're doing it. - Zava dabba doo! 79 00:04:50,542 --> 00:04:52,918 - Yeah. - Here we go. Yeah, come on. 80 00:04:52,919 --> 00:04:54,295 This is exciting. 81 00:04:54,296 --> 00:04:56,505 So, am I to assume that you're going to pursue 82 00:04:56,506 --> 00:05:00,217 a notoriously mercurial player you can't really afford simply 83 00:05:00,218 --> 00:05:02,554 because the team your ex-husband owns wants him? 84 00:05:04,681 --> 00:05:07,017 No, no, no, no, no. 85 00:05:08,643 --> 00:05:09,644 Yes. 86 00:05:12,272 --> 00:05:13,273 Love that. 87 00:05:18,737 --> 00:05:21,280 So, hey, come on. Talk to me. 88 00:05:21,281 --> 00:05:24,366 What's it like being the boss of your own Keeley Street Band, huh? 89 00:05:24,367 --> 00:05:26,160 - I think it's going really good. - Yeah? 90 00:05:26,161 --> 00:05:27,494 - Yeah. - Good, good. 91 00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:30,832 Well, I do wish that my co-workers would loosen up just a little bit. 92 00:05:31,958 --> 00:05:33,667 - You want my advice? - Yes. 93 00:05:33,668 --> 00:05:35,711 Y'all should go out and do something together. 94 00:05:35,712 --> 00:05:37,338 You know, like outside of work. 95 00:05:37,339 --> 00:05:38,965 - That's a great idea. - Yeah, yeah. 96 00:05:39,674 --> 00:05:41,884 Maybe I could hire a shaman 97 00:05:41,885 --> 00:05:44,763 and we could do a bunch of ayahuasca under a blood moon. 98 00:05:45,972 --> 00:05:47,848 I was thinking something like an escape room, 99 00:05:47,849 --> 00:05:49,600 but, hey, Clamato Clamato, right? 100 00:05:49,601 --> 00:05:51,810 - Yeah. Thanks, Ted. - Good to see you. Yeah. 101 00:05:51,811 --> 00:05:53,145 - Keeley! - Yeah? 102 00:05:53,146 --> 00:05:54,939 Isaac. Hi. You all right? 103 00:05:54,940 --> 00:05:56,982 Yeah. Can you help me get a shoe deal? 104 00:05:56,983 --> 00:06:00,027 I'd love to. Any brand in particular? 105 00:06:00,028 --> 00:06:04,074 No brands. Just shoes, in general. You know. 106 00:06:05,909 --> 00:06:07,410 Great. I'll look into it for you. 107 00:06:10,455 --> 00:06:11,623 - Hi, guys. - Keeley. 108 00:06:12,207 --> 00:06:13,083 Hi, Keeley. 109 00:06:13,084 --> 00:06:14,750 - Hi, Jamie. - How you doing? You good, yeah? 110 00:06:14,751 --> 00:06:16,335 Yeah, I'm all right. You? 111 00:06:16,336 --> 00:06:20,339 Yeah, yeah. Not bad. Yeah, yeah. Gym. 112 00:06:20,340 --> 00:06:22,342 - Just went to the gym. So, yeah. Good. - Good. 113 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:27,137 Glad you're good. I'll see you later. 114 00:06:27,138 --> 00:06:28,557 - Yeah. - Yeah. Bye. 115 00:06:31,268 --> 00:06:32,811 - Bruv. - What's up, man? 116 00:06:38,108 --> 00:06:39,818 Keeley and Roy have broken up. 117 00:06:40,652 --> 00:06:42,404 What? Who told you that? 118 00:06:42,946 --> 00:06:45,824 It's not "who," bruv. It's "what." Kinesics. 119 00:06:46,324 --> 00:06:48,410 Study of body language. Just look at 'em. 120 00:06:49,286 --> 00:06:51,580 No eye contact, Keeley's crossed arms. 121 00:06:52,581 --> 00:06:57,252 Roy's clenched arse. It's science. 122 00:07:24,821 --> 00:07:27,324 - What do you want? - You and Keeley break up? 123 00:07:28,116 --> 00:07:30,076 - Who told you that? - No one. 124 00:07:30,827 --> 00:07:31,912 I use body science. 125 00:07:33,371 --> 00:07:34,915 Why? Is it true? 126 00:07:43,131 --> 00:07:44,173 What's that fucking face? 127 00:07:44,174 --> 00:07:46,635 It's called empathy, you dusty, old fart. 128 00:07:47,427 --> 00:07:51,431 Look, as someone who's been dumped by Keeley, I get it. 129 00:07:52,265 --> 00:07:56,101 - She didn't dump me. - You dumped her? Why? 130 00:07:56,102 --> 00:07:59,022 I don't want to talk about it. Why'd you come in here? 131 00:07:59,731 --> 00:08:00,731 Let me guess. 132 00:08:00,732 --> 00:08:02,983 You want to know if it's okay to ask her out, right? 133 00:08:02,984 --> 00:08:07,989 No, I was just... I was just seeing if you were okay, man. 134 00:08:12,327 --> 00:08:13,369 Dickhead. 135 00:08:13,370 --> 00:08:14,828 - What the fuck you doing? - I was gonna hug you. 136 00:08:14,829 --> 00:08:17,957 - Well, you came at me too fast. - Jesus, sorry. 137 00:08:17,958 --> 00:08:20,961 I forget how skittish elderly people could be 'cause of the war. 138 00:08:21,795 --> 00:08:23,629 Come on, man. I was just trying to comfort you. 139 00:08:23,630 --> 00:08:25,256 Well, I don't want comfort. 140 00:08:25,257 --> 00:08:27,299 And I told you, I don't want to talk about it. 141 00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:28,968 So don't you say a fucking word. Do you hear me? 142 00:08:28,969 --> 00:08:30,512 Fine, I won't. 143 00:08:32,639 --> 00:08:34,764 And don't you say a fucking word about it either, William. 144 00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:36,141 No, no, I won't. 145 00:08:36,142 --> 00:08:38,435 I actually just went through a bit of a breakup myself, 146 00:08:38,436 --> 00:08:40,313 so I can somewhat relate. 147 00:08:41,231 --> 00:08:43,065 Hey, maybe we should all go out sometime. 148 00:08:43,066 --> 00:08:45,401 Us three. You know, get a couple drinks, couple pints, couple shots. 149 00:08:45,402 --> 00:08:48,071 Fishbowls. Single guys club. 150 00:08:51,116 --> 00:08:52,449 Or I can just not say a fucking word. 151 00:08:52,450 --> 00:08:54,493 No, I hear you. I hear you loud and clear. 152 00:08:54,494 --> 00:08:56,120 Well, you are a sleepwalker. 153 00:08:56,121 --> 00:08:58,206 I don't know what else to tell you. Period. 154 00:09:00,750 --> 00:09:02,294 Hey, Coach. 155 00:09:04,462 --> 00:09:05,463 What are you doing? 156 00:09:07,215 --> 00:09:09,049 Just taking a peek at one of these soccer strategy books 157 00:09:09,050 --> 00:09:10,170 you always got your nose in. 158 00:09:14,097 --> 00:09:15,432 What do you think? 159 00:09:16,057 --> 00:09:18,934 Well, given the struggles I've already had with the table of contents, 160 00:09:18,935 --> 00:09:20,561 I think I might be best served to wait 161 00:09:20,562 --> 00:09:22,355 until this son of a gun comes out as a movie. 162 00:09:24,316 --> 00:09:26,734 Hey, let me ask you a couple questions. 163 00:09:26,735 --> 00:09:28,415 One, what would you think if we sign Zava? 164 00:09:29,529 --> 00:09:30,779 That's good, right? 165 00:09:30,780 --> 00:09:32,449 - Zava? Yeah. - Okay. 166 00:09:33,158 --> 00:09:35,118 Second question. Who is Zava? 167 00:09:35,911 --> 00:09:38,287 He's a living legend. You know who Zava is. 168 00:09:38,288 --> 00:09:40,206 Beg to differ, Claudia Schiffer. 169 00:09:50,842 --> 00:09:53,136 Now why you got me watching the Veggie Dog Vigilante here? 170 00:09:53,762 --> 00:09:54,846 Hey. 171 00:09:55,472 --> 00:09:56,473 No way. 172 00:09:57,849 --> 00:09:59,476 Because that's Zava. 173 00:10:01,061 --> 00:10:02,270 That's Zava? 174 00:10:03,355 --> 00:10:05,475 Well, shoot. I didn't know this fella played football. 175 00:10:06,233 --> 00:10:08,525 Hey, I said football without even thinking about it. 176 00:10:08,526 --> 00:10:10,695 Boy, that book really works. 177 00:10:13,990 --> 00:10:15,659 11:11. Make a wish. 178 00:10:19,746 --> 00:10:22,414 - What'd you wish for? Come on, Coach. - I can't tell you that. 179 00:10:22,415 --> 00:10:24,208 I just don't want our wishes to cancel each other out. 180 00:10:24,209 --> 00:10:26,460 - That's not how it works. - Shut the fuck up. 181 00:10:26,461 --> 00:10:28,337 - Take it back. - Uh-oh, now what? 182 00:10:28,338 --> 00:10:29,380 Take it back. 183 00:10:29,381 --> 00:10:31,131 I can't take back things that's already happened. 184 00:10:31,132 --> 00:10:33,592 Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Fellas, what's wrong? 185 00:10:33,593 --> 00:10:35,679 Coach, we just heard the most upsetting rumor. 186 00:10:36,429 --> 00:10:38,472 Okay, is this about us getting Zava? 187 00:10:38,473 --> 00:10:40,182 - What? - We're getting Zava? 188 00:10:40,183 --> 00:10:43,520 I just wished for that 30 seconds ago. 189 00:10:48,775 --> 00:10:50,192 Wait, no. 190 00:10:50,193 --> 00:10:51,485 Hold on a second, okay? 191 00:10:51,486 --> 00:10:53,904 If y'all weren't talking about Zava, what were you so upset about? 192 00:10:53,905 --> 00:10:55,948 Is it 'cause Trent Crimm's writing a book about us? 193 00:10:55,949 --> 00:10:57,950 What? 194 00:10:57,951 --> 00:11:00,452 Wait, Trent Crimm's writing a book about Zava joining our team? 195 00:11:00,453 --> 00:11:03,247 No, no. He's just coming here to write a book about the team. 196 00:11:03,248 --> 00:11:04,748 Zava's writing a book about us? 197 00:11:04,749 --> 00:11:06,208 No, Trent Crimm. 198 00:11:06,209 --> 00:11:09,170 Why would Zava write a book about Trent Crimm? 199 00:11:12,549 --> 00:11:15,634 Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey! Stop! Okay, hold on a second. 200 00:11:15,635 --> 00:11:18,305 If y'all didn't know about Zava, which may or may not happen, 201 00:11:19,347 --> 00:11:22,099 and y'all didn't know about Trent Crimm, which is happening, 202 00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:24,436 then what were you so worked up about? 203 00:11:27,439 --> 00:11:28,732 Roy and Keeley broke up. 204 00:11:31,318 --> 00:11:32,652 Coach. 205 00:11:34,070 --> 00:11:35,070 Sorry, no, I'm okay. 206 00:11:35,071 --> 00:11:37,156 Got a little light-headed there. Yeah, thank you. 207 00:11:37,157 --> 00:11:38,408 Fuck's going on? 208 00:11:41,912 --> 00:11:42,912 Tartt! 209 00:11:42,913 --> 00:11:44,622 Hey, hey, hey, hey. I didn't say anything. 210 00:11:44,623 --> 00:11:46,373 I will fucking kill you. 211 00:11:46,374 --> 00:11:48,751 No, I came in, and they was talking about us getting Zava. 212 00:11:48,752 --> 00:11:52,463 What? We're getting Zava? 213 00:11:52,464 --> 00:11:54,841 Roy, do you want to talk about it? 214 00:11:55,425 --> 00:11:57,177 No, I'm not talking about me and Keeley. 215 00:11:57,761 --> 00:12:00,512 No, I meant Zava. Do you want to talk about it? 216 00:12:00,513 --> 00:12:03,057 Sure, he's nuts, but he'll help us win games. 217 00:12:03,058 --> 00:12:05,184 That time I was actually talking about you and Keeley. 218 00:12:05,185 --> 00:12:07,603 - Fuck's sake. - Hey, Will, come here a sec. 219 00:12:07,604 --> 00:12:09,105 - Yeah, I'm here. - Hey. 220 00:12:09,606 --> 00:12:11,482 I need you to run to my apartment, go into my desk, 221 00:12:11,483 --> 00:12:14,360 and grab my CD called "Ted's breakup mix." Okay? 222 00:12:14,361 --> 00:12:15,903 - Got it. What's a CD? - Okay. 223 00:12:15,904 --> 00:12:17,613 - Oh, boy. - On it. 224 00:12:17,614 --> 00:12:19,156 Hey, Coach, you gonna need my keys. 225 00:12:19,157 --> 00:12:20,951 - I got a set. - Right. 226 00:12:21,743 --> 00:12:23,327 - Thanks. Don't worry about it. - Okay. 227 00:12:23,328 --> 00:12:25,747 Hey, Roy, look, we're here for you. Okay? 228 00:12:26,248 --> 00:12:28,083 We've all been dumped before, right, fellas? 229 00:12:29,501 --> 00:12:32,087 She didn't dump me. I broke up with her. 230 00:12:33,964 --> 00:12:34,964 What? 231 00:12:36,091 --> 00:12:37,716 This day couldn't get any worse. 232 00:12:37,717 --> 00:12:39,552 And this is the locker room. Hello, boys. 233 00:12:39,553 --> 00:12:42,429 - I believe you all know Trent Crimm. - Gentlemen. 234 00:12:42,430 --> 00:12:44,139 The fuck is this prick doing here? 235 00:12:44,140 --> 00:12:46,308 Trent's writing a book about our season, 236 00:12:46,309 --> 00:12:49,895 so let's welcome him with open arms and open minds. 237 00:12:49,896 --> 00:12:52,524 Absolutely. Yes. 238 00:12:53,525 --> 00:12:57,112 Oi! Listen up! 239 00:12:58,405 --> 00:13:01,908 No one says a fucking word around this prick 240 00:13:02,409 --> 00:13:05,870 unless they want my forehead through their fucking skull! 241 00:13:09,249 --> 00:13:10,333 Don't worry. 242 00:13:14,254 --> 00:13:15,463 Okay, well... 243 00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:20,176 we'll work out the specifics later. 244 00:13:21,303 --> 00:13:23,513 But until then, welcome, Trent. 245 00:13:30,437 --> 00:13:32,147 I mean, fuck off, Trent Crimm. 246 00:13:54,669 --> 00:13:57,631 And cut! Thank you, folks. Moving on. 247 00:13:58,673 --> 00:14:03,135 Okay. Now the lamb chugs a Cafka mini and poof, 248 00:14:03,136 --> 00:14:05,679 turns into a smoking hot lion. 249 00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:09,141 Great, but we can't actually make the lamb drink the Cafka mini, right? 250 00:14:09,142 --> 00:14:11,268 - No, of course not. - Okay, good. 251 00:14:11,269 --> 00:14:15,105 We were told by the people in the lab, the lamb cannot drink it. 252 00:14:15,106 --> 00:14:17,733 Yeah, no, it will die instantly. 253 00:14:17,734 --> 00:14:19,194 Something about enzymes. 254 00:14:19,861 --> 00:14:21,112 I totally get it. 255 00:14:21,655 --> 00:14:25,115 - I just don't think she does. - No. I don't think she got it. 256 00:14:25,116 --> 00:14:26,868 Keeley fucking Jones. 257 00:14:27,869 --> 00:14:30,121 Shandy fucking Fine? 258 00:14:32,832 --> 00:14:35,876 Oh, my God! I didn't know you were doing this. 259 00:14:35,877 --> 00:14:38,045 I didn't know you owned a skirt that covered your whole arse. 260 00:14:38,046 --> 00:14:40,130 Oi, you borrowed and never returned many of those skirts. 261 00:14:40,131 --> 00:14:41,131 And I never will. 262 00:14:41,132 --> 00:14:43,133 One of the perks of living with you and the girls. 263 00:14:43,134 --> 00:14:46,095 - The girls! How are they? How's Chloe? - Married a footballer. 264 00:14:46,096 --> 00:14:48,055 - And Emma? - Married a footballer. 265 00:14:48,056 --> 00:14:49,265 And what about you? 266 00:14:49,266 --> 00:14:51,308 Married a footballer, divorced a footballer. 267 00:14:51,309 --> 00:14:52,727 And now I'm back here doing this. 268 00:14:53,311 --> 00:14:56,314 But enough about me. I saw you in Vanity Fair. 269 00:14:56,815 --> 00:14:59,442 Fully clothed. And I cried. 270 00:14:59,943 --> 00:15:01,611 I'm so proud of you, babe. We all are. 271 00:15:02,529 --> 00:15:03,822 Proud of me? Why? 272 00:15:04,864 --> 00:15:07,576 'Cause you made it out all by yourself. 273 00:15:12,539 --> 00:15:14,164 What is that smell? 274 00:15:14,165 --> 00:15:16,458 Apologies, lamb droppings 275 00:15:16,459 --> 00:15:18,461 are one of nature's most unpleasant aromas. 276 00:15:19,254 --> 00:15:22,340 Just be grateful Clarice here is over 30 days old. 277 00:15:23,008 --> 00:15:26,803 A week ago, her poop looked like sour, yellow toothpaste. 278 00:15:29,514 --> 00:15:31,098 No, no. Don't try and sweep it. 279 00:15:31,099 --> 00:15:33,894 No, you gotta pick it up like sushi or it'll smear. 280 00:15:35,270 --> 00:15:36,470 I was married to a footballer. 281 00:15:37,188 --> 00:15:39,273 That's it. Cheers, babe. 282 00:15:39,274 --> 00:15:41,275 - Hey, Keeley. - Yes? 283 00:15:41,276 --> 00:15:43,944 Jimmy and I think the club feels too empty. 284 00:15:43,945 --> 00:15:45,571 Yeah, it should feel totally packed. 285 00:15:45,572 --> 00:15:48,325 I mean, can we get maybe another 100 extras? 286 00:15:48,909 --> 00:15:50,160 A hundred more, right now? 287 00:15:50,744 --> 00:15:51,745 Yeah. 288 00:15:53,038 --> 00:15:54,705 You could just add a strobe effect to the post 289 00:15:54,706 --> 00:15:56,832 and let people cross close to camera. 290 00:15:56,833 --> 00:15:58,042 It'll feel really packed, 291 00:15:58,043 --> 00:15:59,878 and you won't have to spend any more money. 292 00:16:00,670 --> 00:16:02,338 - I love that. - Let's do that. 293 00:16:02,339 --> 00:16:03,715 Thank you so much. 294 00:16:05,133 --> 00:16:07,885 Look at you. Basically running the shoot. 295 00:16:07,886 --> 00:16:09,971 Maybe one day I'll make it out like you did. 296 00:16:11,765 --> 00:16:12,766 Yeah. 297 00:16:16,770 --> 00:16:17,811 Hello, Mother. 298 00:16:17,812 --> 00:16:21,190 Oh, my God, darling, I'm so pleased to hear your voice. 299 00:16:21,191 --> 00:16:24,360 I dreamt last night that you'd been murdered. 300 00:16:24,361 --> 00:16:26,279 No, still here. 301 00:16:27,447 --> 00:16:29,114 Wait, why are you in a hotel room? 302 00:16:29,115 --> 00:16:31,408 I thought you were meant to be on some three-day, 303 00:16:31,409 --> 00:16:32,952 spiritual camping retreat. 304 00:16:32,953 --> 00:16:35,913 I am. I'm not sleeping out there. 305 00:16:35,914 --> 00:16:37,623 Far too many stars. 306 00:16:37,624 --> 00:16:41,252 I keep thinking they're all staring at me, you know. 307 00:16:41,253 --> 00:16:44,255 No, but listen. I've got some exciting news for you. 308 00:16:44,256 --> 00:16:46,215 I spoke to Tish the other day, 309 00:16:46,216 --> 00:16:48,968 and she's agreed to consider meeting with you. 310 00:16:48,969 --> 00:16:51,387 Wow! Your psychic has actually agreed 311 00:16:51,388 --> 00:16:55,266 to let me pay her a lot of money to speak with her? Amazing. 312 00:16:55,267 --> 00:16:58,018 Well, no. She's considering it. 313 00:16:58,019 --> 00:17:00,938 But I think you meeting with Tish would be perfect because, 314 00:17:00,939 --> 00:17:05,192 well, you know, you are in desperate need of some maternal guidance. 315 00:17:05,193 --> 00:17:06,318 Just a minute. 316 00:17:06,319 --> 00:17:09,321 There's a group of people gathering outside for scream therapy, 317 00:17:09,322 --> 00:17:11,407 which is my favorite bit. 318 00:17:11,408 --> 00:17:13,951 So I'd better go now because I mustn't use my voice. 319 00:17:13,952 --> 00:17:16,246 - Bye-bye, sausage. - But you called me. 320 00:17:17,247 --> 00:17:19,372 I have an update on the meeting with Zava. 321 00:17:19,373 --> 00:17:20,416 Great. 322 00:17:20,417 --> 00:17:23,294 - Zava doesn't want to meet with us. - What? Why not? 323 00:17:23,295 --> 00:17:24,837 His people said, 324 00:17:24,838 --> 00:17:28,758 "It would be a waste of time for us and an embarrassment for him." 325 00:17:29,426 --> 00:17:32,052 That feels like an unnecessarily cruel response. 326 00:17:32,053 --> 00:17:34,514 But, good news, Zava is signing with Chelsea. 327 00:17:35,181 --> 00:17:36,932 Why is that good news? 328 00:17:36,933 --> 00:17:38,601 Because he's not signing with West Ham. 329 00:17:38,602 --> 00:17:41,312 He came right out and said, "I will not sign with West Ham." 330 00:17:41,313 --> 00:17:44,023 Shit. That's only going to make Rupert want him more. 331 00:17:44,024 --> 00:17:45,649 There's nothing Rupert can do. 332 00:17:45,650 --> 00:17:46,775 Great. Now you've jinxed it. 333 00:17:46,776 --> 00:17:48,652 - But I thi... - No, it's too late. Jinxed it. 334 00:17:48,653 --> 00:17:50,093 - But I do think that... - It's done. 335 00:17:51,114 --> 00:17:52,115 Well done. 336 00:17:57,704 --> 00:17:58,705 Afternoon. 337 00:18:05,212 --> 00:18:06,338 Hi. 338 00:18:07,672 --> 00:18:08,840 Jamie. 339 00:18:09,591 --> 00:18:11,051 No. No. 340 00:18:24,773 --> 00:18:26,233 Looking good out there today. 341 00:18:33,698 --> 00:18:34,783 Cool. 342 00:19:01,768 --> 00:19:03,436 Thanks for sharing your office with me. 343 00:19:03,937 --> 00:19:05,814 Even if it was Ted's idea. 344 00:19:41,933 --> 00:19:44,060 So, Richmond against Chelsea? 345 00:19:44,561 --> 00:19:47,606 That will be your first time back there since you retired. Right? 346 00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:53,361 Right. 347 00:19:58,408 --> 00:19:59,409 Sorry. 348 00:20:00,660 --> 00:20:03,705 Yeah, it's my publisher. I'll be quick. 349 00:20:04,581 --> 00:20:09,126 Hey. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. Well, I'm here now. 350 00:20:09,127 --> 00:20:10,794 It's going very well, actually. 351 00:20:10,795 --> 00:20:12,839 I'm just getting settled in. 352 00:20:13,548 --> 00:20:16,092 Yes. Everyone's been... 353 00:20:17,010 --> 00:20:19,095 very welcoming. 354 00:20:19,679 --> 00:20:23,599 Yeah. No, I can hear that noise too. 355 00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:26,019 I'm not sure if that's my... Is that me or you? 356 00:20:26,937 --> 00:20:29,105 Do you know what? Bear with me. One moment. 357 00:20:29,773 --> 00:20:32,067 I'll take this outside. 358 00:20:38,990 --> 00:20:40,992 - Is this right? - It is. 359 00:20:43,495 --> 00:20:46,121 Yes. Your company credit card arrived. 360 00:20:46,122 --> 00:20:47,414 Awesome. Thank you. 361 00:20:47,415 --> 00:20:49,751 - Do not use it. - Okay. 362 00:20:50,335 --> 00:20:53,170 Barbara, I would love for you to meet Shandy. 363 00:20:53,171 --> 00:20:54,964 - Hi. - Hello. Hi. 364 00:20:54,965 --> 00:20:56,591 She's the newest member of KJPR. 365 00:21:00,220 --> 00:21:02,889 What position has she been hired for? 366 00:21:04,683 --> 00:21:06,810 She will be consulting 367 00:21:07,978 --> 00:21:13,066 for affiliate management 368 00:21:13,775 --> 00:21:15,443 and... 369 00:21:16,278 --> 00:21:19,572 - client relationships. - Yeah. 370 00:21:19,573 --> 00:21:21,282 Okay. 371 00:21:21,283 --> 00:21:23,909 Would you have a seat, Shandy? Shandy, is it? 372 00:21:23,910 --> 00:21:25,911 - Yeah. Sorry. - So, when I p... 373 00:21:25,912 --> 00:21:28,415 Yeah, just put it in there. Put the sweet in there. 374 00:21:28,999 --> 00:21:34,211 Well, I'd love to know what experience you have in these areas. 375 00:21:34,212 --> 00:21:36,881 In relationships, tons. 376 00:21:36,882 --> 00:21:38,300 The rest of it, not much. 377 00:21:43,388 --> 00:21:45,515 And where did you go to university? 378 00:21:46,850 --> 00:21:49,685 - I didn't go university. - Didn't go? 379 00:21:49,686 --> 00:21:51,187 - No. - Okay. 380 00:21:51,980 --> 00:21:54,649 And what were you doing right before this? 381 00:21:55,650 --> 00:21:56,692 I was modeling. 382 00:21:56,693 --> 00:22:00,529 Yeah. Okay, thanks, Shandy. 383 00:22:00,530 --> 00:22:01,780 All right. I think I've got it. 384 00:22:01,781 --> 00:22:05,451 So you've hired a former model with no previous experience, 385 00:22:05,452 --> 00:22:09,581 no higher education for a job that doesn't exist. Lovely. 386 00:22:12,208 --> 00:22:16,129 Well, welcome to the team, Shandy. 387 00:22:27,933 --> 00:22:30,644 I'm so sorry. I'll handle this. 388 00:22:38,735 --> 00:22:41,947 Barbara, I need a minute to talk with you. 389 00:22:43,949 --> 00:22:48,870 The way you just treated Shandy was incredibly rude. It was hurtful. 390 00:22:51,831 --> 00:22:55,167 - What? - That is a massive amount of snow globes. 391 00:22:55,168 --> 00:22:56,503 Yeah. I collect them. 392 00:22:57,546 --> 00:23:01,382 Well, you know, the firm sends me from company to company, 393 00:23:01,383 --> 00:23:04,511 and, yeah, wherever I go, I just buy a snow globe. 394 00:23:05,345 --> 00:23:06,971 It's a little bit silly, really. 395 00:23:06,972 --> 00:23:09,808 No, I think it's incredibly charming. 396 00:23:16,231 --> 00:23:19,234 You cannot speak to people like that. Not here. 397 00:23:21,027 --> 00:23:23,279 I know Shandy's my friend, and you're right. 398 00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:28,910 She does not have the experience. But she is smart. She's eager. I believe in her. 399 00:23:31,037 --> 00:23:32,621 Like the firm must believe in you 400 00:23:32,622 --> 00:23:36,459 to send you all over the world to all those lovely places, right? 401 00:23:42,048 --> 00:23:45,927 Maybe you and I can see how good it feels to believe in someone else. 402 00:23:46,428 --> 00:23:48,513 Together. Yeah? 403 00:23:54,519 --> 00:23:57,188 Client relations coordinator. 404 00:23:59,399 --> 00:24:00,567 That's her title. 405 00:24:01,693 --> 00:24:05,905 Good. Yes. Just in case you hadn't realized, 406 00:24:05,906 --> 00:24:08,450 I totally made up that one I told you before. 407 00:24:10,577 --> 00:24:13,288 Hello. Hi. 408 00:24:16,708 --> 00:24:18,542 - Roy. - No. 409 00:24:18,543 --> 00:24:20,502 I understand your hesitation having me here. 410 00:24:20,503 --> 00:24:24,381 You're protective of the team, and I admire how much they respect you. 411 00:24:24,382 --> 00:24:27,092 It's not easy getting such fulfillment from a second career. 412 00:24:27,093 --> 00:24:28,733 I'm not sure I even got it from my first. 413 00:24:31,097 --> 00:24:33,934 Maybe you could just give me a chance. 414 00:24:36,895 --> 00:24:38,688 Fuck off. 415 00:24:43,401 --> 00:24:44,611 Wow, okay. 416 00:24:49,866 --> 00:24:53,285 A new season begins and hope springs eternal, 417 00:24:53,286 --> 00:24:56,413 except perhaps for AFC Richmond. 418 00:24:56,414 --> 00:24:59,250 They return to the Premier League after a one-year absence 419 00:24:59,251 --> 00:25:02,837 but are widely expected to have a rather short stay. 420 00:25:03,338 --> 00:25:06,840 Worse yet, their campaign begins here at Stamford Bridge, 421 00:25:06,841 --> 00:25:10,177 the home of the formidable Chelsea Football Club. 422 00:25:10,178 --> 00:25:11,679 To be promoted to the Premier League 423 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,057 is like going from a council estate to the penthouse, Arlo. 424 00:25:14,641 --> 00:25:16,392 Richmond should enjoy it while it lasts. 425 00:25:16,393 --> 00:25:19,603 Gentlemen, welcome back to the Premier League. 426 00:25:19,604 --> 00:25:21,606 Back where we belong. Pip pip. 427 00:25:22,482 --> 00:25:25,068 Feels like we never left. 428 00:25:25,652 --> 00:25:26,653 Here you go, lads. 429 00:25:27,779 --> 00:25:29,530 Mae. I got the fish and chips. 430 00:25:29,531 --> 00:25:30,740 I had the burger. 431 00:25:33,952 --> 00:25:35,662 It's good to be back. 432 00:25:41,209 --> 00:25:43,544 How's work? How's your friend doing? 433 00:25:43,545 --> 00:25:45,297 Shandy? Yeah, she's doing great. 434 00:25:45,964 --> 00:25:47,465 - Good. - Yeah. 435 00:25:50,385 --> 00:25:52,219 She's just full of ideas. 436 00:25:52,220 --> 00:25:53,679 - Excuse me. Excuse me. - Uh-oh. 437 00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:55,891 - Thank you. Sorry. Excuse me. - Any news? 438 00:25:56,391 --> 00:25:58,392 Zava and Chelsea are pretty much a done deal. 439 00:25:58,393 --> 00:26:01,687 I have the confirmation of that from a very reliable source. 440 00:26:01,688 --> 00:26:02,813 What source? 441 00:26:02,814 --> 00:26:04,940 A friend of my wife knows an agent 442 00:26:04,941 --> 00:26:08,485 whose masseuse moonlights as an airline steward on private jets. 443 00:26:08,486 --> 00:26:10,571 Now, she wasn't working today, 444 00:26:10,572 --> 00:26:12,948 but her coworker who can read lips, 445 00:26:12,949 --> 00:26:16,785 he saw Zava mouth the word "Chelsea" a lot. 446 00:26:16,786 --> 00:26:18,787 - God, I wish I could read lips. - Yeah. 447 00:26:18,788 --> 00:26:21,707 Okay. Has anyone seen Rupert? Is there any sign of him? 448 00:26:21,708 --> 00:26:26,962 No, Rebecca. He's not here. And even if he was, there's nothing he can do. 449 00:26:26,963 --> 00:26:28,590 Great. Jinxed it again. 450 00:26:34,930 --> 00:26:36,431 Fuck you, you old geezer. 451 00:26:38,141 --> 00:26:41,644 - Hello, Roy. Welcome back. - How you doing, mate? 452 00:26:41,645 --> 00:26:43,355 Heard the news. 453 00:26:46,024 --> 00:26:47,066 I broke up with her. 454 00:26:47,067 --> 00:26:49,527 Why? I mean, you guys were perfect together. 455 00:26:50,028 --> 00:26:51,612 Fuckin' Bruce. 456 00:26:51,613 --> 00:26:53,030 Oi, that's Roy Kent. 457 00:26:53,031 --> 00:26:55,116 - Roy! - Roy Kent! 458 00:26:55,617 --> 00:26:57,159 We love you, Roy! 459 00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:59,703 He's here, he's there, he's every fucking where, 460 00:26:59,704 --> 00:27:01,914 Roy Kent! Roy Kent! 461 00:27:01,915 --> 00:27:04,541 He's here, he's there, he's every fucking where, 462 00:27:04,542 --> 00:27:10,090 Roy Kent, Roy Kent! He's here... 463 00:27:11,633 --> 00:27:13,175 Now that's a lovely moment. 464 00:27:13,176 --> 00:27:15,928 Chelsea fans letting their former captain, Roy Kent, 465 00:27:15,929 --> 00:27:17,931 know how they still feel about him. 466 00:27:18,473 --> 00:27:21,560 Roy Kent, Roy Kent! 467 00:27:22,227 --> 00:27:24,895 He's here, he's there, he's every fucking where, 468 00:27:24,896 --> 00:27:28,066 Roy Kent, Roy Kent... 469 00:27:41,871 --> 00:27:44,665 - Thank you. - Oh, my gosh. Is that Zava? 470 00:27:44,666 --> 00:27:45,916 There he is. 471 00:27:45,917 --> 00:27:47,335 Look, it's Zava. 472 00:27:47,919 --> 00:27:49,795 Zava! Zava! Zava! 473 00:27:49,796 --> 00:27:51,881 And the great Zava makes his appearance. 474 00:27:51,882 --> 00:27:55,843 Will he be signing for Chelsea today? What are you hearing, Chris? 475 00:27:55,844 --> 00:27:57,303 All sorts of things. 476 00:27:57,304 --> 00:28:00,974 The crowd, your voice, a slight ringing because I bumped my head earlier. 477 00:28:02,601 --> 00:28:04,352 Holy... 478 00:28:07,230 --> 00:28:08,607 - Jamie. - What? 479 00:28:09,190 --> 00:28:10,442 It's Zava. 480 00:28:11,109 --> 00:28:13,193 - So what, man? - My heart is racing. 481 00:28:13,194 --> 00:28:15,070 I haven't been this nervous to play in front of someone 482 00:28:15,071 --> 00:28:16,990 since I was in El Chapo's youth league. 483 00:28:17,699 --> 00:28:18,699 Move, man. 484 00:28:18,700 --> 00:28:20,911 Oh, my God. I cannot believe it. 485 00:28:22,913 --> 00:28:25,164 Wow, we're in the same city as Zava. 486 00:28:25,165 --> 00:28:26,791 Thank God we dressed up. 487 00:28:30,212 --> 00:28:33,255 The players are in position, awaiting the referee's whistle. 488 00:28:33,256 --> 00:28:36,426 And we're off. Another season begins. 489 00:28:42,474 --> 00:28:44,226 Leslie, will you pull yourself together? 490 00:28:50,023 --> 00:28:52,983 Hughes tries for Todd, but Chelsea intercepts. 491 00:28:52,984 --> 00:28:55,654 The Greyhounds are in massive jeopardy now. 492 00:28:56,279 --> 00:29:00,659 Some invention. Look at that pace. High-pressure football. 493 00:29:01,952 --> 00:29:03,452 - And Chelsea on the board... - Fuck! 494 00:29:03,453 --> 00:29:04,954 - With beautiful counterattack... - Shit. 495 00:29:04,955 --> 00:29:06,080 Against a reeling Richmond. 496 00:29:06,081 --> 00:29:07,999 No! 497 00:29:08,583 --> 00:29:09,875 Absolutely devastating. 498 00:29:09,876 --> 00:29:13,087 Take off those fucking hats. They're bad luck. 499 00:29:13,088 --> 00:29:14,381 Same old shit. 500 00:29:15,340 --> 00:29:17,174 - The ref blows his whistle... - It's all right. 501 00:29:17,175 --> 00:29:20,469 For the conclusion of the first half, and it's Chelsea 1, Richmond nil. 502 00:29:20,470 --> 00:29:23,807 You have to give Richmond credit for hanging on as long as they did, Arlo. 503 00:29:26,518 --> 00:29:28,436 - That's beautiful. - Yeah. 504 00:29:33,191 --> 00:29:34,192 What now? 505 00:29:35,110 --> 00:29:36,486 I might've jinxed it. 506 00:29:39,614 --> 00:29:40,615 I knew it. 507 00:29:42,367 --> 00:29:44,201 Would you please go and find out as much as you can 508 00:29:44,202 --> 00:29:46,954 from your vast network of lip-reading massage therapists? 509 00:29:46,955 --> 00:29:49,707 Okay. Pardon me. Excuse me. 510 00:29:49,708 --> 00:29:51,126 Excuse me. Pardon me. 511 00:29:53,003 --> 00:29:56,131 - Rupert's gonna land Zava. - You don't know that. 512 00:29:58,008 --> 00:30:00,385 Years ago, when I was bartending in that private club, 513 00:30:00,886 --> 00:30:03,555 Rupert and his then wife came into the bar. 514 00:30:04,389 --> 00:30:06,515 He was the life and soul of the party. 515 00:30:06,516 --> 00:30:11,979 Buying rounds of drinks for everyone, telling stories. Just charm personified. 516 00:30:11,980 --> 00:30:14,940 And he left me a massive tip. And then about a week later, 517 00:30:14,941 --> 00:30:18,944 he came back without his wife and asked me out. 518 00:30:18,945 --> 00:30:22,532 - I, of course, said no. Then he left. - What a dick. 519 00:30:23,116 --> 00:30:26,660 But then he came back the next night and the next night and the next. 520 00:30:26,661 --> 00:30:28,245 And he would just sit at the bar 521 00:30:28,246 --> 00:30:31,875 with a drink and chatted to me until close. 522 00:30:33,043 --> 00:30:35,920 And he just said, "It doesn't matter if you ever go out with me. 523 00:30:35,921 --> 00:30:38,381 It's just worth it being here to get to know you." 524 00:30:39,591 --> 00:30:42,676 It's a fine line between stalking and romance. 525 00:30:42,677 --> 00:30:47,599 And after about six weeks of that, he asked me out again. 526 00:30:48,099 --> 00:30:52,561 And I said yes without any hesitation. 527 00:30:52,562 --> 00:30:53,813 Because by that point... 528 00:30:54,564 --> 00:30:57,859 I just felt so lucky because he wanted me. 529 00:31:00,153 --> 00:31:02,697 He made me feel special. Chosen. 530 00:31:06,159 --> 00:31:07,369 He made me feel like that. 531 00:31:22,717 --> 00:31:24,386 Hey, fellas. Listen up. 532 00:31:25,303 --> 00:31:27,596 We get one goal, we're right back in this thing, yeah? 533 00:31:27,597 --> 00:31:29,431 But right now, we are being so unoffensive, 534 00:31:29,432 --> 00:31:32,726 we might as well be a Hallmark Christmas movie, you know what I'm saying? 535 00:31:32,727 --> 00:31:33,811 - What? - What's that? 536 00:31:33,812 --> 00:31:35,729 I mean, Coach, how many shots on goal we have that half? 537 00:31:35,730 --> 00:31:37,064 - One. - Yeah, that's what I thought. 538 00:31:37,065 --> 00:31:39,858 And that one was pretty much a mistake. Am I correct, Dani? 539 00:31:39,859 --> 00:31:43,280 Yes, it bounced off my face. But my face almost scored. 540 00:31:44,489 --> 00:31:45,907 Yes, it was close. 541 00:31:46,616 --> 00:31:48,200 - Coach. - Yeah, Jamie. 542 00:31:48,201 --> 00:31:49,368 - One idea. - What you got? 543 00:31:49,369 --> 00:31:52,249 Right, so every time they're going past the halfway line, they're just... 544 00:32:02,799 --> 00:32:04,175 Trent, hold on a second. 545 00:32:05,427 --> 00:32:07,304 Roy, can I speak with you? 546 00:32:13,977 --> 00:32:16,604 Oi, what the fuck's a Hallmark Christmas movie? 547 00:32:16,605 --> 00:32:19,149 Hey, look, man, I don't know what your beef is with Trent, 548 00:32:20,066 --> 00:32:23,026 but I'm gonna need you to order off the vegan menu right now and squash it. 549 00:32:24,279 --> 00:32:25,613 'Cause your ego's about to sabotage 550 00:32:25,614 --> 00:32:27,616 a whole lot more than a silly football match. 551 00:32:29,743 --> 00:32:30,744 You feel me? 552 00:32:33,121 --> 00:32:34,164 Thank you. 553 00:32:36,041 --> 00:32:38,500 And Hallmark Christmas movies are films that feature women 554 00:32:38,501 --> 00:32:41,086 from the big city falling in love with their childhood crushes. 555 00:32:41,087 --> 00:32:43,714 It's usually some fella that owns a Christmas tree farm. 556 00:32:43,715 --> 00:32:46,092 Sometimes he's also Santa Claus or a prince. 557 00:32:47,385 --> 00:32:48,761 They suck, but they're great. 558 00:32:48,762 --> 00:32:50,388 But they also mostly suck. 559 00:32:50,972 --> 00:32:52,265 But they're also kinda great. 560 00:32:53,016 --> 00:32:54,434 They're good with the sound off. 561 00:32:56,019 --> 00:32:57,771 Now go fix this, please. 562 00:33:06,947 --> 00:33:07,989 Crimm! 563 00:33:24,339 --> 00:33:25,464 It's actually quite funny 564 00:33:25,465 --> 00:33:27,300 when he yells at other people, innit? 565 00:33:43,817 --> 00:33:44,985 Hold this. 566 00:33:53,326 --> 00:33:58,873 "Newcomer Roy Kent is an overhyped, so-called prodigy 567 00:33:59,791 --> 00:34:03,003 whose unbridled rage and mediocre talent 568 00:34:03,837 --> 00:34:09,467 rendered his Premier League debut a profound disappointment." 569 00:34:11,678 --> 00:34:12,887 Do you know who wrote that? 570 00:34:15,390 --> 00:34:17,726 I was 17 years old. 571 00:34:19,227 --> 00:34:21,146 This fucking wrecked me. 572 00:34:23,148 --> 00:34:25,108 I thought I was being edgy. 573 00:34:26,067 --> 00:34:28,278 I was just trying to make a name for myself. 574 00:34:29,820 --> 00:34:35,035 All I really did was look for the worst in people. I'm sorry. 575 00:34:38,246 --> 00:34:39,539 It's all right. 576 00:34:41,333 --> 00:34:42,459 Give me that. 577 00:34:46,213 --> 00:34:47,297 You know, it's funny. 578 00:34:48,298 --> 00:34:51,091 - We had a lot in common back then. - We did? 579 00:34:51,092 --> 00:34:53,595 We both thought one another sucked shit at their job. 580 00:34:55,055 --> 00:34:56,264 And now look at us. 581 00:34:58,725 --> 00:34:59,768 - Go. - Yeah. 582 00:35:05,899 --> 00:35:07,234 Oi. 583 00:35:09,152 --> 00:35:10,779 You can talk around this prick now. 584 00:35:12,405 --> 00:35:14,073 Oi. Hold on, yo, yo, Jamie. What were you saying? 585 00:35:14,074 --> 00:35:17,159 Yeah, man. Listen. What I'm saying is, every time we go past halfway, 586 00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:19,745 they're just blocking up the passing lanes, you get that? 587 00:35:19,746 --> 00:35:21,622 Yes, yes. That's right. They're not marking us. 588 00:35:21,623 --> 00:35:23,165 So just keep dribbling until they stop you. 589 00:35:23,166 --> 00:35:26,627 Exactly! Let's take it all the way and fucking win this. 590 00:35:26,628 --> 00:35:28,338 Yes! Yeah! 591 00:35:31,550 --> 00:35:33,551 Thank you, thank you. 592 00:35:33,552 --> 00:35:34,802 Well? 593 00:35:34,803 --> 00:35:37,096 I just got off the phone with my son's karate teacher, 594 00:35:37,097 --> 00:35:40,266 who used to date the woman who ran Zava's avocado farm... 595 00:35:40,267 --> 00:35:44,061 - Would you please get on with it? - He might be going to West Ham. 596 00:35:44,062 --> 00:35:45,564 - Shit. - I knew it. 597 00:35:47,107 --> 00:35:48,942 Rupert always gets what he wants. 598 00:35:55,323 --> 00:35:56,324 You know what? 599 00:35:57,325 --> 00:36:00,579 If Rupert can sweet-talk Zava into joining his club, then so can I. 600 00:36:01,288 --> 00:36:02,621 - Yes. - Excuse me. 601 00:36:02,622 --> 00:36:03,914 Thank you. Sorry. 602 00:36:03,915 --> 00:36:05,457 And we're back for the second half. 603 00:36:05,458 --> 00:36:08,878 Chris, do you think either of these teams made any adjustments in the locker rooms? 604 00:36:08,879 --> 00:36:10,796 I'm sure they did, Arlo. 605 00:36:10,797 --> 00:36:13,967 But professional athletes don't mind adjusting themselves in public either. 606 00:36:19,014 --> 00:36:21,181 Hello there. Rebecca Welton, AFC Richmond. 607 00:36:21,182 --> 00:36:23,267 I'd love to see Zava. Thank you. 608 00:36:23,268 --> 00:36:25,228 No one gets in to see Zava. 609 00:36:25,812 --> 00:36:28,064 - I just saw Mr. Mannion... - Rebecca, my dear. 610 00:36:30,025 --> 00:36:33,153 - Rupert. What a lovely surprise. - Yeah. 611 00:36:35,238 --> 00:36:37,282 - There you go, Mr. Mannion. - Thank you, Matthew. 612 00:36:39,075 --> 00:36:41,911 Congratulations, by the way, on the win against Leicester yesterday. 613 00:36:41,912 --> 00:36:46,415 Thank you. Yeah. We are so lucky to have a manager like Nathan. 614 00:36:46,416 --> 00:36:51,171 He's a gaffer who really understands the game. Such an advantage. 615 00:36:55,425 --> 00:37:00,055 Zava. Let me introduce Rebecca Welton. My ex-wife. 616 00:37:00,722 --> 00:37:02,473 And the owner of AFC Richmond. 617 00:37:02,474 --> 00:37:03,683 Yeah, of course. 618 00:37:04,434 --> 00:37:06,269 It's an honor for you to meet me. 619 00:37:08,355 --> 00:37:09,189 See you soon. 620 00:37:09,190 --> 00:37:10,440 Can't wait. 621 00:37:20,283 --> 00:37:23,620 He will look so great in claret and blue. 622 00:37:28,041 --> 00:37:29,792 You know, Rupert, I was a little bit surprised 623 00:37:29,793 --> 00:37:31,835 when you bought West Ham. 624 00:37:31,836 --> 00:37:34,673 I always thought that Richmond was your one true love. 625 00:37:35,674 --> 00:37:40,512 Guess I'm just like any man. Just get bored with the same old, same old. 626 00:37:43,557 --> 00:37:45,058 Good luck with this season. 627 00:38:12,627 --> 00:38:15,922 You are such a fucking chickenshit. 628 00:38:16,590 --> 00:38:20,968 I mean, if you were great, truly great, you could play anywhere. 629 00:38:20,969 --> 00:38:25,222 But instead you choose a club like West Ham, because it's big and shiny, 630 00:38:25,223 --> 00:38:27,809 and you know that they'll win whether you're there or not. 631 00:38:28,310 --> 00:38:30,269 And you'll never have to wonder 632 00:38:30,270 --> 00:38:33,064 if you're still as good as you tell everyone you are. 633 00:38:34,733 --> 00:38:39,988 But you and I know that you're not. You're overrated. You're overpaid. 634 00:38:42,657 --> 00:38:45,452 And you eat too much fucking asparagus. 635 00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:54,543 Richmond's defending has kept them in this match, 636 00:38:54,544 --> 00:38:56,879 and they are one moment of inspiration away 637 00:38:56,880 --> 00:38:59,465 from going home with an unlikely point. 638 00:38:59,466 --> 00:39:02,426 Well, Chelsea giving Hughes space. 639 00:39:02,427 --> 00:39:05,095 If they're going to give him space, he's going to take it. 640 00:39:05,096 --> 00:39:08,058 Possibilities here. Hughes has options. 641 00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:10,560 He slides it through to Tartt. 642 00:39:11,144 --> 00:39:12,687 Is this the moment? 643 00:39:13,688 --> 00:39:15,607 Obisanya's gonna have a go. 644 00:39:17,359 --> 00:39:19,944 It's in, off the face of Rojas! 645 00:39:19,945 --> 00:39:21,779 - Absolutely brilliant. - Yes! 646 00:39:21,780 --> 00:39:24,198 In the blink of an eye. Would you believe it? 647 00:39:24,199 --> 00:39:26,784 An historic goal, and it's 1-1. 648 00:39:26,785 --> 00:39:30,205 My face scored a goal! My face scored a goal! 649 00:39:30,872 --> 00:39:34,208 Chris, have you ever scored with your face? 650 00:39:34,209 --> 00:39:38,171 I've scored with every part of my body, Arlo. That's a ridiculous question. 651 00:39:39,548 --> 00:39:41,340 - That was amazing. - Yeah, mate. 652 00:39:41,341 --> 00:39:42,801 Do you think Zava saw? 653 00:39:44,427 --> 00:39:45,637 Don't be a dick, man. 654 00:39:46,221 --> 00:39:47,222 Come on. 655 00:39:48,848 --> 00:39:50,392 Excuse me. Sorry. 656 00:39:54,312 --> 00:39:56,105 Oi, how'd it go? 657 00:39:56,106 --> 00:40:00,235 - Did you sweet-talk him? - What's the opposite of that? 658 00:40:01,278 --> 00:40:02,404 Sour-yell. 659 00:40:03,238 --> 00:40:04,614 Yeah, I did that. 660 00:40:08,201 --> 00:40:10,953 And Richmond managed to secure a 1-1 draw 661 00:40:10,954 --> 00:40:13,455 against Chelsea in this gripping West London derby. 662 00:40:13,456 --> 00:40:16,083 - There we go. There you go. - They'll be leaving Stamford Bridge 663 00:40:16,084 --> 00:40:18,545 with a well-deserved point on the table. 664 00:40:23,925 --> 00:40:26,176 Hello, everyone. Thanks for joining us. 665 00:40:26,177 --> 00:40:28,971 Obviously not the result we were hoping for today. 666 00:40:28,972 --> 00:40:33,267 But I am certain that this afternoon's announcement 667 00:40:33,268 --> 00:40:36,562 will raise every Chelsea fan's spirits. 668 00:40:36,563 --> 00:40:39,733 - Now, I know... - Still think we need to get to the office. 669 00:40:40,275 --> 00:40:41,609 It won't be safe here. 670 00:40:41,610 --> 00:40:44,153 Please welcome the newest member 671 00:40:44,154 --> 00:40:46,489 of Chelsea Football Club. 672 00:40:47,073 --> 00:40:48,241 Zava. 673 00:40:52,704 --> 00:40:55,206 Welcome, Zava. Please take a seat. 674 00:40:56,708 --> 00:41:01,296 All right. You just sign. And there's the pen. 675 00:41:04,174 --> 00:41:05,342 Please. 676 00:41:11,973 --> 00:41:15,352 I have changed my mind. Zava will not play for Chelsea. 677 00:41:17,604 --> 00:41:19,481 Oh, God. I'm sorry. I can't watch this. 678 00:41:21,858 --> 00:41:23,485 Zava will play for Richmond. 679 00:41:29,783 --> 00:41:31,159 You twat! 680 00:41:33,411 --> 00:41:35,455 - May I keep the pen? - Sure. 681 00:41:37,540 --> 00:41:38,541 What? 682 00:41:43,838 --> 00:41:45,464 What the fuck? 683 00:41:45,465 --> 00:41:46,799 - You did it. - Yeah. 684 00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:48,510 - You did it! - Oh, my God. 685 00:41:49,135 --> 00:41:51,637 Yo! We've got Zava. 686 00:41:51,638 --> 00:41:52,597 What? 687 00:41:52,598 --> 00:41:55,058 We've got Zava! Look! 688 00:41:55,892 --> 00:41:56,893 Shit! 689 00:42:02,899 --> 00:42:04,984 Fans are not gonna like this. 690 00:42:04,985 --> 00:42:10,824 Zava! We got you, Zava! We got you, Zava! We got you, ra, ra, ra! 691 00:42:15,537 --> 00:42:17,371 - All right, man. Take care, man. - Take care. 692 00:42:17,372 --> 00:42:19,457 - Zava is coming here. - Zava. 693 00:42:34,931 --> 00:42:37,642 What you up to tonight, Coach? You wanna race-walk home together? 694 00:42:38,143 --> 00:42:41,145 Can't. Jane and I are gonna go see her friend's immersive theater show 695 00:42:41,146 --> 00:42:42,314 about the menstrual cycle. 696 00:42:44,691 --> 00:42:46,692 All right, well, I hope you're not late. 697 00:42:46,693 --> 00:42:48,402 Please tell Jane I said hello. 698 00:42:48,403 --> 00:42:52,073 I would, but she still finds our relationship threatening. 699 00:42:54,367 --> 00:42:55,701 - Night, guys. - Good night. 700 00:42:55,702 --> 00:42:56,828 Night, Coach. 701 00:42:57,495 --> 00:43:00,790 What do you say, Mr. Crimm? Heck of a first week, yeah? 702 00:43:01,374 --> 00:43:02,417 And we've only just begun. 703 00:43:04,419 --> 00:43:06,129 - Good night. - Night, Roy. 704 00:43:06,922 --> 00:43:10,382 Hey, Roy. I'm just curious, what was it like being back at Chelsea? 705 00:43:10,383 --> 00:43:12,177 All them fans sure were happy to see you. 706 00:43:14,137 --> 00:43:20,059 I don't know. Just felt... sad. Or something. 707 00:43:20,060 --> 00:43:21,895 Really? Why is that? 708 00:43:38,328 --> 00:43:42,582 Last season I was there, we played a match against Arsenal, 709 00:43:43,583 --> 00:43:47,294 - and we fucking murdered 'em. - I remember, 3-nil. 710 00:43:47,295 --> 00:43:48,713 Yeah. 711 00:43:50,507 --> 00:43:51,883 But I played like shit. 712 00:43:54,469 --> 00:43:55,679 Right? 713 00:43:59,849 --> 00:44:01,226 I did. 714 00:44:02,185 --> 00:44:05,355 That was the first time, ever, I thought, 715 00:44:06,731 --> 00:44:08,275 "I can't keep up anymore. 716 00:44:10,110 --> 00:44:11,528 I'm not good enough." 717 00:44:13,321 --> 00:44:17,492 And that was all I could think about for the rest of the year. 718 00:44:19,035 --> 00:44:24,541 I knew it was only gonna get worse. So at the end of the season, I left. 719 00:44:26,376 --> 00:44:32,298 Everyone was shocked. The club was shocked. The fans. The press. 720 00:44:32,299 --> 00:44:33,675 Yeah. 721 00:44:34,467 --> 00:44:36,427 I didn't wanna be one of them broken-down footballers 722 00:44:36,428 --> 00:44:38,763 just taking up space until they're dropped, 723 00:44:39,264 --> 00:44:40,890 years after they should have been. 724 00:44:40,891 --> 00:44:44,853 Yeah, well, a lot of folks think it's better to quit than to be fired, you know? 725 00:44:46,021 --> 00:44:47,022 Yeah. 726 00:44:49,691 --> 00:44:51,151 But going back there today... 727 00:44:54,237 --> 00:44:55,822 there's a part of me... 728 00:44:58,658 --> 00:45:00,243 thinking maybe I should have stayed... 729 00:45:02,495 --> 00:45:05,457 and just fucking... 730 00:45:07,792 --> 00:45:09,586 enjoyed myself. 731 00:45:16,635 --> 00:45:18,386 But that is not who I am, 732 00:45:19,596 --> 00:45:20,597 I guess. 733 00:45:22,557 --> 00:45:23,558 Not yet. 734 00:45:27,771 --> 00:45:31,024 But, hey, if you wouldn't have left Chelsea when you did, 735 00:45:32,317 --> 00:45:33,902 we probably never would have met. 736 00:45:44,496 --> 00:45:46,122 - Good night. - Good night. 737 00:45:47,249 --> 00:45:48,667 Good night, Roy. 738 00:45:53,046 --> 00:45:54,047 Sport. 739 00:45:55,131 --> 00:45:56,549 It's quite the metaphor. 740 00:45:56,550 --> 00:46:00,387 Yeah. It also makes for a heck of a nickname. 741 00:46:01,263 --> 00:46:02,263 Yeah. 742 00:46:02,264 --> 00:46:04,391 - Night, Ted. - Good night, sport.