1 00:00:29,344 --> 00:00:33,348 [Harper groans] What a hellacious day. 2 00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:35,850 I mean, I just-- I can't wait to get in my house 3 00:00:35,884 --> 00:00:39,954 and just relax. I'll talk to you later. [sighs] 4 00:00:43,291 --> 00:00:45,994 [announcer on TV] And your secret ingredient is... 5 00:00:46,461 --> 00:00:48,663 -Fennel! -Ooh. 6 00:00:48,696 --> 00:00:50,064 Evening. 7 00:00:50,298 --> 00:00:52,267 Could you please cover your balls? Ugh. 8 00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:56,638 Yes, ma'am. Ten gallon hat for a ten gallon. [laughs] 9 00:00:56,671 --> 00:01:00,275 Oh, God. That's it! House meeting! Now! 10 00:01:01,843 --> 00:01:03,912 I've had it! I'm sick of coming home 11 00:01:03,945 --> 00:01:05,914 to a dirty house, empty fridge, 12 00:01:05,947 --> 00:01:09,050 and your bare asses on my custom crafted furniture. 13 00:01:09,250 --> 00:01:12,320 If laying bare buttocked on an ult-tree suede couch 14 00:01:12,353 --> 00:01:15,890 -is a sin, then drag me to hell. -[laugh] 15 00:01:16,090 --> 00:01:18,893 And who has been ordering hundreds of dollars 16 00:01:18,927 --> 00:01:20,261 of stuff on Amazon? 17 00:01:20,495 --> 00:01:23,731 Oh! A Kitty Condo. 18 00:01:23,765 --> 00:01:28,036 Oh! New James Patterson book. I'm getting right into this. 19 00:01:30,772 --> 00:01:32,240 I think what Harper is trying to say is that 20 00:01:32,273 --> 00:01:35,910 while you three do contribute a certain repartee and, uh... 21 00:01:36,177 --> 00:01:37,145 -Wisdom? -Odor. 22 00:01:37,445 --> 00:01:39,681 We think it's time you start pulling your weight a bit more 23 00:01:39,714 --> 00:01:43,284 -in the, um, financial sphere-- -Get fucking jobs! 24 00:01:43,318 --> 00:01:44,385 -Whoo! -Whoo! 25 00:01:44,419 --> 00:01:46,387 Is that some sort of a metaphor? 26 00:01:46,621 --> 00:01:50,191 Yes, a metaphor for "Pay rent or get out." 27 00:01:50,224 --> 00:01:53,328 And you guys still owe me ten bucks. 28 00:01:53,361 --> 00:01:55,196 Will you take a personal cheque? 29 00:01:56,297 --> 00:01:58,299 [groans] Gimme back my check book! 30 00:02:00,168 --> 00:02:03,104 -[theme song playing] -♪ Brother, hmm ♪ 31 00:02:03,137 --> 00:02:06,174 ♪ Three brothers puffin' ♪ 32 00:02:06,207 --> 00:02:09,978 ♪ And we just woke up In year 2020 ♪ 33 00:02:10,011 --> 00:02:12,313 ♪ Roll another J And forget the day ♪ 34 00:02:12,513 --> 00:02:15,083 ♪ Roll another J and get high ♪ 35 00:02:15,383 --> 00:02:17,785 ♪ Roll another J And forget the day ♪ 36 00:02:18,252 --> 00:02:20,388 ♪ Me and my brothers Getting fried ♪ 37 00:02:20,421 --> 00:02:22,690 ♪ The Freak Brothers ♪ 38 00:02:27,261 --> 00:02:29,797 Getting a job wouldn't be the worst thing. 39 00:02:29,831 --> 00:02:32,767 No, no, no! This is how it starts. 40 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:35,770 You get a job, and then you're paying taxes. 41 00:02:35,803 --> 00:02:38,806 Then before you know it, you're goose stepping 42 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:40,875 at a torchlit rally in Nuremberg. 43 00:02:40,908 --> 00:02:44,212 And after you know it, you're stepping in goose poop. 44 00:02:44,245 --> 00:02:46,948 I'm not judging you for your life choices. 45 00:02:47,148 --> 00:02:50,451 I don't judge anything, anywhere, for any reason. 46 00:02:50,485 --> 00:02:52,854 Well, this might be an opportune time 47 00:02:52,887 --> 00:02:56,257 to talk to you about my venereal history. 48 00:02:56,290 --> 00:03:00,228 But there is something to be said for self-sufficiency. 49 00:03:00,261 --> 00:03:02,263 It's a very attractive quality. 50 00:03:02,296 --> 00:03:06,200 Attractive quality. [laughs] Yeah, that's what I'm saying. 51 00:03:06,234 --> 00:03:10,238 Freddy, what the fuck are they talking about? [grunts] 52 00:03:10,271 --> 00:03:12,707 Goose poop. Goose poop. 53 00:03:15,343 --> 00:03:16,744 Can you explain this 54 00:03:16,778 --> 00:03:19,447 fifty-year gap in your work history? 55 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:21,482 Yes. We were sleeping. 56 00:03:21,516 --> 00:03:24,118 What he means is we were exploring our options. 57 00:03:24,152 --> 00:03:27,121 It was what the kids call a gap year. 58 00:03:27,155 --> 00:03:29,090 Gap. G-A-P. 59 00:03:29,290 --> 00:03:31,893 Stands for "Ganja and Prostitutes." 60 00:03:31,926 --> 00:03:34,429 A.K.A. smokin' and fuckin'. 61 00:03:34,695 --> 00:03:35,596 [grunts] 62 00:03:35,897 --> 00:03:39,434 To be honest, I could give a rat's ass about this gig. 63 00:03:39,467 --> 00:03:41,302 But don't tell the manager when he gets here. 64 00:03:41,502 --> 00:03:42,970 I am the manager. 65 00:03:43,171 --> 00:03:45,473 [laugh] 66 00:03:47,442 --> 00:03:53,214 Yeah, a lady is the manager. And I'm a trumpet! [farts] 67 00:03:53,614 --> 00:03:55,783 -Get out. -[groans] 68 00:03:56,017 --> 00:03:58,820 [Freddy] ♪ Hi ho, hi ho ♪ 69 00:03:58,853 --> 00:04:00,955 ♪ It's off to work We don't go ♪ 70 00:04:00,988 --> 00:04:03,858 Work shmerk! Not everyone should have a job. 71 00:04:04,125 --> 00:04:06,160 You know who liked universal employment? 72 00:04:06,194 --> 00:04:08,296 Mao Zedong and Joe Stalin. 73 00:04:08,329 --> 00:04:09,530 No. We're not giving up. 74 00:04:09,764 --> 00:04:13,201 There is one place even your anarchist ass 75 00:04:13,234 --> 00:04:14,535 wouldn't mind working. 76 00:04:15,470 --> 00:04:19,173 So, we'd really love a job. It seems like a great fit. 77 00:04:19,373 --> 00:04:21,909 [chuckles] Listen, Frank. Can I call you Frank? 78 00:04:22,110 --> 00:04:24,979 -You came to the right place. -You guys working here with us? 79 00:04:25,012 --> 00:04:27,582 Ah, yes, please! That'd be so tight! 80 00:04:27,615 --> 00:04:30,885 -My pants are tight! -Seriously, dude, 81 00:04:30,918 --> 00:04:33,287 all you do is just like talk weed all day 82 00:04:33,321 --> 00:04:34,889 and you get a great discount. 83 00:04:35,089 --> 00:04:37,391 See, Phineas? Doesn't sound so bad. 84 00:04:37,658 --> 00:04:41,229 Cool. Yeah, just gotta be here every morning at 9:00 am sharp. 85 00:04:41,429 --> 00:04:43,598 -[Charlie] Mm-hmm. -And you have to sweep up 86 00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:44,499 at the end of your shift. 87 00:04:44,799 --> 00:04:47,835 Oh! But you get to keep any coins you find in the dirt. 88 00:04:47,869 --> 00:04:49,437 [chuckles] I found 47 cents once! 89 00:04:49,637 --> 00:04:51,906 At least we get to smoke pot for eight hours. 90 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:55,176 Oh, no. No, you actually, you can't smoke on the premises. 91 00:04:55,209 --> 00:04:58,546 -State law. -Well, that's understandable, 92 00:04:58,579 --> 00:05:00,581 I guess. I mean a pharmacist 93 00:05:00,615 --> 00:05:03,217 can't pop ludes all day, [ chuckles] am I right? 94 00:05:03,251 --> 00:05:05,186 -I mean they probably could-- -Hey, chuck. 95 00:05:05,219 --> 00:05:08,356 Who would you say means the most to you in the world? 96 00:05:08,556 --> 00:05:10,858 -My mom, definitely. -Your mom's a whore. 97 00:05:11,058 --> 00:05:13,060 Fuck you! [sobs] 98 00:05:13,094 --> 00:05:15,963 Whoa, dude, what the heck, Phineas? 99 00:05:15,997 --> 00:05:17,598 Very unchill. 100 00:05:17,632 --> 00:05:21,402 You guys are officially persona non grata. 101 00:05:21,435 --> 00:05:23,304 Great! When do we start? 102 00:05:24,672 --> 00:05:26,908 Well, thanks. You saved us 103 00:05:26,941 --> 00:05:29,577 from the evil capitalists again, Phineas. 104 00:05:29,610 --> 00:05:30,878 You're welcome. 105 00:05:31,979 --> 00:05:33,581 Nah, nah, nah. See, see, 106 00:05:33,614 --> 00:05:36,017 if the bag got a picture of a cat on it, 107 00:05:36,050 --> 00:05:37,151 it belongs to me. 108 00:05:37,185 --> 00:05:40,254 If it's got a picture of a big fat motherfucker on it, 109 00:05:40,288 --> 00:05:41,656 that's all you. 110 00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:44,192 Man, Gretchen's gonna think we're a bunch of 111 00:05:44,225 --> 00:05:46,027 shit kickin' losers. 112 00:05:46,060 --> 00:05:49,163 Stupid fuckin' Kitty Condo. 113 00:05:50,331 --> 00:05:52,133 Hey! You seein' this? 114 00:05:52,166 --> 00:05:53,935 Better get your boy under control 115 00:05:53,968 --> 00:05:55,169 or we're gonna have a problem. 116 00:05:56,537 --> 00:05:57,538 [meows] 117 00:05:57,838 --> 00:06:00,641 [spy music plays] 118 00:06:02,343 --> 00:06:07,081 [electrical zapping] 119 00:06:07,114 --> 00:06:08,482 [beeping] 120 00:06:09,717 --> 00:06:12,420 [speaking Vietnamese] 121 00:06:12,453 --> 00:06:16,057 [speaking Hindi] 122 00:06:16,457 --> 00:06:19,961 -[Kitty meows] -Kitty! [meowing] 123 00:06:19,994 --> 00:06:22,163 Waiting on my shipment is how I am. 124 00:06:22,196 --> 00:06:24,532 Where the hell's my Howdy Doody squeeze toy at? 125 00:06:24,565 --> 00:06:27,435 I love that creepy, little, freckle face cowboy. 126 00:06:27,468 --> 00:06:29,270 I'll look into it. [sighs] 127 00:06:29,303 --> 00:06:31,539 I got 99 problems, and closing in 128 00:06:31,572 --> 00:06:35,076 on a trillion dollars net worth ain't one. [laughs] 129 00:06:35,109 --> 00:06:36,944 You losing Prime customers, JB? 130 00:06:36,978 --> 00:06:40,414 Losing Primers? Jesus, no! Don't even say that. 131 00:06:40,448 --> 00:06:41,983 Then what's the trouble, Hubble? 132 00:06:42,016 --> 00:06:44,418 You got the bling, you got the new señorita. 133 00:06:44,452 --> 00:06:46,053 You're on top of the world, baby. 134 00:06:46,087 --> 00:06:47,955 I'm not worried about this world. 135 00:06:47,989 --> 00:06:49,957 I've got this bet with Elon Musk. 136 00:06:49,991 --> 00:06:52,994 First guy to put a man on Mars, wins. 137 00:06:53,027 --> 00:06:55,229 I hear that. Uh, what's Mars? 138 00:06:55,496 --> 00:06:58,566 I have the rocket. Problem is the astronauts. 139 00:06:58,599 --> 00:07:01,302 I'm trying to cut red tape, like, "safety" 140 00:07:01,335 --> 00:07:03,537 and "redundant life support systems." 141 00:07:05,373 --> 00:07:09,543 When you say, astronauts how many do you need? 142 00:07:09,577 --> 00:07:11,579 -Anywhere from two to four-- -Three? 143 00:07:12,213 --> 00:07:15,549 Yeah, three. But, you know, real schmucks 144 00:07:15,750 --> 00:07:19,186 -who won't be missed. -[screwdriver whirring] 145 00:07:19,220 --> 00:07:22,223 -Oh. -[Franklin laughs] 146 00:07:22,723 --> 00:07:24,358 [laughs] 147 00:07:25,126 --> 00:07:31,432 [snoring] 148 00:07:32,233 --> 00:07:33,567 [doorbell rings] 149 00:07:34,101 --> 00:07:36,504 -Get the door, you mope. -I'll get it. 150 00:07:37,238 --> 00:07:40,241 Hello. I'm Jeff Bezos from Amazon. 151 00:07:40,274 --> 00:07:43,377 Amazon? You got our goldfish crackers? 152 00:07:43,411 --> 00:07:46,380 I heard you gentlemen might be in need of a job. 153 00:07:46,414 --> 00:07:47,415 -Yeah, but-- -No! 154 00:07:47,682 --> 00:07:50,785 How would you like to be astronauts? 155 00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:53,454 Astronauts? Hot damn! We're in! 156 00:07:53,487 --> 00:07:57,291 Yeah, we're in. [grunts, farts] 157 00:07:57,325 --> 00:08:00,528 I think I've found my shmucks-- Uh, astronauts. 158 00:08:00,561 --> 00:08:01,662 Men, men. 159 00:08:02,363 --> 00:08:04,265 [drumroll] 160 00:08:05,099 --> 00:08:09,103 I'm Mrs. Maisel, star of Amazon's award-winning series 161 00:08:09,136 --> 00:08:11,472 about a female comedian in the '50s. 162 00:08:11,505 --> 00:08:12,306 Here's a joke. 163 00:08:12,606 --> 00:08:16,277 "How do you stop a Jewish woman from having sex? 164 00:08:16,744 --> 00:08:19,780 -Marry her! [laughs] -[grunt] 165 00:08:19,814 --> 00:08:23,384 Now it's time to train for your trip to Mars. 166 00:08:23,417 --> 00:08:25,186 This is too cool for school. 167 00:08:25,219 --> 00:08:27,421 I'm gonna be a daggum space man! 168 00:08:27,455 --> 00:08:30,291 Franklin, you dumb country bumpkin. 169 00:08:30,658 --> 00:08:33,060 Space travel is a hoax. 170 00:08:33,094 --> 00:08:35,529 Moon landing was shot on a soundstage 171 00:08:35,563 --> 00:08:37,465 in Walt Disney's basement. 172 00:08:37,498 --> 00:08:41,102 Wait ‘til Gretchen sees you in your space suit! 173 00:08:41,402 --> 00:08:43,838 She'll get a boner. [chuckles] 174 00:08:43,871 --> 00:08:45,639 [Jeff Bezos] They're perfect. 175 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:48,642 [Tambor] Don't they seem a bit limited? 176 00:08:48,676 --> 00:08:51,479 No. "Limited," Jeffrey Tambor, 177 00:08:51,512 --> 00:08:53,481 is the number of options you have 178 00:08:53,514 --> 00:08:56,317 after air-humping half the cast of Transparent. 179 00:08:56,350 --> 00:08:58,552 -That was never proven! -It was worse than "proven." 180 00:08:58,586 --> 00:09:00,588 It was alleged! Bottom line, 181 00:09:00,621 --> 00:09:03,791 I got you under contract for two more years. 182 00:09:03,824 --> 00:09:05,659 You wear the dress, you wear the wig, 183 00:09:05,693 --> 00:09:08,529 -you do what I say. -Yes, milord. 184 00:09:08,562 --> 00:09:11,432 Stop improvising! And wipe that lipstick off, 185 00:09:11,465 --> 00:09:12,700 you look like a whore. 186 00:09:15,703 --> 00:09:17,271 [footsteps approaching] 187 00:09:18,005 --> 00:09:20,841 -[Harper] Wow. [chuckles] -Go on. Open it. 188 00:09:21,776 --> 00:09:23,144 Oh. Uh. 189 00:09:23,644 --> 00:09:26,647 A sixty-four pack of toilet paper. 190 00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:30,418 That is so thoughtful. 191 00:09:30,451 --> 00:09:32,853 Go on try it out. It's the good stuff! 192 00:09:32,887 --> 00:09:34,655 We won't need it where we're going. 193 00:09:34,688 --> 00:09:37,425 So, what exactly are you working men doing? 194 00:09:37,458 --> 00:09:39,160 It's top secret. [exhales] 195 00:09:39,193 --> 00:09:42,630 But Amazon's involved if you catch my drift. 196 00:09:42,663 --> 00:09:44,698 So, you're working in the warehouse? 197 00:09:45,065 --> 00:09:46,801 [laughs] Heck, no. 198 00:09:46,834 --> 00:09:50,304 Suffice it to say, this will be the most important job 199 00:09:50,337 --> 00:09:51,405 we have ever done. 200 00:09:51,439 --> 00:09:53,674 It's the only job you've ever done. 201 00:09:54,008 --> 00:09:56,710 They said not to say nothin', so I'll spell it. 202 00:09:56,744 --> 00:10:00,247 We're going to M-A-R-Z. 203 00:10:00,581 --> 00:10:02,483 That's it, cat's outta the bag, 204 00:10:02,516 --> 00:10:05,286 we're astronauts, and we're blastin' off 205 00:10:05,319 --> 00:10:07,188 to Mars tomorrow! [chuckles] 206 00:10:07,221 --> 00:10:08,823 How's that for self-sufficient? 207 00:10:08,856 --> 00:10:10,758 [Phineas] How's that for self-delusional? 208 00:10:10,791 --> 00:10:12,827 There is no space program. 209 00:10:12,860 --> 00:10:16,530 It's all a hoax-- Ow! Ow! You fuck! 210 00:10:16,564 --> 00:10:18,599 Don't you need training to be an astronaut? 211 00:10:18,632 --> 00:10:21,469 Astronauts. [scoffs] Yeah, right. 212 00:10:21,502 --> 00:10:23,737 Uh, damn, I got a hangnail. 213 00:10:23,771 --> 00:10:26,507 Oh, we received loads of training! 214 00:10:26,807 --> 00:10:29,910 Diversity, sexual harassment... 215 00:10:29,944 --> 00:10:32,279 I learned you gotta tell a woman 216 00:10:32,313 --> 00:10:33,814 before you touch her bur-jine-urr. 217 00:10:34,548 --> 00:10:36,684 Well, whatever it is you're doing, 218 00:10:36,884 --> 00:10:38,786 -I'm very proud. -Yes. 219 00:10:38,819 --> 00:10:41,489 You got jobs, whatever they are. 220 00:10:41,522 --> 00:10:43,324 That is the important thing. 221 00:10:43,591 --> 00:10:45,893 Pardon me for offering my two cents, 222 00:10:45,926 --> 00:10:48,329 but do you feel no compunction 223 00:10:48,362 --> 00:10:51,899 about sending these picaroons to a likely demise? 224 00:10:51,932 --> 00:10:54,235 I got the most powerful man in the world sending me 225 00:10:54,268 --> 00:10:57,972 the best squeezy toy ever made, that's Howdy Doody by the way, 226 00:10:58,005 --> 00:11:01,642 direct to my door. Do I look compuncted to you? 227 00:11:01,675 --> 00:11:03,677 [dramatic music playing] 228 00:11:04,778 --> 00:11:06,780 Pretty impressive, huh, A-lon? 229 00:11:06,814 --> 00:11:09,316 You haven't won the bet yet, B-zos. 230 00:11:09,350 --> 00:11:10,651 Your guys still gotta make it there. 231 00:11:10,851 --> 00:11:11,752 Where'd you find them anyway? 232 00:11:12,086 --> 00:11:14,655 Oh, I got this friend who's a cat who found them for me. 233 00:11:14,688 --> 00:11:16,790 You have a friend? What's that like? 234 00:11:17,224 --> 00:11:19,994 [heroic music plays] 235 00:11:20,027 --> 00:11:22,930 [cheers and applause] 236 00:11:29,303 --> 00:11:30,671 [crowd gasps] 237 00:11:31,939 --> 00:11:33,474 [sighs] Tape! 238 00:11:37,311 --> 00:11:41,482 -Well, hello there, pretty lady. -[sighs] I hate my life. 239 00:11:41,849 --> 00:11:44,685 Wow, they went all out on this set. 240 00:11:44,718 --> 00:11:46,620 This fake Mars mission is gonna give 241 00:11:46,654 --> 00:11:48,722 that fake moon landing a run for its money. 242 00:11:48,756 --> 00:11:52,259 Right, Phineas. All this stuff is fake. 243 00:11:52,293 --> 00:11:53,294 So, so fake. 244 00:11:54,929 --> 00:11:58,399 [Phineas] Styrofoam and, uh, dry ice? 245 00:11:58,432 --> 00:12:02,469 And forty million newtons of thrust! [screams] 246 00:12:02,836 --> 00:12:04,438 [Franklin] First men on Mars. 247 00:12:04,471 --> 00:12:06,407 We're gonna get a hell of a parade. 248 00:12:06,807 --> 00:12:07,841 [sniffs] 249 00:12:08,108 --> 00:12:11,779 Now, they're pumping rocket fuel scented air freshener in here. 250 00:12:12,012 --> 00:12:13,814 Nice touch, Bezos! 251 00:12:13,847 --> 00:12:16,283 Someone call out things I can say “check” to! 252 00:12:16,317 --> 00:12:18,752 Sure thing, fellow astronauts! Seat belts. 253 00:12:18,786 --> 00:12:20,421 Check! That's everything. 254 00:12:20,454 --> 00:12:22,957 -Three, two, one, launch! -No, wait! 255 00:12:22,990 --> 00:12:29,730 [rumbles] Whoa! Holy shit! We're going to space! 256 00:12:30,698 --> 00:12:34,635 Space Cowboy. Yee-haw! 257 00:12:35,936 --> 00:12:41,375 Eject button! Can't move hand! 258 00:12:41,408 --> 00:12:45,646 Get away from button. 259 00:12:45,980 --> 00:12:48,415 -Stop. -Get away! 260 00:12:48,449 --> 00:12:49,583 -No! -Nope! 261 00:12:49,617 --> 00:12:53,654 Don't need seatbelt! Big boy. 262 00:12:55,022 --> 00:12:57,291 No! 263 00:12:58,592 --> 00:13:00,027 Wanna pay me what you owe me now? 264 00:13:00,427 --> 00:13:03,631 -One dollar. -No way, mutha-fucka. 265 00:13:03,664 --> 00:13:05,633 You still have to stick the landing. 266 00:13:05,666 --> 00:13:08,969 Now, if you'll excuse me, my hyperloop awaits. 267 00:13:09,603 --> 00:13:11,939 Mrs. Bezos, nice meeting you. 268 00:13:12,272 --> 00:13:14,341 You gave up half your empire for this? 269 00:13:18,612 --> 00:13:23,851 [suspenseful music plays] 270 00:13:32,826 --> 00:13:38,132 No! No! No! Come back! Are you fucking crazy, Phineas? 271 00:13:38,165 --> 00:13:42,970 -We were going to Mars! -Exactly! We were going to Mars! 272 00:13:43,003 --> 00:13:44,738 I don't even like leaving the house! 273 00:13:44,772 --> 00:13:46,907 I was gonna come home a hero! 274 00:13:46,940 --> 00:13:49,143 Be on the cover of Life Magazine . 275 00:13:49,176 --> 00:13:52,680 More like the cover of Dead Guy Magazine. 276 00:13:52,713 --> 00:13:55,883 Every time somethin' good comes my way, 277 00:13:55,916 --> 00:13:59,820 you take the wheel and drive us into a ditch. 278 00:13:59,853 --> 00:14:01,088 You got something to say? 279 00:14:01,121 --> 00:14:02,956 -say it! -I hate you, 280 00:14:02,990 --> 00:14:05,993 and you always find a way to ruin my life. 281 00:14:06,026 --> 00:14:07,628 Stop talking in metaphors. 282 00:14:07,661 --> 00:14:09,797 I can't have a conversation with this guy! 283 00:14:10,164 --> 00:14:11,832 People of Mars. 284 00:14:12,132 --> 00:14:15,069 I bring you greetings from Planet Earth. 285 00:14:17,471 --> 00:14:18,272 [Jeff] goddammit! 286 00:14:18,706 --> 00:14:21,141 Whose idea was it to have a functioning ejection button? 287 00:14:21,175 --> 00:14:25,045 Hey, now! Don't look at me. Shall I release the dollar? 288 00:14:26,113 --> 00:14:27,715 -Never! -[groans] 289 00:14:27,748 --> 00:14:31,418 Musk doesn't know they ejected, and he never will. 290 00:14:31,618 --> 00:14:33,053 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 291 00:14:33,087 --> 00:14:35,055 -What are you thinking? -That I get to star 292 00:14:35,089 --> 00:14:37,124 in a show where I don't have to wear grandma panties? 293 00:14:37,157 --> 00:14:39,193 Yeah. That's what America's waiting for. 294 00:14:39,226 --> 00:14:41,462 You know how we digitally removed you 295 00:14:41,495 --> 00:14:43,564 from all past seasons of Transparent? 296 00:14:43,597 --> 00:14:44,798 What? You did? 297 00:14:44,832 --> 00:14:47,468 We'll use the same CGI technology 298 00:14:47,501 --> 00:14:49,069 to place the Freaks in the capsule 299 00:14:49,103 --> 00:14:50,904 and show them landing on Mars. 300 00:14:50,938 --> 00:14:53,173 But what about the actual Freaks? 301 00:14:53,207 --> 00:14:56,143 Oh, we'll kill them. Activate the asset. 302 00:14:56,176 --> 00:14:57,945 -[Alexa] Activating asset. -[thrilling music plays] 303 00:15:04,118 --> 00:15:05,886 [Phineas] The rocket was real, okay? 304 00:15:05,919 --> 00:15:09,223 I was wrong about that. But we're not real astronauts. 305 00:15:09,256 --> 00:15:10,924 Why would they send us? 306 00:15:10,958 --> 00:15:12,893 Doesn't something feel off to you? 307 00:15:12,926 --> 00:15:15,662 Yeah. [chuckles] Something feels off! 308 00:15:15,696 --> 00:15:17,498 We're in the middle of the desert 309 00:15:17,531 --> 00:15:20,601 when we should be on our way to Mars! 310 00:15:20,634 --> 00:15:22,703 Guys, don't fight in front of the Martians. 311 00:15:24,538 --> 00:15:25,572 [squawks] 312 00:15:25,939 --> 00:15:29,543 I don't know why I ever do anything you say. 313 00:15:29,576 --> 00:15:32,780 -You always let us down. -Wait a minute! 314 00:15:33,046 --> 00:15:36,049 When have I ever, ever let us down? 315 00:15:36,083 --> 00:15:38,018 Oh, let's see here. Oh, here we go. 316 00:15:38,051 --> 00:15:40,721 Putting us to sleep for fifty years. 317 00:15:40,754 --> 00:15:44,591 Burning my draft card. Which was still in my wallet. 318 00:15:44,625 --> 00:15:48,128 Which was still in my pants. Which was still on my body! 319 00:15:48,162 --> 00:15:50,731 Better than going to Vietnam, wasn't it? 320 00:15:50,764 --> 00:15:52,766 Telling me college was a conspiracy 321 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:54,668 of the education complex. 322 00:15:54,701 --> 00:15:58,105 Condoms were a conspiracy of the latex complex. 323 00:15:58,138 --> 00:16:01,809 Jobs were a conspiracy of the employment complex... 324 00:16:01,842 --> 00:16:04,745 and finally, making us leave our apartment 325 00:16:04,778 --> 00:16:08,949 because it was a conspiracy of the apartment complex! 326 00:16:08,982 --> 00:16:11,552 -Where are you going? -Back to Amazon! 327 00:16:11,585 --> 00:16:13,854 I'm gettin' on the next rocket to Mars. 328 00:16:13,887 --> 00:16:15,622 If they'll still have me. 329 00:16:15,656 --> 00:16:17,090 You can't just go. 330 00:16:17,124 --> 00:16:19,626 -What about Freddy? -He's a grown man. 331 00:16:19,660 --> 00:16:20,961 He can take care of himself. 332 00:16:21,495 --> 00:16:24,798 [Freddy] Captain's log, I have made contact with Martians. 333 00:16:25,165 --> 00:16:29,570 -They do not like to be hugged. -Go! Who needs ya? 334 00:16:29,603 --> 00:16:31,305 Just be careful where you walk! 335 00:16:31,338 --> 00:16:34,174 The desert's a playground for the CIA! 336 00:16:34,208 --> 00:16:37,177 Filled with trip wires, and coyote people! 337 00:16:37,578 --> 00:16:38,979 [Jeff Bezos] Yes, Kitty. All good. 338 00:16:39,012 --> 00:16:40,280 They're on their way to the red planet. 339 00:16:40,547 --> 00:16:42,015 Thanks again for the referral. 340 00:16:42,049 --> 00:16:43,584 That's five percent off your next order. 341 00:16:43,617 --> 00:16:45,085 Yeah, yeah. 342 00:16:45,285 --> 00:16:48,121 Yeah, the number I'm most concerned with is “three.” 343 00:16:48,155 --> 00:16:50,290 That's three days in a row I've gone outside 344 00:16:50,324 --> 00:16:52,860 and not seen Howdy Doody on my doorstep. 345 00:16:53,227 --> 00:16:56,263 [ringing] Xiawu hao, Amazon. Xi xi. Prime member? 346 00:16:56,296 --> 00:16:57,231 Smell ya later, Kitty! 347 00:16:57,264 --> 00:16:59,800 Customer in Tai Pei got the wrong mattress. 348 00:16:59,833 --> 00:17:01,235 Meow, meow, meow. 349 00:17:01,268 --> 00:17:03,136 JB? We had a deal man! 350 00:17:03,170 --> 00:17:06,073 Hello? Oh, he did not just hang up on me. 351 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,709 I'm worried about Franklin. 352 00:17:09,142 --> 00:17:12,145 -Do you think he's in danger? -Of course, he's in danger. 353 00:17:12,179 --> 00:17:13,113 We're all in danger. 354 00:17:13,146 --> 00:17:15,349 I just haven't cracked what's going on yet. 355 00:17:15,382 --> 00:17:19,086 But I feel like I'm gettin' close. [screams] 356 00:17:22,890 --> 00:17:24,591 What the fuck was that? 357 00:17:24,892 --> 00:17:28,095 It feels like somebody's trying to send us a message. 358 00:17:28,128 --> 00:17:31,965 Maybe they want us to learn piano! 359 00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:34,101 A ride home! 360 00:17:38,372 --> 00:17:41,308 Jeff Bezos says, hello. 361 00:17:45,012 --> 00:17:47,114 Ha! I told you there were tripwires 362 00:17:47,147 --> 00:17:48,248 in this desert! 363 00:17:48,282 --> 00:17:50,083 So, I was right! Wait! 364 00:17:50,117 --> 00:17:53,353 That guy said, “Jeff Bezos says, hello.” 365 00:17:53,387 --> 00:17:56,290 So, that means, Hang on, I almost got it. 366 00:17:56,657 --> 00:18:00,093 [gasps] Jeff Bezos is trying to kill us! 367 00:18:00,460 --> 00:18:02,162 Franklin! 368 00:18:05,032 --> 00:18:06,366 [growls] 369 00:18:16,009 --> 00:18:19,980 Thank God! Hey! Hey, it's me! 370 00:18:21,248 --> 00:18:23,684 Hello? [chuckles] Hello? 371 00:18:23,717 --> 00:18:26,153 Mr. Bezos? It's me. 372 00:18:26,186 --> 00:18:28,055 Freewheelin' Franklin Freek. 373 00:18:28,088 --> 00:18:32,392 I'm sorry that idiot Phineas screwed up your space launch! 374 00:18:32,426 --> 00:18:35,696 We... we were sort of like brothers, 375 00:18:35,729 --> 00:18:38,765 which is why I listened to him. But we're not brothers anymore! 376 00:18:40,334 --> 00:18:43,670 -[dramatic music plays] -Hello? 377 00:18:45,739 --> 00:18:46,840 What the heck? 378 00:18:50,744 --> 00:18:52,980 -Where am I? -[drumroll] 379 00:18:53,013 --> 00:18:54,715 [Tambor] And now, ladies and gentlemen, 380 00:18:54,748 --> 00:18:59,353 from her Amazon Original Series, the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel! 381 00:18:59,386 --> 00:19:01,254 -[audience cheering, applauding] -Hey now! 382 00:19:01,288 --> 00:19:02,856 Thank you! 383 00:19:03,090 --> 00:19:05,225 Oh, can someone turn down these lights? 384 00:19:05,258 --> 00:19:08,195 I'm shvitzing like a moyel with Parkinson's! 385 00:19:08,228 --> 00:19:11,164 -[audience laughing] -I gotta get back on a rocket, 386 00:19:11,198 --> 00:19:13,934 so I can go up to Mars, and then come back a hero. 387 00:19:13,967 --> 00:19:18,205 Come back? [laughs] That was a one-way trip. 388 00:19:18,238 --> 00:19:20,307 You were never coming back, darling. 389 00:19:20,340 --> 00:19:23,777 -[audience laughing] -Oh, my God. I'm such an idiot. 390 00:19:24,378 --> 00:19:27,147 One last joke before I kill you! 391 00:19:27,180 --> 00:19:29,049 How do you stop an empowered woman 392 00:19:29,082 --> 00:19:31,184 with the juiciest brisket in Manhattan, 393 00:19:31,218 --> 00:19:35,088 and a forty-five pointed at your heart? [screams] 394 00:19:35,822 --> 00:19:39,426 With a one-ton pallet of Fiji water, that's how! 395 00:19:39,459 --> 00:19:43,430 -On special for Prime Members! -[applause] 396 00:19:43,463 --> 00:19:46,500 I know I always say you screw up my life, 397 00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:50,003 which you do. But you just saved it. 398 00:19:50,037 --> 00:19:53,073 -So, I guess I owe you-- -An apology? 399 00:19:53,340 --> 00:19:55,742 I was gonna say a beer and a burger, but 400 00:19:55,776 --> 00:19:58,845 if it's an apology you want, well, hey, that's a lot cheaper. 401 00:19:58,879 --> 00:19:59,880 [laughs] 402 00:20:00,747 --> 00:20:04,151 I know sometimes I can sound a bit overly accurate 403 00:20:04,184 --> 00:20:07,020 which people might interpret as crazy! 404 00:20:07,054 --> 00:20:10,090 -But I'm gonna work on it. -Hey, you are crazy. 405 00:20:10,123 --> 00:20:12,893 Crazy as a menstruatin' armadilla. 406 00:20:12,926 --> 00:20:16,430 -But, uh, hey, thanks brother. -All right. Let's get out here. 407 00:20:16,463 --> 00:20:18,265 -Freddy? -Just a second! 408 00:20:19,966 --> 00:20:21,268 Oh, perfect! 409 00:20:21,735 --> 00:20:24,905 Ah, shit. How are we gonna get home, now? 410 00:20:25,272 --> 00:20:26,339 How about those? 411 00:20:28,008 --> 00:20:31,044 [upbeat music plays] 412 00:20:34,081 --> 00:20:37,451 ♪ Born to be high ♪ 413 00:20:39,152 --> 00:20:40,220 -Yo! -Hey! 414 00:20:40,253 --> 00:20:46,026 ♪ Born to be high Born to be high ♪ 415 00:20:46,426 --> 00:20:49,262 ♪ Oh, gotta weed smoke With my G, cold ♪ 416 00:20:49,296 --> 00:20:51,565 ♪ Hoppin' out the sixes With some gypsies ♪ 417 00:20:51,598 --> 00:20:52,466 ♪ In the freak rows ♪ 418 00:20:52,966 --> 00:20:56,036 ♪ You can see smoke Often as a rooted to my seat ♪ 419 00:20:56,069 --> 00:20:58,939 ♪ ...got the munchies Man, I need to get ♪ 420 00:20:58,972 --> 00:21:02,209 ♪ I get high, I get high, I'm never coming down ♪ 421 00:21:02,242 --> 00:21:05,445 ♪ Give me Kush, give me Haze They lift me up the ground ♪ 422 00:21:05,479 --> 00:21:08,582 ♪ When your life gets tough And you don't know how ♪ 423 00:21:08,615 --> 00:21:10,350 ♪ Light a spliff And keep on pushin' ♪ 424 00:21:10,383 --> 00:21:12,185 ♪ 'Cause you have right now ♪ 425 00:21:13,553 --> 00:21:18,125 [sighs] Home sweet home. Good to be back on planet Earth. 426 00:21:23,530 --> 00:21:25,899 What the hell are you doing here? 427 00:21:26,099 --> 00:21:30,337 It's a long story. It all started back in 1969. 428 00:21:30,837 --> 00:21:32,873 Here, I got you something from Mars. 429 00:21:34,875 --> 00:21:36,343 Ooh! 430 00:21:36,376 --> 00:21:37,377 [rattles] 431 00:21:39,346 --> 00:21:42,349 You fat, beautiful son of bitch. 432 00:21:45,519 --> 00:21:48,255 [Alexa] Unlocking doors. Hello, father. 433 00:21:48,288 --> 00:21:50,924 If you wanna build a trillion-dollar company, 434 00:21:50,957 --> 00:21:54,027 or kill someone, you gotta do it yourself. 435 00:21:54,327 --> 00:21:57,097 -Jeffrey? -I'm sorry, I'm under contract. 436 00:21:58,198 --> 00:22:00,133 -[Kitty] Meow? -Hello, Kitty. 437 00:22:00,333 --> 00:22:02,936 You'll probably want to stand on this side 438 00:22:02,969 --> 00:22:05,038 -of Mademoiselle Tambor. -JB, 439 00:22:05,071 --> 00:22:07,073 I ain't gonna let you do this. 440 00:22:07,107 --> 00:22:09,609 Call off your wife, or I'm canceling Prime. 441 00:22:09,643 --> 00:22:14,047 No! You can't cancel Prime. Nobody cancels Prime. 442 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:17,150 My whole empire is primed on the primacy of Prime! 443 00:22:17,184 --> 00:22:20,220 Don't do the crime if you can't lose the Prime. 444 00:22:20,253 --> 00:22:22,355 You're really going to give it all up? 445 00:22:22,689 --> 00:22:25,492 The treats? The scratching post? For what? 446 00:22:25,525 --> 00:22:27,394 These... these Freaks? 447 00:22:27,627 --> 00:22:28,862 He delivered. 448 00:22:30,163 --> 00:22:31,231 You didn't. 449 00:22:31,264 --> 00:22:33,600 [laughs] Got you there, boss. Hey now! 450 00:22:39,573 --> 00:22:42,008 You're a worthy adversary, Kitty. 451 00:22:42,042 --> 00:22:45,078 Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. 452 00:22:45,979 --> 00:22:46,813 [sighs] Phew! 453 00:22:47,113 --> 00:22:51,051 -Kitty, you saved us. -What else is new, bitches? 454 00:22:51,084 --> 00:22:54,321 Oh, that feels good. Yeah, behind the ears. 455 00:22:54,354 --> 00:22:57,991 Now lower. Ooh! To the left. 456 00:22:58,024 --> 00:23:01,094 I think we all learned a little something here today. 457 00:23:01,127 --> 00:23:05,131 Something every school child should take to heart. 458 00:23:05,165 --> 00:23:08,501 Nothing good ever comes from having a job. 459 00:23:08,535 --> 00:23:09,970 Jobs bad! 460 00:23:10,003 --> 00:23:11,571 Hey, why aren't you guys at work? 461 00:23:11,605 --> 00:23:13,940 Oh, great, let me guess. 462 00:23:13,974 --> 00:23:16,009 If you guess that we're home early because we ejected 463 00:23:16,042 --> 00:23:18,478 from a rocket ship, you guessed right. 464 00:23:18,511 --> 00:23:20,213 Well, the deal hasn't changed. 465 00:23:20,247 --> 00:23:22,582 If you want to keep living here, you have to get a job. 466 00:23:22,616 --> 00:23:25,385 You don't understand we-- You're right. 467 00:23:25,685 --> 00:23:28,054 We'll start looking for a new gig tomorrow. 468 00:23:28,088 --> 00:23:31,458 And now that you have "astronaut" on your resumés, 469 00:23:31,491 --> 00:23:33,193 I'm sure something will open up. 470 00:23:33,226 --> 00:23:37,664 Oh, Kitty! You gotta stop playing with my laser pointer. 471 00:23:38,098 --> 00:23:41,034 -[beeping] -[sighs] I hate my life. 472 00:23:46,706 --> 00:23:49,242 I'm gonna get those Freak Brothers. 473 00:23:49,276 --> 00:23:51,211 And their little Kitty too! 474 00:23:51,244 --> 00:23:53,713 -[laughs evilly] -[coyote growling] 475 00:23:53,747 --> 00:23:55,215 Holy shit, what is that? 476 00:23:57,183 --> 00:24:00,287 [howls] 477 00:24:00,487 --> 00:24:05,592 ♪ Born to be high Born to be high ♪ 478 00:24:06,159 --> 00:24:09,362 ♪ Oh, glad that we smoke With my G, cold ♪ 479 00:24:09,396 --> 00:24:11,398 ♪ Hoppin' out the sixes With some gypsies ♪ 480 00:24:11,431 --> 00:24:12,632 ♪ In the freak rows 481 00:24:12,666 --> 00:24:14,301 ♪ You can see smoke puffin' ♪ 482 00:24:14,334 --> 00:24:15,735 ♪ As I'm glued down to my seat ♪ 483 00:24:15,769 --> 00:24:17,704 ♪ Laughin' as I'm passin' Got the munchies ♪ 484 00:24:17,737 --> 00:24:18,505 ♪ Man, I need to get ♪ 485 00:24:19,072 --> 00:24:22,108 ♪ I get high, I get high, I'm never coming down ♪ 486 00:24:22,142 --> 00:24:25,245 ♪ Give me Kush, give me Haze They lift me off the ground ♪ 487 00:24:25,278 --> 00:24:28,615 ♪ When your life gets tough And you don't know how ♪ 488 00:24:28,648 --> 00:24:30,350 ♪ Light a spliff And keep it pushin' ♪ 489 00:24:30,383 --> 00:24:32,419 ♪ 'Cause you have right now ♪ 490 00:24:32,452 --> 00:24:35,722 ♪ Born to be high ♪ 491 00:24:37,490 --> 00:24:38,591 -♪ Yo! -♪ Hey! 492 00:24:38,625 --> 00:24:42,262 ♪ Born to be high ♪ 493 00:24:44,831 --> 00:24:47,000 [man] It's a good show.