1 00:00:05,101 --> 00:00:06,141 [theme song playing] 2 00:00:22,781 --> 00:00:24,900 [Jeremy] It turns out there's a good reason 3 00:00:24,981 --> 00:00:27,501 why farmers always moan about the weather. 4 00:00:29,621 --> 00:00:33,021 Because it never does what they want it to do. 5 00:00:35,021 --> 00:00:40,981 Back in the autumn when I needed a dry spell to plant my crops, 6 00:00:41,901 --> 00:00:43,261 I got this. 7 00:00:43,420 --> 00:00:44,420 [thunder rumbling] 8 00:00:47,700 --> 00:00:51,180 It rained non-stop for eight weeks. 9 00:00:53,981 --> 00:00:56,180 And then in May when I needed rain 10 00:00:56,221 --> 00:00:58,341 to keep those crops alive... 11 00:01:00,420 --> 00:01:01,700 I got this. 12 00:01:03,420 --> 00:01:06,340 The driest spring ever recorded. 13 00:01:08,981 --> 00:01:11,861 The drought was certainly not helping in this field. 14 00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:16,100 The previous year I'd planted it with rape seed... 15 00:01:18,301 --> 00:01:21,100 but that had all been eaten by beetles. 16 00:01:22,100 --> 00:01:24,501 -Where's the rape gone? -The flea beetle got it. 17 00:01:24,581 --> 00:01:26,221 -[Jeremy] The whole bloody lot? -[Charlie] Yeah. 18 00:01:26,301 --> 00:01:28,141 There's no... There's... I just... 19 00:01:31,460 --> 00:01:34,861 [Jeremy] So rather than let the field sit there doing nothing, 20 00:01:34,941 --> 00:01:36,661 I'd come up with one of my 21 00:01:36,701 --> 00:01:39,180 brilliant lockdown brainwaves. 22 00:01:40,820 --> 00:01:43,261 I've planted it with pumpkins for Halloween, 23 00:01:43,340 --> 00:01:44,941 -sweetcorn 'cause I like it. -Yeah. 24 00:01:45,021 --> 00:01:47,380 And sunflowers 'cause socialists 25 00:01:47,421 --> 00:01:49,021 like to eat their seeds apparently. 26 00:01:49,460 --> 00:01:51,701 -Brilliant. -So can you see them? 27 00:01:52,581 --> 00:01:55,820 -No. -Come on, don't be so negative. 28 00:01:56,141 --> 00:01:57,941 No, there's pumpkins in there. 29 00:02:00,100 --> 00:02:00,980 Oh, he's just pretending he 30 00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:03,581 can't see them to humiliate me. 31 00:02:04,301 --> 00:02:07,781 [Charlie] I got one. There's another one 32 00:02:07,820 --> 00:02:08,660 and another one there. 33 00:02:08,701 --> 00:02:10,861 I know, they're everywhere, there's thousands. 34 00:02:10,940 --> 00:02:11,900 Stop going, "Oh, I've found one." 35 00:02:11,940 --> 00:02:13,780 Look that's good, isn't it? 36 00:02:13,821 --> 00:02:14,821 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 37 00:02:14,900 --> 00:02:17,861 And there look, pumpkins, Halloween in the farm shop. 38 00:02:17,900 --> 00:02:19,821 -The problem is, Jeremy... -Yes? 39 00:02:19,900 --> 00:02:21,861 We need to try and get some water on them. 40 00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:23,261 How are we going to water it? 41 00:02:23,301 --> 00:02:25,581 Well, now you see, I'm way ahead of you again. 42 00:02:25,620 --> 00:02:29,460 I have bought a vacuum slurry tanker. 43 00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:34,021 -So you're gonna spray it on? -Yeah. 44 00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:38,620 [Jeremy] To me, the job was simple. 45 00:02:38,701 --> 00:02:40,701 Hitch the tanker to my tractor 46 00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:43,780 and fill it up from my big stream. 47 00:02:44,701 --> 00:02:46,060 I love being in my Lambo. 48 00:02:46,141 --> 00:02:50,780 It's like a hay fever capsule, no pollen allowed. 49 00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:53,581 Kaleb, however, 50 00:02:53,620 --> 00:02:55,941 said the job would in fact be difficult 51 00:02:55,981 --> 00:02:59,581 as my tractor wouldn't be able to reach the big stream. 52 00:03:03,180 --> 00:03:05,460 Yes. Look at this. 53 00:03:07,180 --> 00:03:08,780 Jeremy, whoa, whoa! 54 00:03:10,021 --> 00:03:11,180 [wood crackles] 55 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:12,981 [Jeremy] Oh, well, I think I've done it 56 00:03:13,021 --> 00:03:14,861 rather brilliantly. 57 00:03:14,900 --> 00:03:16,301 [Kaleb] Oh, Jesus! 58 00:03:18,701 --> 00:03:21,460 -[Jeremy] Oh, yes! -[Kaleb] Whoa, Jeremy! 59 00:03:22,021 --> 00:03:25,780 If he says my tractor is too big, I'm going to kill him. 60 00:03:26,460 --> 00:03:28,021 Tractor's too bloody big! 61 00:03:28,060 --> 00:03:29,780 Look at it, you're catching on the tree. 62 00:03:29,821 --> 00:03:31,421 It's gonna take the beacon off. 63 00:03:34,620 --> 00:03:35,821 Your ideas! 64 00:03:36,780 --> 00:03:38,780 [Jeremy] Right, no beacon. 65 00:03:47,821 --> 00:03:49,500 Oh, this is tight down here. 66 00:03:50,381 --> 00:03:52,780 But, you know, you can't be a pumpkin farmer 67 00:03:52,861 --> 00:03:54,780 without breaking a few branches. 68 00:03:56,581 --> 00:03:58,941 Eventually after a half mile drive 69 00:03:58,981 --> 00:04:00,340 that took just one hour... 70 00:04:00,381 --> 00:04:02,900 -[Kaleb] Keep going straight. -[Jeremy] What the hell? 71 00:04:03,861 --> 00:04:05,821 ...I arrived at the stream. 72 00:04:07,340 --> 00:04:08,381 Oh, ho, ho! 73 00:04:08,421 --> 00:04:11,141 The mighty Lamborghini is in place. 74 00:04:12,021 --> 00:04:15,261 Was that skillful driving or just plain luck? 75 00:04:15,340 --> 00:04:17,501 The whole driving of that was just ruthless. 76 00:04:17,821 --> 00:04:19,021 You snapped the gate post. 77 00:04:19,100 --> 00:04:20,460 -Have I broken a gate post? 78 00:04:20,501 --> 00:04:23,340 -Yes! Snapped it clean off, drove over it. 79 00:04:24,381 --> 00:04:25,581 -Do come through. 80 00:04:25,621 --> 00:04:28,261 -You're gonna upset these people now. 81 00:04:28,261 --> 00:04:29,261 It's a faux pas. 82 00:04:29,381 --> 00:04:31,621 I bet you any money they want pumpkins at Halloween. 83 00:04:31,701 --> 00:04:34,220 Excuse me, do you do Halloween? 84 00:04:34,261 --> 00:04:36,941 Yeah, I did this year. How come? 85 00:04:37,021 --> 00:04:38,381 Well 'cause I'm growing pumpkins 86 00:04:38,381 --> 00:04:39,540 and I'm just getting water for them 87 00:04:39,581 --> 00:04:40,780 and he's saying I'm being an idiot 88 00:04:40,821 --> 00:04:42,261 for growing pumpkins, but I'm not. 89 00:04:42,340 --> 00:04:43,381 He's blocking the footpath for you, isn't he? 90 00:04:43,501 --> 00:04:44,780 It's not a problem at all. 91 00:04:44,821 --> 00:04:46,941 [Jeremy] Thank you, thank you. Thank you so much. 92 00:04:47,061 --> 00:04:50,660 That's exact... See. Have you undone this? 93 00:04:50,741 --> 00:04:52,340 Yeah, it's undone. 94 00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:57,261 God! The things we'll do for fucking pumpkins! 95 00:04:58,220 --> 00:04:59,501 Getting in was one thing. 96 00:04:59,581 --> 00:05:01,381 If you're gonna say getting out again, 97 00:05:01,381 --> 00:05:04,021 it's just turn it round, go back out. 98 00:05:05,340 --> 00:05:06,381 Turn it round where? 99 00:05:06,460 --> 00:05:08,340 Ah, we perhaps should've reversed in, shouldn't we? 100 00:05:08,381 --> 00:05:08,941 -That would have been... 101 00:05:09,021 --> 00:05:10,381 -[Kaleb] Yeah, I did try and like... 102 00:05:10,460 --> 00:05:10,941 -You wasn't really listening to me. 103 00:05:11,021 --> 00:05:12,660 -But your hand signals, you just do this. 104 00:05:12,701 --> 00:05:15,501 I was like this. What's that mean? Oh, turn around. 105 00:05:15,581 --> 00:05:18,460 It could mean caterpillar, it could mean snake. 106 00:05:18,540 --> 00:05:19,821 I had no idea what you were on about. 107 00:05:19,941 --> 00:05:21,701 -[Kaleb] Right. -That's in the stream. 108 00:05:22,381 --> 00:05:24,460 Right, let's see if we can get some water. 109 00:05:25,261 --> 00:05:28,261 All I've got to do is do that. Open that valve! 110 00:05:30,501 --> 00:05:31,660 [pumping] 111 00:05:32,381 --> 00:05:33,821 [Jeremy] Yes, I can hear it! 112 00:05:37,381 --> 00:05:38,701 It's alive! 113 00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:41,701 Any minute now we're gonna have Tower Bridge, 114 00:05:41,780 --> 00:05:43,540 we'll be sucked up this stream. 115 00:05:44,021 --> 00:05:45,581 [Kaleb] There you are, look, look, look. 116 00:05:47,220 --> 00:05:50,861 -Oh, yes! -Water for your pumpkins. 117 00:05:52,300 --> 00:05:53,980 [Jeremy] With the vacuum tanker full, 118 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:57,141 it was time to switch off and disengage. 119 00:05:57,540 --> 00:05:58,821 [thuds] 120 00:05:59,141 --> 00:06:02,460 You fucking... You rural half-wit! 121 00:06:02,540 --> 00:06:05,381 [laughs] I pressed the wrong button! 122 00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:07,980 [Jeremy] There was then the simple task 123 00:06:08,021 --> 00:06:10,340 of reversing back the way we'd come. 124 00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:13,300 Which way do I turn the steering wheel? 125 00:06:13,381 --> 00:06:15,701 Yeah, I can't tell you how to do it. You just have to know. 126 00:06:16,780 --> 00:06:18,980 Yeah, but unfortunately I don't know. 127 00:06:20,220 --> 00:06:21,980 [Jeremy] Nevertheless, as we'd been 128 00:06:22,021 --> 00:06:23,581 working together for nine months, 129 00:06:23,621 --> 00:06:27,381 we figured that with a bit of teamwork we'd solve the problem. 130 00:06:28,741 --> 00:06:31,741 -Right hand down a long way. -Yeah, but I can't see it! 131 00:06:31,821 --> 00:06:34,660 [Kaleb] Look behind you then. Now forward. 132 00:06:35,460 --> 00:06:39,821 Whoa, whoa! Now come back. Other way. 133 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:40,980 -Other way? 134 00:06:41,021 --> 00:06:42,381 -You're gonna take the fence out. 135 00:06:42,460 --> 00:06:45,061 -Well, what do I do now? -Forwards. 136 00:06:45,141 --> 00:06:46,381 -Again? 137 00:06:46,420 --> 00:06:47,900 -No, you got to get over that way. 138 00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:50,460 -[Kaleb] Wait! -[Jeremy] What? 139 00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:52,701 -You gotta get the whole... -I can't see you! 140 00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:54,980 You've got to tell me right or left hand down! 141 00:06:55,061 --> 00:06:56,621 I'm getting confused. 142 00:06:56,701 --> 00:06:59,220 Oh, that's all we now need to discover, 143 00:06:59,261 --> 00:07:00,980 he does not know his right from his left. 144 00:07:01,780 --> 00:07:03,061 We're gonna be here a while. 145 00:07:03,581 --> 00:07:05,660 -[Kaleb] Go forward more! -[Jeremy] What? 146 00:07:05,741 --> 00:07:07,300 -No, you got to get over that way. 147 00:07:07,340 --> 00:07:08,381 -What? Hang on. 148 00:07:08,420 --> 00:07:10,061 -Come back. -Other way? 149 00:07:10,141 --> 00:07:11,141 No. 150 00:07:11,860 --> 00:07:14,381 [Jeremy] Eventually Kaleb came up with a suggestion 151 00:07:14,460 --> 00:07:17,701 that was, in fairness, long overdue. 152 00:07:18,061 --> 00:07:19,100 -[Kaleb] Are you gonna let me do it? 153 00:07:19,141 --> 00:07:20,181 -[Jeremy] Yes. 154 00:07:24,181 --> 00:07:28,701 If at first you don't succeed, sod it, give it to a teenager. 155 00:07:30,980 --> 00:07:34,741 Yeah, keep coming straight back. It works, I knew it would. 156 00:07:35,180 --> 00:07:37,581 Yeah, this is exactly what I was gonna do 157 00:07:37,621 --> 00:07:39,261 on my next run, so well done. 158 00:07:40,021 --> 00:07:41,381 -[Kaleb] Come on you piece of shit! 159 00:07:41,420 --> 00:07:43,061 -[Jeremy] It's not a piece of shit! 160 00:07:49,501 --> 00:07:51,581 -Well, well, well... -Well done, Kaleb. 161 00:07:51,660 --> 00:07:53,220 -Thank you very much. -That's very good. 162 00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:54,300 You're very welcome. 163 00:07:55,980 --> 00:07:59,941 [Jeremy] The trip to and from the stream had taken five hours, 164 00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:03,340 but now with 1,000 gallons of water on board, 165 00:08:03,420 --> 00:08:04,780 I was back at the field... 166 00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:10,100 and ready to give the whole thing a damn good soaking. 167 00:08:11,780 --> 00:08:15,941 -[Jeremy] Yes! -Drive! Go! 168 00:08:16,381 --> 00:08:17,821 I'm going. I'm going. 169 00:08:19,941 --> 00:08:21,660 Look at it. Look at me. 170 00:08:21,741 --> 00:08:25,741 I'm bringing life and nutrition to my otherwise dead field. 171 00:08:26,420 --> 00:08:29,181 And then I swing it round at the bottom end. 172 00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:35,381 [Jeremy] That's fantastic, look at that. 173 00:08:36,420 --> 00:08:38,261 Soon there will be pumpkins 174 00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:40,461 growing in my wake and sweetcorn. 175 00:08:44,021 --> 00:08:45,981 [Charlie] He's run out. He's run out of water. 176 00:08:46,381 --> 00:08:48,180 Oh, hang on, where's the water gone? 177 00:08:52,060 --> 00:08:53,741 Look how you've run out of water! 178 00:08:53,780 --> 00:08:55,780 Are you seriously saying that was all we got? 179 00:08:55,861 --> 00:08:56,780 [Charlie and Kaleb] Yes. 180 00:08:56,861 --> 00:08:58,900 -That's 1,000 gallons. -[Kaleb] 1,000 gallons. 181 00:08:58,981 --> 00:08:59,861 -[Jeremy] Four and a half thousand liters. 182 00:08:59,900 --> 00:09:01,261 -Four and a half thousand liters. 183 00:09:01,300 --> 00:09:04,381 And we did one and a quarter runs. 184 00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,741 Yeah. You've just put a millimeter of rain. 185 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,341 [Jeremy] I've not put a millimeter on! 186 00:09:09,461 --> 00:09:11,021 That's effectively what that is. 187 00:09:11,101 --> 00:09:12,780 You know, I mean it's evaporated already 188 00:09:12,780 --> 00:09:13,621 and blown away. 189 00:09:13,660 --> 00:09:18,780 So, you know, effectively, well, it hasn't been effective at all. 190 00:09:19,981 --> 00:09:21,300 -He's so miserable. 191 00:09:21,341 --> 00:09:23,900 -He is, but I'm with him on this. 192 00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:27,101 If we want pumpkins for Halloween. 193 00:09:27,180 --> 00:09:28,381 Well, that's answered the question, 194 00:09:28,420 --> 00:09:30,300 we don't really want pumpkins do we? 195 00:09:30,341 --> 00:09:34,381 Yes, yes. No because we paid for the pumpkin seeds, 196 00:09:34,461 --> 00:09:38,060 I've paid for the water bowser thing. 197 00:09:38,101 --> 00:09:39,660 But how do I make them live? 198 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,540 -You know, until we get a meaningful rain. 199 00:09:41,621 --> 00:09:43,981 -Yeah, yeah. When's the next rain? 200 00:09:44,741 --> 00:09:45,660 Well there's nothing in the forecast 201 00:09:45,741 --> 00:09:46,780 for another fortnight. 202 00:09:47,900 --> 00:09:49,060 Fucking hell. 203 00:09:50,900 --> 00:09:53,741 [Jeremy] That meant there was only one thing I could do... 204 00:09:56,341 --> 00:09:58,381 -Give Kaleb a hosepipe... 205 00:09:58,420 --> 00:10:00,461 -[Kaleb] It's stupid ideas all the time! 206 00:10:00,981 --> 00:10:02,741 [Jeremy] ...and get an early night. 207 00:10:09,540 --> 00:10:12,101 The next day was important, 208 00:10:12,180 --> 00:10:15,660 because soon everything in this field 209 00:10:15,660 --> 00:10:17,741 would be sold to make bread. 210 00:10:18,900 --> 00:10:20,981 And everything in this field 211 00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:23,861 would be sold to make Sunday lunch. 212 00:10:24,780 --> 00:10:27,861 And to make sure I got the best possible prices, 213 00:10:27,900 --> 00:10:31,341 cheerful Charlie said I had to sit an exam. 214 00:10:34,021 --> 00:10:35,261 -[Jeremy] Charlie, how are you? 215 00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:36,341 -[Charlie] I'm very well. How are you? 216 00:10:36,381 --> 00:10:38,900 Good. This red tractor business? 217 00:10:39,021 --> 00:10:41,180 Yeah, so you've got your inspection this morning. 218 00:10:41,261 --> 00:10:43,461 But then I've got to do it on the phone? 219 00:10:43,540 --> 00:10:45,021 Yeah, that's the Covid rules. 220 00:10:45,101 --> 00:10:47,261 And the background is this is the difference 221 00:10:47,341 --> 00:10:51,101 between being able to sell your produce at full market rate 222 00:10:51,180 --> 00:10:52,381 or not having a discount. 223 00:10:52,461 --> 00:10:54,780 So when a customer goes out and buys something, 224 00:10:54,861 --> 00:10:56,780 if it's got a little red tractor on the package... 225 00:10:56,780 --> 00:10:57,381 -Exactly. 226 00:10:57,420 --> 00:10:59,261 -...that means that somebody's checked 227 00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:01,820 to make sure my farm hasn't got feces all over it. 228 00:11:01,900 --> 00:11:05,461 Correct, yeah. It's a serious accreditation scheme. 229 00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:06,540 And if I'm not all right, 230 00:11:06,621 --> 00:11:08,900 then I can't sell all my stuff at full price. 231 00:11:08,981 --> 00:11:10,580 Yes, which will have an even 232 00:11:10,621 --> 00:11:12,621 bigger effect on your profit for the year. 233 00:11:15,101 --> 00:11:17,580 [Jeremy] Soon, the Red Tractor examiner called 234 00:11:17,660 --> 00:11:22,981 and I began my first ever face-Zoom-time meeting. 235 00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:25,341 [Dave] Jeremy, how are you? 236 00:11:25,420 --> 00:11:27,580 I'm very well thank you. How are you? 237 00:11:27,621 --> 00:11:30,940 And how do I get to see you? Or do I not? 238 00:11:32,141 --> 00:11:36,981 Um, I should be on your screen somewhere in a little corner? 239 00:11:37,341 --> 00:11:41,861 No. there's nothing. You're on, video on, microphone on. 240 00:11:41,940 --> 00:11:45,180 All apps don't work and now the screen's dead. 241 00:11:47,900 --> 00:11:50,141 [Jeremy] When we finally reconnected... 242 00:11:50,221 --> 00:11:51,820 Greetings, we're finally there. 243 00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:53,381 ...Dave, the inspector, 244 00:11:53,420 --> 00:11:55,861 asked for a tour of the farm buildings. 245 00:11:56,940 --> 00:11:58,660 [Dave] Right, Jeremy, what's to the right 246 00:11:58,700 --> 00:12:00,741 of the hay and the straw there? 247 00:12:00,780 --> 00:12:04,021 That is a massive scissor jack 248 00:12:04,101 --> 00:12:07,741 that I used in Colombia to spot condors. 249 00:12:07,820 --> 00:12:09,981 And then there's some doors over there 250 00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:12,420 from a house that my colleagues blew up. 251 00:12:13,221 --> 00:12:15,021 [Jeremy] Dave politely pointed out 252 00:12:15,060 --> 00:12:17,101 that he wanted to see farm equipment, 253 00:12:17,141 --> 00:12:19,660 not old Grand Tour props. 254 00:12:19,741 --> 00:12:21,580 [Dave] Where abouts is your chemical store? 255 00:12:21,660 --> 00:12:23,381 And where are the chemicals currently? 256 00:12:24,021 --> 00:12:27,021 Oh, they're over here in a shipping container. 257 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:32,060 We thought shipping containers are watertight and secure. 258 00:12:32,141 --> 00:12:33,940 -Ready? -Yeah. 259 00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:35,381 Ta-da! 260 00:12:36,501 --> 00:12:41,141 Oh! Oh sorry that might be an Alfa Romeo. 261 00:12:41,221 --> 00:12:43,341 -Yeah. -Hang on. 262 00:12:45,501 --> 00:12:46,741 It's... 263 00:12:47,341 --> 00:12:48,981 [Jeremy] After this shaky start... 264 00:12:50,861 --> 00:12:54,381 Dave made me jump through hoops for the rest of the morning. 265 00:12:55,621 --> 00:12:56,420 [Dave] There's the can of petrol on 266 00:12:56,461 --> 00:12:58,501 the floor there Jeremy, what's that for? 267 00:12:58,540 --> 00:13:00,540 What's in the bags that are there in front of you? 268 00:13:00,621 --> 00:13:02,221 Any medicines that you use for the sheep, 269 00:13:02,261 --> 00:13:03,300 where are they stored? 270 00:13:03,341 --> 00:13:05,381 What's the black bag we just walked past? 271 00:13:05,461 --> 00:13:07,341 Is there a red picket anywhere? 272 00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:10,021 Are you gonna be using that shed to store grain at harvest? 273 00:13:10,101 --> 00:13:11,820 What make is that? What does it say on that? 274 00:13:11,900 --> 00:13:14,221 What do you do for vermin control here, Jeremy? 275 00:13:14,300 --> 00:13:17,420 Nick, the mouse murderer comes. That's not his real name. 276 00:13:17,501 --> 00:13:19,180 What's the batch number, please Jeremy? 277 00:13:19,261 --> 00:13:20,900 17318. 278 00:13:20,981 --> 00:13:22,660 What's the math number on that one, Jeremy? 279 00:13:22,741 --> 00:13:24,940 19/2H. 280 00:13:25,021 --> 00:13:27,461 76325. 281 00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:29,700 /1549. 282 00:13:29,780 --> 00:13:34,981 Zero zero zero zero zero B. 283 00:13:35,060 --> 00:13:37,101 [Dave] Where abouts are the sheep then, Jeremy? 284 00:13:37,180 --> 00:13:39,540 -See my tractor? -Yeah, very nice. 285 00:13:40,540 --> 00:13:42,341 Ah-ha, chemical store. 286 00:13:42,420 --> 00:13:45,060 Is there anything in there, should any liquid get spilt, 287 00:13:45,141 --> 00:13:47,341 is there anything in there that can mop it up? 288 00:13:47,420 --> 00:13:51,741 We've got a Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence movie. 289 00:13:51,820 --> 00:13:54,141 Is that something you'd be interested in? 290 00:13:54,221 --> 00:13:55,700 That won't do. 291 00:13:55,780 --> 00:13:58,221 Yeah, so you need emergency facilities, 292 00:13:58,261 --> 00:14:01,300 which include sand, absorbent granules, 293 00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:04,861 a sump, an ability to retain a spillage. 294 00:14:04,940 --> 00:14:07,741 Who does the transportation of the livestock? 295 00:14:07,820 --> 00:14:08,940 Sometimes it's me. 296 00:14:09,021 --> 00:14:11,381 [Dave] There's still sort of animal muck in there. 297 00:14:11,461 --> 00:14:15,141 No, that's just soil. There's no animal muck. 298 00:14:15,221 --> 00:14:18,101 Would you pick a handful of it up and show me closer? 299 00:14:18,180 --> 00:14:20,060 I can. Hang on. There you go. 300 00:14:20,141 --> 00:14:22,461 The standard talks about trailers being clean, 301 00:14:22,540 --> 00:14:23,820 the trailer isn't clean. 302 00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:27,660 [Jeremy] After a ticking off 303 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,820 about the chemical store and the trailer, 304 00:14:29,861 --> 00:14:32,141 which had a bit of mud that wasn't feces in it, 305 00:14:32,221 --> 00:14:34,780 Dave asked to see my filing system. 306 00:14:36,820 --> 00:14:38,381 [Dave] Do you have a soil management plan 307 00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:40,621 to hand there, Jeremy, at all? 308 00:14:40,660 --> 00:14:44,341 Oh, no that's MMP no. 309 00:14:44,381 --> 00:14:46,420 What was the question? I've forgotten. 310 00:14:46,780 --> 00:14:47,660 Is this the first audit 311 00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:49,741 you've been involved with, Jeremy? 312 00:14:49,780 --> 00:14:52,861 [Jeremy] Eventually with my phone battery on 2%, 313 00:14:52,940 --> 00:14:55,021 I had to cut to the chase. 314 00:14:55,861 --> 00:14:57,221 [Jeremy] David, what I really wanna know, 315 00:14:57,300 --> 00:15:00,341 I appreciate there are two things that we've got wrong, 316 00:15:00,420 --> 00:15:03,741 the sand pit and the muddy trailer, 317 00:15:03,780 --> 00:15:06,101 but are we gonna be okay? 318 00:15:07,381 --> 00:15:08,461 Yes. 319 00:15:09,501 --> 00:15:11,780 [Jeremy] This made me very proud. 320 00:15:12,381 --> 00:15:13,660 I've done a thing! 321 00:15:16,461 --> 00:15:18,900 Sadly though, there was no time to celebrate 322 00:15:18,981 --> 00:15:21,700 because the next emergency beckoned. 323 00:15:23,060 --> 00:15:25,940 Putting some wet into my wetlands. 324 00:15:28,180 --> 00:15:29,461 [Jeremy] I mean look at the cracks. 325 00:15:29,540 --> 00:15:31,501 -[Kaleb] Yeah. On the plus side, though. 326 00:15:31,540 --> 00:15:32,180 -What? 327 00:15:32,221 --> 00:15:34,501 Grass is worth a lot of money at the minute. 328 00:15:34,580 --> 00:15:35,900 -Is it? -Mmm, hay. 329 00:15:35,981 --> 00:15:37,341 -Hay. -Is it? 330 00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:39,261 Cut some hay, bale it, put it in the shed. 331 00:15:39,341 --> 00:15:41,660 Guarantee, 'cause no one's had a very good cut. 332 00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:43,660 Well the sheep's had most of the hay away. 333 00:15:43,741 --> 00:15:45,861 -Yeah. -Which you don't like again. 334 00:15:45,940 --> 00:15:49,341 No, I mean, if you'd have not had the sheep, cut that for hay, 335 00:15:49,420 --> 00:15:50,300 you'd have made more money on the hay 336 00:15:50,341 --> 00:15:51,221 than you would have the sheep. 337 00:15:51,261 --> 00:15:52,101 -I haven't made any money on the sheep. 338 00:15:52,141 --> 00:15:54,180 -Exactly, you've lost loads. 339 00:15:54,221 --> 00:15:56,621 But what would you have lost if you'd cut it for hay? 340 00:15:56,700 --> 00:15:58,221 -Nothing. -Exactly. 341 00:15:59,221 --> 00:16:02,060 And there's my point again. Fuck the sheep. 342 00:16:04,060 --> 00:16:06,861 [Jeremy] Kaleb Attenborough and I then turned our attention 343 00:16:06,940 --> 00:16:09,621 to the watering solution system I'd bought. 344 00:16:11,381 --> 00:16:13,381 Solar powered water pump. 345 00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:16,501 That's not gonna work, is it. Be realistic. 346 00:16:16,580 --> 00:16:17,861 I don't think it is either, 347 00:16:17,900 --> 00:16:20,261 but I'm going to give nature a chance. 348 00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:24,501 God has provided us with this power station in the sky 349 00:16:24,580 --> 00:16:26,381 and we're going to try and use it. 350 00:16:28,141 --> 00:16:31,420 Let's just lie them down for now, that's a good idea. 351 00:16:31,501 --> 00:16:33,300 This should fire up the pump. 352 00:16:33,900 --> 00:16:35,381 I'm about to lower an 353 00:16:35,420 --> 00:16:38,981 electrically powered object into a pond. 354 00:16:40,820 --> 00:16:42,381 -Ready? -[Kaleb] Go for it. 355 00:16:52,420 --> 00:16:54,180 -You could piss faster than that. 356 00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:56,261 -That is just lamentable. 357 00:16:56,981 --> 00:16:58,381 -You know what the solution is, mate? 358 00:16:58,420 --> 00:16:58,981 -What's that? 359 00:16:59,021 --> 00:17:00,501 Internal combustion. 360 00:17:00,580 --> 00:17:03,580 It's the solution to everything. Speed and power. 361 00:17:06,261 --> 00:17:09,580 [Jeremy] I therefore went shopping 362 00:17:09,661 --> 00:17:12,221 and soon we had some meaty hoses. 363 00:17:14,461 --> 00:17:16,021 And a generator that ran 364 00:17:16,060 --> 00:17:19,100 on the amber nectar that is petrol. 365 00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:21,820 [Jeremy] Solar power, my arse. 366 00:17:23,661 --> 00:17:26,421 -[Kaleb] Um, problem. -[Jeremy] Oh! 367 00:17:26,501 --> 00:17:27,780 [Jeremy laughs] 368 00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:30,181 -Can you go and get it for me? -Yeah, of course. 369 00:17:32,340 --> 00:17:34,181 No, that's stuck fast, mate, sorry, 370 00:17:34,221 --> 00:17:35,901 nothing I can do about that. 371 00:17:41,181 --> 00:17:42,300 Oh, you bastard! 372 00:17:42,340 --> 00:17:45,181 Well you got me in the tractor the other day, that is payback. 373 00:17:45,261 --> 00:17:48,100 Fuel, pump on, choke on. 374 00:17:50,661 --> 00:17:52,661 -Um, right. -Yeah, you ready? 375 00:17:53,780 --> 00:17:56,060 [Jeremy] Here we are demonstrating that once again 376 00:17:56,100 --> 00:17:59,741 solar power is no match for internal combustion. 377 00:18:02,261 --> 00:18:05,100 There it is. There it is. There it is! 378 00:18:06,421 --> 00:18:09,340 Okay, that's pretty wild actually. 379 00:18:10,741 --> 00:18:13,100 -[Kaleb] That's not really working is it? 380 00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:14,060 -What do you mean? 381 00:18:14,100 --> 00:18:15,261 It's too powerful. 382 00:18:15,340 --> 00:18:19,820 It's taking all the seeds and the soil into the river there. 383 00:18:19,941 --> 00:18:22,221 This is really hard work holding onto it. 384 00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:25,780 -Oh! -[laughs] 385 00:18:26,501 --> 00:18:28,901 Fucking hell! No, shut it down. 386 00:18:30,100 --> 00:18:34,580 Right, as I've always said, speed and power doesn't work. 387 00:18:34,661 --> 00:18:36,181 Solar power's the answer. 388 00:18:37,421 --> 00:18:38,941 And so... 389 00:18:42,981 --> 00:18:45,421 Come on, Kaleb, we'll let Zeus do his job. 390 00:18:45,901 --> 00:18:47,780 -Got to come back down in 15 minutes. 391 00:18:47,820 --> 00:18:48,580 -I know. 392 00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:52,221 And water here and turn round and move the pipe. 393 00:18:56,701 --> 00:18:58,340 [Jeremy] With the wetlands sorted, 394 00:18:58,421 --> 00:19:00,580 I plunged into my next project. 395 00:19:02,941 --> 00:19:05,540 Planting some trees for the government. 396 00:19:06,981 --> 00:19:09,100 Which in the driest May on record 397 00:19:09,221 --> 00:19:13,421 is not the sort of job your right leg will thank you for. 398 00:19:18,261 --> 00:19:19,981 When Monty Don does this... 399 00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:23,580 it always looks so incredibly easy. 400 00:19:25,100 --> 00:19:28,981 The government announced that by 2025, 401 00:19:29,981 --> 00:19:33,221 it would plant 125 million trees in the UK 402 00:19:33,261 --> 00:19:35,981 and everybody said that's fantastic! 403 00:19:36,261 --> 00:19:37,340 And it is. 404 00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:40,340 But where are all these trees gonna come from? 405 00:19:41,580 --> 00:19:43,820 You'd have to import them from abroad and if you do that, 406 00:19:43,901 --> 00:19:46,941 you get abroad diseases like Ash dieback 407 00:19:46,981 --> 00:19:47,820 from Scandinavia 408 00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:50,820 and Dutch elm disease from Canada. 409 00:19:50,901 --> 00:19:54,100 And then that kills off all the trees that are already here. 410 00:19:55,540 --> 00:20:00,901 And who was gonna plant them? 125 million trees! 411 00:20:01,741 --> 00:20:03,580 You can't even get people 412 00:20:03,580 --> 00:20:06,060 to pick strawberries in this country. 413 00:20:08,261 --> 00:20:11,100 And selfishly, there's another problem. 414 00:20:11,901 --> 00:20:14,701 You know what I just thought of, if I plant a tree, 415 00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:18,100 by the time it's an actual tree, I'll be dead. 416 00:20:19,701 --> 00:20:20,741 So I'm doing all this work 417 00:20:20,780 --> 00:20:25,421 for a bunch of ingrates and millennials. 418 00:20:27,901 --> 00:20:29,340 I need to speed this up. 419 00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:43,580 We're managing to plant all these trees 420 00:20:43,580 --> 00:20:46,981 with just two track vehicles. 421 00:20:47,021 --> 00:20:50,661 The dump truck, the van and the lorry. That's all we're using. 422 00:20:55,741 --> 00:20:57,060 A tree! 423 00:20:58,580 --> 00:21:00,901 -And this is the exhaust pipe. -This is the exhaust pipe. 424 00:21:00,981 --> 00:21:03,340 So this is an irrigation and an aeration tube. 425 00:21:03,461 --> 00:21:07,181 So it's putting water around the edge of the roots. 426 00:21:07,261 --> 00:21:09,021 -So it's got holes in it. -It's got holes in it. 427 00:21:09,100 --> 00:21:10,981 And how old is it? Five, ten years? 428 00:21:11,060 --> 00:21:12,701 -Probably about 40-years-old, I reckon. 429 00:21:12,741 --> 00:21:13,340 -Is it? 430 00:21:24,580 --> 00:21:28,100 And this is what I've ended up with, 20 new trees. 431 00:21:28,661 --> 00:21:32,060 Good for insects, good for birds, which will nest in them. 432 00:21:37,661 --> 00:21:38,780 I don't normally like trees, 433 00:21:38,820 --> 00:21:41,340 but I like these ones 'cause they've all got exhaust pipes. 434 00:21:49,181 --> 00:21:53,580 As May came to a close, there was still no sign of rain. 435 00:21:57,780 --> 00:21:59,580 So we did everything we could 436 00:21:59,620 --> 00:22:01,981 to look after everything in our care. 437 00:22:03,380 --> 00:22:05,701 We built some shade for the trout. 438 00:22:07,860 --> 00:22:10,501 I moved water about non-stop. 439 00:22:12,100 --> 00:22:14,741 Kaleb stood around with his hose. 440 00:22:16,820 --> 00:22:19,100 And Charlie monitored the vegetables 441 00:22:19,140 --> 00:22:20,941 I'd planted in lockdown. 442 00:22:22,340 --> 00:22:24,860 It's not ideal conditions, but you know, 443 00:22:24,901 --> 00:22:25,941 we've got the farm shop, 444 00:22:25,981 --> 00:22:28,261 we need something to stock it. 445 00:22:28,340 --> 00:22:31,100 We've got Swiss chard, we've got beans, 446 00:22:31,140 --> 00:22:33,181 broad beans, we've got swedes, 447 00:22:33,221 --> 00:22:35,981 we've got turnips, we've got leeks. 448 00:22:36,060 --> 00:22:37,981 Whatever you want, 449 00:22:38,021 --> 00:22:39,421 we're growing it up here, or trying to. 450 00:22:39,461 --> 00:22:41,181 I think it's gonna be a real challenge. 451 00:22:45,380 --> 00:22:46,901 [Jeremy] But the biggest challenge 452 00:22:46,941 --> 00:22:48,981 was the state of our main crops, 453 00:22:50,140 --> 00:22:53,340 as Charlie pointed out on our next field walk. 454 00:22:55,221 --> 00:22:57,661 -So this wheat. -And if we come down, 455 00:22:57,741 --> 00:23:01,021 you can just see now that we've got quite a lot of... 456 00:23:01,100 --> 00:23:03,501 Brilliant, that's a whole loaf of bread just gone. 457 00:23:03,580 --> 00:23:05,901 So we've got rust coming on the bottom. 458 00:23:05,981 --> 00:23:07,820 -We've got what? -Rust. 459 00:23:07,901 --> 00:23:10,540 -So it's a type of disease. -What, like a Lancia? 460 00:23:10,620 --> 00:23:11,540 Exactly. 461 00:23:11,620 --> 00:23:14,221 But the main problem at the moment 462 00:23:14,261 --> 00:23:15,300 is at this end of the plant, 463 00:23:15,340 --> 00:23:18,181 we need these lovely white 464 00:23:18,221 --> 00:23:20,261 fresh roots to keep growing with the moisture. 465 00:23:20,300 --> 00:23:21,380 -And there isn't any moisture. 466 00:23:21,421 --> 00:23:22,741 -'Cause there isn't any moisture. 467 00:23:22,780 --> 00:23:23,981 I mean we've been in lockdown now 468 00:23:24,021 --> 00:23:26,820 for six, seven weeks, haven't we? 469 00:23:28,580 --> 00:23:30,380 It's just because I came to see this rust. 470 00:23:30,461 --> 00:23:31,380 -Yes. 471 00:23:31,421 --> 00:23:33,181 -But we've been in lockdown for... 472 00:23:33,221 --> 00:23:34,580 -And it hasn't really rained, really. 473 00:23:34,620 --> 00:23:36,860 -No, well, about two months. 474 00:23:36,901 --> 00:23:38,021 Yeah, two months. 475 00:23:38,100 --> 00:23:41,540 It was the same parched story everywhere. 476 00:23:42,741 --> 00:23:44,100 He's ripped up another bit. 477 00:23:44,981 --> 00:23:47,701 It's just getting a little bit stressed, moisture stress again. 478 00:23:47,780 --> 00:23:49,181 -So they become a bit waxy. -How do you know? 479 00:23:49,340 --> 00:23:51,901 -Oh, I see, so the white stuff? -The white stuff. 480 00:23:51,981 --> 00:23:54,780 So the white stuff is just like a wax, 481 00:23:54,820 --> 00:23:56,140 so it's just protecting itself, 482 00:23:56,181 --> 00:23:57,540 So the leaves are curled. 483 00:23:57,620 --> 00:23:59,421 So it's stressy when it's got white stuff on it? 484 00:23:59,501 --> 00:24:01,981 Yeah. And the leaves are curled to try and reduce moisture. 485 00:24:02,060 --> 00:24:04,021 [Jeremy] Ah! So curling round is bad? 486 00:24:04,100 --> 00:24:05,380 -Curling round is a bad sign. - Stress. 487 00:24:05,421 --> 00:24:06,941 [Dave] Stress, these crops are stressed. 488 00:24:08,860 --> 00:24:11,620 [Jeremy] The water shortage was a serious problem, 489 00:24:12,421 --> 00:24:15,501 but it wasn't the only thing that was bothering me. 490 00:24:16,501 --> 00:24:18,261 I was doing this thing the other day, 491 00:24:18,340 --> 00:24:22,100 I was watching Kaleb spraying something or other. 492 00:24:22,181 --> 00:24:23,380 -Yeah? -Yeah. 493 00:24:23,461 --> 00:24:27,140 How long can we keep just spraying fields before they go, 494 00:24:27,221 --> 00:24:29,820 "Actually you know what? I've given all I can give"? 495 00:24:30,580 --> 00:24:32,780 -The crop? -Just the soil. 496 00:24:33,741 --> 00:24:36,421 Isn't it a bit like saying to a footballer, 497 00:24:36,501 --> 00:24:38,901 right you've done the whole Premier League season, 498 00:24:38,981 --> 00:24:42,181 now you're immediately going on to play 499 00:24:42,221 --> 00:24:43,661 in the Southern Hemisphere 500 00:24:43,701 --> 00:24:45,380 and you've got to give just as much 501 00:24:45,421 --> 00:24:47,501 there and then straight back. 502 00:24:47,540 --> 00:24:50,181 They're not gonna last very long as footballers. 503 00:24:50,261 --> 00:24:52,300 So that's why we have a rotation. 504 00:24:52,340 --> 00:24:53,380 So we grow different... 505 00:24:53,421 --> 00:24:56,661 But we do wheat, barley, rape. So there's no real... 506 00:24:56,741 --> 00:24:59,380 But the rotation breaks up the rotation of chemicals. 507 00:24:59,461 --> 00:25:01,661 And we're not just pouring on chemicals 508 00:25:01,701 --> 00:25:02,661 just for the sake of it. 509 00:25:02,701 --> 00:25:05,181 I appreciate it. We're doing it for all the right reasons. 510 00:25:05,261 --> 00:25:07,620 Feed the world, keep the crops healthy. 511 00:25:07,701 --> 00:25:09,981 Long term though, some people are saying, 512 00:25:10,021 --> 00:25:11,340 I mean they're probably scaremongers, 513 00:25:11,380 --> 00:25:12,981 but nevertheless, 514 00:25:13,021 --> 00:25:14,060 they're saying that in this country 515 00:25:14,100 --> 00:25:17,461 we only have 90 or 100 harvests left 516 00:25:17,540 --> 00:25:20,340 before the top soil is dead. 517 00:25:20,421 --> 00:25:21,981 -Am I allowed to be a bit worried? 518 00:25:22,021 --> 00:25:23,300 -It's only right to be worried. 519 00:25:26,580 --> 00:25:29,421 [Jeremy] Once Charlie and I had finished the crop walk, 520 00:25:29,501 --> 00:25:32,701 I turned my attention to a murder mystery. 521 00:25:33,860 --> 00:25:36,421 Normally my hens look like this. 522 00:25:37,820 --> 00:25:39,741 But in the last couple of days, 523 00:25:39,780 --> 00:25:42,181 they'd started to look like this. 524 00:25:44,741 --> 00:25:47,981 And I just worked out what was going on. 525 00:25:51,060 --> 00:25:52,981 This is a pastoral scene, you would agree. 526 00:25:53,060 --> 00:25:57,340 All the sheep rubbing up against the henhouses. 527 00:25:58,221 --> 00:26:00,701 There's nothing pastoral about it, though. 528 00:26:00,780 --> 00:26:05,820 Because what they do is they open the henhouse doors. 529 00:26:06,661 --> 00:26:09,421 Not making it up, they rub against the catches until... 530 00:26:09,501 --> 00:26:12,021 No, the blue one, they've opened it, come on. 531 00:26:14,140 --> 00:26:15,300 There you go. 532 00:26:17,941 --> 00:26:19,060 Come on, clear off. 533 00:26:19,981 --> 00:26:23,261 Look, they rub themselves against the catches 534 00:26:23,901 --> 00:26:26,741 so the door opens and the hens can get out. 535 00:26:27,820 --> 00:26:29,300 I wonder why they do it? 536 00:26:30,181 --> 00:26:33,580 The only reason I can think is that 537 00:26:33,620 --> 00:26:35,661 they're bored and they just think, 538 00:26:35,701 --> 00:26:38,941 "Hey, girls, let's just go and let some hens out 539 00:26:39,021 --> 00:26:40,261 "and see how far they get 540 00:26:40,300 --> 00:26:41,981 before they're eaten by the fox." 541 00:26:42,820 --> 00:26:44,941 I mean the foxes live in a hole, 542 00:26:45,021 --> 00:26:47,380 I can see it actually from here, in that hedge. 543 00:26:47,461 --> 00:26:51,021 Basically they're living opposite a branch of KFC. 544 00:26:51,461 --> 00:26:52,901 The sheep know the foxes are there. 545 00:26:52,941 --> 00:26:53,981 They know the hens are here. 546 00:26:54,021 --> 00:26:55,661 It's just a game to them. 547 00:26:59,421 --> 00:27:01,860 [Jeremy] Kaleb, however, dismissed my theory. 548 00:27:02,661 --> 00:27:05,181 As we built a fence to stop the problem, 549 00:27:05,261 --> 00:27:08,780 he said the sheep were rubbing themselves on the henhouses 550 00:27:08,860 --> 00:27:11,620 because they were hot and itchy. 551 00:27:12,620 --> 00:27:15,461 Which meant it was time to shear them. 552 00:27:17,901 --> 00:27:19,060 -Well, they basically live in this field. 553 00:27:19,100 --> 00:27:20,221 -Yeah. 554 00:27:20,261 --> 00:27:22,181 Well there's a story to tell there, isn't there? 555 00:27:22,261 --> 00:27:23,860 That's green and that isn't. 556 00:27:23,941 --> 00:27:26,941 [Jeremy] So I gave Kevin from the NSA a call 557 00:27:27,021 --> 00:27:30,021 and he was keen to hear how I'd got on with the lambing. 558 00:27:30,741 --> 00:27:34,421 [Jeremy] Overall, all the lambs have survived, except one. 559 00:27:34,501 --> 00:27:35,820 [Kevin] Well that's good. 560 00:27:35,901 --> 00:27:39,780 [Jeremy] I did put my hand up one's bottom by mistake. 561 00:27:39,860 --> 00:27:42,501 -I bet you've done that. -No. 562 00:27:42,580 --> 00:27:45,340 It was an honest mistake. I wasn't doing it on purpose. 563 00:27:46,780 --> 00:27:48,421 -[Kevin] Is this your friend? -Yeah, this is the one. 564 00:27:48,501 --> 00:27:50,181 I think this is the one I went up the back, 565 00:27:50,261 --> 00:27:51,901 'cause every time I come, 566 00:27:51,981 --> 00:27:54,140 she comes and looks at me like, "Please don't do that again." 567 00:27:54,221 --> 00:27:56,461 -Yeah, but because there's people here. 568 00:27:56,501 --> 00:27:57,540 -I've apologized. 569 00:28:01,661 --> 00:28:05,380 [Jeremy] Soon, Ellen the shepherd arrived with a mate. 570 00:28:05,461 --> 00:28:07,941 The sheep were rounded up in their pens... 571 00:28:10,501 --> 00:28:12,820 and a blizzard of shearing began. 572 00:28:26,261 --> 00:28:27,820 -God look at... Does that spin round then? 573 00:28:27,860 --> 00:28:28,780 -Yeah. 574 00:28:29,941 --> 00:28:31,340 Oh, I've found it. 575 00:28:32,661 --> 00:28:34,060 -What if you get your finger in there? 576 00:28:34,100 --> 00:28:35,261 -They'll come off. 577 00:28:35,300 --> 00:28:36,181 That's bloody... 578 00:28:36,221 --> 00:28:37,580 I'm gonna cut my hand off if I... 579 00:28:37,620 --> 00:28:40,540 -Why do they have that? -[Ellen] So you can move it. 580 00:28:41,580 --> 00:28:42,620 'Cause otherwise you wouldn't be able 581 00:28:42,661 --> 00:28:43,701 to get over all the bumps 582 00:28:43,741 --> 00:28:46,221 -and the bends of the sheep. -That's lethal. 583 00:28:50,221 --> 00:28:53,380 -You pull them out upside down. -'Cause then it's easy. 584 00:28:53,461 --> 00:28:55,661 You can get straight on and start clipping them. 585 00:28:55,741 --> 00:28:56,901 Just saves you time. 586 00:28:56,981 --> 00:28:59,060 And this is done mainly for welfare reasons, isn't it. 587 00:28:59,140 --> 00:29:00,981 I mean 'cause they'd be too hot. 588 00:29:01,060 --> 00:29:03,300 They'd be too hot and it's more likely 589 00:29:03,340 --> 00:29:04,941 they'd get maggots as well. 590 00:29:04,981 --> 00:29:07,181 [Kevin] Right, you're looking for a job, I assume. 591 00:29:07,580 --> 00:29:11,221 [Jeremy] Kevin then set me to work rolling up the fleeces. 592 00:29:11,820 --> 00:29:13,820 All right. Throw it out. 593 00:29:16,421 --> 00:29:18,860 Can you tell which was the back end from the neck? 594 00:29:18,941 --> 00:29:21,901 -I reckon that's the back. -No, that's the neck. 595 00:29:21,981 --> 00:29:23,701 -[Jeremy] Yeah, I knew that. -A bit of poo there look. 596 00:29:23,780 --> 00:29:24,901 [Jeremy] Yeah, that's shit, yeah. 597 00:29:24,981 --> 00:29:27,380 [Kevin] Need to take any poo off like that, 598 00:29:27,461 --> 00:29:31,741 roll it up tight, bring your neck round 599 00:29:31,780 --> 00:29:32,820 and stuff it in there. 600 00:29:38,741 --> 00:29:40,421 That's a nice one. 601 00:29:40,701 --> 00:29:41,860 This one was crapping... 602 00:29:41,941 --> 00:29:44,261 How's it got crap at the back and the front? 603 00:29:44,340 --> 00:29:48,100 Look it's crapped everywhere. It's got it on its feet. 604 00:29:48,181 --> 00:29:51,941 I immediately decided rolling wasn't for me. 605 00:29:52,021 --> 00:29:54,981 I want to have a go at that. Can I do the next one? 606 00:29:55,060 --> 00:29:58,100 If you want. So you get her head. 607 00:29:59,580 --> 00:30:00,820 And get her tail. 608 00:30:03,340 --> 00:30:05,380 And they're gonna bend towards each other 609 00:30:05,421 --> 00:30:06,461 and you're gonna step back. 610 00:30:06,501 --> 00:30:07,860 No, no! 611 00:30:13,461 --> 00:30:16,140 Right. First of all, I've got to be calm. 612 00:30:17,140 --> 00:30:18,580 Give them no sense that I'm gonna 613 00:30:18,620 --> 00:30:20,261 roll them on their back in a moment. 614 00:30:20,300 --> 00:30:22,820 Just talking to you. Sheep psychology. Here we go. 615 00:30:22,901 --> 00:30:23,780 -She already knows you're after her. 616 00:30:23,820 --> 00:30:25,021 -Of course she does. 617 00:30:25,060 --> 00:30:27,181 Stay calm, Kev, stay calm. 618 00:30:27,221 --> 00:30:28,901 Let's have no panicking from you two. 619 00:30:28,941 --> 00:30:30,701 Okay. Put your hand on her chin. 620 00:30:32,941 --> 00:30:34,780 I've done a thing. 621 00:30:36,501 --> 00:30:39,021 -We got her. -Well, yeah, but she's on me. 622 00:30:39,100 --> 00:30:40,741 The next move is head. 623 00:30:42,461 --> 00:30:43,501 I'm gonna get kicked. 624 00:30:43,580 --> 00:30:47,140 Ow, it's got me in the testes! Oh, that's it. Right. 625 00:30:49,860 --> 00:30:52,021 [all laugh] 626 00:30:53,181 --> 00:30:55,741 I can't wrestle sheep. 627 00:30:58,380 --> 00:31:01,820 To make life easier, Ellen pulled a sheep out for me. 628 00:31:04,181 --> 00:31:07,741 So you want to put that leg up your bum crack. 629 00:31:07,820 --> 00:31:09,060 -Up my bum crack? -Yeah. 630 00:31:09,140 --> 00:31:11,620 -Where do I put her head? -Her head stays forward. 631 00:31:12,261 --> 00:31:16,580 That side. Oh, God! Oh look, I know I'll settle her down. 632 00:31:16,661 --> 00:31:18,261 Where are you going on your holidays this year? 633 00:31:19,181 --> 00:31:22,701 There you go, now we've got a relaxed relationship going on. 634 00:31:22,780 --> 00:31:26,540 Whoa! In the inner thigh! 635 00:31:33,300 --> 00:31:34,981 Fucking hell, that's impossible. 636 00:31:36,261 --> 00:31:40,261 I couldn't believe the idea of holding a sheep down, 637 00:31:40,661 --> 00:31:42,860 already you need to be an octopus to do that, 638 00:31:42,941 --> 00:31:45,421 already you need eight legs and you need to be strong. 639 00:31:45,501 --> 00:31:47,100 -[Ellen] Yeah. -Then it's lying there, 640 00:31:47,181 --> 00:31:50,300 thrashing its head around, looking for a weak spot in you, 641 00:31:50,380 --> 00:31:52,021 while you're operating a thing 642 00:31:52,100 --> 00:31:55,780 that would have your hand off as quick as anything. 643 00:31:55,860 --> 00:31:57,540 I mean, the old dog I thought was impressive, 644 00:31:57,620 --> 00:31:58,941 and now you're more impressive 645 00:31:59,021 --> 00:32:00,181 -than your dog. -[laughs] 646 00:32:01,580 --> 00:32:03,181 [Jeremy] After the shearing debacle, 647 00:32:03,221 --> 00:32:05,501 I was put back on rolling duties. 648 00:32:07,060 --> 00:32:08,620 And how did you spend the day, Jeremy? 649 00:32:08,701 --> 00:32:12,261 Well ripping dingle berries out of shaved sheep's coats. 650 00:32:13,461 --> 00:32:16,140 Because this is a sheep related enterprise, 651 00:32:16,221 --> 00:32:19,701 I suspected it wouldn't be financially rewarding either. 652 00:32:20,501 --> 00:32:23,661 I know there's Covid, so there's no exports to China. 653 00:32:23,741 --> 00:32:26,221 Nobody's building houses, so nobody's buying new carpets. 654 00:32:27,100 --> 00:32:28,741 And nobody wears wool clothes anymore 655 00:32:28,820 --> 00:32:31,300 'cause everybody wears tracksuits and football shirts. 656 00:32:32,540 --> 00:32:35,941 So how much am I gonna get for that fleece? 657 00:32:36,661 --> 00:32:39,820 That probably I'd say 30 to 40p. 658 00:32:40,261 --> 00:32:43,741 So, if there's 77 sheep. 659 00:32:46,820 --> 00:32:48,300 £30.80. 660 00:32:48,741 --> 00:32:53,060 £30.80 is what I'm going to get for all this wool! 661 00:32:53,140 --> 00:32:54,181 Yeah. 662 00:32:54,741 --> 00:32:58,380 Ellen is £1.75 a sheep, her mate's the same. 663 00:32:58,461 --> 00:33:01,901 I then get 40 pence for what they produce. 664 00:33:01,981 --> 00:33:03,501 Mmm-hmm. 665 00:33:03,580 --> 00:33:06,140 Kev, this is a bam business. 666 00:33:07,060 --> 00:33:09,941 Yeah, but we're not doing this section now 667 00:33:09,981 --> 00:33:10,820 really to make money are we. 668 00:33:10,860 --> 00:33:12,140 It did in the olden days. 669 00:33:12,380 --> 00:33:14,140 Think about it half a million sheep 670 00:33:14,181 --> 00:33:16,221 in the Cotswolds in the 12th century 671 00:33:16,261 --> 00:33:18,540 and there were only two million people in the whole country. 672 00:33:18,620 --> 00:33:20,461 Sheep outnumbered people 673 00:33:20,501 --> 00:33:21,540 back then four to one in Britain. 674 00:33:21,580 --> 00:33:22,981 Yeah, I mean if you look round 675 00:33:23,021 --> 00:33:24,860 at some of the towns around here, 676 00:33:24,901 --> 00:33:26,701 they got unfeasibly large churches, 677 00:33:26,780 --> 00:33:27,580 that's because all the people 678 00:33:27,620 --> 00:33:29,021 that made their money out of the wool, 679 00:33:29,060 --> 00:33:30,580 felt they needed to give to the community 680 00:33:30,620 --> 00:33:31,981 and just built massive churches. 681 00:33:32,021 --> 00:33:34,981 Yeah. There, we've got massive churches and big houses. 682 00:33:35,060 --> 00:33:36,501 Why do people wear tracksuits? 683 00:33:36,540 --> 00:33:38,820 Why don't we make tracksuits illegal? 684 00:33:38,860 --> 00:33:42,340 And football shirts, illegal. Illegal. 685 00:33:42,380 --> 00:33:44,421 You can only wear woolen clothing. 686 00:33:44,461 --> 00:33:45,820 We're right behind you. 687 00:33:46,060 --> 00:33:48,540 -Right, no more tracksuits. -Woolly underpants. 688 00:33:48,620 --> 00:33:49,661 Woolly underpants. 689 00:33:51,661 --> 00:33:54,501 As Ellen and her mate blitzed through the sheep, 690 00:33:55,540 --> 00:33:59,501 I got a visit from Gerald, who'd also been to the shearers. 691 00:34:00,140 --> 00:34:02,820 -All right, Gerald. -Hello. 692 00:34:03,100 --> 00:34:07,501 I didn't think you'd be with the herds out here. 693 00:34:07,741 --> 00:34:09,301 That's the area with all the shit on. 694 00:34:09,381 --> 00:34:11,260 I can finish it off if you want? I've got the shit. 695 00:34:11,341 --> 00:34:12,381 [laughs] Yeah, I know. 696 00:34:12,461 --> 00:34:15,660 I reckon now you'd pick whatever 697 00:34:15,700 --> 00:34:18,220 or whichever one tank to put on each tree, haven't you? 698 00:34:18,341 --> 00:34:19,660 And not disturbing them, 699 00:34:19,781 --> 00:34:21,901 I would have thought they'd have went to Manchester. 700 00:34:21,981 --> 00:34:24,981 Another thing I found two years ago on the subject... 701 00:34:25,341 --> 00:34:26,421 Oh, yeah. 702 00:34:26,501 --> 00:34:28,301 But, you know, with the old back, 703 00:34:28,341 --> 00:34:29,660 it's a terrible job, that is. 704 00:34:29,781 --> 00:34:33,381 You got bloody hoses fetching out there 705 00:34:33,461 --> 00:34:37,060 in the place where your pond is. 706 00:34:37,140 --> 00:34:39,461 Find no animals at all round here now. 707 00:34:39,540 --> 00:34:43,100 You're better off with the dirt. You can't do that with animals. 708 00:34:44,100 --> 00:34:46,301 Yeah. Right, I'm gonna roll this up. 709 00:34:46,341 --> 00:34:47,620 Nice talking to you Gerald. 710 00:34:50,021 --> 00:34:51,821 As the afternoon wore on, 711 00:34:51,861 --> 00:34:55,180 the valueless fleeces kept on coming, 712 00:34:55,220 --> 00:34:58,941 until eventually all we had left were the two rams. 713 00:34:59,021 --> 00:35:02,220 Wayne and Leonardo. 714 00:35:04,180 --> 00:35:06,580 If he writhes around now... 715 00:35:10,981 --> 00:35:13,381 Funny thing is the real Wayne Rooney, 716 00:35:13,421 --> 00:35:14,580 when he goes to the barbers, 717 00:35:14,620 --> 00:35:15,981 he normally comes out with more hair 718 00:35:16,021 --> 00:35:17,941 than he went in with, but not this one. 719 00:35:20,301 --> 00:35:24,021 With Wayne and Leo sporting their new BNP haircuts, 720 00:35:24,100 --> 00:35:27,381 it was time to down tools and crack open a beer. 721 00:35:28,580 --> 00:35:30,341 I don't feel like I quite earned it though, 722 00:35:30,421 --> 00:35:31,381 I've got to be honest, 'cause I 723 00:35:31,421 --> 00:35:33,660 didn't really master sheep shearing. 724 00:35:33,700 --> 00:35:36,341 Yeah, but as the host, it's always good 725 00:35:36,381 --> 00:35:38,421 to have a beer with the shearers 726 00:35:38,461 --> 00:35:40,021 to say thank you for all the hard work. 727 00:35:40,100 --> 00:35:42,180 Yeah, but they brought the beer, so I'm now feeling bad. 728 00:35:42,220 --> 00:35:44,580 You didn't tell me about the need 729 00:35:44,620 --> 00:35:47,341 to bring beer to a sheep shearing, 730 00:35:47,381 --> 00:35:49,781 and he didn't tell me that sheep have two holes at the back. 731 00:35:51,861 --> 00:35:53,180 -Well, you know that now, don't you? 732 00:35:53,220 --> 00:35:53,660 -Oh, yeah. 733 00:35:53,700 --> 00:35:54,941 You learned that one. 734 00:35:57,301 --> 00:35:58,700 [Jeremy] With the beer break over, 735 00:35:58,781 --> 00:36:00,660 there was still one job left. 736 00:36:01,140 --> 00:36:03,180 Move the sheep to their new field, 737 00:36:03,180 --> 00:36:05,660 which was on the other side of the farm. 738 00:36:06,781 --> 00:36:09,781 And given that I hadn't been much help all day, 739 00:36:09,861 --> 00:36:11,981 I volunteered to take point 740 00:36:12,021 --> 00:36:15,220 and steer the flock from the front. 741 00:36:15,341 --> 00:36:18,620 -[sheep bleating] -Come on, girls. Come on, girls! 742 00:36:21,660 --> 00:36:23,821 Come on girls, you're going on a road now. 743 00:36:24,421 --> 00:36:26,901 -Welcome to my world, the highways. 744 00:36:26,941 --> 00:36:27,901 -[sheep bleating] 745 00:36:28,700 --> 00:36:32,100 "Baa" to you too. No, no, not there. 746 00:36:32,901 --> 00:36:34,660 [Kevin] Don't let them go by, Jeremy! 747 00:36:34,700 --> 00:36:37,461 No, you've overtaken me. Whoa, slow down! 748 00:36:37,540 --> 00:36:40,180 -[Kevin] You're in front, Jeremy! 749 00:36:40,180 --> 00:36:41,220 -No, no, whoa! 750 00:36:42,981 --> 00:36:44,341 [Kevin] You've got to be in front of them! 751 00:36:45,421 --> 00:36:46,981 That's not gone terribly well. 752 00:36:49,620 --> 00:36:52,461 -[Ellen] Come here! -[Kevin whistles] 753 00:36:53,021 --> 00:36:54,341 Where are you going? 754 00:36:57,580 --> 00:36:58,781 -[Ellen] Lie down! -[Kevin] Come on, girls. 755 00:37:02,660 --> 00:37:05,861 Well, they've just... 756 00:37:05,901 --> 00:37:06,941 Now they're just trampling the crop now. 757 00:37:07,620 --> 00:37:10,180 -[Kevin] Come on, girls. -Well, walk on the margins. 758 00:37:15,220 --> 00:37:17,140 They all think they're Russell Crowe. 759 00:37:18,620 --> 00:37:19,821 [whistles] 760 00:37:22,180 --> 00:37:24,461 -[Jeremy] Come on, girls! -[Kevin] Come on, girls! 761 00:37:26,140 --> 00:37:28,100 [Jeremy] Come to me. This has not gone well. 762 00:37:28,180 --> 00:37:30,540 -[Kevin] Come on, girls. -There's the dog. 763 00:37:30,620 --> 00:37:33,620 The dog contributing slightly to this, mostly me. 764 00:37:34,220 --> 00:37:35,700 Come on, girls! 765 00:37:38,341 --> 00:37:41,220 Don't do that. Don't do that. 766 00:37:41,981 --> 00:37:44,660 No. No. No! 767 00:37:45,060 --> 00:37:47,461 -[Ellen] Wait. Come by. -[Jeremy] Right, watch the dog. 768 00:37:47,540 --> 00:37:49,981 [Ellen] Come by, come by, come by! Come by! 769 00:37:50,060 --> 00:37:51,660 [Jeremy] Come on dog, get them back. 770 00:37:56,461 --> 00:37:59,060 Good dog. There they go. 771 00:38:00,060 --> 00:38:02,140 -[Ellen] Get on. -[Jeremy] Go on labradog. 772 00:38:02,941 --> 00:38:04,100 [Kevin] Come on, girls. 773 00:38:06,021 --> 00:38:08,660 [Jeremy] They're now going in the right direction. 774 00:38:09,781 --> 00:38:12,100 -That's a great sight. -[Ellen] Not a bad view, is it? 775 00:38:12,180 --> 00:38:13,580 -[Jeremy] It's lovely, isn't it? 776 00:38:13,620 --> 00:38:14,861 -[Kevin] That's the beauty of this job. 777 00:38:14,901 --> 00:38:17,421 See something like that and it just makes you smile. 778 00:38:19,461 --> 00:38:21,180 [Jeremy] Eventually after a fraught 779 00:38:21,180 --> 00:38:24,140 but visually stunning journey, 780 00:38:24,180 --> 00:38:26,941 the sheep were at their destination. 781 00:38:36,620 --> 00:38:38,540 This is the very field where I first had 782 00:38:38,580 --> 00:38:39,781 the idea to keep sheep. 783 00:38:39,821 --> 00:38:43,501 I thought they'd be a cheap and easy way 784 00:38:43,540 --> 00:38:45,861 of keeping the grass down ecologically. 785 00:38:48,301 --> 00:38:50,341 But seriously, I could have done this field, 786 00:38:50,421 --> 00:38:54,140 mown it completely in the tractor in an hour, 787 00:38:54,180 --> 00:38:56,461 would have cost me a tenner in diesel. 788 00:38:56,540 --> 00:38:59,861 But no, Jeremy knows best. I shall keep sheep. 789 00:39:00,341 --> 00:39:03,381 [laughs] What was I thinking of? 790 00:39:09,821 --> 00:39:11,301 I quite enjoyed having them though. 791 00:39:15,501 --> 00:39:17,381 So, the newly trimmed sheep 792 00:39:17,421 --> 00:39:19,660 were now equipped to deal with the heat, 793 00:39:20,301 --> 00:39:23,461 which is more than could be said of my new trees. 794 00:39:27,781 --> 00:39:30,821 Even though we were watering them constantly, 795 00:39:30,861 --> 00:39:34,821 they were all shedding their leaves and dying. 796 00:39:37,540 --> 00:39:40,381 And it was the same story everywhere. 797 00:39:45,700 --> 00:39:48,781 I'd be harvesting the crops in six weeks' time. 798 00:39:49,540 --> 00:39:52,301 And the big question was would they all 799 00:39:52,341 --> 00:39:54,660 just be shriveled husks by then? 800 00:40:02,941 --> 00:40:05,660 Give me anything, grow something, make something. 801 00:40:05,700 --> 00:40:07,100 -I am growing things. -Do something. 802 00:40:07,180 --> 00:40:10,540 Now we have to have an enforcement case opened on us. 803 00:40:10,620 --> 00:40:11,660 [car honks] 804 00:40:12,021 --> 00:40:13,060 Are you fucking having me on? 805 00:40:13,140 --> 00:40:15,700 Every single thing you can do in the countryside, 806 00:40:15,821 --> 00:40:16,981 you can't do in London. 807 00:40:18,140 --> 00:40:19,180 Where am I?