1
00:00:13,583 --> 00:00:14,583
Terrific!
2
00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:46,166
Special delivery for Mr. Loon E. Tunes.
3
00:00:51,291 --> 00:00:52,458
All right.
4
00:00:53,125 --> 00:00:54,375
Catching some Z's, huh?
5
00:00:56,750 --> 00:00:58,833
Did you go pee-pee while you sleepy, huh?
6
00:00:59,708 --> 00:01:01,333
I heard you can't hold it in.
7
00:01:02,250 --> 00:01:03,291
Hartman?
8
00:01:03,833 --> 00:01:06,708
Hey, you quakin' in your boots?
9
00:01:06,791 --> 00:01:09,083
You better be,
'cause I'm your new attendant.
10
00:01:09,708 --> 00:01:10,791
The name's Hal I.
11
00:01:11,625 --> 00:01:13,000
And you're in my world now.
12
00:01:21,125 --> 00:01:23,333
Psycho on the loose!
13
00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:40,166
Good morning!
14
00:01:44,916 --> 00:01:46,208
Halloween's upon us!
15
00:01:49,833 --> 00:01:51,666
Hello, my witches and warlocks.
16
00:01:51,750 --> 00:01:53,625
It's your ghoulish DJ Aurora.
17
00:01:54,958 --> 00:01:58,250
I hope you're ready for tomorrow night
and all the spooky things that frighten.
18
00:01:59,291 --> 00:02:00,416
I know I am.
19
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,000
Hey, you missed. The yolk's on you.
20
00:02:08,541 --> 00:02:10,041
Thanks for the free breakfast.
21
00:02:15,208 --> 00:02:16,750
Rocky Balboa style.
22
00:02:20,916 --> 00:02:23,166
I'm making
the kids' costumes out of tinfoil
23
00:02:23,250 --> 00:02:25,000
'cause I'm old-school, Teresa.
24
00:02:25,083 --> 00:02:26,666
- Thanks!
- Have fun!
25
00:02:27,916 --> 00:02:29,125
Violet Valentine.
26
00:02:59,833 --> 00:03:02,000
Have a happy Halloween tomorrow, Hubie.
27
00:03:02,083 --> 00:03:05,083
You, too, Mrs. Banerjee.
I hope you get more tricks than treats.
28
00:03:05,166 --> 00:03:09,583
Okay. Number 59. Looking for 59.
29
00:03:11,375 --> 00:03:12,291
Yep!
30
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:15,083
Right here, Pubie.
31
00:03:16,041 --> 00:03:17,791
Give me a half-pound of roast beef.
32
00:03:18,416 --> 00:03:19,291
Mr. Landolfa...
33
00:03:19,375 --> 00:03:21,708
...Hubie. With an H.
34
00:03:21,791 --> 00:03:23,708
Not anymore.
35
00:03:23,791 --> 00:03:24,791
Okay.
36
00:03:24,875 --> 00:03:27,208
Mrs. Phillips,
I'll be with you in a minute.
37
00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:29,791
Is that the first girl
you ever talked to, Pubie?
38
00:03:29,875 --> 00:03:33,250
Hey, no.
I talk to my girlfriend all the time.
39
00:03:33,333 --> 00:03:38,250
- I've never seen you with a girlfriend.
- She is a Canadian resident of Canada.
40
00:03:38,708 --> 00:03:40,583
Uh, Canada Dry region.
41
00:03:44,541 --> 00:03:45,541
Mr. O'Doyle.
42
00:03:46,333 --> 00:03:49,666
Shouldn't you and your cohort
be, uh, in school right now?
43
00:03:49,750 --> 00:03:51,750
It's Sunday, dumb-ass.
44
00:03:51,833 --> 00:03:54,000
Know what?
I don't want the roast beef.
45
00:03:54,083 --> 00:03:57,083
- Give me some of the lamb's head.
- Lamb's head? We don't have lamb's head.
46
00:03:57,166 --> 00:03:59,333
- No? What's that right there?
- Which one?
47
00:04:04,166 --> 00:04:05,000
Got ya!
48
00:04:06,458 --> 00:04:08,166
It's fun working with you, always.
49
00:04:16,708 --> 00:04:17,666
That is a good one.
50
00:04:19,958 --> 00:04:21,375
Hey, you got Sergeant Downey.
51
00:04:21,458 --> 00:04:23,833
Hey, Steve.
It's Kenny Fonda with the Westford PD.
52
00:04:23,916 --> 00:04:26,125
- How you doin' there, Kenny?
- Good, buddy. Good.
53
00:04:26,208 --> 00:04:28,333
Hey, I just wanted to give you a heads-up.
54
00:04:28,416 --> 00:04:31,041
We had someone
escape from the psych ward up here.
55
00:04:31,125 --> 00:04:32,833
A guy from your neck of the woods.
56
00:04:32,916 --> 00:04:33,750
Richard Hartman.
57
00:04:35,666 --> 00:04:36,666
Wow, uh...
58
00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:40,416
Richie Hartman's been locked up
since Carter was president.
59
00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:42,291
Yeah. Just thought you might wanna know
60
00:04:42,375 --> 00:04:44,375
in case he gets sentimental
for his hometown.
61
00:04:44,875 --> 00:04:47,125
And didn't you testify against him, Steve?
62
00:04:47,208 --> 00:04:49,708
He doesn't strike me
as a forgive-and-forget type.
63
00:04:50,583 --> 00:04:53,833
Yeah, but you know what?
I hope he comes looking for me.
64
00:04:54,458 --> 00:04:56,416
'Cause he will be in a world of pain.
65
00:04:56,500 --> 00:04:57,375
Of pain...
66
00:04:59,291 --> 00:05:01,166
- What the hell?
- I gotta go, Kenny.
67
00:05:03,291 --> 00:05:05,166
- Hubie, what do you want?
- Hey, Officer Steve.
68
00:05:05,250 --> 00:05:10,291
I saw Andy O'Doyle buying suspiciously
massive amount of eggs and toilet paper.
69
00:05:10,375 --> 00:05:13,416
- Not a crime to buy eggs or toilet paper.
- Oh, yeah. That goes without saying.
70
00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:16,291
But it doesn't take Sherlock Holmes
to deduce malicious intent.
71
00:05:16,375 --> 00:05:20,458
- Okay. Yeah.
- Lambardi's Pizza's doin' a sale tomorrow.
72
00:05:20,541 --> 00:05:24,500
One slice, one soda, one dollar,
if you wear a costume to the shop.
73
00:05:24,583 --> 00:05:27,916
To me, that's a great deal,
but it's also a riot waiting to happen.
74
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:28,875
Call the hotline.
75
00:05:28,958 --> 00:05:30,250
I did call the hotline 100 times,
76
00:05:30,333 --> 00:05:32,708
but I think you guys
got a connection problem.
77
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:36,458
- Salem PD.
- Yes. Your officer, this is Hubie Dubo...
78
00:05:39,708 --> 00:05:41,083
- Hubie, get in here.
- Okay.
79
00:05:41,166 --> 00:05:42,958
- Bring it in here. Get in here.
- What's up?
80
00:05:43,041 --> 00:05:45,166
Now, it's Halloween. In Salem.
81
00:05:45,250 --> 00:05:48,000
And I got a lot of
real issues on my plate.
82
00:05:48,083 --> 00:05:49,416
I know.
83
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:50,750
Look who's here.
84
00:05:50,833 --> 00:05:54,250
- Hubie!
- Hubie!
85
00:05:55,083 --> 00:05:56,250
- Do we do...
- Get out of here!
86
00:05:56,333 --> 00:05:57,375
Over and out...
87
00:05:59,958 --> 00:06:01,750
Guys, let's get him!
88
00:06:01,833 --> 00:06:04,333
Come on! Come on!
89
00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:15,833
Eat some shit!
90
00:06:18,083 --> 00:06:20,000
Catch this!
91
00:06:20,375 --> 00:06:24,041
Go!
92
00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:28,083
Snitch.
93
00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:30,375
Why?
94
00:06:33,041 --> 00:06:34,875
He flew like 25 feet!
95
00:06:36,708 --> 00:06:37,666
Well, hello, there.
96
00:06:38,541 --> 00:06:39,375
You need a hand?
97
00:06:43,500 --> 00:06:45,875
Boy, that was quite
a tumble you took there, fella.
98
00:06:45,958 --> 00:06:46,833
Nope. That's...
99
00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:49,708
Nothing broken, physically speaking.
100
00:06:49,791 --> 00:06:51,875
Well, it's not right
what those hooligans did.
101
00:06:51,958 --> 00:06:55,125
We gotta expect a scare here or there.
Kids being kids.
102
00:06:55,208 --> 00:06:58,958
- Oh, say, that's some heck of a thermos.
- Yeah, that's my baby.
103
00:06:59,041 --> 00:07:03,250
It's kind of like a Swiss Army thermos.
I made it when I was in the Scouts.
104
00:07:03,333 --> 00:07:05,333
Maybe you've had
enough bike riding for one day.
105
00:07:05,416 --> 00:07:08,250
- How about if I give you a lift home?
- You're not gonna have to drive far.
106
00:07:08,333 --> 00:07:10,083
'Cause I live right over here.
107
00:07:14,291 --> 00:07:16,166
Wow.
108
00:07:16,250 --> 00:07:18,125
Your kids
must have helped you with all of this.
109
00:07:18,208 --> 00:07:21,041
Oh, yeah, I don't have any kids.
As far as I know.
110
00:07:22,333 --> 00:07:23,666
No, I definitely don't.
111
00:07:23,750 --> 00:07:25,958
I do have a girlfriend.
She lives up in Canada.
112
00:07:26,041 --> 00:07:28,291
Northern section. Ontarionto.
113
00:07:28,375 --> 00:07:30,625
So, you probably
couldn't find her up there.
114
00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:34,916
- Ah. Look at those purple mums.
- Mom planted those.
115
00:07:35,041 --> 00:07:37,708
And you gotta love the old-school ghost
you got working over there.
116
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,083
Yep.
117
00:07:40,166 --> 00:07:41,458
Scary ghost. Yes.
118
00:07:42,083 --> 00:07:44,333
And looks like we're neighbors.
119
00:07:44,416 --> 00:07:46,625
'Cause I just moved in
right there this morning.
120
00:07:46,708 --> 00:07:48,833
- You moved here?
- I'm Walter Lambert.
121
00:07:49,416 --> 00:07:50,250
Hubie Dubois.
122
00:07:50,333 --> 00:07:52,166
It's a pleasure, Hubie.
I'll tell you what.
123
00:07:52,250 --> 00:07:55,708
I'm gonna invite you and Mom over
for dinner once I get my kitchen set up,
124
00:07:55,791 --> 00:07:58,083
'cause I make the best chili
east side of the Rockies.
125
00:07:58,166 --> 00:08:00,625
Ooh. My belly just said yes
for the both of us.
126
00:08:02,208 --> 00:08:04,416
And your butt just made some room.
127
00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:07,875
They must've got loosened out of me
with the landing.
128
00:08:07,958 --> 00:08:09,583
- It's... it's fine. It's natural.
- It is.
129
00:08:09,666 --> 00:08:10,541
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
130
00:08:10,625 --> 00:08:12,875
Anyway, you take care, Hubie. All right?
131
00:08:12,958 --> 00:08:15,166
- Yeah.
- And have a happy Halloween.
132
00:08:15,250 --> 00:08:16,541
Oh, and Hubie.
133
00:08:17,375 --> 00:08:19,375
If you ever hear some commotion
134
00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:22,458
coming from my house,
it's nothing to be concerned about.
135
00:08:22,541 --> 00:08:25,458
So, you don't need to come over
and check on me or anything.
136
00:08:25,541 --> 00:08:27,500
In fact, it's important that you don't.
137
00:08:29,166 --> 00:08:30,375
Sure thing, Mr. Lambert.
138
00:08:31,625 --> 00:08:32,458
Walter.
139
00:08:35,083 --> 00:08:36,000
Hey, I'm home.
140
00:08:36,541 --> 00:08:39,458
Ah! No! Ah!
141
00:08:41,291 --> 00:08:44,333
Did that darn skeleton
frighten you again, Hubie?
142
00:08:44,416 --> 00:08:48,291
No! I was just practicing yelling, Mom.
Everything's good.
143
00:08:48,375 --> 00:08:52,875
Oh, dear boy.
This town is making you so jittery.
144
00:08:52,958 --> 00:08:54,291
It just breaks my heart.
145
00:08:54,375 --> 00:08:56,500
I'm fine. Is that a new shirt?
146
00:08:57,541 --> 00:09:01,250
Mrs. Banerjee and I
went to the thrift store today.
147
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,791
Guess how much? Fifty cents!
148
00:09:03,875 --> 00:09:06,791
"Boner donor?"
Now, what does that even mean?
149
00:09:06,875 --> 00:09:10,000
Well, I think
boner's another word for a mistake.
150
00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:14,083
Like, I made a big boner in math class.
151
00:09:14,166 --> 00:09:17,583
So, maybe boner donor
means I donate mistakes.
152
00:09:17,666 --> 00:09:18,791
That makes sense.
153
00:09:18,875 --> 00:09:22,958
I met the fellow who moved into
the Andersons' house next door.
154
00:09:23,041 --> 00:09:25,208
Walter Lambert. Seemed like good people.
155
00:09:25,291 --> 00:09:27,333
- Oh, well, that's nice.
- Yeah.
156
00:09:27,416 --> 00:09:29,666
Some improvement over those Andersons.
157
00:09:29,750 --> 00:09:32,416
The way they used to
toss firecrackers at you.
158
00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:34,000
Oh, no. That was the Epsteins.
159
00:09:34,083 --> 00:09:36,875
The Andersons used to
throw garbage into my bedroom window.
160
00:09:36,958 --> 00:09:40,791
Well, who was it chased you
around the yard with a tennis racket?
161
00:09:40,875 --> 00:09:41,958
That was Dad.
162
00:09:42,041 --> 00:09:43,750
God rest his soul.
163
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:45,833
- Oh, for sure.
- Cookies are done.
164
00:09:45,916 --> 00:09:47,583
You wanna help me frost 'em?
165
00:09:47,666 --> 00:09:49,791
- Can I lick the spoon, or...
- Deal!
166
00:09:49,875 --> 00:09:50,708
Okay.
167
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:57,458
Now, I know that Halloween
is very special to you, sweet boy.
168
00:09:57,541 --> 00:10:00,416
It's been your favorite holiday
since you were knee-high.
169
00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:05,958
Well, we're Jewish, so that eliminated
Christmas and Easter and Ash Wednesday.
170
00:10:10,125 --> 00:10:14,125
And I am so proud at how hard you work
171
00:10:14,208 --> 00:10:18,166
to make sure that Halloween is safe
and fun for everyone in this town.
172
00:10:18,250 --> 00:10:20,291
I'm sensin' a big "but" coming.
173
00:10:20,375 --> 00:10:21,958
- But...
- Okay.
174
00:10:22,041 --> 00:10:27,041
...this town is as full of bullies now
as it ever was in the 1600s.
175
00:10:28,166 --> 00:10:30,791
You have to learn
to stand up for yourself.
176
00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:33,458
I just get scared.
177
00:10:34,083 --> 00:10:35,625
I know you do.
178
00:10:35,708 --> 00:10:37,083
We all get scared.
179
00:10:37,708 --> 00:10:42,458
But this year, you're gonna have to
find that bravery that's deep within you.
180
00:10:42,541 --> 00:10:43,625
It's time.
181
00:10:54,666 --> 00:10:55,916
Ah, the good old days.
182
00:10:57,166 --> 00:10:59,958
When the town toughs
only used to throw crab apples.
183
00:11:04,458 --> 00:11:08,125
Ah, Officer Steve.
You always had it going on.
184
00:11:09,166 --> 00:11:12,458
"Most likely to marry his pillow."
Still don't get that one.
185
00:11:17,916 --> 00:11:19,166
"Most friendly."
186
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:20,833
"Most popular."
187
00:11:21,750 --> 00:11:22,583
"Best looking."
188
00:11:23,166 --> 00:11:24,500
The high school hat trick.
189
00:11:25,291 --> 00:11:27,166
Could not have happened to a nicer woman.
190
00:11:32,708 --> 00:11:35,541
Maybe if I wasn't such
a scaredy-cat like mom was sayin',
191
00:11:36,541 --> 00:11:37,875
I would have asked you out.
192
00:11:38,375 --> 00:11:42,333
And the cutest couple
would have been Violet and Hubie.
193
00:11:45,375 --> 00:11:47,750
Monster!
194
00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:50,291
Hubie, what was that?
195
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,833
Sorry, Mom! I'll clean that up!
196
00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,166
Did you make a messy?
197
00:11:58,750 --> 00:12:01,583
I said I would clean it up!
It's not a big deal!
198
00:12:02,041 --> 00:12:05,666
What are you cleaning up?
Did you have an accident?
199
00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:08,000
No! It wasn't an accident.
200
00:12:08,083 --> 00:12:09,750
It was on purpose?
201
00:12:09,833 --> 00:12:10,708
Mom!
202
00:12:27,625 --> 00:12:29,833
Okay, kids,
you can't have candy for breakfast,
203
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:32,083
but you can sprinkle some
on top of your cereal.
204
00:12:32,166 --> 00:12:33,458
- Yes!
- Oh, yeah!
205
00:12:37,083 --> 00:12:39,500
Welcome back.
You're Watching Wake Up Boston.
206
00:12:39,583 --> 00:12:43,250
And it's October 31st,
which is a special day across the country,
207
00:12:43,333 --> 00:12:48,041
but most especially in Salem,
America's unofficial Halloween capital.
208
00:12:48,125 --> 00:12:51,333
And it's gonna be a great day in Salem.
Right, Jenna Thomas?
209
00:12:51,416 --> 00:12:54,708
Yes, Erin.
Clear and a balmy 61 degrees.
210
00:12:54,791 --> 00:12:57,666
Ready for trick-or-treating
and all the spooky stuff.
211
00:12:57,750 --> 00:13:00,125
Ooh! Get that candy, kids.
212
00:13:00,208 --> 00:13:04,250
And now, Wake Up Boston's Tracy Phillips
is live with the Mayor of Salem,
213
00:13:04,333 --> 00:13:07,708
David Benson, and...
Tracy, you went with Harley Quinn, too?
214
00:13:07,791 --> 00:13:09,166
Sure did, Erin.
215
00:13:09,250 --> 00:13:12,791
Only one day a year
you get to show your ex what he's missin'.
216
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,125
Hey!
217
00:13:14,208 --> 00:13:15,833
You know it. Ooh! Ooh!
218
00:13:15,916 --> 00:13:17,500
- Ooh! Ooh!
- Yeah!
219
00:13:17,583 --> 00:13:20,291
So, Mayor Benson,
the sun sets in eight short hours,
220
00:13:20,375 --> 00:13:23,958
but the spooky preparations
are in full swing around here.
221
00:13:24,041 --> 00:13:25,291
Indeed it is, Tracy.
222
00:13:25,375 --> 00:13:29,625
As you can see, we're already setting up
our world-famous Halloween parade.
223
00:13:29,708 --> 00:13:32,583
And a few blocks over,
we got a street fair.
224
00:13:32,666 --> 00:13:35,833
And you're expecting some pretty
impressive crowds here this evening.
225
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:39,708
Oh, we're expecting over 70,000 people
to visit Salem this evening.
226
00:13:39,791 --> 00:13:45,125
Well, I know where I'm gonna be tonight.
Reporting from Salem, Tracy Phillips.
227
00:13:45,208 --> 00:13:46,875
Back to you, Erin.
228
00:13:48,125 --> 00:13:50,125
- Is this the way you found him?
- Yeah.
229
00:13:50,875 --> 00:13:52,541
And I was gonna take poor Peanut
230
00:13:52,625 --> 00:13:55,750
to the Halloween Carnival tonight
for the petting zoo.
231
00:13:55,833 --> 00:13:58,875
But what kid would wanna pet
a pig that look like that?
232
00:13:59,708 --> 00:14:02,083
Did you hear anything
or see anything unusual last night?
233
00:14:02,166 --> 00:14:05,458
Well, I woke up
'cause the animals sounded agitated,
234
00:14:05,541 --> 00:14:09,875
and then I heard poor Peanut
make a God-awful squeal.
235
00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:14,500
Squealin' like
he was callin' for his daddy!
236
00:14:14,583 --> 00:14:16,083
You know what I think done it?
237
00:14:16,541 --> 00:14:17,541
A werewolf.
238
00:14:18,375 --> 00:14:21,583
Think you've been watching
too many scary movies, Louise.
239
00:14:21,666 --> 00:14:25,250
And I think you've been eating
too many of your own boogers, Dan.
240
00:14:25,333 --> 00:14:28,416
Oh, at least my mama
don't stink the toilet up so bad,
241
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:30,166
we gotta get rid of the shower curtain.
242
00:14:30,250 --> 00:14:33,416
Oh, you gonna bring up
my mama in front of the police, huh?
243
00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:35,916
Ain't nobody say nothin'
'bout your big-ass mama.
244
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,041
She come in the house
and broke all the furniture.
245
00:14:38,125 --> 00:14:39,625
My mom wouldn't break up the furniture
246
00:14:39,708 --> 00:14:42,916
if you hadn't bought that cheap Ikea stuff
and put it together with a butter knife!
247
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,000
Well, if I had a real man, then I wouldn't
have to do it myself now, would I?
248
00:14:46,083 --> 00:14:47,458
Peanut's dead!
249
00:14:47,541 --> 00:14:49,166
We gonna eat Peanut tonight!
250
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:53,958
Look at these nerds.
251
00:14:54,041 --> 00:14:57,208
Unbelievable. You can say a lot
of things about me, I was never a nerd.
252
00:14:57,791 --> 00:14:59,333
Hey, pimples!
253
00:15:00,291 --> 00:15:01,875
Pubie!
254
00:15:01,958 --> 00:15:04,125
Pubie? Uh, who's... who's Pubie?
255
00:15:04,208 --> 00:15:06,875
You are, Pubie.
Landolfa called you that yesterday.
256
00:15:06,958 --> 00:15:07,958
Hilarious.
257
00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:11,125
Janitor, some drunk guy
dressed as Captain Underpants
258
00:15:11,208 --> 00:15:13,083
just threw up in the jail exhibit.
259
00:15:13,166 --> 00:15:16,333
That's my cue.
Call me if you get lonely, Violet.
260
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:17,750
Don't call me.
261
00:15:18,958 --> 00:15:21,000
Wasn't plannin' on it. Hey, Dot.
262
00:15:21,083 --> 00:15:23,541
So, I saw there were
massive lines out front.
263
00:15:23,625 --> 00:15:27,208
I took the liberty to print up
some happy Halloween word searches.
264
00:15:27,291 --> 00:15:28,541
You can pass it out to the kids.
265
00:15:28,625 --> 00:15:30,458
Give them something to do
while they're waiting.
266
00:15:30,541 --> 00:15:31,750
Oh, Hubie, how lovely.
267
00:15:31,833 --> 00:15:33,375
Thank you so much.
268
00:15:33,458 --> 00:15:34,291
Of course.
269
00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:40,583
So, Violet Valentine.
270
00:15:40,666 --> 00:15:42,333
Good to see you. Happy Halloween.
271
00:15:42,416 --> 00:15:44,250
- Thank you.
- What brings you here?
272
00:15:44,333 --> 00:15:46,458
I am chaperoning my daughter's field trip.
273
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,083
She's over there. Danielle! Danielle!
274
00:15:49,166 --> 00:15:50,416
Say hello to Hubie.
275
00:15:50,958 --> 00:15:52,750
Hi, Hubie. What school do you go to?
276
00:15:53,416 --> 00:15:56,416
No. He's a grown man.
I've known him since kindergarten.
277
00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:58,750
Yes.
We had Miss Colestice's class together.
278
00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:00,875
- Yes, we did.
- You were the first kid to get earrings.
279
00:16:00,958 --> 00:16:01,875
I was.
280
00:16:01,958 --> 00:16:05,000
Oh, I'm sorry.
I just thought 'cause of the thermos.
281
00:16:05,083 --> 00:16:06,750
Oh, why? Do you want some soup?
282
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:09,083
- Uh, no, thanks.
- Your friends?
283
00:16:09,625 --> 00:16:11,125
All right. It's here if you want it.
284
00:16:14,250 --> 00:16:16,083
- What was that?
- What was that about?
285
00:16:16,166 --> 00:16:20,416
What a nice young lady.
I remember you just had a foster son.
286
00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:23,250
Yeah. Well, I've got
two foster daughters now as well.
287
00:16:23,666 --> 00:16:25,833
Huh. That's quite commendable.
288
00:16:25,916 --> 00:16:28,375
Looking out for the community.
That's important.
289
00:16:28,458 --> 00:16:31,541
Of course. That's my
great-great-great-great-great grandmother.
290
00:16:31,625 --> 00:16:35,000
She saw some bad things happening,
but she spoke out.
291
00:16:35,083 --> 00:16:37,000
Said there's no such thing as witches.
292
00:16:37,458 --> 00:16:39,625
- Very brave.
- Yeah, maybe too brave.
293
00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:42,708
'Cause they called her a witch
and ended up like this fella.
294
00:16:42,791 --> 00:16:44,833
- Ooh.
- The unfortunate dangling Dave.
295
00:16:44,916 --> 00:16:46,625
God, I love the way you phrase things.
296
00:16:48,166 --> 00:16:49,000
Okay.
297
00:16:50,875 --> 00:16:54,791
So, how are you and Officer Steve doing?
I saw him yesterday in his squad car.
298
00:16:54,875 --> 00:16:58,041
We were talking shop. You know,
code 10-4, 10-5. That kinda thing.
299
00:16:58,125 --> 00:17:00,250
Well, since we've been
divorced four years,
300
00:17:00,333 --> 00:17:03,750
- I don't really know how he's doing.
- Oh, well, don't lose faith.
301
00:17:03,833 --> 00:17:05,583
You guys will get through
this rough patch.
302
00:17:06,166 --> 00:17:07,458
Did you hear about the Andersons?
303
00:17:07,541 --> 00:17:10,333
I met the fellow who moved into
their home. A Walter Lambert.
304
00:17:10,416 --> 00:17:11,625
Seems like a decent guy.
305
00:17:11,708 --> 00:17:13,166
- Walter Lambert?
- Yeah.
306
00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:17,625
There's a Walter Lambert buried right near
my grandpa in the Pine Street Cemetery.
307
00:17:17,708 --> 00:17:18,541
Okay.
308
00:17:18,625 --> 00:17:22,375
I only remember that name because there
is something off about his tombstone.
309
00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:25,250
- Off how?
- Well, I know you, Hubie Dubois.
310
00:17:25,333 --> 00:17:26,750
You'll see.
311
00:17:28,541 --> 00:17:29,416
Okay.
312
00:18:12,708 --> 00:18:14,625
What is that fool doing here?
313
00:18:14,708 --> 00:18:15,583
No clue.
314
00:18:16,333 --> 00:18:20,000
- You want me to kick his ass, Father?
- Not yet. But stay close.
315
00:18:26,375 --> 00:18:28,250
That concludes our service.
316
00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:31,083
The family has invited
you all to a luncheon.
317
00:18:32,958 --> 00:18:37,416
A luncheon at the, uh, Captain's Table
on Foster Street. Thank you.
318
00:18:42,666 --> 00:18:43,916
He never died?
319
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,708
Boobie! What are you doing?
320
00:18:48,375 --> 00:18:49,791
Nothing. What are you doing?
321
00:18:50,250 --> 00:18:51,833
I'm officiating a funeral.
322
00:18:51,916 --> 00:18:53,000
On Halloween?
323
00:18:53,083 --> 00:18:55,333
People die every day, dummy.
They don't skip holidays.
324
00:18:55,416 --> 00:18:57,208
- Even April Fool's Day?
- Shut it.
325
00:18:58,041 --> 00:19:00,625
And if you get dirt
on my good funeral shoes again,
326
00:19:00,708 --> 00:19:02,291
I'm gonna bury one up your butt.
327
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:04,125
Okay. You want some soup?
328
00:19:04,208 --> 00:19:05,708
No, I don't want some s...
329
00:19:05,791 --> 00:19:08,291
- Good to wash off the dirt.
- Here, let me help you.
330
00:19:09,458 --> 00:19:10,291
Oh, is this...
331
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:12,291
Condolences, by the way.
332
00:19:12,375 --> 00:19:15,291
And I love the Wicked Witch costume.
It's classic.
333
00:19:15,375 --> 00:19:16,541
It's not a costume.
334
00:19:16,625 --> 00:19:18,291
Not a costume? Okay. My boner.
335
00:19:19,541 --> 00:19:21,708
Why he talk about his boner?
336
00:19:21,791 --> 00:19:24,458
Hello, Hubes. What did you do wrong?
337
00:19:24,541 --> 00:19:25,625
I don't think anything.
338
00:19:25,708 --> 00:19:27,833
By the way, I wanted to say that I'm sorry
339
00:19:27,916 --> 00:19:30,416
for my attitude yesterday
at the deli counter.
340
00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:33,666
My dad, you know, he died unexpected,
341
00:19:33,750 --> 00:19:36,083
and I just haven't been myself
these past few days.
342
00:19:36,166 --> 00:19:38,750
This is your dad's funeral?
I'm so sorry. I didn't...
343
00:19:39,291 --> 00:19:41,458
My father passed away
a couple of years ago.
344
00:19:41,541 --> 00:19:43,416
It is very painful. It's...
345
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:47,708
- Ups and downs, emotionally.
- Yeah. My dad was a serious man.
346
00:19:47,791 --> 00:19:51,541
He worked hard
every single day of his life.
347
00:19:52,541 --> 00:19:54,208
- But he did love to laugh.
- Okay.
348
00:19:54,291 --> 00:19:56,875
And I know he would get
a great chuckle out of this.
349
00:20:01,083 --> 00:20:02,416
Have fun, Pubes.
350
00:20:04,541 --> 00:20:06,708
Ma! He's an idiota, deficiente!
351
00:20:07,750 --> 00:20:08,791
Disrespectful?
352
00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:11,000
No, this is good.
353
00:20:11,708 --> 00:20:13,625
We want him in the hole.
354
00:20:14,375 --> 00:20:16,083
God would want this.
355
00:20:21,041 --> 00:20:22,375
Somebody's down here!
356
00:20:22,458 --> 00:20:24,708
Ah! The dead speak!
357
00:20:26,041 --> 00:20:27,416
Oh, my soup!
358
00:20:28,541 --> 00:20:30,708
It's not even dark yet here in Salem,
359
00:20:30,791 --> 00:20:33,458
but the spooky vibes
are gettin' heavy, baby.
360
00:20:33,541 --> 00:20:35,833
We'll get through it together here on...
361
00:20:38,250 --> 00:20:41,208
Halloween central.
362
00:20:43,583 --> 00:20:44,416
Mr. Lambert.
363
00:20:45,583 --> 00:20:46,541
What are you up to?
364
00:20:47,250 --> 00:20:49,375
Hubie. Yeah.
365
00:20:50,041 --> 00:20:50,875
I wa...
366
00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:54,500
Last night,
I thought I felt a little draft. So...
367
00:20:55,083 --> 00:20:58,458
Yeah, that October wind will...
it'll sneak up on you.
368
00:20:59,041 --> 00:21:00,083
Sure does.
369
00:21:02,458 --> 00:21:03,541
Say, Mr. Lambert.
370
00:21:05,208 --> 00:21:06,083
How old are you?
371
00:21:10,250 --> 00:21:11,583
You mean in human years?
372
00:21:12,250 --> 00:21:13,083
Yes.
373
00:21:13,875 --> 00:21:16,958
I don't really believe in keeping track
of that kind of thing, Hubie.
374
00:21:17,666 --> 00:21:19,666
You know, age is just a state of mind.
375
00:21:21,458 --> 00:21:23,875
That's why I played T-ball till I was 25.
376
00:21:24,958 --> 00:21:25,916
Hubie Dubois.
377
00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:35,166
I can't believe it's finally Halloween.
378
00:21:35,250 --> 00:21:38,333
My parents got me a royal princess dress
from the Disney Store.
379
00:21:38,416 --> 00:21:40,875
- Cooky, what are you gonna dress up as?
- A robot.
380
00:21:40,958 --> 00:21:43,708
You should go as a girl who doesn't even
know who her real parents are.
381
00:21:43,791 --> 00:21:45,625
Oh, that's who you are every day.
382
00:21:46,791 --> 00:21:47,625
O'Doyle!
383
00:21:47,708 --> 00:21:49,416
Yes, Miss Taylor?
384
00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:52,541
Maybe you should go as a butt-faced,
red-haired piece of dog puke
385
00:21:52,625 --> 00:21:55,750
who's reading at a second-grade level
even though he's 11.
386
00:21:55,833 --> 00:21:58,625
Ooh!
387
00:21:58,708 --> 00:22:01,750
Attention, first through sixth graders.
388
00:22:01,833 --> 00:22:05,625
We have a special presentation
today in lieu of recess.
389
00:22:08,250 --> 00:22:11,541
Here again to talk about Halloween safety
390
00:22:11,625 --> 00:22:16,875
is Salem's Official Volunteer
Halloween Helper,
391
00:22:17,416 --> 00:22:18,916
Hubert Dubois.
392
00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:23,500
Oh, God.
393
00:22:31,625 --> 00:22:33,125
Are those pee stains?
394
00:22:37,583 --> 00:22:39,791
Hello, Webster Elementary School.
395
00:22:39,875 --> 00:22:42,708
I am not a ghost, but I play one on TV.
396
00:22:46,791 --> 00:22:48,000
Just playing.
397
00:22:48,083 --> 00:22:52,208
My name is Hubie Dubois, and I am here
to tell you that Halloween is fun,
398
00:22:52,291 --> 00:22:55,166
but we must stay out of the danger zone.
399
00:22:59,416 --> 00:23:01,208
Hey! Hey! Hey!
400
00:23:01,291 --> 00:23:04,083
Let him speak. He's a human being!
401
00:23:08,666 --> 00:23:11,500
Thank you, sir.
I would like a word with you all.
402
00:23:11,958 --> 00:23:13,041
And that word is...
403
00:23:16,291 --> 00:23:18,000
G-ghost?
404
00:23:18,083 --> 00:23:22,875
Ghost. Scary.
But also the key to Halloween safety.
405
00:23:23,541 --> 00:23:24,375
The G.
406
00:23:25,083 --> 00:23:27,125
- What could the G stand for?
- Go home?
407
00:23:27,791 --> 00:23:29,583
No. Give.
408
00:23:29,666 --> 00:23:33,041
Give to the less fortunate.
Does anyone know what less fortunate is?
409
00:23:34,708 --> 00:23:36,666
- Yes, sir.
- It means someone who needs help.
410
00:23:36,750 --> 00:23:38,375
Very good. What's your name?
411
00:23:38,458 --> 00:23:40,541
- Cooky.
- Well, you're a smart cookie.
412
00:23:41,458 --> 00:23:44,916
When I was young,
I used to build a tower with all my candy.
413
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:48,666
And all the candy that was
part of the tower before it collapsed,
414
00:23:48,750 --> 00:23:50,250
I would keep for myself.
415
00:23:50,333 --> 00:23:54,416
The leftover candy,
I would donate to the homeless shelter.
416
00:23:54,500 --> 00:23:56,125
Is that where you live?
417
00:23:56,208 --> 00:23:57,041
Well, son...
418
00:23:58,791 --> 00:24:00,541
Burn him!
419
00:24:03,375 --> 00:24:04,875
I'm sorry, son. I just...
420
00:24:05,500 --> 00:24:06,916
Please... please don't cry.
421
00:24:17,708 --> 00:24:18,958
I feel bad for him.
422
00:24:19,875 --> 00:24:22,625
Yeah. No, baby. He overstayed his welcome.
423
00:24:31,250 --> 00:24:32,750
We're out of food, I guess. Yeah?
424
00:24:41,541 --> 00:24:43,416
Hey. What can I get you guys?
425
00:24:43,500 --> 00:24:46,541
Hi. Can I get a black coffee?
426
00:24:47,333 --> 00:24:48,208
Coffee?
427
00:24:48,625 --> 00:24:51,750
- Not hot chocolate?
- Oh, I don't drink hot chocolate anymore.
428
00:24:51,833 --> 00:24:54,083
- You had one this morning.
- Well, I quit.
429
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,750
Okay. Well, I'm gonna need
to see some ID, freshman.
430
00:24:57,833 --> 00:24:59,916
ID? I don't...
431
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,291
I'm just kidding. One black coffee.
432
00:25:02,375 --> 00:25:04,291
So, how'd you know I was a freshman?
433
00:25:04,375 --> 00:25:05,750
Oh, I see you in the hallways
434
00:25:05,833 --> 00:25:08,708
and it's pretty obvious.
What are you guys doing for Halloween?
435
00:25:08,791 --> 00:25:10,541
Well, I'm taking
my sisters trick-or-treating.
436
00:25:10,625 --> 00:25:13,833
And my mom's at work, so I kind of
run the house when she's gone.
437
00:25:14,375 --> 00:25:17,000
- So, you're not going to the party?
- Yeah, I'm going.
438
00:25:17,541 --> 00:25:19,875
- Which party?
- One manly black coffee.
439
00:25:20,375 --> 00:25:21,375
That's me.
440
00:25:21,458 --> 00:25:25,083
The big barn at Wallace Orchard.
It's mostly juniors and seniors.
441
00:25:26,083 --> 00:25:31,208
Hmm. Yeah. Well, maybe after my mom
comes home, I'll... I'll try to swing by.
442
00:25:31,958 --> 00:25:33,125
Try hard.
443
00:25:35,625 --> 00:25:37,208
Did you suddenly get cool?
444
00:25:38,333 --> 00:25:39,666
Oops!
445
00:25:39,750 --> 00:25:40,708
Sorry, freshman.
446
00:25:40,791 --> 00:25:42,750
Michael Mundi in the house!
447
00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:44,666
It comes and goes.
448
00:25:45,250 --> 00:25:48,583
Well, all you witches
and warlocks, the daylight is fading,
449
00:25:48,666 --> 00:25:52,375
and you know what that means.
Halloween in Salem is in full effect.
450
00:25:53,083 --> 00:25:55,083
Now, we have an old friend on the line,
Hubie Dubie.
451
00:25:55,166 --> 00:25:57,500
Hi, I like...
I wanna make a request, please?
452
00:25:57,583 --> 00:25:59,541
If you can play the theme song
453
00:25:59,625 --> 00:26:02,000
from the film Ghostbusters
by Ray Parker Jr.
454
00:26:02,083 --> 00:26:03,958
Hubie, you need to turn down your radio.
455
00:26:04,041 --> 00:26:06,625
- We talked about this before.
- I just keep hearing myself.
456
00:26:06,708 --> 00:26:08,625
- Hubie.
- Okay, there it is.
457
00:26:08,708 --> 00:26:09,708
Thank you, Aurora.
458
00:26:09,791 --> 00:26:12,000
Turn down the radio.
459
00:26:12,083 --> 00:26:13,125
Who is that?
460
00:26:13,208 --> 00:26:16,125
- Just hang up your phone.
- Please stop.
461
00:26:16,208 --> 00:26:18,208
- That's not funny.
- All good, baby, okay?
462
00:26:18,291 --> 00:26:20,333
- Thanks for calling.
- Sit on it, pal.
463
00:26:20,416 --> 00:26:23,791
That man on the radio sounds like the guy
who talked to us in the cafeteria today.
464
00:26:23,875 --> 00:26:28,708
Oh, did you get
a Hubie Dubois Halloween safety talk?
465
00:26:28,791 --> 00:26:30,708
I think so. Is he a good guy?
466
00:26:30,791 --> 00:26:33,791
'Cause the whole school was throwing
food and sharp objects at him.
467
00:26:33,875 --> 00:26:38,500
Hubie Dubois is probably
the nicest guy in this town.
468
00:26:39,083 --> 00:26:40,041
Do you like him?
469
00:26:40,750 --> 00:26:42,583
No. He... You know, he's just...
470
00:26:42,666 --> 00:26:44,916
- He's the nicest.
- You said this already.
471
00:26:45,500 --> 00:26:48,750
Well, take it from me. Nice matters.
472
00:26:50,250 --> 00:26:52,583
The scariest night
of the year has arrived, kiddies.
473
00:26:54,791 --> 00:26:58,791
It's gonna be a full moon,
so the monsters will be out.
474
00:26:58,875 --> 00:27:02,000
I hope you've made
all the necessary preparations.
475
00:27:03,750 --> 00:27:05,875
And have your costumes all picked out.
476
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:11,500
And watch out
for all kinds of freaky things
477
00:27:11,583 --> 00:27:13,500
that'll chill you to the bone.
478
00:27:46,708 --> 00:27:49,500
Oh, Hubie. Don't go out there tonight.
479
00:27:49,583 --> 00:27:51,833
I have a feeling
something's going to happen.
480
00:27:52,375 --> 00:27:55,208
I get that feeling
every time I leave the house, Mom.
481
00:27:55,291 --> 00:27:56,500
But Salem needs me.
482
00:27:56,583 --> 00:27:59,625
Listen to me.
It's time to worry about yourself.
483
00:27:59,708 --> 00:28:03,291
Hubert Shubert Dubois, do you hear me?
484
00:28:03,375 --> 00:28:06,291
The whole neighborhood'll hear you, Ma.
You're practically screaming.
485
00:28:06,750 --> 00:28:07,750
I'll be okay.
486
00:28:07,833 --> 00:28:10,291
- My sweet boy.
- I love you.
487
00:28:11,208 --> 00:28:13,625
Answer the door
if it's a trick-or-treater.
488
00:28:13,708 --> 00:28:15,291
Otherwise, just stay in the house, Ma.
489
00:28:19,833 --> 00:28:21,541
So, you went with the full moon, huh, God?
490
00:28:22,500 --> 00:28:23,333
It's on.
491
00:28:29,916 --> 00:28:31,791
Be careful, guys! Safety first!
492
00:28:38,333 --> 00:28:40,625
- Incredible costumes, guys.
- Whatever.
493
00:28:50,375 --> 00:28:52,500
Well, not on my watch, Mr. Whiskers.
494
00:28:52,583 --> 00:28:55,208
Hey, Pubie! Give me back my cat!
495
00:28:55,291 --> 00:28:57,833
Boy, that nickname spread
like warm peanut butter.
496
00:28:58,291 --> 00:28:59,166
Um...
497
00:29:02,916 --> 00:29:03,791
Hey, Karen.
498
00:29:04,708 --> 00:29:06,250
How 'bout you thank the man?
499
00:29:06,333 --> 00:29:08,458
Oh, hey, Violet.
500
00:29:08,541 --> 00:29:12,708
Oh, you fostering
this mumbling zombie now, too?
501
00:29:12,791 --> 00:29:14,000
Good luck!
502
00:29:14,083 --> 00:29:16,916
You want me to get out this car
and beat you with that ugly cat?
503
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:18,708
'Cause you know
I'm more than capable of it.
504
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:21,875
Uh... no.
505
00:29:24,375 --> 00:29:26,833
Violet Valentine.
What a, uh, pleasant surprise.
506
00:29:26,916 --> 00:29:30,958
How did you get to be so badass?
507
00:29:34,458 --> 00:29:37,708
Yes, you, Hubie. You're a stud.
508
00:29:38,458 --> 00:29:41,375
You're most friendly,
most popular, and best looking.
509
00:29:41,458 --> 00:29:42,416
What?
510
00:29:42,500 --> 00:29:47,916
I was wondering, Violet,
do you think perhaps that we can...
511
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:52,416
Maybe sometime you and I could possibly...
512
00:29:52,500 --> 00:29:53,333
What?
513
00:29:55,125 --> 00:29:55,958
Nothing.
514
00:29:56,833 --> 00:29:57,666
Nothing at all.
515
00:30:00,916 --> 00:30:03,291
Okay.
Well, I know it's your big night, Hubie.
516
00:30:03,375 --> 00:30:07,416
So, if you run out of soup and you need
a refill, just stop by the diner.
517
00:30:08,083 --> 00:30:09,583
I'm working all night, okay?
518
00:30:11,166 --> 00:30:12,000
Right-o.
519
00:30:13,333 --> 00:30:14,166
Okay.
520
00:30:25,333 --> 00:30:29,041
I'm asexual,
but that girl's making me hella horny.
521
00:30:34,041 --> 00:30:34,916
Go, go, go.
522
00:30:35,833 --> 00:30:36,791
Go get candy, baby.
523
00:30:49,750 --> 00:30:50,666
Okay.
524
00:30:51,416 --> 00:30:53,291
I'm gonna stop you there, young lady.
525
00:30:54,083 --> 00:30:58,750
Part of the fun of Halloween is
its ways of teaching us life lessons.
526
00:30:59,375 --> 00:31:02,583
- To trust the honor system.
- Hello!
527
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:07,458
Help me!
528
00:31:07,541 --> 00:31:09,208
You're a dummy!
529
00:31:09,291 --> 00:31:12,208
Scooby Dubois on the case!
530
00:31:12,291 --> 00:31:15,291
Mr. Hennessy. How's night school?
531
00:31:15,375 --> 00:31:17,416
I dropped out three years ago. Shut up.
532
00:31:17,500 --> 00:31:18,833
Hi, David. Hi, Tracy.
533
00:31:18,916 --> 00:31:20,166
- Hi.
- How are ya?
534
00:31:20,250 --> 00:31:24,083
Hubie, nice little sash you got on there.
What is that, monitor?
535
00:31:24,625 --> 00:31:26,166
What're you monitorizing?
536
00:31:26,250 --> 00:31:29,416
You see, basically,
doing a door-to-door candy etiquette.
537
00:31:29,500 --> 00:31:34,125
As a trained volunteer,
I've been asked to initiate spot checks.
538
00:31:34,208 --> 00:31:35,750
- Asked by who?
- Yeah.
539
00:31:35,833 --> 00:31:38,583
It looks like you made that sash
from one of your mother's scarves.
540
00:31:43,291 --> 00:31:47,250
My family's been a part of Salem
for, uh, going back to the witch trials.
541
00:31:47,333 --> 00:31:50,541
So, I know what it's like
when the spooky fun gets outta hand...
542
00:31:53,416 --> 00:31:54,375
Oh, I'm sorry.
543
00:31:55,208 --> 00:31:57,541
I had this nightmare
I was talking to an idiot.
544
00:31:57,625 --> 00:32:00,458
Mmm. Havin' a nightmare about your hairdo.
545
00:32:00,541 --> 00:32:02,083
Come on, baby.
546
00:32:02,166 --> 00:32:04,708
Good night. Please keep
the fishnets for fishing next year.
547
00:32:04,791 --> 00:32:07,125
You know what spooky fun
is really getting outta hand?
548
00:32:07,208 --> 00:32:08,500
It's your new neighbor's house.
549
00:32:08,583 --> 00:32:11,125
I heard some odd noises
when I was walking by.
550
00:32:11,208 --> 00:32:12,416
- Noises, huh?
- Yeah.
551
00:32:12,500 --> 00:32:14,458
Let's break this down.
Did it sound like this?
552
00:32:16,458 --> 00:32:18,708
- That sounds like a donkey. No.
- How about...
553
00:32:19,916 --> 00:32:21,708
No.
554
00:32:21,791 --> 00:32:23,833
No.
555
00:32:23,916 --> 00:32:25,500
I don't know. It was a noise!
556
00:32:25,583 --> 00:32:26,666
- Okay?
- Yeah.
557
00:32:26,750 --> 00:32:28,916
- Why don't you just go see what it is?
- On it.
558
00:33:02,875 --> 00:33:04,958
Mr. Lambert? Mr. Lambert?
559
00:33:25,125 --> 00:33:26,041
Mr. Lambert?
560
00:33:29,083 --> 00:33:29,916
Hello?
561
00:33:32,625 --> 00:33:33,458
Mr. Lamb...
562
00:33:38,291 --> 00:33:39,125
Why?
563
00:33:58,083 --> 00:33:58,916
What the...
564
00:34:00,375 --> 00:34:02,041
You got a dog, Mr. Lambert?
565
00:34:06,250 --> 00:34:08,208
You got a big dog, Mr. Lambert?
566
00:34:28,541 --> 00:34:29,458
Mr. Lambert.
567
00:34:29,541 --> 00:34:32,541
I know you said if there was a commotion,
I should ignore it.
568
00:34:34,541 --> 00:34:37,333
But there was a commotion,
and I did not ignore it. And...
569
00:34:39,250 --> 00:34:41,833
Were those your feces on the newspaper,
Mr. Lambert?
570
00:34:43,958 --> 00:34:46,666
Walter.
571
00:34:55,416 --> 00:34:56,625
Safe Halloween, Mr...
572
00:34:57,500 --> 00:34:58,333
Walter!
573
00:35:01,083 --> 00:35:02,875
Look, I know it was just a pig.
574
00:35:02,958 --> 00:35:06,041
Peanut was not just a pig, officer.
He was my best friend.
575
00:35:06,125 --> 00:35:08,500
I thought I was your best friend.
576
00:35:08,583 --> 00:35:12,583
Here's what I'm thinkin'.
Name Richie Hartman ring a bell?
577
00:35:13,250 --> 00:35:14,125
Richie Hartman?
578
00:35:14,791 --> 00:35:16,333
Everybody knows who he is.
579
00:35:16,416 --> 00:35:19,041
I don't. Who is he? One of your boyfriend?
580
00:35:19,125 --> 00:35:20,333
Oh, you jealous now?
581
00:35:20,416 --> 00:35:23,083
Why don't you go cuddle up
with your best friend, Peanut, huh?
582
00:35:23,166 --> 00:35:24,541
You see this, officer?
583
00:35:24,625 --> 00:35:26,666
- I wanna press charges.
- Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
584
00:35:26,750 --> 00:35:29,000
And I wanna press
your face against that radiator!
585
00:35:29,083 --> 00:35:30,666
- Officer Steve!
- I'm sorry, buddy.
586
00:35:30,750 --> 00:35:32,875
The package got by me.
He moves quickly to the left.
587
00:35:32,958 --> 00:35:35,833
Okay, well, how did the package
even know that I was in here?
588
00:35:35,916 --> 00:35:38,500
Well, that's a glass window.
The package could see ya.
589
00:35:38,583 --> 00:35:41,291
Yeah, but could've told the package
that I'm a mannequin or somethin'.
590
00:35:41,375 --> 00:35:43,500
- You're right.
- What is this package they talkin' about?
591
00:35:43,583 --> 00:35:45,458
- My bad.
- Guess they're talkin' about this fella.
592
00:35:45,541 --> 00:35:46,583
Pubie?
593
00:35:46,666 --> 00:35:49,416
I don't know his name.
The goofy idiot from the supermarket deli.
594
00:35:50,166 --> 00:35:52,916
Dan, Louise, let's table
this discussion for a moment, okay?
595
00:35:53,916 --> 00:35:56,291
- To be continued, I guess.
- Oh, you guess?
596
00:35:56,375 --> 00:35:59,625
I wish it was you
that was knifed up instead of peanut.
597
00:35:59,708 --> 00:36:01,333
You hear this? Can I borrow your gun?
598
00:36:01,416 --> 00:36:03,833
I assure you can arrest me
right afterwards.
599
00:36:04,291 --> 00:36:06,583
Cut your gizzards off.
That's what I should do.
600
00:36:06,666 --> 00:36:09,708
Officer Steve, I saw my ne...
601
00:36:09,791 --> 00:36:11,833
Never mind that. Cop a squat.
602
00:36:12,458 --> 00:36:13,291
- Here?
- Yeah.
603
00:36:15,125 --> 00:36:18,333
Hubie, how long have you lived in Salem?
604
00:36:19,083 --> 00:36:20,333
Eh, my whole life.
605
00:36:20,416 --> 00:36:23,250
Now, you've brought us
many instances of unlawful conduct
606
00:36:23,333 --> 00:36:24,666
to our attention over the years.
607
00:36:25,166 --> 00:36:26,958
Somebody put
a firecracker in my mail slot.
608
00:36:27,041 --> 00:36:28,750
There's a diaper in Dori's pond.
609
00:36:28,833 --> 00:36:30,916
There's a weird station wagon
at the senior center.
610
00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:32,875
The supermarket is selling expired bacon.
611
00:36:32,958 --> 00:36:35,166
Janet at the library
has not been herself lately.
612
00:36:35,250 --> 00:36:36,916
I heard a voice in the sewer.
613
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:39,041
I'm sorry. I didn't recognize him.
614
00:36:39,125 --> 00:36:42,750
The power of observation,
the ability to blend in.
615
00:36:42,833 --> 00:36:45,375
That is you in a nutshell, Hubie.
616
00:36:47,333 --> 00:36:49,375
Well, Steven, let's talk turkey.
617
00:36:50,333 --> 00:36:51,291
May I?
618
00:36:51,375 --> 00:36:53,375
Mmm... I only have 30 left.
619
00:36:54,791 --> 00:36:55,958
Okay.
620
00:36:57,416 --> 00:37:00,666
You ever hear of an AUU?
621
00:37:01,333 --> 00:37:04,666
I don't have an Internet,
so I'm not up on my latest abbreviations.
622
00:37:04,750 --> 00:37:05,583
Illuminate me.
623
00:37:05,666 --> 00:37:11,000
AUU stands for
"Auxiliary Undercover Unit."
624
00:37:18,333 --> 00:37:21,250
Now, before you get too excited,
625
00:37:21,333 --> 00:37:23,666
let me tell you what it entails, okay?
626
00:37:24,125 --> 00:37:25,708
First off, there's no salary.
627
00:37:25,791 --> 00:37:27,333
There's no badge.
628
00:37:27,416 --> 00:37:29,666
We can't acknowledge you officially
629
00:37:29,750 --> 00:37:31,833
in any way whatsoever. And...
630
00:37:31,916 --> 00:37:33,583
And the most important thing is
631
00:37:33,666 --> 00:37:37,416
you can never be seen talking to me
or any other officer in this place.
632
00:37:39,750 --> 00:37:42,583
A question. How would I go about
getting the information to you?
633
00:37:42,666 --> 00:37:46,041
Oh, you just keep a log.
A very detailed log.
634
00:37:46,125 --> 00:37:49,291
And you drop that log right here.
635
00:37:49,375 --> 00:37:51,875
In the garbage can
directly outside Town Hall.
636
00:37:51,958 --> 00:37:54,125
So, drop a log in a garbage can?
637
00:37:54,208 --> 00:37:56,708
Well, that garbage can, that's monitored,
24-7.
638
00:37:56,791 --> 00:37:59,791
So, any intel that you have,
it's gonna get to us. We'll know about it.
639
00:37:59,875 --> 00:38:01,125
- Makes... makes sense.
- Yep.
640
00:38:01,208 --> 00:38:05,875
But remember, you cannot contact us,
no matter how dire the emergency.
641
00:38:05,958 --> 00:38:08,833
- Yeah, I heard you the first time.
- Yeah, I said it twice, it's important.
642
00:38:08,916 --> 00:38:11,333
- Gotcha.
- So, you ready to join the team?
643
00:38:12,916 --> 00:38:15,166
Put me in, coach. I'm ready to play.
644
00:38:15,250 --> 00:38:16,583
All right!
645
00:38:25,250 --> 00:38:26,166
Perfect.
646
00:38:27,625 --> 00:38:30,666
Tommy, I want mom to bring half my candy
to the homeless shelter in the morning.
647
00:38:30,750 --> 00:38:32,625
Will you tell her when she gets home?
648
00:38:33,208 --> 00:38:34,041
Tommy?
649
00:38:35,625 --> 00:38:36,583
Tommy!
650
00:38:37,583 --> 00:38:38,416
Tommy?
651
00:38:39,333 --> 00:38:41,166
Tommy, where are you?
652
00:38:44,625 --> 00:38:48,833
Danielle! Mom isn't home yet,
and I can't find Tommy. I'm scared.
653
00:38:48,916 --> 00:38:52,083
- Did you check the basement?
- I checked everywhere. He's not here.
654
00:38:52,791 --> 00:38:56,416
You know what that means?
Our brother's in love.
655
00:38:57,625 --> 00:38:58,458
Ew!
656
00:39:16,166 --> 00:39:18,041
How we doin', ladies?
657
00:39:18,750 --> 00:39:20,125
Great, Freddie Mercury.
658
00:39:20,208 --> 00:39:24,250
So lit to have freshman girls here.
New crop of hotties to hit on.
659
00:39:24,333 --> 00:39:26,416
Hey! Easy, Mikey. My sister's a freshman.
660
00:39:26,500 --> 00:39:29,375
Dude, I would never even
consider your sister in that way.
661
00:39:29,458 --> 00:39:31,458
She's got no personality
and a greasy forehead.
662
00:39:32,041 --> 00:39:33,250
You're a good friend, man.
663
00:39:33,333 --> 00:39:34,375
Ha ha ha!
664
00:39:38,875 --> 00:39:39,916
Hi.
665
00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:43,083
Didn't I see you on Union Street
a couple of hours ago trick-or-treating?
666
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:47,083
Well, I had to take out
my two new sisters, remember?
667
00:39:47,166 --> 00:39:50,416
I don't know. I thought I saw you
hold open your bag to get some candy.
668
00:39:50,500 --> 00:39:52,375
That's not babysitting,
that's trick-or-treating.
669
00:39:52,458 --> 00:39:54,500
Oh, my God. I know, I know.
It's so pathetic.
670
00:39:54,583 --> 00:39:55,666
It's not pathetic.
671
00:39:56,416 --> 00:39:58,000
If you brought me a Kit Kat bar.
672
00:39:58,083 --> 00:40:00,791
Well, I have a few.
673
00:40:17,958 --> 00:40:20,625
Excuse me. Smokers for chokers.
674
00:40:20,708 --> 00:40:22,208
- What's your problem?
- I got a problem?
675
00:40:22,291 --> 00:40:23,375
I think you got the problem.
676
00:40:23,458 --> 00:40:24,416
How we doing, guys?
677
00:40:24,500 --> 00:40:27,041
- What's up, old man?
- Got some ID for that drink?
678
00:40:27,125 --> 00:40:28,958
- What?
- Yeah, not on my watch.
679
00:40:29,041 --> 00:40:30,750
- What the hell?
- It's for the best.
680
00:40:31,875 --> 00:40:35,083
And I think we are gonna dehydrate.
Let's break that up.
681
00:40:35,166 --> 00:40:37,583
- Watch it, GI Jackass.
- You wanna die?
682
00:40:37,666 --> 00:40:38,750
Not yet.
683
00:40:38,833 --> 00:40:42,416
Uh, excuse me, Grandpa Thermos,
you need to leave the party right now.
684
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:45,291
Leave public property?
I don't see that happening.
685
00:40:45,375 --> 00:40:47,791
Leave. Or I'll beat you with a tire iron.
686
00:40:47,875 --> 00:40:49,166
You and whose army?
687
00:40:49,250 --> 00:40:50,083
Just me.
688
00:40:52,416 --> 00:40:54,750
- And me.
- And definitely me.
689
00:40:54,833 --> 00:40:58,666
- Let's kill him!
- Yeah! Yeah!
690
00:40:58,750 --> 00:41:00,291
Hang on! All right.
691
00:41:00,375 --> 00:41:04,125
I realize I might have gone too far
for your teenage mental capacities
692
00:41:04,208 --> 00:41:05,833
and that is a boner on my part.
693
00:41:07,625 --> 00:41:10,250
- I don't think he knows what boner means.
- No, definitely not.
694
00:41:10,333 --> 00:41:12,666
When I was your age,
I made some huge boners.
695
00:41:14,666 --> 00:41:16,666
Boners that I wish I could get back now.
696
00:41:17,708 --> 00:41:19,541
Listen, give me a minute head start,
697
00:41:19,625 --> 00:41:21,791
then tell him there's a kid
stuck in the corn maze.
698
00:41:21,875 --> 00:41:23,458
And why am I doing that?
699
00:41:23,541 --> 00:41:27,000
'Cause I am going to scare
the living crap out of him.
700
00:41:27,083 --> 00:41:28,500
Really? Does he scare easy?
701
00:41:30,208 --> 00:41:31,708
Oh my...
702
00:41:36,875 --> 00:41:38,333
Yes.
703
00:41:38,416 --> 00:41:39,625
Yes, he does.
704
00:41:41,208 --> 00:41:43,458
Actually, I had a good time
with you guys after all.
705
00:41:43,541 --> 00:41:47,083
It was fun. Hope we do it again next year.
Give a hoot, don't pollute.
706
00:41:47,166 --> 00:41:50,125
- Isn't that Woodsy the Owl?
- No, he was Tootsie Pops.
707
00:41:50,208 --> 00:41:51,166
Hey, Mr. Pubois.
708
00:41:51,708 --> 00:41:52,875
- Dubois.
- Dubois.
709
00:41:53,458 --> 00:41:55,541
I think I saw a little kid
get lost in the Corn Maze.
710
00:41:55,625 --> 00:41:56,625
In the what?
711
00:41:57,291 --> 00:41:59,500
I heard him scream, "Help!"
Then he started crying.
712
00:41:59,583 --> 00:42:01,208
My God, it's just...
it's just a little kid!
713
00:42:01,291 --> 00:42:02,750
Okay. Handle your high.
714
00:42:02,833 --> 00:42:05,750
I am a member of the AUU.
This is what I was trained to do.
715
00:42:06,291 --> 00:42:07,291
Hoo-ah!
716
00:42:14,208 --> 00:42:15,583
I think we're good!
717
00:42:17,625 --> 00:42:20,750
Messing with Shoobie Dubois.
A Salem tradition.
718
00:42:21,333 --> 00:42:23,291
My grandma gave him
his first titty-twister.
719
00:42:25,416 --> 00:42:28,041
- What a bunch of jerks.
- Should we go tell him it's a prank?
720
00:42:28,833 --> 00:42:30,791
I knew I liked you, freshman. Come on.
721
00:42:31,666 --> 00:42:34,125
Excuse me, excuse me,
Bride of Skankenstein. Yeah, thank you.
722
00:42:53,041 --> 00:42:57,750
If you can hear me, please call out
so I can determine your whereabouts!
723
00:42:58,833 --> 00:43:00,583
Do not be fearful, little one!
724
00:43:01,125 --> 00:43:02,041
Announce yourself!
725
00:43:04,083 --> 00:43:05,291
Hubie!
726
00:43:05,375 --> 00:43:06,541
Mr. Dubois!
727
00:43:07,166 --> 00:43:08,083
Hubie!
728
00:43:08,875 --> 00:43:09,916
Hello!
729
00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:11,750
- Where are you?
- Should we split up?
730
00:43:12,291 --> 00:43:14,166
I don't know.
That sounds like a big boner.
731
00:43:14,291 --> 00:43:15,416
- What?
- I'm just kidding.
732
00:43:15,500 --> 00:43:17,791
Yeah, go that way...
733
00:43:17,875 --> 00:43:20,541
Is anyone out there? Sound off!
734
00:43:20,625 --> 00:43:23,875
Tonight's temperatures
will dip below 28 degrees!
735
00:43:23,958 --> 00:43:26,333
Your nervous system cannot handle that!
736
00:43:26,416 --> 00:43:28,125
Sasquatch could not handle that!
737
00:43:29,083 --> 00:43:31,500
Mr. Dubois? Hello!
738
00:43:34,041 --> 00:43:35,791
Hey, Tommy, hey!
739
00:43:39,583 --> 00:43:41,541
Mr. Dubois!
740
00:43:41,625 --> 00:43:44,000
What the hell, Mike?
Why would you do that?
741
00:43:44,083 --> 00:43:46,916
Hey, whoa! I'm sorry.
Come on, I couldn't resist.
742
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:48,250
That wasn't cool, man.
743
00:43:48,625 --> 00:43:49,875
Hey, coffee boy.
744
00:43:49,958 --> 00:43:51,375
You're that freshman, right?
745
00:43:52,166 --> 00:43:53,958
Uh, yeah.
746
00:43:54,041 --> 00:43:56,625
Yeah, well, welcome
to your first high school fight.
747
00:43:58,208 --> 00:43:59,375
Tommy!
748
00:44:00,250 --> 00:44:03,458
Megan McNally, you like underclassmen?
749
00:44:04,583 --> 00:44:06,041
Oh, that's adorable.
750
00:44:06,125 --> 00:44:06,958
Hello!
751
00:44:09,583 --> 00:44:11,083
Is the fight over? Did I win?
752
00:44:11,666 --> 00:44:13,666
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you kicked his ass.
Come on.
753
00:44:14,791 --> 00:44:17,750
Is anyone out there? Sound off!
754
00:44:17,833 --> 00:44:19,333
Help!
755
00:44:20,666 --> 00:44:24,041
Remain in place! I will find you!
756
00:44:24,666 --> 00:44:27,583
Not if I find you first!
757
00:44:27,666 --> 00:44:31,708
Take me, evil one!
Just do not harm the child!
758
00:44:31,791 --> 00:44:33,333
Help, Hubie!
759
00:44:37,375 --> 00:44:38,875
No!
760
00:44:40,083 --> 00:44:41,666
Dad? Is that you?
761
00:44:42,791 --> 00:44:44,458
Does Mom know you're still alive?
762
00:44:45,833 --> 00:44:47,083
Are you still mad at me?
763
00:44:47,166 --> 00:44:49,750
No. It's Tommy, Violet Valentine's son.
764
00:44:49,833 --> 00:44:51,875
Yeah, and Megan.
I work down at the coffee shop.
765
00:44:51,958 --> 00:44:54,583
I give you free hot water
for your dehydrated soup sometimes.
766
00:44:54,666 --> 00:44:56,416
Yes. Much appreciated.
767
00:44:56,500 --> 00:45:00,250
The reason I take it for free
is 'cause I don't have money.
768
00:45:00,333 --> 00:45:03,791
Anyway, we came over here
to tell you that there's no lost kid.
769
00:45:04,500 --> 00:45:05,416
No one's lost?
770
00:45:05,500 --> 00:45:07,708
Yeah, it's just Mike Mundi
trying to pull a prank on you.
771
00:45:08,583 --> 00:45:09,791
Prank? No, I knew that.
772
00:45:11,916 --> 00:45:13,125
So, I like the costumes.
773
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:16,083
- Garbage can?
- Yeah. Tin Man.
774
00:45:16,166 --> 00:45:17,916
And Red Riding Hood.
775
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:20,958
I want to be honest with you.
Might not be a good year for it.
776
00:45:21,041 --> 00:45:24,875
Um, between us,
there is a man-wolf on the loose.
777
00:45:25,458 --> 00:45:28,333
Then maybe should I head inside?
778
00:45:28,416 --> 00:45:29,416
A wise decision.
779
00:45:29,500 --> 00:45:32,041
By the way,
my mom was talking about you tonight.
780
00:45:32,625 --> 00:45:34,041
Your mom was talking about me?
781
00:45:34,500 --> 00:45:35,541
What'd she say?
782
00:45:35,625 --> 00:45:37,208
Just that you are nice.
783
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:38,833
Well, I am nice.
784
00:45:39,333 --> 00:45:41,958
Because I'm not gonna tell her
that you're out here playing Romeo
785
00:45:42,041 --> 00:45:44,208
instead of watching
your two little sisters.
786
00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:47,208
- Well, now I feel bad.
- I know you feel bad.
787
00:45:47,291 --> 00:45:49,625
- 'Cause you got a big heart.
- Thanks.
788
00:45:49,708 --> 00:45:51,666
So, I'm gonna let
you two guys take off without me.
789
00:45:51,750 --> 00:45:53,666
I'll give you a head start
in the name of romance.
790
00:45:54,250 --> 00:45:56,791
- Okay. Go ahead, guys. Take care, now.
- Thanks, Mr. Dubois.
791
00:45:56,875 --> 00:45:58,833
- Happy Halloween.
- Not looking, guys!
792
00:46:08,833 --> 00:46:10,583
Same corn over and over.
793
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:15,583
I should've left with the others,
'cause I have no idea where I am.
794
00:46:16,250 --> 00:46:19,333
So, I came from there.
I already was there.
795
00:46:21,708 --> 00:46:24,208
Can't believe I don't have
a compass on my thermos.
796
00:46:33,208 --> 00:46:35,250
Help me!
797
00:46:36,375 --> 00:46:38,291
Michael Mundi.
798
00:46:38,375 --> 00:46:39,541
Help me!
799
00:46:39,625 --> 00:46:45,041
Listen, I am a fan of a Halloween zinger
as much as the next guy, but...
800
00:46:46,333 --> 00:46:47,416
What? What'd you say?
801
00:46:52,291 --> 00:46:54,000
Michael? Michael!
802
00:46:57,541 --> 00:46:58,375
What the...
803
00:47:07,875 --> 00:47:14,875
What?
804
00:47:16,791 --> 00:47:19,958
It's nine o'clock in Salem,
which means all you trick-or-treaters
805
00:47:20,041 --> 00:47:22,916
have counted up your candy corns
and are gettin' ready for bed.
806
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:24,166
What the heck?
807
00:47:24,250 --> 00:47:26,750
But that don't mean
the fun stops for all of us.
808
00:47:27,166 --> 00:47:30,416
- Hubie, I can't do this.
- Michael Mundi was abducted.
809
00:47:30,500 --> 00:47:32,458
I found a ticket
to the drive-in at the scene.
810
00:47:32,541 --> 00:47:33,583
Great. Start there.
811
00:47:36,041 --> 00:47:38,541
So, now's the time for us
big boys and girls
812
00:47:38,625 --> 00:47:39,958
to get up to some real mischief.
813
00:47:41,458 --> 00:47:45,083
And watch out. It's always
the quiet ones who get the most naughty.
814
00:47:46,791 --> 00:47:49,958
Violet, where the hell were you?
We're falling behind out there.
815
00:47:50,041 --> 00:47:53,541
Well, I was on the phone
with the credit card company.
816
00:47:53,625 --> 00:47:56,750
They didn't know I had an extension.
I'm so sorry, Mr. Tayback.
817
00:47:56,833 --> 00:47:59,250
You know how much
credit card debt I'm in right now?
818
00:47:59,333 --> 00:48:00,458
Nobody gives a crap!
819
00:48:01,250 --> 00:48:03,791
Just do your job. No breaks on Halloween.
820
00:48:10,375 --> 00:48:12,791
Your call has been
forwarded to an automated...
821
00:48:13,458 --> 00:48:14,458
She's not answering.
822
00:48:15,333 --> 00:48:16,833
Don't worry, we'll find Tommy.
823
00:48:20,666 --> 00:48:23,708
I am your father,
and I demand some respect.
824
00:48:23,791 --> 00:48:26,666
You are grounded for the next six months.
825
00:48:33,041 --> 00:48:34,291
You son of a...
826
00:48:36,166 --> 00:48:38,833
- Mmm. Hey!
- Hey.
827
00:48:40,958 --> 00:48:42,333
So, did I miss anything?
828
00:48:42,416 --> 00:48:44,250
Yeah, you just missed the best part!
829
00:48:45,541 --> 00:48:48,708
The best part
is spending time alone with you.
830
00:48:59,333 --> 00:49:00,208
Did that turn you on?
831
00:49:00,291 --> 00:49:03,083
How is sucking on
fake fingers supposed to turn me on?
832
00:49:03,166 --> 00:49:05,208
Well, imagine that they're your fingers.
833
00:49:05,291 --> 00:49:08,458
They're men's fingers.
Are you saying I have men's fingers?
834
00:49:08,541 --> 00:49:10,916
Okay, look, I was just
trying something, okay?
835
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:12,916
- Something different.
- Jeez, man.
836
00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:15,375
Remember we used to
come here in high school?
837
00:49:15,458 --> 00:49:19,708
Mm-hmm. Feels exactly the same, too.
We got Hubie Dubois spying on everybody.
838
00:49:21,375 --> 00:49:23,875
I gotta say, it's pretty impressive
how long he's been a loser.
839
00:49:24,375 --> 00:49:26,416
I got a great idea.
840
00:49:26,500 --> 00:49:29,750
It's kinda evil, but stick with me.
841
00:49:29,833 --> 00:49:31,666
Now, that turns me on.
842
00:49:39,041 --> 00:49:40,041
Michael Mundi.
843
00:49:41,916 --> 00:49:44,333
Scheduled to come to
the Creature Double Feature.
844
00:49:45,333 --> 00:49:46,541
To meet who?
845
00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:50,916
To kill his next victim?
846
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:52,875
- Hubie.
- Murder!
847
00:49:53,916 --> 00:49:55,041
You okay, big man?
848
00:49:55,125 --> 00:49:56,000
Mrs. Hennessy.
849
00:49:58,666 --> 00:50:02,208
I am actually doing
a follow-up on a classified situation.
850
00:50:02,291 --> 00:50:04,166
Did you lose your thermos or some shit?
851
00:50:04,250 --> 00:50:06,083
Oh, that'll never happen.
852
00:50:11,083 --> 00:50:14,000
Anyway, I saw something earlier.
853
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:17,916
Something suspicious.
854
00:50:18,500 --> 00:50:20,166
Ears are in open position.
855
00:50:21,333 --> 00:50:22,833
This is gonna sound nuts.
856
00:50:22,916 --> 00:50:25,291
But I was going to get popcorn earlier,
857
00:50:25,375 --> 00:50:30,208
when this freaky
old-timey car pulled into the lot.
858
00:50:30,833 --> 00:50:32,541
And the driver was...
859
00:50:33,500 --> 00:50:35,500
You just gotta see it to believe it.
860
00:50:36,875 --> 00:50:40,791
Could you possibly point me
in the direction of this strange vehicle?
861
00:50:41,750 --> 00:50:42,583
It's that one.
862
00:50:43,458 --> 00:50:44,291
Right there.
863
00:50:46,750 --> 00:50:47,583
Okay.
864
00:50:51,416 --> 00:50:52,333
Let's take a look.
865
00:50:55,291 --> 00:50:56,541
- Oh, and, uh...
- Yes?
866
00:50:57,375 --> 00:51:00,208
Hubie, do be... careful.
867
00:51:27,875 --> 00:51:29,208
What the what?
868
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:32,041
Okay, whoa, there.
869
00:51:33,958 --> 00:51:35,375
Step out of the vehicle!
870
00:51:36,500 --> 00:51:40,375
We can do this the easy way
or the paddle way. It's up to you.
871
00:51:46,375 --> 00:51:47,416
Ghost!
872
00:51:50,625 --> 00:51:51,875
Help me!
873
00:51:53,500 --> 00:51:54,500
What are you?
874
00:51:56,000 --> 00:51:56,833
Help me!
875
00:51:58,958 --> 00:52:00,708
No! Oh, God!
876
00:52:00,791 --> 00:52:01,666
Why?
877
00:52:01,750 --> 00:52:04,583
Get him!
878
00:52:04,666 --> 00:52:05,916
What the heck?
879
00:52:17,083 --> 00:52:18,416
Help me!
880
00:52:23,500 --> 00:52:25,375
- Now do you want me?
- No!
881
00:52:27,833 --> 00:52:30,333
There's a time and a place for hijinks!
882
00:52:30,958 --> 00:52:33,333
But there's a situation going on here!
883
00:52:38,916 --> 00:52:41,500
Hubie. It's funny seeing you here.
884
00:52:42,750 --> 00:52:44,833
I'm sorry about before. In the basement.
885
00:52:45,583 --> 00:52:47,250
I really wasn't feeling myself.
886
00:52:47,333 --> 00:52:49,375
I don't know
if I like you much better now.
887
00:52:49,458 --> 00:52:52,041
You didn't tell anybody about that,
did you, Hubie?
888
00:52:52,125 --> 00:52:54,375
Why? You have secrets, Mr. Lambert?
889
00:52:54,958 --> 00:52:58,666
As in, secretly dropping by
the corn maze earlier tonight?
890
00:52:58,750 --> 00:52:59,625
Did anybody get...
891
00:53:01,666 --> 00:53:03,625
- Mr. Lambert.
- Walter.
892
00:53:03,708 --> 00:53:07,250
Your tombstone says
that you have yet to die.
893
00:53:07,333 --> 00:53:11,625
Are you a human being,
or are you a moon-crazed beast
894
00:53:12,208 --> 00:53:16,833
from beyond the grave, grave, grave?
895
00:53:20,791 --> 00:53:23,291
Hold that thought! I gotta split!
896
00:53:24,000 --> 00:53:24,916
Mr. Lambert!
897
00:53:26,166 --> 00:53:27,833
That just answered my question.
898
00:53:33,833 --> 00:53:36,041
Oh, man. That's another one.
899
00:53:37,416 --> 00:53:40,750
What a man!
What a mouth! And on his first try.
900
00:53:40,833 --> 00:53:43,083
Have a round of applause, everyone.
901
00:53:43,166 --> 00:53:44,458
Who's next?
902
00:53:44,541 --> 00:53:46,291
If the mayor can do it, so can you.
903
00:53:46,875 --> 00:53:48,166
You, sir! Step on up.
904
00:53:52,791 --> 00:53:54,958
Sorry to bother you,
mayor, but it's important.
905
00:54:01,083 --> 00:54:02,125
What is it, Sergeant?
906
00:54:02,208 --> 00:54:03,916
About an hour ago,
I got a strange report
907
00:54:04,000 --> 00:54:05,875
of a missing high school kid
from Hubie Dubois.
908
00:54:06,375 --> 00:54:09,458
After I laughed it off as usual,
I got a call from the kid's mother.
909
00:54:09,541 --> 00:54:10,750
He actually never made it home.
910
00:54:10,833 --> 00:54:13,583
This Richard Hartman thing
has got you jumpy as hell.
911
00:54:13,666 --> 00:54:16,375
I suggest we cancel
the fireworks show immediately.
912
00:54:16,458 --> 00:54:18,791
We ain't canceling
a damn thing, Sergeant.
913
00:54:18,875 --> 00:54:20,083
We got an unsolved mystery!
914
00:54:20,166 --> 00:54:23,041
Eighty-five percent of the tourism dollars
spent in this town
915
00:54:23,125 --> 00:54:24,500
are spent on Halloween night.
916
00:54:24,583 --> 00:54:28,625
And I'm not gonna let no
high school peckerhead jeopardize that.
917
00:54:28,708 --> 00:54:31,541
- I just think that...
- Trick-or-treat, smell my feet.
918
00:54:31,625 --> 00:54:34,291
- I just think that you're not...
- Smell my feet.
919
00:54:34,375 --> 00:54:37,250
- I just think that...
- Smell my feet.
920
00:54:38,708 --> 00:54:40,083
You really want me to smell them?
921
00:54:50,125 --> 00:54:51,500
Let's just go back, Danielle.
922
00:54:51,583 --> 00:54:55,000
I don't want Mom to get home
and see that Tommy left us by ourselves.
923
00:54:55,083 --> 00:54:57,166
I think we'll all get in
really big trouble for that.
924
00:54:57,250 --> 00:54:58,875
Are we even going the right way?
925
00:55:03,166 --> 00:55:04,083
Excuse me, sir?
926
00:55:05,208 --> 00:55:07,375
Do you know
the quickest way to Wallace Orchard?
927
00:55:16,791 --> 00:55:20,583
One clam,
one chicken noodle, and one split pea.
928
00:55:21,083 --> 00:55:23,875
So, you seem a little stressed.
I mean, what can I do to help ya out?
929
00:55:23,958 --> 00:55:25,458
Maybe a glass of Chardonnay?
930
00:55:25,541 --> 00:55:28,166
Well, to be honest with ya,
I don't drink beer.
931
00:55:28,250 --> 00:55:30,333
But do you have any silver bullets?
932
00:55:30,416 --> 00:55:32,875
That is not on the menu tonight.
933
00:55:32,958 --> 00:55:36,708
But I happen to be an excellent listener
if you want to, you know,
934
00:55:37,333 --> 00:55:38,500
share anything with me.
935
00:55:39,333 --> 00:55:40,166
Okay.
936
00:55:41,458 --> 00:55:42,625
We all have a purpose.
937
00:55:43,291 --> 00:55:45,958
Some people's purpose is to
make sure all the streets are clean.
938
00:55:46,041 --> 00:55:47,083
Some people's purpose,
939
00:55:47,166 --> 00:55:49,958
like Kenny Rogers', is to make sure
there's great tunes on the radio
940
00:55:50,041 --> 00:55:52,166
that we can all
sing along with on road trips.
941
00:55:52,250 --> 00:55:54,083
Some people's purpose, like you,
942
00:55:54,166 --> 00:55:57,875
are here to make sure that kids
without parents end up with a mom anyways.
943
00:55:57,958 --> 00:56:00,875
Who is nice and kind to 'em
and makes them feel loved.
944
00:56:00,958 --> 00:56:03,041
- You happen to have any A1 Sauce?
- Yeah.
945
00:56:03,833 --> 00:56:04,708
My whole life,
946
00:56:04,791 --> 00:56:07,375
I felt my purpose
was to make sure everybody
947
00:56:07,458 --> 00:56:09,541
was safe and sound on Halloween.
948
00:56:09,625 --> 00:56:12,083
But tonight, I have failed massively.
949
00:56:13,250 --> 00:56:17,333
Because a fine young man
was abducted under my watch.
950
00:56:17,791 --> 00:56:19,625
- That's on me.
- No.
951
00:56:22,750 --> 00:56:23,791
How can I help you?
952
00:56:25,875 --> 00:56:28,333
You just did help me
by listening to my story.
953
00:56:30,291 --> 00:56:31,375
Be careful today.
954
00:56:32,291 --> 00:56:33,416
Danger is afoot.
955
00:56:33,500 --> 00:56:36,708
Oh, well, I don't worry about me.
I worry about my kids.
956
00:56:36,791 --> 00:56:39,166
Called home. None of 'em picked up.
957
00:56:39,250 --> 00:56:41,875
They're probably just
watching a movie, though, and...
958
00:56:41,958 --> 00:56:44,000
- Tommy's keeping an eye on them.
- Tommy?
959
00:56:44,083 --> 00:56:46,500
I'm sure he's been there the whole time.
Without a doubt.
960
00:56:47,125 --> 00:56:49,750
The night is young.
Appreciate you being nice to me.
961
00:56:49,833 --> 00:56:51,250
Of course, Hubie.
962
00:56:51,875 --> 00:56:53,375
You're the best person I know.
963
00:56:53,916 --> 00:56:57,333
You're always thinking of
everyone else and never of yourself.
964
00:56:57,958 --> 00:56:59,833
But I guess that's why you're a hero.
965
00:57:06,583 --> 00:57:11,458
Did you see how scared Scooby was
when that car started moving?
966
00:57:11,541 --> 00:57:14,208
- With his ping-pong paddle at the ready!
- Oh, my God!
967
00:57:14,291 --> 00:57:15,958
What a buffoon!
968
00:57:16,041 --> 00:57:19,041
Mr. Hennessy! Mr. Hennessy!
969
00:57:23,625 --> 00:57:25,083
There's somebody in the road.
970
00:57:26,500 --> 00:57:29,333
- Who the hell is that?
- It's not moving.
971
00:57:29,416 --> 00:57:30,791
Looks like a dummy.
972
00:57:30,875 --> 00:57:33,208
You look like a dummy.
Go out and get it out of the way.
973
00:57:34,375 --> 00:57:35,208
Okay.
974
00:57:38,791 --> 00:57:40,416
Now, see, that does it for me.
975
00:57:40,500 --> 00:57:41,375
You like that?
976
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:42,833
No.
977
00:58:19,291 --> 00:58:20,208
Scarecrow?
978
00:58:36,500 --> 00:58:37,333
Lester!
979
00:58:39,791 --> 00:58:41,875
I'm gonna kick your ass for this, Lester.
980
00:58:45,125 --> 00:58:47,666
I swear to God,
if you jump out of one of these bushes,
981
00:58:47,750 --> 00:58:49,416
I'm gonna punch you in the face!
982
00:58:57,291 --> 00:58:58,125
What the...
983
00:58:58,833 --> 00:58:59,666
Lester!
984
00:59:01,000 --> 00:59:01,958
Where are you?
985
00:59:09,541 --> 00:59:12,208
Valentine family, where are you?
986
00:59:12,958 --> 00:59:13,833
I'm coming!
987
00:59:14,625 --> 00:59:16,416
Danielle! Cooky!
988
00:59:17,833 --> 00:59:20,958
I say, "Marco." You say, "Polo." Marco!
989
00:59:21,041 --> 00:59:21,875
Weirdo!
990
00:59:22,750 --> 00:59:23,791
Marco!
991
00:59:23,875 --> 00:59:24,708
Asshole!
992
00:59:43,250 --> 00:59:46,583
Hubie Dubois! Is that you?
993
00:59:47,375 --> 00:59:50,041
Oh! You must be Mrs. Dubois!
994
00:59:50,541 --> 00:59:51,666
I'm Walter!
995
00:59:52,250 --> 00:59:54,416
Nice to meet you, Walter.
996
00:59:54,500 --> 00:59:56,750
It's a shame
what they've done to your lawn!
997
00:59:57,583 --> 00:59:59,208
Happens every year!
998
01:00:18,166 --> 01:00:19,583
Not tonight!
999
01:00:40,875 --> 01:00:41,875
We need to talk.
1000
01:00:46,333 --> 01:00:47,458
They're not up here.
1001
01:00:48,208 --> 01:00:49,708
They're not down here, either.
1002
01:00:50,541 --> 01:00:51,583
Danielle!
1003
01:00:51,666 --> 01:00:52,833
Cooky!
1004
01:00:52,916 --> 01:00:55,458
- We didn't find them.
- Hey! It's okay. We'll figure it out.
1005
01:00:55,541 --> 01:00:56,958
We'll find them.
1006
01:00:57,625 --> 01:00:58,458
Oh, no.
1007
01:01:13,500 --> 01:01:14,500
What are we screaming at?
1008
01:01:16,208 --> 01:01:18,000
- Bam.
- Mr. Dubois, I screwed up.
1009
01:01:18,083 --> 01:01:20,708
- I can't find my sisters.
- You don't know where the kids are? Huh.
1010
01:01:21,375 --> 01:01:23,083
'Cause I do. They're right here.
1011
01:01:23,166 --> 01:01:25,041
- Tommy! Tommy!
- Oh, my God!
1012
01:01:25,125 --> 01:01:27,458
I'm so sorry I left guys.
I'm so glad you're okay.
1013
01:01:27,541 --> 01:01:29,625
You are so cute with them.
1014
01:01:29,708 --> 01:01:31,250
You have a girlfriend?
1015
01:01:31,958 --> 01:01:34,541
I saw 'em coming through
the Old McMillan shortcut.
1016
01:01:34,625 --> 01:01:37,125
It was funny, 'cause not many people
know where that shortcut is.
1017
01:01:37,208 --> 01:01:40,083
Just me and a friend of mine,
Richie Hartman. When I was a kid,
1018
01:01:40,166 --> 01:01:43,416
we used to finish our band practice
and shoot right through there.
1019
01:01:43,916 --> 01:01:46,541
- Well, at least everybody's safe.
- No one in Salem is safe tonight.
1020
01:01:46,625 --> 01:01:49,541
Do you understand me, Tommy? That's why
I'm putting this family on lockdown.
1021
01:01:49,625 --> 01:01:52,500
Now, Tommy, you call your mother.
Let her know you're home.
1022
01:01:52,583 --> 01:01:54,000
Megan, you call your parents.
1023
01:01:54,083 --> 01:01:56,333
Let them know you're staying
at a friend's. That's for you.
1024
01:01:56,416 --> 01:02:00,125
You two, do me a favor. Eat all the candy
you want, and then go straight to sleep.
1025
01:02:00,708 --> 01:02:03,875
And lock this door!
No matter what, don't answer it!
1026
01:02:03,958 --> 01:02:05,250
What're you gonna do, Mr. Dubois?
1027
01:02:05,333 --> 01:02:08,083
I'm gonna do what I do every October 31st.
1028
01:02:08,166 --> 01:02:11,708
Make sure every citizen
in this town is safe and protected.
1029
01:02:13,208 --> 01:02:16,875
Um, but do you have a bathroom
I could use? 'Cause I, uh...
1030
01:02:17,666 --> 01:02:19,125
The soup kinda went right through me.
1031
01:02:19,916 --> 01:02:21,333
Upstairs.
1032
01:02:21,416 --> 01:02:23,250
Toilet? Is it a big toilet?
1033
01:02:23,333 --> 01:02:25,458
'Cause I got a lot to do.
1034
01:02:35,750 --> 01:02:36,750
I know that howl.
1035
01:02:38,708 --> 01:02:39,625
Walter Lambert!
1036
01:02:56,958 --> 01:02:58,750
The transformation is complete.
1037
01:03:01,291 --> 01:03:05,416
While I understand that you are
now a mindless killing machine,
1038
01:03:05,500 --> 01:03:10,875
I would like to speak with the human being
that is deep down below your fur.
1039
01:03:12,541 --> 01:03:13,458
Mr. Lambert.
1040
01:03:14,583 --> 01:03:15,416
Walter.
1041
01:03:17,125 --> 01:03:21,458
I cannot, in good faith,
allow you to hurt another soul tonight,
1042
01:03:21,541 --> 01:03:24,791
even though this is Halloween,
and even though I know this is...
1043
01:03:26,083 --> 01:03:28,666
Mr. Lambert, you're better than that.
1044
01:03:28,750 --> 01:03:31,708
You... Did you really wanna
defecate in front of me, sir?
1045
01:03:32,916 --> 01:03:34,291
Oh, now, you're eating it!
1046
01:03:34,375 --> 01:03:36,750
Is that Michael Mundi
you're eating right now?
1047
01:03:36,833 --> 01:03:39,083
Is he inside your feces?
1048
01:03:39,166 --> 01:03:42,375
Mr. Lambert! Get over here!
1049
01:03:45,958 --> 01:03:47,708
The only way to slay the beast
1050
01:03:47,791 --> 01:03:50,583
is a silver bullet right between the eyes.
1051
01:03:54,250 --> 01:03:55,583
Yo, dawg! That's my bullet!
1052
01:03:55,666 --> 01:03:56,541
Come here!
1053
01:04:00,666 --> 01:04:01,500
Mr. Lambert?
1054
01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:03,833
Mr. Lambert.
1055
01:04:05,416 --> 01:04:06,500
Mr. Lambert?
1056
01:04:09,083 --> 01:04:10,541
Mr. Lambert.
1057
01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:26,875
Mr. Lambert.
1058
01:04:27,750 --> 01:04:29,125
This is not your fault!
1059
01:04:30,041 --> 01:04:31,000
You are cursed!
1060
01:04:31,083 --> 01:04:31,958
Hello.
1061
01:04:34,833 --> 01:04:37,166
Mommy! No! Help me, Mommy!
1062
01:04:37,250 --> 01:04:39,833
Help me! Help me!
1063
01:04:43,916 --> 01:04:45,875
And stay out!
1064
01:04:45,958 --> 01:04:49,291
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
1065
01:04:49,375 --> 01:04:50,541
That was so terrifying!
1066
01:04:50,625 --> 01:04:52,958
- That was even crazier than last year!
- Yes!
1067
01:04:53,041 --> 01:04:55,500
- How much fun was that?
- That was so much fun.
1068
01:04:55,583 --> 01:04:58,291
It almost made me forget
that I buried my father today.
1069
01:04:58,958 --> 01:05:00,083
Oh, I'm sorry.
1070
01:05:00,166 --> 01:05:04,291
No, it's a good thing.
I mean, not for him so much,
1071
01:05:04,375 --> 01:05:07,375
but it's given me
time to be introspective.
1072
01:05:07,833 --> 01:05:09,291
- That's good.
- I'm Pete Landolfa.
1073
01:05:09,375 --> 01:05:10,541
Oh, I'm Chantal.
1074
01:05:10,625 --> 01:05:11,583
- Chantal?
- Yeah.
1075
01:05:18,000 --> 01:05:18,833
Come to me.
1076
01:05:22,208 --> 01:05:24,083
Walter. Come!
1077
01:05:26,916 --> 01:05:27,750
Here, Walter.
1078
01:05:33,333 --> 01:05:34,458
I don't wanna do this.
1079
01:05:34,958 --> 01:05:36,958
You've been a very good neighbor to me.
1080
01:05:37,041 --> 01:05:39,041
But what has to be done, has to be done.
1081
01:05:40,500 --> 01:05:42,541
Right between...
1082
01:05:43,791 --> 01:05:44,708
the eyes!
1083
01:05:46,833 --> 01:05:49,041
Oh, no.
1084
01:05:49,125 --> 01:05:50,083
No!
1085
01:05:50,166 --> 01:05:51,958
Homeboy. Are you okay, man?
1086
01:05:55,083 --> 01:05:56,000
- Dude.
- No!
1087
01:05:56,083 --> 01:05:58,625
This is not real. You get that, right?
1088
01:05:58,708 --> 01:06:01,083
We're just trying to
raise money for our school.
1089
01:06:03,000 --> 01:06:03,958
Wait a second.
1090
01:06:04,958 --> 01:06:06,500
Are you hittin' on me?
1091
01:06:06,583 --> 01:06:08,583
Because if so, that is incredibly sick.
1092
01:06:08,666 --> 01:06:10,125
We're having a conversation.
1093
01:06:10,208 --> 01:06:12,916
Mm-mmm. 'Cause you're, like,
three times my age, okay?
1094
01:06:13,000 --> 01:06:16,750
Thrice. I was born around the same time
you had your first heart bypass.
1095
01:06:16,833 --> 01:06:20,583
Oh, Buster! Hey, my big boy.
1096
01:06:20,666 --> 01:06:24,500
Are you here to protect me from this
weirdo man that's trying to hit on me?
1097
01:06:28,875 --> 01:06:31,500
My eyes are on fire!
1098
01:06:31,583 --> 01:06:33,500
- Why would you mace me?
- Yo.
1099
01:06:33,583 --> 01:06:35,125
I'm a dentist. I help people!
1100
01:06:35,208 --> 01:06:37,708
Liar! Lucifer!
1101
01:06:37,791 --> 01:06:41,083
That sounds like Hubie Dubois.
1102
01:06:41,166 --> 01:06:44,833
And since I struck out with you,
I'm gonna take it out on him.
1103
01:06:45,458 --> 01:06:46,708
Have fun with that.
1104
01:06:59,500 --> 01:07:02,000
You gotta be... Whoa.
1105
01:07:03,166 --> 01:07:06,583
There's this goof headed his way.
Hubie Dubois.
1106
01:07:06,666 --> 01:07:09,541
When he gets here,
I'll handle the scaring.
1107
01:07:09,625 --> 01:07:11,750
You just sit back and enjoy.
1108
01:07:13,000 --> 01:07:15,458
Attention, haunted house patrons.
1109
01:07:15,541 --> 01:07:18,666
This is a direct order from the AUU.
1110
01:07:18,750 --> 01:07:21,583
Move quickly and quietly toward the exits.
1111
01:07:21,666 --> 01:07:23,708
The man-wolf has eaten his kryptonite!
1112
01:07:24,125 --> 01:07:25,125
Pubie!
1113
01:07:29,375 --> 01:07:31,208
Oh, my God. This is a travesty.
1114
01:07:31,291 --> 01:07:34,125
First, Mike Mundi. Now, Mr. Landolfa.
1115
01:07:34,833 --> 01:07:36,916
And why would God
do this to such good people?
1116
01:07:37,000 --> 01:07:40,875
Good people?
All those two ever did was abuse you, man.
1117
01:07:40,958 --> 01:07:44,458
You know who should feel bad right now?
Our wonderful mayor.
1118
01:07:44,541 --> 01:07:45,791
I'm truly sorry.
1119
01:07:45,875 --> 01:07:48,625
You knew that high school kid
from the corn maze was missing.
1120
01:07:48,708 --> 01:07:51,291
- But you told nobody.
- Yeah. Bad for business, I guess.
1121
01:07:51,375 --> 01:07:55,166
Oh, they just found Lester Hennessy's car
abandoned in the middle of Whipstick Road.
1122
01:07:55,250 --> 01:07:58,125
- No sign of Lester or Mary.
- No!
1123
01:07:58,625 --> 01:08:00,000
So, we are cancelin' the fireworks
1124
01:08:00,083 --> 01:08:02,291
and all other related
Halloween activities.
1125
01:08:02,375 --> 01:08:04,250
- Officer Steve.
- Not now, Hubie.
1126
01:08:04,333 --> 01:08:07,291
- I think I know who did it.
- Oh, so do I.
1127
01:08:07,375 --> 01:08:08,458
His name...
1128
01:08:10,041 --> 01:08:11,375
is Walter Lambert.
1129
01:08:11,958 --> 01:08:13,166
- Walter who?
- Lambert.
1130
01:08:14,000 --> 01:08:17,083
Scientists would call him a lyco-thorpe.
1131
01:08:17,166 --> 01:08:18,750
I think he means a lycanthrope.
1132
01:08:18,833 --> 01:08:20,583
- Is that what it is?
- It's a werewolf.
1133
01:08:20,666 --> 01:08:22,375
- Okay.
- Hubie, I will lock you up.
1134
01:08:22,458 --> 01:08:25,041
- I got four people missing here.
- Officer Steve, listen to me.
1135
01:08:25,125 --> 01:08:28,375
I saw the man
destroy his home earlier today.
1136
01:08:28,458 --> 01:08:30,291
Then I saw him in the pumpkin patch.
1137
01:08:30,375 --> 01:08:33,791
His shirt was torn up.
He was barking at the moon.
1138
01:08:33,875 --> 01:08:35,458
His arms were very, very hairy.
1139
01:08:35,541 --> 01:08:40,583
Then I saw him at this haunted house,
his tail wagging in murderous glee.
1140
01:08:41,083 --> 01:08:44,708
- Wait, you talking about my dog, Buster.
- That was Walter Lambert!
1141
01:08:45,291 --> 01:08:46,291
Where does he live?
1142
01:08:46,375 --> 01:08:48,333
Fifty-Nine Elm Street. Check on it.
1143
01:08:48,416 --> 01:08:50,208
- There's your killer.
- Salem PD.
1144
01:08:50,291 --> 01:08:52,208
Blake, I need you to go out to 59 Elm.
1145
01:08:52,291 --> 01:08:55,083
There should be a guy there.
New in town. Possibly shirtless.
1146
01:08:55,166 --> 01:08:58,333
Yeah. Middle-aged,
growls a lot, glue-on hairy hands?
1147
01:08:58,416 --> 01:09:00,958
Yeah, I got him right here.
Him and your boy, Richie Hartman.
1148
01:09:01,041 --> 01:09:04,000
They both came by and turned themselves
in, like, 45 minutes ago.
1149
01:09:04,083 --> 01:09:05,083
Together?
1150
01:09:05,166 --> 01:09:08,916
Yeah. Apparently, Lambert is
Hartman's roommate at the mental hospital.
1151
01:09:09,000 --> 01:09:12,250
Sorry. Werewolf Treatment Center.
1152
01:09:12,333 --> 01:09:15,583
Lambert broke out about a month ago,
and then Hartman broke out yesterday
1153
01:09:15,666 --> 01:09:17,916
to try to find him
and convince him to come back.
1154
01:09:18,000 --> 01:09:19,541
It's actually pretty sweet, isn't it?
1155
01:09:19,625 --> 01:09:21,833
So, you've had eyes
on them for 45 minutes?
1156
01:09:21,916 --> 01:09:23,375
Almost, like, an hour now.
1157
01:09:23,458 --> 01:09:26,916
And also, Lambert's real name is
Nick Hudson. Yeah. Walter Lambert
1158
01:09:27,000 --> 01:09:29,625
is just some name that he got off
a tombstone on his way into town.
1159
01:09:29,708 --> 01:09:31,791
All right, Blake. I got it. Thank you.
1160
01:09:31,875 --> 01:09:35,541
I feel bad you got yourself
in even more trouble just to save me.
1161
01:09:35,625 --> 01:09:38,291
No, it was good
to get out of that place for a while.
1162
01:09:38,375 --> 01:09:41,416
- You did me a favor. Thank you.
- Did you do anything fun?
1163
01:09:42,083 --> 01:09:45,000
I pissed on a tombstone,
pissed on the street.
1164
01:09:45,083 --> 01:09:47,458
Just some fun pissing stuff, you know.
1165
01:09:47,541 --> 01:09:50,375
- Nobody pees more than you.
- I'm peein' now.
1166
01:09:56,958 --> 01:10:01,083
That's a good roommate. Yes.
1167
01:10:01,166 --> 01:10:02,833
Who's a good roommate? Yes. Yes.
1168
01:10:02,916 --> 01:10:04,291
Yes, you are.
1169
01:10:06,083 --> 01:10:10,375
Lambert and Hartman have been in custody
during the whole Landolfa disappearance.
1170
01:10:10,458 --> 01:10:11,916
So, it couldn't have been them.
1171
01:10:12,000 --> 01:10:15,083
Buster, my baby!
1172
01:10:15,166 --> 01:10:18,333
Oh, by the way, he ate a silver bullet
if you wanna check his feces tomorrow.
1173
01:10:18,416 --> 01:10:19,666
I ain't doin' that.
1174
01:10:20,458 --> 01:10:22,916
Then who? Are there any clues?
1175
01:10:23,000 --> 01:10:26,708
Landolfa did go back
into the haunted house to look for Hubie.
1176
01:10:26,791 --> 01:10:31,375
Yeah. Hubie seems to be around
a lot of people before they go missing.
1177
01:10:32,791 --> 01:10:35,833
- People who have messed with him.
- Did the Hennesseys mess with Hubie, too?
1178
01:10:36,416 --> 01:10:37,541
Oh, they live for it.
1179
01:10:37,625 --> 01:10:41,208
So, it was payback time. Wasn't it, Hubie?
1180
01:10:41,291 --> 01:10:44,291
No, I would never hurt anybody. I...
1181
01:10:44,375 --> 01:10:45,666
You got the wrong guy.
1182
01:10:47,000 --> 01:10:49,166
- Father Dave.
- Have you been planning this all along?
1183
01:10:49,875 --> 01:10:52,250
You sick man.
1184
01:10:52,333 --> 01:10:53,958
- Have you?
- I...
1185
01:10:54,583 --> 01:10:55,750
Have you?
1186
01:10:56,916 --> 01:10:57,750
Frankenstein!
1187
01:11:01,125 --> 01:11:04,250
Did we just fall
for the old Frankenstein trick?
1188
01:11:12,875 --> 01:11:14,083
Oh-ho!
1189
01:11:14,166 --> 01:11:15,041
Ya!
1190
01:11:28,708 --> 01:11:30,208
Bad news, gang.
1191
01:11:30,291 --> 01:11:31,958
WTCH has just learned
1192
01:11:32,041 --> 01:11:34,625
that Salem's Halloween
is getting shut down.
1193
01:11:37,583 --> 01:11:41,458
The police department is advising
everyone to stay home and lock doors.
1194
01:11:42,750 --> 01:11:45,666
But, my little Halloweenies,
we can all still celebrate
1195
01:11:45,750 --> 01:11:48,583
with nature's fireworks
lighting up the night sky.
1196
01:11:50,958 --> 01:11:53,458
Not sure what's happening
in this creepy town,
1197
01:11:53,541 --> 01:11:56,708
but sounds like a good idea
to cuddle up with someone special
1198
01:11:56,791 --> 01:12:00,541
and enjoy the last half hour
of Halloween under the covers.
1199
01:12:00,625 --> 01:12:03,916
And just hope that whoever
you cuddling isn't a madman.
1200
01:12:28,125 --> 01:12:30,583
Well, looks like I have company.
1201
01:12:31,125 --> 01:12:33,833
So, we're going to take
a word from our scary sponsors.
1202
01:12:36,916 --> 01:12:38,958
Aurora?
1203
01:12:39,625 --> 01:12:41,500
- Hubie Dubois.
- Yes.
1204
01:12:41,583 --> 01:12:45,125
I'd recognize that voice anywhere.
You look exactly how I pictured you.
1205
01:12:45,208 --> 01:12:50,083
To be honest with you, you don't look like
the way I was picturing you.
1206
01:12:50,666 --> 01:12:53,541
I guess my
radio voice throws people off sometimes.
1207
01:12:53,625 --> 01:12:55,166
Yeah, that... I think that's it.
1208
01:12:56,958 --> 01:12:58,125
Have a seat, man.
1209
01:13:01,166 --> 01:13:02,958
What brings you
all the way here this evenin'?
1210
01:13:03,041 --> 01:13:06,916
As you know, I'm a longtime listener,
and I always respect the advice you give
1211
01:13:07,000 --> 01:13:08,083
to so many callers.
1212
01:13:08,166 --> 01:13:12,541
Right now, I'm in dire need
of the most perspicacious advice
1213
01:13:12,625 --> 01:13:14,750
you have ever given to any other human...
1214
01:13:15,375 --> 01:13:19,291
Oh, my God. Isn't that
so sweet? My wife brought snacks.
1215
01:13:19,375 --> 01:13:22,625
Ooh!
Hey, baby. How you doin'?
1216
01:13:22,708 --> 01:13:25,041
Oh, and who is this?
1217
01:13:25,125 --> 01:13:26,708
Baby, this is Hubie Dubois.
1218
01:13:26,791 --> 01:13:28,833
Whoa! For real?
1219
01:13:28,916 --> 01:13:30,875
Yes. Nice to meet you, ma'am.
1220
01:13:30,958 --> 01:13:33,375
I'm looking forward
to hearing your real voice.
1221
01:13:34,125 --> 01:13:35,708
This is my real voice.
1222
01:13:36,625 --> 01:13:39,250
Right. I know it is.
I was just saying, you know...
1223
01:13:39,958 --> 01:13:42,291
So, I am a big fan
of your husband, Aurora.
1224
01:13:42,375 --> 01:13:43,500
Oh, yeah.
1225
01:13:43,583 --> 01:13:47,458
I feel like you're the second
most frequent caller we get.
1226
01:13:47,541 --> 01:13:50,416
- Besides that one lady.
- Someone calls more than I do?
1227
01:13:50,500 --> 01:13:54,083
Actually, I think she might have
a little something for you, Hubie.
1228
01:13:54,166 --> 01:13:57,625
She always dedicates
a song to a special someone.
1229
01:13:57,708 --> 01:13:58,750
Ooh!
1230
01:13:58,833 --> 01:14:01,541
And we all need that special someone.
1231
01:14:01,625 --> 01:14:03,291
- Right, baby?
- Yes, we do. Oh!
1232
01:14:03,375 --> 01:14:04,208
Dig in.
1233
01:14:11,833 --> 01:14:13,708
- A couple days back...
- Oh, man.
1234
01:14:13,791 --> 01:14:17,166
...she had a couple glasses of Chardonnay.
Her guard was down,
1235
01:14:17,750 --> 01:14:20,666
and she asked
to dedicate a special song to Hubie.
1236
01:14:20,750 --> 01:14:23,750
- Chardonnay, eh?
- You know what they say about Chardonnay?
1237
01:14:24,583 --> 01:14:29,583
Truth serum. She said she's gonna show you
how much she loves you on Halloween.
1238
01:14:30,333 --> 01:14:34,125
- Do you think we could trace the number?
- I don't need to. Caller ID.
1239
01:14:34,208 --> 01:14:38,166
617-555-0968.
1240
01:14:38,250 --> 01:14:39,125
Sound familiar?
1241
01:14:39,208 --> 01:14:42,791
No. But there is a number
that needs to be dialed immediately.
1242
01:14:43,458 --> 01:14:44,291
911!
1243
01:14:54,625 --> 01:14:56,250
It's a prepaid phone.
1244
01:14:56,333 --> 01:14:58,750
- Bitch used a burner.
- Mm-hmm.
1245
01:15:01,916 --> 01:15:05,083
Any idea of someone
who might have a thing for you, or...
1246
01:15:05,166 --> 01:15:07,458
How would somebody
detect such a situation?
1247
01:15:07,541 --> 01:15:11,958
Anyone in town who seems like
they might actually enjoy talking to you.
1248
01:15:12,041 --> 01:15:15,000
There's one woman, but she's
the nicest lady I ever met my life.
1249
01:15:15,083 --> 01:15:17,166
Well, they all seem nice
till they kill you.
1250
01:15:17,250 --> 01:15:18,958
What's the desperate sicko's name?
1251
01:15:20,833 --> 01:15:21,750
Um...
1252
01:15:23,750 --> 01:15:25,958
The high school hat trick,
Violet Valentine.
1253
01:15:29,375 --> 01:15:31,333
Her? And you?
1254
01:15:31,416 --> 01:15:32,333
I mean...
1255
01:15:33,958 --> 01:15:36,375
All right. Let's go see
if we can get ourselves a confession.
1256
01:15:36,458 --> 01:15:40,583
Ooh! This is some Dateline NBC shit.
1257
01:15:46,250 --> 01:15:49,208
Stormhawk in position and petrified. Over.
1258
01:15:49,291 --> 01:15:51,583
All right. First of all,
we're not gonna use code names.
1259
01:15:51,666 --> 01:15:52,666
- Okay?
- Copy.
1260
01:15:52,750 --> 01:15:56,333
Did you send backup to my residence
to have eyes on my mother? Over.
1261
01:15:56,416 --> 01:15:58,125
I'm a little short-handed tonight,
1262
01:15:58,208 --> 01:15:59,916
so I asked Father Dave
to keep an eye on her.
1263
01:16:00,000 --> 01:16:03,083
Negative! Request armed units
to that vicinity. Over.
1264
01:16:03,166 --> 01:16:05,333
Sorry. I can't spare the manpower tonight.
1265
01:16:05,416 --> 01:16:06,250
Here she comes.
1266
01:16:06,708 --> 01:16:10,708
Okay, Hubie. It's showtime.
Remember, we're lookin' for a confession.
1267
01:16:10,791 --> 01:16:12,500
But what if I can't get her to confess?
Over.
1268
01:16:12,583 --> 01:16:15,625
If you feel like you've done all you can,
or you feel like you're in danger,
1269
01:16:15,708 --> 01:16:18,875
say the code word. At that point,
we'll call the burner phone.
1270
01:16:18,958 --> 01:16:20,750
If she picks up,
we can implicate her that way.
1271
01:16:20,833 --> 01:16:22,416
And what's the code word again? Over.
1272
01:16:23,083 --> 01:16:25,125
- You don't have to say over.
- Okay.
1273
01:16:25,208 --> 01:16:26,500
Code word is pumpkin.
1274
01:16:27,083 --> 01:16:29,083
Roger that. Bogey on my twelve.
1275
01:16:29,166 --> 01:16:31,333
Three on a match.
Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
1276
01:16:31,416 --> 01:16:33,791
"Smoke 'em if you got..."
What the hell is he talking about?
1277
01:16:33,875 --> 01:16:35,083
I don't know.
1278
01:16:41,666 --> 01:16:43,666
What'd you ask me out here for, Hubie?
1279
01:16:43,750 --> 01:16:44,583
What's up?
1280
01:16:46,791 --> 01:16:47,625
Pumpkin.
1281
01:16:48,666 --> 01:16:50,125
- Straight to pumpkin?
- Yeah.
1282
01:16:50,208 --> 01:16:52,166
Pumpkin what?
1283
01:16:52,250 --> 01:16:53,083
Just pumpkin.
1284
01:16:53,833 --> 01:16:54,666
Don't kill me.
1285
01:16:54,750 --> 01:16:56,583
- You gotta be kiddin' me.
- Dialing.
1286
01:16:57,250 --> 01:16:58,208
Hubie.
1287
01:16:59,166 --> 01:17:00,916
I would never hurt you.
1288
01:17:01,000 --> 01:17:02,541
Thank you. Pumpkin.
1289
01:17:03,416 --> 01:17:04,541
Now! Pumpkin.
1290
01:17:05,541 --> 01:17:06,916
- It's ringing.
- Is this a prank?
1291
01:17:07,000 --> 01:17:09,000
Is there somebody watching us right now?
1292
01:17:09,083 --> 01:17:12,250
- No one can see us or hear us.
- She must not have the phone on her.
1293
01:17:15,416 --> 01:17:16,250
Hello?
1294
01:17:17,666 --> 01:17:22,083
I just wanted to tell you that I have been
in love with you since second grade.
1295
01:17:22,708 --> 01:17:24,166
- What?
- Hello?
1296
01:17:24,250 --> 01:17:25,833
Can you trace it now?
1297
01:17:27,750 --> 01:17:32,291
Hubie, I've been in love
with you since the first grade.
1298
01:17:34,083 --> 01:17:35,750
What took you so long?
1299
01:17:36,875 --> 01:17:38,541
I was in love with our teacher.
1300
01:17:39,166 --> 01:17:40,000
Miss Glennon?
1301
01:17:41,083 --> 01:17:44,541
- Wasn't she, like, 70?
- I liked the way she smelled.
1302
01:17:46,458 --> 01:17:47,541
I can't believe this.
1303
01:17:48,083 --> 01:17:53,375
I can't believe that I spent three years
with a self-confident-for-no-reason,
1304
01:17:53,458 --> 01:17:56,958
bearded, human-ogre
when I could have been with you.
1305
01:17:57,041 --> 01:17:58,791
Ouch. That even hurt me.
1306
01:18:00,791 --> 01:18:03,625
I'm getting a location.
Steve, look at this.
1307
01:18:04,583 --> 01:18:07,125
- Stormhawk, abort!
- I thought you were out of my league.
1308
01:18:07,208 --> 01:18:08,833
- Why?
- Stormhawk, repeat, abort!
1309
01:18:08,916 --> 01:18:10,583
It's the best news
I ever heard in my life.
1310
01:18:10,666 --> 01:18:13,291
Abort.
The killer's cell phone is in your house!
1311
01:18:13,375 --> 01:18:14,958
Mama!
1312
01:18:15,041 --> 01:18:17,583
No! No way!
1313
01:18:17,666 --> 01:18:20,708
Lock your doors!
Make sure you don't open them!
1314
01:18:20,791 --> 01:18:23,541
Take care of your children!
I'm gonna steal a boat!
1315
01:18:23,625 --> 01:18:25,458
Mama!
1316
01:18:27,541 --> 01:18:28,458
I love you!
1317
01:18:42,333 --> 01:18:44,875
Oh, no. They got Father Dave.
1318
01:18:48,250 --> 01:18:49,208
Oh, my God.
1319
01:18:49,291 --> 01:18:50,916
Boo!
1320
01:18:54,083 --> 01:18:55,791
Why aren't you watching my mother?
1321
01:18:55,875 --> 01:18:59,041
The killer's in the house!
The killer's in the house!
1322
01:18:59,125 --> 01:19:00,958
There's no one in the house but her.
1323
01:19:02,208 --> 01:19:03,041
Hubie?
1324
01:19:03,875 --> 01:19:04,958
Can you help me down?
1325
01:19:06,458 --> 01:19:07,666
Ma! Ma!
1326
01:19:11,083 --> 01:19:12,041
You're okay.
1327
01:19:13,708 --> 01:19:16,166
Why, yes, Hubie. Why wouldn't I be?
1328
01:19:25,500 --> 01:19:26,333
Oh, no.
1329
01:19:33,791 --> 01:19:35,000
So, um...
1330
01:19:36,500 --> 01:19:39,458
Am I your special someone, Mom?
1331
01:19:40,333 --> 01:19:41,458
Always, Hubie.
1332
01:19:43,500 --> 01:19:46,000
And... today, did you...
1333
01:19:47,500 --> 01:19:50,041
did you try to show me
just how much you love me?
1334
01:19:51,208 --> 01:19:54,500
Why, yes, I did, Hubie. I truly did.
1335
01:20:13,125 --> 01:20:14,541
- Hubie!
- Hubie!
1336
01:20:14,625 --> 01:20:16,416
Get us out of here! Help!
1337
01:20:16,500 --> 01:20:18,833
Hubie, please, get us out of here!
1338
01:20:20,875 --> 01:20:22,625
Hubie, there's something
wrong with your mom!
1339
01:20:22,708 --> 01:20:24,833
Come on over here
and let me punch your mom in the face!
1340
01:20:24,916 --> 01:20:27,458
I mean, the good news is
you're still alive. I was...
1341
01:20:27,541 --> 01:20:29,833
Nice observation, toolbox!
Now get us out of this!
1342
01:20:29,916 --> 01:20:34,375
- I'm so sorry.
- I tried to explain to you already, Hubie.
1343
01:20:34,458 --> 01:20:37,958
If you don't fight back,
the bullies never stop.
1344
01:20:38,041 --> 01:20:40,500
So, I had to fight back for you.
1345
01:20:40,583 --> 01:20:42,083
Please, Hubie!
Oh, my God!
1346
01:20:42,166 --> 01:20:43,250
Hubie, that's gas!
1347
01:20:43,333 --> 01:20:46,708
Mommy, I would've been satisfied if you
put itching powder in their sleeping bag.
1348
01:20:46,791 --> 01:20:48,000
This is extreme.
1349
01:20:48,791 --> 01:20:51,500
Don't do this to me.
Hubie, I'll be your friend forever!
1350
01:20:54,416 --> 01:20:56,333
The old lady said
they'd be in the backyard.
1351
01:20:56,416 --> 01:20:57,500
Roll it! Roll it!
1352
01:20:57,583 --> 01:20:59,333
You don't have to do this.
This is too much.
1353
01:20:59,416 --> 01:21:04,083
We are here and we are live at
an unfolding scene of Halloween horror.
1354
01:21:04,166 --> 01:21:06,750
Ma. Ma.
1355
01:21:06,833 --> 01:21:09,958
- Mom, I really don't want you to do this.
- I know, Hubie.
1356
01:21:10,041 --> 01:21:13,708
That's what makes you so wonderful.
And that's why I have to do it.
1357
01:21:13,791 --> 01:21:16,250
I have to make it
good for you before I go.
1358
01:21:16,333 --> 01:21:17,166
Before you go?
1359
01:21:18,291 --> 01:21:21,166
- To Heaven?
- No. Probably going to Hell, Hubie.
1360
01:21:22,625 --> 01:21:25,750
The cops are here!
You're goin' to jail, you crazy old bat!
1361
01:21:25,833 --> 01:21:29,666
- Well, then I better do this now.
- My God. No, lady. Wait.
1362
01:21:29,750 --> 01:21:32,083
No! No, no, no, no!
1363
01:21:32,166 --> 01:21:33,958
- Please don't.
- Hubie, stop her.
1364
01:21:39,500 --> 01:21:40,750
Help me!
1365
01:21:44,125 --> 01:21:46,000
Hubie!
1366
01:21:49,833 --> 01:21:50,666
No!
1367
01:21:54,666 --> 01:21:55,708
No.
1368
01:21:57,166 --> 01:21:59,583
No!
1369
01:22:12,166 --> 01:22:16,250
Always thinking of everyone else,
never thinking of yourself.
1370
01:22:16,333 --> 01:22:18,541
But I guess that's why you're a hero.
1371
01:22:21,000 --> 01:22:21,875
Hubie!
1372
01:22:22,458 --> 01:22:25,041
No!
1373
01:22:44,958 --> 01:22:46,458
- Man.
- Freeze, Mrs. Dubois!
1374
01:22:48,208 --> 01:22:49,833
Hold your fire until my command.
1375
01:22:50,333 --> 01:22:51,500
Why did we bring them again?
1376
01:22:51,583 --> 01:22:53,958
There was nobody left at the station.
We had to.
1377
01:22:54,041 --> 01:22:56,625
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Mommy.
This is my fault.
1378
01:22:56,708 --> 01:22:58,416
- That's okay, Hubie.
- Hubie!
1379
01:22:58,500 --> 01:23:00,541
- Untie us, dummy!
- Come on, you stupid dummy!
1380
01:23:00,625 --> 01:23:02,833
- Untie us, now!
- Are you paying attention?
1381
01:23:02,916 --> 01:23:04,625
Okay. Wow.
1382
01:23:05,250 --> 01:23:06,750
Shame on you.
1383
01:23:06,833 --> 01:23:10,125
Hubie just saved your lives,
and you treat him like this.
1384
01:23:10,916 --> 01:23:12,958
Can one of you tell me why?
1385
01:23:13,041 --> 01:23:14,708
Just look at him!
1386
01:23:14,791 --> 01:23:16,625
He's so... Hubie!
1387
01:23:18,583 --> 01:23:20,041
Yes, he's Hubie.
1388
01:23:20,125 --> 01:23:21,666
He's helpful.
1389
01:23:22,375 --> 01:23:25,875
He's courteous,
he's cheerful, he's considerate.
1390
01:23:25,958 --> 01:23:27,833
What a bad, bad man.
1391
01:23:27,916 --> 01:23:31,958
My great-great-great-great-great-
grandmother laid down her life,
1392
01:23:32,041 --> 01:23:34,125
trying to save innocent people.
1393
01:23:34,208 --> 01:23:35,416
I was there.
1394
01:23:35,500 --> 01:23:41,000
And my son did her one better.
He just saved four ungrateful jackasses.
1395
01:23:41,750 --> 01:23:42,583
Thanks, Pubie.
1396
01:23:42,666 --> 01:23:45,541
Well, you can't even
thank him without insulting him.
1397
01:23:45,625 --> 01:23:48,583
I'm sorry. I don't know why I said Pubie.
It just came out.
1398
01:23:48,666 --> 01:23:51,375
Could it be because you feel threatened?
1399
01:23:54,541 --> 01:23:56,958
I feel a lot of pressure
to be cool all the time.
1400
01:23:57,916 --> 01:24:00,166
I'm jealous of Hubie
being able to be himself.
1401
01:24:00,708 --> 01:24:03,250
I lost my hair 20 years ago,
1402
01:24:03,333 --> 01:24:05,750
and every time I walk into a room,
I feel silly.
1403
01:24:06,333 --> 01:24:11,083
Why should someone like Hubie
have such a thick, luxuriant head of hair,
1404
01:24:11,166 --> 01:24:13,875
and I look like a California raisin?
1405
01:24:15,166 --> 01:24:17,208
I have never felt sexually fulfilled.
1406
01:24:17,291 --> 01:24:18,666
- But...
- Oh, shut up, Lester.
1407
01:24:18,750 --> 01:24:21,083
You're usually there. You know it's true.
1408
01:24:21,166 --> 01:24:22,791
I'm guessing...
1409
01:24:22,875 --> 01:24:25,250
Hubie hasn't had a lot of sex.
1410
01:24:25,916 --> 01:24:26,750
No, ma'am.
1411
01:24:27,666 --> 01:24:28,916
Hasn't had any sex.
1412
01:24:30,916 --> 01:24:32,625
But what he does have is hope.
1413
01:24:35,000 --> 01:24:36,666
Damn him and his hope!
1414
01:24:39,583 --> 01:24:42,708
I was diagnosed
with dyslexia in the eighth grade.
1415
01:24:43,458 --> 01:24:47,875
I faked it for the doctors,
but I'm really just dumb.
1416
01:24:48,583 --> 01:24:50,708
I never really told anybody.
1417
01:24:51,708 --> 01:24:53,916
You're probably all surprised.
1418
01:24:54,000 --> 01:24:55,666
- No, I'm not surprised.
- Nope.
1419
01:24:55,750 --> 01:24:56,833
- You surprised?
- No.
1420
01:24:57,583 --> 01:25:02,291
But Hubie uses big words,
and they come out so natural for him.
1421
01:25:02,375 --> 01:25:03,750
It pisses me off.
1422
01:25:04,250 --> 01:25:05,708
Oh, 'cause of the dumb thing.
1423
01:25:06,583 --> 01:25:09,083
My brother-in-law
once said that I had no ambition.
1424
01:25:10,416 --> 01:25:12,583
And then he bit me,
and I became a werewolf.
1425
01:25:16,083 --> 01:25:16,916
You see?
1426
01:25:17,708 --> 01:25:21,500
Hubie's smart,
has nice hair, and sex hope.
1427
01:25:22,166 --> 01:25:23,000
But to me,
1428
01:25:23,666 --> 01:25:25,708
his best quality is this.
1429
01:25:25,791 --> 01:25:30,333
He can weather all of your insults
and your thrown objects,
1430
01:25:30,416 --> 01:25:34,333
and he responds with humor
and... and kindness.
1431
01:25:34,958 --> 01:25:36,291
Could you say the same?
1432
01:25:36,375 --> 01:25:40,875
Could any of you take
the abuse you dish out to my Hubie?
1433
01:25:42,791 --> 01:25:46,166
I busted a guy for DWI last week, and, uh...
1434
01:25:46,958 --> 01:25:50,458
he said it was an honor
to be arrested by a Muppet.
1435
01:25:51,916 --> 01:25:53,500
I acted like I didn't hear him.
1436
01:25:54,416 --> 01:25:57,000
But then I cried in my squad car
for about half an hour.
1437
01:25:57,375 --> 01:26:01,375
You see, Hubie. True bravery's being kind.
1438
01:26:01,833 --> 01:26:04,458
Even to those who are being cruel to you.
1439
01:26:05,166 --> 01:26:07,250
I just always wanted
to be as nice as you, Mom.
1440
01:26:07,333 --> 01:26:08,625
Oh, you were nicer.
1441
01:26:09,333 --> 01:26:13,958
But now I know that you're ready
to spread your wings and fly without me.
1442
01:26:14,041 --> 01:26:16,416
You don't have to be scared anymore.
1443
01:26:17,000 --> 01:26:18,458
I'm feeling emotional.
1444
01:26:18,541 --> 01:26:20,583
- And a little horny.
- Ooh!
1445
01:26:20,666 --> 01:26:22,000
- Not for you.
- Oh.
1446
01:26:22,083 --> 01:26:25,166
Just know that I'll always love you.
1447
01:26:25,250 --> 01:26:26,791
And happy Halloween.
1448
01:26:27,541 --> 01:26:28,833
Frankenstein!
1449
01:26:28,916 --> 01:26:30,000
Where?
1450
01:26:37,875 --> 01:26:39,458
We fell for that twice in one night.
1451
01:26:39,541 --> 01:26:41,583
We gotta try that
with the orderlies when we get back.
1452
01:26:41,666 --> 01:26:43,208
- Okay.
- It's such a...
1453
01:26:43,833 --> 01:26:44,666
Hubie!
1454
01:26:45,333 --> 01:26:47,500
The blood. It's going to my...
1455
01:26:53,333 --> 01:26:54,833
Happy Halloween.
1456
01:26:55,833 --> 01:26:57,541
One thing I still don't get.
1457
01:26:57,625 --> 01:26:59,833
Why did his mom
have to kill Peanut the pig?
1458
01:27:00,875 --> 01:27:04,000
That was me, actually.
I had a case of the late-night munchies.
1459
01:27:04,458 --> 01:27:06,958
All right, we gotta get these guys
back to the mental institution.
1460
01:27:07,041 --> 01:27:10,000
This has been a magical night
in Salem, Massachusetts.
1461
01:27:10,083 --> 01:27:13,000
- Excuse me. May I say something?
- Yes. Please, go ahead.
1462
01:27:13,083 --> 01:27:13,916
Hubie.
1463
01:27:14,000 --> 01:27:18,541
I just wanna say happy Halloween
to everybody in Salem.
1464
01:27:19,458 --> 01:27:21,833
Also, happy Valentine's Day.
1465
01:27:22,875 --> 01:27:24,750
I'm talking to you, Violet Valentine.
1466
01:27:26,041 --> 01:27:26,875
Also...
1467
01:27:27,625 --> 01:27:30,083
I just broke up
with my Canadian girlfriend.
1468
01:27:30,166 --> 01:27:31,458
So, I am available.
1469
01:27:31,541 --> 01:27:34,041
- Oh, my God.
- Miss Valentine, this is for you.
1470
01:27:40,291 --> 01:27:42,041
Hubie, do be mine.
1471
01:27:49,416 --> 01:27:50,541
Yummy.
1472
01:27:50,625 --> 01:27:52,333
Muah! Muah!
1473
01:27:58,208 --> 01:28:00,458
Can you guys stop kissing
and check out our costumes?
1474
01:28:00,541 --> 01:28:01,833
Yes, of course. Come on.
1475
01:28:01,916 --> 01:28:05,833
- Show us what you've got.
- Please. Let's see it. Oh, my God.
1476
01:28:05,916 --> 01:28:09,000
Oh, well, look at this.
I cannot believe we have this.
1477
01:28:09,541 --> 01:28:12,791
Father Dave.
My childhood friend, Richie Hartman.
1478
01:28:12,875 --> 01:28:14,375
- Is that Officer Steve?
- Yeah.
1479
01:28:14,458 --> 01:28:16,916
And the one and only Mr. Walter Lambert.
1480
01:28:19,416 --> 01:28:20,541
How did you do this?
1481
01:28:22,000 --> 01:28:25,083
Terrific costumes, guys.
Especially yours, Cooky.
1482
01:28:25,166 --> 01:28:27,458
I like it.
What are you? A Muppet, right?
1483
01:28:27,541 --> 01:28:28,791
Yeah, sure.
1484
01:28:29,375 --> 01:28:33,625
- Our kids are so creative.
- They are amazing. Mmm!
1485
01:28:33,708 --> 01:28:35,458
You never kissed me like that, Violet.
1486
01:28:36,125 --> 01:28:36,958
I know.
1487
01:28:37,041 --> 01:28:39,708
- Yeah, well...
- Dad, don't forget your sash.
1488
01:28:39,791 --> 01:28:41,958
Okay, yes. Would you put it on me, please?
That's right.
1489
01:28:42,041 --> 01:28:44,166
Thank you, Danielle and everybody.
1490
01:28:44,250 --> 01:28:47,250
I'll see you at the apple-bobbing contest
at ten o'clock tonight.
1491
01:28:47,333 --> 01:28:50,416
Oh, and you two. You guys
are gonna be hittin' the parties later,
1492
01:28:50,500 --> 01:28:52,416
so I made these for you.
1493
01:28:52,500 --> 01:28:55,375
That's some matzo ball soup,
also with a flare gun.
1494
01:29:03,458 --> 01:29:05,125
You suck!
1495
01:29:05,875 --> 01:29:07,166
Sorry about that!
1496
01:29:08,625 --> 01:29:10,125
- Thanks, Dad.
- Yeah, of course.
1497
01:29:10,208 --> 01:29:12,916
And this is chicken gumbo
with a hair dryer.
1498
01:29:16,750 --> 01:29:19,208
Wow, that is badass.
1499
01:29:20,000 --> 01:29:21,750
All right, guys.
Take care. I'll miss you.
1500
01:29:21,833 --> 01:29:24,833
Mr. Mayor Dubois, let's get you downtown.
1501
01:29:24,916 --> 01:29:26,541
- Bye!
- Love you, Daddy!
1502
01:29:26,625 --> 01:29:29,125
Bye! We love you. We'll see you later!
1503
01:29:29,208 --> 01:29:31,250
Bye, guys! Bye-bye!
1504
01:29:37,583 --> 01:29:38,500
Hey, Hubie!
1505
01:29:39,291 --> 01:29:40,208
You're the man!
1506
01:29:40,291 --> 01:29:43,500
Thanks. I learned it all from my mother,
who's right behind you.
1507
01:29:43,583 --> 01:29:45,666
Got you, O'Doyle!
1508
01:29:45,750 --> 01:29:47,583
Happy Halloween!
1509
01:29:48,291 --> 01:29:51,791
Happy Halloween to all!
And to all, a good fright!
1510
01:29:52,291 --> 01:29:55,166
And so,
another Halloween has come to Salem.
1511
01:29:55,250 --> 01:29:57,541
So, you best take the advice
of our beloved Mayor
1512
01:29:57,625 --> 01:30:02,083
and frequent caller, Hubie Dubois.
And have a safe and fun time.
1513
01:30:02,166 --> 01:30:03,833
Hang on, baby.
1514
01:30:03,916 --> 01:30:05,833
Got some spaghetti and meatballs for ya.
1515
01:30:05,916 --> 01:30:08,375
Okay. Let's Lady and the Tramp that shit.
1516
01:30:18,958 --> 01:30:20,125
Murder!
1517
01:30:32,208 --> 01:30:34,583
What are we screaming at?
1518
01:30:37,458 --> 01:30:38,708
Last one. Sorry.
1519
01:30:41,958 --> 01:30:42,791
What are you?
1520
01:30:52,500 --> 01:30:54,583
Who are you?
1521
01:30:58,208 --> 01:31:01,791
What are you?
1522
01:31:08,250 --> 01:31:10,000
Boo!
1523
01:31:15,458 --> 01:31:18,166
Help me!
1524
01:31:19,458 --> 01:31:22,291
When I was a kid, I used to build
a tower with all my candy.
1525
01:31:22,375 --> 01:31:25,458
And all the candy I used
before the collapsing of...
1526
01:31:30,208 --> 01:31:31,291
Help me!
1527
01:31:33,083 --> 01:31:34,958
Now you're all in big, big trouble.
1528
01:31:35,500 --> 01:31:37,000
Oh, sorry!
1529
01:31:38,250 --> 01:31:40,166
That's you in a nutshell, Hubie.
1530
01:31:47,875 --> 01:31:50,500
Here's some Happy Halloween word searches
I printed out.
1531
01:31:59,208 --> 01:32:01,458
- That... that was... that was...
- Ah...
1532
01:32:05,375 --> 01:32:06,375
No!
1533
01:32:12,750 --> 01:32:14,125
That's a good roommate.
1534
01:32:17,500 --> 01:32:18,916
Hubie Dubois!
1535
01:32:20,375 --> 01:32:25,041
- This is Hubie Dubois.
- Hubie, I'm standing right behind you.
1536
01:32:38,416 --> 01:32:39,416
Yes!
1537
01:32:40,750 --> 01:32:42,166
And... action!
1538
01:32:42,250 --> 01:32:43,250
Freeze, Mrs. Dubois!
1539
01:32:43,875 --> 01:32:45,291
Hold your fire until my command.
1540
01:32:45,375 --> 01:32:46,708
- Shut up!
- Shut it!
1541
01:32:52,416 --> 01:32:53,625
Whoo-hoo!
1542
01:32:56,083 --> 01:32:57,791
What the hell are you doing?
1543
01:32:59,791 --> 01:33:00,875
Did that turn you on?
1544
01:33:00,958 --> 01:33:02,875
What is it supposed to be? Little penises?
1545
01:33:14,375 --> 01:33:17,750
Boo!
1546
01:33:17,833 --> 01:33:20,125
Smell my feet.
1547
01:33:20,208 --> 01:33:21,041
Smell...
1548
01:33:22,083 --> 01:33:22,916
Smell...
1549
01:33:23,000 --> 01:33:24,125
Shmell...
1550
01:33:24,208 --> 01:33:25,583
- Smell my feet.
- Really?
1551
01:33:25,666 --> 01:33:26,708
Smell my feet.
1552
01:33:33,333 --> 01:33:35,708
Oh, whoa. Ho ho!
1553
01:33:39,875 --> 01:33:42,958
Yeah.
No, it was fun throwing hot dogs at him.
1554
01:33:43,708 --> 01:33:44,750
Pubie!
1555
01:33:47,916 --> 01:33:49,875
We gonna eat Peanut tonight.
1556
01:33:49,958 --> 01:33:52,416
- He was my...
- You be quiet, too. You next.
1557
01:33:57,041 --> 01:33:58,625
Oh, dope.
1558
01:34:03,875 --> 01:34:05,375
And... action!
1559
01:34:07,583 --> 01:34:10,458
No! No! No! No!
1560
01:34:10,541 --> 01:34:11,625
Hubie!
1561
01:34:13,208 --> 01:34:15,708
Not cool! Not cool! Not cool!