1
00:00:25,944 --> 00:00:28,904
So remember that the
client pays for the shoot,
2
00:00:28,905 --> 00:00:30,823
but we pay for the overtime.
3
00:00:30,824 --> 00:00:33,701
So whatever you
do, don't go over.
4
00:00:33,702 --> 00:00:36,288
But make the commercial as
good as possible too, right?
5
00:00:37,747 --> 00:00:39,708
Yeah. Sure. Whatever.
6
00:00:40,417 --> 00:00:41,417
And I had an idea.
7
00:00:41,418 --> 00:00:44,004
Maybe we could all have a picnic
together in the conference room?
8
00:00:44,588 --> 00:00:45,880
I can't make it.
9
00:00:45,881 --> 00:00:48,091
- I didn't tell you when it was.
- I know.
10
00:00:48,675 --> 00:00:52,762
Come on, Barbara. Could be fun.
11
00:00:53,513 --> 00:00:56,553
We could get to know each other a little.
Maybe loosen things up around here.
12
00:00:57,017 --> 00:00:59,101
Well, I've worked
with this lot before,
13
00:00:59,102 --> 00:01:03,064
and, yeah, this is
as loose as they get.
14
00:01:11,531 --> 00:01:13,908
- We'll see about that, Babs.
- Oh, no. Don't.
15
00:01:13,909 --> 00:01:15,952
Yep. I felt that as
soon as I said it.
16
00:01:18,371 --> 00:01:19,956
All right, I'm headed out.
17
00:01:20,749 --> 00:01:22,626
Everyone have a great day, yeah?
18
00:01:25,462 --> 00:01:28,715
Oi, don't do anything
I wouldn't do.
19
00:01:43,230 --> 00:01:44,898
What wouldn't she do?
20
00:02:07,879 --> 00:02:09,797
Good morning, Viet...
21
00:02:09,798 --> 00:02:11,131
Ted!
22
00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:13,593
- Hey, look who's here. Hi, Keeley.
- Hello, Ted.
23
00:02:14,469 --> 00:02:16,095
Trent Crimm. Are you kidding me?
24
00:02:16,096 --> 00:02:17,596
Hey, nice to see you, man.
25
00:02:17,597 --> 00:02:19,890
You know, they got a big old
Ziploc bag full of your hair ties
26
00:02:19,891 --> 00:02:21,767
down at the lost and found.
You should pop on down,
27
00:02:21,768 --> 00:02:22,686
if you still want 'em.
28
00:02:22,687 --> 00:02:27,274
Thank you. Mr. Crimm has requested
to follow the club this year.
29
00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:31,068
- He wants to write a book about us.
- Yeah?
30
00:02:31,069 --> 00:02:32,949
I think there's a story
here worth telling, Ted.
31
00:02:33,613 --> 00:02:36,115
Yes, and we all love the idea.
32
00:02:36,116 --> 00:02:37,866
But obviously, as manager,
33
00:02:37,867 --> 00:02:39,995
we thought you should
have the final decision.
34
00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:42,330
Okay.
35
00:02:44,749 --> 00:02:46,334
I mean, geez, you know, like...
36
00:02:54,342 --> 00:02:55,594
No.
37
00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:02,516
Sure, what the heck? Why
not? When can you start?
38
00:03:02,517 --> 00:03:05,519
No time like the present. Except
11:11. That's my wishing time.
39
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:09,231
Or 23:11, if I'm at a
military base or Euro Disney.
40
00:03:09,232 --> 00:03:11,984
Right, well. Decision made.
41
00:03:11,985 --> 00:03:13,987
Wonderful. Trent, welcome.
42
00:03:15,947 --> 00:03:17,948
- Holy shit.
- Uh-oh.
43
00:03:17,949 --> 00:03:19,743
Zava is leaving Juventus.
44
00:03:21,536 --> 00:03:24,788
What about their kids? I'm sorry. I didn't
know what any of those things meant.
45
00:03:24,789 --> 00:03:26,582
I thought it was like Greek
mythology or something.
46
00:03:26,583 --> 00:03:28,250
I was just lost. I just
went with that. Sorry.
47
00:03:28,251 --> 00:03:31,296
Zava's a world-class striker who's
about to leave his club in Italy.
48
00:03:32,130 --> 00:03:33,589
Cacio later, Pepe.
49
00:03:33,590 --> 00:03:36,217
Apparently, he wants to
play in the Premier League
50
00:03:36,218 --> 00:03:39,803
because his wife binged The Office
and she wants to live in England.
51
00:03:39,804 --> 00:03:41,889
I think you mean Scranton,
Pennsylvania, buddy.
52
00:03:41,890 --> 00:03:43,682
No, the British Office, Ted.
53
00:03:43,683 --> 00:03:45,935
That's right. Y'all did
a premake over here.
54
00:03:45,936 --> 00:03:47,853
If we got Zava, that
would be amazing.
55
00:03:47,854 --> 00:03:50,940
He would be huge for the club's brand.
He's got like 90 million followers.
56
00:03:50,941 --> 00:03:53,525
One time he just posted
the word "7 million likes."
57
00:03:53,526 --> 00:03:54,818
It got 10 million likes.
58
00:03:54,819 --> 00:03:58,447
Yes, but he is very expensive. And
isn't he supposed to be a bit of a diva?
59
00:03:58,448 --> 00:04:01,116
Yes, huge diva. Enormous.
60
00:04:01,117 --> 00:04:03,911
He goes through teams like
you go through manicurists.
61
00:04:03,912 --> 00:04:06,456
The fumes make me
dizzy, and I overshare.
62
00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:08,916
Please don't print that.
63
00:04:08,917 --> 00:04:11,961
Zava has played for
14 teams in 15 years,
64
00:04:11,962 --> 00:04:14,256
leaving behind nothing
but chaos and trophies.
65
00:04:15,006 --> 00:04:16,549
Beautiful, shiny trophies.
66
00:04:16,550 --> 00:04:19,427
Yes, but, Leslie, who wants
to deal with all that drama?
67
00:04:20,136 --> 00:04:22,596
Apparently, everyone
who can afford him.
68
00:04:22,597 --> 00:04:26,141
Chelsea, Arsenal,
United, West Ham.
69
00:04:26,142 --> 00:04:27,434
I say, let's just go for it.
70
00:04:27,435 --> 00:04:31,064
I mean, maybe he's a handful,
but who doesn't love a handful?
71
00:04:31,940 --> 00:04:34,066
I mean, if you're talking
salted peanuts, yes, please.
72
00:04:34,067 --> 00:04:35,776
If you're talking Skittles
though, no, thank you.
73
00:04:35,777 --> 00:04:37,903
You know, the dye melts, and
it gets all over your fingers,
74
00:04:37,904 --> 00:04:39,071
makes 'em all sticky.
75
00:04:39,072 --> 00:04:40,740
And that, you can print.
76
00:04:43,368 --> 00:04:46,120
- Wonderful. Let's set up a meeting.
- Great.
77
00:04:46,121 --> 00:04:48,205
- Let's go and get Zava.
- Yes!
78
00:04:48,206 --> 00:04:49,791
- We're doing it.
- Zava dabba doo!
79
00:04:50,542 --> 00:04:52,918
- Yeah.
- Here we go. Yeah, come on.
80
00:04:52,919 --> 00:04:54,295
This is exciting.
81
00:04:54,296 --> 00:04:56,505
So, am I to assume that
you're going to pursue
82
00:04:56,506 --> 00:05:00,217
a notoriously mercurial player
you can't really afford simply
83
00:05:00,218 --> 00:05:02,554
because the team your
ex-husband owns wants him?
84
00:05:04,681 --> 00:05:07,017
No, no, no, no, no.
85
00:05:08,643 --> 00:05:09,644
Yes.
86
00:05:12,272 --> 00:05:13,273
Love that.
87
00:05:18,737 --> 00:05:21,280
So, hey, come on. Talk to me.
88
00:05:21,281 --> 00:05:24,366
What's it like being the boss of
your own Keeley Street Band, huh?
89
00:05:24,367 --> 00:05:26,160
- I think it's going really good.
- Yeah?
90
00:05:26,161 --> 00:05:27,494
- Yeah.
- Good, good.
91
00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:30,832
Well, I do wish that my co-workers
would loosen up just a little bit.
92
00:05:31,958 --> 00:05:33,667
- You want my advice?
- Yes.
93
00:05:33,668 --> 00:05:35,711
Y'all should go out and
do something together.
94
00:05:35,712 --> 00:05:37,338
You know, like outside of work.
95
00:05:37,339 --> 00:05:38,965
- That's a great idea.
- Yeah, yeah.
96
00:05:39,674 --> 00:05:41,884
Maybe I could hire a shaman
97
00:05:41,885 --> 00:05:44,763
and we could do a bunch of
ayahuasca under a blood moon.
98
00:05:45,972 --> 00:05:47,848
I was thinking something
like an escape room,
99
00:05:47,849 --> 00:05:49,600
but, hey, Clamato
Clamato, right?
100
00:05:49,601 --> 00:05:51,810
- Yeah. Thanks, Ted.
- Good to see you. Yeah.
101
00:05:51,811 --> 00:05:53,145
- Keeley!
- Yeah?
102
00:05:53,146 --> 00:05:54,939
Isaac. Hi. You all right?
103
00:05:54,940 --> 00:05:56,982
Yeah. Can you help
me get a shoe deal?
104
00:05:56,983 --> 00:06:00,027
I'd love to. Any
brand in particular?
105
00:06:00,028 --> 00:06:04,074
No brands. Just shoes,
in general. You know.
106
00:06:05,909 --> 00:06:07,410
Great. I'll look
into it for you.
107
00:06:10,455 --> 00:06:11,623
- Hi, guys.
- Keeley.
108
00:06:12,207 --> 00:06:13,083
Hi, Keeley.
109
00:06:13,084 --> 00:06:14,750
- Hi, Jamie.
- How you doing? You good, yeah?
110
00:06:14,751 --> 00:06:16,335
Yeah, I'm all right. You?
111
00:06:16,336 --> 00:06:20,339
Yeah, yeah. Not bad.
Yeah, yeah. Gym.
112
00:06:20,340 --> 00:06:22,342
- Just went to the gym. So, yeah. Good.
- Good.
113
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:27,137
Glad you're good.
I'll see you later.
114
00:06:27,138 --> 00:06:28,557
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Bye.
115
00:06:31,268 --> 00:06:32,811
- Bruv.
- What's up, man?
116
00:06:38,108 --> 00:06:39,818
Keeley and Roy have broken up.
117
00:06:40,652 --> 00:06:42,404
What? Who told you that?
118
00:06:42,946 --> 00:06:45,824
It's not "who," bruv.
It's "what." Kinesics.
119
00:06:46,324 --> 00:06:48,410
Study of body language.
Just look at 'em.
120
00:06:49,286 --> 00:06:51,580
No eye contact,
Keeley's crossed arms.
121
00:06:52,581 --> 00:06:57,252
Roy's clenched
arse. It's science.
122
00:07:24,821 --> 00:07:27,324
- What do you want?
- You and Keeley break up?
123
00:07:28,116 --> 00:07:30,076
- Who told you that?
- No one.
124
00:07:30,827 --> 00:07:31,912
I use body science.
125
00:07:33,371 --> 00:07:34,915
Why? Is it true?
126
00:07:43,131 --> 00:07:44,173
What's that fucking face?
127
00:07:44,174 --> 00:07:46,635
It's called empathy,
you dusty, old fart.
128
00:07:47,427 --> 00:07:51,431
Look, as someone who's been
dumped by Keeley, I get it.
129
00:07:52,265 --> 00:07:56,101
- She didn't dump me.
- You dumped her? Why?
130
00:07:56,102 --> 00:07:59,022
I don't want to talk about
it. Why'd you come in here?
131
00:07:59,731 --> 00:08:00,731
Let me guess.
132
00:08:00,732 --> 00:08:02,983
You want to know if it's
okay to ask her out, right?
133
00:08:02,984 --> 00:08:07,989
No, I was just... I was just
seeing if you were okay, man.
134
00:08:12,327 --> 00:08:13,369
Dickhead.
135
00:08:13,370 --> 00:08:14,828
- What the fuck you doing?
- I was gonna hug you.
136
00:08:14,829 --> 00:08:17,957
- Well, you came at me too fast.
- Jesus, sorry.
137
00:08:17,958 --> 00:08:20,961
I forget how skittish elderly
people could be 'cause of the war.
138
00:08:21,795 --> 00:08:23,629
Come on, man. I was just
trying to comfort you.
139
00:08:23,630 --> 00:08:25,256
Well, I don't want comfort.
140
00:08:25,257 --> 00:08:27,299
And I told you, I don't
want to talk about it.
141
00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:28,968
So don't you say a fucking
word. Do you hear me?
142
00:08:28,969 --> 00:08:30,512
Fine, I won't.
143
00:08:32,639 --> 00:08:34,764
And don't you say a fucking
word about it either, William.
144
00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:36,141
No, no, I won't.
145
00:08:36,142 --> 00:08:38,435
I actually just went through
a bit of a breakup myself,
146
00:08:38,436 --> 00:08:40,313
so I can somewhat relate.
147
00:08:41,231 --> 00:08:43,065
Hey, maybe we should
all go out sometime.
148
00:08:43,066 --> 00:08:45,401
Us three. You know, get a couple
drinks, couple pints, couple shots.
149
00:08:45,402 --> 00:08:48,071
Fishbowls. Single guys club.
150
00:08:51,116 --> 00:08:52,449
Or I can just not
say a fucking word.
151
00:08:52,450 --> 00:08:54,493
No, I hear you. I hear
you loud and clear.
152
00:08:54,494 --> 00:08:56,120
Well, you are a sleepwalker.
153
00:08:56,121 --> 00:08:58,206
I don't know what else
to tell you. Period.
154
00:09:00,750 --> 00:09:02,294
Hey, Coach.
155
00:09:04,462 --> 00:09:05,463
What are you doing?
156
00:09:07,215 --> 00:09:09,049
Just taking a peek at one of
these soccer strategy books
157
00:09:09,050 --> 00:09:10,170
you always got your nose in.
158
00:09:14,097 --> 00:09:15,432
What do you think?
159
00:09:16,057 --> 00:09:18,934
Well, given the struggles I've already
had with the table of contents,
160
00:09:18,935 --> 00:09:20,561
I think I might be
best served to wait
161
00:09:20,562 --> 00:09:22,355
until this son of a gun
comes out as a movie.
162
00:09:24,316 --> 00:09:26,734
Hey, let me ask you
a couple questions.
163
00:09:26,735 --> 00:09:28,415
One, what would you
think if we sign Zava?
164
00:09:29,529 --> 00:09:30,779
That's good, right?
165
00:09:30,780 --> 00:09:32,449
- Zava? Yeah.
- Okay.
166
00:09:33,158 --> 00:09:35,118
Second question. Who is Zava?
167
00:09:35,911 --> 00:09:38,287
He's a living legend.
You know who Zava is.
168
00:09:38,288 --> 00:09:40,206
Beg to differ, Claudia Schiffer.
169
00:09:50,842 --> 00:09:53,136
Now why you got me watching
the Veggie Dog Vigilante here?
170
00:09:53,762 --> 00:09:54,846
Hey.
171
00:09:55,472 --> 00:09:56,473
No way.
172
00:09:57,849 --> 00:09:59,476
Because that's Zava.
173
00:10:01,061 --> 00:10:02,270
That's Zava?
174
00:10:03,355 --> 00:10:05,475
Well, shoot. I didn't know
this fella played football.
175
00:10:06,233 --> 00:10:08,525
Hey, I said football without
even thinking about it.
176
00:10:08,526 --> 00:10:10,695
Boy, that book really works.
177
00:10:13,990 --> 00:10:15,659
11:11. Make a wish.
178
00:10:19,746 --> 00:10:22,414
- What'd you wish for? Come on, Coach.
- I can't tell you that.
179
00:10:22,415 --> 00:10:24,208
I just don't want our wishes
to cancel each other out.
180
00:10:24,209 --> 00:10:26,460
- That's not how it works.
- Shut the fuck up.
181
00:10:26,461 --> 00:10:28,337
- Take it back.
- Uh-oh, now what?
182
00:10:28,338 --> 00:10:29,380
Take it back.
183
00:10:29,381 --> 00:10:31,131
I can't take back things
that's already happened.
184
00:10:31,132 --> 00:10:33,592
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey! Fellas, what's wrong?
185
00:10:33,593 --> 00:10:35,679
Coach, we just heard the
most upsetting rumor.
186
00:10:36,429 --> 00:10:38,472
Okay, is this about
us getting Zava?
187
00:10:38,473 --> 00:10:40,182
- What?
- We're getting Zava?
188
00:10:40,183 --> 00:10:43,520
I just wished for
that 30 seconds ago.
189
00:10:48,775 --> 00:10:50,192
Wait, no.
190
00:10:50,193 --> 00:10:51,485
Hold on a second, okay?
191
00:10:51,486 --> 00:10:53,904
If y'all weren't talking about
Zava, what were you so upset about?
192
00:10:53,905 --> 00:10:55,948
Is it 'cause Trent Crimm's
writing a book about us?
193
00:10:55,949 --> 00:10:57,950
What?
194
00:10:57,951 --> 00:11:00,452
Wait, Trent Crimm's writing a
book about Zava joining our team?
195
00:11:00,453 --> 00:11:03,247
No, no. He's just coming here
to write a book about the team.
196
00:11:03,248 --> 00:11:04,748
Zava's writing a book about us?
197
00:11:04,749 --> 00:11:06,208
No, Trent Crimm.
198
00:11:06,209 --> 00:11:09,170
Why would Zava write a
book about Trent Crimm?
199
00:11:12,549 --> 00:11:15,634
Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Stop! Okay, hold on a second.
200
00:11:15,635 --> 00:11:18,305
If y'all didn't know about Zava,
which may or may not happen,
201
00:11:19,347 --> 00:11:22,099
and y'all didn't know about
Trent Crimm, which is happening,
202
00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:24,436
then what were you
so worked up about?
203
00:11:27,439 --> 00:11:28,732
Roy and Keeley broke up.
204
00:11:31,318 --> 00:11:32,652
Coach.
205
00:11:34,070 --> 00:11:35,070
Sorry, no, I'm okay.
206
00:11:35,071 --> 00:11:37,156
Got a little light-headed
there. Yeah, thank you.
207
00:11:37,157 --> 00:11:38,408
Fuck's going on?
208
00:11:41,912 --> 00:11:42,912
Tartt!
209
00:11:42,913 --> 00:11:44,622
Hey, hey, hey, hey. I
didn't say anything.
210
00:11:44,623 --> 00:11:46,373
I will fucking kill you.
211
00:11:46,374 --> 00:11:48,751
No, I came in, and they was
talking about us getting Zava.
212
00:11:48,752 --> 00:11:52,463
What? We're getting Zava?
213
00:11:52,464 --> 00:11:54,841
Roy, do you want
to talk about it?
214
00:11:55,425 --> 00:11:57,177
No, I'm not talking
about me and Keeley.
215
00:11:57,761 --> 00:12:00,512
No, I meant Zava. Do you
want to talk about it?
216
00:12:00,513 --> 00:12:03,057
Sure, he's nuts, but
he'll help us win games.
217
00:12:03,058 --> 00:12:05,184
That time I was actually
talking about you and Keeley.
218
00:12:05,185 --> 00:12:07,603
- Fuck's sake.
- Hey, Will, come here a sec.
219
00:12:07,604 --> 00:12:09,105
- Yeah, I'm here.
- Hey.
220
00:12:09,606 --> 00:12:11,482
I need you to run to my
apartment, go into my desk,
221
00:12:11,483 --> 00:12:14,360
and grab my CD called
"Ted's breakup mix." Okay?
222
00:12:14,361 --> 00:12:15,903
- Got it. What's a CD?
- Okay.
223
00:12:15,904 --> 00:12:17,613
- Oh, boy.
- On it.
224
00:12:17,614 --> 00:12:19,156
Hey, Coach, you
gonna need my keys.
225
00:12:19,157 --> 00:12:20,951
- I got a set.
- Right.
226
00:12:21,743 --> 00:12:23,327
- Thanks. Don't worry about it.
- Okay.
227
00:12:23,328 --> 00:12:25,747
Hey, Roy, look, we're
here for you. Okay?
228
00:12:26,248 --> 00:12:28,083
We've all been dumped
before, right, fellas?
229
00:12:29,501 --> 00:12:32,087
She didn't dump me.
I broke up with her.
230
00:12:33,964 --> 00:12:34,964
What?
231
00:12:36,091 --> 00:12:37,716
This day couldn't get any worse.
232
00:12:37,717 --> 00:12:39,552
And this is the locker
room. Hello, boys.
233
00:12:39,553 --> 00:12:42,429
- I believe you all know Trent Crimm.
- Gentlemen.
234
00:12:42,430 --> 00:12:44,139
The fuck is this
prick doing here?
235
00:12:44,140 --> 00:12:46,308
Trent's writing a
book about our season,
236
00:12:46,309 --> 00:12:49,895
so let's welcome him with
open arms and open minds.
237
00:12:49,896 --> 00:12:52,524
Absolutely. Yes.
238
00:12:53,525 --> 00:12:57,112
Oi! Listen up!
239
00:12:58,405 --> 00:13:01,908
No one says a fucking
word around this prick
240
00:13:02,409 --> 00:13:05,870
unless they want my forehead
through their fucking skull!
241
00:13:09,249 --> 00:13:10,333
Don't worry.
242
00:13:14,254 --> 00:13:15,463
Okay, well...
243
00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:20,176
we'll work out the
specifics later.
244
00:13:21,303 --> 00:13:23,513
But until then, welcome, Trent.
245
00:13:30,437 --> 00:13:32,147
I mean, fuck off, Trent Crimm.
246
00:13:54,669 --> 00:13:57,631
And cut! Thank you,
folks. Moving on.
247
00:13:58,673 --> 00:14:03,135
Okay. Now the lamb chugs
a Cafka mini and poof,
248
00:14:03,136 --> 00:14:05,679
turns into a smoking hot lion.
249
00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:09,141
Great, but we can't actually make
the lamb drink the Cafka mini, right?
250
00:14:09,142 --> 00:14:11,268
- No, of course not.
- Okay, good.
251
00:14:11,269 --> 00:14:15,105
We were told by the people in the
lab, the lamb cannot drink it.
252
00:14:15,106 --> 00:14:17,733
Yeah, no, it will die instantly.
253
00:14:17,734 --> 00:14:19,194
Something about enzymes.
254
00:14:19,861 --> 00:14:21,112
I totally get it.
255
00:14:21,655 --> 00:14:25,115
- I just don't think she does.
- No. I don't think she got it.
256
00:14:25,116 --> 00:14:26,868
Keeley fucking Jones.
257
00:14:27,869 --> 00:14:30,121
Shandy fucking Fine?
258
00:14:32,832 --> 00:14:35,876
Oh, my God! I didn't
know you were doing this.
259
00:14:35,877 --> 00:14:38,045
I didn't know you owned a skirt
that covered your whole arse.
260
00:14:38,046 --> 00:14:40,130
Oi, you borrowed and never
returned many of those skirts.
261
00:14:40,131 --> 00:14:41,131
And I never will.
262
00:14:41,132 --> 00:14:43,133
One of the perks of living
with you and the girls.
263
00:14:43,134 --> 00:14:46,095
- The girls! How are they? How's Chloe?
- Married a footballer.
264
00:14:46,096 --> 00:14:48,055
- And Emma?
- Married a footballer.
265
00:14:48,056 --> 00:14:49,265
And what about you?
266
00:14:49,266 --> 00:14:51,308
Married a footballer,
divorced a footballer.
267
00:14:51,309 --> 00:14:52,727
And now I'm back
here doing this.
268
00:14:53,311 --> 00:14:56,314
But enough about me. I
saw you in Vanity Fair.
269
00:14:56,815 --> 00:14:59,442
Fully clothed. And I cried.
270
00:14:59,943 --> 00:15:01,611
I'm so proud of you,
babe. We all are.
271
00:15:02,529 --> 00:15:03,822
Proud of me? Why?
272
00:15:04,864 --> 00:15:07,576
'Cause you made it
out all by yourself.
273
00:15:12,539 --> 00:15:14,164
What is that smell?
274
00:15:14,165 --> 00:15:16,458
Apologies, lamb droppings
275
00:15:16,459 --> 00:15:18,461
are one of nature's
most unpleasant aromas.
276
00:15:19,254 --> 00:15:22,340
Just be grateful Clarice
here is over 30 days old.
277
00:15:23,008 --> 00:15:26,803
A week ago, her poop looked
like sour, yellow toothpaste.
278
00:15:29,514 --> 00:15:31,098
No, no. Don't try and sweep it.
279
00:15:31,099 --> 00:15:33,894
No, you gotta pick it up
like sushi or it'll smear.
280
00:15:35,270 --> 00:15:36,470
I was married to a footballer.
281
00:15:37,188 --> 00:15:39,273
That's it. Cheers, babe.
282
00:15:39,274 --> 00:15:41,275
- Hey, Keeley.
- Yes?
283
00:15:41,276 --> 00:15:43,944
Jimmy and I think the
club feels too empty.
284
00:15:43,945 --> 00:15:45,571
Yeah, it should
feel totally packed.
285
00:15:45,572 --> 00:15:48,325
I mean, can we get maybe
another 100 extras?
286
00:15:48,909 --> 00:15:50,160
A hundred more, right now?
287
00:15:50,744 --> 00:15:51,745
Yeah.
288
00:15:53,038 --> 00:15:54,705
You could just add a
strobe effect to the post
289
00:15:54,706 --> 00:15:56,832
and let people cross
close to camera.
290
00:15:56,833 --> 00:15:58,042
It'll feel really packed,
291
00:15:58,043 --> 00:15:59,878
and you won't have to
spend any more money.
292
00:16:00,670 --> 00:16:02,338
- I love that.
- Let's do that.
293
00:16:02,339 --> 00:16:03,715
Thank you so much.
294
00:16:05,133 --> 00:16:07,885
Look at you. Basically
running the shoot.
295
00:16:07,886 --> 00:16:09,971
Maybe one day I'll make
it out like you did.
296
00:16:11,765 --> 00:16:12,766
Yeah.
297
00:16:16,770 --> 00:16:17,811
Hello, Mother.
298
00:16:17,812 --> 00:16:21,190
Oh, my God, darling, I'm so
pleased to hear your voice.
299
00:16:21,191 --> 00:16:24,360
I dreamt last night that
you'd been murdered.
300
00:16:24,361 --> 00:16:26,279
No, still here.
301
00:16:27,447 --> 00:16:29,114
Wait, why are you
in a hotel room?
302
00:16:29,115 --> 00:16:31,408
I thought you were meant
to be on some three-day,
303
00:16:31,409 --> 00:16:32,952
spiritual camping retreat.
304
00:16:32,953 --> 00:16:35,913
I am. I'm not
sleeping out there.
305
00:16:35,914 --> 00:16:37,623
Far too many stars.
306
00:16:37,624 --> 00:16:41,252
I keep thinking they're all
staring at me, you know.
307
00:16:41,253 --> 00:16:44,255
No, but listen. I've got
some exciting news for you.
308
00:16:44,256 --> 00:16:46,215
I spoke to Tish the other day,
309
00:16:46,216 --> 00:16:48,968
and she's agreed to
consider meeting with you.
310
00:16:48,969 --> 00:16:51,387
Wow! Your psychic
has actually agreed
311
00:16:51,388 --> 00:16:55,266
to let me pay her a lot of money
to speak with her? Amazing.
312
00:16:55,267 --> 00:16:58,018
Well, no. She's considering it.
313
00:16:58,019 --> 00:17:00,938
But I think you meeting with
Tish would be perfect because,
314
00:17:00,939 --> 00:17:05,192
well, you know, you are in desperate
need of some maternal guidance.
315
00:17:05,193 --> 00:17:06,318
Just a minute.
316
00:17:06,319 --> 00:17:09,321
There's a group of people gathering
outside for scream therapy,
317
00:17:09,322 --> 00:17:11,407
which is my favorite bit.
318
00:17:11,408 --> 00:17:13,951
So I'd better go now because
I mustn't use my voice.
319
00:17:13,952 --> 00:17:16,246
- Bye-bye, sausage.
- But you called me.
320
00:17:17,247 --> 00:17:19,372
I have an update on
the meeting with Zava.
321
00:17:19,373 --> 00:17:20,416
Great.
322
00:17:20,417 --> 00:17:23,294
- Zava doesn't want to meet with us.
- What? Why not?
323
00:17:23,295 --> 00:17:24,837
His people said,
324
00:17:24,838 --> 00:17:28,758
"It would be a waste of time for
us and an embarrassment for him."
325
00:17:29,426 --> 00:17:32,052
That feels like an
unnecessarily cruel response.
326
00:17:32,053 --> 00:17:34,514
But, good news, Zava is
signing with Chelsea.
327
00:17:35,181 --> 00:17:36,932
Why is that good news?
328
00:17:36,933 --> 00:17:38,601
Because he's not
signing with West Ham.
329
00:17:38,602 --> 00:17:41,312
He came right out and said, "I
will not sign with West Ham."
330
00:17:41,313 --> 00:17:44,023
Shit. That's only going to
make Rupert want him more.
331
00:17:44,024 --> 00:17:45,649
There's nothing Rupert can do.
332
00:17:45,650 --> 00:17:46,775
Great. Now you've jinxed it.
333
00:17:46,776 --> 00:17:48,652
- But I thi...
- No, it's too late. Jinxed it.
334
00:17:48,653 --> 00:17:50,093
- But I do think that...
- It's done.
335
00:17:51,114 --> 00:17:52,115
Well done.
336
00:17:57,704 --> 00:17:58,705
Afternoon.
337
00:18:05,212 --> 00:18:06,338
Hi.
338
00:18:07,672 --> 00:18:08,840
Jamie.
339
00:18:09,591 --> 00:18:11,051
No. No.
340
00:18:24,773 --> 00:18:26,233
Looking good out there today.
341
00:18:33,698 --> 00:18:34,783
Cool.
342
00:19:01,768 --> 00:19:03,436
Thanks for sharing
your office with me.
343
00:19:03,937 --> 00:19:05,814
Even if it was Ted's idea.
344
00:19:41,933 --> 00:19:44,060
So, Richmond against Chelsea?
345
00:19:44,561 --> 00:19:47,606
That will be your first time back
there since you retired. Right?
346
00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:53,361
Right.
347
00:19:58,408 --> 00:19:59,409
Sorry.
348
00:20:00,660 --> 00:20:03,705
Yeah, it's my publisher.
I'll be quick.
349
00:20:04,581 --> 00:20:09,126
Hey. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no. Well, I'm here now.
350
00:20:09,127 --> 00:20:10,794
It's going very well, actually.
351
00:20:10,795 --> 00:20:12,839
I'm just getting settled in.
352
00:20:13,548 --> 00:20:16,092
Yes. Everyone's been...
353
00:20:17,010 --> 00:20:19,095
very welcoming.
354
00:20:19,679 --> 00:20:23,599
Yeah. No, I can
hear that noise too.
355
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:26,019
I'm not sure if that's
my... Is that me or you?
356
00:20:26,937 --> 00:20:29,105
Do you know what? Bear
with me. One moment.
357
00:20:29,773 --> 00:20:32,067
I'll take this outside.
358
00:20:38,990 --> 00:20:40,992
- Is this right?
- It is.
359
00:20:43,495 --> 00:20:46,121
Yes. Your company
credit card arrived.
360
00:20:46,122 --> 00:20:47,414
Awesome. Thank you.
361
00:20:47,415 --> 00:20:49,751
- Do not use it.
- Okay.
362
00:20:50,335 --> 00:20:53,170
Barbara, I would love
for you to meet Shandy.
363
00:20:53,171 --> 00:20:54,964
- Hi.
- Hello. Hi.
364
00:20:54,965 --> 00:20:56,591
She's the newest member of KJPR.
365
00:21:00,220 --> 00:21:02,889
What position has
she been hired for?
366
00:21:04,683 --> 00:21:06,810
She will be consulting
367
00:21:07,978 --> 00:21:13,066
for affiliate management
368
00:21:13,775 --> 00:21:15,443
and...
369
00:21:16,278 --> 00:21:19,572
- client relationships.
- Yeah.
370
00:21:19,573 --> 00:21:21,282
Okay.
371
00:21:21,283 --> 00:21:23,909
Would you have a seat,
Shandy? Shandy, is it?
372
00:21:23,910 --> 00:21:25,911
- Yeah. Sorry.
- So, when I p...
373
00:21:25,912 --> 00:21:28,415
Yeah, just put it in there.
Put the sweet in there.
374
00:21:28,999 --> 00:21:34,211
Well, I'd love to know what
experience you have in these areas.
375
00:21:34,212 --> 00:21:36,881
In relationships, tons.
376
00:21:36,882 --> 00:21:38,300
The rest of it, not much.
377
00:21:43,388 --> 00:21:45,515
And where did you
go to university?
378
00:21:46,850 --> 00:21:49,685
- I didn't go university.
- Didn't go?
379
00:21:49,686 --> 00:21:51,187
- No.
- Okay.
380
00:21:51,980 --> 00:21:54,649
And what were you doing
right before this?
381
00:21:55,650 --> 00:21:56,692
I was modeling.
382
00:21:56,693 --> 00:22:00,529
Yeah. Okay, thanks, Shandy.
383
00:22:00,530 --> 00:22:01,780
All right. I think I've got it.
384
00:22:01,781 --> 00:22:05,451
So you've hired a former model
with no previous experience,
385
00:22:05,452 --> 00:22:09,581
no higher education for a job
that doesn't exist. Lovely.
386
00:22:12,208 --> 00:22:16,129
Well, welcome to
the team, Shandy.
387
00:22:27,933 --> 00:22:30,644
I'm so sorry. I'll handle this.
388
00:22:38,735 --> 00:22:41,947
Barbara, I need a
minute to talk with you.
389
00:22:43,949 --> 00:22:48,870
The way you just treated Shandy was
incredibly rude. It was hurtful.
390
00:22:51,831 --> 00:22:55,167
- What?
- That is a massive amount of snow globes.
391
00:22:55,168 --> 00:22:56,503
Yeah. I collect them.
392
00:22:57,546 --> 00:23:01,382
Well, you know, the firm sends
me from company to company,
393
00:23:01,383 --> 00:23:04,511
and, yeah, wherever I go,
I just buy a snow globe.
394
00:23:05,345 --> 00:23:06,971
It's a little bit silly, really.
395
00:23:06,972 --> 00:23:09,808
No, I think it's
incredibly charming.
396
00:23:16,231 --> 00:23:19,234
You cannot speak to people
like that. Not here.
397
00:23:21,027 --> 00:23:23,279
I know Shandy's my
friend, and you're right.
398
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:28,910
She does not have the experience. But she
is smart. She's eager. I believe in her.
399
00:23:31,037 --> 00:23:32,621
Like the firm must
believe in you
400
00:23:32,622 --> 00:23:36,459
to send you all over the world to
all those lovely places, right?
401
00:23:42,048 --> 00:23:45,927
Maybe you and I can see how good it
feels to believe in someone else.
402
00:23:46,428 --> 00:23:48,513
Together. Yeah?
403
00:23:54,519 --> 00:23:57,188
Client relations coordinator.
404
00:23:59,399 --> 00:24:00,567
That's her title.
405
00:24:01,693 --> 00:24:05,905
Good. Yes. Just in case
you hadn't realized,
406
00:24:05,906 --> 00:24:08,450
I totally made up that
one I told you before.
407
00:24:10,577 --> 00:24:13,288
Hello. Hi.
408
00:24:16,708 --> 00:24:18,542
- Roy.
- No.
409
00:24:18,543 --> 00:24:20,502
I understand your
hesitation having me here.
410
00:24:20,503 --> 00:24:24,381
You're protective of the team, and
I admire how much they respect you.
411
00:24:24,382 --> 00:24:27,092
It's not easy getting such
fulfillment from a second career.
412
00:24:27,093 --> 00:24:28,733
I'm not sure I even
got it from my first.
413
00:24:31,097 --> 00:24:33,934
Maybe you could just
give me a chance.
414
00:24:36,895 --> 00:24:38,688
Fuck off.
415
00:24:43,401 --> 00:24:44,611
Wow, okay.
416
00:24:49,866 --> 00:24:53,285
A new season begins and
hope springs eternal,
417
00:24:53,286 --> 00:24:56,413
except perhaps for AFC Richmond.
418
00:24:56,414 --> 00:24:59,250
They return to the Premier
League after a one-year absence
419
00:24:59,251 --> 00:25:02,837
but are widely expected to
have a rather short stay.
420
00:25:03,338 --> 00:25:06,840
Worse yet, their campaign
begins here at Stamford Bridge,
421
00:25:06,841 --> 00:25:10,177
the home of the formidable
Chelsea Football Club.
422
00:25:10,178 --> 00:25:11,679
To be promoted to
the Premier League
423
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,057
is like going from a council
estate to the penthouse, Arlo.
424
00:25:14,641 --> 00:25:16,392
Richmond should enjoy
it while it lasts.
425
00:25:16,393 --> 00:25:19,603
Gentlemen, welcome back
to the Premier League.
426
00:25:19,604 --> 00:25:21,606
Back where we belong. Pip pip.
427
00:25:22,482 --> 00:25:25,068
Feels like we never left.
428
00:25:25,652 --> 00:25:26,653
Here you go, lads.
429
00:25:27,779 --> 00:25:29,530
Mae. I got the fish and chips.
430
00:25:29,531 --> 00:25:30,740
I had the burger.
431
00:25:33,952 --> 00:25:35,662
It's good to be back.
432
00:25:41,209 --> 00:25:43,544
How's work? How's
your friend doing?
433
00:25:43,545 --> 00:25:45,297
Shandy? Yeah, she's doing great.
434
00:25:45,964 --> 00:25:47,465
- Good.
- Yeah.
435
00:25:50,385 --> 00:25:52,219
She's just full of ideas.
436
00:25:52,220 --> 00:25:53,679
- Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Uh-oh.
437
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:55,891
- Thank you. Sorry. Excuse me.
- Any news?
438
00:25:56,391 --> 00:25:58,392
Zava and Chelsea are
pretty much a done deal.
439
00:25:58,393 --> 00:26:01,687
I have the confirmation of that
from a very reliable source.
440
00:26:01,688 --> 00:26:02,813
What source?
441
00:26:02,814 --> 00:26:04,940
A friend of my
wife knows an agent
442
00:26:04,941 --> 00:26:08,485
whose masseuse moonlights as an
airline steward on private jets.
443
00:26:08,486 --> 00:26:10,571
Now, she wasn't working today,
444
00:26:10,572 --> 00:26:12,948
but her coworker
who can read lips,
445
00:26:12,949 --> 00:26:16,785
he saw Zava mouth the
word "Chelsea" a lot.
446
00:26:16,786 --> 00:26:18,787
- God, I wish I could read lips.
- Yeah.
447
00:26:18,788 --> 00:26:21,707
Okay. Has anyone seen Rupert?
Is there any sign of him?
448
00:26:21,708 --> 00:26:26,962
No, Rebecca. He's not here. And even
if he was, there's nothing he can do.
449
00:26:26,963 --> 00:26:28,590
Great. Jinxed it again.
450
00:26:34,930 --> 00:26:36,431
Fuck you, you old geezer.
451
00:26:38,141 --> 00:26:41,644
- Hello, Roy. Welcome back.
- How you doing, mate?
452
00:26:41,645 --> 00:26:43,355
Heard the news.
453
00:26:46,024 --> 00:26:47,066
I broke up with her.
454
00:26:47,067 --> 00:26:49,527
Why? I mean, you guys
were perfect together.
455
00:26:50,028 --> 00:26:51,612
Fuckin' Bruce.
456
00:26:51,613 --> 00:26:53,030
Oi, that's Roy Kent.
457
00:26:53,031 --> 00:26:55,116
- Roy!
- Roy Kent!
458
00:26:55,617 --> 00:26:57,159
We love you, Roy!
459
00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:59,703
He's here, he's there,
he's every fucking where,
460
00:26:59,704 --> 00:27:01,914
Roy Kent! Roy Kent!
461
00:27:01,915 --> 00:27:04,541
He's here, he's there,
he's every fucking where,
462
00:27:04,542 --> 00:27:10,090
Roy Kent, Roy Kent! He's here...
463
00:27:11,633 --> 00:27:13,175
Now that's a lovely moment.
464
00:27:13,176 --> 00:27:15,928
Chelsea fans letting their
former captain, Roy Kent,
465
00:27:15,929 --> 00:27:17,931
know how they still
feel about him.
466
00:27:18,473 --> 00:27:21,560
Roy Kent, Roy Kent!
467
00:27:22,227 --> 00:27:24,895
He's here, he's there,
he's every fucking where,
468
00:27:24,896 --> 00:27:28,066
Roy Kent, Roy Kent...
469
00:27:41,871 --> 00:27:44,665
- Thank you.
- Oh, my gosh. Is that Zava?
470
00:27:44,666 --> 00:27:45,916
There he is.
471
00:27:45,917 --> 00:27:47,335
Look, it's Zava.
472
00:27:47,919 --> 00:27:49,795
Zava! Zava! Zava!
473
00:27:49,796 --> 00:27:51,881
And the great Zava
makes his appearance.
474
00:27:51,882 --> 00:27:55,843
Will he be signing for Chelsea
today? What are you hearing, Chris?
475
00:27:55,844 --> 00:27:57,303
All sorts of things.
476
00:27:57,304 --> 00:28:00,974
The crowd, your voice, a slight ringing
because I bumped my head earlier.
477
00:28:02,601 --> 00:28:04,352
Holy...
478
00:28:07,230 --> 00:28:08,607
- Jamie.
- What?
479
00:28:09,190 --> 00:28:10,442
It's Zava.
480
00:28:11,109 --> 00:28:13,193
- So what, man?
- My heart is racing.
481
00:28:13,194 --> 00:28:15,070
I haven't been this nervous
to play in front of someone
482
00:28:15,071 --> 00:28:16,990
since I was in El
Chapo's youth league.
483
00:28:17,699 --> 00:28:18,699
Move, man.
484
00:28:18,700 --> 00:28:20,911
Oh, my God. I cannot believe it.
485
00:28:22,913 --> 00:28:25,164
Wow, we're in the
same city as Zava.
486
00:28:25,165 --> 00:28:26,791
Thank God we dressed up.
487
00:28:30,212 --> 00:28:33,255
The players are in position,
awaiting the referee's whistle.
488
00:28:33,256 --> 00:28:36,426
And we're off.
Another season begins.
489
00:28:42,474 --> 00:28:44,226
Leslie, will you pull
yourself together?
490
00:28:50,023 --> 00:28:52,983
Hughes tries for Todd,
but Chelsea intercepts.
491
00:28:52,984 --> 00:28:55,654
The Greyhounds are in
massive jeopardy now.
492
00:28:56,279 --> 00:29:00,659
Some invention. Look at that
pace. High-pressure football.
493
00:29:01,952 --> 00:29:03,452
- And Chelsea on the board...
- Fuck!
494
00:29:03,453 --> 00:29:04,954
- With beautiful counterattack...
- Shit.
495
00:29:04,955 --> 00:29:06,080
Against a reeling Richmond.
496
00:29:06,081 --> 00:29:07,999
No!
497
00:29:08,583 --> 00:29:09,875
Absolutely devastating.
498
00:29:09,876 --> 00:29:13,087
Take off those fucking
hats. They're bad luck.
499
00:29:13,088 --> 00:29:14,381
Same old shit.
500
00:29:15,340 --> 00:29:17,174
- The ref blows his whistle...
- It's all right.
501
00:29:17,175 --> 00:29:20,469
For the conclusion of the first half,
and it's Chelsea 1, Richmond nil.
502
00:29:20,470 --> 00:29:23,807
You have to give Richmond credit for
hanging on as long as they did, Arlo.
503
00:29:26,518 --> 00:29:28,436
- That's beautiful.
- Yeah.
504
00:29:33,191 --> 00:29:34,192
What now?
505
00:29:35,110 --> 00:29:36,486
I might've jinxed it.
506
00:29:39,614 --> 00:29:40,615
I knew it.
507
00:29:42,367 --> 00:29:44,201
Would you please go and
find out as much as you can
508
00:29:44,202 --> 00:29:46,954
from your vast network of
lip-reading massage therapists?
509
00:29:46,955 --> 00:29:49,707
Okay. Pardon me. Excuse me.
510
00:29:49,708 --> 00:29:51,126
Excuse me. Pardon me.
511
00:29:53,003 --> 00:29:56,131
- Rupert's gonna land Zava.
- You don't know that.
512
00:29:58,008 --> 00:30:00,385
Years ago, when I was
bartending in that private club,
513
00:30:00,886 --> 00:30:03,555
Rupert and his then
wife came into the bar.
514
00:30:04,389 --> 00:30:06,515
He was the life and
soul of the party.
515
00:30:06,516 --> 00:30:11,979
Buying rounds of drinks for everyone,
telling stories. Just charm personified.
516
00:30:11,980 --> 00:30:14,940
And he left me a massive tip.
And then about a week later,
517
00:30:14,941 --> 00:30:18,944
he came back without his
wife and asked me out.
518
00:30:18,945 --> 00:30:22,532
- I, of course, said no. Then he left.
- What a dick.
519
00:30:23,116 --> 00:30:26,660
But then he came back the next night
and the next night and the next.
520
00:30:26,661 --> 00:30:28,245
And he would just sit at the bar
521
00:30:28,246 --> 00:30:31,875
with a drink and chatted
to me until close.
522
00:30:33,043 --> 00:30:35,920
And he just said, "It doesn't
matter if you ever go out with me.
523
00:30:35,921 --> 00:30:38,381
It's just worth it being
here to get to know you."
524
00:30:39,591 --> 00:30:42,676
It's a fine line between
stalking and romance.
525
00:30:42,677 --> 00:30:47,599
And after about six weeks of
that, he asked me out again.
526
00:30:48,099 --> 00:30:52,561
And I said yes without
any hesitation.
527
00:30:52,562 --> 00:30:53,813
Because by that point...
528
00:30:54,564 --> 00:30:57,859
I just felt so lucky
because he wanted me.
529
00:31:00,153 --> 00:31:02,697
He made me feel special. Chosen.
530
00:31:06,159 --> 00:31:07,369
He made me feel like that.
531
00:31:22,717 --> 00:31:24,386
Hey, fellas. Listen up.
532
00:31:25,303 --> 00:31:27,596
We get one goal, we're right
back in this thing, yeah?
533
00:31:27,597 --> 00:31:29,431
But right now, we are
being so unoffensive,
534
00:31:29,432 --> 00:31:32,726
we might as well be a Hallmark Christmas
movie, you know what I'm saying?
535
00:31:32,727 --> 00:31:33,811
- What?
- What's that?
536
00:31:33,812 --> 00:31:35,729
I mean, Coach, how many shots
on goal we have that half?
537
00:31:35,730 --> 00:31:37,064
- One.
- Yeah, that's what I thought.
538
00:31:37,065 --> 00:31:39,858
And that one was pretty much
a mistake. Am I correct, Dani?
539
00:31:39,859 --> 00:31:43,280
Yes, it bounced off my face.
But my face almost scored.
540
00:31:44,489 --> 00:31:45,907
Yes, it was close.
541
00:31:46,616 --> 00:31:48,200
- Coach.
- Yeah, Jamie.
542
00:31:48,201 --> 00:31:49,368
- One idea.
- What you got?
543
00:31:49,369 --> 00:31:52,249
Right, so every time they're going
past the halfway line, they're just...
544
00:32:02,799 --> 00:32:04,175
Trent, hold on a second.
545
00:32:05,427 --> 00:32:07,304
Roy, can I speak with you?
546
00:32:13,977 --> 00:32:16,604
Oi, what the fuck's a
Hallmark Christmas movie?
547
00:32:16,605 --> 00:32:19,149
Hey, look, man, I don't know
what your beef is with Trent,
548
00:32:20,066 --> 00:32:23,026
but I'm gonna need you to order off
the vegan menu right now and squash it.
549
00:32:24,279 --> 00:32:25,613
'Cause your ego's
about to sabotage
550
00:32:25,614 --> 00:32:27,616
a whole lot more than
a silly football match.
551
00:32:29,743 --> 00:32:30,744
You feel me?
552
00:32:33,121 --> 00:32:34,164
Thank you.
553
00:32:36,041 --> 00:32:38,500
And Hallmark Christmas movies
are films that feature women
554
00:32:38,501 --> 00:32:41,086
from the big city falling in love
with their childhood crushes.
555
00:32:41,087 --> 00:32:43,714
It's usually some fella that
owns a Christmas tree farm.
556
00:32:43,715 --> 00:32:46,092
Sometimes he's also
Santa Claus or a prince.
557
00:32:47,385 --> 00:32:48,761
They suck, but they're great.
558
00:32:48,762 --> 00:32:50,388
But they also mostly suck.
559
00:32:50,972 --> 00:32:52,265
But they're also kinda great.
560
00:32:53,016 --> 00:32:54,434
They're good with the sound off.
561
00:32:56,019 --> 00:32:57,771
Now go fix this, please.
562
00:33:06,947 --> 00:33:07,989
Crimm!
563
00:33:24,339 --> 00:33:25,464
It's actually quite funny
564
00:33:25,465 --> 00:33:27,300
when he yells at
other people, innit?
565
00:33:43,817 --> 00:33:44,985
Hold this.
566
00:33:53,326 --> 00:33:58,873
"Newcomer Roy Kent is an
overhyped, so-called prodigy
567
00:33:59,791 --> 00:34:03,003
whose unbridled rage
and mediocre talent
568
00:34:03,837 --> 00:34:09,467
rendered his Premier League
debut a profound disappointment."
569
00:34:11,678 --> 00:34:12,887
Do you know who wrote that?
570
00:34:15,390 --> 00:34:17,726
I was 17 years old.
571
00:34:19,227 --> 00:34:21,146
This fucking wrecked me.
572
00:34:23,148 --> 00:34:25,108
I thought I was being edgy.
573
00:34:26,067 --> 00:34:28,278
I was just trying to
make a name for myself.
574
00:34:29,820 --> 00:34:35,035
All I really did was look for
the worst in people. I'm sorry.
575
00:34:38,246 --> 00:34:39,539
It's all right.
576
00:34:41,333 --> 00:34:42,459
Give me that.
577
00:34:46,213 --> 00:34:47,297
You know, it's funny.
578
00:34:48,298 --> 00:34:51,091
- We had a lot in common back then.
- We did?
579
00:34:51,092 --> 00:34:53,595
We both thought one another
sucked shit at their job.
580
00:34:55,055 --> 00:34:56,264
And now look at us.
581
00:34:58,725 --> 00:34:59,768
- Go.
- Yeah.
582
00:35:05,899 --> 00:35:07,234
Oi.
583
00:35:09,152 --> 00:35:10,779
You can talk around
this prick now.
584
00:35:12,405 --> 00:35:14,073
Oi. Hold on, yo, yo, Jamie.
What were you saying?
585
00:35:14,074 --> 00:35:17,159
Yeah, man. Listen. What I'm saying
is, every time we go past halfway,
586
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:19,745
they're just blocking up the
passing lanes, you get that?
587
00:35:19,746 --> 00:35:21,622
Yes, yes. That's right.
They're not marking us.
588
00:35:21,623 --> 00:35:23,165
So just keep dribbling
until they stop you.
589
00:35:23,166 --> 00:35:26,627
Exactly! Let's take it all
the way and fucking win this.
590
00:35:26,628 --> 00:35:28,338
Yes! Yeah!
591
00:35:31,550 --> 00:35:33,551
Thank you, thank you.
592
00:35:33,552 --> 00:35:34,802
Well?
593
00:35:34,803 --> 00:35:37,096
I just got off the phone
with my son's karate teacher,
594
00:35:37,097 --> 00:35:40,266
who used to date the woman
who ran Zava's avocado farm...
595
00:35:40,267 --> 00:35:44,061
- Would you please get on with it?
- He might be going to West Ham.
596
00:35:44,062 --> 00:35:45,564
- Shit.
- I knew it.
597
00:35:47,107 --> 00:35:48,942
Rupert always gets
what he wants.
598
00:35:55,323 --> 00:35:56,324
You know what?
599
00:35:57,325 --> 00:36:00,579
If Rupert can sweet-talk Zava into
joining his club, then so can I.
600
00:36:01,288 --> 00:36:02,621
- Yes.
- Excuse me.
601
00:36:02,622 --> 00:36:03,914
Thank you. Sorry.
602
00:36:03,915 --> 00:36:05,457
And we're back for
the second half.
603
00:36:05,458 --> 00:36:08,878
Chris, do you think either of these teams
made any adjustments in the locker rooms?
604
00:36:08,879 --> 00:36:10,796
I'm sure they did, Arlo.
605
00:36:10,797 --> 00:36:13,967
But professional athletes don't mind
adjusting themselves in public either.
606
00:36:19,014 --> 00:36:21,181
Hello there. Rebecca
Welton, AFC Richmond.
607
00:36:21,182 --> 00:36:23,267
I'd love to see Zava. Thank you.
608
00:36:23,268 --> 00:36:25,228
No one gets in to see Zava.
609
00:36:25,812 --> 00:36:28,064
- I just saw Mr. Mannion...
- Rebecca, my dear.
610
00:36:30,025 --> 00:36:33,153
- Rupert. What a lovely surprise.
- Yeah.
611
00:36:35,238 --> 00:36:37,282
- There you go, Mr. Mannion.
- Thank you, Matthew.
612
00:36:39,075 --> 00:36:41,911
Congratulations, by the way, on the
win against Leicester yesterday.
613
00:36:41,912 --> 00:36:46,415
Thank you. Yeah. We are so lucky
to have a manager like Nathan.
614
00:36:46,416 --> 00:36:51,171
He's a gaffer who really understands
the game. Such an advantage.
615
00:36:55,425 --> 00:37:00,055
Zava. Let me introduce
Rebecca Welton. My ex-wife.
616
00:37:00,722 --> 00:37:02,473
And the owner of AFC Richmond.
617
00:37:02,474 --> 00:37:03,683
Yeah, of course.
618
00:37:04,434 --> 00:37:06,269
It's an honor for
you to meet me.
619
00:37:08,355 --> 00:37:09,189
See you soon.
620
00:37:09,190 --> 00:37:10,440
Can't wait.
621
00:37:20,283 --> 00:37:23,620
He will look so great
in claret and blue.
622
00:37:28,041 --> 00:37:29,792
You know, Rupert, I was
a little bit surprised
623
00:37:29,793 --> 00:37:31,835
when you bought West Ham.
624
00:37:31,836 --> 00:37:34,673
I always thought that Richmond
was your one true love.
625
00:37:35,674 --> 00:37:40,512
Guess I'm just like any man. Just get
bored with the same old, same old.
626
00:37:43,557 --> 00:37:45,058
Good luck with this season.
627
00:38:12,627 --> 00:38:15,922
You are such a
fucking chickenshit.
628
00:38:16,590 --> 00:38:20,968
I mean, if you were great, truly
great, you could play anywhere.
629
00:38:20,969 --> 00:38:25,222
But instead you choose a club like
West Ham, because it's big and shiny,
630
00:38:25,223 --> 00:38:27,809
and you know that they'll win
whether you're there or not.
631
00:38:28,310 --> 00:38:30,269
And you'll never have to wonder
632
00:38:30,270 --> 00:38:33,064
if you're still as good as
you tell everyone you are.
633
00:38:34,733 --> 00:38:39,988
But you and I know that you're not.
You're overrated. You're overpaid.
634
00:38:42,657 --> 00:38:45,452
And you eat too much
fucking asparagus.
635
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:54,543
Richmond's defending has
kept them in this match,
636
00:38:54,544 --> 00:38:56,879
and they are one moment
of inspiration away
637
00:38:56,880 --> 00:38:59,465
from going home with
an unlikely point.
638
00:38:59,466 --> 00:39:02,426
Well, Chelsea
giving Hughes space.
639
00:39:02,427 --> 00:39:05,095
If they're going to give him
space, he's going to take it.
640
00:39:05,096 --> 00:39:08,058
Possibilities here.
Hughes has options.
641
00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:10,560
He slides it through to Tartt.
642
00:39:11,144 --> 00:39:12,687
Is this the moment?
643
00:39:13,688 --> 00:39:15,607
Obisanya's gonna have a go.
644
00:39:17,359 --> 00:39:19,944
It's in, off the face of Rojas!
645
00:39:19,945 --> 00:39:21,779
- Absolutely brilliant.
- Yes!
646
00:39:21,780 --> 00:39:24,198
In the blink of an eye.
Would you believe it?
647
00:39:24,199 --> 00:39:26,784
An historic goal, and it's 1-1.
648
00:39:26,785 --> 00:39:30,205
My face scored a goal!
My face scored a goal!
649
00:39:30,872 --> 00:39:34,208
Chris, have you ever
scored with your face?
650
00:39:34,209 --> 00:39:38,171
I've scored with every part of my body,
Arlo. That's a ridiculous question.
651
00:39:39,548 --> 00:39:41,340
- That was amazing.
- Yeah, mate.
652
00:39:41,341 --> 00:39:42,801
Do you think Zava saw?
653
00:39:44,427 --> 00:39:45,637
Don't be a dick, man.
654
00:39:46,221 --> 00:39:47,222
Come on.
655
00:39:48,848 --> 00:39:50,392
Excuse me. Sorry.
656
00:39:54,312 --> 00:39:56,105
Oi, how'd it go?
657
00:39:56,106 --> 00:40:00,235
- Did you sweet-talk him?
- What's the opposite of that?
658
00:40:01,278 --> 00:40:02,404
Sour-yell.
659
00:40:03,238 --> 00:40:04,614
Yeah, I did that.
660
00:40:08,201 --> 00:40:10,953
And Richmond managed
to secure a 1-1 draw
661
00:40:10,954 --> 00:40:13,455
against Chelsea in this
gripping West London derby.
662
00:40:13,456 --> 00:40:16,083
- There we go. There you go.
- They'll be leaving Stamford Bridge
663
00:40:16,084 --> 00:40:18,545
with a well-deserved
point on the table.
664
00:40:23,925 --> 00:40:26,176
Hello, everyone.
Thanks for joining us.
665
00:40:26,177 --> 00:40:28,971
Obviously not the result
we were hoping for today.
666
00:40:28,972 --> 00:40:33,267
But I am certain that this
afternoon's announcement
667
00:40:33,268 --> 00:40:36,562
will raise every
Chelsea fan's spirits.
668
00:40:36,563 --> 00:40:39,733
- Now, I know...
- Still think we need to get to the office.
669
00:40:40,275 --> 00:40:41,609
It won't be safe here.
670
00:40:41,610 --> 00:40:44,153
Please welcome the newest member
671
00:40:44,154 --> 00:40:46,489
of Chelsea Football Club.
672
00:40:47,073 --> 00:40:48,241
Zava.
673
00:40:52,704 --> 00:40:55,206
Welcome, Zava.
Please take a seat.
674
00:40:56,708 --> 00:41:01,296
All right. You just sign.
And there's the pen.
675
00:41:04,174 --> 00:41:05,342
Please.
676
00:41:11,973 --> 00:41:15,352
I have changed my mind. Zava
will not play for Chelsea.
677
00:41:17,604 --> 00:41:19,481
Oh, God. I'm sorry.
I can't watch this.
678
00:41:21,858 --> 00:41:23,485
Zava will play for Richmond.
679
00:41:29,783 --> 00:41:31,159
You twat!
680
00:41:33,411 --> 00:41:35,455
- May I keep the pen?
- Sure.
681
00:41:37,540 --> 00:41:38,541
What?
682
00:41:43,838 --> 00:41:45,464
What the fuck?
683
00:41:45,465 --> 00:41:46,799
- You did it.
- Yeah.
684
00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:48,510
- You did it!
- Oh, my God.
685
00:41:49,135 --> 00:41:51,637
Yo! We've got Zava.
686
00:41:51,638 --> 00:41:52,597
What?
687
00:41:52,598 --> 00:41:55,058
We've got Zava! Look!
688
00:41:55,892 --> 00:41:56,893
Shit!
689
00:42:02,899 --> 00:42:04,984
Fans are not gonna like this.
690
00:42:04,985 --> 00:42:10,824
Zava! We got you, Zava! We got
you, Zava! We got you, ra, ra, ra!
691
00:42:15,537 --> 00:42:17,371
- All right, man. Take care, man.
- Take care.
692
00:42:17,372 --> 00:42:19,457
- Zava is coming here.
- Zava.
693
00:42:34,931 --> 00:42:37,642
What you up to tonight, Coach?
You wanna race-walk home together?
694
00:42:38,143 --> 00:42:41,145
Can't. Jane and I are gonna go see
her friend's immersive theater show
695
00:42:41,146 --> 00:42:42,314
about the menstrual cycle.
696
00:42:44,691 --> 00:42:46,692
All right, well, I
hope you're not late.
697
00:42:46,693 --> 00:42:48,402
Please tell Jane I said hello.
698
00:42:48,403 --> 00:42:52,073
I would, but she still finds
our relationship threatening.
699
00:42:54,367 --> 00:42:55,701
- Night, guys.
- Good night.
700
00:42:55,702 --> 00:42:56,828
Night, Coach.
701
00:42:57,495 --> 00:43:00,790
What do you say, Mr. Crimm?
Heck of a first week, yeah?
702
00:43:01,374 --> 00:43:02,417
And we've only just begun.
703
00:43:04,419 --> 00:43:06,129
- Good night.
- Night, Roy.
704
00:43:06,922 --> 00:43:10,382
Hey, Roy. I'm just curious, what
was it like being back at Chelsea?
705
00:43:10,383 --> 00:43:12,177
All them fans sure
were happy to see you.
706
00:43:14,137 --> 00:43:20,059
I don't know. Just
felt... sad. Or something.
707
00:43:20,060 --> 00:43:21,895
Really? Why is that?
708
00:43:38,328 --> 00:43:42,582
Last season I was there, we
played a match against Arsenal,
709
00:43:43,583 --> 00:43:47,294
- and we fucking murdered 'em.
- I remember, 3-nil.
710
00:43:47,295 --> 00:43:48,713
Yeah.
711
00:43:50,507 --> 00:43:51,883
But I played like shit.
712
00:43:54,469 --> 00:43:55,679
Right?
713
00:43:59,849 --> 00:44:01,226
I did.
714
00:44:02,185 --> 00:44:05,355
That was the first
time, ever, I thought,
715
00:44:06,731 --> 00:44:08,275
"I can't keep up anymore.
716
00:44:10,110 --> 00:44:11,528
I'm not good enough."
717
00:44:13,321 --> 00:44:17,492
And that was all I could think
about for the rest of the year.
718
00:44:19,035 --> 00:44:24,541
I knew it was only gonna get worse.
So at the end of the season, I left.
719
00:44:26,376 --> 00:44:32,298
Everyone was shocked. The club
was shocked. The fans. The press.
720
00:44:32,299 --> 00:44:33,675
Yeah.
721
00:44:34,467 --> 00:44:36,427
I didn't wanna be one of
them broken-down footballers
722
00:44:36,428 --> 00:44:38,763
just taking up space
until they're dropped,
723
00:44:39,264 --> 00:44:40,890
years after they
should have been.
724
00:44:40,891 --> 00:44:44,853
Yeah, well, a lot of folks think it's
better to quit than to be fired, you know?
725
00:44:46,021 --> 00:44:47,022
Yeah.
726
00:44:49,691 --> 00:44:51,151
But going back there today...
727
00:44:54,237 --> 00:44:55,822
there's a part of me...
728
00:44:58,658 --> 00:45:00,243
thinking maybe I
should have stayed...
729
00:45:02,495 --> 00:45:05,457
and just fucking...
730
00:45:07,792 --> 00:45:09,586
enjoyed myself.
731
00:45:16,635 --> 00:45:18,386
But that is not who I am,
732
00:45:19,596 --> 00:45:20,597
I guess.
733
00:45:22,557 --> 00:45:23,558
Not yet.
734
00:45:27,771 --> 00:45:31,024
But, hey, if you wouldn't have
left Chelsea when you did,
735
00:45:32,317 --> 00:45:33,902
we probably never
would have met.
736
00:45:44,496 --> 00:45:46,122
- Good night.
- Good night.
737
00:45:47,249 --> 00:45:48,667
Good night, Roy.
738
00:45:53,046 --> 00:45:54,047
Sport.
739
00:45:55,131 --> 00:45:56,549
It's quite the metaphor.
740
00:45:56,550 --> 00:46:00,387
Yeah. It also makes for
a heck of a nickname.
741
00:46:01,263 --> 00:46:02,263
Yeah.
742
00:46:02,264 --> 00:46:04,391
- Night, Ted.
- Good night, sport.