(singing in language)
♪♪ ♪♪
(soft music)
♪♪ ♪♪
(upbeat music)
♪♪ ♪♪
Yeah! (grunts)
Tanya, get in on this!
Yo, I can't play right now. I'm working on my beats.
What? You're making new beats?
I wanna hear! ♪♪ ♪♪
‐Ooh. ‐Hell yeah.
I'm almost done with my new EP.
It goes up on my SoundCloud tomorrow.
Check this shit out.
KEVIN: Ooh, you better send me that link.
Ooh‐ooh‐ooh! (gasps)
‐Oh, God! ‐Whoa!
‐My beats!
‐That bird stole my beats! ‐Not your sick beats!
Kevin, slingshot! (grunts)
Rrr, whoo!
(dramatic music)
‐(shrieks) ‐Yeah!
‐Ha, yes!
‐No! ‐Oh, shit.
Did not think that through.
Ohh...this is exactly how my iPad got broken.
♪♪ ♪♪
TANYA: (groans)
All my beats‐‐gone... like smoke in the wind.
Tanya, no, don't use that imagery.
It's not like I thought my music
would get famous or anything.
I just didn't think it would
get destroyed by a falcon, you know?
You can't prepare for these things.
Tanya, I am so sorry.
I never should've tried to kill that falcon.
Wait...you were trying to kill it?
Oh, was that not the objective?
I mean, either way I feel bad, but not for that falcon.
No, it's not your fault, Kevin.
I can probably remake those beats anyway, right?
I just have to file a claim with my renter's insurance,
get a new laptop, rerecord all the instruments and vocals,
then arrange and mix everything all over again.
That'll take a few months tops, right?
I got this!
Well, um, what if you had help from other musicians?
‐Like who? ‐Well, I was in a band
in high school, and Kevin can snap really well.
‐(snapping) ‐We could be your band.
(intense rock chords)
My band, all right‐‐this is either a really good idea,
or it's gonna make everything much worse.
‐Mm. 50/50. ‐50/50?
All right, them's good odds. Let's do this!
♪♪ ♪♪
ERNESTO: So that's how renter's insurance works?
They just give you a free laptop?
Well, there's a deductible,
and something bad has to happen to your original laptop.
Like a giant bird attack.
Yep, giant birds, theft, zombie apocalypse‐‐
it covers all kinds of stuff.
ERNESTO: Huh, interesting.
Who wants a beer?
Ahh! All right, let's rock and roll!
TANYA: Two, three, four.
(funky music)
♪♪ ♪♪
Nice, guys. That was really decent.
That was perfect! Right, guys?
‐(laughs) I mean, come on. ‐Yeah, it was really good.
Ernesto, you could play a little bit slower on the intro.
‐Oh, uh, okay, yeah. ‐Other than that, amazing.
‐What about me? ‐Kevin, you were dope.
‐No complaints. ‐Noice!
Go again? Wait, question.
Should we smoke a little weed first?
‐Yeah! ‐Ha‐ha!
♪♪ Hold up, wait a minute ♪♪
♪♪ Put some, put some real in it ♪♪
Hey, everybody.
Welcome to the next installment
of "Words with Ike."
I'm sorry I was running a little late today,
but, uh, we have a little bit of a, uh, fun surprise.
I didn't get a chance to review today's word.
My team chose it for me, so, uh...
we're going to discover what today's word is together,
(chuckles) you and I.
So let's see, uh, let's see what we got.
(soft music)
Gubbins?
Okay, uh...
and, uh, what does that mean?
(soft music)
Can someone pinch me?
Because I think I'm having a nightmare.
(chuckling)
All right, uh, you know what?
You know what? I have a lot on my plate.
And the one day‐‐
the one day I'm late to the program,
my team picks a word like gubbins.
Gubbins!
♪♪ ♪♪
It's not exactly slim pickin's!
We got a lot of words here from A to Z,
and you pick gubbins!
Gubbins!
Okay, that's it. The end, lights off, okay?
Lights out. Thank you.
Jesus.
(soft music)
(phone rings)
(groans)
(phone rings)
After all we've been through? Ha ha ha.
Suit yourself.
(dramatic musical sting)
‐(alarm blares) ‐What?
Oh, uh...uh, just a second.
‐(alarm blares) ‐(groans)
(line ringing)
SWAN BOY (distorted): Well, well, well.
Look who's got time for his old friend all of a sudden.
Yeah, shut up. Did you change my pin again?
I don't know‐‐did I?
That's a felony, you know? I need to buy medicine.
This is an actual thing. I could die.
The game is afoot. You have one hour.
This phone call will self‐destruct.
(boom) Oh, shit!
It's only happening on my end! Oh, fuck!
Why is this taking so long?
I need to look at my account balance.
Just use the app.
With what, the hands I lost to the divorce?
Uh, okay, think, think.
What would Swan Boy change my password to?
(sounds echoing)
Aha!
‐(quack) ‐What?
(print out whirring)
Ugh, God damn it!
"From all around, they heard me cry.
The new metal sound will never die"?
Okay, so why did he have me come here?
‐(upbeat music) ‐All right, it's 2002.
This one goes out to the recently deceased
George Harrison‐‐ rest in peace!
‐(shrill scream) ‐Ah, shit!
What were you even trying to do?
SWAN BOY: Unclear!
(gasps)
Where did he‐‐hey, wait, these are mine!
And that's my car! I thought it was stolen!
Hey, buddy, TMI.
Ooh.
TMF‐‐"too much fist."
Left at Youngberg Ave and then a right
at "Watch out for that ugly guy."
Aah!
(tires squealing)
In all my years!
Now turn the radio to 87.7 The Fist.
Oh, that's where we worked in high school.
♪♪ ♪♪
Are you sure that's "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley?
Close enough. Time to watch "Breach" in one year.
ANNOUNCER: 87.7 The Fist. (whack)
We have a special message for Noel...
‐Oh, fuck, here we go. ‐From your friend Swan Boy.
Noel, Swan Boy wants to tell you
to slam that car in reverse,
because the bridge is lined with C‐4...
‐What‐‐wait, what? ‐And is set to blow.
Wow, we should really screen these
before we just say them out over the air.
(groans) Swan Boy, you fucking lunatic!
(sirens wailing)
Jesus!
"Congratulations! You've made it to the final test.
"If you really want your money to go buy your...ass pills,
"all you have to do is slam into the wall
"you're driving towards.
Take the leap of faith."
♪♪ ♪♪
‐A wall, crash into it! ‐No!
Man, you never do anything.
You wouldn't last a second on SEAL Team Six,
who just got him.
‐No, what the fuck am I doing? ‐(tires screeching)
(horns blowing)
(slow clapping) So we meet again.
Noel, was it?
Swan Boy, you fucking freak!
What the shit is wrong with you?
What if I had driven into the wall?
Oh, you mean this fake wall? (tap tap)
Oh, fuck you almost died. Yikes.
Why did you do all of this? I need that cash for medicine!
Oh, but you don't need to answer your phone?
Uh...what?
You screened my call multiple times!
I thought we were friends!
We are friends, but I can't just answer the phone
at any moment of the day.
Well, I think we both made mistakes today,
you more than me.
I'm man enough to admit that.
And all I was trying to do was reach out and connect.
Yeah, well, this was a fucking insane way to do it!
You blew up a bridge!
Yeah, but look at us now, hanging out like it's 2002,
2006, and whatever the third year we flashed back to was.
I spent the whole day alone!
Oh, but did you?
(dramatic music)
♪♪ ♪♪
You see, my child,
when there was one set of footprints,
that's when I was carrying you.
Ow, fuck!
Look, man, if you want to hang out,
just be normal and say so.
God, fuck, God, ow.
Yeah, I wanna.
Okay, now let's go to the pharmacy.
All right, yeah, maybe we stay offa the main streets, though,
'cause I committed a major terrorist attack,
and I bragged about it on the radio.
NOEL: Yeah, I remember.
‐(sirens wailing) ‐(firetruck horns blasting)
(upbeat music)
♪♪ ♪♪
TANYA: Two, three, four.
♪♪ ♪♪
♪♪ Dum, dum, dum ♪♪
(off‐key) ♪♪ In the summertime ♪♪
‐Sorry, was that not working? ‐Not at all.
This is actually more of like an instrumental track.
‐(phone dings) ‐Shit!
‐You gotta be shitting me! ‐What happened?
My greatest internet music rival
is releasing a stupid album tomorrow!
‐Shit! ‐Look at this!
‐ERNESTO: Ban‐ya? ‐Banya.
That's my rival's name.
‐Like Tanya with a B? ‐Exactly.
This son of a gun copies me in every dang way.
He steals my beats. He replicates my visual style.
He's totally ripping me off!
Yeah, he even took your name.
The name is actually a coincidence.
But everything else is completely fucked up!
‐Fuck Banya! ‐Yeah, fuck you, Banya!
And now he's releasing his album before me?
Damn it! I'm losing my cool over this.
‐Where's my whiskey? ‐In the whiskey bag.
‐Ahh... ‐(bottle shatters)
It's time to get serious, boys.
Ernesto, no more singing.
Seems like a mistake, but all right.
TANYA: Two, three, four!
(funky music)
♪♪ ♪♪
♪♪ Suh, suh, summertime ♪♪
Ernesto!
Shoot, sorry, m‐my bad.
What the heck is this summertime business?
I don't know. it's just, like...
coming to me in the moment.
I‐I think I get lost in the music.
Do you think maybe we could just work it into the mix?
No, dude, it's an instrumental track.
And it's completely unrelated to summer.
‐Oh, no. ‐What?
This is my high school band all over again.
It was junior year.
Everything in band was going great.
But then one day, our drummer turned to me and was like‐‐
Ernesto, we've decided you're out of the band.
We decided instead of two guitars,
we'll have a tambourine instead.
And then this guy walked in holding a tambourine,
and he was like‐‐
Hey, I'm Joey Tambourine.
And I was like, hey, Joey Tambourine, fuck you.
‐In fact, fuck all of you. ‐(feedback whine)
I quit, and I swear to never be in a band again‐‐ever!
And then I left.
It was your idea to be in my band, dude.
(sighs) I know.
I guess I must've repressed that memory
due to the extreme anger I was feeling at the time,
but now...
(sighs) I'm sorry, Tanya.
I've learned so much from being in this band with you,
but I think it's time for me to go solo.
It's been 35 minutes.
It just feels like the moment is right.
I'm gonna start my own band outside on the patio.
‐I hope you guys understand. ‐I totally don't.
Yeah, you're being crazy right now.
Well, I hope you'll understand eventually.
Goodbye.
Until I need more beer.
Hey, that's my bass. You can't take it.
Okay. I need an instrument, though.
Take the kazoo.
Seriously, dude?
Mm‐mm?
All right, from the top. Two, three, four!
(somber music)
Okay, nice. Cool.
(blowing on kazoo)
(soft music)
And that's why I was like, "What do you mean
I can't return this? I bought it yesterday."
You know? It was ridiculous.
(laughs) Yeah.
Wait, oh, my God. Oh, my God.
That's Robbie from my class.
Oh, my God, the one that you were telling me about?
Don't look, don't look.
Oh, my God, I think he's coming over here.
Quick, quick, how do I look? How do I look?
Oh, no, you look fine. Super lumpy, really malleable.
‐You look great. ‐Okay, great.
How's my hair?
Yeah, it's, like, super motionless,
all one, like, conglomerate piece.
Oh, perfect, perfect. Is there anything in my teeth?
I‐I can't tell. Let me see.
(muffled) No, it looks great.
♪♪ ♪♪
(dramatic tone)
Good morning, Pickles. Is that a tattoo?
Carl, I've lost everything.
Last night I went over the edge!
The strippers, they took it all!
‐They took my parakeets! ‐Oh, no!
I had to do it. They forced me to.
I run guns now, Carl. I'm a gunrunner.
You, a gunrunner?
These hands are stained with the blood of the innocent.
Know me, for my name is death.
Oh, no!
I need a driver, Carl, a mule,
someone to take the bullets.
I need you.
(uneasy music)
‐Me? ‐Come with me, Carl.
Join me in the shadows.
I'll get you anything you want, anything, Carl.
Speak your desire.
I want DVDs.
You'll have all the DVDs.
Oh, what the heck, let's do this!
Yes, let's tear that place up!
(dramatic tone)
‐Yeah! ‐Whoo‐hoo!
‐Yeah! ‐Whoo‐hoo‐hoo!
I've never felt so alive!
I'm a god, a destroyer of worlds!
I ate that man's eyeball!
(cackling)
I've found myself, Pickles.
All these years of searching, of sadness.
‐Carl! ‐I've been crying
in a dark closet, and you opened the door.
‐Carl! ‐The light is coming in!
I'm stepping out! This is life!
‐Carl! That's enough. ‐(object shatters)
I'm sorry. I just got carried away.
No, I mean, I have all I need.
I'm a double agent, Carl, CIA.
‐Wait, what? ‐I had to do it.
The strippers forced me to. They had stilettos and badges.
But‐‐
We documented everything, Carl.
You're gonna burn for this.
Oh, God, oh, my God!
I'm your only hope, Carl.
Come with me deeper into the darkness, into the CIA!
I don't know, Pickles. It seems kinda extreme.
You can keep the DVDs.
Oh, what the flip? I'm in.
‐Yes! ‐Okay, boys, we got him.
Yeah, I've got the narc. Yeah, it was Pickles.
What?
Next time, get me something with some meat,
rather than this twaddle!
I'm out of here!
Bring it up, Rico!
No!
Happy trails, narc!
♪♪ I don't want waste your time, no, no, yeah ♪♪
(slow piano music)
Hey, would you rather lose both legs or both arms?
What kind of question is that?
Well, you know, a surgical team bursts in right now!
Arms or legs, what do you choose?
Neither, 'cause that'd never, ever happen.
Of course it won't happen. It's a hypothetical.
Great. I don't have to decide then, do I?
(sighs)
Would you rather have the left half
of your brain removed or the right half?
‐Never happen. ‐Oh, come on!
Hypothetically, a surgical team bursts in‐‐
Hypothetically, I'd have to research
what each side of the brain did
before making a decision.
You don't have time to research.
You have 20 seconds to decide. Then they're gonna do it!
That's ridiculous.
What kind of surgical team is this?
‐A fucked one. ‐Where have they come from?
‐The dark net. ‐The dark net?
Yeah, someone's ordered them with Bitcoin.
I'm not participating in this stupid conversation anymore.
‐Aw, just play along. ‐No.
Hypotheticals are only useful
if they might actually happen one day.
‐But‐‐ ‐Your ones would never,
ever happen, not in a million years.
(echoing) Million years...million years
million years... million years...
There he is. Strap him down.
Hey, what the hell?
What are you doing? Hey!
‐Oh, no! ‐Terry, who are these people?
It looks like a surgical team.
We're gonna chop off your arms or your legs.
‐Which is it gonna be. ‐Are you serious‐‐why?
‐'Cause we're fucked. ‐Terry, what have you done?
I haven't done anything!
You've organized this, haven't you?
No, no, I wear, I haven't!
‐You got them on the dark net! ‐I didn't!
You've got 20 seconds to decide‐‐arms or legs?
‐Left brain or right brain? ‐But wait, I need to‐‐
He needs to research which side of the brain does what,
right, Gordon?
‐Yeah. ‐Ten seconds.
‐My Wi‐Fi's out. ‐I'll reset the router.
Five seconds.
Gotta leave it out a few minutes.
I don't have a few minutes‐‐ow!
Left or right? Arms or legs?
Legs or arms? Right or left?
Terry, this better be a fucking joke!
It's not, Gordon! Decide, decide!
‐(drill buzzing) ‐Aah!
Aah!
(soft music)
♪♪ ♪♪
Ah, you're awake, mate.
I brought you some tea. Here you go.
I'll just put it down here.
So...because you couldn't make your mind up,
the surgical team removed both your arms and your legs,
and the middle of your brain.
I looked up what the middle did when our internet went back on.
It's not a dealbreaker. (slurping)
You did all this to me because I wouldn't play along
with your hypotheticals.
Gordon, I swear on my mother's grave
that I had nothing to do with this,
nothing, not a single thing.
It's the most crazy coincidence
in the history of the universe, Gordon.
You have to believe me.
(slurps)
(cup thunks down)
You gotta admit though,
my hypotheticals weren't dumb after all, were they?
(upbeat music)
(soft music)
(phone buzzes)
(phone buzzing)
Hello.
(upbeat music)
You know what I like about you, Kevin?
‐Is it my charm? ‐Well, obviously your charm.
I knew it.
But also, you're a team player.
You don't try to be, like, the star.
That's because I know I'm a star.
‐I don't have to prove it. ‐Exactly.
Not like some people, Banya, Ernesto in many ways,
that fucking falcon!
I think Ernesto's just afraid of rejection.
What, so he preemptively rejects us first?
‐Exactly. ‐Ugh!
Well, there is some good news.
I think we're almost done with the album.
‐Really? ‐Yeah!
We've got, I'd say, four, five more hours tops.
Oh, okay.
Hey.
‐Hey, dude. ‐Oh, hey.
How's your new band?
Ugh, it's actually incredible.
Everything is going really well.
‐Really? ‐(laughs) Yeah.
I mean, I have no reason to say otherwise.
Actually, I'm here to recruit new members.
Kevin, could you play drums on my new track?
Mm, I guess so.
Kevin, you're already in my band!
I can be in two bands! Don't box in my creativity.
Fine, but we're recording the next Tanya track in 12 minutes.
And I need you back here.
My band doesn't really do schedules.
It's more of a chill, artistic experience.
Well, okay.
Whoo! All right, let's do this!
Ha‐ha, so exciting!
Two, three, four!
‐(playing kazoo) ‐(snapping)
Kevin, let's go. It's time.
Kevin, hey, could I borrow you again in,
I don't know, 15 minutes or so?
Yeah, no problem.
I can easily juggle both of my friends' expectations.
(strained laugh)
Cheers.
Two, three, four!
♪♪ ♪♪
‐Kevin. ‐(groans)
‐(playing kazoo) ‐(snapping)
‐Kev! ‐(groans)
Kev, dog.
Woof, woof.
‐(sighs) ‐K‐Town!
KEVIN: Be right there.
(sighs)
Kevarino bombino, fee fi fofino!
Wow.
‐Kevin. ‐(whimpers)
TANYA: Whoo, Kevin, let's go, hey!
‐ERNESTO: Kevin. ‐(groans)
‐ERNESTO: Kevin. ‐Uh, Kev.
Okay, no problem.
‐(groans) ‐Oh, Kev‐an.
‐Be right there. ‐Señor K‐Town.
‐(sighs) ‐K‐K‐K‐K‐Kevin.
BOTH: K‐K‐K‐K‐Kev.
Oh, Kevin.
Ah!
‐Kevin! ‐Kevin!
‐Dude, are you alive? ‐Kevin, talk to us.
Did the rhythm get you?
‐I‐I need... ‐What is it, old friend?
I need a sports drink.
Yellow flavor.
Sports drink, yellow flavor. I'm on it.
Oof, ah!
Looks like I'm on it!
Two, three, four!
(grunts)
Pow!
(dramatic music)
‐ERNESTO: We should get chips. ‐We have chips at home.
‐Let's get him this one. ‐No, he said yellow flavor.
Blue is better. It has better vitamins.
Dude, none of them have vitamins.
Except for the blue one. It's the special version.
It's from the arctic.
It's the exact same shit!
It's just sugar and food coloring.
Fine, looks like I'm getting kicked out of this band, too.
Huh, what band?
The band of getting sports drink.
‐It's a metaphor. ‐Ernesto.
That metaphor barely makes sense.
And I was never gonna kick you out of the band.
‐You weren't? ‐No, dude!
We sounded badass!
You just kept singing about summertime for some reason.
That's my poetic nature.
It just gets the best of me sometimes.
Well, if you can be a little less poetic,
‐you can be in the band again. ‐Really?
I mean, unless your solo project is going well.
Check this out.
‐It's actually not bad. ‐(kazoo music)
(people shouting)
Sir, ma'am, you're gonna need to exit the store.
‐But our sports drinks. ‐Hold the phone.
(chill music)
Yeah!
‐Whoo! ‐Whoo!
All right, you can stay.
♪♪ ♪♪
♪♪ Yeah, ah, you best better listen ♪♪
♪♪ I'ma set up these speakers ♪♪
♪♪ Let's start with the bass now ♪♪
♪♪ Something to witness ♪♪
♪♪ All up in my bizness ♪♪
♪♪ Wit' yo' inhibitions ♪♪
♪♪ Come out your prisons ♪♪
♪♪ And I'll be here when you start bitchin' ♪♪
♪♪ Ah, hell, no, what is that smell ♪♪
♪♪ When you inhale a round ♪♪
♪♪ And you exhale the town ♪♪
♪♪ 'Cause the captain goes along ♪♪
♪♪ And I pray for my mom ♪♪
♪♪ Sing how'd you do it ♪♪
♪♪ When you went through the moving side ♪♪
♪♪ I'll say it's shady ♪♪
♪♪ All dirty and ready ♪♪
♪♪ We're callin' what we are and just discover me ♪♪
♪♪ Can't you come and fake it ♪♪
♪♪ All of us, we're playin' ♪♪
♪♪ It's the holy matrimony ♪♪
♪♪ When we live this fantasy ♪♪
♪♪ Ye‐ea‐ah ♪♪
‐(clear music) ‐CHORUS: ♪♪ Yes ♪♪