1
00:00:05,731 --> 00:00:06,913
Oh, my goodness!
2
00:00:06,915 --> 00:00:09,842
You've put googly eyes
on everything!
3
00:00:10,069 --> 00:00:11,159
Except in the bathroom.
4
00:00:11,253 --> 00:00:12,569
No one needs
that kind of pressure.
5
00:00:12,588 --> 00:00:13,570
(laughs)
6
00:00:13,589 --> 00:00:15,255
I have so many new friends
to meet.
7
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,257
And allow me to be
the first person
8
00:00:17,409 --> 00:00:19,743
to officially wish you
a happy 40th birthday.
9
00:00:19,762 --> 00:00:20,853
(laughs):
Oh...
10
00:00:21,004 --> 00:00:23,188
Officially! Yeah, yeah.
11
00:00:23,415 --> 00:00:26,416
Wouldn't want any, uh,
unauthorized "happy birthdays."
12
00:00:26,585 --> 00:00:29,419
No, wouldn't want the birthday
police knocking down the door
13
00:00:29,513 --> 00:00:31,697
and shoving a bunch of cake
in your face.
14
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,366
-What are you looking for?
-Nothing.
15
00:00:34,518 --> 00:00:36,851
-Are you looking
for a birthday surprise?
-No.
16
00:00:36,871 --> 00:00:38,095
'Cause you said no surprises.
17
00:00:38,113 --> 00:00:39,429
You're right, I did.
18
00:00:39,523 --> 00:00:40,522
Why would I say that?
19
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,599
More importantly,
why would he listen?
20
00:00:42,601 --> 00:00:45,786
Okay, off to work.
Have a great day, birthday girl.
21
00:00:45,938 --> 00:00:47,362
Yeah, you, too.
22
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,006
See you tonight.
23
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:54,511
Okay, if y'all know anything,
now's the time to tell me.
24
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,209
(quiet chatter)
25
00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:02,394
Mm.
26
00:01:02,546 --> 00:01:03,896
("Get the Party Started"
by Pink playing)
27
00:01:04,047 --> 00:01:05,455
Wait. What's happening?
28
00:01:05,474 --> 00:01:07,549
♪ I'm... ♪
29
00:01:07,643 --> 00:01:09,551
-♪ Comin' up, so you ♪
-Get out of here.
30
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,795
♪ Better get
this party started ♪
31
00:01:11,814 --> 00:01:13,072
No way. I love streamers!
32
00:01:13,299 --> 00:01:15,056
-♪ I'm... ♪
-Oh, my God!
33
00:01:15,076 --> 00:01:16,075
-♪ Comin' up ♪
-What?!
34
00:01:16,226 --> 00:01:17,651
(Kat laughing)
35
00:01:17,727 --> 00:01:19,469
♪ So you better get
this party started ♪
36
00:01:19,563 --> 00:01:20,913
-♪ Get this party started ♪
-(screaming)
37
00:01:21,064 --> 00:01:22,581
♪ On a Saturday night ♪
38
00:01:22,732 --> 00:01:23,582
(whooping)
39
00:01:23,733 --> 00:01:25,142
♪ Everybody's waiting... ♪
40
00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,477
Were you hiding in my apartment
all morning?
41
00:01:27,479 --> 00:01:30,647
Yes! You need to clean
your bathtub.
42
00:01:30,740 --> 00:01:31,739
(laughs)
43
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:32,758
Surprise!
44
00:01:32,909 --> 00:01:35,001
(whooping)
45
00:01:35,154 --> 00:01:37,321
-You didn't listen.
-Hell no!
46
00:01:37,339 --> 00:01:38,246
Thank you!
47
00:01:38,324 --> 00:01:39,339
♪ I can go for miles ♪
48
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:42,434
♪ If you know what I mean ♪
49
00:01:43,162 --> 00:01:45,011
♪ I'm... ♪
50
00:01:45,164 --> 00:01:46,588
♪ Comin' up ♪
51
00:01:46,682 --> 00:01:47,998
♪ So you better get
this party started... ♪
52
00:01:48,016 --> 00:01:49,182
(whooping, laughter)
53
00:01:49,335 --> 00:01:51,944
This is the best birthday ever!
54
00:01:52,171 --> 00:01:53,520
♪ Me, oh, my, oh, my, oh, me ♪
55
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,948
♪ Nothin' wrong with you
but I'd rather be me. ♪
56
00:01:57,267 --> 00:02:00,344
Kentucky Kingdom was really fun,
but I am exhausted.
57
00:02:00,437 --> 00:02:02,770
My feet are screaming,
and, let's face it,
58
00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:05,532
twirly rides are
a young girl's game.
59
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,276
It might have been the funnel
cake you ate before the ride
60
00:02:08,370 --> 00:02:10,796
and the funnel cake you ate
during the ride.
61
00:02:11,023 --> 00:02:12,280
Hey, I only ate half of that.
62
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:14,282
The rest of it flew
out of my hand.
63
00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:17,261
(laughs): Yeah. That kid
behind us was pissed.
64
00:02:17,954 --> 00:02:19,396
Oh...
65
00:02:19,398 --> 00:02:21,974
Sometimes sitting down
is better than sex.
66
00:02:22,201 --> 00:02:24,201
It's been a long day.
67
00:02:24,219 --> 00:02:26,395
Not gonna take that personally.
68
00:02:28,298 --> 00:02:29,797
(groans)
But you're right.
69
00:02:29,875 --> 00:02:32,726
This couch might be the best
ride I've been on all day.
70
00:02:32,878 --> 00:02:34,135
(chuckles)
71
00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:36,238
(phone blips)
72
00:02:37,140 --> 00:02:38,306
My mom's back from Australia,
73
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,534
and she wants to have dinner
with us.
74
00:02:41,403 --> 00:02:42,886
Meet your mom?
75
00:02:42,905 --> 00:02:44,388
Isn't it a little soon for that?
76
00:02:44,406 --> 00:02:46,147
I met yours
a week after we started dating.
77
00:02:46,241 --> 00:02:49,150
That's only because
I held her off for six days.
78
00:02:49,244 --> 00:02:50,502
Come on, she's gonna love you.
79
00:02:50,729 --> 00:02:52,729
I don't know.
I've got a rough track record
80
00:02:52,822 --> 00:02:54,748
when it comes
to meeting people's parents.
81
00:02:54,900 --> 00:02:56,258
It can't be that bad.
82
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,510
Mom? Dad?
83
00:02:58,662 --> 00:03:00,012
This is Kat.
84
00:03:00,163 --> 00:03:02,306
(chuckles):
Hello. I brought you a gift.
85
00:03:11,266 --> 00:03:13,508
And that was one
of the better ones.
86
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,360
That didn't really happen,
did it?
87
00:03:15,512 --> 00:03:18,605
(chuckles) You don't forget
your first restraining order.
88
00:03:18,757 --> 00:03:20,574
Your first?
89
00:03:25,931 --> 00:03:27,280
Hey, Erica.
90
00:03:27,433 --> 00:03:30,042
Hey. You left your sweatshirt
at my house last night.
91
00:03:30,193 --> 00:03:32,285
Ooh-hoo, my man!
92
00:03:32,438 --> 00:03:34,195
Thanks. You know,
I could have gotten it
93
00:03:34,289 --> 00:03:35,881
next time we see each other.
94
00:03:36,032 --> 00:03:37,624
Yeah, about that...
95
00:03:37,793 --> 00:03:40,201
I don't think there should be
a next time.
96
00:03:40,295 --> 00:03:41,720
My man.
97
00:03:41,947 --> 00:03:43,447
I thought we hit it off.
98
00:03:43,540 --> 00:03:44,631
We did.
99
00:03:44,874 --> 00:03:46,616
And I think you're great,
but I get the feeling
100
00:03:46,710 --> 00:03:49,043
you're looking
for something more serious,
101
00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:51,897
and I'm just in a casual place
right now.
102
00:03:51,974 --> 00:03:53,790
Oh.
103
00:03:53,883 --> 00:03:55,400
Sorry.
104
00:03:57,129 --> 00:03:59,446
This isn't even mine.
105
00:04:00,632 --> 00:04:02,366
It's nice, though.
106
00:04:04,060 --> 00:04:05,652
That's tough. I'm sorry.
107
00:04:05,729 --> 00:04:06,803
Thanks.
108
00:04:06,896 --> 00:04:10,398
Max, party of one,
your table's ready.
109
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:13,159
-Hey, don't get down.
-Can't help it.
110
00:04:13,254 --> 00:04:15,069
It feels like everyone around me
is pairing up.
111
00:04:15,163 --> 00:04:16,904
Kat and Oscar. You and Randi.
112
00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:18,482
Phil and his new nurse guy.
113
00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:21,167
Oh. And you know lonely Allen
who comes in every night?
114
00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:23,929
Not lonely anymore.
115
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:26,156
Well, you know what
always makes me feel better
116
00:04:26,249 --> 00:04:27,841
after being rejected by a woman?
117
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,768
-What?
-Checking the mousetraps
118
00:04:29,919 --> 00:04:31,395
and cleaning the bathrooms.
119
00:04:34,090 --> 00:04:35,607
PHIL:
What the hell?!
120
00:04:35,684 --> 00:04:39,169
-What happened?
-I will tell you what happened.
121
00:04:39,262 --> 00:04:42,839
Cat Sajak ripped up my apron!
122
00:04:42,841 --> 00:04:44,116
He's had it out for me
123
00:04:44,343 --> 00:04:47,010
ever since I threw away
one of his favorite toys.
124
00:04:47,029 --> 00:04:49,195
It was a ball of foil.
125
00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:50,680
Get over it.
126
00:04:50,699 --> 00:04:53,458
Why don't you just crumple up
a new ball of foil?
127
00:04:53,610 --> 00:04:56,353
I tried that.
He could tell it was a fake.
128
00:04:56,355 --> 00:04:57,779
(laughs):
Oh, come on, Phil.
129
00:04:57,873 --> 00:04:58,964
Well, you laugh all you want,
130
00:04:59,115 --> 00:05:00,632
but this only means one thing:
131
00:05:00,784 --> 00:05:04,219
I have a cat nemesis.
132
00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:10,392
Great.
Okay, I have things to do.
133
00:05:12,538 --> 00:05:14,295
-Hi.
-RANDI: Hey!
134
00:05:14,464 --> 00:05:16,481
-Did you have any luck?
-Yes. I found the perfect dress
135
00:05:16,633 --> 00:05:18,633
for my dinner
with Oscar and his mom.
136
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:22,637
It is flame-retardant
and already the color of wine.
137
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,548
-Ooh...
-Smart choice.
138
00:05:24,641 --> 00:05:26,474
I keep telling Katharine it
doesn't matter what she wears--
139
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:29,286
Oscar's mom
isn't going to like her.
140
00:05:30,222 --> 00:05:31,404
Way to stay on brand, Sheila.
141
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,332
No, no.
Mothers never think anyone
142
00:05:33,483 --> 00:05:35,392
is good enough for their son.
143
00:05:35,410 --> 00:05:37,243
Your Grandma Silver hated me
144
00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:40,172
from the moment she met me
till the day she died.
145
00:05:40,323 --> 00:05:42,156
I swear, at her funeral,
146
00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:44,826
she glared at me
from the casket.
147
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,011
KAT:
Please, Mom,
148
00:05:46,162 --> 00:05:47,679
I'm nervous enough.
149
00:05:47,906 --> 00:05:49,239
I thought I was helping.
150
00:05:49,257 --> 00:05:50,574
Wasn't I helping?
151
00:05:50,667 --> 00:05:52,667
Kat, you don't have anything
to worry about.
152
00:05:52,761 --> 00:05:55,595
Yeah, just be your wonderful,
charming self.
153
00:05:55,747 --> 00:05:57,004
RANDI:
But don't randomly
154
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,415
break into song.
155
00:05:58,433 --> 00:06:00,250
And don't make up lies
to try to impress her.
156
00:06:00,268 --> 00:06:02,027
Ooh, and don't do
an Irish accent,
157
00:06:02,254 --> 00:06:04,696
because it always veers
towards pirate.
158
00:06:05,924 --> 00:06:06,940
Also, don't turn your head.
159
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:09,350
Your profile is not your friend.
160
00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:11,111
RANDI:
And I can't believe
161
00:06:11,263 --> 00:06:12,429
that I even have to say this,
162
00:06:12,522 --> 00:06:14,856
but don't kick Oscar's mama
in the face.
163
00:06:15,024 --> 00:06:16,208
But again,
164
00:06:16,284 --> 00:06:20,712
the important thing
is to just be yourself.
165
00:06:28,872 --> 00:06:30,389
Just in case.
166
00:06:30,616 --> 00:06:31,948
You're gonna be fine.
167
00:06:31,967 --> 00:06:33,133
Tell that to my armpits.
168
00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:35,209
(high-pitched):
Don't sweat it, guys.
169
00:06:35,229 --> 00:06:37,378
(high-pitched):
Thanks, Oscar.
170
00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:40,315
-Hello, sweetheart.
-Hi, Ma.
171
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:43,143
Hi. I'm Mary.
172
00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:45,478
Really? 'Cause I don't see
a little lamb! (laughs)
173
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,906
I'm sorry, that was dumb.
174
00:06:48,057 --> 00:06:49,299
Uh, I'm Kat.
175
00:06:49,317 --> 00:06:52,244
So you see a little Kat,
not a little lamb.
176
00:06:52,395 --> 00:06:55,305
I'm gonna stop talking
right now.
177
00:06:55,307 --> 00:06:57,624
You're everything
Oscar said you were.
178
00:06:58,977 --> 00:07:00,160
Why don't we sit down.
179
00:07:00,312 --> 00:07:02,812
It's so nice
to finally meet you.
180
00:07:02,906 --> 00:07:04,147
I'm sorry I'm late.
181
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,149
I couldn't get off the phone
with your abuela.
182
00:07:06,151 --> 00:07:07,317
She never stops.
183
00:07:07,410 --> 00:07:09,152
¿Cómo enciendo la televisión?
184
00:07:09,171 --> 00:07:10,912
¿Por qué no me visitas más?
185
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,656
¿Cómo apaga la televisión?
186
00:07:12,749 --> 00:07:15,675
(forced laughter)
187
00:07:15,827 --> 00:07:16,993
That's so funny.
188
00:07:17,012 --> 00:07:18,995
Oh, you speak Spanish.
189
00:07:19,014 --> 00:07:20,588
Yes, of course I do. I teach it.
190
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,666
I-I mean, I used to. I did.
191
00:07:22,759 --> 00:07:25,760
But it was a whole thing.
Uh, someone died.
192
00:07:25,854 --> 00:07:27,612
And I was in the paper.
193
00:07:27,764 --> 00:07:29,430
I was in el papel.
194
00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:31,508
El periódico.
195
00:07:31,526 --> 00:07:33,510
Right, right, yeah,
I was in that one, too.
196
00:07:33,528 --> 00:07:35,695
Why don't we, uh,
order some appetizers?
197
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:37,104
In English.
198
00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:38,773
(Irish accent):
Aye, there's a great idea.
199
00:07:38,976 --> 00:07:40,517
We'll start
at the top of the menu.
200
00:07:40,535 --> 00:07:43,444
Ho-ho, shiver me timbers,
brussels sprouts.
201
00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:46,856
Well, that's certainly
a lively take on vegetables.
202
00:07:46,875 --> 00:07:48,708
Let's order some of those.
203
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,694
Oh, uh, let me get
the waiter. You...
204
00:07:50,712 --> 00:07:51,953
Oh! Oh! I am so sorry.
205
00:07:52,121 --> 00:07:53,638
-It's okay. It's just water.
-Let me get in there.
206
00:07:53,790 --> 00:07:55,882
-Oh! Oh, crap.
-OSCAR: Oh! Aw...
207
00:07:55,959 --> 00:07:57,124
Oh, dear.
208
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:59,603
But I didn't kick her
in the face.
209
00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:05,650
And that month with the tribe
was life-changing.
210
00:08:05,802 --> 00:08:08,545
We had absolutely no contact
with the outside world.
211
00:08:08,638 --> 00:08:11,323
Except that one night I snuck
into town to get a pizza
212
00:08:11,474 --> 00:08:13,550
and check the score
of the Cardinals game.
213
00:08:13,643 --> 00:08:16,143
(laughs)
A woman after my own heart.
214
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:17,496
Your life is so cool.
215
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:19,664
Did you always know you wanted
to be a travel writer?
216
00:08:19,891 --> 00:08:22,501
Oh, gosh, no. I was a bookkeeper
until five years ago.
217
00:08:22,686 --> 00:08:24,503
But once my kids were
out of the house,
218
00:08:24,730 --> 00:08:26,079
I was free to follow my dreams.
219
00:08:26,231 --> 00:08:28,081
She likes to remind us
how we held her back.
220
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,175
I call them
"my little ankle weights."
221
00:08:30,326 --> 00:08:31,826
(laughs)
222
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,845
I'm kidding. You know you and
your sisters were the best thing
223
00:08:33,997 --> 00:08:35,238
to ever happen to me.
224
00:08:35,257 --> 00:08:36,740
I'm sure your mother
feels the same.
225
00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:39,759
Uh, I think we'd have to go
to the source on that one.
226
00:08:39,911 --> 00:08:42,428
You know, Ma, Kat kind of did
the same thing as you.
227
00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:44,581
She was a math professor
before she opened the cat café,
228
00:08:44,599 --> 00:08:46,916
and one day she said,
"Screw all of you,
229
00:08:47,010 --> 00:08:48,251
I'm following my dreams."
230
00:08:48,270 --> 00:08:50,177
Actually, I left
everyone in the department
231
00:08:50,272 --> 00:08:52,105
a nice note and a candle,
but yeah.
232
00:08:52,257 --> 00:08:56,368
Look at us, a couple of brave
women rewriting our own stories.
233
00:08:56,519 --> 00:08:57,443
Should we toast?
234
00:08:57,596 --> 00:08:59,204
Ooh, why would we
wave around liquid
235
00:08:59,355 --> 00:09:01,039
when this is going so well?
236
00:09:01,190 --> 00:09:02,523
You're right, you're right.
237
00:09:02,692 --> 00:09:04,601
Again, I'm-I'm sorry about that.
I hope your pants are dry.
238
00:09:04,619 --> 00:09:07,028
Oh, they are.
But speaking of wet pants,
239
00:09:07,105 --> 00:09:08,547
I have a funny story about Oscar
240
00:09:08,774 --> 00:09:11,383
when he was playing a tree
in a school play.
241
00:09:11,610 --> 00:09:13,777
Let's just say
he watered himself.
242
00:09:13,870 --> 00:09:15,445
Ma, Kat doesn't want
to hear that.
243
00:09:15,538 --> 00:09:19,115
Oh, yes, she does. She wants
to hear every single detail.
244
00:09:19,134 --> 00:09:20,617
Honey, I'm having dinner
with your girlfriend
245
00:09:20,635 --> 00:09:22,060
for the first time--
did you really think
246
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:23,711
we weren't gonna get here?
247
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:24,896
Fine, but no pictures.
248
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,064
Of course not.
249
00:09:26,215 --> 00:09:27,473
I just AirDropped you the video.
250
00:09:27,626 --> 00:09:29,309
-(gasps)
-Why do you have that
on your phone?
251
00:09:29,461 --> 00:09:32,362
Yeah, and why is it taking me
so long to get it?
252
00:09:37,393 --> 00:09:38,484
How'd it go?
253
00:09:38,637 --> 00:09:40,227
Not well.
254
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:41,913
Halfway through
the conversation,
255
00:09:42,065 --> 00:09:43,915
she remembered she's a lesbian.
256
00:09:44,976 --> 00:09:46,159
I don't know
what's wrong with me.
257
00:09:46,311 --> 00:09:48,144
Nothing. You're a smoke show.
258
00:09:48,163 --> 00:09:49,813
Maybe it's my breath?
259
00:09:49,906 --> 00:09:51,214
Blow on me.
260
00:09:52,150 --> 00:09:54,150
Ooh. That's minty fresh.
261
00:09:54,169 --> 00:09:55,743
Is it my clothes?
262
00:09:55,837 --> 00:09:57,095
Give me a twirl.
263
00:09:57,246 --> 00:09:58,430
Not gonna lie.
264
00:09:58,581 --> 00:10:00,824
You could bounce a quarter
off that ass, man.
265
00:10:00,842 --> 00:10:02,659
Well, then, what is it?
266
00:10:02,752 --> 00:10:04,418
You got rejected twice. Relax.
267
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,420
No, but it's more than twice.
It's also Jessica.
268
00:10:06,498 --> 00:10:09,532
I've texted her a bunch
and gotten no response.
269
00:10:09,592 --> 00:10:10,925
A bunch?
270
00:10:11,019 --> 00:10:12,986
Show me.
271
00:10:14,689 --> 00:10:15,697
Dude.
272
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:17,598
-Dude!
-What?
273
00:10:17,692 --> 00:10:19,692
Do you see what my thumb
is doing right now?
274
00:10:19,861 --> 00:10:21,319
It should not
still be doing that.
275
00:10:21,471 --> 00:10:23,680
Well, there was a typo,
so I texted to fix the typo
276
00:10:23,698 --> 00:10:26,941
and then there was a typo in
that, so I text to fix that...
277
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,960
No, this is more
than a typo, okay?
278
00:10:29,037 --> 00:10:31,037
You're coming off
thirsty as hell.
279
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,446
Am not.
280
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:34,949
Really? 'Cause I'm seeing
a lot of emojis here.
281
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,860
You taught me:
one per exchange.
282
00:10:36,862 --> 00:10:39,362
This looks like
a damn cave painting.
283
00:10:39,455 --> 00:10:41,306
I was just showing her
I was playful.
284
00:10:41,457 --> 00:10:43,975
You were showing her
you were nuts.
285
00:10:44,870 --> 00:10:46,219
I'm not a nut.
286
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:49,055
I'm just, I'm ready to be
in a relationship again.
287
00:10:49,207 --> 00:10:50,982
I want what I had with Brigitte.
288
00:10:51,209 --> 00:10:52,876
Or what I could have had
with Kat.
289
00:10:53,044 --> 00:10:54,711
And I want that for you, too.
290
00:10:54,729 --> 00:10:56,546
But this is not the way.
291
00:10:56,639 --> 00:10:58,323
Well, I wanted her to know
I'm interested.
292
00:10:58,474 --> 00:11:00,049
You said you were interested
three times,
293
00:11:00,143 --> 00:11:01,885
and the last one you wrote
in all caps.
294
00:11:01,903 --> 00:11:03,662
You know what that sounds like,
right?
295
00:11:04,814 --> 00:11:07,207
I am interested, Jessica!
296
00:11:10,245 --> 00:11:12,729
I swear this cat
is staring at me
297
00:11:12,747 --> 00:11:15,581
like he's Bette Davis
and I'm Joan Crawford.
298
00:11:15,734 --> 00:11:18,551
Yeah, I don't know
who those people are.
299
00:11:23,074 --> 00:11:24,908
What the hell?
300
00:11:25,668 --> 00:11:27,744
Phil, what are you doing?
You're supposed to be folding
301
00:11:27,837 --> 00:11:29,354
the shirts,
not mopping the floor with them.
302
00:11:29,581 --> 00:11:32,190
It's Cat Sajak, I tell you.
He's out to get me.
303
00:11:32,341 --> 00:11:34,767
Aw, Cat Sajak is a good boy.
304
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:36,920
He's not out to get you.
305
00:11:37,013 --> 00:11:38,271
(Cat Sajak hisses)
306
00:11:38,423 --> 00:11:39,272
(hisses)
307
00:11:39,441 --> 00:11:41,366
Hey, I got a text
from Oscar's mom.
308
00:11:41,593 --> 00:11:44,202
She wants to hang out again,
just with me.
309
00:11:44,429 --> 00:11:45,762
-Oh, that's great!
-Oh...
310
00:11:45,780 --> 00:11:47,021
My "meeting parents" curse
is over.
311
00:11:47,098 --> 00:11:48,623
I'm gonna go pick out an outfit.
312
00:11:49,451 --> 00:11:50,542
KAT:
Oh!
313
00:11:50,693 --> 00:11:51,710
I'm okay.
314
00:11:52,528 --> 00:11:55,029
I love her enthusiasm.
315
00:11:55,123 --> 00:11:58,425
I worry about her safety.
316
00:12:00,278 --> 00:12:01,961
You're very brave
inviting me out for wine
317
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,463
after what happened last time.
318
00:12:03,539 --> 00:12:05,724
Offer still stands for me
to use a sippy cup.
319
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:09,043
Don't be silly. But I do have
a change of clothes in the car.
320
00:12:09,137 --> 00:12:10,620
(Kat laughs)
321
00:12:10,622 --> 00:12:12,154
This is so good.
322
00:12:12,156 --> 00:12:13,547
I don't even care
that I'll have heartburn
323
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:16,292
and assume I'm having
a heart attack later.
324
00:12:16,385 --> 00:12:18,069
I have antacids
if you need some.
325
00:12:18,221 --> 00:12:20,813
The trick is to take one
before you start.
326
00:12:20,966 --> 00:12:22,389
(gasps, imitates explosion)
327
00:12:22,484 --> 00:12:24,743
Mary,
you have just rocked my world.
328
00:12:24,970 --> 00:12:26,302
Today is my new birthday!
329
00:12:26,395 --> 00:12:28,413
Kat, you're fun.
I really like you.
330
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:30,306
I'm so glad.
I really like you, too.
331
00:12:30,475 --> 00:12:33,142
Good. I need you to break up
with my son.
332
00:12:33,161 --> 00:12:35,086
Sure. Wait, what?
333
00:12:35,313 --> 00:12:38,173
You're very nice.
You're just too old for him.
334
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:41,426
I'm 40. That's the new 20.
335
00:12:41,577 --> 00:12:43,094
Well, by your logic,
my son is ten,
336
00:12:43,321 --> 00:12:44,429
and you should be on a list.
337
00:12:44,656 --> 00:12:47,490
Whoa, whoa! Can you
please not say that so loud?
338
00:12:47,509 --> 00:12:50,009
Listen, I want grandkids,
and I don't see that happening
339
00:12:50,161 --> 00:12:51,344
if Oscar stays with you.
340
00:12:51,420 --> 00:12:52,887
Well, with all due respect,
341
00:12:52,998 --> 00:12:54,272
that's really up
to Oscar and me.
342
00:12:54,423 --> 00:12:55,832
My son lives in the moment.
343
00:12:55,850 --> 00:12:57,183
He doesn't think long-term.
344
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:59,593
Or have you not seen
his Angry Birds tattoo?
345
00:13:00,429 --> 00:13:01,946
Well, you know,
just so you know,
346
00:13:02,098 --> 00:13:03,782
Halle Berry had
her first kid at 41
347
00:13:03,933 --> 00:13:06,284
and her second kid at--
wait for it-- 47.
348
00:13:06,435 --> 00:13:09,562
Sweetheart,
you're no Halle Berry.
349
00:13:09,714 --> 00:13:13,516
I know that. Or do you think
I'm old and delusional?
350
00:13:13,609 --> 00:13:15,685
I'm just keeping it real.
Things go downhill after 40.
351
00:13:15,687 --> 00:13:18,797
I was already in perimenopause
at your age.
352
00:13:19,024 --> 00:13:20,447
Okay, you've made your point.
353
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:23,284
Do you get irregular periods,
mood swings, night sweats?
354
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,286
That's your body
closing up shop.
355
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,030
Okay, I think we're done here.
356
00:13:27,198 --> 00:13:28,865
I, uh, I'm gonna go.
357
00:13:29,701 --> 00:13:32,626
For the record,
I'm not ashamed of my emotions,
358
00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:34,461
I've always been a hot sleeper,
359
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:37,524
and my periods
are regular as rain.
360
00:13:38,393 --> 00:13:40,527
Regular as rain!
361
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:48,142
Hey.
362
00:13:48,236 --> 00:13:49,661
Hey. How'd it go?
363
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:53,072
(sighs):
Good. We had a great time.
364
00:13:53,224 --> 00:13:54,833
Your mom is lovely.
365
00:13:54,984 --> 00:13:56,742
Couldn't be lovelier.
366
00:13:56,895 --> 00:13:58,485
The loveliest of lovely.
367
00:13:58,580 --> 00:14:00,563
Just a frickin' delight.
368
00:14:00,582 --> 00:14:02,990
Well, that took a turn.
Uh, what's going on?
369
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,917
Well, uh...
370
00:14:05,070 --> 00:14:08,754
I'm not Halle Berry, and your
mom thinks I'm too old for you.
371
00:14:08,907 --> 00:14:10,590
-Wait, what?
-Yeah.
372
00:14:10,742 --> 00:14:12,684
That's crazy.
You sure that's what she meant?
373
00:14:12,835 --> 00:14:16,412
Well, she said, "I need you
to break up with my son,
374
00:14:16,414 --> 00:14:18,247
I think you're too old for him,"
but, you know,
375
00:14:18,266 --> 00:14:19,765
I could just be reading
into things.
376
00:14:19,918 --> 00:14:21,860
That is so out of line.
I'm calling her right now.
377
00:14:21,936 --> 00:14:25,104
-No, don't. Save your minutes.
-I don't know what that means.
378
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,273
Of course you don't.
You're too young.
379
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:30,017
(sighs)
What if she's right?
380
00:14:30,095 --> 00:14:31,685
You know,
my age starts with a four,
381
00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:34,263
-and yours starts with a two.
-Kat, I've dated women
my own age,
382
00:14:34,282 --> 00:14:35,598
and it never worked out.
383
00:14:35,691 --> 00:14:37,709
This is the first time
that it feels right.
384
00:14:37,860 --> 00:14:39,711
No, it does feel right.
385
00:14:39,862 --> 00:14:41,546
But the age thing is real.
386
00:14:41,773 --> 00:14:44,365
I'm having a lot of "old people"
things happen to me.
387
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:47,201
You know, the other day
I tweaked my back sneezing.
388
00:14:47,295 --> 00:14:50,037
Then I made it worse
reaching for a handkerchief.
389
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:52,298
Yes, I use a handkerchief.
390
00:14:52,450 --> 00:14:54,133
I have to wear glasses
to read small print.
391
00:14:54,285 --> 00:14:55,635
And if I'm being totally honest,
392
00:14:55,729 --> 00:14:57,954
I don't even remember where
I was going with all of this.
393
00:14:57,972 --> 00:14:59,546
You were explaining to me
why you're too old for me.
394
00:14:59,715 --> 00:15:02,049
Right. And it's only gonna
get worse down the road.
395
00:15:02,143 --> 00:15:03,717
Eventually,
my teeth are gonna fall out,
396
00:15:03,811 --> 00:15:06,312
and then you'll have to blend
my food and change my diapers
397
00:15:06,464 --> 00:15:08,814
and help me remember my life,
like in The Notebook.
398
00:15:08,891 --> 00:15:12,243
First, thank you for
comparing me to Ryan Gosling.
399
00:15:12,470 --> 00:15:14,804
Second, let's just slow down.
400
00:15:14,822 --> 00:15:16,897
Can we take this
one day at a time?
401
00:15:16,991 --> 00:15:18,583
But you do have to think
long-term.
402
00:15:18,734 --> 00:15:20,919
Like, what about kids?
You know, I froze my eggs,
403
00:15:21,146 --> 00:15:23,479
but that's not something
I can snooze on.
404
00:15:23,498 --> 00:15:25,531
I'm not even sure I want kids,
and if we decide we do,
405
00:15:25,683 --> 00:15:28,075
there are options:
we can foster, we can adopt.
406
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,652
Maybe we just get some dogs.
407
00:15:29,671 --> 00:15:31,763
-Dogs?!
-Cats, cats.
I mean lots and lots of cats.
408
00:15:31,914 --> 00:15:34,824
Listen,
the one thing I know for sure
409
00:15:34,917 --> 00:15:37,827
is that I want to be with you
for all of it...
410
00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:40,355
'cause I love you.
411
00:15:41,090 --> 00:15:43,399
Wait, what'd you say?
412
00:15:44,427 --> 00:15:47,278
(shouting):
I love you.
413
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,283
I love you, too.
414
00:15:53,194 --> 00:15:55,936
(chuckles):
Wow. We just did that.
415
00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:57,622
We did.
416
00:16:00,685 --> 00:16:03,703
40's turning out to be
a pretty good year.
417
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:05,855
Wait. You're 40?
418
00:16:05,873 --> 00:16:07,382
(laughs)
419
00:16:08,784 --> 00:16:10,802
-Oscar said it first.
-Oh...
420
00:16:10,953 --> 00:16:12,378
And then I said it back.
421
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:15,381
It was the first "I love you"
of my life.
422
00:16:15,458 --> 00:16:16,866
Oh, I'm so happy for you, Kat.
423
00:16:16,884 --> 00:16:19,310
I mean, it's gonna be weird
with his mom for a while,
424
00:16:19,387 --> 00:16:21,312
but, you know, I don't need
everyone to like me.
425
00:16:21,464 --> 00:16:22,555
Amen to that.
426
00:16:22,707 --> 00:16:24,131
-(knocking)
-Unrelated:
427
00:16:24,209 --> 00:16:25,483
if you were my boyfriend's mom,
428
00:16:25,634 --> 00:16:27,634
-would you prefer flowers
or chocolate?
-(laughs)
429
00:16:28,396 --> 00:16:30,396
-Hey.
-I know you're closed
for coffee,
430
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,882
but are you open
for an intervention?
431
00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:34,659
Always. Step into our office.
432
00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,161
What's up?
433
00:16:37,388 --> 00:16:39,980
What are we intervening?
Drugs? Alcohol?
434
00:16:40,074 --> 00:16:41,499
His boring T-shirts?
435
00:16:42,727 --> 00:16:44,910
Worse. Somebody's taken
our cool, suave Max
436
00:16:45,063 --> 00:16:46,653
and replaced him with this dope.
437
00:16:47,598 --> 00:16:50,341
Wow, you live
in a good school district.
438
00:16:50,418 --> 00:16:52,343
That's where I'd want
my future kids to go.
439
00:16:52,495 --> 00:16:54,161
I mean,
I'm open to homeschooling,
440
00:16:54,255 --> 00:16:57,164
but that's a decision me and my
future wife will have to make.
441
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:58,683
What do you think?
442
00:17:00,745 --> 00:17:02,503
Why is it so bad
to want to fast-forward
443
00:17:02,597 --> 00:17:05,565
through the chitchat
and get right to the real stuff?
444
00:17:06,918 --> 00:17:08,342
You got a nice smile.
445
00:17:08,436 --> 00:17:10,936
I'd love to take you to
my buddy's cabin in the woods.
446
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:13,272
It's beautiful there.
Super remote.
447
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,091
No cell service.
448
00:17:15,109 --> 00:17:20,204
Just you and me
in the middle of nowhere.
449
00:17:21,616 --> 00:17:23,207
That was a romantic getaway.
450
00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:25,284
She thought you
were gonna murder her, dude.
451
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,378
She definitely made sure
her Taser was charged.
452
00:17:27,530 --> 00:17:31,440
She had 911 locked and loaded
on her way to the car.
453
00:17:31,534 --> 00:17:34,293
So you're saying
I'm coming on a little strong.
454
00:17:34,445 --> 00:17:37,280
A little strong?
You stink of desperation.
455
00:17:37,298 --> 00:17:38,705
That's what I've been trying
to tell him.
456
00:17:38,874 --> 00:17:40,132
But does he listen? No.
457
00:17:40,209 --> 00:17:42,952
Which is why we are here.
458
00:17:43,045 --> 00:17:45,121
I'm just so sick of dating.
459
00:17:45,139 --> 00:17:47,881
I get it. Dating is the worst.
460
00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:49,625
-Hey.
-Shh.
461
00:17:49,718 --> 00:17:51,069
But you have to slog through it
462
00:17:51,296 --> 00:17:53,813
no matter how miserable
and soul-sucking it is.
463
00:17:53,965 --> 00:17:55,073
Again, I say, "Hey."
464
00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:57,483
Again, I say, "Shh."
465
00:17:58,469 --> 00:18:00,578
You know, Max, maybe
the thing to do right now
466
00:18:00,729 --> 00:18:02,471
is just to stop pushing so hard.
467
00:18:02,565 --> 00:18:06,142
Stop trying to force
something that isn't there.
468
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:07,476
Well, then, what do I do?
469
00:18:07,495 --> 00:18:09,312
Just keep dating and dating,
with the drinks
470
00:18:09,330 --> 00:18:11,923
and the small talk
and the walks in the park
471
00:18:12,074 --> 00:18:13,499
and the calculated texts
472
00:18:13,651 --> 00:18:17,261
until I accidentally stumble
upon someone who's right for me?
473
00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:19,222
OTHERS:
Yes.
474
00:18:20,082 --> 00:18:22,158
-(groans)
-Hang in there.
475
00:18:22,176 --> 00:18:23,826
You're great. It'll happen.
476
00:18:23,919 --> 00:18:25,103
Or you'll die alone.
477
00:18:25,330 --> 00:18:27,012
-Wha...?
-What? We've been closed
for 30 minutes.
478
00:18:27,165 --> 00:18:28,940
I'm ready to go.
479
00:18:29,016 --> 00:18:31,359
♪ ♪
480
00:18:33,020 --> 00:18:34,837
Could I get another glass
of wine, please?
481
00:18:34,930 --> 00:18:36,263
Sure.
482
00:18:36,357 --> 00:18:37,857
What happened to your date?
483
00:18:37,933 --> 00:18:39,508
He left. We didn't hit it off.
484
00:18:39,527 --> 00:18:40,785
God, dating sucks.
485
00:18:41,012 --> 00:18:41,953
Yeah, tell me about it.
486
00:18:42,180 --> 00:18:43,696
-(laughs)
-This one's on the house.
487
00:18:43,772 --> 00:18:45,014
LUCY:
Thanks.
488
00:18:45,183 --> 00:18:47,016
You're welcome.
489
00:18:47,109 --> 00:18:48,442
You want to join me?
490
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:51,587
Uh, sure.
Yeah, I can take a break.
491
00:18:55,193 --> 00:18:56,375
Sorry you had a rough night.
492
00:18:56,527 --> 00:18:58,302
(groans) I'm just so tired
of the whole thing.
493
00:18:58,495 --> 00:19:00,379
I wish I could skip straight
to marriage, buy a house,
494
00:19:00,531 --> 00:19:03,032
have some kids-- I think
three is the perfect number.
495
00:19:03,125 --> 00:19:04,559
What do you think?
496
00:19:06,128 --> 00:19:08,271
Yeah, I think my boss needs me.
497
00:19:11,467 --> 00:19:13,392
-Is that what I sounded like?
-Pretty much.
498
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:16,045
By the way, that wine
is coming out of your paycheck.
499
00:19:16,063 --> 00:19:18,197
And that did count
as your break.
500
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:27,582
♪ ♪
501
00:19:35,750 --> 00:19:37,249
-Meow!
-(gasps)
502
00:19:37,326 --> 00:19:39,326
(laughs)
What are you doing?
503
00:19:39,420 --> 00:19:42,680
I haven't seen Cat Sajak
all morning.
504
00:19:42,907 --> 00:19:43,906
He must be lying in wait.
505
00:19:43,925 --> 00:19:45,591
Oh, no.
He got adopted this morning.
506
00:19:45,743 --> 00:19:48,001
So there's nothing
for you to worry about.
507
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:50,429
And some would say
there never was.
508
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,081
What?
509
00:19:52,099 --> 00:19:53,599
Yeah, I thought
you would be happy.
510
00:19:53,751 --> 00:19:54,917
Well, of course.
511
00:19:54,936 --> 00:19:56,009
Good riddance.
512
00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:57,361
He riled up my days,
513
00:19:57,513 --> 00:20:00,013
he ripped my clothes
to tatters, and...
514
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:02,441
And you miss him already,
don't you?
515
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,577
So much!
516
00:20:05,521 --> 00:20:07,622
Does this help?
517
00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:12,768
I appreciate that, but...
518
00:20:12,787 --> 00:20:15,463
it's just not the same.
519
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,791
So, I got an apology text
from your mom.
520
00:20:18,943 --> 00:20:22,369
Yeah, she heard me,
but mostly she heard my abuela,
521
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:24,889
who, by the way,
also wants to meet you.
522
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,557
(chuckles):
Oh, I'm busy.
523
00:20:26,709 --> 00:20:30,394
-I didn't tell you when.
-Yeah, I'm just trying
to protect her.
524
00:20:32,457 --> 00:20:33,547
Hey.
525
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:36,717
If your mother
ever says anything like that
526
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:40,071
to my Katherine again,
there will be hell to pay.
527
00:20:40,222 --> 00:20:42,698
Nobody messes with my baby.
528
00:20:44,469 --> 00:20:46,327
I need coffee.
529
00:20:47,989 --> 00:20:49,321
Oh, my God.
530
00:20:49,474 --> 00:20:50,581
I know.
531
00:20:50,808 --> 00:20:54,335
Wasn't that the sweetest thing
you've ever heard?
532
00:20:55,738 --> 00:20:58,422
("Gotta Do Whatcha Gotta Do"
by Kelli Wakili playing)
533
00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:01,425
♪ Whoa-oah-oah-oah ♪
534
00:21:03,654 --> 00:21:06,514
♪ Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm ♪
535
00:21:08,101 --> 00:21:09,842
♪ Whoa-oah-oah-oah ♪
536
00:21:10,828 --> 00:21:14,105
♪ Yeah, listen, I'm asleep
in the morning light ♪
537
00:21:14,332 --> 00:21:16,423
♪ Till the roosters start
to crow ♪
538
00:21:16,517 --> 00:21:18,442
♪ I'm-a feel
a good time tonight ♪
539
00:21:18,594 --> 00:21:20,611
♪ Yeah, the roof's
about to blow ♪
540
00:21:20,763 --> 00:21:22,521
♪ Yeah, see your best somebody ♪
541
00:21:22,598 --> 00:21:25,341
♪ That somebody
that you all know ♪
542
00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:26,784
♪ I can feel
the lights go down ♪
543
00:21:26,935 --> 00:21:28,677
♪ It's time to start the show,
yeah ♪
544
00:21:28,696 --> 00:21:31,772
♪ But I want to see you
get down low. ♪
545
00:21:32,292 --> 00:21:34,107
Captioning sponsored by
WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
546
00:21:34,109 --> 00:21:37,295
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org