1 00:00:00,417 --> 00:00:02,207 Hey, that's not meant for you! 2 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,392 That's my salty nipple! 3 00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:14,470 Suspect number one, Mrs. Twatt. 4 00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:15,466 Pumpkin shooter. 5 00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:17,597 Precisely. What do we know about her, 6 00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:20,979 besides the fact that she's balls deep in menopause? 7 00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:23,403 She's not psyched that you helped put her son in prison. 8 00:00:23,482 --> 00:00:26,282 Correct. And when she flipped a flamingo on me, 9 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:31,740 I noticed she was wearing the same orange nail color that was on those books. 10 00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:34,543 -Dink Choadler. -Seemed so nice. 11 00:00:34,618 --> 00:00:36,408 There are some nice murderers. 12 00:00:36,495 --> 00:00:38,825 But he said he owned all my books. 13 00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:41,464 -Like the books found in the trunk. -Exactly. 14 00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,962 He also yelled out, "That wasn't meant for you," 15 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:46,844 when Dink saw the drunk drink my drink. 16 00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:48,472 Say that five fimes tast. 17 00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:49,799 Doggamnit! 18 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,933 I mean, gab blam it! 19 00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:55,510 Also, it's like he meant for only you to drink it. 20 00:00:58,433 --> 00:01:00,353 Plus, he made the drink. 21 00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:04,059 Thank you, Gilbert. 22 00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:05,897 Thank you, Jesus, for fun and friends. 23 00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:09,993 And last but least, this dick, Paige Wellingtont. 24 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,660 She was sneezing like crazy, 25 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:16,738 which would explain why there were so many tissues in the front seat of that car. 26 00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:17,737 Look at this mess. 27 00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:22,328 A steaming hot pile of crow shit all over my suspect board here. 28 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:26,666 It's a mess. Ironically, I have my own same three suspects. 29 00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:27,803 Really? 30 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,630 That's a grocery list. 31 00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:31,926 "Two dozen eggs." 32 00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:32,889 That's for Dink there, 33 00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:35,968 because he makes me the rocky smoothie every morning with the two egg yolks. 34 00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,814 Who's "Two big grapefruits"? 35 00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:41,100 That would be Mrs. Twatt there because you have two big grapefruits on her chest. 36 00:01:41,185 --> 00:01:43,555 And my nickname for Mrs. Wellingtont is Hemorrhoids. 37 00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:44,805 She's a pain in my ass! 38 00:01:44,897 --> 00:01:47,687 Should I bring all three of them in for questioning, sir? 39 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,404 Let me get my balls together first, Gilbert. 40 00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:52,154 I was gonna say that, but you're talking over me in front of people. 41 00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:54,697 I wish I could make a time machine and go back five seconds 42 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,951 so I can say what I was gonna say the first time. 43 00:01:57,034 --> 00:01:59,704 It's funny that you're always about to tell someone to do something 44 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,996 after they've already said they're going to do it. 45 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:05,960 Honestly, I wasn't listening to you at all, but I do sense a tone in the room. 46 00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:09,253 Well, I think that my aunt's probably just a bit on edge 47 00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:13,218 after almost being killed twice. 48 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:17,180 Yeah. Why don't you go home and relax? 49 00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:21,602 Fine, but just tell me what those three say when you interview them. 50 00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:25,103 Wait a minute now. No one's privy to that except Gilbert and myself. 51 00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:26,897 This is an ongoing investigation. 52 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,270 So stay out of it, Mapleworth. 53 00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:33,315 Why would I try to poison Abigail? 54 00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:34,243 We're friends. 55 00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:38,081 Everything you ever written about her says different. 56 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:41,408 "Shitty writer solves murder." "Abigail Windbag writes a dumb novella." 57 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:45,325 "Mystery solved. Mrs. Mapleworth was the farter." 58 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,380 One more question. 59 00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:53,670 Why are you such a boring waste of space? 60 00:02:57,386 --> 00:02:59,006 And also, she's a piece of shit. 61 00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:00,256 Woman! 62 00:03:01,265 --> 00:03:06,265 Okay. Our job is to talk to the suspect till the suspect fucks up. 63 00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:07,273 So here's the question. 64 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:11,024 When you made Mrs. Mapleworth's drink, did you add poison? 65 00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:12,358 -Yes. -See? 66 00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:15,072 -Wait. Did you say vermouth? -No. I said poison. 67 00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:16,743 Oops. Then no. 68 00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:18,702 I call all booze poison, 69 00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:22,122 so when someone sits down, I can say, "Name your poison." 70 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,542 Because it sounds nifty. 71 00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:27,580 Okay, we got a few questions for you, Mrs. Twatt. 72 00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:29,286 That's no longer my name, thank God. 73 00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:32,206 I remarried. Please call me Mrs. Minge. 74 00:03:32,296 --> 00:03:36,176 Mrs. Virginia Twatt-Minge. 75 00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:39,088 See, me and Gilbert here, we're the police. 76 00:03:39,178 --> 00:03:40,798 You better be careful how you answer this. 77 00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:44,728 Did you put poison in Mrs. Mapleworth's drink? 78 00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:47,768 Answer the doggang question... 79 00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,943 Answer the gall dang question... 80 00:03:50,022 --> 00:03:53,032 Not today, Pilts, not today. 81 00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:54,068 What the hell? 82 00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:15,549 Get the fuck out of here! 83 00:04:15,631 --> 00:04:20,181 Did you try to run over Mrs. Mapleworth with your car? 84 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:23,310 How could I? I was reviewing the Pitch 22 concert. 85 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:26,978 I sat right next to Mrs. Mapleworth's niece and her two weird friends. 86 00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:29,349 It wasn't me. I was at my whiskey club, 87 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:32,266 where we drink whiskey and hit things with clubs. 88 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:36,443 How can I possibly have tried to run Mrs. Mapleworth over 89 00:04:36,527 --> 00:04:39,237 if I don't know how to drive a ding-dang car? 90 00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:40,781 Prove it! 91 00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:45,369 They're all innocent! 92 00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:50,418 Gilbert! You gotta give me a heads-up if it's gonna be a shit-in-the-pants day. 93 00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:54,956 It has been a stressful day, Aunt Abigail. 94 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:57,335 We really need to regroup. 95 00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:58,922 Can I just, like, help you? 96 00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,837 You don't need to coddle me, Heidi. 97 00:05:00,926 --> 00:05:04,636 I'm not a little baby kitten looking for her mama's teat. 98 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:06,561 Although I love those videos with... 99 00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:08,980 Oh, I love it. 100 00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:12,099 Well, it's time someone looked after you for a change. 101 00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:14,517 So you relax. 102 00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:17,436 Let's put on one of your house dresses. 103 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,203 Aunt Abigail? 104 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:24,070 Why do you have so many of these? 105 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,657 What, my neck massagers? 106 00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:28,542 Don't tell me you don't get a stiff neck sometimes. 107 00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:30,370 All modern women do. 108 00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:32,825 That's my favorite. That's the purple princess. 109 00:05:32,916 --> 00:05:34,836 It has 40 settings. 110 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:36,962 This one's pretty cool. 111 00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:39,165 Like steam punk. You junk. 112 00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:43,093 I've never seen that before in my life. 113 00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,345 That could've killed both of us. 114 00:05:54,438 --> 00:05:57,608 Looks like the dynamite set off my neck massagers. 115 00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:01,031 The giant one is probably leading the pack. 116 00:06:03,906 --> 00:06:05,566 Well, on the bright side, 117 00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:08,287 there's gonna be a happy pussy tonight in this house. 118 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:09,198 I'm sorry? 119 00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:13,004 Buttercrunch, I found your sparkle balls. 120 00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:22,548 So how many neck massagers were in the dresser? 121 00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:25,803 Don't worry about it, Gilbert. To the board. 122 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:34,140 Or... 123 00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:43,201 What if there's more than one murderer? 124 00:06:43,278 --> 00:06:45,738 -You know, I've been thinking... -Can it, Gilbert. 125 00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:49,282 You're just coming up with theories to come up with theories. 126 00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,504 I'm sorry, Gilbert. 127 00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:54,789 I'm so discombobulated. 128 00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:59,883 I'm very relaxed around murder, but this one is different. 129 00:06:59,962 --> 00:07:03,262 With all these close calls, I've realized... 130 00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:05,840 that I could lose my wonderful life, 131 00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:09,426 with my wonderful friends and family, at any time. 132 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:17,440 I was gonna give you this gift card to the spa for Sweetest Day, but... 133 00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:19,061 I think you could use it now. 134 00:07:26,864 --> 00:07:31,244 You know, Aunt Abigail, maybe some relaxation can really help. 135 00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:33,246 Maybe a little cucumber water 136 00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:37,328 and a long overdue bikini wax will clear my head 137 00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:39,666 and help me solve this stumper. 138 00:07:41,712 --> 00:07:42,842 Thank you, Gilbert. 139 00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:18,834 It's warm. 140 00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:23,746 It's very warm. 141 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,020 Help!