1 00:00:18,984 --> 00:00:21,153 [snores] 2 00:00:21,186 --> 00:00:22,687 [gasps, groans] 3 00:00:22,921 --> 00:00:26,158 You see these, Freddy? They're paws. They ain't thumbs. 4 00:00:26,191 --> 00:00:28,126 When it comes to cans of cat food, 5 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:29,728 paws don't do shit. 6 00:00:30,362 --> 00:00:32,798 -[snores] -You ain't gettin' it. 7 00:00:32,831 --> 00:00:35,600 Still ain't gettin' it. You need to feed me! 8 00:00:37,702 --> 00:00:38,670 -[farts] -[groans] 9 00:00:45,043 --> 00:00:46,178 [grunts] 10 00:00:54,052 --> 00:00:54,953 Whoa! 11 00:00:58,323 --> 00:01:00,158 Easy open lid, my ass! 12 00:01:00,192 --> 00:01:02,194 I'm going to get my own damn food. 13 00:01:02,227 --> 00:01:03,562 [theme music playing] 14 00:01:03,595 --> 00:01:05,797 ♪ Brothers, hmm, hmm ♪ 15 00:01:05,831 --> 00:01:08,567 ♪ Three brothers puffin' ♪ 16 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:12,003 ♪ And we just woke up In year 2020 ♪ 17 00:01:12,037 --> 00:01:14,573 ♪ Roll another J And forget the day ♪ 18 00:01:14,606 --> 00:01:17,075 ♪ Roll another J And get high ♪ 19 00:01:17,442 --> 00:01:20,545 ♪ Roll another J And forget the day ♪ 20 00:01:20,579 --> 00:01:22,247 ♪ Me and my brothers Getting fried ♪ 21 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:24,716 ♪ The Freak Brothers ♪ 22 00:01:30,155 --> 00:01:33,992 You guys have to check out this knockout. It's insane! 23 00:01:34,192 --> 00:01:35,961 Who is it? Conor McGregor? 24 00:01:35,994 --> 00:01:36,962 Conor Mc-Who? 25 00:01:36,995 --> 00:01:39,865 I'm talking Muhammad Ali decking Sonny Liston. 26 00:01:40,432 --> 00:01:42,734 The second time, not the phantom punch. 27 00:01:42,767 --> 00:01:43,869 You're a boxing fan? 28 00:01:43,902 --> 00:01:46,238 Are you kiddin'? It's the sweet science! 29 00:01:46,271 --> 00:01:49,207 Angles! Geometry! Brain damage! 30 00:01:49,241 --> 00:01:52,611 So, who are the top fighters of today? [grunts] 31 00:01:52,644 --> 00:01:54,246 Is there a new Sugar Ray Robinson 32 00:01:54,279 --> 00:01:56,848 mowing down palookas? [grunts] 33 00:01:56,882 --> 00:01:59,551 Boxing is kind of done. 34 00:01:59,851 --> 00:02:02,120 It's all about the UFC now. 35 00:02:02,153 --> 00:02:03,989 The F.U.C. What now? 36 00:02:04,022 --> 00:02:05,156 Ultimate fighting! 37 00:02:05,190 --> 00:02:08,793 It's mixed martial arts, and it is lit! 38 00:02:08,827 --> 00:02:10,695 -No holds barred. No rules! -[crowd exclaiming] 39 00:02:10,729 --> 00:02:12,130 No rules? 40 00:02:12,163 --> 00:02:14,733 Ugh. How can you watch that stuff? 41 00:02:14,766 --> 00:02:16,701 -It's barbaric. -Actually... 42 00:02:16,735 --> 00:02:18,270 -[groans] -[crowd exclaiming] 43 00:02:18,303 --> 00:02:20,071 ...that looks pretty far out. 44 00:02:20,105 --> 00:02:22,274 -I know, right? -[crowd exclaiming] 45 00:02:22,307 --> 00:02:24,643 Can we go to a fight, Dad? Please! 46 00:02:24,676 --> 00:02:25,777 Pretty please! 47 00:02:25,810 --> 00:02:27,078 Oh, come on, Noah. 48 00:02:27,279 --> 00:02:30,215 Sounds like a great way for you and Camille to bond, 49 00:02:30,448 --> 00:02:32,651 instead of with your phones for a change. 50 00:02:32,684 --> 00:02:35,253 Okay, sure. I'll buy tickets right now. 51 00:02:35,287 --> 00:02:37,923 -Thanks, Dad! -Thanks, Dad! 52 00:02:37,956 --> 00:02:39,090 [smooches, blows raspberries] 53 00:02:40,125 --> 00:02:41,893 Beautiful day, huh? 54 00:02:42,227 --> 00:02:44,996 What say you and I head down to the basement 55 00:02:45,030 --> 00:02:46,298 for a little R&R. 56 00:02:46,331 --> 00:02:49,367 Reefer and rawdogging. [chuckles] 57 00:02:49,401 --> 00:02:51,202 I have work to do. 58 00:02:51,236 --> 00:02:55,040 You know, I... I do appreciate all you do for bums. 59 00:02:55,073 --> 00:02:57,075 Uh. Well, you-- But you know, just this morning 60 00:02:57,108 --> 00:02:59,711 I gave a can of beer to a bum. 61 00:02:59,744 --> 00:03:02,681 -A bum? -Oh, no. Sorry. A homeless. 62 00:03:03,081 --> 00:03:07,919 Home is where one is living. Houseless is the preferred term. 63 00:03:07,953 --> 00:03:09,688 Houseless. Got it. 64 00:03:11,156 --> 00:03:13,291 Hey, you know, I saw on one of your in... 65 00:03:13,325 --> 00:03:18,196 internets that there is a lot more emphasis these days 66 00:03:18,229 --> 00:03:21,299 on female sexual satisfaction. [chuckles] 67 00:03:21,333 --> 00:03:24,736 I... I guess I was a man ahead of my time. 68 00:03:24,769 --> 00:03:26,371 [giggles] You're stupid. 69 00:03:26,404 --> 00:03:31,009 -[intense music playing] -[crowd cheering] 70 00:03:31,042 --> 00:03:33,178 The amount of corporate sponsorship here 71 00:03:33,211 --> 00:03:35,447 is unnerving. But I like the buzz. 72 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:37,816 Oh, anybody wanna rustle up some grub? 73 00:03:37,849 --> 00:03:39,184 Don't be a sucker! 74 00:03:39,217 --> 00:03:41,453 There's plenty of good food under the seats. 75 00:03:41,486 --> 00:03:43,288 So, there's no rules? 76 00:03:43,521 --> 00:03:46,024 We could just sit outside a bar, and watch frat boys 77 00:03:46,057 --> 00:03:47,292 -brawl for free? -[bell ringing] 78 00:03:48,460 --> 00:03:52,130 -[screams] -[crowd cheering] 79 00:03:53,465 --> 00:03:55,934 [crowd grunting] 80 00:03:55,967 --> 00:03:58,870 -Yeah. -That was amazing! 81 00:03:59,304 --> 00:04:02,774 This is badass. Them little peckers is tough! 82 00:04:02,807 --> 00:04:05,443 Took a thumb to the bunger, didn't even squawk. 83 00:04:05,477 --> 00:04:07,379 [announcer] And fighting in our next match, 84 00:04:07,412 --> 00:04:09,781 the main event, the middle-weight champ... 85 00:04:09,814 --> 00:04:16,388 -[barks] -PJ Always Barkin' Larkin! 86 00:04:16,721 --> 00:04:20,158 -[howls] -Oh, my God! He's here? 87 00:04:20,191 --> 00:04:22,260 -[bell ringing] -[grunts] 88 00:04:22,293 --> 00:04:25,296 -[crowd cheering] -[exclaims] 89 00:04:25,764 --> 00:04:29,234 So, we like PJ Always Barkin' Larkin? 90 00:04:29,267 --> 00:04:30,368 He's a god. 91 00:04:30,402 --> 00:04:32,437 He's like this mellow surfer dude, 92 00:04:32,470 --> 00:04:35,507 but then he gets in the ring, and he totally kicks ass. 93 00:04:35,540 --> 00:04:37,175 Language, Camille. 94 00:04:37,409 --> 00:04:39,778 Bite his face off like a chimpanzee! 95 00:04:40,311 --> 00:04:42,113 -[grunts] -[crowd cheering] 96 00:04:42,147 --> 00:04:43,415 -[gasps] -[crowd applauding] 97 00:04:45,150 --> 00:04:46,818 I can hear the ocean! 98 00:04:47,152 --> 00:04:49,020 -[bell ringing] -[grunts] 99 00:04:51,823 --> 00:04:53,158 -Yeah. [exclaims] -Wait! 100 00:04:53,458 --> 00:04:56,227 There's nacho cheese on the seat. [slurps] 101 00:04:56,461 --> 00:05:01,933 -[grunts] -PJ had a super rough childhood. 102 00:05:01,966 --> 00:05:04,235 He never even knew his dad, but he dated Ariana Grande 103 00:05:04,269 --> 00:05:05,470 and he shut down his Instagram site 104 00:05:05,503 --> 00:05:08,139 after getting in a fight with every woman from The View. 105 00:05:08,173 --> 00:05:10,275 -[horn honking] -[announcer] Your winner... 106 00:05:10,308 --> 00:05:13,178 -[man] Take it all the way! -[announcer] ...PJ Larkin! 107 00:05:13,211 --> 00:05:14,946 [crowd cheering] 108 00:05:14,979 --> 00:05:18,083 Strategically speaking, he should probably cut his hair, 109 00:05:18,416 --> 00:05:20,885 but he refuses. 110 00:05:21,086 --> 00:05:24,222 That's a good man. Letting his freak flag fly. 111 00:05:27,826 --> 00:05:30,395 Hey, Phineas, he kind of looks like you. 112 00:05:30,428 --> 00:05:33,164 [scoffs] Sure does. "Got kids?" 113 00:05:33,198 --> 00:05:36,568 See, I just did a little riff on the Got Milk ads. 114 00:05:36,601 --> 00:05:38,536 Like maybe he's your son. 115 00:05:38,570 --> 00:05:40,905 Did you ever have unprotected intercourse in the past? 116 00:05:40,939 --> 00:05:44,309 -[laughs] "Got kids." -Hmm. 117 00:05:45,510 --> 00:05:48,446 [both moaning] 118 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:50,915 [all moaning] 119 00:05:54,886 --> 00:05:57,222 [both moan] 120 00:05:57,255 --> 00:05:59,457 I don't know, man. I'd probably have to see 121 00:05:59,491 --> 00:06:01,025 his mother to know for sure. 122 00:06:01,059 --> 00:06:04,095 I was joking. This kid is in his early 20s. 123 00:06:04,129 --> 00:06:05,363 The timing is all wrong. 124 00:06:05,396 --> 00:06:08,433 Unless you donated some sperm that was frozen. 125 00:06:09,100 --> 00:06:10,168 Hmm. 126 00:06:10,535 --> 00:06:12,337 [whimsical music playing] 127 00:06:15,607 --> 00:06:19,811 [Phineas moans, grunts] 128 00:06:21,012 --> 00:06:22,947 [whimsical music concluding] 129 00:06:23,348 --> 00:06:26,551 I did donate my sperm! Oh, my God. 130 00:06:26,818 --> 00:06:30,922 My son is PJ Barkin' Larkin! 131 00:06:34,225 --> 00:06:35,293 [meows] 132 00:06:39,664 --> 00:06:41,132 -[meows] -[squeaks] 133 00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:43,535 You rat bastard! 134 00:06:43,568 --> 00:06:49,174 Excuse me. Excuse me. Do I know you? Do you know me? 135 00:06:49,207 --> 00:06:51,576 And the preferred term is "rodent", madam. 136 00:06:51,609 --> 00:06:54,245 I gotta get to back to 1969. 137 00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:56,481 Back then, a rat would never walk up 138 00:06:56,514 --> 00:07:00,185 to a full grown kitty cat, talking preferred terms. 139 00:07:00,218 --> 00:07:03,888 You bring that shit again, and I'll gobble your ass up. 140 00:07:03,922 --> 00:07:06,891 [sniffs] Oh! That's good. 141 00:07:07,425 --> 00:07:10,161 -[tires screeching] -[man screams] 142 00:07:10,361 --> 00:07:12,597 -[horns honking] -[woman screams] 143 00:07:12,630 --> 00:07:14,999 -[cars crashing] -[screams] 144 00:07:15,567 --> 00:07:16,901 [laughs] 145 00:07:18,670 --> 00:07:20,138 [cats meowing] 146 00:07:20,471 --> 00:07:22,507 [whimsical music concluding] 147 00:07:22,540 --> 00:07:24,943 Who's ready for some poached salmon? 148 00:07:25,143 --> 00:07:29,013 Me! Me! This girl, right here! Hello! 149 00:07:29,047 --> 00:07:31,382 [meows] 150 00:07:31,416 --> 00:07:35,486 Well, look what the cat dragged in. Herself! [laughs] 151 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:37,255 Which is appropriate because animals deserve 152 00:07:37,288 --> 00:07:39,624 their own dignity. Are you hungry? 153 00:07:39,657 --> 00:07:41,559 [purrs] 154 00:07:43,061 --> 00:07:45,463 [indistinct chatter] 155 00:07:47,031 --> 00:07:49,367 If he is your boy, you should be proud. 156 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:52,036 He is one hell of a shit kicker. 157 00:07:52,070 --> 00:07:53,304 -[woman] PJ! PJ! -[man] PJ! Over here! 158 00:07:53,338 --> 00:07:54,439 -[woman] I love you! -[man] PJ! I love you! 159 00:07:54,472 --> 00:07:57,108 -Sign my face! -Sign my hot dog! 160 00:07:57,709 --> 00:07:58,676 [munches] 161 00:07:58,977 --> 00:08:02,480 -[burps] -PJ! Over here! I'm your father! 162 00:08:02,513 --> 00:08:05,049 -I spunked you in a jar! -Selfie! 163 00:08:05,083 --> 00:08:06,117 [camera clicks] 164 00:08:08,686 --> 00:08:09,988 Daddy! 165 00:08:10,021 --> 00:08:12,323 -[PJ sobs] -Ribs. Ribcage. 166 00:08:12,357 --> 00:08:14,125 You're crackin' my ribs, Son. 167 00:08:14,425 --> 00:08:19,130 I can't believe PJ Larkin is coming to my house! 168 00:08:19,163 --> 00:08:22,667 Now, remember, my son is just a regular person 169 00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:24,469 like anyone else. 170 00:08:24,502 --> 00:08:27,038 Only he's a really great fighter who can kick 171 00:08:27,071 --> 00:08:29,340 anyone else's son's ass, any time. 172 00:08:29,374 --> 00:08:31,743 You know, if you really want to be sure he's your son, 173 00:08:31,776 --> 00:08:34,445 there's DNA tests. You can do it through the mail. 174 00:08:34,479 --> 00:08:37,415 Nah, when you're a father, you know. 175 00:08:37,448 --> 00:08:40,318 If anybody needs to take a DNA test, it's you. 176 00:08:40,585 --> 00:08:44,589 Looks like Mrs. Switzer ordered Chinese takeout. 177 00:08:44,622 --> 00:08:47,392 From the Dong Shack, if you know what I mean. 178 00:08:47,792 --> 00:08:51,396 So, are you excited about this big time fighter 179 00:08:51,429 --> 00:08:54,365 -coming to visit? -I'm not much of a sports fan. 180 00:08:54,732 --> 00:08:56,100 Or a fan of jocks for that matter. 181 00:08:56,367 --> 00:08:59,404 Oh, don't worry. She only goes for intellectuals. 182 00:08:59,604 --> 00:09:01,172 Unemployed ones. 183 00:09:01,205 --> 00:09:05,777 [chuckles] I'm unemployed! And I got no prospects. 184 00:09:05,810 --> 00:09:08,479 [pants] Kitty's missing! 185 00:09:08,713 --> 00:09:10,748 We all have to split up, and look for her! 186 00:09:10,782 --> 00:09:11,582 Sorry, Freddy, 187 00:09:11,883 --> 00:09:15,453 my son, the famous ultimate fighter is coming over. 188 00:09:16,087 --> 00:09:19,424 [sighs] Guess I'll go look alone. 189 00:09:19,457 --> 00:09:22,460 -[Camille] He's here! -Come in, Son, come in. 190 00:09:22,493 --> 00:09:25,463 You remember Camille? She's your biggest fan. 191 00:09:25,496 --> 00:09:26,798 What's up, Little Wahine? 192 00:09:26,831 --> 00:09:28,733 Here's the mouth guard I swallowed, 193 00:09:28,766 --> 00:09:32,603 then barfed up at UFC 198. I signed it for you. 194 00:09:32,637 --> 00:09:37,041 Oh, my God! Thank you! Is that blood? 195 00:09:37,241 --> 00:09:39,277 -It is blood! -And puke. 196 00:09:39,310 --> 00:09:42,180 Over here, Son, is my brother Franklin. 197 00:09:42,213 --> 00:09:44,716 He's not my real brother, so he's not your real uncle 198 00:09:44,749 --> 00:09:47,752 meaning, he's made no genetic contribution to your success. 199 00:09:47,785 --> 00:09:51,456 A real pleasure. Loved you bitin' off that fellow's ear. 200 00:09:51,489 --> 00:09:54,692 -[chuckles] I -I'm Noah! I'm Team PJ for life! 201 00:09:54,726 --> 00:09:57,061 Oh, God! Noah, go wash your face. 202 00:09:57,095 --> 00:09:58,696 You look like you've been notarized. 203 00:09:58,730 --> 00:10:01,165 And this is Gretchen. She's our lady lawyer. 204 00:10:01,199 --> 00:10:05,803 -Aloha, pretty lady. -[giggles] Nothing. 205 00:10:06,504 --> 00:10:10,541 -Is this guy botherin' you? -I got something for you too. 206 00:10:10,575 --> 00:10:15,079 -[chuckles] That's a big cup. -My boy has a giant schvantz! 207 00:10:15,113 --> 00:10:18,182 -Where should I keep this? -How about next to your bed? 208 00:10:18,416 --> 00:10:21,452 My bed? Maybe you should take a look. 209 00:10:21,686 --> 00:10:23,154 -Groovy. -[Gretchen giggles] 210 00:10:24,689 --> 00:10:28,826 -That's my boy! -Damn pretty boy meat monkey. 211 00:10:28,860 --> 00:10:30,528 -[grunts] Oh! -[glass shattering] 212 00:10:30,561 --> 00:10:32,163 Fuck this world. 213 00:10:36,734 --> 00:10:37,668 [meows] 214 00:10:37,969 --> 00:10:41,873 [sighs] I've been wasting away living with those freaks, 215 00:10:41,906 --> 00:10:44,709 and paradise was just around the corner. 216 00:10:44,742 --> 00:10:45,810 -[door opening] -[bell ringing] 217 00:10:45,843 --> 00:10:49,614 Hello. Who's this gorgeous lady? 218 00:10:49,647 --> 00:10:51,883 Name's Kitty. Don't touch my throne, 219 00:10:51,916 --> 00:10:53,484 you'll get your grease on it. 220 00:10:53,518 --> 00:10:56,788 I may not have a lot of money or my own tent, 221 00:10:56,821 --> 00:11:02,193 but I have so much love to give. We could be best friends. 222 00:11:02,527 --> 00:11:04,662 -[growls] -[gasps, groans] 223 00:11:05,029 --> 00:11:06,531 You want a best friend? 224 00:11:06,564 --> 00:11:08,866 Take your broke ass down to the dog shelter. 225 00:11:09,534 --> 00:11:12,804 What is this? Looks like pudding... 226 00:11:13,738 --> 00:11:18,676 but tastes like salmon. I could eat this all day. 227 00:11:19,911 --> 00:11:22,447 Kitty! Thank goodness. 228 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:25,716 I've been searching alleys, and dumpsters all over the city. 229 00:11:26,017 --> 00:11:28,719 [sighs] Come on, let's get you home. 230 00:11:28,753 --> 00:11:32,390 Enlighten me, fat man. What is it you got to offer? 231 00:11:32,423 --> 00:11:34,659 Because here, they got fish pudding! 232 00:11:34,892 --> 00:11:36,794 Probably got all kinds of pudding. 233 00:11:36,828 --> 00:11:39,897 Chicken pudding, steak pudding, potato pudding. 234 00:11:39,931 --> 00:11:41,566 What kind of pudding you all got? 235 00:11:41,599 --> 00:11:43,501 [cats meow] 236 00:11:44,402 --> 00:11:47,672 [gulps] Oh, my God, this is delicious! 237 00:11:47,705 --> 00:11:49,707 [munches] 238 00:11:52,610 --> 00:11:53,611 [burps] 239 00:11:54,512 --> 00:11:55,680 [sighs] Oh. 240 00:11:56,214 --> 00:11:58,850 [PJ] Ground and pound! Ground and pound! 241 00:11:58,883 --> 00:12:01,686 [Gretchen] Yes! Yes! [pants] 242 00:12:01,719 --> 00:12:05,189 Oh, I mean, I... I'm no expert, but ain't it bad thing 243 00:12:05,223 --> 00:12:07,859 for athletes to have sex before a match in a ring? 244 00:12:07,892 --> 00:12:09,494 Come on! Do something! 245 00:12:09,527 --> 00:12:11,796 I can't live his life for him, Franklin. 246 00:12:11,829 --> 00:12:13,731 A father gives his son a toolbox... 247 00:12:13,764 --> 00:12:14,732 -[Gretchen] Yes! Yes! -...and spends a lifetime 248 00:12:14,765 --> 00:12:15,800 -filling it with tools. -[Gretchen] Yes! Yes! 249 00:12:15,833 --> 00:12:18,703 Can't he find some other box to put his tool in? 250 00:12:18,736 --> 00:12:20,805 That particular piece of advice 251 00:12:20,838 --> 00:12:23,941 came from Fatherhood by Dr. Bill Cosby. 252 00:12:23,975 --> 00:12:26,344 He had some great dating advice too. 253 00:12:26,377 --> 00:12:28,212 I wonder what he's up to these days. 254 00:12:28,246 --> 00:12:29,447 Probably crushing it. 255 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:30,615 [Gretchen] You ready to tap out? 256 00:12:30,648 --> 00:12:31,816 [PJ] Fuck that bra. 257 00:12:31,849 --> 00:12:35,419 [Gretchen moaning] That was the best ever. 258 00:12:35,453 --> 00:12:36,854 [groans] 259 00:12:38,356 --> 00:12:42,527 -[Gretchen] Whoo! That's it, PJ! -Best seats ever! 260 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:46,330 My son, PJ Larkin, got them for us. 261 00:12:46,364 --> 00:12:48,533 We're gonna get splattered by something for sure! 262 00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:50,568 [grunts] 263 00:12:50,601 --> 00:12:54,305 I guess sex isn't bad before a match after all. 264 00:12:54,338 --> 00:12:56,274 Maybe if he bumped it up a little more, 265 00:12:56,307 --> 00:12:59,277 -he could be world champion. -I'm willing to try. 266 00:12:59,310 --> 00:13:02,713 Dumb apes in a cage. Stupid sport. 267 00:13:02,747 --> 00:13:04,815 -[crowd gasps] -Oh, lucky! 268 00:13:06,784 --> 00:13:08,486 PJ is the ultimate fighter! 269 00:13:08,753 --> 00:13:10,621 You're not even the penultimate fighter! 270 00:13:11,656 --> 00:13:14,559 -[screams] -Hey, Larkin, you suck! 271 00:13:14,592 --> 00:13:16,227 [grunts] 272 00:13:17,028 --> 00:13:21,299 You got something to say to my kid, you say it to me! 273 00:13:27,705 --> 00:13:31,275 Brad! You didn't even close the pen on this new cat! 274 00:13:31,309 --> 00:13:32,543 The fat one! 275 00:13:36,514 --> 00:13:37,915 Is kitty hungry? 276 00:13:38,149 --> 00:13:39,650 [yawns] 277 00:13:39,684 --> 00:13:40,985 [meows, munches] 278 00:13:41,652 --> 00:13:42,553 [burps] 279 00:13:42,587 --> 00:13:44,855 You can call it "ultimate," if you want. 280 00:13:44,889 --> 00:13:47,658 But it all goes back to the fundamentals, boy. 281 00:13:47,692 --> 00:13:49,327 Footwork, footwork, footwork! 282 00:13:51,462 --> 00:13:52,430 [grunts] 283 00:13:53,497 --> 00:13:54,865 [eagles screeching] 284 00:13:54,899 --> 00:13:57,468 Okay, Son, you just poked the bear! 285 00:13:57,501 --> 00:13:59,503 Hey, I mean, hey! I don't get it. 286 00:13:59,537 --> 00:14:01,339 What the hell do you see in this rube? 287 00:14:01,372 --> 00:14:05,376 I guess it's just easy. No head games. Just sex. 288 00:14:05,843 --> 00:14:09,580 But the man has no social conscience, huh? 289 00:14:09,614 --> 00:14:11,415 I mean he's making all that money, 290 00:14:11,449 --> 00:14:14,018 but what's he ever done for the hobo-- Homo, 291 00:14:14,051 --> 00:14:15,519 uh, the houseless? 292 00:14:16,687 --> 00:14:17,588 Hey, Peej? 293 00:14:17,622 --> 00:14:19,490 When's the last time you gave to charity? 294 00:14:19,523 --> 00:14:21,826 Have you ever done anything to help the houseless? 295 00:14:22,093 --> 00:14:23,661 -Nope. -[scoffs] 296 00:14:23,694 --> 00:14:26,697 But maybe, I could donate a few million dollars 297 00:14:26,731 --> 00:14:29,433 to the shelter, and tickets to my next fight. 298 00:14:29,467 --> 00:14:30,768 What a great idea! 299 00:14:30,801 --> 00:14:32,570 Everyone is always trying to give them food, 300 00:14:32,603 --> 00:14:34,839 but what they really need is a little diversion. 301 00:14:34,872 --> 00:14:36,641 Cool. Let's fuck. 302 00:14:38,576 --> 00:14:39,310 Oh! [chuckles] 303 00:14:39,644 --> 00:14:41,579 Now, don't overheat while you're fucking her. 304 00:14:41,612 --> 00:14:42,747 It's summer time! 305 00:14:43,047 --> 00:14:43,948 [grunts] 306 00:14:45,416 --> 00:14:47,485 Why do we kick like this after we poop? 307 00:14:47,518 --> 00:14:50,488 Freddy, you're a cat now. You don't ask questions. 308 00:14:50,521 --> 00:14:52,990 You start pullin' threads, and whole sweater comes undone. 309 00:14:53,024 --> 00:14:54,125 -[door opening] -[bell ringing] 310 00:14:54,158 --> 00:14:57,795 Oh! I see her! [gasps] I know which one we are getting! 311 00:14:58,329 --> 00:15:02,333 [hisses] Back that shit off. I'm living like a king here. 312 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:05,136 I got a queen joke, but I'm not gonna say it. 313 00:15:05,169 --> 00:15:07,338 I'm not gettin' my ass canceled. 314 00:15:07,738 --> 00:15:09,106 Is that salmon farm-raised? 315 00:15:09,140 --> 00:15:12,543 We only serve wild-caught to our cats. 316 00:15:12,576 --> 00:15:16,447 And no catnip on the side? Oh, this is barbaric. 317 00:15:16,714 --> 00:15:22,486 Y'all got catnip and wild fish? [grunts] Sounds like a Jackpot! 318 00:15:22,787 --> 00:15:25,489 -[purrs] -Let's get you out of here. 319 00:15:25,523 --> 00:15:27,458 Does Ms. Mittens like feather beds? 320 00:15:27,658 --> 00:15:30,828 Feather beds, feather boas, showtunes, 321 00:15:30,861 --> 00:15:33,397 whatever y'all want. Hey. 322 00:15:33,431 --> 00:15:34,498 [licks] Kitty? 323 00:15:35,032 --> 00:15:37,468 Sorry, they didn't want you, Big Guy. 324 00:15:37,501 --> 00:15:39,103 But that's all right. 325 00:15:39,136 --> 00:15:41,005 Well, not really. Your time's up. 326 00:15:41,038 --> 00:15:42,573 We're going to have to put you down. 327 00:15:42,606 --> 00:15:47,912 Oh! I'm getting put down! A nap sounds nice. 328 00:15:48,212 --> 00:15:49,013 [snores, farts] 329 00:15:49,380 --> 00:15:51,916 Anticipation is building for what is being hailed 330 00:15:51,949 --> 00:15:53,718 -as the "Fray in the Bay." -[bell ringing] 331 00:15:53,751 --> 00:15:55,152 The just-announced title fight 332 00:15:55,186 --> 00:15:58,789 between challenger PJ Always Barkin' Larkin, 333 00:15:58,823 --> 00:16:01,492 and the champ, Conor McGregor. 334 00:16:02,093 --> 00:16:05,663 -Work the body. Work the body. -[groans] 335 00:16:05,896 --> 00:16:07,031 [TV anchor] That is, assuming McGregor's 336 00:16:07,064 --> 00:16:08,599 out of jail by then. 337 00:16:08,632 --> 00:16:10,201 The Notorious Irishman was arrested today 338 00:16:10,234 --> 00:16:12,470 for attacking an opponent's bus. 339 00:16:12,770 --> 00:16:17,541 [speaks Irish indistinctly] 340 00:16:17,575 --> 00:16:19,844 [TV anchor] By attacking it, I mean fucking it. 341 00:16:19,877 --> 00:16:21,011 [grunts] Ireland! 342 00:16:21,212 --> 00:16:22,546 Conor McGregor! 343 00:16:22,780 --> 00:16:24,815 We'd better start training now, Son. 344 00:16:26,250 --> 00:16:27,518 Ready, Son? 345 00:16:27,785 --> 00:16:30,421 Ready. Let me just get high first. 346 00:16:35,025 --> 00:16:36,861 Wait just a minute there, Son. 347 00:16:36,894 --> 00:16:40,064 PJ, this is what I, and several books I haven't read, 348 00:16:40,097 --> 00:16:44,468 call "a teaching moment." I myself have tried cannabis, 349 00:16:44,502 --> 00:16:47,171 but there's even better drugs out there! 350 00:16:47,204 --> 00:16:51,642 I know. Hash, cocaine, a little meth, shrooms. 351 00:16:51,675 --> 00:16:55,479 Shrooms? As in psychedelic mushrooms? 352 00:16:55,513 --> 00:16:57,615 -Yeah. -You got some on you right now? 353 00:16:57,648 --> 00:16:59,550 -Oh, yeah. -Damn, Son. 354 00:16:59,583 --> 00:17:02,486 The hell with training, let's party all day. 355 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,588 ["Eye of the Tiger" playing] 356 00:17:08,659 --> 00:17:09,693 [both sniff] 357 00:17:13,264 --> 00:17:16,100 -[clucks] -[both laugh] 358 00:17:19,103 --> 00:17:23,274 ♪ It's the eye of the tiger It's the thrill of the fight ♪ 359 00:17:23,307 --> 00:17:25,209 [both cheer] 360 00:17:25,242 --> 00:17:27,845 ♪ Rising up to the challenge Of our rival ♪ 361 00:17:27,878 --> 00:17:28,646 [both groan] 362 00:17:29,413 --> 00:17:31,015 ♪ And the last known survivor Stalks his prey in the night ♪ 363 00:17:31,048 --> 00:17:32,149 [clucks, chokes] 364 00:17:33,083 --> 00:17:33,884 [both laugh] 365 00:17:34,218 --> 00:17:38,522 ♪ And he's watching us all With the eye ♪ 366 00:17:39,323 --> 00:17:41,859 ♪ Of the tiger 367 00:17:47,097 --> 00:17:48,132 [both pant] 368 00:17:51,902 --> 00:17:54,538 [jazz music playing] 369 00:17:54,572 --> 00:17:55,906 ♪ So you met someone 370 00:17:55,940 --> 00:17:58,542 ♪ Who set you back On your heels ♪ 371 00:17:58,576 --> 00:17:59,477 ♪ Kitty, Kitty ♪ 372 00:17:59,877 --> 00:18:02,980 ♪ So you met someone, And now, you know how... ♪ 373 00:18:03,013 --> 00:18:06,283 Ah, ah, ah. You have to put on your dinner outfit. 374 00:18:06,317 --> 00:18:07,918 Oh, hell no. 375 00:18:07,952 --> 00:18:11,155 You start your ballet lessons tomorrow. 376 00:18:11,188 --> 00:18:14,024 Ballet? I thought we agreed on jazz tap. 377 00:18:14,058 --> 00:18:16,560 Fellas, I'll make this easy on you. 378 00:18:16,594 --> 00:18:17,862 I ain't doing any of that shit. 379 00:18:17,895 --> 00:18:20,698 -Wait. She can do both! -[gasps] 380 00:18:20,898 --> 00:18:22,900 We do want her to get her on the best 381 00:18:22,933 --> 00:18:24,201 YouTube cat channels. 382 00:18:24,235 --> 00:18:25,402 No, no, no! 383 00:18:25,436 --> 00:18:28,639 Ain't none of those YouTube felines have a happy ending. 384 00:18:28,839 --> 00:18:31,575 Grumpy Cat? Lil Bub? Keyboard Cat? 385 00:18:31,609 --> 00:18:35,212 Same sad-ass story. [imitates gunshot] 386 00:18:35,246 --> 00:18:37,114 [liquid pouring] 387 00:18:38,749 --> 00:18:41,185 Hey, Dad, after we do some more bong rips, 388 00:18:41,218 --> 00:18:42,620 can you drive me to the stadium? 389 00:18:42,987 --> 00:18:44,755 I gotta drop this off for my drug test. 390 00:18:44,788 --> 00:18:46,790 Whoa, whoa. Lemme see that. 391 00:18:47,324 --> 00:18:48,325 Hmm. 392 00:18:48,859 --> 00:18:51,695 Tell you what. Let me take care of this. 393 00:18:51,896 --> 00:18:54,798 You stay here and fuck Gretchen. That's a good boy. 394 00:19:01,305 --> 00:19:03,274 I can't go with you standing there. 395 00:19:03,574 --> 00:19:05,976 If you want to help PJ, gimme some space. 396 00:19:06,277 --> 00:19:08,045 [whistles] 397 00:19:09,914 --> 00:19:11,181 Are you kidding me? 398 00:19:11,215 --> 00:19:13,584 My boy has the urine of a champion. 399 00:19:13,784 --> 00:19:14,585 A champion! 400 00:19:14,885 --> 00:19:17,321 I want to make sure your dweeb pee measures up. 401 00:19:17,655 --> 00:19:20,824 Hmm. [grunts] I'll make it work. 402 00:19:25,696 --> 00:19:29,633 -[ominous music playing] -[laughs maniacally] 403 00:19:29,667 --> 00:19:32,870 [announcer] Welcome to the Fray in the Bay! 404 00:19:32,903 --> 00:19:38,742 Where courtesy of PJ Larkin, it's Houseless Day! 405 00:19:38,776 --> 00:19:41,378 And now, for the championship match! 406 00:19:41,645 --> 00:19:44,915 PJ Always Barkin' Larkin 407 00:19:44,949 --> 00:19:49,720 versus Conor "The Bus Fucker" McGregor. 408 00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:52,089 [barks] Kill him PJ! 409 00:19:52,122 --> 00:19:55,960 Maim! Maul him! Bite his nuts off! 410 00:19:55,993 --> 00:19:58,696 -Spare any change? -Of course, sir. 411 00:19:58,896 --> 00:20:02,166 This enough to get inside your pussy? [exclaims] 412 00:20:02,466 --> 00:20:06,270 Aw. Look how happy they all are! And it's all because of PJ. 413 00:20:06,470 --> 00:20:08,906 Yay, hooray for PJ. 414 00:20:08,939 --> 00:20:10,841 Ladies and gentlemen, 415 00:20:10,874 --> 00:20:14,745 let's make preparations to-- Wait a minute. 416 00:20:14,979 --> 00:20:17,815 I've just received some shocking information 417 00:20:17,848 --> 00:20:21,719 regarding PJ Larkin's urine sample! 418 00:20:21,752 --> 00:20:23,287 -[crowd exclaiming] -Oh, 419 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,923 you may want to pay attention to this, Phineas. 420 00:20:25,956 --> 00:20:29,727 -I mean, as father and all. -Relax, fight fans. 421 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:31,829 This isn't about performance enhancing drugs. 422 00:20:32,029 --> 00:20:33,797 We say we test for those, but we don't. 423 00:20:33,831 --> 00:20:34,932 Phew! 424 00:20:34,965 --> 00:20:37,935 However, another test was performed. 425 00:20:37,968 --> 00:20:41,305 And through a series of DNA shit that I don't understand, 426 00:20:41,338 --> 00:20:44,008 our friends at 24andMe, 427 00:20:44,041 --> 00:20:47,277 "We do you one better" have confirmed the identity 428 00:20:47,311 --> 00:20:51,482 of PJ Larkin's father. 429 00:20:51,515 --> 00:20:54,852 Well, it's about time I get some damn recognition. 430 00:20:54,885 --> 00:20:58,188 Thank you, thank you. Proud father over here. 431 00:20:58,222 --> 00:20:59,089 That's my spunk. 432 00:20:59,323 --> 00:21:04,294 And that person's name is Harrison Milligan Ludwig 433 00:21:04,328 --> 00:21:06,964 -The Third! -[crowd exclaiming] 434 00:21:07,498 --> 00:21:09,433 Hey! That's me! 435 00:21:12,036 --> 00:21:13,737 What the hell's going on? 436 00:21:13,771 --> 00:21:16,373 I... it's a strange future we're livin' in. 437 00:21:16,407 --> 00:21:18,942 Sometimes discarded urine makes its way 438 00:21:18,976 --> 00:21:21,311 into a padded envelope, and gets mailed off 439 00:21:21,345 --> 00:21:24,148 to a DNA testing facility, hey. 440 00:21:26,550 --> 00:21:28,986 -Dad? -Oh, oh, Son! 441 00:21:29,019 --> 00:21:31,021 No! No! Okay, okay. 442 00:21:31,255 --> 00:21:33,857 So, this guy might be your real father, 443 00:21:33,891 --> 00:21:36,026 but who's the one who raised you since the day 444 00:21:36,060 --> 00:21:38,195 you were two and half weeks ago... 445 00:21:38,228 --> 00:21:39,897 -[bell rings] -[crowd exclaiming] 446 00:21:41,999 --> 00:21:44,301 [triumphant Irish music playing] 447 00:21:49,540 --> 00:21:53,110 [sighs] Sorry, big guy, it's time. 448 00:21:53,143 --> 00:21:56,847 -Dead cat walking! -I'm going for a special nap! 449 00:21:57,481 --> 00:22:01,285 Brave. Disgusting slob, but brave. 450 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:05,789 [sighs] They grow up so fast. 451 00:22:06,190 --> 00:22:08,559 Before you know it, they find their real dad, 452 00:22:08,592 --> 00:22:10,227 and move on. 453 00:22:10,494 --> 00:22:11,328 Yup. 454 00:22:11,361 --> 00:22:13,797 But we'll always have the memories. 455 00:22:13,831 --> 00:22:14,698 Hey, Franklin! 456 00:22:15,099 --> 00:22:17,801 Remember when he was puttin' the wood to Gretchen nonstop? 457 00:22:17,835 --> 00:22:19,536 [exhales] That's all done now. 458 00:22:19,570 --> 00:22:22,906 He's got no reason to come hangin' round here no more. 459 00:22:23,307 --> 00:22:25,943 -Uh. [exhales] -Uh. Apparently he does. 460 00:22:27,044 --> 00:22:28,946 Hot spittin' monkey shit. 461 00:22:28,979 --> 00:22:30,948 The hell-- That is not the way I saw things playing out. 462 00:22:31,482 --> 00:22:35,285 -Hey, Franklin. Hey, guy. -I'm an empty nester. 463 00:22:35,752 --> 00:22:38,188 I don't know how I'll fill my days now. 464 00:22:38,222 --> 00:22:40,157 You'll probably do a lot of drugs, 465 00:22:40,190 --> 00:22:42,392 remain unemployed, and rant about corn syrup. 466 00:22:42,759 --> 00:22:45,596 Yeah, thanks, Noah. See, Phineas? 467 00:22:45,629 --> 00:22:47,364 You still got a lot on your plate. 468 00:22:47,397 --> 00:22:49,399 Freddy, where the hell you've been? 469 00:22:49,433 --> 00:22:51,568 And why are you buck naked? 470 00:22:51,602 --> 00:22:52,769 I was living at the cat shelter. 471 00:22:52,803 --> 00:22:56,373 They were really nice to me, and fed me, and everything. 472 00:22:56,406 --> 00:22:59,877 Oh. Then they thought I was a cat that nobody wanted, 473 00:22:59,910 --> 00:23:01,011 and they tried to kill me. 474 00:23:01,278 --> 00:23:03,514 But I think cat gas only works on cats. 475 00:23:03,914 --> 00:23:06,950 Kitty! You're home! Where you been? 476 00:23:06,984 --> 00:23:09,219 I went home with a Jack & Jack couple. 477 00:23:09,253 --> 00:23:12,089 They wanted me to sing, and dance, and take diet pills 478 00:23:12,122 --> 00:23:15,959 like I was Liza Minelli. Man, am I glad to be back. 479 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:17,528 -Whoo! [exhales] -[Kitty groans] 480 00:23:17,561 --> 00:23:19,563 -[Freddy farts] -Get this fat fucker off of me. 481 00:23:19,596 --> 00:23:23,567 Franklin! Phineas! Oh, Lord! 482 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:26,637 This is not how I wanted my life to go. 483 00:23:26,670 --> 00:23:30,174 I only got eight more left. He done took one! 484 00:23:30,207 --> 00:23:32,276 He done took one of my nine. 485 00:23:32,309 --> 00:23:33,944 ♪ I was gonna feed Kitty ♪ 486 00:23:33,977 --> 00:23:34,878 ♪ 'Til I got high ♪ 487 00:23:35,312 --> 00:23:37,981 ♪ But then I got so stoned That 50 years went by ♪ 488 00:23:38,015 --> 00:23:40,918 ♪ In last 2020 The same rules don't apply ♪ 489 00:23:40,951 --> 00:23:43,487 ♪ So, I hit up a dispensary To see what I can buy ♪ 490 00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:45,088 ♪ Gimme this, gimme that! ♪ 491 00:23:45,122 --> 00:23:46,590 ♪ Lemme smoke like hippies! ♪ 492 00:23:46,623 --> 00:23:49,393 ♪ I just let it bump Like a red ant bit me! ♪ 493 00:23:49,426 --> 00:23:52,162 ♪ Time as she wees Suck me in like a hickey ♪ 494 00:23:52,196 --> 00:23:54,464 ♪ It's one-way trip And my brother's here with me ♪ 495 00:23:54,498 --> 00:23:55,532 ♪ Wassup? ♪ 496 00:23:55,566 --> 00:23:57,434 ♪ Three brothers puffin' ♪ 497 00:23:57,467 --> 00:24:01,538 ♪ And we just woke up In year 2020 ♪ 498 00:24:01,738 --> 00:24:05,042 ♪ Woke up in the year 2020 I know ♪ 499 00:24:05,075 --> 00:24:07,945 ♪ We're the Freak Brothers ♪ 500 00:24:11,348 --> 00:24:13,250 [man] It's a good show.