(laughing) - You fell in lava.
- No, I didn't! - Felix, tie your shoe, buddy.
You're gonna trip. Ooh, Viv! Good hot steppin'!
Stay outta that lava!
(chuckling) - That's so kind of you to
give your wife a break with the kids.
- I actually take care of the kids a lot.
I'm pretty good at it, so. - Oh, cool.
- Viv, you wanna pick up that juice box for me?
- Do it, Viv. Be a garbage picker.
Garbage picker, garbage picker. - Don't call me that!
- Do you want some help, dear? - No, I'm... I got it.
Felix, stop calling your sister a garbage picker.
Not that there's anything wrong with... the garbage people...
(stutters)
Not the garbage people, the people who pick up the garbage.
We need those people. - Felix kicked it away
from the garbage. - It was an accident, Viv.
Don't say my name!
(Astrid): Before kids, you were only responsible
for your own behaviour. Like, if someone yelled
at a waiter, or threw up in a flowerbed.
(James): Happened one time.
(Astrid): It didn't reflect poorly on you.
(James): When your kid misbehaves,
everyone blames you. Like, if your credit score
got worse when other people missed a payment.
So, sometimes, you gotta put your foot down.
Okay, guys, somebody is putting that juice box
in the garbage in five, four...
(mocking) Three.
(mocking): My name is Viv. - Two.
(Felix and Viv continue mocking)
This is the last finger. Last finger's coming down.
In five, four, three.
Yeah, you know what? - Look at my hair.
It's so pretty. Oh, look at my pink new shirt.
- All right, guys, let's go.
- Viv, why are you wearing Felix's pants?
- I couldn't find mine. Our room's too messy.
- Okay, go upstairs and change quickly.
- What's the magic word? - Quickly.
(sighing) Oh, kids, put your bowls away!
- Hey, sir, come here. I'm trying to find your lunch container.
Did you unpack it like I asked? - I don't know.
- You were supposed to put this in the dishwasher the night before.
There it is. What is all this stuff?
- You brought the remote to school?
- Gus said his had more buttons.
- There's a can opener in here, my man.
- That's like a time capsule for B-list items.
- Check this out.
My own pants.
Do you wanna play ice cream, Morris?
(James and Astrid laugh)
Excuse me, may I have some ice cream?
- Oh, oh, right. This... Hey, guys.
- Thank you, here's the bucks. - Kids.
- Come clean this. - Thank you.
- It's quicker if I do it.
- They'll get it next time.
(curious music)
- Hey, buddy, what are you doin' this weekend?
- Potty training a toddler.
We got his uh, favourite treat as a nice reward.
- Eh! Oh, I'm sorry, the answer we were looking for
is you are going to the Raptors game with me, your friend!
My treat! - What? You're... What?
- Yep. You heard right! - Really? Thank you!
- One thing. - Did Ennis tell you
that Fintekoaly is treating us to a Raptors game?
- Kinda. - I was building to that.
Can I have a ride? I would like to get quite hammered, please.
- No. - The real question is why?
- 'Cause he fiddles with all the dials.
- Why would Fintekoaly, the very company
that is trying to replace us with AI,
treat us to a basketball game?
Wanna know the answer? - Oh, yes.
- So do I, James. That is why we all must go and learn what we can.
- Oh, but James, you can't go, right?
You actually have to stay home and teach your baby how to go poo-poo.
- I will be going to the Raptor game.
And potty training will not stop me.
- Good. We'll present a united front.
A family. Family cannot be replaced by robots.
- Yeah, can Astrid come? - Yeah, I don't care.
- Oh!
That's Marla for yes.
(in French): Morris... Je veux te que touches ma bouche.
(Morris babbles) - Oh Dawn,
always trying to get men to touché her boobs.
- Laugh all you want,
but we started Corey on French lessons when he was two.
You missed the boat with Viv and Felix.
- How do you say condescending in French?
- Condescendant. - Hmm.
- Having fun with your cousins? - Sort of.
I tried to teach them about the maned wolf,
but they were just taking apart the bookshelf.
- The Gio Ponti or the Theodore Alexandra?
Take your cousins down to the basement, please.
- Yes, Mumsy.
- Mumsy? What cheek!
- Looks like everyone is misbehaving today.
The kids, the new employee who took two tea breaks.
- So, anyway, um, I just remembered,
James and I are going to the Raptors game.
So fun. - Oh, the kids will love it!
(laughing) - They're not coming.
But they would love to spend more time with Dawn Auntie and Uncle Bo.
- I don't know. I love them so much, but they're so fragile.
- My kids are not fragile. - I meant my things.
Your kids are wonderful, but my poor house can't take much more.
No offence. - None?
- I can take them. Have you heard of Laser Mania?
- With the flashing lights and the cheap food and the laser tag?
You wanna go there? - Lasers, Bo?
- Yeah, sounds like Bangkok in the '90s.
- I mean, that's amazing. Thank you.
- Morris is potty-trained, right?
(Morris babbles)
- Yep. - Oh yeah.
- Come on, kids, let's go!
(Viv and Felix fighting)
- They're gonna have so much fun.
With Bo. Chasing after them.
Alone. - Why are you talking...
in short... sentences?
- I'm concerned it'll be too much for him.
Let's face it, all our kids are a bit wild.
- Yeah, look at Corey vacuuming against the grain, like an animal.
- Look, you know I love your kids,
and it's not their fault that they have trouble listening.
- Would you rather I get out the wooden spoon, like Mom?
- Oh, God, do you remember that?
- Your mom hit you with a wooden spoon?
- I mean, she never actually hit me,
but the spoon came out and I did whatever I was told.
But didn't she hit you once? She did.
- Please, I was practically perfect.
Okay, I spilled lemonade once. I thought she hit you?
- Oh, my God. She played us!
- You know what you should try? The silent treatment.
Worked on me. The silence was both meditative
and soul crushing. - I think we're good.
Come on, kids, let's get outta here!
(Viv and Felix fighting)
- Okay, kids, TV off.
Viv, stop bouncing.
- You said we could watch one more.
- Yeah, and it's almost done. - Okay, one more,
but then you stop watching.
- You know what my know-it-all sister said?
- Hmm? - She said the kids run the house.
- What? No, they're just spirited.
- That's what I said. And we don't wanna crush their spirits, right?
- Can you guys talk quieter? - Yeah, I can't hear.
- Let's crush their spirits. - Yeah, a little bit.
This is a thing my mom used to do.
Ahem.
(TV chimes off) - Hey!
- We were watching that! - I said turn the TV off.
Now, clean your lunch boxes and your room, now.
- Huh, what's that you're doin'?
- It's a look my mom used to do. It's terrifying.
- You look like you have to sneeze.
- All right, you know what? Enough outta you.
We said now!
- Let's just take a little... Um, what are we,
can I just, what is this? What's that?
- This is what my mom used to do. - Uh-huh.
- I mean, she never actually, you know, made contact.
(TV turning on) - Okay, good.
So, this is just empty threats.
- I'm sorry, was your plan to look at them intently?
- It's a little bit... Okay, kids just two seconds.
Which one's scarier?
What about this guy? Hey, I'm getting the eyebrows.
And now you don't know what to do.
- Oh, you're so tough, you're so tough. Well, I--
- We need you to know that we love everything about you, good and bad.
- We just wanna work together. - Yes.
- Without yelling, or silly looks, or hitting with a spoon.
- You were gonna hit us? - So, now spoons are scary.
- No. No one was gonna hit anyone.
But we need to make a change around here.
We tell you to do something, you do it.
- And you know what? If you don't do it,
we're gonna take away a privilege.
You got it? - All right, let's try this out.
We would love if your room were clean before bed.
- Deal! - Deal!
- Clear communication for the win.
- Uh-oh, Morris has got the look.
- Oh, not a problem. We're on a roll.
We got this!
- Okay, well, we didn't get that.
- Yeah, turns out clear communication works best
with a human being who knows lots of words.
- Well, at least he fell asleep right after.
He must've been pooped.
- Oh, you're so proud of that one.
- So um, what privileges were you thinking
of taking away from the kids?
- Uh, you know, TV, sweets, video games, fresh air.
Eye contact. The classics.
- And what about Viv, who has poor impulse control?
- Well, I dunno.
I mean, ADHD can't be an excuse not to do what we ask.
- Look at you talking tough, like a big, mean daddy.
- No thank you? - I'm sorry.
- That was awful. - I hated it as it was coming out of my mouth.
- Okay, I was gonna roll with it for you.
But I don't-- (clattering)
- Snowball fight with socks! (grunting)
- What's going on in here? I told you guys to clean this room!
- Freeze!
- We just had a family meeting about this.
This is unacceptable. - It's our room.
We like it like this. - Yeah!
- Excuse me, you remember what we talked about consequences?
No listening, no cleaning, no Laser Mania.
(both): No fair! - Well, I'm afraid so,
'cause when this foot comes down, it stays down.
(thud) Ooh!
- Also means no Raptors game.
- No fair!
(kazoo humming) - Look at this!
(singing): Poop goes in the potty.
- I believe in you, buddy. I believe in you.
Look at this little saw.
Look, there's a little saw for you to hold.
(James): Before kids, bodily functions
weren't a common topic of conversation.
(Astrid): After kids, feels like the only thing you talk about.
Well, that was my last encore.
I don't think he's gonna go.
- I know butts, it's only a matter of time.
"A" for effort, my dude.
- Well, at least we have all afternoon to practice
since we're not going to the Raptors game.
- Yeah, about that. - No, James.
Uh-uh. No, James. No, no. You are not going without me.
- I don't wanna go, I have to go.
It's work. It's-it's unpaid work, actually.
I mean, my boss is gonna be there.
I'm not gonna have any fun, I swear.
- I can see your Raptors jersey through your shirt, James.
- Well, in my defence, I did not know that!
- You are staying here. You're the one who screwed up!
- I was just trying to lay down the law.
And I gave you the look. We share a look.
- I thought you were gonna take away TV for a week,
not launch all nukes. - Basketball fans,
are you ready for game night?!
(beatboxing)
- No. No, we're not. Mostly because it's not night,
it's very, very early.
- Yes, but I rented us a limo. Do a hoop.
- Oh no. - Come on, do a hoop.
(grunts) I figure we go to Yorkville,
do some luxury shopping, maybe get some pregame steaks
at Harbour 60, then hit the game.
- Are you trying to Pretty Woman us?
- Ennis, we're not going to a basketball game
11 hours before it begins.
- Well then, I guess the three of us
will just have to hang around here all day!
Let's do this! All right!
- No, no. - Ooh, hey.
Oh, your kids aren't here, are they?
Yes, yes, they are here. And they're bad so.
- Okay, I'm so glad we're finally ready to talk about this.
Your kids are the worst. - They misbehaved.
So, we have to stay and punish them.
- I don't understand, why do you have to stay here
if they're just standing in a closet?
- Oh, my God, is that how your parents punished you?
- Pff, my mom didn't put me in a closet all day
because I lost a hamster, okay?
There was lots of stuff going on that day.
Anyway, Finteka-ole, or however you say it.
- Fintekoaly. - They sprung for a box, okay?
Free food, free drinks.
You get to literally look down on people who have worse seats than you.
My limo is a stretch Hummer. You know the last time I was in a stretch Hummer?
My DJing days. - You made enough money as a DJ
to get a stretch Hummer? - He DJ'd inside
of stretch Hummers. - Ah.
- You know the horn plays La Cucaracha?
Look, t-shirt cannons, little kids dancing,
old people dancing, sushi for everybody.
Let's go! - I know, it sounds amazing.
I want to go. Do you know how much I wanna see a slam dunk?
Do you know how long it's been since I've seen a live dunk?
Tonight, I'm probably missing six, seven, eight slam dunks.
Nine, if they play well. - Could be ten.
- I could catch it on a replay. Won't be the same.
It's not the same! - Yeah, so in essence,
what we're saying is our kids need to be punished
and we need to stick to our guns.
- Okay, here's what you do. You put a fresh battery
in the smoke detector and we walk away.
(La Cucaracha plays outside) Oh!
I gotta take that. Think about it.
(door opens and shuts)
- Hi, who's a sleepy little guy?
Yeah, you are. No, no. No rush to get up.
We're stuck here all day, thanks to Daddy.
- Hey, buddy. Time to get up and realize
that Daddy was being a very good and smart parent,
and he just thought Mommy was on board.
- Yes, Mommy was on board and she realizes
it's ultimately for the best.
- Yes, it is ultimately for the best.
See, this is part of the sacrifice that one
has to make about being a parent.
- Now, a query. - Okay.
- Is there a way for us to not walk back the punishment?
- We would never, we would never, we would never.
- But perhaps there is a way for us to get what we want.
- Hmm. - While also getting what we want.
- Ooh! - With a little guilt trip.
- I love this. This is an effective thing.
Also, the engine that runs my life.
What kind of guilt trip were you thinking about?
- All right, here's the deal.
First you're gonna clean your rooms,
then you're gonna clean your lunch containers,
and then, as a little break,
you're gonna do math for the rest of the day.
(both groaning) - Yeah, sorry,
you guys messed up and now we're just gonna up your math game by like 10,000%.
- Them's the breaks. - This is the worst day ever!
- Yeah, no kidding! I just had to break the news to Uncle Bo, so.
- Oh, how did he take it? - Ooh, not good.
- Oh no. - Like, really bad actually.
I actually couldn't even hear him through the tears.
- Aw. - He was crying?
(gasps) - She heard us!
Eek! - Hey, it was a good question though.
- Okay, between us.
- Okay, don't tell Bo. - He was crying.
- Yeah. - Big time.
This actually meant so much to Uncle Bo,
so... he'll be sad forever.
- Forever? - Well, that's, let me,
I think it's a little too far. I wasn't on the phone,
but I don't think he said... He's gonna be fine.
The real question is, what can we do?
What can we do to help him... - Good question.
- ...out of the funk? - Yeah, well, I don't think
it's fair that Uncle Bo is punished for your mistakes.
So, I guess you could clean your room,
and then maybe... maybe at the end of it,
there might be a little treat,
but only if your room is spotless.
- What's the big treat? - Hmm. I don't know, but maybe,
maybe it's got something to do with lights and lasers.
- Clean your room and you can go to Laser Mania.
(both): Yes!
- I mean, this is... - I mean, incredible work!
(tense music)
Seems clean.
But is it?
Wow, that's actually amazing.
- Ah, ba, ba, what is that?
- Oh, these are my toy soldiers.
I put them there for storage. And I sorted them.
- Hmm.
Shelves could use a dust.
- Hmm. Carpets could use a shampoo.
- But I feel like you guys worked so hard.
- Hmm. - So, maybe just this one time.
(Viv and Felix cheer)
Sorry for cancelling and then uncancelling the plans.
- No problemo. Just enjoy your game and do not worry about us.
Psst! Who's ready for an immersive experience?
(Viv and Felix cheer)
- Here's some diapers. - What?
- Yeah, so when I said that he was potty-trained,
what I meant was he's in training.
- I am a potty sensei. If he's not trained now,
he will be by the end of the day.
- Thanks, Bo. - Bye, Mom! Bye, Dad!
- Give me the confidence of a man who's done something once.
- Let our kid poop his pants, doesn't matter.
We're gonna to the Raptor game.
(cheering)
- All right, well, we had some rough moments,
but uh, parents of the year back on track.
- Yeah, we're tough when we have to be,
but we still let them live a life, you know?
- Yes. And you know what? Tomorrow, we are gonna come up
with some firm rules and we are gonna enforce the hell out of 'em.
- Just a suggestion, you know, tonight's gonna be a late night,
so maybe we start the day after tomorrow.
- Good thinking, my love. - Hmm.
(phone ringing)
- The party bus is here. Wah, wah, wah!
- Okay! - On our way, buddy!
What, wait a minute.
- Those little (bleep) tricked us!
(La Cucaracha plays in distance)
- Okay, okay.
- Hey, can I help ya?
- Yeah, looking for a couple kids.
- That sounded criminal. We're looking for our kids
who need to be punished. - About this high.
Can't be trusted. - Hmm.
- Yeah, I can't give you access to kids.
Uh, we have a strict no weirdo policy here.
- Those weirdos are with me.
- Of course they are.
- Hey. - Hi.
- Why are you here? And also, thank God you're here.
- Bo, you're off the hook. Our kids betrayed us, they're going home.
I'm sorry, do you work here now?
- No, Morris had a little accident,
and then he had a big one.
I need a new Belgian linen shirt anyway.
- Hey, Bo, where are our kids? - Oh, they're over there.
- Watch him.
(kids shouting, exclaiming)
(clears throat)
- Felix made me do it. - Did not!
- Did so. I'm just a little girl.
- We're not angry, we're just, we're disappointed.
- Oh, it's a classic. Nice. - And to be honest,
we're pretty angry, too. - Yeah, that's it.
We're going home. Right now.
- No, please let us stay!
Please, please! - We're sorry!
I don't want you to spoon me!
- No one is getting spooned. - It's not a real--
- Okay, listen, we are your parents.
And what we say matters and is not up for debate.
You're going home and you're cleaning your room.
End of story. And no screen time for a week.
- And no ice cream. And no breakfast tomorrow.
- I mean, that's a bit much. - Yeah.
- Breakfast will not be delicious.
- All right, that's it. Give all your tickets to Corey.
Let's go. - What?
But I-- (James clears throat)
Okay.
- There's a game where you murder aliens, with a gun!
- Play it. Tell me everything.
- Okay! - Go get your brother.
- Go. (fingers snapping)
- You did the look. You did the look and it worked!
It worked! - I can scare our kids!
(James): Punishing your kids
can feel like you're punishing yourself.
(Astrid): And sometimes, honestly, you deserve it.
Okay, math break over.
Upstairs and finish cleaning your room.
- How is doing math a break? - Upstairs. Go.
- Can we have pizza for dinner?
- Huh, pizza for dinner?
No, you're not gonna have pizza for dinner
'cause we're gonna have...
Uh, well, we forgot to plan dinner.
But you are not having pizza.
- Aw. - Yeah, that's right.
- Yeah. - We can do this is all weekend.
We can't! I hate this. I'm so bored.
Can we just let them watch a movie or something?
- Can't we watch a movie while they clean?
You think Morris will ever remember A Quiet Place?
- I don't know, it's quiet. Maybe he'll fall asleep.
(phone ringing)
- Hey, Marla. How are ya? What's up?
- They wanted us to have a good time.
That's why Fintekoaly invited us to the game.
- Yep, well, mystery solved.
I'm sorry we couldn't make it, but uh--
- A good time?! After one of the weakest quarters
in the last three quarters? I don't trust them.
- Okay, well, I-I have to go, Marla, but just consider
that Fintekoaly is just trying to install some software
and they're not trying to take over the company?
(tense music)
- Goodbye, James. (call clicks off)
- Ooh, that is a parenting look. - Yeah, she got the stuff.
- I don't know, that look you did before was pretty scary.
- Oh yeah? This guy?
- That's a little De Niro.
- Are you talking back to me? - Okay.
- I think it would work. Yeah. Um...
(James inhales deeply)
Pupils are always... - Yeah, I'm just...
I'm not, yeah, I don't feel anything from this.
- Okay, what about you? I bet you can't even... You don't have a look.
- I got it, I got it. - Okay.
(clears throat) - Five, six, um...
- I mean, your looks do make me wanna obey you.
- Want me to get the spoon?
♪♪
Subtitling: difuze