This programme contains strong language, adult humour
and graphic scenes of surgery.
It's seen better days. It's beautiful.
I don't care if it's out of tune.
TIM PLAYS A MERRY TUNE
Ooh!
# Ooh... #
This is how I feel when I'm on tour. Basically, like...
Bing-bong!
Like in theory, it's all nice, but it's actually quite nasty.
HE PLAYS A TUNE
Gnarly, gnarly! OK, let's watch telly.
Thanks, old girl.
You did good. She's a beauty.
You can go to sleep now. She just needs a little tickle.
Go back to bed.
# In a perfect world... #
Oh! This is what we've tuned in for.
Munya, look at this! I can't!
Oh!
Wow!
It's pretty racy telly, isn't it?
Ooh!
Agh! What?!
Oh, no! Oh, this is awful.
You're crying.
BOTH:Oh!
Oh, I'm happy. Yeah. That makes me happy.
This is a bit of you. My people.
Fist bump me! Whay!
We've all got an undercarriage. No, we...! Grow up!
In the week Hugh Grant nodded off at Wimbledon,
we enjoyed lots of great telly.
Singletons were full of hope as they looked for love abroad
on Discovery Plus.
People probably say I'm a people pleaser.
I like to say yes, not no.
And I have like a resting happy face.
A resting happy face? I think that would annoy me quite quick
if someone was just always like this. Yeah, you...
You're one of those people that frown upon people's happiness.
No, I don't! You are.
Like, that's such an amazing trait to have.
And you're like, "Oh!"
You'd dump someone because they're too happy. Too happy!
..Netflix was full of singers in boxes...
# Like their mother and their father eventually... #
Yeah, got it!
# Someone's gonna hurt their little girl like their daddy hurt me... #
The sort of singing style of today is for you and your generation.
Yeah. And to me, it all sounds somewhat the same.
# Way-oh-oh-oh. #
Like that.
But your music's like...
SHE MIMICS PUNK MUSIC
Like that.
# I tried it just for once found it all right for kicks
# Then you discover it's a habit that sticks
# You're an orgasm addict...
Eugh!
# You're always at it. #
No! Buzzcocks. It's a classic.
..and more couples were hoping to hit it off on their first date.
So where is it you've actually come from? London. OK.
Where do you come from? I live in Guildford, Surrey.
Oh, I know Guildford. Yeah. So we're fairly close. Yes, we are.
I've had two long distance relationships. Oh, you fool.
Awful. Awful.
Because the whole time you're pining.
And pining's quite romantic for a little while.
Pining's romantic and then you get together and you're like...
Oh. Hmm... So...
You're very, you're very close to me.
# Your paws are very close to me. #
I prefer you to be further away. I mean. Like, a country away.
Behind a screen.
In Brighton... I like your socks, Joe.
They're, um... They're tartan. Where are they from? Scotland.
..friends Roisin and Joe.
They're not from Scotland.
I get all my socks in Scotland. You don't get all your socks...!
I do, I get my socks... Where are your...?
I get my socks from Scotland, my trousers from Wales
and my top and my underwear from England.
And Ireland I get... I accessorise.
I accessorise from Ireland. OK.
Socks from Scotland, trousers from Wales,
tops and underwear from England.
I don't care about the rest of your clothes. OK.
I only cared about the socks. The rest of your clothes are boring.
The socks add some pizzazz.
Do you want to know where I got my luggage? No. Mainland Europe.
This week on Netflix, 50 aspiring singers all turned out
for a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I've got a mouthful of cheese. Me too.
You've been in a in a band. Two bands.
And what were they called? At school. What were they called?
Aragon. Yeah. And Enormous Derek. OK.
Did you or did you not write a song called The Wizard's Sleeve?
It was not called the Wizard's Sleeve!
The album was called the Wizard's Dream. Oh!
The Wizard's Sleeve!
It's going to be really, really interesting
to form a band without seeing each other.
Ooh!
What?! So the idea is they form the band on the sound alone.
I think you'll probably produce a better group
by going off with just talent alone.
Really? You think so?
Oh, my God, it's Love is Blind for bands. Yeah.
I'm kind of scared the other singers
aren't going to really like me or like my voice.
Hold up, what's all these little booths?
They go in pods. How cool is that? Yes!
I'd happily just sit in there and have some time to myself.
I'd hate it.
I'm ready to be around a group of guys
that I can call my brothers and be a great band.
Ah, OK. So he wants to be in a boyband.
My name is Donzell. This song has always spoke to my heart.
It's always spoke to my soul.
Oh, she's perked up.
And I hope it speaks to yours too.
OK, well, let's see if it speaks to our souls, too.
Our souls? Are souls? Our souls? Are souls?
He's going to sing well, isn't he? Oh, he's going to be good!
# Happy birthday to you. #
# I'm jealous of the rain... #
Oh, I like that.
Oh, great voice.
Oh, God. Oh, it's beautiful. He's actually really good.
He actually is quite good. That's a voice.
# All this world could give... #
I want him.
Oh, so they hit a button. To see if they like him.
I'd hit the button. Absolutely.
I would've done it the second he...
# D... #
# You're happy without me... #
Oh, God, he's so good!
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.
Oh, it's gorgeous. He doesn't need a band.
My name's Aaliyah. I am 22 years old.
Oh, Aaliyah.
Please be good.
# Maybe I should try religion...
Her voice sounds beautiful already, doesn't it? Yeah.
# Now my tummy hurts He's in love with her... #
Oh, she's great.
She's got a great voice. It's really good. It's brilliant.
# Eventually... #
Yeah! Got it.
He's pressed it. He's changed his mind now.
What's he doing? He wants a boyband.
Aaliyah, this is Donzell. OK, Donzell!
I think these are going to get on him. Mm.
Honestly, I was thinking a all guy group. Oh.
But then after I heard your voice, I changed my mind.
I want a mixed group.
Aw! He's changed his mind.
Ah...fickle.
Air pinky promise. Real quick. OK. Air pinky promise.
Oh, look, they're the pinkies.
Oh, that's it now. They're locked in, no matter what.
I 100% want to be in a boyband.
Landon.
Donzell said the same thing, player. Let's see.
My name is Landon. I am 20 years old and I'm from St George, Utah.
He's cute.
Can he persuade Donzell to change his mind back again?
Today, I'm going to be singing a classic Britney Spears song.
Oh.
Oh, sick. All right. Please be Toxic.
I like Britney.
Britney's brilliant. Yeah, I really like her.
# Baby, can't you see I'm calling?... #
Yes!
# ..should wear a warning... #
I said that. You called it, but I'm not feeling this
even from the first couple things. Look. OK.
# It's dangerous, I'm falling... #
He's got a boyband voice. He's got... He's got...
He's not got Bob Dylan's voice, has he?
Anybody who sings like that...
THEY SING IN A MUFFLED TONE
Oh! Come on!
Really?
Oh, Donzell's getting involved.
He wants everyone. He's back on the scene.
Landon! Dude, what's up?
I think he's going to betray. Don't do it, Donzell.
I would love to do a mixed band.
Uh-oh.
BOTH:Oh.
He wants a boyband. Oh.
I'm picturing, like, me, you, a couple other guys,
and I feel like we could have a unit and literally be like NSYNC.
Yeah. That is what I want.
We could all wear dungarees.
Donzell, that's what you wanted initially.
But are you now going to snake Aaliyah? That's the question.
But, like, Aaliyah though. Aaliyah!
Shut up. What's he going to do?
Donzell, where's your integrity, sir? Donzell, don't.
Let's do it.
Oh!
HE GASPS
No, don't do that.
Fuck you, Donzell!
Donzell!
Hi.
He's going to have to tell Aaliyah.
I was really excited to talk to you and get to know you.
Oh, no. I don't like this.
Just tell her.
Like, how did you get started and how did how did music come about?
That's not the question to ask.
The question is, are we still an item?
I didn't even know I could sing, but, then, like at church,
people would say like, "You should take this serious."
And I'm like, "What do y'all mean? Take what serious..."
Dude, cut to the chase.
Just tell her you don't want her any more, Donzell!
The last couple of years, I, like, went through some hard trials
with my mum and I had to take care of her.
My mum had just been through, like, breast cancer.
Oh, my God.
Oh, God.
Don't.
Almost like losing her just, like, made me have this other perspective
like on life.
Oh, no! Oh, this is awful.
He can't drop her now.
How have your conversations been going?
Am I still even on your, like, choices? Like...
HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
Funny you should say that...
Erm...
I'm not going to lie, I started talking to Landon,
thinking about a boyband, and I was like,
"I'm going to go a boyband." Oh.
Oh!
That's how we did it!
But after just talking again, I was like,
"No, I need to be with Aaliyah."
Oh!
DONZELL MUFFLED:It's going to have to be Aaliyah.
He just says what people need to hear. He's a flip flopper.
He's literally a flip flopper.
He could be in two bands. One girl, one boy.
He could be like those people who have a secret family
that the other one doesn't know about. Oh.
I'm just going to get some butter from down the road.
# Oh, my lord. #
Guys, I've just got to go and put the rubbish out.
# Oh, man... #
In Essex... What are you chewing on? Huh?
What were you chewing on, then? My lip. Why?
I don't know. I always have weird little habits.
I like bite my lip. Obviously, like, I bite my nails.
I tap my forehead a lot.
..best mates Jordan and Perry.
I even do it when we're performing onstage.
Like if you're about to do a flip... Yeah. I go...
I'm on the stage doing it.
And that whole rhythm comes out there.
# Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. #
It's really hard to keep up with the routine and do that.
Yeah. Skills pay the bills, player. That's me.
And that's your skill? Yeah!
What does Jordan bring to the group? Get a load of this.
# Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-duh-duh. #
On Tuesday, there was some transatlantic dating
on Discovery Plus.
Eh, Clare, you're single. Would you let me matchmake you? No.
What do you mean, "No"? Who would you put me with?
Would you not trust me? I don't know.
Oh, I know all about long distance relationships.
An absolute load of bollocks.
I once went on a date when I lived in Paris with a French girl.
Woohoo! Oh, la-la! So...
I might be able to bring some expertise to this.
I've got a friend who's married to someone who lives abroad,
and he quite likes it because he's got to come back here for work,
so he gets to be away from her quite a lot.
That sounds like a good relationship! Oh, yeah. Rock solid.
I'm Victoria.
Hi, Victoria.
I like her already. I love her.
Three years ago, I moved to the best city in the world, New York.
Can I just say it's chaos dating in New York?
I tried to do it myself. Messy.
In a few hours, I'm headed to the airport, going to Ireland.
Oh, how exciting.
Ireland! You do like Irish accents. I love an Irish accent.
I mean, I do love a ginger.
"I love a ginger!" I love a ginger, that's why I'm going to Ireland.
I love some freckles. They drink a lot.
I mean, she has just stereotyped a whole nation there.
She's going to Ireland because she thinks they drink a lot,
they're ginger, and they have freckles.
Sorry?
She calls herself an equal opportunity dater.
This is the matchmaker. But what it actually means is
that she is desperate to date anyone.
Wow!
Flipping hell! All right! She's desperate to date anyone.
I want to see your wishlist.
Oh, a wishlist. Here we go.
Right, let's find out what she wants.
So, what have we got here? OK. Full head of hair.
LAUGHS
Full head of hair, good. No bald people. Right.
Cos I feel like I'm, like, spontaneous. And I want someone
with, like, a dark side.
BOTH: A dark side. "Yeah, I'm really into goths."
Yeah, "Or evil villains."
Yeah, "Preferably stroking a cat on a spinning chair."
Tattoos... Do, like, drugs on the spur of the moment.
Did she say drugs? Did she say drugs?
"You know, just someone who could do drugs on the spur of the moment."
I thought she said that. What the fuck?
Someone, like, wild. Like, maybe they've been arrested.
LAUGHS
"Been in prison." She wants an absolute rogue.
Normally you say, "I quite like bad boys, but I shouldn't."
She got really excited. Like, "I need him to have been arrested.
"I need a few tattoos, preferably on the neck."
"I really love a mug shot."
Today is my first official date.
Katarina has picked an oyster farm for our date spot.
An oyster farm? A bit obvious. An oyster farm with a bad boy.
So, the match I have for Victoria is Dave.
Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave.
Dave. The dangerous Dave. Dangerous Dave. Oh, watch out!
Let's see if an Irish bad boy is the kind of guy Victoria needs.
Irish bad boy. Come on, where's Dave at?
HORN TOOTS
LAUGHS
Fricking hell.
LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CHAT
Why does he sound like the cross-Channel ferry?
MIMICS HORN
Hey. How are you? Good, how are you? Very good. Nice to meet you.
He looks like a nice boy.
No, he looks quite nice, doesn't he?
So, just there.
Ah! There you go.
Oh, God. Don't give dangerous Dave a hose.
LAUGHS Can I blast myself with it?
"Can I blast myself with it?"
Whoa!
THEY LAUGH
He's mad! He's mad, he's fucking mad!
That was kind of sore, actually. No shit.
Course it was. You just jet washed your face, Dave.
LAUGHING:Probably got a black eye!
"Yeah, quite sure actually."
Victoria seems like she's up for good fun
and I really liked that about her, I appreciated that, so, like,
I wouldn't mind, like, sleeping with her.
LAUGHS
Davie is Unbelievable!
That is definitely an aphrodisiac. I am getting so excited.
I'm feeling randy now. What about you?
"I'm feeling Randy"?
Yeah, let me try some...
You sweet-talking bastard.
Imagine in broad daylight, without a drink,
without even a bit of flirting, someone just goes,
"I've got the horn for you."
"Uh, just to let you know, I have an erection.
"Um, I've had four oysters and, uh, I'm as hard as a tank."
Let me try some... Like, the green sauce.
How's that? Oh, that's a good... Is that enough?
He's put too much on there.
This is gonna be another Dave wild moment, isn't it?
Mm!
Oh, wow! Yeah. COUGHS
LAUGHS
Well, that's taken the horn out of him.
Speaking of spice, let's put some in my eye.
Wait.
Please do it. Please do it. Please do it. Please do it!
What are you doing? No!
No! The fuck?! No, no, no!
Oh-ho!
Oh! Ah! Ah!
LAUGHS
"Argh!"
LAUGHING:Imagine being on a date and someone does that!
Oh, my eye!
Ah! Ah!
He's an absolute fucking lunatic.
For her next date... Uh-huh? ..great icebreaker.
Like, to be able to go, "What's your worst first date?"
No-one would believe her. Yeah, that's true.
"A guy turned up with a train horn
"that told me he was horny and then poured Tabasco in his eyes."
Yeah. "And sprayed himself in the face with a high-pressured hose."
In Birmingham...Can I just say thank you for putting the bins out?
I totally forgot. I woke up this morning, I was like,
"Oh, I forgot the bins." And then I looked outside,
the bins are out there.
Alison, her son Aiden and her sister Sandra.
You're like the bin angel. The bin angel!
What the hell's a bin angel? I looked outside, I was like,
"Oh, my golden child has done it."
Thanks. Well done. Yeah, you can put them out for me.
Well done. Thanks.
The only reason you remembered it... Was you out all night?
Yeah, cos I was up all night. So I had the whole night to remember it.
Aw!
On Friday, there were more awkward encounters
keeping us entertained on Channel 4.
Yay! Oh, I'm so good at these. I love First Dates!
I never dated, it wasn't really a thing when we were younger, was it?
You kind of ended up... Like, you snogged somebody,
and then you were going out with them, was it? Or not?
That was exactly it. As the case may be. Yeah.
Come on, let's find some love.
Me and Ben do date night sometimes. Do you?
We once went to the emergency vet in the middle of the night,
and we sort of treated it like a date.
We're in the car park going, "Oh, this is nice, just me and you."
The dog had eaten a chocolate orange. Oh.
We had to go and get her stomach pumped. It was really romantic.
29-year-old business owner Sophie
is hoping to add romance to her agenda.
BOTH:Oh, Sophie.
Absolutely...nailing it.
Sophie's got the shop window open for business.
Nice to meet you, Sophie. Look, there's Fred. Hot.
What an incredible look you have
here with all your tattoos. Thank you.
"What incredible luck you have with all your...tattoos."
I'm a bisexual woman
so I'm looking for a romantic relationship with a woman.
Oh, she's looking for a woman.
We love the bi girlies.
I have female friends but, you know, I think I'm looking for something
that's a bit of a stronger connection than that.
She's kind, she's nice. She's looking for a nice relationship.
This is... This is great. This is what we want to hear.
Sophie's date is Emily,
a massage therapist who's a pro at releasing stress.
Do you know what? They're going to go well together.
She's got the tats as well. I can see. Look at these two.
Hello.Hi. Wow! I love your tattoos.
I'm freezing. I'm so sorry. Nice to meet you, I'm Soph.
Nice to meet you.
How can they not hit it off? They seem happy. But also...
Well, hang on a minute, they've only had one hug.
What do you mean they seem happy? No, They don't look horrified.
You look stunning. I love this. So do you. So do you. Thank you.
I wasn't sure if this was a bit OTT.
What, having your boobs out at dinner? No, it's fine.
Well, they just look like twins, if you turned the lights off.
How does the wait feel? Who's this fella?
Bit of nerves. Right. But, yeah. it's, um...
Rag'n'Bone man.
It's different. Why has the dude popped out of nowhere?
Definitely different. Isn't his date coming?
Well, I hope so.
I'll see you later.
Oh, has he been stood up? Oh... Oh... Oh... Poor fella.
I'm really confused. Yeah, who is this guy? Who's the guy?
What's your dating, like, history?
"What's your dating history?" Good question.
So I'm actually really not practised in dating at all. OK.
Is that what you ask right at the start? What's your dating history?
People do not have time to mess around.OK. All right.
It's a fast world.
This is my first date with a woman.
Whoa! Ooh!
Really?Yeah, so... Well, you're doing great.
She's way more confident than her, isn't she?
Good review. Jeez, that's scary. Yeah, man.
But you're stunning.So are you. Thank you.
Yeah, you are very my type, for sure. Thank you.You very much are.
Boom! Girls are so much kinder, aren't they? I know,
it's really nice. It's genuine. Yeah, it's like, "No, you are."
So, um...
Big reveal. So what? Who's the dude?
I'm married.
Really?
She's married! She's married! She's married.
See, this is why I don't like First Dates. Like, what?
She's on a dating show.
It's the guy at the bar. And he's here right now. Pan over.
My husband is at the bar.
Oh! Boom! That's the bloke at the bar!
Oh, my God, are they going to be a throuple?
I mean, yeah, but surely you ask if somebody's interested
in being a throuple. It's got to be by prior agreement.
Yeah. Surely. You don't just throuple someone. No, you can't.
You can't throuple someone as a surprise. Or can you?
Hello. How are you? You OK?
I'm good. Going good? Going good. This is Ricky.
Maybe I'm too practical for this kind of thing, but all I can...
Where's he going to sit? See, it's not for me, this.
I don't even like sharing my sweets.
Let me give you a hug. I'm Emily.
Oh!
Emily's not mucking around.
How are you?I'm good. How are you? How are you feeling?
A bit more nerv... Well, actually, no.
Not as much... Not as nervous as I was.Yeah.
STUTTERING:"Not as nerv... I'm not nervous."
Very good. I think I was very nervous.
I think I might get another drink in a minute.
LAUGHING:He says with three-quarters of a glass
still full!
"I might get another."
You were very nervous to tell me about your situation.
Yeah, so I said, "So I have a husband."
And I was just like, "Sly."
Sly. Wow. Wow.
Sly, baby. Wow. You got a husband.
So easy, like, proper, like, couple goals energy, you two.
Is it... Is that couple goals? This is how you know Emily's confident
cos she's handling two first dates at the same time like it's nothing.
Yeah, and no-one prepped her either. Yeah, exactly. She was like, "OK."
When I was in my late 20s, I discovered this thing,
polyamory, non-monogamy.
She's into it. She's into it.
So is that a throuple, a poly...? MUTTERS
Yeah, exactly that.
Part of it for me is, like, witnessing that love
and that connection between the primary couple.
It's a funny old world, isn't it?
So, would you like to see each other again?
"Of course." Here we go.
Absolutely. Love to see you again.
I think you're lovely. And I think kind of...
We had a really good connection, I thought, so.They did.
There's a guy to your left, by the way, just to let you know.
There's a fella there as well.
I agree. I would love to see you guys again.
Oh, wow!
Look how relieved he is! Look, he's buzzing!
No time like the present, guys.
What the...? That is quite complicated.
Come on, let's have a three-way kiss! No. No. Come on!
No! We love each other! No!
Just sat at their feet like that, "Can I get a kiss?
"Oh, please!
"Please!" "Can I get a kiss!"
"I can hear you kissing behind me!"
In London...
I was ready to show you how I can actually look like a Grinch.
Oh, OK. LAUGHS:Hold on!
..Hannah and her friend Tim.
No!
Yeah. It's perfect.
Now...Now just cross about Christmas.
That is amazing!
OK, I've never. been attracted to you before.
But now...now...
I've always...
I've always wanted to snog the Grinch.
On Saturday, it was a rock and roll reunion
that was making headlines on the BBC.
The news.
LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
Let me have a go. Oh.
Good afternoon. Good afternoon. Hello.
Good afternoon. I like her, you know, that blonde woman.
Do you like her?
Oasis have thanked their fans for putting up with them
over the years
after performing their first gig since 2009.
Yes!
Are you excited? Uh, yeah.
Are you going to see 'em?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I love Oasis.
# Do you have the time? #
That's Green... Sorry!
That was Green Day. Yeah, bro, that's...
..that's not how you lead with praise for a band you love.
The Gallagher brothers took to the stage
at Cardiff's Principality Stadium last night for the first show
in their world tour.
Welcome back, boys.
Stories have been circulating that what broke up the band
in the first place was
that Liam threw a plum at Noel's head... No!
..and that was the straw that broke the Oasis donkey back.
REPORTER: Yeah, and here they are, Liam and Noel,
their hands clasped together and raised to the sky
in an image that's already gone around the world.
I noticed that Liam was like this.
It's like...
TO DON'T LOOK BACK IN ANGER: # We love each other but we don't really... #
62,000 fans in Cardiff's Principality Stadium,
and they were all mad for it.
I wanted to get some tickets, but I couldn't get...I couldn't get any.
Sold out? Literally sold out. Wow.
Should have like tried texting one of them.
I don't know 'em. Oh.
Do you want me to text, like, Noel...? I don't know him.
Yeah, go on. Just drop him a text. Are they not in your phone?
See if you can, go on. Don't be stupid.
He does love an anorak. He's a snappy dresser.
But hottest day
of the year, in a black anorak... He couldn't go out in a T-shirt,
though. What, a T-shirt and a bucket hat?
Significantly, one of the first songs they played was Acquiesce,
one of the few Oasis tracks
to feature both Liam and Noel on vocals.
They wrote some amazing... Yeah, amazing songs.
And made some amazing music. Yeah, working-class fucking heroes.
And that's what they are and that's what I love about 'em.
I'm absolutely emotional. I had tears.
running down my face, I'll be honest with you.
Because, to me, I grew up with them bands.
How many bucket hats do you think were in Cardiff last night?
I think Cardiff was full, it was awash with bucket hats.
Teeming with the bucket hat.
They ended with a brief hug.
Now there's just 40 more shows to go.
Do you think they're going to fall out again? Yeah.
Do you think, if we didn't speak to each other for 20 years,
we'd sell more books?
Don't think anyone would care.
But would we go in with our arms held up high or we'd be like...?
All right, Leamington Spa, make some noise.
You've got you've got high hopes for us, haven't you?
All right, Merthyr Tydfil Library. Don't make too much noise -
it's a library.
Imagine if Ant and Dec had a massive falling out like Oasis.
Oh, it would never happen, babes. It would never happen. No. No. No.
You might win an NTA, if that happened.
I think that's your...that's your only chance.
I hope it does!
In north London...
What are you doing? I'm cutting up me wrap. LAUGHS:With scissors?!
Yeah, do you not use...? Do you not use scissors?
No. Do you not? Really? No!
For sandwiches?
..best friends, Sarah and Clare.
Look, watch. All right. Ready? Yeah.
Look how perfect that is. Oh! Look!
Scissors, babe. This is clever. Have a go. All right.
Honestly, much better than a knife - all the fillings don't fall out.
My husband thinks I'm absolutely crackers. He hates it.
Look, see, you've done it.
You've done it. Isn't that good? Yeah. Look how nice that is.
Yeah. Use scissors on everything, babe.
Can we do a cheers? Cheers.
Cheers, babe. Cheers.
On Thursday night, Olivia Attwood
was chasing perfection again on ITV2.
I need a skincare routine. My skin's awful.
Mm-hm. It's...
OK, that's when you're meant to not agree.
Sorry! What the hell was that?
Let's see how much we can not look away. Yeah, OK.
Great idea, yeah. You know like
laugh out loud but like just can't look away.
I'm Olivia Attwood.
Oh, my God.
OK, I've got to look away.
What is this?
And I'm no stranger to a tweakment or two.
Is this going to put me off me wrap?
With us Brits spending billions of pounds a year on cosmetic...
Ugh! What was that?!
This is the one where I start off
going, "You should grow old gracefully."
And then, at the end,
I'm trying to write down the surgeon's name and number.
So you want more projection...? Yeah.
So I'm back...
Look. Now what's the matter with her arse? Wants it bigger.
..to discover the real price we're willing to pay...
I can't believe it.
..for perfection.
Whoa! That's all right.
You'll never be perfect, will you? Not... I don't mean you. I am.
Price of Perfection. Let's go. Come on.
BOTH:Men!
How can we be more perfect?
A tail. A tail.
You should get a tail.
In the next couple of weeks,
I'm getting, uh, my eyebrows tattooed on.
I've come to a clinic in Birmingham to meet a guy
who is one of an increasing number of men turning to liposuction
for a quick fix on the torso.
Oh! So get rid of the little old potbelly.
Yeah, I'd have a bit of that, liposuction.
There's nothing wrong with that. Suck the fucking fat out of you.
I'm meeting Michael and his wife in there.
Let me have a little look at his Instagram.
I'm not ashamed to say, over the years,
I've gained a bit of a dad bod. I mean, who hasn't?
What? HE'S getting lipo?
He looks better than me now. I was going to say.
He looks fine.
What we're trying to do now is get the abs back, wherever
they are - in there somewhere.
Oh, so he USED to have abs.
Doesn't bother me enough. You like a man boob?
No, I'm not saying I LIKE that... What size cup do you like?
Nothing bigger than me,
which is basically anything!
I heard more people like dad bods than don't.
Yeah, I think everyone says that.
I think every partner says they like
your dad bod until you get into an argument. No, I think...
Then, suddenly, they tell you you look like a melted ice cream.
Then everyone's feelings get hurt. It's just what I've heard.
He's about to have 360 lipo.
All the way around?
Unless it costs £3.60.
And then he's having
this fat transferred to his shoulders,
traps, biceps. It's like, how does that even work,
because would it not be like all doughy?
You can't get fat and put it up there.
It's just going to dribble down again.
This is a superb idea. It's a great idea.
There are no downsides to this.
Nice, big, wobbly shoulders.
BOTH:Yes. Please. I mean...
What is the price? Do you mind me asking?
Because there's quite a lot of stuff.12,995.
13 grand?! I was going to say 12, but, yeah, 13 grand.
Oh, that's a lot of money, bub.
He's ready. Wow. This is...Welcome back. So...
Oh!
What the hell? Oh, no.
No, hold on. They didn't have to give him those...
With the socks? I know, socks a little bit higher.
His socks... Come on!
What are we watching here?
Dr Fasano uses an ultrasound cannula...
They really go in there, don't they?
That's horrible.
That's just sucking the fat out. Yeah.
All right. Ready, steady...
Oh! Oh! Gosh.
Oh, my God.
What's that, fat coming out or going in? Coming out.
Do not waste it. No-one throw this tub away.
This is going in his shoulders.
So now I'm doing the front of the sides.
I feel like I've got to know him better than I thought.
You're going to be so sore. You're going to be so sore, bro.
Can you please turn that light off?
Oh, yeah. Turn the lights off.
It's unbearable to watch!
This is a really good time I'm having with you.
Why'd you change the lighting?
o I'm just double checking the definition that
I was able to sculpt so far.
Oh, my goodness! Look at that! Shut up. No way.
Do you know what? I'm sold. Are you sold? I might go and get it.
By working with the shadows. OK.
Imagine going to sleep fat.
Yeah. Waking up slim with a six pack.
Yeah. That's true. That'd be pretty cool.
In total, five litres of fat have been removed
and just over half a litre
is being injected back into Michael's upper body.
I'm fascinated.
Is that a half a litre?
What your drink is, your pint? Well, now you've compared it to that,
I'm not going to be drinking any more of it...
That's probably about just short of 500, isn't it?
Michael had a rough two weeks recovering.
I'll bet he did. That was quite a lot
they had done.
Right, let's see it.
# What a man, what a man, what a man
# What a mighty good man... #
Wow.
That's annoyed me, that has. Why?
Cos I've had to work at mine, my hunkiness.
I wasn't given it for under 13 grand.
No. Would you get...? Would you ever go in and do this?
Now I know they do it like that, yeah.
I've had me eyelids... Oh, you've had the eyelids cut off.
Oh, my God. You were awake, weren't you? Yeah.
Did it smell like chicken when they were sizzling it away? Yeah.
You could smell it. I have a facial. Does that count? No.
No? What if I put in a tight ponytail
and it lifts up me face a bit?
It's fine. That could work. Get me another bobble.
I need another bobble.
In Manchester...
I don't keep snacks often in the house.
Don't you? I have no control. I'm really bad.
I eat so many nuts.
Friends Mark and Kelly.
I love nuts...
You love nuts.
For God's sake.
For God's sake!
Oh, for crying out loud!
How old are you? How old are you?!
Too old to love nuts. I know!
Don't give me any more wine.
On Friday, it was a British institution
making the headlines on the BBC.
Let's see what's happening in the world, Clare.
No news is good news. No, but your opinion matters these days.
If you give the wrong opinion on the news, you're fucked.
Quick! You've got to sit down before the music finishes.
Mum! It's bad luck!
I've lost me glasses. They're there!
Oh. Too late.
Now, bingo halls may traditionally attract a slightly older crowd.
Really? Love a game of bingo.
Last time I went to bingo was...1977.
But the industry says more than 40% of new customers are under 35.
It's true, it's true. The last time I went to bingo,
I'm telling you, everyone was like, you know, teenagers.
It's a Monday night in Luton.
Oh, Monday night in Luton. Ooh!
You had me at Luton, babe.
And although the bingo hall isn't full,
the mix of people is interesting.
Popping off in there.
To be fair, it looks as bleak as it always did. Bingo is good fun.
What, so everybody gets out their pens and puts their splodges
on a piece of paper? Don't call them pens! They're dabbers.
Look closely and you'll see younger groups.
I don't want the young involved in my bingo.
No... I want old people.
Charlie, who's 25,
has been dabbing his bingo card for about a year.
Oh, this is fun. I'd like a family group.
That'd be sick. You know what I mean? Little day out.
My mum and my brother come for about three months.
I was reluctant at first.
Course you were, Charlie. Then you saw the light.
Chance to see your mum, I suppose something we can do together.
I can't exactly take her down to the football court
and have a kickabout. So we'll come here.
I just don't understand why he can't take his mum to play football.
That's true. Put her in goal.
I want my grandchildren to take me.
Yeah. Be nice, wouldn't it? Yeah.
Bingo has been on quite a journey from the slightly stuffy days...
Look, it's from back when you guys were in bingo.
What, the black and white days? ..of the '50s and '60s.
They all look like my granny used to look. Yeah, exactly that.
Absolute skirt there. Look at that.
SHE LAUGHS Phwoar!
I used to go with me Granny Ryder.
Yeah. No, I... Honestly...
Do you remember the Buckingham next to unit four? Yeah, yeah.
Bingo used to be a thing.
Back in Luton, Sophia is dabbing multiple sheets at the same time.
That's mad, because you're meant to focus on one sheet.
Oh, she... She's hardcore. She's a double dabber.
That's not new.
My, my Granny Ryder had about...
I'm not bullshitting here.
Six sheets. She had about ten sheets like that.
Boom-boom-boom-boom-boom-boom.
In an increasingly atomised and fractured world,
bingo is seeing a renaissance.
Mm-hm. It's a bit of a deep line, that.
5-8. 58. House!
She's done it! "House!"
I dream about going, "House!"
Or some of them, they don't... Don't dream. Just do it.
Go on, shout it now. Well, they don't even say house any more.
Shout bingo, innit? Sometimes they just go, "Aah!"
Just say it now. It's your dream to shout house.
Do it! Go! House!
What do I get?
Nothing. Nothing.
In Essex...
I want to have a word with you. Yeah?
My gardener... Yeah. ..is here... Yeah. ..to do my gardens.
And he does. What he's not here to do
is at half two in the afternoon... Yeah. ..you come round,
kidnap him to get him to take you to Chelmsford to change your dress.
..Rylan and his mum Linda.
I never went... How many times have you gone to Chelmsford with Tom?
Tom took me to Respect to change the size.
How many times have you gone...? There you go! Twice.
So not only did you steal him yesterday
from my garden to take... No, no. Let me finish.
No, but at five o'clock... Let me finish.
On his way home, he done that.
..to take you to Chelmsford to change the same dress.
Two weeks ago, you got him to go and change the dress again.
And he didn't leave here at five o'clock. Yeah, he did.
He left here like... Well, half four.
What time he normally leaves.
Don't tell me, cos I know what time he leaves.
Stop robbing my gardener to go and do your personal shopping, please.
Well, I needed him. It's important.
So's my garden! How?
In west London...
Do you know what I got given today?
Look at this. This is amazing.
I got given this
from our amazing pawnbroker on the show, Dan Hatfield.
..good friends Ben and Cat.
So Dan was going through some stuff
and he found some antique silver spoons from the 1870s,
and he thought, do you know, Ben would love these
because these teaspoons are golf clubs.
And he knows how much I love golf. Look at those.
Aren't they beautiful? They actually are beautiful.
And they'd be great for a dippy egg, for dipping,
like scooping out a dippy egg. Yeah. And then...
I thought, first of all, they were like...
..nose pickers. Victorian nasal removers.
Oh, they could be used as tweezers or something, couldn't they?
What? You are actually putting
my new silver spoons up your nose, Cat Deeley.
It's OK. There's no remnants.
No...
No, you can keep them.
This week, the life or death childhood game
came to a dramatic conclusion on Netflix.
I know you're only on series two, but I've got to watch the final now
because everyone will be talking to me about it.
But you'll forget by next week anyway,
so you won't ruin it for yourself.
I'll probably forget by tonight. True.
This is it. This is what it's all been building to.
I just want to make sure I'm set. Yeah. You know? Same, yeah. Come on.
This is like, it. We're done.
I can't get... I can't get in the right zone for it.
Lean on me. No.
Ain't based on a true story, is it?
It's all true. You know this. No, it ain't.
Can't be. This was all over the news like 20 years ago.
No, it wasn't. They found that island in South Korea.
No. Did you not know that? No, you're winding me up.
Yes, I'm winding you up. Shh. Yeah, all right.
Oh. This isn't looking good. A new game.
Players. Congratulations, and welcome to the final game.
There's the baby.
Is the baby exempt, or...?
No, the baby's playing too. The baby is 222.
You will start on the square pillar,
move on to the triangle pillar,
and finally end on the circle pillar.
OK. So far, so good.
On each shape you will play a pushing game.
Oh, I don't like this.
A pushing game?
So basically you've just got to push everybody off.
If you as a group manage to push one or more players off
while they are still alive, the round will end
and all remaining players will move on to the triangle pillar.
Oh, this is horrible. It's awful.
It's like sumo wrestling, but with your life.
To begin the first round,
please press the button on the ground.
They've got to find the button.
Where's the button? Is there a button?
KLAXON The game has now begun.
This is hectic. Here we go.
They should have discussed tactics first.
If no-one objects, I say let's vote to see
if player 222 is our final pick.
Wait, what? The baby. The baby. Throw the kid?
No, don't get rid of the baby. You can't get rid of the baby. No.
Wait.
I object.
333 can't do that. No. That's his baby. Yeah.
He is actually the baby's dad.
Oh, does he know? He knows, but no-one else does. Right.
I think for this round,
we should choose someone easier to eliminate.
Oh, no. Leave him alone.
BREATHES RAGGEDLY
I mean, he's made himself look
quite vulnerable there, that one, hasn't he?
125 is toast. Yeah.
Oh, hello. Ooh. "I've got a weapon all of a sudden."
"I've got a big pole."
That's like a javelin now. Yes!
You can push people off with it. Yes!
What did I do that was so wrong?
What was it?
Oh, my gosh. Oh, no!
I thought it was like a hand push.
I didn't know it was jousting. Yeah!
Bye-bye. Oh, he's gone. Gone. Pushed him.
And he's taken the pole with him.
I bet you only have to chuck one off at a time.
"And he's taken the pole with him"?
He's fallen to his death!
"The pole!"
"Can you bring the pole back?"
Good news is, baby's still alive for now. OK. Baby's still safe.
A bit later, there are only three players left for the final round,
including 333, who managed to get hold of another pole.
Hand the baby over.
What? No.
So hold on a minute. The dad wants to get the baby
so he can get rid of the baby and win the game? Yeah.
And it's his child? That's his own child. Oh, this is awful.
BABY GRIZZLES
Oh, he's done it. Oh, my God. No!
HE STRAINS
Oh, that's precarious.
Oh, no, he ain't going to chuck the baby off.
Well, he's got to get onto the platform first and start the game.
I think winning the Squid Game by...
Hurling an infant. It's not my thing.
"Hurling an infant"?
Are you... So just to clarify,
are you anti hurling infants into voids?
I think so. OK.
BABY GRIZZLES
What's he doing? He's gonna get the knife.
Ugh! 456, come on, mate. To the rescue.
Oh! Run, 456. Look at that bridge.
Run! Run and jump!
Right, bro. Run, run!
Go on! Go on! Oh, my goodness! Go on!
Oh!
Wow! Yes, 456. Yes!
Good parkour! What a jump!
Oh, my Lord! This is intense.
Now what's he gonna do?
He's got the pole. Oh, pole vs knife.
Oh! He's lost his knife!
Please press the button at the centre of the pillar
to begin the final round.
Why are they not pressing the button? Oh, my gosh.
They haven't pressed the button yet. If they don't press the button
then the round hasn't started.
So if one of them dies now, it doesn't count. No!
Oh, that's the bar's gone. Yeah, that's gone. The bar's gone.
Now what? Now it's a wrestle.
Uh-oh.
HE YELLS Oh! Oh!
Oh... Fucking hell. I don't know.
He survives everything, this other bloke, doesn't he?
Oh! They're both gone.
Oh!
How strong's 456?
HE SHRIEKS If he falls now...
He wants him alive cos he's not pressed the fucking button.
It's not going to count.
HE SCREAMS
Oh, no!
He's gone. Oh, no!
STEPS ON BUTTON KLAXON
The final round has begun.
No! Oh, fucking hell!
We all know what's going to happen now.
He's got no choice. It's him or the baby, isn't it?
456 values his humanity more than he values his life.
Yeah.
Are you crying?
Baby!
That's him going.
No, he ain't going to fall. He is, he's falling backwards, Mum.
No!
Oh, man. Oh, he was a good guy.
Fair play, 456. Oh, dear.
Player 456 eliminated.
The baby's the winner. That's it.
So what will happen with the baby now?
What's he going to do with money? He can't even fucking walk.
Oh, my God, we're done, though.
What do you do now? This is what I hate about a series.
Like what? Now what do I do? Yeah.
Take a sip of water and go home?
Guess so. I am home.
Shall we go to bed?
Should we go up?
# In a perfect world
# In a perfect world, singing out
# In a perfect world
# In a perfect
# Perfect world. #