♪ La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
-[grunts] -Mmm.
-[wind swooshing] -[groans]
[clears throat] Great coldtaurs,
we have traveled for weeks to reach your cold but beautiful land.
-We have one request for-- -[grunts]
I'm gonna stop you right there.
Thanks to you and your musical road show,
everyone in Centaurworld knows about the war.
And you can count us in.
Oh, that was easy.
Don't get excited. We're siding with the Nowhere King.
All hail the Nowhere King!
[gasps] Stableton!
[scoffs]
Those are no-no words.
Go to the bad-boy-baby-boy time-out zone.
Why would you do that? Why would you join the Nowhere King?
All hail the Nowhere King!
-Uh, because it's freezing up here. Duh! -Yeah, what's your point?
-My point is, the Nowhere "King…" -All hail the Nowhere King!
…he's a king, right? He's got money.
-He can buy us warm stuff. -[shivering]
Warm stuff? What are you talking about?
-I mean, we're so cold. -[shivering]
Then start a fire. [scoffs]
-So cold. -So cold.
You just said that.
-Now you're… You're repeating yourself. -So cold.
All right. I see where this is going.
-♪ Our life here ♪ -♪ [coldtaurs] So cold ♪
♪ Is frozen and thankless ♪
-♪ So cold ♪ -♪ And you may have noticed ♪
♪ We've been fighting over This single blanket ♪
-[groans] -♪ So cold ♪
♪ We can't even eat our soup Before the ice cubes start to form ♪
♪ Why don't you move To someplace where it's warm? ♪
-♪ 'Cause then we'd be too hot, you see ♪ -♪ No, I don't see ♪
♪ Because you guys are all confusing me ♪
♪ Look, we're so cold ♪
♪ And we don't owe you anything We've sworn our fealty to the king ♪
-The Nowhere King. -All hail the Nowhere King!
[shivering]
Are you guys cold, or are you really just afraid?
[bings]
-[coldtaurs] No way, José. Right? -[chattering]
-Right. -Yeah, right.
Hm, sounds like textbook reaction formation to me.
Hey, Horse, how many snowmen do you think I could fit in here?
Trick question. The answer is all of them.
[laughing, grunts]
Yeah, we figured the Nowhere King could make us warm, so…
-we should fight for that guy. -Mhm.
But… [chuckles]
…you'd be fighting against us.
Yeah, sure, but it's only awkward if you make it awkward.
[chuckles] Should we run?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You don't need to run.
We'll give you a head start.
What do you think? Should we do, like, 20, 30 paces?
Uh…
[stuttering] I… I… I'd give 'em 100 meters.
But, uh… I don't know how many paces are in a meter.
All right.
We're just gonna use paces, okay? Thank you.
Anyway, so, you guys got--
[wind blowing]
Oh, they're gone.
[Narwhaltaur] Probably, like, a hu… 100 meters away.
-Gi… Give or take 50 paces. -[wind blowing]
[Wammawink] ♪ In Centaurworld ♪
-[neighing] -[vocalizing]
[squeaks]
[panting]
-♪ Way to flonkin' go, Horse! ♪ -[squeaks]
What are you talking about, Ched?
-Uh, you scared them… -[panting]
…into joining the wrong team with your stupid recruitment song.
I never even sang to them.
It… It… It doesn't matter. Your song made the rounds,and it was so bad
that they did the exact opposite of what you sang about, Horse!
B… B… But on the bright side,
it… It became a real Centaurworld earworm-taur.
I heard the moletaurs did a great remix in their underground clubs.
Ah!
That would be correct.
Comfortable Doug?
[sighs]
Hello. It is a deep shame to hear
that you have turned the non-coats into turncoats.
[pops]
Coldtaurs are not the kind of adversary you want to have on the battlefield.
They are so big. Just look at them.
-Also, they have killer whaletaurs. -Ah!
-Ooh. -They are the hammers.
-Wow. -[grunts]
-[dry roaring] -Ah.
Stupid.
[sighs] Okay, new plan.
We can't let those guys leave the arctic. We have to break up this ice.
We'll create a barrier of water between us and them.
[upbeat music playing]
[crackling]
-[groaning] -[centaurs] Use your back leg!
Look at them go. Wow.
Hm. [grunts]
[whirring]
Hyah!
[murmurs]
[bubbling]
Huh, that was easy.
This will slow them down until we have a better plan.
Hey, where… Where's Glandale?
I legally am blind, and even I, Comfortable Douglas,
can see that your reindeer wife is over there.
[whimpering] Oh, no! Oh!
Wammawink, you forgot Glendale again.
[humming, gargling]
This is highly irresponsible.
What did I tell you about interrupting Mommy's special…
[clears throat] …snow cone time?
Glendale, left behind by you again.
Yes, okay, but why are we all looking at me?
Everything I do, I do for her.
And what does she do?
She runs. She steals.
I didn't teach her that.
Wammawink, it's okay.
Good parenting is about bad parenting.
Oh, I am not taking parenting advice
from someone who stores their make-believe son
inside of my make-believe daughter's portal tummy.
[gasps]
He's got a room in there.
With posters!
I didn't abandon her! She's a runaway!
[whimpering] Whoa. Whoa!
It's so slippy out here. Oh!
Let's go retrieve her.
Wammawink, are you crazy? We just broke up all this ice.
-[Comfortable Doug] Wow. -[whimpering]
I pity whatever pathetic creature enters these waters.
[gasps]
It would surely result
in the slow degeneration of one's faculties,
blinking out like the light of infinite dead stars.
A horror show filmed in a cold castle for its trapped inhabitants,
the unfeeling caw of eternity
resounding like an echo in the cosmos of brutality.
-Okay, bye. -[pops]
[squeaks, fluttering]
-Zulius, you're a swimmer. Could you-- -Nope. Can't swim across that.
Right. [sighs]
[humming]
Wammawink, put those knitting needles to work.
-We need a rope bridge to get across. -On it, baby girl.
[screaming]
-Ched, can you fly us over there? -Are you kidding me?
I am the only one who didn't get a free ride from those albatrosstaurs.
I flew all the way from the sky region and boy, are my arms tired.
-[crickets chirping] -[coughing]
Guys, there's a situation happening over there.
[humming, singing]
Wammawink, don't freak out, but we need you to knit faster.
[gasps] If something happens to her, I'll never forgive ourselves.
-[jackhammering] -[stammering]
It's okay. Glendale knows stranger danger.
Hm?
Huh? Huh? Huh?
Ha-he-ha-he-hoo.
Run, Glendale, run! Run!
Why isn't she running?
Gigglecakes and I think this is very bad news for all of you.
Comfortable Doug? Ugh! I'm working on a deadline here. Come on!
If anyone were susceptible to forming a psychological alliance
with their captors during captivity, it would be that one.
Didn't you leave?
I am a citizen of the infinite.
My comings and goings cannot be comprehended by the mortal mind.
Okay, could you help us get to our friend?
[drumroll]
[fluttering]
Hmm…
Me?
[drumroll continues]
[inhales]
[inhaling continues]
No.
Okay, bye again, for realsies this time.
[sighs]
[Glendale] Oh, no!
Wait, are you kidding me?
I was supposed to recruit these guys. Now they've got one of ours instead?
Not today. [grunts]
[slow motion] Nuts to this!
Ah!
Oh, no!
Now we have to save Glendale and thaw Horse out of the ice!
Do we have to unfreeze Horse?
Come on, don't you think it'd be a lot cooler if we didn't?
[light clapping]
Get it?
-Cooler? Cold? Ice joke? Ched for the win. -[crickets chirping]
[snarls]
[grunts]
[groans]
[grunts]
Somehow the Nowhere King is using the key to make more dangerous Minotaurs.
I can't use my magic to escape.
He's got my jail cell all gooped up with this… goop.
Here's what you gotta do. First, knock out those two guards.
Then go down the hallway about 15 paces,
give or take two to three paces,
steal the key piece from that monster-making machine,
and get it as far away from here as possible.
It all falls on you to stop the Nowhere King.
[bings]
[squeaks, chittering]
[stealth music playing]
-[grunts] -[groans]
[snickering]
[groans]
-[singing operatically] -[grunts]
What are you doing?
[operatic singing continues]
[grunts]
[sighs] Flonk.
[jazz music playing]
[grunts, sighs]
-All right. Let's go. -Uh, Wammawink,
aren't you forgetting someone?
Oh, you didn't let me finish.
I was going to say, "All right. Let's go unfreeze Horse, my best friend."
Um, how exactly?
All right.
Time for Durple-drop!
-Um, what is that? -[chuckles]
[clock ticking]
♪ Aw, drop! ♪
♪ Drop, Durple-drop Drop, drop, Durple-drop ♪
♪ Drop, drop, Durple-drop ♪
-♪ Drop, drop, Durple-drop ♪ -♪ Where's this elevator goin'? ♪
-♪ To the top! ♪ -♪ Everybody come aboard the Durple-drop ♪
-♪ What's a Durple-drop? ♪ -♪ I'll show you at the top ♪
-♪ Drop, drop, Durple-drop ♪ -♪ Say you've got a friend frozen in ice ♪
♪ Don't leave 'em in the ice, Do somethin' nice ♪
♪ Use Durple-neck, To take 'em to the top ♪
♪ We'll see you at the bottom Of the Durple-drop ♪
♪ Drop! ♪
[screaming]
[grunts]
[gasps]
[shivering]
Hey, Glenny Glenny Ding Dong, got another batch for youse.
-Will these all fit? -Of course.
Everything will end up in there eventually.
Ha! This gal.
[murmurs]
Nuts to this. We're too late. They've already gotten in her head.
[chuckles] That's the fastest conversion I've ever seen.
[Glendale] Chilly Willy!
I'll be right back. I'm gonna go grab some more of these.
-Hm. -[murmurs]
Hm.
-[grunts] -Wow.
[gasps] Glendale!
Look at what they've done to you, my baby!
Oh, we have to get you out of these cold chains.
Cold chains? Naw. This my skippy rope.
-[grunts] -Hm.
Hey! Where you goin'?
If you're sticking around for temple dinner,
you should all come to my talk tonight.
♪ Gigglecakes and icing One potato, four ♪
♪ Beartaurs from the cabbage patch Are knocking at your door… ♪
It's worse than we thought. She's playing with their children.
We've got to do an extraction.
I got an idea. Let's put Horse back in the ice cube.
Zulius is right. It's a reconnaissance mission.
We'll wait until after t… Temple…
Temple dinner.
Temple din… Temple dinner.
[upbeat music playing]
Hey, hey, hey. Hey!
I have not come for a kiss,
though I concede that you are a bootiful queen who has got it going on.
Snap. Snap.
[grunts]
[bings]
[grunts]
Comfortable Doug? What are you doing here?
I'm on vacation.
This is my comfortable timeshare.
Nothing helps a Comfortable Doug unwind
like spending time in exotic jail cells.
The real question is, what are you doing here
in my timeshare?
Yeah, oka… Okay, ju… Just give me a second.
I gotta knock out these guards.
[upbeat music playing]
Whoa!
[snarls, roars]
Ha! [chuckles]
[murmurs]
[roars]
-[screams] -[yelps]
Oh my goose.
He is dead.
Now you have to kill the other one.
He will wake up and see he has killed his friend. [chuckles]
When you have two adversaries, it is always a double homicide.
[donks]
Shut up and listen. Here's what you gotta do.
First, go down the hallway about 15 paces--
Excuse me. This is sounding like a mission of some kind.
I am not the hero of your story, but I am the hero of my story.
Gah! Why are you like this?
Comfortable Douglas shows up where he is needed sometimes.
Do I always help?
Oh! Ooh! [murmurs]
Can you just deliver a message, then?
Ha! Of course. Who does that? Me does that.
I need you to go to Rider.
[screeches]
Ched, it's time for Drop-eration Durple-drop.
-It's different from the other one. -No, we're not doing that.
This is a reconnaissance mission. We gotta be stealth.
Hm. Hey, guys. My friends are here!
Glendale, no!
[growls]
This is Horse. She's not from around here.
She's got, let's see, four legs and no arms and only one rib cage.
And then this is Durpleton. He's very tall.
Wammawink's pink and she's fluffy
and really, really struggles with parenting.
All right. We don't need to know their names.
A personal connection makes it harder for me to kill 'em, Glenny Ding Dong.
You guys could kill all of my friends…
Wait, don't!
…but, to me, it seems like you're all… [bing]
[murmurs]
-Guys, you know, like you're all… -[squeaks]
Uh, projecting?
That's right. And what are you projecting?
Projecting our inability to control the unpredictable brutality of nature
by answering the violence perpetrated on our psyches
by externalizing violence onto other centaurs around us.
Yeah, thought so.
And that's why I think you're ready.
Let's move on to the follow-up course.
Ooh!
Follow-up to what?
Thank you all for a lovely temple dinner.
Now, this talk is brought to you by Herd Words.
Herd Words. It's all herd, all the terd.
[applauding]
[clapping]
-Neck hair. All hair. -[electronic sounds]
A bag full of mismatched wheels for toy trains.
[scoffs] Nowhere Kings.
All hail the Nowhere King!
Yeah, we'll… We'll work on that.
Is our Glendale doing, uh, uh, public speaking?
Dentures. Kombucha. Parasitic wormtaurs. Anaerobic bacteria.
That's a big one up here where there's not a lot of air, am I right?
Hot tubes. Cold tubes.
Tubes in general.
Like all of you, my anxieties are many,
and my coping mechanisms are…
[chuckles] …few.
So few. What am I scared of?
-What "amn't" I scared of? -[squeaking]
Yes, you know. [chuckles]
This gal knows.
She, uh, Sh… She got me. So when are we gonna kill these guys, huh?
You're not, because I have all of your weapons.
-[coldtaurs] How does she do that? -[Ched] She's a genius!
You can have them all back after this presentation.
Ah, never mind.
[gasps] My baby's brain betrayed me!
With goose as my witness, I shall not rest until--
Keep it down. I didn't complete the coursework in part one to come here
and not even be able to hear part two. It's where all the good stuff is.
♪ So cold ♪
♪ So frozen ♪
♪ So nervous, so hopeless, so drear ♪
♪ Is it the temperature ♪
♪ That's got you down, friends? Or perhaps it is your-- ♪
Existential fear?
That's right.
♪ You see, so many things can trigger The centaurs with overactive amygdalas ♪
♪ But that's okay If your brain's made that way ♪
-Okay, then, like, what do we do? -I'm so glad you asked.
Everybody, look under your seats.
[chattering]
-♪ You can breathe in a bag ♪ -♪ Breathe in a bag? ♪
-♪ Just breathe in a bag ♪ -♪ Breathe in a bag! ♪
♪ Inhale, exhale, my name ain't Glendale If you still feel sad ♪
I feel kinda better.
♪ The world can be cruel and depraved And we're struggling under its weight ♪
♪ Just remember you aren't alone When you think life's a drag ♪
♪ You can breathe in a bag ♪
This has been helpful, but we're still going with the Nowhere King.
All hail the Nowhere King!
♪ Sometimes we hide from the scary things By trying to side with those very things ♪
♪ In this case, that'd be the Nowhere King He's a false savior ♪
♪ You might feel initial relief But I promise you it will be brief ♪
♪ 'Cause this is a case of-- ♪
-Unhealthy attachment behavior? -You got this.
-♪ Now breathe in a bag ♪ -♪ Breathe in a bag! ♪
-♪ Breathe in a bag ♪ -♪ Breathe in a bag ♪
♪ Things are scary and freezing That's the reason I gave you this swag ♪
Thank you, Glendale!
♪ We might always feel a bit nervous But… ♪
♪ Even folks like us have a purpose ♪
♪ Will you stand with me ♪
♪ And fly this anxious flag? ♪
-[squawks] -[murmurs]
♪ 'Cause we don't need the Nowhere King ♪
♪ We believe in ourselves And we're breathing into ♪
♪ Our bags ♪
[party horns whistling]
All hail Glendale!
On your way out, you can grab your weapon and a copy of my new book,
My Tummy, Your Hurts: Saying No to the Yes of Stress.
-[Glendale] Yes, yes. thought so. -All hail Glendale!
[applauding]
[clapping]
Keep those weapons sharp
and always remember, anxiety is just--
Fear plus a fantastic imagination.
That's right. Yes.
You've been listening.
I love that. I love it.
-[Glendale] Well, that was easy. Mhm. -[groans]
Oh, I'm so proud of her.
I honestly thought for a second that her brains got scrambled
and that she was going to pledge fealty to the Nowhere King.
-Same. -Same.
But instead, she… Ah, she saw herself in these panic-stricken centaurs
-and she used her empathy… -[murmurs]
…to figure out how to reach them.
Empathy, eh? Yeah, sounds like somethin'.
Empathy, man. Yeah.
-Empathy. -[flutters]
I guess I thought it was my job to rally the troops, you know?
It's the reason I didn't go back with Rider.
Well, you still have an important role to play here in Centaurworld. [laughing]
But also, there are probably other reasons you'd stay, right? Right?
Friends? Certain friends?
Specific friends, maybe? [chuckles]
Uh, me? Me, maybe? Wammawink? Hm?
Oh, she does have an important role.
Wait, what? No! No!
[yelling]
[Durpleton] Durple-drop!
-[yelling] -[grunts]
[Ched chuckles] Boom. Ice cube. Told ya.
[Durpleton] Hey, if we ever come back, do you think it'd be okay
if I asked a bunch of the puffintaurs to just pile on top of me for a while?
Or would that be weird? Thank you. Please advise. Love, Durpleton.
[mysterious music playing]
[slurping]
[flutters]
Ah, ah. Use your words.
[neighs]
-Good girl. -[crunching]
You're welcome.
-[neighs] -Becky Apples, heel!
Oh! Go… My Lord! What are you?
I have come from afar with a message of words.
[clears throat]
Oh, boy. I must do this fast.
-My ink is running away. -[panting]
"The Nowhere King is using a magical artifact
to create super beasts."
So many super beasts. Boulder shoulders. Legs for days. Winged tentacles.
One of them is bear parts. Also, have you seen a pangolin before?
They've got… Got these, like, weird, odd spike scale things.
It's very disturbing!
In all my years, I have never encountered such sublime strength, Rebecca Apples!
[dings]
[closing theme music playing]
[Horse galloping]
[neighing]
[whimsical music playing]