1 00:00:19,251 --> 00:00:23,255 [Harper groans] What a hellacious day. 2 00:00:23,288 --> 00:00:25,757 I mean, I just-- I can't wait to get in my house 3 00:00:25,791 --> 00:00:29,861 and just relax. I'll talk to you later. [sighs] 4 00:00:33,198 --> 00:00:35,901 [announcer on TV] And your secret ingredient is... 5 00:00:36,368 --> 00:00:38,570 -Fennel! -Ooh. 6 00:00:38,603 --> 00:00:39,971 Evening. 7 00:00:40,205 --> 00:00:42,174 Could you please cover your balls? Ugh. 8 00:00:42,207 --> 00:00:46,545 Yes, ma'am. Ten gallon hat for a ten gallon. [laughs] 9 00:00:46,578 --> 00:00:50,182 Oh, God. That's it! House meeting! Now! 10 00:00:51,750 --> 00:00:53,819 I've had it! I'm sick of coming home 11 00:00:53,852 --> 00:00:55,821 to a dirty house, empty fridge, 12 00:00:55,854 --> 00:00:58,957 and your bare asses on my custom crafted furniture. 13 00:00:59,157 --> 00:01:02,227 If laying bare buttocked on an ult-tree suede couch 14 00:01:02,260 --> 00:01:05,797 -is a sin, then drag me to hell. -[laugh] 15 00:01:05,997 --> 00:01:08,800 And who has been ordering hundreds of dollars 16 00:01:08,834 --> 00:01:10,168 of stuff on Amazon? 17 00:01:10,402 --> 00:01:13,638 Oh! A Kitty Condo. 18 00:01:13,672 --> 00:01:17,943 Oh! New James Patterson book. I'm getting right into this. 19 00:01:20,679 --> 00:01:22,147 I think what Harper is trying to say is that 20 00:01:22,180 --> 00:01:25,817 while you three do contribute a certain repartee and, uh... 21 00:01:26,084 --> 00:01:27,052 -Wisdom? -Odor. 22 00:01:27,352 --> 00:01:29,588 We think it's time you start pulling your weight a bit more 23 00:01:29,621 --> 00:01:33,191 -in the, um, financial sphere-- -Get fucking jobs! 24 00:01:33,225 --> 00:01:34,292 -Whoo! -Whoo! 25 00:01:34,326 --> 00:01:36,294 Is that some sort of a metaphor? 26 00:01:36,528 --> 00:01:40,098 Yes, a metaphor for "Pay rent or get out." 27 00:01:40,131 --> 00:01:43,235 And you guys still owe me ten bucks. 28 00:01:43,268 --> 00:01:45,103 Will you take a personal cheque? 29 00:01:46,204 --> 00:01:48,206 [groans] Gimme back my check book! 30 00:01:50,075 --> 00:01:53,011 -[theme song playing] -♪ Brother, hmm ♪ 31 00:01:53,044 --> 00:01:56,081 ♪ Three brothers puffin' ♪ 32 00:01:56,114 --> 00:01:59,885 ♪ And we just woke up In year 2020 ♪ 33 00:01:59,918 --> 00:02:02,220 ♪ Roll another J And forget the day ♪ 34 00:02:02,420 --> 00:02:04,990 ♪ Roll another J and get high ♪ 35 00:02:05,290 --> 00:02:07,692 ♪ Roll another J And forget the day ♪ 36 00:02:08,159 --> 00:02:10,295 ♪ Me and my brothers Getting fried ♪ 37 00:02:10,328 --> 00:02:12,597 ♪ The Freak Brothers ♪ 38 00:02:17,168 --> 00:02:19,704 Getting a job wouldn't be the worst thing. 39 00:02:19,738 --> 00:02:22,674 No, no, no! This is how it starts. 40 00:02:22,707 --> 00:02:25,677 You get a job, and then you're paying taxes. 41 00:02:25,710 --> 00:02:28,713 Then before you know it, you're goose stepping 42 00:02:28,747 --> 00:02:30,782 at a torchlit rally in Nuremberg. 43 00:02:30,815 --> 00:02:34,119 And after you know it, you're stepping in goose poop. 44 00:02:34,152 --> 00:02:36,855 I'm not judging you for your life choices. 45 00:02:37,055 --> 00:02:40,358 I don't judge anything, anywhere, for any reason. 46 00:02:40,392 --> 00:02:42,761 Well, this might be an opportune time 47 00:02:42,794 --> 00:02:46,164 to talk to you about my venereal history. 48 00:02:46,197 --> 00:02:50,135 But there is something to be said for self-sufficiency. 49 00:02:50,168 --> 00:02:52,170 It's a very attractive quality. 50 00:02:52,203 --> 00:02:56,107 Attractive quality. [laughs] Yeah, that's what I'm saying. 51 00:02:56,141 --> 00:03:00,145 Freddy, what the fuck are they talking about? [grunts] 52 00:03:00,178 --> 00:03:02,614 Goose poop. Goose poop. 53 00:03:05,250 --> 00:03:06,651 Can you explain this 54 00:03:06,685 --> 00:03:09,354 fifty-year gap in your work history? 55 00:03:09,387 --> 00:03:11,389 Yes. We were sleeping. 56 00:03:11,423 --> 00:03:14,025 What he means is we were exploring our options. 57 00:03:14,059 --> 00:03:17,028 It was what the kids call a gap year. 58 00:03:17,062 --> 00:03:18,997 Gap. G-A-P. 59 00:03:19,197 --> 00:03:21,800 Stands for "Ganja and Prostitutes." 60 00:03:21,833 --> 00:03:24,336 A.K.A. smokin' and fuckin'. 61 00:03:24,602 --> 00:03:25,503 [grunts] 62 00:03:25,804 --> 00:03:29,341 To be honest, I could give a rat's ass about this gig. 63 00:03:29,374 --> 00:03:31,209 But don't tell the manager when he gets here. 64 00:03:31,409 --> 00:03:32,877 I am the manager. 65 00:03:33,078 --> 00:03:35,380 [laugh] 66 00:03:37,349 --> 00:03:43,121 Yeah, a lady is the manager. And I'm a trumpet! [farts] 67 00:03:43,521 --> 00:03:45,690 -Get out. -[groans] 68 00:03:45,924 --> 00:03:48,727 [Freddy] ♪ Hi ho, hi ho ♪ 69 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:50,862 ♪ It's off to work We don't go ♪ 70 00:03:50,895 --> 00:03:53,765 Work shmerk! Not everyone should have a job. 71 00:03:54,032 --> 00:03:56,067 You know who liked universal employment? 72 00:03:56,101 --> 00:03:58,203 Mao Zedong and Joe Stalin. 73 00:03:58,236 --> 00:03:59,437 No. We're not giving up. 74 00:03:59,671 --> 00:04:03,108 There is one place even your anarchist ass 75 00:04:03,141 --> 00:04:04,442 wouldn't mind working. 76 00:04:05,377 --> 00:04:09,080 So, we'd really love a job. It seems like a great fit. 77 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:11,816 [chuckles] Listen, Frank. Can I call you Frank? 78 00:04:12,017 --> 00:04:14,886 -You came to the right place. -You guys working here with us? 79 00:04:14,919 --> 00:04:17,489 Ah, yes, please! That'd be so tight! 80 00:04:17,522 --> 00:04:20,792 -My pants are tight! -Seriously, dude, 81 00:04:20,825 --> 00:04:23,194 all you do is just like talk weed all day 82 00:04:23,228 --> 00:04:24,796 and you get a great discount. 83 00:04:24,996 --> 00:04:27,298 See, Phineas? Doesn't sound so bad. 84 00:04:27,565 --> 00:04:31,136 Cool. Yeah, just gotta be here every morning at 9:00 am sharp. 85 00:04:31,336 --> 00:04:33,505 -[Charlie] Mm-hmm. -And you have to sweep up 86 00:04:33,538 --> 00:04:34,406 at the end of your shift. 87 00:04:34,706 --> 00:04:37,742 Oh! But you get to keep any coins you find in the dirt. 88 00:04:37,776 --> 00:04:39,344 [chuckles] I found 47 cents once! 89 00:04:39,544 --> 00:04:41,813 At least we get to smoke pot for eight hours. 90 00:04:42,147 --> 00:04:45,083 Oh, no. No, you actually, you can't smoke on the premises. 91 00:04:45,116 --> 00:04:48,453 -State law. -Well, that's understandable, 92 00:04:48,486 --> 00:04:50,488 I guess. I mean a pharmacist 93 00:04:50,522 --> 00:04:53,124 can't pop ludes all day, [ chuckles] am I right? 94 00:04:53,158 --> 00:04:55,093 -I mean they probably could-- -Hey, chuck. 95 00:04:55,126 --> 00:04:58,263 Who would you say means the most to you in the world? 96 00:04:58,463 --> 00:05:00,765 -My mom, definitely. -Your mom's a whore. 97 00:05:00,965 --> 00:05:02,967 Fuck you! [sobs] 98 00:05:03,001 --> 00:05:05,870 Whoa, dude, what the heck, Phineas? 99 00:05:05,904 --> 00:05:07,505 Very unchill. 100 00:05:07,539 --> 00:05:11,309 You guys are officially persona non grata. 101 00:05:11,342 --> 00:05:13,211 Great! When do we start? 102 00:05:14,579 --> 00:05:16,815 Well, thanks. You saved us 103 00:05:16,848 --> 00:05:19,484 from the evil capitalists again, Phineas. 104 00:05:19,517 --> 00:05:20,785 You're welcome. 105 00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:23,488 Nah, nah, nah. See, see, 106 00:05:23,521 --> 00:05:25,924 if the bag got a picture of a cat on it, 107 00:05:25,957 --> 00:05:27,058 it belongs to me. 108 00:05:27,092 --> 00:05:30,161 If it's got a picture of a big fat motherfucker on it, 109 00:05:30,195 --> 00:05:31,563 that's all you. 110 00:05:31,596 --> 00:05:34,099 Man, Gretchen's gonna think we're a bunch of 111 00:05:34,132 --> 00:05:35,934 shit kickin' losers. 112 00:05:35,967 --> 00:05:39,070 Stupid fuckin' Kitty Condo. 113 00:05:40,238 --> 00:05:42,040 Hey! You seein' this? 114 00:05:42,073 --> 00:05:43,842 Better get your boy under control 115 00:05:43,875 --> 00:05:45,076 or we're gonna have a problem. 116 00:05:46,444 --> 00:05:47,445 [meows] 117 00:05:47,745 --> 00:05:50,548 [spy music plays] 118 00:05:52,250 --> 00:05:56,988 [electrical zapping] 119 00:05:57,021 --> 00:05:58,389 [beeping] 120 00:05:59,624 --> 00:06:02,327 [speaking Vietnamese] 121 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:05,964 [speaking Hindi] 122 00:06:06,364 --> 00:06:09,868 -[Kitty meows] -Kitty! [meowing] 123 00:06:09,901 --> 00:06:12,070 Waiting on my shipment is how I am. 124 00:06:12,103 --> 00:06:14,439 Where the hell's my Howdy Doody squeeze toy at? 125 00:06:14,472 --> 00:06:17,342 I love that creepy, little, freckle face cowboy. 126 00:06:17,375 --> 00:06:19,177 I'll look into it. [sighs] 127 00:06:19,210 --> 00:06:21,446 I got 99 problems, and closing in 128 00:06:21,479 --> 00:06:24,983 on a trillion dollars net worth ain't one. [laughs] 129 00:06:25,016 --> 00:06:26,851 You losing Prime customers, JB? 130 00:06:26,885 --> 00:06:30,321 Losing Primers? Jesus, no! Don't even say that. 131 00:06:30,355 --> 00:06:31,890 Then what's the trouble, Hubble? 132 00:06:31,923 --> 00:06:34,325 You got the bling, you got the new señorita. 133 00:06:34,359 --> 00:06:35,960 You're on top of the world, baby. 134 00:06:35,994 --> 00:06:37,862 I'm not worried about this world. 135 00:06:37,896 --> 00:06:39,864 I've got this bet with Elon Musk. 136 00:06:39,898 --> 00:06:42,901 First guy to put a man on Mars, wins. 137 00:06:42,934 --> 00:06:45,136 I hear that. Uh, what's Mars? 138 00:06:45,403 --> 00:06:48,473 I have the rocket. Problem is the astronauts. 139 00:06:48,506 --> 00:06:51,209 I'm trying to cut red tape, like, "safety" 140 00:06:51,242 --> 00:06:53,444 and "redundant life support systems." 141 00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:59,450 When you say, astronauts how many do you need? 142 00:06:59,484 --> 00:07:01,486 -Anywhere from two to four-- -Three? 143 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:05,456 Yeah, three. But, you know, real schmucks 144 00:07:05,657 --> 00:07:09,093 -who won't be missed. -[screwdriver whirring] 145 00:07:09,127 --> 00:07:12,130 -Oh. -[Franklin laughs] 146 00:07:12,630 --> 00:07:14,265 [laughs] 147 00:07:15,033 --> 00:07:21,339 [snoring] 148 00:07:22,140 --> 00:07:23,474 [doorbell rings] 149 00:07:24,008 --> 00:07:26,411 -Get the door, you mope. -I'll get it. 150 00:07:27,145 --> 00:07:30,148 Hello. I'm Jeff Bezos from Amazon. 151 00:07:30,181 --> 00:07:33,284 Amazon? You got our goldfish crackers? 152 00:07:33,318 --> 00:07:36,287 I heard you gentlemen might be in need of a job. 153 00:07:36,321 --> 00:07:37,322 -Yeah, but-- -No! 154 00:07:37,589 --> 00:07:40,692 How would you like to be astronauts? 155 00:07:40,725 --> 00:07:43,361 Astronauts? Hot damn! We're in! 156 00:07:43,394 --> 00:07:47,198 Yeah, we're in. [grunts, farts] 157 00:07:47,232 --> 00:07:50,435 I think I've found my shmucks-- Uh, astronauts. 158 00:07:50,468 --> 00:07:51,569 Men, men. 159 00:07:52,270 --> 00:07:54,172 [drumroll] 160 00:07:55,006 --> 00:07:59,010 I'm Mrs. Maisel, star of Amazon's award-winning series 161 00:07:59,043 --> 00:08:01,379 about a female comedian in the '50s. 162 00:08:01,412 --> 00:08:02,213 Here's a joke. 163 00:08:02,513 --> 00:08:06,184 "How do you stop a Jewish woman from having sex? 164 00:08:06,651 --> 00:08:09,687 -Marry her! [laughs] -[grunt] 165 00:08:09,721 --> 00:08:13,291 Now it's time to train for your trip to Mars. 166 00:08:13,324 --> 00:08:15,093 This is too cool for school. 167 00:08:15,126 --> 00:08:17,328 I'm gonna be a daggum space man! 168 00:08:17,362 --> 00:08:20,198 Franklin, you dumb country bumpkin. 169 00:08:20,565 --> 00:08:22,967 Space travel is a hoax. 170 00:08:23,001 --> 00:08:25,436 Moon landing was shot on a soundstage 171 00:08:25,470 --> 00:08:27,372 in Walt Disney's basement. 172 00:08:27,405 --> 00:08:31,009 Wait ‘til Gretchen sees you in your space suit! 173 00:08:31,309 --> 00:08:33,745 She'll get a boner. [chuckles] 174 00:08:33,778 --> 00:08:35,546 [Jeff Bezos] They're perfect. 175 00:08:35,747 --> 00:08:38,549 [Tambor] Don't they seem a bit limited? 176 00:08:38,583 --> 00:08:41,386 No. "Limited," Jeffrey Tambor, 177 00:08:41,419 --> 00:08:43,388 is the number of options you have 178 00:08:43,421 --> 00:08:46,224 after air-humping half the cast of Transparent. 179 00:08:46,257 --> 00:08:48,459 -That was never proven! -It was worse than "proven." 180 00:08:48,493 --> 00:08:50,495 It was alleged! Bottom line, 181 00:08:50,528 --> 00:08:53,698 I got you under contract for two more years. 182 00:08:53,731 --> 00:08:55,566 You wear the dress, you wear the wig, 183 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:58,436 -you do what I say. -Yes, milord. 184 00:08:58,469 --> 00:09:01,339 Stop improvising! And wipe that lipstick off, 185 00:09:01,372 --> 00:09:02,607 you look like a whore. 186 00:09:05,610 --> 00:09:07,178 [footsteps approaching] 187 00:09:07,912 --> 00:09:10,748 -[Harper] Wow. [chuckles] -Go on. Open it. 188 00:09:11,683 --> 00:09:13,051 Oh. Uh. 189 00:09:13,551 --> 00:09:16,554 A sixty-four pack of toilet paper. 190 00:09:16,587 --> 00:09:20,325 That is so thoughtful. 191 00:09:20,358 --> 00:09:22,760 Go on try it out. It's the good stuff! 192 00:09:22,794 --> 00:09:24,562 We won't need it where we're going. 193 00:09:24,595 --> 00:09:27,332 So, what exactly are you working men doing? 194 00:09:27,365 --> 00:09:29,067 It's top secret. [exhales] 195 00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:32,537 But Amazon's involved if you catch my drift. 196 00:09:32,570 --> 00:09:34,605 So, you're working in the warehouse? 197 00:09:34,972 --> 00:09:36,708 [laughs] Heck, no. 198 00:09:36,741 --> 00:09:40,211 Suffice it to say, this will be the most important job 199 00:09:40,244 --> 00:09:41,312 we have ever done. 200 00:09:41,346 --> 00:09:43,581 It's the only job you've ever done. 201 00:09:43,915 --> 00:09:46,617 They said not to say nothin', so I'll spell it. 202 00:09:46,651 --> 00:09:50,154 We're going to M-A-R-Z. 203 00:09:50,488 --> 00:09:52,390 That's it, cat's outta the bag, 204 00:09:52,423 --> 00:09:55,193 we're astronauts, and we're blastin' off 205 00:09:55,226 --> 00:09:57,095 to Mars tomorrow! [chuckles] 206 00:09:57,128 --> 00:09:58,730 How's that for self-sufficient? 207 00:09:58,763 --> 00:10:00,665 [Phineas] How's that for self-delusional? 208 00:10:00,698 --> 00:10:02,734 There is no space program. 209 00:10:02,767 --> 00:10:06,437 It's all a hoax-- Ow! Ow! You fuck! 210 00:10:06,471 --> 00:10:08,506 Don't you need training to be an astronaut? 211 00:10:08,539 --> 00:10:11,376 Astronauts. [scoffs] Yeah, right. 212 00:10:11,409 --> 00:10:13,644 Uh, damn, I got a hangnail. 213 00:10:13,678 --> 00:10:16,414 Oh, we received loads of training! 214 00:10:16,714 --> 00:10:19,817 Diversity, sexual harassment... 215 00:10:19,851 --> 00:10:22,186 I learned you gotta tell a woman 216 00:10:22,220 --> 00:10:23,721 before you touch her bur-jine-urr. 217 00:10:24,455 --> 00:10:26,591 Well, whatever it is you're doing, 218 00:10:26,791 --> 00:10:28,693 -I'm very proud. -Yes. 219 00:10:28,726 --> 00:10:31,396 You got jobs, whatever they are. 220 00:10:31,429 --> 00:10:33,231 That is the important thing. 221 00:10:33,498 --> 00:10:35,800 Pardon me for offering my two cents, 222 00:10:35,833 --> 00:10:38,236 but do you feel no compunction 223 00:10:38,269 --> 00:10:41,806 about sending these picaroons to a likely demise? 224 00:10:41,839 --> 00:10:44,142 I got the most powerful man in the world sending me 225 00:10:44,175 --> 00:10:47,879 the best squeezy toy ever made, that's Howdy Doody by the way, 226 00:10:47,912 --> 00:10:51,549 direct to my door. Do I look compuncted to you? 227 00:10:51,582 --> 00:10:53,584 [dramatic music playing] 228 00:10:54,685 --> 00:10:56,687 Pretty impressive, huh, A-lon? 229 00:10:56,721 --> 00:10:59,223 You haven't won the bet yet, B-zos. 230 00:10:59,257 --> 00:11:00,558 Your guys still gotta make it there. 231 00:11:00,758 --> 00:11:01,659 Where'd you find them anyway? 232 00:11:01,993 --> 00:11:04,562 Oh, I got this friend who's a cat who found them for me. 233 00:11:04,595 --> 00:11:06,697 You have a friend? What's that like? 234 00:11:07,131 --> 00:11:09,901 [heroic music plays] 235 00:11:09,934 --> 00:11:12,837 [cheers and applause] 236 00:11:19,210 --> 00:11:20,578 [crowd gasps] 237 00:11:21,846 --> 00:11:23,381 [sighs] Tape! 238 00:11:27,218 --> 00:11:31,389 -Well, hello there, pretty lady. -[sighs] I hate my life. 239 00:11:31,756 --> 00:11:34,592 Wow, they went all out on this set. 240 00:11:34,625 --> 00:11:36,527 This fake Mars mission is gonna give 241 00:11:36,561 --> 00:11:38,629 that fake moon landing a run for its money. 242 00:11:38,663 --> 00:11:42,166 Right, Phineas. All this stuff is fake. 243 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:43,201 So, so fake. 244 00:11:44,836 --> 00:11:48,306 [Phineas] Styrofoam and, uh, dry ice? 245 00:11:48,339 --> 00:11:52,376 And forty million newtons of thrust! [screams] 246 00:11:52,743 --> 00:11:54,345 [Franklin] First men on Mars. 247 00:11:54,378 --> 00:11:56,314 We're gonna get a hell of a parade. 248 00:11:56,714 --> 00:11:57,748 [sniffs] 249 00:11:58,015 --> 00:12:01,686 Now, they're pumping rocket fuel scented air freshener in here. 250 00:12:01,919 --> 00:12:03,721 Nice touch, Bezos! 251 00:12:03,754 --> 00:12:06,190 Someone call out things I can say “check” to! 252 00:12:06,224 --> 00:12:08,659 Sure thing, fellow astronauts! Seat belts. 253 00:12:08,693 --> 00:12:10,328 Check! That's everything. 254 00:12:10,361 --> 00:12:12,864 -Three, two, one, launch! -No, wait! 255 00:12:12,897 --> 00:12:19,637 [rumbles] Whoa! Holy shit! We're going to space! 256 00:12:20,605 --> 00:12:24,542 Space Cowboy. Yee-haw! 257 00:12:25,843 --> 00:12:31,282 Eject button! Can't move hand! 258 00:12:31,315 --> 00:12:35,553 Get away from button. 259 00:12:35,887 --> 00:12:38,322 -Stop. -Get away! 260 00:12:38,356 --> 00:12:39,490 -No! -Nope! 261 00:12:39,524 --> 00:12:43,561 Don't need seatbelt! Big boy. 262 00:12:44,929 --> 00:12:47,198 No! 263 00:12:48,499 --> 00:12:49,934 Wanna pay me what you owe me now? 264 00:12:50,334 --> 00:12:53,538 -One dollar. -No way, mutha-fucka. 265 00:12:53,571 --> 00:12:55,540 You still have to stick the landing. 266 00:12:55,573 --> 00:12:58,876 Now, if you'll excuse me, my hyperloop awaits. 267 00:12:59,510 --> 00:13:01,846 Mrs. Bezos, nice meeting you. 268 00:13:02,179 --> 00:13:04,248 You gave up half your empire for this? 269 00:13:08,519 --> 00:13:13,758 [suspenseful music plays] 270 00:13:22,733 --> 00:13:28,039 No! No! No! Come back! Are you fucking crazy, Phineas? 271 00:13:28,072 --> 00:13:32,877 -We were going to Mars! -Exactly! We were going to Mars! 272 00:13:32,910 --> 00:13:34,645 I don't even like leaving the house! 273 00:13:34,679 --> 00:13:36,814 I was gonna come home a hero! 274 00:13:36,847 --> 00:13:39,050 Be on the cover of Life Magazine . 275 00:13:39,083 --> 00:13:42,587 More like the cover of Dead Guy Magazine. 276 00:13:42,620 --> 00:13:45,790 Every time somethin' good comes my way, 277 00:13:45,823 --> 00:13:49,727 you take the wheel and drive us into a ditch. 278 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:50,995 You got something to say? 279 00:13:51,028 --> 00:13:52,863 -say it! -I hate you, 280 00:13:52,897 --> 00:13:55,900 and you always find a way to ruin my life. 281 00:13:55,933 --> 00:13:57,535 Stop talking in metaphors. 282 00:13:57,568 --> 00:13:59,704 I can't have a conversation with this guy! 283 00:14:00,071 --> 00:14:01,739 People of Mars. 284 00:14:02,039 --> 00:14:04,976 I bring you greetings from Planet Earth. 285 00:14:07,378 --> 00:14:08,179 [Jeff] goddammit! 286 00:14:08,613 --> 00:14:11,048 Whose idea was it to have a functioning ejection button? 287 00:14:11,082 --> 00:14:14,952 Hey, now! Don't look at me. Shall I release the dollar? 288 00:14:16,020 --> 00:14:17,622 -Never! -[groans] 289 00:14:17,655 --> 00:14:21,325 Musk doesn't know they ejected, and he never will. 290 00:14:21,525 --> 00:14:22,960 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 291 00:14:22,994 --> 00:14:24,962 -What are you thinking? -That I get to star 292 00:14:24,996 --> 00:14:27,031 in a show where I don't have to wear grandma panties? 293 00:14:27,064 --> 00:14:29,100 Yeah. That's what America's waiting for. 294 00:14:29,133 --> 00:14:31,369 You know how we digitally removed you 295 00:14:31,402 --> 00:14:33,471 from all past seasons of Transparent? 296 00:14:33,504 --> 00:14:34,705 What? You did? 297 00:14:34,739 --> 00:14:37,375 We'll use the same CGI technology 298 00:14:37,408 --> 00:14:38,976 to place the Freaks in the capsule 299 00:14:39,010 --> 00:14:40,811 and show them landing on Mars. 300 00:14:40,845 --> 00:14:43,080 But what about the actual Freaks? 301 00:14:43,114 --> 00:14:46,050 Oh, we'll kill them. Activate the asset. 302 00:14:46,083 --> 00:14:47,852 -[Alexa] Activating asset. -[thrilling music plays] 303 00:14:54,025 --> 00:14:55,793 [Phineas] The rocket was real, okay? 304 00:14:55,826 --> 00:14:59,130 I was wrong about that. But we're not real astronauts. 305 00:14:59,163 --> 00:15:00,831 Why would they send us? 306 00:15:00,865 --> 00:15:02,800 Doesn't something feel off to you? 307 00:15:02,833 --> 00:15:05,569 Yeah. [chuckles] Something feels off! 308 00:15:05,603 --> 00:15:07,405 We're in the middle of the desert 309 00:15:07,438 --> 00:15:10,508 when we should be on our way to Mars! 310 00:15:10,541 --> 00:15:12,610 Guys, don't fight in front of the Martians. 311 00:15:14,445 --> 00:15:15,479 [squawks] 312 00:15:15,846 --> 00:15:19,450 I don't know why I ever do anything you say. 313 00:15:19,483 --> 00:15:22,687 -You always let us down. -Wait a minute! 314 00:15:22,953 --> 00:15:25,956 When have I ever, ever let us down? 315 00:15:25,990 --> 00:15:27,925 Oh, let's see here. Oh, here we go. 316 00:15:27,958 --> 00:15:30,628 Putting us to sleep for fifty years. 317 00:15:30,661 --> 00:15:34,498 Burning my draft card. Which was still in my wallet. 318 00:15:34,532 --> 00:15:38,035 Which was still in my pants. Which was still on my body! 319 00:15:38,069 --> 00:15:40,638 Better than going to Vietnam, wasn't it? 320 00:15:40,671 --> 00:15:42,673 Telling me college was a conspiracy 321 00:15:42,707 --> 00:15:44,575 of the education complex. 322 00:15:44,608 --> 00:15:48,012 Condoms were a conspiracy of the latex complex. 323 00:15:48,045 --> 00:15:51,716 Jobs were a conspiracy of the employment complex... 324 00:15:51,749 --> 00:15:54,652 and finally, making us leave our apartment 325 00:15:54,685 --> 00:15:58,856 because it was a conspiracy of the apartment complex! 326 00:15:58,889 --> 00:16:01,459 -Where are you going? -Back to Amazon! 327 00:16:01,492 --> 00:16:03,761 I'm gettin' on the next rocket to Mars. 328 00:16:03,794 --> 00:16:05,529 If they'll still have me. 329 00:16:05,563 --> 00:16:06,997 You can't just go. 330 00:16:07,031 --> 00:16:09,533 -What about Freddy? -He's a grown man. 331 00:16:09,567 --> 00:16:10,868 He can take care of himself. 332 00:16:11,402 --> 00:16:14,705 [Freddy] Captain's log, I have made contact with Martians. 333 00:16:15,072 --> 00:16:19,477 -They do not like to be hugged. -Go! Who needs ya? 334 00:16:19,510 --> 00:16:21,212 Just be careful where you walk! 335 00:16:21,245 --> 00:16:24,081 The desert's a playground for the CIA! 336 00:16:24,115 --> 00:16:27,084 Filled with trip wires, and coyote people! 337 00:16:27,485 --> 00:16:28,886 [Jeff Bezos] Yes, Kitty. All good. 338 00:16:28,919 --> 00:16:30,187 They're on their way to the red planet. 339 00:16:30,454 --> 00:16:31,922 Thanks again for the referral. 340 00:16:31,956 --> 00:16:33,491 That's five percent off your next order. 341 00:16:33,524 --> 00:16:34,992 Yeah, yeah. 342 00:16:35,192 --> 00:16:38,028 Yeah, the number I'm most concerned with is “three.” 343 00:16:38,062 --> 00:16:40,197 That's three days in a row I've gone outside 344 00:16:40,231 --> 00:16:42,767 and not seen Howdy Doody on my doorstep. 345 00:16:43,134 --> 00:16:46,170 [ringing] Xiawu hao, Amazon. Xi xi. Prime member? 346 00:16:46,203 --> 00:16:47,138 Smell ya later, Kitty! 347 00:16:47,171 --> 00:16:49,707 Customer in Tai Pei got the wrong mattress. 348 00:16:49,740 --> 00:16:51,142 Meow, meow, meow. 349 00:16:51,175 --> 00:16:53,043 JB? We had a deal man! 350 00:16:53,077 --> 00:16:55,980 Hello? Oh, he did not just hang up on me. 351 00:16:56,547 --> 00:16:58,616 I'm worried about Franklin. 352 00:16:59,049 --> 00:17:02,052 -Do you think he's in danger? -Of course, he's in danger. 353 00:17:02,086 --> 00:17:03,020 We're all in danger. 354 00:17:03,053 --> 00:17:05,256 I just haven't cracked what's going on yet. 355 00:17:05,289 --> 00:17:08,993 But I feel like I'm gettin' close. [screams] 356 00:17:12,797 --> 00:17:14,498 What the fuck was that? 357 00:17:14,799 --> 00:17:18,002 It feels like somebody's trying to send us a message. 358 00:17:18,035 --> 00:17:21,872 Maybe they want us to learn piano! 359 00:17:23,007 --> 00:17:24,008 A ride home! 360 00:17:28,279 --> 00:17:31,215 Jeff Bezos says, hello. 361 00:17:34,919 --> 00:17:37,021 Ha! I told you there were tripwires 362 00:17:37,054 --> 00:17:38,155 in this desert! 363 00:17:38,189 --> 00:17:39,990 So, I was right! Wait! 364 00:17:40,024 --> 00:17:43,260 That guy said, “Jeff Bezos says, hello.” 365 00:17:43,294 --> 00:17:46,197 So, that means, Hang on, I almost got it. 366 00:17:46,564 --> 00:17:50,000 [gasps] Jeff Bezos is trying to kill us! 367 00:17:50,367 --> 00:17:52,069 Franklin! 368 00:17:54,939 --> 00:17:56,273 [growls] 369 00:18:05,916 --> 00:18:09,887 Thank God! Hey! Hey, it's me! 370 00:18:11,155 --> 00:18:13,591 Hello? [chuckles] Hello? 371 00:18:13,624 --> 00:18:16,060 Mr. Bezos? It's me. 372 00:18:16,093 --> 00:18:17,962 Freewheelin' Franklin Freek. 373 00:18:17,995 --> 00:18:22,299 I'm sorry that idiot Phineas screwed up your space launch! 374 00:18:22,333 --> 00:18:25,603 We... we were sort of like brothers, 375 00:18:25,636 --> 00:18:28,672 which is why I listened to him. But we're not brothers anymore! 376 00:18:30,241 --> 00:18:33,577 -[dramatic music plays] -Hello? 377 00:18:35,646 --> 00:18:36,747 What the heck? 378 00:18:40,651 --> 00:18:42,887 -Where am I? -[drumroll] 379 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:44,622 [Tambor] And now, ladies and gentlemen, 380 00:18:44,655 --> 00:18:49,260 from her Amazon Original Series, the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel! 381 00:18:49,293 --> 00:18:51,161 -[audience cheering, applauding] -Hey now! 382 00:18:51,195 --> 00:18:52,763 Thank you! 383 00:18:52,997 --> 00:18:55,132 Oh, can someone turn down these lights? 384 00:18:55,165 --> 00:18:58,102 I'm shvitzing like a moyel with Parkinson's! 385 00:18:58,135 --> 00:19:01,071 -[audience laughing] -I gotta get back on a rocket, 386 00:19:01,105 --> 00:19:03,841 so I can go up to Mars, and then come back a hero. 387 00:19:03,874 --> 00:19:08,112 Come back? [laughs] That was a one-way trip. 388 00:19:08,145 --> 00:19:10,214 You were never coming back, darling. 389 00:19:10,247 --> 00:19:13,684 -[audience laughing] -Oh, my God. I'm such an idiot. 390 00:19:14,285 --> 00:19:17,054 One last joke before I kill you! 391 00:19:17,087 --> 00:19:18,956 How do you stop an empowered woman 392 00:19:18,989 --> 00:19:21,091 with the juiciest brisket in Manhattan, 393 00:19:21,125 --> 00:19:24,995 and a forty-five pointed at your heart? [screams] 394 00:19:25,729 --> 00:19:29,333 With a one-ton pallet of Fiji water, that's how! 395 00:19:29,366 --> 00:19:33,337 -On special for Prime Members! -[applause] 396 00:19:33,370 --> 00:19:36,407 I know I always say you screw up my life, 397 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:39,910 which you do. But you just saved it. 398 00:19:39,944 --> 00:19:42,980 -So, I guess I owe you-- -An apology? 399 00:19:43,247 --> 00:19:45,649 I was gonna say a beer and a burger, but 400 00:19:45,683 --> 00:19:48,752 if it's an apology you want, well, hey, that's a lot cheaper. 401 00:19:48,786 --> 00:19:49,787 [laughs] 402 00:19:50,654 --> 00:19:54,058 I know sometimes I can sound a bit overly accurate 403 00:19:54,091 --> 00:19:56,927 which people might interpret as crazy! 404 00:19:56,961 --> 00:19:59,997 -But I'm gonna work on it. -Hey, you are crazy. 405 00:20:00,030 --> 00:20:02,800 Crazy as a menstruatin' armadilla. 406 00:20:02,833 --> 00:20:06,337 -But, uh, hey, thanks brother. -All right. Let's get out here. 407 00:20:06,370 --> 00:20:08,172 -Freddy? -Just a second! 408 00:20:09,873 --> 00:20:11,175 Oh, perfect! 409 00:20:11,642 --> 00:20:14,812 Ah, shit. How are we gonna get home, now? 410 00:20:15,179 --> 00:20:16,246 How about those? 411 00:20:17,915 --> 00:20:20,951 [upbeat music plays] 412 00:20:23,988 --> 00:20:27,358 ♪ Born to be high ♪ 413 00:20:29,059 --> 00:20:30,127 -Yo! -Hey! 414 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:35,933 ♪ Born to be high Born to be high ♪ 415 00:20:36,333 --> 00:20:39,169 ♪ Oh, gotta weed smoke With my G, cold ♪ 416 00:20:39,203 --> 00:20:41,472 ♪ Hoppin' out the sixes With some gypsies ♪ 417 00:20:41,505 --> 00:20:42,373 ♪ In the freak rows ♪ 418 00:20:42,873 --> 00:20:45,943 ♪ You can see smoke Often as a rooted to my seat ♪ 419 00:20:45,976 --> 00:20:48,846 ♪ ...got the munchies Man, I need to get ♪ 420 00:20:48,879 --> 00:20:52,116 ♪ I get high, I get high, I'm never coming down ♪ 421 00:20:52,149 --> 00:20:55,352 ♪ Give me Kush, give me Haze They lift me up the ground ♪ 422 00:20:55,386 --> 00:20:58,489 ♪ When your life gets tough And you don't know how ♪ 423 00:20:58,522 --> 00:21:00,257 ♪ Light a spliff And keep on pushin' ♪ 424 00:21:00,290 --> 00:21:02,092 ♪ 'Cause you have right now ♪ 425 00:21:03,460 --> 00:21:08,032 [sighs] Home sweet home. Good to be back on planet Earth. 426 00:21:13,437 --> 00:21:15,806 What the hell are you doing here? 427 00:21:16,006 --> 00:21:20,244 It's a long story. It all started back in 1969. 428 00:21:20,744 --> 00:21:22,780 Here, I got you something from Mars. 429 00:21:24,782 --> 00:21:26,250 Ooh! 430 00:21:26,283 --> 00:21:27,284 [rattles] 431 00:21:29,253 --> 00:21:32,256 You fat, beautiful son of bitch. 432 00:21:35,426 --> 00:21:38,162 [Alexa] Unlocking doors. Hello, father. 433 00:21:38,195 --> 00:21:40,831 If you wanna build a trillion-dollar company, 434 00:21:40,864 --> 00:21:43,934 or kill someone, you gotta do it yourself. 435 00:21:44,234 --> 00:21:47,004 -Jeffrey? -I'm sorry, I'm under contract. 436 00:21:48,105 --> 00:21:50,040 -[Kitty] Meow? -Hello, Kitty. 437 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:52,843 You'll probably want to stand on this side 438 00:21:52,876 --> 00:21:54,945 -of Mademoiselle Tambor. -JB, 439 00:21:54,978 --> 00:21:56,980 I ain't gonna let you do this. 440 00:21:57,014 --> 00:21:59,516 Call off your wife, or I'm canceling Prime. 441 00:21:59,550 --> 00:22:03,954 No! You can't cancel Prime. Nobody cancels Prime. 442 00:22:03,987 --> 00:22:07,057 My whole empire is primed on the primacy of Prime! 443 00:22:07,091 --> 00:22:10,127 Don't do the crime if you can't lose the Prime. 444 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:12,262 You're really going to give it all up? 445 00:22:12,596 --> 00:22:15,399 The treats? The scratching post? For what? 446 00:22:15,432 --> 00:22:17,301 These... these Freaks? 447 00:22:17,534 --> 00:22:18,769 He delivered. 448 00:22:20,070 --> 00:22:21,138 You didn't. 449 00:22:21,171 --> 00:22:23,507 [laughs] Got you there, boss. Hey now! 450 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:31,915 You're a worthy adversary, Kitty. 451 00:22:31,949 --> 00:22:34,985 Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. 452 00:22:35,886 --> 00:22:36,720 [sighs] Phew! 453 00:22:37,020 --> 00:22:40,958 -Kitty, you saved us. -What else is new, bitches? 454 00:22:40,991 --> 00:22:44,228 Oh, that feels good. Yeah, behind the ears. 455 00:22:44,261 --> 00:22:47,898 Now lower. Ooh! To the left. 456 00:22:47,931 --> 00:22:51,001 I think we all learned a little something here today. 457 00:22:51,034 --> 00:22:55,038 Something every school child should take to heart. 458 00:22:55,072 --> 00:22:58,408 Nothing good ever comes from having a job. 459 00:22:58,442 --> 00:22:59,877 Jobs bad! 460 00:22:59,910 --> 00:23:01,478 Hey, why aren't you guys at work? 461 00:23:01,512 --> 00:23:03,847 Oh, great, let me guess. 462 00:23:03,881 --> 00:23:05,916 If you guess that we're home early because we ejected 463 00:23:05,949 --> 00:23:08,385 from a rocket ship, you guessed right. 464 00:23:08,418 --> 00:23:10,120 Well, the deal hasn't changed. 465 00:23:10,154 --> 00:23:12,489 If you want to keep living here, you have to get a job. 466 00:23:12,523 --> 00:23:15,292 You don't understand we-- You're right. 467 00:23:15,592 --> 00:23:17,961 We'll start looking for a new gig tomorrow. 468 00:23:17,995 --> 00:23:21,365 And now that you have "astronaut" on your resumés, 469 00:23:21,398 --> 00:23:23,100 I'm sure something will open up. 470 00:23:23,133 --> 00:23:27,571 Oh, Kitty! You gotta stop playing with my laser pointer. 471 00:23:28,005 --> 00:23:30,941 -[beeping] -[sighs] I hate my life. 472 00:23:36,613 --> 00:23:39,149 I'm gonna get those Freak Brothers. 473 00:23:39,183 --> 00:23:41,118 And their little Kitty too! 474 00:23:41,151 --> 00:23:43,620 -[laughs evilly] -[coyote growling] 475 00:23:43,654 --> 00:23:45,122 Holy shit, what is that? 476 00:23:47,090 --> 00:23:50,194 [howls] 477 00:23:50,394 --> 00:23:55,499 ♪ Born to be high Born to be high ♪ 478 00:23:56,066 --> 00:23:59,269 ♪ Oh, glad that we smoke With my G, cold ♪ 479 00:23:59,303 --> 00:24:01,305 ♪ Hoppin' out the sixes With some gypsies ♪ 480 00:24:01,338 --> 00:24:02,539 ♪ In the freak rows 481 00:24:02,573 --> 00:24:04,208 ♪ You can see smoke puffin' ♪ 482 00:24:04,241 --> 00:24:05,642 ♪ As I'm glued down to my seat ♪ 483 00:24:05,676 --> 00:24:07,611 ♪ Laughin' as I'm passin' Got the munchies ♪ 484 00:24:07,644 --> 00:24:08,412 ♪ Man, I need to get ♪ 485 00:24:08,979 --> 00:24:12,015 ♪ I get high, I get high, I'm never coming down ♪ 486 00:24:12,049 --> 00:24:15,152 ♪ Give me Kush, give me Haze They lift me off the ground ♪ 487 00:24:15,185 --> 00:24:18,522 ♪ When your life gets tough And you don't know how ♪ 488 00:24:18,555 --> 00:24:20,257 ♪ Light a spliff And keep it pushin' ♪ 489 00:24:20,290 --> 00:24:22,326 ♪ 'Cause you have right now ♪ 490 00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:25,629 ♪ Born to be high ♪ 491 00:24:27,397 --> 00:24:28,498 -♪ Yo! -♪ Hey! 492 00:24:28,532 --> 00:24:32,169 ♪ Born to be high ♪ 493 00:24:34,738 --> 00:24:36,907 [man] It's a good show.