1 00:00:01,210 --> 00:00:04,171 ["Dreams" playing] 2 00:00:29,488 --> 00:00:32,991 - [exhales sharply] - Mush! [whistling] 3 00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:02,980 [Keeley] Now, that's a cup of coffee. It's strong. 4 00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:04,857 Good though. 5 00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:06,358 - I got you something. - [squeals] 6 00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:09,736 - Ooh. I love somethings. - [chuckles] 7 00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:12,698 [squeals] What is this? 8 00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:17,452 Sense and Sensibility. Oh, I love this book. 9 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,997 - I loved the movie more though. - [chuckles] 10 00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:23,292 Wait, is this, like, a first edition or something? 11 00:01:23,292 --> 00:01:27,379 - Yep. And it's signed. - No. 12 00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:33,552 "Keeley, you go girl! Jane Austen." 13 00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,263 [both laugh] 14 00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:39,349 Did you destroy a priceless artifact just to make me laugh? 15 00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:42,853 [stammers] One, it wasn't priceless. It was actually very expensive. 16 00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:47,316 Two, I can get very jealous, and I hate the idea of you regifting that. 17 00:01:47,316 --> 00:01:50,235 And three, no, I didn't. That is all her. 18 00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:54,615 And she really wants you to "go girl," so... [chuckling] ...you better go girl. 19 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,992 - Oh, I'll go. Watch me. - [laughs] 20 00:01:56,992 --> 00:02:00,162 Come here. Thank you. 21 00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:01,455 You're welcome. 22 00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:08,628 Hey, Cindy. How are you? Good. 23 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,048 How you doing, brother? You okay? 24 00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:15,677 - Good morning, Faridah. - Oh, morning, Sam. 25 00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:19,556 [sighs] Okay. I have a favor to ask. 26 00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:23,060 - Hmm. - Do we have an open table on Friday night? 27 00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:25,771 [laughing] 28 00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:31,944 Oh, you're being serious? No. 29 00:02:31,944 --> 00:02:36,114 The restaurant is booked for months. The waiting list is a lie we tell people. 30 00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:40,827 O-Okay. We have a very special guest coming, so I need a "Ray Liotta" for one. 31 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,038 [mumbles] I'll take care of it, take care of it. 32 00:02:43,038 --> 00:02:44,456 - [chuckles] You're the best. - [chuckles] 33 00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,750 - Okay. Thank you. - [Simi] Oh. Fuck you! 34 00:02:48,794 --> 00:02:50,462 - If you will excuse me. - [Faridah] Mm-hmm. 35 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,387 - Is everything okay in here? - [sighs] I don't know. 36 00:02:58,387 --> 00:03:00,305 - Is everything okay in here? - [staff] Yes, Chef! 37 00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:02,224 - Everything's fine. - So who were you talking to? 38 00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:05,143 - Brinda Barot. - And was she here? 39 00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:06,061 No, poo poo head. 40 00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:08,272 A refugee boat's coming in, 41 00:03:08,272 --> 00:03:10,983 and our home secretary wants to send them away. 42 00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,694 - Why would she do that? - Because she's the devil. 43 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:14,778 - Right? - [staff] Yes, Chef! 44 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,948 Okay, listen. Brinda Barot sucks for sure, 45 00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:20,868 but, Simi, it's way too early to be this angry. 46 00:03:22,286 --> 00:03:25,163 Maybe you should start drinking coffee again. It's better for your heart. 47 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,164 Why are you here? 48 00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:29,459 Is there a photo shoot for Footballer Passion Project Magazine, 49 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:30,544 - or something? - [chuckles] 50 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,130 No, I just stopped by to make sure everything was okay. 51 00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:34,756 Everything is perfect. 52 00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:38,844 Mm-hmm. What about the spoons? 53 00:03:38,844 --> 00:03:41,180 [inhales deeply, stammers] 54 00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:42,306 [sighs] 55 00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:46,268 They don't match. 56 00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:53,734 Samuel, if the food is good, which it is, no one cares about the spoons. 57 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,862 - Am I right? - [staff] Yes, Chef! 58 00:03:58,697 --> 00:03:59,865 [chuckles] 59 00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:04,745 [inhales sharply] You know, just... My father is coming this weekend. 60 00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:08,790 So-- Fuck. And I just-- [stammers] I want everything to be perfect. 61 00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:12,002 He's coming all the way from Nigeria. [chuckles] 62 00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:14,254 Hmm. If this bitch lets him in. 63 00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:18,800 {\an8}[theme music playing] 64 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,822 [players chattering] 65 00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:43,200 [Ted] All right, fellas, focus up here. 66 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,745 {\an8}Right about now, Roy's gonna make things dark... 67 00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:52,000 {\an8}so that Coach Beard here can shed some light. Coach. 68 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,840 {\an8}At the 1974 World Cup, 69 00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,509 {\an8}the tiny country of the Netherlands came out of nowhere 70 00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:02,511 {\an8}and made it all the way to the World Cup Final, 71 00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:05,430 {\an8}playing the home team, heavily favored Germany. 72 00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:09,309 {\an8}Those Dutch hippies scored before the Germans even touched the ball. 73 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,228 {\an8}Yeah, but Holland lost that game. 74 00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:15,649 {\an8}Correct. But along the way, they won the hearts of fans all around the world 75 00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:22,322 {\an8}with a style of play-- dare I say, a philosophy-- called Total Football. 76 00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:25,117 {\an8}Which, coincidentally, Coach dreamed up 77 00:05:25,117 --> 00:05:27,411 {\an8}in a barbecue-sauce-related hallucination just last week. 78 00:05:27,411 --> 00:05:28,787 {\an8}[players chattering] 79 00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:31,540 {\an8}No, it's true. But hey, it's not about me. Go on, keep shining. 80 00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:33,125 {\an8}The best player on that team 81 00:05:33,125 --> 00:05:35,210 {\an8}and the godfather of Total Football was this guy. 82 00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:36,879 Can anyone tell me who this is? 83 00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:38,881 That's Tim Robinson from I Think You Should Leave. 84 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:42,593 No. It is Dutch football legend, Johan Cruyff. 85 00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:43,719 It's pronounced Cruijff. 86 00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:46,555 My apologies. With Total Football, 87 00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:49,099 - Johan Cruijff... - That's it. 88 00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:52,311 {\an8}...took his small club Ajax to three straight European titles. 89 00:05:52,895 --> 00:05:55,522 {\an8}Now, he later became a coach, first at Ajax, 90 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,858 {\an8}and then he took Total Football to Barcelona, 91 00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,736 {\an8}where he won the Spanish championship four years in a row. 92 00:06:00,736 --> 00:06:03,447 {\an8}Now a central cog of that team was an industrious 93 00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:06,283 {\an8}but brilliant midfielder named Josep Guardiola. 94 00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:08,202 {\an8}AKA Pep. 95 00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:10,579 - [players chattering] - [whistles] Look at that head of hair. 96 00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:11,663 God had to take it away 97 00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,332 - just to balance things out, you know? - Hmm. 98 00:06:13,332 --> 00:06:17,211 {\an8}Pep became a coach as well, honing his own version of Total Football 99 00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:21,131 {\an8}that he took to Barcelona and Bayern Munich, 100 00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:25,427 {\an8}eventually landing at our great white whale, Manchester City. 101 00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:28,180 {\an8}[players boo] 102 00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:30,682 {\an8}Where he briefly coached a very talented young player... 103 00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,895 until that beautiful dum-dum quit to go do a reality show. 104 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,981 - [players laugh] - I was robbed! 105 00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:39,107 [all laugh] 106 00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:42,986 Total Football is about constant movement. Players are no longer in set positions. 107 00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:46,657 Defenders are free to attack. Attackers are trusted to defend. 108 00:06:46,657 --> 00:06:49,952 It's about taking risks and supporting each other's choices. 109 00:06:49,952 --> 00:06:52,621 {\an8}Like when your friend wears something new and outside his comfort zone, 110 00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:55,249 {\an8}and instead of ignoring it, everybody pays him a compliment. 111 00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:57,626 - [players murmuring in agreement] - By the way, great hat, Ash. 112 00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:00,212 - [players chattering] - [player] Oh, yeah. 113 00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:02,714 - It's pretty sweet. Hmm. - Yeah, it frames his face nicely. 114 00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:05,759 Exactly. Total Football is about letting go of your baggage 115 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,219 and trusting your intuition. 116 00:07:07,219 --> 00:07:12,558 It's jazz. It's Motown. It's Mamet. It's Pinter. It's Einstein. 117 00:07:12,558 --> 00:07:14,351 It's Keurig. It's Gaga! 118 00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:17,855 It's my mother proudly displaying her vibrator on the bedside table! 119 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:22,860 It's about throwing off the constraints put upon you by society and by yourselves! 120 00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:25,529 We all know football is life. 121 00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:27,948 But a beautiful life... 122 00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:30,784 is Total Football. 123 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,954 [players cheering] 124 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:36,498 That's good. That's you right there. 125 00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:38,750 - Give it up, that's Coach. - [players chattering] 126 00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:40,335 {\an8}All right, fellas, we wanted y'all to know 127 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,379 {\an8}a little bit about the history of Total Football, 128 00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:44,339 {\an8}because that's what we're gonna start playing here. 129 00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:46,675 {\an8}- What? No. No, no, no, wait. What? - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 130 00:07:46,675 --> 00:07:51,013 {\an8}Oi! You turn those frowns upside down 'cause we're fucking doing this. 131 00:07:51,013 --> 00:07:54,224 {\an8}We're gonna drill it, we're gonna train it and then in a couple of months, 132 00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:56,810 {\an8}we're taking Total Football to the fucking pitch. 133 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,937 No, actually we're gonna do it this Saturday against Arsenal. 134 00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:01,023 - Well, that's fucking mental. - No, it'll be fine. 135 00:08:01,023 --> 00:08:03,150 - [players clamoring] - Oh, hush your butts! 136 00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:06,278 - [clamoring continues] - Hush your butt! Let's go. come on. 137 00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:09,239 [shushes] No, no, no. Ah, cool it. It's gonna be fine. I don't wanna hear it. 138 00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:11,033 - Let's go, come on! - I hear butts! 139 00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:13,744 Hush your butt, hush your butt, hush your butt. Gotta hush them butts. 140 00:08:13,744 --> 00:08:15,704 Isaac, come on, be a captain. Get that butt hushed. 141 00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:17,789 I don't wanna hear it, Van Damme. Hush your butt. 142 00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:24,963 {\an8}Oh, Ms. Jones, we have a problem. The-- Oh, no, wait, actually, no, we don't. 143 00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:28,175 {\an8}Sorry, sort of force of habit or something. 144 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,260 - Um, I'm just dropping this off. - Thank you. 145 00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:34,181 Oh. That's-- That's very lovely. Oh, may I? 146 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,265 Yeah, of course, go. 147 00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:39,436 Oh. I never would've, uh, thought that you liked books. 148 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:43,899 Uh, I mean, um, that you collect first editions. 149 00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:46,068 {\an8}Oh, no, I don't. That was a gift from Jack. 150 00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:51,114 {\an8}Oh, wow. What a very nice gift to receive. From your boss. 151 00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:54,326 {\an8}She's not really my boss, right? She's helping me execute my vision. 152 00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:57,955 {\an8}Oh, it must be nice to have such a-- a generous friend that, um, 153 00:08:57,955 --> 00:09:00,499 {\an8}delivers expensive gifts to your place of work. 154 00:09:00,499 --> 00:09:03,210 No, no. She gave it to me this morning when we had breakfast together. 155 00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:08,549 Coffee. We had, um-- We had a coffee together. 156 00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:11,385 At a coffee shop. But we didn't arrive together. 157 00:09:11,385 --> 00:09:15,055 We came from sep-- separate places, and we met there. 158 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:17,850 [stammering] She was late actually. 159 00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:21,061 Well, I had a warm yogurt on the tube in my pajamas. 160 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:22,771 You take the tube in your pajamas? 161 00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:25,274 Yeah, sometimes, yes. When I want to beat the rush. 162 00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:28,694 And, um-- And then I just get changed in the-- in the toilets when I get here. 163 00:09:28,694 --> 00:09:30,529 Ooh. Smart. 164 00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:33,240 - Ms. Jones. - Barbara. 165 00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:43,500 [cell phone chimes] 166 00:09:56,889 --> 00:09:58,348 {\an8}[typing on computer keyboard] 167 00:09:58,348 --> 00:09:59,433 {\an8}[text reply alert] 168 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,019 {\an8}[sighs] 169 00:10:02,978 --> 00:10:04,146 {\an8}[sighs] 170 00:10:05,898 --> 00:10:07,691 {\an8}- [typing on computer keyboard] - [text reply alert] 171 00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:10,152 {\an8}[sighs] 172 00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:13,655 [sighs] 173 00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:17,451 - Hey, Siri. - [Siri] Yes, Wunderkind? 174 00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:19,536 Um, could you set a reminder for tomorrow at 7:00 p.m. 175 00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:21,121 for Nicole's birthday dinner? Thank you. 176 00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:24,583 Okay, your reminder is set for tomorrow at 7:00. 177 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,299 - Siri. - Yes, Wunderkind? 178 00:10:33,175 --> 00:10:35,511 How can you tell if a girl likes you or is just being nice to you? 179 00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:37,554 You can't. 180 00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:41,225 [chattering] 181 00:10:41,225 --> 00:10:44,186 So now I'm starting to get all these subtle, little hints from Jane. 182 00:10:44,186 --> 00:10:46,813 Like, certain magazines left on the coffee table 183 00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:49,107 and always hearing about her friends who are doing it. 184 00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:51,151 Well, marriage is a big commitment, you know? 185 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,486 No, I'm talking about pegging. 186 00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:55,030 Oh. Well, still. [chuckles] 187 00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:56,114 Wait, what magazines? 188 00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:59,785 - Here you go, lads. - Thanks, Mae. 189 00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:01,912 - You okay, Mae? - No. 190 00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:07,793 We win, this place is packed. We lose, it's like this. [sighs] 191 00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:12,673 I actually prefer it. You can finally hear yourself think in here. 192 00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,383 Fuck off. 193 00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,177 Hmm. 194 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,388 [glasses clink, thud on table] 195 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:23,267 Hey, Lasso. We wanted to apologize. 196 00:11:23,267 --> 00:11:25,644 - What for? - For getting all soft on you. 197 00:11:25,644 --> 00:11:28,397 Yeah, we humanized you and lost all objectivity. 198 00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:30,899 Main reason why farmers don't name their livestock. 199 00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:33,735 And why we don't learn the names of Baz's brother's girlfriends anymore. 200 00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:35,028 Because he's a male whore. 201 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,906 Exactly. So we're gonna backslide a little bit. 202 00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:40,617 Now what the fuck are you doing to our team, wanker? 203 00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:42,244 - Okay. - [Ted] You-- Well-- N-Now, hold on, 204 00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:43,537 hold on, hold on, Coach. [chuckles] 205 00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:46,123 Well, I tell you what, fellas. 206 00:11:46,665 --> 00:11:49,251 Why don't you come watch training tomorrow? See for yourselves. 207 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,338 We ain't running a chocolate factory or Deutsche Bank. 208 00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:55,757 We got nothing to hide from y'all. See you tomorrow? 209 00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:59,386 Yeah. You will. 210 00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:03,849 - [laughs] - What? 211 00:12:03,849 --> 00:12:06,018 - Should I wear a suit? - I'm definitely gonna take a shower. 212 00:12:06,018 --> 00:12:08,103 - I mean, gotta do that. Yeah, definitely. - Yeah. 213 00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:11,481 Coach, you sure it's smart to invite fans to our practices? 214 00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:15,068 It's their team. We're just borrowing it for a little while. You know? 215 00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:18,697 Anyway... [sighs] 216 00:12:18,697 --> 00:12:20,782 ...I guess marriage and pegging aren't really that different. 217 00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:22,701 [Ted] Yeah, it's all about compromise. 218 00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:26,330 ["Sometime in the Morning" playing] 219 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,179 - There he is! [chuckles] - God! Sorry. 220 00:12:42,179 --> 00:12:45,807 The hottest coach in the league! 221 00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:46,808 - [chuckles] - Thank you. 222 00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:51,438 I won a lot of money off your lot. So, keep it up. Please. 223 00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:52,731 [chuckles] Table for one? 224 00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:56,235 Um, no, I thought I'd-- Just passing. Uh, is Jade working today? Do you know? 225 00:12:56,235 --> 00:12:58,695 No, she's off Tuesdays. She goes to school. 226 00:12:59,363 --> 00:13:01,949 Or feeds her mum. I don't listen, so I don't really know. 227 00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:04,368 Okay. Well, um, just say that I said hello. 228 00:13:04,368 --> 00:13:07,746 Um... Actually, you know what, don't-- don't say anything. Um... 229 00:13:07,746 --> 00:13:11,375 Actually, no, do. Uh, say, if you, um, uh, y-- 230 00:13:11,375 --> 00:13:14,086 No. Just don't say anything. Unless she asks after me. 231 00:13:14,086 --> 00:13:16,213 In which case, just say that I said hello. [chuckles] 232 00:13:16,213 --> 00:13:19,550 - And why would she ask after you? - Exactly. I don't kn-- 233 00:13:19,550 --> 00:13:21,009 Um, thank you, uh, Derek. 234 00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:24,972 Thank you. Bye. Um, uh, yes, no, just... [chuckles] Yeah. 235 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:28,308 [mocking, laughs] All right. 236 00:13:30,102 --> 00:13:31,645 - Hey, Trent. - [Trent] Hello, Ted. 237 00:13:33,605 --> 00:13:35,774 - Hey, Ted! - Hey, fellas! 238 00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:36,859 - [laughs] - [chuckles] 239 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,528 The fuck are they doing here? 240 00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:42,531 I don't know. Ask Beard, he's the one who invited them. 241 00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:45,951 [Ted blows whistle] 242 00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:48,120 All right, my Merry Pranksters. 243 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:51,832 If we're gonna play Total Football, there are four things we need to focus on. 244 00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:56,211 All right? Number one, conditioning. Y'all gotta get into even better shape. 245 00:13:56,211 --> 00:14:00,215 Number two, versatility. Number three, awareness. 246 00:14:00,215 --> 00:14:01,341 And number four... 247 00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:05,053 I don't know what that one is yet. But I know it's important. 248 00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:08,765 Starting today, we're gonna have to turn things up a notch around here. 249 00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:11,185 So I'ma hand it over to your drill instructor, 250 00:14:11,185 --> 00:14:13,270 Sergeant Roy Kent. [blows raspberry] 251 00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:19,193 Whistle! On your feet, maggots! 252 00:14:19,193 --> 00:14:21,945 [players muttering] Right. 253 00:14:22,571 --> 00:14:26,241 Today you're gonna run from end to end to end to end. 254 00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,285 But lucky for you, I'm in a good mood. 255 00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:32,831 So you've only gotta do that for the whole fucking practice. 256 00:14:33,457 --> 00:14:34,541 Whistle. 257 00:14:38,587 --> 00:14:41,131 - Why doesn't he just use a whistle? - He's allergic to metal. 258 00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:43,634 Football stars, they're just like us. 259 00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:46,011 Run! 260 00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:47,596 [players shouting] 261 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:51,308 You sure you don't want a plastic whistle? 262 00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:56,647 - Hi. - Hi. 263 00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:03,320 - Ooh, cute flowers. - Aw, thanks. 264 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:04,613 Yeah, daisies are my favorite. 265 00:15:04,613 --> 00:15:06,865 - Huh. And I thought I was. - Wait! 266 00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:10,786 - [mutters, clears throat] - [remote clicks] 267 00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:13,539 Why'd you do that? 268 00:15:13,539 --> 00:15:16,250 - Shit, you're right, yeah. - [remote clicks] 269 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:21,547 - [gasps, screams] No. Off. On. On? - Keeley. Keeley. 270 00:15:21,547 --> 00:15:24,550 - On or off? Off? On or off? - [clears throat] Keeley. Keeley, s-- 271 00:15:24,550 --> 00:15:26,885 - On? On. Do you want it on or off? - Keeley. Keeley. [stammering] 272 00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:30,639 - On or off? Off? On? Off or on? - Stop. Give it-- Give it to me. Thank you. 273 00:15:33,225 --> 00:15:34,810 - What's going on? - I'm sorry. 274 00:15:34,810 --> 00:15:37,938 I am just not built for a secret office romance. 275 00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,691 I'm used to everyone knowing everything about me. 276 00:15:40,691 --> 00:15:42,401 Barbara saw the book that you gave me, 277 00:15:42,401 --> 00:15:44,903 and, uh, I didn't think that I could tell her that we were dating, 278 00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:46,488 because I don't want us to get in trouble. 279 00:15:46,488 --> 00:15:50,409 We can't get into trouble 'cause we are two consenting adults. 280 00:15:51,285 --> 00:15:53,370 And I'm get-away-with-murder rich, so... 281 00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:55,622 - Really? - Yeah. 282 00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:58,500 - Like who else? Name names. - Everyone connected to Epstein. 283 00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:02,337 Keeley, I don't care if people in the office know we're dating, do you? 284 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:06,508 No, of course not. I just didn't know how serious you were about this. 285 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:08,468 Come with me. 286 00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:10,804 Okay. 287 00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:16,143 Hey, everyone. Uh, quick announcement. 288 00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:17,811 Keeley and I are dating. 289 00:16:18,395 --> 00:16:23,358 And it's-- it's brand-new, but I'm serious about it. 290 00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:29,573 And so both of us just wanted to let you all know so that there were no secrets. 291 00:16:29,573 --> 00:16:32,910 'Cause it's-- it's all good. I'm not crazy. She's not crazy. 292 00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:34,786 You're not crazy, right? 293 00:16:35,621 --> 00:16:37,247 [inhales sharply] Neither of us are crazy. 294 00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:41,376 [chuckles] But, if any of you have any issues or concerns about this at all, 295 00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:45,881 please do not hesitate to come and speak to me or Keeley or Barbara. 296 00:16:46,507 --> 00:16:47,382 Cool? 297 00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:50,427 Cool. 298 00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:55,224 And congratulations, Jack and Keeley. 299 00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:59,311 - Love is love, i-- Right. - No, that's enough, Dan. Thank you. 300 00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:02,064 ["Rocks" playing] 301 00:17:05,901 --> 00:17:07,402 [grunting, panting] 302 00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:16,994 [retching] 303 00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:18,413 [retches] 304 00:17:18,413 --> 00:17:20,790 This is some of the best puking I've ever seen. 305 00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:23,544 Yeah, me too. And we spend most of our lives at the pub. 306 00:17:23,544 --> 00:17:26,672 - [whistle blows] - [players panting, groaning] 307 00:17:26,672 --> 00:17:31,844 All right. Nice job, gentlemen. Okay, that's it for today. 308 00:17:31,844 --> 00:17:33,220 Now we scrimmage! 309 00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:35,597 [players groan] 310 00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:38,350 [Rebecca] Honestly, my jacket's still a bit canal-y. 311 00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:41,603 - [Keeley laughing] - It's really bad. Mmm. 312 00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:43,897 Okay, so, you never got his name? 313 00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:46,775 And you never told him yours? 314 00:17:48,694 --> 00:17:50,779 Yeah, see, that part's not that weird to me. 315 00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:54,616 If you really didn't have sex with the guy, now that is fucking bonkers. 316 00:17:54,616 --> 00:17:56,910 Look, what we shared, it just-- 317 00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:01,665 It transcended sex. It was... 318 00:18:02,291 --> 00:18:03,959 - Magic. - Gezellig. 319 00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:08,172 But, yeah, I would've liked to have seen his penis. 320 00:18:08,172 --> 00:18:13,177 - [laughs] Oh! It is so good to see you. - Oh, you too. [chuckles] 321 00:18:13,177 --> 00:18:15,137 - It has been way too long. - Hmm. 322 00:18:15,137 --> 00:18:17,097 Because I've lost you to another woman. 323 00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:19,892 - I know. I'm sorry. - Oh, I am joking. 324 00:18:20,976 --> 00:18:23,228 So come on. How's it going? 325 00:18:23,228 --> 00:18:27,024 - Oh, it is great. I mean, she is so cool. - Mmm. 326 00:18:27,024 --> 00:18:29,776 She's smart. [stammers] Super foxy. 327 00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,570 - Mmm. - She's an amazing gift-giver. 328 00:18:32,988 --> 00:18:36,950 Oh, my God, and the way she proclaimed our relationship to the entire office. 329 00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,994 It was so fucking hot. 330 00:18:38,994 --> 00:18:42,748 Mmm. I think she might be love bombing you. 331 00:18:42,748 --> 00:18:45,083 - She's "love what-ing" me? - Love bombing. 332 00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:49,379 That's when you're bombarded with expensive gifts and trips 333 00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:52,257 and grand gestures of love. 334 00:18:52,257 --> 00:18:54,218 - [chuckles] - They call it love bombing. 335 00:18:54,218 --> 00:18:56,762 - Who does? - I don't know. They do. 336 00:18:57,304 --> 00:18:59,348 Those "they" out there that name stuff. 337 00:19:00,516 --> 00:19:04,811 But what I do know is that on my second date with Rupert-- 338 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,355 - Second date... - Hmm. 339 00:19:06,355 --> 00:19:08,607 ...he took me to a car showroom and said, "Which one do you want?" 340 00:19:08,607 --> 00:19:11,151 - Oh, I would fucking love that. - Oh. [chuckles] 341 00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:12,110 What did you do? 342 00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:15,322 Well, I asked him if he was referring to the cars or the beautiful saleswomen 343 00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:17,157 suddenly tripping over themselves to help us. 344 00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:20,202 [laughs] And? 345 00:19:20,202 --> 00:19:22,788 I drove home in a bloody lovely Jaguar, of course. 346 00:19:22,788 --> 00:19:24,039 [both chuckling] 347 00:19:24,039 --> 00:19:28,335 It just felt nice to be taken care of for once. 348 00:19:29,628 --> 00:19:30,879 Mmm. 349 00:19:31,755 --> 00:19:32,756 Look, 350 00:19:33,632 --> 00:19:36,218 I'm not saying that Jack is like Rupert. 351 00:19:36,885 --> 00:19:40,681 But sometimes shiny things can tarnish. 352 00:19:41,473 --> 00:19:43,058 I think it's fine. 353 00:19:43,725 --> 00:19:46,895 Okay, good. Good. [inhales deeply] 354 00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:48,897 Just trust yourself. 355 00:19:49,982 --> 00:19:52,693 I ignored so many red flags in my past. 356 00:19:53,277 --> 00:19:55,946 Yeah. Well, maybe we're love blind? 357 00:19:55,946 --> 00:19:57,447 Ooh, love blind. What's that? 358 00:19:57,447 --> 00:20:01,159 It's an emotional version of color blindness where a person interprets 359 00:20:01,159 --> 00:20:04,872 red flags as giant green, just-fucking-go-for-it flags. 360 00:20:04,872 --> 00:20:07,040 [both chuckle] 361 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,084 - Did you come up with that? - Yeah, I did. 362 00:20:09,793 --> 00:20:12,546 Oh, my God. You're one of those "they" that name stuff. 363 00:20:12,546 --> 00:20:15,382 - [gasps] Shit, I think I might be. - I think you might be. 364 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:16,508 [both laugh] 365 00:20:16,508 --> 00:20:18,927 Oh, sorry, excuse me. Could we get the bill, please? Thank you. 366 00:20:18,927 --> 00:20:22,723 Actually, the bill was already taken care of by Jack. 367 00:20:23,307 --> 00:20:24,892 She said she hopes you both enjoyed your meal. 368 00:20:24,892 --> 00:20:27,436 [gasps] What a massive surprise. 369 00:20:27,436 --> 00:20:29,980 - Wow, yeah. [chuckles] - What? [gasps] 370 00:20:29,980 --> 00:20:32,608 Well, then I think we ought to have some tiramisu. Don't you? 371 00:20:32,608 --> 00:20:34,526 - Definitely. Mm-hmm. - Oh, and, uh, two bottles 372 00:20:34,526 --> 00:20:38,739 of the '34 Château Cheval Blanc Saint-Emilion Premier Grand Cru to go. 373 00:20:39,323 --> 00:20:40,616 And one for yourself. Mmm. 374 00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:45,746 [imitates bomb exploding] 375 00:20:46,955 --> 00:20:48,832 - [Nathan's family laughs] - [Sophia] Happy birthday, Mum. 376 00:20:48,832 --> 00:20:52,127 - [Nicole] Ooh, wow. - [family exclaims] 377 00:20:52,127 --> 00:20:53,462 I love it. 378 00:20:53,462 --> 00:20:56,089 Well, it was my vision, but Uncle Nate made it happen. 379 00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:57,799 - Ah. - She was actually quite specific. So... 380 00:20:57,799 --> 00:20:59,468 [all chuckling] 381 00:20:59,468 --> 00:21:02,137 Thank you, cheeky. Thanks, Nate. 382 00:21:02,721 --> 00:21:05,265 Let's have a look, love. It's lovely. 383 00:21:05,933 --> 00:21:07,809 So, come on. 384 00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:09,603 You're the hottest coach in the Premier League, 385 00:21:09,603 --> 00:21:12,773 which makes me the coolest lawyer in the firm. 386 00:21:12,773 --> 00:21:14,942 Please tell me you're hooking up with girls left and right. 387 00:21:14,942 --> 00:21:20,280 Okay, I-- I don't think this kind of talk is appropriate for a young lady. 388 00:21:20,822 --> 00:21:22,282 - Who wants ice cream? - I do. 389 00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:24,660 Great. Let's go to the corner shop. 390 00:21:24,660 --> 00:21:27,371 Ali, come with us. Let them have their girl talk. 391 00:21:27,371 --> 00:21:29,373 [Maria, Nicole, Lloyd chuckle] 392 00:21:29,373 --> 00:21:31,250 [Lloyd] Come on, love. See you in a little bit. 393 00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:32,376 Bye. 394 00:21:33,544 --> 00:21:35,295 Okay, tell me everything. 395 00:21:36,338 --> 00:21:38,966 Uh, okay. Well, there's this girl I like. 396 00:21:38,966 --> 00:21:43,136 - Uh, she's the hostess at Taste of Athens. - Ooh, mmm. 397 00:21:43,136 --> 00:21:46,181 Uh, she used to hate me, um, but now she-- 398 00:21:46,181 --> 00:21:48,517 Well-- Well, I-- [stammers] I don't know. 399 00:21:48,517 --> 00:21:50,644 I've misread signals from women before, but-- 400 00:21:50,644 --> 00:21:53,772 I mean, how do you tell if a girl likes you or is just being nice to you? 401 00:21:53,772 --> 00:21:54,940 [both] You can't. 402 00:21:55,983 --> 00:21:58,861 But there is one surefire way to find out. 403 00:21:59,444 --> 00:22:00,863 - Right. - Ask her out. 404 00:22:00,863 --> 00:22:03,156 No, I can't-- No, I can't-- [chuckles] Can't do that. No. 405 00:22:03,156 --> 00:22:05,409 [scoffs] Come on, what is the worst that could happen? 406 00:22:05,409 --> 00:22:07,327 Well, that she laughs in my face and says no. 407 00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:09,162 And that I scurry away, humiliated, 408 00:22:09,162 --> 00:22:11,456 never to be allowed in my favorite restaurant ever again. 409 00:22:11,456 --> 00:22:13,750 So that next time we have some kind of family celebration, 410 00:22:13,750 --> 00:22:16,253 I'll just have to, you know, sit on the pavement outside 411 00:22:16,253 --> 00:22:17,462 eating takeaway fish and chips, 412 00:22:17,462 --> 00:22:20,465 watching you through the window like some Dickensian street urchin. 413 00:22:21,049 --> 00:22:22,050 Oh, my God. 414 00:22:22,926 --> 00:22:26,346 He's just like Dad. You have to show him the map. 415 00:22:26,346 --> 00:22:28,515 No, your father would kill me. 416 00:22:28,515 --> 00:22:30,893 - Show him the map. - What map? 417 00:22:35,939 --> 00:22:38,692 Your father and I went to school together for years, 418 00:22:39,193 --> 00:22:43,530 but I didn't think he even knew I existed, until he gave me this. 419 00:22:47,743 --> 00:22:52,372 {\an8}"Distance between the places that we were born, 4,125 miles. 420 00:22:52,372 --> 00:22:56,001 {\an8}Distance between the places that we were raised, 4,230 miles. 421 00:22:56,585 --> 00:23:00,422 {\an8}Distance between our dorms on campus, 1.3 miles. 422 00:23:00,422 --> 00:23:04,927 {\an8}Distance between us on Friday night at 8:00 p.m., hopefully one foot. 423 00:23:04,927 --> 00:23:06,553 {\an8}Would you like to go on a date?" 424 00:23:08,222 --> 00:23:09,848 - [Nathan chuckles] - [Nicole exhales deeply] 425 00:23:09,848 --> 00:23:11,141 Stop waiting, Nathan. 426 00:23:11,141 --> 00:23:14,144 Yes, you could fail and be embarrassed for a second. 427 00:23:14,144 --> 00:23:17,856 But you could also get married, have two wonderful children 428 00:23:18,357 --> 00:23:21,276 - and live happily ever after. - [Nathan chuckles] 429 00:23:21,276 --> 00:23:23,403 [door unlocks, opens] 430 00:23:23,403 --> 00:23:25,113 - Oh, shit. - [Sophia, Lloyd] We're back. 431 00:23:26,031 --> 00:23:27,449 {\an8}Quick, distract him. 432 00:23:27,449 --> 00:23:29,535 ["What Would I Do Without You" playing] 433 00:23:52,015 --> 00:23:55,310 [reporter 1] ...that is carrying a large group of refugees, 434 00:23:55,310 --> 00:24:00,482 including several women and children, who are hoping to claim asylum in the UK. 435 00:24:00,482 --> 00:24:02,150 - What's going on? - [shushes] 436 00:24:02,150 --> 00:24:03,485 [reporter 1] ...in Portsmouth. 437 00:24:03,485 --> 00:24:05,571 [reporter 2] The boat is now kilometers from Portsmouth Harbor, 438 00:24:06,071 --> 00:24:09,283 {\an8}where its passengers, dozens of refugees, hope to find sanctuary. 439 00:24:09,283 --> 00:24:11,743 {\an8}Hundreds of supporters await their arrival. 440 00:24:11,743 --> 00:24:16,039 {\an8}While others, such as Home Secretary Brinda Barot, had this to say. 441 00:24:16,039 --> 00:24:20,669 {\an8}To anyone attempting to enter our country illegally, I say this. 442 00:24:21,420 --> 00:24:23,714 {\an8}"Go home. Britain is closed." 443 00:24:23,714 --> 00:24:25,465 [reporter 1] Over the last few days-- 444 00:24:25,465 --> 00:24:27,968 - What a stupid idiot. Mmm. - What a piece of shit. 445 00:24:28,552 --> 00:24:31,054 You know, someone needs to send her back to where she came from. 446 00:24:31,054 --> 00:24:33,849 - Her mother's butthole. Right? - [staff] Yes, Chef! 447 00:24:33,849 --> 00:24:37,060 Or somebody could try and speak to the better angels 448 00:24:37,060 --> 00:24:38,937 of this clearly misguided person. 449 00:24:47,654 --> 00:24:49,907 {\an8}- [Simi] Bitch. - What? 450 00:24:50,490 --> 00:24:53,410 It should say, "Help make Britain better than this bitch." 451 00:24:58,665 --> 00:25:00,209 I-- I think I'll stick with mine. 452 00:25:01,126 --> 00:25:02,127 Yeah. 453 00:25:02,836 --> 00:25:05,464 [pedestrians chattering] 454 00:25:12,971 --> 00:25:14,056 {\an8}- Hi. - [Jade] Hello there. 455 00:25:14,056 --> 00:25:15,307 {\an8}[sighs] Nate. 456 00:25:15,307 --> 00:25:19,353 {\an8}Um, there's something that I wanted to ask you. Um, would you... 457 00:25:23,398 --> 00:25:24,775 {\an8}Excuse me one m-moment. 458 00:25:27,069 --> 00:25:28,487 So-- So sorry. Sorry. 459 00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:34,785 [door creaks shut] 460 00:25:34,785 --> 00:25:37,246 [breathing shakily] 461 00:25:51,885 --> 00:25:54,429 Actually, there's, uh, one thing I need to do first. Sorry. 462 00:26:03,272 --> 00:26:05,524 Whistle. Whistle. Bring it in. 463 00:26:05,524 --> 00:26:07,192 [players panting, groaning] 464 00:26:09,027 --> 00:26:10,487 [Ted] All right, fellas. How y'all feeling? 465 00:26:10,487 --> 00:26:11,446 [players groan, chatter] 466 00:26:11,446 --> 00:26:12,656 - [retches] - [Ted] Oh. 467 00:26:12,656 --> 00:26:14,533 - Ah. - [Baz chuckles] 468 00:26:14,533 --> 00:26:16,910 Bumbercatch, did you just puke whole Cheerios? 469 00:26:16,910 --> 00:26:19,872 Yes, Coach. I like to eat my breakfast without chewing. 470 00:26:20,372 --> 00:26:23,876 To conserve my energy in case an impending class war breaks out. 471 00:26:23,876 --> 00:26:25,460 Yeah, no, makes sense. I get it. Yeah. 472 00:26:25,460 --> 00:26:29,089 Uh, all right, gentlemen, today we are gonna focus on versatility. 473 00:26:29,089 --> 00:26:31,800 Now, in Total Football, you gotta constantly be asking yourself, 474 00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:34,261 "What does this situation need right now?" 475 00:26:34,261 --> 00:26:37,556 You know, do I need to drop back and replace Jan Maas on defense? 476 00:26:37,556 --> 00:26:39,850 Or-- Or, you know, should I attack like Jamie? 477 00:26:39,850 --> 00:26:42,352 Or, you know, or do I lend Roy here a piece of gum 478 00:26:42,352 --> 00:26:43,729 because his breath smells like dookie? 479 00:26:43,729 --> 00:26:46,940 [chuckles] Completely hypothetical. Don't worry. You're fine, you're fine. 480 00:26:46,940 --> 00:26:49,985 All right? You gotta be able to jump in anywhere at any time. 481 00:26:49,985 --> 00:26:52,446 And the way to do that well is to understand 482 00:26:52,446 --> 00:26:56,700 and appreciate everyone's position and every position's function. 483 00:26:56,700 --> 00:27:00,746 That's why we got our man, Beard, replacing Will today as our kitman. 484 00:27:04,124 --> 00:27:06,418 Yeah. So when we get out here and we scrimmage, 485 00:27:06,418 --> 00:27:09,171 y'all are gonna be swapping positions with someone else. Yeah? 486 00:27:09,671 --> 00:27:12,549 Uh, for example, you know, Isaac, we're gonna move you up to forward. 487 00:27:12,549 --> 00:27:15,010 And Dani, we're gonna drop you back to defense. Got it? 488 00:27:15,010 --> 00:27:16,470 I'm gonna be Dani Rojas? 489 00:27:16,470 --> 00:27:19,389 [stammers] That's right, Isaac. And Dani is gonna be you. Make sense? 490 00:27:19,389 --> 00:27:21,517 We're gonna fuck 'em up, bruv. [breathes heavily] 491 00:27:21,517 --> 00:27:23,101 Ay, Dios mios. 492 00:27:23,101 --> 00:27:24,645 Y'all don't need to do the voices. 493 00:27:24,645 --> 00:27:26,980 - [players] Aw! Come on. - Okay, all right. Y'all can do the voices. 494 00:27:26,980 --> 00:27:28,857 - [players chuckling] Yeah. - [Ted mumbles] 495 00:27:28,857 --> 00:27:30,192 You go ahead, Roy. Help 'em out here. 496 00:27:30,192 --> 00:27:32,945 Roy's gonna be handing out paper that's got someone's name on it. 497 00:27:32,945 --> 00:27:35,405 That's the name of the person you're gonna do the swaparoo with. 498 00:27:35,405 --> 00:27:37,032 - Everybody understand? - [players] Yes, Coach. 499 00:27:37,032 --> 00:27:38,784 All right, good. Coach, I miss anything? 500 00:27:38,784 --> 00:27:42,204 - That's it, baby. Let's go! - All right, let's do it. You heard him. 501 00:27:42,204 --> 00:27:43,330 [blows whistle] 502 00:27:46,166 --> 00:27:47,751 Here we go, boys. Here we go. 503 00:28:00,889 --> 00:28:02,933 - There you go, Coach. - Oh. Thank you, Coach. 504 00:28:02,933 --> 00:28:06,603 Hey, Coach. Uh, there's been a mistake. I got me. 505 00:28:06,603 --> 00:28:08,105 Oh, no, Jamie, that's not a mistake. 506 00:28:08,105 --> 00:28:10,482 We just figured you'd wanna keep doing what you do best for us. 507 00:28:10,482 --> 00:28:13,068 Playing striker and scoring goals, right? [chuckles] 508 00:28:14,486 --> 00:28:16,989 [chuckles] Uh, yeah. 509 00:28:16,989 --> 00:28:19,241 - Yeah, uh, if you want, yeah. - [Ted] Great. 510 00:28:22,828 --> 00:28:24,329 - Okay. - Have fun out there. 511 00:28:24,329 --> 00:28:25,247 [Jamie] Yeah. 512 00:28:28,250 --> 00:28:30,377 [whistles] That is yummy. What is this? 513 00:28:30,377 --> 00:28:31,795 - Water. - Mmm. 514 00:28:32,337 --> 00:28:35,132 - [Thierry] I'm wide. - [players shouting] Let's go! Let's go! 515 00:28:37,467 --> 00:28:38,677 [Thierry grunts] 516 00:28:39,386 --> 00:28:41,722 [Thierry laughs] 517 00:28:41,722 --> 00:28:44,933 Nice try, Van Damme. You tried your best, and we love you. 518 00:28:45,976 --> 00:28:46,935 Baz, what are you doing? 519 00:28:46,935 --> 00:28:48,729 I'm switching positions with Paul. 520 00:28:48,729 --> 00:28:51,857 You know, unwavering positivity. 521 00:28:52,482 --> 00:28:54,484 Nice job with the water bottles, Coach Beard. 522 00:28:57,571 --> 00:28:58,906 You fucking twats! 523 00:28:59,489 --> 00:29:02,951 [sighs] I don't like it. I actually prefer to be me. 524 00:29:02,951 --> 00:29:05,329 [players chattering] 525 00:29:05,329 --> 00:29:07,414 - [whistle blows] - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up. Hold up. 526 00:29:07,414 --> 00:29:10,584 Dani. Come on, now. You're a center back, remember? 527 00:29:10,584 --> 00:29:13,128 That ain't your job taking corners. That's what Isaac does now. 528 00:29:13,128 --> 00:29:15,464 - Right. Right, Coach. - [Ted] Isaac, come on, man. You're up. 529 00:29:15,464 --> 00:29:16,673 - [player] All right, Isaac. - Let's go. 530 00:29:16,673 --> 00:29:18,467 - [player] You've got this, bruv. - All right, now. 531 00:29:18,467 --> 00:29:20,260 Coach, I ain't never taken a corner before. 532 00:29:20,260 --> 00:29:23,305 No, I know. That's 'cause you were put into a box, Isaac. 533 00:29:23,305 --> 00:29:27,267 As a ten-year-old little boy with the strength and facial hair of a grown man. 534 00:29:27,809 --> 00:29:31,146 The box of a center back who was never allowed to take a corner kick. 535 00:29:31,146 --> 00:29:34,525 Well, my friend, that box ceases to exist today. 536 00:29:35,067 --> 00:29:36,485 Yeah? Go on. 537 00:29:37,194 --> 00:29:38,570 What do you want me to do? 538 00:29:38,570 --> 00:29:40,906 I don't know. Just kick the hell out of it. 539 00:29:41,698 --> 00:29:43,325 [chuckles] Okay. 540 00:29:44,201 --> 00:29:46,703 [players chattering] 541 00:29:50,666 --> 00:29:53,377 [humming a tune] 542 00:29:53,377 --> 00:29:54,628 - [loud bang] - [cup, saucer clatter] 543 00:29:54,628 --> 00:29:56,004 [exclaims] 544 00:29:56,839 --> 00:29:58,173 - [players murmuring] - [Sam mumbles] 545 00:29:58,173 --> 00:30:01,093 Ow, ho-- hot! Hot tea. Ow. 546 00:30:01,093 --> 00:30:02,845 [Sam laughs] 547 00:30:06,473 --> 00:30:08,141 Just a bit outside. 548 00:30:11,812 --> 00:30:14,022 [Sam exhales sharply, breathes deeply] 549 00:30:14,022 --> 00:30:16,108 [players chattering] 550 00:30:30,414 --> 00:30:32,416 [players chattering] 551 00:30:41,550 --> 00:30:43,719 [chuckles] 552 00:30:44,303 --> 00:30:48,432 Ted. I just want to make sure I have this right. 553 00:30:48,432 --> 00:30:51,685 You're gonna change tactics at this stage in the season 554 00:30:51,685 --> 00:30:53,770 and replace it with a totally new method 555 00:30:53,770 --> 00:30:56,732 that the boys are clearly struggling to understand. 556 00:30:57,566 --> 00:30:59,234 And you think this is a good idea? 557 00:30:59,234 --> 00:31:01,403 Mmm. Well, Trent, the way I see it, 558 00:31:01,403 --> 00:31:04,239 it's kind of like taking a hike with Robert Frost. 559 00:31:04,239 --> 00:31:06,241 It could go either way. Hmm? 560 00:31:09,369 --> 00:31:10,370 [inhales sharply] 561 00:31:14,958 --> 00:31:17,628 - Get the fuck out of my chair. - Yeah, no, of course. Sorry. [grunts] 562 00:31:17,628 --> 00:31:20,339 ["Shoegaze" playing] 563 00:31:34,019 --> 00:31:36,021 [people on street chattering] 564 00:31:46,615 --> 00:31:47,824 [Keeley chuckles] 565 00:31:51,620 --> 00:31:53,205 [gasps] Oh, my God. 566 00:32:01,338 --> 00:32:05,050 Okay, Greyhounds. Today we're talking about number three, awareness. 567 00:32:05,050 --> 00:32:06,677 When you play Total Football, 568 00:32:06,677 --> 00:32:09,388 you gotta know what your teammates are doing at all times. 569 00:32:09,388 --> 00:32:13,225 Constant movement requires constant concentration, yeah? 570 00:32:13,225 --> 00:32:16,270 So if Sam makes a run through the center, y'all gotta shift, right? 571 00:32:16,270 --> 00:32:18,814 And if Dani moves back on defense, that means what? 572 00:32:18,814 --> 00:32:21,024 - Hell has frozen over? - [players chuckling] 573 00:32:21,024 --> 00:32:22,317 No, it means you've gotta move up 574 00:32:22,317 --> 00:32:24,486 - and support Dani's choice. - [players mumble] 575 00:32:24,486 --> 00:32:26,154 Okay, any questions so far? 576 00:32:26,154 --> 00:32:28,156 Uh, yeah, Coach. What's with the red string? 577 00:32:28,156 --> 00:32:29,741 [Ted] Ah, great question. 578 00:32:29,741 --> 00:32:33,245 In Japanese culture, they have a myth where they believe 579 00:32:33,245 --> 00:32:37,207 that all soulmates are connected by an invisible red string. 580 00:32:37,207 --> 00:32:40,961 And those strings are attached to each of their little fingers. Hmm? 581 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:44,673 Okay, so why is it tied around our dicks? 582 00:32:44,673 --> 00:32:46,800 [players muttering] Yeah. 583 00:32:48,969 --> 00:32:50,888 Yeah. Well, you know, that was Roy's idea. 584 00:32:50,888 --> 00:32:53,473 Uh, but I'm pretty sure the thought behind it is that 585 00:32:53,473 --> 00:32:56,518 it is nearly impossible to not be fully aware of what your teammate's doing 586 00:32:56,518 --> 00:32:58,645 when y'all got a rope tied around your dingdong. 587 00:32:59,271 --> 00:33:00,397 Am I right about that, Roy? 588 00:33:00,397 --> 00:33:02,274 Yeah. Something like that. 589 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,027 Okay, great. Uh, yeah. 590 00:33:05,027 --> 00:33:08,197 So we gonna get after this right now, gonna do a full scrimmage at half speed. 591 00:33:08,197 --> 00:33:10,782 And I don't wanna see them strings get too loose. 592 00:33:10,782 --> 00:33:13,160 And I'll leave it up to y'all to make sure they don't get too tight. 593 00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:15,370 - Do not leave my side. - [Sam chuckles] 594 00:33:15,370 --> 00:33:16,663 Shall we? [blows whistle] 595 00:33:16,663 --> 00:33:18,332 [Coach Beard] "Dicks" on three. One, two, three. 596 00:33:18,332 --> 00:33:20,042 - [players] Dicks. - Come on, let's move. 597 00:33:20,042 --> 00:33:23,170 - [chuckles] - ["Centerfield" playing] 598 00:33:23,170 --> 00:33:25,631 Figure it out! This is what we're doing. 599 00:33:26,173 --> 00:33:29,218 - [laughing] - [players groaning, chattering] 600 00:33:34,431 --> 00:33:36,683 [players shouting] 601 00:33:43,524 --> 00:33:45,359 [player] Ow, ow, ow, ow. 602 00:33:45,359 --> 00:33:49,071 - [Jamie] Fucking hell. Look at me, man. - [player] Ow! [groans] 603 00:33:49,071 --> 00:33:50,614 I'm attacking. I'm attacking. 604 00:33:50,614 --> 00:33:52,157 [Colin] I'm defending. I'm defending. 605 00:33:53,408 --> 00:33:56,119 Whoa. [stammers] Ja-- Ja-- Jan! Jan, Jan, Jan, Jan, Jan, Jan! 606 00:33:57,913 --> 00:33:59,748 Look what Kent gave me. In case we wanted to-- 607 00:33:59,748 --> 00:34:00,874 - No. - No fucking way. 608 00:34:01,375 --> 00:34:02,459 [player shrieks] 609 00:34:03,293 --> 00:34:06,171 - You wanna give him a little space, Dani. - Sorry, Coach, I am too scared. 610 00:34:10,926 --> 00:34:12,386 Bro, do you wanna... 611 00:34:16,806 --> 00:34:19,643 [chattering, exclaims] 612 00:34:20,226 --> 00:34:21,061 [gasps] 613 00:34:21,645 --> 00:34:22,896 - [Paul chuckles] - [spectators] Ooh. 614 00:34:24,940 --> 00:34:26,275 [gasps] 615 00:34:32,656 --> 00:34:34,533 [breathing shakily] 616 00:34:40,706 --> 00:34:43,292 - It's okay. His penis is okay. - [sighing] 617 00:34:44,126 --> 00:34:45,627 - [player] Oh, my God. - [sighing] 618 00:34:45,627 --> 00:34:47,629 [player] I thought I just ripped Jamie's knob off. 619 00:34:47,629 --> 00:34:48,547 [whistle blows] 620 00:34:48,547 --> 00:34:49,547 - [players groan] - Ooh. 621 00:34:49,547 --> 00:34:50,716 [Roy chuckling] 622 00:34:50,716 --> 00:34:54,344 Oh. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about that. 623 00:34:55,762 --> 00:34:57,431 - Okay. - [Trent sighs] 624 00:34:59,266 --> 00:35:01,268 [players chattering] 625 00:35:12,321 --> 00:35:14,072 [players chattering] 626 00:35:14,072 --> 00:35:15,157 [Sam clicks tongue] 627 00:35:24,416 --> 00:35:26,418 [players chattering, laughing] 628 00:35:47,481 --> 00:35:48,482 [sighs] 629 00:35:55,531 --> 00:35:56,365 [chuckles] 630 00:35:56,365 --> 00:35:58,909 {\an8}["You've Really Got a Hold on Me" playing] 631 00:36:07,125 --> 00:36:08,502 [squeals] Hi! 632 00:36:08,502 --> 00:36:10,587 Hi. [kisses] 633 00:36:11,505 --> 00:36:14,466 Oh, sorry that I am late. 634 00:36:14,466 --> 00:36:16,677 I'm in no rush. I got you something. 635 00:36:16,677 --> 00:36:17,928 I don't want it. 636 00:36:18,595 --> 00:36:19,513 Sorry. 637 00:36:19,513 --> 00:36:23,642 I'm sure whatever it is, it is incredibly thoughtful and mind-blowingly generous. 638 00:36:24,142 --> 00:36:25,018 But I don't want it. 639 00:36:25,018 --> 00:36:27,396 - Keeley, I just got you a-- - No, I don't even wanna know what it is. 640 00:36:27,396 --> 00:36:29,273 No. I just wanna hang out one time 641 00:36:29,273 --> 00:36:31,525 where it doesn't feel like you're sweeping me off my feet. 642 00:36:31,525 --> 00:36:33,610 Okay. Sorry for sweeping you off your feet. 643 00:36:33,610 --> 00:36:35,237 No. Hey, I didn't mean-- 644 00:36:35,237 --> 00:36:39,658 No, no. It's okay. I get it. It's, uh, absolutely what I'm doing. 645 00:36:39,658 --> 00:36:44,288 I'm coming on too fast or too strong, I'm-- I'm sorry. I'll back off. 646 00:36:44,288 --> 00:36:46,832 - But just a little bit. - [chuckles] 647 00:36:47,541 --> 00:36:51,545 It was a croissant. I got you a croissant. 648 00:36:51,545 --> 00:36:54,506 - Oh. [chuckles] - [chuckles] 649 00:36:56,008 --> 00:36:58,218 Oi. You're incredible. 650 00:36:58,802 --> 00:37:01,597 But you've gotta let me do something for you every once in a while. 651 00:37:03,182 --> 00:37:04,057 Deal. 652 00:37:05,100 --> 00:37:06,143 Thank you. 653 00:37:08,061 --> 00:37:11,857 But it better be fucking amazing. [chuckles] 654 00:37:17,404 --> 00:37:18,780 It's the last one, I s-- I swear. 655 00:37:21,325 --> 00:37:22,534 Verdict? 656 00:37:22,534 --> 00:37:24,494 It's a really, really good croissant. 657 00:37:24,494 --> 00:37:25,787 [chuckles] 658 00:37:31,251 --> 00:37:32,503 [car horn honks] 659 00:37:41,678 --> 00:37:42,804 [grunts] 660 00:37:42,804 --> 00:37:44,389 - [grunts] - [gasps] 661 00:37:46,683 --> 00:37:47,518 [sighs] 662 00:37:52,064 --> 00:37:53,023 [gasps] 663 00:38:03,951 --> 00:38:05,410 Would you like to go on a date with me? 664 00:38:06,036 --> 00:38:07,246 Yes. 665 00:38:08,997 --> 00:38:11,875 Good. Good. 666 00:38:13,752 --> 00:38:16,088 There wasn't anything alive in there, was there? 667 00:38:16,672 --> 00:38:19,424 Oh, no. No, no. [chuckles] No, not at all. 668 00:38:20,467 --> 00:38:21,635 If you say so. 669 00:38:35,524 --> 00:38:36,775 [glass crunches] 670 00:38:36,775 --> 00:38:39,403 ["Doomed" playing] 671 00:38:45,784 --> 00:38:47,160 [glass crunching underfoot] 672 00:39:27,993 --> 00:39:29,119 [cutlery clatters] 673 00:39:41,006 --> 00:39:43,425 - [laughs] - [players chattering] 674 00:39:45,344 --> 00:39:46,261 There you go, sir. 675 00:39:47,054 --> 00:39:48,055 [grunts, strains] 676 00:40:01,193 --> 00:40:02,402 I've given this a lot of thought. 677 00:40:02,986 --> 00:40:09,493 Next time we do this drill, we tie multiple guys' dicks to one guy's dick. 678 00:40:09,493 --> 00:40:10,577 Yeah? 679 00:40:13,288 --> 00:40:14,706 That was a one-shot deal, Roy. 680 00:40:14,706 --> 00:40:17,292 Yeah, I'm pretty sure we cooked that whole bird already, Coach. 681 00:40:17,292 --> 00:40:19,211 Huh. Shame. 682 00:40:20,754 --> 00:40:23,090 - So, Ted. - Hmm? 683 00:40:23,090 --> 00:40:25,008 - This number four. - Yes, sir. 684 00:40:25,008 --> 00:40:27,594 - You haven't said what it is yet. - No, ma'am. 685 00:40:27,594 --> 00:40:31,056 - But you know what it is? - I don't actually. Mm-mmm. 686 00:40:31,056 --> 00:40:32,474 - What about you, Coach? - I'm agnostic. 687 00:40:32,474 --> 00:40:34,393 - Mm-hmm. Roy? - I don't fucking know. 688 00:40:35,018 --> 00:40:36,645 Number four has yet to reveal itself. 689 00:40:36,645 --> 00:40:37,855 There is no number four? 690 00:40:37,855 --> 00:40:39,314 Like the man once said, 691 00:40:39,314 --> 00:40:42,025 "Sometimes you gotta leave space to let God walk into the room." 692 00:40:42,025 --> 00:40:43,819 Ah. So, number four is God? 693 00:40:43,819 --> 00:40:45,529 Oh, no. I don't think so. Coach? 694 00:40:45,529 --> 00:40:47,197 - I'm an atheist. - Mm-hmm. Roy? 695 00:40:47,197 --> 00:40:49,283 - I fucking hope not. - Mmm. 696 00:40:49,283 --> 00:40:51,118 - [players chattering] - [door opens] 697 00:40:51,118 --> 00:40:53,996 [Isaac] Oi, man, you're ten minutes late, yeah? That's gonna be a hundo, all right? 698 00:40:55,998 --> 00:40:57,124 The fuck's wrong with you? 699 00:40:57,124 --> 00:40:58,542 I'll tell you what's wrong. 700 00:40:58,542 --> 00:41:01,378 The world is full of evil people who do shitty things. 701 00:41:01,378 --> 00:41:03,797 But I can't deal with that because I have to kick a little ball around. 702 00:41:03,797 --> 00:41:05,257 [breathing heavily] 703 00:41:05,257 --> 00:41:07,801 W-Which those same people love me for! 704 00:41:08,635 --> 00:41:11,972 That is until I fuck up or-- or I miss a penalty. 705 00:41:11,972 --> 00:41:14,266 Or-- Or-- Or I-- I decide to fight back... [stammers] 706 00:41:14,266 --> 00:41:17,102 ...and then they're just gonna wanna ship me back wherever I fucking came from. 707 00:41:17,102 --> 00:41:19,438 - [Sam's father] Samuel! - [Sam breathing shakily] 708 00:41:24,026 --> 00:41:25,861 [crying] 709 00:41:37,998 --> 00:41:39,208 It's okay. 710 00:41:42,961 --> 00:41:44,713 You know, I still want to go see it. 711 00:41:44,713 --> 00:41:47,257 No. No, no, no. I-- I can't take you there. 712 00:41:47,257 --> 00:41:48,967 No. Not the way it looks now. 713 00:41:49,593 --> 00:41:51,887 Do you know how long it will take you to reopen? 714 00:41:52,763 --> 00:41:54,139 I don't know if I will. 715 00:41:54,139 --> 00:41:56,141 - Samuel. - What? 716 00:41:56,141 --> 00:42:00,020 W-Why? For who? Just so somebody can go and trash it again. 717 00:42:00,020 --> 00:42:01,939 You do it for yourself. 718 00:42:03,023 --> 00:42:04,399 For your friend Simi. 719 00:42:05,067 --> 00:42:08,111 For all those people who want a taste of home when they are away. 720 00:42:09,363 --> 00:42:10,989 Follow your heart, Samuel. 721 00:42:10,989 --> 00:42:13,033 Anger will only weaken you. 722 00:42:14,159 --> 00:42:15,744 Yeah. Okay. 723 00:42:16,245 --> 00:42:19,289 But if you really want to piss off the people who did this, 724 00:42:20,582 --> 00:42:21,625 forgive them. 725 00:42:21,625 --> 00:42:22,835 What? 726 00:42:22,835 --> 00:42:25,629 Forgive them. [whistles, splutters] Big whoop. 727 00:42:25,629 --> 00:42:28,173 - Big whoop? - Big whoop. [whistles, splutters] 728 00:42:28,173 --> 00:42:29,508 [Sam chuckles] 729 00:42:30,342 --> 00:42:33,554 My son, listen to me. 730 00:42:34,221 --> 00:42:38,433 Don't fight back. Fight forward. 731 00:42:40,561 --> 00:42:41,770 [Sam chuckles] 732 00:42:43,021 --> 00:42:45,023 - Thank you, Daddy. - [grunts] 733 00:42:45,023 --> 00:42:48,861 - [Sam's father chuckles, sighs] - [Sam chuckles] 734 00:42:49,987 --> 00:42:51,905 Do you think I should invest in security cameras? 735 00:42:51,905 --> 00:42:54,032 - Hell yes. And gates. - [sighs] 736 00:42:54,032 --> 00:42:55,868 - [chuckles] - Please tell me you have insurance. 737 00:42:55,868 --> 00:42:56,910 I have insurance. 738 00:42:56,910 --> 00:43:00,330 [sighs] Thank God. Otherwise, your mother would have killed me. 739 00:43:00,330 --> 00:43:02,207 - Ooh. [chuckles] - [laughs] 740 00:43:02,207 --> 00:43:05,127 - [Sam] Are you gonna have any trouble? - [Sam's father] No. Insurance! 741 00:43:05,127 --> 00:43:07,421 [both chuckle] 742 00:43:07,421 --> 00:43:09,298 Hey. I'm sorry to interrupt y'all. 743 00:43:09,298 --> 00:43:11,300 Um, Sam, we're getting ready to start out there. 744 00:43:12,134 --> 00:43:15,095 But, you know, if you wanna sit out today, I totally understand. 745 00:43:15,679 --> 00:43:18,056 - Thank you, Coach. - No, he's going to practice. 746 00:43:20,726 --> 00:43:23,437 - Okay. Well, you better go change then. - I'm getting ready to change. 747 00:43:24,146 --> 00:43:26,315 Uh-huh. Okay. [chuckles] 748 00:43:26,899 --> 00:43:28,400 It's really nice to finally meet you, sir. 749 00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:29,776 - You too. - [chuckles] 750 00:43:30,485 --> 00:43:32,362 You know, I almost wore that exact same thing today. 751 00:43:32,362 --> 00:43:35,324 - [laughs] Funny guy. Funny guy. [laughs] - [chuckles] 752 00:43:35,324 --> 00:43:37,659 - Hey, you like American candy? - Who doesn't? 753 00:43:37,659 --> 00:43:39,328 Yeah. Come on. It's got that bad sugar. 754 00:43:39,328 --> 00:43:43,207 - Yeah. High-fructose corn syrup. - That's too many words. I say "bad sugar." 755 00:43:43,207 --> 00:43:45,709 ["Alright" playing] 756 00:43:59,223 --> 00:44:00,849 [players chattering] 757 00:44:07,356 --> 00:44:09,399 [crowd cheering] 758 00:44:10,025 --> 00:44:13,779 At the beginning, Rupert bought me so many tulips for so long, 759 00:44:13,779 --> 00:44:16,365 - his florist was able to buy a castle. - What? 760 00:44:16,365 --> 00:44:19,326 I mean, it was in Scunthorpe, but still. A castle. 761 00:44:19,952 --> 00:44:20,786 [scoffs] 762 00:44:20,786 --> 00:44:23,247 - Well, I'm taking Jack out tonight. - Mmm. 763 00:44:23,247 --> 00:44:25,749 And if she tries to pay, then I will give her-- 764 00:44:25,749 --> 00:44:27,125 You'll give her what? 765 00:44:27,793 --> 00:44:28,877 Just the tip? 766 00:44:29,878 --> 00:44:32,005 [both chuckle] 767 00:44:32,005 --> 00:44:34,007 - Hello, everyone. - Hello, Leslie. 768 00:44:34,007 --> 00:44:35,926 May I present... 769 00:44:35,926 --> 00:44:38,011 Mr. Obisanya. Ah. 770 00:44:38,011 --> 00:44:40,889 Rebecca Welton. Lovely to finally meet you. 771 00:44:40,889 --> 00:44:43,684 Likewise. Samuel has told me so much about you. 772 00:44:44,810 --> 00:44:45,727 [clicks tongue] Has he? 773 00:44:45,727 --> 00:44:48,438 Yes. He-- He has. 774 00:44:48,438 --> 00:44:49,857 Cool. 775 00:44:51,567 --> 00:44:52,943 [stammers] 776 00:44:56,947 --> 00:44:58,991 Oh, yeah! Come on, you Greyhounds! 777 00:44:58,991 --> 00:45:00,951 - [Keeley] Whoo! - Let's go Richmond! [chuckles] 778 00:45:00,951 --> 00:45:02,911 - I'm Keeley, by the way. Hi. - [chuckles] 779 00:45:02,911 --> 00:45:05,497 Hey. Let's-- Let's go, Greyhounds. 780 00:45:05,497 --> 00:45:07,291 - [Rebecca cheers] - [Keeley] Come on. 781 00:45:09,835 --> 00:45:12,838 - Bumber! Bumber! Shot! - [Bumbercatch] Push, man! 782 00:45:12,838 --> 00:45:14,631 Bumber! No. 783 00:45:15,591 --> 00:45:17,885 Richmond have been mired in a run of poor form, 784 00:45:17,885 --> 00:45:23,390 and you have to applaud Ted Lasso's efforts to try something new. But this-- 785 00:45:23,390 --> 00:45:25,100 What's the word I'm looking for, Chris? 786 00:45:25,851 --> 00:45:28,854 "Sucks," Arlo. The word is "sucks." 787 00:45:28,854 --> 00:45:31,231 [Arlo] It's like they've never played the sport before. 788 00:45:31,231 --> 00:45:32,149 [grunts] 789 00:45:32,149 --> 00:45:34,318 [Arlo] Good grief, they're tackling themselves now. 790 00:45:35,402 --> 00:45:37,529 With Richmond literally running into each other, 791 00:45:37,529 --> 00:45:39,156 the Gunners mount a counterattack. 792 00:45:39,156 --> 00:45:42,659 Here's a through ball to Parslow. Parslow over to Hamilton... 793 00:45:42,659 --> 00:45:43,911 - [crowd cheers] - [Arlo] And he's there! 794 00:45:44,494 --> 00:45:47,748 Hamilton has his hat trick, and Arsenal leads 3-nil. 795 00:45:47,748 --> 00:45:49,499 - Fuck! - [crowd cheering] 796 00:45:54,213 --> 00:45:55,506 [player cheers] 797 00:45:56,298 --> 00:45:57,299 Okay. 798 00:45:58,425 --> 00:45:59,510 It's all right. 799 00:45:59,510 --> 00:46:01,512 - [Mae sighs] - [crowd cheering on TV] 800 00:46:01,512 --> 00:46:03,305 [Mae stammers] 801 00:46:04,848 --> 00:46:07,893 [groans] It's over. We're gonna get relegated again, 802 00:46:07,893 --> 00:46:10,938 and I'm gonna have to go back to filling the sausages with cardboard. 803 00:46:10,938 --> 00:46:11,939 - Patience, Mae. - [Mae sighs] 804 00:46:11,939 --> 00:46:13,774 Just need to give it some time. 805 00:46:13,774 --> 00:46:16,985 Ask yourself, what does this situation need? 806 00:46:16,985 --> 00:46:17,903 [whistle blows] 807 00:46:17,903 --> 00:46:20,364 [Arlo] And at the half, Arsenal have a three-goal lead, 808 00:46:20,364 --> 00:46:23,450 and Richmond have plenty to talk about. 809 00:46:23,450 --> 00:46:26,662 [Chris] Yeah, with fun conversation starters like, "Why are we so bad?" 810 00:46:26,662 --> 00:46:28,247 or "Should we just go home?" 811 00:46:28,247 --> 00:46:29,665 [players chattering] 812 00:46:31,166 --> 00:46:34,378 Jamie, you keep floating back, mate. 813 00:46:34,378 --> 00:46:35,671 You gotta stay up front. 814 00:46:35,671 --> 00:46:37,256 We need you to stretch the defense. 815 00:46:37,256 --> 00:46:39,925 - We need you to score a fucking goal. - [clamoring] 816 00:46:39,925 --> 00:46:41,927 [Jamie] But how can we when we can't see anyone out there. 817 00:46:41,927 --> 00:46:44,721 There's no shame in going back to the good old 4-4-2. 818 00:46:44,721 --> 00:46:46,515 Until we've had more time to properly train. 819 00:46:46,515 --> 00:46:49,101 - Make you look like a prick. - [players chattering] 820 00:46:49,101 --> 00:46:51,436 [Isaac] For fuck's sake. What's the matter with you anyway? 821 00:46:53,605 --> 00:46:55,232 Hey, fellas. Lis-- Listen up here. 822 00:46:55,232 --> 00:46:56,358 [chattering stops] 823 00:46:56,358 --> 00:46:59,528 Well, I remember back in the early days of my coaching career, 824 00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:03,365 feeling compelled to express my individuality. 825 00:47:03,991 --> 00:47:07,786 Since I was a straight fella in Middle America working in sports 826 00:47:07,786 --> 00:47:10,706 and I was scared of tattoo needles, 827 00:47:10,706 --> 00:47:13,333 the only real option for me to do so was through my facial hair. 828 00:47:14,209 --> 00:47:16,503 And, uh, obviously I couldn't grow a beard. 829 00:47:16,503 --> 00:47:19,339 Otherwise, Coach and I here would, uh, look like a ZZ Top cover band. 830 00:47:19,923 --> 00:47:22,259 - Would've been called "Sharp Dressed Men." - Ooh, that's nice. 831 00:47:22,259 --> 00:47:24,052 God, I hate what you've fucking done to me. 832 00:47:24,052 --> 00:47:27,806 Luckily, around that time there was this quartet of stand-up comedians 833 00:47:27,806 --> 00:47:30,058 known as the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. 834 00:47:30,058 --> 00:47:34,479 And along with their observational humor, fun banter and numerous catchphrases, 835 00:47:34,479 --> 00:47:37,399 they also possessed the four most common types of facial hair. 836 00:47:38,358 --> 00:47:40,402 Now, Ron White, who was my favorite, he was clean-shaven. 837 00:47:40,402 --> 00:47:41,820 That's one way to go. 838 00:47:41,820 --> 00:47:46,074 But then you had Larry the Cable Guy, and he had himself a big old, bushy goatee. 839 00:47:46,074 --> 00:47:48,327 [stammers] And Bill Engvall, he also had a goatee actually. 840 00:47:48,327 --> 00:47:51,038 But it was, um, you know, smaller and, uh, more manicured. 841 00:47:51,038 --> 00:47:52,456 Not touching the sides here. 842 00:47:52,456 --> 00:47:54,541 - Also known as a Vandyke. - [Ted] Thank you, Coach. 843 00:47:55,250 --> 00:47:58,128 And then you had Jeff Foxworthy of course, who, uh, had a mustache. 844 00:47:58,712 --> 00:48:01,131 So, check it out. I went ahead and rolled the dice 845 00:48:01,131 --> 00:48:04,718 and grew myself one of them big, bushy Cable Guy goatees. 846 00:48:04,718 --> 00:48:06,386 And I thought I looked great. 847 00:48:06,386 --> 00:48:10,224 Until Coach Beard here took me aside, 848 00:48:10,224 --> 00:48:11,892 right as I was about to walk down the aisle, 849 00:48:11,892 --> 00:48:14,311 and told me something I needed to hear. Remember what you said to me? 850 00:48:14,311 --> 00:48:17,231 "Your goatee makes it look like you ate out bigfoot's butthole." 851 00:48:17,231 --> 00:48:18,232 That's right. 852 00:48:18,232 --> 00:48:20,025 - AKA "ass-squatch." - You're on fire. 853 00:48:20,025 --> 00:48:21,693 - Make it stop. - [Ted] No, no. 854 00:48:22,319 --> 00:48:25,447 Coach was right though. Not a good look. Not on this face. 855 00:48:26,907 --> 00:48:29,993 So I shaved that puppy down right into a Foxworthy, and I never looked back. 856 00:48:31,620 --> 00:48:32,746 Point is, a lot of times 857 00:48:32,746 --> 00:48:35,707 the right idea is just sitting behind a couple of the wrong ones. 858 00:48:36,542 --> 00:48:38,877 - Yeah? - [Jamie] Hmm. [clears throats] 859 00:48:38,877 --> 00:48:40,295 You got something you wanna say, Jamie? 860 00:48:40,295 --> 00:48:44,091 - Uh, I mean, yeah. But... [chuckles] - Great. Let us have it. 861 00:48:44,091 --> 00:48:47,344 Well... [sighs] ...I don't want people to think I'm being a prick if I say it. 862 00:48:54,142 --> 00:48:55,352 [Jamie] Ah. 863 00:48:55,352 --> 00:48:57,354 Okay. Well, then. 864 00:48:58,647 --> 00:48:59,481 I ain't doing it wrong. 865 00:48:59,481 --> 00:49:01,191 - You're doing it wrong. - Whoa! 866 00:49:01,191 --> 00:49:02,359 [players clamoring] 867 00:49:02,359 --> 00:49:05,320 I mean-- I mean-- No, I mean, I think we're all doing it wrong. 868 00:49:06,405 --> 00:49:07,823 [stammers] If we want this to work, 869 00:49:07,823 --> 00:49:11,994 you gotta stop going to me and start playing through me. You get me? 870 00:49:17,291 --> 00:49:19,376 Uh, look. Just look. Look. 871 00:49:19,376 --> 00:49:21,545 - Can I? Do you mind if I-- Right. - Yeah, of course. 872 00:49:21,545 --> 00:49:24,715 So look, I sh-- I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be playing forward. 873 00:49:24,715 --> 00:49:26,967 I should be here, in the center. 874 00:49:32,264 --> 00:49:35,517 I should be here, right? Let Dani go up front. 875 00:49:35,517 --> 00:49:37,227 Move Colin over there. Richard there. 876 00:49:37,227 --> 00:49:41,982 So, stop going to me, right? And start going through me. All right? 877 00:49:42,941 --> 00:49:44,193 That's Total Football. 878 00:49:46,320 --> 00:49:47,571 How's that sound to y'all? 879 00:49:47,571 --> 00:49:50,115 - [Sam] That actually-- actually works. - [players murmuring] 880 00:49:50,115 --> 00:49:54,494 And there it is. Número cuatro. Sacrifice. 881 00:49:54,494 --> 00:49:56,955 Putting aside personal glory on behalf of the team. 882 00:49:57,497 --> 00:50:00,083 Ooh. I like that. But that ain't number four. 883 00:50:00,083 --> 00:50:02,711 - Let's bring it in! Come on. - Let's go for "four" on three. 884 00:50:02,711 --> 00:50:05,255 - One, two, three-- - [players] Four! [cheering] 885 00:50:05,255 --> 00:50:07,508 [Arlo] The Greyhounds still 3-nil down, in this second half. 886 00:50:07,508 --> 00:50:09,760 They need something, and they need it soon. 887 00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:14,848 Arsenal's cross, easy for Van Damme. And Van Damme out to Jan Maas. 888 00:50:14,848 --> 00:50:16,350 Here we go. 889 00:50:16,350 --> 00:50:19,144 [Arlo] Here's Dixon. Infield to Tartt. 890 00:50:19,144 --> 00:50:21,730 Tartt to Obisanya. Over to Hughes. 891 00:50:21,730 --> 00:50:23,148 Tartt again. 892 00:50:23,148 --> 00:50:24,650 - To McAdoo in the midfield. - Oh. 893 00:50:24,650 --> 00:50:26,610 - Ooh. - [Arlo] Over to Rojas. 894 00:50:26,610 --> 00:50:28,695 Rojas drops it back to Tartt. 895 00:50:28,695 --> 00:50:30,906 Who sends a long ball down to Bumbercatch. 896 00:50:30,906 --> 00:50:33,367 - Huh? - [Arlo] Bumbercatch to Goodman. 897 00:50:33,367 --> 00:50:34,576 - Goodman over to Tartt... - Yeah. 898 00:50:34,576 --> 00:50:35,911 - [Rebecca gasps] - [Arlo] ...in the box. 899 00:50:35,911 --> 00:50:37,579 Old Tartt with the back heel. 900 00:50:37,579 --> 00:50:39,790 - And Montlaur is there to hammer it in! - [crowd cheering] 901 00:50:39,790 --> 00:50:40,874 [Rebecca screams] 902 00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:44,878 That was bloody gorgeous! 903 00:50:44,878 --> 00:50:51,343 A majestic, sweeping symphony of a goal with Tartt in the role of conductor. 904 00:50:51,343 --> 00:50:54,930 - [players cheering] - Hey! All right! 905 00:50:55,430 --> 00:50:58,475 - That's it right there. - There we go. There we go! 906 00:50:58,976 --> 00:51:00,561 [Keeley] Whoo! 907 00:51:01,144 --> 00:51:03,063 - [chuckling] - Whoo! 908 00:51:03,063 --> 00:51:05,065 [Arlo] Arsenal prevails 3-1. 909 00:51:05,065 --> 00:51:09,528 But for the first time in weeks, the Greyhounds are showing signs of life. 910 00:51:14,366 --> 00:51:15,701 [panting] Ted. 911 00:51:17,077 --> 00:51:18,537 It's going to work. 912 00:51:18,537 --> 00:51:20,706 - Great. What is? - [pants] Total football. 913 00:51:20,706 --> 00:51:21,999 - Okay. Why? - And I'll tell you why. 914 00:51:21,999 --> 00:51:23,125 The Lasso way. 915 00:51:23,792 --> 00:51:25,752 - You haven't switched tactics in a week. - I haven't? 916 00:51:25,752 --> 00:51:28,213 - No. You've done this over three seasons. - I have? 917 00:51:28,213 --> 00:51:31,925 Yes. By slowly but surely building a club-wide culture of trust and support 918 00:51:31,925 --> 00:51:33,594 through thousands of imperceptible moments, 919 00:51:33,594 --> 00:51:36,221 all leading to their inevitable conclusion. 920 00:51:36,221 --> 00:51:38,098 - Total Football. - Well, how about that. 921 00:51:38,098 --> 00:51:40,726 [exclaims] It's gonna work. 922 00:51:42,519 --> 00:51:44,354 Doesn't even matter what number four is. [pants] 923 00:51:48,775 --> 00:51:50,652 What a fucking dork. 924 00:51:50,652 --> 00:51:53,739 Yeah. But he's our dork. 925 00:51:53,739 --> 00:51:55,157 [groans] 926 00:51:55,741 --> 00:51:56,742 Hmm. 927 00:51:56,742 --> 00:51:59,077 ["Find Someone Like You" playing] 928 00:52:04,666 --> 00:52:05,501 [exhales deeply] 929 00:52:09,713 --> 00:52:10,923 [sniffs] 930 00:52:22,643 --> 00:52:24,686 - Hey. 931 00:52:24,686 --> 00:52:25,854 - Hi. - All right to sit? 932 00:52:25,854 --> 00:52:27,689 Oh, of course. Yeah, um, take a seat. 933 00:52:27,689 --> 00:52:28,774 - [chuckles] - [Jade] Thank you. 934 00:52:28,774 --> 00:52:31,610 Wow. Uh, you look great. Thank you for coming. [chuckles] 935 00:52:31,610 --> 00:52:33,862 - Thank you for coming? [chuckles] - You know... 936 00:52:33,862 --> 00:52:35,447 [Jade] Did you think I was gonna stand you up? 937 00:52:35,447 --> 00:52:37,991 No, no, no. Um, do you want a drink? Sorry, I ordered. 938 00:52:37,991 --> 00:52:40,077 - [Jade] No, that's fine. - [chuckles] Just got nervous. Um... 939 00:52:40,077 --> 00:52:43,330 [Derek] Please. Here we are, and there you go. 940 00:52:43,330 --> 00:52:47,501 Best table in the house. [chuckles] As requested. 941 00:52:47,501 --> 00:52:49,419 {\an8}[Jack, Keeley chuckle] 942 00:52:50,712 --> 00:52:54,341 {\an8}- You little love bomber. [chuckles] - [imitates explosion] 943 00:52:58,679 --> 00:53:01,014 I know it's not the outcome you wanted, 944 00:53:01,014 --> 00:53:03,976 but I'm very proud of the way you and your team played today. 945 00:53:04,852 --> 00:53:05,894 Thanks, Dad. 946 00:53:05,894 --> 00:53:07,896 Ah. And I met Rebecca. 947 00:53:07,896 --> 00:53:11,775 - Oh, no. Did you make things weird? - Yes. 948 00:53:11,775 --> 00:53:15,279 [both chuckle] 949 00:53:15,279 --> 00:53:17,614 [Sam's father sighs] 950 00:53:18,323 --> 00:53:19,324 [Sam sighs] 951 00:53:19,950 --> 00:53:22,953 - Do you want to go and see the restaurant? - I would love to. 952 00:53:29,251 --> 00:53:31,003 - I don't know, Dad, I wish-- - [sighs] 953 00:53:31,003 --> 00:53:33,380 I wish you could've seen it when it was done up. It was perfect. 954 00:53:33,380 --> 00:53:34,548 This looks nice. 955 00:53:34,548 --> 00:53:37,259 - Daddy, it's not the same. - It isn't so bad. 956 00:53:47,853 --> 00:53:49,146 Yo, look who's here. 957 00:53:49,730 --> 00:53:51,481 - Oh! - Hey. 958 00:53:51,481 --> 00:53:53,775 Ah, the surprise is ruined. 959 00:53:53,775 --> 00:53:55,152 What are you guys doing here? 960 00:53:55,152 --> 00:53:59,323 Well, we all just asked ourselves, "What does this situation need?" 961 00:53:59,323 --> 00:54:01,283 And we thought your situation needed us. 962 00:54:01,867 --> 00:54:04,161 Yeah, got my cousin to fix your window this morning. 963 00:54:04,161 --> 00:54:06,455 Didn't get a discount though, 'cause he's a prick. 964 00:54:06,455 --> 00:54:07,748 [players chuckle] 965 00:54:07,748 --> 00:54:10,459 And I brought some cases of wine from my personal cellar. 966 00:54:10,459 --> 00:54:12,961 Not the best stuff obviously, but still very, very good. 967 00:54:13,462 --> 00:54:15,506 And Bumbercatch is trying to fix your sign. 968 00:54:15,506 --> 00:54:18,509 Neon signs are just a bunch of illuminated, gas-discharge tubes. 969 00:54:18,509 --> 00:54:20,802 So I thought I'd give it a shot. Screwdriver. 970 00:54:20,802 --> 00:54:25,599 [sighs] Guys, this is incredible. H-Honestly. 971 00:54:25,599 --> 00:54:27,142 Thank you all so very much. 972 00:54:27,142 --> 00:54:28,810 - Aw, we got you, man. - No worries. 973 00:54:29,478 --> 00:54:31,271 - Great work, Van Damme. - Simi. 974 00:54:31,271 --> 00:54:32,356 Sam. 975 00:54:33,982 --> 00:54:35,108 Oh, my God. 976 00:54:35,734 --> 00:54:38,862 - Was this your idea? - No, they called me. 977 00:54:38,862 --> 00:54:40,447 - It's amazing, right? - It's-- It's-- [sighs] 978 00:54:40,447 --> 00:54:42,991 Oh! Uh, there's somebody I'd love for you to meet. 979 00:54:42,991 --> 00:54:45,536 - Okay. - Simi, this is my father. 980 00:54:45,536 --> 00:54:49,957 So very nice to meet you, Simi. Sam has told me so much about you. 981 00:54:49,957 --> 00:54:52,459 - Hmm. Has he? - Yes, he has. 982 00:54:52,459 --> 00:54:54,086 [Sam stammers] 983 00:54:54,086 --> 00:54:56,213 Well, it's lovely to meet you too, Mr. Obisanya. 984 00:54:56,213 --> 00:55:00,384 No, no, no, no, no. My father was Mr. Obisanya. Call me Ola. 985 00:55:00,968 --> 00:55:02,761 - [light bulb buzzes] - [Bumbercatch] Whoo! [laughs] 986 00:55:02,761 --> 00:55:05,347 [players cheering, laughing] 987 00:55:11,937 --> 00:55:14,648 Oh. Uh, don't worry. I'll order the new mirrors on Monday. 988 00:55:17,484 --> 00:55:19,611 No. No. Let's keep them. 989 00:55:20,237 --> 00:55:23,615 I think they serve as a good reminder that everything doesn't have to be perfect. 990 00:55:23,615 --> 00:55:27,077 And if the food is good, who cares about the mirrors? 991 00:55:27,077 --> 00:55:28,453 Exactly. 992 00:55:28,453 --> 00:55:30,163 Speaking of, who's hungry? 993 00:55:30,163 --> 00:55:31,081 [players] Yes! 994 00:55:31,081 --> 00:55:34,001 - Good. So I will cook you all dinner. - [players cheering] 995 00:55:34,001 --> 00:55:36,086 Sam, Simi, follow me. 996 00:55:37,087 --> 00:55:38,088 [both] Yes, Chef! [chuckle] 997 00:55:39,464 --> 00:55:42,968 - ["Enjoy" playing] - [all chattering] 998 00:55:46,430 --> 00:55:47,514 [all cheering] 999 00:56:01,820 --> 00:56:02,863 Apps are up. 1000 00:56:06,575 --> 00:56:08,869 - Come on, let me help you, child. [laughs] - [Sam laughing] 1001 00:56:09,536 --> 00:56:12,497 [Sam's father exclaiming]