1 00:00:05,700 --> 00:00:07,181 [opening theme music playing] 2 00:00:24,220 --> 00:00:27,900 [Jeremy] Although the freakish autumn rainfall had played havoc 3 00:00:27,981 --> 00:00:30,141 with my farming plans, 4 00:00:30,220 --> 00:00:32,700 there were days when the sun came out 5 00:00:32,780 --> 00:00:35,661 and Kaleb could get back to tractoring. 6 00:00:39,301 --> 00:00:43,700 And on one of these rare occasions, I decided we needed a treat. 7 00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:51,901 Right. I'm on my way to the local farm shop 8 00:00:52,740 --> 00:00:57,021 to pick up a ploughman's. Well, what I need for a ploughman's. 9 00:01:00,140 --> 00:01:02,301 And here we are. 10 00:01:04,061 --> 00:01:07,021 You have arrived at your destination. 11 00:01:13,701 --> 00:01:14,701 Right. 12 00:01:16,661 --> 00:01:18,301 Some of those, 13 00:01:19,861 --> 00:01:22,421 ham, pork pie. 14 00:01:24,100 --> 00:01:25,581 Oh, wait, cheese. 15 00:01:25,701 --> 00:01:27,981 Have you got any Norwegian Jarlsberg? 16 00:01:28,581 --> 00:01:29,740 -[woman] We don't. -Cheddar? 17 00:01:29,820 --> 00:01:33,180 [woman] We have wonderful cheddar if you'd like a good, strong cheddar. 18 00:01:33,261 --> 00:01:36,301 So this is all really made by Daylesford and sold in the shop? 19 00:01:36,380 --> 00:01:37,541 Yes, that's right. 20 00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:42,141 Nothing to see there. 21 00:01:42,701 --> 00:01:46,820 That's what you need, crusty loaf, butter. 22 00:01:46,900 --> 00:01:50,180 Yeah, one ploughman's in my bag. 23 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,780 -Lovely. Thank you so much. -Thank you. 24 00:01:55,861 --> 00:01:59,981 -How much is that? -That is £83.44, please. 25 00:02:01,340 --> 00:02:02,900 I'll pop those on top. 26 00:02:04,421 --> 00:02:06,661 -All right, a bit more than that, then. -[cashier laughs] 27 00:02:06,740 --> 00:02:09,261 83? 30... 28 00:02:10,141 --> 00:02:12,381 40. There's 90. 29 00:02:12,740 --> 00:02:14,301 [cashier] Would you like your receipt? 30 00:02:14,381 --> 00:02:16,900 Uh, yeah, because nobody will believe me otherwise. 31 00:02:17,060 --> 00:02:19,100 -[laughs] -Thanks. 32 00:02:20,460 --> 00:02:23,301 [Jeremy] This, however, turned out to be a wise investment, 33 00:02:23,381 --> 00:02:25,301 because on the way home, 34 00:02:26,581 --> 00:02:30,340 a 5-million-watt light bulb went on in my head. 35 00:02:32,060 --> 00:02:35,620 Farm shop? Why would I not do that? 36 00:02:36,180 --> 00:02:38,340 If I put up a little barn somewhere, 37 00:02:39,021 --> 00:02:42,301 fill it with all the produce that comes off the farm... 38 00:02:45,780 --> 00:02:47,460 That's not a bad idea. 39 00:02:51,180 --> 00:02:54,180 In fact, it was a brilliant idea, 40 00:02:54,261 --> 00:02:57,861 and I even had a location in mind. 41 00:03:02,541 --> 00:03:03,701 Hmm. 42 00:03:05,981 --> 00:03:09,620 This isn't used for farming. It's just waste ground. 43 00:03:10,340 --> 00:03:13,660 There's a road there, gate there, so there's good access. 44 00:03:13,740 --> 00:03:16,701 And best of all, behind these trees, come and have a look. 45 00:03:18,421 --> 00:03:20,381 Through this little gate here, 46 00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:22,381 caravan site. 47 00:03:24,541 --> 00:03:27,100 Endlessly-changing customers, 48 00:03:27,180 --> 00:03:29,941 and they'll never be able to tell the people the following week 49 00:03:30,021 --> 00:03:32,340 how bad my shop is, if it is bad. 50 00:03:32,701 --> 00:03:34,301 No bad word-of-mouth. 51 00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:40,780 With the location sorted, I called Alan, 52 00:03:40,861 --> 00:03:45,581 who's been my builder for 25 years, to scope out the site. 53 00:03:47,381 --> 00:03:49,660 [Alan] There's the edge. You're going right up by that edge in the arm. 54 00:03:49,780 --> 00:03:52,100 When you're looking down that hill, you want to be in line with it, 55 00:03:52,180 --> 00:03:54,500 so you want to be coming off that corner square out there. 56 00:03:54,581 --> 00:03:57,620 [Jeremy] I didn't actually have all the planning permission yet, 57 00:03:57,701 --> 00:04:00,301 but Alan said that despite this, 58 00:04:00,381 --> 00:04:05,261 we could get cracking by removing the first few inches of top soil. 59 00:04:05,340 --> 00:04:08,301 We strip the land just so we can see what we got. Finish at that. 60 00:04:08,381 --> 00:04:09,460 -So... -Everything's ready. 61 00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:11,581 -I haven't jumped the gun here? -No. 62 00:04:11,660 --> 00:04:13,861 -I've not broken any law? -Absolutely. 63 00:04:14,460 --> 00:04:16,420 [Jeremy] I therefore leapt immediately 64 00:04:16,501 --> 00:04:19,300 into the driving seat of Alan's big digger. 65 00:04:21,941 --> 00:04:23,821 Yeah, look at that. 66 00:04:25,141 --> 00:04:26,381 Here we go. 67 00:04:27,141 --> 00:04:29,220 [Alan] Oh, my van. Oh, my God. 68 00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:31,220 Oh, shit. 69 00:04:31,780 --> 00:04:34,621 Nice and smooth. Take the grass off. 70 00:04:37,261 --> 00:04:38,340 Too deep. 71 00:04:40,941 --> 00:04:42,141 Not so deep. 72 00:04:42,220 --> 00:04:45,501 [Jeremy] It turned out my diggering skills were quite poor. 73 00:04:45,900 --> 00:04:48,261 [Alan] Fucking hell. It's like a swimming pool. 74 00:04:48,900 --> 00:04:52,061 [Jeremy] So, after Alan suggested I go and do something else, 75 00:04:53,621 --> 00:04:57,821 I went to check on the small patch of experimental potatoes 76 00:04:57,900 --> 00:05:00,621 I planted on spec a few months earlier. 77 00:05:04,581 --> 00:05:07,141 [Jeremy chuckling] 78 00:05:09,061 --> 00:05:10,941 I've grown a thing! 79 00:05:13,061 --> 00:05:14,621 Another one! 80 00:05:14,701 --> 00:05:17,900 There's millions of them. There's, like, five. 81 00:05:18,261 --> 00:05:19,501 Look at that. 82 00:05:21,501 --> 00:05:22,660 [exclaims] 83 00:05:23,501 --> 00:05:24,780 And another. 84 00:05:24,821 --> 00:05:28,181 As I was digging away, cheerful Charlie dropped by. 85 00:05:30,381 --> 00:05:32,701 Are they good potatoes? I know that's a baking potato, 86 00:05:32,780 --> 00:05:34,581 that's great, and those are new. 87 00:05:34,660 --> 00:05:36,701 -And that's a little salad potato. -They're all the same. 88 00:05:36,780 --> 00:05:40,540 But they're Melody. They're good variety. They'll be... they'll be really good. 89 00:05:40,621 --> 00:05:45,540 The thing is, though, it's taken me the best part of half an hour to do that. 90 00:05:45,621 --> 00:05:49,340 I've got one bucket. So, how many buckets am I going to get from here? 91 00:05:50,501 --> 00:05:55,261 Uh, we should be on between 14, 16 tons an acre. 92 00:05:55,621 --> 00:05:58,220 -We've got about two acres here. -Sorry, you just said 14 tons? 93 00:05:58,300 --> 00:05:59,900 -Yeah. -Are going to come out of here? 94 00:05:59,980 --> 00:06:01,621 -Just two acres? -Just two acres. 95 00:06:02,261 --> 00:06:03,821 That's a lot of chips. 96 00:06:05,621 --> 00:06:07,420 I could put them in the farm shop, 97 00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:10,621 except the farm shop's not built and I haven't got planning permission. 98 00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:18,061 So, how long... If we get the farm shop built in, realistically, six weeks, 99 00:06:18,181 --> 00:06:20,261 if planning permission comes through this week... 100 00:06:20,340 --> 00:06:22,860 -[Charlie] Yup. -Would these keep another six weeks? 101 00:06:22,941 --> 00:06:24,220 We can keep these for six weeks. 102 00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:28,660 How can I keep these from becoming useless for six weeks? 103 00:06:28,741 --> 00:06:31,701 So, we've got to top it rather than spraying it off. 104 00:06:31,780 --> 00:06:33,100 What, you mean a lawnmower, effectively? 105 00:06:33,180 --> 00:06:34,460 So, lawnmower. Off we go. 106 00:06:34,540 --> 00:06:36,540 -So, you take the leaves off, -Take the leaves off, 107 00:06:36,621 --> 00:06:38,340 -and then they'll just lie dormant? -And they'll lie dormant. 108 00:06:38,420 --> 00:06:39,861 And the skin sort of firms up. 109 00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:41,300 -And that's good? -And that's good. 110 00:06:41,381 --> 00:06:44,660 That... that will enable it to store for longer. 111 00:06:47,701 --> 00:06:49,941 [Jeremy] Kaleb then leant me his topping machine, 112 00:06:50,021 --> 00:06:52,780 and after giving me a lesson in how it works... 113 00:06:52,861 --> 00:06:55,980 All right, that's it. So now feet are enabled. Now press it again. 114 00:06:56,621 --> 00:06:57,980 [Jeremy] ...I was on my way. 115 00:07:00,061 --> 00:07:01,220 Yes. 116 00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:06,100 Taking the leaves off my potatoes. 117 00:07:06,181 --> 00:07:10,261 That will deprive the potato of its ability to grow, 118 00:07:10,340 --> 00:07:13,821 and it will just lay dormant in the soil. 119 00:07:14,540 --> 00:07:16,701 -God, it's a good tractor. -[Kaleb] Jeremy, can you hear me? 120 00:07:16,780 --> 00:07:18,381 -It's Kaleb. -[Jeremy] Yeah, got you. 121 00:07:18,460 --> 00:07:19,941 [Kaleb] Might want to drop the topper down. 122 00:07:20,021 --> 00:07:21,821 It might help a little bit. 123 00:07:25,141 --> 00:07:26,181 Rookie error. 124 00:07:27,261 --> 00:07:30,021 Yeah, yeah. I knew that. I'm just going to go back to the start now 125 00:07:30,100 --> 00:07:32,861 and then actually do it with the topper lowered, 126 00:07:32,941 --> 00:07:35,741 because I think that will make a huge difference. 127 00:07:37,980 --> 00:07:41,021 It did, and finally I was in business. 128 00:07:46,501 --> 00:07:47,780 He's doing a good job. 129 00:07:49,780 --> 00:07:53,300 [Jeremy] Then, with the potatoes sleeping soundly in the ground, 130 00:07:54,300 --> 00:07:58,061 I was free to concentrate on other produce for the farm shop. 131 00:08:01,220 --> 00:08:04,141 I've been doing some research, and it turns out that Chadlington, 132 00:08:04,220 --> 00:08:08,220 the local village, is named after St. Chad, who is the patron saint 133 00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:09,900 of wells and springs. 134 00:08:10,540 --> 00:08:13,821 What's more, the entire village got its drinking water 135 00:08:13,900 --> 00:08:16,300 from springs on this farm. 136 00:08:16,381 --> 00:08:19,780 But then, one night in 1972, 137 00:08:19,860 --> 00:08:23,701 the water board switched everybody over to mains water. 138 00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:26,941 And they were livid. They were furious. 139 00:08:27,021 --> 00:08:29,501 Questions were asked in the Houses of Parliament. 140 00:08:30,540 --> 00:08:34,420 The local television station sent a reporter to Chadlington 141 00:08:34,501 --> 00:08:37,780 to cover the story. I've got a clip of that here. 142 00:08:39,461 --> 00:08:42,501 An interesting lesson in democracy here at Chadlington. 143 00:08:42,540 --> 00:08:45,660 That is Chris Tarrant. It's actually Chris Tarrant. 144 00:08:45,741 --> 00:08:46,861 That's where he began. 145 00:08:46,900 --> 00:08:49,461 In the end, it seems the authorities can pipe what they like 146 00:08:49,540 --> 00:08:50,780 through to the village's taps, 147 00:08:50,900 --> 00:08:53,341 but short of forcibly pouring it down their throats, 148 00:08:53,420 --> 00:08:54,621 they can't make them drink it. 149 00:08:54,741 --> 00:08:57,101 Mrs. Kerr, you've been drinking this spring water a long time. 150 00:08:57,180 --> 00:08:58,300 What's so special about it? 151 00:08:59,341 --> 00:09:02,300 Well, because it's pure. Don't want that other filth. 152 00:09:02,381 --> 00:09:04,021 [Chris] What is it you don't like about tap water? 153 00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:05,501 Well, it's horrible. 154 00:09:05,540 --> 00:09:08,060 Well, we had a tank of tropical fish, 155 00:09:08,141 --> 00:09:10,300 but now it's been changed over, and they've all died. 156 00:09:10,381 --> 00:09:15,741 It's mixed with sewage from Temple Guiting and Bourton-on-the-Water. 157 00:09:15,780 --> 00:09:18,101 All the sewage is going to come into it. 158 00:09:18,180 --> 00:09:20,540 All the locals want to drink is this stuff. 159 00:09:23,101 --> 00:09:25,540 They've been doing so for centuries, and it's beautiful. 160 00:09:25,861 --> 00:09:28,660 So he beat me to the Chadlington water story, 161 00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:32,060 and then he beat me to Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? 162 00:09:32,141 --> 00:09:33,741 I just live in the man's shadow. 163 00:09:35,221 --> 00:09:37,540 But now I would have the last laugh, 164 00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:41,540 because I would bring back Chadlington's spring water. 165 00:09:41,660 --> 00:09:44,780 I just want to see this spring, because I've never really paid attention 166 00:09:44,900 --> 00:09:46,021 to the springs before. 167 00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:50,540 Job one for Lisa and I was to gather some samples for testing. 168 00:09:53,221 --> 00:09:55,540 Are you grabbing it from straight where it comes out the ground? 169 00:09:55,621 --> 00:09:56,981 [Lisa] Yes. 170 00:09:58,221 --> 00:09:59,861 This is exactly what Perrier do. 171 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,621 [Lisa] You know, that's actually delicious. 172 00:10:05,501 --> 00:10:08,060 [Jeremy] Look how quickly you can fill a bottle up from here. 173 00:10:08,540 --> 00:10:13,900 See, what I'm thinking is, this would be like B&Q with an old-people hiring policy. 174 00:10:14,021 --> 00:10:16,660 Get a load of pensioners at the bottom of the waterfall 175 00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:18,501 with bottles, filling them up. 176 00:10:18,900 --> 00:10:22,741 It'd be fantastic, gainful employment for the elderly. 177 00:10:23,420 --> 00:10:26,420 This is the kind of thing you get the CBE for. 178 00:10:28,741 --> 00:10:34,261 Having sent the samples off to the lab, I had another brainwave. 179 00:10:35,540 --> 00:10:39,780 What I have here is a wasabi plant 180 00:10:41,060 --> 00:10:43,261 known as green gold, 181 00:10:43,341 --> 00:10:48,060 because this, in the shops, would cost you £52, 182 00:10:48,141 --> 00:10:52,180 and that's the same as half a ton of carrots. 183 00:10:53,021 --> 00:10:58,981 So, to get at the actual edible bit we have to peel the bark. 184 00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:05,861 Most of the green, hot wasabi paste you get in Japanese restaurants 185 00:11:05,940 --> 00:11:09,180 is actually mustard and horseradish 186 00:11:09,261 --> 00:11:13,060 sort of mixed up with artificial sweeteners and coloring. 187 00:11:13,141 --> 00:11:15,141 This is the real deal. 188 00:11:17,820 --> 00:11:21,060 If I can grow this here, 189 00:11:22,141 --> 00:11:25,741 I'm going to be looking at G5 catalogues in no time at all. 190 00:11:37,981 --> 00:11:40,820 Mmm... Mmm... 191 00:11:49,820 --> 00:11:51,741 That is fantastic. 192 00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:56,141 Oh, it's here, now. It's here. It's... it's here. 193 00:11:58,981 --> 00:12:01,660 Wasabi is not easy to grow, though. 194 00:12:01,741 --> 00:12:06,501 It needs a supply of fast-flowing water that's exactly the right temperature 195 00:12:06,580 --> 00:12:09,341 and has exactly the right PH level. 196 00:12:10,141 --> 00:12:12,940 And once I'd found a stream that fitted the bill, 197 00:12:13,021 --> 00:12:17,540 I had to build a bed, which meant I needed a machine. 198 00:12:18,341 --> 00:12:20,780 [machine whirring] 199 00:12:26,341 --> 00:12:28,501 Single-cylinder engine, 200 00:12:28,580 --> 00:12:33,021 0.16 liters, top speed: three. 201 00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:36,021 I'm going to call it the James May. 202 00:12:42,621 --> 00:12:43,780 [grunts] 203 00:12:53,780 --> 00:12:57,700 I've now planted about 100 wasabi plants. 204 00:12:58,780 --> 00:13:00,940 If they all survive, that's... 205 00:13:01,900 --> 00:13:03,900 well, £5,000 for the roots 206 00:13:03,981 --> 00:13:07,141 and then another £1,000 for the leaves, probably. 207 00:13:07,660 --> 00:13:09,861 And that is more than you'll get from, 208 00:13:09,940 --> 00:13:11,900 well, hundreds of acres of wheat. 209 00:13:13,021 --> 00:13:15,341 This is where the money is. 210 00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:21,861 I then broke off from farm shop jobs, 211 00:13:21,940 --> 00:13:25,221 because Charlie had been badgering me about my farm equipment 212 00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:27,580 being left out in the open. 213 00:13:27,660 --> 00:13:32,141 So, I took some anti-theft measures with my newly-appointed head of security, 214 00:13:32,221 --> 00:13:35,141 Gerald, the dry-stone waller. 215 00:13:37,060 --> 00:13:38,381 I told you I could carry it. 216 00:13:38,461 --> 00:13:40,900 [chuckles] You wait. You ain't got a lot there yet. 217 00:13:40,981 --> 00:13:42,981 There's ten tons to come. 218 00:13:43,540 --> 00:13:47,540 -Jesus Christ. [laughs] -[Gerald laughs] 219 00:13:47,621 --> 00:13:49,141 Come on, you bastard. 220 00:13:49,580 --> 00:13:53,621 No, no. [mutters indistinctly] 221 00:13:54,580 --> 00:13:57,021 Yeah, five o'clock normally, on a Friday. 222 00:13:57,381 --> 00:13:58,221 [Jeremy] Right. 223 00:14:00,461 --> 00:14:03,141 -That will do. -It's gonna come up to... 224 00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:08,540 The thing is... but I did them by the loader, that was all. 225 00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:10,461 Well, supposedly. 226 00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:13,700 If we go into that one, spreader next then... 227 00:14:13,861 --> 00:14:14,780 [Jeremy] Oh, yeah. 228 00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:17,820 Right. 229 00:14:18,981 --> 00:14:21,741 -Listen, 20 to 6:00. -All right. 230 00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:24,060 Before they send a search party out from The Chequers, 231 00:14:24,141 --> 00:14:25,900 you should get down there. 232 00:14:26,341 --> 00:14:28,141 Um, lovely to see you again, thanks for your help. 233 00:14:28,221 --> 00:14:30,621 All right, mate. I should be... 234 00:14:30,820 --> 00:14:34,660 Hopefully, in about a week's time, because I've got to do some... 235 00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:37,261 Well, it probably won't get on the program? 236 00:14:38,060 --> 00:14:40,461 -Yeah. -Yeah. That's right. All right. 237 00:14:43,021 --> 00:14:45,621 [Jeremy] So, my equipment was now secure. 238 00:14:45,700 --> 00:14:48,221 I would soon have stuff to sell in the shop, 239 00:14:48,300 --> 00:14:50,820 and planning permission was due any day. 240 00:14:51,981 --> 00:14:54,981 All was going well, until, that is... 241 00:14:56,180 --> 00:14:57,021 What? 242 00:14:57,101 --> 00:15:00,180 I got some bad news from the council. 243 00:15:00,420 --> 00:15:05,501 The village has objected to my, uh, farm shop plan. 244 00:15:06,621 --> 00:15:09,180 "For the following reasons..." 245 00:15:09,780 --> 00:15:13,861 The complaints are simply about the risk of changing the village, 246 00:15:13,940 --> 00:15:15,940 the risk of damaging the village shops. 247 00:15:16,021 --> 00:15:18,540 It's a little, old-fashioned village. 248 00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:23,381 People generally are not that keen. 249 00:15:23,501 --> 00:15:27,540 People are a bit bemused with the situation, 250 00:15:27,621 --> 00:15:30,180 and we never know what Jeremy's going to do next. 251 00:15:30,261 --> 00:15:32,180 I mean, he blew up his house. 252 00:15:36,861 --> 00:15:40,861 Dogs barked, and people thought the end of the world had come. 253 00:15:41,420 --> 00:15:43,780 [Jeremy] Charlie quickly emailed to explain how I should 254 00:15:43,861 --> 00:15:45,700 deal with the objections. 255 00:15:45,780 --> 00:15:48,501 Whilst it does not read well on first inspection, 256 00:15:48,580 --> 00:15:53,300 I've addressed the concerns already through the submission of a business plan. 257 00:15:56,261 --> 00:16:01,261 "What is a business plan?" Business plan examples, right. 258 00:16:02,060 --> 00:16:04,221 "Customers' priorities and needs. 259 00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:07,060 Routes to market. Product services and propositions. 260 00:16:07,141 --> 00:16:08,820 Sales, values, and margins. 261 00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:12,261 A strategic action plan..." Well, I'm gonna be a week. 262 00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:16,900 Having typed in every phrase I'd ever heard on The Apprentice, 263 00:16:16,981 --> 00:16:21,501 I submitted a business plan, and amazingly, it worked, 264 00:16:21,861 --> 00:16:26,021 because shortly afterwards, planning permission was granted. 265 00:16:29,981 --> 00:16:32,861 [Alan] Just tip that out there, Brad. Get that lot. Everything down the bottom. 266 00:16:32,940 --> 00:16:36,261 [Jeremy] This meant Alan could finally start building. 267 00:16:36,820 --> 00:16:38,660 [Alan] Just tip that up there, just tip it. 268 00:16:38,780 --> 00:16:41,180 And I'll get the digger to move it. Get the barrels out the way, now. 269 00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:43,981 [Jeremy] But he was now a week behind schedule, 270 00:16:44,341 --> 00:16:47,300 which was a week the potatoes didn't have. 271 00:16:47,580 --> 00:16:51,900 And then to make matters worse, an old enemy returned. 272 00:16:51,981 --> 00:16:53,900 [thunder rumbling] 273 00:17:09,340 --> 00:17:11,300 [Jeremy] Holy cow. 274 00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:22,421 How can you build anything in these conditions? 275 00:17:23,221 --> 00:17:26,300 -Have you ever known it wetter here? -No, never. 276 00:17:26,340 --> 00:17:28,540 We're all going to end up with trench foot before the end of the week. 277 00:17:28,580 --> 00:17:32,060 No, the problem I've got is I've got tons of potatoes, 278 00:17:32,100 --> 00:17:36,340 but they're not going to last forever. So, how long? 279 00:17:37,261 --> 00:17:38,540 "How long?" 280 00:17:40,021 --> 00:17:41,941 [Alan] If the weather breaks, maybe eight weeks. 281 00:17:42,021 --> 00:17:42,941 [Jeremy] No, no. It can't be. 282 00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:51,540 The rain fell nonstop for days. 283 00:17:52,181 --> 00:17:53,701 And when it finally eased up, 284 00:17:53,780 --> 00:17:56,981 this is what the shop's foundations looked like. 285 00:18:03,340 --> 00:18:06,501 It's three weeks ago I dug the footings out for the shop. 286 00:18:10,820 --> 00:18:13,060 And that... that's what's happened. 287 00:18:14,580 --> 00:18:17,100 I'm surprised the Environment Agency isn't here saying I've got 288 00:18:17,181 --> 00:18:20,181 an illegal trout lake. Planning permission's through, 289 00:18:20,261 --> 00:18:23,580 and we get the heaviest rainfall recorded since 290 00:18:24,701 --> 00:18:26,501 the last heaviest rainfall. 291 00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:29,941 [sighs] 292 00:18:30,021 --> 00:18:32,261 Does anything go right in farming? 293 00:18:32,941 --> 00:18:35,421 With the build schedule now in tatters, 294 00:18:35,501 --> 00:18:39,100 the priority was to preserve the life of the potatoes. 295 00:18:39,221 --> 00:18:43,340 They'd have to be dug up and stored, which meant I'd need a machine. 296 00:18:43,701 --> 00:18:46,580 And in this part of the world, where no one grows spuds, 297 00:18:46,661 --> 00:18:48,661 finding one proved to be tricky. 298 00:18:50,820 --> 00:18:54,540 But much to Kaleb's delight, I managed it. 299 00:19:00,661 --> 00:19:02,501 [Kaleb] It's like a rust bucket. 300 00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:03,941 I mean, 301 00:19:05,340 --> 00:19:06,701 bloody hell. 302 00:19:07,421 --> 00:19:10,261 [sighs] Tire's old and flat. 303 00:19:10,340 --> 00:19:13,021 These need unseizing. I'm going to have to heat these up. 304 00:19:13,100 --> 00:19:15,701 That needs re-greasing. Look, that's old grease, that. 305 00:19:16,060 --> 00:19:19,300 All green and manky. This thing is a piece of crap. 306 00:19:21,580 --> 00:19:24,981 [Jeremy] Eventually, though, he stopped moaning and got it working. 307 00:19:30,060 --> 00:19:35,820 And with some local kids helping out, the slow, backbreaking work began. 308 00:19:40,901 --> 00:19:44,261 Well, we've done from the top of the field down to here, 309 00:19:44,340 --> 00:19:46,540 in what, probably four hours? 310 00:19:46,580 --> 00:19:48,820 And we've got all that to do. 311 00:19:53,941 --> 00:19:56,181 [Jeremy] And we needed to get a move on. 312 00:19:56,820 --> 00:19:59,261 [Kaleb] One there, look. This one's gone black. 313 00:20:00,100 --> 00:20:02,741 Yeah, that one's gone black and a bit squidgy. 314 00:20:02,820 --> 00:20:06,941 [Jeremy] In the end, though, the workers saved 16 tons of potatoes, 315 00:20:07,021 --> 00:20:10,501 and apart from a few, which my head of security needed, 316 00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:15,340 we got them all into a cool, dark storage barn. 317 00:20:24,021 --> 00:20:27,021 This bought me some time to start work on my next 318 00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:28,701 farm shop enterprise... 319 00:20:29,021 --> 00:20:30,340 [Kaleb] How many chickens are you going to get? 320 00:20:30,461 --> 00:20:31,540 [Jeremy] Sixty. 321 00:20:31,741 --> 00:20:32,820 Eggs. 322 00:20:32,901 --> 00:20:36,021 So, we're going to call them not free range chickens. 323 00:20:36,340 --> 00:20:38,901 We're going to call them good exercise chickens. 324 00:20:38,981 --> 00:20:41,021 -[Kaleb laughs] -That's what they call them in Vietnam. 325 00:20:41,580 --> 00:20:43,181 [Jeremy] And it's better, I think, than free range. 326 00:20:43,261 --> 00:20:44,100 [Kaleb] Yeah, I like that. 327 00:20:45,780 --> 00:20:48,820 My plan is to build a range of little chicken huts 328 00:20:48,941 --> 00:20:51,501 along this side of the wood. 329 00:20:51,580 --> 00:20:53,741 So, actually starting about here, yeah? 330 00:20:54,060 --> 00:20:54,901 [Kaleb] Yeah. 331 00:20:55,060 --> 00:20:57,501 So, you can get the eggs from this side, 332 00:20:57,580 --> 00:21:00,741 but the chickens can exit on that side to run around in the wood. 333 00:21:00,981 --> 00:21:02,421 But we've got to refence this. 334 00:21:02,501 --> 00:21:04,421 We've got to put chicken wire around the outside. 335 00:21:04,501 --> 00:21:05,981 How could a fox get in there? 336 00:21:06,060 --> 00:21:07,100 [Kaleb] Oh, like a fox. 337 00:21:07,580 --> 00:21:11,340 Guarantee a fox will get in there in the best part of 20 minutes. 338 00:21:11,421 --> 00:21:13,100 And how high is the fence going to have to be? 339 00:21:13,221 --> 00:21:14,261 Six foot, like this. 340 00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:20,100 [Jeremy] And so, the next day, we reconvened to build the fence. 341 00:21:20,340 --> 00:21:22,580 Hold it on the bottom of the post. Square it up. 342 00:21:22,941 --> 00:21:25,100 [Jeremy] Using a machine Kaleb called... 343 00:21:25,741 --> 00:21:26,701 [clanks] 344 00:21:26,780 --> 00:21:28,100 ...his man killer. 345 00:21:29,100 --> 00:21:30,340 And away we go. 346 00:21:40,820 --> 00:21:41,701 Your go. 347 00:21:46,820 --> 00:21:47,661 Higher. 348 00:21:49,780 --> 00:21:52,100 I don't know if that's actually... that's not actually moving. 349 00:21:52,540 --> 00:21:55,021 Give me a break. [grunts] 350 00:21:58,261 --> 00:22:00,780 It's that last little lip. There it is there. 351 00:22:00,860 --> 00:22:02,181 The burn. 352 00:22:04,060 --> 00:22:05,181 [exhales] 353 00:22:05,261 --> 00:22:06,860 Well done. All right, next one. 354 00:22:06,941 --> 00:22:08,620 Do you want to bring that? I'll bring this. 355 00:22:08,701 --> 00:22:09,540 [breathing heavily] 356 00:22:09,620 --> 00:22:12,140 Oh, we need another post. We've got to get some more posts. 357 00:22:13,421 --> 00:22:14,661 I'll meet you down there. 358 00:22:15,741 --> 00:22:16,741 Grab two if you can. 359 00:22:21,100 --> 00:22:25,820 [Jeremy] And so, the day continued under the lash of the rural Ant Middleton. 360 00:22:26,580 --> 00:22:29,221 [Kaleb] Higher, higher. That's it, now. Three, 361 00:22:30,021 --> 00:22:32,060 four, five. 362 00:22:32,140 --> 00:22:34,181 Two more. Come on, two more. 363 00:22:34,501 --> 00:22:36,580 What's this shouting at me this morning? Hold that. 364 00:22:37,380 --> 00:22:39,741 [Kaleb] Right, you get the ladder and the bar, I'll get this 365 00:22:39,820 --> 00:22:41,021 and meet you at the next one. 366 00:22:45,021 --> 00:22:47,261 [breathing heavily] 367 00:22:48,701 --> 00:22:51,501 -[Kaleb] Ready? -We're not even halfway there, are we? 368 00:22:52,421 --> 00:22:53,620 No. 369 00:22:55,901 --> 00:22:58,661 [Jeremy] Eventually, though, Jurassic Park was finished. 370 00:22:58,741 --> 00:23:03,140 And then, it was time to install the henhouses that Lisa had ordered. 371 00:23:05,941 --> 00:23:08,140 -[Lisa] It's good, right? -Well, they'd blend if 372 00:23:08,221 --> 00:23:11,181 we were in Camber Sands, or Tobermory. 373 00:23:11,300 --> 00:23:14,901 -Well, it was this or pebbledash. -And I've got the birds. 374 00:23:14,981 --> 00:23:18,340 -Hey. -[Jeremy] 60 purebred Burford Browns. 375 00:23:18,421 --> 00:23:20,021 [Lisa] Okay, so let's work this out. 376 00:23:20,100 --> 00:23:23,580 So, we can put 20 in there, 12. That's 20. 377 00:23:24,340 --> 00:23:25,780 Thirty, 40, 50, 378 00:23:26,580 --> 00:23:28,580 three, eight. Seven at the end. 379 00:23:29,580 --> 00:23:31,820 -I literally wasn't listening. -[Lisa] Okay, I got it. 380 00:23:33,380 --> 00:23:36,140 [Jeremy] Clearly, though, the hens weren't thrilled at the prospect 381 00:23:36,221 --> 00:23:38,300 of living in LEGOLAND. 382 00:23:38,461 --> 00:23:41,741 -These are frisky. Sorry. -Oh. 383 00:23:45,181 --> 00:23:47,540 [Lisa] Jeremy, seriously, you're not going to do this without food. 384 00:23:47,620 --> 00:23:48,580 [Jeremy] Yes, we are. 385 00:23:48,780 --> 00:23:50,300 -[Lisa] How? -[Jeremy] Because watch this. 386 00:23:50,380 --> 00:23:52,421 I am a bird whisperer. 387 00:23:53,461 --> 00:23:56,580 Oh, you're pecky, bitey. 388 00:23:56,820 --> 00:23:58,741 No, this is how you do it, okay? 389 00:23:59,501 --> 00:24:02,540 This is an important lesson. Pretend you're not interested. 390 00:24:02,701 --> 00:24:05,181 Casually coming along, looking the other way. 391 00:24:05,380 --> 00:24:08,461 And then, at the last minute, you dive... 392 00:24:08,540 --> 00:24:09,901 Fucking thing. 393 00:24:11,461 --> 00:24:14,941 Eventually, though, all the hens were safely installed 394 00:24:15,021 --> 00:24:16,580 in their new houses. 395 00:24:16,661 --> 00:24:19,060 And Lisa had a little surprise for me. 396 00:24:19,941 --> 00:24:21,661 Close your eyes and hold out your hand. 397 00:24:25,140 --> 00:24:26,580 -[Jeremy] An egg? -The first egg, yeah. 398 00:24:26,661 --> 00:24:27,741 They laid it in the crate. 399 00:24:28,580 --> 00:24:30,661 -A egg. Egg. -Yeah. 400 00:24:31,620 --> 00:24:34,580 Does a chicken lay eggs out of its arse... 401 00:24:34,661 --> 00:24:36,860 -[Lisa] Mm-hmm. -...or its vagina? 402 00:24:36,941 --> 00:24:38,780 Did you go to boarding school by any chance? 403 00:24:39,380 --> 00:24:43,261 If I google that, Jeff Bezos is going to worry about me. 404 00:24:43,340 --> 00:24:44,421 [Lisa] He is. [laughs] 405 00:24:44,820 --> 00:24:47,941 [Jeremy] So, full scale egg production was imminent. 406 00:24:48,901 --> 00:24:51,741 And, hopefully, so was the bottled spring water. 407 00:24:52,780 --> 00:24:57,741 Because back at the office, an important letter had arrived. 408 00:25:01,261 --> 00:25:02,620 Okay, these are the, um... 409 00:25:04,620 --> 00:25:08,181 results from all the springs on the farm. 410 00:25:08,901 --> 00:25:12,701 Had the water tested to see what's what, how much of them are drinkable. 411 00:25:14,060 --> 00:25:19,181 Right. It's something, E. coli basically. 412 00:25:19,701 --> 00:25:22,580 "Type of bacteria found in the gut of animals and humans. 413 00:25:22,661 --> 00:25:26,540 Some strains can cause diarrhea, food poisoning." Blah-blah. "Pneumonia." 414 00:25:26,620 --> 00:25:30,701 So, I've got, in spring one, no E. coli. 415 00:25:31,620 --> 00:25:34,300 And no E. coli in spring two. 416 00:25:34,380 --> 00:25:37,461 Right, the essence of what I've got here is the springs, 417 00:25:38,820 --> 00:25:43,981 the springs one and two, which I want to bottle, are good. 418 00:25:44,820 --> 00:25:48,300 However, there was also some rather disturbing news. 419 00:25:49,340 --> 00:25:50,701 Wait a minute. 420 00:25:50,780 --> 00:25:52,300 "A positive coliform sample 421 00:25:52,380 --> 00:25:56,860 should be considered an indication of feces in your source." 422 00:25:58,060 --> 00:26:01,780 The pond that feeds the house where I live 423 00:26:03,300 --> 00:26:09,021 is riddled with literally everything in such vast quantities that... 424 00:26:10,060 --> 00:26:13,021 Well, it explains why I am so full of shit. 425 00:26:13,100 --> 00:26:16,060 'Cause that's what I've been living on these last few years. 426 00:26:18,060 --> 00:26:20,540 It's just a torrent of turds. 427 00:26:23,421 --> 00:26:25,780 Worried now that I wouldn't live long enough 428 00:26:25,860 --> 00:26:27,981 to actually open the farm shop, 429 00:26:28,060 --> 00:26:31,261 I went to the water filtration room at my house. 430 00:26:33,501 --> 00:26:37,060 Oh, hang on. Oh, it's quite muddy. 431 00:26:37,620 --> 00:26:39,181 Oh, my God, that's... 432 00:26:40,701 --> 00:26:43,461 I'll show you what it's supposed to look like. Hang on. 433 00:26:45,981 --> 00:26:46,941 Right, 434 00:26:47,820 --> 00:26:52,181 that's what it looked like... three months ago. 435 00:26:52,941 --> 00:26:55,100 And that's what it looks like now. 436 00:26:56,060 --> 00:26:57,661 I've been drinking this. 437 00:26:58,780 --> 00:27:02,820 I've been drinking rotting animals and feces. 438 00:27:04,261 --> 00:27:07,981 Luckily, Lisa is in London today. I won't tell her that... 439 00:27:09,620 --> 00:27:11,661 I won't tell her that this has happened. 440 00:27:11,741 --> 00:27:15,221 That seems to be the best thing. I'll just say no, everything's fine. 441 00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:22,820 There was more bad news, 442 00:27:22,901 --> 00:27:25,421 because even though they were in storage... 443 00:27:28,380 --> 00:27:31,941 time was starting to run out for my potatoes. 444 00:27:33,060 --> 00:27:37,221 [Charlie] If we dig around, there's quite a lot of rotten ones in here 445 00:27:37,300 --> 00:27:41,661 that, uh, we need to sort. 446 00:27:42,021 --> 00:27:46,021 Yeah, we've got these ones which... 447 00:27:46,100 --> 00:27:52,060 sorry for those that are squeamish, sort of have gone all pussy and horrible. 448 00:27:55,140 --> 00:27:58,100 [Jeremy] I needed to start selling them immediately. 449 00:27:58,181 --> 00:28:00,820 But the farm shop was nowhere near ready. 450 00:28:02,820 --> 00:28:07,340 So, in these desperate times, I came up with a desperate measure. 451 00:28:15,461 --> 00:28:16,701 Morning. 452 00:28:21,181 --> 00:28:26,181 It's 15p, then, for one of those, or 15p for that. 453 00:28:27,780 --> 00:28:29,981 That's the only drawback to my plan. 454 00:28:32,140 --> 00:28:35,100 So, potatoes are there, bags are there. 455 00:28:36,501 --> 00:28:37,540 Good. 456 00:28:45,421 --> 00:28:49,181 As it turned out, the honesty box attracted people who were honest. 457 00:28:50,741 --> 00:28:51,701 Mostly. 458 00:28:53,421 --> 00:28:56,661 Somebody has left me this bottle top. 459 00:28:58,140 --> 00:29:00,021 Because they are [bleep]. 460 00:29:01,100 --> 00:29:06,501 But some people have left actual money. 461 00:29:06,901 --> 00:29:08,340 So, I have earned... 462 00:29:09,860 --> 00:29:15,421 two, three, four, £5.35. 463 00:29:17,780 --> 00:29:19,100 What are they? Jacket ones? 464 00:29:19,181 --> 00:29:20,820 Look, look, look, look. 465 00:29:23,100 --> 00:29:25,981 So, you've got big ones, or smaller ones. 466 00:29:26,060 --> 00:29:29,060 -I'll take the big ones. I'll jacket them. -How many do you want? 467 00:29:29,941 --> 00:29:31,620 -Seven. -Seven? 468 00:29:32,661 --> 00:29:34,620 Brilliant. Look at this. 469 00:29:35,741 --> 00:29:37,860 Oh, I'm just so rich. 470 00:29:39,421 --> 00:29:43,140 However, I wasn't going to shift 16 tons of potatoes 471 00:29:43,221 --> 00:29:44,780 from a filing cabinet. 472 00:29:45,340 --> 00:29:47,701 What I really needed was a finished shop. 473 00:29:48,421 --> 00:29:49,901 And on that front... 474 00:29:52,580 --> 00:29:56,780 there was good news because, finally, it was starting to take shape. 475 00:29:59,941 --> 00:30:01,901 [Alan] Look, that's this morning. 476 00:30:01,981 --> 00:30:03,340 [Jeremy] Is that this morning? 477 00:30:03,421 --> 00:30:05,181 Yeah, I looked round the other side yesterday in the rain. 478 00:30:05,261 --> 00:30:07,181 Come and have a look what we done yesterday. 479 00:30:07,261 --> 00:30:09,221 -Oh, fair weather Alan here. -Yeah. 480 00:30:09,300 --> 00:30:10,780 [both laugh] 481 00:30:11,421 --> 00:30:13,380 That's all right, innit? Those jumpers and that. 482 00:30:13,461 --> 00:30:15,661 -Good. I like the jumpers. -[Alan] Yeah, they're good. 483 00:30:15,741 --> 00:30:17,780 Nice big jumper. We got a nice few of those. 484 00:30:17,860 --> 00:30:20,021 It just makes it look more like that barn down there. 485 00:30:20,100 --> 00:30:22,221 -[Jeremy] That's exactly right. -[Alan] Yeah. 486 00:30:22,741 --> 00:30:24,860 Now, I've got to go do the sheep. I really have. 487 00:30:24,941 --> 00:30:28,501 And I do think I'm slowing you down, which I don't want to do. 488 00:30:28,580 --> 00:30:31,501 -Bring a few taters back. -I will. I'll bring you some potatoes. 489 00:30:31,580 --> 00:30:34,221 -I'll put a few in for you. -I'll bring you some potatoes. 490 00:30:34,300 --> 00:30:35,661 [laughs] Please do. 491 00:30:38,140 --> 00:30:40,501 [Jeremy] As I was leaving, Alan suddenly remembered 492 00:30:40,580 --> 00:30:42,100 something else he needed. 493 00:30:42,181 --> 00:30:43,860 [Alan] One thing before you go, 494 00:30:43,941 --> 00:30:46,820 we've gotta get water and electric from the caravan site. 495 00:30:46,901 --> 00:30:48,261 So we need to talk to them. 496 00:30:48,340 --> 00:30:50,860 It's owned by the Camping and Caravan Club, though. 497 00:30:50,941 --> 00:30:52,941 -Is it? Right. -I get on really well with them, 498 00:30:53,021 --> 00:30:55,060 'cause I've always been incredibly nice about caravans. 499 00:30:55,140 --> 00:30:58,181 -Yeah, brilliant. -I have always said really kind things. 500 00:30:58,261 --> 00:31:00,941 I've seen them with the sticks of dynamite in them and things. 501 00:31:01,021 --> 00:31:03,741 Hey, yeah, we need to get hold of them, really, don't we? 502 00:31:03,820 --> 00:31:05,300 I'll get on with that. 503 00:31:05,380 --> 00:31:07,860 [Jeremy] As it turned out, the Camping and Caravan Club 504 00:31:07,941 --> 00:31:10,461 were happy to supply me with their power and water, 505 00:31:10,540 --> 00:31:14,181 so long as I gave them something in return. So... 506 00:31:21,100 --> 00:31:23,140 Hi, I'm Jeremy Clarkson 507 00:31:23,221 --> 00:31:27,580 and, as I've always said, you can't beat a caravan holiday. 508 00:31:28,540 --> 00:31:32,060 A site like this offers Camping and Caravan Club members 509 00:31:32,140 --> 00:31:36,981 access to the great outdoors for as little as £41 a year. 510 00:31:39,140 --> 00:31:40,620 I think it's brightening up. 511 00:31:42,421 --> 00:31:45,981 And it's a great place to enjoy some al fresco dining, 512 00:31:46,060 --> 00:31:49,860 or maybe a bit of sport, with people from all walks of life. 513 00:31:51,261 --> 00:31:54,181 So, come on, beat those Brexit blues 514 00:31:54,261 --> 00:31:57,380 and take your holiday this year in a good old British field. 515 00:31:57,461 --> 00:31:59,461 You won't regret it. Cheers. 516 00:32:08,820 --> 00:32:11,540 [Jeremy] With the power and water now being connected, 517 00:32:11,620 --> 00:32:15,461 everything was looking good. But then... 518 00:32:18,060 --> 00:32:19,860 Well, it's not great. 519 00:32:19,941 --> 00:32:23,981 Um, the site for the farm shop that we're looking at, 520 00:32:24,060 --> 00:32:25,780 I've just been checking the title, 521 00:32:25,860 --> 00:32:28,901 and there's a restrictive covenant in there, 522 00:32:28,981 --> 00:32:31,941 which puts a restriction on your use. 523 00:32:32,021 --> 00:32:33,300 And what? 524 00:32:33,820 --> 00:32:37,661 Right. I've got a map. So, the farm shop is coming up here. 525 00:32:40,941 --> 00:32:43,140 Yeah. Is that the boundary of my land? 526 00:32:43,221 --> 00:32:44,461 Yeah. 527 00:32:46,620 --> 00:32:49,421 And there is a little corner of that field... 528 00:32:49,501 --> 00:32:50,540 That's not my gate. 529 00:32:54,340 --> 00:32:56,261 [Charlie] We have a right of access, 530 00:32:56,340 --> 00:33:00,021 and we have a right of use of that whole corner of the field. 531 00:33:00,100 --> 00:33:02,461 But it's restricted to agricultural use only. 532 00:33:02,540 --> 00:33:05,901 -So, we can build the farm shop... -But no customers can get to it. 533 00:33:05,981 --> 00:33:07,820 ...but no customers could get to it. 534 00:33:08,340 --> 00:33:09,380 [sighs] 535 00:33:11,300 --> 00:33:12,540 -It's tiny. -Yeah, it is. 536 00:33:12,620 --> 00:33:14,100 Ten feet. It's just the gate. 537 00:33:14,181 --> 00:33:16,780 It's literally the gate and a corner of the field. 538 00:33:16,860 --> 00:33:19,820 Um, probably, as you say, about 100 square feet. 539 00:33:19,901 --> 00:33:21,661 Oh, for God's sake. 540 00:33:23,701 --> 00:33:28,501 I therefore had to go and find the people in the village who owned the gate, 541 00:33:28,580 --> 00:33:29,981 hoping they weren't those 542 00:33:30,060 --> 00:33:33,140 who'd objected to the shop being built in the first place. 543 00:33:35,340 --> 00:33:38,221 And guess what... they weren't! 544 00:33:39,780 --> 00:33:42,661 They gave me permission for customers to come to the shop, 545 00:33:42,741 --> 00:33:44,140 so work could resume. 546 00:33:47,380 --> 00:33:49,300 All right, so just tip that out there, Brad. 547 00:33:49,380 --> 00:33:50,860 Get the barrels out the way now. 548 00:33:51,981 --> 00:33:53,221 [Jeremy] Until eventually, 549 00:33:53,300 --> 00:33:56,860 four weeks later than planned, the building was complete. 550 00:33:59,421 --> 00:34:03,221 It's like Fortnum & Mason's, in my mind. 551 00:34:04,140 --> 00:34:06,580 -It's what? -Don't say you don't know what that is. 552 00:34:06,661 --> 00:34:09,461 -Not a clue. -It's a big shop in Piccadilly in London. 553 00:34:09,540 --> 00:34:12,580 -You've done that fucking deliberate. -Harrods. It's like Harrods. 554 00:34:12,660 --> 00:34:15,021 -All right, we know what Harrods is. -It's like Harrods. 555 00:34:15,100 --> 00:34:17,660 We'll get this shit moved. We'll get this leveled back down, 556 00:34:17,700 --> 00:34:20,981 and it will all be ready to go. What about a toilet then? 557 00:34:21,381 --> 00:34:24,781 Well, we've got to get something. You know, old people come. 558 00:34:25,781 --> 00:34:28,060 All right, I'm gonna go and find something to sell. 559 00:34:28,140 --> 00:34:29,981 It's just never gonna stop raining, is it? 560 00:34:30,060 --> 00:34:32,341 Stop raining? It hasn't stopped for eight weeks. 561 00:34:32,421 --> 00:34:35,220 Let me tell you something, this is global warming. 562 00:34:35,341 --> 00:34:38,501 You racing about all your life in vehicles. 563 00:34:38,580 --> 00:34:40,540 I'm sorry. What car is that over there? 564 00:34:40,620 --> 00:34:42,620 No, mine is electric, that van. 565 00:34:42,660 --> 00:34:46,781 Thirty years of you bouting about in them, and other people, 566 00:34:46,861 --> 00:34:49,660 ruined our fucking world for the next generation. 567 00:34:50,660 --> 00:34:54,180 Just unbelievable horseshit. Oh, God! 568 00:34:54,781 --> 00:34:56,341 [Alan] Right, let's get on with this. 569 00:34:56,421 --> 00:34:57,901 Get all them pipes out. 570 00:34:57,981 --> 00:35:00,180 Shut that door up, Jason, it'll get damaged. 571 00:35:00,220 --> 00:35:05,100 [Jeremy] In truth, there was a lot to do before the bare barn was an actual shop. 572 00:35:05,180 --> 00:35:07,421 [Alan] Luke, I want all this rubbish out of here. 573 00:35:08,660 --> 00:35:13,021 [Jeremy] But as each hour passed, the potatoes were rotting. 574 00:35:13,100 --> 00:35:16,140 The pheasants were eating my wasabi. 575 00:35:16,180 --> 00:35:19,301 The fox was circling the henhouses. 576 00:35:19,381 --> 00:35:21,901 And the hunt I brought in to deal with it were bound by law 577 00:35:21,981 --> 00:35:25,421 to be on the phone when it strolled by. 578 00:35:28,861 --> 00:35:30,981 As time was therefore critical, 579 00:35:31,060 --> 00:35:35,461 I decided that night that the Diddly Squat farm shop would open, 580 00:35:35,540 --> 00:35:38,700 come what may, that weekend. 581 00:35:40,540 --> 00:35:45,660 Well, we've got to get all the boxes up for the vegetables in the farm shop. 582 00:35:45,700 --> 00:35:48,301 -Yeah. -Got to get the advertising signs hung. 583 00:35:48,381 --> 00:35:51,100 -Okay. -We've got to get the farm shop decorated. 584 00:35:51,180 --> 00:35:54,461 So, what do you want me to do? And when is the farm shop opening, actually? 585 00:35:54,540 --> 00:35:58,660 -Tomorrow, two o'clock. I know, I know. -What's the time now? 586 00:35:58,700 --> 00:36:02,660 -Twenty to 10:00, Friday. Opens tomorrow. -And we've got to do all this? 587 00:36:02,781 --> 00:36:04,421 Otherwise the potatoes will have rotted. 588 00:36:04,501 --> 00:36:07,821 If we don't open it now, we have no potatoes. 589 00:36:07,901 --> 00:36:09,660 All those potatoes will be rotten and be gone. 590 00:36:09,781 --> 00:36:10,781 Yeah. 591 00:36:12,180 --> 00:36:15,100 [Jeremy] Kaleb rushed off to get signs made, 592 00:36:15,180 --> 00:36:17,341 while I took Lisa to the shop 593 00:36:17,421 --> 00:36:20,461 so she could start decorating, 594 00:36:20,540 --> 00:36:22,821 and I could try out the carpark. 595 00:36:28,100 --> 00:36:30,861 -[Lisa] That's really deep. -[Jeremy] That's really bad. 596 00:36:37,140 --> 00:36:39,100 -Ready? -[Lisa] Yes, hang on. 597 00:36:41,100 --> 00:36:44,461 -[Jeremy] Yay. -[Lisa] That is great. Eventually. 598 00:36:44,540 --> 00:36:46,700 -[Jeremy] Ready? -[Lisa] Yeah, go on. 599 00:36:48,781 --> 00:36:51,180 Wow. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where's the sink? 600 00:36:51,220 --> 00:36:52,220 [Jeremy] What? 601 00:36:52,341 --> 00:36:54,660 [Lisa] So, you have a sink, and you're rinsing stuff. 602 00:36:54,781 --> 00:36:56,620 No, we haven't got a sink. We've got a tap. 603 00:36:56,660 --> 00:36:59,060 But let's not get bogged down, shall we, 604 00:36:59,140 --> 00:37:02,461 with the lack of any form of drainage to save money. 605 00:37:03,180 --> 00:37:04,180 Um... 606 00:37:04,660 --> 00:37:06,821 That looks fantastic. It's a lot bigger with the roof on. 607 00:37:06,901 --> 00:37:07,700 [Jeremy] Yes. 608 00:37:07,821 --> 00:37:10,021 Leaving Lisa to paint the walls, 609 00:37:10,100 --> 00:37:14,781 I went off to help Kaleb erect our advertising signs. 610 00:37:24,220 --> 00:37:26,180 [Kaleb] How many people are coming on Saturday? 611 00:37:26,220 --> 00:37:27,620 [Jeremy] Well, now, that's a good question. 612 00:37:27,660 --> 00:37:30,501 [Kaleb] Have you put it in the Chipping Norton News? 613 00:37:30,580 --> 00:37:34,901 -No, because it suddenly occurred to me... -[Kaleb] Social media. 614 00:37:34,981 --> 00:37:39,660 Social media. Twitter, I've got 7.1 million... 615 00:37:39,700 --> 00:37:41,861 -[Kaleb] Fucking hell. -[Jeremy] ...followers. 616 00:37:41,941 --> 00:37:43,901 What do you do on Twitter? I don't use Twitter. 617 00:37:43,981 --> 00:37:46,100 Nothing. Twitter now is just an opportunity 618 00:37:46,180 --> 00:37:49,981 for very left-wing people to express increasingly left-wing views 619 00:37:50,060 --> 00:37:51,901 to other left-wing people. 620 00:37:51,981 --> 00:37:54,381 So, I'm not sure it's a farm shop... 621 00:37:54,461 --> 00:37:57,461 -Hey, but it's all vegetarian, isn't it? -Yeah. No, it is. 622 00:37:57,540 --> 00:37:59,461 Yes, you see, that's a Twitter handle. 623 00:37:59,540 --> 00:38:03,021 -Everything is going vegan. -That's a Twitter handle. 624 00:38:03,100 --> 00:38:05,501 Oh, Christ, we'll have them with their smelly armpits 625 00:38:05,580 --> 00:38:07,421 queuing up for a mile if we say that. 626 00:38:07,501 --> 00:38:09,501 After I'd finished tweeting, 627 00:38:09,580 --> 00:38:11,660 Kaleb came up with a Kaleb-type suggestion 628 00:38:11,781 --> 00:38:15,220 about what we could do with any unsold potatoes. 629 00:38:15,861 --> 00:38:19,021 There's a thing... You actually can go and have a potato fight with people. 630 00:38:19,100 --> 00:38:22,180 Get there, you get drunk, and you chuck potatoes at each other. 631 00:38:22,220 --> 00:38:23,341 [laughing] 632 00:38:24,700 --> 00:38:28,301 Like, what? You go to a party, and then how does it work? 633 00:38:28,381 --> 00:38:30,540 Start off all, "How are you doing? You all right?" 634 00:38:30,620 --> 00:38:33,180 And then, about, I don't know, ten o'clock comes. That's it. 635 00:38:33,301 --> 00:38:34,901 You're just chucking potatoes at each other. 636 00:38:34,981 --> 00:38:37,821 Who are these other potato flingers around here? 637 00:38:37,901 --> 00:38:39,100 I can't name them all 638 00:38:39,180 --> 00:38:41,501 'cause they'll be like, "Yeah, he's just named me." 639 00:38:41,660 --> 00:38:44,540 And everyone will be chucking potatoes at them, like they like it. 640 00:38:44,620 --> 00:38:45,461 [laughing] 641 00:38:46,901 --> 00:38:50,140 Your life and my life are incredibly different. 642 00:38:51,341 --> 00:38:54,781 With the signs up, we went back to the farm shop... 643 00:38:58,021 --> 00:39:00,580 to help erect the portaloo. 644 00:39:01,660 --> 00:39:04,140 All right, it's a thing of great beauty, isn't it? 645 00:39:05,540 --> 00:39:07,220 So, we just plonk that up. 646 00:39:07,580 --> 00:39:09,421 How does it not blow over in the wind? 647 00:39:09,501 --> 00:39:13,100 Oh, it's probably best to put some sandbags or something to weigh it down. 648 00:39:13,180 --> 00:39:14,140 Cheers, mate. 649 00:39:17,421 --> 00:39:21,821 With the portaloo in place, I went to check on Michael O'Angelo. 650 00:39:23,540 --> 00:39:25,060 -[Lisa] So, Jeremy? -[Jeremy] Yeah? 651 00:39:25,140 --> 00:39:27,941 I spoke to Mum, and I sent her a video of what I'm doing. 652 00:39:28,021 --> 00:39:29,821 And she sent me a Whatsapp back. 653 00:39:29,901 --> 00:39:32,620 "Oh, my goodness. Stop right now. 654 00:39:33,180 --> 00:39:37,180 You need to prepare the breeze blocks before you paint them. Google it." 655 00:39:37,660 --> 00:39:38,501 So, I googled it 656 00:39:38,580 --> 00:39:41,021 and you have to do a mixture of cement and water, 657 00:39:41,100 --> 00:39:42,941 and then paint that on. 658 00:39:43,021 --> 00:39:45,381 Yeah, but if we just say we wanted this effect. 659 00:39:46,341 --> 00:39:48,700 We haven't got time to do that. The shop is opening in... 660 00:39:48,821 --> 00:39:51,461 -[Lisa] I know. It's too late anyway. -...24 hours and ten minutes. 661 00:39:53,341 --> 00:39:55,021 Leaving Lisa to it, 662 00:39:56,021 --> 00:39:58,501 I went to collect the eggs we'd be selling. 663 00:39:59,461 --> 00:40:01,700 One, two. 664 00:40:03,501 --> 00:40:06,220 No, absolutely none. 665 00:40:07,540 --> 00:40:08,660 One. 666 00:40:09,421 --> 00:40:12,301 Last chance. 59 chickens... 667 00:40:15,341 --> 00:40:17,660 One. What are you doing? 668 00:40:18,220 --> 00:40:19,781 That is 11 eggs. 669 00:40:19,861 --> 00:40:22,301 That is enough for a picnic, not a shop. 670 00:40:24,381 --> 00:40:28,060 Having harangued the hens, I drove back to the farm shop... 671 00:40:31,301 --> 00:40:34,540 and arrived just in time for a visit from cheerful Charlie. 672 00:40:35,060 --> 00:40:38,540 I was just thinking as I walked across, could you have built it in a windier spot? 673 00:40:39,781 --> 00:40:42,461 Yes, I know. But we're next to ready-made customers. 674 00:40:42,540 --> 00:40:44,021 [Charlie] Absolutely. 675 00:40:45,341 --> 00:40:47,100 [Jeremy] Charlie then informed me 676 00:40:47,180 --> 00:40:51,021 that I wouldn't be selling any mutton from the sheep I'd slaughtered earlier. 677 00:40:52,381 --> 00:40:53,501 I can't sell the meat? 678 00:40:53,580 --> 00:40:56,660 No, not until you've got the sign-off from Food Hygiene. 679 00:40:57,781 --> 00:40:59,140 So, that frozen... 680 00:40:59,180 --> 00:41:03,140 That frozen stuff will have to stay unsold until we've got... 681 00:41:03,180 --> 00:41:05,021 She is coming round next week, I think. 682 00:41:05,100 --> 00:41:07,421 Is that the one that can't come on Thursdays and Fridays? 683 00:41:07,501 --> 00:41:09,861 The local council cannot send somebody out, yes. 684 00:41:09,941 --> 00:41:10,901 Why not? 685 00:41:11,540 --> 00:41:13,461 [Charlie] What, because she only works Monday to Wednesday. 686 00:41:13,540 --> 00:41:18,461 Is it 1974? Have I been asleep and woken up in the '70s? 687 00:41:19,341 --> 00:41:20,301 Come on. 688 00:41:21,461 --> 00:41:25,821 Inside, Charlie's bureaucratic bombs kept on falling. 689 00:41:25,901 --> 00:41:29,180 In Lisa's mind, there is a lovely coffee area out here. 690 00:41:30,180 --> 00:41:33,341 -People can sit and have a cup of coffee. -Variation of planning. 691 00:41:34,180 --> 00:41:37,220 Building a fire pit. Do I need a council planning permission for that? 692 00:41:37,341 --> 00:41:39,620 No, but we might need a risk assessment. 693 00:41:39,660 --> 00:41:42,660 Can I put a note up outside? "Don't walk in the fire." 694 00:41:42,781 --> 00:41:45,180 -Just for public liability. -"Don't lie down in the fire." 695 00:41:45,220 --> 00:41:48,381 That's good. "Don't touch the fire." 696 00:41:48,461 --> 00:41:52,501 So, what I'm saying is, "Hello customer, I think you're a halfwit." 697 00:41:54,781 --> 00:41:57,461 Mercifully, I eventually escaped 698 00:41:57,540 --> 00:42:01,060 from the red tape and got on with the business of finishing the shop. 699 00:42:06,220 --> 00:42:07,941 See, that's going to work. 700 00:42:11,781 --> 00:42:13,140 [drill whirrs] 701 00:42:20,100 --> 00:42:22,620 We've got so much to do. 702 00:42:33,021 --> 00:42:34,501 Fucking hell. 703 00:42:36,100 --> 00:42:37,781 [drill whirrs] 704 00:42:40,941 --> 00:42:45,180 The next day, the weather was not like this. 705 00:42:46,180 --> 00:42:48,341 It was cold and bleak, 706 00:42:48,421 --> 00:42:51,180 and there were still issues to be dealt with. 707 00:42:53,140 --> 00:42:56,381 -They're really good eggs. -But you have got a salmonella test? 708 00:42:56,501 --> 00:42:58,821 -What? Have we? -Have you? 709 00:43:03,660 --> 00:43:04,941 [Kaleb] That looks really good, doesn't it? 710 00:43:05,060 --> 00:43:06,821 -Yeah, that looks fantastic. -I'll open this one. 711 00:43:06,901 --> 00:43:11,381 Here we go. And then, we have that's... Well, when it's closed, look... 712 00:43:11,461 --> 00:43:14,901 -No, no, no. It's a yoga shop. -[Lisa] Squat shop. 713 00:43:14,981 --> 00:43:17,580 Well, squat shop, it sounds like people come here to do yoga. 714 00:43:17,660 --> 00:43:19,660 -[Lisa] Diddly Squat. -Yes, but when we're closed, 715 00:43:19,700 --> 00:43:22,461 it's very clear what we do. When we're open, 716 00:43:22,540 --> 00:43:25,941 women will come in leotards and say, "Can I do a downward dog?" 717 00:43:31,421 --> 00:43:34,660 Bit of a problem with the spring water. 718 00:43:34,700 --> 00:43:37,381 I ordered four sample bottles, 719 00:43:37,461 --> 00:43:40,180 and they have arrived in time for the shop opening, 720 00:43:40,301 --> 00:43:43,941 but I went for the yellow one. 721 00:43:44,021 --> 00:43:45,660 And, as you can see, 722 00:43:47,781 --> 00:43:50,981 I mean the label is good. I'm pleased. 723 00:43:51,060 --> 00:43:53,260 It's clear, but... 724 00:43:53,861 --> 00:43:54,941 Um... 725 00:43:57,180 --> 00:43:59,861 It kind of looks like a sample. 726 00:44:03,100 --> 00:44:05,381 However, as zero hour approached, 727 00:44:05,461 --> 00:44:07,620 everything was finally in order. 728 00:44:10,620 --> 00:44:11,781 [joyous music playing] 729 00:44:18,260 --> 00:44:21,341 And we were ready to receive customers. 730 00:44:24,021 --> 00:44:25,341 The question was, 731 00:44:25,421 --> 00:44:28,301 had my social media shout-out been enough 732 00:44:28,381 --> 00:44:30,140 to draw any in? 733 00:44:30,421 --> 00:44:33,421 Right, here we go. This is it. 734 00:44:55,740 --> 00:45:00,060 [Lisa] Can I interest you in anything? Potatoes maybe? 735 00:45:00,140 --> 00:45:01,540 Yeah, it's a wide selection of potatoes. 736 00:45:01,620 --> 00:45:04,021 Yes. Well, they're Melody potatoes. 737 00:45:04,100 --> 00:45:07,301 They're delicious for chipping, for roasting, they're really good. 738 00:45:07,381 --> 00:45:09,740 -Okay. -Baking are fantastic. 739 00:45:09,821 --> 00:45:12,941 -Chips, knock yourself out. -Do you take American Express? 740 00:45:13,021 --> 00:45:15,021 -Visa. -Ah. 741 00:45:16,740 --> 00:45:20,060 [Jeremy] Then, just as I was starting to panic... 742 00:45:29,060 --> 00:45:30,341 [Jeremy] Holy cow. 743 00:45:32,660 --> 00:45:34,220 Oh, my giddy aunt. 744 00:45:35,540 --> 00:45:38,381 No, seriously, look down there. Look down there. 745 00:45:38,700 --> 00:45:41,220 It is, quite literally, as far as the eye can see. 746 00:45:51,021 --> 00:45:52,861 Oh, my God, what have I done? 747 00:45:52,941 --> 00:45:55,140 -[woman] You all right? -Yeah, I am. 748 00:45:55,220 --> 00:45:57,341 It's just more people have come than I was expecting. 749 00:45:57,421 --> 00:45:59,861 [woman] My husband had an operation, but he came to see you. 750 00:45:59,941 --> 00:46:02,981 -Oh, I'm so grateful to you. -Had a spine operation. 751 00:46:03,060 --> 00:46:04,580 Well, I've got disabled parking. 752 00:46:05,660 --> 00:46:08,260 -So, have you got your blue badge? -[woman] Yes, we do. 753 00:46:08,341 --> 00:46:11,220 Well, park in the blue badge. I've put a special space. 754 00:46:11,301 --> 00:46:12,861 -Thank you. -Thanks. 755 00:46:14,180 --> 00:46:17,700 Also, hordes of people were now arriving on foot. 756 00:46:19,540 --> 00:46:25,021 Soon, the shop was heaving, and Lisa was run off her feet. 757 00:46:25,100 --> 00:46:26,700 Hi. Hi, how are you? 758 00:46:26,781 --> 00:46:28,740 Hi, how are you? Hi, how are you? 759 00:46:28,941 --> 00:46:31,260 [Jeremy] I, meanwhile, had decided 760 00:46:31,341 --> 00:46:34,140 I was more useful as a front-of-house type of person. 761 00:46:34,861 --> 00:46:36,941 -You mind if I take a picture? -No, that's fine. 762 00:46:37,021 --> 00:46:38,941 -What do I write? -To Curtis. 763 00:46:40,861 --> 00:46:43,981 [Lisa] There we go. And your potatoes. 764 00:46:44,060 --> 00:46:46,501 That'll be £6.21, please, sir. There we go, £6.02. 765 00:46:46,580 --> 00:46:47,781 And that's £6.72. 766 00:46:47,861 --> 00:46:49,901 Anyone knows what happened Chelsea-Spurs? 767 00:46:49,981 --> 00:46:52,740 -Six... How much? £2.20? Hi, how are you? -Fine thanks. 768 00:46:52,821 --> 00:46:55,620 There we go, and your potatoes. You want the cake as well? 769 00:46:55,700 --> 00:46:57,021 Which newspaper are you from? 770 00:46:57,100 --> 00:46:58,821 The Cotswolds Gentleman. 771 00:46:59,421 --> 00:47:01,540 -The Cotswolds Gentleman? -Yeah. 772 00:47:01,620 --> 00:47:04,421 Oh, I like the idea of being in the Cotswolds Gentleman. 773 00:47:05,381 --> 00:47:08,421 As the customers piled in, a problem developed. 774 00:47:10,341 --> 00:47:13,301 The carpark was becoming a quagmire. 775 00:47:15,301 --> 00:47:16,660 [Kaleb] There's a problem. 776 00:47:16,740 --> 00:47:19,580 [Jeremy] I saw this as a public relations disaster, 777 00:47:19,660 --> 00:47:22,981 while Kaleb saw it as a business opportunity. 778 00:47:24,540 --> 00:47:27,421 You're not charging people to tow them out of the carpark. 779 00:47:28,260 --> 00:47:29,461 No, you're not. 780 00:47:29,941 --> 00:47:33,301 You can't. It's not fair. It's a shop. 781 00:47:34,021 --> 00:47:37,180 You're here to provide a service with my very powerful tractor. 782 00:47:37,781 --> 00:47:38,981 Hmm... 783 00:47:39,060 --> 00:47:41,060 Yeah, now that I think of it. 784 00:47:41,140 --> 00:47:42,700 [customer] Does that mean I can have my £10 back? 785 00:47:42,781 --> 00:47:45,100 You're not paying him. Kaleb, give him... 786 00:47:45,180 --> 00:47:47,821 -I gave him £10. -See? There's a business idea. 787 00:47:47,901 --> 00:47:49,821 It isn't a business idea, it's theft. 788 00:47:49,901 --> 00:47:54,781 As the afternoon wore on, the punters kept on coming. 789 00:47:58,060 --> 00:48:01,700 Right, so that is just over three kilos, let's say three kilos. 790 00:48:01,781 --> 00:48:03,981 A card would be much easier if you have it. 791 00:48:04,580 --> 00:48:06,781 I'll carry it to your car, madam. 792 00:48:08,580 --> 00:48:10,100 [Lisa] Thank you. 793 00:48:14,301 --> 00:48:19,260 I mean, I can't sell meat, but I have got a bit of mutton. 794 00:48:25,501 --> 00:48:27,981 [Kaleb] Thank you very much. And it's £10 to get out. 795 00:48:28,060 --> 00:48:30,660 If you want my meat, it's round the back. 796 00:48:31,461 --> 00:48:36,861 After a frantic day, it was time to shut the doors... 797 00:48:36,941 --> 00:48:39,301 -Thanks for coming. -Thank you ever so much for coming. 798 00:48:39,381 --> 00:48:40,501 [Lisa] Enjoy your potatoes. 799 00:48:40,580 --> 00:48:42,260 ...and count the takings. 800 00:48:44,861 --> 00:48:48,260 40, 60, 80, 120. 801 00:48:48,341 --> 00:48:51,941 Do we need one of those, like, Pablo Escobar counting machines? 802 00:48:52,021 --> 00:48:54,580 No, you know, like drug dealers where they go... [mimics riffling] 803 00:48:55,381 --> 00:48:57,700 One fifty... 804 00:48:57,781 --> 00:49:00,180 I'd say we have about 805 00:49:00,260 --> 00:49:05,060 160, 170, 175 in there. 806 00:49:05,140 --> 00:49:07,381 -One hundred and seventy-five? -Yeah, and... 807 00:49:07,461 --> 00:49:09,540 -£75. -Cash. 808 00:49:09,620 --> 00:49:12,341 -I know... -And then, but I was quite busy... 809 00:49:12,421 --> 00:49:14,700 -How much did we do on credit card? -How much do you think? 810 00:49:15,740 --> 00:49:19,901 Um... Don't know. I can't even begin to guess. £100, £200? 811 00:49:19,981 --> 00:49:24,620 [Lisa] £897.76. So, we almost made it. 812 00:49:24,700 --> 00:49:26,260 Eighty-seven? 813 00:49:26,341 --> 00:49:30,461 -£897.76. -Plus 100... 814 00:49:30,781 --> 00:49:33,540 -Plus 100... Well, we'll own up to this. -So, 170 odd. 815 00:49:33,620 --> 00:49:34,861 A hundred and... 816 00:49:34,941 --> 00:49:37,461 Seventy odd, so over a grand. 817 00:49:40,941 --> 00:49:43,941 -I know! -I'm a human tripod. 818 00:49:44,060 --> 00:49:47,220 -That's a lot of sales. We have... -There is still a lot... 819 00:49:47,301 --> 00:49:49,260 ...sold so many potatoes. 820 00:49:50,540 --> 00:49:53,180 And we have so many left, Jeremy. 821 00:49:55,781 --> 00:49:58,700 But no matter, the shop was now on the map, 822 00:49:58,781 --> 00:50:00,740 and there was always tomorrow. 823 00:50:02,301 --> 00:50:06,540 Except, as it turned out, there wasn't. 824 00:50:10,140 --> 00:50:11,580 I've been closed down. 825 00:50:11,660 --> 00:50:14,821 I have in my hand a piece of paper from the council. 826 00:50:14,901 --> 00:50:16,580 They are unhappy with the tin roof. 827 00:50:16,660 --> 00:50:18,501 They say they want it to be made of slate. 828 00:50:18,580 --> 00:50:21,421 Obviously, if they're not happy, I don't have planning permission. 829 00:50:21,501 --> 00:50:23,660 If I don't have planning permission, I can't be open. 830 00:50:23,740 --> 00:50:29,501 Which means this is the shortest farm shop business in history. 831 00:50:32,220 --> 00:50:34,620 Something will go right one day, it has to. 832 00:50:35,700 --> 00:50:36,781 It has to. 833 00:50:41,421 --> 00:50:43,700 Oh, yeah, look at that. 834 00:50:43,781 --> 00:50:47,100 Ecoists get their cocks out for this kind of thing, don't they? 835 00:50:50,060 --> 00:50:51,901 What the fuck are you doing up here? 836 00:50:53,140 --> 00:50:54,140 [upbeat music playing]