JOHN WILSON: Hey, New York.
♪ (QUIET MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
I spend a lot of time with my landlord.
I usually go down to her apartment around 7 o'clock,
and we watch Jeopardy! together.
She even gives me slippers
to make sure that, uh, my feet aren't cold,
and insists that I call her "Mama."
Thank you, Mama.
She also likes to come into my apartment
and handpick all the trash out of my trash can, uh,
so that I can save money on trash bags.
She shows me, uh, art that she made.
Oh, that's very nice.
And brings me cactus.
And cucumbers.
And insists on doing my laundry,
uh, because she says that the laundromat has lice in it.
Oh, thank you.
She's the only person in my life that I never vape around.
If I ever need to take a puff,
I always just run back to my apartment first...
and then I come back down.
And she never seems to notice.
But the nicest thing is that she likes to cook for me
all the time.
Sometimes it's a stew or a dessert,
but it's always delicious.
Thank you.
I really wanted to repay her
for all the amazing food she made me.
Then I remembered she once mentioned
that her favorite food was risotto,
and I bet it would impress her a lot
if I could figure out how to do it right.
So like any good tenant,
I decided to surprise my landlord
and see how hard it really is to cook the perfect risotto.
♪ (ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
JOHN: As legend has it, the first documented risotto
was made by a glassblower's apprentice around 1809,
uh, for a wedding feast.
And ever since, it's been enjoyed
and reinterpreted by chefs all over the world.
When preparing an ethnic dish,
the most important thing is to respect
the rich cultural heritage from which it emerged.
And a great way to do that is to learn a few words
of the language.
Buongiorno, uh, means "good morning."
Buonasera, uh, means "good night."
A cavalla is a horse.
But we both have the exact same word for limousine
and peperoni.
And if anyone is rushing you, just kindly say, "Un momento,"
and that should solve the problem.
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
If it's your first time making risotto,
you'll wanna research who the best in the world is
and see how they do it.
Based on the videos you find,
it seems like you need to be in a completely tranquil,
zen state in order to do it well.
DANILO CORTELLINI: (ON COMPUTER) There's always been a certain charm about risotto.
But charm by itself doesn't cut it.
You need the perfect texture.
You need the perfect flavor.
JOHN: It also seems like having a risotto journal,
uh, helps a lot, because you need a place
to sketch your dream risotto,
uh, and take notes during the process.
But if you don't personally know any competitive chefs,
it might be a good idea to just ask around
to see if anyone knows how to cook it.
So when you're walking around your neighborhood,
just keep your eyes, uh, peeled for, uh, any Italian flags.
And if you see one, just start walking towards it,
and hopefully someone near the flag
will know how to cook it.
Do you know how to make risotto?
Risotto is actually one of my favorite dishes.
JOHN: Oh, really?
And if you ask nicely,
he might actually give you a lesson in his kitchen,
just for you, one on one.
Your stock has to be really good.
-JOHN: Oh, yeah? -Because if it's not... (SCOFFS)
JOHN: What kind-- what kind of rice do you use?
Oh, you have to use Arborio, there's no choice.
-Monica! -MONICA: Yeah?
GIO: We need-- we need the Arborio rice up here.
-MONICA: Okay, I'm coming. -GIO: I think it's, uh, I think it's still downstairs.
I do butter, I do butter and olive oil.
-Extra virgin, has to be. -JOHN: Okay.
(KNIFE SHARPENER WHIRRING)
GIO: Here we go, we do the ar-- Oh! I'm so sorry.
I've been doing this for many, many years.
I don't measure anything.
Monica! I need the small cutting board,
under the sink, please.
Bam, bam, bam.
You have to constantly stir.
Bam!
Parmigiano-Reggiano, you have to use that cheese.
-JOHN: Okay. -Hold on!
-Don't distract me. -JOHN: Okay.
-You need sea salt. -JOHN: Okay.
-Sea salt! -JOHN: Okay.
Monica, is my-- is my, uh, my white pepper up here?
No, I think it's downstairs.
GIO: Okay, thank you.
You gotta follow the rules.
But you also gotta make your own rules
that work for you.
It's not-- it's not one size fits all, my friend.
-JOHN: Okay, so-- -This is how you make a risotto.
JOHN: And after the lesson, if you're lucky,
uh, he may also show you some of his artwork
that he made.
Now, this is the Southwest. It's like-- like, uh,
the petroglyphs, uh, Arizona.
I believe there was also, you know, alien beings
over there that-- that gave us a little bit more knowledge.
-JOHN: In Arizona? -This is an--
Arizo-- Yeah, all over, you know, the Aztecs, the Incas.
JOHN: They-- Wait. The-- the aliens, like--
Well, we-- I think we are--
we have definitely been-- might have--
we have been impregnated by, uh--
We have some, uh-- We are actually the aliens.
-♪ (ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -JOHN: So, once you've heard enough,
uh, head straight to the store and get all your ingredients.
Chicken stock, Parmigiano,
uh, butter, shallot, garlic,
and that special Arborio rice.
-And don't forget the pesce. -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
And when you get home,
it's time to put everything you learned into practice.
♪ (PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Start by getting into that tranquil, uh, zen state of mind.
DANILO: You need the perfect texture.
You need the perfect flavor.
JOHN: Then you're gonna boil four cups of chicken broth
and set it aside for later.
Then you cook the shallot, uh, I think,
and then the garlic.
Then after a couple of minutes, you put the rice in
and stir it around.
And then a little wine, I think. I'm pretty sure.
Then, uh, while that's going, you're gonna need to check
one of your eBay listings, uh, that's ending soon
while the wine reduces.
But then it starts to smell, so, uh, you put it on medium.
Med-- medium low, that-- that seems good.
Then you take the broth and pour it in a ladle at a time
until it's absorbed by the rice.
And while you're waiting for that,
you try to say hello to your landlord,
who's gardening outside.
'Ello, Mama!
But if she doesn't hear you,
just put in a ladle of broth and try again.
Hey, Mama! Hey, Mama!
And continue this process, uh, until you're out of broth.
'Ello, Mama!
This should take around 15 minutes.
Now it's time for the pesce.
But you don't have a blowtorch,
so, uh, you can just throw it on the grill.
Uh, but don't forget about the... (CLEARS THROAT) ...rice.
When the fish is on fire, you can take it off.
Uh, it should be done.
Then you gotta grate some cheese as a finishing touch.
Uh, but not before you notice that there's cat vomit
all over the floor and you have to clean that up first.
And then you stir in the cheese.
But you're not quite done yet.
DANILO: Then stir and toss with energy
until oozy and creamy.
♪ (MUSIC SWELLS) ♪
JOHN: And then you're on the home stretch,
and you can put everything on the plate.
♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
And your risotto is complete.
But when you're done,
uh, it doesn't look quite like the Italian's did.
And it may seem a little... gluey.
♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
And when you review everything you did in your risotto journal,
you can't understand where you went wrong.
You figure homemade chicken stock could help,
but it's not enough to save your second attempt.
And your third attempt is a scorched mess.
Mushrooms didn't help your fourth.
It's gluey again.
And despite your rigorous note-taking,
each time you try, you'll fail,
for reasons that you don't fully understand.
And you may start feeling a carousel
of frustrating emotions that are brand new to you.
But just make sure to swallow your frustration,
and try not to ruin the surprise
for the person you're cooking for.
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
At this point, you may notice that you're also having
a hard time with other simple, everyday tasks,
and it's not just your risotto that's suffering.
And then you realize that all your problems
may have something to do with the fact that
you haven't had nicotine in over a week.
♪ (QUIET MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Back when you were in your early twenties,
you started smoking to look cool.
And it worked.
But that slowly developed into a pack-a-day habit
that went on for a lot longer than it should've.
And then when you turned 30,
you decided to finally quit combustible cigarettes
and go digital, like everybody else.
You would blow clouds wherever you wanted,
like you owned the streets.
You even developed a vape-sized hole in your pocket
that you kept having to sew shut.
And that led to a sore on your thigh that never healed,
uh, where it poked through your jeans.
Finally, seeing the amount of trash
you generated over the course of a month
disgusted you.
So, a week ago, you froze all your vapes
in an attempt to stop yourself
from consuming any more nicotine.
But the cravings still persisted.
And you begin to regret quitting at a time like this
because your nicotine withdrawal is clearly turning your cooking
into dog shit.
And maybe before you can perfect the art of risotto,
you're gonna need to perfect the art of quitting first.
♪ (ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
They say that the first couple of weeks are the hardest,
and it's a good idea to remove any former triggers
to break the cycle.
But everywhere you look in New York,
there seems to be reminders of your addiction.
And even the dry ice you use to break up your stool,
uh, reminds you of vaping.
So if you want to master quitting,
put yourself in a new environment
that doesn't remind you of vaping at all.
(SNOW SQUEAKING)
You may not have been skiing since you were a little kid,
so you rent some gear and hit the bunny slope
to try to ski down safely.
You remember being okay at it when you were a kid,
but it turns out to be a lot more frustrating,
uh, as an adult, and it's not actually that relaxing.
♪ (RELAXING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
So you take a nice scenic drive to clear your head.
But after a while,
you might get stuck behind someone
who seems to have a problem with their exhaust pipe.
And it kind of feels like they know you're trying to quit.
♪ (MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY) ♪
So you get out to tell him about his problem
at the gas station.
Uh, that's just a by-product of a lot of fuel and air.
-JOHN: Yeah? -Yep.
JOHN: But after talking to him a little more,
you're surprised to learn that
he was actually doing it on purpose.
COAL ROLLER:
JOHN: Do you like diesel at all?
-Huh? -JOHN: Do you like diesel?
-No. (CHUCKLES) -JOHN: No.
He still kept spewing
a lot of the black, uh, smoke in your face
and when you think about how inconsiderate, uh, you felt
from blowing just a little vape smoke,
you wonder how anyone could justify
-such a toxic hobby. -(ENGINE RUMBLING)
JOHN: Um, what would you say to someone that...
would like to see this practice kind of banned?
Um...
I think the only reason they'd want it to be banned
would be pollution, which...
I guess, if you're all about pollution...
Uh, but the thing is, everything makes pollution.
Like, anything that you-- If you go to Walmart
and buy a bag of chips, that's plastic, that's made,
that's pollution. Uh--
It's been made from something.
Uh, there's...
been pollution made to make that bag of chips
or whatever you're buying.
So is that person gonna give up
everything that they do in their normal life?
Are they gonna not get in a car?
Are they not gonna go to Walmart and buy whatever?
Uh...
whenever I can...
I don't know, that...
It's hard to say. Uh...
It-- I don't know. I don't-- It's...
I'm trying to think of a good response.
(ENGINE REVVING)
♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
JOHN: Maybe some people are just more comfortable
doing whatever they want without any concern
for the effect it has on others.
But it does get you thinking about
everything that goes into a bag of chips.
And then, when you're at the store,
you notice that the chip bags are all about to burst,
and you don't know why.
You know-- you know why these are so blown up?
-SHOPPER: The altitude. -JOHN: Oh, the altitude!
-Anything you find at-- Yeah! -JOHN: Oh, okay!
If that's the case, it seems like the bag
is only a couple of hundred feet away from popping,
so you bring it up with you on the ski lift
to see if it would burst.
It's a little tighter at the top,
uh, but it still doesn't pop.
And even when you take it up in a helicopter,
you still can't seem to get it high enough.
PILOT:
JOHN:
But the guy won't, uh, go up high enough
because he says it was too dangerous.
So you take the bag of chips
and drive it up the rest of the way yourself.
And as you're hiking your way towards the summit,
you notice a house that was hit by an avalanche.
The mattress looks intact, but there are no bedsheets,
uh, which means that...
um...
you don't know what that means.
At that point, you'll realize
that nicotine has been so far from your thoughts for so long.
This was the first time you'd been able to ignore it
completely in over a decade.
And it didn't really matter if you got to see the bag pop.
You'll feel like a new man, with a new brain.
And now, you can finally slam dunk that risotto.
♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
So when you get home to New York,
make sure to reset your oven clock, uh, first
because daylight savings just happened on your way back.
Now that you have a clear head,
you notice that your risotto problems
may have started with your cookware,
uh, which is in pitiful shape,
and it's probably time to buy a new pot.
So you're gonna head out to the store.
And you're not even fazed when you pass a smoker,
because you're proudly nicotine-free.
And now you have a healthier way to deal with your oral fixation
that, uh, won't bother anyone else.
(BLOWING SLIDE WHISTLE)
And when you hop on the bus, you'll be surprised
that you're the only passenger.
Uh, which is great,
because you can sit anywhere you like.
And you may notice that some of the Ubers
have started taping tissue boxes to the outside of their car,
and you're not sure why.
But it looks like everyone is trying to get a piece.
And you also start to notice
that all the TVs are playing the same thing.
♪ (MUSIC STOPS) ♪
-♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC RESUMES) ♪ -When you get to the store, uh,
they seem to be running, uh, a little short on cookware.
Luckily, you pass by a yard sale on the way home.
The one pan they have looks like risotto-grade material.
But before you buy it, he might try to upsell you
on some other stuff.
-Oh, that's Kevin Smith. -BUSHWICK TWIN: There you go.
JOHN: Oh, wow.
This is handmade.
JOHN: Oh, is that JFK?
BUSHWICK TWIN: Yeah, this goes for 2,500.
JOHN: Are you guys worried about this virus?
I think it's more like...
it's more like a flu.
Take care of yourself.
Just wash your hands and stay away from crowds,
and it's gonna be okay. It's gonna-- It's gonna pass.
JOHN: All right, that makes me feel better.
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
JOHN: So after you get your new pan,
go ahead and get the groceries you need.
Back at your supermarket, you finally find
a few of your basic risotto ingredients.
And in order to buy them,
all you have to do is find the end of the line.
♪ (EERIE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
JOHN: So if you can't find the end of the line,
uh, go next door to the Dollar General
for ingredients.
But unfortunately, the only food they have left
is something called Beanee Weenee.
So buy a couple of jars,
and hopefully you can incorporate it somehow.
To get your fresh tomatoes,
uh, you can always go to a Burger King
to see if they'll sell them to you à la carte.
But when you get there,
you find that they're in the process of
covering the dining room in caution tape.
JOHN:
JOHN: Yeah?
JOHN: Okay.
And to make chicken broth, now you're gonna have to go
to a live, uh, poultry vendor.
JOHN:
VENDOR:
JOHN: But you can't bring yourself to do it.
So you try making the risotto with the Beanee Weenee
and some leftover take-out rice,
but it doesn't taste like anything
you'd ever want to serve to someone.
And the new pan you bought, uh, is-- is on fire.
(BLOWING)
And when you go to give your dirty laundry
to your landlord,
for the first time, you feel like a complete failure.
-You doing okay? -LANDLORD: Yeah.
JOHN: You hear about the-- the-- the virus?
LANDLORD:
JOHN: Yeah, it seems like everybody's off work.
I don't know.
JOHN: I think, uh--
LANDLORD:
JOHN: Yeah.
LANDLORD:
JOHN: Yeah, I hope so.
And you might start to read a lot about how elderly people
were at the greatest risk of getting sick.
And you might get scared about passing anything between you.
So, for the first time in years,
you do your own laundry
at the laundromat down the street.
But while you're there, you might find out that
everyone is gonna have to stay home for a while.
So you move your entire office back to your apartment,
and set yourself up to work from home
until this is all over.
Uh, hopefully very soon.
♪ (QUIET MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
At least you have a lot of time to think now.
And to do things you've been meaning to do for a long time.
Like finishing that jigsaw puzzle,
killing all the cucarachas in your apartment.
And you can finally keep a close eye on the stock market
because your one share of Domino's Pizza,
uh, seems to be doing really well right now.
But watching new episodes of Jeopardy! by yourself
is a lot less fun,
and you really miss spending time with your landlord.
What is a pandemic?
ALEX TREBEK: We'll accept that.
Health and Medicine, 1200.
JOHN: When you look in the backyard,
you see that she's started to cover her mouth
in the garden.
And when the special rice that you ordered
finally arrives,
you're not sure what to do with it.
But then you notice that
your landlord has started to secretly walk up the stairs
and put food there for you to eat later.
This seems like a great workaround
that you didn't think of before,
and you figure you could probably
do the same safely with her.
But you want to be absolutely sure
that there's no way that this plan
could give her the virus.
So you call your good friend, uh, who's a nurse,
to see what she thinks about giving your landlord food.
Like, for me, I wouldn't give food to anybody from me
because I probably have had or have coronavirus.
I don't-- It's-- It seems unlikely that I-- Yeah.
I think it's unlikely that--
I've heard-- I mean, I don't know.
I think that it's unlikely that it transfers
-through cooked food. -Nobody knows.
The food is cooked.
JOHN: Yeah, the food is cooked, right?
I don't-- Nobody knows!
JOHN: And at this point,
you may not really know what to do.
It might be too dangerous,
but if you don't give her risotto,
then she might go out looking for it herself
and get it from some other boy.
Food can't come out of nowhere.
It's-- it's got to come from somebody.
And it looks like other people
are taking care of their landlords, no problem.
Maybe you can still get close without causing any harm.
But it's hard to know how close you can get,
um, before you--
uh, before you hurt it-- her.
But as you continue to debate this with yourself,
you hear-- you hear an ambulance outside.
♪ (MUSIC STOPS) ♪
You see that your landlord is getting into it.
So you text your landlord's daughter to see what's wrong,
and it turns out that she had a stroke.
It's not the first one she's had,
and they needed to get her checked out.
You begin to curse yourself for waiting so long
to surprise her.
Maybe instead of trying to perfect your risotto,
you should have just given it to her the first time you made it.
And maybe now you'll never be able to give it to her.
-♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -(BLOWING SLIDE WHISTLE)
It seemed like there was no right way
to do anything anymore,
and every decision you made to survive
was a calculated risk.
And the world has no place for a purist right now.
♪ (SLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
When your world gets turned upside down,
it can be hard to figure out the new rules
and how to follow them.
♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
You start to notice everything that changed
since you first started filming the show.
People used to have to know how to split the check
at a restaurant.
But not anymore.
And just when you were ready to take your covers off,
you had to put them all back on.
And no amount of scaffolding can protect you now.
We used to try to keep animals from invading our spaces...
but it seems like nature is beginning to
reclaim its environment.
And even the refs don't know what the rules are anymore.
And it's getting harder and harder to make small talk.
Your memory of the way things used to be
slowly begins to fade.
And you look for any sign at all
that things are returning to normal.
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
But the next morning, when you're cooking breakfast,
you see that your landlord is back and in good health.
Hey, Mama!
♪ (QUIET MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
JOHN: How you doing?
You really want to catch up,
but you figure it's best to keep your distance for now.
When everything you know has to be thrown out completely,
your idea of perfection should probably be thrown out too.
And you just have to do whatever feels right.
I guess it's just best for me to stay in here for now,
where I can dream of the day when we can finally
eat together again.
Because by the time I'm allowed to leave this apartment,
there's gonna be a whole new set of rules
that didn't exist before,
and I may just have to relearn everything I thought I knew.
But that's okay,
because we're all gonna have to figure it out together.
And right now, we got nothing but time.
This is John Wilson.
Thanks for watching.
♪ ("ORCHIDS AND ROSES" BY SYMPHONIA ORCHESTRA PLAYING) ♪
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪