1 00:00:09,211 --> 00:00:12,311 ♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 2 00:00:16,812 --> 00:00:18,178 JOHN WILSON: Hey, New York. 3 00:00:20,411 --> 00:00:21,611 If you're like me, 4 00:00:21,678 --> 00:00:25,078 your pet slowly destroys every single piece of furniture 5 00:00:25,144 --> 00:00:27,111 that you bring inside of your apartment. 6 00:00:28,144 --> 00:00:29,378 This is Baby, 7 00:00:29,445 --> 00:00:32,345 and she is a vicious little rascal 8 00:00:32,411 --> 00:00:35,878 that aggressively claws and, um, 9 00:00:35,945 --> 00:00:38,345 vomits on everything I own. 10 00:00:39,678 --> 00:00:42,311 This makes it hard to shop for anything nice. 11 00:00:42,378 --> 00:00:45,511 Because it's guaranteed that I won't be able 12 00:00:45,578 --> 00:00:47,211 to preserve my furniture 13 00:00:47,278 --> 00:00:50,411 for longer than a couple of months. 14 00:00:50,478 --> 00:00:53,011 There's a bunch of things you could do to deter your cat 15 00:00:53,078 --> 00:00:54,511 from defiling your stuff, 16 00:00:54,578 --> 00:00:57,678 but a lot of them have mixed results. 17 00:00:57,745 --> 00:01:00,578 You could try to coat your furniture in citrus, 18 00:01:00,645 --> 00:01:03,845 which cats, uh, supposedly hate. 19 00:01:03,912 --> 00:01:06,945 But if you also hate the smell of lemon, uh, 20 00:01:07,011 --> 00:01:10,378 this can be a cruel punishment for the both of you. 21 00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:13,712 You can try putting tape over their favorite areas. 22 00:01:13,778 --> 00:01:16,445 But this may end up causing the animal to relocate 23 00:01:16,511 --> 00:01:18,578 to new areas on your furniture 24 00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:21,044 that, uh, aren't covered in tape. 25 00:01:22,745 --> 00:01:25,411 You can try getting a scratching pole, uh, 26 00:01:25,478 --> 00:01:28,578 but they might not end up using it at all. 27 00:01:28,645 --> 00:01:30,812 But that's okay, because you can always turn it 28 00:01:30,878 --> 00:01:32,511 into a hat rack... 29 00:01:32,578 --> 00:01:34,178 (TRUMPET BLARING) 30 00:01:34,244 --> 00:01:35,878 JOHN: A hat rack. 31 00:01:35,945 --> 00:01:38,078 So, if none of these options work, 32 00:01:38,144 --> 00:01:41,178 and you find yourself just counting down the days 33 00:01:41,244 --> 00:01:43,678 until one of you passes away, 34 00:01:43,745 --> 00:01:47,244 furniture covers might be your best bet. 35 00:01:47,311 --> 00:01:49,144 So buckle up, buster, 36 00:01:49,211 --> 00:01:52,545 because things are about to get pretty wet, pretty wild. 37 00:01:55,712 --> 00:01:57,778 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 38 00:01:58,645 --> 00:02:00,044 JOHN: Now, a lot of people think 39 00:02:00,111 --> 00:02:02,745 that plastic furniture covers are unsightly 40 00:02:02,812 --> 00:02:04,945 and will judge you for your choice. 41 00:02:05,011 --> 00:02:07,611 So, before you do anything you might regret, 42 00:02:07,678 --> 00:02:09,511 uh, first you're gonna need to be confident 43 00:02:09,578 --> 00:02:11,611 in your sense of taste. 44 00:02:11,678 --> 00:02:13,445 ♪ (QUIET MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 45 00:02:13,511 --> 00:02:16,011 Everyone likes to think that they have good taste, 46 00:02:16,078 --> 00:02:18,211 but this is impossible, 47 00:02:18,278 --> 00:02:21,178 because you can't have good taste without bad taste. 48 00:02:22,244 --> 00:02:23,845 What is beautiful to you 49 00:02:23,912 --> 00:02:27,078 might be revolting to someone else. 50 00:02:27,144 --> 00:02:29,845 And it's almost impossible for good and bad taste 51 00:02:29,912 --> 00:02:32,011 to peacefully coexist. 52 00:02:33,111 --> 00:02:35,812 This is what makes people who use plastic covers, 53 00:02:35,878 --> 00:02:37,378 uh, such a rare breed. 54 00:02:38,278 --> 00:02:40,144 They buy very dignified furniture, 55 00:02:40,211 --> 00:02:42,945 worthy of a showroom or a museum, 56 00:02:43,011 --> 00:02:46,211 but in order to extend its life, have decided to cover it 57 00:02:46,278 --> 00:02:48,678 with one of the most inelegant materials 58 00:02:48,745 --> 00:02:51,812 known to man-- humankind. 59 00:02:51,878 --> 00:02:55,111 But at the same time, any lifestyle depraved enough 60 00:02:55,178 --> 00:02:58,311 to require a permanent shield against liquids 61 00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:00,678 is, uh, worthy of respect. 62 00:03:00,745 --> 00:03:01,912 ♪ (MUSIC ENDS) ♪ 63 00:03:01,978 --> 00:03:04,078 This plastic covering has been on here 64 00:03:04,144 --> 00:03:06,712 for 40 straight years. Never been off, ever. 65 00:03:06,778 --> 00:03:08,945 -JOHN: Forty years? -Forty years. 66 00:03:09,011 --> 00:03:11,511 JOHN: It does look like it's in very good condition. 67 00:03:11,578 --> 00:03:14,044 -This has plastic too. -CARMELA: This has plastic here. 68 00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:16,478 JOHN: But there's nothing on top over here. 69 00:03:16,545 --> 00:03:19,144 You don't feel anxious, um, sitting on the couch 70 00:03:19,211 --> 00:03:20,778 without any covers? 71 00:03:20,845 --> 00:03:22,745 I don't, because she put the, uh, 72 00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:25,178 the slipcover on. 73 00:03:25,244 --> 00:03:26,812 -CARMELA: Yeah, no. -It's just that it's... 74 00:03:26,878 --> 00:03:28,878 -pretty worn in. -CARMELA: Yeah, no. 75 00:03:28,945 --> 00:03:35,445 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 76 00:03:40,244 --> 00:03:41,478 JOHN: Where'd you get this furniture? 77 00:03:41,545 --> 00:03:45,044 Uh, we got it special made. It came from Italy. 78 00:03:45,111 --> 00:03:46,445 JOHN: The furniture is from Italy? 79 00:03:46,511 --> 00:03:47,611 -Yeah. -Yeah. 80 00:03:47,678 --> 00:03:49,845 -JOHN: Oh, that sounds expensive. -(MONA LAUGHS) 81 00:03:49,912 --> 00:03:51,511 There was a summer, I was eating-- 82 00:03:51,578 --> 00:03:55,011 I sat here eating a tub of coffee ice cream, 83 00:03:55,078 --> 00:03:57,812 and I-- (CHUCKLES) I spilled it on the furniture. 84 00:04:00,745 --> 00:04:02,478 What about you? What have you spilled here? 85 00:04:02,545 --> 00:04:04,712 Oh I have never spilled anything. 86 00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:06,044 -JOHN: Oh, really? -Yeah. 87 00:04:06,111 --> 00:04:08,411 -JOHN: Oh, wow. -I'm very careful. 88 00:04:08,478 --> 00:04:10,011 The single most important thing 89 00:04:10,078 --> 00:04:12,078 is the protection of the furniture. 90 00:04:12,144 --> 00:04:14,244 So we can have furniture that we can keep 91 00:04:14,311 --> 00:04:16,611 for 40, 50 years! 92 00:04:16,678 --> 00:04:18,144 (ALL LAUGHING) 93 00:04:18,211 --> 00:04:20,244 I bet if we take one of these off, you know, 94 00:04:20,311 --> 00:04:22,812 these would be brand new under there. 95 00:04:22,878 --> 00:04:24,578 Yeah, I don't mind. They-- they have zippers, 96 00:04:24,645 --> 00:04:25,945 like you can remove it. 97 00:04:26,011 --> 00:04:27,378 (PLASTIC CRINKLING) 98 00:04:27,445 --> 00:04:28,578 Let's see. 99 00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:33,178 -Mona, be careful. -Mm-hmm. 100 00:04:35,378 --> 00:04:37,511 Not even a speck of dust! 101 00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:39,378 -CHUMADAT: See! -JOHN: Wow. 102 00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:41,778 The last time you sat on that was 20 years ago? 103 00:04:41,845 --> 00:04:43,445 -Wow, this is-- -Me? Yeah, about 20 years ago. 104 00:04:43,511 --> 00:04:45,211 -JOHN: This is risky. -MONA: Sit, Lala. 105 00:04:45,278 --> 00:04:47,611 -Good girl! -JOHN: Oh, wow. 106 00:04:47,678 --> 00:04:48,845 Don't get used to it. 107 00:04:48,912 --> 00:04:51,044 Seems like you guys got it figured out. This is nice. 108 00:04:51,111 --> 00:04:52,578 I feel-- Oh, what is that? 109 00:04:52,645 --> 00:04:54,345 -I see a little chip. -MONA: Oh, no! 110 00:04:54,411 --> 00:04:57,044 -JOHN: Did that just happen? -INDRANIE: Oh, no. 111 00:04:57,111 --> 00:04:59,311 JOHN: It seems like most people cover their furniture 112 00:04:59,378 --> 00:05:01,745 to make sure it stays in mint condition. 113 00:05:01,812 --> 00:05:04,411 So, if your stuff is already trashed, 114 00:05:04,478 --> 00:05:06,545 uh, you'll need to start by buying something 115 00:05:06,611 --> 00:05:08,712 that's worth preserving. 116 00:05:08,778 --> 00:05:11,144 Thankfully, New York has millions of seats 117 00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:12,778 to choose from. 118 00:05:12,845 --> 00:05:15,611 This city is a brothel of exotic chairs, 119 00:05:15,678 --> 00:05:17,778 and once you're finally back in the market, 120 00:05:17,845 --> 00:05:20,511 uh, you'll notice that each one is desperately trying 121 00:05:20,578 --> 00:05:21,678 to seduce you. 122 00:05:21,745 --> 00:05:23,445 ♪ (SEDUCTIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 123 00:05:26,278 --> 00:05:27,278 Ooh. 124 00:05:28,812 --> 00:05:29,878 Mm-hmm. 125 00:05:31,211 --> 00:05:32,311 A-ha. 126 00:05:33,845 --> 00:05:34,845 Hm-hmm. 127 00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:37,378 Uh-huh. 128 00:05:38,945 --> 00:05:39,945 Oh. 129 00:05:41,912 --> 00:05:42,912 Uh-huh. 130 00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:45,745 Oh. 131 00:05:48,645 --> 00:05:49,645 Ooh. 132 00:05:49,712 --> 00:05:51,378 ♪ (MUSIC STOPS) ♪ 133 00:05:51,445 --> 00:05:53,044 JOHN: So once you find a piece of furniture 134 00:05:53,111 --> 00:05:54,645 that's, uh, worthy of preserving, 135 00:05:54,712 --> 00:05:58,645 uh, just do a very, uh, quick bedbug check, uh, just in case, 136 00:05:58,712 --> 00:06:00,912 and go to the cashier and ring it up. 137 00:06:01,678 --> 00:06:02,712 (CLEARS THROAT) 138 00:06:02,778 --> 00:06:03,978 And then you're gonna roll it 139 00:06:04,044 --> 00:06:06,244 straight to the plastic cover store. 140 00:06:06,311 --> 00:06:08,211 ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 141 00:06:11,712 --> 00:06:15,311 And hand it off to the guy who's gonna make it for you. 142 00:06:15,378 --> 00:06:17,712 PLASTIC COVER MAKER: This is a 16-gauge plastic. 143 00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:20,078 -JOHN: Sixteen gauge, so how thick is that? -PLASTIC COVER MAKER: Yeah. 144 00:06:20,144 --> 00:06:22,111 That's-- That's the thickness of... 145 00:06:22,845 --> 00:06:23,912 of the plastic. 146 00:06:23,978 --> 00:06:25,712 JOHN: How do you think this is gonna look with it? 147 00:06:25,778 --> 00:06:27,111 This is gonna look dope. 148 00:06:27,845 --> 00:06:29,445 JOHN: Cool. 149 00:06:29,511 --> 00:06:31,411 Do you cover your own furniture at home? 150 00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:32,645 No. 151 00:06:32,712 --> 00:06:34,712 ♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪ 152 00:06:43,311 --> 00:06:45,511 JOHN: Every cover they make is one of a kind, 153 00:06:45,578 --> 00:06:48,411 and the plastic should fit your chair like a glove. 154 00:06:48,912 --> 00:06:50,478 Like a glove, bro! 155 00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:54,044 JOHN: So, after you roll it home, 156 00:06:54,111 --> 00:06:57,845 uh, get a couple of thin but kind friends 157 00:06:57,912 --> 00:07:00,478 to-- to help you, uh, move it up the stairs. 158 00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:02,178 ♪ (MUSIC ENDS) ♪ 159 00:07:02,244 --> 00:07:04,945 But when you finally get it into your apartment, 160 00:07:05,011 --> 00:07:08,378 it may look a little weird next to all your other stuff. 161 00:07:08,445 --> 00:07:09,945 ♪ (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 162 00:07:10,011 --> 00:07:12,545 And despite the fantasy you've always had, 163 00:07:12,611 --> 00:07:15,111 the thrill of pouring salsa on it, 164 00:07:15,178 --> 00:07:17,878 uh, wears off after a few weeks. 165 00:07:19,178 --> 00:07:22,078 And even if your landlord thinks the covers are nice... 166 00:07:22,144 --> 00:07:23,144 LANDLADY: Oh... 167 00:07:23,211 --> 00:07:24,845 JOHN: This one's covered in plastic. 168 00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:26,044 Nice. 169 00:07:26,111 --> 00:07:27,912 JOHN: Your friends still may call you names 170 00:07:27,978 --> 00:07:31,678 for having plastic covers when they come over to hang out. 171 00:07:32,745 --> 00:07:36,211 It also gets extremely hot when it's warm out, 172 00:07:36,278 --> 00:07:38,611 and I wouldn't recommend sitting on it 173 00:07:38,678 --> 00:07:40,144 while you're in the buff. 174 00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:43,244 And although your cat won't want to go anywhere 175 00:07:43,311 --> 00:07:45,111 near this material, 176 00:07:45,178 --> 00:07:47,978 uh, neither will you. 177 00:07:48,044 --> 00:07:50,378 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 178 00:07:50,445 --> 00:07:52,778 When we try to domesticate animals, 179 00:07:52,845 --> 00:07:55,411 we expect them to play by our rules, 180 00:07:55,478 --> 00:07:59,078 but it's not always in their nature to play along. 181 00:07:59,144 --> 00:08:00,978 And people even try to control animals 182 00:08:01,044 --> 00:08:02,945 outside of their house too. 183 00:08:04,611 --> 00:08:06,645 Almost everywhere you look in New York, 184 00:08:06,712 --> 00:08:09,111 you can see stuff designed to prevent animals 185 00:08:09,178 --> 00:08:10,745 from making their mark. 186 00:08:10,812 --> 00:08:12,912 ♪ (QUIET MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 187 00:08:12,978 --> 00:08:15,511 These things are here to stop birds. 188 00:08:16,478 --> 00:08:18,478 These things are here to stop dogs. 189 00:08:19,712 --> 00:08:21,378 These things are here to-- 190 00:08:21,445 --> 00:08:24,878 that-- that's for stopping rats, I think. 191 00:08:24,945 --> 00:08:28,812 But they still let the pigs go wherever they want. 192 00:08:28,878 --> 00:08:31,311 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 193 00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:34,211 When I walk to work every morning, 194 00:08:34,278 --> 00:08:36,678 there's a tiny little staircase that gives me 195 00:08:36,745 --> 00:08:39,845 a half-second shortcut on my way to the office. 196 00:08:39,912 --> 00:08:43,044 I see a lot of other people naturally do it too, 197 00:08:43,111 --> 00:08:45,878 but for some reason, the building management decided 198 00:08:45,945 --> 00:08:47,878 that this was a huge nuisance, 199 00:08:47,945 --> 00:08:49,878 and put up a fancy red rope 200 00:08:49,945 --> 00:08:52,545 to stop people from walking down a single step 201 00:08:52,611 --> 00:08:53,878 in front of their lobby. 202 00:08:55,078 --> 00:08:58,778 Now, everyone needs to make a full right-angle turn 203 00:08:58,845 --> 00:09:01,211 when, uh, they walk past the building, 204 00:09:01,278 --> 00:09:04,945 potentially taking away years of your precious life. 205 00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:08,044 I assume it's because of some kind of liability, 206 00:09:08,111 --> 00:09:10,712 but to me it seemed more about the raw power 207 00:09:10,778 --> 00:09:14,311 that comes with controlling ten feet of a private corner 208 00:09:14,378 --> 00:09:16,345 in a high-end neighborhood. 209 00:09:16,411 --> 00:09:17,712 ♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 210 00:09:17,778 --> 00:09:19,211 And the more I looked around, 211 00:09:19,278 --> 00:09:21,011 the more I noticed all the other ways 212 00:09:21,078 --> 00:09:24,278 that the city treats everyone like animals. 213 00:09:26,244 --> 00:09:28,345 They put sharp stuff on the tops of these 214 00:09:28,411 --> 00:09:30,011 so that nobody sits on them. 215 00:09:31,178 --> 00:09:33,411 They put these little metal things on ledges, 216 00:09:33,478 --> 00:09:37,378 uh, so that skateboarders can't grind. 217 00:09:37,445 --> 00:09:39,578 And they recently started making the dividers 218 00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:41,912 on the subway benches even taller, 219 00:09:41,978 --> 00:09:44,611 so that it's even harder to lay down on them. 220 00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:49,278 Some people even designed very crude, 221 00:09:49,345 --> 00:09:52,411 uh, homemade, uh, solutions to the human problem. 222 00:09:54,078 --> 00:09:57,211 This all seems to be a way to discourage undesirables 223 00:09:57,278 --> 00:10:00,445 from using our beloved public space. 224 00:10:00,511 --> 00:10:02,678 And when you look at all of it together, 225 00:10:02,745 --> 00:10:05,745 it's almost like the city is trying to tell you something. 226 00:10:06,645 --> 00:10:08,311 But like any species, 227 00:10:08,378 --> 00:10:11,511 we always just find new areas to conquer, 228 00:10:13,144 --> 00:10:15,645 climbing to dangerous elevations 229 00:10:16,511 --> 00:10:19,278 in search of refuge. 230 00:10:20,211 --> 00:10:23,311 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 231 00:10:23,378 --> 00:10:25,278 Humans will go through a lot of trouble 232 00:10:25,345 --> 00:10:27,011 just to make themselves feel like 233 00:10:27,078 --> 00:10:29,044 they're in control of their environment. 234 00:10:30,578 --> 00:10:32,745 When I was a teenager, my secret treasure 235 00:10:32,812 --> 00:10:35,345 was the full set of action figures from, uh, 236 00:10:35,411 --> 00:10:37,311 the hit motion picture The Matrix, 237 00:10:38,111 --> 00:10:39,278 mint in the box. 238 00:10:40,545 --> 00:10:43,912 It gave me the emotional armor I needed, 239 00:10:43,978 --> 00:10:47,511 even though nobody, uh, really cared that I had them. 240 00:10:49,011 --> 00:10:51,511 At the time, I was too old to play with them, 241 00:10:51,578 --> 00:10:54,311 but too young to cash out. 242 00:10:54,378 --> 00:10:56,812 And now they're somehow worth less 243 00:10:56,878 --> 00:10:59,878 than what I originally, uh, paid for them. 244 00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:03,678 I can't remember why this ever made me happy, 245 00:11:03,745 --> 00:11:05,645 but I knew that I wasn't the only one 246 00:11:05,712 --> 00:11:07,745 who engaged in behavior like this. 247 00:11:12,011 --> 00:11:14,411 Anyway, so I heard that you had a pair of shoes 248 00:11:14,478 --> 00:11:15,945 that you take really good care of. 249 00:11:16,978 --> 00:11:19,545 -So, these are my red bottoms. -JOHN: Oh, wow. 250 00:11:19,611 --> 00:11:21,878 JULISSA: Signed by Christian Louboutin. 251 00:11:21,945 --> 00:11:23,578 JOHN: Wait, do you-- so you keep them right here, 252 00:11:23,645 --> 00:11:25,511 -all the time? -JULISSA: Mm-hmm. 253 00:11:25,578 --> 00:11:28,478 JOHN: Wow. Do you ever take them out? 254 00:11:28,545 --> 00:11:31,378 -They-- These I won't wear ever. -(LAVANNA FUSSING) 255 00:11:31,445 --> 00:11:33,244 JOHN: You won't wear these ever? You've never worn these? 256 00:11:33,311 --> 00:11:34,712 -JULISSA: No. No. -JULISSA'S HUSBAND: No. 257 00:11:35,745 --> 00:11:37,678 JOHN: Why do you think people want to keep things 258 00:11:37,745 --> 00:11:39,778 in perfect condition? 259 00:11:39,845 --> 00:11:43,945 Who wants something beat up and-- and-- and destroyed? 260 00:11:44,011 --> 00:11:46,511 Um, then it's-- it's meaningless. 261 00:11:46,578 --> 00:11:48,978 You know, the opportunity or-- or the ability to kinda 262 00:11:49,044 --> 00:11:50,912 keep it intact and-- 263 00:11:50,978 --> 00:11:53,478 and in its original shape 264 00:11:53,545 --> 00:11:56,144 to then pass it on over to generation or... 265 00:11:56,211 --> 00:11:58,411 Yeah, or to have it as a showcase, 266 00:11:58,478 --> 00:12:00,978 something to talk about when we have people over. 267 00:12:01,044 --> 00:12:03,978 -(LAVANNA FUSSING) -And people could see it... 268 00:12:04,411 --> 00:12:06,378 (LAVANNA SHOUTS) 269 00:12:06,445 --> 00:12:08,778 ...and love it, appreciate it. 270 00:12:08,845 --> 00:12:10,144 ♪ (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 271 00:12:10,211 --> 00:12:13,345 JOHN: Sometimes material things are so precious to people 272 00:12:13,411 --> 00:12:16,111 that they go so far as to make duplications 273 00:12:16,178 --> 00:12:18,411 of their possessions. 274 00:12:18,478 --> 00:12:20,345 I heard that there are even art collectors 275 00:12:20,411 --> 00:12:22,078 who do this with their paintings 276 00:12:22,144 --> 00:12:25,178 to avoid having to hang the original on their walls. 277 00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:28,745 Many clients will do what's called 278 00:12:28,812 --> 00:12:31,178 a commissioned reproduction. 279 00:12:31,244 --> 00:12:33,511 Basically making a-- a copy of it, 280 00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:36,845 and then they may put the copy up on their walls, 281 00:12:36,912 --> 00:12:40,378 and put the actual work in a storage facility 282 00:12:40,445 --> 00:12:41,778 where it can remain safe. 283 00:12:42,545 --> 00:12:43,812 JOHN: Oh, wow. 284 00:12:43,878 --> 00:12:46,378 If you have a, you know, 285 00:12:46,445 --> 00:12:48,878 a 30-million-dollar Van Gogh painting, 286 00:12:48,945 --> 00:12:51,378 then the stress of having that painting on the wall 287 00:12:51,445 --> 00:12:53,278 may really not be worth it. 288 00:12:53,345 --> 00:12:56,545 And if you can lock it away until it's time to sell it, 289 00:12:56,611 --> 00:13:00,011 and you can still have that... piece in your house 290 00:13:00,078 --> 00:13:01,378 and look at it and enjoy it 291 00:13:01,445 --> 00:13:02,845 and have your friends look at it, 292 00:13:02,912 --> 00:13:06,278 then, you know, you're-- you're benefiting from it. 293 00:13:06,345 --> 00:13:07,845 JOHN: Do you have any animals? 294 00:13:08,411 --> 00:13:11,111 -No. -JOHN: Why not? 295 00:13:11,178 --> 00:13:14,778 Um, because I don't like having to go home 296 00:13:14,845 --> 00:13:16,611 in time for dinner to feed them. 297 00:13:18,311 --> 00:13:20,244 I did like horses when I was little. 298 00:13:21,345 --> 00:13:23,078 I rode them until I got allergic. 299 00:13:26,211 --> 00:13:28,478 JOHN: Maybe being too precious about an object 300 00:13:28,545 --> 00:13:31,311 can actually just make you enjoy it less 301 00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:33,812 and create a low, simmering anxiety 302 00:13:33,878 --> 00:13:35,511 that you can never escape. 303 00:13:35,578 --> 00:13:38,678 ♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 304 00:13:38,745 --> 00:13:40,778 I was out driving with a friend the other day, 305 00:13:40,845 --> 00:13:44,278 and he was trying to find a-- a touch-free car wash. 306 00:13:44,345 --> 00:13:47,345 He's real-- He r-- He cares a lot about the condition of his car, 307 00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:51,211 and he absolutely refused to go to a normal car wash 308 00:13:51,278 --> 00:13:52,445 uh, with brushes. 309 00:13:53,678 --> 00:13:55,511 After finding a place on Atlantic Avenue 310 00:13:55,578 --> 00:13:58,645 that looked like it had a touch-free cleaning, 311 00:13:58,712 --> 00:14:02,712 uh, he, uh, got in line and waited his turn. 312 00:14:02,778 --> 00:14:04,545 Only when he reached the end of the line 313 00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:06,411 did he realize that it was actually 314 00:14:06,478 --> 00:14:08,645 a touch-full car wash. 315 00:14:08,712 --> 00:14:11,478 And they-- And a lot of stuff touches your car in it. 316 00:14:11,545 --> 00:14:13,678 And when he demanded to be let out, 317 00:14:13,745 --> 00:14:17,211 they told him that the only way to exit was through the brushes. 318 00:14:17,278 --> 00:14:19,745 I thought-- It says touch-free on the end though. 319 00:14:19,812 --> 00:14:21,745 JOHN: He completely lost it. 320 00:14:21,812 --> 00:14:23,645 COLE: Fucking ruining my fucking car. 321 00:14:29,611 --> 00:14:31,678 JOHN: Immediately after, he bought gallons 322 00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:34,678 of bottled water to wash off the car himself. 323 00:14:36,078 --> 00:14:37,812 He was inconsolable, 324 00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:39,411 and we drove the rest of the way home 325 00:14:39,478 --> 00:14:41,211 in complete silence. 326 00:14:43,978 --> 00:14:47,144 ♪ (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 327 00:14:48,878 --> 00:14:50,745 JOHN: I was really starting to question 328 00:14:50,812 --> 00:14:53,745 if protecting my chair was healthy behavior. 329 00:14:59,211 --> 00:15:01,845 But I knew that Baby would just start destroying my chair 330 00:15:01,912 --> 00:15:03,378 the moment I took it off. 331 00:15:04,945 --> 00:15:07,044 The last resort for most people 332 00:15:07,111 --> 00:15:09,778 is to completely declaw your cat. 333 00:15:10,745 --> 00:15:13,611 This is a deeply traumatizing procedure 334 00:15:13,678 --> 00:15:15,645 that permanently disfigures your animal 335 00:15:15,712 --> 00:15:18,311 and radically transforms their personality. 336 00:15:19,278 --> 00:15:21,111 They actually recently made it illegal 337 00:15:21,178 --> 00:15:23,111 to declaw your cat in New York... 338 00:15:24,311 --> 00:15:25,345 uh, I think. 339 00:15:26,945 --> 00:15:31,244 I could never do that to my cat, because not only is it inhumane, 340 00:15:31,311 --> 00:15:33,511 but she's extremely good at catching the mice 341 00:15:33,578 --> 00:15:36,411 that hide behind my collection of tapes in my apartment. 342 00:15:38,211 --> 00:15:39,712 (THUDS) 343 00:15:42,912 --> 00:15:44,778 We're an unstoppable team, 344 00:15:44,845 --> 00:15:47,345 and I could never alter her evolutionary gifts 345 00:15:47,411 --> 00:15:48,878 for my convenience. 346 00:15:49,778 --> 00:15:52,144 ♪ (MUSIC ENDS) ♪ 347 00:15:52,211 --> 00:15:54,411 I wanted to see if there was anything in the pet store 348 00:15:54,478 --> 00:15:56,144 that I hadn't thought of. 349 00:15:56,211 --> 00:15:59,611 But as I walked to the Petco in Union Square, 350 00:15:59,678 --> 00:16:01,978 I saw a mobile billboard 351 00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:05,878 that seemed to be spreading an anti-circumcision message. 352 00:16:05,945 --> 00:16:09,745 And they even had a disturbing replica of a baby as a prop. 353 00:16:09,812 --> 00:16:12,778 This clamp, what it does is it entraps the foreskin 354 00:16:12,845 --> 00:16:15,144 in between two pieces of metal, 355 00:16:15,211 --> 00:16:18,778 and when the doctor applies the screw and the thumbwheel, 356 00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:21,812 it exerts over two tons of force on the foreskin, 357 00:16:21,878 --> 00:16:24,345 because the purpose of that is to crush it, 358 00:16:24,411 --> 00:16:27,345 and they want the blood to coagulate under the skin. 359 00:16:27,411 --> 00:16:28,712 When this happens to a baby, 360 00:16:28,778 --> 00:16:30,044 they're screaming the whole time. 361 00:16:30,111 --> 00:16:32,078 They're screaming for their life. 362 00:16:32,144 --> 00:16:34,578 JOHN: I had never met a more passionate advocate 363 00:16:34,645 --> 00:16:36,912 for keeping covers on. 364 00:16:36,978 --> 00:16:40,144 He was so sure that we needed this kind of protection. 365 00:16:40,211 --> 00:16:41,345 What I like to talk about 366 00:16:41,411 --> 00:16:43,011 is what are the benefits of foreskin. 367 00:16:43,078 --> 00:16:44,111 And that is, you know, 368 00:16:44,178 --> 00:16:46,244 foreskin offers what we call the four powers. 369 00:16:46,311 --> 00:16:49,812 Pleasure, protection, lubrication and connection. 370 00:16:49,878 --> 00:16:51,111 You know, there's an old motto, 371 00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:53,111 "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." 372 00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:56,278 And nature put foreskin on our bodies for a reason. 373 00:16:56,345 --> 00:16:57,845 And women have foreskin too. 374 00:16:58,678 --> 00:16:59,678 JOHN: Uh... 375 00:17:00,378 --> 00:17:01,478 ♪ (QUIET MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 376 00:17:01,545 --> 00:17:04,111 Maybe some coverings are nature's gift, 377 00:17:04,178 --> 00:17:06,278 and it's a mistake to remove them. 378 00:17:08,244 --> 00:17:10,511 But there's a lot of stuff we do to our children 379 00:17:10,578 --> 00:17:13,345 before they have the ability to consent. 380 00:17:13,411 --> 00:17:15,144 And it's hard to say whether or not 381 00:17:15,211 --> 00:17:17,645 they'll resent you for it, uh, when they grow up. 382 00:17:20,378 --> 00:17:23,078 We teach them to worship certain things. 383 00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:26,845 We pierce their ears so they look glamorous. 384 00:17:28,111 --> 00:17:30,111 We give them names that they have to live with 385 00:17:30,178 --> 00:17:32,078 for the rest of their lives. 386 00:17:33,078 --> 00:17:34,845 And for the first time, 387 00:17:34,912 --> 00:17:36,845 it struck me that my life might have been different 388 00:17:36,912 --> 00:17:38,678 if I hadn't been circumcised. 389 00:17:40,345 --> 00:17:42,378 Was I missing out on a world of pleasure 390 00:17:42,445 --> 00:17:43,912 I didn't even know about? 391 00:17:45,278 --> 00:17:48,044 Maybe if my genitals were intact, 392 00:17:48,111 --> 00:17:51,545 I would have had to shower more often growing up, 393 00:17:51,611 --> 00:17:55,011 and that would have, uh, got me invited to more parties. 394 00:17:55,078 --> 00:17:56,778 And with all that extra confidence, 395 00:17:56,845 --> 00:17:59,211 uh, I could have been a-- a doctor by now. 396 00:18:00,178 --> 00:18:01,778 Or an Olympic athlete. 397 00:18:03,111 --> 00:18:04,178 Or a judge. 398 00:18:05,078 --> 00:18:07,011 ♪ (MUSIC ENDS) ♪ 399 00:18:07,078 --> 00:18:09,144 But maybe there was still hope. 400 00:18:09,211 --> 00:18:12,078 The anti-circumcision guy had told me about his friend, 401 00:18:12,144 --> 00:18:15,678 uh, that made a product designed to restore your foreskin. 402 00:18:16,578 --> 00:18:18,211 So I decided to pay the guy a visit 403 00:18:18,278 --> 00:18:20,111 and see what it was all about. 404 00:18:20,178 --> 00:18:21,678 So, this is our home. 405 00:18:21,745 --> 00:18:24,411 My family, uh, lives here, I raised my daughters here. 406 00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:26,345 And in the basement of this home 407 00:18:26,411 --> 00:18:28,478 is the TLC Tugger production facility. 408 00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:34,645 JOHN: What a space. 409 00:18:34,712 --> 00:18:38,311 Not only did he make every foreskin restoration device by hand, 410 00:18:38,378 --> 00:18:40,044 but he was also a musician 411 00:18:40,111 --> 00:18:43,378 and wrote an entire album about circumcision. 412 00:18:43,445 --> 00:18:47,011 ♪ (ELECTRIC GUITAR RIFFS) ♪ 413 00:18:47,078 --> 00:18:48,812 (SINGING) ♪ You talked Bill Gates out of a few ♪ 414 00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:50,144 ♪ Hard-earned simoleons ♪ 415 00:18:50,211 --> 00:18:53,178 ♪ To do a so-called study Where you cut some Africans ♪ 416 00:18:53,244 --> 00:18:54,845 ♪ But it's still clear That condoms ♪ 417 00:18:54,912 --> 00:18:56,878 ♪ Are the best form Of prevention ♪ 418 00:18:56,945 --> 00:19:00,211 ♪ Now that you've failed Who will heal those angry men? ♪ 419 00:19:00,278 --> 00:19:03,712 ♪ I'm gonna tug and grow My foreskin back again ♪ 420 00:19:03,778 --> 00:19:07,411 ♪ I'm gonna tug and grow My foreskin back again ♪ 421 00:19:07,478 --> 00:19:11,111 So, I'm presently wearing a retaining cone. 422 00:19:11,745 --> 00:19:13,545 JOHN: Oh, okay. 423 00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:15,645 RON LOWE: But that's not an active source of tension. 424 00:19:15,712 --> 00:19:18,044 That's not gonna grow you enough skin 425 00:19:18,111 --> 00:19:19,478 so that you look like an intact guy. 426 00:19:19,545 --> 00:19:21,678 JOHN: So what's the tension-- How-- how do you create the tension? 427 00:19:21,745 --> 00:19:23,411 So, to create tension, you need to tug, 428 00:19:23,478 --> 00:19:25,778 and for that you need a tugging device like this one. 429 00:19:25,845 --> 00:19:27,745 -JOHN: Okay. -RON: This is the TLC Tugger. 430 00:19:27,812 --> 00:19:30,278 I place it against the head of my penis, 431 00:19:30,345 --> 00:19:33,311 force my skin up onto the conical surface. 432 00:19:34,745 --> 00:19:36,378 -JOHN: Uh-huh. -RON: So this will clip to my device, 433 00:19:36,445 --> 00:19:38,211 and then the weight will dangle in my pants. 434 00:19:39,578 --> 00:19:40,845 JOHN: Okay. 435 00:19:40,912 --> 00:19:43,812 RON: So there, I've clipped that same string to my device. 436 00:19:45,678 --> 00:19:47,144 I'm gonna put my pants on, 437 00:19:48,511 --> 00:19:50,478 and the weight is hanging down 438 00:19:50,545 --> 00:19:52,211 where gravity can still act upon it 439 00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:55,311 instead of resting in the thigh area of my pants. 440 00:19:55,378 --> 00:19:56,945 -JOHN: Oh, okay. -So this weight is gonna 441 00:19:57,011 --> 00:19:58,211 keep working on me, 442 00:19:58,278 --> 00:20:00,978 uh, all day because it's hanging freely 443 00:20:01,044 --> 00:20:02,244 because of that string. 444 00:20:08,378 --> 00:20:10,978 Anybody else in the house need a grapefruit-flavored seltzer? 445 00:20:14,745 --> 00:20:16,712 (ICE DISPENSER WHIRRING) 446 00:20:19,478 --> 00:20:20,645 (GLASSES CLINKING) 447 00:20:21,578 --> 00:20:22,578 RON: Coming right up. 448 00:20:23,611 --> 00:20:26,445 (ICE DISPENSER WHIRRING) 449 00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:30,845 -RON: Cheers. -JOHN: Oh, thank you. 450 00:20:32,011 --> 00:20:37,211 So, with the pulley, uh, I can move any old way 451 00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:40,211 while I'm sleeping, doing things involuntarily, 452 00:20:40,278 --> 00:20:42,645 and the tension stays the same, 453 00:20:42,712 --> 00:20:46,678 whereas with a shoulder strap, if you curl up, 454 00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:50,445 this-- the tension-- the slack-- the strap goes completely slack. 455 00:20:50,511 --> 00:20:52,311 JOHN: Does this ever bother your wife, 456 00:20:52,378 --> 00:20:55,411 this-- this cord in bed? 457 00:20:55,478 --> 00:20:58,511 Every once in a while, uh, I will do something 458 00:20:58,578 --> 00:21:00,445 with my pulley and lose the grip on it... 459 00:21:00,511 --> 00:21:01,545 (METAL CLANGING) 460 00:21:01,611 --> 00:21:03,244 ...and make a loud noise when she's asleep. 461 00:21:03,945 --> 00:21:05,912 And she doesn't like that. 462 00:21:05,978 --> 00:21:08,812 JOHN: Uh, see anything good lately? 463 00:21:08,878 --> 00:21:10,945 Uh, lately I just saw that, uh... 464 00:21:14,611 --> 00:21:17,278 Oh my gosh, I'm so old. Words escape me. 465 00:21:17,345 --> 00:21:19,311 It's called... Parasite! 466 00:21:19,378 --> 00:21:21,745 -JOHN: Oh, yeah, I liked Parasite. -Oh, Parasite rocked. 467 00:21:23,044 --> 00:21:25,812 JOHN: Yeah that was a really-- a really great, uh-- 468 00:21:25,878 --> 00:21:28,078 It was the perfect movie because it was a morality tale, 469 00:21:28,144 --> 00:21:30,545 it had virtue, it had vice, 470 00:21:30,611 --> 00:21:34,545 it had, uh-- oh, just don't get me started. 471 00:21:35,345 --> 00:21:37,745 ♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 472 00:21:39,845 --> 00:21:41,845 JOHN: I was reading recently that they're planning 473 00:21:41,912 --> 00:21:43,478 on putting up a wall around Manhattan 474 00:21:43,545 --> 00:21:45,745 to combat the rising sea levels. 475 00:21:47,778 --> 00:21:50,611 I guess it's tempting to just put a cover on something 476 00:21:50,678 --> 00:21:53,745 when you don't know what else to do. 477 00:21:53,812 --> 00:21:57,845 But maybe we just do it to avoid having to face the real problem. 478 00:21:58,912 --> 00:22:02,078 And it only gives us the illusion of control 479 00:22:02,144 --> 00:22:05,878 as the rest of our world slowly falls apart. 480 00:22:07,511 --> 00:22:09,078 ♪ (MUSIC ENDS) ♪ 481 00:22:09,144 --> 00:22:11,845 My friends hired an interior designer recently, 482 00:22:11,912 --> 00:22:14,345 uh, to help them with their furniture problems, 483 00:22:14,411 --> 00:22:16,345 and they let me, uh, hang out. 484 00:22:16,411 --> 00:22:18,445 You-- We do, like, very small chair, 485 00:22:18,511 --> 00:22:20,545 or you could even do, like, a cool, like, stool, 486 00:22:20,611 --> 00:22:21,912 -or... you know. -Stool, yeah. 487 00:22:21,978 --> 00:22:24,645 JOHN: And when I told her about my plastic cover dilemma, 488 00:22:24,712 --> 00:22:27,211 she saw the problem a little differently. 489 00:22:27,278 --> 00:22:28,478 I-- Again, I keep on-- 490 00:22:28,545 --> 00:22:29,812 It's almost a visual thing, like-- 491 00:22:29,878 --> 00:22:31,078 But I think it's energy. 492 00:22:31,144 --> 00:22:33,144 Like, even when I'm looking at you right now, 493 00:22:33,211 --> 00:22:35,478 I'm seeing a camera, and I'm seeing you. 494 00:22:35,545 --> 00:22:37,278 It's really interesting. There's almost like a film 495 00:22:37,345 --> 00:22:38,978 even between the two. 496 00:22:39,044 --> 00:22:40,611 You're always used to having 497 00:22:40,678 --> 00:22:43,144 some kind of protective mechanism, 498 00:22:43,211 --> 00:22:45,978 um, and I think in some ways, the camera, it's done both. 499 00:22:46,044 --> 00:22:47,645 It's the paradox. I think it's connected you 500 00:22:47,712 --> 00:22:50,478 more than ever with people, but yet there's always, like, 501 00:22:50,545 --> 00:22:51,678 a bit of a separation 502 00:22:51,745 --> 00:22:53,878 and a bit of you that's, like, apart from it. 503 00:22:53,945 --> 00:22:56,044 It sounds maybe kooky, but I would love for you 504 00:22:56,111 --> 00:22:58,178 sometimes in your life to, like, in your head, be like, 505 00:22:58,244 --> 00:23:00,945 "I should put the camera down right now in this situation. 506 00:23:01,011 --> 00:23:02,545 I should just be John." 507 00:23:02,611 --> 00:23:04,578 ♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 508 00:23:09,278 --> 00:23:12,411 JOHN: I finally felt confident heading into the future, 509 00:23:12,478 --> 00:23:13,945 with or without a cover. 510 00:23:15,044 --> 00:23:17,611 Nature gives things character, 511 00:23:17,678 --> 00:23:20,311 and anything that happens to our stuff along the way 512 00:23:20,378 --> 00:23:22,712 is evidence of a well-lived life. 513 00:23:23,878 --> 00:23:26,044 And for the first time, I wasn't worried at all 514 00:23:26,111 --> 00:23:28,244 about my furniture getting destroyed. 515 00:23:28,978 --> 00:23:30,411 Because I hired a fabricator 516 00:23:30,478 --> 00:23:34,011 to make a commissioned, uh, reproduction of my chair 517 00:23:34,078 --> 00:23:37,978 that is an identical copy of the original piece. 518 00:23:38,044 --> 00:23:42,345 So now, while my cat slowly annihilates the replica chair 519 00:23:42,411 --> 00:23:44,211 that sits in my apartment, 520 00:23:44,278 --> 00:23:46,078 I can finally rest easy, 521 00:23:46,144 --> 00:23:50,178 knowing that the original chair that I love is safe and secure 522 00:23:50,244 --> 00:23:54,144 in a temperature-controlled storage facility in Canarsie. 523 00:23:55,511 --> 00:23:58,645 And even though I may never sit in it ever again, 524 00:23:59,545 --> 00:24:01,945 at least I know that I could. 525 00:24:07,244 --> 00:24:09,678 This is John Wilson. Thanks for watching. 526 00:24:11,845 --> 00:24:13,778 ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ 527 00:24:13,845 --> 00:24:15,878 ♪ (ELECTRIC GUITAR RIFFING) ♪ 528 00:24:17,445 --> 00:24:20,511 RON: (SINGING) ♪ I wish my parents Had defied conformity ♪ 529 00:24:20,578 --> 00:24:24,211 ♪ Preserved my pleasure part So I could feel it glide ♪ 530 00:24:24,278 --> 00:24:26,745 ♪ That amputation Won't prevent an STD ♪ 531 00:24:26,812 --> 00:24:28,244 ♪ And infants aren't at risk ♪ 532 00:24:28,311 --> 00:24:30,812 ♪ Why steal His right to decide? ♪ 533 00:24:30,878 --> 00:24:32,011 ♪ I don't want much ♪ 534 00:24:32,078 --> 00:24:34,345 ♪ Just want My foreskin back again ♪ 535 00:24:34,411 --> 00:24:35,678 ♪ No, it's not TMI ♪ 536 00:24:35,745 --> 00:24:37,778 ♪ I shared it 'Cause we're friends ♪ 537 00:24:37,845 --> 00:24:40,611 ♪ My parents chose this road But I'll choose where it ends ♪ 538 00:24:40,678 --> 00:24:42,278 ♪ Don't I deserve it all? ♪ 539 00:24:43,311 --> 00:24:45,578 ♪ Gonna grow it back again ♪ 540 00:24:47,278 --> 00:24:49,211 ♪ Grow it back again ♪ 541 00:24:53,545 --> 00:24:56,611 ♪ I'm gonna fix me ♪ 542 00:24:59,945 --> 00:25:03,578 ♪ It's gonna take some time But I can grow an inch a year ♪ 543 00:25:04,478 --> 00:25:06,545 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 544 00:25:10,311 --> 00:25:11,978 ♪ (FLITTERING MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 545 00:25:20,778 --> 00:25:23,378 JOHN WILSON: When you work up the courage to look at the bill, 546 00:25:23,645 --> 00:25:26,478 you find yourself wondering how it's costing you 30 bucks 547 00:25:26,545 --> 00:25:29,211 for a pierogi and a seltzer. 548 00:25:29,678 --> 00:25:32,678 ♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪