1 00:00:29,077 --> 00:00:31,246 [snores] 2 00:00:31,279 --> 00:00:32,780 [gasps, groans] 3 00:00:33,014 --> 00:00:36,251 You see these, Freddy? They're paws. They ain't thumbs. 4 00:00:36,284 --> 00:00:38,219 When it comes to cans of cat food, 5 00:00:38,253 --> 00:00:39,821 paws don't do shit. 6 00:00:40,455 --> 00:00:42,891 -[snores] -You ain't gettin' it. 7 00:00:42,924 --> 00:00:45,693 Still ain't gettin' it. You need to feed me! 8 00:00:47,795 --> 00:00:48,763 -[farts] -[groans] 9 00:00:55,136 --> 00:00:56,271 [grunts] 10 00:01:04,145 --> 00:01:05,046 Whoa! 11 00:01:08,416 --> 00:01:10,251 Easy open lid, my ass! 12 00:01:10,285 --> 00:01:12,287 I'm going to get my own damn food. 13 00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:13,655 [theme music playing] 14 00:01:13,688 --> 00:01:15,890 ♪ Brothers, hmm, hmm ♪ 15 00:01:15,924 --> 00:01:18,660 ♪ Three brothers puffin' ♪ 16 00:01:18,693 --> 00:01:22,096 ♪ And we just woke up In year 2020 ♪ 17 00:01:22,130 --> 00:01:24,666 ♪ Roll another J And forget the day ♪ 18 00:01:24,699 --> 00:01:27,168 ♪ Roll another J And get high ♪ 19 00:01:27,535 --> 00:01:30,638 ♪ Roll another J And forget the day ♪ 20 00:01:30,672 --> 00:01:32,340 ♪ Me and my brothers Getting fried ♪ 21 00:01:32,373 --> 00:01:34,809 ♪ The Freak Brothers ♪ 22 00:01:40,248 --> 00:01:44,085 You guys have to check out this knockout. It's insane! 23 00:01:44,285 --> 00:01:46,054 Who is it? Conor McGregor? 24 00:01:46,087 --> 00:01:47,055 Conor Mc-Who? 25 00:01:47,088 --> 00:01:49,958 I'm talking Muhammad Ali decking Sonny Liston. 26 00:01:50,525 --> 00:01:52,827 The second time, not the phantom punch. 27 00:01:52,860 --> 00:01:53,962 You're a boxing fan? 28 00:01:53,995 --> 00:01:56,331 Are you kiddin'? It's the sweet science! 29 00:01:56,364 --> 00:01:59,300 Angles! Geometry! Brain damage! 30 00:01:59,334 --> 00:02:02,704 So, who are the top fighters of today? [grunts] 31 00:02:02,737 --> 00:02:04,339 Is there a new Sugar Ray Robinson 32 00:02:04,372 --> 00:02:06,941 mowing down palookas? [grunts] 33 00:02:06,975 --> 00:02:09,644 Boxing is kind of done. 34 00:02:09,944 --> 00:02:12,213 It's all about the UFC now. 35 00:02:12,246 --> 00:02:14,082 The F.U.C. What now? 36 00:02:14,115 --> 00:02:15,249 Ultimate fighting! 37 00:02:15,283 --> 00:02:18,886 It's mixed martial arts, and it is lit! 38 00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:20,788 -No holds barred. No rules! -[crowd exclaiming] 39 00:02:20,822 --> 00:02:22,223 No rules? 40 00:02:22,256 --> 00:02:24,826 Ugh. How can you watch that stuff? 41 00:02:24,859 --> 00:02:26,794 -It's barbaric. -Actually... 42 00:02:26,828 --> 00:02:28,363 -[groans] -[crowd exclaiming] 43 00:02:28,396 --> 00:02:30,164 ...that looks pretty far out. 44 00:02:30,198 --> 00:02:32,367 -I know, right? -[crowd exclaiming] 45 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:34,736 Can we go to a fight, Dad? Please! 46 00:02:34,769 --> 00:02:35,870 Pretty please! 47 00:02:35,903 --> 00:02:37,171 Oh, come on, Noah. 48 00:02:37,372 --> 00:02:40,308 Sounds like a great way for you and Camille to bond, 49 00:02:40,541 --> 00:02:42,744 instead of with your phones for a change. 50 00:02:42,777 --> 00:02:45,346 Okay, sure. I'll buy tickets right now. 51 00:02:45,380 --> 00:02:48,016 -Thanks, Dad! -Thanks, Dad! 52 00:02:48,049 --> 00:02:49,183 [smooches, blows raspberries] 53 00:02:50,218 --> 00:02:51,986 Beautiful day, huh? 54 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:55,089 What say you and I head down to the basement 55 00:02:55,123 --> 00:02:56,391 for a little R&R. 56 00:02:56,424 --> 00:02:59,460 Reefer and rawdogging. [chuckles] 57 00:02:59,494 --> 00:03:01,295 I have work to do. 58 00:03:01,329 --> 00:03:05,133 You know, I... I do appreciate all you do for bums. 59 00:03:05,166 --> 00:03:07,168 Uh. Well, you-- But you know, just this morning 60 00:03:07,201 --> 00:03:09,804 I gave a can of beer to a bum. 61 00:03:09,837 --> 00:03:12,774 -A bum? -Oh, no. Sorry. A homeless. 62 00:03:13,174 --> 00:03:18,012 Home is where one is living. Houseless is the preferred term. 63 00:03:18,046 --> 00:03:19,781 Houseless. Got it. 64 00:03:21,249 --> 00:03:23,384 Hey, you know, I saw on one of your in... 65 00:03:23,418 --> 00:03:28,289 internets that there is a lot more emphasis these days 66 00:03:28,322 --> 00:03:31,392 on female sexual satisfaction. [chuckles] 67 00:03:31,426 --> 00:03:34,829 I... I guess I was a man ahead of my time. 68 00:03:34,862 --> 00:03:36,464 [giggles] You're stupid. 69 00:03:36,497 --> 00:03:41,102 -[intense music playing] -[crowd cheering] 70 00:03:41,135 --> 00:03:43,271 The amount of corporate sponsorship here 71 00:03:43,304 --> 00:03:45,540 is unnerving. But I like the buzz. 72 00:03:45,573 --> 00:03:47,909 Oh, anybody wanna rustle up some grub? 73 00:03:47,942 --> 00:03:49,277 Don't be a sucker! 74 00:03:49,310 --> 00:03:51,546 There's plenty of good food under the seats. 75 00:03:51,579 --> 00:03:53,381 So, there's no rules? 76 00:03:53,614 --> 00:03:56,117 We could just sit outside a bar, and watch frat boys 77 00:03:56,150 --> 00:03:57,385 -brawl for free? -[bell ringing] 78 00:03:58,553 --> 00:04:02,223 -[screams] -[crowd cheering] 79 00:04:03,558 --> 00:04:06,027 [crowd grunting] 80 00:04:06,060 --> 00:04:08,963 -Yeah. -That was amazing! 81 00:04:09,397 --> 00:04:12,867 This is badass. Them little peckers is tough! 82 00:04:12,900 --> 00:04:15,536 Took a thumb to the bunger, didn't even squawk. 83 00:04:15,570 --> 00:04:17,472 [announcer] And fighting in our next match, 84 00:04:17,505 --> 00:04:19,874 the main event, the middle-weight champ... 85 00:04:19,907 --> 00:04:26,481 -[barks] -PJ Always Barkin' Larkin! 86 00:04:26,814 --> 00:04:30,251 -[howls] -Oh, my God! He's here? 87 00:04:30,284 --> 00:04:32,353 -[bell ringing] -[grunts] 88 00:04:32,386 --> 00:04:35,389 -[crowd cheering] -[exclaims] 89 00:04:35,857 --> 00:04:39,327 So, we like PJ Always Barkin' Larkin? 90 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:40,461 He's a god. 91 00:04:40,495 --> 00:04:42,530 He's like this mellow surfer dude, 92 00:04:42,563 --> 00:04:45,600 but then he gets in the ring, and he totally kicks ass. 93 00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:47,268 Language, Camille. 94 00:04:47,502 --> 00:04:49,871 Bite his face off like a chimpanzee! 95 00:04:50,404 --> 00:04:52,206 -[grunts] -[crowd cheering] 96 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:53,508 -[gasps] -[crowd applauding] 97 00:04:55,243 --> 00:04:56,911 I can hear the ocean! 98 00:04:57,245 --> 00:04:59,113 -[bell ringing] -[grunts] 99 00:05:01,916 --> 00:05:03,251 -Yeah. [exclaims] -Wait! 100 00:05:03,551 --> 00:05:06,320 There's nacho cheese on the seat. [slurps] 101 00:05:06,554 --> 00:05:12,026 -[grunts] -PJ had a super rough childhood. 102 00:05:12,059 --> 00:05:14,328 He never even knew his dad, but he dated Ariana Grande 103 00:05:14,362 --> 00:05:15,563 and he shut down his Instagram site 104 00:05:15,596 --> 00:05:18,232 after getting in a fight with every woman from The View. 105 00:05:18,266 --> 00:05:20,368 -[horn honking] -[announcer] Your winner... 106 00:05:20,401 --> 00:05:23,271 -[man] Take it all the way! -[announcer] ...PJ Larkin! 107 00:05:23,304 --> 00:05:25,039 [crowd cheering] 108 00:05:25,072 --> 00:05:28,176 Strategically speaking, he should probably cut his hair, 109 00:05:28,509 --> 00:05:30,978 but he refuses. 110 00:05:31,179 --> 00:05:34,315 That's a good man. Letting his freak flag fly. 111 00:05:37,919 --> 00:05:40,488 Hey, Phineas, he kind of looks like you. 112 00:05:40,521 --> 00:05:43,257 [scoffs] Sure does. "Got kids?" 113 00:05:43,291 --> 00:05:46,661 See, I just did a little riff on the Got Milk ads. 114 00:05:46,694 --> 00:05:48,629 Like maybe he's your son. 115 00:05:48,663 --> 00:05:50,998 Did you ever have unprotected intercourse in the past? 116 00:05:51,032 --> 00:05:54,402 -[laughs] "Got kids." -Hmm. 117 00:05:55,603 --> 00:05:58,539 [both moaning] 118 00:05:58,773 --> 00:06:01,008 [all moaning] 119 00:06:04,979 --> 00:06:07,315 [both moan] 120 00:06:07,348 --> 00:06:09,550 I don't know, man. I'd probably have to see 121 00:06:09,584 --> 00:06:11,118 his mother to know for sure. 122 00:06:11,152 --> 00:06:14,188 I was joking. This kid is in his early 20s. 123 00:06:14,222 --> 00:06:15,456 The timing is all wrong. 124 00:06:15,489 --> 00:06:18,526 Unless you donated some sperm that was frozen. 125 00:06:19,193 --> 00:06:20,261 Hmm. 126 00:06:20,628 --> 00:06:22,430 [whimsical music playing] 127 00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:29,904 [Phineas moans, grunts] 128 00:06:31,105 --> 00:06:33,040 [whimsical music concluding] 129 00:06:33,441 --> 00:06:36,644 I did donate my sperm! Oh, my God. 130 00:06:36,911 --> 00:06:41,015 My son is PJ Barkin' Larkin! 131 00:06:44,318 --> 00:06:45,386 [meows] 132 00:06:49,757 --> 00:06:51,225 -[meows] -[squeaks] 133 00:06:52,193 --> 00:06:53,628 You rat bastard! 134 00:06:53,661 --> 00:06:59,267 Excuse me. Excuse me. Do I know you? Do you know me? 135 00:06:59,300 --> 00:07:01,669 And the preferred term is "rodent", madam. 136 00:07:01,702 --> 00:07:04,338 I gotta get to back to 1969. 137 00:07:04,372 --> 00:07:06,574 Back then, a rat would never walk up 138 00:07:06,607 --> 00:07:10,278 to a full grown kitty cat, talking preferred terms. 139 00:07:10,311 --> 00:07:13,981 You bring that shit again, and I'll gobble your ass up. 140 00:07:14,015 --> 00:07:16,984 [sniffs] Oh! That's good. 141 00:07:17,518 --> 00:07:20,254 -[tires screeching] -[man screams] 142 00:07:20,454 --> 00:07:22,690 -[horns honking] -[woman screams] 143 00:07:22,723 --> 00:07:25,092 -[cars crashing] -[screams] 144 00:07:25,660 --> 00:07:26,994 [laughs] 145 00:07:28,763 --> 00:07:30,231 [cats meowing] 146 00:07:30,564 --> 00:07:32,600 [whimsical music concluding] 147 00:07:32,633 --> 00:07:35,036 Who's ready for some poached salmon? 148 00:07:35,236 --> 00:07:39,106 Me! Me! This girl, right here! Hello! 149 00:07:39,140 --> 00:07:41,475 [meows] 150 00:07:41,509 --> 00:07:45,579 Well, look what the cat dragged in. Herself! [laughs] 151 00:07:45,613 --> 00:07:47,348 Which is appropriate because animals deserve 152 00:07:47,381 --> 00:07:49,717 their own dignity. Are you hungry? 153 00:07:49,750 --> 00:07:51,652 [purrs] 154 00:07:53,154 --> 00:07:55,556 [indistinct chatter] 155 00:07:57,124 --> 00:07:59,460 If he is your boy, you should be proud. 156 00:07:59,493 --> 00:08:02,129 He is one hell of a shit kicker. 157 00:08:02,163 --> 00:08:03,397 -[woman] PJ! PJ! -[man] PJ! Over here! 158 00:08:03,431 --> 00:08:04,532 -[woman] I love you! -[man] PJ! I love you! 159 00:08:04,565 --> 00:08:07,201 -Sign my face! -Sign my hot dog! 160 00:08:07,802 --> 00:08:08,769 [munches] 161 00:08:09,070 --> 00:08:12,573 -[burps] -PJ! Over here! I'm your father! 162 00:08:12,606 --> 00:08:15,142 -I spunked you in a jar! -Selfie! 163 00:08:15,176 --> 00:08:16,210 [camera clicks] 164 00:08:18,779 --> 00:08:20,081 Daddy! 165 00:08:20,114 --> 00:08:22,416 -[PJ sobs] -Ribs. Ribcage. 166 00:08:22,450 --> 00:08:24,218 You're crackin' my ribs, Son. 167 00:08:24,518 --> 00:08:29,223 I can't believe PJ Larkin is coming to my house! 168 00:08:29,256 --> 00:08:32,760 Now, remember, my son is just a regular person 169 00:08:32,793 --> 00:08:34,562 like anyone else. 170 00:08:34,595 --> 00:08:37,131 Only he's a really great fighter who can kick 171 00:08:37,164 --> 00:08:39,433 anyone else's son's ass, any time. 172 00:08:39,467 --> 00:08:41,836 You know, if you really want to be sure he's your son, 173 00:08:41,869 --> 00:08:44,538 there's DNA tests. You can do it through the mail. 174 00:08:44,572 --> 00:08:47,508 Nah, when you're a father, you know. 175 00:08:47,541 --> 00:08:50,411 If anybody needs to take a DNA test, it's you. 176 00:08:50,678 --> 00:08:54,682 Looks like Mrs. Switzer ordered Chinese takeout. 177 00:08:54,715 --> 00:08:57,485 From the Dong Shack, if you know what I mean. 178 00:08:57,885 --> 00:09:01,489 So, are you excited about this big time fighter 179 00:09:01,522 --> 00:09:04,458 -coming to visit? -I'm not much of a sports fan. 180 00:09:04,825 --> 00:09:06,193 Or a fan of jocks for that matter. 181 00:09:06,460 --> 00:09:09,497 Oh, don't worry. She only goes for intellectuals. 182 00:09:09,697 --> 00:09:11,265 Unemployed ones. 183 00:09:11,298 --> 00:09:15,870 [chuckles] I'm unemployed! And I got no prospects. 184 00:09:15,903 --> 00:09:18,572 [pants] Kitty's missing! 185 00:09:18,806 --> 00:09:20,841 We all have to split up, and look for her! 186 00:09:20,875 --> 00:09:21,675 Sorry, Freddy, 187 00:09:21,976 --> 00:09:25,546 my son, the famous ultimate fighter is coming over. 188 00:09:26,180 --> 00:09:29,517 [sighs] Guess I'll go look alone. 189 00:09:29,550 --> 00:09:32,553 -[Camille] He's here! -Come in, Son, come in. 190 00:09:32,586 --> 00:09:35,556 You remember Camille? She's your biggest fan. 191 00:09:35,589 --> 00:09:36,891 What's up, Little Wahine? 192 00:09:36,924 --> 00:09:38,826 Here's the mouth guard I swallowed, 193 00:09:38,859 --> 00:09:42,696 then barfed up at UFC 198. I signed it for you. 194 00:09:42,730 --> 00:09:47,134 Oh, my God! Thank you! Is that blood? 195 00:09:47,334 --> 00:09:49,370 -It is blood! -And puke. 196 00:09:49,403 --> 00:09:52,273 Over here, Son, is my brother Franklin. 197 00:09:52,306 --> 00:09:54,809 He's not my real brother, so he's not your real uncle 198 00:09:54,842 --> 00:09:57,845 meaning, he's made no genetic contribution to your success. 199 00:09:57,878 --> 00:10:01,549 A real pleasure. Loved you bitin' off that fellow's ear. 200 00:10:01,582 --> 00:10:04,785 -[chuckles] I -I'm Noah! I'm Team PJ for life! 201 00:10:04,819 --> 00:10:07,154 Oh, God! Noah, go wash your face. 202 00:10:07,188 --> 00:10:08,789 You look like you've been notarized. 203 00:10:08,823 --> 00:10:11,258 And this is Gretchen. She's our lady lawyer. 204 00:10:11,292 --> 00:10:15,896 -Aloha, pretty lady. -[giggles] Nothing. 205 00:10:16,597 --> 00:10:20,634 -Is this guy botherin' you? -I got something for you too. 206 00:10:20,668 --> 00:10:25,172 -[chuckles] That's a big cup. -My boy has a giant schvantz! 207 00:10:25,206 --> 00:10:28,275 -Where should I keep this? -How about next to your bed? 208 00:10:28,509 --> 00:10:31,545 My bed? Maybe you should take a look. 209 00:10:31,779 --> 00:10:33,247 -Groovy. -[Gretchen giggles] 210 00:10:34,782 --> 00:10:38,919 -That's my boy! -Damn pretty boy meat monkey. 211 00:10:38,953 --> 00:10:40,621 -[grunts] Oh! -[glass shattering] 212 00:10:40,654 --> 00:10:42,256 Fuck this world. 213 00:10:46,827 --> 00:10:47,761 [meows] 214 00:10:48,062 --> 00:10:51,966 [sighs] I've been wasting away living with those freaks, 215 00:10:51,999 --> 00:10:54,802 and paradise was just around the corner. 216 00:10:54,835 --> 00:10:55,903 -[door opening] -[bell ringing] 217 00:10:55,936 --> 00:10:59,707 Hello. Who's this gorgeous lady? 218 00:10:59,740 --> 00:11:01,976 Name's Kitty. Don't touch my throne, 219 00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:03,577 you'll get your grease on it. 220 00:11:03,611 --> 00:11:06,881 I may not have a lot of money or my own tent, 221 00:11:06,914 --> 00:11:12,286 but I have so much love to give. We could be best friends. 222 00:11:12,620 --> 00:11:14,755 -[growls] -[gasps, groans] 223 00:11:15,122 --> 00:11:16,624 You want a best friend? 224 00:11:16,657 --> 00:11:18,959 Take your broke ass down to the dog shelter. 225 00:11:19,627 --> 00:11:22,897 What is this? Looks like pudding... 226 00:11:23,831 --> 00:11:28,769 but tastes like salmon. I could eat this all day. 227 00:11:30,004 --> 00:11:32,540 Kitty! Thank goodness. 228 00:11:32,573 --> 00:11:35,809 I've been searching alleys, and dumpsters all over the city. 229 00:11:36,110 --> 00:11:38,812 [sighs] Come on, let's get you home. 230 00:11:38,846 --> 00:11:42,483 Enlighten me, fat man. What is it you got to offer? 231 00:11:42,516 --> 00:11:44,752 Because here, they got fish pudding! 232 00:11:44,985 --> 00:11:46,887 Probably got all kinds of pudding. 233 00:11:46,921 --> 00:11:49,990 Chicken pudding, steak pudding, potato pudding. 234 00:11:50,024 --> 00:11:51,659 What kind of pudding you all got? 235 00:11:51,692 --> 00:11:53,594 [cats meow] 236 00:11:54,495 --> 00:11:57,765 [gulps] Oh, my God, this is delicious! 237 00:11:57,798 --> 00:11:59,800 [munches] 238 00:12:02,703 --> 00:12:03,704 [burps] 239 00:12:04,605 --> 00:12:05,773 [sighs] Oh. 240 00:12:06,307 --> 00:12:08,943 [PJ] Ground and pound! Ground and pound! 241 00:12:08,976 --> 00:12:11,779 [Gretchen] Yes! Yes! [pants] 242 00:12:11,812 --> 00:12:15,282 Oh, I mean, I... I'm no expert, but ain't it bad thing 243 00:12:15,316 --> 00:12:17,952 for athletes to have sex before a match in a ring? 244 00:12:17,985 --> 00:12:19,587 Come on! Do something! 245 00:12:19,620 --> 00:12:21,889 I can't live his life for him, Franklin. 246 00:12:21,922 --> 00:12:23,824 A father gives his son a toolbox... 247 00:12:23,857 --> 00:12:24,825 -[Gretchen] Yes! Yes! -...and spends a lifetime 248 00:12:24,858 --> 00:12:25,893 -filling it with tools. -[Gretchen] Yes! Yes! 249 00:12:25,926 --> 00:12:28,796 Can't he find some other box to put his tool in? 250 00:12:28,829 --> 00:12:30,898 That particular piece of advice 251 00:12:30,931 --> 00:12:34,034 came from Fatherhood by Dr. Bill Cosby. 252 00:12:34,068 --> 00:12:36,437 He had some great dating advice too. 253 00:12:36,470 --> 00:12:38,305 I wonder what he's up to these days. 254 00:12:38,339 --> 00:12:39,540 Probably crushing it. 255 00:12:39,573 --> 00:12:40,708 [Gretchen] You ready to tap out? 256 00:12:40,741 --> 00:12:41,909 [PJ] Fuck that bra. 257 00:12:41,942 --> 00:12:45,512 [Gretchen moaning] That was the best ever. 258 00:12:45,546 --> 00:12:46,947 [groans] 259 00:12:48,449 --> 00:12:52,620 -[Gretchen] Whoo! That's it, PJ! -Best seats ever! 260 00:12:52,653 --> 00:12:56,423 My son, PJ Larkin, got them for us. 261 00:12:56,457 --> 00:12:58,626 We're gonna get splattered by something for sure! 262 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:00,661 [grunts] 263 00:13:00,694 --> 00:13:04,398 I guess sex isn't bad before a match after all. 264 00:13:04,431 --> 00:13:06,367 Maybe if he bumped it up a little more, 265 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:09,370 -he could be world champion. -I'm willing to try. 266 00:13:09,403 --> 00:13:12,806 Dumb apes in a cage. Stupid sport. 267 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:14,908 -[crowd gasps] -Oh, lucky! 268 00:13:16,877 --> 00:13:18,579 PJ is the ultimate fighter! 269 00:13:18,846 --> 00:13:20,714 You're not even the penultimate fighter! 270 00:13:21,749 --> 00:13:24,652 -[screams] -Hey, Larkin, you suck! 271 00:13:24,685 --> 00:13:26,320 [grunts] 272 00:13:27,121 --> 00:13:31,392 You got something to say to my kid, you say it to me! 273 00:13:37,798 --> 00:13:41,368 Brad! You didn't even close the pen on this new cat! 274 00:13:41,402 --> 00:13:42,636 The fat one! 275 00:13:46,607 --> 00:13:48,008 Is kitty hungry? 276 00:13:48,242 --> 00:13:49,743 [yawns] 277 00:13:49,777 --> 00:13:51,078 [meows, munches] 278 00:13:51,745 --> 00:13:52,646 [burps] 279 00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:54,948 You can call it "ultimate," if you want. 280 00:13:54,982 --> 00:13:57,751 But it all goes back to the fundamentals, boy. 281 00:13:57,785 --> 00:13:59,420 Footwork, footwork, footwork! 282 00:14:01,555 --> 00:14:02,523 [grunts] 283 00:14:03,590 --> 00:14:04,958 [eagles screeching] 284 00:14:04,992 --> 00:14:07,561 Okay, Son, you just poked the bear! 285 00:14:07,594 --> 00:14:09,596 Hey, I mean, hey! I don't get it. 286 00:14:09,630 --> 00:14:11,432 What the hell do you see in this rube? 287 00:14:11,465 --> 00:14:15,469 I guess it's just easy. No head games. Just sex. 288 00:14:15,936 --> 00:14:19,673 But the man has no social conscience, huh? 289 00:14:19,707 --> 00:14:21,508 I mean he's making all that money, 290 00:14:21,542 --> 00:14:24,111 but what's he ever done for the hobo-- Homo, 291 00:14:24,144 --> 00:14:25,612 uh, the houseless? 292 00:14:26,780 --> 00:14:27,681 Hey, Peej? 293 00:14:27,715 --> 00:14:29,583 When's the last time you gave to charity? 294 00:14:29,616 --> 00:14:31,919 Have you ever done anything to help the houseless? 295 00:14:32,186 --> 00:14:33,754 -Nope. -[scoffs] 296 00:14:33,787 --> 00:14:36,790 But maybe, I could donate a few million dollars 297 00:14:36,824 --> 00:14:39,526 to the shelter, and tickets to my next fight. 298 00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:40,861 What a great idea! 299 00:14:40,894 --> 00:14:42,663 Everyone is always trying to give them food, 300 00:14:42,696 --> 00:14:44,932 but what they really need is a little diversion. 301 00:14:44,965 --> 00:14:46,734 Cool. Let's fuck. 302 00:14:48,669 --> 00:14:49,403 Oh! [chuckles] 303 00:14:49,737 --> 00:14:51,672 Now, don't overheat while you're fucking her. 304 00:14:51,705 --> 00:14:52,840 It's summer time! 305 00:14:53,140 --> 00:14:54,041 [grunts] 306 00:14:55,509 --> 00:14:57,578 Why do we kick like this after we poop? 307 00:14:57,611 --> 00:15:00,581 Freddy, you're a cat now. You don't ask questions. 308 00:15:00,614 --> 00:15:03,083 You start pullin' threads, and whole sweater comes undone. 309 00:15:03,117 --> 00:15:04,218 -[door opening] -[bell ringing] 310 00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:07,888 Oh! I see her! [gasps] I know which one we are getting! 311 00:15:08,422 --> 00:15:12,426 [hisses] Back that shit off. I'm living like a king here. 312 00:15:12,693 --> 00:15:15,229 I got a queen joke, but I'm not gonna say it. 313 00:15:15,262 --> 00:15:17,431 I'm not gettin' my ass canceled. 314 00:15:17,831 --> 00:15:19,199 Is that salmon farm-raised? 315 00:15:19,233 --> 00:15:22,636 We only serve wild-caught to our cats. 316 00:15:22,669 --> 00:15:26,540 And no catnip on the side? Oh, this is barbaric. 317 00:15:26,807 --> 00:15:32,579 Y'all got catnip and wild fish? [grunts] Sounds like a Jackpot! 318 00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:35,582 -[purrs] -Let's get you out of here. 319 00:15:35,616 --> 00:15:37,551 Does Ms. Mittens like feather beds? 320 00:15:37,751 --> 00:15:40,921 Feather beds, feather boas, showtunes, 321 00:15:40,954 --> 00:15:43,490 whatever y'all want. Hey. 322 00:15:43,524 --> 00:15:44,591 [licks] Kitty? 323 00:15:45,125 --> 00:15:47,561 Sorry, they didn't want you, Big Guy. 324 00:15:47,594 --> 00:15:49,196 But that's all right. 325 00:15:49,229 --> 00:15:51,098 Well, not really. Your time's up. 326 00:15:51,131 --> 00:15:52,666 We're going to have to put you down. 327 00:15:52,699 --> 00:15:58,005 Oh! I'm getting put down! A nap sounds nice. 328 00:15:58,305 --> 00:15:59,106 [snores, farts] 329 00:15:59,473 --> 00:16:02,009 Anticipation is building for what is being hailed 330 00:16:02,042 --> 00:16:03,811 -as the "Fray in the Bay." -[bell ringing] 331 00:16:03,844 --> 00:16:05,245 The just-announced title fight 332 00:16:05,279 --> 00:16:08,882 between challenger PJ Always Barkin' Larkin, 333 00:16:08,916 --> 00:16:11,585 and the champ, Conor McGregor. 334 00:16:12,186 --> 00:16:15,756 -Work the body. Work the body. -[groans] 335 00:16:15,989 --> 00:16:17,124 [TV anchor] That is, assuming McGregor's 336 00:16:17,157 --> 00:16:18,692 out of jail by then. 337 00:16:18,725 --> 00:16:20,294 The Notorious Irishman was arrested today 338 00:16:20,327 --> 00:16:22,563 for attacking an opponent's bus. 339 00:16:22,863 --> 00:16:27,634 [speaks Irish indistinctly] 340 00:16:27,668 --> 00:16:29,937 [TV anchor] By attacking it, I mean fucking it. 341 00:16:29,970 --> 00:16:31,104 [grunts] Ireland! 342 00:16:31,305 --> 00:16:32,639 Conor McGregor! 343 00:16:32,873 --> 00:16:34,908 We'd better start training now, Son. 344 00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:37,611 Ready, Son? 345 00:16:37,878 --> 00:16:40,514 Ready. Let me just get high first. 346 00:16:45,118 --> 00:16:46,954 Wait just a minute there, Son. 347 00:16:46,987 --> 00:16:50,157 PJ, this is what I, and several books I haven't read, 348 00:16:50,190 --> 00:16:54,561 call "a teaching moment." I myself have tried cannabis, 349 00:16:54,595 --> 00:16:57,264 but there's even better drugs out there! 350 00:16:57,297 --> 00:17:01,735 I know. Hash, cocaine, a little meth, shrooms. 351 00:17:01,768 --> 00:17:05,572 Shrooms? As in psychedelic mushrooms? 352 00:17:05,606 --> 00:17:07,708 -Yeah. -You got some on you right now? 353 00:17:07,741 --> 00:17:09,643 -Oh, yeah. -Damn, Son. 354 00:17:09,676 --> 00:17:12,579 The hell with training, let's party all day. 355 00:17:12,613 --> 00:17:14,681 ["Eye of the Tiger" playing] 356 00:17:18,752 --> 00:17:19,786 [both sniff] 357 00:17:23,357 --> 00:17:26,193 -[clucks] -[both laugh] 358 00:17:29,196 --> 00:17:33,367 ♪ It's the eye of the tiger It's the thrill of the fight ♪ 359 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,302 [both cheer] 360 00:17:35,335 --> 00:17:37,938 ♪ Rising up to the challenge Of our rival ♪ 361 00:17:37,971 --> 00:17:38,739 [both groan] 362 00:17:39,506 --> 00:17:41,108 ♪ And the last known survivor Stalks his prey in the night ♪ 363 00:17:41,141 --> 00:17:42,242 [clucks, chokes] 364 00:17:43,176 --> 00:17:43,977 [both laugh] 365 00:17:44,311 --> 00:17:48,615 ♪ And he's watching us all With the eye ♪ 366 00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:51,952 ♪ Of the tiger 367 00:17:57,190 --> 00:17:58,225 [both pant] 368 00:18:01,995 --> 00:18:04,631 [jazz music playing] 369 00:18:04,665 --> 00:18:05,999 ♪ So you met someone 370 00:18:06,033 --> 00:18:08,635 ♪ Who set you back On your heels ♪ 371 00:18:08,669 --> 00:18:09,570 ♪ Kitty, Kitty ♪ 372 00:18:09,970 --> 00:18:13,073 ♪ So you met someone, And now, you know how... ♪ 373 00:18:13,106 --> 00:18:16,376 Ah, ah, ah. You have to put on your dinner outfit. 374 00:18:16,410 --> 00:18:18,011 Oh, hell no. 375 00:18:18,045 --> 00:18:21,248 You start your ballet lessons tomorrow. 376 00:18:21,281 --> 00:18:24,117 Ballet? I thought we agreed on jazz tap. 377 00:18:24,151 --> 00:18:26,653 Fellas, I'll make this easy on you. 378 00:18:26,687 --> 00:18:27,955 I ain't doing any of that shit. 379 00:18:27,988 --> 00:18:30,791 -Wait. She can do both! -[gasps] 380 00:18:30,991 --> 00:18:32,993 We do want her to get her on the best 381 00:18:33,026 --> 00:18:34,294 YouTube cat channels. 382 00:18:34,328 --> 00:18:35,495 No, no, no! 383 00:18:35,529 --> 00:18:38,732 Ain't none of those YouTube felines have a happy ending. 384 00:18:38,932 --> 00:18:41,668 Grumpy Cat? Lil Bub? Keyboard Cat? 385 00:18:41,702 --> 00:18:45,305 Same sad-ass story. [imitates gunshot] 386 00:18:45,339 --> 00:18:47,207 [liquid pouring] 387 00:18:48,842 --> 00:18:51,278 Hey, Dad, after we do some more bong rips, 388 00:18:51,311 --> 00:18:52,713 can you drive me to the stadium? 389 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:54,848 I gotta drop this off for my drug test. 390 00:18:54,881 --> 00:18:56,883 Whoa, whoa. Lemme see that. 391 00:18:57,417 --> 00:18:58,418 Hmm. 392 00:18:58,952 --> 00:19:01,788 Tell you what. Let me take care of this. 393 00:19:01,989 --> 00:19:04,891 You stay here and fuck Gretchen. That's a good boy. 394 00:19:11,398 --> 00:19:13,367 I can't go with you standing there. 395 00:19:13,667 --> 00:19:16,069 If you want to help PJ, gimme some space. 396 00:19:16,370 --> 00:19:18,138 [whistles] 397 00:19:20,007 --> 00:19:21,274 Are you kidding me? 398 00:19:21,308 --> 00:19:23,677 My boy has the urine of a champion. 399 00:19:23,877 --> 00:19:24,678 A champion! 400 00:19:24,978 --> 00:19:27,414 I want to make sure your dweeb pee measures up. 401 00:19:27,748 --> 00:19:30,917 Hmm. [grunts] I'll make it work. 402 00:19:35,789 --> 00:19:39,726 -[ominous music playing] -[laughs maniacally] 403 00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:42,963 [announcer] Welcome to the Fray in the Bay! 404 00:19:42,996 --> 00:19:48,835 Where courtesy of PJ Larkin, it's Houseless Day! 405 00:19:48,869 --> 00:19:51,471 And now, for the championship match! 406 00:19:51,738 --> 00:19:55,008 PJ Always Barkin' Larkin 407 00:19:55,042 --> 00:19:59,813 versus Conor "The Bus Fucker" McGregor. 408 00:19:59,846 --> 00:20:02,182 [barks] Kill him PJ! 409 00:20:02,215 --> 00:20:06,053 Maim! Maul him! Bite his nuts off! 410 00:20:06,086 --> 00:20:08,789 -Spare any change? -Of course, sir. 411 00:20:08,989 --> 00:20:12,259 This enough to get inside your pussy? [exclaims] 412 00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:16,363 Aw. Look how happy they all are! And it's all because of PJ. 413 00:20:16,563 --> 00:20:18,999 Yay, hooray for PJ. 414 00:20:19,032 --> 00:20:20,934 Ladies and gentlemen, 415 00:20:20,967 --> 00:20:24,838 let's make preparations to-- Wait a minute. 416 00:20:25,072 --> 00:20:27,908 I've just received some shocking information 417 00:20:27,941 --> 00:20:31,812 regarding PJ Larkin's urine sample! 418 00:20:31,845 --> 00:20:33,380 -[crowd exclaiming] -Oh, 419 00:20:33,413 --> 00:20:36,016 you may want to pay attention to this, Phineas. 420 00:20:36,049 --> 00:20:39,820 -I mean, as father and all. -Relax, fight fans. 421 00:20:39,853 --> 00:20:41,922 This isn't about performance enhancing drugs. 422 00:20:42,122 --> 00:20:43,890 We say we test for those, but we don't. 423 00:20:43,924 --> 00:20:45,025 Phew! 424 00:20:45,058 --> 00:20:48,028 However, another test was performed. 425 00:20:48,061 --> 00:20:51,398 And through a series of DNA shit that I don't understand, 426 00:20:51,431 --> 00:20:54,101 our friends at 24andMe, 427 00:20:54,134 --> 00:20:57,370 "We do you one better" have confirmed the identity 428 00:20:57,404 --> 00:21:01,575 of PJ Larkin's father. 429 00:21:01,608 --> 00:21:04,945 Well, it's about time I get some damn recognition. 430 00:21:04,978 --> 00:21:08,281 Thank you, thank you. Proud father over here. 431 00:21:08,315 --> 00:21:09,182 That's my spunk. 432 00:21:09,416 --> 00:21:14,387 And that person's name is Harrison Milligan Ludwig 433 00:21:14,421 --> 00:21:17,057 -The Third! -[crowd exclaiming] 434 00:21:17,591 --> 00:21:19,526 Hey! That's me! 435 00:21:22,129 --> 00:21:23,830 What the hell's going on? 436 00:21:23,864 --> 00:21:26,466 I... it's a strange future we're livin' in. 437 00:21:26,500 --> 00:21:29,035 Sometimes discarded urine makes its way 438 00:21:29,069 --> 00:21:31,404 into a padded envelope, and gets mailed off 439 00:21:31,438 --> 00:21:34,241 to a DNA testing facility, hey. 440 00:21:36,643 --> 00:21:39,079 -Dad? -Oh, oh, Son! 441 00:21:39,112 --> 00:21:41,114 No! No! Okay, okay. 442 00:21:41,348 --> 00:21:43,950 So, this guy might be your real father, 443 00:21:43,984 --> 00:21:46,119 but who's the one who raised you since the day 444 00:21:46,153 --> 00:21:48,288 you were two and half weeks ago... 445 00:21:48,321 --> 00:21:49,990 -[bell rings] -[crowd exclaiming] 446 00:21:52,092 --> 00:21:54,394 [triumphant Irish music playing] 447 00:21:59,633 --> 00:22:03,203 [sighs] Sorry, big guy, it's time. 448 00:22:03,236 --> 00:22:06,940 -Dead cat walking! -I'm going for a special nap! 449 00:22:07,574 --> 00:22:11,378 Brave. Disgusting slob, but brave. 450 00:22:13,013 --> 00:22:15,882 [sighs] They grow up so fast. 451 00:22:16,283 --> 00:22:18,652 Before you know it, they find their real dad, 452 00:22:18,685 --> 00:22:20,320 and move on. 453 00:22:20,587 --> 00:22:21,421 Yup. 454 00:22:21,454 --> 00:22:23,890 But we'll always have the memories. 455 00:22:23,924 --> 00:22:24,791 Hey, Franklin! 456 00:22:25,192 --> 00:22:27,894 Remember when he was puttin' the wood to Gretchen nonstop? 457 00:22:27,928 --> 00:22:29,629 [exhales] That's all done now. 458 00:22:29,663 --> 00:22:32,999 He's got no reason to come hangin' round here no more. 459 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:36,036 -Uh. [exhales] -Uh. Apparently he does. 460 00:22:37,137 --> 00:22:39,039 Hot spittin' monkey shit. 461 00:22:39,072 --> 00:22:41,041 The hell-- That is not the way I saw things playing out. 462 00:22:41,575 --> 00:22:45,378 -Hey, Franklin. Hey, guy. -I'm an empty nester. 463 00:22:45,845 --> 00:22:48,281 I don't know how I'll fill my days now. 464 00:22:48,315 --> 00:22:50,250 You'll probably do a lot of drugs, 465 00:22:50,283 --> 00:22:52,485 remain unemployed, and rant about corn syrup. 466 00:22:52,852 --> 00:22:55,689 Yeah, thanks, Noah. See, Phineas? 467 00:22:55,722 --> 00:22:57,457 You still got a lot on your plate. 468 00:22:57,490 --> 00:22:59,492 Freddy, where the hell you've been? 469 00:22:59,526 --> 00:23:01,661 And why are you buck naked? 470 00:23:01,695 --> 00:23:02,862 I was living at the cat shelter. 471 00:23:02,896 --> 00:23:06,466 They were really nice to me, and fed me, and everything. 472 00:23:06,499 --> 00:23:09,970 Oh. Then they thought I was a cat that nobody wanted, 473 00:23:10,003 --> 00:23:11,104 and they tried to kill me. 474 00:23:11,371 --> 00:23:13,607 But I think cat gas only works on cats. 475 00:23:14,007 --> 00:23:17,043 Kitty! You're home! Where you been? 476 00:23:17,077 --> 00:23:19,312 I went home with a Jack & Jack couple. 477 00:23:19,346 --> 00:23:22,182 They wanted me to sing, and dance, and take diet pills 478 00:23:22,215 --> 00:23:26,052 like I was Liza Minelli. Man, am I glad to be back. 479 00:23:26,253 --> 00:23:27,621 -Whoo! [exhales] -[Kitty groans] 480 00:23:27,654 --> 00:23:29,656 -[Freddy farts] -Get this fat fucker off of me. 481 00:23:29,689 --> 00:23:33,660 Franklin! Phineas! Oh, Lord! 482 00:23:33,693 --> 00:23:36,730 This is not how I wanted my life to go. 483 00:23:36,763 --> 00:23:40,267 I only got eight more left. He done took one! 484 00:23:40,300 --> 00:23:42,369 He done took one of my nine. 485 00:23:42,402 --> 00:23:44,037 ♪ I was gonna feed Kitty ♪ 486 00:23:44,070 --> 00:23:44,971 ♪ 'Til I got high ♪ 487 00:23:45,405 --> 00:23:48,074 ♪ But then I got so stoned That 50 years went by ♪ 488 00:23:48,108 --> 00:23:51,011 ♪ In last 2020 The same rules don't apply ♪ 489 00:23:51,044 --> 00:23:53,580 ♪ So, I hit up a dispensary To see what I can buy ♪ 490 00:23:53,613 --> 00:23:55,181 ♪ Gimme this, gimme that! ♪ 491 00:23:55,215 --> 00:23:56,683 ♪ Lemme smoke like hippies! ♪ 492 00:23:56,716 --> 00:23:59,486 ♪ I just let it bump Like a red ant bit me! ♪ 493 00:23:59,519 --> 00:24:02,255 ♪ Time as she wees Suck me in like a hickey ♪ 494 00:24:02,289 --> 00:24:04,557 ♪ It's one-way trip And my brother's here with me ♪ 495 00:24:04,591 --> 00:24:05,625 ♪ Wassup? ♪ 496 00:24:05,659 --> 00:24:07,527 ♪ Three brothers puffin' ♪ 497 00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:11,631 ♪ And we just woke up In year 2020 ♪ 498 00:24:11,831 --> 00:24:15,135 ♪ Woke up in the year 2020 I know ♪ 499 00:24:15,168 --> 00:24:18,038 ♪ We're the Freak Brothers ♪ 500 00:24:21,441 --> 00:24:23,343 [man] It's a good show.