(digital music)
(gentle music)
- [Amber] Mommy.
- Hey sweetheart, what's up?
- I didn't have my breakfast.
- I forgot to feed you.
I'm a terrible mother.
Terrible actress, black person and mother.
It's like the trifecta of terrible.
- What's trifecta?
- Uhm, come.
Let's get you up here, okay.
- That's it?
- No it's not
(chuckles)
Chocolate or strawberry?
- Strawberry.
Oh
(chuckles)
- Ooh!
(cutlery clinking)
Okay.
(somber music)
(Cassie sighs)
- What's wrong mommy?
- Mommy's just a little bummed out.
- Why?
- You know at Christmas time,
when you think Santa's gonna bring you a real special gift
and you get socks instead, and you're really disappointed?
- Yeah.
- Mommy didn't even get the socks.
She didn't get anything.
Actually, mommy did get the special gift
and then Santa just ripped it away from her.
- Why would he do that?
- 'Cause he's a real f...
funny guy.
(door bell ringing)
Eat your breakfast, baby.
Hi.
- Cass, why aren't you dressed?
- Oh my God, please tell me that the funeral's not today.
- It's in an hour.
- Oh shit.
Okay, I'm gonna go get dressed.
- Yes, chop chop, you can not be fashionably late
to a funeral darling.
- Two minutes, there's breakfast in the kitchen.
- It's noon. - Hi bunny.
(lips smacking)
- Hi.
- Uh-oh - Hmmm...
- The last time I saw this spread,
was when Prince died.
- Oh
Prince.
(sighs)
- Oh my God, I'll get the spoons, oh my gosh.
(upbeat music)
♪ Yeah ♪
(birds chirping)
- In God's name
we commit the body of Frances Elizabeth Pharrel
to the peace of the grave.
(camera clicking)
- Put it away.
- What?
I need to let my followers know we're here
otherwise, what's the point?
(camera clicking)
- From dust you came, to dust you shall return.
You given her life, receive her in your peace.
Give her, through Jesus Christ, a joyful resurrection.
(camera clicking)
- Sharice, it's tacky.
- Really?
Have you looked around?
(cameras clicking)
- The Lord looks kindly on you Frances and gives you peace.
In the name of the father, of the son, and the Holy Spirit.
- Amen.
- Amen
and don't forget to hashtag us.
#cantspellfuneralwithoutfun
(cameras clicking)
Go in peace, please, brothers and sisters.
(crowd chattering)
- Uh, thank you Jesus.
My feet are not gonna last much longer
in these shoes, y'all.
(crowd chattering)
(birds chirping)
(cameras clicking)
- Hey, Cassie. - Oh, Mabel.
- That's so sad about Frances, huh?
- Yeah, just reminds us to live each day like it's our last.
- Or it reminds you lay off the bacon.
Bitch dropped dead at 52.
I mean, I'm nipping at 50 myself.
- Oh, uh, Mabel
this is Holly Washington,
and Sharice Bloom.
- You look familiar.
- You cast me once in an indie film.
- Oh, you have to do better than that darling.
I sleep walked through most of those.
- East side Cruisers.
- Oh yes, that piece of shit.
Sorry.
And you actress too baby?
- I am, in fact, Frances used to bring me in on a regular.
Kind of bomb that she's, you know?
- Yeah, well
Maybe that all will change soon.
I dropped the breakdown.
- Oh
- Oh, you did?
Okay.
- We'll talk later.
- Uh-huh - Uh-huh
I'm just gonna network.
See if I can scoop up some of Frances' clients
now that she's...
Unavailable.
- Uh-huh.
- Oh Mr. Whittaker, is that you?
- Cas
what she means she drop the breakdown?
- Yeah.
- So I started thinking about our idea.
- Our idea?
- Your idea
- What idea?
- The movie.
The fake movie.
So I ran it by Mabel.
- Hold on. So you told us we were crazy.
And then you go and get Mabel Singer involved?
- Well...
She said it would be more legit
if she dropped the casting notice
and acted as the...
You know
front man.
- Cassie
she's a casting director who knows everyone in town.
Well, what if she blows a whistle in this thing?
- No, no no.
That's the point.
She's in.
Balls deep.
She thought it was a great idea.
- She did - Uh-huh
- Wait for real.
- This is all because you lost the part on the show.
Isn't?
- Not entirely.
I thought it was a good idea. - Cass!
- Okay. Fine. It's because I lost the show.
There. You happy?
- Yeah mother fucking hell, I'm happy.
'cause now you're one of us.
Sucks dick, doesn't it?
- Cassie Robbins slumming it with the bottom bitches.
- It's not even like that.
- Aw, it's okay, Cass.
I'll teach you how to dress up top ramen
nine different ways.
- Hey, maybe you can get a job at the club on MILF night.
(chuckles)
- Funny. - It is.
- I started thinking that maybe you guys were right.
Maybe there's something to this whole fake movie thing.
You know, we cast the net wide.
Reel in some some works
some attention,
publicity.
- To men. - Sure.
I know I should have asked you guys first, but...
- Yeah.
- I mean I only went to Mabel to get her opinion
and the next thing I knew, she's on board and here we are.
- Well...
I'm in. I thought it was a great idea
Even though you were shitting all over.
- I wasn't shitting - Cass...
- Okay fine, I was shitting all over it.
Geez. Give me a break.
(phone ringing)
- Hello? - It's Mabel.
- Hey Mabel, I'm here with the girls.
- Hi!
- Ladies
This motherfucker is blowing up bigger than Liz-O
- Wow. Really?
- We got work to do. What y'all do.
- Oh, we're gonna grab lunch and hang out at my place.
- Well, let's make it work and lunch.
I'll see you in a few.
- See you soon!
- Huh.
It's blowing up.
(ladies screaming)
(lively music plays)
- Yeah well
I'm really sorry,
we just can't afford Cuba.
I wish we could.
Yes. Yes.
Of course.
We all remember "Show Me The Money"
25 years ago.
Okay. Well, I'll be sure to let you know
if anything changes.
All right.
Bye-bye
Lord
- Cuba Gooding's agent?
- Yup.
I've heard from Sidney Poitier's people.
Jamie Foxx'
Don Cheadle' people
Tay D - Cast him!
- Holly...
- Cast him!
He gon' be my baby daddy.
I know it.
- Cast him in what Holly.
There is no movie.
- I know
I know.
You can't let that in the way of true love.
(Cassie chuckles)
- Listen up ladies.
Pretty soon
I'm going to drop something
and deadline announcing the film
and you three ladies as the leads
after a few weeks, your numbers should be strong.
There will be a lot of buzz about you.
Then you can let the whole thing just die down.
- And poof! It's back to being pumpkins.
- Have you narrowed down your choices?
- Yes.
I consider dating these boring, any offensive issues
like bad breath, penis size or weird stuff
like wearing baby diapers.
These, I look past those issues
'cause they're just that hot
and these are potential husbands.
So y'all need to stay away from these.
They're my men.
Mine...
- The funniest part is I know you're not playing.
- Uh-huh
- What about you, Cass?
- Oh, you can have all.
Look when I date someone,
it's all about how they treat my munchkin.
- I agree if it happens, it happens.
But...
these are some yummy men.
I mean this wasn't such a terrible idea.
- Come on, girls, now focus.
Social media
exposure
Remember?
- Uh-huh
- Yes.
Okay. So let's set aside the ones
that no one's interested in
and start figuring out who we're calling in.
- Yeah
- Jeez, people
You think you we're actually making a movie.
- If that's Dinsdale pass it over to me.
- Uh-uh
You said you weren't interested.
I'll take the calls.
- You two need stop it.
Hello Cassie Robbins.
- Hi Ms. Robbins, Jackie Lake.
I'm an agent with TCI in Beverly Hills.
- Hi...
Yes.
Jackie from TCI.
How can I help you?
- The real question is how can I help you?
I wanted to talk to you about this Western you're making.
- Oh yes.
The movie
- The whole town's buzzing.
- Are they?
Isn't that something?
- I'd love to take a raid.
- Oh, oh gosh.
That's really nice.
But I don't think it's ready yet.
Ms. Robin,
TCI is one of the most powerful agencies in Hollywood.
We turn away 99% of the people who knock on our door.
- I know who you are. Believe me.
I came knocking and was turned away.
I get it.
You know, Jackie, this is just a little movie.
- Well then let's make it a big movie.
- Oh wow.
That's just it.
(chuckles)
It's not done yet.
Yeah, uh...
We had to fire our writer.
He didn't share the same vision
and so we parted ways
but thank you so much for calling.
- We represent lots of writers.
- Well...
That's awesome.
You know, they'd have to work on spec.
- Oh, I've got the perfect guy in mind.
He's been in a bit of a slump since...
Oh
1977.
But prior to that he won three Oscars,
four Emmys and a Tony.
He's looking for a way back in.
So I wouldn't put the screws to you.
Trust me.
- Oh...
Cool.
- Let's just set up a meeting.
If he likes you and you like him
it's a match made in Hollywood.
You get a rider with an incredible pedigree
and he gets another shot at a statue.
How about it?
Win-win
- Oh
Jackie...
- You'd be doing me a big favor.
This town was built on favors Cassie.
- Just a meeting.
- Great!
I'll have my assistant set it up.
- Oh wait a minute. I--
- Listen. I have to run to my next appointment
but, I think we're really vibing here.
Talk to you soon.
- Ooh...
- What?
- Okay.
- TCI.
What'd I tell you
When the big boys come sniffing around
you're on the radar girls.
- Yeah
I promised her we'd meet with one of her clients
(chuckles)
A writer.
- Well, we don't need a writer.
- I know Sharice, I know, I get it.
- I'm just saying.
- Does one of you wanna feel the calls next time?
- Listen. Y'all need to just chill.
Take the meeting.
Might do you some good. You know?
This whole thing is about creating buzz.
So you all need to make like little bees and buzz.
- Okay. I guess.
- Mommy can you fix this?
- Okay baby.
- I'm not a baby.
- I know sweetheart.
- I'm a grown up.
- Trust me
being a grownup
isn't all that.
(upbeat music)
- All right.
Get it.
- Okay. This is just a meeting.
Get in.
Yada yada, yada.
Get out.
- Sounds like most of my dates - Oh Holly.
- What we don't want is to develop
a relationship with this guy. - Just like my dates.
(chuckles)
(door bell rings)
- Mr. Maxwell.
- Oh, please.
Archibald.
Well, you must be the girls my agent send over
to appease me.
- I'm sorry.
- Don't be.
Come on in.
(upbeat music plays)
- We don't want to take up too much of your time.
I'm sure you're busy.
- Do I look busy?
You see every six months or so I chew
that little twat of an agent of mine
a new one for not giving me any work.
I never got in through these ridiculous meetings.
- Sorry. - No, no, no.
Hey, you know, it's fine. It's fine.
To tell you the truth.
I've actually made some friends this way.
Got laid time or two
Hell I even scored some Coke.
It's funny. The only thing I haven't gotten is a job.
- Hey (indistinct) Sit, sit. Come on, come on.
Let's rap.
(chuckles)
- Hi!
I am Cassie.
- Hello!
- This is Holly.
- Hello! - Hi and I'm Sharice.
- Have we met?
- No, I don't. I don't think so.
- Are you sure?
You look very, very familiar?
- Sorry.
- My God
That knit-wit Jackie.
Let's think I'm a black dude.
So that's this picture of you as some sort of slave epic?
- No.
Why would you say that?
- Is it about a buddy or a rapper who breaks free
from the chains of gang life
makes it out of the hood.
- Wow.
- Oh, wait, wait.
I got it.
It's a faith-based romance, huh?
Lots of church scenes with a gospel choir.
♪ This little light of mine ♪
♪ I'm going to let it shine ♪
♪ Let it shine ♪
(chuckles)
- It's a Western.
- It's a what?
A Western?
- Uh-huh.
- Are you shitting me?
The three of you want to make a Western?
(bursting into laughter)
Oh Christ, now I've heard it all.
- Oooh Why are you so surprised?
- What?
Black girls can't possibly make a Western?
Isn't that a little racist Mr. Maxwell?
- No, no, that's not it, sweetheart.
It's just that nobody makes Westerns anymore.
What possessed you to roast that tired old chestnut?
Well, hey hey help yourself some Kool-Aid by the way
- What? - What?
- Kool-Aid cocktail.
Cranberry juice, amaretto and vodka.
It's my favorite poolside libation.
Okay. Well come on.
Let's get down to it.
Tell me your picture, I hear it's big.
(clears throat)
- Well...
It's the old West
- and...
Cowboys, rugged men who...
- There's romance and...
good guys and...
bad guys.
- Hey hold it, hold it, hold it, stop.
Girls...
That was the worst pitch I've ever heard in my life.
- Well, we were just getting warmed up.
- Honey, you couldn't warm up that turd with a blow torch.
Seriously.
That just might've been the colonoscopy of pitches.
- It's a work in progress.
- You don't have a story, do ya?
- Not much of one.
I mean
We think that there's something to be said
for opening up the genre to people of color.
Were three really great actresses
and we're just tired of the cliches and stereotypes...
- Okay. So you just want to say fuck you to Hollywood.
Suck my cock, Tinseltown.
- Well, I mean - Kiss my ass
You racist sexist, agist, Hollywood system.
- Well, I'm not sure what we're trying to say
but we are trying to create an opportunity for us
for other people of color
an opportunity that we wouldn't get otherwise
- We are?
- We are.
- Hashtag
Hollywood too white, huh?
Yeah, well.
I get it.
But to be perfectly honest
I don't think I'd be much help.
- Okay. Well we appreciate your time
and we will let you get back to your tanning.
- Good to meet you.
- No, you see. I'm a victim too.
Hollywood thinks I'm too old.
Ageism.
That's my problem.
And no matter how many fucking statuettes I've got
on that mantle in there
and believe me I got a few
Hollywood thinks I am past an age
that the industry considered as relevant.
They think that I have lost touch
with what the consumer wants
but God dammit
Let me tell you something.
I know exactly what the consumer wants.
Consumer wants to be entertained.
They want to come home from a hard day's work
and lose themselves in a great story.
They wanna watch something that can makes them forget
about their dick-of-a-boss or their drug addict teenager.
Or the fact that there's senile 90 year old father
just took a dump in the neighbor's lawn.
But somehow all of my vast life experience
awards up the wazoo and a resume that's as long
as a roll of toilet paper
all of that is completely topped
by some punk kid who steal something that I wrote
30 years ago and repackages it as his own fresh, new idea.
Hollywood thinks the kid's a fucking genius.
Well, he's the new Arts in Wells
and I'm a washed up old hack.
- I mean, I hear you.
This business really does blow some times.
- (indistinct)
- Well thank you again for your time.
Really.And we completely understand
if you don't want to be involved.
- Yeah. Don't give it a second thought.
- Ladies
You know what I say?
I say, let's make this half baked idea of yours work.
- I beg your pardon.
- Let's blow the fucking lid off
this shit hole of an industry.
- What's happening here.
- What's happening?
I'm going to write you the best God damned Westerns
since high fucking noon.
That's what's happening.
- Oh my God. Thank you!
- Now, which one of you gets to oil up my back.
(burst in laughter)
- Okay.
(clears throat)
(lively music plays)
- So you ladies ready to play?
- You got those scenes in the row?
- It'll do nothing but smoking mirrors anyway.
- Of course, now we have Archibald Maxwell
tanning the script.
- How the fuck did that happen?
- Let's just burn through these auditions fast.
I have to pick up Amber by three.
- Yeah and I still have to work tonight
I need time to shave these kitties.
- Girl. Don't you wax that shit?
- I'm sure you'll have plenty of time.
There'll probably be a lot of no shows
- Right.
- Oh
Well
Hello gentlemen.
Give us a moment to set up and we'll get started.
All right.
- Hi! Thanks for comin'
Hi!
Ooh...
Lord.
- So, I'm gonna have you flake for us
and then go to the scene.
- Sup? I'm Ramsey Phillips,
reading for rugged cowboy number one.
- Yes you are.
(soft music plays)
(makes cowboy sounds)
- There we go! Whooh
Whooh, oh baby, oh yeah.
Hold on, hold on, hold on now.
Whoooh oooh, I say whoooh...
- I'll tell you what, miss.
From the moment I saw you
I said to myself I'll take a bullet
for that woman and her kid
because something that beautiful
deserves everything life has to give.
- Very nice.
Thank you.
- This town belongs to me now
pack your belongings and get.
- Pack your bags and get!
- You know, said to myself, I take a bullet for that woman
and her kin
because something
that beautiful
deserves everything.
Life
has to give.
- What?
- This town
this town belongs to me
Now so just, you just let...
- Okay.
Thank you, sweetheart.
- Wait a minute.
Are you open in nudity?
(upbeat music starts)
- Okay.
- Oh
- Okay
(upbeat music continues)
- Thank you and turn around please.
- Her name's Latin.
I raised her from a Philly, but well
she's yours now.
- Okay. Thank you.
- Just one quick question.
Married? Single?
- I'm married to my craft, ladies.
- Good to hear
- And no
No relationship at the moment.
- That's it.
Pretty good day, huh ladies. - Hmmm-mmm
I might have to take some of these pictures home
so I can relive the memories later with Bob.
- Bob?
- Battery operated boyfriend.
- Keep your eye on the prize, ladies.
- 100%
What's little harm, you know, and casting with benefits.
(chuckles)
(knocking sound)
- Come in. - Hi!
- Hope I'm not interrupting.
- Oh, I'm sorry, baby.
We done for the day
- I heard about the movie you were casting
and I thought you might be looking for a director.
- What the fuck?
- Hi Cass!
- You got a lot of nerve being here.
- No, this is a friendly visit.
I promise.
I think I can help you and--
(thud sound)
- Oh!
(lively music)