1 00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:03,523 # Oh, Mandy 2 00:00:03,523 --> 00:00:07,043 # Well, you came and you gave without taking 3 00:00:07,043 --> 00:00:10,003 # But I sent you away 4 00:00:10,003 --> 00:00:12,163 # Oh, Mandy 5 00:00:12,163 --> 00:00:16,683 # Well, you kissed me and stopped me from shaking 6 00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:19,443 # And I need you today 7 00:00:19,443 --> 00:00:21,723 # Oh, Mandy. # 8 00:00:21,723 --> 00:00:25,043 Lucky heather, dear? Oh, no, no, thanks. 9 00:00:25,043 --> 00:00:27,323 Get yourself some good luck. No, I'm all right. 10 00:00:27,323 --> 00:00:29,603 For the pretty lady on a lovely day. No, I'm OK. 11 00:00:29,603 --> 00:00:32,843 It's only a pound.No, honestly. Fuck you, then! 12 00:00:32,843 --> 00:00:34,203 You're going to die! 13 00:00:34,203 --> 00:00:37,523 SHE INCANTS, THUNDER RUMBLES 14 00:00:37,523 --> 00:00:39,683 SHE CACKLES 15 00:00:39,683 --> 00:00:43,323 SHE INCANTS 16 00:00:44,803 --> 00:00:46,363 SHE COUGHS 17 00:00:47,763 --> 00:00:50,083 SHE HISSES 18 00:00:50,083 --> 00:00:52,163 It were dead scary, Lola. 19 00:00:52,163 --> 00:00:54,883 I'm worried she's put a curse on me or something. 20 00:00:54,883 --> 00:00:57,843 Hey, are you going to stay up on Friday and watch for the comet? 21 00:00:57,843 --> 00:01:00,683 The what? The comet. An asteroid 22 00:01:00,683 --> 00:01:02,723 It only comes every 76 years. 23 00:01:02,723 --> 00:01:05,363 Oh, who gives a toss? I never look up, me. 24 00:01:05,363 --> 00:01:08,003 Wouldn't even give it the satisfaction of craning me neck. 25 00:01:08,003 --> 00:01:10,803 This is the closest to Earth the comet has ever been. 26 00:01:10,803 --> 00:01:13,123 They say you will be able to see it with a naked eye. 27 00:01:13,123 --> 00:01:15,683 What the fuck's a naked eye? Sounds disgusting. 28 00:01:15,683 --> 00:01:18,003 I've been reading all about it. 29 00:01:18,003 --> 00:01:21,203 They say the comet is meant to be a bad omen. 30 00:01:21,203 --> 00:01:24,363 The last time it came, we got the Spanish flu. 31 00:01:24,363 --> 00:01:26,723 The time before that, vampires. 32 00:01:26,723 --> 00:01:28,403 MANDY SIGHS 33 00:01:28,403 --> 00:01:30,323 Fucking hell, that's all I need. 34 00:01:30,323 --> 00:01:37,523 MUSIC: Messa da Requiem - Dies Irae by Giuseppe Verdi 35 00:02:12,603 --> 00:02:14,123 Oh, my God! 36 00:02:19,963 --> 00:02:21,563 PHONE VIBRATES 37 00:02:21,563 --> 00:02:23,963 Hello.Oh, God, Lola! Lola! 38 00:02:23,963 --> 00:02:25,043 What is it, Mandy? 39 00:02:25,043 --> 00:02:27,523 I've just got home and there's a note through the door. 40 00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:29,963 It says, "You know what I'm here for. The Terminator" 41 00:02:29,963 --> 00:02:31,443 It's from the Terminator! 42 00:02:31,443 --> 00:02:33,963 The Terminator? Who is the Terminator? 43 00:02:33,963 --> 00:02:36,203 I don't know, but he's not a mobile hairdresser, is he? 44 00:02:36,203 --> 00:02:37,883 Maybe a hit man or something. 45 00:02:37,883 --> 00:02:40,283 Oh, God, Lola, why didn't I just buy the heather? 46 00:02:40,283 --> 00:02:42,003 You should always buy the heather, Mandy! 47 00:02:42,003 --> 00:02:44,043 Just to be on the safe side. 48 00:02:44,043 --> 00:02:46,083 I know. I've been really stupid. 49 00:02:47,643 --> 00:02:49,403 Oh, Lola, can you come over? 50 00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:51,923 I don't think I can face being here on me own tonight. 51 00:02:51,923 --> 00:02:53,843 No, I don't think I can. 52 00:02:53,843 --> 00:02:57,043 Look, I know I'm late to the party, but I wanted to binge-watch 53 00:02:57,043 --> 00:02:59,563 King Tiger tonight, and you don't have Netflix. 54 00:02:59,563 --> 00:03:01,203 But I'm all alone here, Lola. 55 00:03:01,203 --> 00:03:03,163 I'll come and check on you in the morning. 56 00:03:03,163 --> 00:03:05,883 You need to make a list of people who might want you dead 57 00:03:05,883 --> 00:03:08,203 and eliminate them one by one. 58 00:03:08,203 --> 00:03:10,643 When you say eliminate, what do you mean? 59 00:03:10,643 --> 00:03:12,323 Apologise to them. 60 00:03:12,323 --> 00:03:14,923 Oh, right. I mean, who'd want me dead? 61 00:03:16,603 --> 00:03:20,483 I suppose I told Linda Chaffinch I didn't like her choppy bob once. 62 00:03:20,483 --> 00:03:23,923 Can't be that, surely. She can be quite small minded. 63 00:03:23,923 --> 00:03:25,603 Or there was Derek Dribbs. 64 00:03:25,603 --> 00:03:27,443 He asked me out, but I turned him down. 65 00:03:27,443 --> 00:03:30,963 Nothing personal. He just stank and had a bit of a wet beard. 66 00:03:30,963 --> 00:03:32,483 And there was Donna Ball. 67 00:03:32,483 --> 00:03:34,043 Let her down in a bank robbery 68 00:03:34,043 --> 00:03:36,203 and now she's doing 15 years as a result. 69 00:03:36,203 --> 00:03:37,603 What do you think, Lol? 70 00:03:39,443 --> 00:03:41,883 Lol? Lol?! 71 00:03:43,843 --> 00:03:46,923 Hello, is that Derek Dribbs? 72 00:03:46,923 --> 00:03:49,843 Ah... Hiya. It's Mandy, Mandy Carter. 73 00:03:51,003 --> 00:03:52,523 Yeah. I, um... 74 00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:55,283 I just wanted to apologise for the way I turned you down 75 00:03:55,283 --> 00:03:57,403 when you asked me out. 76 00:03:57,403 --> 00:04:00,963 Yeah, I know, I know, it was a long time ago, but I was a bit rude 77 00:04:00,963 --> 00:04:04,003 and I just wanted to apologise. 78 00:04:04,003 --> 00:04:06,603 Yeah, I know, I know. I should have turned you down to your face. 79 00:04:06,603 --> 00:04:09,803 Yeah, not put an advert in the local paper. 80 00:04:09,803 --> 00:04:12,763 All right. Yep. All right, thanks. Bye, bye. 81 00:04:12,763 --> 00:04:15,843 MUSIC: Messa da Requiem - Dies Irae by Giuseppe Verdi 82 00:04:30,123 --> 00:04:32,043 All right, Lol? 83 00:04:32,043 --> 00:04:34,843 Oh, Mandy, you look terrible. 84 00:04:34,843 --> 00:04:37,603 Been up all night, apologising to people. 85 00:04:37,603 --> 00:04:39,163 Someone's out to kill me, Lol. 86 00:04:39,163 --> 00:04:40,883 I know. 87 00:04:40,883 --> 00:04:43,123 I thought this article might help you. 88 00:04:43,123 --> 00:04:45,363 I doubt there's anything that could help me now, Lol, 89 00:04:45,363 --> 00:04:47,203 unless it's a second chance of life. 90 00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:49,083 That's exactly what it is! 91 00:04:50,163 --> 00:04:52,003 "I had sex with Hitler's ghost"? 92 00:04:52,003 --> 00:04:54,603 No, below that. "I got Aids from a cardigan"? 93 00:04:54,603 --> 00:04:56,563 No, below that. "I married my own mum"? 94 00:04:56,563 --> 00:04:59,123 No, below that. "24 great quiche recipes"? 95 00:04:59,123 --> 00:05:01,323 No, below that. "My second chance at life"? 96 00:05:01,323 --> 00:05:03,683 Second chance at life, Mandy. 97 00:05:03,683 --> 00:05:05,843 That's what you need. 98 00:05:05,843 --> 00:05:07,883 Cryogenics. 99 00:05:09,083 --> 00:05:10,923 Freezing human life. 100 00:05:10,923 --> 00:05:14,443 I've never heard of cryogenics. They've kept that quiet. 101 00:05:14,443 --> 00:05:16,123 No-one tells me anything. 102 00:05:16,123 --> 00:05:18,003 Well, it's still in its infancy, 103 00:05:18,003 --> 00:05:20,003 like aromatherapy and ear candling. 104 00:05:20,003 --> 00:05:21,843 They freeze your body when you die 105 00:05:21,843 --> 00:05:23,523 and then in a few hundred years' time 106 00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:26,403 when they've worked out what to do, they bring you back to life. 107 00:05:26,403 --> 00:05:30,003 Hm. Amazing. Yes. It's very expensive, though. 108 00:05:30,003 --> 00:05:33,043 How much? £80,000. 109 00:05:33,043 --> 00:05:36,403 Oh, Lol, why come here and tease me with something I could never afford? 110 00:05:36,403 --> 00:05:38,803 Well, I still think we should go and see them. 111 00:05:38,803 --> 00:05:40,963 Maybe you can pay in instalments. 112 00:05:40,963 --> 00:05:43,643 Just the head? You can freeze just the head? 113 00:05:43,643 --> 00:05:46,843 Yes. It's only £30,000 and you can always decide later 114 00:05:46,843 --> 00:05:48,963 if you want to attach a donor body. 115 00:05:48,963 --> 00:05:51,003 But I've got lovely long legs. 116 00:05:51,003 --> 00:05:53,083 Will my donor have lovely long legs? 117 00:05:53,083 --> 00:05:55,883 Well, it might be a case of beggars not being choosers, I'm afraid, 118 00:05:55,883 --> 00:05:57,483 but I can always pop it in your notes. 119 00:05:59,043 --> 00:06:02,603 Lovely long legs. 120 00:06:04,563 --> 00:06:06,043 And can anything go wrong? 121 00:06:06,043 --> 00:06:07,323 I'll be honest with you, Mandy, 122 00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:09,843 there are a great number of things that can go wrong, 123 00:06:09,843 --> 00:06:11,683 the main one being pain. 124 00:06:11,683 --> 00:06:13,763 We just don't know how the human body 125 00:06:13,763 --> 00:06:15,883 can handle being frozen for so long. 126 00:06:15,883 --> 00:06:18,963 There is a possibility that you could be in great agony. 127 00:06:18,963 --> 00:06:22,003 Could you pop it me notes that I'd like a couple of Nurofen? 128 00:06:23,923 --> 00:06:25,203 Yes. 129 00:06:25,203 --> 00:06:26,363 Nurofen. 130 00:06:27,603 --> 00:06:30,083 Also, Mandy - and I'm sure you've already considered this - 131 00:06:30,083 --> 00:06:33,603 but, um...you won't know anybody. 132 00:06:33,603 --> 00:06:36,323 You'll be all alone in the modern world. 133 00:06:36,323 --> 00:06:39,283 Why don't you get it done? Then we can be thawed out together. 134 00:06:39,283 --> 00:06:41,643 We do have an offer on at the moment.BOGOF? 135 00:06:41,643 --> 00:06:43,123 I don't know, Mandy. 136 00:06:43,123 --> 00:06:45,203 I feel like it's tampering with nature, 137 00:06:45,203 --> 00:06:47,043 like Frankenstein or something. 138 00:06:47,043 --> 00:06:48,483 It's the future. 139 00:06:48,483 --> 00:06:53,843 I mean, imagine Einstein or Isambard Kingdom Brunel being frozen 140 00:06:53,843 --> 00:06:56,843 and having the technology now to revive them? 141 00:06:56,843 --> 00:06:59,683 Who? Imagine showing them Google Maps. 142 00:06:59,683 --> 00:07:01,243 Yeah, or a fidget spinner. 143 00:07:01,243 --> 00:07:03,163 Or YouTube. Yeah. Or Deliveroo. 144 00:07:03,163 --> 00:07:04,603 Would you like some fried chicken 145 00:07:04,603 --> 00:07:06,883 and a Fanta in the next 20 minutes, man from the past? 146 00:07:06,883 --> 00:07:08,563 Or Amazon.Amazon Prime. 147 00:07:08,563 --> 00:07:10,803 You need a new hole punch, with Amazon Prime, 148 00:07:10,803 --> 00:07:12,963 you can get it delivered the very same day. 149 00:07:12,963 --> 00:07:15,843 Mm. They'd wonder with awe at how far we'd come. 150 00:07:15,843 --> 00:07:18,803 Imagine showing them a plane! Yeah, they'd shit their pants. 151 00:07:18,803 --> 00:07:20,803 Or TikTok. OK! 152 00:07:22,523 --> 00:07:25,163 Um... If you take those pamphlets away with you 153 00:07:25,163 --> 00:07:26,883 and let me know what you think. 154 00:07:29,723 --> 00:07:31,283 Uh-huh... 155 00:07:31,283 --> 00:07:33,603 CHAIR VIBRATES 156 00:07:33,603 --> 00:07:35,283 VOICE SHAKES: Lola, I've been thinking. 157 00:07:37,083 --> 00:07:40,163 I don't think I will get cryogenically frozen after all. 158 00:07:40,163 --> 00:07:41,643 It's too expensive. 159 00:07:41,643 --> 00:07:45,243 Oh, look. Kylie's got a new young, French boyfriend. 160 00:07:46,803 --> 00:07:49,003 I'm going to face me fate with dignity. 161 00:07:49,003 --> 00:07:51,403 He looks very handsome. 162 00:07:51,403 --> 00:07:53,163 I hope this one doesn't mess her around 163 00:07:53,163 --> 00:07:55,563 like all her other handsome, young French boyfriends. 164 00:07:57,483 --> 00:08:00,003 Anyway, I just thought I'd let you know 165 00:08:00,003 --> 00:08:02,363 I'm going to go home and have me last meal 166 00:08:02,363 --> 00:08:04,483 before the Terminator comes. 167 00:08:04,483 --> 00:08:07,403 I've had a massive jacket potato in the oven since Wednesday. 168 00:08:07,403 --> 00:08:09,843 How big is this potato? It's massive, Lola. 169 00:08:09,843 --> 00:08:11,723 You don't want it to be hard in the middle. 170 00:08:11,723 --> 00:08:13,243 No, I know. There's nothing worse. 171 00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:15,163 Did you microwave it first?No. 172 00:08:15,163 --> 00:08:17,923 Cos it's been in for a few days, I thought it'd be fine. 173 00:08:17,923 --> 00:08:20,723 Did you prick it? No! 174 00:08:20,723 --> 00:08:22,683 I've had a lot on me mind, Lola. 175 00:08:22,683 --> 00:08:25,763 I've had death threats, I've had ancient curses, 176 00:08:25,763 --> 00:08:28,883 so forgive me if I forgot to prick me bloody jacket potato! 177 00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:32,563 MUSIC: Messa da Requiem - Dies Irae by Giuseppe Verdi 178 00:08:52,163 --> 00:08:54,963 You know what I'm here for. The Terminator. 179 00:08:54,963 --> 00:08:56,963 The Terminator! 180 00:08:56,963 --> 00:08:58,923 Oh, God, just make it quick. 181 00:08:58,923 --> 00:09:01,963 You what? No, I'm a bailiff, here on behalf of Blockbusters. 182 00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:06,003 Blockbusters? The video rental company. 183 00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:08,523 You took out a copy of The Terminator in 1986 184 00:09:08,523 --> 00:09:10,163 and never returned it. 185 00:09:10,163 --> 00:09:12,763 What...? Did I? 186 00:09:12,763 --> 00:09:14,403 Wait here. 187 00:09:34,603 --> 00:09:37,163 Yeah, you're right. I did. Do you want it back? Yes, please. 188 00:09:37,163 --> 00:09:39,723 Even though this format is completely obsolete now. 189 00:09:39,723 --> 00:09:41,923 Do I owe you any money or anything? No. 190 00:09:41,923 --> 00:09:44,203 Now it's been returned, I'll cancel the fines. 191 00:09:44,203 --> 00:09:46,483 Given that Blockbuster ceased trading in 2013, 192 00:09:46,483 --> 00:09:48,883 I would think this is the last you'll be hearing from us. 193 00:09:48,883 --> 00:09:51,163 OK. As long as you rewound it.Yeah. 194 00:09:51,163 --> 00:09:52,403 Bye, then. 195 00:09:58,603 --> 00:10:00,163 Me giant potato! 196 00:10:00,163 --> 00:10:02,843 MUSIC: Messa da Requiem - Dies Irae by Giuseppe Verdi 197 00:10:05,483 --> 00:10:07,563 MAN, ON PHONE: Emergency. Which service do you require? 198 00:10:07,563 --> 00:10:10,003 Oh, thank God, I've been trying to get through to you for hours. 199 00:10:10,003 --> 00:10:12,683 Do you have anyone who deals with jacket potatoes? 200 00:10:12,683 --> 00:10:13,883 Is this a wind-up? 201 00:10:13,883 --> 00:10:16,963 No, no. I think it's going to explode. 202 00:10:16,963 --> 00:10:19,763 That's Fire, then. I can try putting you through to the fire station, 203 00:10:19,763 --> 00:10:22,003 but I don't think there's anyone there at the moment. 204 00:10:22,003 --> 00:10:25,003 They're all out looking for this comet. What's the problem? 205 00:10:25,003 --> 00:10:27,883 I've had a massive jacket potato in the oven for days 206 00:10:27,883 --> 00:10:30,243 and I...I forgot to prick it. 207 00:10:31,283 --> 00:10:32,923 You forgot to prick it?Yes. 208 00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,763 OK, here's what I'm going to need you to do. 209 00:10:34,763 --> 00:10:36,523 ALARM BEEPS, DEEP RUMBLING 210 00:10:50,243 --> 00:10:53,523 After being watched fly through the night sky by millions of people 211 00:10:53,523 --> 00:10:57,083 across the country, the comet crashed to Earth here, 212 00:10:57,083 --> 00:10:59,883 in this normal front garden in Radcliffe. 213 00:10:59,883 --> 00:11:02,843 To think that the comet travelled literally hundreds of thousands 214 00:11:02,843 --> 00:11:05,963 of light years across the sky and crashed here 215 00:11:05,963 --> 00:11:09,363 in this ordinary garden is amazing. 216 00:11:09,363 --> 00:11:11,403 As you can see, it's still smouldering 217 00:11:11,403 --> 00:11:13,523 from the sheer heat inside it. 218 00:11:13,523 --> 00:11:15,523 RINGTONE 219 00:11:18,323 --> 00:11:19,643 Hello? Hey, Neil. 220 00:11:19,643 --> 00:11:21,843 Could you put me on to the owner of the house, please? 221 00:11:21,843 --> 00:11:23,723 Oh, right. It's for you. 222 00:11:23,723 --> 00:11:24,923 You what? 223 00:11:26,403 --> 00:11:27,483 Hello. 224 00:11:27,483 --> 00:11:28,683 Hello. Is that your garden? 225 00:11:28,683 --> 00:11:31,243 Who's asking? It's Professor Cox. 226 00:11:31,243 --> 00:11:32,483 Sounds like a porn name. 227 00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:35,043 No, I'm a scientist who's allowed to speak to normal people 228 00:11:35,043 --> 00:11:36,563 because I've got a northern accent. 229 00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:41,003 But this comet, can I buy it off you on behalf of the Science Museum 230 00:11:41,003 --> 00:11:42,643 for £20,000? 231 00:11:42,643 --> 00:11:45,003 Make it 30 and you've got yourself a deal. 232 00:11:45,003 --> 00:11:49,563 Deal. You've done a great service for science in this country. 233 00:11:49,563 --> 00:11:50,923 Thanks. 234 00:11:50,923 --> 00:11:52,883 I'll send a courier around to pick it up. 235 00:11:52,883 --> 00:11:55,243 Oh, don't bother, I'll pop it in a Jiffy bag. 236 00:12:12,163 --> 00:12:14,083 There she is. 237 00:12:14,083 --> 00:12:15,763 Come on, waking up now. 238 00:12:16,963 --> 00:12:19,363 Good, good, good, good. 239 00:12:21,443 --> 00:12:24,083 Mandy, we've brought you back to life. 240 00:12:24,083 --> 00:12:27,563 The year is 3035 and, yeah, you'll be pleased to hear 241 00:12:27,563 --> 00:12:31,403 that the thawing process was a complete success. 242 00:12:31,403 --> 00:12:33,163 So, how are you feeling? 243 00:12:33,163 --> 00:12:35,963 I feel fine, actually. OK, good. 244 00:12:35,963 --> 00:12:37,963 Now, even though we managed to revive you, 245 00:12:37,963 --> 00:12:40,203 we are still looking for a donor. 246 00:12:40,203 --> 00:12:42,883 A donor? For what? 247 00:12:44,203 --> 00:12:45,443 For your body. 248 00:12:47,643 --> 00:12:49,923 Oh! Fucking hell! 249 00:12:50,923 --> 00:12:53,483 Would you like a Nurofen or anything? 250 00:12:53,483 --> 00:12:55,563 Yeah, I wouldn't mind, actually. A couple. 251 00:12:55,563 --> 00:12:58,403 And the naproxen as well, if you want, just take the edge off. 252 00:12:58,403 --> 00:13:04,043 MUSIC: Messa da Requiem - Dies Irae by Giuseppe Verdi