1 00:00:00,083 --> 00:00:01,251 [door opens, shuts] 2 00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:03,086 KEVIN: Hey. 3 00:00:03,170 --> 00:00:05,756 I brought you some breakfast as a peace offering. 4 00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:08,675 Food here is a little tricky. 5 00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:10,636 It's just a closet full of beef jerky. 6 00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:13,305 Apparently, Macho Man Randy Savage was an alum here, 7 00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:17,267 and he left his entire food supply to Ron in his will, so, 8 00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:20,562 snap into a Slim Jim? 9 00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:22,314 - Care to join me for breakfast? 10 00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:24,149 - Of course. 11 00:00:24,233 --> 00:00:27,194 Jerky for two. [chuckles] 12 00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:30,447 Um... look, 13 00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:33,700 I wanted to apologize. 14 00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:35,702 You know, I didn't mean to... - Stab me? 15 00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:37,579 - Well, I wasn't gonna use those words. 16 00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:40,040 Look, Ron-Ron is crazy. 17 00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:42,668 I'm serious. He's-he's nuts. 18 00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:44,628 Sick-in-the-head crazy. 19 00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:47,172 And I'm convinced that that motherfucker killed 20 00:00:47,256 --> 00:00:48,674 a dude named Rodrigo. 21 00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:50,133 And the motherfucker tried to kill me 22 00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:51,927 just for being around his office. 23 00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:55,097 And as far as your arm goes, I know you think I'm lying... 24 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,515 I heard "retractable." 25 00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:58,976 - You know, I've dated guys like you before. 26 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,811 It's always someone else's fault. 27 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,729 - That's not true. 28 00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:04,648 That's not true at all. When I'm wrong, I... 29 00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:06,608 I shouldn't say that 'cause I'm never wrong. 30 00:01:06,692 --> 00:01:08,402 If... if I'm wrong, 31 00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,529 I have no problem admitting that I'm wrong. 32 00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:13,991 But in this case, I'm not. He said "retractable." 33 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:17,953 - Hey, part of me is glad you stabbed me. 34 00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:20,163 It's a badge of honor. 35 00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:22,833 I heard when Jason Statham came through here, 36 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,877 he got stabbed directly in the heart. 37 00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:26,170 - Did he survive that? 38 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,338 - He shot Transporter, like, a week later. 39 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,215 - What the fuck? 40 00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:31,925 In the heart? They stabbed him in the heart? 41 00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:33,927 - Yep, right through it. - Goddamn it. 42 00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:36,263 Maybe I'm just doing the wrong fucking thing here. 43 00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,223 I mean... [laughs] 44 00:01:38,307 --> 00:01:40,601 ...maybe this just isn't for me, you know? 45 00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:42,561 - So, just leave. 46 00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:44,813 Go home. I'm sure there's 47 00:01:44,897 --> 00:01:47,191 a real hero somewhere in need of a goofy sidekick. 48 00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,817 - Okay, uh, that backfired. 49 00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:50,694 I thought that you would go the opposite direction 50 00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,988 and tell me that, no, I should stay, 51 00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:55,157 and that this is for me. 52 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:56,658 That's what I... thought... 53 00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:58,160 - Well, what do you want me to say? 54 00:01:58,243 --> 00:02:00,662 If you need extra motivation to be the star 55 00:02:00,746 --> 00:02:03,040 of a Claude Van De Velde movie... [chuckles] 56 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,042 ...uh, you're in the wrong business. 57 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:09,379 This is probably my only shot to be a big action star, so 58 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,381 I'm not gonna blow it. 59 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,300 I'll do anything it takes. 60 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,014 - You're right. 61 00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:22,351 You are absolutely right. 62 00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:24,770 I need to stop all the bitching and moaning, 63 00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:26,647 and I need to cowboy the fuck up. 64 00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:29,525 - There you go. 65 00:02:32,903 --> 00:02:36,323 [dramatic music plays] 66 00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:38,659 - When I first started in the business, 67 00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,369 training action stars, 68 00:02:40,452 --> 00:02:42,788 every stunt scene was practical. 69 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:45,958 Or, as Kevin might say, "retractable." [laughs] 70 00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:47,835 - Oh, that's really good. That's great. 71 00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:50,295 It's not funny. - But the industry has changed. 72 00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:52,506 You can't even be an action star without, 73 00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:54,007 well, knowing how to work green. 74 00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:56,468 - Uh, I'm very familiar with the green screen. 75 00:02:56,552 --> 00:02:57,886 I mean, I've done about 15 movies 76 00:02:57,970 --> 00:02:59,680 where we've had a green screen. 77 00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:02,140 - In which of those 15 movies were you the leading man? 78 00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:04,768 Any idiot can jump on a green screen 79 00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:07,604 and pretend to be eaten by a CG dragon. 80 00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,314 Hell, even Little Kevin can do that. 81 00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:10,774 - Oh, hell no! 82 00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:13,402 - Okay, who's finding the time to dress him like me? 83 00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:15,070 It's really... WILCOX: Okay, question. 84 00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:17,781 What does a leading woman or a leading man 85 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,951 get to do on-screen that sidekicks don't? 86 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,036 - Win fights. - Uh, murder bad guys. 87 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,413 - Make love. 88 00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:27,791 Today's lesson is in lovemaking. 89 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,126 - Yes! 90 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,377 [clears throat] On the green screen? 91 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,045 Are we doing it on the green screen? 92 00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:33,547 - Bingo. KEVIN: Nice. 93 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,758 Adding effects to the bed, to the wall, just cracking 'em. 94 00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:38,135 - Okay, I'm gonna be candid. 95 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,429 I-I don't want to do a sex scene with him. 96 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:41,430 - That's fine, 'cause I don't want 97 00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:42,973 to do a sex scene with her. Ugh. 98 00:03:43,974 --> 00:03:46,685 - [Jordan and Wilcox laugh] 99 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:50,772 - What's so funny? - Okay, well, look at you, 100 00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:52,316 and then look at her. 101 00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,318 And look at you, then her. 102 00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:56,236 Then you, then her. - Okay. 103 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,530 I don't get the joke. What is...? What-what am I missing? 104 00:03:58,614 --> 00:04:00,532 - All right, let me put it another way. Uh... 105 00:04:00,616 --> 00:04:02,743 Look at you, and then look at her. 106 00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:05,037 [laughs] Then look at you, and then her. 107 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,956 - Can we just get this shit over with, please? 108 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,167 - Okay, let's discuss motivation. 109 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,169 All right, now... 110 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,921 after almost killing each other, 111 00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:15,964 Agent Hart and Agent King 112 00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:17,716 discover that they're on the same team. 113 00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:19,760 After diffusing a bomb, 114 00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,178 at the top of a skyscraper, 115 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,180 in-in the middle of an earthquake, 116 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:26,975 they discover this overwhelming passion for each other. 117 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,938 - Wait, wait, wait. We-We're at the top of a skyscraper 118 00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,272 in the middle of an earthquake? 119 00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:34,066 - Yes! Yes! Goddamn it! 120 00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:36,860 You are the dumbest actor that I've ever worked with! 121 00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:38,612 Go! Action! 122 00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:42,199 [rhythmic beeping] - Red wire... or blue wire? 123 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,201 - It's got to be the red. - Are you sure? 124 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,494 Agent Hart, are you sure? 125 00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:47,412 - I don't know. 126 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:52,209 [dramatic music playing] 127 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,211 [beeping speeds up] 128 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,339 [exhales] 129 00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:59,007 - [soft chuckle] 130 00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:03,136 ♪ 131 00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,731 WILCOX: Earthquake. Earthquake! 132 00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:16,149 The building's falling apart! 133 00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:18,235 - Oh, okay, um... - Oh, okay. 134 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,653 WILCOX: Good, great. 135 00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:21,780 - Oh! Oh! Oh! 136 00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:23,407 Oh, shit! 137 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:26,159 Hold on! Wait! Oh! 138 00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:28,161 Where you at? Wait, wait, wait, wait.- Kevin. 139 00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:30,539 - Hold on, wait, give me a second! Shit! 140 00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:32,165 - Okay. - Okay, all right. 141 00:05:32,249 --> 00:05:33,917 Come on, it's an earthquake. It's an earthquake. 142 00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:34,918 Go. - Yeah. 143 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,461 - Go. - Agent Hart, 144 00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:38,630 I can't believe we just diffused that bomb. 145 00:05:38,714 --> 00:05:41,175 We just saved thousands of lives, maybe millions. 146 00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:44,303 - This earthquake's got to be about a 7.5 magnitude. 147 00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:47,890 This could be our last time being together before we die. 148 00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:50,809 - Now kiss her neck softly and start fucking. 149 00:05:50,893 --> 00:05:53,061 [wires squeaking] - What...? Wait. 150 00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:55,272 Kiss-kiss her neck and then start fucking? 151 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,733 - Kiss her neck softly and start fucking! 152 00:05:57,816 --> 00:05:59,985 - Oh, okay. He... - Uh... 153 00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:01,570 - I'm just gonna do it 'cause that's what he s... 154 00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:03,488 - Yeah, no, it's fine. - Yeah, let me put your... 155 00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:06,283 Give me that. WILCOX: Be sexy! Do something! 156 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,076 - Grab my leg. - Okay, give me this one. 157 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:11,205 - Have you never had sex before?! Do it! 158 00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:13,165 - That's not... - We need... All right. 159 00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:14,416 One second. That's it. - I think we got it. 160 00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:16,251 WILCOX: Go! Go! 161 00:06:16,335 --> 00:06:18,629 - Agent Hart, no. We shouldn't do this. 162 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,381 It's against Bureau protocol. 163 00:06:21,465 --> 00:06:24,635 - Well, protocol was meant to be broken. 164 00:06:27,513 --> 00:06:29,473 [screams] 165 00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:32,226 Help! Help! Don't drop me! Don't drop me! 166 00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:33,810 Please don't let go! Don't let go! 167 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,729 - I won't! I got you! - Don't let go! 168 00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,105 - I've got you, I promise! 169 00:06:37,189 --> 00:06:39,316 CLAUDE: Can you push in a little closer? 170 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:40,776 KEVIN: Help me! Help me! 171 00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:42,444 I'm too young to die! 172 00:06:42,528 --> 00:06:44,696 - Any closer, they'll see the cameras. 173 00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:46,323 - Okay, good. Hold there. 174 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,659 JORDAN: I got you. - Perfect. 175 00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,911 - Help! - Kevin, you're, like, one foot 176 00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:53,747 off the ground. - You cannot teach acting like that. 177 00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,290 JORDAN: I'm just gonna let you down, okay? 178 00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:56,708 KEVIN: Aah!