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♪ (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

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JOHN WILSON:
<i>Hey, New York.</i>

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<i>There are</i>
<i>countless opportunities</i>

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<i>to make small talk</i>
<i>in a big city.</i>

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<i>Even though some people</i>
<i>seem to avoid it at all costs.</i>

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<i>Small talk is the glue</i>
<i>that binds us all together</i>

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<i>and the armor that shields us</i>

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<i>from each other's</i>
<i>darkest thoughts.</i>

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<i>It's useful when you meet up</i>
<i>with a friend...</i>

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<i>go on a date...</i>

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<i>or try to start</i>
<i>a professional relationship.</i>

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<i>Failing to know</i>
<i>how to engage properly</i>

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<i>could condemn you to a life</i>
<i>of social alienation.</i>

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<i>But it can be</i>
<i>extremely rewarding</i>

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<i>if you know how to do it right.</i>

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<i>So instead of making people</i>
<i>take on the full weight</i>

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<i>of all your problems,</i>

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<i>stick with me,</i>
<i>and I'll make sure</i>

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<i>that every talk you have</i>
<i>from here on out</i>

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<i>is small talk.</i>

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♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

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♪ (QUIET MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

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JOHN: <i>A nice way to begin</i>
<i>is by leaving your apartment</i>

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<i>and trying to find someone</i>
<i>who is willing to talk to you.</i>

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(CLEARS THROAT)

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<i>Thankfully, New York is filled</i>
<i>with friendly people,</i>

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<i>so this should be easy.</i>

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<i>One of the main functions</i>
<i>of small talk</i>

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<i>is to fill space</i>
<i>with polite conversation,</i>

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<i>uh, until</i>
<i>you can be alone again.</i>

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<i>So make sure to only talk about</i>
<i>stuff from your everyday life</i>

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<i>that anyone can relate to</i>
<i>and forget about easily.</i>

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<i>You can talk about</i>
<i>how nice the weather is,</i>

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<i>uh, but just make sure that</i>

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<i>you never mention</i>
<i>climate change.</i>

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<i>You can talk about what's on TV,</i>

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<i>uh, but make sure</i>
<i>that you only talk--</i>

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<i>you only mention, uh,</i>
<i>the nice stuff.</i>

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<i>You can also talk about</i>
<i>the health of your plant,</i>

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<i>but don't mention that</i>
<i>it's a painful reminder</i>

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<i>of your ex, uh,</i>
<i>who gave it to you,</i>

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<i>uh, because she loved you</i>

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<i>even though you were</i>
<i>emotionally unavailable,</i>

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<i>uh, to her.</i>

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<i>Pets are, uh, really good</i>
<i>to talk about too.</i>

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<i>You can always talk about pets.</i>

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<i>But much like in real estate,</i>

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<i>uh, location is everything</i>
<i>when you're making small talk.</i>

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<i>You could pose the same question</i>

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<i>in two, uh,</i>
<i>different environments</i>

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<i>and receive</i>
<i>wildly different answers.</i>

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<i>You could ask a question</i>
<i>to a philosopher...</i>

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Do you think mankind
is gonna make a comeback?

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I hope so. (SIGHS)

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Um, if we can survive the perils
of climate change, inequality,

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and, um, the fantastic
weapons of destruction

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we've created for ourselves.

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JOHN: <i>But that same question,</i>

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<i>uh, might get a much different</i>
<i>answer at WrestleMania.</i>

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Do you think Mankind
is gonna make a comeback?

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No, not today.

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He fell off too many
Hell in a Cells.

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-JOHN: Oh, really?
-Yeah.

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JOHN: What about mankind
in general?

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Oh! Mankind, like,
the whole world?

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I mean, it's not bad,
it could be better,

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but I'm happy with my life, so.

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JOHN: What do you, uh,
what do you do?

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Uh, I catch child predators.

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If you wanna look me up,
it's Mr. 17540 on Facebook.

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That's what I do
in my spare time.

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JOHN: You catch child predators?

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-Yes, I do.
-JOHN: How?

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I set up the stings online,
and I Facebook Live 'em,

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and I go and get 'em.

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-JOHN: Really?
-Yes, sir.

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JOHN: <i>At the end</i>
<i>of our conversation,</i>

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<i>the gentleman invited me</i>
<i>to his headquarters</i>

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<i>-in Pennsylvania.</i>
-♪ (SYNTH MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

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<i>And I figured</i>
<i>I could learn something</i>

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<i>by heading out there</i>
<i>to see him in action.</i>

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So, what's going on today?

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Well, we're gonna go catch us
a predator today.

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JOHN: Yeah?
Do you have something set up?

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Oh, yeah, a guy's 28 years old,

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he knows that I'm 15,

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and told him to bring condoms,

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and he's gonna try to meet me
for sex.

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JOHN: <i>Because his job involves</i>
<i>keeping people engaged</i>

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<i>for long periods of time,</i>

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<i>I figured he would have</i>
<i>some insight</i>

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<i>into sustaining</i>
<i>friendly conversations.</i>

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(CELL PHONE DINGS)

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JOHN: So, what are you saying
to this person right now?

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So, he just told me...

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Like I said, I find these guys,

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I look at their profile,
I ask 'em questions.

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I-- I said I liked his dogs.
He said, "Thank you."

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Right away, he says,

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"It's a Norwegian elkhound
and a chocolate Lab,"

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and "What are you doing
on here, then?"

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Because I told him I'm 15.

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We'll tell him
I'm just looking for fun

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and that my grandma
used to have dogs like that.

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JOHN: Did your grandma
really have dogs like that?

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No, hell no.

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JOHN: <i>It seems like</i>
<i>when you're having small talk,</i>

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<i>it's okay to lie</i>
<i>if it helps you avoid</i>

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<i>uh, getting too personal,</i>

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<i>because that can be</i>
<i>a real turn off.</i>

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You know, I've had people
just vent their problems

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like, "My mother-in-law
is in the hospital,"

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or "My girlfriend
just cheated on me,"

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and those are
the people, like, I--

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Well, I'm not here
for a conversation like that.

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And I just block 'em
and go to the next one.

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JOHN: <i>But in the middle</i>
<i>of our conversation,</i>

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<i>his plans fell through.</i>

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Damn it!

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Now he's saying
he doesn't wanna do it,

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and he's bailing out
at the last second.

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Like, the best I can say
is like,

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"Okay, thanks
for wasting my day.

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I took school off today."

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JOHN: <i>So, I guess try not</i>
<i>to say too much,</i>

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<i>or else you might scare</i>
<i>someone away.</i>

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<i>Because the more you talk</i>
<i>to someone,</i>

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<i>the harder it is to hide</i>
<i>who you really are.</i>

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<i>I got a rug</i>
<i>off Craigslist recently.</i>

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<i>The ad said that there were</i>
<i>a few blood stains on the rug</i>

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<i>from a stress-related incident.</i>

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<i>Uh, but it was free.</i>

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<i>When I got to the storage space</i>
<i>to pick it up,</i>

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<i>instead of the small talk</i>
<i>about interior decorating</i>

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<i>that I expected,</i>
<i>the guy just spent</i>

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<i>the entire time</i>
<i>telling me about his divorce.</i>

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JOHN: <i>It can be hard</i>
<i>to keep a conversation</i>

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<i>in a safe zone</i>

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<i>when you're filled</i>
<i>with so much pain.</i>

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RUG GUY: My ex-wife demanded
I get rid of my shit.

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JOHN: <i>But an expert small talker</i>

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<i>will know how to</i>
<i>suppress these emotions</i>

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<i>and appear stable,</i>

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<i>no matter how much pressure</i>
<i>is building up inside.</i>

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<i>For example, if you need to</i>
<i>retrieve a sweater</i>

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<i>from someone</i>
<i>that you used to date, uh,</i>

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<i>start first by sending them</i>
<i>a text message.</i>

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<i>And if you discover that</i>
<i>they had deleted your number,</i>

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<i>uh, just calmly remind them, uh,</i>
<i>of your name.</i>

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<i>It might have been a while</i>
<i>since you've seen them,</i>

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<i>so when you go</i>
<i>to their apartment</i>

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<i>to pick it up,</i>

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<i>make sure</i>
<i>to keep the conversation light</i>

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<i>and focused on the sweater.</i>

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<i>Which should be easy for you</i>

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<i>because, uh, before you stopped</i>
<i>seeing each other,</i>

157
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<i>uh, she-- she told you that</i>
<i>you were too closed off.</i>

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<i>And when she brings up</i>
<i>that she's dating someone new,</i>

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<i>uh, just, uh, wish her well</i>

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<i>and bike home</i>
<i>as quickly as possible.</i>

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<i>If-- if you do want to talk</i>
<i>to someone</i>

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<i>about your previous</i>
<i>relationships,</i>

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<i>you should only do it</i>
<i>with your really close friends,</i>

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<i>who you can call up anytime</i>
<i>to reminisce.</i>

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FRANCIS: (OVER PHONE) <i>I don't</i>
<i>know if we've ever talked</i>

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<i>about any of our exes</i>
<i>with each other.</i>

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(LAUGHING) <i>I don't know...</i>

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JOHN: Okay.

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FRANCIS: <i>I don't know if</i>
<i>you and I have ever, uh,</i>

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<i>bro-ed down like that.</i>

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JOHN: <i>You-- I guess</i>
<i>you don't always need</i>

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<i>to talk about personal stuff,</i>

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<i>uh, for someone to technically</i>
<i>be your friend.</i>

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♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

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<i>And if you're not a big talker</i>
<i>in general,</i>

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<i>you can use a popular technique</i>
<i>called baiting</i>

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<i>to get people to talk to you.</i>

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<i>Uh, baiting involves</i>
<i>wearing or doing something</i>

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<i>that will invite conversation.</i>

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<i>This could be a fashion choice</i>
<i>or a method of transportation.</i>

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<i>The way you move,</i>

182
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<i>the way you eat.</i>

183
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<i>A new haircut is good bait.</i>

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<i>Or you can just</i>
<i>dress like a hose.</i>

185
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<i>Wearing a band T-shirt</i>
<i>is a popular way</i>

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<i>to get someone to talk to you</i>
<i>in public.</i>

187
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<i>But if you can't afford</i>
<i>to go to, um,</i>

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<i>a Blue Chip concert,</i>

189
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<i>you can always go see</i>
<i>a cover band</i>

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<i>that has a name that's similar</i>
<i>to a, uh, a real band.</i>

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-♪ (BAGPIPE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(CHEERING)

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JOHN: <i>Once you've seen enough,</i>
<i>sprint over to the merch table</i>

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<i>to, uh, beat the crowd</i>

194
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<i>and pick out the boldest apparel</i>
<i>that you can afford.</i>

195
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<i>Then you're gonna go</i>
<i>to the tallest elevator</i>

196
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<i>in your city, uh,</i>
<i>and it won't be long</i>

197
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<i>until someone takes the bait</i>

198
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<i>and starts a conversation</i>
<i>with you.</i>

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ELEVATOR WOMAN:

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JOHN: Have you heard of them?

201
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JOHN: Yeah, they're bagpipers.

202
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ELEVATOR WOMAN:

203
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JOHN: They're a bagpipe
cover band.

204
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ELEVATOR WOMAN:

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JOHN: <i>Once you have</i>
<i>enough small talk with someone,</i>

206
00:09:07,898 --> 00:09:10,030
<i>they will eventually become</i>
<i>an acquaintance.</i>

207
00:09:11,497 --> 00:09:13,230
<i>To be a successful acquaintance,</i>

208
00:09:13,297 --> 00:09:15,664
<i>you will need to have, uh,</i>
<i>broad interests</i>

209
00:09:15,731 --> 00:09:18,397
<i>and, uh, relatable flaws.</i>

210
00:09:18,464 --> 00:09:21,297
<i>And no matter how awful</i>
<i>your life currently is,</i>

211
00:09:21,364 --> 00:09:24,497
<i>you can never reveal this</i>
<i>to another acquaintance.</i>

212
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:27,497
<i>So it requires a bit</i>
<i>of camouflage.</i>

213
00:09:28,664 --> 00:09:31,230
<i>You want to seem like someone</i>
<i>who is busy,</i>

214
00:09:31,297 --> 00:09:34,397
<i>but also likes to relax.</i>

215
00:09:34,464 --> 00:09:37,664
<i>That's why going on vacation</i>
<i>will give you enough ammunition</i>

216
00:09:37,731 --> 00:09:40,631
<i>for years' worth of, uh,</i>
<i>encounters.</i>

217
00:09:40,698 --> 00:09:42,731
<i>So just go to a travel agency</i>

218
00:09:42,798 --> 00:09:46,698
<i>and ask what the most popular</i>
<i>destinations are.</i>

219
00:09:46,764 --> 00:09:50,631
I can send you to Punta Cana,
Cancún, Jamaica.

220
00:09:50,698 --> 00:09:53,597
Any of those places
will be my places to go to.

221
00:09:53,664 --> 00:09:55,030
JOHN: Cancún?

222
00:09:55,097 --> 00:09:56,397
Cancún sounds good.

223
00:09:56,464 --> 00:09:58,197
It's just one person
in the room?

224
00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,597
Or are you going to be sharing
the room with someone else?

225
00:10:00,664 --> 00:10:03,331
-JOHN: No, it's just me.
-Okay.

226
00:10:03,397 --> 00:10:04,764
JOHN: <i>And if your travel agent</i>

227
00:10:04,831 --> 00:10:06,931
<i>starts talking</i>
<i>about relationships,</i>

228
00:10:06,997 --> 00:10:08,631
<i>uh, don't reciprocate,</i>

229
00:10:08,698 --> 00:10:11,531
<i>and just wait</i>
<i>for the transaction to complete.</i>

230
00:10:11,597 --> 00:10:13,297
-TRAVEL AGENT: Eighty-six?
-JOHN: Yeah.

231
00:10:13,364 --> 00:10:15,097
TRAVEL AGENT:
I got married in that year.

232
00:10:15,164 --> 00:10:18,397
Don't wanna remember that
too much. (LAUGHS)

233
00:10:18,464 --> 00:10:20,297
-JOHN: Uh--
-I was married for 20 years.

234
00:10:21,030 --> 00:10:22,130
JOHN: Okay.

235
00:10:22,197 --> 00:10:25,497
Relationships, you know,
they start, they end.

236
00:10:25,564 --> 00:10:29,264
So I think, uh,
love cannot be forever.

237
00:10:29,331 --> 00:10:33,097
Relationships are not forever,
and I'm-- I'm okay with it.

238
00:10:33,164 --> 00:10:36,064
I'm, you know, if-- if I find
someone else, great,

239
00:10:36,130 --> 00:10:37,898
I'm not looking, but hey,
if he comes along,

240
00:10:37,964 --> 00:10:40,431
let's see who can deal with me.
'Cause I'm not that easy.

241
00:10:40,731 --> 00:10:41,864
But hey.

242
00:10:41,931 --> 00:10:43,698
Would I marry
the same type of person again?

243
00:10:43,764 --> 00:10:46,364
No. But at that point,
I wanted to? Yes.

244
00:10:46,431 --> 00:10:47,964
And did I have fun? Yes.

245
00:10:48,698 --> 00:10:50,197
Could I have done better? Yes.

246
00:10:50,997 --> 00:10:52,497
But that's what's coming next.

247
00:10:52,564 --> 00:10:54,631
So let's see what happens.
I'll let you know.

248
00:10:54,698 --> 00:10:56,431
-JOHN: Thank you.
-You're welcome.

249
00:10:56,497 --> 00:10:58,798
-JOHN: I appreciate it.
-No problem.

250
00:10:58,864 --> 00:11:02,064
JOHN: <i>It's hard to understand</i>
<i>why people decide to tell you</i>

251
00:11:02,130 --> 00:11:04,898
<i>certain things at certain times.</i>

252
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:09,064
<i>And you might end up wondering</i>
<i>what the deal is.</i>

253
00:11:09,130 --> 00:11:11,831
♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS,
STOPS ABRUPTLY) ♪

254
00:11:12,698 --> 00:11:14,464
<i>When someone opens up to you,</i>

255
00:11:14,531 --> 00:11:16,297
<i>you might feel the need</i>
<i>to reciprocate</i>

256
00:11:16,364 --> 00:11:18,497
<i>-out of politeness.</i>
-♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

257
00:11:18,564 --> 00:11:20,297
<i>But this comes with a big risk</i>

258
00:11:20,364 --> 00:11:22,431
<i>because an exchange of feelings</i>

259
00:11:22,497 --> 00:11:24,831
<i>may cause you to be swept up</i>
<i>in a relationship,</i>

260
00:11:24,898 --> 00:11:26,997
<i>uh, that you're not</i>
<i>prepared for.</i>

261
00:11:27,064 --> 00:11:29,864
<i>So it's important to know</i>
<i>how to navigate the interaction</i>

262
00:11:29,931 --> 00:11:31,397
<i>uh, back to calm waters.</i>

263
00:11:32,664 --> 00:11:35,230
<i>We can learn a lot from people</i>
<i>that work at, uh,</i>

264
00:11:35,297 --> 00:11:37,030
<i>big retail stores.</i>

265
00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:39,731
<i>They are specifically trained</i>
<i>to stick to a script,</i>

266
00:11:39,798 --> 00:11:41,464
<i>and as you can see,</i>

267
00:11:41,531 --> 00:11:45,397
<i>any time the conversation</i>
<i>enters controversial territory,</i>

268
00:11:45,464 --> 00:11:48,798
<i>they will gently pivot, uh,</i>
<i>back to the sale.</i>

269
00:11:48,864 --> 00:11:51,397
How do you feel about
kids getting vaccinated?

270
00:12:02,997 --> 00:12:04,564
-JOHN: Okay.
-APPLE STORE EMPLOYEE: Yeah.

271
00:12:04,631 --> 00:12:06,097
JOHN: The president sucks, huh?

272
00:12:06,164 --> 00:12:07,331
(LAUGHS)

273
00:12:12,030 --> 00:12:13,531
JOHN: I was looking
for some kind of suit

274
00:12:13,597 --> 00:12:15,564
-for, like, a court date.
-BERGDORF EMPLOYEE: Cool.

275
00:12:18,464 --> 00:12:19,564
JOHN: I'm going to court.

276
00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:21,898
JOHN: Uh, for manslaughter.

277
00:12:26,731 --> 00:12:29,331
JOHN: <i>But unfortunately,</i>
<i>most of us don't have the shield</i>

278
00:12:29,397 --> 00:12:32,731
<i>of a corporation to, uh, help us</i>
<i>shut people down.</i>

279
00:12:33,597 --> 00:12:35,497
<i>So if you're in public</i>
<i>with someone,</i>

280
00:12:35,564 --> 00:12:39,064
<i>and a conversation enters</i>
<i>dangerous territory,</i>

281
00:12:39,130 --> 00:12:41,698
<i>it seems like a quick touch</i>
<i>is a nice way</i>

282
00:12:41,764 --> 00:12:43,931
<i>to let people know</i>
<i>that you've had enough.</i>

283
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:46,931
<i>Just touch and go...</i>

284
00:12:48,097 --> 00:12:49,731
<i>touch and go...</i>

285
00:12:50,931 --> 00:12:52,197
<i>touch and go.</i>

286
00:12:53,331 --> 00:12:55,731
<i>But even after you've touch-ed</i>
<i>and go-ed,</i>

287
00:12:55,798 --> 00:12:57,931
<i>your problems</i>
<i>still might not be over.</i>

288
00:12:58,497 --> 00:13:02,664
(BEEPING)

289
00:13:12,964 --> 00:13:15,197
JOHN: <i>So if you can't make it</i>
<i>onto the subway,</i>

290
00:13:15,264 --> 00:13:17,130
<i>just open up</i>
<i>the closest door to you</i>

291
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:20,230
<i>and hope that there's something</i>
<i>better on the other side.</i>

292
00:13:21,464 --> 00:13:26,531
♪ (SYNTH MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

293
00:13:37,130 --> 00:13:39,731
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

294
00:13:39,798 --> 00:13:43,097
JOHN: <i>And once you've escaped,</i>
<i>you'll finally be alone.</i>

295
00:13:43,164 --> 00:13:45,731
♪ (QUIET MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

296
00:13:46,397 --> 00:13:47,997
<i>This way, you can avoid</i>

297
00:13:48,064 --> 00:13:50,597
<i>having a mild beef</i>
<i>with anyone else.</i>

298
00:13:52,497 --> 00:13:55,164
<i>No sharing, no talking,</i>

299
00:13:56,130 --> 00:13:58,531
<i>no "Let's do this again."</i>

300
00:13:59,597 --> 00:14:02,497
<i>Just you on your own terms,</i>

301
00:14:02,564 --> 00:14:06,297
<i>on your own time,</i>
<i>and in your own world.</i>

302
00:14:07,531 --> 00:14:09,130
<i>Because, remember,</i>

303
00:14:09,197 --> 00:14:11,531
<i>sharing your most</i>
<i>intimate thoughts with someone</i>

304
00:14:11,597 --> 00:14:14,564
<i>can be a disturbing</i>
<i>and messy experience.</i>

305
00:14:15,531 --> 00:14:17,431
<i>You're trusting them</i>
<i>to take on</i>

306
00:14:17,497 --> 00:14:19,864
<i>the full weight</i>
<i>of all your problems</i>

307
00:14:19,931 --> 00:14:21,564
<i>and handle them with care.</i>

308
00:14:22,464 --> 00:14:24,831
<i>And who knows what they'll do,</i>

309
00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:26,731
<i>once they finally get home</i>

310
00:14:26,798 --> 00:14:30,698
<i>and begin to run the forensics</i>
<i>on everything you said.</i>

311
00:14:33,264 --> 00:14:34,997
<i>And even though</i>
<i>an intimate connection</i>

312
00:14:35,064 --> 00:14:37,931
<i>may look attractive</i>
<i>out in the wild,</i>

313
00:14:37,997 --> 00:14:40,297
<i>don't forget that the life</i>
<i>of a relationship</i>

314
00:14:40,364 --> 00:14:43,130
<i>always seems to follow</i>
<i>the same pattern.</i>

315
00:14:43,197 --> 00:14:46,431
♪ (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

316
00:14:48,397 --> 00:14:50,497
(INAUDIBLE)

317
00:15:42,164 --> 00:15:44,130
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

318
00:15:45,230 --> 00:15:47,698
JOHN: <i>I was feeling</i>
<i>a bit off lately,</i>

319
00:15:47,764 --> 00:15:49,964
<i>but I couldn't quite</i>
<i>pin down why.</i>

320
00:15:51,030 --> 00:15:53,631
♪ (QUIET MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

321
00:15:53,698 --> 00:15:56,597
<i>Fortunately,</i>
<i>a vacation is a great way</i>

322
00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:58,497
<i>to take your mind off things.</i>

323
00:15:58,564 --> 00:16:02,130
<i>And I had booked</i>
<i>that relaxing trip to Cancún,</i>

324
00:16:03,264 --> 00:16:04,664
<i>and it was time to go.</i>

325
00:16:06,397 --> 00:16:09,397
<i>It would be nice to get some,</i>
<i>uh, peace and quiet.</i>

326
00:16:10,097 --> 00:16:12,664
<i>Away from all the, uh, people.</i>

327
00:16:14,664 --> 00:16:16,898
<i>I had a really good feeling</i>
<i>about this trip.</i>

328
00:16:18,164 --> 00:16:21,964
<i>I arrived late at night,</i>
<i>so after checking in,</i>

329
00:16:22,030 --> 00:16:24,931
<i>I headed straight to my room.</i>

330
00:16:24,997 --> 00:16:26,898
<i>The bed looked</i>
<i>really comfortable,</i>

331
00:16:26,964 --> 00:16:30,130
<i>uh, which was great,</i>
<i>because I was here to relax.</i>

332
00:16:30,997 --> 00:16:33,531
<i>The shower was okay too.</i>

333
00:16:33,597 --> 00:16:36,764
<i>The next morning,</i>
<i>I got some, uh, breakfast,</i>

334
00:16:36,831 --> 00:16:38,631
<i>and I was looking forward to</i>

335
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:40,831
<i>a relaxing afternoon</i>
<i>by the pool.</i>

336
00:16:41,531 --> 00:16:43,864
♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

337
00:16:43,931 --> 00:16:46,931
<i>That's when I discovered</i>
<i>that my supposedly serene,</i>

338
00:16:46,997 --> 00:16:50,597
<i>all-inclusive resort</i>
<i>was hosting</i> <i>MTV's Spring Break</i>

339
00:16:50,664 --> 00:16:52,764
<i>during the entire week</i>
<i>that I was there.</i>

340
00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:55,564
<i>This was a waking nightmare</i>

341
00:16:55,631 --> 00:16:58,331
<i>that seemed to occupy</i>
<i>every inch of the resort.</i>

342
00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:03,831
<i>The rules of polite society</i>
<i>did not apply here.</i>

343
00:17:03,898 --> 00:17:06,497
<i>People were jumping</i>
<i>from stranger, uh,</i>

344
00:17:06,564 --> 00:17:08,731
<i>to acquaintance</i>
<i>and back to stranger</i>

345
00:17:08,798 --> 00:17:10,497
<i>within a matter of minutes.</i>

346
00:17:10,564 --> 00:17:13,997
<i>And no one was wearing a shirt</i>
<i>I could comment on.</i>

347
00:17:15,164 --> 00:17:18,064
<i>Their methods of communication</i>
<i>were incredibly advanced.</i>

348
00:17:19,097 --> 00:17:21,297
<i>And dressing like a hose</i>
<i>was normal here.</i>

349
00:17:23,564 --> 00:17:25,631
<i>These creatures were</i>
<i>an evolved species</i>

350
00:17:25,698 --> 00:17:27,097
<i>of social animal.</i>

351
00:17:27,997 --> 00:17:29,497
<i>And everyone seemed</i>
<i>to be praying</i>

352
00:17:29,564 --> 00:17:32,564
<i>to a dark overlord</i>
<i>named Pauly D.</i>

353
00:17:36,364 --> 00:17:38,664
<i>His nightly sermons</i>
<i>were mandatory,</i>

354
00:17:39,397 --> 00:17:40,964
<i>and he seemed to cast a spell</i>

355
00:17:41,030 --> 00:17:43,431
<i>over all the residents</i>
<i>at the resort.</i>

356
00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:47,664
<i>No one could escape</i>
<i>his watchful eye.</i>

357
00:17:48,597 --> 00:17:50,197
<i>He was the pope of</i> <i>Spring Break,</i>

358
00:17:50,831 --> 00:17:53,030
<i>and his rule was absolute.</i>

359
00:17:54,397 --> 00:17:55,798
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

360
00:17:55,864 --> 00:17:57,831
Pauly D!

361
00:17:57,898 --> 00:18:00,931
JOHN: <i>My room was starting</i>
<i>to feel a bit claustrophobic,</i>

362
00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:03,964
<i>but I was afraid to, uh,</i>
<i>go back outside</i>

363
00:18:04,030 --> 00:18:06,097
<i>without a clear objective.</i>

364
00:18:06,164 --> 00:18:09,264
<i>I figured I would have</i>
<i>to, uh, eat eventually,</i>

365
00:18:09,331 --> 00:18:10,964
<i>so I got in line for</i>

366
00:18:11,030 --> 00:18:12,964
<i>what I thought was</i>
<i>one of the buffets.</i>

367
00:18:13,864 --> 00:18:15,798
<i>But when I finally</i>
<i>got to the front,</i>

368
00:18:15,864 --> 00:18:17,564
<i>it turned out to be</i>
<i>a rowdy concert</i>

369
00:18:17,631 --> 00:18:20,130
<i>that was airing live on MTV.</i>

370
00:18:20,197 --> 00:18:23,097
-♪ (MUSIC THUMPING) ♪
-(CROWD CHANTING)

371
00:18:23,164 --> 00:18:24,997
JOHN: <i>As I started looking</i>
<i>for a way out,</i>

372
00:18:25,064 --> 00:18:28,497
<i>a young boy behind me</i>
<i>started showing me his condoms.</i>

373
00:18:28,564 --> 00:18:30,997
<i>Then someone handed me</i>
<i>a bottle of piss,</i>

374
00:18:31,064 --> 00:18:34,264
<i>which I immediately threw</i>
<i>to the ground.</i>

375
00:18:34,331 --> 00:18:37,698
<i>Then the MTV crew</i>
<i>started, uh, pointing at me</i>

376
00:18:37,764 --> 00:18:40,997
<i>and seemed very angry,</i>
<i>and I couldn't tell why.</i>

377
00:18:44,130 --> 00:18:46,297
JOHN: <i>Apparently,</i>
<i>I was in every single shot</i>

378
00:18:46,364 --> 00:18:48,297
<i>and ruining</i>
<i>the entire broadcast,</i>

379
00:18:48,364 --> 00:18:50,364
<i>uh, because I looked</i>
<i>so distressed.</i>

380
00:18:50,431 --> 00:18:51,698
♪ (ZARA LARSSON
SINGING "RUIN MY LIFE") ♪

381
00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:53,331
<i>♪ I want you</i>
<i>To bring it all on ♪</i>

382
00:18:53,397 --> 00:18:56,731
<i>♪ If you make it all wrong</i>
<i>Then I'll make it all right ♪</i>

383
00:18:56,798 --> 00:19:00,264
JOHN: <i>I was starting to wonder</i>
<i>why I felt so out of place here.</i>

384
00:19:01,731 --> 00:19:06,364
<i>This event was a mecca</i>
<i>of superficial interactions.</i>

385
00:19:06,431 --> 00:19:09,864
<i>But for some reason,</i>
<i>I just couldn't fit in.</i>

386
00:19:13,964 --> 00:19:16,164
<i>That night,</i>
<i>I met someone in the lobby</i>

387
00:19:16,230 --> 00:19:19,331
<i>who had also come here</i>
<i>by himself.</i>

388
00:19:19,397 --> 00:19:22,364
<i>His name was Chris,</i>
<i>and he wanted to sing for me.</i>

389
00:19:22,431 --> 00:19:24,030
(CLEARS THROAT)

390
00:19:24,097 --> 00:19:25,964
(RAPPING)
<i>♪ Yo, hit the throttle ♪</i>

391
00:19:26,030 --> 00:19:27,097
<i>♪ Black Monte Carlo ♪</i>

392
00:19:27,164 --> 00:19:29,097
<i>♪ P-paint dripping</i>
<i>Push it, work ♪</i>

393
00:19:29,164 --> 00:19:31,230
<i>♪ H-hit the pedal</i>
<i>Push it to the metal ♪</i>

394
00:19:31,297 --> 00:19:32,931
<i>♪ C-cook it up, that's-- ♪</i>

395
00:19:32,997 --> 00:19:34,564
Hold up, hold up.

396
00:19:34,631 --> 00:19:36,597
JOHN: <i>He invited me back</i>
<i>to his room, uh,</i>

397
00:19:36,664 --> 00:19:38,331
<i>with a few others to hang out.</i>

398
00:19:38,397 --> 00:19:40,197
You gotta live
how you wanna live.

399
00:19:40,264 --> 00:19:42,798
And don't abide
by the bullshit laws

400
00:19:42,864 --> 00:19:44,164
that the world has, bro.

401
00:19:44,230 --> 00:19:45,898
Like, do what you wanna do.

402
00:19:45,964 --> 00:19:47,564
Life's too short.

403
00:19:47,631 --> 00:19:50,431
JOHN: <i>All they wanted</i>
<i>to talk about was partying,</i>

404
00:19:50,497 --> 00:19:52,531
<i>but I got the sense that, uh,</i>

405
00:19:52,597 --> 00:19:55,130
<i>we had more in common</i>
<i>than I initially thought.</i>

406
00:19:55,197 --> 00:19:57,364
Do you feel like you have--
ever have social anxiety?

407
00:19:57,431 --> 00:19:59,798
I really do have social anxiety,

408
00:19:59,864 --> 00:20:02,431
probably because
I smoke too much weed.

409
00:20:02,497 --> 00:20:03,997
JOHN: <i>Eventually I left,</i>

410
00:20:04,064 --> 00:20:07,397
<i>and, uh, went back to my room,</i>
<i>uh, to watch a movie,</i>

411
00:20:07,464 --> 00:20:10,197
<i>uh, before--</i>
<i>before going to sleep.</i>

412
00:20:11,864 --> 00:20:15,130
<i>The next morning, uh, I got up</i>
<i>early to beat the crowds</i>

413
00:20:15,197 --> 00:20:17,264
<i>and I ran into Chris again.</i>

414
00:20:18,164 --> 00:20:20,130
<i>He told me that he--</i>
<i>he lost his bag</i>

415
00:20:20,197 --> 00:20:22,064
<i>at, uh, the club last night,</i>

416
00:20:22,130 --> 00:20:24,531
<i>and didn't have</i>
<i>his cell phone anymore.</i>

417
00:20:24,597 --> 00:20:26,297
Yeah, I lost my bag.

418
00:20:26,364 --> 00:20:28,064
At Coyote Loco.

419
00:20:28,130 --> 00:20:30,564
-JOHN: What were you doing?
-Drinking, I guess.

420
00:20:30,631 --> 00:20:32,464
JOHN: Why'd you come here alone?

421
00:20:32,531 --> 00:20:34,764
Why did I come alone?
I just wanted to party, man.

422
00:20:34,831 --> 00:20:36,064
Wanted to fall in love.

423
00:20:36,130 --> 00:20:38,564
(LAUGHS) Nah, I'm just joking.

424
00:20:38,631 --> 00:20:40,497
JOHN: <i>At the end</i>
<i>of our conversation,</i>

425
00:20:40,564 --> 00:20:43,230
<i>I asked him if, uh, he wanted</i>
<i>to grab dinner with me.</i>

426
00:20:43,297 --> 00:20:46,464
<i>But he said that his schedule,</i>
<i>uh, wouldn't permit it.</i>

427
00:20:46,531 --> 00:20:48,331
I gotta go
and find my bag now, bro.

428
00:20:48,397 --> 00:20:49,531
JOHN: Okay.

429
00:20:51,097 --> 00:20:52,764
<i>I was starting to have</i>
<i>stomach pains</i>

430
00:20:52,831 --> 00:20:55,631
<i>from, uh,</i>
<i>the cuisine at the resort,</i>

431
00:20:55,698 --> 00:20:58,264
<i>so I decided to head</i>
<i>to the hotel next door</i>

432
00:20:58,331 --> 00:21:01,197
<i>to treat myself</i>
<i>to a fancy dinner, uh, for one.</i>

433
00:21:02,030 --> 00:21:04,497
♪ (VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

434
00:21:06,464 --> 00:21:09,030
<i>The water there</i>
<i>had its own metal holder</i>

435
00:21:09,097 --> 00:21:11,997
<i>so the waiter didn't have</i>
<i>to touch the, uh, bottle</i>

436
00:21:12,064 --> 00:21:13,364
<i>with his hands.</i>

437
00:21:14,197 --> 00:21:15,664
<i>I felt like royalty.</i>

438
00:21:15,731 --> 00:21:17,364
<i>But the whole dinner,</i>

439
00:21:17,431 --> 00:21:19,497
<i>I-- I couldn't stop</i>
<i>thinking about,</i>

440
00:21:19,564 --> 00:21:22,464
<i>uh, the empty seat</i>
<i>right across from me.</i>

441
00:21:26,497 --> 00:21:29,931
<i>The rest of the week,</i>
<i>I tried to make myself useful.</i>

442
00:21:29,997 --> 00:21:32,764
<i>I watched some guys</i>
<i>playing tennis for little while</i>

443
00:21:32,831 --> 00:21:35,664
<i>and tried to help out</i>
<i>where I could.</i>

444
00:21:35,731 --> 00:21:39,130
<i>But it seemed like everyone</i>
<i>already had their own group,</i>

445
00:21:39,197 --> 00:21:42,130
<i>and they all seemed</i>
<i>impenetrable.</i>

446
00:21:42,197 --> 00:21:43,664
-Hey, guys.
-How you doing?

447
00:21:43,731 --> 00:21:45,130
-JOHN: How are you doing?
-Good, how are you?

448
00:21:45,197 --> 00:21:46,597
JOHN: Where are you going?

449
00:21:46,664 --> 00:21:48,264
-Back to our room, bro.
-Yeah.

450
00:21:48,331 --> 00:21:49,764
-Get breakfast.
-And then grab some breakfast.

451
00:21:49,831 --> 00:21:51,364
JOHN: Where's your room?

452
00:21:52,397 --> 00:21:54,698
-In the hotel.
-(CHUCKLES)

453
00:21:54,764 --> 00:21:56,898
JOHN: How do you guys
know each other?

454
00:21:56,964 --> 00:21:59,531
-All right, I'm out. Fuck this.
-We go to school together.

455
00:21:59,597 --> 00:22:00,898
JOHN: Oh, okay.

456
00:22:02,731 --> 00:22:04,097
<i>And then I spotted Chris again.</i>

457
00:22:05,731 --> 00:22:06,931
(SHOUTING) Chris!

458
00:22:08,464 --> 00:22:09,864
What are you doing?

459
00:22:17,164 --> 00:22:18,597
Beautiful Mexico.

460
00:22:20,864 --> 00:22:23,130
What's the temperature
in New York right now?

461
00:22:23,197 --> 00:22:25,497
JOHN: I don't know. Fifty?

462
00:22:25,564 --> 00:22:27,331
-Fifty?
-JOHN: Yeah.

463
00:22:28,664 --> 00:22:31,097
-Fahrenheit?
-JOHN: Yeah.

464
00:22:35,631 --> 00:22:37,664
(WOMEN GIGGLING)

465
00:22:37,731 --> 00:22:39,864
They're gonna think
I'm a superstar now.

466
00:22:39,931 --> 00:22:43,331
-(LAUGHS) I'm just joking.
-(JOHN CHUCKLES)

467
00:22:44,497 --> 00:22:46,997
-Uh...
-I'm Pauly--
I'm Pauly D's nephew.

468
00:22:47,064 --> 00:22:48,531
WOMAN:
That's gotta be a hockey player.

469
00:22:48,597 --> 00:22:50,664
Yeah, yeah, I'm a hockey player.

470
00:22:52,631 --> 00:22:56,064
Typical girls, man.
Basic, basic, basic.

471
00:22:56,130 --> 00:22:58,931
-JOHN: Typical girls?
-Typical females.

472
00:22:58,997 --> 00:23:01,364
JOHN: Like, what do you mean?

473
00:23:01,431 --> 00:23:04,531
Everybody's the same,
nobody's real.

474
00:23:06,097 --> 00:23:08,331
It's hard to even conversate
with anybody down here.

475
00:23:08,397 --> 00:23:09,431
JOHN: Why?

476
00:23:09,497 --> 00:23:12,230
'Cause they're just too busy
and occupied about

477
00:23:12,297 --> 00:23:15,397
just-- I don't really know,
man, just being...

478
00:23:16,230 --> 00:23:18,230
just being typical.

479
00:23:18,297 --> 00:23:22,197
JOHN: It seems like
you were trying to avoid me.

480
00:23:22,264 --> 00:23:24,931
Today? I was trying
to avoid everybody today, man.

481
00:23:27,364 --> 00:23:29,931
This takes a toll on you
down here.

482
00:23:29,997 --> 00:23:31,931
JOHN: Was I making you
uncomfortable?

483
00:23:31,997 --> 00:23:34,631
No. Well, actually, yeah,
a little bit, a little bit.

484
00:23:34,698 --> 00:23:36,230
JOHN: Why was I
making you uncomfortable?

485
00:23:36,297 --> 00:23:37,898
Cause I didn't--
I just didn't know what was--

486
00:23:37,964 --> 00:23:39,997
I just don't know--
I don't know.
I can't explain it.

487
00:23:43,464 --> 00:23:46,698
You live in a condo in New York,
or is it a house?

488
00:23:46,764 --> 00:23:48,364
JOHN: No, I live
in an apartment building.

489
00:23:48,431 --> 00:23:49,964
Oh, nice.

490
00:23:50,030 --> 00:23:52,664
JOHN: Uh, with one--
with two ladies

491
00:23:52,731 --> 00:23:54,464
that live underneath me.

492
00:23:54,531 --> 00:23:55,964
It's, like,
a mother and daughter.

493
00:23:56,030 --> 00:23:57,464
That's sweet, nice.

494
00:23:57,531 --> 00:23:59,230
JOHN: Who lives in your house?

495
00:23:59,297 --> 00:24:01,230
Just me and my dog.

496
00:24:01,297 --> 00:24:02,864
-JOHN: You have a dog?
-Yeah.

497
00:24:03,764 --> 00:24:05,230
He's my best friend, man.

498
00:24:06,931 --> 00:24:09,197
That's-- that's the--
that's the truth. (CHUCKLES)

499
00:24:11,597 --> 00:24:13,497
I can't wait to see him
when I get home.

500
00:24:15,831 --> 00:24:17,431
-JOHN: What's his name?
-Jack.

501
00:24:19,331 --> 00:24:21,230
JOHN: Have you ever
had a pet that died?

502
00:24:21,297 --> 00:24:22,698
When I was a kid, yeah.

503
00:24:22,764 --> 00:24:24,030
JOHN: What was that pet?

504
00:24:24,097 --> 00:24:25,331
His name was Lucky.

505
00:24:26,764 --> 00:24:29,164
He wasn't so lucky, though.
He got hit by a car.

506
00:24:30,364 --> 00:24:32,898
-JOHN: He got hit by a car?
-Yeah, I was a little boy, man.

507
00:24:39,597 --> 00:24:40,731
JOHN: Um...

508
00:24:42,764 --> 00:24:45,898
I, uh, I used to have a cat,

509
00:24:45,964 --> 00:24:48,264
when I was growing up,
called-- named Fluffy,

510
00:24:49,831 --> 00:24:50,831
and she died.

511
00:24:50,898 --> 00:24:51,864
That sucks, bro.

512
00:24:51,931 --> 00:24:53,698
That's what happens.
That's life, though...

513
00:24:54,997 --> 00:24:56,397
unfortunately.

514
00:24:58,397 --> 00:25:00,331
JOHN: I also had
a friend that died recently.

515
00:25:02,331 --> 00:25:04,130
He was in, like, a car accident.

516
00:25:04,197 --> 00:25:05,364
That's terrible.

517
00:25:06,264 --> 00:25:07,497
JOHN: Uh...

518
00:25:09,864 --> 00:25:12,431
and that was really hard.

519
00:25:12,497 --> 00:25:15,397
Yeah, I feel your pain,
trust me.

520
00:25:17,130 --> 00:25:18,331
JOHN: Um...

521
00:25:19,297 --> 00:25:20,964
Yo, is this true?
Is this for real?

522
00:25:21,030 --> 00:25:23,230
-JOHN: Yeah.
-I'm sorry, bro.

523
00:25:24,597 --> 00:25:26,531
My-- my friend
just killed himself,

524
00:25:26,597 --> 00:25:27,764
before I came here.

525
00:25:28,631 --> 00:25:30,597
-JOHN: Before you came here?
-Well...

526
00:25:31,997 --> 00:25:33,564
about 30 days before.

527
00:25:34,664 --> 00:25:38,731
Probably low-key why I--
why I am out here, you know?

528
00:25:38,798 --> 00:25:41,230
Whether I know it or not,
I think that the universe

529
00:25:41,297 --> 00:25:43,164
just put me here,
I don't really know.

530
00:25:43,230 --> 00:25:45,164
I feel like I really needed
to get away.

531
00:25:51,164 --> 00:25:54,230
-JOHN: That's really heavy.
-Yeah, it's brutal.

532
00:25:54,297 --> 00:25:56,531
It's my first close friend
I ever really lost.

533
00:26:08,631 --> 00:26:09,997
(CAN CRINKLING)

534
00:26:14,631 --> 00:26:15,997
So, do you like New York?

535
00:26:17,230 --> 00:26:19,197
(LAUGHS)

536
00:26:21,030 --> 00:26:24,230
♪ (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

537
00:26:30,230 --> 00:26:32,431
JOHN: <i>I returned to New York</i>
<i>the next day,</i>

538
00:26:32,497 --> 00:26:35,397
<i>and it was nice to be back home</i>
<i>in my element.</i>

539
00:26:36,531 --> 00:26:39,297
<i>Although, I'm not sure</i>
<i>I could ever look at my city</i>

540
00:26:39,364 --> 00:26:41,097
<i>the same way again.</i>

541
00:26:42,764 --> 00:26:44,397
<i>The world is full of people</i>

542
00:26:44,464 --> 00:26:46,997
<i>that need to get something</i>
<i>off their chest.</i>

543
00:26:47,064 --> 00:26:50,097
<i>And even though it can be risky</i>
<i>to open up,</i>

544
00:26:50,164 --> 00:26:52,997
<i>it's worth it</i>
<i>when you find the right person.</i>

545
00:26:54,364 --> 00:26:58,731
<i>Otherwise, stuff will just</i>
<i>keep, uh, building up,</i>

546
00:26:58,798 --> 00:27:02,431
<i>and you need to sift out</i>
<i>all that bad stuff</i>

547
00:27:02,497 --> 00:27:04,130
<i>uh, once in a while.</i>

548
00:27:04,197 --> 00:27:07,731
<i>And, uh, then you'll--</i>
<i>you'll be in a better place.</i>

549
00:27:07,798 --> 00:27:10,097
<i>And, uh,</i>
<i>once you take care of that,</i>

550
00:27:10,164 --> 00:27:12,864
<i>you'll finally be able to return</i>

551
00:27:12,964 --> 00:27:15,864
<i>to a blissful world</i>
<i>of small talk.</i>

552
00:27:19,531 --> 00:27:21,030
<i>This is John Wilson.</i>

553
00:27:21,097 --> 00:27:22,397
<i>Thanks for watching.</i>

554
00:27:23,130 --> 00:27:26,564
♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

555
00:28:15,097 --> 00:28:16,798
♪ (SOOTHING MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

556
00:28:26,664 --> 00:28:27,698
JOHN WILSON:
<i>I even met someone</i>

557
00:28:27,764 --> 00:28:30,364
<i>who used scaffolding</i>
<i>on a romantic date.</i>

558
00:28:30,431 --> 00:28:32,164
You left me outside
when it rained.

559
00:28:32,931 --> 00:28:34,097
That was interesting.

560
00:28:34,497 --> 00:28:36,297
♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪