1 00:00:05,547 --> 00:00:05,714 . 2 00:00:05,755 --> 00:00:06,131 - We did it! 3 00:00:07,215 --> 00:00:08,717 A year ago, 4 00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:11,928 we said we were gonna tackle L.A's traffic problems. 5 00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:14,514 And today we now have completed 6 00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:17,350 citywide, dedicated bus lanes. 7 00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:18,685 - What do we want? Bus lanes! 8 00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:20,562 When do we want them? We got 'em. 9 00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:23,064 - Now I could rest on my laurels, 10 00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:26,359 but I'm not a rest-on-my-laurels guy. 11 00:00:26,401 --> 00:00:28,653 And I know that like this bus lane 12 00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:31,948 that currently ends in Burbank, we can go further. 13 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:36,453 California is the innovation capital of the world-- 14 00:00:36,494 --> 00:00:38,246 the iPhone, Disneyland, 15 00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:40,874 the Ryan Murphy Cinematic Universe. 16 00:00:40,915 --> 00:00:43,335 These are all homegrown ideas. 17 00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:45,462 So I have hand-picked a new team 18 00:00:45,503 --> 00:00:47,672 of California's sharpest minds 19 00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:50,717 to form the Mayor's Office of Innovation. 20 00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,927 [cheers and applause] 21 00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:56,056 Housing, jobs, health, tourism-- 22 00:00:56,097 --> 00:00:58,933 let's get innovative, L.A. 23 00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:01,144 [upbeat music] 24 00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:05,023 Get out of my dreams and onto that bus. 25 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:08,443 [tires screeching] 26 00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:11,905 Those passengers are gonna be on the beach 27 00:01:11,946 --> 00:01:13,073 in seven minutes. 28 00:01:13,114 --> 00:01:14,366 - That's too fast! 29 00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:17,577 [bright music] 30 00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:23,792 * * 31 00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:27,671 - Have you sussed out these innovation consultants yet? 32 00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:30,173 Some of these guys have necks and chins. 33 00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:32,217 Oh, God. Is that how low my bar is? 34 00:01:32,258 --> 00:01:34,344 - Yes, and none of them have any old tweets 35 00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:36,388 with the words [bleep], [bleep], or [bleep] in them, 36 00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:37,722 which is how low my bar is. 37 00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:39,599 Finally, some Gen Z energy in this place. 38 00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:40,934 - For real. 39 00:01:40,975 --> 00:01:42,268 You know how I had to beg Neil to stop setting up 40 00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:43,937 conference calls and use Slack. 41 00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:45,772 He still calls it "Slacks." 42 00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:48,358 And he calls pants "trousers," and what are "dungarees"? 43 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:49,442 - I mean, after a certain age, 44 00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:50,819 the human brain just can't learn. 45 00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:52,404 No offense, Arpi. - I just can't believe 46 00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:54,447 you're excited that these people are gonna come in 47 00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:56,116 and tell us how to innovate. 48 00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:57,617 We innovate. 49 00:01:57,659 --> 00:02:00,286 This was like bringing in a poop-throwing consultant 50 00:02:00,328 --> 00:02:01,579 to teach the chimps. 51 00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:03,164 This expert comes in for a month 52 00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:04,708 and he's gonna be like, 53 00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:06,459 "What if you threw some so it sticks to the glass?" 54 00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:08,628 Oh, thanks. We never thought of that. 55 00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:10,338 - You know, I was recruited by some consulting firms 56 00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:12,632 out of law school, but I was like, no. 57 00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:15,135 I want to be a part of American democracy...ending. 58 00:02:15,176 --> 00:02:17,554 - Ah, this guy is wearing an MIT sweatshirt 59 00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:20,306 with the arms cut off and he's pulling it off. 60 00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:22,142 - New best friends! 61 00:02:22,183 --> 00:02:23,309 - New boyfriend! - New best friends! 62 00:02:23,351 --> 00:02:25,228 - New boyfriend! - New best friends! 63 00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:26,312 - New boyfriend! - New best friends! 64 00:02:26,354 --> 00:02:28,898 [soft xylophone music] - Oh! 65 00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:31,985 Now this is a presentation. 66 00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:33,903 - Put these on. 67 00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:37,323 * * 68 00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:39,576 At Impactium Consulting, 69 00:02:39,617 --> 00:02:41,911 we believe in dreaming bigger, living larger... 70 00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:44,914 - What is that? - And soaring higher. 71 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:46,791 - [grunting] No! Ah! 72 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:47,834 He's got me in his beak! 73 00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:51,087 [yelping] 74 00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:54,924 - Welcome, everyone. You can take your headsets off. 75 00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:56,343 - [laughing] Look at-- 76 00:02:56,384 --> 00:02:58,762 oh, that's amazing! 77 00:02:58,803 --> 00:03:01,097 What are you doing, man? Get up off the floor. 78 00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:03,308 - I didn't-- - Hi, I'm James. 79 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:05,518 And this is the I-Team. 80 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:09,481 - And we're so excited to get started. 81 00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:11,524 - I hope you all enjoyed hang gliding over Los Angeles. 82 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:14,277 Now did any of you notice Ellen DeGeneres 83 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:15,945 smiling at the top of Runyon? 84 00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:18,698 That was added digitally-- the smile, I mean. 85 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,533 - My video was a velociraptor. 86 00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:21,993 - You must've pressed the wrong button. 87 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,079 - James, James, what are we gonna start with? 88 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:26,039 Driverless cars? Tacos that travel? 89 00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:27,457 Come on, let's disrupt. 90 00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:28,917 - Absolutely, Mr. Mayor, 91 00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:31,878 but we've learned that innovation starts from within. 92 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,589 So the first thing we'll do is just spend the day 93 00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,925 shadowing the staff, watching how you do things. 94 00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:38,677 - Right 'cause you've been here for an hour, 95 00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:40,261 so you'd know what we're doing wrong. 96 00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:41,262 - Well, you know, we really just want 97 00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:42,889 to get a feel for the place. 98 00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:46,601 - Hey, man, would you mind just standing back over there? 99 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:48,603 For example, I would love to know 100 00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:50,689 who's got you guys using Slack, 101 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:53,566 'cause that application is garbage. 102 00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:55,652 I mean, we were all just laughing about it earlier. 103 00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:58,530 - Thank you. I hate Slacks. 104 00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:00,448 - Could we watch the video again, 105 00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:02,909 so I can see the nice one as a palate cleanser? 106 00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:05,453 - Would that be the best use of your time? 107 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,748 - Yes. 108 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:11,584 - They're gonna evaluate us? - I warned you. 109 00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:14,170 These guys are just greasy corporate vampires. 110 00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:15,338 - Which in a book would be sexy. 111 00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:16,923 - I for one will not be participating 112 00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:18,633 in this brain suckery. 113 00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,176 - And why wouldn't they let me stand with them? 114 00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:21,845 Who do they think they are? My college a cappella group? 115 00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:23,805 - You folks ready to get started? 116 00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,099 Ms. Meskimen, this is Noah. He'll be shadowing you. 117 00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:28,309 - Okay. 118 00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:29,936 Let's go, Jokeshow. 119 00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:32,856 [upbeat music] 120 00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:35,734 - My body's teeming with creative juices. 121 00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:37,402 What are we gonna do today, James? 122 00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:39,112 - We are gonna move fast and break things, sir. 123 00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:40,989 - Ha! I like that. 124 00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:42,490 Yeah, that's catchy. 125 00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:44,743 I'm gonna text that to myself before I forget it. 126 00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,286 - Now we've got some special things 127 00:04:46,327 --> 00:04:47,662 set up for you, Mr. Mayor, 128 00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:49,789 we are going to evaluate your leadership style 129 00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:52,792 by having you virtually sail a yacht around Tierra del Fuego. 130 00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:54,085 - Hot damn. 131 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,962 - And then in the afternoon, we're gonna set up 132 00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:58,590 one of those military glass tables that shows a map of L.A. 133 00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,425 - And will that be interactive? 134 00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:01,593 - You will get to draw on it. Yes. 135 00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:04,596 - So cool. I call green. 136 00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:08,099 Oh, hey. James--wait a minute. 137 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:11,019 Is this my daughter or one of your holograms? 138 00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:12,771 [chuckles] - Dad, ow. 139 00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,439 - I'm sorry. 140 00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,483 - Are you ready? We're kind of already late. 141 00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:17,525 - For what, honey? 142 00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:19,569 - You're taking me to the DMV today 143 00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:20,528 for my permit test. 144 00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:22,072 - Is that today? 145 00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:24,657 - Dad, I literally reminded you about it this morning. 146 00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:26,326 - Can't you do it on your phone or something? 147 00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:27,827 - No, you have to go in person. 148 00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:29,829 - All right, I see there's a government office 149 00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:31,664 that could use some innovating, am I right? 150 00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:33,625 - Oh, I wouldn't know, sir. I hoverboard everywhere. 151 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,461 - [laughs] Of course you do. 152 00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:37,754 Does this absolutely have to be done today? 153 00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:39,714 - I made this appointment months ago. 154 00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:43,426 And their website is black text on a blue screen, okay? 155 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:44,803 I can't go through that again. 156 00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,137 - I have people-- - Don't bail on me. 157 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,640 I went with you to your emergency colonoscopy 158 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:49,974 after you slipped on the Peloton. 159 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:53,561 - Hey, you know, James doesn't need to know that. 160 00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:58,024 Oh, shoot. Sorry about this, James. 161 00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:01,277 I, um-- I will be back ASAP Rocky. 162 00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:02,654 - Dad, that is a person. 163 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:05,323 - I know that. I was trying something out. 164 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,950 - How would you describe your job? 165 00:06:06,991 --> 00:06:09,369 - I wouldn't, Noah. I'm too busy doing it. 166 00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:11,037 Now try to keep up with me. 167 00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:12,997 'Cause if there's one thing you need to know about me 168 00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,000 and how I operate, it's-- 169 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,255 - Ms. Meskimen? 170 00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:22,132 There's no door back here. 171 00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:23,800 * * 172 00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:26,720 - Okay, so low beams in fog. 173 00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:29,222 - Oh, jeez. Where did you come from? 174 00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:31,641 - A vent. I'm like a mouse. 175 00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:34,686 If my skull fits, the rest of my body fits. 176 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,229 Are you evading your observer too? 177 00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:37,439 - No, no. 178 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:40,150 I'm taking Orly to the DMV. - Huh. 179 00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:42,652 Dad, it says here you can't drive on the beach 180 00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:44,779 just because you're late for golf. 181 00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:46,614 - Well, they've changed that then. 182 00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:48,408 You know, it wouldn't kill you, Arpi, 183 00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:49,951 to engage with that I-Team kid. 184 00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:51,536 It's costing us a lot of money. 185 00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:54,289 - That argument didn't get me to try lobster mac and cheese. 186 00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:55,540 It's not gonna work here. 187 00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:56,750 - What floor are you getting off on? 188 00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:59,127 - I think I'll tag along with you. 189 00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:02,589 You'll never find me, Noah! 190 00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:04,507 - Hey, do you mind if I observe you? 191 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,926 - That works for me, since as chief of staff, 192 00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,887 I technically need to be observing you 193 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,513 because your work is my purview. 194 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:12,849 So yes, this is convenient for me. 195 00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:14,768 I would like you to sit, please. 196 00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:15,977 - Yeah, just pretend I'm not here. 197 00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:17,896 - Okay, and you pretend like I'm not here. 198 00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,606 I have a lot of work to do, you know, 199 00:07:19,647 --> 00:07:21,483 running America's largest city. 200 00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:23,151 - New York is America's largest city. 201 00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:25,153 - Not if I do my job right. 202 00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:27,113 - Okay. 203 00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:30,283 Is that a puffy Pusheen cat sticker on a government laptop? 204 00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:32,535 - I feel like you should be able to use context clues 205 00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:33,703 to answer that yourself. 206 00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:35,580 Next you'll be asking me, 207 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:36,956 "Is she sitting on a hamburger?" 208 00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:37,999 Yes, James. 209 00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:39,167 Pusheen is sitting on a hamburger. 210 00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:41,294 [chuckles] I'm a busy professional, okay? 211 00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:43,672 I don't have time to spoon-feed you these answers. 212 00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:47,342 - [snickers] 213 00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:51,179 I'm not used to people watching me while I work. 214 00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:52,597 Oh. 215 00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,307 [high-pitched voice] Crumbs in the keyboard? 216 00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:57,268 Nodda so good. [giggles] 217 00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:00,897 Wow, that was actually a really cool new voice, Jayden. 218 00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:04,234 Okay, that's just making the crumbs go in. 219 00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:10,407 [inhaling sharply] 220 00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:12,701 Mouth vacuum is working. 221 00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:14,619 [inhales sharply] 222 00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:16,996 Innovation. 223 00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,289 Wink. 224 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,417 - Yeah, I thought about going into consulting, 225 00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:22,085 but ultimately went another way. 226 00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:24,337 God bless the broken road, you know? 227 00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:25,422 Rascal Flatts. 228 00:08:25,463 --> 00:08:26,631 - What is your exact title? 229 00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:29,175 - Oh, I am the mayor's chief strategist. 230 00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:31,761 Before this, I was doing social media for the RNC. 231 00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:33,346 I was the one who got them on Pinterest. 232 00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:35,932 Before that, I worked to put myself through Georgetown 233 00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:38,518 while maintaining a 3.8 "virginity." 234 00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:41,229 - Next. [soft indistinct chatter] 235 00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:44,024 - Ugh, this is taking forever. - Yeah, tell me about it. 236 00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:46,401 I'm missing my first lunch with the I-Team. 237 00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:48,903 They were gonna make a toast with a bottle of champagne 238 00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,947 that went up to space and back. 239 00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,240 - Why? 240 00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:54,617 - Oh, that's it. Yeah. I'm gonna find a manager. 241 00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:57,203 - Sir, I know you're not going to cut the line. 242 00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:58,455 - Arpi, I'm the mayor. 243 00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:00,832 My time needs to be used efficiently, right? 244 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:04,502 - So you're saying you're more important than this man? 245 00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,296 What do you do, sir? 246 00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:07,505 - I do lighting for pornos. 247 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:08,882 - Thank you for your service. 248 00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:11,676 - Arpi, I am sure that my fellow Angelenos 249 00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:14,012 want to see their mayor get back to work, right? 250 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,889 - Boo! - Absolutely not! 251 00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:17,807 - Okay, all right. Relax. - Oh, my God, Dad. Stop. 252 00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:19,225 - Get back in the line, Slenderman! 253 00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:20,810 - Okay, okay. 254 00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:22,771 - Hey, and when is your administration gonna do 255 00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:25,565 something about non-union hidden toilet cams? 256 00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:31,237 . 257 00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:31,905 [mellow quirky music] 258 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,450 - God, this guy in the front is taking forever. 259 00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:38,036 Why is everything in my life always so hard? 260 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:42,082 - Okay, BTS performed at your birthday, but yeah, sure. 261 00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:43,917 - Next. - Yes, it's my turn. 262 00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:44,876 - Go get 'em. - Oh, thank God. 263 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:45,919 - We'll be right here. 264 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,296 - Knock 'em dead, sweetheart. 265 00:09:55,178 --> 00:09:56,846 Is there something you need from me, Arpi? 266 00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:58,306 - I need you to explain to me 267 00:09:58,348 --> 00:09:59,974 why you think our administration 268 00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:02,977 needs outside help from a bunch of Boss Babies. 269 00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:04,979 - Because if there's anything I've learned 270 00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:06,398 after a year in government, 271 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,775 it's that we should do everything differently. 272 00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:11,695 - Hey, man, I'm your most progressive progressive. 273 00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:14,322 America Ferrera told me to settle down 274 00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:15,532 at the Women's March. 275 00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:16,658 - Give me a break. 276 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,451 - What does that mean? Give me a break? 277 00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:19,953 - You say you're progressive, 278 00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:22,497 but what do you do every time I have a cool idea? 279 00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:24,165 "We tried that in '86, sir." 280 00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:26,251 "They're not fiscally sound, sir." 281 00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,920 "How about instead of sushi drones, 282 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,965 you know, we get pregnant women healthcare?" 283 00:10:32,007 --> 00:10:34,926 You are as rigid as any Republican 284 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,219 I have ever yachted with. 285 00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:39,139 - How dare you use yacht as a verb. 286 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,516 - Do you think that I'm actually proud 287 00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:43,184 of that stupid bus lane? 288 00:10:43,226 --> 00:10:45,270 You think I want that as my legacy? 289 00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:48,523 I'm 73 years old, Arpi. I don't have time to waste. 290 00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:50,358 - Then let me help you. 291 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,110 I've been doing this for 30 years. 292 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,154 You think these guys can figure it out in a month? 293 00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,281 You see, let those kids go, 294 00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,741 and you, me, 295 00:10:57,782 --> 00:11:00,618 City Council President Kawachi, and Comptroller Pedrad 296 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:04,289 sit down and have a long, less than $8 per person lunch 297 00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:07,625 where we explain to you again how a bill becomes a law. 298 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,545 - Arpi, move fast and break things. 299 00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:12,130 That's how we're doing it now. 300 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,214 - No. 301 00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,050 No, no, no! This cannot be happening. 302 00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:16,885 - What? - I failed my test. 303 00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:18,720 - But you were so well-prepared. 304 00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:19,971 - It's so unfair. 305 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,222 I mean, the question was true or false, 306 00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:22,974 you should pump your brakes in an ice storm, 307 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,769 but the manual says you do pump for regular, 308 00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:27,937 but you don't pump for antilock brakes, 309 00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:29,898 which means it's true and false. 310 00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:31,483 - Well, how about that? Yeah. 311 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:34,611 Yeah, the test doesn't line up with the manual, Arpi. 312 00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:36,988 - Yeah, and I can't retake it for seven days. 313 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:39,449 - Of course you can't. Hey, way to go, government. 314 00:11:39,491 --> 00:11:42,494 Yeah, nice use of all of our time. 315 00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,662 Am I right? Yeah. 316 00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,874 Yeah, instead of being able to onboard our new coworkers, 317 00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:49,334 we all got to sit around 318 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,753 and watch that guy eat yogurt with only his tongue. 319 00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:53,588 - I'm not sure about spoons. 320 00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,173 The science isn't there yet. 321 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,591 - Perfect! 322 00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:59,719 I hope we all flashback to this day on our deathbed. 323 00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:01,262 - How many miles of dental floss 324 00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:03,139 do you think Americans use in a year? 325 00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:05,016 - [chuckles] Okay. 326 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,476 This is one of those consultant questions 327 00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:09,104 that you ask to see my thought process. 328 00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:11,606 Love this. Thank you for the opportunity. 329 00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:13,775 Let's find out. 330 00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:15,610 328 million Americans, 331 00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:18,154 and not counting babies, the elderly, methheads, 332 00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:20,281 and celebrities who haven't had their veneers attached yet 333 00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:22,283 so they still just have those weird little vampire nubs. 334 00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:24,786 About 40% of us have contiguous teeth. 335 00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:27,664 That's 131 million mouths. 336 00:12:27,706 --> 00:12:30,041 Each container of floss holds 12 to 18 yards. 337 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,459 You know I could have been you, right? 338 00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:34,462 You're not better than me. [softly] Take me with you. 339 00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:36,798 - Look, I know this process is annoying, 340 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,091 and obviously you're gonna be fine. 341 00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:40,552 - Oh, I know. But also what does that mean? 342 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,971 - Well, part of what we do when we start at a new place 343 00:12:43,013 --> 00:12:44,556 is we look for dead weight. 344 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,141 - You fire people? 345 00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:48,727 - We make recommendations to, usually. 346 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,812 You know, it makes the remaining staff feel chosen, 347 00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:52,022 but also a little off-balance 348 00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,732 in a way that increases productivity. 349 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,650 - [scoffs] That's disgusting. 350 00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:59,612 - Yeah, but you have nothing to worry about. 351 00:12:59,654 --> 00:13:00,905 If anyone should be nervous, 352 00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,490 it's the guy who failed the welcome video. 353 00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:03,700 - [distorted voice] Beep, boop, beep. 354 00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:07,162 I am a government-powered robot. 355 00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:10,165 Oh, no, my beard is stuck. 356 00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:12,334 Please help the robot. 357 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:13,501 - Of course they want to fire Jayden. 358 00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:15,628 I mean, we wanted to fire Jayden until he-- 359 00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:17,213 wait, what made us not want to fire him? 360 00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:18,798 - I think he Mrs. Doubtfire-d us. 361 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:19,966 I can't remember. 362 00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:21,551 It doesn't matter. I run this place. 363 00:13:21,593 --> 00:13:22,802 - We do. We totally do. 364 00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:25,013 - And these B-school Scott Disicks, 365 00:13:25,055 --> 00:13:26,181 they don't get to just come in here 366 00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:28,183 and tell us how to do our jobs. 367 00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:30,143 - Hey, how's it going, buddy? 368 00:13:30,185 --> 00:13:33,563 Those consultant guys can be a little scary, right? 369 00:13:33,605 --> 00:13:35,273 - No. I'm not scared of them at all. 370 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,858 In fact, I think Milo and I 371 00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:39,861 are gonna be friends with benefits 372 00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:41,696 'cause his complex has a pool. 373 00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:42,989 - Okay, well, 374 00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:45,367 something that I'm doing to make friends with them 375 00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:47,202 is I tell them every important thing 376 00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:48,495 that I do around the office. 377 00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,455 Sometimes I even stretch the truth a little bit 378 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,248 to make myself sound more important. 379 00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:55,251 - Is that why you always do that? 380 00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:59,172 - Uh, Jayden, how many miles of dental floss 381 00:13:59,214 --> 00:14:00,423 do you think that Americans use in a year? 382 00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:02,217 - Eight. - Don't blurt it out so fast! 383 00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:04,386 Just think for a hot sec. 384 00:14:04,427 --> 00:14:06,721 And maybe don't have a blue tongue this afternoon. 385 00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:10,517 It just might be too cool for a work meeting. 386 00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:12,394 - No, it's always better to be yourself. 387 00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,062 It's like earlier when I couldn't get the printer 388 00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:16,106 to work, I let Milo see me cry 389 00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:19,442 because my emotions are most of who I am. 390 00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:24,322 - He'll find a new job, right? Maybe Disneyland needs a LeFou. 391 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,907 - No, we have to help him. 392 00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:27,909 - No, it's the velociraptors again! 393 00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:29,077 Oh, no-- 394 00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:33,665 . 395 00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:34,749 - So there's nothing you can do as mayor 396 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:36,960 to get me another test? 397 00:14:37,002 --> 00:14:38,461 I told everyone I could do the driving shots for the movie 398 00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:40,255 we're making in Spanish class. 399 00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:42,924 It's a modern "Don Quixote" where horses are cars. 400 00:14:42,966 --> 00:14:45,343 - Honey, the DMV is run by the state, 401 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,637 or believe me, I would have my new guys all over it. 402 00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:50,140 - [high-pitched] "My new guys. I love them so much!" 403 00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:51,641 That's a cool new voice, Arpi. 404 00:14:51,683 --> 00:14:55,103 - I seriously can't retake the test for seven days? 405 00:14:55,145 --> 00:14:57,063 Why? - Who knows? 406 00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:58,565 You know, there's probably some archaic rule 407 00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:01,484 from when children had to stay home and help on the farm. 408 00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:03,737 - Actually, its origins are in voter suppression, 409 00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:07,157 but I know there's a complainulate.org petition 410 00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:08,533 to change it. 411 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,160 - Oh, honey, just please let Dan take you home. 412 00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:11,661 I gotta get back in there. 413 00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:13,830 The guys are gonna show me how to make a soap dish 414 00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:15,331 with a 3D printer. 415 00:15:15,373 --> 00:15:17,000 - Anyone can make a soap dish. 416 00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:18,710 All you need is a Leatherman Rebar 417 00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:19,836 and a chunk of olive wood. 418 00:15:19,878 --> 00:15:21,838 - What's your point? 419 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:26,259 - Anything the I-Team can do, I can do better. 420 00:15:26,301 --> 00:15:27,886 - Well then, do it, Arpi. 421 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,347 I'm so glad these kids have lit a fire under you. 422 00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:33,808 I can't wait to see all your sparkling achievements. 423 00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:39,814 - You wanna move fast and break some things? 424 00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:41,024 - I'm Jayden Kwapis. 425 00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:42,525 I'm the mayor's director of communications 426 00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:44,361 or "comms director," if you nasty. 427 00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:46,905 - Oof, that's his second Janet Jackson reference. 428 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,406 - Third. You were on the phone 429 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:49,866 when he tried to do the "Rhythm Nation" countdown 430 00:15:49,908 --> 00:15:52,202 and accidentally gave the bird. 431 00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:53,787 - Oh, no. I can't let this happen. 432 00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:57,415 Okay, Operation "Jayden Rescue" is a go. 433 00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:59,209 - Oh, no. Mikaela choked on her Midol. 434 00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:00,919 Jayden, you're the office Safety Marshal. 435 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,296 Save her. - Oh, okay, the Heimlich. 436 00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:04,839 No, I am not allowed to touch her. 437 00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:07,217 She made that very clear. 438 00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:08,385 Stop staring! 439 00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:11,763 Do something, Leslie! Please! 440 00:16:11,805 --> 00:16:13,848 - [stammering] I got it. 441 00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,433 - Oh! Oh, okay, I'm-- 442 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:16,643 Okay, I'm good. I swallowed it. 443 00:16:16,685 --> 00:16:18,269 - Okay, we did it. 444 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:19,646 Teamwork makes the dream work. 445 00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:20,814 Broom-five! 446 00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,273 - Okay, uh, James, 447 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:25,068 I need to see you in my office right now. 448 00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:27,070 - I don't normally hit women. 449 00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:29,030 - Okay. 450 00:16:29,072 --> 00:16:30,198 You can go ahead and tell the mayor 451 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:31,491 that we should fire Jayden, 452 00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:33,576 but I'm not gonna let that happen. 453 00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:36,287 - Fine, you can keep Jayden, but are you also gonna fight me 454 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,415 on the dude with a sugar glider in his desk? 455 00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:41,084 - If you mean Leslie and Deputy Zoomer, 456 00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:42,752 it's a service sugar glider. 457 00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:45,005 Because it's the only thing keeping him from killing us. 458 00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:47,924 So yeah, I'm gonna fight you on all your proposals. 459 00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:50,051 - Okay, well, we can't really affect change 460 00:16:50,093 --> 00:16:52,387 in a place that refuses to change. 461 00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:54,431 So what do you suggest we do here? 462 00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:55,640 - I don't know, James. 463 00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,934 Maybe do like my last Bumble date. 464 00:16:57,976 --> 00:17:00,854 I go to the bathroom. You leave while I'm in there. 465 00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:04,482 * * 466 00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:08,445 - You know I was the first guy in Bel Air to have Wi-Fi. 467 00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:11,322 You'd get a disc from AOL, 468 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,742 and then if somebody else wanted to use the phone, 469 00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:15,326 they could not. 470 00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,871 - Arpi got me my permit. 471 00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:19,581 - I'm sorry. She what? 472 00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:21,458 - I took your request to heart, sir. 473 00:17:21,499 --> 00:17:23,293 We gotta start getting things done around here-- 474 00:17:23,335 --> 00:17:25,795 not let the bureaucracy stop us. 475 00:17:25,837 --> 00:17:27,422 So I found a loophole. 476 00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:30,425 You cannot take the same permit test twice in one day, 477 00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:33,178 but you can test for another class of license. 478 00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:34,637 - At 16? 479 00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:37,640 - There's an age waiver for agricultural families, 480 00:17:37,682 --> 00:17:38,892 and technically your Bel Air yard 481 00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:41,394 is large enough to be considered a sod farm. 482 00:17:41,436 --> 00:17:43,104 - I got a class A permit. 483 00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:44,647 Now I can drive a tractor trailer. 484 00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:47,150 - Move fast and break things, literally. 485 00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:48,735 - Should I get an ice cream truck? 486 00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:49,819 I love that for me! 487 00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:51,905 - Why don't we talk about that at home? 488 00:17:51,946 --> 00:17:55,283 Arpi, a word, please. 489 00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:57,827 If this is you showing off, it backfired. 490 00:17:57,869 --> 00:18:00,163 - Your boys could never have done what I just did. 491 00:18:00,205 --> 00:18:01,498 They don't know the laws, 492 00:18:01,539 --> 00:18:03,416 the region's agricultural history, 493 00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:06,127 or even the vents we took to get there. 494 00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:07,962 - This is still about the I-Team. 495 00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:11,716 - "Move fast and break things" is a dumb T-shirt philosophy. 496 00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:14,386 Experience and caution have value. 497 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:17,180 - Give them a minute to show what they can do. 498 00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:18,515 Oh, come on, Arpi. 499 00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:20,809 I bet you they're working on some stuff 500 00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,477 you're gonna love. 501 00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:25,897 - Um, sir, uh, the I-Team quit. 502 00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:27,399 - I do love it. 503 00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:32,779 . 504 00:18:32,821 --> 00:18:33,738 - Sir, I just felt as chief of staff 505 00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:36,241 that we did not need their services like zoo chimps-- 506 00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:37,701 - Absolutely not. 507 00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:39,619 I already announced it to the L.A. press. 508 00:18:39,661 --> 00:18:41,746 Do you have any idea how savagely 509 00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:44,290 "Americana at Brand Memes" will come for me? 510 00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:45,583 - Oh. 511 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,585 - Get them back. - Yeah, okay. 512 00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:51,589 - Dad, I'm in a multiple bidder situation 513 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:52,966 on a repossessed horse van. 514 00:18:53,008 --> 00:18:54,009 What's our best offer? 515 00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:57,012 - Zero $0. - What? Why? 516 00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,430 - Because you can't do this. 517 00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,432 Just because you found a quick fix 518 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:03,101 doesn't mean it's the right fix. 519 00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:04,519 Oh. 520 00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:06,021 Is Arpi smiling right now? 521 00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:07,480 - I think so. 522 00:19:07,522 --> 00:19:10,191 It's like a drunk Grinch trying to look sober. 523 00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:11,401 - All right, don't look at her. 524 00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:12,861 And hand over that permit, please. 525 00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:13,945 - What? 526 00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:15,113 But I just watched a long video about 527 00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:16,948 how to empty the toilet of a Winnebago. 528 00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,700 - And someday you will. Hand it over. 529 00:19:18,742 --> 00:19:20,660 - Fine, but I'm still signing up 530 00:19:20,702 --> 00:19:22,328 to be an organ donor. 531 00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:25,040 - Whatever. 532 00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:26,416 Goodbye, Arpi. 533 00:19:26,458 --> 00:19:28,752 - Already in the vent, sir. 534 00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:32,422 - [clears throat] 535 00:19:32,464 --> 00:19:34,299 So one thing that you'll learn about this office 536 00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:35,800 is we really love pranks, 537 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,303 and that thing before where I told you to leave? 538 00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:39,971 [laughs] Ya burnt. 539 00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:42,682 - You told the mayor I quit and you got in trouble? 540 00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:44,684 - Yeah, 100%. He's, like, in love with you. 541 00:19:44,726 --> 00:19:47,228 - I mean, can you blame him? 542 00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:51,232 - Look, we're not notopen to change, but it's day one. 543 00:19:51,274 --> 00:19:52,692 You're not firing Jayden. 544 00:19:52,734 --> 00:19:54,235 - Okay, I asked him where he sees himself in five years, 545 00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:57,113 and he said, "In a mirror, unless I've become a vampire." 546 00:19:57,155 --> 00:19:59,866 - Okay, but not everything that matters can be measured, 547 00:19:59,908 --> 00:20:02,619 and not everything that can be measured matters. 548 00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:04,496 - Okay, that sounded like consultant nonsense, 549 00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:08,667 so obviously I agree, and I guess I can stay 550 00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:11,503 because by defending your weakest team member, 551 00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:14,506 you have passed the manager test. 552 00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,007 Yeah. - [snickers] 553 00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:18,009 Okay, you're making that up. [laughs] 554 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:21,137 - Am I? Guess we'll never know. 555 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,141 - Can you believe that eight hours ago, 556 00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,268 we were excited about the I-Team being here? 557 00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:30,146 - No, those guys are the worst. 558 00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:31,731 [chuckles] 559 00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,276 - Hey, Jayden, you seen my daughter? 560 00:20:35,318 --> 00:20:36,653 - Yes. She's beautiful, sir. 561 00:20:36,695 --> 00:20:38,405 - What? No, no. 562 00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:39,864 I meant--never mind. 563 00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,449 Oh, there you go. 564 00:20:41,491 --> 00:20:43,410 - Okay, so I've decided to forgive you 565 00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:45,620 if we can get Matsuhisa tonight. 566 00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:47,038 Also don't get mad at me, 567 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,499 but our $0 bid won that horse van. 568 00:20:49,541 --> 00:20:51,126 - Ugh, fine. 569 00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:54,295 But you can only drive it up and down our driveway. 570 00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:57,424 [elevator dings] Oh, hey. 571 00:20:57,465 --> 00:21:00,635 Arpi, thought a lot about what you said. 572 00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:02,303 I want you to know you were right. 573 00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:06,891 - I always am. Conciliatory egg? 574 00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:08,893 - Yeah, why not? 575 00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:11,104 There's no way the I-Team could learn 576 00:21:11,146 --> 00:21:14,899 everything you know in six weeks, 577 00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:17,444 which is why I extended their contract to a year. 578 00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:18,903 - [coughs] 579 00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:21,406 - Look forward to seeing what you guys do together. 580 00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:26,161 * * 581 00:21:26,202 --> 00:21:28,997 Got a little egg on your face. 582 00:21:29,039 --> 00:21:31,041 - Good night, everybody! - Good night!