Okay.
Here we go. How are you feeling?
I've got some nerves.
Hate first days.
Listen, just remember how bored you were in your last job, all right.
But I really miss being bored.
How could I not see how much better that feeling was to this one?
You'll be bored again soon in this job. I promise you.
Thanks, I hope so.
- Hello, mate. - Morning, Dad.
Can I see Barbara after school?
Yeah, okay.
Just make sure you're back by 07:00, 'cause we're having Kat over for dinner.
Okay.
Listen, now that we've got Kat and Barbara in our lives,
this would be a terrible time for you to fall in love with a young classmate.
Get out of here with all that.
No one's gonna be into me.
You've got the curls of a Disney prince.
And you'll remind them of their dads
moments after they've left home for the first time.
So you know, just be careful.
- Kissy, kiss. - Okay.
Unbelievable.
Your hinge is not gonna make it.
Well, maybe it bears the brunt of all the slamming
since you made the cupboards soft-close.
- Princess. - Yeah?
What do you think of-of my outfit? It's my first day.
I'm worried about being the oldest one in college.
You look like an undercover cop who's trying to blend in.
Mum says that she's bringing food over for everyone later,
so everyone needs to like it 'cause she's trying really hard.
- Okay. All right. - Yeah, all right. Bye, love.
Bye.
Well, I hope this works. I really, really do.
Can you stop worrying about things which haven't happened yet?
Come on, you need to relax a bit.
I'm a woman.
I'm an expert in relaxing whilst remaining on high alert to danger.
- Come here a second. - Yeah?
I want to tell you that you're gonna be amazing.
- You too. - And no more worrying.
- It's all gonna be all right. - All right.
- See you later, babe. See you, Dad. - Bye.
Bye.
And no more stalking Kat online.
You're busy.
Never thought I'd see the day where you had a work phone.
I've got a lot of new customers. Absolute nightmare.
I might need a third phone.
No.
"WYD tomorrow?"
"Can't wait to see the full moon at Patong Beach.
One more week and we can hang out forever."
She's leaving?
I really didn't expect it to fall apart this fast.
Me neither.
Bonnie, I just wanted to say how excited I am to be working in the travel industry.
Yeah. It'll drive you nuts.
Yeah, people always want new places to go to,
but the world's not getting any bigger.
I mean, there's nowhere left.
There's literally nowhere left.
Italy's done. Spain's done.
Greece, that's done.
There is one peninsula in Albania that nobody knows about.
But after that…
I mean, you're just praying for a country to split in two
after a civil war so you can get a new one.
That's how we got Croatia.
Yeah.
Anyway, you met your team.
Yes. Yes.
I just wanted to ask, are they okay?
Because they… they do… they seem a bit off with me.
They will be.
Because a lot of them did apply for your sales director job.
- Okay. - So that's…
That's… That's raw.
But there are communal drinks in the fridge.
So feel free to… Son of a…
Hey--
Lonely Planet found out about Albania.
It's just… Great.
Maybe that volcano in Northern Mexico isn't as active as they say.
Yeah.
I like your dress.
Thank you.
It's my first day, so I wanted to make a good impression.
Bless you.
We're a pretty friendly bunch.
Apart from sales.
Do you know anything about Patong Beach in Thailand?
No.
Okay. It's fine.
Hiya. Hi.
Sorry, have I sat in the wrong… in the wrong seat?
Right.
I'm not a… I'm… I'm Jason.
No, you ain't got to write that down. I'm not a lecturer. I'm a… I'm a student.
You taking this one?
No, I'm not. No.
- 'Cause I'm not a lecturer. - Right.
Anyway, yeah.
Okay. Welcome to Social Work theory and practice.
The journey starts here.
Now, let's open our books.
I'm not a lecturer. I'm a student.
- Ja-- I'm Jason. - Yeah. Okay.
You might wanna do yourself a little badge,
'cause your face is quite jarring.
Nadya, have you seen my iPad and headphones?
No, I have not.
They're nowhere.
Can't have a ghost. You know, this house was only built in 2021.
I am not stealing from you.
No one said you were.
God, you're so dramatic.
Can you try to speak English to her? If that's okay?
Just while she's still learning it.
He who speaks Russian sees with three eyes.
Okay. Well, that will come in handy when you're looking for me iPad.
Thank you for all joining me.
Yeah, so, no.
I-I just wanted to say, really,
I know that some of you were up for the position.
And I-I-I hope it won't be awkward.
And, that I'm-I'm able to prove my worth and gain your trust.
Okay, so… I have actually…
I just got my hand stuck down the side of the chair.
Could you…
Gosh.
Sorry, could someone just…
Thank you.
Yeah, it's really…
jammed in there. Thank you.
That's done it.
Great.
Not a great start.
Yeah. Yeah…
Yeah.
I just wanna say how grateful I am for you all welcoming me.
And I know it sounds stupid,
but I have actually got my hand stuck again.
- Oh, my God. - Yeah, could you… Thanks.
Just wondering how I did it the first time.
Explored a little too far.
Yep. Thank you.
Great.
Just keeping my hands up here.
Yeah, I don't know. That's the long and the short of it, really.
So, yeah, if you wanna get back to work, that's great.
Thanks, team.
Oh, my.
Oh, no.
Okay. That's all for today.
Next week we'll shift our focus to case management and safeguarding.
And for those of you about to show me your recent ADHD diagnosis,
no, the department will not be providing free laptops.
I paid £10 for that.
Sorry, if I get you a coffee,
can I borrow your notes on environmental factors?
It's moving a lot quicker than I thought it was going to.
Coffee? What are you, like, 33?
Yeah. About 33, yeah.
Do they give you extra time in exams for that?
No. I don't know. Maybe. I'll check actually.
Did you think I was a cop?
Where have all the macarons gone?
Okay, I go now.
Nadya.
Did my iPad turn up?
No. Maybe you're mistaken?
Maybe it never existed.
Well, you smell nice.
Thank you.
I have new perfume.
Old one make dogs very angry.
Here, what time do you call this?
- Hi. - Hi.
I'm Kerry.
So, when are we getting that drink?
Actually…
Hello.
- Hiya, my love. - Hi!
How was your day?
Yeah, it was good actually, yeah. Didn't fall in love with anyone.
- You? - No.
No, who would I fall in love with? What?
- No, I-I meant how was your first day? - Yeah, yeah. Fine.
- Yeah? - I think I made some of my team pity me.
Pitying is the gateway to liking, so…
Did make one new friend, actually.
- Yeah? - Kerry.
Cool, what's she like?
Kerry's…
nice.
Yeah.
- Is she on your team, is she? - Kerry?
No, Kerry's not on my team, no.
Did you get a dessert?
- I did, yeah. Yeah. - Yeah?
Homemade cheeky lemon drizzle cake.
Love a bit of lemon drizz.
There you go. Beautiful.
- Right, that's not homemade. - Well…
It is now.
Okay, what time is she getting here?
'Cause this isn't Spain,
where we all tuck into some octopus with the family at half midnight.
I'll get it.
There's something I need to tell you about Kat.
Look, I know things have been a bit confusing recently,
but everything's gonna go back to normal soon. All right?
- Promise you. All right? - Okay.
Hi, I'm Vic.
I'm here to fix the hinge on the kitchen door.
Vic?
Yeah, Vic.
But is Vic not--
Vic's busy.
Do you know Vic?
- I work for Vic. - Is Vic coming too?
When Vic's busy, the job goes to the nearest Vic's Handymen handyman.
Are you also called Vic?
No, that's branding. I'm Brian.
Sorry, Bri.
Are we gonna get charged for this, Brian?
That's one for Carol in the office.
There's a Carol in the office?
Monday to Thursday. On Friday, it's Eleanor.
Oh, dear.
Now, that's the bastard.
Mummy, I'm ready for my story!
Okay! Coming!
Okay, all right.
Now, which one do you want?
That one?
Wind in the Willows.
Okay.
Yeah, off you go.
"Noun, verb, conjunction, adverb, verb, noun."
Where's that photo of you and Daddy?
That frame was silver…
Right, I'm gonna have to phone the agency.
I mean, you agree?
I've got no choice.
What was that?
Is Nadya still here?
There she is.
- Hi! - Hi!
Such a nice flat.
- Such a nice home. - Thank you, yeah.
I got Indonesian.
- Are you… you okay with spice? - Yeah. I definitely love it.
She thinks tomato ketchup has a kick.
No.
It smells lovely, yeah.
We got a little cheeky homemade lemon drizz for pud pud.
Really homemade, or just a cake you punched?
No, it's really homemade, yeah.
- All right. - I'll give you a tour.
- Okay. - You can come to my room, then Tyler's.
Wanna come upstairs?
Okay.
Wow.
- This is a lovely room. - Yeah.
It is twice the size of your old one, innit?
This is yours.
I found it in your car.
Oh, my God.
Mum gave this to me.
- Did she? - Yeah.
"Butterflies change." Yeah, I think that was her point.
Hey, did you bring my list?
Of the questions I had?
Yeah.
I thought maybe we could go through some of them.
If… Is that… Is that okay?
Yeah, sure.
God, there's a lot. I don't-- I--
I'm just gonna ask a random one.
- Did you do this? - Why--
Yeah.
It's so good.
"What happened"--
When did you get so good?
Well, in the foster home, they used to give me stuff to draw with
when I got, you know, upset.
Look at all these things, Princess.
All these things they bought you.
I'm really glad how things worked out.
Yeah?
Yeah, it's been good for me, coming back.
I was worried about how me leaving would have affected you,
but seeing you in all this…
Yeah, it's made me think maybe I did at least one thing right.
Yeah. Yeah, no, definitely.
Guys! Dinner!
Come down! It's getting cold!
Oh, for f--
Are you sure it's not too spicy?
- No, no. It's really good. - No, it's lovely.
You two take after me.
It's just that nice level of heat, isn't it?
Yeah.
Such a great idea for an ingredient.
A compound that binds to your pain receptors.
I mean… You wouldn't think it would work, would you?
Well, I'm loving it.
It can't be too hot for me, personally. Yeah, I've tried all the hot curries.
Vindaloo, Madras, Kozhi Milagu, Phall.
That's the hottest curry.
You just… You do realize you're just eating the curry.
You didn't create the curry.
You think this is nice, the restaurant's even better.
Yeah?
Yeah, they've got an open flame grill by the door.
- Can we go one night? - Yeah.
I mean, it's hard to get a table, but we can try.
Me and mum are going to get Ayurvedic facials together
for my birthday.
So, like, it helps with lymphatic drainage.
But see… Your birthday that's in three weeks?
- So, you've booked that then, have you? - Yeah.
No, we're just gonna stay flexible.
Which also helps with lymphatic drainage, actually.
Sorry, excuse me one second. I just need to pop off
and get some extra chili sauce.
- You should come to this with me. - What is it?
My friend Sasha's setting up a new festival in Shoreditch Park.
"Patong Beach Full Moon Party."
Oh, my God. That's so cool.
She's been living in Thailand, but she's coming back
to make the Full Moon festival a thing over here.
Which I'm dubious about, 'cause, you know, UK is a graveyard for joy.
Barbara always says that.
Does she?
More wine.
Kat.
We need to talk.
I know about Patong Beach.
Okay.
You need to tell Princess that you're going.
I have. Yeah, she's excited. She's well up for it.
She's going with you?
Well, I haven't got her a ticket yet, but yeah.
Uh-uh. No. No. Sorry. No way.
She's not even 17.
Well, if she doesn't like it, she can just come home again.
Sorry, what are you talking about?
She can't just pop there and then pop back.
God, you are not thinking about her mental well-being at all.
Or her carbon footprint, if I'm being honest.
It's mostly vegan, I think.
Am I going mad?
Jason's okay with it.
Jason said it was okay?
What is happening?
Why are you here? What are you doing?
I couldn't do it.
How long have you been here?
- Nine days. - Nine days?
Just been… I've been living off the… the last of the rations.
And macarons.
But we've been calling you. You… What happened?
Well, I wasn't gonna make it.
I was gonna run out of food mid-Atlantic.
No, I don't believe this.
I cannot tell everyone I've failed again.
Everyone was so impressed.
Yeah, they were.
But, you know, we don't live in London anymore.
I mean, people have lower expectations here.
Karen, I've…
I've done a terrible thing.
No, you haven't.
Hey. No, you tried…
- I killed a dolphin. - What?
Didn't mean to, obviously.
Caught it with an oar mid-stroke.
Oh, my God.
I mean, all this to try and save the lives of millions of animals,
- I end up killing two myself. - Two?
I may have clipped a pheasant on the drive home.
Right.
Well, we can have nut roast for the next two Christmases
and then we'll be even-stevens.
The sponsorship also covered the…
the boat, and…
all the costs,
which we now have to pay.
How much is it?
How could you agree to this without even talking to me first?
It just sounds like a bit of fun, Nik.
How can we afford the ticket even?
Well, that's all right. My friend smuggles people in all the time.
What? People smuggling? Wow!
- It gets worse, Jason. - Well, you haven't got to come, have you?
You said you don't like the sorts of people you get in these places.
Whoa, whoa. No, I never said that!
Yeah, you did. You called them, "incense-burning,
street food munching wankers."
No, that… that is a lie. I have nothing but respect for them!
Huh?
- Can I go? - No!
- Princess is going. - No, Princess is not going.
- But why? - I don't know this place.
- I mean, is-is-is it safe even? - What, Shoreditch?
I mean, not totally. But it's definitely better than it was.
Shoreditch?
Okay.
Well, why didn't you tell me it was that much?
Well, because I didn't think it mattered
because, had I completed the trip, the sponsorship would cover everything.
Right, so we have to pay for it now?
Not necessarily. No.
There is another way.
A way in which we don't have to pay for the boat, and the seals get their money.
You know, I just don't think these sort of conversations
happen in other marriages.
- What is it? - Okay.
So…
I stay here in the cellar for six weeks.
Six weeks!
And then I fly to America, I go lie on the beach,
and I say that the boat sank and I swam the rest of the way.
I'm sorry, but have the lids come off these paint tins?
- 'Cause… - Karen, this is the only way.
But you just… You have to carry on as if I'm still in the Atlantic.
You have to keep up the act.
Otherwise people will get suspicious.
Can you do that? Can you live a lie?
- Hello. - Hello.
It is a bit of a confusing name for a festival.
Uh-huh.
Sorry it took so long.
I had to nip to the van.
Then I fell asleep in it.
- Okay. - But that's all done now.
- Great. - I'll whiz the invoice over tomorrow.
- Are you charging us? - Maybe check with Carol in the office.
There's a Carol in the office.
Yeah, Monday to Thursdays. Fridays it's Eleanor.
Right.
I… I'll get me tools.
- Cheers, Bri. Yeah. Thanks, mate. - Okay.
I was just so ready to believe that Kat was gonna leave at the first chance.
I know.
She doesn't have the upper ear piercings of a woman who sticks at things, does she?
I'm just really afraid of losing Princess.
No, no.
I know you are.
- She's not going anywhere. - Really?
'Cause it doesn't feel like she's here with me like she was.
I know.
Has she just been waiting all this time to replace me and go back to her mum?
Are you familiar with Bandura's cultural learning theory
in the role of benevolent attachment?
Wow.
So that's how it's gonna be, is it?
One day back at college and you're back quoting theories to little homespun Nikki.
It's just a useful framework. That's all.
No, don't framework me.
I'm the one who had to bribe you with sex, so you'd read the parenting book.
That wasn't a bribe.
That was a reward for all my hard work.
Just…
I'm just starting to feel a little bit on the outside of all of this.
Well, come on the inside then.
Hey?
No one's pushing you out, Nik.
Right, then. Pudding.
Bit of lemon drizz?
There you go.
Looks like you've got a dodgy hinge on this one as well.
Do you want me to fix it while I'm here?
Yeah, you may as well.
Cool.
That's great.
There you go. Easier than it seems.
Yay!