1
00:00:03,458 --> 00:00:04,458
I'm B. J. Novak.

2
00:00:04,828 --> 00:00:06,363
Movies are too long.

3
00:00:06,832 --> 00:00:08,568
TV shows are even longer.

4
00:00:08,601 --> 00:00:10,538
You hear about a new
show, it turns out you're

5
00:00:10,572 --> 00:00:11,942
400 episodes behind
everybody else.

6
00:00:12,810 --> 00:00:14,881
I would never do that to you.

7
00:00:17,954 --> 00:00:21,427
This next story takes us to
Victory High, where pop star

8
00:00:21,460 --> 00:00:23,999
Jesse Wheeler returns
and makes a promise

9
00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:26,470
that will change
some young lives.

10
00:00:26,972 --> 00:00:30,645
I hope you enjoy "The
Ballad of Jesse Wheeler."

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00:00:57,900 --> 00:00:58,267
Is that him?

12
00:00:58,301 --> 00:00:59,203
Yeah.

13
00:00:59,236 --> 00:01:01,708
Oh my God. "The Wheels!"

14
00:01:02,342 --> 00:01:03,712
Jesse Wheeler.

15
00:01:04,379 --> 00:01:06,650
Don't worry about that
machine, come on through

16
00:01:06,684 --> 00:01:08,956
That thing is basically
there for show anyways dude.

17
00:01:08,989 --> 00:01:09,991
Oh my God.

18
00:01:10,024 --> 00:01:12,262
The prodigal song is here.

19
00:01:12,562 --> 00:01:14,633
The pride of Victory High and

20
00:01:14,666 --> 00:01:17,272
the biggest pop
star on the planet.

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00:01:17,539 --> 00:01:18,374
All for love.

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00:01:18,407 --> 00:01:19,376
Oh my God.

23
00:01:19,409 --> 00:01:20,645
I'm Cooper, Jesse's manager.

24
00:01:20,678 --> 00:01:22,315
This is my assistant, Kailey.

25
00:01:22,717 --> 00:01:24,721
Fred over there is
shooting for CNN Heroes.

26
00:01:24,754 --> 00:01:27,592
Jesse I want you to meet
our Phi Beta Kappa club.

27
00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:31,267
That's a GPA of over 3.0.

28
00:01:31,667 --> 00:01:32,602
That's a B.

29
00:01:32,636 --> 00:01:36,711
This is Susie Xu and
that's Susie's friend.

30
00:01:37,747 --> 00:01:39,751
Susie was allowed
to bring a friend.

31
00:01:51,106 --> 00:01:52,509
Look who came to school.

32
00:01:52,777 --> 00:01:54,046
I come to school sometimes.

33
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Sometimes, yeah‐‐

34
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Ok, ok, alright y’all.

35
00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,545
Thank you for that
wonderful reception.

36
00:02:10,578 --> 00:02:11,578
Uh...

37
00:02:12,015 --> 00:02:13,015
You suck, Wallace.

38
00:02:13,518 --> 00:02:14,988
Are you ready for "The Wheels?"

39
00:02:15,990 --> 00:02:16,892
Jesse‐‐

40
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Jesse‐‐

41
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Jesse Wheeler!

42
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"The Wheels."

43
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Thank you.

44
00:02:34,861 --> 00:02:35,861
Thank you.

45
00:02:38,634 --> 00:02:39,634
Wow.

46
00:02:39,837 --> 00:02:41,607
From the bottom of my heart,

47
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:44,580
it feels unbelievable to be
back here at Victory High.

48
00:02:51,694 --> 00:02:54,466
Man, it's a humbling
feeling being here.

49
00:02:55,602 --> 00:02:57,572
Actually, it's not
a humbling feeling.

50
00:02:58,474 --> 00:03:00,445
You're not making
me feel humble,

51
00:03:00,478 --> 00:03:02,115
you're making me
feel incredible.

52
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Seriously?

53
00:03:08,829 --> 00:03:09,998
Yeah, so‐‐

54
00:03:11,433 --> 00:03:14,406
I'm here today because
I've decided to donate

55
00:03:14,439 --> 00:03:16,477
a million dollars
to Victory High

56
00:03:16,510 --> 00:03:17,747
to build a new library.

57
00:03:24,526 --> 00:03:25,695
But that's not all.

58
00:03:27,599 --> 00:03:30,906
To one hard‐working student‐‐

59
00:03:31,540 --> 00:03:34,146
What do you call the student
at the end of the year who ah‐‐

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00:03:34,179 --> 00:03:35,716
uh, has the best grade?

61
00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:37,118
You call them a name?

62
00:03:37,152 --> 00:03:37,987
It's not a mean name.

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00:03:38,020 --> 00:03:38,554
Valedictorian.

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00:03:38,587 --> 00:03:39,389
Valedictorian.

65
00:03:39,423 --> 00:03:41,795
So, to whoever is
the valedictorian,

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you win an all‐expense
paid trip‐‐

67
00:03:46,905 --> 00:03:49,509
to my next concert in
Los Angeles, California.

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00:03:49,543 --> 00:03:50,543
Yes!

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00:03:52,549 --> 00:03:55,923
And then, we'll go backstage
and chill together.

70
00:03:58,829 --> 00:03:59,998
And then,

71
00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:04,439
I will personally give you a
tour of the Wheeler mansion

72
00:04:04,774 --> 00:04:05,642
Awoo!

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00:04:05,675 --> 00:04:07,980
Up at the top of
the Hollywood Hills.

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00:04:08,180 --> 00:04:09,180
ALRIGHT!

75
00:04:11,053 --> 00:04:11,855
Yes.

76
00:04:11,888 --> 00:04:12,888
YES!

77
00:04:13,959 --> 00:04:14,959
And then,

78
00:04:15,128 --> 00:04:16,196
if you want,

79
00:04:17,666 --> 00:04:18,735
I'll fuck you.

80
00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:45,688
He can't offer sex as a prize.

81
00:04:46,323 --> 00:04:47,592
I got to go study.

82
00:04:48,829 --> 00:04:50,966
We got to walk back what
you said back there.

83
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:52,535
Oh, about the donation?

84
00:04:52,737 --> 00:04:55,675
Right, yeah, that didn't
get that much love.

85
00:04:55,709 --> 00:04:58,647
No, about fucking
a student, Jesse.

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00:05:00,853 --> 00:05:02,655
Are you being for
real right now?

87
00:05:02,689 --> 00:05:04,259
That's the part that they liked.

88
00:05:04,292 --> 00:05:06,765
What did you always tell
me that my gift was?

89
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:10,038
I hear things other
people can't hear.

90
00:05:10,706 --> 00:05:12,008
I hear energy.

91
00:05:12,275 --> 00:05:13,511
I hear feelings.

92
00:05:14,513 --> 00:05:16,617
I hear vibrations and
I put that into music.

93
00:05:17,252 --> 00:05:19,924
That was the sound of
the school coming alive.

94
00:05:20,224 --> 00:05:22,662
What if the winner
is underage, Jesse?

95
00:05:22,695 --> 00:05:24,166
Then it's after they turn 18.

96
00:05:24,767 --> 00:05:26,103
What if the winner's a dude?

97
00:05:30,044 --> 00:05:32,717
I'd really like to give
this opportunity to a woman.

98
00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:35,054
Can we clarify that it's
like, a woman's scholarship?

99
00:05:35,588 --> 00:05:36,588
Nope.

100
00:05:38,294 --> 00:05:39,294
Fine.

101
00:05:40,733 --> 00:05:41,733
Yeah.

102
00:05:43,337 --> 00:05:45,743
Here's our website and
if you scroll down,

103
00:05:45,776 --> 00:05:47,045
you'll see the message board

104
00:05:47,078 --> 00:05:48,647
where the student messages are.

105
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:50,318
Okay. Mm‐hmm.

106
00:05:50,819 --> 00:05:51,921
What’s an "ussy?"

107
00:05:52,355 --> 00:05:54,259
"U‐S‐S‐Y."

108
00:05:54,861 --> 00:05:58,735
Ussy, is that like a selfie
with a bunch of people?

109
00:06:00,071 --> 00:06:00,973
Read the sentence.

110
00:06:01,006 --> 00:06:03,277
It says, "I'm going
to win the contest,

111
00:06:03,310 --> 00:06:06,083
then I'm going to make him
lick my ussy real good."

112
00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:07,585
Ussy, what's "ussy?"

113
00:06:07,619 --> 00:06:08,989
I think that's maybe a typo.

114
00:06:09,022 --> 00:06:10,091
They forgot a P.

115
00:06:13,030 --> 00:06:14,030
No.

116
00:06:14,132 --> 00:06:15,601
This is not good.

117
00:06:17,873 --> 00:06:19,109
Ah, superintendent.

118
00:06:19,142 --> 00:06:21,815
Wallace, what the hell just
happened in your school?

119
00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:24,653
This is a religious school
board, you understand?

120
00:06:24,954 --> 00:06:26,891
Man, you know these
kids, it was a goof.

121
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You better hope it was.

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00:06:28,394 --> 00:06:30,097
If this contest
becomes a big deal,

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They won't.

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00:06:30,999 --> 00:06:32,044
You'll be fired before you can

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00:06:32,068 --> 00:06:34,206
‐ cash that first pension
check. ‐ Superintendent‐‐

126
00:06:34,239 --> 00:06:35,350
I already know
who's going to win.

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00:06:35,374 --> 00:06:37,345
She's not going be a problem.

128
00:06:37,378 --> 00:06:39,884
Ain't nobody bonking nobody.

129
00:06:42,322 --> 00:06:43,992
Study with us.

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Fuck "The Wheels."

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Ma‐‐

132
00:06:45,796 --> 00:06:46,998
Study with us.

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00:06:54,814 --> 00:06:56,183
Study with us.

134
00:06:56,383 --> 00:06:57,652
Fuck "The Wheels."

135
00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:07,238
Mom, they don't say
that to people here.

136
00:07:10,278 --> 00:07:13,417
I just think it would be
such a statement if I won.

137
00:07:13,450 --> 00:07:15,388
Oh, is that why you want to win?

138
00:07:15,421 --> 00:07:16,941
People think you're
a transfer student.

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00:07:18,527 --> 00:07:20,766
You haven't even been to
school since you were like 13.

140
00:07:20,799 --> 00:07:22,101
What do you care?

141
00:07:22,135 --> 00:07:23,705
What do you not care?

142
00:07:25,074 --> 00:07:26,210
That's not a phrase.

143
00:07:27,045 --> 00:07:28,314
Then why did it hurt?

144
00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:31,086
I'm going to win, and
I'm going to film it.

145
00:07:33,090 --> 00:07:34,092
Bye.

146
00:07:37,265 --> 00:07:39,402
I don't see how it's
all that different

147
00:07:39,436 --> 00:07:41,741
from the standard
meet and greet stuff.

148
00:07:41,774 --> 00:07:42,977
Like a selfie or a hug.

149
00:07:43,010 --> 00:07:45,248
Jesse the difference
is you offered sex.

150
00:07:45,281 --> 00:07:47,920
Exactly, when is the last time

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00:07:47,953 --> 00:07:50,091
that sex actually
mattered to people?

152
00:07:50,759 --> 00:07:53,163
People have sex for dumb
ass reasons all the time.

153
00:07:53,364 --> 00:07:54,232
That's true.

154
00:07:54,266 --> 00:07:55,167
You included?

155
00:07:55,201 --> 00:07:56,103
Oh yeah.

156
00:07:56,136 --> 00:07:58,040
Why can't I do it one time,

157
00:07:58,942 --> 00:08:00,344
to change people's lives?

158
00:08:01,046 --> 00:08:02,286
Look, people are going to say‐‐

159
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,854
I don't listen to
people, I listen to God.

160
00:08:11,868 --> 00:08:14,874
Revolutions create
by destroying,

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00:08:16,043 --> 00:08:18,815
and destroy by creating.

162
00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:21,955
Who is this guy? He's awesome.

163
00:08:21,988 --> 00:08:23,123
Mr. Holmes?

164
00:08:23,157 --> 00:08:24,157
Ah...

165
00:08:25,461 --> 00:08:27,398
So, you two love birds get that?

166
00:08:27,933 --> 00:08:28,933
Sorry, sorry.

167
00:08:45,401 --> 00:08:47,706
Listen, pastor.

168
00:08:48,340 --> 00:08:51,480
The voice I'm hearing is not
telling me what other people

169
00:08:51,513 --> 00:08:53,150
tell me it should be saying.

170
00:08:53,818 --> 00:08:54,818
For sure.

171
00:08:54,887 --> 00:08:55,887
I hear that.

172
00:08:57,225 --> 00:08:59,362
Can you hit me with
one of those parables?

173
00:09:02,168 --> 00:09:03,168
For sure.

174
00:09:07,045 --> 00:09:08,180
There was this village...

175
00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:10,115
years ago.

176
00:09:10,953 --> 00:09:13,090
And in this village,
there lived a chemist.

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00:09:13,457 --> 00:09:16,530
Every day the chemist, he
would wander the fields,

178
00:09:17,565 --> 00:09:19,336
picking flowers for his potions.

179
00:09:20,204 --> 00:09:22,910
One day, he picked
this beautiful poppy,

180
00:09:23,210 --> 00:09:25,749
and he crushed it up and
put into one of his potions.

181
00:09:26,918 --> 00:09:28,755
And do you know what
poppies turn into?

182
00:09:29,189 --> 00:09:30,189
Poppy juice?

183
00:09:30,993 --> 00:09:32,228
Also known as opium.

184
00:09:33,497 --> 00:09:36,503
Now, the chemist, he put some
of it on his lips to taste it.

185
00:09:37,105 --> 00:09:38,908
He felt totally amazing‐‐

186
00:09:38,942 --> 00:09:40,511
and he rushes back
to the village

187
00:09:40,544 --> 00:09:42,115
completely overcome with joy,

188
00:09:42,148 --> 00:09:44,319
and he asks this woman
if he can kiss her.

189
00:09:44,519 --> 00:09:46,858
And then she too felt the surge.

190
00:09:47,291 --> 00:09:50,264
First on her lips, and
then all through her body.

191
00:09:50,498 --> 00:09:51,498
Fire.

192
00:09:52,001 --> 00:09:54,907
Now hand in hand, they lept
together through the village

193
00:09:54,940 --> 00:09:56,209
back to the chemist's house

194
00:09:56,243 --> 00:09:58,180
where they laughed
and they danced.

195
00:09:58,213 --> 00:09:59,984
Do you know what the
chemist did then?

196
00:10:00,551 --> 00:10:02,188
He put it on his dick.

197
00:10:02,221 --> 00:10:03,524
That's exactly what he did.

198
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:06,363
He put it on his dick.

199
00:10:11,908 --> 00:10:13,520
Word spread through the
village and the chemist,

200
00:10:13,544 --> 00:10:14,479
you know, all of a sudden,

201
00:10:14,512 --> 00:10:16,249
he's got all these
women lining up

202
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:17,285
to lay with him.

203
00:10:17,318 --> 00:10:18,955
Woof. That's a top story.

204
00:10:18,988 --> 00:10:19,990
It's not over.

205
00:10:20,024 --> 00:10:20,859
Fire.

206
00:10:20,892 --> 00:10:23,097
Some people, they questioned

207
00:10:23,130 --> 00:10:25,134
if it was fair that
the chemist had

208
00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:26,336
this opium dick.

209
00:10:27,338 --> 00:10:30,411
Did the women want
him or his opium?

210
00:10:33,785 --> 00:10:36,023
It's all him because
he made the opium.

211
00:10:37,425 --> 00:10:38,962
Your talent Jesse...

212
00:10:40,064 --> 00:10:41,064
your fame,

213
00:10:41,934 --> 00:10:44,272
the light music that
shines through you.

214
00:10:45,574 --> 00:10:47,045
That's my opium dick.

215
00:10:47,078 --> 00:10:48,614
And opium is powerful.

216
00:10:48,647 --> 00:10:51,586
You know, some say that opium
is a religion of the masses.

217
00:10:52,121 --> 00:10:54,192
But even when it's your opium,

218
00:10:55,161 --> 00:10:57,165
it's still not
totally yours, is it?

219
00:10:59,436 --> 00:11:00,504
It's God's.

220
00:11:05,648 --> 00:11:06,884
Welcome.

221
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:11,359
I see a lot of new faces here
at the end of the semester,

222
00:11:11,393 --> 00:11:12,628
which is great.

223
00:11:12,662 --> 00:11:17,271
For those of you just joining
us, this is values and ethics.

224
00:11:17,305 --> 00:11:18,574
Tell us what's on the test.

225
00:11:18,607 --> 00:11:20,678
It's not really
about tests in here.

226
00:11:20,712 --> 00:11:23,283
Hi, uh, I'm Abbi‐‐

227
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,521
Um, haven't been to
school in a while,

228
00:11:25,554 --> 00:11:27,960
but eager to engage
in ethics and values.

229
00:11:27,993 --> 00:11:28,627
Welcome, Abbi.

230
00:11:28,660 --> 00:11:30,097
Who's this bitch?

231
00:11:30,131 --> 00:11:32,602
There's a more fundamental
issue at play here.

232
00:11:32,635 --> 00:11:35,307
The central challenge is that
you're teaching a curriculum

233
00:11:35,341 --> 00:11:37,946
that centers on a tradition
formed by thousands of years

234
00:11:37,980 --> 00:11:40,451
of religious worship, but
you're teaching it in an era

235
00:11:40,484 --> 00:11:42,288
where we worship celebrity.

236
00:11:42,488 --> 00:11:45,461
Oh, I like this, is
everyone listening to Abbi?

237
00:11:45,494 --> 00:11:48,000
And, celebrity
worship is better.

238
00:11:48,300 --> 00:11:49,636
It's an evolution.

239
00:11:49,669 --> 00:11:51,506
Okay, let's put a
pin in evolution.

240
00:11:51,540 --> 00:11:54,646
Pop culture is a religion,
it has its own deities,

241
00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:55,782
hymns, rituals,

242
00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:58,988
mythologies, except it's not
based on make‐believe and

243
00:11:59,022 --> 00:12:00,257
it hasn't started any wars.

244
00:12:00,291 --> 00:12:03,330
By definition, popular culture
means that the common populace

245
00:12:03,363 --> 00:12:06,403
gets to play a part in defining
it and changing it in real‐time.

246
00:12:06,603 --> 00:12:10,544
Except that democratization
doesn't mean it's superior.

247
00:12:10,578 --> 00:12:12,315
It can just be a
shallow reflection

248
00:12:12,348 --> 00:12:14,452
of those same unjust structures.

249
00:12:14,486 --> 00:12:17,125
Case in point, a
white savior figure

250
00:12:17,525 --> 00:12:19,395
coming into a majority‐minority

251
00:12:19,429 --> 00:12:23,370
school and making a promise in
which the prize itself escalates

252
00:12:23,403 --> 00:12:26,510
a value system that places
himself firmly at the top

253
00:12:26,543 --> 00:12:28,046
of the social hierarchy.

254
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:31,253
Okay, let's move back
towards ethics and values.

255
00:12:31,286 --> 00:12:34,526
I'm sorry, does social justice not
count under ethics & values?

256
00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:36,096
Oh, no, no, that's
not what I meant.

257
00:12:36,129 --> 00:12:37,565
It's not a rhetorical question.

258
00:12:37,598 --> 00:12:40,037
It's about whether you
see ethics and values

259
00:12:40,070 --> 00:12:42,008
through a societal lens

260
00:12:42,041 --> 00:12:44,279
or an individualistic one.

261
00:12:44,546 --> 00:12:47,351
Both valid but extremely
different points of view.

262
00:12:48,687 --> 00:12:51,126
And, I'll connect them for him.

263
00:12:51,626 --> 00:12:55,267
Every day around the
world as a maladaptation

264
00:12:55,301 --> 00:12:58,775
of late‐stage capitalism,
countless sex workers survive

265
00:12:58,808 --> 00:13:02,014
by economizing their sexual
value through the enjoyment

266
00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:03,317
of the rich and powerful.

267
00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:08,627
Today, notably, we see a person
who is powerful and privileged

268
00:13:08,660 --> 00:13:10,698
acknowledge his
body as something

269
00:13:10,732 --> 00:13:12,703
of sexual value to others.

270
00:13:12,736 --> 00:13:16,176
He offers this of his own free
will as a systemic incentive

271
00:13:16,209 --> 00:13:19,015
for the collective benefit
of the disenfranchised.

272
00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:21,119
In that way, it's an
act of social justice

273
00:13:21,152 --> 00:13:23,657
with repercussions
far beyond school.

274
00:13:24,325 --> 00:13:27,098
As a step towards
destigmatizing sex work,

275
00:13:27,131 --> 00:13:30,104
revolutionizing the lives
of millions of people

276
00:13:30,137 --> 00:13:32,041
and treating the
aesthetic appeal

277
00:13:32,074 --> 00:13:34,045
of status as a
collective resource

278
00:13:34,078 --> 00:13:36,449
belonging to the
people who created it.

279
00:13:49,309 --> 00:13:50,611
This is some bullshit.

280
00:13:51,814 --> 00:13:53,483
I'm going to lose my patience.

281
00:13:54,485 --> 00:13:56,256
These fucking kids are reading.

282
00:13:57,258 --> 00:13:58,258
Stop reading!

283
00:13:58,761 --> 00:13:59,730
Get on TikTok,

284
00:13:59,763 --> 00:14:01,399
Get your phones out right now.

285
00:14:03,670 --> 00:14:04,807
Susie Xu...

286
00:14:06,243 --> 00:14:07,713
my favorite student.

287
00:14:07,746 --> 00:14:08,413
Listen up.

288
00:14:08,447 --> 00:14:10,584
All our interests are aligned.

289
00:14:11,319 --> 00:14:14,225
The religious school board
has been on my ass every day

290
00:14:14,259 --> 00:14:15,494
about this contest.

291
00:14:15,795 --> 00:14:18,400
Now, all you got to do
is ace that history fair.

292
00:14:18,634 --> 00:14:20,537
Become valedictorian.

293
00:14:21,139 --> 00:14:22,608
Give a nice, normal speech,

294
00:14:22,642 --> 00:14:25,381
just a regular speech and
then we're going to move on.

295
00:14:26,316 --> 00:14:27,518
I've been thinking.

296
00:14:27,551 --> 00:14:29,122
Well, thinking is good.

297
00:14:29,155 --> 00:14:30,624
What is any of this for?

298
00:14:30,658 --> 00:14:32,628
No, not that kind of thinking.

299
00:14:33,765 --> 00:14:36,202
Am I doing everything
for other people?

300
00:14:36,603 --> 00:14:37,672
Hell yeah.

301
00:14:38,340 --> 00:14:39,843
You're doing it for the school.

302
00:14:39,877 --> 00:14:42,315
You're doing it for
uh, your parents,

303
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:44,285
job market, the community.

304
00:14:44,585 --> 00:14:46,456
Yeah, but do I want what I want

305
00:14:46,489 --> 00:14:49,362
because other people
tell me I want it?

306
00:14:49,696 --> 00:14:52,769
And why do they want
what they want for me?

307
00:14:53,503 --> 00:14:55,374
Someone else must
have made them want.

308
00:14:55,407 --> 00:14:56,407
Right?

309
00:14:57,244 --> 00:14:58,815
I mean, where does it stop?

310
00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:00,649
How does it stop?

311
00:15:01,386 --> 00:15:02,655
Who decides to stop it?

312
00:15:04,158 --> 00:15:06,396
Why did Jesse Wheeler
make that promise?

313
00:15:06,596 --> 00:15:08,634
I don't know, just
to fuck up my life.

314
00:15:09,302 --> 00:15:09,970
Do me a favor.

315
00:15:10,004 --> 00:15:13,110
Just ace the history fair, okay?

316
00:15:13,377 --> 00:15:14,379
Get into college.

317
00:15:14,646 --> 00:15:16,751
Smoking doobie in
your dorm room,

318
00:15:17,451 --> 00:15:19,622
then you ask the
wacky questions.

319
00:15:21,226 --> 00:15:23,196
He's the biggest pop
star on the planet.

320
00:15:23,397 --> 00:15:25,534
Who's next for Jesse Wheeler?

321
00:15:25,567 --> 00:15:29,475
Our hush hush inside sources at
Victory High tell us the contest

322
00:15:29,509 --> 00:15:32,548
for valedictorian
is down to three.

323
00:15:32,581 --> 00:15:35,621
Susie Xu, reigning
Phi Beta Kappa.

324
00:15:35,654 --> 00:15:39,362
Abbi Miller, who apparently
was one day shy of expulsion

325
00:15:39,395 --> 00:15:40,799
for non‐attendance,

326
00:15:40,832 --> 00:15:42,703
or Caleb Rose.

327
00:15:42,736 --> 00:15:44,439
You know who I'm rooting for.

328
00:15:44,472 --> 00:15:47,713
Listen, let's just apologize
and cut our losses.

329
00:15:47,746 --> 00:15:48,746
I can't.

330
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:49,917
Why not?

331
00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:52,756
Because I don't think
I did anything wrong.

332
00:15:53,423 --> 00:15:55,527
That's not how
apologies work anymore.

333
00:15:56,429 --> 00:15:57,498
Alright, it's hard‐‐

334
00:15:57,799 --> 00:15:59,268
to get to number one.

335
00:15:59,737 --> 00:16:01,539
It's even harder
to stay number one.

336
00:16:01,807 --> 00:16:04,880
I'm not number one because I
work so hard to be number one.

337
00:16:05,681 --> 00:16:08,755
I'm number one, because I
work so hard to be myself.

338
00:16:12,228 --> 00:16:13,230
Listen to me.

339
00:16:14,465 --> 00:16:16,469
This thing that we built,

340
00:16:17,505 --> 00:16:18,808
we built it together.

341
00:16:19,308 --> 00:16:20,712
And if this comes down,

342
00:16:22,248 --> 00:16:24,285
it comes down on all of us.

343
00:16:27,458 --> 00:16:28,126
All right.

344
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:29,863
Let me talk to God real quick.

345
00:16:29,897 --> 00:16:31,566
You haven't done that yet?

346
00:16:31,599 --> 00:16:32,869
No, just Pastor Jack.

347
00:16:33,336 --> 00:16:34,539
Please talk to God.

348
00:16:34,740 --> 00:16:36,509
Talk to God.

349
00:16:36,543 --> 00:16:37,543
Alright.

350
00:16:45,995 --> 00:16:46,995
Mm‐hmm

351
00:16:48,467 --> 00:16:49,467
Yeah man.

352
00:16:51,974 --> 00:16:52,974
Mmm

353
00:16:54,378 --> 00:16:56,984
God says to ask you
about an $800,000 check

354
00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:58,420
from the Dubai gig.

355
00:17:03,396 --> 00:17:05,467
That came in today.

356
00:17:06,804 --> 00:17:08,975
Let him know we're
processing it.

357
00:17:09,509 --> 00:17:10,509
Okay.

358
00:17:13,016 --> 00:17:15,254
And so, this crazy competish‐‐

359
00:17:15,287 --> 00:17:17,691
all comes down to
the history fair.

360
00:17:17,893 --> 00:17:22,234
We are live with the man who
decides it all, Mr. Holmes.

361
00:17:22,501 --> 00:17:24,372
So, what can we
expect at the fair?

362
00:17:24,672 --> 00:17:26,309
It's anybody's guess Andy.

363
00:17:27,378 --> 00:17:28,680
History is wild‐‐

364
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:33,023
beheadings, gladiators,
concubines, sick stuff.

365
00:17:34,091 --> 00:17:36,529
So, do you find it
surprising that students are

366
00:17:36,563 --> 00:17:38,868
actually interested in history?

367
00:17:38,901 --> 00:17:40,839
It's surprising
they weren't before.

368
00:17:42,374 --> 00:17:43,878
Skipping to the fun part,

369
00:17:43,911 --> 00:17:45,982
who do you think is
going to spend the night

370
00:17:46,015 --> 00:17:46,917
with "The Wheels?"

371
00:17:46,951 --> 00:17:49,355
Who's going to get
a prize Andy huh?

372
00:17:49,388 --> 00:17:51,894
The prize is that for
a few short years,

373
00:17:52,729 --> 00:17:56,904
their only task is to hear the
most brain‐meltingly twisted,

374
00:17:57,104 --> 00:18:00,577
true stories of the
planet they're born on.

375
00:18:01,012 --> 00:18:04,619
Said they treat school
as nothing more.

376
00:18:05,454 --> 00:18:09,930
The preparation for lives
so boring and meaningless

377
00:18:10,832 --> 00:18:16,643
that they actually look forward
to watching your stupid show.

378
00:18:17,344 --> 00:18:19,850
Now, that actually
hurt my feelings.

379
00:18:26,931 --> 00:18:27,999
Mm‐hmm

380
00:18:40,992 --> 00:18:41,992
What's this?

381
00:18:42,461 --> 00:18:43,461
America.

382
00:18:43,965 --> 00:18:44,965
America?

383
00:18:46,436 --> 00:18:47,371
America?

384
00:18:47,404 --> 00:18:47,939
Yup.

385
00:18:47,973 --> 00:18:49,041
Where are the witches?

386
00:18:49,075 --> 00:18:49,843
Hmm?

387
00:18:49,877 --> 00:18:50,812
The witch trials.

388
00:18:50,845 --> 00:18:51,981
Where are the witches?

389
00:18:52,014 --> 00:18:53,016
Trail of tears?

390
00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:55,320
Genocide of a
continent, slavery,

391
00:18:55,521 --> 00:18:56,924
the adulation of slavery...

392
00:18:56,957 --> 00:18:58,560
telephone, electricity.

393
00:18:58,593 --> 00:19:00,832
Rocket ships, war...

394
00:19:01,165 --> 00:19:03,838
Elvis Pressley dead on a toilet!

395
00:19:04,605 --> 00:19:08,480
Oh God, this is the most
pathetic project I've ever seen.

396
00:19:09,615 --> 00:19:11,052
B minus baby.

397
00:19:11,553 --> 00:19:12,588
Whoo.

398
00:19:15,060 --> 00:19:18,533
The story of the world is
that chains of oppression,

399
00:19:18,834 --> 00:19:21,774
morph into chain
links of progress.

400
00:19:22,541 --> 00:19:25,047
Everyone who has been
disconnected from society and

401
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:29,021
systems of power, has rebelled,
intersectional progress.

402
00:19:29,055 --> 00:19:30,858
This guy is unbelievable.

403
00:19:30,892 --> 00:19:31,860
Keep it up.

404
00:19:31,894 --> 00:19:33,163
He got an A plus.

405
00:19:35,167 --> 00:19:36,167
Thank you, sir.

406
00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:39,440
Well, who are you?

407
00:19:39,609 --> 00:19:40,577
I'm Abbi.

408
00:19:40,611 --> 00:19:41,679
Abbi, yeah.

409
00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:42,648
Here you go.

410
00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:43,918
You've made your wands?

411
00:19:43,951 --> 00:19:45,587
Yes, those are your magic wands.

412
00:19:45,621 --> 00:19:47,625
MR.Oh really, yeah.
That better fit.

413
00:19:47,658 --> 00:19:49,137
You're going to use them
when I put this on you.

414
00:19:49,161 --> 00:19:50,161
Oh!

415
00:19:50,230 --> 00:19:51,230
Ohhh.

416
00:19:54,672 --> 00:19:55,875
Oh my God.

417
00:19:55,909 --> 00:19:59,181
The fundamental scandal of
every institution is to pretend

418
00:19:59,215 --> 00:20:02,021
it is built out of the very
force capable of destroying it.

419
00:20:02,054 --> 00:20:03,758
Government claims community,

420
00:20:03,791 --> 00:20:05,494
Religion claims
spiritual wonder,

421
00:20:05,527 --> 00:20:07,665
and history, the running
record of rebellion

422
00:20:07,698 --> 00:20:11,139
against every concept and
system, is claimed by school.

423
00:20:11,172 --> 00:20:14,078
School hides the world's most
dangerous ideas in plain sight

424
00:20:14,111 --> 00:20:16,482
by using them to bore
the shit out of people.

425
00:20:16,516 --> 00:20:18,562
Until potential rebels to
the system reject the tools

426
00:20:18,586 --> 00:20:19,723
that could take it down.

427
00:20:19,756 --> 00:20:21,025
MR.Oh my God.

428
00:20:21,492 --> 00:20:22,528
Which is why sex‐‐

429
00:20:22,561 --> 00:20:24,565
the force most capable of
inspiring both infinite

430
00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:27,739
selfishness and infinite bonding
is appropriated by all systems

431
00:20:27,772 --> 00:20:29,810
of power and must be liberated.

432
00:20:31,145 --> 00:20:32,916
If you want to
matter to history,

433
00:20:32,949 --> 00:20:35,822
you must be as disloyal to its
structures as you are loyal

434
00:20:35,855 --> 00:20:36,890
to its spirit.

435
00:20:36,924 --> 00:20:39,428
The world is
watching, Mr. Holmes.

436
00:20:39,730 --> 00:20:41,700
Do you belong to
history’s buildings,

437
00:20:41,734 --> 00:20:43,704
or the people who blow them up?

438
00:20:46,844 --> 00:20:49,716
Jesse Wheeler.

439
00:20:55,594 --> 00:20:56,930
‐ Okay, thanks. ‐ Thank you.

440
00:20:59,803 --> 00:21:00,803
‐ Hey. ‐ Hey.

441
00:21:01,172 --> 00:21:02,241
Hey, I'm Jesse.

442
00:21:02,274 --> 00:21:03,176
Hi, I'm Abbi.

443
00:21:03,209 --> 00:21:05,480
‐ Nice to meet you.
‐ Nice to meet you.

444
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:07,719
Thanks for doing that
contest, it's really cool.

445
00:21:07,986 --> 00:21:10,892
Yeah, that was no problem.

446
00:21:10,925 --> 00:21:11,960
Um...

447
00:21:11,994 --> 00:21:13,964
You know, education
is important.

448
00:21:13,998 --> 00:21:14,998
Uh...

449
00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:16,770
I am grateful to know you.

450
00:21:17,538 --> 00:21:20,043
It's good to be here.

451
00:21:20,077 --> 00:21:20,945
‐ Yeah. ‐ Awesome.

452
00:21:20,978 --> 00:21:23,183
Cool, well if you
want, you can just‐‐

453
00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:24,720
wait in there for a sec‐‐

454
00:21:24,753 --> 00:21:25,822
Okay, cool.

455
00:21:27,224 --> 00:21:28,224
Peace.

456
00:21:29,028 --> 00:21:30,263
Hey, you want a photo?

457
00:21:32,769 --> 00:21:34,038
So, this is my home.

458
00:21:34,605 --> 00:21:36,944
I've lived here for,
I guess like a year.

459
00:21:37,712 --> 00:21:38,680
Still kinda new.

460
00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:39,883
Oh my God.

461
00:21:39,916 --> 00:21:41,686
It's a bit
overwhelming at first,

462
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:43,924
but people tell me I'm
going to grow into it.

463
00:21:44,291 --> 00:21:45,795
Wow.

464
00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:49,537
This is my favorite room in the
house is where I come to read.

465
00:21:49,803 --> 00:21:52,241
These are my yellow books.
These are my red books.

466
00:21:52,274 --> 00:21:53,711
These are my purple books,

467
00:21:53,744 --> 00:21:54,880
my green books and...

468
00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:57,584
of course, you
know, my blue books.

469
00:21:58,788 --> 00:22:00,690
Yeah, I love reading.

470
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:06,804
What's it like being smart?

471
00:22:07,604 --> 00:22:08,808
Being the valedictorian?

472
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:12,181
Uh...

473
00:22:12,614 --> 00:22:13,683
Um...

474
00:22:13,718 --> 00:22:16,890
Sometimes, I wonder what my
life would have been like

475
00:22:17,157 --> 00:22:18,794
if I had stayed in school,

476
00:22:18,828 --> 00:22:19,963
how smart I'd be.

477
00:22:20,765 --> 00:22:21,834
Things like that.

478
00:22:22,167 --> 00:22:23,971
You're not really
missing anything.

479
00:22:24,205 --> 00:22:26,844
Hmm, you don't
care about school?

480
00:22:27,044 --> 00:22:28,881
I mean, I loved it
when I was little.

481
00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:30,183
Then what happened?

482
00:22:31,252 --> 00:22:33,156
I read all the
books they assigned.

483
00:22:34,125 --> 00:22:35,627
And if you really read them,

484
00:22:35,660 --> 00:22:37,064
they're just
saying, fuck school.

485
00:22:37,932 --> 00:22:39,736
Right. Wait, really?

486
00:22:40,370 --> 00:22:41,974
Yeah, fuck school and‐‐

487
00:22:42,341 --> 00:22:43,643
everything like school.

488
00:22:45,180 --> 00:22:46,717
Like with the F word.

489
00:22:47,351 --> 00:22:48,653
In spirit, yeah.

490
00:22:51,192 --> 00:22:52,192
Huh.

491
00:22:55,835 --> 00:22:57,171
You want to read right now?

492
00:22:59,275 --> 00:23:01,679
No, I'm cool with just
hanging out with you.

493
00:23:01,713 --> 00:23:02,916
Cool. I'm cool with that.

494
00:23:02,949 --> 00:23:03,949
Yeah.

495
00:23:05,020 --> 00:23:06,890
I'm comf‐‐ I'm cool either way.

496
00:23:12,936 --> 00:23:15,040
What's it like being famous?

497
00:23:16,342 --> 00:23:18,313
And then coming back like that?

498
00:23:19,950 --> 00:23:21,018
It was wild.

499
00:23:21,352 --> 00:23:23,757
Because when I was up there,

500
00:23:24,024 --> 00:23:27,932
I remembered all of the people

501
00:23:29,401 --> 00:23:30,905
who were mean to me.

502
00:23:32,107 --> 00:23:36,115
And who made me feel
small and stupid.

503
00:23:39,021 --> 00:23:41,894
And how badly they
made me want it.

504
00:23:41,927 --> 00:23:42,929
To make it.

505
00:23:44,198 --> 00:23:46,870
And then to come back and just
give them two middle fingers,

506
00:23:46,904 --> 00:23:47,904
you know?

507
00:23:48,841 --> 00:23:50,177
Why didn't you do that?

508
00:23:51,713 --> 00:23:53,984
Because I wasn't
the same person.

509
00:23:55,922 --> 00:23:58,026
I wish I were so I could have.

510
00:23:59,395 --> 00:24:00,865
I just spoke from the heart.

511
00:24:01,867 --> 00:24:02,867
That's all.

512
00:24:04,305 --> 00:24:07,712
Maybe that's a bigger two
middle fingers in a way.

513
00:24:11,219 --> 00:24:12,219
Hmm.

514
00:24:18,433 --> 00:24:19,433
So...

515
00:24:19,736 --> 00:24:21,072
You don't like school,

516
00:24:23,076 --> 00:24:25,413
and you don't know my music,

517
00:24:26,783 --> 00:24:28,954
why did you become
valedictorian?

518
00:24:30,758 --> 00:24:31,758
Uh...

519
00:24:39,910 --> 00:24:40,910
Wait‐‐

520
00:24:42,214 --> 00:24:45,287
that's me with you?

521
00:24:45,788 --> 00:24:47,759
I've never seen
this photo before.

522
00:24:48,326 --> 00:24:49,428
How is that possible?

523
00:24:49,461 --> 00:24:51,465
I know it's just,
it's just mine.

524
00:24:52,467 --> 00:24:54,238
They used to print pictures,

525
00:24:55,373 --> 00:24:58,012
and there were only
like one or two.

526
00:24:58,847 --> 00:25:01,252
So, that day my‐‐

527
00:25:02,054 --> 00:25:04,793
that day my parent's gave
us money to go to McCool's.

528
00:25:05,060 --> 00:25:07,164
We were walking through
Victory Park and people were

529
00:25:07,197 --> 00:25:08,266
sledding and‐‐

530
00:25:09,134 --> 00:25:11,038
we didn't have sleds.

531
00:25:11,072 --> 00:25:12,072
So, you...

532
00:25:14,111 --> 00:25:16,950
you took a garbage bag
out of the garbage can and

533
00:25:16,984 --> 00:25:19,088
shook all the garbage out of it.

534
00:25:20,123 --> 00:25:20,858
Really?

535
00:25:20,891 --> 00:25:21,960
Yeah, it was the‐‐

536
00:25:23,129 --> 00:25:25,300
it was the coolest
thing I'd ever seen.

537
00:25:26,235 --> 00:25:27,235
You just‐‐

538
00:25:27,471 --> 00:25:29,743
always had this faith

539
00:25:30,845 --> 00:25:32,281
in whatever you were feeling

540
00:25:33,951 --> 00:25:36,757
that it is worth doing

541
00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:39,495
or saying.

542
00:25:46,375 --> 00:25:47,779
I don't know what‐‐

543
00:25:48,513 --> 00:25:50,350
I don't know what to
do with this feeling.

544
00:25:50,383 --> 00:25:52,487
Should we make it
into a music video?

545
00:25:52,521 --> 00:25:53,521
No.

546
00:25:54,525 --> 00:25:56,262
No, it's just‐‐

547
00:25:57,531 --> 00:25:59,301
No, it's just for us.

548
00:26:01,238 --> 00:26:03,242
That was the best
day of my life.

549
00:26:06,048 --> 00:26:07,351
Better than today?

550
00:26:12,394 --> 00:26:13,394
Yeah.

551
00:26:16,002 --> 00:26:17,002
Hmm.

552
00:26:26,422 --> 00:26:28,393
So, what do you want to do now?

553
00:26:32,301 --> 00:26:35,841
And now, some words of wisdom
from our valedictorian,

554
00:26:37,544 --> 00:26:39,081
Um, can I uh...

555
00:26:40,083 --> 00:26:42,822
Let me get the check
first, then the speech.

556
00:26:43,323 --> 00:26:44,024
Hmm?

557
00:26:44,058 --> 00:26:47,364
Our valedictorian, Abbi Miller!

558
00:26:53,576 --> 00:26:54,913
Congratulations.

559
00:27:15,921 --> 00:27:17,024
I fucked him.

560
00:27:17,324 --> 00:27:18,426
Woo!

561
00:27:21,198 --> 00:27:22,401
My check!

562
00:27:30,650 --> 00:27:31,953
Wooo!