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["Move On Up"
by Curtis Mayfield plays]
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♪ Hush, now child... ♪
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[Kevin] I mean, I'm 30,000 feet
in the air, right?
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They're saying,
"Kevin, come on, please.
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Kevin, you got to
put on a parachute."
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Everybody's going,
"Please, please Kev."
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This point, they're begging me.
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Well, tell me that
the story ends
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with you wearing the parachute.
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- Absolutely fucking not. No.
- [Deb laughing]
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No, no.
I wanted to be authentic, right?
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- It's got to be real.
- Yeah.
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You know what
Tom Cruise calls parachutes?
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Diapers.
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Is that because they fill up
when you're falling?
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No. Tom told me, he said,
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"Kevin, if they put me
in a parachute,
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they might as well
put a diaper on me
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and send me to pasture."
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Look, Kevin...
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you know, based on the success
of the first one,
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we see massive
franchise potential
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with The Jeffersons.
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And, you know,
your agent just keeps saying
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that you might be waffling
on doing a sequel.
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And I'm just here to ask,
is it about the money?
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Look, Deb, The Jeffersons
is amazing, right?
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We did amazing work there,
but I'll be honest,
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when I walk on that set,
I feel like I'm being babysat.
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I mean, they give me
goddamn stunt coordinators.
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I have--I have stage managers,
uh, wires, green screens.
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Yes. And-and somehow
you still manage
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to jump out of an airplane
without a chute.
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I wasn't telling the truth
when I told you that,
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but I forgot to say
I was lying, so...
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Let's take a pause, right?
Put a pin in that
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so you understand
that wasn't the truth.
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I had to make that up.
It was pretending.
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But you know why
I got to pretend?
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Because I'm not
a real action star, Deb.
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Kevin, you took a sitcom
about a dry cleaner
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and you turned him into
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motherfucking Jason Bourne, okay?
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You are a real action star.
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No, not yet.
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- Not yet?
- [Kevin] No.
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But I will be when you fund
my next project.
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Okay.
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Deb, now look,
what I'm about to tell you
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is gonna seem crazy at first,
but I promise you,
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if you give it a chance,
you'll get it.
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Close your eyes.
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Okay.
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Deb, I want you to
picture yourself
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going up a mountain.
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[glass shattering]
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[screaming]
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[man] On the ground, let's go,
come on, come on!
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[grunts]
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All right, you rich assholes!
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- [gunshots]
- [clamoring]
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[man] Move it! Rolexes, jewelry,
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all your fancy shit!
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What is taking so long?
Put it in the bag. Let's go.
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Just stay calm. Stay calm.
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[man] Everything shiny.
Let's go.
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[gunshots]
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Put it in the bag. Let's go.
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[Kevin] They're coming this way.
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- [gunshots]
- I don't have all day here.
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Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
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Trying to hide, little man?
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The fuck did you just call me?
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Bet you got a big wallet
for such a little man.
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Now put it in the bag!
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You want my wallet? Huh?
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Get back, I got this.
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You got what?
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[Kevin breathing heavily]
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I want your gun! [grunts] Shit.
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You believe this fucking clown?
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[both grunting]
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[Kevin] Give me your gun
and sit down.
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Whoa.
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What, you're gonna be
the first man in history
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to shoot somebody
with the safety on?
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- What?
- Huh?
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[grunting]
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[woman screaming]
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I don't like guns.
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Ah, shit.
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- [Kevin groans]
- [Deb gasps]
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- [man] No, cut him out.
- [gunman] Goddammit. Shit.
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[groans]
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[both groaning]
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Nice to beef you, motherfucker.
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[cheering and applause]
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Hey, it's not about me,
it's about you.
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I'm glad that everybody's safe.
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It's a crazy world
that we're living in.
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- A lot of nut jobs out here.
- Oh, Kevin...
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Kevin, what just happened?
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Real goddamn action.
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- That's what just happened.
- Okay.
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Real fucking action.
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That's the adrenaline
that I want
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audiences across the globe
to feel, Deb.
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So this... this is...
was all staged?
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Yeah. All of it, they're actors.
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I just wanna give you
a little taste of what
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- our movie was about, right?
- [Deb] Oh, my God.
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This is the movie
that we're gonna make.
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So what I did was
I brought an outline, right?
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A little rough outline
to give you a little idea
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about what we're gonna do.
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- [Deb] Oh, boy.
- [Kevin] Right?
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The world of our movie lives
in improvised action,
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and spontaneous ass-whoopings.
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That's what this is about.
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That guy spontaneously hit you
with a gun.
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[Kevin] You talking about Larry?
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Larry, hey, you got me good.
I'm gonna feel that one.
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Yeah, you are.
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You're goddamn right.
Fucking Larry.
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You're not well.
Oh, no, you're not well.
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[Kevin] This is about me
getting the respect
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that I deserve
as an action star, Deb.
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[Deb chuckles]
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What is it that
you want me to say here?
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What do I want you to say, Deb?
I want you to say,
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"I'll do it."
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My answer is no.
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Never. This-this is
never going to happen.
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Not at my studio
or anyone else's.
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- No.
- Please.
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- No.
- Can you just give it a--
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- No, no, no, no, no.
- Can you just give it a--
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Deb, can you just...
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Can you just please give it a...
give it a read?
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- [Deb] Oh.
- Okay? Here.
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- [Deb chuckling]
- [Kevin] There you go.
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That's all... that's all I want.
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Can you just...
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I'll read it.
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- We did it! Yeah!
- [applause]
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[mouthing]
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[car horn honking]
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Hello, Mr. Green Light.
She loved it, right?
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I told you
she was gonna love it.
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What's the budget she gave you?
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$300 million? $400...
$500 million for this?
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Just drive.
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I am so sorry.
Kevin, that's not...
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That is not fair.
You are a king, and this town
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doesn't deserve you.
Do you hear me?
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You are a king. You are my king.
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Praise, praise.
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Wait a second.
Is that her right there?
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Is that her, the one
throwing away the script?
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Is that her right there?
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Excuse me, ma'am.
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Excuse me, ma'am,
in the red jacket.
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How are you?
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Kevin Darnell Hart
is a national treasure.
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- A national...
- Just drive the car.
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[Andre] We're gonna
drive the car,
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- but honestly...
- [Kevin] Andre.
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...get your shit together.
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Nice to meet you.
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- Drive the fucking car, Andre!
- [car honking]
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[upbeat music playing]
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[Andre] Today is gonna be
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the most amazing day
of your life. Your paper.
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You say the same thing
every day, Andre,
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and every day you're wrong.
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Oh, well, come on.
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You're just cranky
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because you haven't had
your tofu tahini smoothie.
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I'll get that for you right now.
Sophie, his TT.
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I really hate that
you call it that.
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- [Sophie] Here you go.
- There we go.
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- Big gulps. There you go.
- [slurping]
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[clears throat] No, I'm cranky
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because the movie
of my dreams just flamed, okay?
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Now I don't know
what I'm gonna do with my life.
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Well, I mean, come on, man.
You still have us.
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That's amazing, right?
You have us.
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The hell does that mean? Who?
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Hannah, Sophie, me,
your man, TJ, right over here.
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I'm talking about your village.
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I know what you need.
I know what you need.
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A massage.
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Nina, you all set up
with the new hot stones?
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I can be in about ten minutes.
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She can be in about ten minutes.
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Kevin, the crew are ready
whenever you are.
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Yeah, I'm ready.
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[Andre] You got this!
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[Kevin] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There you go.
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Oh, God. How you doing?
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Good, great. Kev...
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Now just pretend you're biking
through the Swiss Alps.
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We'll CG the Alps in later.
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What is that?
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I'm on foot though.
I need a bike, right?
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We'll CG that in too. Action!
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- [Kevin] You just want me to...
- [director] Just go for it.
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Act like I'm riding a bike?
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Exactly.
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[Andre] Straight arms.
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Kevin, look at this.
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[Kevin] Hey, man, not... No.
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00:08:01,066 --> 00:08:02,734
I can't... I can't do this shit.
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00:08:03,610 --> 00:08:05,403
I can't. I... I cannot
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00:08:05,403 --> 00:08:08,406
do this shit anymore.
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All right, I'm tired of the CGI
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and the goddamn green screens,
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all this fake shit.
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00:08:14,746 --> 00:08:16,331
No, uh...
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00:08:16,331 --> 00:08:17,999
[Kevin] I want
real fucking action.
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[Andre] Kevin, no.
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[paper crumbling]
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00:08:22,045 --> 00:08:24,839
Nina, what's the ETA
on those hot stones?
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[screams]
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[people screaming]
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[news reporter] It appears
A-list actor Kevin Hart
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00:08:32,556 --> 00:08:33,974
is back in the news again.
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00:08:33,974 --> 00:08:37,435
Star of the high octane reboot
of The Jeffersons,
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Hart has spent his own money
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destroying a high-end
Hollywood restaurant
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in an attempt
to woo a studio boss
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into financing what he refers to
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as a cinema verite-style
action film.
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This comes just a year
after the actor famously fired
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his longtime stuntman
Doug Eubanks,
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in the middle of production.
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The decision that left
insiders dumbfounded.
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- Bring me this man.
- [reporter continues speaking]
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00:09:01,167 --> 00:09:02,460
Bring me this...
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00:09:03,670 --> 00:09:04,880
Kevin Hart.
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00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:06,715
[ominous music playing]
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[sirens distantly]
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00:09:08,842 --> 00:09:11,344
[Kevin] Wow. This is big, man.
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00:09:11,344 --> 00:09:13,013
No, like, this is really big.
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00:09:13,847 --> 00:09:14,973
Andre, I don't think
you understand.
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00:09:14,973 --> 00:09:17,726
I cast my dream out into
the universe and guess what?
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00:09:17,726 --> 00:09:19,352
Karl Stromberg comes running.
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00:09:19,352 --> 00:09:21,271
Absolutely. Yeah, yeah.
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00:09:22,397 --> 00:09:24,983
But I got to say, boss,
I... I don't like it.
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00:09:24,983 --> 00:09:26,902
I mean, you don't even
know this guy, right?
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00:09:26,902 --> 00:09:29,112
I tried to look him up
and nothing came up on Google.
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00:09:29,112 --> 00:09:31,281
Duh. It's because he's European.
253
00:09:31,948 --> 00:09:34,367
They got their own Google.
Everybody knows that, all right?
254
00:09:34,367 --> 00:09:36,745
Listen, the guy's loaded,
got tons of money.
255
00:09:36,745 --> 00:09:37,913
And if his desire
256
00:09:37,913 --> 00:09:40,206
is to make my movie,
then so be it, I'm good.
257
00:09:40,206 --> 00:09:42,751
I can't do it, boss.
I am so sorry. I can't do it.
258
00:09:42,751 --> 00:09:44,669
My job is to look out
for your best interest,
259
00:09:44,669 --> 00:09:47,088
- and I don't really think that--
- Uh, what did you just say?
260
00:09:47,088 --> 00:09:48,215
It's my job
to look out for your--
261
00:09:48,215 --> 00:09:50,217
It is not your job.
As a matter of fact,
262
00:09:50,217 --> 00:09:52,510
that's the complete opposite
of your job.
263
00:09:52,510 --> 00:09:54,471
You know
who looks out for me, Andre?
264
00:09:54,471 --> 00:09:58,099
Me. That's who looks out for me.
Me. Okay?
265
00:09:58,099 --> 00:09:59,517
- You know what? Pull over.
- What?
266
00:09:59,517 --> 00:10:00,602
Pull over. I'm driving myself.
267
00:10:00,602 --> 00:10:02,062
- I don't want you to drive.
- No. Kevin, no, no, no, no, no.
268
00:10:02,062 --> 00:10:03,271
- No.
- Kevin, you can't drive your...
269
00:10:03,271 --> 00:10:05,941
- Yeah, I can. I do not need you.
- You need me. You need me.
270
00:10:05,941 --> 00:10:08,151
Correction... [scoffs]
I don't need you.
271
00:10:08,151 --> 00:10:09,569
I didn't need my stuntman.
272
00:10:09,569 --> 00:10:10,987
I damn sure
don't need an assistant
273
00:10:10,987 --> 00:10:12,989
telling me how to live my life.
Pull over.
274
00:10:12,989 --> 00:10:16,159
[horn honking]
275
00:10:16,159 --> 00:10:17,702
Don't... don't hold
the wheel in the middle.
276
00:10:17,702 --> 00:10:18,995
[Kevin] Shut up, Andre.
277
00:10:18,995 --> 00:10:20,288
I said shut up.
278
00:10:20,288 --> 00:10:21,665
- I'm... Yeah.
- [Kevin] I know how to drive.
279
00:10:21,665 --> 00:10:22,707
We know. We all know.
280
00:10:22,707 --> 00:10:24,501
He knows how to drive a car.
We know.
281
00:10:24,501 --> 00:10:27,379
But let's say you put your
hand down, you pop it in D.
282
00:10:27,379 --> 00:10:29,214
- [Kevin] Pop it in first.
- No, that's reverse. Whoa.
283
00:10:29,214 --> 00:10:30,840
You know what?
Why don't I help you out?
284
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:31,841
I'll get in there.
285
00:10:31,841 --> 00:10:33,677
I'll start her up.
I'll roll out.
286
00:10:33,677 --> 00:10:35,178
Everybody will think it was you.
287
00:10:35,178 --> 00:10:36,096
- [Kevin] I don't want your help.
- Okay, good.
288
00:10:36,096 --> 00:10:40,767
- Good, good, good, good, good.
- Yeah, smooth. Very smooth.
289
00:10:40,767 --> 00:10:42,894
- You're leaving.
- [Kevin] Yeah. Fuck off.
290
00:10:42,894 --> 00:10:44,396
I'll drive all the way home.
291
00:10:44,396 --> 00:10:46,189
[tires screeching]
292
00:10:46,189 --> 00:10:47,774
[sighs]
293
00:10:48,858 --> 00:10:50,986
[classical music playing]
294
00:10:50,986 --> 00:10:52,946
[sniffs]
295
00:10:52,946 --> 00:10:55,156
[exhales deeply]
296
00:11:05,333 --> 00:11:09,379
So, Karl...
Karl, what is it, uh,
297
00:11:09,379 --> 00:11:11,172
what is it that you do
for a living, man?
298
00:11:13,049 --> 00:11:16,219
I made my fortune
mining precious metals.
299
00:11:16,219 --> 00:11:17,721
[Kevin] Mmm.
300
00:11:17,721 --> 00:11:21,600
Now I finance films,
primarily in the Balkans,
301
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:22,934
once in North Korea.
302
00:11:22,934 --> 00:11:25,395
It's probably hard to get
permits over there, huh?
303
00:11:25,395 --> 00:11:27,814
Permits are for cowards.
304
00:11:28,815 --> 00:11:29,858
Your outline...
305
00:11:31,693 --> 00:11:32,736
is dangerous.
306
00:11:33,445 --> 00:11:34,446
It's violent.
307
00:11:35,113 --> 00:11:36,990
It's almost no narrative
that makes sense
308
00:11:36,990 --> 00:11:38,366
to a regular human being.
309
00:11:39,618 --> 00:11:42,120
I am not
a regular human being. No.
310
00:11:43,496 --> 00:11:46,374
I am Karl Stromberg.
311
00:11:46,374 --> 00:11:47,375
Yeah.
312
00:11:47,375 --> 00:11:48,752
And that is why...
313
00:11:51,504 --> 00:11:53,089
I will finance
this film for you.
314
00:11:54,549 --> 00:11:55,800
What did you just say to me?
315
00:11:56,468 --> 00:11:58,011
You're telling me
that you're going finance
316
00:11:58,011 --> 00:11:59,888
my goddamn movie?
317
00:11:59,888 --> 00:12:00,931
Huh?
318
00:12:00,931 --> 00:12:02,390
[Kevin chuckles]
319
00:12:02,390 --> 00:12:03,767
Dude, you just made my day, man.
320
00:12:03,767 --> 00:12:06,353
And I don't have to do my pitch,
because my pitch is expensive.
321
00:12:06,353 --> 00:12:07,938
I ain't wanna break
all this glass stuff in here
322
00:12:07,938 --> 00:12:09,105
because I know
I got to pay for it.
323
00:12:09,105 --> 00:12:11,942
Dude, you...
I was in a dark place, Karl.
324
00:12:11,942 --> 00:12:13,693
I was in a real dark place, man.
325
00:12:13,693 --> 00:12:15,904
You just pulled me
out of a dark place.
326
00:12:15,904 --> 00:12:17,322
It's because
people underestimate you.
327
00:12:17,322 --> 00:12:18,281
Yeah.
328
00:12:18,281 --> 00:12:20,867
When you left comedy
for the action,
329
00:12:20,867 --> 00:12:22,410
they said you'd fail.
330
00:12:22,410 --> 00:12:23,328
They did?
331
00:12:23,328 --> 00:12:26,790
When you fired your stuntman
to do your own stunts,
332
00:12:27,916 --> 00:12:29,834
- they said you would fail.
- You heard about that?
333
00:12:29,834 --> 00:12:31,044
[Karl]
Everyone heard about that.
334
00:12:31,044 --> 00:12:34,214
It's only you and Tom Cruise
who do your own stunts now.
335
00:12:34,214 --> 00:12:36,299
That's... that's a fact.
336
00:12:36,299 --> 00:12:38,009
Two peas in a pod, man.
337
00:12:38,009 --> 00:12:39,511
What's going on? What you doing?
338
00:12:40,929 --> 00:12:42,055
This film, Kevin,
339
00:12:43,765 --> 00:12:44,975
will put you
340
00:12:46,059 --> 00:12:48,270
in your own category.
341
00:12:48,270 --> 00:12:49,271
[scoffs]
342
00:12:50,021 --> 00:12:51,064
One pea...
343
00:12:51,982 --> 00:12:54,067
in one pod.
344
00:12:54,067 --> 00:12:56,319
Yes, right. That's right.
345
00:12:56,319 --> 00:12:57,862
One pea, one pod.
346
00:12:59,155 --> 00:13:00,490
Hell yeah.
347
00:13:01,241 --> 00:13:02,367
That's what
it's supposed to be, Karl.
348
00:13:02,367 --> 00:13:03,368
You know what, man?
349
00:13:03,368 --> 00:13:05,579
I know we just met,
but I feel like I've known you
350
00:13:05,579 --> 00:13:08,164
for a long time
because you get me.
351
00:13:08,164 --> 00:13:09,374
I'm so sick of this...
352
00:13:10,041 --> 00:13:12,794
this CG
and this green screen shit.
353
00:13:14,296 --> 00:13:15,297
So what'd you think of
the story, Karl,
354
00:13:15,297 --> 00:13:16,256
about me getting--
355
00:13:16,256 --> 00:13:18,633
No one watches movies
for the story.
356
00:13:18,633 --> 00:13:19,551
[Kevin] Yeah.
357
00:13:20,343 --> 00:13:21,469
They'll watch it
for the action...
358
00:13:23,555 --> 00:13:24,514
and the nudity.
359
00:13:27,434 --> 00:13:28,643
I don't really...
360
00:13:29,477 --> 00:13:31,479
I don't really
have any dick in my script.
361
00:13:32,314 --> 00:13:33,273
But if you want something,
362
00:13:33,273 --> 00:13:34,566
you feel like
people wanna see dick,
363
00:13:34,566 --> 00:13:36,109
I can add some dick.
364
00:13:36,109 --> 00:13:37,777
- [Karl] Mmm.
- I can... I'm... I'm not afraid
365
00:13:37,777 --> 00:13:40,447
to go full frontal.
I'll do it. Right?
366
00:13:40,447 --> 00:13:42,032
If that's what the people want.
367
00:13:42,032 --> 00:13:44,159
My biggest thing though
is the action, man.
368
00:13:44,159 --> 00:13:46,202
I just don't... I don't wanna
see it coming, right?
369
00:13:46,202 --> 00:13:48,455
- I wanna be caught off guard.
- You will shit your pants.
370
00:13:48,455 --> 00:13:49,414
What are you talking about?
371
00:13:49,414 --> 00:13:50,790
We will have to
change your pants,
372
00:13:50,790 --> 00:13:52,292
forget about the old times,
373
00:13:52,292 --> 00:13:55,170
for when you shit your pants.
374
00:13:55,795 --> 00:13:57,631
[inhales sharply]
'Cause I'm scared?
375
00:13:57,631 --> 00:13:59,633
- [Karl] You will shit.
- I... I will shit.
376
00:13:59,633 --> 00:14:00,926
- You will shit...
- Yeah.
377
00:14:00,926 --> 00:14:02,510
- ...your pants.
- I'll shit my goddamn pants.
378
00:14:02,510 --> 00:14:03,887
You will shit!
379
00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:06,598
- [Kevin] I wanna shit.
- You will shit.
380
00:14:06,598 --> 00:14:08,266
- All right. I wanna shit.
- You wanna shit?
381
00:14:08,266 --> 00:14:09,601
Yeah, I will shit.
382
00:14:09,601 --> 00:14:11,811
You shit your pants!
383
00:14:11,811 --> 00:14:14,481
I'm ready
to shit my pants, Karl!
384
00:14:14,481 --> 00:14:17,776
I wanna shit my pants!
Right now!
385
00:14:18,568 --> 00:14:21,112
When... when do we start,
so I can shit?
386
00:14:21,112 --> 00:14:22,530
[Karl] We already have.
387
00:14:23,406 --> 00:14:25,200
There's a camera
hidden right behind you.
388
00:14:28,578 --> 00:14:31,706
Oh... [chuckles]
I think I see it.
389
00:14:32,582 --> 00:14:34,751
The little, the black, the um,
space with the black, right?
390
00:14:34,751 --> 00:14:36,586
[dart shooting]
391
00:14:40,131 --> 00:14:41,341
[thuds]
392
00:14:42,509 --> 00:14:46,096
[dramatic music]