1 00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:18,319 Hi, stallion. 2 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:21,279 What the fuck? 3 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:24,239 That's him, isn't it? Aye, that's him. 4 00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:25,640 Whip it out, then! 5 00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:31,559 Shit. 6 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:32,960 Can everyone see it? 7 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:37,839 Ooh. 8 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:40,279 Big Dick Mick! Big Dick Mick! 9 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:42,799 Big Dick Mick! Lads, what are yous on about? 10 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:44,639 Rachael told everyone you've got a big dick. 11 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:46,879 EVERYONE is talking about it! What? 12 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,079 Apparently, she tried to suck you off in the car park, 13 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:50,919 but she couldn't fit it in her mouth! 14 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,839 This is brilliant news! I'm so excited for us. 15 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:56,879 Us? Every group's gotta have a lad with a big dick in it. 16 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:58,760 Gives us prestige. 17 00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:02,119 Absolutely not. I don't want to see it or anything! 18 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:04,079 We just need an estimate. Mm-hm. 19 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:05,719 I'll measure it through your trousers. 20 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:08,079 Be sure to get the girth as well. That's just as important. 21 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:09,919 No way. Tommy! Jesus Christ, lads. 22 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,799 We need to know what we're working with here! 23 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,959 I measure mine two or three times a week. 24 00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:16,199 I was wondering what you nicked that microscope for. 25 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:18,679 And here, Mick, wash the tape measure after, 26 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:21,039 my ma needs it back. You get your ma to measure your dick?! 27 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:23,079 Oh, piss off, would ya? Rachael? 28 00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:25,479 Rachael? What's wrong with her? 29 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:27,559 I can't believe you'd spread lies like that, Mick. 30 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:31,239 That's fucked-up! What? I didn't do anything. Who did, then? 31 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:33,559 Everyone's saying she gave you a blowjob in the car park. 32 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,719 She's in bits. She'd never do that. 33 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:36,959 You would. 34 00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:38,599 What did you say? Oh, nothing. 35 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,599 You never messaged me after the other night, 36 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,519 so you can go fuck yourself with your wee squirrel prick. 37 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:44,999 That's from me. 38 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:46,840 And that's from Rachael. 39 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:52,999 You really messed it up with the ladies, there, lads. 40 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:54,999 Niamh would never shout at me at school. 41 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,520 That's because she doesn't go to this school. Or exist. 42 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:00,639 Did she really suck you off? 43 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:03,079 Aye, I can't believe you kept that quiet! 44 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:04,959 I was only round the corner for a few minutes. 45 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:06,839 She must have been goin' like Henry the Hoover 46 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,599 to get you off that quickly. No! Of course not. 47 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:10,880 Fuck sake. 48 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:13,679 How'd that even get about? 49 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:15,679 You know how these things get out of hand. 50 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:18,359 Let's see. Rachael definitely told Siobhan. 51 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:20,399 You know, women tell each other everything. 52 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:22,279 And Siobhan must have told Fionnuala 53 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:23,879 cos they made a pact in primary school 54 00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:25,199 to tell each other everything, 55 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,079 you know, cross their hearts, hope to die. 56 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,959 And then Fionnuala and her brother Jack, they're weirdly close. 57 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:32,439 It's actually kind of creepy, so she must have told him! 58 00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:35,559 And then he told Dermo, cos they've got hurling together on Sundays... 59 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:37,879 Hey, you two, 60 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:39,799 get over here, you two shites! 61 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:43,159 ..then Dermo told my cousin Cahill, who phoned me, 62 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:44,559 and here we are. 63 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:47,279 Somewhere in all of that, it must have gotten muddled up. 64 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:51,080 So Rachael started it by telling Siobhan? 65 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:54,079 It's all her fault? 66 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:56,880 It's not a bad rumour to be going around, to be fair. 67 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:01,599 Where are you going? The bogs. 68 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,000 Don't let it fall in the urinal! 69 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:14,039 Watch where you're going. I know. Some people these days. 70 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:15,920 Honestly. Come on. 71 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:44,039 That's not on silent, you wab! THEY LAUGH 72 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:45,879 What are yous doing? All right, wee man. 73 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:48,879 Just, er, confirming the news. You're stinking! 74 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,319 Whoa. Whoa. Bet it's not as big as mine, though. 75 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:52,560 Go on, helicopter it for me. 76 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:58,159 Get his trousers down. 77 00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:00,319 Whoa! Fuck, Mick. 78 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:02,679 Come on, Big Dick Mick. It's only a wee joke. 79 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:04,600 Come on, whip it out. 80 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:23,599 Rachael. Piss off, Mick! 81 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,079 Did you just go around telling half the school or what? What?! 82 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,719 All these rumours are flying around. It's nothing to do with me! 83 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:31,719 You told Siobhan! No, I just told... 84 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:34,359 I just told her what happened. I didn't make anything up! 85 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:36,439 Siobhan can't keep her mouth shut about anything. 86 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:38,279 She's my best friend! Yeah? 87 00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:40,199 Well, now she's gone and told some pudding girl 88 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,679 who loves her brother or something, 89 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,719 and now everyone's talking about my dick! Who gives a shit about that?! 90 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:46,519 People are saying I gave you a blowjob! 91 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:53,879 They all think I'm some stupid tramp, thanks to you. 92 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:55,839 I didn't say anything! 93 00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:58,439 Mick, the number of guys who asked me to the cinema today, 94 00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:02,279 while their mates stood behind them making blowjob noises... 95 00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:03,600 It's humiliating! 96 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:09,199 Look, I don't know how the rumour started, and I'm sorry, 97 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:10,520 but it wasn't me, OK? 98 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:13,120 I wouldn't do that. 99 00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:16,959 I'll try to put it straight, OK? 100 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:20,039 Yoooo, big lad! 101 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:22,759 Oh, hey. Don't go sucking him off in the corridor, now. 102 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:25,520 Dirty, wee slut. 103 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:32,319 That's setting it straight, is it? 104 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:34,399 Do you know what? Fuck you, Mick. 105 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,719 Even if you didn't start all of this, you're loving it. 106 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:39,280 You're a legend and I'm just a dirty, wee slut! 107 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:44,400 Hope your massive dick gets penis cancer and falls off. 108 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:58,400 Michael! What? I got you that razor you were after. 109 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:09,159 An electric one? Uh-huh. Man at the shop said this one was very popular. 110 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,759 And you don't have to learn how to... 111 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:12,199 You think I don't know how to shave? 112 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,839 No, I just thought this would be handy. 113 00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:16,439 Do you think I'm an idiot? 114 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:18,959 Do you think I'm a fucking child?! Michael. What?! 115 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:22,439 Don't you dare speak to me like that! Why not? I hate you! 116 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:24,439 You don't even know what you're doing, do you?! 117 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:28,159 No, I don't, but I'm trying my very best. 118 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:29,479 Michael. 119 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:32,159 Michael, don't you dare walk away from me when I'm speaking to you! 120 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:34,239 Where do you think you're going? Out! 121 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:36,560 Michael Campbell, you get back here right now! 122 00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:48,879 Mick! Come here, Mick. 123 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:51,919 Piss off. What's all this about you and that wee girl? 124 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:55,319 Nothing. Well, there's rumours going round that she... 125 00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:58,599 You know what they're saying? Yeah, I know, I don't care. 126 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:00,399 Well, she might care! 127 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:03,239 Starting rumours like that doesn't make you the big man, 128 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:05,799 it makes you a prick. I didn't start anything. 129 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,159 Look, if you want a girl to like you, Mick, 130 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:09,639 you have to treat her right. 131 00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:11,319 Nobody's going to want to go out with you 132 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:13,079 if you're starting rumours like that. 133 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:14,159 Everything all right? 134 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:17,639 Who gives a shit about the rumours?! It's stupid school bullshit! 135 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:19,879 Yeah, you're THAT Mick. 136 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:21,560 You're Big Dick Mick! Danny! 137 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:26,039 Where are you going? Just leave me alone. 138 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:27,200 Thank you. 139 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:32,119 Come on. 140 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:33,680 Bye, Big Dick Mick! 141 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:42,799 # You've got those sad eyes 142 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:45,720 # Something's on your mind 143 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:51,480 # You've got those sad eyes again 144 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:58,039 # Sometimes we're lonely 145 00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:01,280 # Alone with all our thoughts 146 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:08,240 # I think it never will change 147 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:17,280 # But you don't have to say anything now 148 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:22,800 # You don't have to talk 149 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:28,799 # But if you want help... # 150 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,440 Rachael. I'm still not speaking to you. 151 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:36,120 OK. 152 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,679 So you're just not going to say anything, then? 153 00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:49,720 What? I thought you just said... Doesn't matter. 154 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:03,279 Look, Rachael, I'm sorry about earlier. 155 00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:06,319 It really wasn't me who spread the rumour. 156 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:08,480 But people shouldn't be saying that shit about you. 157 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:14,079 It's just Diesel and Wee Spud, they... 158 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:16,799 They got me in the toilets earlier and... 159 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:19,160 ..I just didn't want them starting something again. 160 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:23,560 Anyway, it doesn't matter. 161 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:28,360 I still should have stood up for you, and I'm sorry. 162 00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:32,800 Thanks. 163 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,039 You were right anyway. 164 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:38,799 Siobhan is a bit of a gossip, like. 165 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:40,959 But she's my mate, you know? 166 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:42,240 Yeah. 167 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:46,000 So... where you headed? 168 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:49,160 Nowhere. 169 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:52,560 Just needed to get out of the house for a while. 170 00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:58,040 Come on. Let's get off here. 171 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,960 I used to go for walks here with my family when I was younger. 172 00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:20,359 But now me and Siobhan just come here to drink at the weekends. 173 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:23,040 Oh, yeah? That's cool. 174 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:26,919 I just drink in the house, like. 175 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,559 Jesus, my ma would go nuts if I drank in front of her. 176 00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:33,039 Oh, God, no, not in front of her. She'd go mental. 177 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,000 No, just when she's out. 178 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:40,159 Yeah, I actually got caught a couple of weeks ago. 179 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:41,919 No way! 180 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:43,400 What happened? 181 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:47,239 So I was coming back from here, 182 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,639 and we'd only had, like, half a bottle of vodka between us, 183 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:51,799 so I thought I was OK. 184 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,759 But then I get home and my parents are still up. 185 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:55,879 Oh, shit. 186 00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:57,959 Yeah, and then my auntie and uncle were round, 187 00:10:57,960 --> 00:10:59,719 and they're mad for board games, right? 188 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,439 So they make me play Articulate with them. 189 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:03,919 So I'm, like, trying to act sober, 190 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:05,719 and I keep stumbling over my words, 191 00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:08,159 and I can barely read what's on the card. 192 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:10,599 I don't think I've ever been as stressed in my life. 193 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:13,319 And turns out my ma knew I was drunk and was just doing it to punish me. 194 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,680 That's genius, to be fair. Yeah. 195 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:22,239 We didn't speak for a few days after that. 196 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:23,639 A few days! 197 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:26,640 Nah, it's all right, me and mum are always fighting. 198 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,200 I just had a big fight with my mum. 199 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,799 I've never really fought with her before. 200 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:39,479 Really? Never? 201 00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:40,680 Not properly. 202 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:44,159 Like, she's on her own 203 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:47,000 and she's so busy with work and the three of us. 204 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:51,600 I don't want to upset her. 205 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:11,519 Thanks for bringing me here. 206 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,759 It's nice. Yeah. 207 00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:15,160 I like it. 208 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:21,439 And I mean, it's nice just to chat, you know? 209 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:24,519 I was all nervous in the cinema. Me too. 210 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,439 And Mick, see all the rumour stuff... 211 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:29,159 We don't have to talk about it. But just, you know, 212 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:30,919 I've never done any of that stuff before 213 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:33,759 and I don't want you to think... No, yeah. 214 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:36,200 Me neither. It's cool. 215 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,040 Right. 216 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:05,759 I should probably get home. 217 00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:06,800 Yeah. 218 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,280 And you should probably talk to your mum. 219 00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:18,359 I know it's hard, like, 220 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:20,880 but it always makes me feel better when I talk to mine. 221 00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:28,600 OK. See ya. 222 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,400 Northern Wind by Yusuf Islam (ex. Cat Stevens) 223 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:42,720 # There is a wind, my Billy And it's awful strong 224 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:49,160 # Come for you and anyone who's helped you along 225 00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:56,440 # But I want to live, live, live And let the stars shine bright 226 00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:04,000 # Yes, I want to live, live, live And let it on all right 227 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:11,200 # And when that bird sings from over that silver wall 228 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:18,039 # I don't want to fight it, Billy Cos I want to go. # 229 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:39,920 Sorry for earlier, Mum. 230 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,680 Is everything all right? 231 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:50,999 Is it about that wee girl you met at the cinema? 232 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,519 What? 233 00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:55,119 Lucy told me. She's so annoying. 234 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:57,319 Why doesn't she just mind her own business? 235 00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:58,959 Hey, just because it didn't go well 236 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,799 doesn't mean it's not going to work out. 237 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,119 Sure, when I first met your dad, he was having a party 238 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:05,519 and I didn't think I was going to go 239 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:07,559 because I thought he was an absolute loser. 240 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:11,399 What, you think I'm a loser? No, no. 241 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,159 No. 242 00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:14,840 That's cos you take after me. 243 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:18,600 Well... 244 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:22,120 As long as you're OK. I am. 245 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:26,599 I'm sorry. I don't hate you. 246 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:29,239 I should bloody hope not. 247 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,000 I'm sorry for saying that. 248 00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:34,520 Dad always said to never use the word hate. 249 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:39,279 Unless I was talking about Margaret Thatcher. 250 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:42,280 Comparing me to Maggie Thatcher? Jesus! 251 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,199 I tell you, 252 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:49,239 you never would have shouted at him like that. 253 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,480 Well, I did once. 254 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:53,440 What? 255 00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:55,920 Yeah. 256 00:15:57,400 --> 00:16:00,239 He was using an electric razor at the kitchen table, 257 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:03,359 and I was obsessed with the shaving foam, 258 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:06,840 so I'm like, "Ahh, there's no foam". 259 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:10,960 So I asked, "Was it a better shave?" and he said it wasn't. 260 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:15,519 I was really confused and was like, 261 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:17,519 "Why are you using it if it's not better?" 262 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:19,679 And he wouldn't say. 263 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:22,039 I got really mad at him cos he'd stopped using the foam 264 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,399 and he wouldn't tell me why. 265 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,919 I just kept shouting at him and calling him stupid, 266 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,079 and he just sat there with his head against the wall, 267 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,279 just letting me shout at him. 268 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:35,199 Michael, his... His hands were too unsteady to... 269 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:36,680 Yeah, I know now, like. 270 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:55,879 I think I need to go to the doctor. 271 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:59,159 Why? What's wrong with you? 272 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:01,479 I have a swelling on my testicle. 273 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:03,959 A swelling? Is it sore? 274 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:07,359 No. No, it's just... 275 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:10,919 It's the left one. It's... 276 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:12,120 ..bigger. 277 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,519 Right. Look, it's OK. 278 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:17,999 Right, it's probably nothing. We're going to get it sorted. 279 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,039 It's all going to be fine, Michael, OK? 280 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,440 It's all going to be fine. 281 00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:33,119 What if the doctor's a really hot woman, and she's touching my balls? 282 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:35,679 I'll definitely pop a root. 283 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:39,279 Or what if it's a creepy auld man and I still get a boner?! 284 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:40,799 Please. Please, God. 285 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,400 Please don't give me an erection. 286 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:48,880 Michael Campbell? Shite. 287 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:54,399 No, Mum, I'll go myself. 288 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:58,079 Are you sure? I'll not look or anything. 289 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:00,519 I'll be grand, Mum. OK. 290 00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:02,480 Well, um, I'll be out here. 291 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:14,519 If you just want to take a seat there, the doctor will be in soon. 292 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:17,079 You're not the doctor? No, I'm a student. 293 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,399 I'm sort of going around lots of doctors today. 294 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,239 Thank God. 295 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:25,159 What was that? Oh, good, that's good. 296 00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:26,480 Right. 297 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,359 Michael, is it? Yeah. 298 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:36,159 I'm Dr Gibbon. 299 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:39,599 Right, why don't you tell me what the problem is? 300 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:41,519 Er... Well, I think... 301 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:45,239 I think I have... Well, I know, I know I have... 302 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:49,079 Take your time. I have a... swelling. A swelling? OK. 303 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:51,599 And where is it? On my testicle. 304 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:52,879 Right. 305 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:55,319 Well, there's nothing to be getting worried about just yet. 306 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,679 There's plenty of things it could be. 307 00:18:57,680 --> 00:18:59,199 Er, why don't we have a look? 308 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,599 See if you just pop yourself up there, Michael 309 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:05,080 and you can get yourself sorted, and then we'll see what we can feel. 310 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,559 Right. 311 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:28,319 I can, um, see the swelling there. 312 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:31,919 Obviously, before I've even touched it. 313 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:33,760 Right, er, do you mind if I...? 314 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:42,520 Feel the weight of that! 315 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,000 You've been carrying that around with you? 316 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:48,200 Gosh. 317 00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:52,319 Right. 318 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:54,719 Here, we have some medical students in here today, 319 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:57,359 do you mind if I get them in here just to have a wee look? 320 00:19:57,360 --> 00:20:02,199 No! Just say no. Just say no! 321 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,599 So, if you all look here 322 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:07,639 and notice the swelling has actually stretched 323 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,439 the, er, the skin of the scrotum quite extensively, 324 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,399 I'll just go in and feel the epididymis. 325 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:16,159 Jumping in the sea in Donegal. 326 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:19,479 Jumping in the freezing cold Atlantic Ocean in Donegal. 327 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:23,120 The absolutely Baltic, freezing cold ocean covering my balls. 328 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,839 Shite! Not that cold. 329 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:32,839 Warm. Warm. Warm thoughts! 330 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:35,760 Although generally speaking, there's only so much... 331 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,639 OK, Mrs Campbell, so, erm, there is a swelling there. 332 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:53,359 It's, er, quite a large one. 333 00:20:53,360 --> 00:20:55,599 But it's nothing to worry about, right? 334 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,799 Well, it could be a million different things. 335 00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:59,359 Like what? 336 00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:01,639 What we'll do is, we'll book him in for an ultrasound 337 00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:05,079 as soon as possible, and we'll know where to go from there, OK? 338 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:08,839 You... can't give us any kind of indication or anything? 339 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:11,439 I'm afraid we won't know until they do the tests. 340 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:13,839 Bloody tests, never get a straight answer out of you. 341 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,479 It's always the way, isn't it? Look, it's nothing to panic about. 342 00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:19,199 So we can book you in for an ultrasound... 343 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,199 ..Saturday, 1:30? 344 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:23,759 Saturday? That's very soon. 345 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:26,759 Yes, well, it's good to get it sorted quickly. 346 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:28,480 Absolutely, yeah. 347 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,799 It can't have been easy coming here today, Michael. 348 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,039 I know it's tricky with a... 349 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:37,999 ..sensitive issue like this. 350 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:40,759 So well done on taking the first step. 351 00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:43,079 That takes courage. 352 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:44,639 Thank you. 353 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:47,639 Thanks. OK, thank you. 354 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,480 Right, let's get you back to school. 355 00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:53,600 Thanks again. Thank you. 356 00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:01,439 Here, you'll never believe the size of this wee lad's bollocks 357 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,320 I just had in here! 358 00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:17,800 Look, I... got something for you, it's in the back there. 359 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,840 What is it? Have a wee look. 360 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:38,919 I was... reading about those electric ones, 361 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:42,079 and you know, apparently, apparently they're... they're bad for your skin. 362 00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:43,360 So... 363 00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:48,199 Thanks, Mum. 364 00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:53,400 Well, just don't come crying to me when you slit your throat open. 365 00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:01,159 Want one? Absolutely not, that's rotten. More for me! 366 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,919 What's this big news you've been refusing to tell us? 367 00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:06,559 Well, I had to wait for Mick to get back from the dentist. 368 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:08,599 News like this requires a full audience. 369 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:09,840 Drum roll, please. 370 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:14,079 My parents are away this weekend. 371 00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:15,719 Is your da on the run again? 372 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:18,279 Is he on a training mission with Catalan separatists? 373 00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:20,279 My da wasn't in the RA. That's it, Tommy. 374 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,480 Don't tell them a fucking thing! 375 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:26,439 Look, my parents are away, so... 376 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,039 You're having a party? 377 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:29,319 Well, no, I was going to see 378 00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,319 if the lads wanted to come round and play FIFA. 379 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:32,719 You can't NOT have a party 380 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:33,959 if your ma and da are away. 381 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,279 Aye? Would you come if I did? 382 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,759 Will there be drink? Yeah. 383 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:40,839 Yeah, there'll be booze, and music and all. 384 00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:43,159 Yeah, it'll be class, yeah. Good. 385 00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:46,320 Yeah, and say to anyone. All right. See you there, then. 386 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:53,719 You up for it? Yeah, if you go too. 387 00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:54,960 Sounds fun. 388 00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:04,799 A party?! I don't know how to organise a party! 389 00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:06,959 Where am I going to get the drink? No sweat. 390 00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:09,279 My cousin Cahill will get it. He's just turned 18. 391 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,119 OK. Sweet. 392 00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:12,719 Tell him to bring a few mates as well. 393 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:14,799 Couple of older lads at a party's always good. 394 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:17,239 All right, yeah. We need some more girls. 395 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:20,279 Siobhan and Rachael will say to a few others but, 396 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,280 Conor, you're going to need to bring Niamh. 397 00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:26,319 Well, I think she might be busy. 398 00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:28,359 No, but I'll say to her anyway. 399 00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:30,399 OK. Sweet. 400 00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:34,399 Right, lads, this could be good. 401 00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:36,440 Yeah, could be really good. 402 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:45,799 # There's this girl who I sort of, kind of, like 403 00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,079 # Yeah, she's sort of, kind of, cool 404 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,479 # Kind of smart and kind of nice 405 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:55,719 # And I also guess that it would be a sort of lie 406 00:24:55,720 --> 00:25:00,279 # If I failed to mention that she changed my fucking life... # 407 00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:01,960 What are you doing? Nothing. 408 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,439 Did you just get a tattoo? 409 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:06,599 It's none of your business what I just did. 410 00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:09,319 Oh-oh-oh, Mum's going to go mental. 411 00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:12,479 Mum's not going to go mental, because Mum's not going to find out. 412 00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:14,799 What, you're going to wear sleeves the rest of your life? 413 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:15,960 Oh, until I move out, yeah. 414 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,559 I bet it's crap. Is it crap? 415 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:22,559 It's not crap! Piss off. Danny said they're brilliant. 416 00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:23,879 Did he make you get it? 417 00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:25,919 No, he didn't make me get it, we got them together, 418 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:28,399 not that it's any of your business. Right. 419 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:30,359 You wouldn't understand. 420 00:25:30,360 --> 00:25:31,679 What I understand is, 421 00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:33,920 you're buying me a takeaway tonight or I'm telling Mum. 422 00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:36,480 You're a wee shit. 423 00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:50,159 I'm sure everything's going to be fine. 424 00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:52,640 Yeah, I know, it's grand. Good. 425 00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:57,799 And, you know, even if it isn't, even if it is, you know, 426 00:25:57,800 --> 00:25:58,959 something more serious... 427 00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:01,880 Well, you know, you're still young, you'll get through it. 428 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,399 God, the sooner this is over with the better. 429 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:08,640 I hate hospitals. 430 00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:13,320 Just reminds me of being here with your father. 431 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:22,880 When did he know? Like, how did he get his diagnosis? 432 00:26:24,120 --> 00:26:26,599 Ach, well... 433 00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:28,479 We'd been in and out of here for months. 434 00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:32,959 You know, doing tests, and tests and more tests. 435 00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:34,559 And they never said what was wrong. 436 00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:37,359 Um, and then one day, your dad says to them, 437 00:26:37,360 --> 00:26:41,119 "Is it motor neurone disease?" cos I think he kind of knew, 438 00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:43,319 um, but the doctor wouldn't say. 439 00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:44,839 So Jimmy plagued him and plagued him 440 00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:47,639 and the doctor still wouldn't say, even though it was pretty obvious 441 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:50,199 cos the junior doctor was sitting there crying her eyes out. 442 00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:54,919 And then eventually, Jimmy just says to them... 443 00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:56,880 "In your OPINION... 444 00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:00,160 "..is it motor neurone disease?" And... 445 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:04,080 ..the doctor said yes. 446 00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:09,920 I was just sitting there... 447 00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,959 ..rubbing his back... 448 00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:15,400 ..rubbing his back. 449 00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:22,760 And then he turns to me and he says, "Will you stop rubbing my back?" 450 00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:27,200 I didn't know what else to do. 451 00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:32,599 Michael Campbell? 452 00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:35,039 Yeah, that's me. Follow me. 453 00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:37,400 Look, you're going to be OK, Michael. 454 00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:58,479 Now, if you just want to take a wee seat there, 455 00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:00,839 pop your trousers off, and I'll get you shaved. 456 00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:04,000 Shaved? Yes, for the gel. Need to be shaved. 457 00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:33,000 I got you now. Just relax. 458 00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:49,519 That's you. OK. 459 00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:51,760 Technician will be along soon. 460 00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:08,159 It always looks bigger when it's shaved, eh? What?! 461 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:11,279 How's it going, Michael? I'll be your technician today. 462 00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:12,719 What I will do is perform the scan 463 00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:15,039 and then pass that information on to the doctor. 464 00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:17,919 That all right? Good. Now... 465 00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:20,039 I'm going to put this on your testicles. 466 00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:21,999 It will be a bit cold. 467 00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:24,080 Is that OK? Uh, yeah. 468 00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:37,839 Whoa. Look at that. 469 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:41,399 It's a proper ultrasound image, like a baby. 470 00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:43,839 A baby with no limbs or face. 471 00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:45,799 Just a big boiled egg. 472 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:47,480 My left nut. 473 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,359 So, what is it? 474 00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:57,000 If you could just lift your right leg out of the way, there. 475 00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:02,000 And your left leg, please. 476 00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:12,799 So what is it? 477 00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:14,239 Ah, no, I'm just a technician. 478 00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:17,639 I'll have to pass this on to the doctor. I can't say anything. 479 00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:20,119 But you must have seen hundreds of these. 480 00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:23,160 Please. What is it? I can't be saying. 481 00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:32,400 But in your OPINION, what is it? 482 00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:35,520 In my opinion? Yeah. 483 00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:39,640 In my opinion, you have to wait for the doctor. 484 00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:05,159 You all right in there, Michael? 485 00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:06,840 Uh, yeah. Two seconds. 486 00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:19,520 And he... He didn't give you any idea at all? 487 00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:47,680 I don't want to die. 488 00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:51,599 Please. 489 00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:53,360 Please, don't let me die.