Nice trousers, lads.
-What? -Expecting a flood?
Oh, shit.
Your mum's just lost her mother, so let's just really be there for her.
Yeah, well, you only met my nan three times.
The more you knew her, the less sad it is, all right?
Do you know they put clotted cream on top of this?
Yeah. But be careful though, that stuff will kill ya.
Well, I hope not.
'Cause I'm bringing some back with me.
God, it's so beautiful down here, Jase.
Yeah, I know. Yeah, we spent a lot of summers down here when I was a kid.
Lot of memories down here.
Hey. No way.
-What? -Is that--
No way. Look there, do you see that? JR.
A lot of memories.
Okay. Well, should we crack on then?
Unless you two wanna catch up.
No, no.
That's funny. Okay.
That's funny.
Why'd your gran move all the way down here?
Racism.
She swore she'd never leave the London house.
She once had this motorway diverted around it.
She got 10,000 people to sign a petition. She's chained herself to a tree, right?
They've offered her an absolute fortune.
-Yeah. -Immovable, she was.
Then a sweet Asian family moves in next door,
and she was down here like a greyhound.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit, shit.
-Hi. -Hi.
-How are you? -Good. You?
-Good, yeah. Yeah, you? -Yeah, good.
Just dropped off some flowers from Mum.
Nikki Newman. This is Sky. Sky Jones.
All right. Why you full-naming us?
-Hello. -Hi.
So sorry about...
-Oh, no, it's all right. She was awful. -Yeah, she was.
She was ours though.
-Yeah. -She...
Are you gonna come to the memorial at the beach?
-Yeah. Yeah, it's important for Mum. -Yeah.
-I'm gonna go. -Okay. All right, yeah, yeah.
All right, then, see you later.
-See ya. -Bye.
Nice to--
-Come on. -That was an odd conversation.
No, it wasn't. It's good. Good conversation.
-Are you joking me? -What?
It was like you were stuck down a foxhole, and you were radioing back to base.
"Good, yeah. Fine, yeah.
-Over." Who was she? -No one. Just someone I used to know.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
Sky Jones?
-Oh, okay. -What?
-Was that the SJ from the pole? -Maybe.
Why was she being weird, Jase? Did you treat her badly?
-Did you break up with her? -No, no.
We're still together.
Remember, don't leave me alone with your auntie. I never know what to say.
Talk about how expensive things are in London. They love all that.
-Here he is. -Hello.
-Hello, mate. -Hi.
How are you?
Hello.
-Go on, in you go, in you go. -Thank you.
-They're all in there. -Okay.
-Hi, Mum. You all right? -Jason.
Hello, Janet.
Hi, you two.
Hello, hello.
How we doing, Sandra?
What?
I dunno. Just one of them, isn't it?
Right. Yeah, I suppose that-- that's a good way to think about it.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Janet.
It was three days ago, so it's very much water under the bridge.
Right. Yeah.
Fact of life. Comes for everyone. Friends, family.
All the best ones from the Beatles.
I suppose the Pythons are dying roughly in the order I'd hoped, so.
Everything's just bloody well falling apart.
Do you know, when it feels like that, Sandra,
I find it really useful to explore positive affirmations.
The shed's falling down, Nikki.
Maybe you could pop out and positively affirm it back up again.
Right.
Yeah.
How many "No junk mail" stickers does she have to put up?
She hated junk mail!
No, this is not right.
Oh, no, it's fine. It's just that limestone makes it taste a bit funny.
I should probably mention that I think that Emmy's got a bit of a crush on me.
It's sort of developed over the last few years. It's not a big deal.
She's at that age, you know, and I'm the hot cousin, so.
All right. Are you sure?
Trust me. A man knows.
Straight women don't look at each other like that, Jason.
Unless they're in prison.
Bloody hell, Nikki. Not every young person is a lesbian, you know.
-I feel like your mum's so angry. -Emmy!
I feel like she never gets a single moment of calmness or peace.
But she's adapted to it though.
She's like one of those people that live on a mountain that don't need much oxygen.
Her mum's died. She--
She needs to engage her feelings a bit.
Please don't break my mum.
No, it's-- It's fine. It's a process.
We break her down, deal with everything and then put her back together again.
I suppose we are only here for two days.
No, no, no. It'll be fine.
Hi, Sandra.
Do you have a moment?
I thought it might be nice...
for you to take a moment just to breathe with me.
Sometimes when everything's a bit hectic,
it's so important to carve out some time to simply breathe.
I just fit breathing into my day, Nikki.
-All cured? -No.
Don't you wanna know what's underneath all that anger?
No, I'm pretty sure it's just anger, all the way down.
Anger is such a pointless emotion. There's something else going on.
-I don't think there is. -There must be. Her mum just died.
-Yeah, but she was a hateful old racist. -It doesn't matter.
Well, it takes the edge off, doesn't it?
Your family's just weird.
Yeah, but they're normal weird though, aren't they?
Can we get the bill, please? Thank you.
They're not, like, "check the hard drive" weird.
-Oh, my God. -What?
Is that why they call her Sky?
-Because she's bloody everywhere. -Where is she?
Yeah. How funny.
I looked her up. She's an artist.
No, I think she just sells old bits of driftwood.
Yeah, no, that's art down here.
I've always wanted to do arty stuff.
Look, anyone can be a bohemian here.
You've only gotta sell one bamboo soap dish a week.
They'd all be homeless in London.
-Will you stop? Please. -What?
Look, it was 15-odd years ago, okay?
Aren't we past the stage of being jealous of each other's exes?
-I'm not-- -Listen.
Your ex is still on our car insurance.
Yeah, only 'cause when I take him off, it goes up.
-What? -That kid really looks like you.
-Which one? -The one with the big head.
There you go, sir.
-Thank you. -Ta, thanks.
Happy Birthday to you
When did you say you two were together?
Like, 15 year...
Happy Birthday, dear Tristan
-Happy Birthday to you -Years ago.
"Out of the shadows steps Frank Carter, 52 and looking it.
A hard-boiled, half glass of scotch with an emptiness in his eyes.
A void, a gap, something unsaid.
He'll knock a man down, but he'll help him up.
That's his code. That's his word.
He stands next to a woman, 28, attractive.
He knew they'd sent her to kill him.
But as the lonely rain beat down on their faces,
he realized maybe, just maybe, she was gonna save him too."
How can rain be lonely?
And why is it always raining in books and films when people fall in love?
I mean, that's not real life, is it?
Okay, that-- Your tone, right there,
that's making me shrink slightly, creatively.
I just think that you need to write about something more personal.
Right.
And, you know, writers need to know how to take feedback.
Let's just scooch on over to the end there,
'cause it does-- it really does gather pace.
Great. And maybe we can do a bit wedding prep before we have dinner.
But you're gonna need the context, aren't you?
'Cause you're not gonna underst--
Okay, let's just take it from the top and really try and listen this time.
-Yeah, all right then. -Okay.
"Out of the shadows steps Frank Carter..."
I'm listening.
He doesn't look like me.
Are you kidding me? Did you see his massive head?
Yeah, I'm sure the dates don't match, okay?
-Anyway, his head wasn't even that big. -Are you serious?
He looked like an Easter Island statue. I'm surprised he didn't topple over.
All kids have got big heads, haven't they?
That's why they get their jumpers stuck putting 'em on.
My mum used to have to cut the collars down on mine.
Well, it's hardly a DNA test, is it?
You don't go to the doctor's and he says,
"Well, yeah, I mean, he's got a big head. That's close enough."
Jase, are we gonna have to move down here? I don't know anyone down here.
Yeah, you do. You know Sky,
you know the kid with the big head who might be my child.
-Are you taking this seriously? -Not totally, no.
Can we just-- Can we just take a breath here.
You see one kid with a big head and slightly curly hair,
now suddenly we're putting offers in on houses?
And anyway, I'm...
relatively sure the dates don't match.
Come on.
Oh, God.
Are you hiding?
There's a woman showing off her baby like it's a bloody Grammy,
so I'm taking a break.
-You're Miss Newman. -Yeah.
I'm Deven. Raina's dad.
Raina.
Raina with the socks.
Yeah. I'm working on that.
She's a big fan.
Well, that's lucky. Most of them hate me.
Nah, you're just straight with them. It's better in the long run.
Maybe.
Not all teachers are like Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds.
Some of us are just doing it for the 12 weeks holiday.
You're funny.
What? You don't know you're funny?
I never know what to do with compliments.
Well, keep 'em close to your heart.
See you again, Miss Newman. I hope.
I don't know why we're doing this.
She didn't want a church, she wanted a cremating. She said that.
Has she not got any tea? I mean, she must have tea.
We'll go get some.
No, I want you to clear the shed with me.
It's not going up again, so it's coming down.
It's okay, here we go. Lots.
Janet.
Can you remember when I was last here for the summer?
-When was it, 18, 19 years ago? -Yeah, about then.
Yeah. There you go. Thank you.
No, I tell a lie.
It was the year we lost the dog.
Sixteen years and a bit. Almost 17.
Oh, God. You wanna adopt a teenager?
Come on!
Oh, my Lord. Worse than I thought.
Look, Nikki, this doesn't prove anything.
-If that's my son, then-- -Princess has a brother.
What? Why didn't they tell us?
They just have.
That was her brother in the video.
-What? -Yeah.
There's no one who can take both, so they've got to separate them.
Princess has a brother.
Look at them, Jase. How can they separate them?
Well, they've got no choice, I suppose. They--
No. No-- No, that's not-- It's not right.
That's just-- I'm sorry, that's--
It's just not right that that has to happen.
I'd be devastated if they tried to separate me and Karen.
And that's Karen. I didn't even like her till I was 31.
Well, we can help her, can't we? That's part of our job.
No, it's just, it's not-- It's not fair!
So many things are not fair!
Honestly, Jase, people, they need to start looking into all the unfairness.
Because, truthfully, there are people just going along trying to be a good person,
enjoying some really nice ice cream, and then God just thinks,
"She looks like she's finally feeling happy.
Let's just throw a big-headed boy at her. Let's really mess that up."
"Does that nine-year-old girl only have one person
in the whole entire world that she can trust?
Well, then let's just take him away from her then."
And now some people have more boys than they need,
and others just do not have enough, and how is that fair?
-Okay, quite a lot to unpack there. -"It's not," is the answer!
It sucks! It just sucks, and I'm-- I'm sick of it!
God.
I'm really sorry we have to do this.
Hey. Nikki.
-What you doing? -Nikki!
Why is everything so hard?
-I'm-- I'm sorr-- I'm sorry. -It's all right.
Why did you die before I rang you back?
The system!
Just generally!
But I know everyone's doing their best!
-Bloody cancer! -Sandra? Love?
People that say, "prosecco o'clock"!
Talking about your grandchildren
around people who don't have any at all!
Naturally... wavy...
blonde-haired... bitches!
I don't wanna die!
I'm just gonna...
Saves you a job, doesn't it?
Why do you think you're...
She's gone, and I'm next.
It's getting late, and what have I done?
God, you've done-- You've done loads.
Do you know...
I was 70 before I tried proper dark chocolate.
-It was so... bittersweet. -I know. It's horrible.
Because I thought of all the years I've wasted not eating it.
I see. Yeah.
I wanna do something I've never done before.
Yeah?
I wanna...
go to Yemen.
Okay. Yeah, you could go to Yemen.
-Can I? -Yeah.
Or somewhere else. Maybe somewhere with a beach.
Or a government.
You can do whatever you want.
Thank you.
She did want cremating.
People ignore you when you're old.
Sandra.
There is not a single chance in hell that people could ever ignore you.
Why you picking up the junk mail? What you doing?
I'm not ignoring her.
You all right, Rambo?
-Yeah, I think so. -Yeah?
Just took some anger out on the shed.
-It's all right. I'm a bit scared though. -Why?
Well, we haven't got a shed.
What if it changes things?
It won't.
What if you have a son and you realize that you don't need any more kids?
I don't think children work like that. I don't think they fill your heart up.
I think they actually make your heart bigger
so that you've got more room for stuff, so...
I don't wanna feel alone, 'cause, you know, you'd have done it all before.
The thing that we're both trying to do together, you'd have already done.
I haven't done anything. He's 16 years old.
I've missed all the good bits.
Bit like turning up to a McCartney concert where he's done "Hey, Jude,"
now he's on to Frog Chorus.
Look, whatever happens...
we'll be messing things up together.
All right?
Come on.
If we can't cremate her, at least we can cremate her junk mail.
Well, if it's a memorial, we should say something nice about Gran.
-All of us? -Yes.
Anyone wanna start?
-Jase. -No, I'm racking my--
No one took clothes back to a shop better than Nan, did they?
Do you remember? No receipt, no problem.
Honestly, it was a superpower, Rakhi.
She'd never go to bed till we rang to say we was home safe.
Yeah.
We used to ring from Swindon so she could get an early night.
Do you remember the hat?
She didn't trust CCTV, so when she went to London, she wore a big hat.
Very incognito. An 80-year-old in a sombrero.
She was a tough old bird.
Buried two husbands, three sisters and a couple of cats.
And a lot of feelings.
Yeah.
The cats weren't hers, to be fair, but...
Come on, scatter the ashes.
Right in the fire.
-We love you, Gran. -See ya, Nan.
Rest in peace.
Look at this.
You okay?
Go.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Listen, if your mum can go to Yemen, I can cope with whatever.
Okay.
-Who's going to Yemen? -Just go.
-Go look for your granddad, all right? -Yeah, all right.
-Hiya. -Hi.
-You all right? -Yeah.
Yeah. You all right?
-How are you? -Yeah, good. Good, you?
Good. Thanks for coming.
-No worry. -Listen...
I fancy some wine.
Do you fancy doing a bit of a run?
-Yeah. -Yeah, totally.
Yeah? Okay. I need to write it down.
Janet, have you got a pen?
I'm a bit fussy when it comes to wine. You might need to go to a few places.
-Gotcha, that's totally fine. -Yeah, definitely.
Yeah? All right. So...
There's something I'd like to talk to you about.
Yeah, me too.
-Cool. Thank you. -Come on, let's go.
Had a medium glass of red wine in Leicester Square last week.
Cost me nine pounds, 20.
"Have fun"?
Nice one, Nikki.
Freedom.
It's just that... he does have quite a big head, doesn't he?
And we were together at the time, so the dates match.
Yeah, they do.
I probably should have told you at the time--
All right.
But...
I cheated on you.
-What? -A lot.
With who?
-Have you met Brian? -No.
-Hey, son. Good to see you, mate. -Yeah.
No, yeah, he comes and goes.
Okay.
I'm so sorry.
It's-- It--
It's fine.
-So-- -Nice to see ya.
-And you. -Let's do it!
It's cold. It's so cold!
-You're not gonna come in, dear? -You not gonna come in, Vic?
-No? Don't fancy that? -Come on, Jan!
-She won't. She is. She is! -Is she? Is she?
-Come on, Janet! It's really nice. -Go on! Yay!
Hey, mate, hold these a sec, will you? Lovely.
I wet me knickers.
Look at you. Look at you.
I swear this seaweed is after me!
Just had a chat with her...
His was even bigger.
-All right. -Well, there you go.
And this.
Look.
See?
All right, fair play.
All right.
Can you just stop here for a sec?
Nikki, where are you going?
What's she doing?