1
00:00:10,208 --> 00:00:12,208
[bells jingling]

2
00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:15,833
["Little Saint Nick"
by The Beach Boys playing]

3
00:00:17,666 --> 00:00:21,375
<i>♪ Ooh
Merry Christmas Saint Nick ♪</i>

4
00:00:21,458 --> 00:00:24,666
<i>♪ Christmas comes this time each year ♪</i>

5
00:00:24,750 --> 00:00:28,000
<i>♪ Ooh, ooh ♪</i>

6
00:00:28,083 --> 00:00:31,375
<i>♪ Well way up North
Where the air gets cold ♪</i>

7
00:00:31,458 --> 00:00:35,041
<i>♪ There's a tale about Christmas
That you've all been told ♪</i>

8
00:00:35,125 --> 00:00:35,958
<i>♪ And a real... ♪</i>

9
00:00:36,041 --> 00:00:38,916
[woman]<i> It's been said that,
according to Greek mythology,</i>

10
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:42,791
<i>humans were originally created
with four arms, four legs,</i>

11
00:00:42,875 --> 00:00:44,583
<i>and a head with two faces.</i>

12
00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:49,500
<i>But fearing their power,
Zeus split them into two separate parts,</i>

13
00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:52,708
<i>condemning humans
to spend the rest of their lives</i>

14
00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:56,458
<i>searching for their other half,
their soul's equal.</i>

15
00:00:57,208 --> 00:01:00,291
<i>♪ She's candy apple red
With a ski for a wheel ♪</i>

16
00:01:00,375 --> 00:01:03,833
<i>♪ And when Santa hits the gas
Man, just watch her peel ♪</i>

17
00:01:03,916 --> 00:01:05,708
<i>♪ It's the little Saint Nick... ♪</i>

18
00:01:05,791 --> 00:01:07,333
[woman]<i> And if that's true,</i>

19
00:01:08,375 --> 00:01:10,000
<i>then Zeus is an asshole.</i>

20
00:01:10,083 --> 00:01:11,791
<i>♪ Little Saint Nick ♪</i>

21
00:01:11,875 --> 00:01:14,833
<i>♪ Run run reindeer ♪</i>

22
00:01:14,916 --> 00:01:17,500
[woman] <i>Sure, dating has
never really been easy,</i>

23
00:01:17,583 --> 00:01:20,041
<i>but modern dating online is even harder.</i>

24
00:01:20,958 --> 00:01:24,791
<i>I keep thinking my perfect match
has to be out there, just one click away.</i>

25
00:01:24,875 --> 00:01:28,541
<i>- Someone kind, and honest, and ideally...</i>
- [man] Honey?

26
00:01:28,625 --> 00:01:32,250
[woman] <i>...someone that doesn't already
have a wife. Am I right?</i>

27
00:01:32,333 --> 00:01:33,833
<i>♪...with Rudy to lead ♪</i>

28
00:01:33,916 --> 00:01:35,309
<i>♪ He's got to wear his goggles... ♪</i>

29
00:01:35,333 --> 00:01:38,875
[woman] <i>Despite my gut telling me
that maybe I should give up altogether,</i>

30
00:01:38,958 --> 00:01:41,916
<i>along comes Ted, a Libra who likes puppies</i>

31
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,958
<i>and offers to take me on a sunset sail</i>

32
00:01:46,125 --> 00:01:48,250
<i>until he ghosts me.</i>

33
00:01:50,083 --> 00:01:51,875
<i>But on a positive note,</i>

34
00:01:51,958 --> 00:01:56,333
<i>I've turned my horrible love life
into a successful online writing career.</i>

35
00:01:56,833 --> 00:01:59,541
<i>For years,
I've been chronicling my disaster dates</i>

36
00:01:59,625 --> 00:02:02,208
<i>under the pseudonym "Always a Bridesmaid."</i>

37
00:02:02,291 --> 00:02:05,208
<i>And people seem to love
that I can't find love.</i>

38
00:02:06,083 --> 00:02:09,541
<i>But honestly, I'm not sure
how much longer I can do this.</i>

39
00:02:09,625 --> 00:02:13,041
<i>How is it that everyone
has found the one, and I haven't?</i>

40
00:02:13,125 --> 00:02:15,458
<i>Either I'm the unluckiest woman
in the world,</i>

41
00:02:15,541 --> 00:02:18,250
<i>or my picker is broken.</i>

42
00:02:19,083 --> 00:02:20,083
It's both.

43
00:02:20,625 --> 00:02:23,916
What's the one common denominator
in all of these dates?

44
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,000
It's you.

45
00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:26,833
I beg your pardon?

46
00:02:26,916 --> 00:02:29,958
The common denominator
is that it's a bunch of LA assholes.

47
00:02:30,041 --> 00:02:32,416
That's your other problem.
You're only looking local.

48
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,958
I had to import Mark from Ohio,
for God's sakes.

49
00:02:35,041 --> 00:02:36,750
You gotta think bigger.

50
00:02:36,833 --> 00:02:40,083
Jesus, Nat! You only have
your dating radius set to five miles.

51
00:02:40,166 --> 00:02:41,791
You gotta look outside West Hollywood.

52
00:02:41,875 --> 00:02:43,791
Gas is so expensive.

53
00:02:43,875 --> 00:02:47,875
I mean, it'd be 40 bucks to get
to Glendale, and that's only one way.

54
00:02:48,416 --> 00:02:51,083
It's cheaper to do cocaine
and then run everywhere.

55
00:02:51,166 --> 00:02:52,583
- [chuckles]
- Okay. Fixed it.

56
00:02:52,666 --> 00:02:54,186
I'm gonna get a juice. Want something?

57
00:02:54,250 --> 00:02:57,833
Ooh yeah, uh, grab me a Green Latifah
with an extra shot of wheatgrass.

58
00:02:57,916 --> 00:03:00,767
- Oh, but no kiwi because I'm...
- I... I know, you're allergic. No kiwi.

59
00:03:00,791 --> 00:03:02,500
Sorry. Habit.

60
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:05,666
The last time an intern forgot,
I almost died.

61
00:03:06,750 --> 00:03:10,875
Natalie, where's my next story?
I'm assuming your next date is lined up.

62
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:13,892
I was thinking for the next one,
maybe we'll try something different. Like...

63
00:03:13,916 --> 00:03:16,666
Something a little bit more upbeat?

64
00:03:17,166 --> 00:03:18,500
Why the hell would you do that?

65
00:03:18,583 --> 00:03:20,208
So I don't spend another evening

66
00:03:20,291 --> 00:03:22,791
with a guy who was featured
on an episode of <i>Hoarders.</i>

67
00:03:22,875 --> 00:03:26,375
- It's making me miserable.
- Oh, I'm sorry. [sucks in air]

68
00:03:26,458 --> 00:03:27,791
Everyone's miserable, though.

69
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,875
But that's why Soash Media exists

70
00:03:29,958 --> 00:03:32,416
to either distract people
from their own lives,

71
00:03:32,916 --> 00:03:35,833
or to show them that things could be,
you know, so, so much worse.

72
00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:39,708
Remember, a disaster for you
is a hit for me. Okay?

73
00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:42,684
Got food in your teeth.
You might wanna... [clicks tongue]

74
00:03:42,708 --> 00:03:43,708
Get it to me!

75
00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,791
[traffic rumbling]

76
00:03:47,875 --> 00:03:50,500
[Natalie grunting]

77
00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:53,166
[grunts]

78
00:03:58,250 --> 00:03:59,916
[sighs deeply]

79
00:04:03,458 --> 00:04:04,375
[phone chimes]

80
00:04:04,458 --> 00:04:06,458
[upbeat instrumental music playing]

81
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:13,083
[Roy]<i> I'm a nude yoga instructor. Namaste.</i>

82
00:04:13,166 --> 00:04:16,125
[Rick] <i>Semi-finalist
on </i>Dancing with the Stars.

83
00:04:16,208 --> 00:04:19,125
[Vinny] <i>Devoted feminist.
Favorite movie: </i>The Noteb...

84
00:04:19,750 --> 00:04:21,416
[Greg] <i>This could be yours, girl.</i>

85
00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:23,458
<i>Why don't you come over and play with...</i>

86
00:04:23,541 --> 00:04:26,791
[Josh] <i>Passionate about life
and all things outdoors.</i>

87
00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,541
<i>When I'm not traveling for work,</i>

88
00:04:28,625 --> 00:04:32,416
<i>you'll find me at home in Lake Placid,
New York, planning my next move.</i>

89
00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:33,500
Wow!

90
00:04:35,291 --> 00:04:38,333
[Josh] <i>Looking for a woman
who's spontaneous and drama-free.</i>

91
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:41,000
Ugh.

92
00:04:43,125 --> 00:04:45,125
[ethereal tinkling]

93
00:04:48,208 --> 00:04:52,541
[Natalie] Love Actually?
<i>Worst Christmas movie ever!</i>

94
00:04:53,125 --> 00:04:54,291
[Josh] <i>Hey, Natalie.</i>

95
00:04:54,375 --> 00:04:57,375
<i>So how do you really feel about
my favorite Christmas movie?</i>

96
00:04:57,875 --> 00:05:01,416
[Natalie] <i>It's a movie about people
falling in love based on how they look.</i>

97
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:05,375
[Josh] <i>I like to think it's a story
about the triumph of love over reality.</i>

98
00:05:06,250 --> 00:05:07,583
I can work with that.

99
00:05:07,666 --> 00:05:09,958
["Everyday" by Ada Pasternak playing]

100
00:05:10,041 --> 00:05:12,125
[Josh] <i>So, what's your
favorite Christmas movie?</i>

101
00:05:12,208 --> 00:05:16,041
[Natalie] <i>That's easy.
Hands down, </i>Die Hard<i>.</i>

102
00:05:16,125 --> 00:05:18,833
[Josh] <i>You really think</i>
Die Hard <i>is a Christmas movie?</i>

103
00:05:20,291 --> 00:05:22,125
[Natalie]<i> Yippee Ki Yay, I do!</i>

104
00:05:22,666 --> 00:05:24,583
[Josh] <i>Okay. Convince me.</i>

105
00:05:26,208 --> 00:05:27,208
<i>Okay.</i>

106
00:05:27,750 --> 00:05:30,458
[Natalie] <i>Fine. I can give you
seven reasons, to be exact.</i>

107
00:05:30,541 --> 00:05:32,416
[Josh] <i>You've studied this in depth.</i>

108
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,750
[Natalie] <i>One, it takes place
during a Christmas party.</i>

109
00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:37,767
- [Josh] <i>Doesn't make it a Christmas movie!</i>
- [Natalie] <i>I have more evidence.</i>

110
00:05:37,791 --> 00:05:41,166
<i>Two, it snows at the end.
Number three, there are presents involved.</i>

111
00:05:41,250 --> 00:05:43,875
[Josh] <i>There are presents involved
in most movies ever made!</i>

112
00:05:43,958 --> 00:05:47,291
<i>You know what? I'm willing
to reconsider this. I might actually...</i>

113
00:05:47,375 --> 00:05:50,375
["Everyday" by Ada Pasternak continues]

114
00:05:52,166 --> 00:05:56,583
Holy shit!
I mean, this guy is, like, friggin' hot.

115
00:05:56,666 --> 00:05:59,875
He knows the difference between <i>there</i>
and <i>they are,</i> which you'd be surprised by.

116
00:05:59,958 --> 00:06:02,250
He's Asian-American
and speaks three languages.

117
00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:05,916
He's a world traveler but hasn't been
to any places on the watch list.

118
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,416
- So really there's only one con.
- What?

119
00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:09,833
You've never seen him.

120
00:06:09,916 --> 00:06:12,916
Come on. [chuckles]
There's six pictures on his profile.

121
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:16,416
That means nothing. Remember the last guy
you met up with in public?

122
00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:17,333
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

123
00:06:17,416 --> 00:06:19,833
He ended up being
20 years older than his photos.

124
00:06:19,916 --> 00:06:22,476
This guy could be old.
He could be a waiter from the Last Supper.

125
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:23,767
- What?
- Look at me. Look at me.

126
00:06:23,791 --> 00:06:26,750
You do not trust anybody
unless he sends you a photo

127
00:06:26,833 --> 00:06:30,500
holding today's newspaper
with the date on it. Okay? Yeah.

128
00:06:30,583 --> 00:06:33,458
Oh yeah, that's what we're gonna do.
I'm calling him to get a photo.

129
00:06:33,541 --> 00:06:34,583
- No! No.
- Yeah. What?

130
00:06:34,666 --> 00:06:36,166
- I'm... I'm sorry.
- [phone ringing]

131
00:06:36,250 --> 00:06:37,250
- I'm a large woman.
- No.

132
00:06:37,291 --> 00:06:38,611
- You cannot get this phone.
- No.

133
00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:40,875
- Yeah, try me. Oh! Okay, fine!
- No. Oh!

134
00:06:40,958 --> 00:06:42,666
[Josh] <i>Sounds like I'm missing
a fun party.</i>

135
00:06:43,833 --> 00:06:44,892
- [both gasp]
- [Josh] <i>Hello?</i>

136
00:06:44,916 --> 00:06:46,458
<i>- </i>[woman laughing]
- [Josh] <i>Hello?</i>

137
00:06:47,333 --> 00:06:48,791
- Josh!
- [Josh] <i>Hey, Natalie.</i>

138
00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:50,000
- [mouthing] I'm sorry.
- Hi!

139
00:06:50,083 --> 00:06:51,375
- Hey.
- [woman] Mm-hmm.

140
00:06:51,458 --> 00:06:55,541
I... I actually didn't mean to call you.
I was, um, hiking and...

141
00:06:56,500 --> 00:07:00,416
- I tripped and accidentally hit "Call."
- What the fuck are you saying?

142
00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:02,416
- [Josh] <i>Glad you're still alive.</i>
- What?

143
00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:04,833
[Josh]<i> I'm happy to be
your emergency contact,</i>

144
00:07:04,916 --> 00:07:07,000
<i>even with the three-hour time difference.</i>

145
00:07:07,083 --> 00:07:09,283
- [whispering] I'm sorry.
- Nope. Nope. I'm still alive.

146
00:07:09,333 --> 00:07:11,250
So anyway, I... I better get back to it.

147
00:07:11,333 --> 00:07:13,013
- Sorry to bother you. Bye.
- [disconnects]

148
00:07:13,583 --> 00:07:14,416
I'm gonna kill you.

149
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:16,041
- [laughing] I'm sorry!
- [text tone]

150
00:07:17,291 --> 00:07:18,291
What?

151
00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,500
- What?
<i>- </i>Are you satisfied?

152
00:07:20,583 --> 00:07:21,750
[gasps] Oh!

153
00:07:21,833 --> 00:07:24,916
Yeah, she's satisfied. Oh my God.

154
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,208
- [squeals]
- He is so cute!

155
00:07:27,291 --> 00:07:29,458
- [sighs] Oh.
- What is... like... what is this?

156
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:31,125
I mean...

157
00:07:31,208 --> 00:07:34,750
[Josh] <i>...but when you start making toast
in the tub, that's when we'll worry.</i>

158
00:07:34,833 --> 00:07:36,375
[giggling]

159
00:07:36,458 --> 00:07:41,000
You know, when I first saw your profile,
I thought you'd just be another guy

160
00:07:41,083 --> 00:07:43,583
who's really hot
and has a dick pic on standby.

161
00:07:43,666 --> 00:07:46,291
<i>- Well, what makes you think I'm not?</i>
- [text tone]

162
00:07:46,375 --> 00:07:47,375
[scoffs]

163
00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:51,250
[text tone]

164
00:07:53,583 --> 00:07:56,291
- Ah.
<i>- Your turn! Tit for tat, Nat.</i>

165
00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:58,375
["Roll on Babe" by Vetiver playing]

166
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,291
- [laughing] <i>Oh! That's a weird Dick!</i>
- [chuckles]

167
00:08:02,375 --> 00:08:03,791
At least mine's not crooked.

168
00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:06,291
<i>♪ Roll on babe ♪</i>

169
00:08:06,375 --> 00:08:08,291
[Josh] <i>My parents got divorced
when I was three,</i>

170
00:08:08,375 --> 00:08:11,125
<i>but I got a pretty great stepmom now, so...</i>

171
00:08:11,208 --> 00:08:14,333
[Natalie] <i>My mom passed away last year.
You would've loved her.</i>

172
00:08:14,416 --> 00:08:15,625
[chuckles] <i>Everyone did.</i>

173
00:08:15,708 --> 00:08:19,000
<i>♪ You don't roll no more ♪</i>

174
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,583
<i>♪ I dreamt last night ♪</i>

175
00:08:21,666 --> 00:08:27,208
Honestly, I'm so over eating out.
I prefer to just stay in and cook.

176
00:08:27,291 --> 00:08:30,208
- [Josh] <i>Oh! You cook?</i>
- Oh yeah. All the time.

177
00:08:30,291 --> 00:08:32,250
Tonight I'll be assisted in the kitchen

178
00:08:32,333 --> 00:08:35,375
by Chef Boyardee
and my good friends Ben and Jerry.

179
00:08:35,458 --> 00:08:37,750
<i>♪ Roll on babe ♪</i>

180
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:41,000
[Natalie] <i>No way.
You were chubby as a kid too?</i>

181
00:08:41,083 --> 00:08:42,250
[Josh]<i> I swear to you.</i>

182
00:08:42,333 --> 00:08:45,208
<i>Kids in middle school
used to ask me which chin I really used.</i>

183
00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:47,166
Ugh, kids can be so cruel.

184
00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:50,250
<i>♪...don't roll no more ♪</i>

185
00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:56,916
[Natalie]<i> You're telling me it's really
Tom Cruise flying these planes?</i>

186
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,208
[Josh] <i>That was him driving the car
in</i> Days of Thunder,

187
00:08:59,291 --> 00:09:02,125
<i>him hanging from the ceiling
in </i>Mission Impossible... <i>Oh, drink!</i>

188
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:06,750
Ugh. I had no idea
that this movie was so homoerotic.

189
00:09:06,833 --> 00:09:10,166
[Josh] <i>Yeah, actually I think Maverick
and Iceman get married in the sequel.</i>

190
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,625
Ugh. "Bottom Gun"?

191
00:09:12,708 --> 00:09:13,791
I'd watch that.

192
00:09:13,875 --> 00:09:16,208
Ooh! Maverick just disobeyed an order!
Chug!

193
00:09:18,333 --> 00:09:20,333
[Josh] <i>What was your favorite book
as a kid?</i>

194
00:09:20,416 --> 00:09:24,125
[Natalie] <i>It was a book of poems
called </i>Where The Sidewalk Ends.

195
00:09:24,208 --> 00:09:27,708
[Josh] <i>"I cannot go to school today,
said little Peggy Ann McKay."</i>

196
00:09:27,791 --> 00:09:29,750
[Natalie]<i> I can't believe
that you know that.</i>

197
00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:33,666
[Josh] <i>Before there was Ferris Bueller,
there was Peggy Ann McKay.</i>

198
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:36,333
You know,

199
00:09:37,041 --> 00:09:41,916
my, um, my mom, she used to read
that to me when I was little.

200
00:09:45,291 --> 00:09:47,958
It used to help me sleep,
but I honestly can't

201
00:09:48,833 --> 00:09:51,791
think of a single thing
that's more comforting than

202
00:09:52,583 --> 00:09:53,833
being read to.

203
00:09:55,541 --> 00:09:58,166
[Josh] <i>"This bridge
will only take you halfway there</i>

204
00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:02,125
<i>to those mysterious lands
you long to see.</i>"

205
00:10:02,208 --> 00:10:04,541
[gentle music playing]

206
00:10:04,625 --> 00:10:07,625
<i>"</i>Through gypsy camps
and swirling Arab fairs."

207
00:10:09,166 --> 00:10:12,416
"And moonlit woods
where unicorns run free."

208
00:10:13,583 --> 00:10:15,458
"So, come and walk awhile with me

209
00:10:16,208 --> 00:10:19,250
and share the twisting trails

210
00:10:19,750 --> 00:10:21,416
and wondrous worlds I've known."

211
00:10:22,833 --> 00:10:25,333
"But this bridge
will only take you halfway there."

212
00:10:26,333 --> 00:10:29,666
"The last few steps
you will have to walk alone."

213
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:43,250
[Natalie groaning]

214
00:10:46,875 --> 00:10:47,916
Josh?

215
00:10:50,166 --> 00:10:51,916
- [Josh] <i>Good morning.</i>
- [chuckles]

216
00:10:53,458 --> 00:10:57,208
[Josh] <i>Oh, I guess I really should have
gotten the Verizon Unlimited plan.</i>

217
00:11:00,583 --> 00:11:01,625
[Natalie sighs]

218
00:11:02,583 --> 00:11:04,583
["Vagabond" by Wolfmother playing]

219
00:11:08,333 --> 00:11:09,333
[text tone]

220
00:11:11,916 --> 00:11:16,541
<i>♪ Oh girl
I don't know all the reasons why ♪</i>

221
00:11:19,416 --> 00:11:20,583
[sighs deeply]

222
00:11:21,291 --> 00:11:23,916
Natalie. My office, now.

223
00:11:27,833 --> 00:11:30,958
[man] It's been two weeks.
Where's my next Disaster Date story?

224
00:11:31,041 --> 00:11:35,750
Um... Could you just pause for a second?
It's a little distracting.

225
00:11:35,833 --> 00:11:39,541
[panting] No. I can't stop. I won't stop.
Now, where's my next story?

226
00:11:39,625 --> 00:11:40,791
Here's the thing.

227
00:11:42,083 --> 00:11:44,375
- I met someone. [exhales]
- Mm-hmm.

228
00:11:44,458 --> 00:11:46,833
I think this might be the real deal.

229
00:11:46,916 --> 00:11:50,208
- [man] Oh boy. Here we go.
- I'd like to write about that instead.

230
00:11:50,791 --> 00:11:52,250
I'm not buying it.

231
00:11:52,333 --> 00:11:55,291
Just go out with some Tinder tool
and complain about him, please.

232
00:11:55,375 --> 00:11:56,458
I don't complain.

233
00:11:56,541 --> 00:11:58,291
Why'd you dump the guy
with the guinea pigs?

234
00:11:58,375 --> 00:11:59,458
They freaked me out.

235
00:11:59,541 --> 00:12:01,083
And the guy who smiled all the time?

236
00:12:01,166 --> 00:12:03,458
You could never tell
if he was actually happy.

237
00:12:03,541 --> 00:12:06,208
How about the guy who kept calling
your relationship a collab?

238
00:12:06,291 --> 00:12:07,708
Do I really need to explain?

239
00:12:07,791 --> 00:12:09,041
[grunts]

240
00:12:09,125 --> 00:12:12,916
[breathing heavily] Natalie,
here's the deal, okay?

241
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,375
Your dating life is a disaster.

242
00:12:15,458 --> 00:12:19,875
But you should be thankful
because it's why you have a job.

243
00:12:19,958 --> 00:12:21,125
[weights rattling]

244
00:12:21,791 --> 00:12:23,250
What if I write a piece

245
00:12:23,333 --> 00:12:26,833
about a girl on the verge
of completely giving up on love

246
00:12:26,916 --> 00:12:31,083
when she comes to find
that the perfect guy might actually exist?

247
00:12:31,708 --> 00:12:32,791
So she risks it all.

248
00:12:32,875 --> 00:12:35,541
Her sanity, her common sense,

249
00:12:35,625 --> 00:12:38,125
her ability to ever be on <i>The Bachelor,</i>

250
00:12:38,208 --> 00:12:40,583
and it's worth it
because they fall in love

251
00:12:40,666 --> 00:12:42,958
just in time for Christmas.

252
00:12:43,041 --> 00:12:44,666
- [man] Ooh, I like it.
- [chuckles]

253
00:12:44,750 --> 00:12:46,916
I just don't think
you're the one to write it.

254
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,761
You gotta leave the serious stuff
to the real journalists, like Steve.

255
00:12:49,833 --> 00:12:50,875
Screw Steve.

256
00:12:50,958 --> 00:12:54,208
I did. Hastag don't tell HR. Low-key.

257
00:12:54,291 --> 00:12:55,166
You know what?

258
00:12:55,250 --> 00:12:59,666
As of this moment right now,
my disaster dating days are over.

259
00:12:59,750 --> 00:13:02,083
I'm gonna fly to Lake Placid, New York.

260
00:13:02,166 --> 00:13:05,666
I'm gonna surprise Josh,
and I'm gonna get my happy ending.

261
00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:08,708
I'm sorry.
So, you haven't even met this dude yet?

262
00:13:08,791 --> 00:13:12,291
- Well, not... not in person, but...
- Oh, I take it all back.

263
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:14,575
No, I take everything back.
You should write about this.

264
00:13:14,625 --> 00:13:16,041
You should fly across the country

265
00:13:16,125 --> 00:13:18,083
and surprise a virtual stranger
for the holidays.

266
00:13:18,166 --> 00:13:21,416
This is gonna be
your most epic Disaster Date yet.

267
00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:23,791
Uh-oh. Who's doing the dance?

268
00:13:23,875 --> 00:13:26,000
You're wrong, Lee, and I'm gonna show you.

269
00:13:26,083 --> 00:13:29,416
Because this is going to be
the most epic love story

270
00:13:29,500 --> 00:13:31,291
that you have ever read.

271
00:13:31,791 --> 00:13:34,958
Now, if you'll please excuse me,
I have bags to pack.

272
00:13:35,041 --> 00:13:37,791
<i>- ♪ Keep on, keep moving on ♪
- </i>[exhales] Okay.

273
00:13:37,875 --> 00:13:38,934
<i>♪ You will not be happy... ♪</i>

274
00:13:38,958 --> 00:13:41,166
Is this insane? It's kind of insane.

275
00:13:41,250 --> 00:13:43,559
- Am I insane? I'm insane. What am I doing?
- No, no, no, no.

276
00:13:43,583 --> 00:13:46,625
Hey. Insanity is doing the same thing
over and over again

277
00:13:46,708 --> 00:13:48,750
and expecting different results.

278
00:13:48,833 --> 00:13:50,750
You, my friend,
are about to fly 3,000 miles

279
00:13:50,833 --> 00:13:53,083
to meet up with a guy
who is literally the polar opposite

280
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:55,791
of anybody you've ever dated before, so...

281
00:13:55,875 --> 00:13:58,208
Oh my God. The mother of all ironies is

282
00:13:58,291 --> 00:14:00,666
this might be
the most sane thing you've ever done.

283
00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:05,958
[plane departing]

284
00:14:09,791 --> 00:14:12,166
[truck beeping]

285
00:14:12,708 --> 00:14:14,666
[wind howling]

286
00:14:20,458 --> 00:14:22,958
- [truck beeping]
- Oh. Sir, excuse me. Um...

287
00:14:23,458 --> 00:14:24,708
- My bags...
- [horn honking]

288
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,000
Ooh. Hi.

289
00:14:29,083 --> 00:14:31,916
- I just landed, but my bag didn't arrive.
- [game playing]

290
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,958
Fill out the form to your left and drop it
in the after-hours slot when you're done.

291
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:40,208
[scoffs] Why would I drop it
in the after-hours slot?

292
00:14:40,291 --> 00:14:42,666
You're here. This office is open.

293
00:14:42,750 --> 00:14:44,708
It's literally hours.

294
00:14:44,791 --> 00:14:48,041
Just fill out the form,
and someone will contact you.

295
00:14:51,041 --> 00:14:52,041
Okay.

296
00:14:54,375 --> 00:14:55,375
[text tone]

297
00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:03,166
- [exhales deeply]
- [text tones]

298
00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:10,500
[Natalie sighs]

299
00:15:12,375 --> 00:15:13,375
Is this a joke?

300
00:15:14,041 --> 00:15:15,875
Oh, the gig economy's no joke.

301
00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:19,833
I'll get a different Uber. Thanks.

302
00:15:20,708 --> 00:15:22,458
[driver] I'm the only Uber in town.

303
00:15:22,541 --> 00:15:24,750
Fine. I'll get a Lyft.

304
00:15:24,833 --> 00:15:25,833
[text tone]

305
00:15:30,708 --> 00:15:33,875
[driver] 4.9 stars, and I offer snacks.

306
00:15:35,458 --> 00:15:36,833
Nacho cheese?

307
00:15:37,583 --> 00:15:40,458
Baked potato? I've got baked potatoes.

308
00:15:45,083 --> 00:15:46,958
[driver] You want some papaya? Kiwi?

309
00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:50,500
[Natalie] No kiwi.
I would swell up like a blowfish.

310
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:53,625
- Where am I taking you, again?
- 420 Holt Street.

311
00:15:53,708 --> 00:15:54,833
The Lin household?

312
00:15:54,916 --> 00:15:55,750
- Mm-hmm.
- Nice.

313
00:15:55,833 --> 00:15:58,166
- [radio chatter]
- How could you possibly know that?

314
00:15:58,250 --> 00:16:00,458
Josh Lin is an old buddy of mine,

315
00:16:00,541 --> 00:16:03,875
and given the stuff we used to smoke
in his basement after school,

316
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:06,916
that's not exactly an address you forget.

317
00:16:07,625 --> 00:16:09,875
Okay. Can you please
just turn the radio off? [scoffs]

318
00:16:09,958 --> 00:16:12,875
- It's a great song and a classic.
- ["Baby, It's Cold Outside" playing]

319
00:16:12,958 --> 00:16:18,125
Yeah. It's been putting the hip
in Rohypnol since 1944.

320
00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:23,083
[scoffs] What are you talking about?
It's a cute and flirty Christmas duet.

321
00:16:23,166 --> 00:16:25,041
Maybe if you're Bill Cosby.

322
00:16:25,625 --> 00:16:27,583
[Natalie] If you could
please change the station?

323
00:16:27,666 --> 00:16:28,708
[driver] You're the boss.

324
00:16:30,166 --> 00:16:34,333
<i>♪ It's the most wonderful time
Of the year ♪</i>

325
00:16:34,416 --> 00:16:35,416
[Natalie]Wow.

326
00:16:37,708 --> 00:16:39,750
They really love Christmas, huh?

327
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:41,393
You should see this place at Halloween.

328
00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:44,166
Stephen King is too afraid
to trick-or-treat here.

329
00:16:44,250 --> 00:16:48,791
Hey, can you do me a favor?
Can you give this to Josh

330
00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:53,250
and tell him
E-Rock says to pass the Dutch? [chuckles]

331
00:16:54,291 --> 00:16:56,166
- Okay, Snoop. [exhales]
- Oh yeah.

332
00:16:57,041 --> 00:16:59,583
Thank you for the ride.

333
00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:01,541
[door closes]

334
00:17:02,125 --> 00:17:05,291
<i>♪ When friends come to call ♪</i>

335
00:17:05,375 --> 00:17:11,833
<i>♪ It's the hap-happiest season of all ♪</i>

336
00:17:12,458 --> 00:17:14,416
<i>♪ There'll be parties for hosting ♪</i>

337
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:15,958
<i>♪ Marshmallows for toasting ♪</i>

338
00:17:16,041 --> 00:17:20,166
<i>♪ And Christmases long, long ago ♪</i>

339
00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:23,791
<i>♪ Oh, the most wonderful time... ♪</i>

340
00:17:23,875 --> 00:17:25,333
- Oh. Hi.
- Hi.

341
00:17:25,416 --> 00:17:27,500
[woman] Merry Christmas. Can I help you?

342
00:17:27,583 --> 00:17:31,166
Hi. Yeah. I'm, um, Natalie Bauer.
I'm here to see Josh Lin.

343
00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:32,250
Is he home?

344
00:17:33,291 --> 00:17:36,708
Uh. He's not here right now,
but I expect him any minute.

345
00:17:36,791 --> 00:17:38,583
Uh, why don't you come inside and wait?

346
00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:40,625
Oh. Um. Sure.

347
00:17:40,708 --> 00:17:41,958
Oh my goodness. Um.

348
00:17:42,041 --> 00:17:47,541
I wasn't expecting company, uh, tonight.
I'm Barb. I'm Josh's mom.

349
00:17:47,625 --> 00:17:49,208
- Nice to meet you.
- Hi. You too.

350
00:17:49,291 --> 00:17:52,208
So, you and Josh are friends?

351
00:17:52,958 --> 00:17:55,958
Yeah. Yeah.
I guess you could say that. [chuckles]

352
00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:59,375
[man] Is that the Mormons again?
For the last time, we're not converting!

353
00:17:59,458 --> 00:18:01,333
[yelling] It's not the Mormons, Bob!

354
00:18:01,416 --> 00:18:03,833
It's a friend of Josh's!

355
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,291
He does that every single, solitary time,
even Halloween.

356
00:18:06,375 --> 00:18:08,958
Every time it rang one year,
he was like, "Is that the Mormons?"

357
00:18:09,041 --> 00:18:10,583
Here is Bob.

358
00:18:10,666 --> 00:18:13,708
This is Josh's Dad.
And this is his Grandmother, June.

359
00:18:13,791 --> 00:18:15,500
- Hello, dear!
- Hi. Oh.

360
00:18:15,583 --> 00:18:17,375
[Barb] Okay, that's good. That's good.

361
00:18:17,458 --> 00:18:20,750
- How do you know Josh?
- Ah, they're friends, Grandma June.

362
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:24,583
We're maybe
just a little bit more than just friends.

363
00:18:26,041 --> 00:18:28,958
Oh my God. Are you... are you his "G Word"?

364
00:18:29,708 --> 00:18:31,166
- Geisha?
- No.

365
00:18:31,250 --> 00:18:32,875
Oh, you're his girlfriend?

366
00:18:32,958 --> 00:18:34,958
I mean maybe. There's no titles yet.

367
00:18:35,041 --> 00:18:39,333
Oh my! This... this is just off the charts.
Look at you!

368
00:18:39,416 --> 00:18:42,583
- [Natalie] Thanks. It's a new lip gloss.
- Josh has a girlfriend?

369
00:18:42,666 --> 00:18:44,958
Well, I mean... no...

370
00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:47,583
Do we have something special? Yes.

371
00:18:47,666 --> 00:18:50,208
Did I fly from LA
to surprise him for Christmas?

372
00:18:50,291 --> 00:18:54,125
- Mm-hmm. Sure did. Here I am. Am I crazy?
- A little.

373
00:18:54,208 --> 00:18:57,041
- Uh, yeah, maybe a little.
- You are... This is just so romantic.

374
00:18:57,125 --> 00:18:58,458
[Natalie] Oh God, I hope so.

375
00:18:58,541 --> 00:19:00,208
[Barb] Oh, Natalie, we are so...

376
00:19:00,291 --> 00:19:01,291
[gasps]

377
00:19:01,791 --> 00:19:03,583
That's him. Josh!

378
00:19:03,666 --> 00:19:05,666
Someone's here to see you!

379
00:19:06,208 --> 00:19:09,166
The UPS guy's not here to see me.
Just sign for the package!

380
00:19:09,250 --> 00:19:11,541
It's not UPS! [laughing]

381
00:19:11,625 --> 00:19:12,958
Just come up!

382
00:19:13,750 --> 00:19:16,017
["(I Just) Died in Your Arms Tonight"
by Cutting Crew playing]

383
00:19:16,041 --> 00:19:20,791
<i>♪ Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight ♪</i>

384
00:19:21,916 --> 00:19:25,166
<i>♪ It must have been something you said ♪</i>

385
00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:30,250
<i>- ♪ I just died in your arms tonight ♪</i>
- [music distorts, stops]

386
00:19:30,333 --> 00:19:32,208
[Barb, Bob, Grandma] Surprise!

387
00:19:32,875 --> 00:19:33,916
Natalie?

388
00:19:35,958 --> 00:19:37,583
[nervously] What are you doing here?

389
00:19:37,666 --> 00:19:39,750
Surprising you for Christmas!

390
00:19:40,333 --> 00:19:41,541
Uh...

391
00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:43,500
I...

392
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:47,833
[chuckles nervously] Um...

393
00:19:50,416 --> 00:19:52,625
Forgot my luggage. So I'm gonna...

394
00:19:53,208 --> 00:19:54,125
[footsteps receding]

395
00:19:54,208 --> 00:19:56,250
- [door opens]
- Josh, go help her with her luggage.

396
00:19:56,333 --> 00:19:57,541
[Josh] Natalie!

397
00:19:57,625 --> 00:19:59,000
Good work, Josh.

398
00:19:59,083 --> 00:20:01,333
No, no, no, no, no.
This cannot be happening.

399
00:20:01,416 --> 00:20:04,708
- Look. I... I can explain!
- [breathing heavily] I don't understand.

400
00:20:04,791 --> 00:20:08,875
We talked. [gulps]
I made sure... The... the photo!

401
00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:12,041
It had my name on it.
You wrote, "Bye, Natalie!"

402
00:20:12,625 --> 00:20:14,250
I'm pretty good at Photoshop.

403
00:20:14,333 --> 00:20:18,333
[breathing heavily] Oh my God!

404
00:20:18,416 --> 00:20:20,041
[Josh] Okay, let's take a deep breath.

405
00:20:20,125 --> 00:20:22,045
Not the baby Jesus.
Don't. Don't. No, no, no, no.

406
00:20:22,125 --> 00:20:24,250
What kind of psychopath
creates a fake profile

407
00:20:24,333 --> 00:20:27,083
and then starts a fake
relationship online?

408
00:20:27,166 --> 00:20:28,291
[grunts] What kind of psycho

409
00:20:28,375 --> 00:20:31,208
flies across the country
and shows up on somebody's front lawn?

410
00:20:31,291 --> 00:20:35,125
You said, and I quote, "I wish
you were here with me for Christmas."

411
00:20:35,208 --> 00:20:38,250
That's just something people say.
Like, "Your baby's so cute"

412
00:20:38,333 --> 00:20:40,333
or "My diet starts tomorrow."

413
00:20:40,416 --> 00:20:41,875
- Everybody knows that.
- [groans]

414
00:20:41,958 --> 00:20:44,875
[Josh] Well, apparently not everybody. Mm.

415
00:20:46,041 --> 00:20:48,958
Are you implying that this is my fault?

416
00:20:49,041 --> 00:20:52,250
- Nobody is blaming anybody, okay?
- [Natalie] Oh!

417
00:20:52,333 --> 00:20:56,541
Maybe, maybe I get it, you never dated
a Chinese guy before, and you're in shock!

418
00:20:56,625 --> 00:21:01,083
Yes, I have. He was born in Beijing,
and he was amazing in bed.

419
00:21:01,166 --> 00:21:04,041
How could you lie to me?
I really liked you.

420
00:21:04,125 --> 00:21:07,416
I'm sorry. I... I never meant
for it to go this far. Okay?

421
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:10,833
- Can we... can we go back inside and...
- No, I'm not going inside!

422
00:21:10,916 --> 00:21:12,541
I'm not going anywhere with you.

423
00:21:12,625 --> 00:21:15,458
I never want to see you again. Okay?

424
00:21:15,541 --> 00:21:16,833
[footsteps receding]

425
00:21:16,916 --> 00:21:20,208
- [Josh] You don't know where you're going!
- Baby Jesus will take the wheel.

426
00:21:20,291 --> 00:21:22,458
["Jingle Bell Rock" playing]

427
00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:25,583
[sighs deeply]

428
00:21:25,625 --> 00:21:27,000
[male patron] Yeah!

429
00:21:27,083 --> 00:21:30,583
<i>♪ Jingle bell, jingle bell
Jingle bell rock ♪</i>

430
00:21:30,666 --> 00:21:34,041
<i>♪ Jingle bells swing
And jingle bells ring</i>...<i> ♪</i>

431
00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:37,416
Hey, um, grab me another one
of these green apple thingies.

432
00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:38,875
I got you. One sec, baby girl.

433
00:21:38,958 --> 00:21:43,750
And so, Sarah asked me, "Would you rather
have a better memory or a bigger penis?"

434
00:21:43,833 --> 00:21:45,041
Okay. What'd you say?

435
00:21:45,541 --> 00:21:46,541
I don't remember.

436
00:21:46,625 --> 00:21:48,875
[both men laughing]

437
00:21:48,958 --> 00:21:49,958
Cali Asskicker.

438
00:21:50,041 --> 00:21:51,125
[man] Cali Asskicker!

439
00:21:51,208 --> 00:21:53,375
[man 2] Cali Asskicker!

440
00:21:53,458 --> 00:21:55,083
[man 3] Merry Christmas, everybody!

441
00:21:55,166 --> 00:21:58,750
<i>♪ What a bright time
It's the right time ♪</i>

442
00:21:58,833 --> 00:22:00,791
[sound muffles]

443
00:22:02,208 --> 00:22:03,625
[ethereal tinkling]

444
00:22:08,250 --> 00:22:10,708
- [man 2] Get over here!
- [man 3] Put 'em up, put 'em up!

445
00:22:10,791 --> 00:22:12,892
- [bartender] Triple Sec. Rum juice.
- Okay. Talk to me.

446
00:22:12,916 --> 00:22:14,916
- [bartender] Orange juice. Kiwi.
- Say what?

447
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,360
- [bartender] Great.
- You know me.

448
00:22:17,583 --> 00:22:20,125
Come on, Kerry, answer the phone.

449
00:22:22,416 --> 00:22:24,666
Tell me you are calling me
from his bathroom

450
00:22:24,750 --> 00:22:27,166
after the most intense orgasm
of your life.

451
00:22:27,250 --> 00:22:30,458
[inhales] Hard to have an orgasm
when you've been catfished!

452
00:22:30,541 --> 00:22:31,916
Shut up. Are you joking?

453
00:22:32,541 --> 00:22:33,708
[exhales deeply]

454
00:22:35,541 --> 00:22:36,750
[Josh] Oh Jesus.

455
00:22:40,208 --> 00:22:42,166
You're telling me the guy exists,
and he's there?

456
00:22:42,250 --> 00:22:43,083
Yup.

457
00:22:43,166 --> 00:22:46,000
[Kerry] <i>That is not a coincidence, bitch.
That is a sign from God.</i>

458
00:22:46,083 --> 00:22:47,291
You should totally go for it.

459
00:22:47,375 --> 00:22:50,916
<i>What are you, an LA six,
which makes you a Lake Placid ten?</i>

460
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:52,208
You owe it to yourself

461
00:22:52,291 --> 00:22:54,916
and your 50,000 frequent-flier miles
to go for it.

462
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,000
<i>Besides, what do you have to lose? Huh?</i>

463
00:22:57,083 --> 00:23:00,041
The last remaining microscopic shred
of my pride and self-respect?

464
00:23:00,125 --> 00:23:02,750
[Kerry] Long gone, Nat.
Besides, think of the story you'll write.

465
00:23:02,833 --> 00:23:05,458
Oh my God,
Lee would be eating his freakin' words.

466
00:23:05,541 --> 00:23:08,000
<i>You know what, you're gonna go,
and you're gonna do this</i>,

467
00:23:08,083 --> 00:23:11,333
<i>and I... I want you to make
that rugged unicorn notice you, okay?</i>

468
00:23:11,416 --> 00:23:14,416
You got this. Go, go, go, go.
I love you. Call me later.

469
00:23:16,458 --> 00:23:17,875
[sighs]

470
00:23:17,958 --> 00:23:21,375
<i>♪ Jingle around the clock ♪</i>

471
00:23:21,458 --> 00:23:23,875
<i>♪ Mix and a-mingle in the jinglin' feet ♪</i>

472
00:23:23,958 --> 00:23:26,416
- Here are your drinks, guys. Get involved.
- [woman] Thanks.

473
00:23:26,500 --> 00:23:28,340
[Natalie] Sorry, I need these more
than you do.

474
00:23:28,416 --> 00:23:29,416
[woman] Hey!

475
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:31,583
The roof might not be my child...

476
00:23:32,583 --> 00:23:34,958
[gulps] but I'm still gonna raise it.

477
00:23:35,041 --> 00:23:36,375
[crowd cheering]

478
00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:40,083
[coughs, clears throat]

479
00:23:40,166 --> 00:23:42,041
[singer laughing] Hey!

480
00:23:42,125 --> 00:23:44,208
Where's my drink? Who has my drink?

481
00:23:44,708 --> 00:23:48,125
- [clears throat, coughs]
- Okay, what do we got?

482
00:23:48,625 --> 00:23:50,291
This is Christmas karaoke.

483
00:23:50,375 --> 00:23:52,166
[Natalie] Just play it, please.

484
00:23:52,250 --> 00:23:54,500
[continues coughing]

485
00:23:55,541 --> 00:23:58,916
Okay, up next, we have Natalie doing

486
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,958
[sighs] her idea of a Christmas song.

487
00:24:02,041 --> 00:24:04,083
Sweet baby Jesus.

488
00:24:04,166 --> 00:24:06,875
["I Would Do Anything For Love"
by Nina Dobrev playing]

489
00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:24,500
[Natalie] <i>♪ And I would do anything
For love ♪</i>

490
00:24:25,416 --> 00:24:28,333
<i>- </i>Yes! Whoo!
- [Natalie] <i>♪ I would do anything ♪</i>

491
00:24:28,416 --> 00:24:29,833
<i>♪ For love ♪</i>

492
00:24:29,916 --> 00:24:32,583
<i>♪ But I won't do that ♪</i>

493
00:24:33,583 --> 00:24:34,583
Huh!

494
00:24:35,083 --> 00:24:38,083
<i>♪ No I won't do that ♪</i>

495
00:24:38,166 --> 00:24:39,166
[crowd gasps]

496
00:24:44,125 --> 00:24:45,125
[sputtering]

497
00:24:45,166 --> 00:24:47,458
[man laughing]

498
00:24:47,541 --> 00:24:49,875
<i>♪ Some days it don't come easy ♪</i>

499
00:24:50,458 --> 00:24:52,791
<i>- ♪ And some days it don't come hard ♪
- </i>Be respectful.

500
00:24:52,875 --> 00:24:54,333
- She has a condition.
- Um.

501
00:24:54,416 --> 00:24:55,625
<i>♪...come at all ♪</i>

502
00:24:55,708 --> 00:24:59,041
<i>♪ And these are the days that never end ♪</i>

503
00:24:59,916 --> 00:25:02,416
<i>♪ And some nights you're breathing fire ♪</i>

504
00:25:02,958 --> 00:25:05,541
<i>♪ And some nights you're carved in ice ♪</i>

505
00:25:06,166 --> 00:25:11,958
<i>♪ Some nights you're like nothing
I've ever seen before or will again ♪</i>

506
00:25:12,583 --> 00:25:14,416
<i>- ♪ And maybe I'm crazy ♪</i>
- Okay.

507
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,267
<i>- ♪ But it's crazy and it's true ♪</i>
- [man]I am a Christian!

508
00:25:17,291 --> 00:25:18,833
- Oh! Careful. Careful.
- Okay.

509
00:25:18,916 --> 00:25:21,000
<i>♪ I know you can save me ♪</i>

510
00:25:21,083 --> 00:25:24,166
<i>- ♪ No one else can save me know but you ♪</i>
- Mm.

511
00:25:24,958 --> 00:25:27,916
<i>♪ As long as the planets are turning ♪</i>

512
00:25:28,500 --> 00:25:31,083
<i>♪ As long as the stars are burning ♪</i>

513
00:25:32,125 --> 00:25:35,083
[screaming]

514
00:25:35,166 --> 00:25:38,916
Oh my God! Oh my God!
Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

515
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:40,583
- [door slams shut]
- [Josh gasps]

516
00:25:41,416 --> 00:25:42,416
[patron] Whoo.

517
00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:47,333
- Yeah! Very solid.
- [crowd cheering]

518
00:25:47,416 --> 00:25:49,333
Here. You left these inside.

519
00:25:49,833 --> 00:25:54,000
[gasping] Shit. There must've been kiwi
in those shots.

520
00:25:54,083 --> 00:25:55,541
- What?
- [coughing]

521
00:25:55,625 --> 00:25:57,708
[straining] Where is it? Where is it?

522
00:25:57,791 --> 00:26:00,125
- Wha... Where's what?
- [gasping]

523
00:26:01,916 --> 00:26:03,333
[breathlessly] My EpiPen!

524
00:26:05,375 --> 00:26:06,666
Oh shit!

525
00:26:08,583 --> 00:26:10,583
[light buzzing]

526
00:26:12,375 --> 00:26:13,375
[exhales]

527
00:26:13,833 --> 00:26:16,416
Oh! Thank God you're not dead.

528
00:26:16,916 --> 00:26:18,708
[Natalie coughs] Where am I?

529
00:26:18,791 --> 00:26:19,958
A hospital.

530
00:26:20,958 --> 00:26:22,750
[dogs barking]

531
00:26:22,833 --> 00:26:24,250
[cats meowing]

532
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,791
You took me to a vet?

533
00:26:27,875 --> 00:26:30,500
Well, the real human hospital's
30 minutes away,

534
00:26:30,583 --> 00:26:32,041
and I didn't want to risk it.

535
00:26:32,125 --> 00:26:35,208
But relax, Dr. Foye is the best in town.

536
00:26:36,083 --> 00:26:40,541
[breathing heavily] Hello. I'm Dr. Foye.
Wow! You look a lot, uh, a lot better.

537
00:26:40,625 --> 00:26:43,791
Huh? Right? Good thing
Josh brought you in when he did, huh?

538
00:26:43,875 --> 00:26:45,250
'Cause you were like... Whoo!

539
00:26:45,333 --> 00:26:47,375
You're gonna be fine.
Stay as long as you like.

540
00:26:47,458 --> 00:26:49,833
Couple biscuits under the tree for you
if you like.

541
00:26:49,916 --> 00:26:51,625
- Thank you.
- Thanks, Doc.

542
00:26:52,125 --> 00:26:53,125
[door closes]

543
00:26:53,166 --> 00:26:54,291
[groans]

544
00:26:54,375 --> 00:26:58,166
- So, you met the real Tag tonight, huh?
- Mm-hmm.

545
00:26:58,250 --> 00:27:01,666
Did you really think
sexy karaoke was going to work?

546
00:27:01,750 --> 00:27:05,541
This is not LA, and Tag is not an LA guy.

547
00:27:05,625 --> 00:27:09,666
Hot girls hit on him here all the time,
and they're all the same.

548
00:27:09,750 --> 00:27:12,500
If you want him to notice you,
do something different.

549
00:27:12,583 --> 00:27:14,333
Oh, he noticed me tonight.

550
00:27:14,416 --> 00:27:18,333
Honestly, your face was so swollen,
you looked more like Chucky.

551
00:27:18,416 --> 00:27:20,250
I doubt he'll recognize you.

552
00:27:20,333 --> 00:27:23,833
- I don't know anything about this guy.
- But I do.

553
00:27:23,916 --> 00:27:27,208
Not only were Tag and I
best friends until 8th grade,

554
00:27:27,291 --> 00:27:30,333
I have been pretending to be him
for the last two weeks.

555
00:27:30,416 --> 00:27:31,250
So what?

556
00:27:31,333 --> 00:27:35,000
So, I know Tag
better than he knows himself.

557
00:27:35,083 --> 00:27:37,125
I can help you get him.

558
00:27:38,500 --> 00:27:39,875
Why would you do that?

559
00:27:39,958 --> 00:27:42,583
Well, maybe if I'm helping
you with something,

560
00:27:42,666 --> 00:27:44,833
maybe you can do
something for me in return.

561
00:27:46,541 --> 00:27:49,375
I am not having sex with you.

562
00:27:49,458 --> 00:27:53,041
No! That's not what I'm saying at all.

563
00:27:53,666 --> 00:27:59,250
I was thinking maybe you can, um, pretend
to be my girlfriend until Christmas.

564
00:28:00,250 --> 00:28:01,250
Um.

565
00:28:01,833 --> 00:28:02,833
Why?

566
00:28:03,416 --> 00:28:06,291
Did you see how my parents
looked at me tonight

567
00:28:06,375 --> 00:28:08,458
when they thought you were my girlfriend?

568
00:28:08,541 --> 00:28:09,958
Okay, you're crazy.

569
00:28:11,083 --> 00:28:14,333
Being seen with you?
That would be a huge win.

570
00:28:14,416 --> 00:28:16,375
I mean, you know,

571
00:28:17,083 --> 00:28:18,208
look at you.

572
00:28:18,291 --> 00:28:20,666
All I'm asking for is a week.

573
00:28:20,750 --> 00:28:24,708
Then we'll stage a breakup,
and you'll be free from me forever.

574
00:28:24,791 --> 00:28:26,000
[text tone]

575
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:31,166
[sighs deeply]

576
00:28:31,250 --> 00:28:33,041
[cats meowing]

577
00:28:35,708 --> 00:28:36,988
You're gonna set me up with Tag?

578
00:28:37,041 --> 00:28:40,458
Yes! You guys will be in love
by New Year's.

579
00:28:40,541 --> 00:28:42,666
Have a baby by next Thanksgiving.

580
00:28:43,500 --> 00:28:46,208
By the way, do you have insurance?
They were asking me.

581
00:28:46,291 --> 00:28:47,291
[dogs barking]

582
00:28:48,416 --> 00:28:50,333
Well, welcome to my crib.

583
00:28:50,416 --> 00:28:52,333
This is where the magic happens.

584
00:28:52,958 --> 00:28:57,125
That's just something people say.
Not a lot of magic has happened at all.

585
00:28:57,208 --> 00:29:00,250
Uh... but got a mini-fridge
with all kinds of soda.

586
00:29:00,333 --> 00:29:03,666
There's laundry, bathroom,
foosball table if you want to play.

587
00:29:04,500 --> 00:29:08,000
[insincerely] Oh. I love what you've done
with the place.

588
00:29:08,500 --> 00:29:11,208
Well, it's still,
you know, it's pretty much temporary.

589
00:29:11,291 --> 00:29:15,791
My apartment is still under renovation.
It sustained a little smoke damage, so...

590
00:29:17,708 --> 00:29:19,250
- [sighs]
- Well, good night.

591
00:29:19,333 --> 00:29:22,750
- Just make yourself comfortable.
- [clears throat, chuckles] Uh. No.

592
00:29:23,250 --> 00:29:25,416
You, on the floor. Now.

593
00:29:26,750 --> 00:29:29,833
This is the only Tempur-Pedic
in the house, and I have a bad back.

594
00:29:29,916 --> 00:29:34,666
I don't care if this bed is the only thing
keeping you from complete paralysis.

595
00:29:34,750 --> 00:29:35,833
We ain't sharing.

596
00:29:35,916 --> 00:29:38,958
- What if we put pillows in the middle?
- No.

597
00:29:39,041 --> 00:29:42,666
- Okay. What if we do like head to toe?
- Mm. It's always gonna be no. So, yeah.

598
00:29:45,166 --> 00:29:48,333
We should probably address
the, uh, catfish in the room.

599
00:29:48,416 --> 00:29:51,136
You do realize that at some point,
you were going to have to meet me.

600
00:29:51,541 --> 00:29:56,541
Well, I didn't set out to catfish you.
It just kind of happened.

601
00:29:56,625 --> 00:29:57,875
It kind of happened?

602
00:29:58,500 --> 00:30:01,750
I had my profile up for a year,
and guess how many matches I got.

603
00:30:02,625 --> 00:30:03,458
Three.

604
00:30:03,541 --> 00:30:06,333
And one of them
was my old English teacher.

605
00:30:06,416 --> 00:30:08,833
She's 70 now, and she has a pacemaker.

606
00:30:08,916 --> 00:30:11,541
Having sex with her
would literally kill her.

607
00:30:12,708 --> 00:30:14,083
So just as an experiment,

608
00:30:14,166 --> 00:30:17,625
I thought I could use a picture
of a standard hot guy

609
00:30:17,708 --> 00:30:21,000
and see what would happen.
I got 85 matches in five minutes.

610
00:30:21,083 --> 00:30:23,083
So, apparently, there's plenty
of girls out there.

611
00:30:23,166 --> 00:30:24,486
They just didn't want to date me.

612
00:30:24,541 --> 00:30:27,541
Are you seriously
looking for sympathy right now?

613
00:30:27,625 --> 00:30:30,208
There are no words for what you did.

614
00:30:30,291 --> 00:30:31,875
- Well, I would...
- No words!

615
00:30:32,791 --> 00:30:35,208
But a deal's a deal.
So let's just move on.

616
00:30:46,375 --> 00:30:47,375
Okay.

617
00:30:51,625 --> 00:30:53,625
[Barb] And you had
to write the words on your hand.

618
00:30:53,666 --> 00:30:55,626
- [Josh laughing]
- He keeps taking his glove off.

619
00:30:55,666 --> 00:30:56,833
His hands are freezing.

620
00:30:56,916 --> 00:30:59,791
I... I... I thought your finger
was gonna fall off, Dad, for sure!

621
00:30:59,875 --> 00:31:01,208
- Natalie!
- Oh.

622
00:31:01,291 --> 00:31:05,125
Come on in, come on.
Join us for breakfast. We just sat down.

623
00:31:05,208 --> 00:31:08,625
Um, I actually should probably go shower.

624
00:31:08,708 --> 00:31:11,250
Oh, I'm sure you look
absolutely beautiful.

625
00:31:11,333 --> 00:31:13,666
But full disclosure, I can't see shit.

626
00:31:13,750 --> 00:31:14,750
[all laughing]

627
00:31:14,791 --> 00:31:16,041
Please, sit.

628
00:31:16,625 --> 00:31:18,916
Wow, this all looks so delicious.

629
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,125
Oh, please, help yourself to anything.

630
00:31:21,208 --> 00:31:22,375
Oh, bacon?

631
00:31:22,458 --> 00:31:24,541
- Oh, she's a vegetarian.
- I'm a vegetarian.

632
00:31:25,291 --> 00:31:26,666
But thank you, Mr. Lin.

633
00:31:26,750 --> 00:31:29,333
So where did you lovebirds
rush off to last night?

634
00:31:29,416 --> 00:31:32,208
- Oh, we went to McGregor's for karaoke.
- Mm-hmm.

635
00:31:32,291 --> 00:31:33,583
[Barb] Oh, how was that?

636
00:31:33,666 --> 00:31:35,416
- Oh.
- It was, uh...

637
00:31:36,541 --> 00:31:38,458
swell? Right, Natalie?

638
00:31:39,208 --> 00:31:42,291
Well, I want to hear
all about how you two met.

639
00:31:42,375 --> 00:31:44,583
Oh, it's just an online dating app.

640
00:31:44,666 --> 00:31:46,166
- Not much to it.
- [scoffs]

641
00:31:46,250 --> 00:31:47,541
Just text, text, send.

642
00:31:47,625 --> 00:31:49,345
Next thing you know,
she's right next to me.

643
00:31:49,375 --> 00:31:51,250
- Here I am.
- [Josh, Natalie chuckle]

644
00:31:51,750 --> 00:31:52,958
What nonsense.

645
00:31:53,041 --> 00:31:56,208
People used to fall in and out of love
based solely upon the written word.

646
00:31:56,291 --> 00:31:59,125
The pen is mightier than the penis.

647
00:31:59,208 --> 00:32:00,934
- [chokes]
- Grandma, let's... We have company.

648
00:32:00,958 --> 00:32:02,916
Let's eat our eggs before they get cold.

649
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:05,750
So, Natalie, what was it about Josh
that first caught your eye?

650
00:32:06,916 --> 00:32:08,250
Gee, I mean, um...

651
00:32:08,958 --> 00:32:10,291
I don't even know where to start.

652
00:32:10,375 --> 00:32:14,125
There was just so many
unbelievable things in his profile.

653
00:32:14,625 --> 00:32:19,083
His photos. I took one look at that hair,
that unique physique.

654
00:32:19,166 --> 00:32:21,833
Uh, I mean, that jawline. [scoffs]

655
00:32:21,916 --> 00:32:24,375
I thought to myself,
"It's too good to be true."

656
00:32:24,458 --> 00:32:25,458
Oh no, it's true.

657
00:32:25,500 --> 00:32:27,601
He's gotten more chiseled
in the last couple of years.

658
00:32:27,625 --> 00:32:31,166
Oh, but it wasn't just the photos
that ensnared me.

659
00:32:31,250 --> 00:32:33,875
His bio. He's passionate about life,

660
00:32:33,958 --> 00:32:35,708
loves all things outdoors.

661
00:32:35,791 --> 00:32:38,500
- Oh hey. He mentioned the store.
- [Josh chuckles]

662
00:32:38,583 --> 00:32:41,708
[sniffs] My father started it
50 years ago.

663
00:32:41,791 --> 00:32:44,375
I run it now,
but Josh is one of the salesmen.

664
00:32:44,458 --> 00:32:48,125
- We don't have to talk shop at breakfast.
- Oh, but it's so fascinating.

665
00:32:48,208 --> 00:32:50,500
And all the travel that it must involve.

666
00:32:50,583 --> 00:32:53,083
Well, if you count
lunch runs to Applebee's,

667
00:32:53,166 --> 00:32:54,750
then Josh travels every day.

668
00:32:57,458 --> 00:32:58,583
[Natalie] Applebee's!

669
00:32:59,916 --> 00:33:01,041
Applebee's!

670
00:33:01,125 --> 00:33:02,333
Applebee's.

671
00:33:02,416 --> 00:33:05,500
You know, I've been thinking about joining
one of those dating sites.

672
00:33:05,583 --> 00:33:06,875
My friend Darlene

673
00:33:06,958 --> 00:33:10,333
down at Shimmering Pines,
she joined one called Gray Play,

674
00:33:10,416 --> 00:33:13,916
and she has seen more ass
than a church pew.

675
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:16,041
- Okay, June! Seriously.
- [Josh] Mom.

676
00:33:16,125 --> 00:33:17,416
[Barb] Let's just... [laughs]

677
00:33:17,500 --> 00:33:20,500
I could use your expertise
in setting up <i>my</i> profile.

678
00:33:20,583 --> 00:33:21,833
- Oh. Um...
- Yeah.

679
00:33:21,916 --> 00:33:22,750
- Okay.
- Sure.

680
00:33:22,833 --> 00:33:26,166
May I see yours?
And can you show me Josh's?

681
00:33:27,333 --> 00:33:29,851
- I didn't bring my phone. It's downstairs.
- Maybe later, Grams.

682
00:33:29,875 --> 00:33:31,750
Yeah. Natalie and I have to head out.

683
00:33:31,833 --> 00:33:35,208
Uh, I'm gonna show her a grand tour
of Lake Placid and the store.

684
00:33:35,291 --> 00:33:37,916
- Oh. That's a great idea. Fun.
- [Josh] Mm-hmm. Yeah.

685
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:39,892
- [Barb] Take your toast.
- [Bob] Drive carefully.

686
00:33:39,916 --> 00:33:41,000
Oh. Yeah.

687
00:33:41,708 --> 00:33:43,250
- Mmm. So good!
- She loves her toast!

688
00:33:43,333 --> 00:33:46,291
["Counting the Days"
by the Crystalairs playing]

689
00:33:47,625 --> 00:33:50,875
<i>♪ Counting the days
Been waiting since last year ♪</i>

690
00:33:50,958 --> 00:33:53,083
Okay. The first thing
you need to know about Tag

691
00:33:53,166 --> 00:33:55,250
is he likes outdoorsy, adventurous women.

692
00:33:55,333 --> 00:33:58,125
Not Instagram models who count carbs.

693
00:33:58,208 --> 00:33:59,416
I don't count carbs.

694
00:33:59,500 --> 00:34:00,500
I monitor them.

695
00:34:00,583 --> 00:34:04,041
Sure. Whatever you say.
So, uh, what size are you?

696
00:34:04,125 --> 00:34:07,375
[scoffs] None of your business. Besides,
what's wrong with what I'm wearing?

697
00:34:07,458 --> 00:34:09,416
You wanna look relaxed,
like you don't care.

698
00:34:09,500 --> 00:34:13,208
So go put these on
because Tag is gonna be here any minute.

699
00:34:13,291 --> 00:34:14,125
What?

700
00:34:14,208 --> 00:34:16,833
Yeah, he's got an order come in.
I told him to swing by at 11:00.

701
00:34:16,916 --> 00:34:18,916
- Oh, also, take this.
- Uh. [sighs]

702
00:34:19,833 --> 00:34:23,375
<i>Walden?</i> Are you kidding me?
Thoreau was an asshole.

703
00:34:23,458 --> 00:34:26,416
Pretend you like it
because that's Tag's favorite book.

704
00:34:26,500 --> 00:34:30,166
Also! When you're talking to him,
throw in some rock climbing lingo.

705
00:34:30,250 --> 00:34:31,625
He loves that shit.

706
00:34:31,708 --> 00:34:33,166
[store patrons chattering]

707
00:34:33,250 --> 00:34:34,375
[sighs]

708
00:34:34,458 --> 00:34:37,708
<i>♪ Have a holly jolly Christmas ♪</i>

709
00:34:37,791 --> 00:34:40,500
<i>♪ It's the best time of the year ♪</i>

710
00:34:40,583 --> 00:34:41,500
[door chimes]

711
00:34:41,583 --> 00:34:43,851
- [Josh] What's up, Tag?
- [Tag] Hey, buddy, how's it going?

712
00:34:43,875 --> 00:34:44,958
[Josh] Hey, man.

713
00:34:45,041 --> 00:34:48,041
- [Bob] Is that Tag? Captain America!
- How's it going?

714
00:34:48,125 --> 00:34:50,833
<i>- ♪ Have a holly jolly Christmas ♪</i>
- [Bob laughs]

715
00:34:51,541 --> 00:34:55,083
- Ooh! Solid as a rock!
- Thank you. It's good to see you, Mr. Lin.

716
00:34:55,166 --> 00:34:58,291
- I hear you got some carabiners for me?
- [Bob] Sure do. They're in the back.

717
00:34:59,291 --> 00:35:02,041
- I want you to meet someone today.
- [Tag] Oh? Okay.

718
00:35:02,125 --> 00:35:03,125
[Josh] Yeah.

719
00:35:03,958 --> 00:35:06,708
- [Tag] Nice stuff. Get some new duds in?
- [Josh] Always.

720
00:35:07,625 --> 00:35:10,500
Tag, I want you to meet my cousin Natalie.

721
00:35:10,583 --> 00:35:13,875
And Natalie, I want you to meet
my old friend Tag.

722
00:35:16,166 --> 00:35:17,375
You two are cousins?

723
00:35:18,708 --> 00:35:20,875
Yeah. Uh. We... Well...

724
00:35:20,958 --> 00:35:24,583
From my stepmom's side, so that would
technically make us step-cousins.

725
00:35:24,666 --> 00:35:25,500
Oh.

726
00:35:25,583 --> 00:35:29,291
A distinction that only really matters
if you're from Alabama.

727
00:35:32,041 --> 00:35:33,541
She's such a joker.

728
00:35:35,416 --> 00:35:36,416
Yeah.

729
00:35:37,708 --> 00:35:38,708
<i>Walden?</i>

730
00:35:39,291 --> 00:35:40,291
Oh.

731
00:35:41,166 --> 00:35:43,666
That's my favorite book.
I reread it every year.

732
00:35:43,750 --> 00:35:45,625
- Really? Wow.
- [Tag] Yeah.

733
00:35:45,708 --> 00:35:47,708
- No way!
- [chuckles] Yeah.

734
00:35:47,791 --> 00:35:49,000
Isn't Thoreau the best?

735
00:35:50,166 --> 00:35:53,458
Well, some people find him
a self-obsessed narcissist,

736
00:35:53,541 --> 00:35:56,666
fanatical about self-control,
not to mention a total hypocrite,

737
00:35:56,750 --> 00:35:59,750
but personally, I find him so inspiring.

738
00:36:02,083 --> 00:36:04,708
"Rather than love, than money,

739
00:36:04,791 --> 00:36:06,375
than fame,

740
00:36:07,125 --> 00:36:08,250
give me truth."

741
00:36:10,625 --> 00:36:14,791
[sighs] I'm sorry. It gets me every time.

742
00:36:14,875 --> 00:36:15,875
[chuckles]

743
00:36:16,333 --> 00:36:18,458
If anyone gets it, it's me.

744
00:36:18,541 --> 00:36:19,541
God.

745
00:36:20,250 --> 00:36:21,791
Have we met before?

746
00:36:21,875 --> 00:36:25,666
Because you look so familiar.
I... I just can't put my finger on it.

747
00:36:25,750 --> 00:36:28,875
Unlikely. Natalie just flew in
from California this morning.

748
00:36:28,958 --> 00:36:29,791
This morning.

749
00:36:29,875 --> 00:36:32,875
I actually teach a survival course
in Yosemite every summer.

750
00:36:32,958 --> 00:36:34,916
Savage! [clears throat]

751
00:36:35,666 --> 00:36:38,375
- I guess you could say that, yeah.
- I love Yosemite.

752
00:36:38,458 --> 00:36:43,375
It's, uh, I mean, there's some gnar...
like, gnarly climbing there.

753
00:36:43,458 --> 00:36:44,500
You climb?

754
00:36:45,166 --> 00:36:49,250
Me? [scoffs] Do I climb?
I'll climb anything that moves.

755
00:36:51,791 --> 00:36:53,166
I'm an aggro.

756
00:36:53,250 --> 00:36:56,791
- Aggro?
- Yeah, like aggressive. Aggro. [growls]

757
00:36:56,875 --> 00:37:00,750
An aggressive climber.
I climb all kinds of things like

758
00:37:01,375 --> 00:37:05,791
ladders, um, houses, um, trees,

759
00:37:05,875 --> 00:37:06,958
ladders...

760
00:37:08,666 --> 00:37:10,000
Mostly ladders. [chuckles]

761
00:37:10,083 --> 00:37:10,916
That's cool.

762
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,875
Um, a few of us are climbing
at Rock Ventures tomorrow.

763
00:37:13,958 --> 00:37:14,791
Wanna join?

764
00:37:14,875 --> 00:37:16,958
Hell yeah! Let's do it.

765
00:37:17,041 --> 00:37:17,875
- Great.
- Mm-hmm.

766
00:37:17,958 --> 00:37:19,625
- 10:00 a.m.?
- Perfect.

767
00:37:19,708 --> 00:37:22,333
Um. Well, hey, it was nice
to meet you, Natalie.

768
00:37:22,416 --> 00:37:24,583
- I'll see you guys at 10:00 a.m.
- See you, bro.

769
00:37:25,166 --> 00:37:26,958
Climb you later! [chuckles]

770
00:37:29,333 --> 00:37:30,250
Savage?

771
00:37:30,333 --> 00:37:31,708
Gnarly?

772
00:37:31,791 --> 00:37:33,125
Aggro?

773
00:37:33,208 --> 00:37:35,166
You're the one who told me
to look up the lingo!

774
00:37:35,250 --> 00:37:37,541
Yeah. Real words like
"rappel" and "harness."

775
00:37:37,625 --> 00:37:39,385
You sound like
you got Millennial Tourette's!

776
00:37:39,416 --> 00:37:42,166
Well, you know what?
We've got bigger problems.

777
00:37:42,250 --> 00:37:46,416
I once broke my toe climbing out of bed.
How am I gonna climb a wall?

778
00:37:46,500 --> 00:37:50,125
I can teach you right here.
I mean, how bad could you possibly be?

779
00:37:50,625 --> 00:37:51,750
[screaming]

780
00:37:51,833 --> 00:37:54,153
- [Josh] All right. Come down!
- [panting] I can't hold on!

781
00:37:54,208 --> 00:37:57,083
- [laughing] Here. Here. Come on.
- [Natalie whimpering]

782
00:37:57,166 --> 00:37:59,708
[exhales deeply] Sweet baby Jesus.

783
00:38:00,250 --> 00:38:06,958
The key is to not focus on the wall,
but to focus on your first move.

784
00:38:07,041 --> 00:38:08,041
Here, look at this.

785
00:38:08,083 --> 00:38:11,166
And then, your second. Okay?

786
00:38:11,250 --> 00:38:13,208
Onto your third.

787
00:38:13,791 --> 00:38:18,083
See, great things are done by a series
of small things brought together.

788
00:38:19,708 --> 00:38:20,833
- [Natalie] Hmm?
- Whew.

789
00:38:20,916 --> 00:38:22,666
That's actually very insightful.

790
00:38:22,750 --> 00:38:25,875
Van Gogh.
Feel free to use it on Tag sometime.

791
00:38:25,958 --> 00:38:27,041
Any questions?

792
00:38:27,125 --> 00:38:28,791
What was he like in high school?

793
00:38:28,875 --> 00:38:30,208
Exactly what you'd expect.

794
00:38:30,291 --> 00:38:34,083
Class president, prom king,
star of the football team.

795
00:38:34,666 --> 00:38:36,458
Why did you stop being friends?

796
00:38:36,541 --> 00:38:38,666
[sighs] Because he got popular.

797
00:38:39,500 --> 00:38:40,583
And you?

798
00:38:41,208 --> 00:38:42,208
Didn't.

799
00:38:43,666 --> 00:38:44,750
[door chimes]

800
00:38:46,208 --> 00:38:47,958
- Go ahead, come on.
- [clears throat]

801
00:38:49,791 --> 00:38:51,708
[exhales] Full disclosure,

802
00:38:52,708 --> 00:38:54,916
I was kind of a late bloomer too. [grunts]

803
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:56,791
I find that very hard to believe.

804
00:38:57,458 --> 00:39:00,541
Yeah, well,
If it wasn't for Invisalign and Accutane,

805
00:39:00,625 --> 00:39:02,791
you would not have swiped on me. [grunts]

806
00:39:02,875 --> 00:39:06,458
Well, if it wasn't for Tag's photos,
you wouldn't have swiped on me.

807
00:39:06,541 --> 00:39:08,833
[grunts] How am I doing so far?

808
00:39:08,916 --> 00:39:10,666
- You're actually doing great.
- Yeah?

809
00:39:10,750 --> 00:39:11,916
- Yeah.
- [gasps, screams]

810
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:13,291
[up-beat pop playing]

811
00:39:13,375 --> 00:39:15,976
- [Natalie] Do you have a hamper?
- [Josh] It's over by the closet.

812
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:17,000
[clears throat]

813
00:39:25,416 --> 00:39:27,875
Is this how you boil your victims?

814
00:39:27,958 --> 00:39:31,166
Careful! Careful! Careful!
That's a wax warmer for candle-making.

815
00:39:31,250 --> 00:39:32,750
It's very expensive.

816
00:39:32,833 --> 00:39:33,833
Okay.

817
00:39:34,416 --> 00:39:36,625
Grandma June makes candles?

818
00:39:36,708 --> 00:39:38,458
Yes, it's one of her hobbies.

819
00:39:40,083 --> 00:39:41,625
Josh Lin?

820
00:39:41,708 --> 00:39:43,333
All right, fine, they're mine.

821
00:39:43,416 --> 00:39:47,125
Guys can do things
besides hunt and pay for everything, okay?

822
00:39:47,208 --> 00:39:50,458
Plus, I see this more
as a business than a hobby.

823
00:39:51,041 --> 00:39:52,681
- All right.
- Wait, hey, hey, whoa, whoa!

824
00:39:52,708 --> 00:39:54,875
- Let's see what you got. [grunts]
- Come on!

825
00:39:54,958 --> 00:39:55,958
[straining] Okay.

826
00:39:58,500 --> 00:39:59,333
Oh.

827
00:39:59,416 --> 00:40:02,458
You see, candles
are solely marketed to women.

828
00:40:02,541 --> 00:40:05,000
They all smell like flowers and candy

829
00:40:05,083 --> 00:40:08,833
with names like "Sweet Caresses"
or "Shooting Star."

830
00:40:08,916 --> 00:40:11,333
No self-respecting man's gonna buy those,

831
00:40:11,416 --> 00:40:13,958
even if his apartment
smells like bong water.

832
00:40:14,041 --> 00:40:18,916
So, I created my own line
of masculine candles

833
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:21,250
that captures the essence of a dude.

834
00:40:21,333 --> 00:40:24,416
Yeah, I don't see "Compulsive Liar,"

835
00:40:24,500 --> 00:40:27,208
"Left The Toilet Seat Up,"
or "Won't Ask For Directions" in here.

836
00:40:27,291 --> 00:40:29,000
Make all the jokes you want,

837
00:40:29,083 --> 00:40:32,375
but 50 percent of the US candle market
is underserved.

838
00:40:32,458 --> 00:40:34,250
So, then why don't you serve them?

839
00:40:34,333 --> 00:40:36,041
Because a business costs money.

840
00:40:36,125 --> 00:40:39,250
Then ask your dad for a loan.
I feel like he's the target customer.

841
00:40:39,333 --> 00:40:40,625
- Have you met him?
- Yeah.

842
00:40:40,708 --> 00:40:42,833
- The old Asian man upstairs?
- Oh yeah.

843
00:40:42,916 --> 00:40:46,083
[Josh] He's only interested in sporty,
manly things.

844
00:40:46,166 --> 00:40:50,125
Plus, he and my brother
would just tease me about it.

845
00:40:50,875 --> 00:40:53,791
- [Natalie] You have a brother?
- [man] Prodigal son has returned!

846
00:40:54,291 --> 00:40:56,500
- ["Macho Man" playing]
- Christmas may now commence!

847
00:40:56,583 --> 00:40:58,666
[sighs] Speak of the devil.

848
00:40:58,750 --> 00:41:02,125
Owen's here! Now it's Christmas!

849
00:41:02,208 --> 00:41:04,125
Is that my baby?

850
00:41:05,166 --> 00:41:07,458
- [Barb] Owen! [laughing]
- Mom! Mm!

851
00:41:07,541 --> 00:41:09,601
- [Bob] Hi, Chelsea!
- [Barb] Merry Christmas, honey.

852
00:41:09,625 --> 00:41:11,458
Merry Christmas. Look at what I got you.

853
00:41:12,041 --> 00:41:14,750
- [Barb] It's so good to see you!
- [Bob] Honey! Wow!

854
00:41:14,833 --> 00:41:16,833
- Wow! Look at you!
- [Chelsea] Merry Christmas!

855
00:41:16,916 --> 00:41:19,791
You've been lifting those weights
I bought you. Huh? Yeah!

856
00:41:19,875 --> 00:41:23,291
- You've been so busy with the new house!
- Okay. Game face.

857
00:41:23,375 --> 00:41:26,291
[indistinct chattering]

858
00:41:26,375 --> 00:41:27,375
[clears throat]

859
00:41:28,458 --> 00:41:29,958
Hey, Joshy!

860
00:41:30,041 --> 00:41:32,000
- What's going on, bro?
- What's up, Owen?

861
00:41:32,083 --> 00:41:34,541
- Merry Christmas, man. [winces]
- [Owen laughing]

862
00:41:34,625 --> 00:41:36,375
- [Josh laughing]
- [Bob] Wow!

863
00:41:36,458 --> 00:41:38,875
Oh, and, uh, who do we have here?

864
00:41:39,583 --> 00:41:42,125
Oh, this is Natalie.

865
00:41:42,958 --> 00:41:44,708
Oh, is she Grandma's new nurse?

866
00:41:45,291 --> 00:41:48,041
- No.
- Ah! She must be in Mom's new book club.

867
00:41:48,125 --> 00:41:50,916
- No, she is...
- [Owen] Oh shit. Shit. Uh...

868
00:41:51,666 --> 00:41:53,125
Is this another intervention?

869
00:41:53,208 --> 00:41:56,750
No, honey.
Natalie is your brother's girlfriend.

870
00:41:58,416 --> 00:41:59,416
[laughs]

871
00:42:01,291 --> 00:42:03,041
Oh, you're... you're... you're serious.

872
00:42:03,125 --> 00:42:04,125
Really?

873
00:42:04,166 --> 00:42:05,791
<i>- </i>Really.
- [Josh] Mm-hmm.

874
00:42:05,875 --> 00:42:10,125
Oh! Well, that is awesome.

875
00:42:10,916 --> 00:42:13,750
Yeah, we... You know,
we were just saying in the car, right?

876
00:42:13,833 --> 00:42:16,708
- We were just talking about it.
- We talked about this for hours.

877
00:42:16,791 --> 00:42:19,625
- [Chelsea] Yeah. Yeah.
- [Owen] How is Joshy still single?

878
00:42:19,708 --> 00:42:21,833
Yeah, I mean, granted,
he still lives at home,

879
00:42:21,916 --> 00:42:24,333
and the glasses
aren't doing him any favors.

880
00:42:24,416 --> 00:42:25,583
No, they're not.

881
00:42:25,666 --> 00:42:28,583
- I am so pumped about this. Aren't you?
- I'm so pumped.

882
00:42:28,666 --> 00:42:30,916
Oh, we... This is a Christmas miracle.

883
00:42:31,750 --> 00:42:33,791
Thank you so much, Natasha.

884
00:42:34,458 --> 00:42:35,500
[scoffs]

885
00:42:35,583 --> 00:42:39,250
You know what?
The pleasure's all mine, Oren.

886
00:42:41,833 --> 00:42:44,750
["O Christmas Tree" by Stuart Roslyn
& Matthew Foundling playing]

887
00:42:44,833 --> 00:42:46,541
<i>♪ O Christmas tree ♪</i>

888
00:42:46,625 --> 00:42:48,166
<i>♪ O Christmas tree... ♪</i>

889
00:42:48,250 --> 00:42:50,166
- [Owen] Yeah, I made this!
- [Bob] Yeah.

890
00:42:50,250 --> 00:42:52,083
[Owen] It's still in good condition.

891
00:42:52,166 --> 00:42:53,958
<i>♪ O Christmas tree ♪</i>

892
00:42:54,041 --> 00:42:55,416
<i>♪ O Christmas tree ♪</i>

893
00:42:55,500 --> 00:42:58,750
Speaking of stocks,
uh, the market has been crazy this year.

894
00:42:58,833 --> 00:42:59,833
- So crazy.
- Yeah.

895
00:42:59,916 --> 00:43:01,750
A lot of guys bet big on China Tire.

896
00:43:01,833 --> 00:43:04,375
They lost everything
except their virginity. [laughing]

897
00:43:04,458 --> 00:43:06,041
[Bob laughing] Hey!

898
00:43:06,125 --> 00:43:09,125
Oh my God.

899
00:43:09,208 --> 00:43:12,833
- [laughing] Look at this. Look at this.
- [Barb gasps] Oh, look at my little guy.

900
00:43:12,916 --> 00:43:14,750
- [Owen] Look at junior jumbo Josh.
- Oh no.

901
00:43:14,833 --> 00:43:17,059
- We don't have to...
- [Owen] Yes! You remember this one?

902
00:43:17,083 --> 00:43:19,500
That is my favorite ornament of all time.

903
00:43:20,083 --> 00:43:23,958
God, you were such a cutie, Josh.
Look at that rat tail. Do you see that?

904
00:43:24,041 --> 00:43:25,416
He was such a cutie!

905
00:43:25,500 --> 00:43:29,041
- Those chubby little cheekies! [chuckles]
- He was eight.

906
00:43:29,125 --> 00:43:32,958
You know, I'm actually super grateful
for my awkward teenage years.

907
00:43:33,041 --> 00:43:35,958
They helped me develop
resilience, empathy.

908
00:43:36,041 --> 00:43:38,750
If it wasn't for that, I'd be,
[pfft] I don't know, uh,

909
00:43:38,833 --> 00:43:42,291
an insensitive,
attention-seeking [inhales deeply] jerk?

910
00:43:42,375 --> 00:43:43,500
[chuckles]

911
00:43:45,791 --> 00:43:46,875
Former chubster, huh?

912
00:43:47,541 --> 00:43:49,416
<i>♪ O Christmas tree ♪</i>

913
00:43:49,500 --> 00:43:51,041
[Chelsea] Tsk. Aw!

914
00:43:52,416 --> 00:43:53,541
Mm!

915
00:43:55,125 --> 00:43:56,833
- Where does this one go?
- Oh!

916
00:43:56,916 --> 00:44:00,250
That one goes on top of the... the tree.

917
00:44:00,333 --> 00:44:01,750
Um. [chuckles]

918
00:44:02,291 --> 00:44:03,458
I put it up every year.

919
00:44:03,541 --> 00:44:05,833
It's, like, a tradition sort of thing.
It's no big deal.

920
00:44:05,916 --> 00:44:09,083
Actually, I was thinking maybe
Natalie could put it up this year

921
00:44:09,166 --> 00:44:12,500
since it's her first time here,
and she's our guest and all.

922
00:44:12,583 --> 00:44:14,708
Uh, yeah, well, sure. Sure.

923
00:44:14,791 --> 00:44:15,791
[smacks lips]

924
00:44:20,625 --> 00:44:21,916
- Thanks.
- Yeah.

925
00:44:23,041 --> 00:44:25,500
- I think she cut me.
- It's okay, baby. I think she did too.

926
00:44:25,583 --> 00:44:27,601
- [Barb] Hold on to her tight, Josh.
- Oh, I got her.

927
00:44:27,625 --> 00:44:29,585
- [Bob] Careful.
- [Josh] Just right on top there.

928
00:44:29,625 --> 00:44:31,583
- I'm gonna help her.
- It's okay. Focus on...

929
00:44:31,666 --> 00:44:34,083
- I got it. Oh, look at that.
- [Josh] Perfect!

930
00:44:34,166 --> 00:44:36,041
- It's so crooked.
- It's very crooked.

931
00:44:36,125 --> 00:44:37,541
- Here we go.
- [Barb] Light her up.

932
00:44:37,625 --> 00:44:39,083
I'll come back and fix it.

933
00:44:39,791 --> 00:44:42,208
- [Josh] Whoo!
- [Bob] Merry Christmas!

934
00:44:42,291 --> 00:44:43,517
- [text tone]
- Merry Christmas.

935
00:44:43,541 --> 00:44:44,541
[Owen] Great!

936
00:44:45,458 --> 00:44:48,125
[Barb] Everyone did a great job
on it this year.

937
00:44:48,208 --> 00:44:49,583
[Owen] Except for the star.

938
00:44:49,666 --> 00:44:51,546
- [Josh] Well, especially Natalie.
- [Bob] Yeah.

939
00:44:56,291 --> 00:44:59,541
[Natalie] Owen really likes
being the center of attention, huh?

940
00:44:59,625 --> 00:45:03,250
Likes to be? He has to be. He's a Pisces.

941
00:45:04,166 --> 00:45:07,875
The next time he tries to steal
the spotlight, steal it back.

942
00:45:08,458 --> 00:45:11,541
- Easier said than done.
- No, I'm serious. Steal it back.

943
00:45:13,541 --> 00:45:16,583
All right. Come on. [exhales]
We gotta go. Don't want to be late.

944
00:45:16,666 --> 00:45:18,375
Tag is fanatically punctual.

945
00:45:18,458 --> 00:45:22,291
So, is the, uh, wall that we're climbing
like the one we climbed at your store?

946
00:45:22,791 --> 00:45:24,416
- Yeah. Pretty much.
- Okay.

947
00:45:29,625 --> 00:45:31,916
Natalie! You coming or what?

948
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:34,583
Yup. Definitely. Be right there.

949
00:45:35,166 --> 00:45:38,916
- You didn't tell me he was Tom Cruise.
- Oh, I thought you were an aggro.

950
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:39,916
I can't do this.

951
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:41,583
- Yes, you can.
- Get this off me.

952
00:45:41,666 --> 00:45:43,267
- Get this off.
- Don't undo that, come on.

953
00:45:43,291 --> 00:45:46,416
- Off! Off! Off! Off! Get this off me. No!
- Just stop. Stop.

954
00:45:46,500 --> 00:45:49,041
Stop. You got this, okay?

955
00:45:49,125 --> 00:45:50,125
Here, look.

956
00:45:51,375 --> 00:45:52,250
Put these in.

957
00:45:52,333 --> 00:45:53,416
What? Why?

958
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:56,541
It'll help you relax.
And it's your favorite song.

959
00:45:57,291 --> 00:45:59,708
It's gonna help me relax.
Gonna help me relax.

960
00:45:59,791 --> 00:46:02,125
Yeah, it's gonna help me rel... Oh.

961
00:46:02,208 --> 00:46:04,666
["Don't You (Forget About Me)"
by Simple Minds playing]

962
00:46:04,750 --> 00:46:07,375
Remember, one move at a time.

963
00:46:07,458 --> 00:46:10,583
- What?
- One move at a time!

964
00:46:10,666 --> 00:46:14,208
[chuckles] Thanks, Joshy-poo.
Not my first climb, though, man.

965
00:46:14,291 --> 00:46:15,625
We know, bro!

966
00:46:18,500 --> 00:46:22,125
<i>♪ Won't you come see about me? ♪</i>

967
00:46:22,208 --> 00:46:24,333
<i>♪ I'll be alone ♪</i>

968
00:46:24,416 --> 00:46:26,541
<i>- ♪ Dancing, you know it, baby ♪
- </i>Go get him!

969
00:46:27,125 --> 00:46:30,833
<i>♪ Tell me your troubles and doubts ♪</i>

970
00:46:30,916 --> 00:46:34,791
<i>- ♪ Giving everything inside and out and ♪</i>
- [grunting]

971
00:46:35,875 --> 00:46:40,125
<i>- ♪ Don't you forget about me ♪</i>
- [grunting] Oh.

972
00:46:41,750 --> 00:46:43,458
<i>♪ Don't, don't, don't, don't ♪</i>

973
00:46:44,625 --> 00:46:48,166
- <i>♪ Don't you forget about me... ♪</i>
- [grunting] Okay.

974
00:46:48,250 --> 00:46:50,916
[man] Yeah, snap!
[laughing] Hug those jugs!

975
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:52,666
[Tag] Natalie, kill it! Whoo!

976
00:46:52,750 --> 00:46:54,583
[breathing heavily]

977
00:46:56,958 --> 00:47:03,000
<i>♪ I say
La, la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪</i>

978
00:47:03,083 --> 00:47:06,791
<i>- ♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪</i>
- Hah!

979
00:47:06,875 --> 00:47:09,916
- Whoo!
- <i>♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪</i>

980
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:12,125
Yes! [breathing heavily]

981
00:47:12,208 --> 00:47:15,708
I thought you guys said
this was hard... [gasps]

982
00:47:15,791 --> 00:47:18,000
Not bad. Come on down.

983
00:47:19,083 --> 00:47:21,125
[panicking] Um...

984
00:47:21,208 --> 00:47:22,333
Actually, I think, um...

985
00:47:23,250 --> 00:47:26,250
I'm gonna stay up here
and enjoy the view for a little while.

986
00:47:26,333 --> 00:47:27,333
[loud thud]

987
00:47:29,166 --> 00:47:30,083
My turn.

988
00:47:30,166 --> 00:47:31,750
Natalie, what're you doing?

989
00:47:31,833 --> 00:47:33,934
- [man 1] Go get it.
- Watch, you might learn something.

990
00:47:33,958 --> 00:47:34,791
[man 1] Okay, Joshy.

991
00:47:34,875 --> 00:47:36,434
- [man 2] Go hard.
- [Tag] Get it, Joshy!

992
00:47:36,458 --> 00:47:37,583
[man 1] I see you.

993
00:47:37,666 --> 00:47:38,666
[Josh grunting]

994
00:47:40,583 --> 00:47:42,458
- [Josh grunts]
- [Tag] All right, Josh.

995
00:47:43,166 --> 00:47:45,208
[Josh grunting]

996
00:47:45,291 --> 00:47:47,708
Hey. What are you doing?

997
00:47:47,791 --> 00:47:50,625
- The hard part is over. Just rappel down.
- Uh-uh.

998
00:47:50,708 --> 00:47:52,958
You got through the tough part.
It's nothing.

999
00:47:53,041 --> 00:47:56,375
Oh God, this is how I die. I'm gonna die.
This is... this is it. This is it for me.

1000
00:47:56,458 --> 00:47:59,458
Okay. Okay. I think I actually know
a trick to get you down,

1001
00:47:59,541 --> 00:48:00,583
but you gotta trust me.

1002
00:48:00,666 --> 00:48:02,166
Trust the guy who catfished me?

1003
00:48:02,250 --> 00:48:04,958
No, trust the guy who got you up here
in the first place.

1004
00:48:05,041 --> 00:48:08,250
Look, I know you're scared,
but you've got this.

1005
00:48:08,333 --> 00:48:09,750
And I've got you.

1006
00:48:10,250 --> 00:48:12,500
Okay? I promise.

1007
00:48:12,583 --> 00:48:14,541
[gentle music playing]

1008
00:48:15,041 --> 00:48:16,041
Come on.

1009
00:48:17,541 --> 00:48:19,416
- Breathe. Breathe.
- [breath trembling]

1010
00:48:20,750 --> 00:48:23,750
That was so awesome.
You got all the way up here by yourself.

1011
00:48:25,708 --> 00:48:29,125
- Good. Okay. Stand up.
- [breathing heavily]

1012
00:48:30,375 --> 00:48:31,541
Okay, great.

1013
00:48:34,333 --> 00:48:35,375
[gasps] Oh my God.

1014
00:48:35,458 --> 00:48:38,125
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Don't look backwards.

1015
00:48:38,208 --> 00:48:39,708
- [breath trembling]
- Okay.

1016
00:48:39,791 --> 00:48:42,125
- I can't do this, Josh. I can't do this.
- Yes, you can.

1017
00:48:42,208 --> 00:48:45,458
Slowly walk backwards
towards the edge of the wall.

1018
00:48:45,541 --> 00:48:49,458
- What? No. [whimpering] No, Josh.
- Yeah. Come on. You're doing great.

1019
00:48:49,541 --> 00:48:51,291
[panicking] I don't like this.

1020
00:48:51,375 --> 00:48:52,958
- Oh God!
- It's okay. It's okay.

1021
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:56,000
- [Natalie whimpers]
- Now, close your eyes.

1022
00:48:56,083 --> 00:48:57,791
[breathing heavily]

1023
00:48:57,875 --> 00:48:59,250
[Josh] Take a deep breath.

1024
00:49:01,333 --> 00:49:04,250
- [Natalie exhales deeply]
- And release.

1025
00:49:04,875 --> 00:49:05,958
[gasps] Oh!

1026
00:49:08,166 --> 00:49:09,750
[breath trembling]

1027
00:49:11,500 --> 00:49:12,583
Whoa!

1028
00:49:12,666 --> 00:49:16,041
Did you just jump?
You really stuck the landing.

1029
00:49:17,541 --> 00:49:19,500
- What, that?
- [Tag chuckles]

1030
00:49:19,583 --> 00:49:21,708
Yeah, you should see me
on a real mountain.

1031
00:49:21,791 --> 00:49:23,416
- [Tag] Well, I'd like that.
- Mm.

1032
00:49:24,375 --> 00:49:27,833
If you're not busy tomorrow morning,
come meet me at Corbin Glen Park.

1033
00:49:27,916 --> 00:49:30,875
9:00 a.m.? And wear something comfortable.

1034
00:49:31,458 --> 00:49:32,375
It's a date.

1035
00:49:32,458 --> 00:49:33,458
All right.

1036
00:49:36,125 --> 00:49:40,791
<i>♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪</i>

1037
00:49:40,875 --> 00:49:42,666
[Owen] Lin family, let's go!

1038
00:49:42,750 --> 00:49:43,750
<i>♪ Peace on Earth ♪</i>

1039
00:49:43,833 --> 00:49:45,541
<i>♪ And mercy... ♪</i>

1040
00:49:45,625 --> 00:49:49,000
Owen seems psychotically into this.

1041
00:49:49,583 --> 00:49:51,916
<i>- ♪ Pray for your mercy! ♪
- ♪ Reconcile ♪</i>

1042
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:53,791
<i>- ♪ Yeah! ♪
- ♪ Reconcile ♪</i>

1043
00:49:53,875 --> 00:49:54,708
<i>♪ Yeah! ♪</i>

1044
00:49:54,791 --> 00:49:57,875
- You have no idea.
- Proud voices! Loud voices! Come on!

1045
00:49:58,541 --> 00:50:03,208
<i>- ♪ Late in time behold him come ♪
- ♪ Behold him come ♪</i>

1046
00:50:03,291 --> 00:50:06,583
<i>♪ Offspring of a virgin's womb! ♪</i>

1047
00:50:06,666 --> 00:50:10,750
<i>♪ Hark the highest, angels sing ♪</i>

1048
00:50:10,833 --> 00:50:13,833
<i>♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪</i>

1049
00:50:13,916 --> 00:50:15,166
<i>♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa! ♪</i>

1050
00:50:15,875 --> 00:50:17,916
- Did he just...?
- Yup.

1051
00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:19,500
<i>♪ Ooh, yeah! ♪</i>

1052
00:50:19,583 --> 00:50:21,684
<i>- ♪ Christ the everlasting Lord ♪</i>
- You're off-key, Dad.

1053
00:50:21,708 --> 00:50:22,875
<i>♪ Everlasting Lord! ♪</i>

1054
00:50:22,958 --> 00:50:24,208
How much is too much?

1055
00:50:24,291 --> 00:50:26,000
<i>♪...the herald angels sing ♪</i>

1056
00:50:26,083 --> 00:50:27,833
Other side, baby. It's your mark.

1057
00:50:27,916 --> 00:50:34,250
<i>♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪
♪ Oh, Jesus, you're the king ♪</i>

1058
00:50:34,333 --> 00:50:37,166
<i>♪...angels sing
Hark the herald angels sing ♪</i>

1059
00:50:37,250 --> 00:50:39,375
[Owen] Quick finish, Grandma,
don't mess it up!

1060
00:50:39,458 --> 00:50:42,708
<i>♪ Glory! Son of God! Oh, Jesus! ♪</i>

1061
00:50:42,791 --> 00:50:43,916
Jesus!

1062
00:50:45,958 --> 00:50:49,958
[Owen] Back by popular demand.
Lin family carolers!

1063
00:50:50,041 --> 00:50:53,125
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Do we have any more requests?

1064
00:50:53,208 --> 00:50:56,250
- "Baby, It's Cold Outside"!
- Yes!

1065
00:50:56,333 --> 00:50:59,666
[Bob] I think we can make that happen.
Who wants to take the duet?

1066
00:50:59,750 --> 00:51:01,541
[Natalie] Big mystery there, Bob.

1067
00:51:04,458 --> 00:51:06,500
Natalie and I got this one, Dad.

1068
00:51:06,583 --> 00:51:07,750
[Bob] Huh?

1069
00:51:07,833 --> 00:51:09,541
- Wait, what?
- Yup.

1070
00:51:09,625 --> 00:51:12,875
Uh. [laughing nervously]

1071
00:51:12,958 --> 00:51:16,208
Over my cold, dead, lifeless body.
I'm not singing that.

1072
00:51:16,291 --> 00:51:18,541
That is, like,
the sexual assault theme song.

1073
00:51:19,083 --> 00:51:21,666
Hey, bro, why don't you let me
and Chels take this?

1074
00:51:21,750 --> 00:51:23,642
- Yeah.
- [Owen] Don't think she knows the lyrics.

1075
00:51:23,666 --> 00:51:26,291
- I do know them. I just don't...
- She knows the lyrics.

1076
00:51:26,375 --> 00:51:27,416
We're good.

1077
00:51:27,500 --> 00:51:29,583
Josh, I... [laughing nervously]

1078
00:51:29,666 --> 00:51:31,875
- This is what we're gonna do.
- [Natalie] No!

1079
00:51:31,958 --> 00:51:33,291
You just do your part.

1080
00:51:33,375 --> 00:51:37,708
I will change my lyrics
so the song doesn't sound so, uh, rape-y.

1081
00:51:38,416 --> 00:51:41,250
- [Owen throwing tantrum]
- Fine, let's just get this over with.

1082
00:51:41,333 --> 00:51:43,291
Dad? Hit it.

1083
00:51:44,541 --> 00:51:46,458
["Baby, It's Cold Outside" playing]

1084
00:51:46,541 --> 00:51:48,166
- [Owen grunts]
- [Chelsea screams]

1085
00:51:48,958 --> 00:51:50,250
[Owen] I'm okay. Okay.

1086
00:51:50,958 --> 00:51:52,875
<i>♪ I really can't stay ♪</i>

1087
00:51:52,958 --> 00:51:56,125
<i>♪ No problem there's the door ♪</i>

1088
00:51:56,208 --> 00:52:00,875
<i>- ♪ I've got to go away ♪
- ♪ I hear ya, say no more ♪</i>

1089
00:52:00,958 --> 00:52:05,541
<i>- ♪ This evening has been... ♪</i>
- Totally consensual.

1090
00:52:05,625 --> 00:52:07,708
<i>♪...so very nice ♪</i>

1091
00:52:07,791 --> 00:52:12,125
<i>♪ I hope you get home safe tonight ♪</i>

1092
00:52:12,208 --> 00:52:17,375
<i>- ♪ My mother will start to worry ♪
- ♪ Here's my phone, give her a call ♪</i>

1093
00:52:17,458 --> 00:52:22,250
<i>- ♪ My father will be pacing the floor ♪
- ♪ Adíos, say no more ♪</i>

1094
00:52:22,333 --> 00:52:25,000
<i>♪ So really I'd better scurry ♪</i>

1095
00:52:25,083 --> 00:52:29,958
<i>- ♪ I've been saying that for a while ♪
- ♪ Well, maybe just a half a drink more ♪</i>

1096
00:52:30,041 --> 00:52:32,250
<i>♪ Slow down, that's quite a pour ♪</i>

1097
00:52:32,333 --> 00:52:36,583
<i>- ♪ The neighbors might think ♪
- ♪ It's just my old friend Troy ♪</i>

1098
00:52:36,666 --> 00:52:41,750
<i>- ♪ Say, what's in this drink? ♪
- ♪ It's just lemon LaCroix ♪</i>

1099
00:52:41,833 --> 00:52:43,958
<i>♪ I wish I knew how ♪</i>

1100
00:52:44,041 --> 00:52:47,541
- To take a hint?
<i>- ♪ To break the spell ♪</i>

1101
00:52:47,625 --> 00:52:51,375
<i>♪ Do you know how to spell "farewell"? ♪</i>

1102
00:52:51,458 --> 00:52:56,333
<i>- ♪ I ought to say no, no, no ♪
- ♪ I'll call you an Uber, they're close ♪</i>

1103
00:52:56,416 --> 00:53:01,083
<i>- ♪ At least, I'm gonna say that I tried ♪
- ♪ I feel like you're not trying at all ♪</i>

1104
00:53:01,166 --> 00:53:04,666
<i>- ♪ I really can't stay ♪
- ♪ Well, maybe just go out ♪</i>

1105
00:53:04,750 --> 00:53:11,750
<i>- ♪ 'Cause baby, it's cold outside ♪
- ♪ Maybe just go outside ♪</i>

1106
00:53:15,666 --> 00:53:17,500
[all cheering, clapping]

1107
00:53:19,833 --> 00:53:23,166
- [Bob] Aw! What a duet! Terrific!
- [Barb] What a beautiful voice, Natalie!

1108
00:53:23,250 --> 00:53:25,708
- Oh no. No, I don't.
- It was wonderful! [laughing]

1109
00:53:25,791 --> 00:53:28,000
Okay, okay.
I think... I think we should tell them.

1110
00:53:28,083 --> 00:53:30,726
- It's time to tell them. Let's tell them.
- I think it's time. Okay.

1111
00:53:30,750 --> 00:53:33,458
- Can I have your attention? Please?
- [Barb] So clever...

1112
00:53:34,916 --> 00:53:39,500
Uh. You know, we... we were gonna wait
to tell everyone the great news, but...

1113
00:53:39,583 --> 00:53:43,500
[chuckles] after hearing all this singing
about babies,

1114
00:53:43,583 --> 00:53:46,458
we just got so darn excited, and, uh,

1115
00:53:46,541 --> 00:53:50,750
[inhales] uh, we just couldn't
keep it to ourselves anymore. Um...

1116
00:53:51,791 --> 00:53:53,250
Mom? Dad?

1117
00:53:54,750 --> 00:53:57,333
- You're gonna be grandparents.
- We're pregnant.

1118
00:53:58,041 --> 00:54:00,250
- [squealing]
- Oh wow!

1119
00:54:00,333 --> 00:54:02,125
Oh, son!

1120
00:54:02,208 --> 00:54:05,791
Oh, come here, come here.
Come on, come on, Grandma.

1121
00:54:05,875 --> 00:54:07,875
[indistinct chattering]

1122
00:54:11,125 --> 00:54:14,541
- [Barb] I'm so proud of you.
- We gotta come up with some names.

1123
00:54:14,625 --> 00:54:15,625
[Owen] Mom!

1124
00:54:15,708 --> 00:54:17,375
This is gonna be so much fun.

1125
00:54:17,458 --> 00:54:20,416
We're gonna do the bedroom,
we're gonna do the nursery room.

1126
00:54:20,500 --> 00:54:22,958
- [indistinct chatter]
- [Barb] Oh my...

1127
00:54:23,041 --> 00:54:25,250
May I have everyone's attention, please?

1128
00:54:25,333 --> 00:54:28,125
May I... may I have
everyone's attention, please?

1129
00:54:29,125 --> 00:54:33,041
Owen and Chelsea,
I just wanna say congratulations.

1130
00:54:33,541 --> 00:54:39,125
Seeing you guys so happy in love
and now pregnant. [chuckles]

1131
00:54:39,208 --> 00:54:41,750
I mean, it's a... it's a dream come true.

1132
00:54:42,333 --> 00:54:44,875
It's a dream
I never dared to have for myself.

1133
00:54:44,958 --> 00:54:47,458
Finding someone
to spend the rest of my life with.

1134
00:54:47,958 --> 00:54:50,291
It just didn't really seem
to be in the cards...

1135
00:54:52,083 --> 00:54:53,291
until I met Natalie.

1136
00:54:53,791 --> 00:54:54,791
Hmm?

1137
00:54:57,125 --> 00:54:58,375
- [Barb gasps]
- [Owen] Oh no.

1138
00:54:58,458 --> 00:54:59,291
[neighbors gasp]

1139
00:54:59,375 --> 00:55:00,541
What are you doing?

1140
00:55:01,583 --> 00:55:02,416
Get up.

1141
00:55:02,500 --> 00:55:06,625
Natalie. I... I know we haven't known
each other for that long...

1142
00:55:06,708 --> 00:55:08,291
No, we haven't. We really haven't.

1143
00:55:08,375 --> 00:55:12,833
But you know what they say.
When you know, you know.

1144
00:55:12,916 --> 00:55:16,625
[laughing nervously] I'm serious.
[straining] This is not funny.

1145
00:55:17,416 --> 00:55:18,250
Natalie Bauer.

1146
00:55:18,333 --> 00:55:19,833
Stop it. Get up.

1147
00:55:19,916 --> 00:55:21,333
- Will you marry me?
- [Barb gasps]

1148
00:55:21,416 --> 00:55:22,541
Stop...

1149
00:55:22,625 --> 00:55:24,041
He doesn't even have a ring.

1150
00:55:24,125 --> 00:55:25,833
Yeah, you don't have a ring.

1151
00:55:25,916 --> 00:55:29,333
[whispering] Say yes.
Just say yes. Just say it.

1152
00:55:29,916 --> 00:55:30,750
Jesus Christ.

1153
00:55:30,833 --> 00:55:33,666
You can take mine.
I don't have to be buried with it.

1154
00:55:33,750 --> 00:55:35,250
Oh, thank you, Grandma.

1155
00:55:35,333 --> 00:55:37,125
You're the best!

1156
00:55:37,208 --> 00:55:38,458
[chuckles nervously]

1157
00:55:38,541 --> 00:55:39,583
Natalie.

1158
00:55:40,458 --> 00:55:41,375
Will you?

1159
00:55:41,458 --> 00:55:43,625
[whispering] Come on.
Everybody's looking at us.

1160
00:55:43,708 --> 00:55:45,291
- Say yes!
- Yes! Yes!

1161
00:55:46,916 --> 00:55:49,000
[Josh whispering] Everyone's looking.
Just say yes.

1162
00:55:49,083 --> 00:55:51,166
We're not getting any younger, dear.

1163
00:55:52,750 --> 00:55:53,583
Yes.

1164
00:55:53,666 --> 00:55:55,041
- [all cheering]
- She said yes!

1165
00:55:55,125 --> 00:55:56,625
[Bob] Oh my God!

1166
00:55:58,625 --> 00:56:01,458
- Oh my God.
- [Barb] Oh my goodness!

1167
00:56:01,541 --> 00:56:03,083
Oh, it fits perfect!

1168
00:56:03,166 --> 00:56:04,541
- [Bob] Oh!
- Oh!

1169
00:56:04,625 --> 00:56:09,041
You're making me the happiest boy...
We're the happiest family in town!

1170
00:56:09,125 --> 00:56:11,892
- [Barb] Welcome to the family, Natalie.
- [Josh] Oh, thank you, Grandma.

1171
00:56:11,916 --> 00:56:14,291
- Oh!
- [Owen] It's crazy!

1172
00:56:14,375 --> 00:56:17,125
[Josh] I'm the happiest man in town.
Thank you. Thank you, everyone.

1173
00:56:17,708 --> 00:56:20,291
- [door closes]
- Okay. I... I know you're mad,

1174
00:56:20,375 --> 00:56:22,916
but you told me to stand up for myself,
and... and it worked!

1175
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:25,708
I told you to stand up,
not get down on one knee!

1176
00:56:25,791 --> 00:56:27,833
This was not part of the plan.

1177
00:56:27,916 --> 00:56:29,916
I'm... I'm sorry.
I got carried away in the moment.

1178
00:56:29,958 --> 00:56:32,458
But if you think about it,
nothing's changed.

1179
00:56:32,541 --> 00:56:34,166
Nothing's changed?

1180
00:56:34,250 --> 00:56:35,958
Your grandma gave me her ring

1181
00:56:36,041 --> 00:56:37,541
[shouting] off of her finger!

1182
00:56:37,625 --> 00:56:39,465
Still, we just gotta
make it through Christmas.

1183
00:56:39,541 --> 00:56:42,166
When you get back to LA,
I just tell them we didn't work out.

1184
00:56:42,250 --> 00:56:45,833
And then I look like the asshole?
Your family is gonna be crushed.

1185
00:56:45,916 --> 00:56:48,500
Don't worry. They're very used
to me disappointing them.

1186
00:56:48,583 --> 00:56:51,208
What about Tag?
I have a date with him tomorrow.

1187
00:56:51,291 --> 00:56:53,375
What if he finds out
I'm engaged to my cousin?

1188
00:56:53,458 --> 00:56:56,166
He won't. I promise you that. Okay?

1189
00:56:56,250 --> 00:56:58,916
Everything will be fine. Just trust me.

1190
00:56:59,833 --> 00:57:01,666
Tr... trust you? [scoffs]

1191
00:57:01,750 --> 00:57:04,708
That is literally
the one thing that I cannot do!

1192
00:57:05,791 --> 00:57:07,500
[Natalie] I even wore this stupid hat!

1193
00:57:07,583 --> 00:57:10,142
You wanted me to wear a hat.
You're like, "It's cute." It's dumb!

1194
00:57:10,166 --> 00:57:12,666
[door opens] Now I'm apparently
getting married! [door slams]

1195
00:57:12,750 --> 00:57:15,041
- [sighs deeply]
- [Owen] <i>I don't know about this Natalie.</i>

1196
00:57:15,125 --> 00:57:17,875
If she wants to be in our family,
I need to know who she is.

1197
00:57:17,958 --> 00:57:18,833
And I've been,

1198
00:57:18,916 --> 00:57:22,000
[chuckles] I've been searching
for like an hour and nothing.

1199
00:57:22,500 --> 00:57:25,458
[clicks tongue] Not being Google-able
is the modern equivalent

1200
00:57:25,541 --> 00:57:28,125
of driving a white,
windowless van by a playground.

1201
00:57:28,875 --> 00:57:31,416
I went to prom in a white windowless van.

1202
00:57:32,333 --> 00:57:33,333
Huh?

1203
00:57:33,791 --> 00:57:35,625
I think you should just let it go.

1204
00:57:35,708 --> 00:57:39,083
I mean, she's not that bad,
and Josh seems really into her.

1205
00:57:39,916 --> 00:57:43,791
Chels, the baby barely has a heartbeat,
let alone ears.

1206
00:57:43,875 --> 00:57:46,291
Music prevents stretch marks, Owen.

1207
00:57:46,375 --> 00:57:47,708
[Kerry]<i> Let me get this straight.</i>

1208
00:57:47,791 --> 00:57:51,041
<i>You're dating the real Tag,
and you're engaged to the fake Tag?</i>

1209
00:57:51,125 --> 00:57:51,958
Correct.

1210
00:57:52,041 --> 00:57:54,958
My God, honey, you are gonna make
a therapist very wealthy one day.

1211
00:57:55,041 --> 00:57:56,666
[Natalie] <i>This isn't funny, Ker!</i>

1212
00:57:56,750 --> 00:57:58,541
I am so screwed!

1213
00:57:58,625 --> 00:58:01,000
[Kerry] <i>All you have to do
is make sure Tag and the Lins</i>

1214
00:58:01,083 --> 00:58:03,541
don't find out anything before Christmas,
and you're golden.

1215
00:58:03,625 --> 00:58:05,416
Just sit back, enjoy it.

1216
00:58:05,500 --> 00:58:06,875
[Natalie] <i>I don't know, Ker.</i>

1217
00:58:06,958 --> 00:58:09,208
I feel like this
is gonna blow up in my face.

1218
00:58:09,291 --> 00:58:11,541
[Kerry] <i>Honey, sometimes blow-ups
can be a good thing.</i>

1219
00:58:11,625 --> 00:58:13,666
<i>You might not always
get the ending you want,</i>

1220
00:58:13,750 --> 00:58:15,416
but you'll get the ending you need.

1221
00:58:15,500 --> 00:58:18,666
- Worst case, you get a free diamond ring.
- [call waiting beeps]

1222
00:58:19,625 --> 00:58:23,583
Oh. Hey... hey, Nat. Sweetie, I love you,
but I gotta go. My sponsor's calling.

1223
00:58:23,666 --> 00:58:25,500
Bye, sweetie. Love you.

1224
00:58:25,583 --> 00:58:26,583
Hey.

1225
00:58:27,625 --> 00:58:28,625
Kerry?

1226
00:58:30,125 --> 00:58:31,125
[scoffs]

1227
00:58:32,625 --> 00:58:33,708
[shivering]

1228
00:58:34,958 --> 00:58:36,000
[Bob grunts]

1229
00:58:38,291 --> 00:58:39,458
Is everything okay?

1230
00:58:40,125 --> 00:58:44,083
Oh, uh, Natalie,
can you please hand me my... my wrench?

1231
00:58:44,625 --> 00:58:45,916
[clicks tongue] Uh, yeah.

1232
00:58:46,750 --> 00:58:47,833
- Here.
- [Bob] Thanks.

1233
00:58:48,333 --> 00:58:49,333
No problem.

1234
00:58:49,875 --> 00:58:51,500
[grunts] Got it.

1235
00:58:52,333 --> 00:58:53,333
Whew.

1236
00:58:54,291 --> 00:58:56,208
Damn flue always gets stuck.

1237
00:58:57,041 --> 00:58:58,041
[Bob exhales]

1238
00:58:59,125 --> 00:59:01,625
Oh, would you like
to help me with kindling?

1239
00:59:02,416 --> 00:59:03,416
Sure.

1240
00:59:03,750 --> 00:59:05,333
[Bob grunts]

1241
00:59:10,666 --> 00:59:15,291
Just roll it lightly and scrunch.

1242
00:59:16,125 --> 00:59:16,958
[Bob chuckles]

1243
00:59:17,041 --> 00:59:21,041
Yeah, my dad didn't set fires unless
there was an insurance claim involved.

1244
00:59:21,958 --> 00:59:23,208
Who's that?

1245
00:59:23,958 --> 00:59:24,958
Oh.

1246
00:59:25,625 --> 00:59:27,041
Oh, that's my dad.

1247
00:59:27,750 --> 00:59:29,708
Yeah. He passed a few years ago.

1248
00:59:29,791 --> 00:59:30,916
Oh, I'm...

1249
00:59:31,791 --> 00:59:33,125
- [Bob] Oh.
- I'm sorry.

1250
00:59:34,083 --> 00:59:37,333
You know,
that man loved two things in this world,

1251
00:59:37,416 --> 00:59:39,708
his family and Christmas.

1252
00:59:39,791 --> 00:59:43,166
He used to climb up on the roof
every Christmas Eve and stomp around

1253
00:59:43,250 --> 00:59:45,291
so the boys knew Santa had arrived.

1254
00:59:45,375 --> 00:59:47,791
- He fell off one year and broke his arm.
- [gasps]

1255
00:59:47,875 --> 00:59:52,208
But he told the boys he broke it,
protecting their presents from the Grinch.

1256
00:59:52,291 --> 00:59:53,750
[both laugh]

1257
00:59:56,083 --> 00:59:58,166
He sounds like a great guy.

1258
00:59:58,250 --> 00:59:59,250
Yeah.

1259
01:00:00,375 --> 01:00:01,666
Hey, listen, um...

1260
01:00:01,750 --> 01:00:03,541
I just wanted you to know that

1261
01:00:04,666 --> 01:00:08,000
we're really happy
to have you joining the family.

1262
01:00:12,791 --> 01:00:13,791
[exhales deeply]

1263
01:00:15,250 --> 01:00:17,833
Okay. Well, enough of that. [chuckles]

1264
01:00:17,916 --> 01:00:19,875
Ready to give this bad boy a go?

1265
01:00:20,666 --> 01:00:21,500
Sure.

1266
01:00:21,583 --> 01:00:22,708
[Bob chuckles]

1267
01:00:25,791 --> 01:00:27,625
Oh. Okay. All right.

1268
01:00:28,208 --> 01:00:29,083
[birds squawking]

1269
01:00:29,166 --> 01:00:32,000
[Natalie] This is the most beautiful hike
I've ever been on.

1270
01:00:32,083 --> 01:00:33,458
[Tag] I'm glad you like it.

1271
01:00:33,958 --> 01:00:36,875
I used to come here every day
with my golden retriever, Chewy.

1272
01:00:36,958 --> 01:00:38,666
He passed away last year, actually.

1273
01:00:38,750 --> 01:00:41,000
- I miss him every day.
- Mm.

1274
01:00:41,583 --> 01:00:43,166
He would've liked this hike a lot...

1275
01:00:43,250 --> 01:00:44,250
Mm.

1276
01:00:45,625 --> 01:00:46,625
...and you.

1277
01:00:54,083 --> 01:00:55,083
[chuckles]

1278
01:00:55,625 --> 01:00:58,916
This has been nice.
I haven't been on a hike date in years.

1279
01:00:59,000 --> 01:01:01,833
Oh, this is not the date.
It's just a warm-up.

1280
01:01:03,041 --> 01:01:05,875
- You ever been bobsledding before?
- [rumbling]

1281
01:01:07,125 --> 01:01:09,000
<i>I'm not good at this kind of stuff, Josh.</i>

1282
01:01:09,083 --> 01:01:11,333
Okay. You just have to relax.

1283
01:01:11,416 --> 01:01:15,416
Relax? I can't relax. The tension
is the only thing holding me together.

1284
01:01:15,500 --> 01:01:18,041
Put in your AirPods,
and put on some music.

1285
01:01:18,125 --> 01:01:20,041
I don't know if I have them.

1286
01:01:22,291 --> 01:01:25,708
Actually, I think I have
something even better.

1287
01:01:27,958 --> 01:01:30,958
Oh, um, E-Rock says "pass the dutch."

1288
01:01:31,041 --> 01:01:32,291
E-Rock?

1289
01:01:33,333 --> 01:01:34,666
When did he get out of jail?

1290
01:01:34,750 --> 01:01:37,458
[Tag whooping]

1291
01:01:39,000 --> 01:01:40,333
[screaming] Yeah!

1292
01:01:40,416 --> 01:01:43,458
[continues whooping]

1293
01:01:43,541 --> 01:01:46,083
How are you feeling back there, Natalie?

1294
01:01:46,166 --> 01:01:48,291
[Natalie spacey] Flying high back here.

1295
01:01:49,416 --> 01:01:51,416
[Tag whooping]

1296
01:01:53,833 --> 01:01:54,750
[door closes]

1297
01:01:54,833 --> 01:01:57,375
- [footsteps approaching]
- [Natalie humming]

1298
01:01:58,875 --> 01:02:00,041
[Natalie sighs happily]

1299
01:02:00,125 --> 01:02:02,250
[scoffs] Glad you're not dead.

1300
01:02:02,333 --> 01:02:05,125
Oh! I've never felt more alive!

1301
01:02:06,625 --> 01:02:09,958
Not only did Tag ask me to dinner
tomorrow night,

1302
01:02:10,458 --> 01:02:14,125
but I'm pretty sure I qualified for
the winter Olympics in Beijing. [chuckles]

1303
01:02:14,208 --> 01:02:15,750
Oh!

1304
01:02:15,833 --> 01:02:17,333
[squeals]

1305
01:02:17,416 --> 01:02:18,958
For the first time,

1306
01:02:19,041 --> 01:02:21,791
I met someone who's as perfect in person

1307
01:02:21,875 --> 01:02:25,166
as they are on paper. [chuckles, moans]

1308
01:02:25,250 --> 01:02:28,791
I hate to break it to you, but Tag
is actually far from being perfect.

1309
01:02:28,875 --> 01:02:32,458
In first grade, he had a lazy eye
and needed to wear an eye patch.

1310
01:02:32,541 --> 01:02:35,125
[scoffs] Why are you being all weird?

1311
01:02:35,916 --> 01:02:38,416
I'm just trying to point out
that in some cultures,

1312
01:02:38,500 --> 01:02:41,458
height and facial symmetry are repulsive.

1313
01:02:42,458 --> 01:02:45,708
[smacks lips] It's a good thing
I'm not part of those cultures.

1314
01:02:45,791 --> 01:02:47,500
Whatcha doin' over here?

1315
01:02:47,583 --> 01:02:49,541
Just mixing some new scents.

1316
01:02:49,625 --> 01:02:51,166
[sniffing] Mmm.

1317
01:02:51,250 --> 01:02:54,000
Smells like freshly cut grass.

1318
01:02:54,583 --> 01:02:57,458
- Well, that one's called Lawn Mower.
- [Natalie] Mm.

1319
01:02:58,125 --> 01:02:59,541
[inhales deeply]

1320
01:03:01,708 --> 01:03:04,208
Mmm.

1321
01:03:04,291 --> 01:03:05,416
Getting a feeling.

1322
01:03:05,500 --> 01:03:07,833
Bear with me. Um... [sniffs]

1323
01:03:07,916 --> 01:03:12,416
It's like a... You know those [chuckles]
blue-collar mechanics guys

1324
01:03:12,500 --> 01:03:16,083
with the tight shirts,
that put in a hard day's work?

1325
01:03:16,166 --> 01:03:17,875
Jiffy Lube is what I'm calling it.

1326
01:03:18,750 --> 01:03:22,208
[smacks lips] You might want to rethink
the names, but you did nail the scents.

1327
01:03:22,291 --> 01:03:23,875
Oh, sorry, that's just for me.

1328
01:03:23,958 --> 01:03:27,000
Ooh. Yeah, well, looks like now
it's just for me.

1329
01:03:27,083 --> 01:03:28,375
[sniffing] Mmm!

1330
01:03:28,458 --> 01:03:31,125
Eucalyptus. I love eucalyptus.

1331
01:03:31,625 --> 01:03:33,500
And Old Spice.

1332
01:03:33,583 --> 01:03:37,791
And there's, like,
a tiny little tinge of, hmm... gasoline?

1333
01:03:37,875 --> 01:03:39,208
What is this one?

1334
01:03:40,791 --> 01:03:41,791
Grandpa.

1335
01:03:43,541 --> 01:03:46,625
I started making candles
because of him in the first place.

1336
01:03:47,250 --> 01:03:50,125
You know they say a scent
can make a memory come alive.

1337
01:03:51,166 --> 01:03:52,333
So I made one of him.

1338
01:03:53,291 --> 01:03:54,291
It's lame, I know.

1339
01:03:55,625 --> 01:03:56,625
No.

1340
01:03:57,583 --> 01:03:58,708
It's not lame.

1341
01:04:00,041 --> 01:04:02,041
[soft piano music playing]

1342
01:04:04,041 --> 01:04:06,500
It's actually really sweet.

1343
01:04:12,375 --> 01:04:14,583
[Barb] Hey, guys,
the movie's about to start!

1344
01:04:14,666 --> 01:04:16,041
[exhales] What movie?

1345
01:04:16,666 --> 01:04:18,791
The greatest Christmas movie of all time.

1346
01:04:20,166 --> 01:04:22,625
["Silent Night" playing]

1347
01:04:23,500 --> 01:04:24,833
<i>It's carol singers.</i>

1348
01:04:24,916 --> 01:04:27,083
<i>♪ Holy night ♪</i>

1349
01:04:29,583 --> 01:04:31,125
[Grandma] I've seen him in something.

1350
01:04:31,208 --> 01:04:33,333
He's from <i>Game of Thrones.</i>

1351
01:04:35,208 --> 01:04:37,125
No, he's from that zombie show.

1352
01:04:37,208 --> 01:04:38,583
<i>Walking Dead.</i>

1353
01:04:38,666 --> 01:04:40,750
Ew. I hated that documentary.

1354
01:04:40,833 --> 01:04:42,833
Guys, come on. This is my favorite part.

1355
01:04:42,916 --> 01:04:46,500
<i>♪...Mother and Child ♪</i>

1356
01:04:46,583 --> 01:04:47,666
Oh shoot.

1357
01:04:47,750 --> 01:04:51,333
<i>- ♪ Holy infant so... ♪</i>
- [gasps] Oh!

1358
01:04:51,416 --> 01:04:55,375
Oh, look! It's going to print!
Little lovebirds.

1359
01:04:55,458 --> 01:04:58,875
Your engagement announcement.
It's gonna be in the <i>Gazette</i> tomorrow.

1360
01:05:00,083 --> 01:05:01,583
["Blood On My Hands" playing]

1361
01:05:01,666 --> 01:05:05,291
<i>♪ God damn, I got blood on my hands ♪</i>

1362
01:05:07,041 --> 01:05:10,416
<i>♪ God damn, I got blood on my hands ♪</i>

1363
01:05:11,083 --> 01:05:12,541
- [dog barking]
- [Natalie laughing]

1364
01:05:12,625 --> 01:05:15,958
<i>- ♪ God damn, I got blood on my hands ♪</i>
- [car remote beeping]

1365
01:05:16,041 --> 01:05:18,125
<i>♪ Say you wanna ride, better buckle up ♪</i>

1366
01:05:18,208 --> 01:05:20,559
<i>- ♪ Yeah, you say you ride or die... ♪</i>
- [Josh] Get in! Get in!

1367
01:05:20,583 --> 01:05:23,541
<i>♪ Yeah, you really 'bouta lie
Pump, pump it up ♪</i>

1368
01:05:23,625 --> 01:05:24,625
<i>♪ Cuz we been</i>... <i>♪</i>

1369
01:05:24,666 --> 01:05:26,541
You can run, but you can't hide!

1370
01:05:26,625 --> 01:05:27,791
<i>♪ Say you wanna ride... ♪</i>

1371
01:05:27,875 --> 01:05:29,875
Oh shit. Stay down. Stay down.

1372
01:05:29,958 --> 01:05:32,833
<i>♪ God damn, I got blood on my hands ♪</i>

1373
01:05:32,916 --> 01:05:35,041
- [panting] He's gone.
<i>- </i>Are you sure?

1374
01:05:38,625 --> 01:05:42,083
I'm pretty sure that paperboy
is gonna get fired over this.

1375
01:05:42,166 --> 01:05:45,333
- I'll give him a job at the store.
- Oh, well, I hope he likes to travel.

1376
01:05:45,416 --> 01:05:47,500
- That's an upgrade, I'd say.
- [chuckles]

1377
01:05:47,583 --> 01:05:50,666
[Josh] Okay. This is the last street.
I think we got all of it.

1378
01:05:50,750 --> 01:05:52,625
Oh my God. [laughing]

1379
01:05:52,708 --> 01:05:55,416
I mean, I... I look like a deer
in the headlights in this photo.

1380
01:05:55,500 --> 01:05:58,625
- [Josh] No, you don't. [breathing heavily]
- Yes, I do.

1381
01:05:58,708 --> 01:06:00,625
It's a pretty decent photo of you, though.

1382
01:06:00,708 --> 01:06:02,125
Look at that.

1383
01:06:02,208 --> 01:06:04,041
Probably the only one in existence.

1384
01:06:04,125 --> 01:06:06,083
[scoffs] Come on, Josh.

1385
01:06:06,166 --> 01:06:08,541
I know a lot of girls
who'd be very into you.

1386
01:06:09,541 --> 01:06:11,708
Well, they're definitely not
on FlirtAlert.

1387
01:06:15,375 --> 01:06:18,041
Do you still have
your original profile photos?

1388
01:06:19,875 --> 01:06:21,416
- Oh my God, you do.
- No.

1389
01:06:21,500 --> 01:06:22,416
Come on, show me.

1390
01:06:22,500 --> 01:06:24,684
- I deleted the whole thing.
- [Natalie] No, you didn't.

1391
01:06:24,708 --> 01:06:25,625
Please?

1392
01:06:25,708 --> 01:06:27,125
- No. No.
- I know you. I know you.

1393
01:06:27,208 --> 01:06:29,041
- Okay. Okay.
- Show me the photos!

1394
01:06:29,125 --> 01:06:31,291
[Josh exhales, sighs]

1395
01:06:33,958 --> 01:06:35,083
[giggles]

1396
01:06:36,000 --> 01:06:40,416
Dude. You're holding an ax.
You literally look like an ax murderer.

1397
01:06:40,500 --> 01:06:42,916
I was going for, like, a rugged look.

1398
01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:44,000
Okay.

1399
01:06:44,541 --> 01:06:45,375
[Natalie chuckles]

1400
01:06:45,458 --> 01:06:49,458
What? Who doesn't like a bathroom selfie?
I looked kind of cut that day. Look.

1401
01:06:49,541 --> 01:06:52,833
No one loves a bathroom selfie!
Also, why are you holding a wrench?

1402
01:06:52,916 --> 01:06:56,583
I was fixing the toilet downstairs.
Girls like guys who fix things.

1403
01:06:58,166 --> 01:06:59,166
[Natalie snickers]

1404
01:06:59,625 --> 01:07:00,458
[Josh] What?

1405
01:07:00,541 --> 01:07:02,666
Okay, okay. Come here. Come here.

1406
01:07:02,750 --> 01:07:07,250
Let's recap for a second. You're holding
a wrench, an ax, and some rope.

1407
01:07:07,333 --> 01:07:09,125
Were you actually trying
to find a girlfriend

1408
01:07:09,208 --> 01:07:11,489
or the person who murdered Colonel Mustard
in the library?

1409
01:07:13,833 --> 01:07:18,125
No wonder you only got three matches.
You were hiding your strengths.

1410
01:07:18,750 --> 01:07:20,666
And what strengths are those?

1411
01:07:22,375 --> 01:07:23,875
Well. [clears throat]

1412
01:07:24,708 --> 01:07:27,875
For one, you have very nice eyes.

1413
01:07:29,416 --> 01:07:31,250
You gotta show those puppies off.

1414
01:07:34,583 --> 01:07:35,875
And those teeth.

1415
01:07:37,500 --> 01:07:39,250
You have really straight teeth.

1416
01:07:40,250 --> 01:07:42,083
They're freakishly straight.

1417
01:07:42,166 --> 01:07:43,583
Well, five years of braces.

1418
01:07:43,666 --> 01:07:45,875
- So then smile more!
- [touching music playing]

1419
01:07:45,958 --> 01:07:47,041
[sighs]

1420
01:07:47,125 --> 01:07:48,875
There you go. [chuckles]

1421
01:07:48,958 --> 01:07:50,500
- [laughing]
- There it is.

1422
01:07:51,541 --> 01:07:53,666
I'm kidding. [giggles]

1423
01:07:54,541 --> 01:07:58,541
But more importantly,
you're a good guy, Josh.

1424
01:08:00,875 --> 01:08:03,208
Well, I don't know how
to show that in a photo.

1425
01:08:04,916 --> 01:08:08,458
Well, for starters,
you have to believe that it's true.

1426
01:08:09,458 --> 01:08:10,666
And then, once you do,

1427
01:08:11,541 --> 01:08:12,791
trust me,

1428
01:08:13,666 --> 01:08:14,666
it'll show.

1429
01:08:16,333 --> 01:08:18,333
[touching music continues]

1430
01:08:21,791 --> 01:08:23,875
Promise me that when this is all over,

1431
01:08:25,083 --> 01:08:28,041
you'll put up an honest profile
with real photos

1432
01:08:28,125 --> 01:08:29,333
that show the real you.

1433
01:08:32,625 --> 01:08:33,625
I promise.

1434
01:08:38,250 --> 01:08:40,517
- [knocking on window]
- I know you're in there, you mofos.

1435
01:08:40,541 --> 01:08:41,541
I can see the steam!

1436
01:08:41,625 --> 01:08:43,125
Go! Go, go, go, go, go, go!

1437
01:08:44,791 --> 01:08:48,125
Sure you don't want to stay the night?
We're making a gingerbread house.

1438
01:08:48,208 --> 01:08:50,166
[Natalie] I told Tag
I'd meet him at eight.

1439
01:08:50,750 --> 01:08:51,625
Hmm.

1440
01:08:51,708 --> 01:08:53,541
[Natalie] Okay. So?

1441
01:08:54,916 --> 01:08:55,916
What do you think?

1442
01:08:58,208 --> 01:08:59,208
Wow.

1443
01:08:59,250 --> 01:09:02,625
I know. I... It's the best
I could find in your mom's closet.

1444
01:09:02,708 --> 01:09:06,291
But I did have to make a couple
of alterations. I hope she doesn't mind.

1445
01:09:06,916 --> 01:09:08,583
No. You look...

1446
01:09:11,208 --> 01:09:12,083
perfect.

1447
01:09:12,166 --> 01:09:13,666
[scoffs] Okay.

1448
01:09:13,750 --> 01:09:15,250
No need to oversell it.

1449
01:09:20,708 --> 01:09:24,875
- So, where are you guys going tonight?
- [smacks lips] Um... Abbott's, I think.

1450
01:09:24,958 --> 01:09:28,208
- You know that's a steakhouse, right?
- Yeah. His parents own it.

1451
01:09:28,291 --> 01:09:30,083
Right, and you're vegetarian,

1452
01:09:30,166 --> 01:09:32,250
but Tag's a real
meat-and-potatoes type of guy,

1453
01:09:32,333 --> 01:09:34,166
and he likes his girls the same way.

1454
01:09:34,750 --> 01:09:37,250
Okay, so I'll eat a potato.

1455
01:09:38,625 --> 01:09:41,000
Worst case, maybe I'll have a little meat.

1456
01:09:41,666 --> 01:09:44,333
Yeah, don't you think
this is going a little too far?

1457
01:09:45,666 --> 01:09:46,541
No.

1458
01:09:46,625 --> 01:09:50,125
Okay. Pretending to like rock climbing
or a book, that's one thing.

1459
01:09:50,208 --> 01:09:52,083
But now you're compromising your beliefs.

1460
01:09:52,166 --> 01:09:56,208
Okay, relax. It's not like
I'm opening up a slaughterhouse.

1461
01:09:56,291 --> 01:10:01,250
Well, it's meat today, but then
what are you going to lie about tomorrow?

1462
01:10:02,125 --> 01:10:04,375
I'm... I'm sorry. [scoffs] Lie?

1463
01:10:05,291 --> 01:10:09,250
Let's not forget the only reason I'm here
is because you lied.

1464
01:10:09,333 --> 01:10:11,375
- I lied about a photo.
- [Natalie] No.

1465
01:10:11,458 --> 01:10:15,083
You hid behind a photo.
You lied about your identity.

1466
01:10:15,833 --> 01:10:17,000
But it was still me.

1467
01:10:17,750 --> 01:10:20,750
Every conversation we had,
every text we exchanged,

1468
01:10:20,833 --> 01:10:22,208
every laugh we shared.

1469
01:10:22,875 --> 01:10:24,000
It was me.

1470
01:10:24,666 --> 01:10:26,041
You liked <i>me.</i>

1471
01:10:26,666 --> 01:10:27,958
And you like me so much,

1472
01:10:28,041 --> 01:10:31,708
you flew across the country
to surprise me for Christmas.

1473
01:10:31,791 --> 01:10:33,583
You're right. I liked you.

1474
01:10:34,250 --> 01:10:35,583
But you were a lie.

1475
01:10:35,666 --> 01:10:37,208
A piece of fiction.

1476
01:10:49,166 --> 01:10:50,333
[inhales]

1477
01:10:52,916 --> 01:10:54,833
[soft music playing]

1478
01:11:05,333 --> 01:11:07,750
Good evening. Any questions on the menu?

1479
01:11:07,833 --> 01:11:09,583
I will have the porterhouse.

1480
01:11:09,666 --> 01:11:11,666
And how would you like that cooked?

1481
01:11:11,750 --> 01:11:15,208
You know me. So rare,
a good vet could bring it back to life.

1482
01:11:15,291 --> 01:11:18,000
[laughing uncomfortably]

1483
01:11:18,791 --> 01:11:22,041
[Barb] Josh, I'm sorry that Natalie
couldn't be with us tonight.

1484
01:11:22,125 --> 01:11:23,125
Where is she?

1485
01:11:23,833 --> 01:11:25,000
Uh, Abbott's.

1486
01:11:26,125 --> 01:11:27,500
[Grandma] What's she doing there?

1487
01:11:28,333 --> 01:11:32,833
Uh, she's just... uh... uh... sampling
the menu, uh, for the wedding meal.

1488
01:11:32,916 --> 01:11:34,166
[Grandma, Barb] Mm.

1489
01:11:34,250 --> 01:11:36,375
Isn't that something you do together?

1490
01:11:37,000 --> 01:11:39,625
No, it doesn't matter what I like.

1491
01:11:39,708 --> 01:11:42,416
You know,
as long as she's happy, I'm happy.

1492
01:11:44,875 --> 01:11:46,875
Ah crap. I'm out of Twizzlers.

1493
01:11:46,958 --> 01:11:49,958
How can I build my beautiful roof
without Twizzlers?

1494
01:11:50,041 --> 01:11:51,601
I'm gonna head to the store real quick.

1495
01:11:51,666 --> 01:11:54,958
Uh, and I'll be right back.
Anyone need anything? No? No? Okay.

1496
01:11:58,875 --> 01:12:00,916
So, um, what do you think of the place?

1497
01:12:01,000 --> 01:12:03,166
[smacks lips, sighs]
It's really something.

1498
01:12:03,791 --> 01:12:06,750
You can see Bambi
without actually going to Disney World.

1499
01:12:06,833 --> 01:12:08,375
You know, I shot that one, actually.

1500
01:12:10,166 --> 01:12:11,916
- Wow.
- Yeah.

1501
01:12:12,000 --> 01:12:14,000
["Santa Knows Your Secrets"
by Night Heart playing]

1502
01:12:14,041 --> 01:12:16,583
<i>♪ Santa knows your secrets ♪</i>

1503
01:12:19,833 --> 01:12:22,333
<i>♪ Santa knows your secrets ♪</i>

1504
01:12:24,625 --> 01:12:29,208
[Tag] Okay, so you like pizza,
rock climbing, and Thoreau.

1505
01:12:29,291 --> 01:12:30,875
- Mm-hmm.
- [Tag] What else do you like?

1506
01:12:30,958 --> 01:12:33,083
[smacks lips] Movies.

1507
01:12:33,166 --> 01:12:34,708
Specifically, <i>Die Hard.</i>

1508
01:12:34,791 --> 01:12:38,125
It is <i>the </i>greatest Christmas movie
of all time.

1509
01:12:41,125 --> 01:12:42,416
Well, cheers to that.

1510
01:12:46,958 --> 01:12:48,375
[Natalie] I totally love Christmas,

1511
01:12:48,458 --> 01:12:50,875
but Santa's actually kind of creepy
when you think about it.

1512
01:12:50,958 --> 01:12:53,351
He sees you when you're sleeping.
He knows when you're awake.

1513
01:12:53,375 --> 01:12:55,958
He always makes you sit on his lap.

1514
01:12:56,041 --> 01:12:57,958
Yep. Totally agree.

1515
01:12:58,041 --> 01:13:00,958
I mean, that guy is everything
that's wrong with Christmas.

1516
01:13:01,041 --> 01:13:02,833
It's pretty much why I don't celebrate it.

1517
01:13:02,916 --> 01:13:05,083
[laughing]

1518
01:13:06,625 --> 01:13:09,458
Oh, you're serious?
You don't celebrate Christmas?

1519
01:13:09,541 --> 01:13:10,541
No.

1520
01:13:10,916 --> 01:13:12,125
Stopped three years ago.

1521
01:13:13,125 --> 01:13:16,333
- Why?
- Because it's a total scam.

1522
01:13:16,916 --> 01:13:17,916
Okay.

1523
01:13:18,583 --> 01:13:20,041
Really? [softly] Okay.

1524
01:13:20,875 --> 01:13:22,750
[Natalie] Oh, uh, don't pull up
to the house.

1525
01:13:22,833 --> 01:13:24,291
- Everyone's sleeping.
- [Tag] Okay.

1526
01:13:24,375 --> 01:13:26,958
[Natalie] No offense,
but your car is a little loud.

1527
01:13:27,875 --> 01:13:29,000
[Tag scoffs]

1528
01:13:30,041 --> 01:13:31,041
Okay.

1529
01:13:31,500 --> 01:13:33,583
Well, I had a really nice evening.

1530
01:13:34,750 --> 01:13:35,750
I did too.

1531
01:13:36,708 --> 01:13:37,833
Thank you.

1532
01:13:55,333 --> 01:13:57,500
Thank you. Um...

1533
01:13:58,833 --> 01:13:59,833
Good night.

1534
01:14:00,708 --> 01:14:01,708
Good night.

1535
01:14:04,416 --> 01:14:05,500
[door closes]

1536
01:14:06,625 --> 01:14:08,916
[engine revving]

1537
01:14:14,416 --> 01:14:15,500
[sighs]

1538
01:14:17,125 --> 01:14:18,916
[soft guitar strumming]

1539
01:14:39,375 --> 01:14:40,625
[Natalie groaning]

1540
01:14:41,833 --> 01:14:43,250
There's cereal in there.

1541
01:14:48,125 --> 01:14:51,250
Hey, Josh, listen.
About what I said last night, I...

1542
01:14:51,333 --> 01:14:53,125
Look, you don't have to say anything.

1543
01:14:53,208 --> 01:14:54,541
No, I want to.

1544
01:14:55,375 --> 01:14:56,976
- [Grandma] Hey, kids.
- I shouldn't have...

1545
01:14:57,000 --> 01:15:00,166
I need your help.
Go get dressed, and meet me at the car.

1546
01:15:00,250 --> 01:15:01,250
Where are we going?

1547
01:15:01,750 --> 01:15:03,041
Shimmering Pines.

1548
01:15:03,750 --> 01:15:07,375
Come on, Grandma. Just ask Mom to help.
Okay? She loves that place.

1549
01:15:07,458 --> 01:15:09,708
I don't need your mom. I need you.

1550
01:15:09,791 --> 01:15:10,958
[chattering]

1551
01:15:11,041 --> 01:15:14,500
We're starting now.
We're going to start now, everyone.

1552
01:15:14,583 --> 01:15:16,750
We're going to be starting now.

1553
01:15:18,000 --> 01:15:20,666
Many of you've expressed
interest in online dating.

1554
01:15:21,250 --> 01:15:23,208
Well, I've brought you two experts.

1555
01:15:23,291 --> 01:15:28,125
My grandson, Josh,
and his fiancée Natalie.

1556
01:15:28,208 --> 01:15:29,458
[woman] Oh.

1557
01:15:29,541 --> 01:15:33,166
They actually met online
and now are engaged.

1558
01:15:33,250 --> 01:15:34,250
[group exclaiming]

1559
01:15:34,333 --> 01:15:37,000
[Grandma] So, who better to come
and talk to you about

1560
01:15:37,083 --> 01:15:39,333
the dos and don'ts of online dating?

1561
01:15:40,416 --> 01:15:41,916
Any questions?

1562
01:15:42,500 --> 01:15:43,833
How do I make it clear

1563
01:15:43,916 --> 01:15:46,541
that I'm not looking
for anything long-term?

1564
01:15:46,625 --> 01:15:47,625
[group] Yeah.

1565
01:15:47,666 --> 01:15:50,000
Um... I... I think that might be implied.

1566
01:15:50,083 --> 01:15:54,208
Do I have to mention my Parkinson's?

1567
01:15:54,291 --> 01:15:57,333
I think being honest
is always a good idea.

1568
01:15:57,416 --> 01:16:01,416
- [woman] Oh.
- What if I spruce it up just a little bit?

1569
01:16:01,500 --> 01:16:04,458
Instead of "has Parkinson's,"

1570
01:16:04,541 --> 01:16:06,291
I go with, uh,

1571
01:16:07,291 --> 01:16:08,833
"Always on the move."

1572
01:16:08,916 --> 01:16:11,333
- [group chuckling]
- Ooh, that's a good idea! I like that.

1573
01:16:11,416 --> 01:16:14,166
I want to avoid mentioning
that I'm in a wheelchair.

1574
01:16:14,250 --> 01:16:17,958
Then just change it.
Say, "I enjoy rolling with my homies."

1575
01:16:18,041 --> 01:16:20,083
- Yeah! That's good.
- Oh, that sounds really good!

1576
01:16:20,166 --> 01:16:22,583
Guys, I... I think you guys
got the wrong idea.

1577
01:16:22,666 --> 01:16:26,875
And will the fact that I live
in a nursing home turn off a lot of men?

1578
01:16:26,958 --> 01:16:29,000
- [Josh] Uh.
- Not necessarily.

1579
01:16:29,083 --> 01:16:32,041
Just say, "Into the group thing."

1580
01:16:32,125 --> 01:16:33,583
[group exclaiming]

1581
01:16:33,666 --> 01:16:38,583
And then Hank there
would prefer staying in over going out.

1582
01:16:38,666 --> 01:16:41,500
[group laughing, chattering]

1583
01:16:44,333 --> 01:16:46,708
Stop. Stop.
[spluttering] Everyone just stop.

1584
01:16:46,791 --> 01:16:48,041
[group quiets]

1585
01:16:49,500 --> 01:16:50,583
[Josh] I... I get it.

1586
01:16:50,666 --> 01:16:53,125
I... I really, really do.

1587
01:16:54,166 --> 01:16:56,125
You wanna put your best foot forward.

1588
01:16:57,208 --> 01:17:01,083
You lived a full, vibrant life,
and you're a good person.

1589
01:17:01,666 --> 01:17:04,500
Traveled the world, fought in a war.

1590
01:17:05,083 --> 01:17:07,083
And Gladys, you met Sinatra.

1591
01:17:07,166 --> 01:17:09,500
I heard about your night at the Flamingo.

1592
01:17:09,583 --> 01:17:10,583
[sighs]

1593
01:17:11,333 --> 01:17:16,833
But then the insecurities creep in,
and you start with a slight exaggeration.

1594
01:17:18,041 --> 01:17:20,666
Still you, just a shinier version.

1595
01:17:21,583 --> 01:17:23,458
But... you like it.

1596
01:17:24,666 --> 01:17:26,833
So you tweak it just a little more

1597
01:17:28,375 --> 01:17:32,291
until the real you, which was probably
pretty great to begin with,

1598
01:17:33,291 --> 01:17:35,333
is unrecognizable.

1599
01:17:35,833 --> 01:17:37,333
[somber music playing]

1600
01:17:38,166 --> 01:17:39,250
But here's the thing.

1601
01:17:40,833 --> 01:17:42,500
You're not just fooling yourself.

1602
01:17:43,666 --> 01:17:46,666
There's someone else
on the other side of that lie

1603
01:17:47,416 --> 01:17:51,000
falling in love with a version of you
that doesn't exist.

1604
01:17:52,875 --> 01:17:54,750
And that's not fair

1605
01:17:55,541 --> 01:17:58,833
because the only way it ends for them
is disappointment.

1606
01:17:59,833 --> 01:18:01,458
And the only way it ends for you

1607
01:18:02,916 --> 01:18:03,916
is heartbreak.

1608
01:18:07,875 --> 01:18:09,833
If I've learned anything,

1609
01:18:09,916 --> 01:18:12,791
it's that love doesn't have to be perfect.

1610
01:18:14,375 --> 01:18:15,958
It just has to be honest.

1611
01:18:23,583 --> 01:18:27,625
- Is "curvy" spelled with a Y or an EY?
- [man] There's no E.

1612
01:18:29,500 --> 01:18:32,125
[indistinct chattering]

1613
01:18:36,000 --> 01:18:40,500
I guess I never realized.
I was so busy being mad at you

1614
01:18:40,583 --> 01:18:44,333
that I... I never stopped to think
about why you actually did it.

1615
01:18:44,416 --> 01:18:45,833
Look. Natalie,

1616
01:18:45,916 --> 01:18:48,458
the... the why doesn't even matter anymore.

1617
01:18:48,541 --> 01:18:51,708
It was wrong. I shouldn't have asked you
to lie in the first place.

1618
01:18:51,791 --> 01:18:55,333
And I'm just gonna go to my family
and come clean with everything.

1619
01:18:55,416 --> 01:18:58,083
Wait, what? No.
No, no, no, no. You can't do that.

1620
01:18:58,166 --> 01:19:00,541
Josh, this isn't all your fault. I mean...

1621
01:19:01,958 --> 01:19:04,250
Besides, a deal's a deal.
We've made it this far.

1622
01:19:04,333 --> 01:19:08,291
It's only two days till Christmas.
Let's stage a breakup like we planned.

1623
01:19:08,958 --> 01:19:10,500
Don't worry, I'll sell it.

1624
01:19:11,083 --> 01:19:13,000
I don't know. It... it doesn't feel right.

1625
01:19:14,375 --> 01:19:16,166
Grandma, the car's that way!

1626
01:19:16,791 --> 01:19:18,750
Grandma! That's the wrong way!

1627
01:19:19,250 --> 01:19:20,250
Wait up!

1628
01:19:20,875 --> 01:19:23,083
Grandma, where are you going?

1629
01:19:24,666 --> 01:19:28,416
- [woman whispers] Here they come.
- [all] Surprise!

1630
01:19:30,166 --> 01:19:31,291
[Owen] Hey, guys!

1631
01:19:32,666 --> 01:19:36,916
Oh, we are so excited
to have you join the family!

1632
01:19:37,541 --> 01:19:38,541
[exhales]

1633
01:19:39,166 --> 01:19:43,625
Your parents threw us
a surprise engagement party? Here?

1634
01:19:43,708 --> 01:19:45,750
Yeah. Not ideal.

1635
01:19:47,333 --> 01:19:48,625
[Bob] Let's party!

1636
01:19:51,416 --> 01:19:52,791
- Hi.
- Hey.

1637
01:19:52,875 --> 01:19:54,125
What are you doing here?

1638
01:19:54,208 --> 01:19:57,833
Your aunt asked if we could throw
a surprise engagement party for Josh here.

1639
01:19:57,916 --> 01:19:59,875
- I figured it's the least I could do.
- Oh.

1640
01:19:59,958 --> 01:20:02,078
Where's the bride-to-be anyway?
I haven't met her yet.

1641
01:20:02,125 --> 01:20:03,458
She's doing the rounds.

1642
01:20:03,541 --> 01:20:06,583
- Congratulations, dear.
- Thank you. You look hungry.

1643
01:20:06,666 --> 01:20:08,500
Why did he just congratulate you?

1644
01:20:08,583 --> 01:20:11,500
- Oh. You didn't hear?
- Uh-uh.

1645
01:20:11,583 --> 01:20:14,541
I was the millionth customer
at the Supermart. Hmm.

1646
01:20:14,625 --> 01:20:16,458
- Huh?
- Free non-perishables for life.

1647
01:20:16,541 --> 01:20:17,625
- Wow!
- Yeah, lucky me!

1648
01:20:17,708 --> 01:20:20,351
- I know a great charity that...
- Do you know where the coat check is?

1649
01:20:20,375 --> 01:20:22,695
- Yeah. Oh, okay. Uh-huh.
- Do you mind taking that for me?

1650
01:20:22,750 --> 01:20:24,990
- Thank you so much.
- You... you look great, by the way.

1651
01:20:25,041 --> 01:20:27,250
Thanks. [sighs]

1652
01:20:29,000 --> 01:20:30,208
Hors d'oeuvres?

1653
01:20:30,291 --> 01:20:32,750
[Eric] J-Dog! Congrats, my man!

1654
01:20:32,833 --> 01:20:37,000
E-Rock! My mom really did invite
everybody in town. Huh?

1655
01:20:37,083 --> 01:20:41,125
Well, actually, I was just dropping off
your, uh, your lady's suitcase.

1656
01:20:41,208 --> 01:20:44,250
There's so much nice underwear in there.
You're a lucky guy.

1657
01:20:46,541 --> 01:20:48,666
I gotta say I'm surprised. [clears throat]

1658
01:20:48,750 --> 01:20:49,791
Lee?

1659
01:20:49,875 --> 01:20:53,625
- I didn't think it was gonna work out.
- How... how... are you here?

1660
01:20:53,708 --> 01:20:56,208
Duh, first class, honey.
I'm not a peasant.

1661
01:20:56,291 --> 01:20:57,500
No, I... I mean, um...

1662
01:20:57,583 --> 01:21:00,416
Listen, you're not the only one
that can stalk people on the internet.

1663
01:21:00,500 --> 01:21:05,000
I found out about this little <i>soirée</i>
courtesy of Barb's Facebook page. Hello!

1664
01:21:05,083 --> 01:21:07,500
[breathing heavily]

1665
01:21:08,958 --> 01:21:10,583
Hey, how's it going?

1666
01:21:11,333 --> 01:21:13,208
So, Tag and Lee are here.

1667
01:21:13,291 --> 01:21:16,458
- Lee? Are you dating two guys now?
- No, he's my boss.

1668
01:21:16,541 --> 01:21:18,250
What? Why is he here?

1669
01:21:18,333 --> 01:21:19,583
Because God hates me.

1670
01:21:21,583 --> 01:21:23,083
Glenlivet 12, neat.

1671
01:21:24,000 --> 01:21:25,666
That's a man who knows how to drink.

1672
01:21:26,250 --> 01:21:29,791
Just act natural. We'll figure a way out.
We just got to stick together. Okay?

1673
01:21:29,875 --> 01:21:32,750
Hey, babe.
I want to introduce you to my parents.

1674
01:21:32,833 --> 01:21:33,833
I'm out.

1675
01:21:33,916 --> 01:21:35,458
What brings you here?

1676
01:21:35,541 --> 01:21:36,875
I'm Natalie's boss.

1677
01:21:38,375 --> 01:21:39,666
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

1678
01:21:40,291 --> 01:21:41,166
Tell me more.

1679
01:21:41,250 --> 01:21:43,416
Mom, Dad, this is Natalie.

1680
01:21:43,500 --> 01:21:44,416
- Hello.
- Hi.

1681
01:21:44,500 --> 01:21:46,208
- Hi.
- Tag's told us so much about you.

1682
01:21:46,291 --> 01:21:48,666
He never says anything
about his girlfriends, so...

1683
01:21:48,750 --> 01:21:49,833
Dad, come on.

1684
01:21:49,916 --> 01:21:52,958
Girlfriend. Wow.
It's... it's so, so nice to meet you.

1685
01:21:53,041 --> 01:21:56,166
[breathlessly] I think I'm just gonna
go use the ladies' room.

1686
01:21:57,458 --> 01:21:59,291
Hey, not so fast. We need to talk.

1687
01:21:59,375 --> 01:22:02,333
- I'm kind of busy, Owen.
- Oh, talking to your lover, Tag?

1688
01:22:02,416 --> 01:22:06,416
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw you two
here last night looking pretty damn cozy.

1689
01:22:06,500 --> 01:22:08,875
Okay, it's not... it's not what you think.

1690
01:22:08,958 --> 01:22:11,708
Ah, that's funny,
because I didn't know what to think

1691
01:22:11,791 --> 01:22:14,083
until I spoke to your boss
a few seconds ago,

1692
01:22:14,166 --> 01:22:15,916
and now it all makes sense.

1693
01:22:16,000 --> 01:22:17,458
Okay, look, I... I can explain.

1694
01:22:17,541 --> 01:22:19,041
- So the thing is...
- La-la-la-la...

1695
01:22:19,125 --> 01:22:23,166
I don't want to hear it. I just want you
to stop this charade with my brother.

1696
01:22:25,750 --> 01:22:27,333
Two glasses of Veuve, please.

1697
01:22:27,416 --> 01:22:29,916
- Tag, [burps] what's going on, bro?
- What's up, E?

1698
01:22:30,000 --> 01:22:32,291
Can you believe
that J-Dog is getting married?

1699
01:22:32,375 --> 01:22:34,666
- Chick's pretty cool too.
- I haven't met her yet.

1700
01:22:34,750 --> 01:22:35,958
Well, she's right there.

1701
01:22:36,458 --> 01:22:37,833
Dude, that's his cousin.

1702
01:22:37,916 --> 01:22:41,541
I don't judge. You love who you love.

1703
01:22:41,625 --> 01:22:42,500
No. You know wh...

1704
01:22:42,583 --> 01:22:44,543
Why should I believe
what comes out of your mouth?

1705
01:22:44,625 --> 01:22:46,916
- Are you serious...
- Hey! Everything okay here?

1706
01:22:47,000 --> 01:22:48,041
- No!
- Yes.

1707
01:22:49,000 --> 01:22:53,083
Natalie, she didn't come to New York
for love. She came here for a story.

1708
01:22:53,166 --> 01:22:55,083
She's been playing you since day one, bro.

1709
01:22:55,166 --> 01:22:58,666
She's a writer for a Disaster Date column,
and you're not her fiancé.

1710
01:22:58,750 --> 01:23:00,166
You are her subject.

1711
01:23:00,250 --> 01:23:02,375
- Don't...
- Wait. What? Nat.

1712
01:23:02,458 --> 01:23:03,625
What is he talking about?

1713
01:23:05,833 --> 01:23:07,666
[Bob] Could I have everyone's attention?

1714
01:23:07,750 --> 01:23:09,000
[sighs]

1715
01:23:09,791 --> 01:23:12,458
I'm not one for speeches,
so I'll keep this quick.

1716
01:23:13,083 --> 01:23:14,083
Uh...

1717
01:23:14,416 --> 01:23:15,458
Josh.

1718
01:23:16,250 --> 01:23:19,666
I know we haven't always seen
eye-to-eye on things,

1719
01:23:19,750 --> 01:23:22,333
but you're a good kid with a big heart,

1720
01:23:22,416 --> 01:23:27,708
and after spending, uh, the last week
with your beautiful bride-to-be,

1721
01:23:28,500 --> 01:23:31,958
I think the whole family agrees
that you've picked a winner!

1722
01:23:32,041 --> 01:23:34,083
I couldn't be happier for you, son.

1723
01:23:34,166 --> 01:23:37,958
So let's all raise a glass
to future Mr. and Mrs. Lin,

1724
01:23:38,041 --> 01:23:39,833
- Josh and...
- No!

1725
01:23:43,541 --> 01:23:45,000
Not yet. Um...

1726
01:23:45,083 --> 01:23:46,208
Uh...

1727
01:23:46,833 --> 01:23:50,250
[Natalie] We can't cheers
before all the speeches are done.

1728
01:23:50,333 --> 01:23:55,958
I mean, I'd like to add
to your beautiful, beautiful speech

1729
01:23:56,041 --> 01:23:59,166
with my own speech.

1730
01:23:59,750 --> 01:24:01,250
A speech sequel, per se,

1731
01:24:02,833 --> 01:24:06,166
about, um, love, and, uh, Josh,

1732
01:24:06,250 --> 01:24:07,250
and...

1733
01:24:09,166 --> 01:24:10,833
[breathing heavily]

1734
01:24:11,541 --> 01:24:13,250
- [man] And?
- [crowd murmuring]

1735
01:24:15,125 --> 01:24:16,375
...dishonesty.

1736
01:24:17,958 --> 01:24:19,458
Because that's what I've been,

1737
01:24:20,416 --> 01:24:21,416
dishonest

1738
01:24:22,458 --> 01:24:25,041
with Josh, and the Lins,

1739
01:24:25,708 --> 01:24:26,875
Tag,

1740
01:24:26,958 --> 01:24:28,125
everyone, really. I...

1741
01:24:29,083 --> 01:24:30,083
[Natalie sighs]

1742
01:24:31,666 --> 01:24:32,875
[whispers] Here it goes.

1743
01:24:33,375 --> 01:24:35,916
[inhales] Four weeks ago,
I met a guy online.

1744
01:24:36,833 --> 01:24:40,916
He was smart, funny, sweet,
and he looked like him.

1745
01:24:42,416 --> 01:24:45,458
So, I decided to come here
and surprise him for Christmas.

1746
01:24:46,875 --> 01:24:48,958
But when I got here,
I realized that the guy

1747
01:24:49,041 --> 01:24:51,708
I was really talking to was him.

1748
01:24:53,416 --> 01:24:54,541
I got catfished,

1749
01:24:55,291 --> 01:24:56,458
and I was furious.

1750
01:24:57,875 --> 01:25:01,208
But Josh told me
that he would help get me Tag

1751
01:25:01,291 --> 01:25:04,166
if I pretended to be his girlfriend
for the holidays.

1752
01:25:04,250 --> 01:25:05,458
And I honestly just...

1753
01:25:05,541 --> 01:25:08,625
I... I thought
that my perfect match was here,

1754
01:25:08,708 --> 01:25:11,916
so I agreed, and I pretended
to be someone that I'm not, but...

1755
01:25:12,750 --> 01:25:15,083
[exhales] I just wanted my happy ending.

1756
01:25:16,875 --> 01:25:17,875
[scoffs]

1757
01:25:18,250 --> 01:25:21,083
[Natalie] But I can't do it anymore.
I... I... I can't lie.

1758
01:25:21,166 --> 01:25:22,916
I just can't, I'm sorry. I...

1759
01:25:25,166 --> 01:25:26,583
I'm so sorry.

1760
01:25:31,125 --> 01:25:32,416
Do you even climb?

1761
01:25:34,750 --> 01:25:35,750
What about Thoreau?

1762
01:25:36,708 --> 01:25:37,750
I hate him.

1763
01:25:38,500 --> 01:25:39,500
Bobsledding?

1764
01:25:40,041 --> 01:25:42,416
I literally had to get stoned
to get through it.

1765
01:25:42,500 --> 01:25:45,333
[chuckles] Yeah. Now, that's my girl.

1766
01:25:46,333 --> 01:25:51,083
[Tag] Okay, so... so you got mad at Josh
for catfishing you,

1767
01:25:51,166 --> 01:25:53,625
and then you go
and do the exact same thing to me.

1768
01:25:54,208 --> 01:25:55,958
[breath trembling]

1769
01:25:59,791 --> 01:26:01,000
Congratulations.

1770
01:26:05,333 --> 01:26:06,708
And... and by the way,

1771
01:26:07,291 --> 01:26:09,541
<i>Die Hard </i>is not a Christmas movie.

1772
01:26:09,625 --> 01:26:10,958
- [gasps]
- [Tag] Yeah.

1773
01:26:12,541 --> 01:26:14,458
[crowd murmuring]

1774
01:26:14,541 --> 01:26:15,541
[door opens]

1775
01:26:17,250 --> 01:26:20,458
Okay, all right, show's over.
Nothing to see here, all right?

1776
01:26:20,541 --> 01:26:21,625
Okay? All right?

1777
01:26:23,166 --> 01:26:25,875
All right. Time to go home.
Stop looking at my brother.

1778
01:26:26,708 --> 01:26:28,708
["Read My Mind" by Golda May playing]

1779
01:26:28,791 --> 01:26:33,083
<i>♪ On the corner of Main Street ♪</i>

1780
01:26:33,166 --> 01:26:37,291
<i>♪ Just tryna keep it in line ♪</i>

1781
01:26:37,958 --> 01:26:42,541
<i>♪ You say you wanna move on and ♪</i>

1782
01:26:42,625 --> 01:26:45,208
<i>♪ You say I'm fallin' behind ♪</i>

1783
01:26:45,291 --> 01:26:49,041
<i>♪ Can you read my mind? ♪</i>

1784
01:26:52,000 --> 01:26:53,125
[sighs]

1785
01:26:54,375 --> 01:26:59,916
<i>♪ Can you read my mind? ♪</i>

1786
01:27:06,125 --> 01:27:10,125
<i>♪ I never really gave up on ♪</i>

1787
01:27:11,083 --> 01:27:15,041
<i>♪ Breakin' out of this two-star town ♪</i>

1788
01:27:15,583 --> 01:27:19,958
<i>♪ I got the green light
I got a little fight ♪</i>

1789
01:27:20,041 --> 01:27:24,083
[Natalie] <i>A passion whose flame fails
to be fanned eventually burns out.</i>

1790
01:27:24,166 --> 01:27:26,833
<i>Don't be afraid to be you. Natalie.</i>

1791
01:27:26,916 --> 01:27:27,833
[door opens]

1792
01:27:27,916 --> 01:27:29,666
[Barb] I was happy with their meat.

1793
01:27:29,750 --> 01:27:33,208
[Bob] That's what they're known for.
Good old steak as always.

1794
01:27:33,291 --> 01:27:35,791
[footsteps approaching]

1795
01:27:43,291 --> 01:27:44,333
She's gone.

1796
01:27:45,750 --> 01:27:47,750
[somber music playing]

1797
01:27:50,958 --> 01:27:51,958
[Barb] Baby.

1798
01:27:52,708 --> 01:27:55,541
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

1799
01:28:01,000 --> 01:28:02,208
Thank you, Grandma.

1800
01:28:07,333 --> 01:28:08,875
Chin up, brother bear.

1801
01:28:14,250 --> 01:28:15,583
[softly] Sorry, Josh.

1802
01:28:16,458 --> 01:28:17,458
[Josh] It's okay.

1803
01:28:25,833 --> 01:28:26,833
[Bob sighs]

1804
01:28:27,791 --> 01:28:31,250
Here's the deal. Things happen for...

1805
01:28:41,958 --> 01:28:43,083
I'm sorry, son.

1806
01:28:47,666 --> 01:28:48,791
What are all these?

1807
01:28:49,708 --> 01:28:52,125
Oh, just candles I made.
It's... it's nothing.

1808
01:28:55,875 --> 01:28:56,875
You made this?

1809
01:28:57,666 --> 01:28:59,000
You make candles?

1810
01:29:00,125 --> 01:29:02,958
It's... it's no big deal.
It's just... it's just a hobby.

1811
01:29:07,250 --> 01:29:10,000
Wow! I don't know how you did it,
but... [sniffs]

1812
01:29:11,333 --> 01:29:13,375
this smells exactly like Grandpa.

1813
01:29:13,458 --> 01:29:15,750
It's as if he's here in the room with us.

1814
01:29:18,875 --> 01:29:20,625
I can smell his aftershave.

1815
01:29:23,375 --> 01:29:25,291
The wool of his sweater. [sniffs]

1816
01:29:28,375 --> 01:29:31,250
Wait, there's something else
that I just can't place.

1817
01:29:32,000 --> 01:29:33,875
- Eucalyptus?
- Bengay.

1818
01:29:33,958 --> 01:29:35,416
[both laughing]

1819
01:29:35,958 --> 01:29:37,083
[inhales] Well.

1820
01:29:37,833 --> 01:29:39,458
That's one hell of a hobby.

1821
01:29:42,375 --> 01:29:46,041
Actually, Dad, it's not just a hobby.

1822
01:29:46,750 --> 01:29:48,458
I... I think it could be a business.

1823
01:29:49,166 --> 01:29:50,166
A big one.

1824
01:29:51,000 --> 01:29:54,333
I know, it's not like helping
someone ascend Everest

1825
01:29:54,416 --> 01:29:57,916
or providing scuba gear
for the Great Barrier Reef,

1826
01:29:58,000 --> 01:30:01,250
but it's what I want to do with my life.

1827
01:30:04,000 --> 01:30:05,000
Wait. Uh...

1828
01:30:06,208 --> 01:30:08,625
Are you saying you don't want
to work at the store anymore?

1829
01:30:09,708 --> 01:30:11,458
[softly] No, I... I don't.

1830
01:30:11,541 --> 01:30:13,541
I'm... I'm sorry, Dad.

1831
01:30:14,875 --> 01:30:15,875
Oh. [chuckles]

1832
01:30:15,958 --> 01:30:16,958
Thank God.

1833
01:30:17,041 --> 01:30:19,083
[touching music playing]

1834
01:30:19,166 --> 01:30:23,416
I love you, son, but you're terrible
at selling sporting goods. [laughing]

1835
01:30:23,500 --> 01:30:24,875
I know!

1836
01:30:26,666 --> 01:30:27,666
So...

1837
01:30:28,208 --> 01:30:29,750
You're... you're not mad at me?

1838
01:30:29,833 --> 01:30:31,666
Ah, of course not.

1839
01:30:34,583 --> 01:30:36,750
My son wants to make candles,

1840
01:30:38,541 --> 01:30:40,958
so go make candles.

1841
01:30:44,833 --> 01:30:45,666
Yeah.

1842
01:30:45,750 --> 01:30:46,791
[exhales]

1843
01:30:47,791 --> 01:30:48,791
[chuckles]

1844
01:31:02,041 --> 01:31:03,083
[sighs]

1845
01:31:07,166 --> 01:31:10,458
<i>♪ Hap-hap-hap-happy New Year ♪</i>

1846
01:31:10,541 --> 01:31:13,416
<i>♪ Hap-hap-hap-happy New Year ♪</i>

1847
01:31:13,500 --> 01:31:16,375
<i>♪ Hap-hap-hap-happy New Year ♪</i>

1848
01:31:19,250 --> 01:31:21,791
You won't find my article
in the bottom of that glass.

1849
01:31:21,875 --> 01:31:25,083
[coughs] Jesus Christ, Lee.
You're everywhere.

1850
01:31:25,166 --> 01:31:26,666
[in Spanish] A beer, please.

1851
01:31:26,750 --> 01:31:27,916
[bartender] No problem.

1852
01:31:28,625 --> 01:31:32,166
[Lee] So, kiddo. That was one hell
of an engagement toast.

1853
01:31:32,250 --> 01:31:35,708
Seriously, though, that train wreck
was a little too much, even for me.

1854
01:31:36,458 --> 01:31:37,958
- Are you all right?
- [exhales]

1855
01:31:38,583 --> 01:31:42,291
Did you see the look on Josh's face?
I'm the furthest thing from all right.

1856
01:31:42,375 --> 01:31:45,250
Hmm. When you found out
you were getting catfished,

1857
01:31:45,333 --> 01:31:46,708
why didn't you just leave?

1858
01:31:47,416 --> 01:31:50,208
Because I owed you an article,
and I didn't want to get fired.

1859
01:31:50,291 --> 01:31:53,250
I fired you four times.
You just keep showing up.

1860
01:31:53,916 --> 01:31:55,458
Why did you really stay?

1861
01:31:57,041 --> 01:31:59,625
I... I... I don't know.

1862
01:31:59,708 --> 01:32:01,750
[Lee] Okay. I mean, I just find it odd

1863
01:32:01,833 --> 01:32:05,041
because you usually run
at the first sign of imperfection.

1864
01:32:05,125 --> 01:32:08,291
Josh is imperfect,
but yet you decided to stay?

1865
01:32:09,041 --> 01:32:10,833
It doesn't really matter.

1866
01:32:11,833 --> 01:32:13,833
Honey, it's the only thing that matters.

1867
01:32:21,708 --> 01:32:22,708
[sighs]

1868
01:32:23,500 --> 01:32:25,583
I think I'm gonna head back up to my room.

1869
01:32:26,083 --> 01:32:28,708
- This article isn't gonna write itself.
- [Lee] Good idea.

1870
01:32:28,791 --> 01:32:31,375
Just because we're girlfriends now
doesn't mean I won't fire you.

1871
01:32:31,458 --> 01:32:32,458
[exhales]

1872
01:32:37,166 --> 01:32:39,833
["Call It Dreaming"
by Iron & Wine playing]

1873
01:32:43,041 --> 01:32:44,041
[clears throat]

1874
01:32:45,125 --> 01:32:49,375
[Natalie] <i>Webster's Dictionary
defines love as...</i>

1875
01:32:51,083 --> 01:32:56,041
<i>To paraphrase my girl Celine Dion,
"My heart, too, will go on."</i>

1876
01:32:56,125 --> 01:33:01,541
<i>♪ Any rain softly kisses us on the face ♪</i>

1877
01:33:01,625 --> 01:33:03,875
<i>♪ Anywhere means we're running ♪</i>

1878
01:33:04,708 --> 01:33:07,125
<i>♪ We can sleep and see 'em coming ♪</i>

1879
01:33:07,208 --> 01:33:08,041
What?

1880
01:33:08,125 --> 01:33:10,833
<i>- ♪ Where we drift and call it dreaming ♪</i>
- [growling]

1881
01:33:10,916 --> 01:33:15,250
<i>♪ We can weep and call it singing ♪</i>

1882
01:33:16,875 --> 01:33:21,875
<i>♪ For all the love you've left behind ♪</i>

1883
01:33:21,958 --> 01:33:23,791
<i>♪ You can have mine... ♪</i>

1884
01:33:23,875 --> 01:33:26,875
[Natalie] <i>Half of you love
a great Disaster Date story.</i>

1885
01:33:26,958 --> 01:33:29,458
<i>The other half</i>,<i> a storybook romance.</i>

1886
01:33:29,541 --> 01:33:32,916
<i>Now, the first half of you
are going to be really, really happy.</i>

1887
01:33:33,458 --> 01:33:35,291
<i>Allow me to explain.</i>

1888
01:33:35,375 --> 01:33:37,291
<i>It all started with a swipe.</i>

1889
01:33:38,666 --> 01:33:40,916
<i>Tag Abbott, he may as well have been
Zeus's son...</i>

1890
01:33:41,000 --> 01:33:41,875
<i>Josh Lin...</i>

1891
01:33:41,958 --> 01:33:46,250
<i>His family took me in.
I have never felt worse in my entire life.</i>

1892
01:33:46,333 --> 01:33:50,833
<i>So, there you have it, folks.
Another disaster for the record books.</i>

1893
01:33:50,916 --> 01:33:55,083
<i>But this time, I realized
that in order to find true love,</i>

1894
01:33:55,166 --> 01:33:58,083
<i>I need to be honest about who I am too,</i>

1895
01:33:58,166 --> 01:34:01,083
<i>and maybe that's been the problem
all along. I mean...</i>

1896
01:34:01,166 --> 01:34:04,166
<i>I've been so focused
on other people's dishonesty</i>

1897
01:34:04,250 --> 01:34:06,916
<i>that I never really stopped
to look at my own.</i>

1898
01:34:07,000 --> 01:34:11,125
<i>And maybe if I did, I'd finally see
what's right in front of me</i>,

1899
01:34:11,708 --> 01:34:14,083
<i>and perhaps
the ending to my story could be...</i>

1900
01:34:14,833 --> 01:34:15,833
<i>Um...</i>

1901
01:34:23,041 --> 01:34:24,250
[phone chimes]

1902
01:34:38,541 --> 01:34:40,541
[emotional music playing]

1903
01:34:58,291 --> 01:34:59,291
[softly inhales]

1904
01:35:06,500 --> 01:35:07,791
[knocking on door]

1905
01:35:09,708 --> 01:35:11,708
[emotional music continues]

1906
01:35:24,666 --> 01:35:25,666
[Barb] Who is it?

1907
01:35:32,541 --> 01:35:34,125
It's the Mormons.

1908
01:35:34,208 --> 01:35:37,166
[Bob] For the last time,
we're not converting!

1909
01:35:39,875 --> 01:35:41,500
["Curls" by Bibio playing]

1910
01:36:03,791 --> 01:36:08,500
<i>♪ To see within
Is to feel without a light ♪</i>

1911
01:36:09,750 --> 01:36:14,250
<i>♪ Who'd have thought
That we'd break the things we like? ♪</i>

1912
01:36:15,708 --> 01:36:20,000
<i>♪ To find a stone
Just to bounce across the pond ♪</i>

1913
01:36:21,083 --> 01:36:25,875
<i>♪ Is the path it makes
That's a clue to other songs ♪</i>

1914
01:36:27,000 --> 01:36:31,625
<i>♪ Her hair, it curls
In the depth of the night ♪</i>

1915
01:36:32,833 --> 01:36:37,500
<i>♪ The scent recalls
Like a photograph with life ♪</i>

1916
01:36:38,583 --> 01:36:43,333
<i>♪ Her hair, it curls
In the depth of the night ♪</i>

1917
01:36:44,416 --> 01:36:49,125
<i>♪ The scent recalls
Like a photograph with life ♪</i>

1918
01:37:02,000 --> 01:37:06,750
<i>♪ To live without
Is to live under a spell ♪</i>

1919
01:37:08,458 --> 01:37:12,375
<i>♪ Who'd have thought
That we'd turn our home to hell? ♪</i>

1920
01:37:13,708 --> 01:37:18,625
<i>♪ To find a bone
And to float it down the stream ♪</i>

1921
01:37:18,708 --> 01:37:20,500
So, what do we do now?

1922
01:37:22,708 --> 01:37:25,208
<i>- </i>Kiss her, you idiot!
- [Josh laughs]

1923
01:37:25,291 --> 01:37:29,833
<i>♪ Her hair curls
In the damp of the night ♪</i>

1924
01:37:31,166 --> 01:37:35,791
<i>♪ The scent recalls
Like a photograph with life ♪</i>

1925
01:37:37,000 --> 01:37:41,583
<i>♪ Her woolen coat
Under yellow sodium lights ♪</i>

1926
01:37:42,875 --> 01:37:47,458
<i>♪ Records the air like a memory of night ♪</i>

1927
01:37:49,000 --> 01:37:52,625
<i>♪ Her hair, it curls
In the damp of the night ♪</i>

1928
01:37:52,708 --> 01:37:57,625
[Natalie] <i>So, yeah. I thought I'd flown
3,000 miles to see how my story ended.</i>

1929
01:38:00,208 --> 01:38:04,083
<i>And instead, I found out how it begins.</i>

1930
01:38:06,208 --> 01:38:10,750
<i>♪ Records the air like a memory of night ♪</i>

1931
01:38:15,708 --> 01:38:18,833
- [Bob] Come over. Yeah, yeah.
- Okay, this is not mine. This is Josh.

1932
01:38:18,916 --> 01:38:19,750
Owen! Owen!

1933
01:38:19,833 --> 01:38:21,541
[indistinct chattering]

1934
01:38:21,625 --> 01:38:23,833
[Barb] You two, time for presents!

1935
01:38:24,583 --> 01:38:25,666
I gotta warn you,

1936
01:38:25,750 --> 01:38:28,625
my family is pretty intense
when it comes to Christmas presents.

1937
01:38:28,708 --> 01:38:29,708
[Natalie scoffs]

1938
01:38:30,458 --> 01:38:32,041
You don't say.

1939
01:38:32,125 --> 01:38:34,291
[Barb] 'Cause that wires kinda goofy.

1940
01:38:35,208 --> 01:38:36,541
Hey, you two.

1941
01:38:36,625 --> 01:38:38,791
Quick question. What's a dick pic?

1942
01:38:38,875 --> 01:38:39,958
- Um...
- [Chelsea] Ew!

1943
01:38:40,041 --> 01:38:41,125
[Owen] Grandma, why...

1944
01:38:41,208 --> 01:38:43,500
- [chuckles]
- You want to take this one maybe?

1945
01:38:46,833 --> 01:38:50,541
<i>♪ Santa's bringing all the toys
In the dead of the night ♪</i>

1946
01:38:52,625 --> 01:38:56,166
<i>♪ The kids are sleeping
And mama's got a bottle of wine ♪</i>

1947
01:38:58,375 --> 01:39:02,208
<i>♪ Sleigh bells ringing
And Rudolph's running behind ♪</i>

1948
01:39:03,916 --> 01:39:08,291
<i>♪ But nothing's stopping Christmas
From coming this time ♪</i>

1949
01:39:09,083 --> 01:39:10,833
<i>- ♪ It's a very ♪
- ♪ Very ♪</i>

1950
01:39:10,916 --> 01:39:12,250
<i>- ♪ Merry ♪
- ♪ Merry ♪</i>

1951
01:39:12,333 --> 01:39:14,541
<i>- ♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
- ♪ Very Merry ♪</i>

1952
01:39:14,625 --> 01:39:16,458
<i>- ♪ Make it a very ♪
- ♪ Very ♪</i>

1953
01:39:16,541 --> 01:39:17,833
<i>- ♪ Merry ♪
- ♪ Merry ♪</i>

1954
01:39:17,916 --> 01:39:20,083
<i>- ♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
- ♪ Very Merry ♪</i>

1955
01:39:20,166 --> 01:39:22,083
<i>- ♪ I need a very ♪
- ♪ Very ♪</i>

1956
01:39:22,166 --> 01:39:23,500
<i>- ♪ Merry ♪
- ♪ Merry ♪</i>

1957
01:39:23,583 --> 01:39:26,375
<i>♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪</i>

1958
01:39:26,458 --> 01:39:30,708
<i>♪ Man, there's nothing like this
Time of the year ♪</i>

1959
01:39:32,083 --> 01:39:35,416
<i>♪ All this snow won't keep us
From painting the town ♪</i>

1960
01:39:37,666 --> 01:39:41,208
<i>♪ Stuck at home for too long
It's time to get out ♪</i>

1961
01:39:43,250 --> 01:39:47,541
<i>♪ Mistletoe up high
It's about to go down ♪</i>

1962
01:39:48,791 --> 01:39:52,625
<i>♪ A good ol' year, I think we earned
A little fooling around ♪</i>

1963
01:39:52,708 --> 01:39:53,958
<i>♪ Yeah ♪</i>

1964
01:39:54,041 --> 01:39:55,750
<i>- ♪ It's a very ♪
- ♪ Very ♪</i>

1965
01:39:55,833 --> 01:39:57,166
<i>- ♪ Merry ♪
- ♪ Merry ♪</i>

1966
01:39:57,250 --> 01:39:59,416
<i>- ♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
- ♪ Very Merry ♪</i>

1967
01:39:59,500 --> 01:40:01,375
<i>- ♪ Make it a very ♪
- ♪ Very ♪</i>

1968
01:40:01,458 --> 01:40:02,750
<i>- ♪ Merry ♪
- ♪ Merry ♪</i>

1969
01:40:02,833 --> 01:40:05,000
<i>- ♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
- ♪ Very Merry ♪</i>

1970
01:40:05,083 --> 01:40:06,916
<i>- ♪ I need a very ♪
- ♪ Very ♪</i>

1971
01:40:07,000 --> 01:40:08,375
<i>- ♪ Merry ♪
- ♪ Merry ♪</i>

1972
01:40:08,458 --> 01:40:11,250
<i>♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪</i>

1973
01:40:11,333 --> 01:40:15,833
<i>♪ No, there's nothing like this
Time of the year ♪</i>

1974
01:40:26,708 --> 01:40:27,708
<i>♪ One more time ♪</i>

1975
01:40:27,791 --> 01:40:29,458
<i>- ♪ It's a very ♪
- ♪ Very ♪</i>

1976
01:40:29,541 --> 01:40:30,833
<i>- ♪ Merry ♪
- ♪ Merry ♪</i>

1977
01:40:30,916 --> 01:40:33,416
<i>- ♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
- ♪ Very Merry ♪</i>

1978
01:40:33,500 --> 01:40:35,041
<i>- ♪ It's a very ♪
- ♪ Very ♪</i>

1979
01:40:35,125 --> 01:40:36,458
<i>- ♪ Merry ♪
- ♪ Merry ♪</i>

1980
01:40:36,541 --> 01:40:38,875
<i>- ♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
- ♪ Very Merry ♪</i>

1981
01:40:38,958 --> 01:40:40,625
<i>- ♪ It's a very ♪
- ♪ Very ♪</i>

1982
01:40:40,708 --> 01:40:42,083
<i>- ♪ Merry ♪
- ♪ Merry ♪</i>

1983
01:40:42,166 --> 01:40:44,333
<i>- ♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
- ♪ Very Merry ♪</i>

1984
01:40:44,416 --> 01:40:46,291
<i>- ♪ Make it a very ♪
- ♪ Very ♪</i>

1985
01:40:46,375 --> 01:40:47,750
<i>- ♪ Merry ♪
- ♪ Merry ♪</i>

1986
01:40:47,833 --> 01:40:50,000
<i>- ♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
- ♪ Very Merry ♪</i>

1987
01:40:50,083 --> 01:40:51,875
<i>- ♪ I need a very ♪
- ♪ Very ♪</i>

1988
01:40:51,958 --> 01:40:53,333
<i>- ♪ Merry ♪
- ♪ Merry ♪</i>

1989
01:40:53,416 --> 01:40:56,166
<i>♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪</i>

1990
01:40:56,250 --> 01:40:58,958
<i>♪ No, there's nothing like it ♪</i>

1991
01:40:59,041 --> 01:41:01,375
<i>♪ Nothing so exciting ♪</i>

1992
01:41:01,875 --> 01:41:06,958
<i>♪ No, there's nothing like
This time of the year ♪</i>

1993
01:41:09,708 --> 01:41:11,708
[upbeat music playing]

1994
01:42:16,833 --> 01:42:18,833
[folk guitar music playing]

1995
01:43:27,583 --> 01:43:29,583
[holiday music playing]

1996
01:44:42,958 --> 01:44:44,958
[bells jingling]