♪ Da-da-da-da-da-da ♪
♪ Do-do-do-do-do ♪
♪ Da-da-da-da-da-da ♪
♪ Da-do-ba-doobie-do ♪
♪ This is the theme song ♪
♪ Yeah. ♪
So we're at this big, fancy
music industry party,
schlepping hot dogs,
when who comes up to us but the man himself.
The myth, the legend...
Jacob Jewel.
- Bullshit. - Yeah way, dude.
Jacob Jewel, the singer?
Jacob "voice of a goddamn angel" Jewel, yes!
What did he say?
He said, "What kind of fucked-up hamburger is this?"
See, the guy is so rich,
he doesn't even know what normal people eat.
So we tell him, "Um,
that's a dog, dude."
To which he spits it out all over us.
I mean, w... we calm him down, we assure him
it's not actually a dog.
He goes, "Oh, thank God.
'Cause my wife's got, like, four Pomeranians.
I don't know if I could trust myself to be around them
if I knew they tasted this good.
'Cause this is... the greatest thing I've ever eaten.
Did you guys make this?"
And what were we supposed to say?
We wanted the guy to like us. So we go...
Yeah.
We tell him we invented the hot dog.
"We just grill up a few dogs
when we're taking a break
from being successful songwriters."
So he says, "Songwriters, huh?
Well, you know,
my label actually just picked up this big dance track
for my next single, and I hate it.
What I really want is a nice, classic love song.
And if you guys have stuff that's half as good
as this dog, send us some tracks."
So I tell him, "We've got stuff that's ten times
as good as that hot dog."
Sara probably shouldn't have said something
so astounding while his mouth was full,
'cause the guy just starts fucking choking.
And Sara's like, "Stand back!
I know the Heimlich!" I could not stop lying.
So I google "Heimlich," I show it to Pierce,
and he's shouting, "Breathe! Breathe! Breathe!"
And this guy comes out of the crowd, like,
"Everybody move aside. I am a doctor."
I'm like, "Yeah, you're a doctor
and I'm a successful songwriter."
But he was a doctor.
And the good news is, Jacob made it.
And the great news is he knows who we are now.
I mean, sure, it's because he thinks
we invented the hot dog,
but when you see an opportunity, you take it.
How do you think the hot dog was actually invented?
Somebody looked at a pile of pig guts one day,
and said, "I could work with this."
So he wants a love song. We're gonna give him one.
But the thing is, he needs it, like, yesterday.
Otherwise the label's just gonna use that dance track.
So do you guys have anything to send him?
Not yet. But...
did you know that Dolly Parton wrote "Jolene"
and "I Will Always Love You" in one afternoon?
All we gotta do is half that, and we're two people.
Okay.
So we're gonna go into the studio,
you're gonna lock us in, and do not let us out
until we have a hit song.
I mean it, Theo.
No distractions.
♪
I give up. I give up.
We... we don't have anything.
It's been hours, and we have nothing.
One afternoon, my ass.
Fuck Dolly Parton! She's full of shit.
Okay, we are not giving up.
We just can't think when we're trapped inside this box.
That's... that's what it is.
We are writing about love.
We just need to step out into the world
and open up our hearts
to inspiration and truth
and beauty.
And I'm hungry.
Yeah.
Theo, can you let us out?
You told me not to.
But didn't you just hear my speech
- about inspiration? - Yeah, and that whole thing
about us being hungry.
Come on, guys. Think about all the money you could make.
That's certainly what I'm thinking about.
I mean, I let you
use this space and...
produce all your songs for practically nothing.
Call me selfish, but...
You're selfish.
This is a big opportunity
and I'm not gonna let you choke under the pressure.
Okay, fine. If I can't leave,
I'm just gonna draw some inspiration from some videos.
Um, I... Where's my phone?
No distractions, Sara.
♪
Okay, so you're scrolling through Twitter.
And you're... you're seeing a lot of pictures.
- Your cousin just got married. - Ew.
Uh, you come across a GIF
of, uh, a tiny, small little frog...
smaller than you... than you'd imagine.
I don't know.
I can imagine a pretty small frog.
Oh, no, no, not like this frog.
This frog's really tiny, like it's using a... a dime
like a... like it's a lily pad.
Oh, I like that one.
We have a winner.
That's our inspiration.
A small frog, on a dime.
Frog isn't the focus.
"On a dime," that's a phrase.
Yes. Uh, uh, like, like a, like a cheap date.
Like "on a dime." Like... like a love song about a cheap date.
No. You "turn on a dime." My heart turned on a dime.
♪ My heart turn... turned on a dime ♪
♪ This time ♪
♪ Your love is... ♪
Okay, no, this is good. We're getting somewhere.
It's got a turn of phrase, it's got a theme.
It's... it's got everything.
Except the... turn of phrase is stupid
and the lyrics don't scan and it sucks and I hate it.
Give me my phone back, you sick fuck!
Oh, Pierce, that's a good one.
Yes. I can't wait to record that idea.
- What are you saying? - Okay, when he comes in here,
I'm gonna grab hold of him. You tie his shoes to his wrists.
- He won't be able to move. - Wait, wait, wait.
Tie his shoes to his wrists? That... that seems kind of stupid.
Oh, really? Is it?
Or did I just finish doing it to you?
What are you talking... Oh, my God!
How did you do... ? This is...
Hey, Theo!
It's... it's Sara, man.
Her heart condition's going off like crazy.
We... we got to get her a... to a heart doctor, stat.
Nice try, Pierce.
Little hard to trick me when I've been watching you
plan your escape for the last three hours.
Look, I wouldn't joke about this kind of thing.
Sara's my best friend.
And you're... you're up there, too.
- Are you serious? - Yes, I'm serious!
She's on the ground, man. Her heart's exploding!
- Okay. Okay. - Get in here!
And bring my phone.
And bring her phone!
Sara! Are you okay? Sara!
Gotcha! Okay, tie his shoes to his wrists.
- Ah, wha-wha-what are these? - They're tassels.
- How do I tie 'em together? - You don't... Okay, come on.
Get up.
If you guys want to go, then just go.
Throw away your futures.
But this was a big opportunity for us.
It's just so...
disappointing.
Oh, my God. Jacob Jewel was right.
These things are amazing.
What's up?
I'm a failure.
Theo was right.
This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity,
and I'm completely blowing it.
Hey.
We're blowing it.
I'm completely uninspired.
How am I supposed to write about love
when I don't feel it?
I thought I loved songwriting, but I guess I love nothing.
Well, you'll love this.
It's the best thing I've ever had in my fucking life.
No. It's not.
You just think it is because it's a distraction
from writing this hellish, horrible, impossible song.
I don't know, just take a bite. Please?
Fine.
Mmm.
- Oh, shit. Mmm. - Yeah.
You know what I'd do for that dog?
I would move a mountain.
Uh, I'd kill a man. Yeah.
Fuck that song. Fuck songwriting.
Let's... let's just work here. At Doggie's.
That'd be fine.
I'd give up on my dreams for this.
Because it's just... that...
You're just that...
♪ You're just that good. ♪
♪ Couldn't find the words to sing ♪
♪ Until I found you ♪
♪ You came and made my heart burn ♪
♪ You made me understand ♪
♪ That I'd do anything to always be around you ♪
♪ I would move a mountain ♪
♪ I would kill a man ♪
♪ I would steal a car or rob a bank ♪
♪ Or punch a child ♪
♪ A bunch of things I never thought I would ♪
♪ It's just that ♪
♪ You're just that ♪
♪ Good. ♪
20 million views. One day.
That's awesome.
You think this is awesome,
our next song is gonna be ten times more awesome.
Ten?
♪ I'll relish you forever there ♪
♪ With you up in my grill is paradise ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ 'Cause you're just ♪
- ♪ Just ♪ - ♪ That ♪
- ♪ That good ♪ - ♪ Good ♪
♪ Yeah, you're just ♪
♪ That good ♪
♪ 'Cause you're just ♪
♪ That good ♪
♪ Just ♪ - ♪ You're just ♪
♪ That good ♪
♪ Whoa-oh. ♪
♪ Songs about hot dogs, yeah! ♪
- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -