♪ La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
-[grunts] -Mmm.
♪ I'd like to bring you up to date On my adventures as of late ♪
♪ When last I saw you I was looking for the pieces of the key ♪
♪ You see, I found them all And then I found my Rider ♪
♪ We went home together, but we got stuck In the Nowhere Place between the portals ♪
♪ Congratulations are in order Horse and Rider reunited ♪
Well, uh, okay, so… So there's actually just a couple more things. Uh…
Let me finish.
♪ There inside the Rift The Nowhere King was lurking ♪
♪ Waiting to be freed And accidentally, I released him ♪
♪ Whoopsie-daisy! Here's the rub ♪
♪ He's coming now, he's got an army And we'll need one too ♪
♪ So I returned to Centaurworld To hopefully recruit you all to fight ♪
♪ Your problems Don't concern the underground ♪
♪ But your interruptions here Are quite upsetting ♪
-Moist. -♪ You clearly can't read the room ♪
♪ But if you take a look around ♪
♪You'll see you and your herd Just crashed a moletaur wedding ♪
♪ I mean, come on ♪
Okay, yeah. Uh, guys, this is totally a wedding.
-[Wammawink] What? -Yeah, I see that now.
-Oh, my gosh. We're so sorry. -You got a little dress on and everything.
[crying]
B… But anyway, since, uh, I'm already here… [chuckles]
♪ I was hoping to recruit you all To fight the war ♪
-♪ What war? ♪ -♪ War that's coming ♪
♪ There's a horde with swords Minotaurs will set this place ablaze ♪
♪ No way Can we bake s'mores? ♪
♪ No! Not that kind of fire It's the kind that kills and harms ♪
♪ I've seen it in my world so many times We must prepare an army ♪
♪ So ♪
♪ I'd like to invite you all To join us in the fight ♪
♪ 'Cause if you don't Then you maybe will die ♪
♪ And you maybe will anyway ♪
-♪ Me? ♪ -♪ The little one ♪
-♪ She's talking to you ♪ -♪ No, not you, that one ♪
♪ Maybe both of you If I'm being perfectly honest ♪
-♪ Way to flonkin' go, Horse! ♪ -I do not need this right now.
♪ You're scarin' everyone to death Big surprise ♪
-You brought us back to the beartaur? -Look, we can't pick and choose.
-We need everyone. - I am not going in there.
-[Durpleton] Me neither. -I'm not going in there.
This is your thing. You go in. I'm not going.
[shudders] He tried to make me part of his collection.
♪ The last time you were here All you did was kick and steal from us ♪
♪ All you did was kick a tree And steal our stuff ♪
Okay, you're right. I… I'm sorry.
♪ How does it feel to kick a tree? ♪
♪ We don't know because we're trees And we don't kick each other ♪
I'm… I'm sorry.
Yeah, I told you we never should've done that.
What? No, you didn't. You kicked her too.
-♪ We don't steal from each other ♪ -I didn't have anything to do with that.
-That was all Horse. -I should've kicked you, Ched!
♪ If you're askin' for our help Then we say no ♪
-♪ No? ♪ -♪ No ♪
-♪ No ♪
[growls]
Okay. Thank you for your time. [chuckles] I guess.
[Wammawink] ♪ In Centaurworld ♪
-[neighing] -[vocalizing]
[squeaks]
-[grunts] -[Glendale] My arms!
[Horse] No one wants to fight to protect Centaurworld?
No one?
-[panting] -Well, you did your best, Horse.
On the bright side, we did totally ruin a wedding though. That's cool.
-That was an accident. -You didn't recruit anybody, Horse.
-Nothing. Nada. -I know that, Ched.
Kinda weird you went to the trouble of performing a recruitment song, Horse.
I know that, Ched!
If you don't mind some constructive criticism…
Okay. I liked the song. I did.
But what I didn't like was the words.
You sang about a lot of scary things and, well, I'm a dad now.
You think anybody sang me a song when it was time for war in my world? No.
They threw a saddle on me,
strapped a feed bag around my head, and threw me out into the chaos.
And guess what? I was fine. You know why?
Because we horses, we get it.
Wait a minute. You guys, do you have horsetaurs here?
-Oh, yeah. -[Zulius] Oh, them again.
You mean Centaurs TM? Please.
TM?
The horsetaurs sued everyone
for the trademark to own the name "Centaurs" TM.
-Because they are the worst. -Why didn't we think of this before?
-Because they're the worst. -You would think that, Ched.
[gasps] Do they look like me?
[creaks]
I mean, do they look like what I used to look like when I first got here?
[chuckles] You know, legs for days,
one percent body fat, a thick triangle of muscle on either side of their neck
from their boulder shoulders to their ears.
Yeah, I guess. But they're also pretty into themselves.
Not in an endearing-as-a-character-trait kind of way.
Okay.
[scoffs] The horsetaurs are really just very…
[whimpers]
…challenging.
Like you when you first got here.
Yes.
Yes. They're buff.
Look, if you're going to get them, I am not going with you guys.
Sounds like a plan. Let's go.
[chuckles] Chuff.
[grunts] What are these stupid walls for? No one wants in, horsetaurs.
Ha! Now this is a fortress.
It's for the protection. See? They're thinking like warriors.
You know, all this talk about warriors, death, and destruction
is making it really hard for Stabby to sleep.
Who's Stabby?
Stabby, my boy-child.
[snarls]
So can we cut back on the scary talk, please?
[bings]
Okay, fine.
Greetings, Centaurs TM. Uh…
I am Horse from not here. Uh…
I have come to seek audience with your leadership.
[coughing]
Told ya. See, nobody listens to Ched. This was not worth our time.
Well, speak for yourself.
Hey, you. Yeah, you.
[grunts] Ah!
Oh yeah, get in there. Oh, got time for one more.
Mm! One more shiny things!
Whoa, I got it! I got it!
[screaming]
You'll never take me alive!
[gasps]
[yelling]
Yes! Yes! Yes!
[Horse] Wide chests!
-Boulder shoulders! -[Ched] Oh, big boys.
V-tapered physiques! [chuckles]
This is exactly what I--
-Oh, no. -[balloon deflates]
Uh, hi. [chuckles]
My herd and I have come to--
Hm! Name?
Um, Horse. [chuckles]
I don't see a Horse.
Oh, yeah, yeah, you didn't let me finish. I mean, uh…
What's a dumb Centaurworld name?
Horsatia Wighair?
What?
Last name?
Uh…
Wait, last name?
Whoa, is this actually working?
Okay, time to roll the dice.
[gags] Beanzs?
Hm, let's see here, my dear. Is that with an S or a Zed?
Mm, both? [chuckles]
Let's have a look.
Ah! Here you are.
Welcome, Ms. Beanzs.
Horsatia Wighair Beanzs? Seriously?
[laughing]
I am so good!
-[dings] -[laughing]
The bellhop will take your, um…
[clicks tongue] Uh, luggage.
-No! -No, don't steal me!
Excuse me! We are not luggage!
I'll be okay.
Mm, boulder shoulders.
[upbeat music playing]
[laughing]
Ooh! Ooh. Ha! Ha! Ha!
I am in the right place.
[evil laughing]
I have the Viscountess Horsatia Wighair Beanzs
of the Chatterly-on-Whist Beanzs Wighair Beanzs family.
Oh, welcome. I've heard the Whist Beanzs is lovely this time of year.
Very warm water.
Yep. Warm. Which way to your leader?
Oh, uh, well, I can show you to your table, madam.
Thank you, Pliptoria.
[squeaks]
[gasps]
[majestic classical music playing]
Hyah!
[grunts]
[neighing]
[grunts]
[neighing]
[man] Whoa, whoa, whoa. Settle down. Settle down.
What's got you spooked, huh?
Is it that knocking sound?
-[water swooshing] -[knocking]
Oh yeah, it must be that knocking sound. That girl over there, tapping her foot.
Don't worry. She's just nervous.
You know what? Why don't you mind your own business, Butch?
Stupid stablehands. They're all alike. All of 'em…
Oh, uh, uh… You're right. I'm very sorry.
-[sighs] -[soft music playing]
Look, I get it. I was a stablehand once too.
You're ambitious. You wanna get noticed. Wanna be a soldier.
But you got to respect the chain of command.
You're right. I… I appreciate the advice.
Don't mention it. Hey, you're pretty good at braids.
You know, she… She kinda reminds me of my horse.
Really? Huh.
That's weird, because in your letter,
it says that your horse looks like
"T… Two… Two beach balls had a weird kid."
Oh… Oh… Oh, man.
-You… You… You're the General. -[squeaks]
Ha! Of course.
Yeah. Actually, you wrote a lot of stuff in here. Um…
It was a lot to follow.
Th… Th… Th… This is… [stammering]
I've never… I've… I've never met you before.
I tech… Technically… Mm… I mean, technically, I did…
All right, settle down. You're not in trouble.
People don't usually recognize me without my general helmet,
but it's, uh, it's broken at the moment. Gotta get it repaired.
Sounds like we'll be fighting a war in both our world and this Centaurworld.
Oh, my gosh. You believe me?
Some of us have always believed there was a time before the war
when this world was connected to another.
The hope of magic in the universe
is one of the few things that kept us gnarled, old warriors going.
I'll need my best soldiers and they'll need their best horses.
And you get Becky.
What? Really? You're… You're giving me your horse?
That's not my horse. That's Gary's horse.
Though we haven't seen that guy in a while.
Oh.
Thanks?
[General chuckles] Don't thank me yet.
She's difficult.
[gruffs, flutters]
[Wammawink] Horse. Horse. Horse. Horse.
-Baby girl. -[shrieks] Oh, it's you.
-Psst, Horse. -Yes, I know. Hi.
Where have you been?
We were back there with the luggage.
Surprisingly, there's very little security here. Also--
-You don't need to whisper. -[bings]
It's dirtier than you'd think back there.
Ah! Shoo! Shoo!
[chittering]
Stabby was very uncomfortable.
[snarls]
Stabby?
[hissing] My name is Phillip Bonecrunch.
But you were stabbed, so you're Stabby now.
And you can call me Daddleton.
Yeah, whatever. The horsetaurs are about to show their feats of strength.
-[horsetaurs] The Duchess! -The Duchess!
Presenting the Duchess,
Lady Baroness, Her Ladyest Ladyship,
Miss Madam Lambsbury of Centaurs TM.
[applauding]
That must be the leader.
Well, look at the boulder shoulders on these two.
Ooh, their heads are so much smaller than their bodies!
What's that? Ooh! Big announcement. That's right.
Thank you all for joining us for high tea.
Who's a what now?
Oh, you're right. No one cares about tea. We know what you're here for.
It's almost time to watch these big boys go!
[grunts]
Guys, these are our future allies about to show their stuff.
Oh, grease lads, grease me.
How do I get that job?
[grunts]
Yes.
Hm. Mhm.
Yes.
En garde.
-[gasps] -[chuckles]
[grunts]
Yes! Oh, what?
[opera music playing]
En garde!
Clap! Clap! Clap!
Now with my hands!
I'm doing it! I'm doing it!
[chuckles]
-[groans] -Oh no, he didn't!
-Now, now, old chap. -Nay, I say.
-Boo! -Boo!
What is happening?
Oh, what do you think of that? He's gone and stepped on a tulip.
As you all know, and the name poorly implies,
the one who steps on a tulip first
loses the game.
Goodbye, Chestberg! [laughing]
Put me in. Put me in. [laughs]
[sobbing]
Stabby, I want you to know that none of this is normal.
[snarls] Seems.
Let's reset for round two of 3,032--
What? What now?
I gotta get to the sprinkle spronkle toot toot bin?
Well, that's news to me. Off I go!
What a doo-doo show. [laughing]
All right, Ched. So they do that. Doesn't mean they can't be good warriors.
I'm just gonna… I'm gonna go talk to her.
-[chittering] -Ah!
Bellhop! I told you to put The Lady Wighair Beanzs' accoutrement
in the luggage room.
Oh, no. Please don't put me back in the room with everybody's valuables.
[Glendale] Oof, I hate it.
[classical music playing]
Ched, why are you even here?
I know these guys.
You could say we have a history.
You might need my help.
A history? [chuckles]
Okay, whatever. We'll talk about this another time.
You, me, brunch, virgin Bloody Marys, whatever.
There you go with brunch. We never get together for brunch.
Uh, hi. Excuse--
I'm getting powdered.
Yes, yes. Well, sorry to bother you, Miss… Mrs., uh, Lady Centaur--
Please! Oh, please.
The Wighair Beanzses have been attending high tea for centaur-ies!
Call me by my first name.
Sure, uh, okay. Um… Uh…
Another dumb Centaurworld name.
Malangella?
What? Oh, that's me! [laughing]
You got it! Malangella. [laughing]
Yes! I am on today.
I know that thing, Mama!
Is she talkin' to you?
-Malandrew! -Oh no.
Malandrew! Malandrew!
[chuckles] Yes, Grandmama?
Demon. Demon.
Come see! It's Chederick!
I mean, Chederick Chedward Chedlington Chedison Chedboy.
-[Ched] What the… -Welcome back, friend. [echoing]
-[screams] -Slippidy doo-dah!
Dude, she just touched me!
Dude, we need their help.
Play it cool.
[clears throat]
Centaurworld needs you.
Not everyone has walls like these to protect them.
Oh, you mean the poors? Course they don't.
They're poor! That's why we call them that. [laughing]
We don't name things nonsense around here.
Hey, look, a painting.
And it moves.
Everyone here is jacked.
You've got all these weapons and a literal fortress.
You have the opportunity to use all this stuff to help Centaurworld.
[gasps] There's a word for that. It's privilege!
[laughing]
Also, do I though? Hm?
Yes. Without your help, everyone in Centaurworld will die.
Okay, so what you're saying is if I don't use my privilege,
we'll have less riffraffity?
Yes.
[inhales] Sold!
See? Terrible.
Somebody watch my hat.
♪ I've heard it said With great privilege comes great power ♪
♪ This is true But life here is no easy thing, you see ♪
♪ Okay? ♪
♪ You probably think ♪
♪ We while away the days Throwing balls behind our walls ♪
♪ We do! ♪
♪ But a privilege is a burden, actually ♪
[scoffs]
♪ But even walls as high as yours Won't keep the fighting from your door ♪
♪ You guys are horses Do your job and join the war ♪
All right, you're wasting your time. Look.
♪ Well, you can keep your seven courses With your fancy hats and corsets ♪
-♪ Crinoline attire and powdered wigs ♪ -♪ Quite bold of you ♪
♪ In minutes, Minotaurs will mangle All this gilded dingle-dangle ♪
♪ Roast you on a pit fire like a pig ♪
-Ched! -What, Horse?
♪ We came here for their help And now you're only thinking of yourself ♪
♪ Ah, let 'em have Their balls behind the walls ♪
♪ These weird tulip dances ♪
♪ The endless clitter-clatter Of all these stupid champagne glasses ♪
♪ The dinner pitter-patter Cocktail dress table manners ♪
♪ Country-club croquet disaster ♪
♪ I hope the Minotaurs Come and kick your-- ♪
♪ But alas Look at the time ♪
♪ Such a lovely song Now I hope you run along ♪
♪ It's truly been my privilege ♪
[gargling]
[laughing, sighs]
So is that a yes, or…
-I couldn't quite tell. -What? Oh, sorry.
I was just entering REM sleep.
The answer is no.
-[snoring] -Thanks for nothing.
Hey, Malandrew. Yeah, I know you're hiding behind that screen, dummy.
-[gasps] -I just want you to know
I got your candy paddle. Mm.
And I'm taking it with me, because payback sucks, Malandrew!
-[pops] -You know he's my age, right? Pfft.
-[shattering] -Forever boy.
[chittering]
[roaring]
The… The… The bellhop has your luggage, milady.
-[grunts] -[Zulius] Call me.
Well, that was a bust.
I know, you all told me. I don't want to hear any "told ya so"s.
[raspberry]
Not a total bust.
Look who finally fell asleep.
[slithers, snores]
Someone needs to give that guy some antibiotics.
Seriously. Why is Rider's knife still in there?
[hushing]
See? All you ever talk about is war stuff.
But when I got him away from all that, he finally went night night.
Nah, man, I just know an infection when I see it. It… It looks really bad.
♪ From the outside it would seem ♪
♪ We're not alike ♪
[rattling]
♪ But if you're like me And, I mean, you surely could be ♪
♪ Then you might be afraid You're gonna have to join the fight ♪
♪ You've probably known this life of war ♪
♪ For so long You've forgotten what it's for ♪
♪ And your armor can't protect you From the fear you feel inside ♪
♪ And the war is coming now, you see There's nowhere left to hide ♪
[snarls]
♪ But you're okay ♪
♪ You're all right ♪
♪ I'll never ever leave ♪
♪ Your side ♪
[hissing]
-[grunts] -♪ I will stay ♪
♪ My little guy ♪
[coos, snarls]
♪ With you ♪
My little guy. [gasps]
-Aw. -The son has become the father.
Aw, thank you.
-[screams] -Guys, we're being watched.
[hissing]
Ah! It's those dirty creeptaurs from the fortress.
Whoa, whoa, be cool.
This hiss is just a thing. It's just… It's just a, uh…
defiance disorder.
I've got no control over it. We come in peace to join your war.
[hissing] Sorry. Sorry.
[hissing] It's not me. Don't take it personally.
What?
[yelling]
We, uh, heard what you said about protecting Centaurworld.
We're in.
-[trashtaurs] Let's do it! Let's do war. -Who likes to fight?
Okay. Well, there's a lot of you, so that's something.
And there's all our diseases too. [wheezes]
[laughing]
Okay. Well, this is not exactly what I had in mind, but, uh…
-[shrieks] -…welcome to the army.
[intense music playing]
[chirping]
It's quite dark, Horsatio.
Do you think we'll make it for high tea and tulip stepping?
Yes, of course we'll make it, Horsatia.
We didn't come all the way from the Chatterly-on-Whist Beansz
or my name isn't Viscount Horsatio Wighair Beansz
with an S und a Z.
THE END
[closing theme music playing]
[Horse galloping]
[neighing]
[whimsical music playing]