Hey, it's Bruce.
- Leave a message. - Fuck. Dad.
Fuck! Call me back.
Hey, it's Bruce. Leave a message.
Fuck. Dad.
I need to talk to you.
- Dad?
Coach's body's already headed to the morgue.
Shit!
Clara. Fuck!
No one's found the head?
He's dead.
I know.
I mean, how could anyone...?
Did you see it?
We all saw it. That's why we're meeting
in this sketch-ass parking lot.
Can you not be a bitch for five minutes?
- I loved him so much. - We all loved him.
He was my best friend.
I really can't breathe.
Do... Do you think he was in pain?
I mean, he got his head chopped off.
Okay, that's really not helping.
- Sorry.
I can't breathe right now.
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, come here. Come here.
- Shit!
- Oh, my God. - What the fuck? Get back in the car.
- What the fuck?! What the...?!
- Dude, seriously?!
You came.
Johnny's dead.
I know.
I... I got Alison's text.
I can't believe that cunt killed him.
- W-What? Alison didn't do this. - How do you know?
- Because she's dead. - Not even my moms
believe somebody can text from the dead.
I mean, well, then,
someone found her phone or cloned it or something.
I mean, someone is obviously doing this
- to fuck with us. - What absolute psychopath
would do something like that?
The same one that chopped Johnny's head off.
Stop saying "chopped his head off." Seriously,
- so ugly of you. - It's not Alison.
It's whoever put that goat head
in my closet and has been following me
in that black pickup truck.
You didn't tell me someone was following you.
She told me.
You told Riley but not me?
Look, I'm telling you now, and Johnny was Alison's only friend.
Why would she do that to him?
She... She loved him.
That's why.
It's classic psychopath behavior to hurt
the one you love.
I think we should tell
that sandpaper pussy policewoman what we know.
- Can we not talk about her pussy? - We're not calling the police.
You're un-fucking-believable.
Are you insulting me?
I just lost my best friend.
We should've gone to the police
- a year ago.
- But now that you're in danger... - Breaking news alert.
We're all in danger.
Oh, too bad.
- I'm not turning Alison in. - Okay, we all agreed.
We're not calling the cops, okay?
- We can fucking figure this out ourselves. - We have to find her.
- Stop saying it was her. - Then who else killed Johnny?
What's up?
Jesus Christ.
- Hey. - Hey.
Uh, can I get a ride?
Please?
Sure.
I got it.
How are you?
Amazing. Obviously.
Well, I'm legit freaking out.
I don't think we should be alone.
You know, 'cause...
Johnny's... dead.
You want to get in?
Homeless people poop here.
Come ki at mine.
Uh, um, I'll meet you there.
Let's just sit here in awkward silence.
- Hey.
to hear me say it...
Aw. She's shy.
Did you get my cereal?
Prescription strength.
You know me, I thrive on a balanced breakfast.
Thanks, Riri.
Do you just seriously hate me now?
No.
Can you at least tell me why,
besides the fact that I'm poor and have bad values?
'Cause that's legit my mom's fault.
Is it 'cause I kill bugs? 'Cause you know
that whole catch and release thing is total bullshit.
They die anyways.
It's not that thing
that happened in the bouncy house last year, is it?
'Cause I'm not into you like that.
I didn't think you were.
Good. 'Cause I'm not.
I honestly just felt sorry for you.
Good to know.
Shit.
- Who are you?
I was not ready for my spotlight.
- Always, baby. Always, always. - I know, I know, I know.
And before you... What? Oh, nice.
What?
- What do you think? - I have
no fucking clue, as usual.
Your mom said you would babysit Kai.
Sorry, Kelly. She might want to tell me that next time.
Coach the roach never picked up his kid.
- Fucking deadbeat. - Yeah, fuck that guy.
Him and his fucking football drills.
Hi, Courtney.
Hi, Kelly.
Someone got hot.
- Thanks.
- Jesus, Mom. - What?
- He's 18. Totally legal. - Sorry about that.
Hey, um,
want me to help you look for Alison tomorrow?
Unless you got some other big plans.
- I got nothing. - Cool. I'll hit you up.
- Something you want to tell me?
I'm looking for Kelly Craft.
Hey, it's Alison. Leave a message or don't.
- Fuck.
- Hey, Lennon. - Hi.
Did-did I do something wrong?
I mean, I-I wasn't speeding, was I?
Nope.
Where you coming from?
Is this some profiling thing?
What happened here?
It's Red Rush.
Slushy. I-I spilled.
You should get home.
That-That's it?
Your dad's been trying to reach you.
If I don't go home, you gonna cuff me?
I mean, I know you're into that kind of thing.
That was not cool.
Sending your secret girlfriend
to bring me home? I 1,000% agree.
You want to be treated like an adult,
- you got to act like one. - Oh, you mean like you?
Are you really sure that's what you want?
I get that whatever you saw must have been pretty upsetting.
Yeah, gold medal in understatements.
Well, I'm sure I wouldn't like
what I saw in your phone, either!
That's why we respect each other's privacy!
- Are you done? - No.
Something I need-need to talk to you about. Um...
It's about Johnny.
I-I know.
I'm sorry, honey. Oh, come here.
Like, I swear to whatever god you worship,
it just takes the edge off.
What if I don't have an edge?
You totally do. You need to, like, loosen up.
You'd legit be, like, a fucking ten if you did.
No way.
Let's fuck shit up.
- Whoa.
Uh...
That feels good.
She talked about cutting
Coach's brake lines all the time.
Everyone knows Kelly did it.
She's trash.
He and Johnny were so sweet together.
And they waited till Johnny turned 18.
You don't take a team all-state five years running
without having a big heart.
- Hello?
Jesus. What the fuck is up with you and dumpsters
- these days? - I was going to use the restroom.
Yeah. Bodily functions.
Since when do you smoke?
Sometimes it just makes me feel close to her.
How are you doing?
With, you know, everything?
I mean, we just... We haven't really talked.
I have nothing to say.
You know you want to.
Everyone knows once Coach tied the knot,
Kelly'd get nothing.
I call that motivation.
It's keto.
You lie.
Only to the people I love.
Thanks, Harold.
Sorry about your friend.
Me, too. He was my only real one.
I know it must
feel like that right now.
But, um, well, you've got lots of friends.
You're the tits, Harold.
No, you're the tits.
Goddamn.
You know how hard it was to tell my kid sports camp was canceled?
I love children.
Good to know, Doug.
Seventy-nine percent of all murders
in the United States are committed by friends,
loved ones and acquaintances.
Are we still talking about my kid?
Kelly Craft.
People are talking.
Yeah, I heard.
- [
You're supposed to knock.
Well, you're supposed to answer.
Don't worry, I know the rules.
Live the rest of my life as my sister
and use a condom.
That's a good addition, the condom thing.
So, you...
want to talk about Lyla?
Nope.
Okay. Well...
I-I just...
I just want you to know that...
it is healthy for adults to...
You know, uh...
...try things.
Did you just google what to say to your daughter
when she finds out you're the police chief's
secret sex slave?
Uh...
Maybe not those exact words.
Okay.
Well, if you change your mind,
just let me know.
How long have you two been playing Fifty Shades?
We, uh...
We've been off and on for...
a long time.
Is that why Mom killed herself?
I don't think so.
Your mom had a lot of issues that...
...didn't have anything to do with me.
I-I didn't really help,
but she was a complicated person.
And I'm her daughter.
Hey.
I love you, okay?
You know that, right?
I'd never tell Lyla anything.
- Okay.
We're in this together.
Yeah. Noted.
As a trained observer of human behavior,
you should be aware.
I saw no signs of remorse
when I informed Kelly Craft of Coach Eric Craft's death.
Makes sense seeing as he's her ex-husband.
Public outcry is growing.
I don't care about outcries. I care about evidence.
Agreed. Which is why I'm also in the process
of contacting all the taxidermists on the island.
Okay.
Just covering all the bases.
Hey, Kelly.
Sorry about all this.
- Whatever. He can't read. - Do you mind
if I come in and talk to you for a minute?
I just want to ask a few questions about Coach.
I don't know anything.
Then no harm asking, right?
Come on. Come inside.
Let's go.
Why don't you stay out here.
Miss?
Yeah.
Do you have business in the vicinity?
Just the business of living here.
Well, do you mind showing me some ID to prove that?
- For what? - Hey.
Shiny shoes.
Stay away from my kid.
I'm not looking for trouble.
I was just asking to see some ID.
And threatening to shoot me.
- You all see this incel
with his hand on his weapon?
No, I-I... I made no such threat.
I just caught this pedo piece of shit
trying to harass my kid.
There's no need for that kind of language.
You think you can just pull your gun
and everybody's gonna bow down and suck your cock?
Well, not my kid, pal.
That's not what I was implying. Rein it in.
Now you're telling me how to talk? Right here
in my own house? Can you believe this?
No, I'm not. Please stop filming.
I'm gonna get his badge number
- right now. Let's read that. - Go ahead.
- It's on the Internet. - That's 127D.
Heard about your boy.
- What the fuck is wrong with you? - I'm just saying.
Couldn't have happened to a nicer dude.
Unless it was him.
Right, Big D?
You and Johnny, grad night, man.
Y'all two had it going on. And I remember.
- Someone upped her Adderall again. - What?
No, I was...
- Wait, what are you doing here? - Uh,
I got worried when you didn't show up last night.
So you stalked me?
It's called
consensual following.
I wanted to make sure you weren't, like,
lying bloody and headless on the ground.
Right. Cool. Well, obviously not dead.
Thank God.
I can't stop thinking about Johnny.
I know.
I wasted all year
hating his perfect guts over nothing,
and now I'm never gonna get to see him again.
I just...
I-I don't want the same thing to happen to you.
Yeah. Me, either.
So...
What's up? Dirty panty handoff?
Um...
I'm meeting my stalker,
- I-I think.
That's legit a terrible idea.
- I need to prove it's not Alison.
Fuck off, Kyle!
I'm late for therapy.
Just remember that the same rules apply for killers
as for panty pervs: daylight, public places,
- no secondary location. - I know.
I'm coming, asshole!
Do not die.
I mean it. I will have
a literal Trisha Paytas breakdown if you do.
I'll be careful.
Hello?
- [ Sweet talks...
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Now I got you.
That was super sus, right?
I mean, Dale talking about you and Johnny?
Dale has the mental capacity of an insect.
Something smells disgusting.
It's a cave.
Those cops better not fucking arrest Kelly.
She's got a kid, and we all know
she hasn't done shit besides be poor.
Hello?
Mr. Fairness and Justice for All?
You really think Alison could still be here?
Her name's not here.
Well, yeah, she's not a part of the cult.
It's not just them.
- It's everyone who died in here. - Okay.
So whatever freak show carved them all
probably thinks she ran away like everyone else.
- She didn't run away. - Okay, I know.
I was there. I'm just saying
the names don't mean shit. She's dead.
Then why are you here?
To make sure you don't end up like Johnny.
If Alison wants to kill me for what I did, that's up to her.
Dude, I get it, okay?
You feel bad.
But you didn't do anything wrong.
lose me, I can find you...
I ain't gonna wait...
So, are, um,
- are you having fun? - Uh...
Yeah, it depends on how you define "fun."
- Um, do you... do you want to...? - Oh, sorry.
Uh, no, no, no. It's fine.
- Sorry. - Sorry to the table?
Right. Exactly.
Is she not the cutest thing you ever saw?
on the floor...
Uh, did you want a shot, too, or...?
on the floor...
I can't fucking believe you.
It's my fault she was in the road that night.
I know that your demented OCD brain
is telling you that, but it's not.
I could have stopped it so many times.
No one could have stopped it.
Okay? We all did what we did.
I feel guilty, too.
I thought I saw her take a breath
when we were leaving the cave.
Wait, what?
I mean, it wasn't real.
I'm just... I'm telling you
- that that's what I...
Oh, my gosh.
What's with all the screams, Neve Campbell?
I texted we were coming.
Are you fucking serious?
Sorry I wasn't chill when I thought saw
Zombieland psycho twin over there trying
- to merk us. - Dale just tried
- to attack me. - Are you sure he wasn't making a move?
I mean, I know you two were
into those games.
It wasn't that.
I saw his truck.
He was the one following me.
And we all know he clones phones,
and he saw us that night.
And he was pretty sus about Johnny earlier.
- It's not Dale. - Even if he saw us,
why would he care if we killed Alison?
You're the one he's obsessed with.
Facts.
Oh, unless it was, like, this elaborate plot
to send you running into his arms to save you.
- Très Swimfan. - I thought you hated old movies.
- Only the boring ones. - Okay, can we
please just focus up and talk about how
- we're gonna stop Dale? - I told you,
- Dale didn't do it. - And how are you so fucking sure?
'Cause Alison was alive when we left her here that night.
Riley saw her breathe.
This is extremely upsetting.
She wasn't alive, okay?
Dead people don't breathe.
Just 'cause someone shits themselves doesn't mean
- they're coming to fucking kill you. - What about texting videos?
My sister didn't send that, and I know she's fucking dead.
Look, I killed her. I hit her with the car,
I put her in the trunk, and I left her in this fucking cave.
You think I want any of that to be true?
You think I don't wish Alison was here right now
instead of me?
She would tell you all to shove it
up your bleached assholes, and she wouldn't give a shit
because you are all the worst fucking friends.
And she was right. You don't want
to believe that it was Dale? Fine.
Fuck you. I'll go deal with him myself.
Um...
That was a lot.
Hey.
What are you doing here?
We finished bleaching our assholes early,
so thought we'd help you deal with the psycho killer.
You're welcome.
No, sir, a gorilla head will not do.
I'm looking for a human head.
What kind of human head?
Male. Late teens, early 20s.
- No, we can't help you. - No?
Do you have another type of human head?
I don't get it.
What's not to get? What do we do?
Told you he didn't do it.
Dale was a fucking douchebag,
but he deserved better than this.
I mean, who the fuck even likes Blue Crush anyways?
Everything is so fucked!
- Do you think his dick was blue? - Look, all I know
is that he was the one following me.
That doesn't mean
- he's a killer. - Or he deserved to die.
I mean, what were you doing there before we showed up?
You're not seriously accusing me of being shady right now.
I don't know, maybe I am. Did you see anything?
- No. N-No. I... - Okay, we all need to calm down
and face the fact that Alison did this.
I don't mean to be rude,
but you always said she was a psycho bitch.
Okay, even if she was alive, why would she kill Dale?
Maybe he caught her doing something sus
while he was stalking you. Or maybe she wanted drugs.
Tea. Especially if she's been living in a cave all year.
- That is majorly stressful. - We need to find her.
Dylan. Dylan,
come on. This is Alison we're talking about.
You don't seriously think she's capable of something like this?
Did you think we were capable of doing what we did?
That was an accident.
I don't think any of us know what we're capable of.
- Shit. The cops.
We need to go.
"Waikiki Jungle"]
Hello?
Anybody here?
Hello?
Oh.
Looks like you're overflowing there, buddy.
Shit!
I got a 187 down at the Snak 'n Stuff.
We found what looks like
goat guts in the dumpster.
Let's get it tested.
- Surveillance footage? - It's been absconded with.
But I did find
a felonious amount of drugs hidden in the corn dogs.
So, that's it?
yeah, I can bring a girl...
I'm sorry.
to hear me say it...
I'm sorry.
I'm-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You're not seriously
saving yourself for Alison, are you? 'Cause...
you know she's never gonna fuck you!
Let's fuck shit up.
You know you want to.
can we throw it down again...
Can't fucking believe you.
to hear me say it...
I think I might be a bad person.
You're not actually a good guy, you know?
You're just a chickenshit.
- Mm, she is ready. - Mm-hmm.
Is that mine?
Some of it.
She needs a night out after what she's been through.
- Oh, you like that? - Yeah.
Whee!