♪♪ [theme]
♪♪ [country]
[singing along]
[Man on radio] Chinese authorities
are stepping up efforts to control
the spread of the virus.
In some parts of China,
orders have been introduced limiting just one person...
...the Chinese Ambassador
criticized some countries for overreacting.
He said this winter's flu outbreak in North America
is more serious than coronavirus.
[Jeremy] Right, maintenance.
Gate building.
Oh! Fucking hell.
[grunting]
Right, and there we are.
Bang on.
Oh, no.
That's not completely secure is it? That's...
Look at that.
The gate didn't fit,
so I built a dry stone wall, my first one.
I said, it's easier to put a job like that,
and then you'll never be able to hook that on.
[laughs]
You do what the boys do round the track.
I got another thing or two, just to go off the subject.
Just haven't we all...
[sheep bleating]
[Jeremy] Seventy-six sheeps, bang on.
[Woman on radio] Significant clusters
have developed in South Korea,
Japan and Iran.
South Korea plans to test...
[Jeremy] There are very, very few pleasures in life
as great as opening the fridge door
and finding a surprise piece of cold lamb in there.
Slice it up,
white bread, thin layer of butter.
[Kaleb] And chutney?
[Jeremy] No, 'cause then you don't taste the lamb.
[Woman on radio] ...Iran's deputy health minister
has tested positive.
[Jeremy] Three, four, five, six, seven.
[bleating]
[Jeremy] As February gave way to March,
I figured there was really only one thing
to worry about;
the impending birth of my lambs.
But then, out of nowhere,
there was a second thing to worry about.
♪♪
From this evening, I must give the British people
a very simple instruction.
You must stay at home.
The coronavirus is the biggest threat
this country has faced for decades.
The virus is indiscriminate.
It doesn't matter who you are, where you are,
or how old you are.
All parts of the country
are now on an emergency footing.
[Jeremy] With the whole country
in hibernation,
I decided to host a socially distanced meeting
with the farm's management team.
How are you?
Well, scared shitless.
Are you?
-You're 22. -Twenty-one.
Twenty-one. I'm pushing 60,
I've smoked three quarters of
a million cigarettes.
I've had pneumonia, so my lungs are scarred.
If I get it...
Yeah, there's not a lot of hope.
It's a worry, this.
The only thing I'm pissed off about is
I haven't had my perm done.
[Jeremy] What?
I haven't had my perm done.
Yesterday, I was gonna have my perm done,
but it got cancelled.
[Jeremy] What, by the hairdresser?
Yeah, because of the coronavirus.
This was gonna be your big new hairstyle.
It was, yeah, the next step of the new Kaleb.
Yeah, well, I'm not sure that's gonna make the news.
Anyway, the thing is, we've been listed, weirdly,
you and me, as key workers.
So the government has said,
if you're involved in food production,
-which we are... -Yeah, yeah.
Farming...
...is still allowed.
I mean, it's so funny.
The government said three weeks ago,
"We think that the idea that British farmers
make food for British people is old-fashioned and ridiculous.
Buy your food from abroad
and we'll just turn the countryside
into a big nature park." Now, watch 'em.
[laughs]
I mean, I just think if we stay this far apart...
[Kaleb] All the time.
Disinfect the shit out of everything,
keep camera crews a long way off.
Well, you drive your tractor, that Lamborghini,
and I'll drive my one.
That's not a bad idea, actually.
That's a very good idea. Our own tractors from now on.
-Key workers. -Key workers.
We're gonna save the nation, we are.
[Kaleb] Are you panic buying?
[Jeremy] I bought five tins of sardines the other day,
-does that count? -[Kaleb] Not really.
-[Jeremy] Have you panic bought? [Kaleb] No.
♪♪
[Jeremy] Whilst key worker Kaleb
got back to tractoring,
I headed to the nerve center of our next big event.
Welcome, everybody,
to the brand new lambing barn we've built.
The maternity ward, if you will. Here they all are.
Seventy-four pregnant sheeps in here.
We have Ellen, the shepherd...
Can you say shepherdess?
I don't whether you can say that these days.
Anyway, the sheep expert,
she's gonna be here, but not always.
So I need to learn
and I'm gonna learn by watching her.
Think how many skills I'll have then.
Power oversteer while shouting.
Midwife.
[Jeremy] Job one was
to make sure the expectant mums
were evenly split up in the separate pens.
Seven, eight, ten, 12.
Now, why have you all gone in there?
Why have they done that?
♪♪
[Jeremy] Finally, though, everything was ready
for the arrival of 138 lambs.
And now, we just had to wait for Mother Nature
to roll her sleeves up.
[bleating]
[Woman on radio] There's been a big rise in
the number of people in the UK
who have died of coronavirus.
[Man on radio] The Scottish government
has recommended wearing face coverings
in limited circumstances where social distancing...
[Jeremy] The days passed and no lambs appeared.
But then, one morning, as I was feeding the hens...
Stop fighting!
[phone ringing]
Hello?
What?
On our way, on our way.
Lambing. [imitating siren] Lamb shed.
[Jeremy] Predictably, one of the sheeps
had waited for Ellen the shepherd to go home
and then decided it was ready.
[Jeremy] There we go.
Going down.
[Lisa] And if you edge closer then,
she'll get used to you.
[Jeremy] In an ideal world,
she should give birth on her own.
I'm just here...
...as backup.
[bleating]
[Jeremy] She's trying.
Look at her.
Oh, God, something's coming out of it.
[Lisa] Jeremy, make sure it's the head first.
How am I supposed to see if that's...
Oh, she's up. Oh, it's out, it's out, it's out.
Yes, look!
[Lisa] Aw.
[Jeremy] Oh, that is just brilliant.
I am so thrilled.
That is a massive bag of blood.
Oh, my giddy aunt.
The whole process is sort of incredibly sweet
and incredibly revolting, simultaneously.
At the front, every Easter card made real.
At the back,
I mean, not even John Carpenter
has thought of anything that revolting.
[Jeremy] Our fist Diddly Squat birth
had gone well,
but the mother was carrying twins, and worryingly,
there was no sign of the second one.
There was obviously a problem
and there was no point calling Kaleb for help,
as he'd made it very plain he wasn't interested.
You know, sheep, I just don't get on well with 'em.
Jeremy's got this to come.
You know, it's summer, it's really hot,
he's really busy on the tractor trying to get the corn in,
all of a sudden, he sees in the distance
there's one sheep twitching.
So he goes, "I'll have a look at that."
All of a sudden, there's maggots dropping out of it, you know.
Or it's got its head stuck in a fence and killed itself.
'Cause you know for a damn fact it's gonna happen.
It's all good when they're lambing,
"Oh, look at that cute lamb." You wait.
Come summer, and they're all getting out
and running around the place,
he's gonna go, "Fucking sheep."
[Jeremy] Happily, back at the barn,
Ellen had arrived in time to sort things out.
So, we have got...
...a head and no feet.
[Jeremy] Ugh, is that the problem?
[Ellen] There is a foot there.
Can you see that foot? Yeah.
[Jeremy] What have we got there, two legs?
[Ellen] Two legs and a nose.
[Jeremy] Are you just gonna pull it out?
[Ellen] So, she'll do it on her own now.
There you go.
So can you see this fluid's quite dark yellow?
[Jeremy] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[Ellen] That means that
the lamb's been a bit stressed.
-[Jeremy] Why? -[Ellen] Probably 'cause
it was just taking a bit longer to come out.
-[Jeremy] Is it all right? -[Ellen] Yeah. It's fine.
So that last one was probably...
-[Jeremy] They were jammed up? -[Ellen] Yeah.
[Jeremy] It's like that bit on the A40,
where the two cars have to go into one.
[Ellen] Yeah.
♪♪
[Jeremy] Over the next couple of days,
the ewe and lamb pen slowly started to fill up.
[Jeremy] Okay, out she comes.
Well done.
Look, nice straw.
♪♪
[Jeremy] And Ellen schooled me well
in all the jobs that needed doing.
So we just dip that in there, like that.
Is that good?
[Ellen] As long as it's covered in iodine.
[Jeremy] Admittedly,
some jobs didn't go brilliantly.
No.
I think I've gone in its anus.
[Jeremy] And others left me speechless.
[Ellen] So I'm ringing them,
so putting a ring on their tail
so that when they're a bit older and it gets hotter,
they're not gonna get flies around their bum.
Okay, so docking their tails?
Yeah, and then castrate the males.
Sorry?
Castrating the males.
The top lambs.
Castrating 'em.
What, you're cutting their balls off?
Not cutting 'em off, but we'll ring 'em.
[Jeremy] What does that do?
So, that'll cut the blood supply off
and that'll make them fall off.
[Jeremy] Their bollocks are going to fall off?
-[Ellen] Yeah. -[Jeremy] Why?
[Ellen] It'll stop them breeding with their sisters
when they're older.
[Jeremy] No, I'm not doing this.
Look at him, he doesn't like that.
[Ellen] So, it won't hurt him for long.
-[Jeremy] What? -It'll make it numb.
It does hurt for long.
How long will it be before they fall off?
A couple of days.
They're...
[sheep bleating]
I'm not surprised, mate.
Oh.
I mean, he's just been born.
"I'm a man, I've got everything I need."
Oh, no, she's put a rubber band round them.
[Ellen] You wanna go back to Mum?
I couldn't chop a creature's bollocks off.
Couldn't you just segregate the men and women sheep?
You can, but they will have fun times with each other.
-What, the men sheeps? -Yeah.
-The-- Mount one another? -Yeah.
-Do they? -Yeah.
So, you know Leo and Wayne then, now they're in the field,
will they be having a go on each other
when we're not looking?
[Ellen] They won't all the time,
but every now and again, they might.
But they still know what to do when it comes to the girls.
Are the ladies... Do they do it, as well?
Not as much. No.
[Jeremy] So there's very few lesbian action then?
[Ellen] Yeah.
So it's not like the Internet.
♪♪
[Jeremy] Eager to escape from
Little Bo-Peep's torture chamber,
I went out into the fields and fired up
something called the roller.
The most Thunderbirds-y farm machine
in my entire arsenal.
Oh, I want...
I was gonna say, I want one of these.
I've actually got one of these. I like it.
Why haven't I used that before?
♪♪
[Jeremy] Today, I was doing important work,
because I've come up with an ingenious plan.
This bit of field was gonna be spring barley,
but I think there's no point really growing that.
Two reasons,
number one,
all the pubs and restaurants are shut,
so demand for beer is way down
and that's what spring barley makes.
And number two, well,
it was such an incredibly wet winter,
a lot of farmers are planting in the spring,
spring barley, so there'll be a glut.
Huge amount of product chasing a very small market.
♪♪
[Jeremy] So, despite warnings from
Kaleb and Cheerful Charlie
that my thinking was idiotic,
I was going to plant four acres of vegetables,
on the basis that in a lockdown world,
veg from abroad would soon be in short supply.
So, what I'm trying to do here
is break up these big, very dry bits of mud
to make a very good seed bed for my new vegetables.
It does slightly worry me that I'm gonna get this virus.
I read the other day that 90% of the world's 570 million farms
are run by either one man, or one family.
So if that man or family gets the virus,
the farm dies.
Farmers are actually being urged to keep diaries,
so that if somebody is able to come
and take over from them, they know what to do.
But I mean, what do I write in a diary?
Who do I tell?
Everybody's sitting at home watching Joe Wicks,
wiping their arse on their lavatory paper.
♪♪
[Jeremy] Eventually, the preparatory work was done
and a couple of days later, the vegetable sets arrived,
along with Jethro Tull's old planting machine.
If you come round the back, I'll show you how it works.
Okay, you have three people sitting here
underneath this weather cover,
being pulled along by a tractor.
The vegetables are stacked up here,
you take one off, pop it into this little V here,
then the next one in that one, next one in that one.
A chain drives that round
and then the vegetables are planted
underneath your seat.
Just one small problem.
Two-meter separation.
Hmm.
[Jeremy] But first, there was another problem.
What are you doing?
There's not a chance in hell you can have that on that.
-No. -[Jeremy] Why not?
Look at the width of it.
-[Jeremy] What? -Look at the width.
Oh, so the tires are gonna crush.
-Yeah. -Yeah, we lose too much earth.
So you'll plant one trip, you'll turn round,
come back down
and then your tires are gonna be
flattening the bits that you've just planted.
You want that little Fergie in the shed on it.
[Jeremy] So the little red tractor would work?
-Yeah. The little red tractor. -[Lisa] My Massey.
Do you want to go and get your Massey?
Might have to get you sat on the front,
or me sat on the front for extra weight. [laughs]
Oh, I'm planting in the back, I'm not driving?
Yeah, I'm driving.
-Are you? -Yeah, yeah.
-Have you decided already? -I have. I'm the tractor driver.
Well, let's have a vote. I'll drive.
I'm famous for driving.
Yeah.
[Jeremy] Having hitched Mr. Tull's veg machine
to Lisa's 60-year-old tractor
and wheelied it to the field...
...we were ready for an afternoon of quiet farming,
the old-fashioned way.
[Jeremy] Here we go.
[machinery squeaking loudly]
[Jeremy] Not sure if my hands... my arms are going to come off.
[Jeremy] A hundred excruciating yards later,
we stopped to check the results.
There's one here.
There's one there.
We're actually planting food.
I've no idea what the food is.
[loud squeaking]
[Jeremy] After we had been rendered completely deaf
by the endless squeaking...
[loud squeaking continues]
♪♪
...it was a blessed relief
to get back to the maternity ward.
Unfortunately, though,
I was there on my own.
Oh, God.
This is a sign,
pawing the ground is what they do
when they're about to give birth.
Not now, please not now, please not now.
Please wait for Ellen to get here.
Hold on.
Hold on, sheep.
[bleating]
[Jeremy] Oh, God.
I knew this would happen.
I knew it would happen. I'd be up here by myself
and one of them would start giving birth.
A head's coming out.
All right, girl, okay,
here on my own.
Look, can you see?
There, it's coming, you're coming.
Where's the feet? I'm gonna grab the feet,
there's only one out.
Come on, sheep. Oh, come on.
[grunts]
Where's your other leg? Come on.
There's your other leg, there you go.
Round we come.
There you go.
There we are. Oh, you're alive!
I did a thing!
That's worked.
See, look at that, no epidural,
no, "Ow, ow, ow," no shouting, "I hate you, I hate you,"
just quietly and calmly got on with it.
Oh, hello, here we go, a second one has arrived.
Oh, my giddy aunt.
Yes, come on, come on, come on.
Round you come, round you come.
Let's get in your mouth, there you go, you're alive.
You're alive, I've done another one.
Oh, look!
Come on, let's get you out your bag.
Come on, Mother.
Come on, Mum. Come on, Mum.
Yes, look!
-[lambs bleating] -[Jeremy imitates bleating]
That is now 22 minutes old
and walking.
It's like watching a Ford Cortina
start in the 1960s.
Yes, urgh, urgh, urgh, urgh.
God, in normal times,
I'd go and celebrate this in the pub.
But all the pubs are shut.
♪♪
[Jeremy] In truth,
there wouldn't have been time to go to the pub anyway.
Because that evening,
the lambs started to arrive thick and fast.
Oh, come on, come on.
Yes! Yes! You live!
[Jeremy] And they kept on coming,
long after the film crew and Ellen had gone home.
[bleating]
So it's the middle of the night and there's been a lamb,
I just saw on the CCTV camera, that's just been born here.
[bleating]
Right. But we've run out of beds.
With Lisa on camera and me building new pens,
things were going quite well.
But then...
Oh, there's a lamb out.
There's another one there, look.
There are lambs everywhere.
[Lisa] Jeremy, this isn't her baby.
[Jeremy] Well, that's...
[Lisa] No, she's attacking one of them.
She's getting very distressed, that's not her baby.
[lamb bleating]
Look, it's butting it, darling.
[Jeremy] Come here, sweetheart, come here.
Come here. There we go.
But where do we put it?
It's got no mother.
Incredibly, the lamb continued to be convinced
that the attack ewe was its mum.
So before this turned ugly,
I had to find the real mum, and fast.
Twin, twin, twin.
Twins. Twins.
[Lisa] If these are all doubles,
there's one there with only one.
Do you reckon if I put her in there?
-[Lisa] Yes. -[Jeremy] Yeah.
[Lisa] Yeah.
She won't let her feed if it's not hers.
[Jeremy] Exactly.
[Lisa] Okay, that's good.
[Jeremy] So, somehow, that lamb got into there.
That was scary.
God, it's a good job we came up.
Forty-two, 43, 44, 45, 46,
47, 48, 49, 50.
There's exactly 50 left that haven't given birth.
So we're not even halfway there yet.
[laughs]
♪♪
[Jeremy] Whilst my life was being run by the sheep,
key worker Kaleb was spending
every waking hour in the fields.
♪♪
This meant he was able to spot
all the mistakes I'd made
when I planted the crops four months earlier.
Including what appeared to be a massive Brazilian.
♪♪
Why didn't that bit grow?
[Kaleb] Because you didn't turn the fan on
to let the seed come through to put it in the ground.
Well, how does the fan know to come on there
and the other end then?
I'm surprised, to be honest, you got that far,
'cause it'd have been beeping at ya.
Oh, it did beep. Oh, is that where it was beeping?
[Kaleb] Yes, 18 and then 18 again.
[Jeremy] Then he started moaning about
the tramlines I'd made
for his crop sprayer to drive on.
So when I stand in the middle of
this tramline here.
-Right in the middle, yeah? -[Jeremy] Yeah.
I wanna walk 24 meters that way.
[Jeremy] Yeah.
And then I should be in the middle of
the next tramline over.
'Cause you're saying your spray thing...
[Kaleb] Yes, when I'm coming down the tram,
I'm doing 12 meters that side, 12 meters that side.
However,
'cause you're an idiot and you didn't listen to me,
I've now got 18 meters that way,
so I'm gonna have to turn one section of the boom off
so I don't scar the crop.
[Jeremy] Determined to prove that this was a one-off error,
I started measuring the distance to the next one.
Six, seven.
[Kaleb] Missed a bit there as well.
[Jeremy] Ten...
Twenty. Twenty-one.
Twenty-three, 24.
[Kaleb] And it's all the way over here.
[Jeremy] Twenty-five, 26, 27, 28. 29, 30.
Right, this, there's a bit...
I'll admit there's a bit of a space there.
Oh, no, wait,
it's here isn't it?
Yeah. What's that, 40? Was that 40?
It's about 34, 35 meters, this one.
But I did solve the problem.
[Kaleb] Go on.
[Jeremy] Well, you know you were worried
that people on the main road
would see these tramlines all in the wrong place.
-[Kaleb] Which they did. -What?
-[Kaleb] Which they did. -No.
-Yes. -No, 'cause I didn't
trim that hedge. Ha-ha.
Look, here comes a van, right?
Watch, here comes the van behind the rape, he's going,
"Oh, that's good rape, that's good rape."
Gets to this field and he's thinking,
"Oh, I wonder how he's done there
and I can't see, can't see."
Look, he can't see it, his window's below the hedge.
Come on!
That's how you solve problems.
♪♪
[Jeremy] Mercifully, a couple of days later,
the key worker had something other than me to moan about,
because his seed drill broke.
[Kaleb] Look at the little red thing
at the bottom.
Right in the bottom,
see the little red thing that turns?
-Yeah. -Rats have chewed it.
Rats, what, they jumped up from there?
[Kaleb] They climbed up into the hopper.
Well, how did it climb up that?
Not even Sylvester Stallone could climb this.
[Kaleb] I don't know.
It's not a rat.
It is, I swear on my life.
It is not.
If coronavirus wasn't here,
I'd jump up there and I'd prove the point.
Talking of which, have you seen Gerald?
No, I haven't. I think he's properly isolating himself.
I can't even get hold of him,
I need him to build that wall. No, he's just...
I think he thinks his phone can pass it onto him.
[laughs] 'Cause he's not answering.
♪♪
[Jeremy] So, Gerald and the seed drill
were out of action.
And there was another problem too.
It says here that chickens have been stolen
from coops in Leicester, Lincolnshire,
Yorkshire and Cardiff,
as people try to plunder eggs during the shortage,
but actually, the eggs aren't the problem.
These are.
Turns out there's only three places in Europe
where egg boxes are made
and two of them have been closed.
I mean, this is the kind of little tiny consequence
of the quarantine that you don't think about.
Where am I gonna get my egg boxes from?
[Jeremy] In truth, though,
the food story on the news was rather bigger.
[Woman on radio] Some supermarkets
have already introduced limits
on the numbers of specific items
that can be bought.
[Man on radio] Buying more than you need
means that others may be left without.
[Jeremy] So, the next day, I made an executive decision.
The situation is,
there's massive panic buying going on.
That's fallen over.
There's massive panic buying going on
of food and bog roll everywhere.
Huge queues at the supermarkets.
So I thought I'd open the shop.
I know I'm not supposed to,
'cause of planning permission issues,
but we've got more important things
to think about right now,
to be brutally honest. Oh!
[sighs]
Look at that. Everyone told to stay at home
unless their journey's essential,
but it doesn't apply to cyclists.
Obviously.
I got a car park now.
[Jeremy] Sadly, it was too early
to sell the vegetables I'd planted.
But I still had plenty of potatoes,
which I'd put in cold storage
when I'd been forced to close the shop.
And once they were back on display,
it was time to re-open... COVID-style.
[Jeremy] Hello? How are you?
[Woman] I am coming for potatoes.
[Jeremy] Good, that's all I've got.
So I'll put these here
and then that is the money bucket.
All right, a fiver. Thank you.
Take care, see you soon.
£1.50. If you can chuck that in there.
[Jeremy] I know this is ridiculous,
but it's the only way we could think to do it.
And then we put the money
in the deep freeze for two weeks.
[Jeremy] After the first couple of customers,
business was not what you'd call brisk.
♪♪
So, like everyone else
in those early days of lockdown,
we had to make the best of what we had.
And what we had was a new car park.
-Oh! -Turns out, you're useless.
[Lisa] I'm just warming up, watch this.
[Jeremy] I'm not much better.
New customer? Is it a customer?
No, it isn't.
♪♪
So, potatoes, how many have we sold?
-Today? -Yeah.
Uh, £12.50.
[laughs]
I used to get paid a bit more than that
on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire," you know.
-Did you? -[Jeremy] Yeah.
Oh, no, look what I've just found
in this puddle.
Some lady petrol.
This is about £12.50.
[Lisa laughs]
Which I've chilled.
Oh.
[laughs]
Life's shit, but I'm loving it.
Oh, ho.
Yes.
A little bit of pneumonia
before the real pneumonia gets here.
Right about now normally would be Friday night.
Yeah, Friday night, we'd be going to the pub,
group of about 20 of us,
somebody would have us back to their house,
nice dinner.
Chat with friends.
Roll home about 2:00.
[laughs]
[laughs] These are our new friends.
-This is it. -This is self-isolating.
There's Rebecca, Tony, Charlie.
Alex and Claire, look.
Yeah, that's definitely Alex and Claire there. Emily.
[Jeremy] There's Dom and Rosie.
♪♪
[Jeremy] Okay, pay attention, sheep, pay attention.
[sheep bleating loudly]
[Jeremy] That is the dawn chorus.
Yes.
Oi! Don't run into the...
What's that lamb doing here?
Where's your mother?
Right, this one's just been born, obviously,
without anyone looking.
[Jeremy] Of the 74 pregnant sheep,
49 had now given birth,
so the maternity ward was getting a bit cramped.
Now, you're going in a car, you'll like that.
Luckily, though, some of the early arrivals
were now big enough to move into the fields.
Come on, lambs.
Look at this, all fresh grass.
Yeah, will you look at that!
Come on, babies.
-Come on, Red Two. -[lamb bleating]
Oh, no, they're frightened.
No, no, no, come on, I know,
cars are good, but honestly, you're gonna love it out there.
You'll like it, you will.
[Jeremy] Look at you lambers.
These two here are the ones I gave birth to.
Where's your mother gone?
You can't just be left, the crows will eat you.
Well, they'll have your eyes.
Crows do genuinely do that.
Show a lamb like that lying down, straight in,
they'll get their eyes out.
Next time I come out here,
I'm gonna have my piece, that's for sure.
That's what you've gotta worry about,
one lamb lying down on its own.
That is just crow bait.
Are you okay?
Are you not...
[lamb bleating]
Here comes Mum.
Yeah, come on, Mother.
That's better.
This idyllic moment was then interrupted by Ellen,
who needed me back at the barn
to take part in a big lie.
Okay, now the problem is,
that sheep's given birth to three lambs
and she's only got two breasts.
So, what we have to do
is wait for one of the other sheep
to give birth to one lamb,
then we take one of the three
and roll it around in the new mother's juices,
and then hopefully, that new mother will think,
"Oh, I gave birth to two"
and will rear another sheep's lamb.
It's subterfuge, but...
I'm sorry, I'm talking to you with...
[laughing]
I'm just...
♪♪
We kept the temporarily orphaned lamb
fed until later that day,
another sheep gave birth to a singleton.
[Jeremy] Okay, out she comes, well done.
Then, the deception began.
Oh, yeah, so you just squeeze all the fluid off her.
[Ellen] Yeah.
[Jeremy] There you go, look, yes. What do I do?
[Ellen] Just pull it and burst the sack.
[Jeremy] Okay.
There it is. Burst it.
Oh, Christ, I've never done this.
Right, we've got a bucket here,
so we need to put one of the triplets.
-[Ellen] Yes. -[Jeremy] And straight in?
[Ellen] Head and everything.
[Jeremy] Okay.
That's a nice warm bath for you.
You've gotta get your head under, I'm afraid, darling.
There you go.
Now, what have we gotta do?
So, if we give it her like that,
it could get up and walk away and she won't lick it.
So we need to tie its legs together.
-Tie its legs together? -Yeah.
Oh, 'cause she hasn't learned to walk yet, in theory.
-[Ellen] Yeah. -I got you.
[Ellen] So this won't stay on for long,
it'll just stay on until she's started bonding with it.
[Jeremy] Okay.
[Ellen] Triplet in front of her.
[Jeremy] Yeah, here comes your child.
Your new child.
There you go.
She's licking it.
Well done, you, you gave birth to twins.
[bleating]
Back in the non-sheep world,
I was trying to do my bit for the elderly locals
by donating some of my seemingly unsaleable potatoes.
Hi, there. No, that's close enough.
Yeah. How are you?
Very well. I've brought you some potatoes.
Fantastic, thank you very much.
[Jeremy] Hello?
[Woman] Thanks.
Is Gerald all right?
Yes, but I think he's gone off.
[Jeremy] Yeah, I just haven't seen him
for a couple of weeks.
I thought, no pubs and no Manchester United,
he might be having withdrawal symptoms.
[Woman] Well, he has gone a bit mad but...
Well, he can cook himself some potatoes,
but as long as he's all right.
[Woman] Wonderful, yes, thank you.
-Good. -[Woman] Okay.
-See you soon. Bye. -[Woman] Thank you.
[Jeremy] However, it wasn't all peace and love
between me and the locals.
♪♪
These were some old hay bales that we made into a silo,
so we could store grain
and stop kids joyriding on this old airfield.
I'm not a detective,
but on the ground here
there are some Rizlas.
So what I'm thinking is,
a group of teenagers decided to ignore the lockdown
and set my hay on fire.
And we know it is arson,
'cause they've set fire to that one as well.
Morning, Charlie.
How far's the smoke going?
Well, it's blowing across the main road to Burford,
because I was going that way to...
[Jeremy] Oh, is that how you knew there was a fire?
Yeah.
♪♪
[Jeremy] Kaleb then had to stop crop spraying
to come and put the fire out.
♪♪
This made him very happy.
[Kaleb coughing]
Fuck that.
I've started pushing it off the concrete,
but my head feels like it's gonna explode
and I feel really sick, 'cause the smoke
is blowing straight into the cab.
It's just fucking annoying.
Some idiot come along and goes,
"Oh, you know what would be funny?
You know, I'll go and start the bales
over there with a lighter."
And then they would have walked off and went home.
'Cause they're twats.
♪♪
[Jeremy] Having listened to Diddly Squat's
social services officer for a bit,
I went to cheer myself up by looking at the lambs.
[laughs]
Blue 32 is such a violent animal, look.
All it wants to do is hitting other animals.
[laughs]
I'm gonna run over there
and headbutt this one, here we go.
[laughing]
That one is defecating in the water bucket.
Why would you do that?
"Oh, I need a shit. Oh, there's a sink.
Oh, yeah, lovely."
♪♪
Although a few ewes were still pregnant,
120 lambs had been delivered in just three weeks.
[Jeremy] What's happened in the night is,
two more have been born.
One there and one over there.
Most of the births had been a success.
Yes, look.
Some were touch and go.
[Jeremy] She's not breathing.
Come on, breathe.
We're going.
Yes, Ellen!
I actually thought that one was no good.
Whoa. [laughing]
She's fine.
And a few, I'm afraid, didn't make it.
Stillborn.
Besides learning that there isn't much dignity
in a lamb funeral...
...I discovered that out in the fields,
some of the mothers weren't always very motherly,
which meant calling in a neighboring sheep farmer.
[Jeremy] Is he drinking that?
No, he thinks he's drinking it.
This little fella was found in the field
about an hour ago,
he's been abandoned by his mother.
And Jeremy here is shoving a tube down his throat
to deliver glucose and, effectively, SMA.
'Cause he is very, very weak.
We noticed the mother last week, actually, in here,
wasn't being particularly good.
And now she's just abandoned him altogether.
Come on, you little urchin.
[Jeremy] We were all hoping that Jeremy's TLC
would have the little fella back on his feet,
but as the day ended,
we decided he should be transferred
to the intensive care ward.
Built a pen, fresh straw, lit the stove.
And there you are, look at that.
I'm just gonna put you on this bed,
something a bit softer.
There we are.
Good lamb.
Right.
Three hours, time for your next feed.
Throughout the night, he grew weaker still.
Oh, come on, come on, come on, come on.
Come on. Come on, you.
And although we did eventually
get some nutrition into him...
[Farmer] I can't see what else you can do for him,
to be honest.
[Jeremy] Well, it's a good feed.
In the end, it was all to no avail.
The loss of a lamb was sad.
And it was also a financial hit.
But paradoxically,
at least it wasn't as big a financial hit
as it could have been.
[Jeremy] They've halved haven't they, in value?
[Ellen] They've dropped again.
[Jeremy] They're down to, like I looked last night, £52.
[Ellen] Yeah.
[Jeremy] 'Cause all the restaurants are shut.
Yeah, and those big chains as well.
[Jeremy] Oh, can you export them still?
[Ellen] No.
We can't sell them to restaurants,
we can't sell them to pubs.
So a week ago, a lamb was worth 100 quid
and now it's £52, so it's halved.
[Ellen] Yeah.
Brilliant.
♪♪
On the plus side,
it had been a successful lambing season.
[bleating]
Of the 138 lambs expected,
134 had been delivered successfully.
Slightly scary to think that the field is now littered
with little testicles that have fallen off.
Despite the discarded testes, though,
these lambs had turned my farm
into a springtime picture postcard
of what Britain can and perhaps should look like.
I loved having them around.
Here in this weird little lockdown Diddly Squat commune.
♪♪
A Second World War underground air raid shelter.
If COVID-19 gets too much, this is where I'll come then.
♪♪
I didn't break the brake light, you've done that.
[Kaleb] No, honestly, it was 100% you.
[Jeremy] What? What do you mean, I did it?
[Kaleb] You were saying one of my brakes was out.
[Jeremy] We hadn't been allowed
to leave this place for six weeks.
Stay in your vehicle, please, stay in your vehicle.
And you know what?
I didn't want to.
♪♪
[laughing]
[Jeremy] It is genuinely just about
the happiest I've ever been.
♪♪
But once again,
it was all about to go horribly wrong.
It hasn't really rained for six, seven weeks.
-No. -[Jeremy] Come on, girls!
[groans]
[Charlie] It's not ideal conditions.
The crop is stressed.
[Jeremy] Am I allowed to be a bit worried?
I think it's gonna be a real challenge.
♪♪