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(light music playing)

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John Wilson:
Hey, New York.

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When you're young,
life is simple.

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You don't have to worry
about dressing yourself.

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Your social life
is prearranged.

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And you naturally get
plenty of exercise.

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But, as you get older,

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you become responsible
for your own well-being.

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You start to eat
a lot of junk.

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You sit around and get stoned
at home all the time.

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And you drink a bunch
because it's the only way

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you know how to be social.

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But, after a while,

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this lifestyle will start
to catch up with you.

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(clears throat)

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You barely have any energy
to do anything.

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You're too weak
to defend yourself.

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And you're so out of shape,
that people call you

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really hurtful names.

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And what was once
a fresh ball of clay

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with unlimited possibility,

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has hardened
into something disappointing.

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And you no longer
like what you see

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when you look in the mirror.

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You were on a plane recently,
and during takeoff,

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you had an unobstructed view
of the flight attendant.

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You couldn't stop staring
at his biceps,

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which looked like
they were about

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to burst out of his uniform.

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And you kinda wish
you could have those, too.

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♪ ♪

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Your entire life, you just
thought that people's bodies

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just were--
were the way they were.

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But, the more you
look around New York,

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the more you notice all
the hard work people are doing

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to maintain
their physiques.

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They make it look effortless,

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and you've never really
understood how to do it right.

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But, maybe if you tried,

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you could finally have
the beach body

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you've always dreamed of

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and surprise everyone

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with your incredible
transformation.

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So, instead of just
letting gravity suck you down,

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stick with me,
and I'll show you

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how to finally get off
your butt and...

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and start to, uh, work out.

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Now, there are a lot
of different gyms

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to choose from in New York,

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and thankfully, a lot of them
offer a free trial,

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so you can take a tour
to see which you like best.

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Most gyms just have machines
that simulate

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a bunch of activities
that you hate doing outside,

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like walking up stairs,

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rowing a boat,

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or looking over a wall.

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♪ ♪

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There's a large common area
where people lie down

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to send text messages.

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You have an unlimited supply
of free paper towels,

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(clears throat)

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and a bunch of
high-definition TVs above you

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playing, uh,
inspirational, uh, programing.

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At Retro Fitness,
all the equipment is yellow,

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there's a movie theater
with treadmills

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instead of seats

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that, uh, p-plays "Space Jam"
on a loop.

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And a fireplace room

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with three numbered pods.

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At Equinox,
they have a steam room

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and really nice showers
with signs

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telling you not
to have sex in them.

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All the gyms seem nice,

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but you, you may not be able
to picture yourself

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going there every day.

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You have a couple of pieces
of equipment at home

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that you never
do anything with.

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You also started smoking again
after a bad breakup,

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and you don't know why
having a gym membership

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would suddenly make you
wanna work out.

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But, you're just gonna
have to figure out

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some way
to get yourself excited.

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You spent an afternoon

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with a compulsive
masturbator recently,

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and you were curious
how he stayed so motivated.

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I think it's just prolonging...

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prolonging the orgasm,

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I think is the,
is the main goal.

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Um, you're consuming porn,
obviously, to finish,

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to orgasm.

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Um, gooning is
riding that orgasm

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without finishing.

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Recently, it's evolved

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into making these things
called "Goon Caps."

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You write, like,
motivational text on it,

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like, "Keep going!"
Or "You're doing great!"

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And other people look at them,
and they masturbate as well.

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-(notification chimes)
-And you keep it all going.

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Sorry, that's work.

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No one can make you feel

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as good as you can
make yourself feel good.

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-(musical ringtone)
-Oh, my gosh!

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Oh, that's work again.
Mind if I take that?

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John:
Yeah, sure.

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It seems like having
someone else to motivate you

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helps you stay committed
to something that's hard to do.

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Gooner:
The wordplay is part of

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the aesthetic of being mindless.

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John:
Oh, like "stay tuned"?

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Gooner:
Um, I wasn't going
for that specifically.

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-(Gooner laughs)
-John: Oh...

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Thankfully, most gyms
have personal trainers

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that kind of do
the same thing.

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You wanna feel better,
you wanna look better,

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you wanna get strong?
What is it?

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-John: I think
I wanna look better.
-You wanna look better?

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-John: Yeah.
-Okay.

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-John: Like this?
-So, I'm staying in this spot

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-right here for
about 20 seconds.
-John: Okay.

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-And pull right up.
-John: Okay.

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-I squeeze this out into a T.
-John: Oh, okay.

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♪ ♪

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-John: Okay.
-And crunch.

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John:
Oh, wow.

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Okay... Okay.

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Over here,
we do multiple things on this.

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So, we go one, two,
three, four, five.

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I got 'em counted all over here
when I'm doing multiples,

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-when I'm trying to
get up to 300 reps.
-John: Oh, okay.

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I think something's
on fire over here.

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-Trainer: What do you mean?
-John: I think
this blanket's on fire.

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Oh, shit! Wow!

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We got the tires.
We flip 'em,

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we jump on top of 'em.

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We hammer 'em. Uh...

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John:
I think the dumpster's
on fire now.

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Jesus.

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-Ooh, yeah!
-John: Oh, jeez.

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Yeah. Do, do we have a fire
extinguisher or something?

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(mop clatters)

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(bangs)

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(banging)

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John:
Okay, that's better.

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-We could do some steps.
-John: Oh, wow.

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You're like, it's, it's--

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It's kind of like a--
it's like you're a mime,
kind of.

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The first day
everyone goes to the gym,

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they should immediately take
a picture of their whole body

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for themselves.

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John:
It seems like if you wanna

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take fitness seriously,

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you're gonna need to get
a full-body photo of yourself.

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Otherwise, you won't know how
much progress you're making.

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Okay. Wow, that looks cool.

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You tried taking
some video at home,

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but you couldn't really...
get the angle right.

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Thankfully, you were
at a cat show recently,

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and you found a professional
photographer there

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who agreed to take
seminude photos of you.

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-This is the best kitten
of the year past.
-John: Oh, okay.

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This is the best alter.

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-The alters are
neutered and spayed.
-(indistinct PA announcement)

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John:
I just started to work out,

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so I kinda wanted to maybe get
a before and after photo.

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Photographer:
This is the before? Okay.

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You got big glasses and glares.

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(camera beeps)

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John:
Okay. What's today's date?

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Photographer:
Today is the 16.

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-John: And you'll send them
to me in an email?
-Photographer: Yeah.

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Eileen Watkins:
This is a mystery series.

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It's about a woman who has a cat
grooming and boarding business,

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and she solves crimes connected
with her customers,

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-human and feline.
-John: Oh.

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Is, uh, "The Bengal Identity"
is that like
"The Bourne Identity"?

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Yep.

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John:
You were having a really
good time,

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uh, looking around

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at all the different,

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uh, cool stuff
at the cat show.

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But you still couldn't stop
comparing your body

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to other guys' there.

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♪ ♪

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You started to feel
like a scrawny geek

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who's waited too long
to put on muscle.

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Maybe the world is
just one big cat show

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where all your
physical imperfections

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are being carefully logged
by everyone around you,

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giving a number value
to every visible feature

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to determine if you're
worthy of their approval.

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(clears throat)

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And you don't have a choice

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whether or not
you participate.

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You're excited to get your
professional photos back,

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but the next day you got
an email from the photographer

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telling you that
all his equipment

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had been stolen
straight from his tent,

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and now your
embarrassing photos

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were in the hands of
some anonymous Jersey crook.

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(mysterious music playing)

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You keep looking back
at the footage to see

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who there might have
done something like this,

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but there were too many
suspicious people,

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uh, to count.

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And then, you remembered
that there was someone

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that you met there that might
be able to assist you.

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She'd written dozens of
animal-related mysteries,

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so you thought
she might be able

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to help you solve this one.

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Was this the guy who was
the professional photographer

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-who takes the show cats?
-John: Yeah, like Larry Johnson.

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-Yeah. And it was his equipment
that was stolen?
-John: Yeah, yeah.

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Oh, my gosh.
Could it be a rival?

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Could it be somebody
who was, who was, uh,

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doing the same kind of work
that he was doing,

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but he was getting
more attention 'cause,

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'cause Larry's pretty famous?

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I haven't looked at it
in a long time,

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but every once in a while,
I do refer to something.

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John:
Robbery. Here we go.

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"One of the leading forms
of major crime is robbery."

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I actually, I have
some footage from that--

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-I brought some footage
from that day.
-Eileen: Huh.

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They probably would be
smart enough not to do it

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while you were shooting a film.

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John:
Yeah, right.

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They come in with
an empty baby stroller

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that you would
put a cat in,

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and then they put it--
the stuff in there,

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and then they wheel it out,

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-and nobody even realizes
they've stolen it.
-John: Wow.

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Eileen:
If he's lost a, a lot
of valuable equipment,

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-you should go to the cops.
-John: Yeah.

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Can we look up like another--
Like, are there--

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Are there other
Jersey cat photographers?

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You know, I really--

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-I'm not a detective. I can't.
-John: Oh, okay.

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Yeah, I was taking the photo
because, like, I was-- I--

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I'm, I'm starting to work out,

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-and I wanted to take kind of
like a "before" photo.
-Um...

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I could take a photo
of you with this.

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John:
Oh, cool!

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Would it be strange
if I took my shirt off?

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Because it's,
it's a workout photo.

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-Eileen: Okay...
-John: Okay.

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Oops.

247
00:10:30,605 --> 00:10:31,805
There we go.

248
00:10:31,871 --> 00:10:34,471
John:
So now that you finally
have your "before" photo,

249
00:10:34,538 --> 00:10:38,638
you can, uh, continue
on your fitness journey.

250
00:10:39,571 --> 00:10:40,538
Over the next few months,

251
00:10:40,605 --> 00:10:44,170
you spend most of your
free time at the gym.

252
00:10:44,238 --> 00:10:48,705
You revisit every single song
you've ever heard.

253
00:10:48,805 --> 00:10:51,605
And time that would normally
be spent filming

254
00:10:51,670 --> 00:10:54,838
is now devoted
to making gains.

255
00:10:56,238 --> 00:10:58,738
You find yourself
following buff men

256
00:10:58,805 --> 00:11:02,971
in the supermarket
to see what they buy.

257
00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:04,438
And everything you see
on the street now

258
00:11:04,505 --> 00:11:06,971
just makes you
think of protein.

259
00:11:07,038 --> 00:11:10,071
♪ ♪

260
00:11:15,971 --> 00:11:18,771
You eventually start to see
a little progress,

261
00:11:19,671 --> 00:11:23,705
but you still don't look
the way that you want to.

262
00:11:25,371 --> 00:11:28,971
And you start to wonder what
you're even working towards.

263
00:11:30,205 --> 00:11:33,071
Will you have to just be
in a room like this

264
00:11:33,138 --> 00:11:35,305
for the rest of your life?
(clears throat)

265
00:11:35,371 --> 00:11:38,138
And if you stop,
will you just go back

266
00:11:38,205 --> 00:11:40,538
to the, the way
you looked before?

267
00:11:41,670 --> 00:11:43,571
You can already lift the stuff

268
00:11:43,638 --> 00:11:46,305
that, that you need to
carry around every day

269
00:11:46,371 --> 00:11:51,538
and tame whatever
animal you need to.

270
00:11:51,605 --> 00:11:55,438
So, you're not really sure
what you'd even do with,

271
00:11:55,538 --> 00:11:59,438
uh, all that excess strength.

272
00:11:59,505 --> 00:12:03,205
-(indistinct bar chatter)
-(loud punching)

273
00:12:10,171 --> 00:12:11,238
(loud punch)

274
00:12:11,871 --> 00:12:15,405
John:
But, it seems like once
your muscles get big enough,

275
00:12:15,471 --> 00:12:18,638
it's good to have a place
to show them to everyone.

276
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:21,571
When you're at the gym,
you saw a poster

277
00:12:21,638 --> 00:12:25,171
for a,
a bodybuilding competition,

278
00:12:25,238 --> 00:12:28,205
which was 9/11-themed
for some reason.

279
00:12:28,305 --> 00:12:31,838
('80s synth music playing)

280
00:12:36,871 --> 00:12:38,805
♪ ♪

281
00:12:44,738 --> 00:12:46,805
♪ ♪

282
00:12:52,771 --> 00:12:55,338
-(indistinct chatter)
-John: Where were you on 9/11?

283
00:12:55,405 --> 00:12:56,838
Um...

284
00:12:56,905 --> 00:12:59,705
I was just born.
Like, I'm, I'm 22,

285
00:12:59,771 --> 00:13:01,738
-so, I was-- (laughs) Yeah.
-John: Oh, okay.

286
00:13:01,838 --> 00:13:04,838
-Were, we're you alive on 9/11?
-Uh, I was not.

287
00:13:04,905 --> 00:13:07,971
-John: Oh, okay.
-But, I still, uh,
give my condolences

288
00:13:08,038 --> 00:13:10,238
-and, uh, contribute
in any way I can.
-John: Sure.

289
00:13:10,305 --> 00:13:12,771
Alright, well, thanks.
Thank you for your workout.

290
00:13:12,838 --> 00:13:15,638
Um, my mom pulled us
out of school early that day.

291
00:13:15,705 --> 00:13:17,438
-John: Oh, yeah?
-Yeah.

292
00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:19,138
John:
Uh, yeah, I think I-I left--

293
00:13:19,205 --> 00:13:21,838
-Bodybuilder: Yes!
-(clapping)

294
00:13:21,905 --> 00:13:23,938
Did you just fucking
win a gold, bro?

295
00:13:24,005 --> 00:13:25,738
John:
How has this experience
been for you?

296
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,038
Um, prep is extremely
challenging,

297
00:13:28,105 --> 00:13:31,271
both mentally
and physically, um...

298
00:13:31,338 --> 00:13:34,670
Yeah. I mean, I-I struggled
for quite a long time.

299
00:13:34,738 --> 00:13:36,471
It's a very socially
isolating thing,

300
00:13:36,571 --> 00:13:38,371
especially when
you're in college...

301
00:13:38,438 --> 00:13:39,605
-John: Really?
-...because it can--

302
00:13:39,670 --> 00:13:41,271
it takes away
your entire social life.

303
00:13:41,338 --> 00:13:44,871
You get so much time and so much
everything goes into it,

304
00:13:44,938 --> 00:13:46,871
and your mental, like, health
really deteriorates,

305
00:13:46,938 --> 00:13:48,838
which people don't know about.
Like natural body--

306
00:13:48,905 --> 00:13:50,138
Just bodybuilding
in general.

307
00:13:50,205 --> 00:13:51,571
I wanna say,
like, waves of depression,

308
00:13:51,638 --> 00:13:53,170
'cause, honestly,
that's what it is.

309
00:13:53,238 --> 00:13:54,670
There's ni-- I--
It sounds stupid,

310
00:13:54,738 --> 00:13:56,971
but I, genuinely,
there have been nights

311
00:13:57,038 --> 00:13:58,670
where I have like, cried myself
to sleep and said,

312
00:13:58,738 --> 00:14:00,238
"It's not worth it."

313
00:14:00,305 --> 00:14:03,205
Backstage, after,
after like, we were all there,

314
00:14:03,271 --> 00:14:04,671
hitting our poses,
I was freaking out.

315
00:14:04,738 --> 00:14:06,305
I saw the pictures my mom took,
and I was like,

316
00:14:06,371 --> 00:14:07,838
"I-I look terrible!
I'm not gonna win!

317
00:14:07,938 --> 00:14:09,505
I'm not gonna get even third!
I'm gonna do ter--"

318
00:14:09,605 --> 00:14:10,838
And I'm just freaking out

319
00:14:10,905 --> 00:14:12,638
because you just get
in like, this mindset,

320
00:14:12,705 --> 00:14:14,238
and it's, it's just...
I don't know.

321
00:14:14,305 --> 00:14:15,905
I'm just so glad now
that it's over,

322
00:14:15,971 --> 00:14:17,605
and it's like,
it paid off, you know?

323
00:14:17,671 --> 00:14:18,738
It feels great.

324
00:14:19,805 --> 00:14:21,671
(pensive music playing)

325
00:14:21,738 --> 00:14:25,571
John:
It seems like even if
it's emotionally devastating,

326
00:14:25,638 --> 00:14:29,971
you should keep at it
no matter what it costs,

327
00:14:30,038 --> 00:14:33,571
because commitment is
the most important thing.

328
00:14:35,105 --> 00:14:36,138
When the event was over,

329
00:14:36,205 --> 00:14:37,571
you ended up
talking to this guy

330
00:14:37,638 --> 00:14:40,705
who gave you a book he thought
you might find interesting.

331
00:14:41,571 --> 00:14:43,871
It was a memoir written
by a personal trainer

332
00:14:43,938 --> 00:14:47,071
who discovered
that a former client of his

333
00:14:47,138 --> 00:14:50,938
became one of
the 9/11 hijackers.

334
00:14:51,005 --> 00:14:53,670
He was really shocked,
but there were a few lessons

335
00:14:53,738 --> 00:14:56,438
he learned from
the whole experience.

336
00:15:00,005 --> 00:15:01,738
Uh, and, uh...

337
00:15:17,971 --> 00:15:20,071
John:
I mean, how did it,
how did it make you feel

338
00:15:20,138 --> 00:15:22,171
when you found out
what they did?

339
00:15:37,571 --> 00:15:39,005
John:
Oh.

340
00:15:46,938 --> 00:15:48,405
♪ ♪

341
00:15:48,505 --> 00:15:51,005
John:
The only thing you've been
that dedicated to,

342
00:15:51,071 --> 00:15:54,105
your whole life,
is making films.

343
00:15:55,838 --> 00:15:58,170
You even made a movie on 9/11,

344
00:15:58,238 --> 00:16:01,071
uh, after you got
to go home early.

345
00:16:01,138 --> 00:16:04,705
It was a superhero flick, uh,
about a man whose only power

346
00:16:04,771 --> 00:16:07,371
was that he owned a ladder.

347
00:16:08,138 --> 00:16:10,005
But it had nothing
to do with 9/11.

348
00:16:10,871 --> 00:16:12,438
You used to make movies

349
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:13,538
just to...
(clears throat)

350
00:16:13,605 --> 00:16:15,338
entertain
a few of your friends.

351
00:16:16,638 --> 00:16:19,038
But now that
you have the show,

352
00:16:19,105 --> 00:16:22,171
you end up at these
strange events by yourself.

353
00:16:22,271 --> 00:16:23,638
♪ ♪

354
00:16:23,705 --> 00:16:25,305
With all these people

355
00:16:25,371 --> 00:16:28,371
who are valorized
for their commitment

356
00:16:28,438 --> 00:16:30,038
to making TV shows.

357
00:16:30,105 --> 00:16:31,971
And we're gonna wait
for that next Peloton ad.

358
00:16:32,038 --> 00:16:34,138
-Mm. Can't wait.
-Just drop it. It'll be perfect.

359
00:16:34,205 --> 00:16:36,638
-I'm doing the next one,
actually.
-Oh!

360
00:16:37,238 --> 00:16:39,238
John:
You feel kinda lost
without anyone

361
00:16:39,305 --> 00:16:41,905
telling you what to do there.

362
00:16:41,971 --> 00:16:44,038
So, you just get in line
for something

363
00:16:44,105 --> 00:16:46,571
because that's what
everyone else is doing.

364
00:16:46,638 --> 00:16:48,438
♪ ♪

365
00:16:48,505 --> 00:16:49,838
You never thought
about yourself

366
00:16:49,905 --> 00:16:52,038
as a competitive person,

367
00:16:52,105 --> 00:16:54,338
but being
in these environments

368
00:16:54,438 --> 00:16:56,205
forces you
to compare yourself

369
00:16:56,305 --> 00:17:00,138
to other people that you have
very little in common with,

370
00:17:00,205 --> 00:17:03,671
and you begin to feel
really disconnected

371
00:17:03,738 --> 00:17:07,005
from the reason you
originally made your movies.

372
00:17:07,071 --> 00:17:09,205
And when you lose,

373
00:17:09,271 --> 00:17:11,670
you try to tell yourself
you don't care,

374
00:17:11,738 --> 00:17:15,005
but part of you
still feels like a failure.

375
00:17:16,037 --> 00:17:19,037
On the way out,
you pass a demonstration

376
00:17:19,104 --> 00:17:21,537
about a, a genocide

377
00:17:21,604 --> 00:17:23,738
you didn't know about,

378
00:17:23,805 --> 00:17:25,805
and then it turns out
that HBO

379
00:17:25,871 --> 00:17:28,537
doesn't even have you
on their list

380
00:17:28,638 --> 00:17:29,671
for their after-party.

381
00:17:29,771 --> 00:17:32,871
Yes, I, unfortunately,
do not have you here.

382
00:17:32,938 --> 00:17:34,671
-John: Okay. (laughs)
-Um...

383
00:17:34,738 --> 00:17:36,005
John:
And at another event,

384
00:17:36,071 --> 00:17:39,405
you were supposed to be
celebrating Elon Musk,

385
00:17:39,471 --> 00:17:41,705
who was the
Person of the Year,

386
00:17:41,771 --> 00:17:43,338
uh, that year.

387
00:17:44,505 --> 00:17:46,605
He showed up
with his little baby

388
00:17:46,671 --> 00:17:48,871
and gave a really
weird interview.

389
00:17:48,938 --> 00:17:51,471
You know, even if you, um...

390
00:17:52,271 --> 00:17:53,505
save 90% of the lives,

391
00:17:53,571 --> 00:17:55,871
the 10% that you don't save
are gonna sue you.

392
00:17:55,938 --> 00:17:58,738
-(scattered laughter)
-Interviewer: Right.

393
00:17:58,805 --> 00:18:00,971
John:
You like to think that
you were just (clears throat)

394
00:18:01,071 --> 00:18:03,238
watching all this stuff
from a distance

395
00:18:03,305 --> 00:18:06,705
but maybe this is
just who you are now.

396
00:18:06,771 --> 00:18:08,538
(people singing
"You Will Be Found")

397
00:18:08,605 --> 00:18:10,038
John:
You got so bored

398
00:18:10,105 --> 00:18:11,805
that you went out onto
the balcony by yourself

399
00:18:11,871 --> 00:18:15,071
to stare at the billboard
for your own show.

400
00:18:15,138 --> 00:18:16,871
(singing continues)

401
00:18:16,938 --> 00:18:18,638
John: You thought this
would be the moment

402
00:18:18,705 --> 00:18:21,238
you waited for
your entire life.

403
00:18:21,305 --> 00:18:24,838
But, for some reason,
you felt completely nothing.

404
00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:28,238
(singing) ♪ So, let the sun
come streaming in ♪

405
00:18:28,305 --> 00:18:31,305
♪ 'Cause you'll reach up
and rise again ♪

406
00:18:31,371 --> 00:18:34,405
♪ Lift your head
and look around ♪

407
00:18:34,471 --> 00:18:36,338
♪ You will be found ♪

408
00:18:36,438 --> 00:18:38,538
John:
And as you walk back
to the subway

409
00:18:38,605 --> 00:18:41,438
in Times Square afterwards,

410
00:18:41,505 --> 00:18:43,105
you sort of wondered if

411
00:18:43,171 --> 00:18:46,138
getting big ever
really made anyone happy.

412
00:18:46,205 --> 00:18:49,271
-(hip-hop music blasting)
-(indistinct rapping)

413
00:18:49,338 --> 00:18:51,705
♪ If you wanna move ♪

414
00:18:51,771 --> 00:18:53,171
♪ I'll make you move ♪

415
00:18:53,238 --> 00:18:56,005
John:
You gave a speech
to a bunch of undergrads

416
00:18:56,071 --> 00:18:58,605
at your old university
recently.

417
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,505
I-It's, it's like
the little thing

418
00:19:00,571 --> 00:19:02,005
that stays on all the time,

419
00:19:02,071 --> 00:19:04,505
so that it remembers
what channel you were on,

420
00:19:04,571 --> 00:19:06,405
when, when you turned it off.

421
00:19:07,138 --> 00:19:09,871
But, if you put your finger
in it, it could kill you.

422
00:19:09,938 --> 00:19:12,671
And afterwards,
you went to your old dorms

423
00:19:12,738 --> 00:19:14,838
to try to get inside.

424
00:19:14,905 --> 00:19:16,671
Did anyone ever tell you
you look like one of the kids

425
00:19:16,738 --> 00:19:19,105
from, uh, that movie "Kids"?

426
00:19:19,171 --> 00:19:21,271
-I don't think I've seen it.
-John: Oh, you haven't
seen "Kids"?

427
00:19:21,338 --> 00:19:24,005
-No. No.
-John: Oh, you should.
It's really good.

428
00:19:24,071 --> 00:19:26,171
I mean, it's kind of
a fucked-up movie.

429
00:19:26,238 --> 00:19:27,838
Student 1:
Hello.

430
00:19:27,905 --> 00:19:29,138
John:
Hey, how's it going?

431
00:19:29,205 --> 00:19:30,271
-Student 2: Hello.
-Student 3: Good.

432
00:19:30,338 --> 00:19:31,505
John:
Thanks for-- Hello.

433
00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:33,771
Yeah, I used to live
in one of these, too.

434
00:19:33,838 --> 00:19:36,671
-It still kind of smells
the same in here.
-(awkward laugh)

435
00:19:36,738 --> 00:19:38,138
John:
Oh, you guys play DDR?

436
00:19:38,205 --> 00:19:39,738
Student:
Yes. Well, one of our friends.

437
00:19:39,805 --> 00:19:42,471
John:
I totally forgot about this.

438
00:19:42,571 --> 00:19:44,738
And I used to play it
in my house growing up,

439
00:19:44,805 --> 00:19:48,005
and I used to get
really sweaty on the weekends.

440
00:19:48,071 --> 00:19:49,438
-(toy skateboard clatters)
-John: No.

441
00:19:49,505 --> 00:19:52,105
I used to be able
to do a flip.

442
00:19:52,171 --> 00:19:54,805
-Student 2: Okay.
-John: Like...

443
00:19:54,871 --> 00:19:56,071
And that night,
you went to

444
00:19:56,138 --> 00:19:58,638
a few of your favorite
old college bars

445
00:19:58,705 --> 00:20:01,505
expecting a hero's return.

446
00:20:01,571 --> 00:20:04,638
But, nobody there seemed
to care who you were.

447
00:20:04,705 --> 00:20:06,271
I used to come
to this bar a lot--

448
00:20:06,338 --> 00:20:08,871
-Are you actually from HBO?
-John: Yeah, yeah!

449
00:20:08,938 --> 00:20:10,705
-No, you're not!
-John: No, you can google me.

450
00:20:10,771 --> 00:20:12,605
-No, you're not from HBO.
-What's your name?
-John: I am.

451
00:20:12,671 --> 00:20:14,305
No, he's not!

452
00:20:14,371 --> 00:20:17,638
John:
And all the places you used
to go to parties at

453
00:20:17,705 --> 00:20:20,605
didn't really seem
to want you around either.

454
00:20:21,371 --> 00:20:23,538
-Hello?
-John: Hey. I--

455
00:20:23,605 --> 00:20:25,871
-Hey, what's up?
-John: I just heard
there was a party here.

456
00:20:25,938 --> 00:20:28,738
-You heard wrong. No party.
-(party chatter inside)

457
00:20:28,805 --> 00:20:30,805
John:
'Cause I have a TV show.
Like, I--

458
00:20:33,571 --> 00:20:35,505
(partygoer 1 speaking)

459
00:20:35,571 --> 00:20:37,905
-John: Okay.
-(partygoer 2 speaking)

460
00:20:37,971 --> 00:20:41,138
(melancholy music playing)

461
00:20:41,205 --> 00:20:45,338
John:
You felt like an old ghost,
wandering around campus,

462
00:20:45,405 --> 00:20:47,571
trying to recapture something

463
00:20:47,671 --> 00:20:50,138
you no longer have access to.

464
00:20:50,238 --> 00:20:53,638
-(partygoer 3 speaking)
-John: Nothing.

465
00:20:53,705 --> 00:20:57,038
And maybe your ego
will never be

466
00:20:57,105 --> 00:20:58,638
fully satisfied.

467
00:20:59,538 --> 00:21:01,771
♪ ♪

468
00:21:01,838 --> 00:21:04,138
The next morning,
on the way back,

469
00:21:04,205 --> 00:21:07,805
you took some local roads,
and you stopped to get a shot

470
00:21:07,871 --> 00:21:11,171
of a giant rotting pumpkin
in the back of a truck.

471
00:21:11,238 --> 00:21:12,538
And while you're sitting there,

472
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:14,638
the, the owner saw you
looking at it.

473
00:21:14,705 --> 00:21:17,138
-That's yours?
-I just might
just leave it in the truck

474
00:21:17,205 --> 00:21:19,005
-and drive it around town.
-(truck idling)

475
00:21:19,071 --> 00:21:22,238
John:
It turned out he was actually
a competitive pumpkin grower.

476
00:21:22,338 --> 00:21:23,471
♪ ♪

477
00:21:23,571 --> 00:21:26,071
And he offered to show you
his whole operation.

478
00:21:26,138 --> 00:21:27,105
Wow.

479
00:21:27,171 --> 00:21:30,205
So, every morning,
I, I put this little can here,

480
00:21:30,271 --> 00:21:32,738
-and it knocks it over.
-John: Oh, really?

481
00:21:32,805 --> 00:21:36,538
It's pushing out an inch,
at least, in 24 hours.

482
00:21:36,605 --> 00:21:38,171
John:
He told you that pumpkins

483
00:21:38,238 --> 00:21:41,238
were the fastest-growing
objects on planet Earth,

484
00:21:41,305 --> 00:21:44,538
and that people try to push
them to the limits

485
00:21:44,605 --> 00:21:47,471
to compete
for the biggest one.

486
00:21:47,538 --> 00:21:49,605
Scott:
This is my little cocktail
for lunch.

487
00:21:49,671 --> 00:21:53,405
Humic acid, silica blast,
essentials,

488
00:21:53,471 --> 00:21:56,271
companion, and some seaweed.

489
00:21:56,338 --> 00:21:58,738
John:
Is it possible for a human
to consume that?

490
00:21:58,805 --> 00:22:00,838
-No.
-(dripping)

491
00:22:00,905 --> 00:22:02,538
John:
Do you, like,
do you go to the gym?

492
00:22:02,605 --> 00:22:04,971
No. No, this is my gym.

493
00:22:05,038 --> 00:22:07,038
-John: Oh, really?
-Yeah.

494
00:22:07,105 --> 00:22:09,305
Yeah... yeah.

495
00:22:09,371 --> 00:22:12,105
♪ ♪

496
00:22:15,038 --> 00:22:18,005
So, this is my little wall
of ribbons here.

497
00:22:18,071 --> 00:22:19,705
But no first place.

498
00:22:19,771 --> 00:22:22,738
-John: Wow.
"Poughkeepsie Journal."
-Scott: Yeah.

499
00:22:22,805 --> 00:22:24,171
Kind of a car guy, too.

500
00:22:24,238 --> 00:22:27,138
John:
This is like a pumpkin...

501
00:22:27,238 --> 00:22:28,571
-car.
-Scott: Yeah.

502
00:22:28,671 --> 00:22:32,805
John:
A giant pumpkin takes
130 days to mature.

503
00:22:32,871 --> 00:22:36,871
And once it does,
you need to use a big crane

504
00:22:36,938 --> 00:22:39,238
to get it out of your yard.

505
00:22:39,305 --> 00:22:40,571
Scott:
We'll see. Uh,

506
00:22:40,638 --> 00:22:42,738
it could be my personal best.

507
00:22:42,805 --> 00:22:44,771
John:
Well, it's the biggest...
one of the biggest pumpkins

508
00:22:44,838 --> 00:22:47,471
I've ever seen.
What do you do for fun?

509
00:22:47,538 --> 00:22:49,871
Uh, for the summer,
I work with my dad.

510
00:22:49,938 --> 00:22:51,171
Corbin Equipment.

511
00:22:51,238 --> 00:22:52,938
But then, now
I'm just in school.

512
00:22:53,005 --> 00:22:55,038
John:
Oh, okay, cool.
What do you like in school?

513
00:22:55,105 --> 00:22:56,771
Uh, nothing. I hate it.
(laughs)

514
00:22:56,838 --> 00:22:59,371
John:
Oh. You'll like
something eventually.

515
00:22:59,438 --> 00:23:01,805
-Yeah, maybe.
-John: Yeah.

516
00:23:01,905 --> 00:23:04,271
To transport it,
you need to put it on a flatbed

517
00:23:04,338 --> 00:23:08,171
and drive extremely carefully
to avoid damaging the gourd.

518
00:23:08,238 --> 00:23:09,471
Gets a little bounce
going to it.

519
00:23:09,538 --> 00:23:11,805
I try to not let it
bounce too much, but...

520
00:23:11,871 --> 00:23:13,705
John:
You ever see
that movie "Sorcerer"?

521
00:23:13,771 --> 00:23:15,438
Scott:
No.

522
00:23:15,505 --> 00:23:18,471
John:
Everyone brings their pumpkins
to a big field

523
00:23:18,538 --> 00:23:21,405
and lines them up in a row,

524
00:23:21,471 --> 00:23:23,505
and the whole town
comes out to look at them.

525
00:23:24,805 --> 00:23:27,471
They had really
cool merchandise

526
00:23:27,538 --> 00:23:30,305
and a rock-and-roll band
to keep everyone relaxed.

527
00:23:30,371 --> 00:23:33,105
♪ ♪

528
00:23:33,171 --> 00:23:34,971
All the growers were
committed to something

529
00:23:35,071 --> 00:23:36,871
that was really hard,

530
00:23:36,971 --> 00:23:40,538
but they were still surrounded
by their family and friends.

531
00:23:40,605 --> 00:23:43,505
They were only celebrities
for one day a year...

532
00:23:43,571 --> 00:23:46,705
-Steve! Steve! Steve!
-(laughs)

533
00:23:46,771 --> 00:23:49,905
John:
...and there wasn't
a big ego in sight.

534
00:23:49,971 --> 00:23:52,505
This is a very good hobby
for people who are chill.

535
00:23:53,971 --> 00:23:56,538
-Uh, yeah. Okay.
-(laughter)

536
00:23:56,605 --> 00:23:58,805
John:
Everyone's relationship
with pumpkins

537
00:23:58,871 --> 00:24:00,205
was very uncomplicated.

538
00:24:00,271 --> 00:24:01,771
What do you like
about pumpkins?

539
00:24:01,838 --> 00:24:03,338
Uh... (nervous laugh)

540
00:24:03,405 --> 00:24:05,005
Well, I think it's pretty cool
how big they are.

541
00:24:05,071 --> 00:24:07,205
-Yeah.
-John: Wow.

542
00:24:07,871 --> 00:24:11,271
And before you knew it,
it was time to weigh them off.

543
00:24:11,338 --> 00:24:13,605
Emcee (on microphone):
Counting down, two, one...

544
00:24:13,671 --> 00:24:18,071
256.5 pounds!

545
00:24:18,138 --> 00:24:21,538
-326.5 pounds!
-(scattered cheering)

546
00:24:21,605 --> 00:24:23,771
Emcee: 447!

547
00:24:23,838 --> 00:24:26,538
There's always a surprise in
growing pumpkins and squash.

548
00:24:26,605 --> 00:24:31,671
-1,102.5 pounds!
-(scattered cheering)

549
00:24:31,738 --> 00:24:33,371
Yeah, I think that's great.

550
00:24:33,438 --> 00:24:36,105
1,120 pounds.

551
00:24:36,171 --> 00:24:39,771
1,463 pounds!
We have a new leader today.

552
00:24:39,838 --> 00:24:41,271
-What do you think?
-Good.

553
00:24:41,338 --> 00:24:44,338
Emcee:
1,697 pounds!

554
00:24:44,405 --> 00:24:46,905
John:
As it got down
to the last couple,

555
00:24:46,971 --> 00:24:48,405
you realized
that your friends'

556
00:24:48,471 --> 00:24:50,105
might be one of
the biggest ones.

557
00:24:50,171 --> 00:24:52,338
So, what do, what do
we wanna get to this year?

558
00:24:52,405 --> 00:24:53,738
We gotta beat 1,770.

559
00:24:53,805 --> 00:24:55,971
Emcee:
Three, two, one.

560
00:24:56,038 --> 00:24:57,605
♪ ♪

561
00:24:57,671 --> 00:25:00,905
-(crowd cheering)
-1,805! 1,805.
What do you think?

562
00:25:00,971 --> 00:25:02,471
Yeah! Yeah!

563
00:25:02,538 --> 00:25:05,105
Emcee:
Another personal best,
year after year.

564
00:25:05,171 --> 00:25:08,038
This is now, by a good amount,
the leader.

565
00:25:08,105 --> 00:25:10,571
But we do have
one more pumpkin.

566
00:25:10,638 --> 00:25:12,771
Now, are you
a little nervous at all?

567
00:25:12,838 --> 00:25:14,605
No. No, I've been
through this before.

568
00:25:14,705 --> 00:25:17,738
Emcee:
Three, two, one.

569
00:25:18,305 --> 00:25:22,071
-(crowd cheering)
-1,904!

570
00:25:22,138 --> 00:25:24,505
John:
He had come so close but

571
00:25:24,571 --> 00:25:27,605
his pumpkin didn't weigh
as much as it needed to

572
00:25:28,371 --> 00:25:30,938
to get the blue ribbon.

573
00:25:31,005 --> 00:25:34,871
A loss of this magnitude
would have crushed you.

574
00:25:34,938 --> 00:25:37,005
But, when you talk to him,

575
00:25:37,071 --> 00:25:39,138
he seemed perfectly fine
with it.

576
00:25:39,205 --> 00:25:41,038
I didn't expect it.
It was...

577
00:25:41,105 --> 00:25:42,971
You know, I was hoping
to beat my personal best,

578
00:25:43,038 --> 00:25:45,805
-but it did.
So, that's a good thing.
-John: Wow. Congrats.

579
00:25:45,871 --> 00:25:48,271
Keep my record going.
Gotta get better

580
00:25:48,371 --> 00:25:49,671
-every year, you know?
-John: Yeah.

581
00:25:49,771 --> 00:25:52,771
♪ ♪

582
00:25:59,071 --> 00:26:02,471
It seems like
the masculine urge to grow

583
00:26:02,538 --> 00:26:06,671
had found a healthy home here.

584
00:26:06,738 --> 00:26:09,371
And just when you thought
you had run out of things

585
00:26:09,438 --> 00:26:11,771
to impress
the Television Academy with,

586
00:26:11,838 --> 00:26:15,638
these people
had just given you
the perfect metaphor.

587
00:26:15,705 --> 00:26:19,671
Not a single person
there had any idea.

588
00:26:19,738 --> 00:26:21,605
You're about
to head back home,

589
00:26:21,671 --> 00:26:25,005
but there's just
one more loose end
that you had to tie up.

590
00:26:25,805 --> 00:26:27,538
Do you ever go to cat shows?

591
00:26:27,605 --> 00:26:29,405
(mysterious music playing)

592
00:26:29,471 --> 00:26:31,771
-No, I haven't.
-John: Okay.

593
00:26:32,205 --> 00:26:35,738
Do you, do you ever travel
with a, a baby carriage?

594
00:26:41,371 --> 00:26:42,371
Okay.

595
00:26:42,438 --> 00:26:44,038
♪ ♪

596
00:26:46,338 --> 00:26:48,638
-(meows)
-(soft music playing)

597
00:26:48,705 --> 00:26:51,938
John:
So, if you do wanna get big,

598
00:26:52,005 --> 00:26:55,505
just make sure you find
a healthy outlet for it.

599
00:26:56,571 --> 00:27:00,271
That way, you won't get
carried away somewhere else.

600
00:27:00,938 --> 00:27:06,171
And if you find yourself
in an unfamiliar place
along the way,

601
00:27:06,238 --> 00:27:09,371
just make sure to look around
for reminders

602
00:27:09,438 --> 00:27:11,171
of where you came from,

603
00:27:11,238 --> 00:27:14,471
so you don't lose sight
of who you are.

604
00:27:16,005 --> 00:27:20,571
Because working out
should feel natural.

605
00:27:20,638 --> 00:27:22,905
And as long as you find
a way to do it

606
00:27:22,971 --> 00:27:25,305
that you really enjoy,

607
00:27:25,371 --> 00:27:28,338
it shouldn't matter
if you win or lose.

608
00:27:28,438 --> 00:27:30,938
Which,
which makes you a winner.

609
00:27:31,005 --> 00:27:34,205
-And that's all that matters.
-(video game sound effects)

610
00:27:35,571 --> 00:27:37,438
This is John Wilson.

611
00:27:37,505 --> 00:27:38,838
Thanks for watching.

612
00:27:40,405 --> 00:27:43,371
("Preludietto" by
Alessandro Alessandroni playing)

613
00:27:43,438 --> 00:27:46,471
(vocalizing)

614
00:27:57,205 --> 00:27:59,305
♪ ♪