[Lizzy Mercier Descloux's "Sports Spootnicks"]
SINGER: ♪ Ah, cha cha cha ♪
♪ In the pampa ♪
♪ ♪
BARISTA: Next.
- Nonfat latte with an extra shot for Ann,
A-N-N, apple Nancy Nancy, Ann.
Thank you.
- This sweater is amazing.
- No.
Beth.
What?
- Am, your drink is ready.
Am.
SINGER: ♪ Ah, chi chi chi ♪
♪ Look in the arena ♪
♪ ♪
- What happened? - Nothing, nothing.
- Who's dead? - No, no. No one--
- Whose house is this? Are they dead?
- No, no. No one's dead, okay?
No one's dead, okay? Relax.
Oh, well, that's not true. So many people are dead.
- You said it was an emergency. - Everyone's fine.
The emergency is that I lied, and there is no emergency.
I just couldn't get you-- - You are an asshole!
- I-I know. - Our mom just died!
- No, no, look, I felt sick doing it, but there's no way
you would've come otherwise. -...when there isn't
an emergency? It could have been Dad.
- I had no other choice. - It could have been anything.
- You wouldn't have come. - Where are we?
- Okay. We're--shh. Come here.
- What? - This is John's, all right?
The farmer guy, you know?
I just--I really-- no, no, I'm sorry.
I wouldn't have dragged you out here.
I just--I really need your opinion on him.
Like, I'm about to like, you know?
- Okay, but why didn't you ask Maya?
- She's being really judgmental
about the fact that he has a girlfriend.
- He has a girlfriend? - Shh!
Shut up. Yes. - Mom!
- I am not Mom. - You're acting like--
- I'm not acting like--
I'm going for what I want, okay?
Don't call me Mom. - That's why I'm saying--
- No. I'm too old to like, you know.
Just-- Look, I really like him.
Like, last night I freaked out on him.
- Yeah?
- After we had sex on this guy's lawn.
- Do you even hear yourself?
- And he still invited me over today.
- Okay. - You know?
- Yeah, I do know. You're acting like you.
I'll stay only to make sure he's not a murderer.
- Jesus-- JOHN: I'm not a murderer.
- Oh, my God.
Hi.
- Hi. I assume you're talking about me, right?
- No. - Oh, my God, no.
Do you live here? Is this you?
- Yeah. That's why I came out with a watering can
and I'm watering these plants here.
- Kay. - I'm John.
- I'm Ann, Beth's sister.
- My sister. - Cool.
Wanna come inside where I won't murder you?
- Yes.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
Wow.
- I'm really glad you're here.
Take a seat.
I usually sit in that chair, so maybe don't sit there.
- Okay.
ANN: I like your maps.
JOHN: Thanks. Yeah. I found them in the dump.
It's really interesting to see how changes in population
affect the physical characteristics of a place.
- Mm.
Yeah. How it evolves.
- Yeah. - It's like global warming.
It's so sad. But, like, what can we do?
- Stop buying plastic bottles.
- [clears throat]
This was a gift.
Where's your TV, though? I didn't see it in here.
Oh, it's probably in here, right?
JOHN: Sorry, I don't have a TV.
A lot of people don't have one.
Skylar doesn't have one either.
- That's his friend who's, like,
ten years old.
Oh, wow, Miles Davis.
- That's James Baldwin.
[camera shutter clicks]
- Right.
Can I talk to you outside for a second about last night?
- It's pretty buggy out right now.
- Yeah, no--we could go talk in the car
or even, like, in the room back there. Just--
- Is there something you don't want Ann to hear?
- Do you think you're whispering?
- Yes.
- Do you have a girlfriend?
I think we wanna know if you have a girlfriend.
- That was not my question.
- Actually, I broke up with Katie this morning.
- [gasps]
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry to hear that.
No, I'm not. That's amazing.
Oh, my gosh. I'm so glad about that.
- Yeah, me too. - [laughs]
Um, how'd it go?
- It was okay. I texted her and I said
I didn't think we were a good fit.
And she sent a thumbs up, so I think it's fine.
- So you just broke up with your girlfriend just like that?
- No, not just like that.
- I really don't think she even liked me.
I don't think she ever saved me in her phone.
- [laughs]
Okay. Well, that's very clarifying.
- [laughs]
Yeah, cool.
I mean, should we like...
like, have a drink and celebrate your loss?
- I have some gin from Kyoto.
- We love gin from Kyoto, right?
JOHN: Cool. I also have a bowl.
Does anyone have weed?
BOTH: No.
- Oh, but I have mushrooms.
- [laughs] You do? - Yeah, they're in the car.
'Cause I've been growing them. Not in the car,
but they're--yeah. Mm-hmm.
- Okay, Pablo Escobar.
- No, it helps with anxiety.
- I like mushrooms. I'd eat mushrooms.
- Great. - Great.
JOHN: Great. Cool. ANN: Yeah.
JOHN: Okay. Should we do some mushrooms
and go out on my boat?
ANN: Yes. BETH: Uh, your boat.
- Let's go on a boat.
[motor whirring] [water splashing]
[eerie music]
♪ ♪
[muffled voices]
- [screaming]
- You're okay. Look at me.
- [screaming] JANE: Don't look down, honey.
Don't look down. Look at Mommy, sweetheart.
You're okay, sweetie. - We're getting help.
- You're okay, sweetie.
- Yeah, you're gonna need some stiches.
♪ ♪
- I don't wanna go on the boat.
- Yes, come on. We're going on the boat.
Listen, it's statistically impossible
for you to get hurt on a boat again.
- Right. But-- - And I like him for you,
and I don't want you to ruin it
by following your dog-shit instincts, okay?
We'll be right there, John.
- Whoa, I'm out here just doing my best.
You came at me out of nowhere.
- I'm not coming at you.
- Two seconds, John. Just some sister stuff.
- No, I'm being efficient. Look, you fully lied
to get me out here to help you and only you, like usual.
- Okay. - I have a life.
- Okay, do you, though, have a life?
- Yes! - I mean, no, you basically
just lock yourself in your apartment all day.
And I would never say that to you, though,
because I'm a good sister, and I'm a kind person.
We'll be there right in one minute, John.
- Yeah, one second. - Just hang on.
- That's why I don't talk to you,
because I can feel you wishing that I was someone else.
- I just wanna feel like you like me.
- Ohh! That is such a fucking you thing to say.
You don't know anything about my life!
- Because you don't tell me anything.
I'm over here trying to get close to you again.
- Great. So you're in the mood to feud with me today
while I'm here doing you this favor?
We'll be right there! - It's just gonna be
one minute, John. - We just gotta--
BETH: It's just quick. We'll be right there.
ANN: I got something in my shoe.
- You came at me out of nowhere, okay?
And tomorrow can be about-- - I'm trying to help...
both: You.
- But today is about me.
Coming right now, John.
- Well, maybe today's about me, bitch.
I'm also--I'm gonna come too, John.
BETH: I'm here, John.
JOHN: All right.
[engine humming]
- Maybe you should-- - No, in there.
- Okay. Okay. I got it. I got it.
JOHN: You good? BETH: Ooh.
- Yeah, she's got it.
- How'd you get that scar?
- My scar on my leg?
Boating [laughs] accident.
- Is that a joke?
- No, really. Boating accident.
- Yeah, it was actually kind of like right around here.
- [exhales] Yeah, it was not far.
I've been thinking about that a lot, actually.
You think Dad was drunk?
- I don't know why he wouldn't have been.
- Well, this will be fine. We're not gonna go fast.
We'll go real slow, and it won't be scary at all.
- Anybody order some mushrooms?
- These look amazing.
- Thank you. - These look big.
SINGER: ♪ I'm about to get fucked up ♪
♪ Wanna get fucked up ♪
- This isn't going anywhere.
I'm, like, chewing and chewing, but...
Last chance--should we maybe just go hang at your house?
ANN: No. - Okay. Cool.
[Miley Cyrus' "Slab of Butter"]
♪ ♪
SINGER: ♪ The only laws ♪
♪ I obey ♪
- Feels like we're on a jet plane.
- We're going like 5 miles an hour.
- Knots. We're on the water, so it's knots.
♪ ♪
SINGER: ♪ So why you make me play ♪
♪ On the road to something else? ♪
BETH: Whoo.
♪ ♪
♪ Self-control is not ♪
♪ Something I'm working on ♪
♪ ♪
♪ You turn me on ♪
♪ Is all I can say about you ♪
♪ ♪
BETH: I mean-- [giggling]
[both giggling]
Oh, my God.
- What do you want when you die?
- Right. No, I know you asked me that before.
I--I don't want to be dead.
- I don't wanna be dead either. BETH: What do you want?
- I wanna be shot out of a cannon.
- I'm not shooting you out of the cannon.
- Come on. Well--
- I'm gonna have Nick Cannon
perform at your funeral. - [giggling]
- I hate what Mom's funeral was.
Ugh. It sucked.
John, are your parents dead?
- My dad's alive, but we have a pretty chilly relationship.
BETH: Oh, that's sucks. - Yeah.
We haven't talked in a couple years, actually.
- You should call him.
- We see each other every morning for coffee,
but we just haven't spoken in years.
- That actually sounds ideal.
Hey, do you have, um, another rod?
I'd like to fish. - Yeah.
Let me set one up for you. - You're gonna fish?
- Yes. BETH: Okay. I wanna fish too.
ANN: I got it. BETH: I want a rod too.
- Yeah, 'cause there's another one.
JOHN: You want one too? - I want one too.
- Ahh! This is so exciting.
- You take Bluey. BETH: Okay.
Okay, I'm actually pretty scared.
JOHN: Don't be. So just take your finger.
BETH: Okay. JOHN: And hold the line.
BETH: I'm so scared of everyone's hook.
JOHN: Just give it a flick. BETH: Oh, wow.
ANN: Oh, my gosh. JOHN: And then lock it up.
ANN: That was so pretty!
BETH: Oh, my gosh, okay.
JOHN: That worked. Lovely.
BETH: Whoo! ANN: Yeah!
BETH: Okay. ANN: That was beautiful.
JOHN: And at some point, it's gonna be really fun.
- I feel it right now. Don't you feel it right now?
BETH: I'm feeling the fun.
♪ ♪
[gentle acoustic music]
♪ ♪
- [in British accent] I like her.
She's a good fisherman because she's a model.
[Ann giggles]
[in British accent] I'ma couple up with him
'cause he can really set a great lure.
- He's got good chat. ANN: He's from Liverpool.
BETH: Good bait.
You don't know what we're talking about, do you, John?
You need a TV.
- Oh, man, we watched so much TV growing up as kids.
- We barely watched any. - Oh, man.
- God. You're missing so many good shows.
- Yeah. Botched in Rome.
Love Island is what we were just doing.
- We love Love Island.
- Um, I like Alone...
BETH: Oh, Alone. ANN: Naked and Afraid.
- I like to watch tennis.
ANN: Okay. - Okay. Yeah.
What was school like for you? Like, growing up?
- I was actually the only kid in my fourth-grade class.
ANN: Really? BETH: Oh, God.
You're the smartest kid in your class.
- And the dumbest.
I got really close with my teacher, Mrs. Benson.
- [laughing] I bet. She was your only friend.
- I called her "Mom" once but, uh,
she was really cool about it. BETH: Oh, my God.
There should be a show about teenage girls
and what they go through. ANN: Yeah.
- Yeah. Like who will survive?
ANN: Oh, God. Totally. Just the bullying alone.
- Bullying is intense.
- What were you bullied about?
- Um, being Jewish. [Ann sighs]
Uh, my hair.
- Your hair?
- How 'bout Bullies: Where Are They Now?
- Ooh. Ooh, yeah, I'd watch that.
- Actually, I don't even really wanna know.
- Oh, I wanna know. I wanna know right where
Amanda Houlihan is right now. - Yuck.
BETH: Evil. - Horrible. Oh, God.
- Evil. - Jillian Foss.
- Oh, that little cunt.
- Good name. BETH: Right?
ANN: John, do you remember any of your bullies' names?
- I was never really bullied.
ANN: Really? You missed out?
- Never? - No. I mean, sometimes kids
would throw condoms filled with pee at me.
BETH: That's bullying.
- Why would they do that to you?
- I don't know. I mean, when I was a kid,
like, 12 or 13 or something, I used to pee myself a lot.
Like, I would be outside playing,
and I wouldn't wanna go in, so I would just go.
Sometimes kids would pee in my lunchbox too.
- [laughs] I'm sorry.
Um, that's--it's not funny. - That's horrible.
BETH: It's fucked up.
- Yeah, I guess it is.
I-I don't really think about it a lot.
- Yeah, you were bullied it sounds like worse than us.
- [laughs] Yeah.
- But, like, they became my friends later on
when we older.
- Ooh. Oh, my God.
BETH: Oh, my God! - Oh, I think I caught a fish.
BETH: Oh, my God! - Oh, my God. What do I do?
- John, what does she do? - What do I do? What do I do?
- What does she do? - What do I do, what do I do?
What do I do? What do I do? - Here, reel it in.
Reel it in. Reel it in. - Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh!
BETH: Reel it! - I caught a fish!
BETH: We did it! - Oh, my God!
[both screaming]
Oh, my God! - You caught a fish!
[laughing, squealing]
- Oh, the best moment in my life!
- Oh, my God. Of anybody's life.
You fish. JOHN: Oh, no.
- I caught a fish. - You little fish.
- The fish hook is in my finger.
BETH: Oh, God. Oh, fuck.
Um, okay. Are you okay?
- No, I have a fish hook in my finger.
BETH: Right. Okay. Oh, God.
Does anyone have any, like, popcorn right now?
- If someone could cut the hook with these pliers,
I can push it through.
BETH: No! - No, no one's doing that.
- Do we have a radio? We could radio for help.
- Yep, I've seen it a million times.
What are we gonna do?
Okay. What should we do? Should we call your dad?
- Why would we call my dad? - I don't know. I don't know.
I'm, like... very much on mushrooms.
Like, is everybody else, like, on mushrooms?
- Yeah, I'm feeling the mushrooms.
We should probably call my dad.
- He might know what to do. BETH: Shut the fuck up.
Okay, no, everybody-- - Let's start--
- Drive us back.
Can you drive us back to the shore?
- Yeah, I probably need a quick sip of that gin.
BETH: Okay! Um...
Why do you have a fucking cooler?
ANN: I can still save him! - Oh, my God.
No, you're not driving. You're injured.
Please, just move over.
- No, no, come in the middle. BETH: No, move over.
ANN: Okay. - Oh, fuck, it's a stick shift.
Shit, Annie, do you know how to drive stick?
- Fuck no! JOHN: I can drive.
- No, you're not driving. You're injured!
Okay. Put on my seat belt. Okay, I haven't driven
a stick shift for like a million years.
- You got it. You got it. JOHN: Got it?
ANN: It's just like riding a bike.
[engine grinds]
- Oh, shit! Sorry.
[frantic jazz music]
ANN: Whoo!
- You good?
- Me? ANN: Yeah.
- Yeah, why?
Where'd you get that carrot?
- My pocket. Do you want one?
I have another, but it's one white.
You know, white asparagus is white
because it's grown in the dark.
- You just have random vegetables
just in your pockets?
- They're not random. I grew them.
- Can you chew just-- just a little more s-soft?
A little less.
[soft crunching]
[laughter]
- I can't chew it any more quietly.
- It's so loud.
- Red light! - Oh!
[tires screech]
- [panting]
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
- I'm gonna walk.
- Annie, I'm sorry that happened. Annie.
ANN: I gotta get Mack back to the water!
BETH: What the fuck are you talking about?
Annie, you don't know where you are!
What the fuck?
Should I go get her?
- Ann knows what she wants to do.
Just let her go.
- Yeah. You mean, like, just--
just love her the way she is, right?
- Yeah, I don't know. Can we go to the hospital?
- Yeah, totally. Okay.
[engine grinds] Ooh. Okay.
Shit. [clears throat]
Oh, fuck.
[carrot crunches]
It's loud.
[tires screech]
[jazz music]
[engine revs]
♪ ♪
BETH: Okay. JOHN: Good driving.
BETH: Okay. JOHN: Oh.
♪ ♪
BETH: Come on JOHN: I'm coming.
You okay? BETH: Yeah. Me?
♪ ♪
Hi, can you help us?
- Sure. What brings you in?
- Uh, we were on this boat, you know?
- It's a Boston Whaler. - Right.
- Beautiful Boston Whaler.
- Well, a Whaler. And, uh, and Ann caught a fish.
Yeah, my sister.
She, like, I've never seen her this happy before.
She was, like, glowing.
I mean, wouldn't you say that? - Yeah.
She's not usually like that. - I'm sorry.
What brings you in?
- His hand. There's a fish hook in it.
- Yeah, I see that.
Follow me. - Yes. Okay. We'll follow her.
- Okay.
- Do you think they'll have to amputate?
- Want a Honeycrisp?
- What?
- Apple. - [small laugh] Oh.
Thanks.
[monitors beeping]
- Hello, folks. Is this your wife?
- No. I'm--I don't know.
What am I, John? I'm, you know, we--
- I guess you could technically say we're work associates.
- Maybe you can work that out later.
- Excuse me, are you old enough to do this procedure?
You look, like, really young to me.
- Well, to be honest, this is, uh, the first time
I've removed a fish hook. Are you on any medications
or substances I should know about?
- I took some Tylenol this morning.
And we're high on mushrooms.
- Not a whisper.
He doesn't know how to whisper. He can't whisper.
- Okay. Here's the procedure.
Uh, I'm going to use these pliers to cut the hook,
then I'm gonna pull the hook out of your finger.
- That's it?
- That's what I wanted to her to do.
- Wait, wait, wait. Tha--that's--
Okay. Hold on. Is this gonna hurt him?
Is it, you know, should he be put under for this,
o-or should I have an opioid if-if that's available to me?
- It's not necessary. - Can we just do it?
- Yeah. Okay. Just do it. Okay.
- Here we go. - Okay.
- And...
Almost done.
- Is it happening?
- And done.
- Oh, my God, there's barely any blood.
- That's crazy. DOCTOR: Yeah, that's it.
- That's it. DOCTOR: Okay. Yeah.
Just, um, you know, keep the finger clean.
Soap, water, Band-Aids. Yana's gonna wrap you up.
And uh, any more questions or...
- Yeah, I do, um...
Doctor-- [clears throat]
will he ever finger again?
- Okay. Just wrap it.
- Got it.
- [sighs]
It must feel good to be home.
Are you gonna be okay, uh, by yourself?
- I think I can manage. - Okay. Okay.
[crickets chirping]
Um, no, I wanna stay here.
I would like to stay here with you and, um,
keep moving toward hopefully being in a relationship.
No, that's not even true.
I want you to be my boyfriend right now.
W-would you be my boyfriend?
- Yes, I'd like that. - Yeah?
- And you'll, in return...
- Well, I'll be your girlfriend.
- Great.
Looks like Johnny boy wasn't on the market too long.
- What?
- Should I make us some tea?
- No, can you get the gin?
- Yeah, I'll get it from the truck.
- Yeah. Okay.
[gentle acoustic music]
- You're wearing my clothes.
- Thank you. I know.
Which side of the bed do you wanna sleep on?
- Dealer's choice.
- Okay. I'm going left.
- Left if you're-- - Yeah.
Like, over here if you're facing it.
- Here, you can take the pillow.
- No, I'm not gonna take your only--the pillow.
- It's fine. I don't need it. - Okay, fine. Thank you.
- I can always sleep.
- I can't.
♪ ♪
You told the doctor that we were on mushrooms.
- I can't lie. - [laughs]
You can't whisper.
- I can whisper.
- Do it.
- [normal voice] Hi. - [laughs]
I really like you.
- I really like you too.
- I don't like your boat.
- Okay.
- And you need a TV.
- Okay. - Okay.
- Oh, that reminds me,
can I read you this section for our local paper?
- Yeah. - It's called Bargain Barn.
- Okay.
- People list items for under $100.
- Okay.
- So these items are all for sale.
Keep that in mind.
- Okay. For sale under $100.
- Full leg cast in two pieces,
autographed by Mike Bossy of 1984 New York Islanders.
- [laughs] No. - $25 or best offer.
Open to trades.
Pre-K to college-level homeschool curriculum
DVD Blu-ray set $100.
Wheelbarrow, green, needs a new wheel, $30.
30-inch lawn tractor, good condition--
SINGER: ♪ So thank you or whatever ♪
♪ Nothing lasts forever, man, I guess so ♪
♪ Waiting for the let go ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I had to pay for ♪
♪ All of your bad behavior ♪
♪ But expensive lessons are always the best to know ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I'm not waiting for the let go ♪
♪ Don't need any of your say so ♪
♪ I put the pieces back together ♪
♪ So thank you or whatever ♪
♪ Nothing lasts forever, man, I guess so ♪
♪ Waiting for the let go ♪
♪ I was waiting for the let go ♪
♪ I swore I wouldn't till you said so ♪
♪ I put the pieces back together ♪
♪ So thank you or whatever ♪
♪ Nothing lasts forever, man, I guess so ♪
♪ Waiting for the let go ♪
[crickets chirping] [water sloshing]
[upbeat jazzy music]
♪ ♪
- It's so easy.