1 00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:18,633 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 2 00:00:18,700 --> 00:00:20,233 JOHN WILSON: Hey, New York. 3 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:23,633 There's nothing like a relaxing meal 4 00:00:23,700 --> 00:00:25,767 at the end of a long day. 5 00:00:25,834 --> 00:00:28,000 And if you want to eat with other people, 6 00:00:28,066 --> 00:00:30,734 you usually find yourself at a restaurant. 7 00:00:31,900 --> 00:00:34,500 The combination of eating and socializing 8 00:00:34,567 --> 00:00:37,100 can be absolute ecstasy. 9 00:00:37,166 --> 00:00:39,433 But when the bill finally arrives, 10 00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:41,667 what should be a simple transaction 11 00:00:41,734 --> 00:00:44,533 often turns into a torturous calculation 12 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:47,900 based on who ate what and how they should pay for it. 13 00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:51,500 We like to pretend everything's fine 14 00:00:51,567 --> 00:00:53,900 once the bill is settled. 15 00:00:53,967 --> 00:00:56,367 But someone is always quietly suffering, 16 00:00:56,433 --> 00:00:58,900 knowing that they had to pay too much. 17 00:00:58,967 --> 00:01:02,166 And they wonder if it all could have been avoided. 18 00:01:02,233 --> 00:01:05,633 But I figured someone out there had a solution. 19 00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:09,467 So I went on an expedition to figure out 20 00:01:09,533 --> 00:01:13,000 if anybody knows the right way to split the check. 21 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:17,700 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 22 00:01:17,767 --> 00:01:20,667 (INAUDIBLE) 23 00:01:20,734 --> 00:01:22,600 JOHN: Figuring out what we owe each other 24 00:01:22,667 --> 00:01:24,533 is one of the most challenging parts 25 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:26,567 of living in a healthy society. 26 00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:28,567 ♪ (QUIET MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 27 00:01:28,633 --> 00:01:30,367 When you get into a car crash, 28 00:01:30,433 --> 00:01:32,567 there's a debt that has to be settled, 29 00:01:32,633 --> 00:01:35,667 and we can't be trusted to figure it out on our own. 30 00:01:36,967 --> 00:01:39,066 Nobody likes to admit that they're at fault 31 00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:41,700 when confronted with a massive bill, 32 00:01:41,767 --> 00:01:44,734 and even if you agree to split it evenly, 33 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:47,233 someone might still end up feeling like a sucker. 34 00:01:48,333 --> 00:01:50,300 This is why we have certain authorities 35 00:01:50,367 --> 00:01:52,967 that tell us who owes what. 36 00:01:53,033 --> 00:01:54,800 But when it comes to group dining, 37 00:01:54,867 --> 00:01:56,266 there's no one to turn to. 38 00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:58,233 And everyone is expected to already know 39 00:01:58,300 --> 00:02:00,066 how to figure things out fairly. 40 00:02:01,967 --> 00:02:03,600 People usually don't want to make a big deal 41 00:02:03,667 --> 00:02:05,000 over a couple of bucks, 42 00:02:05,066 --> 00:02:08,834 but over time, these tiny injustices can add up 43 00:02:08,900 --> 00:02:10,834 and create long-term resentment. 44 00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:15,767 In a perfect world, we would all order the same dish 45 00:02:15,834 --> 00:02:19,100 and everyone would know how much to pay. 46 00:02:19,166 --> 00:02:23,166 But the nature of group dining is frenzied and disorderly. 47 00:02:23,233 --> 00:02:24,567 And there are way too many factors 48 00:02:24,633 --> 00:02:27,467 to keep track of what everyone should pay when the check comes. 49 00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:31,066 Here's a familiar scenario. 50 00:02:31,133 --> 00:02:32,367 ♪ (JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 51 00:02:32,433 --> 00:02:35,767 You get all dolled up to go out. 52 00:02:35,834 --> 00:02:38,800 And then you call a friend to make plans for dinner. 53 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:41,767 At first, it's, uh, just the two of you, 54 00:02:41,834 --> 00:02:44,166 but then he invites his friend, 55 00:02:44,233 --> 00:02:47,667 and that friend invites another friend. 56 00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:50,433 And before you know it, you've completely lost count 57 00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:52,934 of how many people you've agreed to eat with. 58 00:02:53,867 --> 00:02:55,100 Somebody always invites 59 00:02:55,166 --> 00:02:58,300 that one friend that nobody wants there, 60 00:02:58,367 --> 00:03:01,033 but he usually just keeps to himself. 61 00:03:02,133 --> 00:03:03,433 Someone begins the meal 62 00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:05,967 by ordering some soup dumplings for the table, 63 00:03:06,033 --> 00:03:07,967 even though you didn't want any. 64 00:03:08,033 --> 00:03:11,867 And an order of tofu for the vegetarians. 65 00:03:11,934 --> 00:03:14,233 And someone else gets a basket of shrimp. 66 00:03:15,266 --> 00:03:17,934 The drunks will start ordering booze. 67 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,233 And even though you're trying to be frugal, 68 00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:22,400 all you can do is quietly panic 69 00:03:22,467 --> 00:03:25,000 as you watch your friends run up a massive tab. 70 00:03:26,233 --> 00:03:29,066 You order the smallest entree on the menu, 71 00:03:29,133 --> 00:03:31,066 hoping to start a trend. 72 00:03:31,133 --> 00:03:35,233 But that doesn't stop everyone else from going big. 73 00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:37,834 Other people might only want to eat organic food, 74 00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:39,800 which can be very expensive. 75 00:03:39,867 --> 00:03:41,567 And one of your friends might even have the nerve 76 00:03:41,633 --> 00:03:43,867 to return their entree to the kitchen, 77 00:03:43,934 --> 00:03:47,800 which may eliminate their meal from the grand total. 78 00:03:47,867 --> 00:03:50,800 And then someone might come to the meal really late, 79 00:03:50,867 --> 00:03:53,633 and they just start to pick at everyone else's food. 80 00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:55,834 And then someone else actually has to leave early 81 00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:58,233 and asks someone to cover for them. 82 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,033 And at this point, 83 00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:03,066 it's impossible to tell, uh, who consumed what, 84 00:04:03,133 --> 00:04:05,467 but nobody seems to care. 85 00:04:05,533 --> 00:04:07,800 And when the waiter finally puts down the check, 86 00:04:07,867 --> 00:04:09,767 the guy who ordered four beers 87 00:04:09,834 --> 00:04:12,767 declares that you should all split it evenly. 88 00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:16,633 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 89 00:04:16,700 --> 00:04:19,333 When you work up the courage to look at the bill, 90 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:22,300 you find yourself wondering how it's costing you 30 bucks 91 00:04:22,367 --> 00:04:25,300 for a pierogi and a seltzer. 92 00:04:25,367 --> 00:04:28,700 And you feel intense regret for agreeing to an equal split. 93 00:04:29,734 --> 00:04:31,066 ♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 94 00:04:31,133 --> 00:04:33,834 And you begin to wonder why it always turns out this way. 95 00:04:35,934 --> 00:04:37,900 Are you not ordering enough? 96 00:04:37,967 --> 00:04:40,066 Or is everyone else trying to swindle you? 97 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:42,900 Maybe the people who ate more stuff 98 00:04:42,967 --> 00:04:44,867 could throw in a little extra. 99 00:04:45,667 --> 00:04:47,000 But why is it always impolite 100 00:04:47,066 --> 00:04:49,433 to ask people for money that they owe you? 101 00:04:51,033 --> 00:04:52,166 And you start thinking about 102 00:04:52,233 --> 00:04:54,533 that cab ride you-- you didn't take from the airport 103 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,467 because you were trying to save money. 104 00:04:58,367 --> 00:05:01,000 And you begin to resent your friends for their greed. 105 00:05:02,633 --> 00:05:05,266 And you enter a dissociative fugue 106 00:05:05,333 --> 00:05:06,600 as you yearn for the day 107 00:05:06,667 --> 00:05:10,000 when you can finally escape this vessel you call a body. 108 00:05:12,166 --> 00:05:13,567 ♪ (MUSIC ENDS) ♪ 109 00:05:13,633 --> 00:05:17,066 Until you finally snap out of it and throw your friend a dollar. 110 00:05:17,133 --> 00:05:18,467 ♪ (TRIUMPHANT NOTE PLAYS) ♪ 111 00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:22,500 For weeks, I observed people in restaurants, 112 00:05:22,567 --> 00:05:24,967 trying to see if there was a fair way to split the check 113 00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,967 that I hadn't thought of before. 114 00:05:27,834 --> 00:05:29,767 But what I discovered is that, 115 00:05:29,834 --> 00:05:32,100 without some kind of authority figure to look to, 116 00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:33,300 the dining experience 117 00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:35,633 becomes a game of winners and losers. 118 00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:37,934 And only the savviest diners, uh, 119 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,133 know how to avoid overpaying. 120 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:43,533 ♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 121 00:05:44,867 --> 00:05:46,800 Some people will stand their ground 122 00:05:46,867 --> 00:05:48,333 and refuse to pay a penny more 123 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,967 than the exact amount of what they ate-- 124 00:05:51,033 --> 00:05:52,567 of what they owe. 125 00:05:52,633 --> 00:05:55,233 Uh, being this anal could initiate 126 00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:56,767 a much more exhausting audit 127 00:05:56,834 --> 00:05:59,367 of exactly how much each person ingested, 128 00:05:59,433 --> 00:06:02,467 and inevitably cost you friends. 129 00:06:02,533 --> 00:06:03,834 Others will look for their wallet 130 00:06:03,900 --> 00:06:06,333 for an abnormally long amount of time, 131 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,166 in the hopes that they can get out of paying entirely. 132 00:06:09,767 --> 00:06:11,266 This is a crafty maneuver 133 00:06:11,333 --> 00:06:12,600 because it gives your dining partner 134 00:06:12,667 --> 00:06:14,300 the time and opportunity 135 00:06:14,367 --> 00:06:19,066 to object to any contribution that you're pretending to make. 136 00:06:19,133 --> 00:06:21,867 They'll also say that, uh, you don't owe them anything. 137 00:06:21,934 --> 00:06:23,800 Because your friendship is precious. 138 00:06:23,867 --> 00:06:26,233 But a seasoned pro will go to great lengths 139 00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:29,367 to avoid ever revealing their wallet at all. 140 00:06:29,433 --> 00:06:31,066 This involves filling your pockets 141 00:06:31,133 --> 00:06:34,633 with several decoys, uh, to prolong the illusion 142 00:06:34,700 --> 00:06:37,100 of an authentic wallet hunt. 143 00:06:37,166 --> 00:06:40,233 But this strategy's popularity is also its weakness, 144 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:43,767 as many will recognize this bit of theater you're putting on 145 00:06:43,834 --> 00:06:45,233 and wait it out, 146 00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:47,533 uh, forcing you to eventually chip in. 147 00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:49,767 ♪ (MUSIC ENDS) ♪ 148 00:06:49,834 --> 00:06:51,300 But I found that professionals have 149 00:06:51,367 --> 00:06:54,767 a much more sophisticated way of paying less for dinner. 150 00:06:54,834 --> 00:06:57,166 ♪ (QUIET MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 151 00:06:57,233 --> 00:06:59,233 Professionals love to write things off 152 00:06:59,300 --> 00:07:00,734 for tax purposes, 153 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:02,233 giving them an economic advantage 154 00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:04,867 over everybody else. 155 00:07:04,934 --> 00:07:08,633 But telling someone that you're about to expense dinner 156 00:07:08,700 --> 00:07:12,500 is the perfect way to suck the romance out of any meal. 157 00:07:15,967 --> 00:07:17,900 It seems like it strains relationships 158 00:07:17,967 --> 00:07:19,967 once money is involved. 159 00:07:20,033 --> 00:07:22,934 And there's something about the four walls of a restaurant 160 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:26,400 that puts our ideas of fairness on full display. 161 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:29,300 ♪ (MUSIC ENDS) ♪ 162 00:07:29,367 --> 00:07:30,734 But it was my birthday recently, 163 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,200 and a bunch of friends took me out 164 00:07:32,266 --> 00:07:33,967 to a nice Italian restaurant, 165 00:07:34,033 --> 00:07:36,367 and it was actually very fun. 166 00:07:36,433 --> 00:07:39,600 We got some wine and a, uh, few appetizers, 167 00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:41,867 and I ordered the chicken alfredo. 168 00:07:41,934 --> 00:07:44,800 At one point, I got excited because the waitress started 169 00:07:44,867 --> 00:07:47,166 walking a cupcake towards me with a candle in it, 170 00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:49,767 but, uh, it turned out to be 171 00:07:49,834 --> 00:07:51,633 for someone else's birthday dinner. 172 00:07:51,700 --> 00:07:57,000 GROUP: (SINGING) ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 173 00:07:57,066 --> 00:08:00,066 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 174 00:08:01,934 --> 00:08:03,300 JOHN: All my friends thought it was funny. 175 00:08:03,367 --> 00:08:05,133 I didn't think it was so funny, though. 176 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,567 It's never clear if the birthday boy should pay, 177 00:08:07,633 --> 00:08:09,266 so I kept my mouth shut. 178 00:08:09,333 --> 00:08:11,367 But when the waiter brought the check over, 179 00:08:11,433 --> 00:08:14,166 one of my friends put everything onto a single card 180 00:08:14,233 --> 00:08:17,800 and everyone else paid him on their phones. 181 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,767 At first, I felt proud of my friends 182 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:23,300 for making it seem so effortless. 183 00:08:23,367 --> 00:08:25,066 But then I realized the person who paid 184 00:08:25,133 --> 00:08:27,700 had actually used a business debit card, 185 00:08:27,767 --> 00:08:30,333 which means that he could actually profit off the meal 186 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:31,900 after he files his taxes. 187 00:08:31,967 --> 00:08:33,533 ♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 188 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,734 Why were they using my party as a way to make money? 189 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:38,834 They were trying to squeeze every last drop 190 00:08:38,900 --> 00:08:40,400 out of my special night. 191 00:08:41,567 --> 00:08:43,333 I felt sick. 192 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,767 It seemed like more of a business opportunity 193 00:08:45,834 --> 00:08:48,333 to these people than an historic milestone. 194 00:08:49,533 --> 00:08:52,066 There they were, flashing their cards, 195 00:08:52,133 --> 00:08:53,600 hoping to get points. 196 00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:56,066 I was an expense. 197 00:08:56,133 --> 00:08:57,667 And I started to think about 198 00:08:57,734 --> 00:08:59,333 what other precious memories of mine 199 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:02,333 were secretly an expense for someone else. 200 00:09:03,667 --> 00:09:06,600 Did someone write off those fireworks that we enjoyed? 201 00:09:07,667 --> 00:09:09,767 Or that funny night at the movies? 202 00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:13,633 Did someone write off the gift card they gave me 203 00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:15,867 for the foot-- uh, the fish thing? 204 00:09:17,166 --> 00:09:19,000 ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ 205 00:09:19,066 --> 00:09:22,300 Maybe I'd been going about this the wrong way. 206 00:09:22,367 --> 00:09:26,166 I've been in perfect harmony with the IRS my whole life 207 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,433 while everyone else was discovering ways 208 00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:30,033 to cheat the system. 209 00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:32,100 ♪ (ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 210 00:09:32,166 --> 00:09:33,767 Maybe it was time for me to grow up 211 00:09:33,834 --> 00:09:36,967 and start looking for financial loopholes of my own. 212 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,333 So I met up with an accountant to figure out once and for all, 213 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:44,834 uh, what was for business and what was for pleasure. 214 00:09:44,900 --> 00:09:47,233 But he was in between offices at the time, 215 00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:49,367 and he asked me to rent a workspace for him 216 00:09:49,433 --> 00:09:51,467 so that he could look like a professional. 217 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:53,533 Uh, so I did. 218 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:54,800 ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ 219 00:09:54,867 --> 00:09:57,567 If I film a dinner with friends, uh... 220 00:09:57,633 --> 00:09:59,066 could I write it off? 221 00:09:59,133 --> 00:10:01,367 That's pretty cool. Um... 222 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:05,967 I think it's not a 100 percent yes, 223 00:10:06,033 --> 00:10:08,500 but I probably would say, "Yes, why not?" 224 00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:11,233 Your occupation is you're a filmmaker. 225 00:10:11,300 --> 00:10:14,200 You told me moments ago that you make documentaries. 226 00:10:14,266 --> 00:10:16,300 You make documentaries of whatever you feel 227 00:10:16,367 --> 00:10:18,700 is right and good, so if your documentary 228 00:10:18,767 --> 00:10:20,967 is about you hanging out with your friend, 229 00:10:21,033 --> 00:10:24,667 and then you're going to try to possibly upload that 230 00:10:24,734 --> 00:10:27,967 on your social media for the sake of attracting, 231 00:10:28,033 --> 00:10:32,100 you know, channels like HBO to-- to knock on your door, 232 00:10:32,166 --> 00:10:34,300 then why not? I view it as a... 233 00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:37,433 as, like, a marketing or promotion type of expense. 234 00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:38,533 JOHN: What about if I-- 235 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:40,367 If I film myself buying Listerine? 236 00:10:40,433 --> 00:10:42,166 Uh, could I-- Could I write that off? 237 00:10:42,233 --> 00:10:43,934 That's pretty cool. Um... 238 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:47,166 If you can justify it with good faith, 239 00:10:47,233 --> 00:10:49,667 then I believe it's a business expense. 240 00:10:49,734 --> 00:10:51,667 JOHN: This sounded like a great idea. 241 00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:54,033 So, with my accountant's blessing, 242 00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:55,800 I was now able to write off all the stuff 243 00:10:55,867 --> 00:10:57,867 that I just normally spend money on. 244 00:10:57,934 --> 00:10:59,166 ♪ (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 245 00:10:59,233 --> 00:11:01,133 All I had to do was film a few seconds 246 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:04,533 of every single thing that I did, 247 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:08,300 and it all magically turned into a business expense. 248 00:11:09,166 --> 00:11:10,233 Just like that. 249 00:11:11,633 --> 00:11:14,000 And if the IRS wanted to audit me, 250 00:11:14,066 --> 00:11:16,333 they would have to look through all my footage, 251 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,333 every single shot. 252 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,600 And you'd better believe that there's a lot-- 253 00:11:20,667 --> 00:11:22,700 a whole lot more where this came from. 254 00:11:22,767 --> 00:11:24,233 ♪ (MUSIC ENDS) ♪ 255 00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:26,266 I wondered what else I could write off. 256 00:11:26,333 --> 00:11:27,333 Oh, wow. 257 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:28,734 How much does something like this cost? 258 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:30,400 JEWELER: Thirty-five thousand dollar. 259 00:11:30,467 --> 00:11:32,400 JOHN: What-- what would this do for me? 260 00:11:37,667 --> 00:11:38,734 It's a great deal. 261 00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,066 JOHN: I always wanted a neon sign, 262 00:11:43,133 --> 00:11:45,767 so I went by this place down the street from me 263 00:11:45,834 --> 00:11:49,233 to see if they might have any ready-mades I could buy. 264 00:11:49,300 --> 00:11:51,400 The guy in there was really friendly, 265 00:11:51,467 --> 00:11:55,667 but when I told him about my plan to abuse the tax system, 266 00:11:55,734 --> 00:11:56,867 he got very upset 267 00:11:56,934 --> 00:12:00,700 and started lecturing me about income inequality. 268 00:12:00,767 --> 00:12:04,266 If I was, um, you know, a millionaire making millions... 269 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:10,100 I would understand that my money's gotta go. 270 00:12:10,166 --> 00:12:12,500 "I'm-- I'm-- I'm doing a little better, 271 00:12:12,567 --> 00:12:15,066 so maybe I gotta pay a little more. Gee!" 272 00:12:15,133 --> 00:12:18,333 You know, you gotta fucking pay. 273 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:20,533 Because everybody's gotta live better. 274 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,100 Everybody. 275 00:12:22,166 --> 00:12:24,567 JOHN: He kind of took the wind out of my sails, 276 00:12:24,633 --> 00:12:27,667 but I told him that I still wanted to buy something. 277 00:12:27,734 --> 00:12:29,000 I made it for a lady. 278 00:12:29,066 --> 00:12:30,800 Apparently, she didn't pay her taxes, 279 00:12:30,867 --> 00:12:32,567 'cause she never came back for it. 280 00:12:33,166 --> 00:12:34,266 (GROANS) 281 00:12:35,233 --> 00:12:36,767 Ta-da! 282 00:12:36,834 --> 00:12:38,000 JOHN: Oh, wow. 283 00:12:38,066 --> 00:12:40,000 Da-da-da! (LAUGHS) 284 00:12:40,867 --> 00:12:43,000 You know, that's a nice blue glow. 285 00:12:43,066 --> 00:12:44,567 You put that in your bedroom, 286 00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:47,300 you know, you turn it on at the right moment. 287 00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:49,333 ♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 288 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:51,333 JOHN: I started to feel really selfish. 289 00:12:52,467 --> 00:12:54,633 Maybe I hadn't thought through the consequences 290 00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:56,834 of a scheme like this. 291 00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:59,467 And I was ruining the mood for everybody else. 292 00:13:02,333 --> 00:13:05,266 Was I the guy at the table who was eating the most 293 00:13:05,333 --> 00:13:07,100 but paying the least? 294 00:13:09,767 --> 00:13:11,700 Or are we all this selfish 295 00:13:11,767 --> 00:13:13,934 when we think we can get away with it? 296 00:13:16,433 --> 00:13:19,500 If everyone paid as little tax as possible, 297 00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:22,567 who would collect the trash? 298 00:13:23,934 --> 00:13:26,934 Or keep the trains running on time? 299 00:13:29,133 --> 00:13:31,834 And if nobody paid their taxes... 300 00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:35,400 who would tell the crossing guards to cross? 301 00:13:39,834 --> 00:13:43,100 Even if we had rules for splitting the check... 302 00:13:43,166 --> 00:13:44,900 there will probably always be someone 303 00:13:44,967 --> 00:13:48,867 who finds a loophole and ruins it for everyone else. 304 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:55,700 And maybe looking for a fair solution was hopeless. 305 00:13:59,467 --> 00:14:00,934 ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ 306 00:14:03,066 --> 00:14:05,300 I was walking around my neighborhood recently, 307 00:14:05,367 --> 00:14:07,066 and I noticed that there was a place 308 00:14:07,133 --> 00:14:08,700 called the Referee Store. 309 00:14:09,834 --> 00:14:11,734 I wasn't really sure what they sold, 310 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:14,367 but I figured maybe there was something small in there 311 00:14:14,433 --> 00:14:16,700 that I could write off. 312 00:14:16,767 --> 00:14:20,900 Supposedly, it's the only ref store in New York City, 313 00:14:20,967 --> 00:14:23,834 and they had more whistles than I ever could've dreamed of. 314 00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:25,333 This one's called the Sonik Blast. 315 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:27,533 It's really high pitched. We also have Fuziuns. 316 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,900 Fuziun just means a combination of two whistles. 317 00:14:29,967 --> 00:14:31,700 Cushion mouth grip, just to protect anyone 318 00:14:31,767 --> 00:14:33,600 who likes to bite down on the tips of the whistle. 319 00:14:33,667 --> 00:14:35,934 We have a Fingergrip Classic, more of a mellow sounding. 320 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,700 Volleyball, handball, football and soccer. 321 00:14:38,767 --> 00:14:39,967 JOHN: How much is this one? 322 00:14:40,033 --> 00:14:42,433 REF STORE EMPLOYEE: This one goes for about 52.95. 323 00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:46,033 JOHN: This is a funny shape for a whistle. So... 324 00:14:46,100 --> 00:14:48,367 So, how many referees are there in New York? 325 00:14:48,433 --> 00:14:50,633 So, if I'm going about eight million people in about New York, 326 00:14:50,700 --> 00:14:52,834 I would say about 250,000 referees. 327 00:14:52,900 --> 00:14:54,800 -JOHN: 250,000? -Yes. 328 00:14:54,867 --> 00:14:56,500 -JOHN: In New York? -There are a lot more referees 329 00:14:56,567 --> 00:14:58,533 out there than you actually think. 330 00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:02,100 JOHN: The city was crawling with refs, and I had no idea. 331 00:15:02,166 --> 00:15:04,133 If anyone knew about fairness, 332 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,333 it had to be one of these people. 333 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:07,934 Maybe the answer was in here. 334 00:15:09,133 --> 00:15:11,333 Uh, is there a place I can go where referees hang out 335 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,367 if I want to meet one of them? 336 00:15:13,433 --> 00:15:14,867 I mean, on the weekend, you'd probably go 337 00:15:14,934 --> 00:15:16,934 just to a local field or park. 338 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,367 -JOHN: Does he wanna get in? -Who's that? 339 00:15:20,166 --> 00:15:21,500 JOHN: Are you-- Are you a referee? 340 00:15:22,467 --> 00:15:23,934 JOHN: Hi. 341 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,467 JOHN: Do you ever go out to eat with other referee friends? 342 00:15:26,867 --> 00:15:27,867 Uh... 343 00:15:36,266 --> 00:15:37,300 JOHN: Oh, really? 344 00:15:39,533 --> 00:15:41,834 JOHN: You're gonna have a referee dinner party? 345 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,633 JOHN: Where do you-- Where do you have it? 346 00:15:46,066 --> 00:15:47,266 ♪ (QUIET MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 347 00:15:47,333 --> 00:15:48,967 JOHN: This could be it. 348 00:15:49,033 --> 00:15:51,967 A dinner made up entirely of referees. 349 00:15:53,266 --> 00:15:54,567 As far as I knew, 350 00:15:54,633 --> 00:15:59,000 an all-referee dinner had never been captured on film. 351 00:15:59,066 --> 00:16:01,400 Maybe this could act as a guide for the rest of us, 352 00:16:01,467 --> 00:16:02,700 and future generations 353 00:16:02,767 --> 00:16:05,667 would use it as a bible for how we ought to behave. 354 00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:11,433 If there are 8.6 million people in New York, 355 00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:14,133 that makes roughly 3 percent of them referees. 356 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,567 Any one of these people could be a ref. 357 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,066 Hiding in plain sight. 358 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,700 Why don't they just reveal themselves? 359 00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:27,100 They could settle any number of disputes 360 00:16:27,166 --> 00:16:29,400 about check splitting or taxation. 361 00:16:30,767 --> 00:16:33,033 If only we could know who they are. 362 00:16:34,734 --> 00:16:36,400 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 363 00:16:36,467 --> 00:16:40,200 The dinner was happening at a VFW hall in Long Island. 364 00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:42,000 And I got permission to attend. 365 00:16:43,066 --> 00:16:45,333 I even dressed up for the occasion. 366 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,934 Even though when I got there, uh... 367 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:51,467 I realized that nobody else, uh, there had dressed like a ref. 368 00:16:51,533 --> 00:16:52,800 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 369 00:16:52,867 --> 00:16:54,800 Someone even told me that I was dressed up 370 00:16:54,867 --> 00:16:56,033 for the wrong sport 371 00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:58,000 because these were all soccer refs, 372 00:16:58,066 --> 00:17:00,800 and I was dressed like a basketball ref. 373 00:17:02,133 --> 00:17:05,300 As I had hoped, everyone was extremely punctual 374 00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:06,734 and showed up right on time. 375 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,133 ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 376 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:09,633 At the beginning of the dinner, 377 00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:13,700 they were, uh, selling tickets for a raffle for the refs. 378 00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:15,433 A reffle. 379 00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:18,900 And they were reffling off a big screen TV. 380 00:17:18,967 --> 00:17:20,700 And there were a bunch of high rollers. 381 00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:23,767 The dinner was buffet style, 382 00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:25,467 which seemed like the perfect choice 383 00:17:25,533 --> 00:17:28,834 for such a fair minded, orderly brunch. 384 00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:32,433 All of the food was presented at perfect right angles. 385 00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:36,667 And every single piece of ziti was evenly sauced. 386 00:17:36,734 --> 00:17:38,400 This was about to be a masterclass 387 00:17:38,467 --> 00:17:40,066 in considerate dining, 388 00:17:40,133 --> 00:17:41,700 and I had a front-row seat. 389 00:17:41,767 --> 00:17:43,000 -(OVERLAPPING CHATTER) -All right, guys. 390 00:17:43,066 --> 00:17:45,266 Come on, come on, come on, come on, let's have seat. 391 00:17:47,166 --> 00:17:48,567 Let's have a seat. 392 00:17:48,633 --> 00:17:50,734 Come on, guys. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. 393 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,533 All right. All right. All right. 394 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:53,867 All right, guys, we gotta get going. 395 00:17:53,934 --> 00:17:56,200 There we go. Let's go. All right, come on, come on, 396 00:17:56,266 --> 00:17:58,033 guys, guys, oh! 397 00:17:58,100 --> 00:17:59,767 Guys, guys, guys! 398 00:18:00,300 --> 00:18:01,467 Come on! 399 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:03,533 Guys! Oh! 400 00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:05,533 Guys! 401 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:07,767 Well, come on! 402 00:18:07,834 --> 00:18:10,567 Yo! Yo! Come on, man! 403 00:18:10,633 --> 00:18:14,300 Stop. It's embarrassing to have some, uh, 404 00:18:14,367 --> 00:18:18,166 people are in this room that are watching us, 405 00:18:18,233 --> 00:18:19,934 and we're acting like kids. 406 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,533 Stop it right now. 407 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,066 (STAMMERS) If you-- you don't-- We-- 408 00:18:23,133 --> 00:18:25,000 If we don't finish the-- the meeting, 409 00:18:25,066 --> 00:18:26,900 we are not gonna serve any food. 410 00:18:26,967 --> 00:18:28,400 So it's up to you. 411 00:18:28,467 --> 00:18:30,467 (OVERLAPPING CHATTER) 412 00:18:30,533 --> 00:18:32,233 REFEREE 1: Food first! Food first! Then the meeting. 413 00:18:32,300 --> 00:18:34,266 JOHN: When everyone finally settled down, 414 00:18:34,333 --> 00:18:36,700 the first 15 minutes or so of the event 415 00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:39,200 was devoted to berating the referees 416 00:18:39,266 --> 00:18:41,367 for not following the rules. 417 00:18:41,433 --> 00:18:44,734 First of all, the reports have to be on time. 418 00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:46,800 Uh, next, 419 00:18:46,867 --> 00:18:50,700 it's your responsibility to get paid before the game. 420 00:18:50,767 --> 00:18:52,266 If you don't get paid, 421 00:18:52,333 --> 00:18:54,700 we are not gonna be able to help you. 422 00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,066 You are on your own. 423 00:19:04,734 --> 00:19:07,200 JOHN: It seemed like things were off to a rocky start, 424 00:19:07,266 --> 00:19:10,600 but maybe they were all just hungry. 425 00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:13,266 At least the line for the buffet was orderly, 426 00:19:13,333 --> 00:19:16,867 except for maybe one or two people that, uh, cut the line, 427 00:19:16,934 --> 00:19:19,433 but I assume they, uh, that they had a good reason. 428 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:23,433 While the elders ate in silence, 429 00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:25,266 I thought it was a good opportunity to learn 430 00:19:25,333 --> 00:19:27,300 the code that the refs lived by, 431 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,500 but all they seemed to wanna do 432 00:19:29,567 --> 00:19:32,133 was complain about the association. 433 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,567 Are-- You're still waiting on payment from somebody? 434 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:38,000 JOHN: What happened? 435 00:19:39,033 --> 00:19:40,467 JOHN: Wait. Who didn't pay you? 436 00:19:40,533 --> 00:19:41,533 REFEREE 2: 437 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:42,767 (LAUGHS) 438 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,066 REFEREE 2: 439 00:19:45,133 --> 00:19:47,233 JOHN: You're waiting on a payment, too? 440 00:19:58,133 --> 00:20:00,266 JOHN: It seemed like the refs felt so cheated 441 00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:02,367 that they started seeking payback 442 00:20:02,433 --> 00:20:03,600 however they could. 443 00:20:03,667 --> 00:20:05,033 Some stuff to go? 444 00:20:05,100 --> 00:20:06,500 -I get my money's worth. -JOHN: Yeah. 445 00:20:06,567 --> 00:20:08,400 You have to get your money's worth. 446 00:20:08,467 --> 00:20:11,133 JOHN: People were packing up multiple containers of food 447 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,433 before they even finished their first. 448 00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:16,533 Others even started taking as many soda cans 449 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:18,300 as they could possibly-- 450 00:20:18,367 --> 00:20:20,867 as they could fit into a bag, 451 00:20:20,934 --> 00:20:24,166 because they wanted to bleed this party for all it was worth. 452 00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:27,700 Maybe this wasn't gonna be the model of fairness 453 00:20:27,767 --> 00:20:29,633 I was looking for after all. 454 00:20:29,700 --> 00:20:31,000 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 455 00:20:31,066 --> 00:20:32,900 The one glimmer of hope that the refs had 456 00:20:32,967 --> 00:20:35,500 was the prospect of winning a television. 457 00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:37,300 SHERMAN: This is the big one! 458 00:20:37,367 --> 00:20:40,400 This is the big one! Fifty-inch TV! 459 00:20:40,467 --> 00:20:41,633 ASSOCIATION MEMBER: Final prize! 460 00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:44,066 JOHN: But before the winning ticket was revealed, 461 00:20:44,133 --> 00:20:47,200 the refs were treated to one final indignity. 462 00:20:47,266 --> 00:20:49,367 ASSOCIATION MEMBER: Hold on! Hold on! Hold on! 463 00:20:49,433 --> 00:20:51,033 -Time out. -Before we raffle this, 464 00:20:51,100 --> 00:20:53,533 make sure all the garbage is off in the garbage can. 465 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,233 Let's do that now before we raffle it, 466 00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:57,000 because then you guys are gonna run out of here 467 00:20:57,066 --> 00:20:58,100 and everybody else cleans. 468 00:20:58,166 --> 00:21:00,266 JOHN: I was stunned to learn that the refs 469 00:21:00,333 --> 00:21:03,166 could not even be trusted to clean up after themselves 470 00:21:03,233 --> 00:21:06,233 unless they were bribed with a flatscreen TV. 471 00:21:06,300 --> 00:21:09,233 ORGANIZER: Don't leave anything on the table or on the floor! 472 00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:11,767 We're not here to clean up, please. 473 00:21:11,834 --> 00:21:14,166 JOHN: After the room was deemed clean enough 474 00:21:14,233 --> 00:21:16,900 and the winner was finally announced... 475 00:21:16,967 --> 00:21:19,934 Five-nine-four. 476 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,266 SHERMAN: Five-nine-four! 477 00:21:21,333 --> 00:21:22,800 RAFFLE ANNOUNCER: Five-nine-four! 478 00:21:22,867 --> 00:21:24,367 -SHERMAN: Five-nine-four! -(CROWD GROANING) 479 00:21:24,433 --> 00:21:25,967 JOHN: The room erupted into chaos 480 00:21:26,033 --> 00:21:28,500 when everyone discovered, uh, the prize was going to 481 00:21:28,567 --> 00:21:31,834 a high-ranking affiliate of the association. 482 00:21:31,900 --> 00:21:34,467 -The refs started booing... -Boo! 483 00:21:34,533 --> 00:21:37,300 JOHN: ...because they suspected the draw had been rigged. 484 00:21:37,367 --> 00:21:39,567 People started yelling fraud. 485 00:21:39,633 --> 00:21:41,200 -Fraud! -(INDISTINCT CHATTER) 486 00:21:42,266 --> 00:21:43,467 JOHN: But unfortunately, 487 00:21:43,533 --> 00:21:46,133 the allegations only seemed to arouse him. 488 00:21:48,467 --> 00:21:51,333 Petty theft increased dramatically. 489 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,033 And when a gold-plated whistle was awarded to the guy 490 00:21:54,100 --> 00:21:56,500 who had been yelling at everyone the whole night, 491 00:21:56,567 --> 00:21:58,800 it seemed to be the-- the final straw. 492 00:21:58,867 --> 00:22:01,000 PRIZE GIVER: Smile for camera. Smile for the camera. 493 00:22:01,066 --> 00:22:03,333 Camera's over here. Smile for the camera. 494 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:05,266 -Smile for that camera. -(LAUGHS) 495 00:22:05,333 --> 00:22:06,633 Smile for that camera. 496 00:22:06,700 --> 00:22:10,400 JOHN: And everyone left almost instantly, as predicted. 497 00:22:11,767 --> 00:22:13,600 But as people were filing out, 498 00:22:13,667 --> 00:22:17,367 the guy that won the golden whistle seemed very upset. 499 00:22:17,433 --> 00:22:19,000 It appeared that his golden whistle 500 00:22:19,066 --> 00:22:24,000 was actually stolen straight, uh, from the display case. 501 00:22:24,066 --> 00:22:26,567 It-- It was stolen. His golden whistle was stolen. 502 00:22:27,567 --> 00:22:30,100 He was really hoping that it was a joke, 503 00:22:30,166 --> 00:22:33,100 but after about a half an hour, it didn't seem like 504 00:22:33,166 --> 00:22:36,133 it was gonna be reappearing anytime soon. 505 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,367 So I left the ref dinner with a heavy heart. 506 00:22:41,767 --> 00:22:43,500 I guess I was wrong in assuming 507 00:22:43,567 --> 00:22:47,100 that refs would be less flawed than the rest of us. 508 00:22:47,934 --> 00:22:49,667 And if that's the case, 509 00:22:49,734 --> 00:22:52,400 then what hope do we have to act with any civility 510 00:22:52,467 --> 00:22:54,600 when we're out with our friends? 511 00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,100 ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ 512 00:23:01,734 --> 00:23:04,700 Stealing from anybody never feels nice, 513 00:23:04,767 --> 00:23:07,967 but maybe people feel like they need to steal 514 00:23:08,033 --> 00:23:09,900 because they're not getting support 515 00:23:09,967 --> 00:23:12,333 from the places they need it the most. 516 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,100 ♪ (HOPEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 517 00:23:20,700 --> 00:23:22,300 A lack of fairness at the top 518 00:23:22,367 --> 00:23:25,333 can create chaos at the bottom 519 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,500 and causes some people to cheat. 520 00:23:30,567 --> 00:23:32,500 But it's kind of hard to blame them 521 00:23:32,567 --> 00:23:34,467 for taking advantage... 522 00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:38,033 when they feel completely invisible 523 00:23:38,100 --> 00:23:39,900 to everyone else. 524 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:47,066 Because at the end of the day, 525 00:23:47,133 --> 00:23:49,266 we're all getting kind of a raw deal. 526 00:23:50,533 --> 00:23:53,934 And if we don't figure out how to support each other, 527 00:23:54,633 --> 00:23:56,767 then we're all cooked. 528 00:23:59,500 --> 00:24:01,400 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 529 00:24:01,467 --> 00:24:04,133 This is Ref Wilson. Thanks for watching. 530 00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:06,867 (WHISTLE BLOWING) 531 00:24:06,934 --> 00:24:09,033 ♪ (WHISTLE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 532 00:24:50,667 --> 00:24:52,400 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 533 00:24:56,967 --> 00:24:58,200 ♪ (ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 534 00:25:07,333 --> 00:25:08,433 JOHN WILSON: Then you take the broth 535 00:25:08,500 --> 00:25:10,266 and pour it in a ladle at a time. 536 00:25:10,467 --> 00:25:11,667 And while you're waiting for that, 537 00:25:11,734 --> 00:25:13,967 you try to say hello to your landlord 538 00:25:14,033 --> 00:25:15,400 who's gardening outside. 539 00:25:15,967 --> 00:25:16,967 'Ello, Mama! 540 00:25:17,233 --> 00:25:18,633 This should take around 15 minutes. 541 00:25:19,033 --> 00:25:20,367 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪