1 00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:06,673 - Welcome 2 00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:06,673 to the Mayor's office. 3 00:00:07,716 --> 00:00:08,216 You're just in time 4 00:00:07,716 --> 00:00:08,216 to meet everyone 5 00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:10,635 before we head home 6 00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:10,635 to our loving families. 7 00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:13,596 Plus, my mom's 8 00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:13,596 new boyfriend, Blandon. 9 00:00:13,763 --> 00:00:16,990 This guy who's disgusted 10 00:00:13,763 --> 00:00:16,990 by my sandwich is Tommy, 11 00:00:16,224 --> 00:00:17,684 our Chief Strategist. 12 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:20,729 - Why does it smell like 13 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:20,729 maple syrup plus hospital? 14 00:00:20,895 --> 00:00:22,647 - And this woman over here 15 00:00:20,895 --> 00:00:22,647 who's dressed like 16 00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:24,983 she's gonna teach us about 17 00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:24,983 jungle birds at Busch Gardens 18 00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:27,152 is our Deputy Mayor, Arpi. 19 00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:31,364 - I don't high-five anymore. 20 00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:31,364 It appropriates pimp culture. 21 00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:34,659 - In that office is Chief 22 00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:34,659 of Staff, Mikaela, 23 00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:36,911 up to some important 24 00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:36,911 city biz no doubt. 25 00:00:37,780 --> 00:00:39,789 - I just feel like there is 26 00:00:37,780 --> 00:00:39,789 a lack of transparency 27 00:00:39,956 --> 00:00:41,624 over how transparent 28 00:00:39,956 --> 00:00:41,624 your leggings are. 29 00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:45,378 - Ooh, and 30 00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:45,378 this delicious silver fox 31 00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:48,757 is the main man himself, 32 00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:48,757 Mayor Neil Bremer. 33 00:00:48,923 --> 00:00:50,633 It's the most wonderful time 34 00:00:48,923 --> 00:00:50,633 of the year, sir. 35 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,677 - Oh, for me 36 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,677 that's the Buick classic. 37 00:00:52,844 --> 00:00:54,804 But this is pretty good, too. 38 00:00:54,971 --> 00:00:56,560 - And who am I? 39 00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,183 Well, I'm just 40 00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,183 little old Jayden, 41 00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:02,103 and I make the sweet filling 42 00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:02,103 for the Mayor's piehole. 43 00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:03,563 I'm his 44 00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:03,563 Communications Director. 45 00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,315 - Seems like 46 00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,315 a real fun ensemble. 47 00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:06,816 Where do you want this? 48 00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:08,902 - Happy holidays from LA! 49 00:01:09,690 --> 00:01:11,863 [bright music] 50 00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:17,911 * 51 00:01:18,780 --> 00:01:20,246 - So do you think this'll be 52 00:01:18,780 --> 00:01:20,246 a half-day or what? 53 00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:21,831 - Oh, of course, 54 00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:21,831 I mean, it's bad enough 55 00:01:21,998 --> 00:01:23,333 the Mayor made us come in 56 00:01:21,998 --> 00:01:23,333 on LA Christmas Eve. 57 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,377 - Christmas Eve? 58 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,377 It's the 22nd. 59 00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:27,837 - Yeah, exactly, it's the three 60 00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:27,837 to seven days before Christmas 61 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:30,256 when everyone leaves to go 62 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:30,256 celebrate someplace human. 63 00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:32,425 - What? 64 00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:32,425 LA Christmas is the best. 65 00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:35,530 Everyone's all bundled up 66 00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:35,530 in light sweaters 67 00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:37,722 sitting on sexy Santa's lap 68 00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:37,722 at the Beverly Center. 69 00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:39,683 - No, thank you. 70 00:01:39,848 --> 00:01:41,434 Hey, if my flight's at 4:00, 71 00:01:39,848 --> 00:01:41,434 when should I leave for LAX? 72 00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:42,727 - Do you have TSA PreCheck? 73 00:01:42,852 --> 00:01:44,813 Oh, honey, 74 00:01:42,852 --> 00:01:44,813 you're gonna die here. 75 00:01:44,979 --> 00:01:46,564 - But if I miss that flight, 76 00:01:44,979 --> 00:01:46,564 I have no backup plan. 77 00:01:46,731 --> 00:01:47,982 Please, hot Filipino Jesus, 78 00:01:48,149 --> 00:01:49,859 don't let me spend 79 00:01:48,149 --> 00:01:49,859 Christmas in Los Angeles. 80 00:01:50,259 --> 00:01:51,985 - Hey, look, I know 81 00:01:50,259 --> 00:01:51,985 this isn't the first place 82 00:01:52,152 --> 00:01:53,947 that everyone thinks of 83 00:01:52,152 --> 00:01:53,947 when they think Christmas, 84 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:57,826 but it's because LA doesn't 85 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:57,826 have a good Christmas song, 86 00:01:57,991 --> 00:02:01,121 which is why I have been 87 00:01:57,991 --> 00:02:01,121 working on one for 15 years. 88 00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:02,789 It's halfway done. 89 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,400 - Oh, you don't have 90 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,400 to sing it. 91 00:02:04,165 --> 00:02:06,376 - Oh, are you--okay. 92 00:02:04,165 --> 00:02:06,376 - * There's no snow in sight 93 00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,169 * Say the weather folks 94 00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:11,673 * And it's hard as a crotch 95 00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:11,673 out in Sherman Oaks * 96 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,800 - Nuh-uh. 97 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,800 - Gonna be a no from me, dawg. 98 00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:14,801 - Why are you all still here? 99 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,386 - Have we been released? 100 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:18,540 - No, what's the Mayor 101 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:18,540 waiting for? 102 00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:20,265 - Oh, dear God, 103 00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:20,265 this is a disaster. 104 00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:21,975 - What? 105 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:25,610 - The gifts I ordered my staff 106 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:25,610 are delayed in transit. 107 00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:27,272 - Why can't people just 108 00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:27,272 get them when they get back? 109 00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:28,690 - And think that I'm a chiseler 110 00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:31,192 who bought them on sale 111 00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:31,192 on the 26th? 112 00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:32,944 No, no, no way. 113 00:02:33,111 --> 00:02:34,487 You know, it's really hard 114 00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,573 to be a wealthy person 115 00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,573 this time of year. 116 00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:39,826 - Dad, no. 117 00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:39,826 - Everybody expects a gift. 118 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:43,954 Your staff, your housekeepers, 119 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:43,954 your masseuse, your pool guy, 120 00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:45,623 the pool guy's son 121 00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:48,126 who's just sort of around 122 00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:48,126 once December starts. 123 00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:50,837 - His name is Raphael, 124 00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:50,837 and he's a grout artist. 125 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:54,132 - I know, 126 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:54,132 and I got him a cashmere beret. 127 00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:56,426 When I was growing up, I didn't 128 00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:56,426 get anything at Christmas. 129 00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:57,719 - Because your family's Jewish. 130 00:02:57,886 --> 00:02:59,540 - But also poor. 131 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:03,990 Oh, I spent so much time 132 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:03,990 and money getting everyone 133 00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:04,684 monogrammed garment bags, 134 00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:06,311 and now they're 135 00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:06,311 not gonna make it. 136 00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:09,981 - Monogrammed garment bags? 137 00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:09,981 I'm not getting one, am I? 138 00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:11,941 - Hey, sorry to interrupt, 139 00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:11,941 but can either of you think 140 00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:13,860 of a Christmassy word 141 00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:13,860 that rhymes with horchata? 142 00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:15,528 - Not now, Jayden. 143 00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:17,322 - A little bent, 144 00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:17,322 but I'll try it. 145 00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:18,823 - Now I gotta get 146 00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:18,823 something else here. 147 00:03:18,948 --> 00:03:20,408 - People don't want 148 00:03:18,948 --> 00:03:20,408 more things. 149 00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:23,161 An experience is 150 00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:23,161 way more meaningful, 151 00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:25,454 like how we all went to Vegas 152 00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:25,454 for Ceviche's birthday. 153 00:03:25,579 --> 00:03:27,832 - Vegas? 154 00:03:25,579 --> 00:03:27,832 When was that? 155 00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:31,252 - Disney, Dad, better turn 156 00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:31,252 your hearing thing up. 157 00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,630 - An experience? 158 00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:36,675 You know something? 159 00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:36,675 That's helpful. 160 00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:37,591 Thank you. 161 00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:39,427 - No, Spirit Airlines. 162 00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:41,596 The one time I need you 163 00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:41,596 to be trash, you're on time? 164 00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,765 - Hey, so if you end up 165 00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,765 getting stuck here, 166 00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:45,850 you're totally welcome 167 00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:45,850 to pretend to be bi 168 00:03:46,170 --> 00:03:47,310 and say you're my boyfriend 169 00:03:46,170 --> 00:03:47,310 at my parents' house. 170 00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:49,103 - What? 171 00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:49,103 No. 172 00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:50,814 - I can't take another 173 00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:50,814 Christmas Eve 174 00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:52,941 where I'm the only single adult 175 00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:52,941 in my family. 176 00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:55,276 I want someone to make 177 00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:55,276 snide comments with 178 00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:56,903 or kiss under the mistletoe, 179 00:03:57,700 --> 00:03:59,823 our breath rich 180 00:03:57,700 --> 00:03:59,823 with Andes mints and ham. 181 00:03:59,989 --> 00:04:02,325 - Sorry, but I'm catching 182 00:03:59,989 --> 00:04:02,325 my flight to PA, 183 00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,327 and then I'm going to the Wawa 184 00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,327 where "Mare of Easttown" 185 00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:05,620 and my cousin Nico were shot. 186 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:13,300 - Oh, great. 187 00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:17,548 Now this dill weed, Patrick, 188 00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:17,548 City Council's videographer. 189 00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:20,100 - Okay, tension. 190 00:04:20,176 --> 00:04:22,120 - Of course, I'm tense. 191 00:04:20,176 --> 00:04:22,120 That guy's the worst. 192 00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:23,513 - Really? 193 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:24,764 He's giving me 194 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:24,764 sad Pa Ingalls vibes, 195 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:26,160 like after Mary goes blind. 196 00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:26,975 I'm into it. 197 00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:29,352 - There's definitely an energy 198 00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:29,352 between you. 199 00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:31,187 Like, you're the two 200 00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:31,187 hottest people 201 00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:32,689 at a Rite Aid, and you know it. 202 00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:35,817 - No, man, 203 00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:35,817 he's always been rude to me. 204 00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:38,403 The day I got sworn 205 00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:38,403 into City Council, I asked him 206 00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:41,114 for a copy of the video, 207 00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:41,114 and he told me he lost it. 208 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:44,951 And this is back when the tapes 209 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:44,951 were, like, this big, liar. 210 00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,453 - Hey, does anyone have 211 00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,453 a festive rhyme 212 00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:47,620 for "Pink's Hot Dogs"? 213 00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:48,997 - Twink's eggnogs. 214 00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:50,707 - I am telling you Arpi, 215 00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,834 this is the holiday romance 216 00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,834 that we all need, 217 00:04:53,100 --> 00:04:54,210 and I am gonna prove it to you. 218 00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:55,879 - Stop pointing at him. 219 00:04:56,460 --> 00:04:57,756 - Ms. Shaw, Department 220 00:04:56,460 --> 00:04:57,756 of Transportation on line one. 221 00:04:57,922 --> 00:04:59,257 - Oh, great, thanks. 222 00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:01,176 Maybe they wanna French me 223 00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:01,176 in my childhood bedroom. 224 00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:04,554 - Everybody, I have 225 00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:04,554 an announcement to make. 226 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:06,556 My personal gifts for you 227 00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:09,184 will not be arriving 228 00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:09,184 in time for the holidays. 229 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:14,189 So stick around because 230 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:14,189 I have a new gift coming, 231 00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:16,107 an experience. 232 00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:18,651 - Sir, a little issue, 233 00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:18,651 you know how people here 234 00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:20,570 dump their trees 235 00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:20,570 on the curb by December 22nd 236 00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:23,156 because everyone leaves because 237 00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:23,156 LA Christmas is the worst? 238 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,574 - Yeah, no kidding. 239 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:25,867 - Well, apparently 240 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:25,867 the Santa Ana winds 241 00:05:26,340 --> 00:05:27,744 are blowing the discarded trees 242 00:05:26,340 --> 00:05:27,744 onto roads 243 00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:30,789 and causing some 244 00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:30,789 pretty severe traffic problems. 245 00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:33,832 - Aha, see, that's what 246 00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:33,832 messed up my garment bags. 247 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,440 - Oh no, we're getting 248 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,440 garment bags? 249 00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:38,380 - Disgusting, 250 00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:38,380 you know how many Angelenos 251 00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:40,173 can't even afford 252 00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:40,173 a Christmas tree 253 00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:42,217 while rich scum 254 00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:42,217 just throw them away. 255 00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:43,760 - Okay, well, 256 00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:47,514 you know, some rich scum 257 00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:47,514 are doing their best. 258 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:51,893 Tommy, call sanitation, handle 259 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:51,893 this before you leave, please. 260 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,312 * 261 00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:56,648 - Excuse me, Tommy Tomás 262 00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:56,648 from the Mayor's office. 263 00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:58,233 I couldn't find 264 00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:58,233 anyone upstairs. 265 00:05:58,400 --> 00:05:59,651 - Well, yeah, 'cause all 266 00:05:58,400 --> 00:05:59,651 the bosses are gone already. 267 00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:01,236 - Well, Cesar. 268 00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:03,154 - Oh, good job reading 269 00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:03,154 my name tag. 270 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:04,739 - We need teams dispatched ASAP 271 00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:06,320 to remove discarded 272 00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:06,320 Christmas trees. 273 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,492 - Yo, I saw that on the news. 274 00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:09,244 Cars were bonking 275 00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:09,244 like Mario Kart. 276 00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:11,370 We can get some guys out, 277 00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:11,370 but we're gonna need 278 00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:13,206 quadruple overtime 279 00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:13,206 for working on Christmas. 280 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,708 - But it's the 22nd. 281 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:16,584 - Yeah, which is LA 282 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:16,584 Christmas Eve. 283 00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:18,440 All my best guys 284 00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:18,440 are gone already. 285 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,463 They're in Tulum, Kauai, 286 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,463 Jackson Hole. 287 00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:21,631 - Boy, 288 00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:21,631 you guys make more than me. 289 00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,258 - I'm down to my skeleton crew, 290 00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:26,940 which is what I call my guys 291 00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:26,940 with the weakest arms. 292 00:06:26,261 --> 00:06:27,387 - Oh. 293 00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:28,430 - If you want 294 00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:28,430 the big boys back, 295 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:29,973 we're gonna need that quad. 296 00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:33,601 - No, I can't authorize quad. 297 00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:33,601 [phone buzzes] 298 00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:35,603 Sir, the Mayor is not asking. 299 00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:39,190 He's telling you 300 00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:39,190 to do your jobs. 301 00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:40,942 - And what am I supposed to do 302 00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:40,942 with all those Christmas trees? 303 00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:42,527 - I don't care where 304 00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:42,527 you put them. 305 00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:45,113 Just put them. 306 00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:49,325 * 307 00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:50,744 - I knew it. 308 00:06:50,909 --> 00:06:52,120 - What? 309 00:06:50,909 --> 00:06:52,120 It's just work. 310 00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:55,498 - No, it's not. 311 00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:55,498 All your footage is of Arpi. 312 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:57,959 This is the Keira Knightley 313 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:57,959 story in "Love Actually," 314 00:06:58,126 --> 00:06:59,919 the greatest 315 00:06:58,126 --> 00:06:59,919 Christmas rom-com ever. 316 00:07:00,860 --> 00:07:00,962 - No, "Elf." 317 00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,506 - I told Arpi, I saw the way 318 00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,506 you looked at her. 319 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:04,883 I knew it was love. 320 00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:07,520 - Arpi knows who I am? 321 00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:09,721 - Hey, you can't just sit here 322 00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:09,721 pining after her. 323 00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:11,848 Do something. 324 00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:11,848 Learn Portuguese. 325 00:07:12,150 --> 00:07:12,682 - What? 326 00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:14,642 - I don't know. 327 00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:14,642 Colin Firth does that. 328 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:18,146 I'm just excited. 329 00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:22,317 - Whoa, my pine-scented candle 330 00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:22,317 is getting it done. 331 00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:24,527 Oh, wait, no, 332 00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:24,527 it's all those Christmas trees. 333 00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:25,820 - What the hell is this? 334 00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:27,989 - Is it Christmas magic? 335 00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:30,700 Wait, has anyone run into 336 00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:30,700 a mysterious new janitor 337 00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:32,534 that may or may not be Santa? 338 00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:35,622 - Oh, come on, Sanitation. 339 00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:35,622 You're dumping the trees here? 340 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,750 Hey, tell your boss, this is 341 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,750 like a baby saying curse words, 342 00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:40,919 not cute, not funny. 343 00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:49,344 . 344 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,550 - Every Christmas, 345 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,550 the office empties out, 346 00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:53,848 and I get real work done. 347 00:07:54,150 --> 00:07:55,850 When are you letting 348 00:07:54,150 --> 00:07:55,850 these turkeys go home? 349 00:07:56,170 --> 00:07:59,354 - As soon as I dazzle everyone 350 00:07:56,170 --> 00:07:59,354 with my generosity. 351 00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:01,147 Do you like this time of year? 352 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,858 - Part of it, pfeffernuesse, 353 00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:06,486 that Mariah Carey song, 354 00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:06,486 "Touch My Body." 355 00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,488 - It really stresses me out. 356 00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:11,157 I feel like 357 00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:11,157 I'm never doing enough. 358 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,535 - That's because you've bought 359 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,535 into the consumer's perversion 360 00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:14,828 of the Christian rip-off 361 00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,705 of a pagan 362 00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,705 solstice celebration. 363 00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:18,707 - Okay, road closed, withdrawn. 364 00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:20,959 - Arpi, a Christmas miracle 365 00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:20,959 is happening. 366 00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:24,421 The footage, Patrick's footage. 367 00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:24,421 It's all you. 368 00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:27,700 He's, like, obsessed with you. 369 00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:27,700 - I'll call security. 370 00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:28,883 - No, no, Arpi, 371 00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:28,883 don't you get it? 372 00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:31,720 You're in a Christmas rom-com. 373 00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:33,638 - What's Christmas got 374 00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:33,638 to do with romance? 375 00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:35,150 There's nothing romantic 376 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,642 about pushing out a baby 377 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,642 in a donkey stall. 378 00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:39,561 - All I've ever wanted my whole 379 00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:39,561 post-puberty life 380 00:08:39,727 --> 00:08:41,210 was to be in love at Christmas. 381 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,273 And if we are 382 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,273 in a "Love Actually," 383 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,660 I'm, like, 384 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,660 lucky if I'm the woman trying 385 00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,443 to steal Snape 386 00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,443 from Emma Thompson. 387 00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:47,736 I have nothing, Arpi. 388 00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:49,195 I need you 389 00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:49,195 to take this seriously. 390 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,720 Patrick is in love with you, 391 00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:52,741 and now you get 392 00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:52,741 to do what Keira Knightley 393 00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:54,617 couldn't pull off 394 00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:54,617 back in the day. 395 00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:56,828 And I don't mean low-rise 396 00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:56,828 jeans with a bralette. 397 00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:58,997 - I just want the office 398 00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:58,997 to myself so I can work, 399 00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:01,499 and now I'm dealing 400 00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:01,499 with this moon-eyed nonsense? 401 00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:05,253 - Yes, yes, a million times. 402 00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:05,253 Yes. 403 00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:08,923 - Whoa, hey, stop! 404 00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:08,923 Why are you doing this? 405 00:09:09,900 --> 00:09:11,301 - Hey, you told me 406 00:09:09,900 --> 00:09:11,301 you didn't care 407 00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:13,303 where we put the trees, so... 408 00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:13,303 [whistles] 409 00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:16,970 - Come on, man. 410 00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:16,970 We're in the same boat here. 411 00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:19,893 Look, I will figure out how 412 00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:19,893 to get you double overtime. 413 00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:22,620 Deal? 414 00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:25,565 - All right, deal, 415 00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:25,565 my new friend, Tommy. 416 00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:28,943 - Glad to hear it, 417 00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:28,943 my new friend... 418 00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:30,945 Oh, God, 419 00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:30,945 what's his name? 420 00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:32,614 I know it's a kind of salad. 421 00:09:32,781 --> 00:09:35,492 Caprese. 422 00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:38,536 - Caprese, what the hell? 423 00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:40,246 And I remembered his name. 424 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,664 - Not cool. 425 00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:44,167 [soft music] 426 00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:46,211 - Hey, everyone, 427 00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:46,211 gather around please, 428 00:09:46,378 --> 00:09:50,590 and prepare yourself 429 00:09:46,378 --> 00:09:50,590 for the mind-blowing mentalism 430 00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:54,260 of Mr. Taryn DiGiacomo. 431 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,762 Ha! 432 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:58,181 Okay, now you may 433 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:58,181 have seen Taryn's 434 00:09:58,348 --> 00:10:02,602 incredible streaming special, 435 00:09:58,348 --> 00:10:02,602 "Mind Jacker: Wondermind," 436 00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,145 or if you were like me, 437 00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:07,315 you had the privilege 438 00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:07,315 of seeing him work up close 439 00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:11,820 and personal at Eric Schmidt's 440 00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:11,820 60th birthday party. 441 00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:13,405 - Why would I have been there? 442 00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:14,989 - Linda, 443 00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:14,989 I don't know your life. 444 00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:17,784 Anyway, I was able 445 00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:17,784 to book him last minute 446 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,619 to perform for us today. 447 00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:23,331 It's--well, 448 00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:23,331 it's my gift to you. 449 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:27,430 And you'll still be getting 450 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:27,430 the monogrammed garment bags 451 00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:28,586 sometime in the new year. 452 00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:30,922 - Monogrammed? 453 00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:30,922 I can't re-gift that. 454 00:10:31,470 --> 00:10:34,592 - The heart is a muscle. 455 00:10:31,470 --> 00:10:34,592 The brain is a muscle. 456 00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:35,760 - Not true. 457 00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:37,887 - The more I use my heart, 458 00:10:38,540 --> 00:10:40,390 the more my brain 459 00:10:38,540 --> 00:10:40,390 can know about you. 460 00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:44,352 You sir, how many meals 461 00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:44,352 have you had today? 462 00:10:44,519 --> 00:10:45,854 - One. 463 00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:48,565 - And how many wings 464 00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:48,565 do birds have? 465 00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:50,984 - Nine. 466 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,777 - And how old 467 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,777 would you say I am? 468 00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:54,446 - Oh, that feels like a trap. 469 00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:58,408 - Hmm, is this the address 470 00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:58,408 of your childhood home? 471 00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:02,162 - Yes, can I get on a plane 472 00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:02,162 and go there now, please? 473 00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:07,000 * 474 00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:10,211 - "You should have gotten 475 00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:10,211 TSA PreCheck." 476 00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:12,839 - You see, it's magic, 477 00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:12,839 but it's also funny. 478 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:14,700 All right, just leave. 479 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,900 - You sir, what is your name? 480 00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:18,928 - Guess. 481 00:11:19,950 --> 00:11:21,560 - Well, you're too old 482 00:11:19,950 --> 00:11:21,560 to be a Jayden. 483 00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,160 - Oh, my gosh, 484 00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,160 you're exactly right, I am. 485 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,976 This guy is 486 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,976 the real deal, folks. 487 00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:26,686 - Also, your heart didn't beat 488 00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:26,686 that entire time. 489 00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,630 I'd get that checked out. 490 00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,630 - Thank you. 491 00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:30,231 - Oh. 492 00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:33,109 "Because it's LA Christmas, 493 00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:33,109 and at Christmas, 494 00:11:33,276 --> 00:11:34,110 you tell the truth." 495 00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:36,404 - What? 496 00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:36,404 That's not a thing. 497 00:11:36,571 --> 00:11:39,491 - "I have loved you from afar, 498 00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:43,286 "but you always felt so close 499 00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:45,163 because of my zoom lens." 500 00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:46,456 - Oh, brudder. 501 00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:49,167 - No, this happens to 502 00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:49,167 Keira Knightley in the movie. 503 00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:51,795 - The guy holds signs 504 00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:51,795 at close range like this? 505 00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,797 - So her husband 506 00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,797 won't hear, yes. 507 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,340 - Why doesn't he need 508 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,340 just whisper? 509 00:11:55,507 --> 00:11:59,302 Why risk getting caught holding 510 00:11:55,507 --> 00:11:59,302 a stack of incriminating signs? 511 00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:01,960 - Hey, guys, quiet. 512 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:04,307 He's about to guess 513 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:04,307 Orly's favorite restaurant? 514 00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:07,644 - Is it Matsuhisa Aspen? 515 00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:10,146 - Yeah, but isn't that 516 00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:10,146 everyone's favorite restaurant? 517 00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:12,650 Sorry, I hear it. 518 00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:19,114 * 519 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,532 - Damn you, Cobb. 520 00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:23,785 - I'm getting corn, or masa. 521 00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:25,829 Look at your phone. 522 00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:25,829 [phone chimes] 523 00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:27,997 - She just got a text. 524 00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:27,997 Right when he said that. 525 00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:30,792 - It's my grandchildren 526 00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:30,792 making tamales. 527 00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:33,300 Usually, I'm there by now. 528 00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:33,300 Can I go? 529 00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:34,462 - Yeah, once the sad guy 530 00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:34,462 says things to us, 531 00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:35,922 are we allowed to go? 532 00:12:36,470 --> 00:12:37,674 - No because he does 533 00:12:36,470 --> 00:12:37,674 a really cool thing 534 00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:39,175 with everyone at the end 535 00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:41,110 that's gonna make us 536 00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:41,110 all feel connected. 537 00:12:41,136 --> 00:12:42,512 Taryn, what's next, buddy? 538 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:45,560 - Intermission. 539 00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,392 Do you have 540 00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,392 to take the intermission? 541 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:53,356 . 542 00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:57,694 [soft music] 543 00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,279 - Hello, Taryn. 544 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,822 - Oh, I'm kind of 545 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,822 on a break now. 546 00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:03,324 - Okay, well, you're not 547 00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:03,324 a very good mentalist. 548 00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,452 You don't remember 549 00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,452 that we matched 550 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:08,538 a couple years ago on Bumble, 551 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:08,538 and then you never answered. 552 00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:11,166 - Uh-huh. 553 00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:11,166 - Well, here's another chance. 554 00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:12,917 My family does 555 00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:12,917 this Christmas thing. 556 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:14,711 - Oh, I'm sorry. 557 00:13:14,878 --> 00:13:16,588 I met someone on there, 558 00:13:14,878 --> 00:13:16,588 and we're married now. 559 00:13:16,755 --> 00:13:18,506 She's a retired ballerina. 560 00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:21,510 Her breasts got too large 561 00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:21,510 to continue dancing. 562 00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:25,555 - Oh, well, good for you. 563 00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:25,555 Best wishes. 564 00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:27,682 One more thing, 565 00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:30,894 will I find love 566 00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:30,894 in the coming year? 567 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,814 - I'm not a psychic. 568 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,814 I'm a mentalist. 569 00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:37,359 But just like, as a person, 570 00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:41,863 I will say you 571 00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:41,863 vibrate desperation. 572 00:13:42,300 --> 00:13:45,408 - Oh, thank you 573 00:13:42,300 --> 00:13:45,408 for your feedback. 574 00:13:45,575 --> 00:13:47,327 - Happy holidays. 575 00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:54,834 - Mikaela, wait. 576 00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:54,834 You were right. 577 00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:56,419 I'm gonna go for it 578 00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:58,463 with Patrick 579 00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:58,463 because love is possible. 580 00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:01,424 - Arpi, yes, yes, run to him! 581 00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:04,969 Run as fast 582 00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:04,969 as your bone density allows. 583 00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:07,389 [dramatic music] 584 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:08,932 - Why are you being 585 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:08,932 so mean to me? 586 00:14:09,990 --> 00:14:10,850 I thought we were friends. 587 00:14:09,990 --> 00:14:10,850 - Me too, bro. 588 00:14:11,170 --> 00:14:13,103 And you didn't 589 00:14:11,170 --> 00:14:13,103 even know my name. 590 00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:14,813 Now you're gonna know it. 591 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,731 'Cause it's spelled out 592 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,731 on your car in pine sap. 593 00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:18,274 [phone buzzes] 594 00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:22,195 - Well, I just 595 00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:22,195 missed my flight. 596 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:23,863 I hope you're happy. 597 00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:25,532 All I wanted to do 598 00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:25,532 was get home to my Lola, 599 00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:27,450 sit on her 600 00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:27,450 plastic-covered couch, 601 00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:31,621 and eat bebinca together, 602 00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:31,621 and this was my last chance. 603 00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:33,415 She's not dying, I just plan 604 00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:33,415 on doing keto in the new year. 605 00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:35,792 - Nah, nah, nah. 606 00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:35,792 I'm the mean character here. 607 00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:38,878 Okay, I hate Christmas time 608 00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:38,878 because in this time of giving, 609 00:14:39,450 --> 00:14:40,338 nobody ever thinks about us. 610 00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:42,700 We're invisible elves. 611 00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:44,759 Just one day, one day, 612 00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:44,759 I'd like to feel like Santa. 613 00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:47,262 - Yeah, well, 614 00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:47,262 I might have an idea 615 00:14:47,429 --> 00:14:48,930 that would make being in LA 616 00:14:47,429 --> 00:14:48,930 for Christmas 617 00:14:49,970 --> 00:14:51,766 slightly less than terrible 618 00:14:49,970 --> 00:14:51,766 and let you be Santa. 619 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:54,102 [upbeat music] 620 00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:57,689 - Patrick, wait! 621 00:14:57,856 --> 00:15:00,775 There's a woman 622 00:14:57,856 --> 00:15:00,775 watching us right now 623 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,694 for that building behind us. 624 00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:05,196 That woman thinks everything 625 00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:05,196 you did today was romantic 626 00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:08,616 because she's been brainwashed 627 00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:08,616 by some British people. 628 00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:10,994 What you did today is 629 00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:10,994 not romantic, it's weird. 630 00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:14,414 And "Love Actually" sounds like 631 00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:14,414 a deeply problematic movie. 632 00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,249 One of the stories 633 00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,249 is Bilbo Baggins 634 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,793 shooting a porno on Christmas. 635 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:21,504 - But, Arpi, 636 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:21,504 I just wanna film you forever. 637 00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:25,175 - Listen to yourself, man. 638 00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:27,510 Look, I hate all of this, 639 00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:28,887 but I care deeply 640 00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:28,887 about my friend up there, 641 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:33,990 and I want her to believe that 642 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:33,990 love actually exists actually, 643 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,642 so this is for her. 644 00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:40,940 * 645 00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:44,690 Now I'm gonna whisper a list 646 00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:48,406 of free mental health resources 647 00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:48,406 available through city funding 648 00:15:48,573 --> 00:15:50,575 because you need serious help. 649 00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:52,410 * 650 00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:53,703 - I don't really work here. 651 00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:56,790 - [sighs] 652 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:59,376 - Leslie, eyes on Taryn. 653 00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:01,378 - Okay, listen. 654 00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:01,378 Tough love right now. 655 00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:03,380 Dad, you're bad at gifts. 656 00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:04,381 - What? 657 00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:07,800 What about that beautiful 658 00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:07,800 candelabra I got you? 659 00:16:07,175 --> 00:16:09,940 - I was nine and not Liberace. 660 00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:11,513 And don't bring up 661 00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:11,513 the dollhouse when you said 662 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,306 I couldn't touch it 663 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,306 because it was an antique 664 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,183 that had belonged 665 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,183 to French royalty. 666 00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:16,893 - Because it did. 667 00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:16,893 And you shouldn't. 668 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,521 - You're super generous, 669 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,521 but Christmas makes you weird. 670 00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:22,107 Just let all these people 671 00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:22,107 go home. 672 00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:26,569 - The queen of diamonds 673 00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:26,569 is in your mouth, sir. 674 00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,908 - Oh, hey. 675 00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,908 All right, there Taryn. 676 00:16:32,750 --> 00:16:35,412 Thank you so much. 677 00:16:32,750 --> 00:16:35,412 That'll be enough. 678 00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:39,207 All right, everybody, 679 00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:39,207 go on home. 680 00:16:39,374 --> 00:16:41,876 [cheers and applause] 681 00:16:42,430 --> 00:16:45,380 But you know what? 682 00:16:42,430 --> 00:16:45,380 You all are ungrateful. 683 00:16:45,547 --> 00:16:47,757 Do you have any idea 684 00:16:45,547 --> 00:16:47,757 how much time I spent 685 00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:51,110 picking the monogram fonts 686 00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:51,110 on those garment bags? 687 00:16:51,136 --> 00:16:54,970 I found out all 688 00:16:51,136 --> 00:16:54,970 of your middle names! 689 00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:58,643 Yeah, Anna, Anna, Eduardo, 690 00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:58,643 Anna, Moon-system. 691 00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:01,210 But you don't appreciate that! 692 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:04,816 And yes, it stinks 693 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:04,816 to be poor at Christmas. 694 00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:06,276 No one wants to hear this, 695 00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:08,611 but it really stinks 696 00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:08,611 for millionaires. 697 00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:10,530 - Okay, thanks for watching-- 698 00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:10,530 - It does. 699 00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,824 - Don't forget 700 00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,824 to smash that like button. 701 00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:15,760 - Tell you what? 702 00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:15,760 Go on, go home. 703 00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:16,368 Seriously, go on. 704 00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:16,368 Get out of here. 705 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,704 Take these stupid trees 706 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,704 with you. 707 00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:21,875 [dramatic music] 708 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,336 * 709 00:17:24,502 --> 00:17:25,712 - Not me, 710 00:17:24,502 --> 00:17:25,712 I don't do fire stuff. 711 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:29,674 - My words, my beautiful words! 712 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:29,674 - Oh, no. 713 00:17:29,841 --> 00:17:31,551 - My song is gone, 714 00:17:29,841 --> 00:17:31,551 and I never got to sing it. 715 00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:35,550 - Jayden, I am so sorry. 716 00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:37,766 - You've made a fool out of me. 717 00:17:37,932 --> 00:17:41,353 And you've made the life 718 00:17:37,932 --> 00:17:41,353 I lead foolish, too. 719 00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:46,399 . 720 00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:49,486 - [gasps] 721 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,300 I told you, 722 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,300 love is all around us. 723 00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:55,825 - You were right, and now 724 00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:55,825 Patrick and I are lovers. 725 00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,327 Thanks. 726 00:17:57,494 --> 00:17:59,788 - Hey, Arpi, can I talk 727 00:17:57,494 --> 00:17:59,788 to you for a minute? 728 00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:03,124 I feel like I've ruined 729 00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:03,124 everyone's Christmas. 730 00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:05,335 - Yes, sir. 731 00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:05,335 What's your question? 732 00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:07,337 - Why am I so terrible at this? 733 00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:11,910 Every year I go all out. 734 00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:11,910 I try to dazzle people. 735 00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,510 - Well, there it is. 736 00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:14,100 You're trying to show off, 737 00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:17,472 instead of thinking about 738 00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:17,472 what people really want. 739 00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:19,140 You know what 740 00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:19,140 I just gave Mikaela? 741 00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:22,811 I kissed a weirdo 742 00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:22,811 because that's what she needed. 743 00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:26,856 Giving a good gift isn't 744 00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:26,856 about what you want. 745 00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:29,818 It's about 746 00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:29,818 what the recipient wants. 747 00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:33,613 - Of course. 748 00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:33,613 Oh, my God, it's like sex. 749 00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:36,199 Why haven't I ever connected 750 00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:36,199 this before? 751 00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:38,159 - Probably because it's 752 00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:38,159 mostly a holiday for children. 753 00:18:38,326 --> 00:18:40,620 - No, but I get it. 754 00:18:38,326 --> 00:18:40,620 I really get it. 755 00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,831 Hey, everyone, hey, listen up. 756 00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:46,100 I am sorry that I made today 757 00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:46,100 about me 758 00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:49,129 instead of about your pleasure. 759 00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:51,506 - Oh, gross, sir, 760 00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:51,506 but we all forgive you. 761 00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:54,676 - Thanks, Tommy, 762 00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:54,676 yeah, not Jayden. 763 00:18:54,843 --> 00:18:57,512 I destroyed his Christmas song. 764 00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,848 No amount of money 765 00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,848 is gonna bring that back. 766 00:19:00,150 --> 00:19:01,808 - Wait, can you call 767 00:19:00,150 --> 00:19:01,808 Taryn DiGiacomo? 768 00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,309 I mean, maybe he can-- 769 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:06,229 - Use his mental powers 770 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:06,229 to guess the lost lyrics? 771 00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:08,640 Yes, I'm still here 772 00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:09,983 because my Lyft canceled 773 00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:09,983 because traffic's a mess. 774 00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:12,402 - Flag on the play. 775 00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:12,402 No one goes home. 776 00:19:12,569 --> 00:19:14,571 - Damn it, man. 777 00:19:14,738 --> 00:19:16,197 - Hey, can you do that? 778 00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:18,408 Can you mentalize 779 00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:18,408 Jayden's song back? 780 00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:22,579 - Again, I'm not a psychic. 781 00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:22,579 I just read body language. 782 00:19:22,746 --> 00:19:24,330 Okay, some of what I do 783 00:19:22,746 --> 00:19:24,330 involves hiding microphones 784 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:25,790 in bathrooms, 785 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:25,790 but I did not do that here 786 00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:27,208 because it was 787 00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:27,208 too short notice. 788 00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:28,251 - How are you married 789 00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:28,251 and I'm not? 790 00:19:29,753 --> 00:19:31,838 - What I do do is thin-slice 791 00:19:29,753 --> 00:19:31,838 people by asking questions. 792 00:19:32,500 --> 00:19:33,548 For example, 793 00:19:32,500 --> 00:19:33,548 if the guy was here, 794 00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:36,510 I would ask, "Jayden, 795 00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:36,510 what's your favorite color?" 796 00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:37,260 all: Yellow. 797 00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:37,260 - 'Cause minions. 798 00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:40,805 - Jayden, what's a three-digit 799 00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:40,805 number that's important to you? 800 00:19:40,972 --> 00:19:42,307 All: Seven, eight, nine. 801 00:19:42,474 --> 00:19:44,434 - It's why six is 802 00:19:42,474 --> 00:19:44,434 afraid of seven. 803 00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:48,521 Boy, we know that kid 804 00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:48,521 really well, don't we? 805 00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,899 - You know what? 806 00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,899 Maybe I can do this. 807 00:19:51,660 --> 00:19:53,680 Maybe Taryn DiGiacomo 808 00:19:51,660 --> 00:19:53,680 can finally prove 809 00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:55,779 to his father 810 00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:55,779 that mentalism is a valued-- 811 00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:57,322 - Taryn, you're not 812 00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:57,322 the main character. 813 00:19:57,489 --> 00:19:59,491 Orly, get some paper. 814 00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:01,534 [soft music] 815 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,787 - Stop prank knocking! 816 00:20:03,912 --> 00:20:05,330 I know you're retired, 817 00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:08,667 but you have to find 818 00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:08,667 a new hobby, Mrs. Chen! 819 00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:12,629 - Jayden, we've got 820 00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:12,629 something for you. 821 00:20:12,796 --> 00:20:16,466 - * There's no snow in sight 822 00:20:12,796 --> 00:20:16,466 say the weather folks * 823 00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:21,304 * It's still hot as a crotch 824 00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:21,304 out in Sherman Oaks * 825 00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:25,392 * But the fires have died and 826 00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:25,392 there's a little less smoke * 827 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:29,479 * Now it's Christmas in LA 828 00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:33,942 * There's no Jack Frost 829 00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:33,942 nipping your redone nose * 830 00:20:34,670 --> 00:20:38,290 * But no one will ask 831 00:20:34,670 --> 00:20:38,290 why your forehead's froze * 832 00:20:38,196 --> 00:20:42,330 * And that filler sure 833 00:20:38,196 --> 00:20:42,330 makes your cheekbones glow * 834 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,577 * Yes, it's Christmas in LA 835 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,204 [together] 836 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,204 * In LA 837 00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:50,830 - * There's a fistfight 838 00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:50,830 at the Trader Joe's on Vine * 839 00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:54,421 * And a pileup on the ten 840 00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:58,758 * They found a human head 841 00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:58,758 by the Hollywood sign * 842 00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:01,594 * It's Christmas Eve again 843 00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:03,555 [together] 844 00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:03,555 * Eve again 845 00:21:03,722 --> 00:21:06,725 [soft music] 846 00:21:06,891 --> 00:21:08,590 - Is that your song? 847 00:21:08,184 --> 00:21:10,687 - No, but I loved 848 00:21:08,184 --> 00:21:10,687 every word of it. 849 00:21:10,854 --> 00:21:14,232 * 850 00:21:14,399 --> 00:21:18,194 - * We may not have ice skates 851 00:21:14,399 --> 00:21:18,194 or sleds that soar * 852 00:21:18,361 --> 00:21:22,320 * But we've got horchata 853 00:21:18,361 --> 00:21:22,320 and Pauly Shore * 854 00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:24,451 * Grab a Pink's hot dog 855 00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:30,248 * Drink a twink's eggnog, 856 00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:30,248 for its Christmastime LA * 857 00:21:30,415 --> 00:21:34,544 * It may not be the ushe, 858 00:21:30,415 --> 00:21:34,544 but if I can choose * 859 00:21:34,711 --> 00:21:40,467 * I'd still spend my Christmas 860 00:21:34,711 --> 00:21:40,467 here with you * 861 00:21:40,592 --> 00:21:43,110 * 862 00:21:43,178 --> 00:21:46,139 - It's ashing! 863 00:21:47,182 --> 00:21:49,184 - Good night, everybody! 864 00:21:47,182 --> 00:21:49,184 - Good night!