1
00:00:13,303 --> 00:00:14,271
I'm B. J. Novak.

2
00:00:14,673 --> 00:00:16,208
Movies are too long.

3
00:00:16,677 --> 00:00:18,413
TV shows are even longer.

4
00:00:18,446 --> 00:00:20,383
You hear about a new show,
it turns out you're

5
00:00:20,417 --> 00:00:21,787
400 episodes behind
everybody else.

6
00:00:22,655 --> 00:00:24,726
I would never do that to you.

7
00:00:27,799 --> 00:00:31,272
This next story takes us to
Victory High, where pop star

8
00:00:31,305 --> 00:00:33,844
Jesse Wheeler returns and
makes a promise

9
00:00:34,245 --> 00:00:36,315
that will change
some young lives.

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00:00:36,817 --> 00:00:40,490
I hope you enjoy
"The Ballad of Jesse Wheeler."

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Is that him?

12
00:01:08,146 --> 00:01:09,048
Yeah.

13
00:01:09,081 --> 00:01:11,553
Oh my God. "The Wheels!"

14
00:01:12,187 --> 00:01:13,557
Jesse Wheeler.

15
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Don't worry about that machine,
come on through

16
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That thing is basically there
for show anyways dude.

17
00:01:18,834 --> 00:01:19,836
Oh my God.

18
00:01:19,869 --> 00:01:22,107
The prodigal song is here.

19
00:01:22,407 --> 00:01:24,478
The pride of Victory High and

20
00:01:24,511 --> 00:01:27,117
the biggest pop star
on the planet.

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All for love.

22
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Oh my God.

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I'm Cooper, Jesse's manager.

24
00:01:30,523 --> 00:01:32,160
This is my assistant, Kailey.

25
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Fred over there is
shooting for CNN Heroes.

26
00:01:34,599 --> 00:01:37,437
Jesse I want you to meet
our Phi Beta Kappa club.

27
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That's a GPA of over 3.0.

28
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That's a B.

29
00:01:42,481 --> 00:01:46,556
This is Susie Xu and
that's Susie's friend.

30
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Susie was allowed
to bring a friend.

31
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Look who came to school.

32
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I come to school sometimes.

33
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Sometimes, yeah‐‐

34
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Ok, ok, alright y’all.

35
00:02:17,685 --> 00:02:20,390
Thank you for that
wonderful reception.

36
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Uh...

37
00:02:21,860 --> 00:02:22,762
You suck, Wallace.

38
00:02:23,363 --> 00:02:24,833
Are you ready for "The Wheels?"

39
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Jesse‐‐

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Jesse‐‐

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Jesse Wheeler!

42
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"The Wheels."

43
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Thank you.

44
00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:45,473
Thank you.

45
00:02:48,479 --> 00:02:49,081
Wow.

46
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From the bottom of my heart,

47
00:02:51,485 --> 00:02:54,425
it feels unbelievable to be
back here at Victory High.

48
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Man, it's a humbling
feeling being here.

49
00:03:05,447 --> 00:03:07,417
Actually, it's not
a humbling feeling.

50
00:03:08,319 --> 00:03:10,290
You're not making
me feel humble,

51
00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:11,960
you're making me
feel incredible.

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Seriously?

53
00:03:18,674 --> 00:03:19,843
Yeah, so‐‐

54
00:03:21,278 --> 00:03:24,251
I'm here today because
I've decided to donate

55
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a million dollars
to Victory High

56
00:03:26,355 --> 00:03:27,592
to build a new library.

57
00:03:34,371 --> 00:03:35,540
But that's not all.

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00:03:37,444 --> 00:03:40,751
To one hard‐working student‐‐

59
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What do you call the student
at the end of the year who ah‐‐

60
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:45,561
uh, has the best grade?

61
00:03:45,928 --> 00:03:46,963
You call them a name?

62
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It's not a mean name.

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00:03:47,865 --> 00:03:48,399
Valedictorian.

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00:03:48,432 --> 00:03:49,234
Valedictorian.

65
00:03:49,268 --> 00:03:51,640
So, to whoever is
the valedictorian,

66
00:03:52,742 --> 00:03:55,981
you win an
all‐expense paid trip‐‐

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to my next concert
in Los Angeles, California.

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Yes!

69
00:04:02,394 --> 00:04:05,768
And then, we'll go backstage
and chill together.

70
00:04:08,674 --> 00:04:09,843
And then,

71
00:04:09,876 --> 00:04:14,284
I will personally give you a
tour of the Wheeler mansion

72
00:04:14,619 --> 00:04:15,487
Awoo!

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00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,825
up at the top
of the Hollywood Hills.

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ALRIGHT!

75
00:04:20,898 --> 00:04:21,700
Yes.

76
00:04:21,733 --> 00:04:22,501
YES!

77
00:04:23,804 --> 00:04:24,672
And then,

78
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,041
if you want,

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I'll fuck you.

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00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:55,533
He can't offer sex as a prize.

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I got to go study.

82
00:04:58,674 --> 00:05:00,811
We got to walk back
what you said back there.

83
00:05:00,845 --> 00:05:02,380
Oh, about the donation?

84
00:05:02,582 --> 00:05:05,520
Right, yeah,
that didn't get that much love.

85
00:05:05,554 --> 00:05:08,492
No, about fucking
a student, Jesse.

86
00:05:10,698 --> 00:05:12,500
Are you being
for real right now?

87
00:05:12,534 --> 00:05:14,104
That's the part that they liked.

88
00:05:14,137 --> 00:05:16,610
What did you always tell
me that my gift was?

89
00:05:17,845 --> 00:05:19,883
I hear things
other people can't hear.

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00:05:20,551 --> 00:05:21,853
I hear energy.

91
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:23,356
I hear feelings.

92
00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:26,462
I hear vibrations and
I put that into music.

93
00:05:27,097 --> 00:05:29,769
That was the sound of
the school coming alive.

94
00:05:30,069 --> 00:05:32,507
What if the winner
is underage, Jesse?

95
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:34,011
Then it's after they turn 18.

96
00:05:34,612 --> 00:05:35,948
What if the winner's a dude?

97
00:05:39,889 --> 00:05:42,562
I'd really like to give this
opportunity to a woman.

98
00:05:42,595 --> 00:05:44,899
Can we clarify that it's like,
a woman's scholarship?

99
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Nope.

100
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Fine.

101
00:05:50,578 --> 00:05:51,512
Yeah.

102
00:05:53,182 --> 00:05:55,588
Here's our website and
if you scroll down,

103
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you'll see the message board

104
00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:58,492
where the student messages are.

105
00:05:58,727 --> 00:06:00,163
Okay. Mm‐hmm.

106
00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:01,766
What’s an "ussy?"

107
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,104
"U‐S‐S‐Y."

108
00:06:04,706 --> 00:06:08,580
Ussy, is that like a selfie
with a bunch of people?

109
00:06:09,916 --> 00:06:10,818
Read the sentence.

110
00:06:10,851 --> 00:06:13,122
It says, "I'm going
to win the contest,

111
00:06:13,155 --> 00:06:15,928
then I'm going to make him
lick my ussy real good."

112
00:06:16,128 --> 00:06:17,430
Ussy, what's "ussy?"

113
00:06:17,464 --> 00:06:18,834
I think that's maybe a typo.

114
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They forgot a P.

115
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No.

116
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This is not good.

117
00:06:27,718 --> 00:06:28,954
Ah, superintendent.

118
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Wallace, what the hell
just happened in your school?

119
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This is a religious
school board, you understand?

120
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Man, you know these kids,
it was a goof.

121
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You better hope it was.

122
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If this contest
becomes a big deal,

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They won't.

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00:06:40,844 --> 00:06:41,880
you'll be fired
before you can

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‐ cash that first pension check.
‐ Superintendent‐‐

126
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I already know
who's going to win.

127
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She's not going be a problem.

128
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Ain't nobody bonking nobody.

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Study with us.

130
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Fuck "The Wheels."

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Ma‐‐

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Study with us.

133
00:07:04,659 --> 00:07:06,028
Study with us.

134
00:07:06,228 --> 00:07:07,497
Fuck "The Wheels."

135
00:07:14,979 --> 00:07:17,083
Mom, they don't say
that to people here.

136
00:07:20,123 --> 00:07:23,262
I just think it would be
such a statement if I won.

137
00:07:23,295 --> 00:07:25,233
Oh, is that why you want to win?

138
00:07:25,266 --> 00:07:26,201
People think you're
a transfer student.

139
00:07:28,372 --> 00:07:30,611
You haven't even been to
school since you were like 13.

140
00:07:30,644 --> 00:07:31,946
What do you care?

141
00:07:31,980 --> 00:07:33,550
What do you not care?

142
00:07:34,919 --> 00:07:36,055
That's not a phrase.

143
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,159
Then why did it hurt?

144
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I'm going to win,
and I'm going to film it.

145
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Bye.

146
00:07:47,110 --> 00:07:49,247
I don't see how it's
all that different

147
00:07:49,281 --> 00:07:51,586
from the standard meet
and greet stuff.

148
00:07:51,619 --> 00:07:52,822
Like a selfie or a hug.

149
00:07:52,855 --> 00:07:55,093
Jesse the difference is
you offered sex.

150
00:07:55,126 --> 00:07:57,765
Exactly, when is the last time

151
00:07:57,798 --> 00:07:59,936
that sex actually
mattered to people?

152
00:08:00,604 --> 00:08:03,008
People have sex for
dumb ass reasons all the time.

153
00:08:03,209 --> 00:08:04,077
That's true.

154
00:08:04,111 --> 00:08:05,012
You included?

155
00:08:05,046 --> 00:08:05,948
Oh yeah.

156
00:08:05,981 --> 00:08:07,885
Why can't I do it one time,

157
00:08:08,787 --> 00:08:10,189
to change people's lives?

158
00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:12,127
Look, people are going to say‐‐

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I don't listen to people,
I listen to God.

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00:08:21,713 --> 00:08:24,719
Revolutions create
by destroying,

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and destroy by creating.

162
00:08:29,595 --> 00:08:31,800
Who is this guy? He's awesome.

163
00:08:31,833 --> 00:08:32,968
Mr. Holmes?

164
00:08:33,002 --> 00:08:33,804
Ah...

165
00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:37,243
So, you two love birds get that?

166
00:08:37,778 --> 00:08:38,747
Sorry, sorry.

167
00:08:55,246 --> 00:08:57,551
Listen, pastor.

168
00:08:58,185 --> 00:09:01,325
The voice I'm hearing is not
telling me what other people

169
00:09:01,358 --> 00:09:02,995
tell me it should be saying.

170
00:09:03,663 --> 00:09:04,264
For sure.

171
00:09:04,732 --> 00:09:05,634
I hear that.

172
00:09:07,070 --> 00:09:09,207
Can you hit me with one
of those parables?

173
00:09:12,013 --> 00:09:12,848
For sure.

174
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,025
There was this village...

175
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:19,829
years ago.

176
00:09:20,798 --> 00:09:22,935
And in this village,
there lived a chemist.

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Every day the chemist,
he would wander the fields,

178
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picking flowers for his potions.

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00:09:30,049 --> 00:09:32,755
One day, he picked
this beautiful poppy,

180
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and he crushed it up and
put into one of his potions.

181
00:09:36,763 --> 00:09:38,600
And do you know
what poppies turn into?

182
00:09:39,034 --> 00:09:39,969
Poppy juice?

183
00:09:40,838 --> 00:09:42,073
Also known as opium.

184
00:09:43,342 --> 00:09:46,348
Now, the chemist, he put some
of it on his lips to taste it.

185
00:09:46,950 --> 00:09:48,753
He felt totally amazing‐‐

186
00:09:48,787 --> 00:09:50,356
and he rushes
back to the village

187
00:09:50,389 --> 00:09:51,960
completely overcome with joy,

188
00:09:51,993 --> 00:09:54,164
and he asks this
woman if he can kiss her.

189
00:09:54,364 --> 00:09:56,703
And then she too felt the surge.

190
00:09:57,136 --> 00:10:00,109
First on her lips, and
then all through her body.

191
00:10:00,343 --> 00:10:00,611
Fire.

192
00:10:01,846 --> 00:10:04,752
Now hand in hand, they lept
together through the village

193
00:10:04,785 --> 00:10:06,054
back to the chemist's house

194
00:10:06,088 --> 00:10:08,025
where they laughed and
they danced.

195
00:10:08,058 --> 00:10:09,829
Do you know what
the chemist did then?

196
00:10:10,396 --> 00:10:12,033
He put it on his dick.

197
00:10:12,066 --> 00:10:13,369
That's exactly what he did.

198
00:10:14,805 --> 00:10:16,208
He put it on his dick.

199
00:10:21,753 --> 00:10:23,355
Word spread through
the village and the chemist,

200
00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:24,324
you know,
all of a sudden,

201
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:26,094
he's got all these
women lining up

202
00:10:26,128 --> 00:10:27,130
to lay with him.

203
00:10:27,163 --> 00:10:28,800
Woof. That's a top story.

204
00:10:28,833 --> 00:10:29,835
It's not over.

205
00:10:29,869 --> 00:10:30,704
Fire.

206
00:10:30,737 --> 00:10:32,942
Some people,
they questioned

207
00:10:32,975 --> 00:10:34,979
if it was fair
that the chemist had

208
00:10:35,012 --> 00:10:36,181
this opium dick.

209
00:10:37,183 --> 00:10:40,256
Did the women
want him or his opium?

210
00:10:43,630 --> 00:10:45,868
It's all him because
he made the opium.

211
00:10:47,270 --> 00:10:48,807
Your talent Jesse...

212
00:10:49,909 --> 00:10:50,844
your fame,

213
00:10:51,779 --> 00:10:54,117
the light music that
shines through you.

214
00:10:55,419 --> 00:10:56,890
That's my opium dick.

215
00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:58,459
And opium is powerful.

216
00:10:58,492 --> 00:11:01,431
You know, some say that opium
is a religion of the masses.

217
00:11:01,966 --> 00:11:04,037
But even when it's your opium,

218
00:11:05,006 --> 00:11:07,010
it's still not
totally yours, is it?

219
00:11:09,281 --> 00:11:10,349
It's God's.

220
00:11:15,493 --> 00:11:16,729
Welcome.

221
00:11:17,965 --> 00:11:21,204
I see a lot of new faces here
at the end of the semester,

222
00:11:21,238 --> 00:11:22,473
which is great.

223
00:11:22,507 --> 00:11:27,116
For those of you just joining
us, this is values and ethics.

224
00:11:27,150 --> 00:11:28,419
Tell us what's on the test.

225
00:11:28,452 --> 00:11:30,523
It's not really
about tests in here.

226
00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:33,128
Hi, uh, I'm Abbi‐‐

227
00:11:33,362 --> 00:11:35,366
Um, haven't been
to school in a while,

228
00:11:35,399 --> 00:11:37,805
but eager to engage
in ethics and values.

229
00:11:37,838 --> 00:11:38,472
Welcome, Abbi.

230
00:11:38,505 --> 00:11:39,942
Who's this bitch?

231
00:11:39,976 --> 00:11:42,447
There's a more fundamental
issue at play here.

232
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:45,152
The central challenge is that
you're teaching a curriculum

233
00:11:45,186 --> 00:11:47,791
that centers on a tradition
formed by thousands of years

234
00:11:47,825 --> 00:11:50,296
of religious worship, but
you're teaching it in an era

235
00:11:50,329 --> 00:11:52,133
where we worship celebrity.

236
00:11:52,333 --> 00:11:55,306
Oh, I like this,
is everyone listening to Abbi?

237
00:11:55,339 --> 00:11:57,845
And, celebrity
worship is better.

238
00:11:58,145 --> 00:11:59,481
It's an evolution.

239
00:11:59,514 --> 00:12:01,351
Okay, let's put
a pin in evolution.

240
00:12:01,385 --> 00:12:04,491
Pop culture is a religion,
it has its own deities,

241
00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:05,627
hymns, rituals,

242
00:12:05,661 --> 00:12:08,833
mythologies, except it's not
based on make‐believe and

243
00:12:08,867 --> 00:12:10,102
it hasn't started any wars.

244
00:12:10,136 --> 00:12:13,175
By definition, popular culture
means that the common populace

245
00:12:13,208 --> 00:12:16,248
gets to play a part in defining
it and changing it in real‐time.

246
00:12:16,448 --> 00:12:20,389
Except that democratization
doesn't mean it's superior.

247
00:12:20,423 --> 00:12:22,160
It can just be
a shallow reflection

248
00:12:22,193 --> 00:12:24,297
of those same unjust structures.

249
00:12:24,331 --> 00:12:26,970
Case in point,
a white savior figure

250
00:12:27,370 --> 00:12:29,240
coming into a majority‐minority

251
00:12:29,274 --> 00:12:33,215
school and making a promise in
which the prize itself escalates

252
00:12:33,248 --> 00:12:36,355
a value system that places
himself firmly at the top

253
00:12:36,388 --> 00:12:37,891
of the social hierarchy.

254
00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:41,098
Okay, let's move back
towards ethics and values.

255
00:12:41,131 --> 00:12:44,371
I'm sorry, does social justice
not count under ethics & values?

256
00:12:44,404 --> 00:12:45,941
Oh, no, no,
that's not what I meant.

257
00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:47,410
It's not a rhetorical question.

258
00:12:47,443 --> 00:12:49,882
It's about whether you see
ethics and values

259
00:12:49,915 --> 00:12:51,853
through a societal lens

260
00:12:51,886 --> 00:12:54,124
or an individualistic one.

261
00:12:54,391 --> 00:12:57,196
Both valid but extremely
different points of view.

262
00:12:58,532 --> 00:13:00,971
And, I'll connect them for him.

263
00:13:01,471 --> 00:13:05,112
Every day around the world
as a maladaptation

264
00:13:05,146 --> 00:13:08,620
of late‐stage capitalism,
countless sex workers survive

265
00:13:08,653 --> 00:13:11,859
by economizing their sexual
value through the enjoyment

266
00:13:11,893 --> 00:13:13,162
of the rich and powerful.

267
00:13:13,195 --> 00:13:18,472
Today, notably, we see a person
who is powerful and privileged

268
00:13:18,505 --> 00:13:20,543
acknowledge his
body as something

269
00:13:20,577 --> 00:13:22,548
of sexual value to others.

270
00:13:22,581 --> 00:13:26,021
He offers this of his own free
will as a systemic incentive

271
00:13:26,054 --> 00:13:28,860
for the collective benefit
of the disenfranchised.

272
00:13:28,893 --> 00:13:30,964
In that way,
it's an act of social justice

273
00:13:30,997 --> 00:13:33,502
with repercussions
far beyond school.

274
00:13:34,170 --> 00:13:36,943
As a step towards
destigmatizing sex work,

275
00:13:36,976 --> 00:13:39,949
revolutionizing the lives
of millions of people

276
00:13:39,982 --> 00:13:41,886
and treating
the aesthetic appeal

277
00:13:41,919 --> 00:13:43,890
of status as
a collective resource

278
00:13:43,923 --> 00:13:46,294
belonging to the people
who created it.

279
00:13:59,154 --> 00:14:00,456
This is some bullshit.

280
00:14:01,659 --> 00:14:03,328
I'm going to lose my patience.

281
00:14:04,330 --> 00:14:06,101
These fucking kids are reading.

282
00:14:07,103 --> 00:14:08,005
Stop reading!

283
00:14:08,606 --> 00:14:09,575
Get on TikTok,

284
00:14:09,608 --> 00:14:11,244
Get your phones out right now.

285
00:14:13,515 --> 00:14:14,652
Susie Xu...

286
00:14:16,088 --> 00:14:17,558
my favorite student.

287
00:14:17,591 --> 00:14:18,258
Listen up.

288
00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:20,429
All our interests are aligned.

289
00:14:21,164 --> 00:14:24,070
The religious school board
has been on my ass every day

290
00:14:24,104 --> 00:14:25,339
about this contest.

291
00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:28,245
Now, all you got to do
is ace that history fair.

292
00:14:28,479 --> 00:14:30,382
Become valedictorian.

293
00:14:30,984 --> 00:14:32,453
Give a nice, normal speech,

294
00:14:32,487 --> 00:14:35,226
just a regular speech and
then we're going to move on.

295
00:14:36,161 --> 00:14:37,363
I've been thinking.

296
00:14:37,396 --> 00:14:38,967
Well, thinking is good.

297
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,469
What is any of this for?

298
00:14:40,503 --> 00:14:42,473
No, not that kind of thinking.

299
00:14:43,610 --> 00:14:46,047
Am I doing everything
for other people?

300
00:14:46,448 --> 00:14:47,517
Hell yeah.

301
00:14:48,185 --> 00:14:49,688
You're doing it for the school.

302
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:52,160
You're doing it for uh,
your parents,

303
00:14:52,460 --> 00:14:54,130
job market, the community.

304
00:14:54,430 --> 00:14:56,301
Yeah, but do I want what I want

305
00:14:56,334 --> 00:14:59,207
because other people
tell me I want it?

306
00:14:59,541 --> 00:15:02,614
And why do they want
what they want for me?

307
00:15:03,348 --> 00:15:05,219
Someone else must have
made them want.

308
00:15:05,252 --> 00:15:06,087
Right?

309
00:15:07,089 --> 00:15:08,660
I mean, where does it stop?

310
00:15:09,494 --> 00:15:10,396
How does it stop?

311
00:15:11,231 --> 00:15:12,500
Who decides to stop it?

312
00:15:14,003 --> 00:15:16,241
Why did Jesse Wheeler
make that promise?

313
00:15:16,441 --> 00:15:18,479
I don't know,
just to fuck up my life.

314
00:15:19,147 --> 00:15:19,815
Do me a favor.

315
00:15:19,849 --> 00:15:22,955
Just ace the history fair, okay?

316
00:15:23,222 --> 00:15:24,224
Get into college.

317
00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:26,596
Smoking doobie
in your dorm room,

318
00:15:27,296 --> 00:15:29,467
then you ask
the wacky questions.

319
00:15:31,071 --> 00:15:33,041
He's the biggest pop star
on the planet.

320
00:15:33,242 --> 00:15:35,379
Who's next for Jesse Wheeler?

321
00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:39,320
Our hush hush inside sources at
Victory High tell us the contest

322
00:15:39,354 --> 00:15:42,393
for valedictorian
is down to three.

323
00:15:42,426 --> 00:15:45,466
Susie Xu,
reigning Phi Beta Kappa.

324
00:15:45,499 --> 00:15:49,207
Abbi Miller, who apparently
was one day shy of expulsion

325
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,644
for non‐attendance,

326
00:15:50,677 --> 00:15:52,548
or Caleb Rose.

327
00:15:52,581 --> 00:15:54,284
You know who I'm rooting for.

328
00:15:54,317 --> 00:15:57,558
Listen, let's just apologize
and cut our losses.

329
00:15:57,591 --> 00:15:58,458
I can't.

330
00:15:58,793 --> 00:15:59,762
Why not?

331
00:15:59,795 --> 00:16:02,601
Because I don't think
I did anything wrong.

332
00:16:03,268 --> 00:16:05,372
That's not how apologies
work anymore.

333
00:16:06,274 --> 00:16:07,343
Alright, it's hard‐‐

334
00:16:07,644 --> 00:16:09,113
to get to number one.

335
00:16:09,582 --> 00:16:11,384
It's even harder
to stay number one.

336
00:16:11,652 --> 00:16:14,725
I'm not number one because
I work so hard to be number one.

337
00:16:15,526 --> 00:16:18,600
I'm number one, because
I work so hard to be myself.

338
00:16:22,073 --> 00:16:23,075
Listen to me.

339
00:16:24,310 --> 00:16:26,314
This thing that we built,

340
00:16:27,350 --> 00:16:28,653
we built it together.

341
00:16:29,153 --> 00:16:30,557
And if this comes down,

342
00:16:32,093 --> 00:16:34,130
it comes down on all of us.

343
00:16:37,303 --> 00:16:37,971
All right.

344
00:16:38,005 --> 00:16:39,708
Let me talk to God real quick.

345
00:16:39,742 --> 00:16:41,411
You haven't done that yet?

346
00:16:41,444 --> 00:16:42,714
No, just Pastor Jack.

347
00:16:43,181 --> 00:16:44,384
Please talk to God.

348
00:16:44,585 --> 00:16:46,354
Talk to God.

349
00:16:46,388 --> 00:16:47,189
Alright.

350
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:56,709
Mm‐hmm

351
00:16:58,312 --> 00:16:59,213
Yeah man.

352
00:17:01,819 --> 00:17:02,688
Mmm

353
00:17:04,223 --> 00:17:06,829
God says to ask you
about an $800,000 check

354
00:17:06,862 --> 00:17:08,265
from the Dubai gig.

355
00:17:13,241 --> 00:17:15,312
That came in today.

356
00:17:16,649 --> 00:17:18,820
Let him know
we're processing it.

357
00:17:19,354 --> 00:17:20,155
Okay.

358
00:17:22,861 --> 00:17:25,099
And so, this crazy competish‐‐

359
00:17:25,132 --> 00:17:27,536
all comes down
to the history fair.

360
00:17:27,738 --> 00:17:32,079
We are live with the man
who decides it all, Mr. Holmes.

361
00:17:32,346 --> 00:17:34,217
So, what can we
expect at the fair?

362
00:17:34,517 --> 00:17:36,154
It's anybody's guess Andy.

363
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:38,525
History is wild‐‐

364
00:17:39,561 --> 00:17:42,868
beheadings, gladiators,
concubines, sick stuff.

365
00:17:43,936 --> 00:17:46,374
So, do you find it surprising
that students are

366
00:17:46,408 --> 00:17:48,713
actually interested in history?

367
00:17:48,746 --> 00:17:50,684
It's surprising
they weren't before.

368
00:17:52,219 --> 00:17:53,723
Skipping to the fun part,

369
00:17:53,756 --> 00:17:55,827
who do you think
is going to spend the night

370
00:17:55,860 --> 00:17:56,762
with "The Wheels?"

371
00:17:56,796 --> 00:17:59,200
Who's going to
get a prize Andy huh?

372
00:17:59,233 --> 00:18:01,739
The prize is that
for a few short years,

373
00:18:02,574 --> 00:18:06,749
their only task is to hear the
most brain‐meltingly twisted,

374
00:18:06,949 --> 00:18:10,422
true stories of the
planet they're born on.

375
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:14,464
Said they treat school
as nothing more.

376
00:18:15,299 --> 00:18:19,775
The preparation for lives
so boring and meaningless

377
00:18:20,677 --> 00:18:26,488
that they actually look forward
to watching your stupid show.

378
00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:29,695
Now, that actually
hurt my feelings.

379
00:18:36,776 --> 00:18:37,844
Mm‐hmm

380
00:18:50,837 --> 00:18:51,672
What's this?

381
00:18:52,306 --> 00:18:53,175
America.

382
00:18:53,810 --> 00:18:54,678
America?

383
00:18:56,281 --> 00:18:57,216
America?

384
00:18:57,249 --> 00:18:57,784
Yup.

385
00:18:57,818 --> 00:18:58,886
Where are the witches?

386
00:18:58,920 --> 00:18:59,688
Hmm?

387
00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:00,657
The witch trials.

388
00:19:00,690 --> 00:19:01,826
Where are the witches?

389
00:19:01,859 --> 00:19:02,861
Trail of tears?

390
00:19:02,894 --> 00:19:05,165
Genocide of a continent,
slavery,

391
00:19:05,366 --> 00:19:06,769
the adulation of slavery...

392
00:19:06,802 --> 00:19:08,405
telephone, electricity.

393
00:19:08,438 --> 00:19:10,677
Rocket ships, war...

394
00:19:11,010 --> 00:19:13,683
Elvis Pressley dead on a toilet!

395
00:19:14,450 --> 00:19:18,325
Oh God, this is the most
pathetic project I've ever seen.

396
00:19:19,460 --> 00:19:20,897
B minus baby.

397
00:19:21,398 --> 00:19:22,433
Whoo.

398
00:19:24,905 --> 00:19:28,378
The story of the world is
that chains of oppression,

399
00:19:28,679 --> 00:19:31,619
morph into chain links
of progress.

400
00:19:32,386 --> 00:19:34,892
Everyone who has been
disconnected from society and

401
00:19:34,925 --> 00:19:38,866
systems of power, has rebelled,
intersectional progress.

402
00:19:38,900 --> 00:19:40,703
This guy is unbelievable.

403
00:19:40,737 --> 00:19:41,705
Keep it up.

404
00:19:41,739 --> 00:19:43,008
He got an A plus.

405
00:19:45,012 --> 00:19:45,947
Thank you, sir.

406
00:19:48,285 --> 00:19:49,220
Well, who are you?

407
00:19:49,454 --> 00:19:50,422
I'm Abbi.

408
00:19:50,456 --> 00:19:51,524
Abbi, yeah.

409
00:19:51,559 --> 00:19:52,493
Here you go.

410
00:19:52,526 --> 00:19:53,763
You've made your wands?

411
00:19:53,796 --> 00:19:55,432
Yes, those are your magic wands.

412
00:19:55,466 --> 00:19:57,470
MR.Oh really, yeah.
That better fit.

413
00:19:57,503 --> 00:19:58,973
You're going to use them
when I put this on you.

414
00:19:59,006 --> 00:19:59,741
Oh!

415
00:20:00,075 --> 00:20:00,877
Ohhh.

416
00:20:04,517 --> 00:20:05,720
Oh my God.

417
00:20:05,754 --> 00:20:09,026
The fundamental scandal of
every institution is to pretend

418
00:20:09,060 --> 00:20:11,866
it is built out of the very
force capable of destroying it.

419
00:20:11,899 --> 00:20:13,603
Government claims community,

420
00:20:13,636 --> 00:20:15,339
Religion claims
spiritual wonder,

421
00:20:15,372 --> 00:20:17,510
and history,
the running record of rebellion

422
00:20:17,543 --> 00:20:20,984
against every concept and
system, is claimed by school.

423
00:20:21,017 --> 00:20:23,923
School hides the world's most
dangerous ideas in plain sight

424
00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:26,327
by using them to bore
the shit out of people.

425
00:20:26,361 --> 00:20:28,398
Until potential rebels to
the system reject the tools

426
00:20:28,431 --> 00:20:29,568
that could take it down.

427
00:20:29,601 --> 00:20:30,870
MR.Oh my God.

428
00:20:31,337 --> 00:20:32,373
Which is why sex‐‐

429
00:20:32,406 --> 00:20:34,410
the force most capable
of inspiring both infinite

430
00:20:34,443 --> 00:20:37,584
selfishness and infinite bonding
is appropriated by all systems

431
00:20:37,617 --> 00:20:39,655
of power and must be liberated.

432
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:42,761
If you want to
matter to history,

433
00:20:42,794 --> 00:20:45,667
you must be as disloyal to its
structures as you are loyal

434
00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:46,735
to its spirit.

435
00:20:46,769 --> 00:20:49,273
the world is watching,
Mr. Holmes.

436
00:20:49,575 --> 00:20:51,545
Do you belong to
history’s buildings,

437
00:20:51,579 --> 00:20:53,549
or the people who blow them up?

438
00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:59,561
Jesse Wheeler.

439
00:21:05,439 --> 00:21:06,775
‐ Okay, thanks.
‐ Thank you.

440
00:21:09,648 --> 00:21:10,550
‐ Hey.
‐ Hey.

441
00:21:11,017 --> 00:21:12,086
Hey, I'm Jesse.

442
00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:13,021
Hi, I'm Abbi.

443
00:21:13,054 --> 00:21:15,325
‐ Nice to meet you.
‐ Nice to meet you.

444
00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:17,564
Thanks for doing that contest,
it's really cool.

445
00:21:17,831 --> 00:21:20,737
Yeah, that was no problem.

446
00:21:20,770 --> 00:21:21,805
Um...

447
00:21:21,839 --> 00:21:23,809
You know,
education is important.

448
00:21:23,843 --> 00:21:24,778
Uh...

449
00:21:25,078 --> 00:21:26,615
I am grateful to know you.

450
00:21:27,383 --> 00:21:29,888
It's good to be here.

451
00:21:29,922 --> 00:21:30,790
‐ Yeah.
‐ Awesome.

452
00:21:30,823 --> 00:21:33,028
Cool, well if you want,
you can just‐‐

453
00:21:33,428 --> 00:21:34,565
wait in there for a sec‐‐

454
00:21:34,598 --> 00:21:35,667
Okay, cool.

455
00:21:37,069 --> 00:21:38,038
Peace.

456
00:21:38,873 --> 00:21:40,108
Hey, you want a photo?

457
00:21:42,614 --> 00:21:43,883
So, this is my home.

458
00:21:44,450 --> 00:21:46,789
I've lived here for,
I guess like a year.

459
00:21:47,557 --> 00:21:48,525
Still kinda new.

460
00:21:48,559 --> 00:21:49,728
Oh my God.

461
00:21:49,761 --> 00:21:51,531
It's a bit
overwhelming at first,

462
00:21:51,565 --> 00:21:53,769
but people tell me
I'm going to grow into it.

463
00:21:54,136 --> 00:21:55,640
Wow.

464
00:21:56,942 --> 00:21:59,080
This is my favorite room in the
house is where I come to read.

465
00:21:59,648 --> 00:22:02,086
These are my yellow books.
These are my red books.

466
00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:03,556
These are my purple books,

467
00:22:03,589 --> 00:22:04,725
my green books and...

468
00:22:05,593 --> 00:22:07,429
of course, you know,
my blue books.

469
00:22:08,633 --> 00:22:10,535
Yeah, I love reading.

470
00:22:15,445 --> 00:22:16,649
What's it like being smart?

471
00:22:17,449 --> 00:22:18,653
Being the valedictorian?

472
00:22:21,725 --> 00:22:22,026
Uh...

473
00:22:22,459 --> 00:22:23,528
Um...

474
00:22:23,563 --> 00:22:26,735
Sometimes, I wonder what
my life would have been like

475
00:22:27,002 --> 00:22:28,639
if I had stayed in school,

476
00:22:28,673 --> 00:22:29,808
how smart I'd be.

477
00:22:30,610 --> 00:22:31,679
Things like that.

478
00:22:32,012 --> 00:22:33,816
You're not really
missing anything.

479
00:22:34,050 --> 00:22:36,689
Hmm, you don't
care about school?

480
00:22:36,889 --> 00:22:38,726
I mean, I loved it
when I was little.

481
00:22:39,026 --> 00:22:40,028
Then what happened?

482
00:22:41,097 --> 00:22:43,001
I read all the books
they assigned.

483
00:22:43,970 --> 00:22:45,472
And if you really read them,

484
00:22:45,505 --> 00:22:46,909
they're just saying,
fuck school.

485
00:22:47,777 --> 00:22:49,581
Right. Wait, really?

486
00:22:50,215 --> 00:22:51,819
Yeah, fuck school and‐‐

487
00:22:52,186 --> 00:22:53,488
everything like school.

488
00:22:55,025 --> 00:22:56,562
Like with the F word.

489
00:22:57,196 --> 00:22:58,498
In spirit, yeah.

490
00:23:01,037 --> 00:23:01,972
Huh.

491
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:07,016
You want to read right now?

492
00:23:09,120 --> 00:23:11,524
No, I'm cool with just
hanging out with you.

493
00:23:11,558 --> 00:23:12,761
Cool. I'm cool with that.

494
00:23:12,794 --> 00:23:13,596
Yeah.

495
00:23:14,865 --> 00:23:16,735
I'm comf‐‐
I'm cool either way.

496
00:23:22,781 --> 00:23:24,885
What's it like being famous?

497
00:23:26,187 --> 00:23:28,158
And then
coming back like that?

498
00:23:29,795 --> 00:23:30,863
It was wild.

499
00:23:31,197 --> 00:23:33,602
Because when I was up there,

500
00:23:33,869 --> 00:23:37,777
I remembered all of the people

501
00:23:39,246 --> 00:23:40,750
who were mean to me.

502
00:23:41,952 --> 00:23:45,960
And who made me
feel small and stupid.

503
00:23:48,866 --> 00:23:51,739
And how badly they
made me want it.

504
00:23:51,772 --> 00:23:52,774
To make it.

505
00:23:54,043 --> 00:23:56,715
And then to come back and just
give them two middle fingers,

506
00:23:56,749 --> 00:23:57,651
you know?

507
00:23:58,686 --> 00:24:00,022
Why didn't you do that?

508
00:24:01,558 --> 00:24:03,829
Because I wasn't
the same person.

509
00:24:05,767 --> 00:24:07,871
I wish I were so I could have.

510
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:10,710
I just spoke from the heart.

511
00:24:11,712 --> 00:24:12,647
That's all.

512
00:24:14,150 --> 00:24:17,557
Maybe that's a bigger
two middle fingers in a way.

513
00:24:21,064 --> 00:24:21,932
Hmm.

514
00:24:28,278 --> 00:24:29,113
So...

515
00:24:29,581 --> 00:24:30,917
You don't like school,

516
00:24:32,921 --> 00:24:35,258
and you don't know my music,

517
00:24:36,628 --> 00:24:38,799
why did you
become valedictorian?

518
00:24:40,603 --> 00:24:41,572
Uh...

519
00:24:49,755 --> 00:24:50,288
Wait‐‐

520
00:24:52,059 --> 00:24:55,132
that's me with you?

521
00:24:55,633 --> 00:24:57,604
I've never seen
this photo before.

522
00:24:58,171 --> 00:24:59,273
How is that possible?

523
00:24:59,306 --> 00:25:01,310
I know it's just,
it's just mine.

524
00:25:02,312 --> 00:25:04,083
They used to print pictures,

525
00:25:05,218 --> 00:25:07,857
and there were
only like one or two.

526
00:25:08,692 --> 00:25:11,097
So, that day my‐‐

527
00:25:11,899 --> 00:25:14,638
that day my parent's gave
us money to go to McCool's.

528
00:25:14,905 --> 00:25:17,009
We were walking through
Victory Park and people were

529
00:25:17,042 --> 00:25:18,111
sledding and‐‐

530
00:25:18,979 --> 00:25:20,883
we didn't have sleds.

531
00:25:20,917 --> 00:25:21,885
So, you...

532
00:25:23,956 --> 00:25:26,795
you took a garbage bag out
of the garbage can and

533
00:25:26,829 --> 00:25:28,933
shook all the garbage out of it.

534
00:25:29,968 --> 00:25:30,703
Really?

535
00:25:30,736 --> 00:25:31,805
Yeah, it was the‐‐

536
00:25:32,974 --> 00:25:35,145
it was the coolest
thing I'd ever seen.

537
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:36,849
You just‐‐

538
00:25:37,316 --> 00:25:39,588
always had this faith

539
00:25:40,690 --> 00:25:42,126
in whatever you were feeling

540
00:25:43,796 --> 00:25:46,602
that it is worth doing

541
00:25:48,204 --> 00:25:49,340
or saying.

542
00:25:56,220 --> 00:25:57,624
I don't know what‐‐

543
00:25:58,358 --> 00:26:00,195
I don't know what
to do with this feeling.

544
00:26:00,228 --> 00:26:02,332
Should we make it
into a music video?

545
00:26:02,366 --> 00:26:03,201
No.

546
00:26:04,370 --> 00:26:06,107
No, it's just‐‐

547
00:26:07,376 --> 00:26:09,146
No, it's just for us.

548
00:26:11,083 --> 00:26:13,087
That was the best day
of my life.

549
00:26:15,893 --> 00:26:17,196
Better than today?

550
00:26:22,239 --> 00:26:23,041
Yeah.

551
00:26:25,847 --> 00:26:26,682
Hmm.

552
00:26:36,267 --> 00:26:38,238
So, what do you want to do now?

553
00:26:42,146 --> 00:26:45,686
And now, some words of
wisdom from our valedictorian,

554
00:26:47,389 --> 00:26:48,926
Um, can I uh...

555
00:26:49,928 --> 00:26:52,667
Let me get the check first,
then the speech.

556
00:26:53,168 --> 00:26:53,869
Hmm?

557
00:26:53,903 --> 00:26:57,209
Our valedictorian, Abbi Miller!

558
00:27:03,421 --> 00:27:04,758
Congratulations.

559
00:27:25,766 --> 00:27:26,869
I fucked him.

560
00:27:27,169 --> 00:27:28,271
Woo!

561
00:27:31,043 --> 00:27:32,246
My check!

562
00:27:40,495 --> 00:27:41,798
Wooo!