(electronic music)
♪♪ ♪♪
(light music)
♪♪ ♪♪
You guys have the coolest new neighbors.
‐(sighs) I know, right? ‐I could live here forever.
Sapphire, Rainfall, thank you for inviting us over.
Of course, Tanya.
Rainfall and I were pleased to have you here.
‐More kelp anyone? ‐No, thanks.
I couldn't have another bite.
I'm still finishing my first kelp.
Hey guys, it's almost 5:00.
We got to go to Turt's magic show.
‐But I'm so at peace here. ‐Peace is magic.
Oh, that is so true, Rainfall.
But we still got to bounce.
Bye, Sapphire. Bye, Rainfall.
(sighs)
(all screaming)
‐Okay. ‐(all breathing heavily)
See you tomorrow.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, you are not coming into our house all wet.
This place is fully carpeted.
Well, I don't have a clean towel.
‐So go get one. ‐Cat, move.
No, you move to the location of a towel.
Remember what Rainfall said‐‐ peace is magic.
Kevin, did you smoke weed again?
No! Dry off first!
We have a magic show to get to!
Peace is magic!
Welcome, welcome, welcome. Please come in. Sit close.
The things you will see here tonight
you will never see again. (laughs)
‐Behold, the blood... ‐TANYA: Ew.
Uh...
And the ear.
Uh...
Turt, you said this was a magic show.
Yeah, dark magic.
‐Where did you get an ear? ‐Website.
I'm still waiting to see what the trick is here.
Oh, you want to see a trick?
Well, here we have, a severed hand.
No, uh‐uh. No, no, no.
I think I seriously misjudged my interest in magic.
I'm gonna head out. Good night, folks.
‐But you live here. ‐I said good night.
Oh, man, I've never had a walkout.
Should I put this stuff away?
Nah, let's see where this goes.
I paid for a show.
(sighs)
(electronic music)
♪♪ ♪♪
(groans)
Tanya, did Kevin come home last night?
Huh. I don't think so.
What is that?
(speaking gibberish)
Uh, it's just that ominous presence
that Turt summoned up in her magic show.
It would not shut up till 2:00 a. m.
‐Turt. ‐What's up?
Oh.
Huh, that should've dissolved in the mist by now.
(laughing)
Yeah, I'm gonna have to Google this.
Can we throw a sheet over it or something?
And done. Is there more coffee?
Yeah.
What the hell is that?
Ah.
Huh?
Ugh.
Hey, Kevin. Where were you?
I was at Sapphire and Rainfall's place.
I guess I just lost track of time.
‐It is so peaceful there. ‐It is.
It's like floating on a cloud of dreams
through an ethereal valley cast upon the moon of time.
That's exactly what I was gonna say.
I think I want to live more like that,
like, in a more calming environment.
It's calming here. Look at us.
Yeah, just woke up, made coffee.
It's a cozy morning.
(shouting)
‐Turt? ‐TURT: I'm looking it up!
Turt's looking that up.
I'm actually headed right back to Sapphire
and Rainfall's place,
I just needed to make a quesadilla.
Great, well, now I guess we're just giving the landlord
the deposit now, is that right?
Hey, uh, you guys want to come? We can all hang out.
No, it's cool, Turt might need our help.
You go, enjoy the peacefulness.
Okay, see you.
Damn, he made that quesadilla fast.
Maybe I should foster a more calming environment here.
What are you, the boss of the environment here?
Cat, that is exactly the kind of conflict
that drives Kevin away,
and we can't afford to lose Kevin.
He's the only calming presence in the group.
Without him, we'll inevitably destroy ourselves.
Eh, that's a little dramatic.
Ernesto, who stopped you
when you wanted to ride your nephew's BMX bike
into that empty pool?
‐No one. I hurt myself badly. ‐But who tried to stop you?
Kevin.
That's right, Kevin. Not me and not your nephew.
All right, if Kevin wants to live in a calming environment,
then that's what we'll give him.
Now you're gonna want to get your staff,
and obviously I recommend the nicest staff
you can afford for this and just repeat after me.
BOTH: Begone, to the unknown realm.
WIZARD: Into the void!
TURT: Into the void! Into the void!
(eerie music)
♪♪ ♪♪
(laughs wickedly)
Who's TV is this? Uh, 'cause it's broken now.
(electronic music)
♪♪ ♪♪
(mystical music)
He's hot, right?
I mean, you literally can't see his face, Tam.
Like, why does he have a big owl head on?
Oh, because he's a DJ. It's his costume, obviously.
We're gonna be a perfect match.
Yeah, no, I mean, I just hope
that he isn't like the last guy that you met online,
'cause, like, you have really bad luck.
What are the chances that this guy's also gonna be my dad?
That literally can't happen twice.
‐(cell phone chimes) ‐Oh, my God.
He's saying to meet him in the woods.
What is woods?
‐Woods...like the woods. ‐What the hell is that?
It's a collection of trees and plants and other wildlife.
Oh, my God, like a secret rave spot.
Amazing. DJ Owlman, here I come.
Oh, my God, I am so hot.
(eerie music)
♪♪ ♪♪
DJ Owlman?
♪♪ ♪♪
Um, hi.
I'm, um, Dennis Jones Owlman.
DJ Owlman, yeah. It's such a hedonistic name.
I'm massively hedonistic myself.
And accurate, because I'm half owl, half man,
and my name is Dennis Jones.
Sorry, do you have Wi‐Fi here?
Actually, it doesn't matter, I've got data.
Refresh.
Um, it says on your profile that you like brunch?
Oh, I love brunch with the girls.
My favorite brunch is probably eggs and avo, no bread.
‐What's your favorite egg? ‐Oh, well, interesting.
‐I don't actually like eggs. ‐Okay. (chuckles)
It's kind of the equivalent of you eating a human baby,
just because I'm, well, half bird.
You are so random, I love it. Now, how about you DJ for me?
Fuck, I came here to dance.
‐What? ‐DJ, DJ. Music is hot.
‐You want me to DJ? ‐Yeah, please.
Um, okay.
DJ song.
Wow. This is beats.
Take your DJ headdress off, I want to see your face.
Oh, no, I can't. That's my actual head.
(laughs) You make me laugh, DJ.
And it's famously really hard to make me laugh.
‐Dance, please. ‐Okay, dancing.
(giggles) This is, like, our own Burning Man or something,
where everyone dances naked
and it's like, I don't know, primal.
(gasps) Oh, my God, let's get primal.
Or maybe we could just talk.
I sometimes think no one really talks anymore.
Actually talks.
We could talk about anything‐‐
dreams, space, our favorite colors.
Mine is brown at the moment.
We're all so distant, aren't we?
It's like when I'm flying at night and the world is
so far below me,
and then I land,
and that distance...
is still there.
Wow. (chuckles)
Is that the lyrics to one of your tracks?
That's really deep.
I, like, love, like, deep, dark, weird stuff.
I'm actually really weird myself.
Like, I love water. Like, just drinking water.
Oh, my God, I am so turned on right now.
Let's get naked. Let's get primal.
Come on, you first.
Okay...
what's that?
My willy.
Why does it look like that?
Because I'm half bird.
I'm Owlman.
This is really hard for me. You should've told me.
I did. I told you a few times.
Listen, your music is life,
but your willy looks like a long ribbon,
and for me, it's just a huge turn‐off.
Ribbon, right.
Bye, Dennis.
Yeah, it's just like I'm never going to find anyone, Cathleen.
Just when I think I've met the perfect guy,
he turns out to have the willy of a bird.
And to make everything worse, I had to get the bus
because there were no cabs,
which, of course, is worse than death.
And, oh, my God, I am sat in front of that guy
I went out with who turned out to be a grub.
It's so awkward.
‐Well, you ghosted me, so... ‐Oh, my God.
Hi, how's things? How‐‐how's your wife?
(electronic music)
♪♪ ♪♪
Hmm, not for me.
♪♪ ♪♪
(upbeat music)
♪♪ ♪♪
Oh, I got to get my phone fixed.
Can you just wait here at the guitar store
where you can't fuck anything up?
Oh, I'll show you.
They'll be doing a fucking documentary
about what I get up to in here.
(rock music playing)
Swan‐‐Swan Boy, now we're really talking.
ARLO: Jesus was already taken,
so I suppose he had to settle for rock and roll, you know?
Music was, you have to admit, pretty boring,
and then Swan Boy shows up,
and then it was just like, wham!
I mean, he was awful. This is a joke, right?
Who's funding this? It can't be swan boy.
NARRATOR: But I guess to tell the whole story,
you have to start on that fateful day
at the Giuliani Gardens Mall.
Swan Boy, you wait here.
I don't trust you, and I have no vision.
And the rest, as they say, was history.
You guys have any, um, uh, uh, guitars?
The thing you have to understand
is that at that time,
everybody knew how to play, so to come in
and have no idea turned the whole scene on its head.
Okay, wait. Shit, fuck. (stammers)
Shit, I know this. Okay, hold on.
He basically drew a line in sand.
People who get it on one side,
and everybody else on the other.
I mean, it was brother against brother.
But it wasn't all about shock value,
thumbing his nose
at the establishment "punk rock" thing, you know?
Under all that, there was heart.
Not afraid to be vulnerable.
Ah, fuck! Ow!
I mean, that guy suffered for his art.
The lad had this lyrical edge, you know,
which obviously took the songs to a different level.
This bloke was on another planet, you know?
Sort of this free association Jack Kerouac thing,
but really all his own.
♪♪ Quiet girl, a wedding man ♪♪
♪♪ I'm great, made of Gatorade ♪♪
People were speechless, but, hey, they were speechless
when Dylan sang...
♪♪ Ms. Marvelous, with a unicorn fist ♪♪
♪♪ Making custard in the boy king's lost carousel ♪♪
So, you know,
sometimes it's just the price of being a trailblazer.
The first tune was just this amazing opportunity for him
to spread his wings and say, "Hey, world, this is me.
I've got wings, and they're spread."
(plays off‐key chord)
He broke numerous sitars,
and he blamed it on a strong guy.
I think at this point,
the touring was really starting to take a toll.
You know, you listen to "2:41 p. m. Swan Boy,"
and then you listen to "2:53 p. m. Swan Boy,"
and it's just hardly even the same guy.
Okay, I‐I have it this time. It's‐‐wait, hold on.
Wait, just wait. Wait, just be patient.
Wait. Shit. Wait.
So Swan Boy was at a crossroads.
Would he work on his music, or would he work on himself?
(feedback whines, hissing)
People were frightened of swan lad.
Again, he had done the impossible
with that feedback‐noise thing.
(laughing) You know, nobody knew what it was.
But not everybody was celebrating
Swan Boy's return to relevance.
He had some nasty guys around him.
You know, when the grass is cut,
the snakes will show every time.
(somber violin music)
♪♪ ♪♪
You know, I've taken a lot of heat
for that text over the years...
a lot of heat.
But I didn't know what he was up to in there.
And I still don't.
(record scratching)
God, I wonder where he is now.
Oh, he's banned from all Guitarmageddons
in the Tri‐County Area.
I don't know what he's doing,
but I'm sure it's changing the world.
So, uh, what was wrong with your phone?
They said there was gum inside.
‐Did you do that? ‐I don't remember. Probably.
(steady rock music)
♪♪ ♪♪
(electronic music)
♪♪ ♪♪
Kevin, thank you for spending time with us.
You've made Rainfall and I feel so welcome.
Yeah, I love it here, too.
It's too bad Tanya and Ernesto couldn't hang out, though.
‐Can they hang out later? ‐Maybe.
They've been getting into some bad stuff lately.
Drugs?
Well, Tanya did start microdosing,
but, no, it's more about the forces of evil
that Turt summoned.
Just sometimes I need a break from that stuff, you know?
Totally, bro. You deserve to chill.
In our home, there is only peace and good vibes.
Hey, should we all read quietly by the fire?
Hell, yeah. Let's get our read on.
(calming music)
♪♪ ♪♪
Welcome to a place of pure calm.
We've got yoga.
Here we have martinis.
Oh, and, Turt, Shirley Temples for you.
‐Yes. ‐Mmm.
Listen to that. We've got smooth jazz.
So is this a spa or a cocktail lounge?
‐I'm confused? ‐It's a cocktail spa.
Enjoy.
(smooth jazz playing)
Aw, Kevin, are you leaving?
I'm just gonna say hi to my friends.
I haven't seen them in over 40 minutes.
Well, hurry back. Poem time will begin soon.
Yes, we will write poems for one another.
Well, I hope this is okay,
but I've actually been writing poems for you
in my head this whole time.
That is so okay.
Well, okay.
(screaming)
(smooth jazz playing)
(sniffs) Mmm. Does anybody smell vinegar?
Oh, that would be the pickles.
Ah! These are pickles?
Ernesto, it's supposed to be cucumbers.
Unpickled cucumbers?
The vinegar's burning my eyes!
Ugh! We got to flush his eyes out.
Here, use my Shirley Temple.
All right, it's too dark. I need light.
Give me one of those candles.
‐Uh, okay, okay. ‐We have light!
What's the matter with you assholes?
Your dripping wax in my eyes.
Oh, okay, sorry. Sorry. Just keep your eyes open.
Mm‐mm. No, thanks.
Uh...
so things are still weird at my place.
I'm just glad I have you two to hang out with.
Kevin, we weren't sure how to tell you this before, but‐‐
Kevin, we are leaving.
What? Where are you going?
We return from where we came.
To the rivers of the mystical delta?
To the suburbs off exit 12, north of the outlet mall.
Oh, next to the Dairy Queen.
Yeah, the rent is way better there,
and we'll have a washing machine.
But I thought we'd be friends forever.
Sadly this was just a sublet.
But, Kevin, there is another room.
Another room?
With its own bathroom and a sliding door to the yard.
Wait, you want me to move to the suburbs with you?
Yes. We leave tonight.
Oh, wow!
I mean, this is a chance to live the peaceful lifestyle
I've always dreamt of since yesterday!
(gasps) Oh, but what about my friends?
They can visit.
It's only an hour from the city.
Oh, but how long is that by bus?
Oh, there's no public transportation.
‐(groans) ‐Just think about it.
(electronic music)
♪♪ ♪♪
(light music, seagulls crying)
PERSON: What makes the Earth shake and move?
Is it love?
Is it me?
Is this reality?
♪♪ ♪♪
(person singing in Spanish)
♪♪ ♪♪
(rhythmic music)
(elevator bell beeps)
(indistinct chatter)
(soft music)
♪♪ ♪♪
What was I waiting for?
A disaster? A friend?
Few people's lives match their own expectations.
♪♪ ♪♪
(match strikes)
♪♪ ♪♪
(starfish screaming)
PERSON: Are you lit?
(exhales deeply)
I am always lit.
Are you sure about that?
♪♪ ♪♪
Give me your hand.
Your hand is an average size.
My hand is much bigger, stronger.
I could fit entire hand inside my hand.
You understand?
Oh, completely. I've been watching you.
That is not ordinary.
Some people think I'm strange.
Hmm.
I know the feeling.
(intriguing music)
(soft romantic music playing)
♪♪ ♪♪
Answer me this, Rosa.
Does the moon have a smell?
(laughing)
Listen, I like you,
but why do you wear that silly hat?
♪♪ ♪♪
Does...
does it make you feel uncomfortable, Rosa?
No.
I have my own problems.
(sighs) My thoughts are plagued with chaos.
I hardly have any thoughts at all.
♪♪ ♪♪
(angelic music)
♪♪ ♪♪
‐She is everything. ‐(breathing heavily)
She is everything.
Rosa...
I can control the moon.
No, you can't, silly man.
Please, let me see your hand.
ROSA: Fine.
♪♪ ♪♪
(person singing in Spanish)
Not bad.
I don't have much time left, Rosa.
Why?
PERSON: Cause and effect.
I moved the moon for you. What do you expect?
♪♪ ♪♪
ROSA: It's beautiful.
This is all been worth it, just to see you smile.
♪♪ ♪♪
Goodbye, Rosa.
♪♪ ♪♪
(electronic music)
♪♪ ♪♪
Welcome back to another installment
of Words With Ike.
Now, today's word is a number...
18.
(ethereal music)
Its definition‐‐
a number that is one more than 17.
Yeah, for a lot of folks, 18 is a number.
But for me, it was also an age.
18 takes me back to my hometown‐‐
Baseball, Hot Dogs, Hot Rods.
It was a long name for a town, but it was our town.
When I was 18, kids my age
were sneaking into R‐rated movies and smoking cigarettes.
Meanwhile, I was busy defining the words "sneaking,"
"into," "an," "R‐rated,"
"movie," "smoking," and "cigarettes."
And I was in love.
18...
19...
20...
21...
22...
23...
24...
25.
(electronic music)
♪♪ ♪♪
‐I am going to sue all of you. ‐Oh, come on.
I'm emailing my lawyer now. Where's my phone?
‐It's on the coffee table. ‐Turt!
Sorry. My instinct is to be helpful.
Hey, Cat, calm down.
Oh, you think you can take me.
I mean, probably. You can't open your eyes.
Ah, but my other senses have only been heightened.
Whoa!
Ah! Ah!
Holy shit, I actually did it. Wait, am I on the coffee table?
‐You're on the dining table. ‐Table's a table.
He's too powerful!
(Cat grunting)
Kevin, you're coming with us.
I'm so excited. Can't you tell by my voice?
Sorry, Rainfall, but I cant.
I'm just not ready to live super far from my friends yet.
Yeah, I get it.
Sapphire and I are co‐dependent, too.
Co‐dependent? I'm not even independent.
Kevin, if you're not coming, why did you pack your bindle?
Oh, I just keep my phone and wallet in there.
Oh, that's cute.
‐(grunting) ‐(grunts)
TANYA: Oh‐ho!
Oh, my God! Are we killing him?
(grunts) Ha! There, I got his SIM card.
Try emailing your lawyer now, Cat.
Ah! Where's my laptop?
It's in your room.
‐BOTH: Turt! ‐Stop being helpful!
Everybody be chill!
(gasps) Kevin!
Where did you get that bindle?
Oh, this? I made it.
It's just a napkin and a stick.
‐Ooh, it's so vintage. ‐I want to make a bindle.
I actually do have most of the supplies right here.
Hell, yeah, it's bindle time.
(speaking gibberish)
Cat, you want to join us?
No, I'm just gonna go to bed.
Pretty sure I pulled something on that wall run.
Whoo‐hoo! We did it!
We made the cat too tired to sue us.
Yeah, why don't you guys go pat yourselves
on the back all night?
(groans)
(speaking gibberish)
Oh, so now you explode into dust.
(upbeat electronic music)
(person vocalizing)
♪♪ ♪♪
‐(clear music) ‐CHORUS: ♪♪ Yes ♪♪