ON RADIO: 'Ding Dong Merrily On High'
JIMMY HUMS
What's all this?
Oh, are you writing your great novel?
Not sure I've got one of those in me.
It's for the Darrowby Nativity play.
Oh, Jim, if you're in need of the back end of a donkey,
my brother's always available.
Helen's supposed to be organising it, but she's full of the cold.
I hope she's feeling better for Christmas Day.
But she's under strict instructions to stay in bed.
I don't want her worrying. I told her I can manage.
That's my costume.
And I play an angel who comes down from... Hebden.
LAUGHTER
From heaven, Jimmy!
You haven't come from just down the road.
Mrs Hall, there's a highly inventive recipe here for a "murkey".
Doesn't look half bad.
What's a murkey? It's a mock turkey.
It's stuffing, which I know you like,
wrapped in bacon, and then we all pretend it's a roast.
Are those parsnips for legs?
National shortage of the real bird, you see.
I've still got a couple of leads.
I've not given up on finding one yet.
I think we must face facts.
Anything with wings is long since sold.
I have wings.
And I can't wait to see them in action, Jimmy.
Yes, the Magi weren't there at the birth, of course.
And they weren't kings. Thank you, that's very helpful.
And there's no mention in the Bible of animals in the stable.
Well, I say stable, it's more like a family guest room.
It's all down to a mistranslation of the Greek.
Do you not like Christmas, Uncle Siegfried?
Are you kidding? This is him loving Christmas.
Quite right.
And if you don't behave, I'll tell you how they celebrate in Austria...
IN AUSTRIAN ACCENT: ..Krampus!
SIEGFRIED SNARLS
OWN ACCENT: I'm due at Stokes' Farm. See you for lunch.
I mean, parsnips... for legs.
Mrs Stokes!
Mrs Stokes, you'll catch your death out here.
Aye, well, I thought you'd best see what this daft apeth's been up to.
Oh, are we in trouble again, Hilda?
Well, she got out in the night,
and then, this morning, I caught her at the house opposite,
chewing on this!
Ah, it's a hazard of Christmas for goats.
There's laurel in it.
It can be harmful. Well, I know that.
Do you think I walked down to the telephone box
for the good of me health?
Luckily, she doesn't seem to have eaten too much.
No, there's no luck in it,
just me hobbling after her in the freezing cold.
And I must have just got there in time -
she'd have gobbled the lot given half a chance.
Let's take a look at you. 'Ey, you beggar!
HILDA BLEATS Ha-ha!
At least there's no sign of lethargy.
There you go.
Abdomen doesn't seem to be distended.
All right.
HILDA BLEATS No excess salivation.
I'm sure she's fine. Oh.
Let's give her a drench, just to be on the safe side.
Oh, you're gonna give her a drench, are you?
It's entirely routine, Mrs Stokes. I think I can manage.
Aye.
Right, let's get you safely shut up in the barn, shall we?
Come on. There we are.
In you go. Come on.
Come on, you daft apeth! Up.
Yes, the old ways work sometimes.
The tannins in the tea prevent absorption of the toxins, you see.
Hmm. 'Ey, well, you'll need more than that in.
I can tell you don't make the tea so often.
I might normally advise a rumenotomy.
What, cut her open?
Well, it's the only way of getting out what she's eaten.
But given her age, I really wouldn't want
to put her through that if we can avoid it.
Oh, no, I don't like the sound of that.
Stick some of that in. You can't give her brandy.
A little nip. It works wonders. For you, perhaps. For her, no.
By 'eck, I need it wi' you.
Are you looking forward to Christmas, Mrs Stokes?
Ah, well, it'll be a farmer's Christmas - same as any other day.
But I might let the old girl in the kitchen for a few treats...
if she behaves herself.
That's a big "if", knowing Hilda. Aye.
What about you?
Well, everybody's home this year. I'm rather looking forward to it.
Oh, good.
You don't want to be rattling round
that big house on your own again, do you?
Not if I can help it, no. Now, you make the most of it.
Cos they won't be there forever, will they? None of 'em.
Yes, perhaps we'll let it brew a little longer. Aye.
So, if you hear of a turkey going spare -
or a goose, or a pigeon, actually -
would you just let me know?
You're entering a team into the Christmas Eve darts, aren't you?
Well, I'm not a bad shot, but...
The prize is a turkey. What?
Audrey might not have heard.
How on earth did you find a turkey?
There's a lot of drunken farmers in this pub
agreeing to things that they later regret.
Right, well, I'll tell Mrs H.
We've got Charlotte coming to us for Christmas.
You can't serve murkey to a Beauvoir.
You bringing her on Christmas Eve, or are we not fancy enough for you?
Your spit and sawdust is of the highest quality, Maggie,
but still...
You're meant to be demob-happy. You can't not come.
It'll be a lively one with so many back home.
I'll be raising a glass to Arthur.
He loved it, he did, Christmas.
I had to drag him out of here last time,
still singing, all the way home.
Well, that was Arthur.
Which is why we're gonna have the biggest tree
with the brightest lights... MAN: Ta, Maggie.
..and no-one telling us to cover the windows up.
Mm. Quite so.
When are you dropping the tree off, by the way?
Sorry?
You said you'd pick one up for me, didn't you?
With me being run ragged between here and little Albert.
You've not forgotten? I want a decent one!
HE SCOFFS
Maggie, I'm not one of your drunken farmers.
HE SPLUTTERS
How could I possibly have forgotten?
BELL JANGLES
Easy, Hilda. Easy. Easy!
See, that's why I put the brandy in.
HILDA BLEATS She doesn't fight then.
Hilda...
HE STRAINS
Oh! SHE SIGHS
Hilda! Don't just stand there.
Let's not be silly about this. HILDA BLEATS
Hilda! HE EXHALES
Come on.
HILDA BLEATS
Yes, I know. I know he's making a palaver of it.
Hilda! Don't you dare! Oh, heck.
Blimey. Hilda!
Come back, Hilda! HILDA BLEATS
Oh, stop fussing. I'm all right. You're not all right.
You're burning up.
Oh, James. I feel like a wrung-out dishcloth.
I've not iced Jimmy's cake yet, there's Christmas wrapping still,
and a list at Heston, with Dad being in London.
Aye, aye. But I know what you'll do.
You'll get back into that bed...
..leave all this... to your very capable husband.
What? Hop it!
Right, one last pin.
Jimmy! Jimmy! Change of plan.
You finish the Nativity crowns, I'll wrap these. Wilco.
Oh, James. Mrs Pumphrey phoned.
She's on her way in to see you.
No... I... HE GROANS
You know, what you should do...
..is get yourself a nice young lady.
My thoughts always turn to romance at times like this (!)
I mean, you've still got your looks.
Probably for not much longer, mind, but...
Thank you, Mrs Stokes.
Now, that'll do it. OK.
That's it. Ah.
That should do it, as I say. Any change, just let me know.
Aye, will do.
"Gather ye rose-buds while ye may," Mr Farnon.
Robert Herrick, yes. Aye.
"And while ye may, go marry,
"for having once but lost your prime,
"you may forever tarry."
Quite. Any chance of a cup of tea before I go?
SHE SIGHS Given it all to the goat.
HE EXHALES, HILDA BLEATS
HILDA FARTS
Merry bloody Christmas to you too.
Imagine if we won it.
Proper Christmas... with a proper turkey.
Mm. It's teams of three, Mrs H.
You may need to whip the rest of us into shape.
Right, the board's coming out. Let's get practising. Pass me that.
Also, do you know the best place to buy a Christmas tree?
Well, there could be a couple left on the Square. Why?
Oh, some drunken idiot was supposed to get one for The Drovers,
and... he forgot.
Oh, Tristan.
What about darts? I'll be as quick as I humanly can.
If we lose... you're getting the parsnip leg!
Oh, my goodness!
WOMAN: Hello, Audrey! Well, I never. Come in, come in.
It's so very disappointing.
The last little Pekingese in Keighley was really rather sweet.
They would have made such handsome puppies.
I'm sorry you haven't had better news.
Is there really nothing more you can do to boost his chances?
He's long since had all his checks.
Mr Bolton said that he'd heard of some injections.
Testosterone. Yes. So, why haven't we tried them?
Because there can be side effects, unpleasant ones.
Tricki's given so much.
He's had such a life.
I can't abide the thought that one day he may be gone,
with nothing to show that he was ever here.
I'd never forgive myself
if we hadn't explored every available option.
If it's what you want, Mrs Pumphrey...
..I could book him in for tomorrow.
Thank you. Tricki and I can't thank you enough.
Blasted goat's been at my tie.
I don't even know when that happened.
Mrs Stokes prattling on like I'm some misanthropic misfit
who'd be lucky to strike up a dalliance with a bloody donkey!
Dorothy. Hello, Siegfried.
You're not in Malta. Not as far as I can tell.
I'm making tea, do you want one? I made tea for the goat.
An absolutely enormous cup.
She was geriatric, otherwise, I'd have preferred
to have extracted the entire ruminal contents.
That's what I've missed about this place, the small talk.
Anyway... I-I better get on. Dorothy.
Siegfried.
DOROTHY CHUCKLES
It's a donkey. Is it a donkey?!
I'll find the doggy one. Rosie.
Come on, Rosie. Rosie? Shall we put your costume on?
Are you excited? Uh-huh!
I like it!
Can't find the armholes. You've got a crown.
Take the hat off, and put your costume on.
I've found the doggy thing. There we go.
Not in there. Tilly, come on. Come on, Tilly.
Can you do this, Susan? I can't do this. OK.
Anybody need any help? We need to sort that out.
Get ready, Mr Herriot'll be here in a minute.
Jimmy, where are your wings?
All of these... All of these are in a bow.
I still need to get mine on. Hello, everybody, are you ready?
Oh, you look great.
Well done, well done.
Mrs H is gonna wonder where all her tea towels have gone.
Now, this is a dress rehearsal,
which means it's exactly the same as we do it in the Square tomorrow.
Mr Herriot? Yes.
Can I have a sword?
Shepherds didn't really have swords. Erm... but what about the wolves?
Sure, you can have one. Yesssss.
Erm, all right, baby Jesus. Baby Jesus...
Oh!
Right, Bobby, can you put baby Jesus's head back on for me please?
Er, Mabel...
Why's Mabel got a rabbit? He's got a sore eye.
Mum says she wants you to look at him.
All right. All right. We all set?
Er, Bobby, can you give baby Jesus to your sister?
Erm, right, ready? BOBBY SNEEZES
I hope you're not coming down with that cold, Bobby.
Are we all set? Yes. Yes.
Jimmy, go.
Mary, I am the angel Gabriel,
and I bring great tidings from Hebden.
Heaven, Jimmy. Heaven.
Mary, I am the angel Gabriel,
and I bring great tidings from Heaven.
Thank you.
Good God, man, how long is this likely to take?
Lucy, Susan, hand out the scripts. Thank you.
There's still a bit of work to do. I am trying to concentrate in there.
Well, you'll have to manage. Look, I'm run ragged here.
And I've got Mrs Pumphrey on my back
asking for hormone injections for Tricki.
Well, you've warned her about possible side effects, I hope?
Muscle problems, hair loss, aggressive behaviour,
and there's no guarantee it will work.
She knows it's the last resort,
but if we don't try, it amounts to giving up.
The dog is old. Giving up is the only sensible approach.
Aye. but you can imagine how she'll take that!
Dad, the Virgin Mary needs the toilet.
Pus-y eye.
I'll do the eye drops, then, shall I?
Well...
Right.
Yes, I'm off to Sunderland after Christmas to see them all.
Been the making of Edward, being a dad.
What about your Harry? Is he all right?
Oh, yes! Demobbed a few months ago.
He wanted to move back to Yorkshire,
and it was probably time for me as well.
I followed all the news from Malta.
They say it was the most heavily bombed place in the war
for those two years.
No way out, even if I wanted to go.
I thought you might come back after it were liberated.
It seemed like giving up.
And there were still good times to be had, if you knew where to look.
Well, you always know where to look. DOROTHY CHUCKLES
Anyway, it's in the past now.
Well, I'm glad you're here.
And I'd say someone else is an' all.
You think? He couldn't get away quick enough.
MRS HALL LAUGHS You'll have to make some allowances.
He's been on his own a lot the last few years.
I can tell. He's learnt to make tea! MRS HALL LAUGHS
There's a good heart in there somewhere.
Tries his best to keep it hidden is all.
SIEGFRIED SHUSHING
Come on, you're up for darts practice.
I'm actually quite busy. Er, there's a turkey at stake.
I'm only thinking of you. Is Dorothy still here?
No, don't worry, you've not missed her.
Has it perhaps slipped your mind how she and I parted?
No.
Nor has it slipped my mind how well you used to get on.
I'm sure this little chap's good company... but still...
DISTANT CHILDREN SINGING
Ooh, I must have a cuddle. What?
He's lovely.
Oh, erm, be careful with the eye, there may be some pus. Ooh!
Right, we're entering a team at The Drovers.
The prize is a turkey.
I might be a little rusty. It's been some time.
Oh! You seem a bit tense.
TENSELY: I'm not in the least tense.
Look at you. You're knotted up like a sailor's hankie.
Like this. Light but firm.
Right foot forward.
Eye on the target.
I'm not the target, am I? Don't think about it too much.
Yes! Very impressive, Siegfried.
I'll take the bunny to the shed. No, no, I'll do it.
Excuse me.
Right.
Here you are. DOROTHY CHUCKLES
Audrey thought he might want this.
How thoughtful of her.
Do you mind me calling in?
Why would I mind?
I've taken a little place in Broughton, you see.
I thought I might be round from time to time.
Oh, of course.
Mrs Hall will be delighted.
She was quite concerned for a while, when there was no news.
Yes. I'm sorry about that. I'm surprised you came back.
There was never really much here for you.
Don't know if that's true.
Why don't you come back in for a cuppa?
We've got so much to catch up on. I can't, I'm afraid.
I have to mend a barn door for Mrs Stokes.
Right.
I should get going myself, really.
Perhaps you could drop me off?
Oh, well, er, I need to be up at the farm
before it starts to get dark.
We could go there first, if you like.
It's very muddy. I'm not sure your shoes would...
Siegfried, I've had bombs dropped on me.
I'm not worried about a bit of mud.
Hello, Mrs Stokes.
It's only me. Oh, you're not back again, are you?
I thought I'd take a look at this door for you.
We don't want any more escapes, do we? Oh.
'Ey, as long it's not going on my bill.
'Ey, especially if it takes two of you.
Oh, no, this is my... this is Dorothy.
Hmm! Hello, Mrs Stokes.
I'm just tagging along. Oh, isn't she beautiful?
'Ey, don't let her fool you.
She's a right temper on her, and she's stubborn as owt.
How is she since the drench?
Well, she's still off her food. It's to be expected.
Keep a close eye on her.
How much closer do you want me to get?
DOROTHY CHUCKLES
'Ey, let's me and you go for a brew and a chat while he huffs and puffs.
Yes, please. I thought there was no more tea.
HILDA BLEATS
And you can keep your opinions to yourself too.
HILDA FARTS
Sorry, sorry, I was held up. Not to worry.
I was just admiring your baubles. Oh, thank you.
You know, I think it's going to be raucous in The Drovers.
If you'd prefer we just had a quiet drink in the Manor, I'd understand.
They're calling this the happiest Christmas ever,
and you want to spend it with Philbrick and me?
Your horse, yes. I don't mind what you do.
Mrs Hall's told me about the darts,
and she's signed you up for the team.
Ah, yes. Of course.
I've never known you reluctant to go to The Drovers before.
HE EXHALES I was supposed to get a tree.
The one everyone's meant to be looking at
when they turn the Christmas lights on. Right.
There's not a decent one left in Darrowby.
I've been all over. It is December the 23rd.
My name is going to be mud.
Have you thought about the Christmas tree farm?
Just a guess, but I think they might have Christmas trees.
You see, this is what having an expensive education does for you.
So you'll be able to show your face on Christmas Eve after all. Ah.
Oh. Leeds City Varieties, that one.
DOROTHY GASPS They loved me.
I can tell that's you. Mm.
You didn't say we were visiting a star!
Were you on the stage?
"Lavinia Lavinshaw".
Yeah, Lavinshaw, that were me maiden name.
Siegfried, how long have you been coming here?
And you've only just found out. These are marvellous.
You must have had a right old time. Oh, aye.
All over the country, all the great halls.
I used to do a few bawdy ones.
Oh, they loved me, they did.
I knew you weren't a born farmer.
Ah, well...
..I met him, didn't I?
Swept off me feet by Victor Stokes.
I mean he weren't fancy, but by God, he were handsome.
I'd have followed him to the ends of the Earth.
Well, I did, didn't I? THEY LAUGH
That's sweet. But you stopped singing?
Yeah, well, my heart never stopped singing.
All done out there. Should keep Hilda safe for a while.
Ah, well, if not, I shall be holding you responsible.
I wouldn't have it any other way. MRS STOKES CHUCKLES
We'd better be off.
Lovely meeting you. Aye.
Hey, that's a good 'un. You keep hold of her.
BAAING
After you.
It was kind of you to do that for Mrs Stokes.
Pure self-interest.
Saves me having to traipse up here
every time the goat gets a bellyful of something she shouldn't.
It's like Audrey says, you've got a good heart in there.
She said that?
It's incredible, you know.
I came from a place that was changed beyond all recognition.
This place, everything's the same as when I left.
Some things have changed.
Perhaps not things one can easily see.
Seems rather quiet.
"Closed due to illness"!
That is inconvenient. Oh, it's Christmas Eve!
Come on, then.
DOOR CLOSES
Your dedication is impressive, Mrs Hall.
Well, this is our first Christmas back together in a long while.
If this is what it takes to do it right...
I shall make sure I put some practice in before tonight.
Is Dorothy coming down? Oh, I shouldn't think so.
You did invite her, though?
Outer bull. I'm not sure I can match that.
Which is why I thought it'd come in handy if she were there.
She seemed to have a good idea of where you were going wrong.
I'm quite sure I shall be able to manage by myself.
Or you might just stab yourself straight in the foot.
What? I just think she's much better suited to you
than some of the other ladies... Frankly...
..the type that throw shoes at me.
Once. That happened once.
And I can't see why you're not cock-a-hoop.
It's possibly because I like Plato's idea.
Oh, of course it is (!)
Well, I say Plato, he credits it to Aristophanes.
Yes, never mind that now.
He believed that we all have our souls...
..split into two.
And we spend our lives trying to find our other half.
Even if one half dies...
we go off trying to find another that matches.
And he says that once we've found our other half,
we don't want to be separated again...
..not even for a moment.
I suppose I want that.
You don't want much, do you (?) THEY CHUCKLE
I don't know about your Plato... Sorry, Aristophanes.
..what if you spend your whole life
looking for something that doesn't exist...
..and miss what's right under your nose?
PHONE RINGS
I'll get that.
RINGING CONTINUES
Darrowby two-two-nine-seven.
Mrs Stokes. 'It's Hilda. She's worsened.'
Worsened how? 'Well, she just can't stand up.'
I'll be right there.
I knew I had one in the boot. Bone saw.
Looks like it's seen better days.
Oh, when I tell you the things this has sawn through...
I'd rather not know, thank you. OK.
It's really rather lovely with no-one around.
Yes, I must come and carry out an illegal activity every year.
Ah, right.
# On the first day of Christmas My true love sent to me
# A night in police custody. # SHE LAUGHS
We'll leave money for the tree. It's only a little bit illegal. Mm.
HE GRUNTS
That looks quite hard. It's like Christmas.
Just something you have to get through.
Thank goodness it's the one time of the year
where it's socially acceptable to start drinking at breakfast.
Ah, there.
That's at least a hundredth of an inch.
Right. Here we go.
Jimmy.
That belongs to the three kings. I was just showing your mum.
Bobby Ainsley's mum said to give you this.
Right. Thanks, Jimmy. They're all poorly, Dad.
Rosie, you're one of the kings. You'll need a crown.
TRICKI PANTS
Sorry, Mrs Pumphrey.
Helen's not well. I've got my hands full.
I heard from Mrs Argyll that you were doing the Nativity this year.
Aye... but I'm gonna have to cancel it.
The Ainsley kids are all down with the bug.
I've lost an angel, two kings and a shepherd already.
Jimmy and Rosie will be so disappointed.
Do the show here.
The children will be happy as long as their families see it.
It's a good idea. Thank you, Mrs Pumphrey.
It'll be more than good because you're a wonderful father.
I only hope Tricki will follow your lead when it comes to his turn.
Now, this won't sting too much?
I don't want him being in a sulk with me over Christmas.
WHISPERS: He can be a terrible sulk.
Actually, Mrs Pumphrey... I don't think it's a good idea.
Oh.
Er, no, well, then perhaps we should wait for the New Year.
No, I mean, it's not a good idea, full stop.
I don't want to give Tricki the injections.
The side effects, they can be drastic.
And not just physically -
it could change his personality completely.
At his age, there's probably nothing that will make a difference,
so surely, it's better to enjoy the time he's got.
I'm sorry. I know how much you were hoping.
Not at all. You've been entirely professional.
SHE SNIFFS
And you've said what you believe to be true.
I can't ask for more.
Almost there. Almost.
Oh, don't you dare. What happened?
It's stuck.
STRAINING: God, it won't bloody move!
We'll just have to explain to Maggie.
I don't even know why I got involved.
I don't want to go to the bloody pub tonight.
God!
I knew something was wrong. What?
I'm fine. Of course you are. It's Christmas.
Everyone's happy at Christmas, except all of those who aren't.
I haven't had a happy Christmas
since the year we celebrated in November.
Why November?
We didn't think Mother would see December.
Oh... Oh, Charlotte...
I'm very good at not showing it. I don't suppose I'm the only one.
What is it?
This is supposed to be "the happiest Christmas ever".
So we're meant to just forget that Arthur never came home
from the Japanese prisoner-of-war camp, or the men we lost?
I'm meant to just forget the things I saw?
We won't go tonight, not if you don't want to.
It's not just about tonight. I know.
I know so well, but it'll be over in a few days,
and then we don't have to think about it for another year.
But these are things I think about all the time.
I'm not sure I'll ever be able to stop.
HE SIGHS
KNOCKS
Mr Farnon, I brought her in to keep warm.
She's been vomiting an' all. She can't seem to stand up.
She's shivering. HILDA PANTS
Laboured breathing. This is toxicosis.
You said the drench would get rid. It should have done, yes.
It's possible she may have eaten more than we thought.
I'll have to do the rumenotomy after all.
But you said, with her being so old...
We still may be in time.
We'll know as soon as we've see the contents.
I have to get some things from the car.
She'll be fine. VOICE BREAKING: Won't you, Hilda?
FINGERS SNAPPING Come on, lad.
Leave it, come on.
Good lad.
SNORING
I'm so sorry.
It seems Hilda has eaten more than I thought.
A great deal more.
Well, never, I saw the wreath myself.
The offcuts. She's been into the sack.
Who knows how much she got through before you caught up with her.
There's no point going ahead with the surgery.
What are you on about?
In those quantities,
the laurel will be absorbed into the blood by now.
I'm afraid it's too late.
Well, what'll you do?
There's no sense
in putting her through any more suffering than necessary.
And I'm afraid she is suffering. She can't stand up.
She has tremors. She must be in considerable pain.
You can help her, though, Mr Farnon? You can help her get better.
Please believe me,
if there was anything I could do for her, I would.
The kindest thing now is to let her go.
Oh, you don't need to dash off. Can I get you some tea?
Dad, can I have a sword like the shepherds?
Jimmy, I'm just talking right now. Can we go to the Square soon?
A change of plan.
I was thinking we might do the show here instead. Just us.
That's even better! Then all the animals can be in it!
Hello, Mrs Pumphrey. Hello!
I'm an angel from Hebden.
Where all angels come from.
THEY LAUGH
Did I hear you were in charge one year?
Oh, yes. 1936. Legendary.
All over in ten minutes, record time.
I'm sorry to ask, but I need to run round all the other parents,
and... well, you'd be doing me a huge favour.
I couldn't, not this time. It's a family occasion.
I'm Tricki's uncle. That means these are his cousins.
Dad, can we get ready now?
Look at your hair.
You can't go on stage with your hair looking like that.
And, Rosie, hello, darling.
Ooh, look, you're going to trip over your dress.
Come on, let's get you sorted out.
Thank you, Mrs Pumphrey. You know how it is.
The show must go on.
It'll not hurt her, will it? She won't feel a thing.
MRS STOKES WHIMPERS
It'll only take a few moments once I give her the dose.
Hey... you've been a good girl.
You've been the very best girl.
HILDA BREATHES RAPIDLY
I'll admit it, Hilda, you always got the better of me.
HILDA GRUNTS
# Some lovers like the summertime
# When they can stroll about
# Spooning in the meadow
# May seem fine without a doubt
# But give to me the winter time
# For the girl that I made mine
# Was captured when the snow Lay on the ground
# I traced her little footmarks
# In the snow
# I traced her little footmarks
# In the snow
# I bless that winter's day
# When Nelly lost her way
# And I traced her little footmarks
# In the snow. #
You know why we have Christmas trees, don't you?
Er, something to do with Prince Albert?
Yes, but before him. Long before.
When the druids were walking the hills round here.
I'm a bit behind on my druid history, to be honest.
SHE CHUCKLES
It's because the pine and the fir are evergreen.
So...?
A reminder that even the longest, hardest winter will end
and spring will come.
HE CHUCKLES
Off to work we go! THEY LAUGH
SHE STRAINS
HE CHUCKLES
HE SIGHS I love you.
Oh, hello, Rosie.
Tickets, please. Of course.
There we are. There we are.
Ooh, programmes!
Thank you! Thank you. Well done, Rosie.
Oh, Act 3 looks good. Yeah, I've heard wonderful things.
Erm...
Tricki wants to know
why his uncle looks like the cat that got the cream.
THEY CHUCKLE
Hello! Mummy! Ooh!
Mum! Oh, hello.
Hey, hey, I don't want you two getting my cold.
You two should be backstage! Come on!
It's Siegfried Farnon.
I realise it's short notice, but I...
..I would very much like it if you would come tonight.
If it's not too late.
Of course. Yes, of course.
Everything all right? Hmm.
Come on. You're musical director. I'm what?
Just play summat Christmassy.
Gold. Thank you, Auntie Audrey.
There's your frankincense, and your myrrh.
SIEGFRIED PLAYS PIANO
Welcome to the Skeldale House Nativity,
Christmas 1945.
Ayyy. APPLAUSE
A play in three acts,
with set and costume courtesy of the Darrowby Dramatic Society.
Please enjoy the show.
Once upon a time, long ago,
there was a lady called Mary, and a carpenter called Joseph.
ROSIE MUMBLES
Jimmy, curtains!
LAUGHTER
Oh, I like Joseph's understudy.
Mary was very surprised when, one day, an angel appeared to her.
Mary, I bring to you good tidings from Hebden.
Thank you.
DASH WHINES
Do you want me to help? LAUGHTER
So Mary and Joseph needed a room for the night.
But the innkeeper said,
or rather, the innkeeper... squeaked...
IN SQUEAKY VOICE: The inn is full.
You will have to sleep in the family guest room.
TRICKI BARKS Tricki? Tri... Oh.
LAUGHTER
It was cosy and warm in the family guest room,
where they were NOT surrounded by animals,
and Mary gave birth to a boy.
But this was no ordinary boy. This was the baby Jesus.
A shepherd followed a star...
..and came to visit the baby Jesus.
Come on, Jess.
LAUGHTER
And also came three... Sorry.
..one king from the east bearing gifts.
Gold, frankincense and myrrh.
Oh! LAUGHTER
GASPS
Oops!
And so, like the shepherds and the kings,
let's hope that we too can search for love and find it...
..in whatever form it takes.
WHISPERS: Take a bow!
APPLAUSE, CHEERING
Bravo!
Thank you, Mrs Pumphrey. We couldn't have done it without you.
Oh, it was the tonic we all needed.
Hear, hear. Absolutely.
Tricki is as much a part of this family as anyone.
And so are you.
You're quite the talented writer.
Perhaps you should write some stories about him.
That's not baby Jesus!
LAUGHTER
Oh, Tricki!
ON RADIO: 'We Wish You A Merry Christmas'
I was half thinking you'd forgotten. Oh, Maggie, would I ever?
Hurry up. We can start now!
MRS HALL: Right, come on, everyone.
There's a proper dinner to be won. Here we go.
Oh, no. No, no.
It's Geordie Pickersgill. Who's Geordie Pickersgill?
He's only the best darts player in Darrowby. Come on.
SIEGFRIED: He doesn't look that good.
Evening, all.
GLASS CLINKS
All right, everybody. I think we're all here now.
And I'm sure you all know what you're playing for -
a prize turkey!
APPLAUSE
It's Around The Clock.
Each team have to hit one to 20 in order, and then the bullseye.
First one there wins. Oh, and no cheating, Tristan Farnon.
Damn, damn! Skeldale, you're up first.
APPLAUSE
Yes! APPLAUSE
Oof, nearly. Close.
Yes! APPLAUSE
Well done, Uncle Siegfried!
Pickersgill, you're up next. MAN: Come on, Pickers.
APPLAUSE
Please can I have a cuppa tea? You want a cup of tea? OK.
I want a cup of tea, and I'm hungry.
Ooh! What's this, then?
Ooh. Oh!
You know whose cake that is?
Yeah. Yeah, it's Jimmy's cake.
Yeah! In't your dad clever, eh?
I think he can do that every year.
APPLAUSE
Here we go.
Go on, Tris!
TRISTAN BLOWS
GROANS
He only needs a 20 and then the bull to win.
Surely not. Don't underestimate Pickersgill.
SHUSHING MAN: Go, Geordie.
CROWD: Ooh!
I can't look.
CROWD: Ooh!
CHARLOTTE: He's missed! We've got a chance!
It's all down to you, Mrs H.
SIEGFRIED: Excuse me.
Dorothy.
I'm so glad you came. I'm glad you asked.
I wasn't thinking yesterday. I meant to say I...
I missed you. I missed you rather a lot.
TRISTAN: Nineteen! Yes!
THEY CHUCKLE
Do you remember what you told me? No?
It's a parasite. Oh, God.
"Suffocates the life out of other plants".
Oh, no, I didn't, did I? Mm-hm.
TRISTAN: Twenty!
MAGGIE: The bull.
The bull to win, Mrs H.
The problem is, you never know when to stop talking.
CHEERING
TRISTAN: She's done it! She's jolly well done it!
Well done, Mrs Hall, how amazing!
Well done!
MAGGIE: Excuse me, coming through.
Team Skeldale are the winners! APPLAUSE
Congratulations, you get the winning prize!
TURKEY GOBBLES
Is he ours? Really? I'm gonna call him Rudolph!
No, don't... don't give him a name. Hi, Rudolph.
I'll look after you from now on.
Erm, Maggie, it's still breathing.
Best way of keeping it fresh.
LAUGHTER
Come on, through here!
Everybody in.
You've probably noticed this fine tree here.
As we know, because of the blackout,
many of us haven't bothered with Christmas lights for a while.
But all of that...
..that's all over.
And it's come at a price.
I'm sure you'll all join me
in raising your glasses to those we lost.
Let's hope their sacrifice wasn't in vain.
Let's hope that it means
the world doesn't go down this dark road again.
And let's hope the year ahead
brings us all the things we truly need.
Good tidings, comfort, and joy.
ALL: Hear, hear.
CHEERING
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, everyone!
ALL: Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Rudolph.
Come on, birthday boy!
ALL: Merry bloody Christmas!
LAUGHTER
TRISTAN: Murkey! TURKEY GOBBLES