1 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:34,480 Now that we were heading into high summer, 2 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:37,760 it was time for one of the most enjoyable jobs 3 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:39,680 on the farming calendar: 4 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,800 putting the cows back in the fields 5 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:46,400 after their winter confinement in the shed. 6 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:51,200 Right, so we get four in the trailer and off to Cow Ground. 7 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:52,160 Yep. 8 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,240 Open that gate up. 9 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,000 I like working with you now. 10 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:04,000 What, you didn't used to? No. 11 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:07,960 Go on then, cows. Good cows. 12 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:10,120 - Go on. Yes. Get on. 13 00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:11,880 Go on. There we go. 14 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:13,160 Go on. 15 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:16,680 Right. 16 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:18,800 Are you gonna go on your own and I'll get the next four in? 17 00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:24,520 This is one of my favourite days, 18 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:27,560 releasing the cows into the fields, 19 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:30,960 because they're so happy after... What? 20 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:33,680 Five, six months being locked up in the barn? 21 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:36,040 They suddenly have the freedom, all that grass. 22 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:38,480 And it's like: "Oh, I remember." 23 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:42,080 I arrived at the cow field, 24 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:46,000 remembering well the last time we did this. 25 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:48,600 Look at them! Excited cows! 26 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:49,680 Free! 27 00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:50,760 Hey. 28 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:52,760 - So happy! 29 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:55,120 "I'm free and out!" 30 00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:59,680 And he released the raptors. 31 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:03,200 Wait. 32 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:09,320 There. You're free. Now go. 33 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:19,960 Is that it? 34 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:24,560 Come on! Where's all the running around? 35 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:28,040 You're supposed to dance around and be happy. 36 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,080 You ungrateful bastards. 37 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:41,360 After that letdown, I went to inspect my Space Penises, 38 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:45,840 fully expecting some more disappointment. 39 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:47,960 Right. 40 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:51,000 I'm rather optimistically going to bring... 41 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,360 One crate? Two crates. 42 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:55,960 Two crates for my mushrooms. 43 00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:59,040 I'll get into my Darth Vader outfit. 44 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:01,120 My rubber gloves on. 45 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:10,320 Yay! Holy Moly! 46 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:12,720 Look at those. 47 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,000 And those! 48 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,280 This is amazing. 49 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:20,760 Look at these beauties. Look at this. 50 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:24,280 This could work. This could actually work. 51 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,200 So what you do to pick them, 52 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:30,920 it's a twisting, strangling motion like... 53 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:33,520 That's not quite right. 54 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:37,880 God! I'm having mushrooms on toast tonight. 55 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:42,960 Having boxed up the mushrooms, 56 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,000 I high-tailed it over to the farm shop 57 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,080 before it opened for business. 58 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:51,040 Lisa? Yeah. 59 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,280 - I've got good news. Yeah? 60 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:56,160 Wow! They're beautiful. 61 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,240 - They are, aren't they? - What are they? 62 00:03:58,400 --> 00:03:59,880 - Grey oyster mushrooms. - Oh, my God. 63 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,120 I've made a thing for them. 64 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:04,360 - So we're selling them by the punnet. - Yeah. 65 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:06,200 How much do you reckon for a punnet? 66 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:08,440 I say £3, £3,50. - Yeah. 67 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:10,800 We then went to show them to Scott, 68 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,080 the chef in the shop's burger van. 69 00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:14,800 - Wow. - Aren't they beautiful? 70 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,640 These are all grown up at the... Yes. 71 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,880 We're growing these. We're gonna have a regular supply of mushrooms. 72 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:22,160 We can do mushrooms on toast or something in the mornings. 73 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:24,160 - Yeah, mushrooms on toast. Yeah! Amazing. 74 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:26,160 Everybody wants mushrooms on toast. 75 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:29,360 We can make mushroom ketchup if you get to the end and you've got loads left. 76 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:30,880 Ooh! - Nice! 77 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:31,800 - Yeah? - Mushroom soup? 78 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,240 Yeah. Whatever you like. 79 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:34,760 - Vegan burger. - Yeah! 80 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:36,800 - Finally we get... Oh, it's not vegan. Shit. 81 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:40,240 What have you done? 82 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:43,120 What's wrong, love? 83 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:46,360 Oh no. What's wrong? 84 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,000 Are you all right? 85 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:49,640 Are you crying or laughing? 86 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:50,800 We've won the appeal. 87 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:52,320 Shut up! 88 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,920 No way! - Ah, nice! 89 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:57,320 Oh, my God! 90 00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:59,200 We've won the appeal! 91 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:02,040 - Oh wow! What happened? Tell me! 92 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,720 - Stop the lights. - I'm reading it. 93 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:05,680 Well done, guys. 94 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:07,760 - Oh, my God! Oh, God. 95 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:09,240 I've been so worried. 96 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:12,160 - It's a hell of a long document but... - Bloody hell. That's juicy. 97 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:14,200 Point 41: 98 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:16,680 "I shall for the purposes of clarity and understanding," 99 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,680 this is the planning inspector, 100 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:23,320 "correct the allegation to a change of use to a mixed use 101 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:26,120 comprising agriculture, café, 102 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:31,320 restaurant, farm shop, parking and lavatory facilities." 103 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,000 - He's given us the whole shebang? Blimey! 104 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:34,600 - The whole lot. Yes! 105 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,520 It seems we aren't... That's gone. 106 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,160 We aren't allowed to have a restaurant there. 107 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:42,080 - But we can have this here. Amazing. 108 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:43,960 And we can make that a café in there. 109 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:46,960 This is very-- 110 00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:50,760 This is the biggest "fuck you" to the council I've ever... 111 00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:55,240 Oh, my God! I've been so worried. 112 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:56,720 That is amazing. 113 00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:58,480 But it's also common sense. 114 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,120 - Well, of course it's common sense! - I know. 115 00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:01,640 The council didn't have any, and there's an inspector... 116 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,520 Do you think the council will appeal? 117 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:07,400 - I don't think the council will appeal. - And spend everyone else's money? 118 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,480 This inspector's taken... How long? Four months? 119 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:12,600 I don't think he's going to have made a mistake, is he? 120 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:16,720 Basically, we're safe. And it seems to be for three years. 121 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,240 We're good to go for three years. 122 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,160 - We're back in business. The shop can do anything. 123 00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:24,200 - Fuck! 124 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:31,320 Lisa decided to celebrate this victory over the council 125 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:35,560 by inviting all her thin, blonde Oxfordshire friends over 126 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:38,120 for a spot of goat yoga. 127 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,480 Squeeze and retract the shoulder blades to open up the chest. 128 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:43,840 Into your Warrior 3 position. 129 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,920 Keep the hips square, shoulders square, core on. 130 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:48,160 And then press... 131 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:51,000 I'm sure this was all very modern 132 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:55,560 but I hadn't bought the goats to be used as wellness props. 133 00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:58,880 I'd bought them to lay waste to my brambles, 134 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:03,840 something they could hopefully start doing now they had a campsite. 135 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:08,600 However, we could only move them up there 136 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:10,640 if they were big enough. 137 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:12,120 Right. 138 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,440 - Do you know what we're doing? - We've gotta weigh them. 139 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:19,080 - And then, if it's underweight... - Yeah? 140 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:22,800 That's less than 17 kilograms, we spray it red. 141 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,000 - Not the whole thing. - 17 kilos? 142 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:26,120 - Yeah. - Wow. 143 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,800 And then if it's ready to go outside, it's green. 144 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:32,080 We're hoping they're all green because Lizzie's coming to take the milk machine. 145 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,160 They're on solids now, aren't they? 146 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,560 - How do we get them into the harness? Here, look. 147 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:39,840 You know how you get into it. 148 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:43,800 Right. Okay. Let's take a fatty. 149 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,000 - Don't! Stop eating my jeans. Quick. 150 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,760 - Uh-uh-uh. Stop it. No. 151 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:51,960 Ow! 152 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:54,040 Stop it! 153 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:57,120 - Okay. That is 96. 154 00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,640 You didn't... Well, 96 what? 155 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:00,640 Pounds? 156 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:02,080 Kilograms. 157 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:06,120 It's not 96 kilograms. That's heavier than me. 158 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:07,880 Right. Green. 159 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:09,800 No, don't let go until we've sprayed. 160 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,400 No, just spray. It's all right. 161 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:14,840 No, don't let go! Bring it back or else we're gonna lose it. 162 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:20,240 Wait, I'm just... Oh, my God. We're gonna be here for days. 163 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,760 Stop it. 164 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:26,240 - No, you've gotta get it in the middle. - It's heavy enough, I can tell you. 165 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:28,880 This one's just coughed and been sick all over me. 166 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:31,120 Get off. Get off! 167 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,600 This one is 16 with two back legs on the floor. 168 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:36,520 Well, that's not accurate. - That is definitely over 17. 169 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:40,480 In the middle of this festival of incompetence... 170 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:41,720 Come on, man. 171 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:44,480 Lizzie, the goat expert, arrived. 172 00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:45,880 Hi, Lizzie. 173 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:48,000 What are you doing? 174 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:49,080 Weighing them. 175 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,760 How's that going? 176 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,640 - Not very well. - No! You surprise me. 177 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:56,080 What did we say? 18 point...? But we haven't marked it. 178 00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:57,640 I have. - Oh, you have? 179 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:00,160 Yes. - Is there an easier way of doing it? 180 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,240 Yeah. I can definitely think of one. 181 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:05,440 Like, use the scales. That would be my recommendation. 182 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,760 How do you make a goat stand on a weigh scale? 183 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,280 Just, he'll stand there. It'll be fine. 184 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:15,840 So in fact, that's plugged into the mains, yeah? 185 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:17,160 Yeah. We're all good. 186 00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:20,520 If you stand by the screen when I put him on. 187 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:22,520 It should give you a weight. 188 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:24,640 - Oh, yeah. 19.46. - There you go. 189 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,880 So how... Ow! That really hurt. 190 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:30,000 You're getting weighed next for being a horrible goat. 191 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:33,880 Christ Al-bloody-mighty. This is a porker. 192 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:36,480 Wow. 28.66. 193 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:38,200 - Oh! 194 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:41,200 - Next time, if you put your hand not... - Yes, I've got that wrong. 195 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:42,320 23.92. 196 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:46,200 So you have grown good, solid, healthy goats! 197 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:48,720 - So we're happy? - We're very happy. 198 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,640 You've done a very good job. 199 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:55,200 All of these boys are certainly over seventeen. 200 00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:58,520 - And very ready to go out. - Ready to go out. 201 00:09:58,640 --> 00:09:59,480 Right. 202 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,880 Before moving the goats to their campsite, 203 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:06,160 there was something I needed to clear up with Lizzie. 204 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,520 What's this I heard about... Well, I was reading in my book, 205 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:12,720 that if they escape then they're... 206 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:15,760 - That would... Yeah, like... Get off. 207 00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:17,760 - If you get the... Stop it. 208 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,760 If you get the fencing wrong, it's carnage, 209 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,520 because you'll never keep them in, like, ever. 210 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:25,040 Once they learn... They're so clever. 211 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,400 If they start escaping, that's it. 212 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:30,080 Fuck me! 213 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,480 - I think it's trying to. Jesus Christ! 214 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:35,840 Right. 215 00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:40,480 Sorry, what were you saying about the fencing being catastrophic? 216 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,200 It could be catastrophic if you don't get it right. 217 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:45,160 So... Ow! 218 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:48,760 - Do you want a lunch box? Yeah! 219 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:52,520 I need a cricket... They know. - You need a cricket box. They do know. 220 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:55,400 It's because I cut their balls off. That really hurts. 221 00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:57,360 - Don't do that again. 222 00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,200 Do not. Don't do that again. 223 00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:00,600 Get off! 224 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:04,640 - They used to be so sweet. They were so small and cute. 225 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,320 And now they're just eating things. 226 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:09,640 - But if one does keep getting out... Yeah. 227 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:12,600 Best will in the world, what damage is it going to do? 228 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,160 Apart from kicking people in the nuts. 229 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:17,480 So we had one really bad group years and years ago 230 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:19,240 and they went for all our sapling trees. 231 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:22,600 they went through two fields to get to the sapling trees. 232 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:25,080 They could go onto the road and cause an accident. 233 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:26,280 Or your chillies. 234 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:28,360 - I don't know how many they'd eat... - They wouldn't. 235 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:30,200 They would certainly go through your polytunnel. 236 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,440 Horns in a polytunnel wouldn't be a good mix. 237 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:34,440 So, really, we've gotta be very careful. 238 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,240 You really, really do, yeah. 239 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:38,800 Can you imagine-- - Look at Joe. He's in real trouble. 240 00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:42,480 Here's our decoy here. - Help! 241 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:46,160 It likes you a lot. Literally nothing's sacred. 242 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:47,480 Ow! 243 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:52,680 We then showed Lizzie the field where the goats would live. 244 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:57,880 If I leave this alone for much longer, it will all just be bramble. 245 00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:00,880 Yeah. They'll take the worst of the brambles out. 246 00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:05,680 And at every opportunity, she came back to the topic 247 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:08,400 of their escaping skills. 248 00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:10,680 And do they need things to climb on? 249 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:14,920 We don't give them stuff outside because they roll them into the electric fence 250 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:16,760 - and then use that as an escape. - No! 251 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,080 No! - Yes. 252 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:21,040 What? Like Stalag Luft III? - Yeah, honestly. Like that. 253 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:22,920 Well, so rewind. 254 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:26,760 If we put their sort of wooden toys they've got in their barn now 255 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:30,000 and put them in here, they'll use them as a launching pad? 256 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,920 Yeah. We found that with the big sort of oil barrels? 257 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:36,400 They roll them up into the fence to short it out or use them to hop over. 258 00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:37,560 That's so cool. No! 259 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,360 They'll definitely be up on that pig hut 260 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:44,640 and over that fence, like, within hours if they had access to it. 261 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:46,200 Jesus. Clever, right? 262 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:48,760 They're very intelligent. Do not underestimate them. 263 00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:57,120 While we were wondering if a goat 264 00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:59,440 could jump a fence on a motorcycle, 265 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:03,160 Kaleb and Charlie were having a much grander day 266 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:04,680 in London. 267 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,440 They'd been invited to Downing Street 268 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,480 to talk to the Prime Minister 269 00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:13,520 about his "Back British Farm to Fork" initiative. 270 00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:17,600 And given the importance of the meeting, they met in a café 271 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:19,880 for a pre-match chat. 272 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:21,800 So today? Yeah? 273 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,280 - Quite a lot of people going. - Quite big? 274 00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:27,120 Jeremy told me to say... He said: "Kaleb, erm, 275 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:29,120 if you want any talking points, 276 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:31,600 just tell Ricky that he's probably not going to be Prime Minister anymore." 277 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:32,560 Rishi. 278 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:33,720 Rishi. 279 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:35,760 The president. The prime minister, sorry. 280 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:37,720 Yes, that'll be a great place to start. 281 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:39,960 I would definitely go: "Oi. Hello, Mr President. 282 00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:42,240 - How are you, Ricky?" -"Come and see me on the weekend". 283 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:44,560 "You won't be Prime Minister for long." 284 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,360 So what are you gonna talk about? 285 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:49,960 - What's your focus? I'll do it on young farmers. 286 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,280 - Good. - Young people getting into farming. 287 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:54,800 You can't go and farm your own farm nowadays. 288 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:59,160 A, they're so expensive. And B, everything's in a scheme. 289 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,080 - I got a quote for a tractor yesterday. - Yeah. 290 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:03,320 After discount, it's £205,000. 291 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:05,080 I know. It's insane. 292 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:06,960 - Oh, Christ. We'd better go. - Hm? 293 00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:08,320 We're gonna be late. 294 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:14,640 Trafalgar Square. 295 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:16,320 I drove through here! Yeah. 296 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:19,480 I didn't put my indicator on in this junction here. 297 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:20,880 - Really? - Yeah. 298 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:21,960 There's Nelson, look. 299 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:25,160 Who's Nelson? - He was an admiral. 300 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:26,920 He's up quite high up. - He won a battle. 301 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:29,000 - Do you know what he's looking at? - What? 302 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,760 You see where those flags are? - Yeah. 303 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:33,520 That's Admiralty Arch. 304 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:34,600 - OK? Right. 305 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,120 He's looking on the top of the arch. 306 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:38,720 There are loads of ships. 307 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:42,840 - And he's looking at that. - He led the Battle of Trafalgar. 308 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:46,080 All that concrete to build a man that's looking over some... 309 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:49,120 "I Heart London." Fuck that. 310 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:51,560 Press the button. 311 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:53,520 You press the button. 312 00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:58,920 Where are we going? We're going down Whitehall. 313 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:00,760 What is that? 314 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:02,560 It's a... Now what? 315 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:05,120 It's a very... Just keep going. 316 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,120 So here we are. This is Whitehall, this is where it all happens. 317 00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:11,000 What happens? 318 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,680 The management of the country! 319 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:14,600 There you go. Cabinet offices. 320 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:16,040 What's that? - You know what the Cabinet is? 321 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:19,160 No. - They're the more senior ministers. 322 00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:21,000 And they all work in there, do they? 323 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:23,040 I don't know what time it is. What time is it? 324 00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:25,760 9:11. 325 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:27,440 Oh, we're a bit early. 326 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:28,760 We'll hang around. 327 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:39,160 Morning. 328 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:40,920 Morning. 329 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:43,520 Morning. 330 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:45,680 Are you now just gonna try and get 331 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:47,280 - people to say "good morning"? - Yeah. 332 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:48,680 Morning. 333 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:53,360 - They'll think you're a fruitcake. - I'm just saying "morning"! 334 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,320 They-- They don't wanna talk. 335 00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:01,120 Soon it was time for them to head for that famous black door. 336 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,280 Ready? We gotta knock? 337 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:08,440 Yeah. 338 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,200 - Christ, all right. You might need to do it again. 339 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:12,480 What, knock? 340 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:15,320 If you want to step in. Okay. 341 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:18,400 Hi, guys. You all right? How're you doing? 342 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:19,600 Just a hint. 343 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:22,400 If you knock that loud again, I'll throw you out. 344 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:23,640 Say that again? 345 00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:25,920 Don't knock so loud. Sorry, we're farmers. 346 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,400 I don't care. Okay. 347 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,000 I'm not. Okay. 348 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:32,720 That told us. 349 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:36,240 While Kaleb and Charlie were being told off 350 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,720 by the Downing Street door police... 351 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:40,480 Come on, goats. Let's get you in. 352 00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:43,360 Lisa and I were finally moving the goats 353 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:45,320 into their new home. 354 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,040 So the idea is... This is their training garden. 355 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,200 Yep. And they live in here 356 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:53,360 until they've really eaten all the dock leaves and what have you. 357 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:55,600 - Okay. - Then you move them down. 358 00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:57,560 And the idea is that their mouths get, 359 00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:58,640 you know, used to... 360 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,120 Hardened. - Yes, exactly. 361 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:01,800 - Oh! - And they get hard mouths. 362 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,240 But then, 363 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:06,320 you see the bramble bushes, which is what I want them to start eating. 364 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:09,520 Yes. - So when they start hitting brambles, 365 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:13,240 that's going to be interesting for me. That's what I want them to eat. 366 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:15,160 Before all that, though, 367 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:18,320 we had to go through the unpleasant but necessary business 368 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:22,160 of getting them used to the electric fencing. 369 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:25,720 Out you come. They are coming out! 370 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:28,080 - So the white fence is gentle power. Yes. 371 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:31,640 And the orange fence is the national grid. 372 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:36,320 Oh, look: "I'm plotting... I've got an escape route here." 373 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,680 "Hey, guys. Follow me." 374 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,560 "I reckon we could be over in a jiffy." 375 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:44,800 Whoa! Was that a zap? 376 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:47,200 Oh no. They're eating the gate posts. 377 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:51,400 "Okay, I'm not eating the gate posts anymore!" 378 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:57,080 Sorry. 379 00:17:58,880 --> 00:17:59,800 Bah! 380 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:07,080 It's not funny. 381 00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:08,880 - No, it's really mild. And look... - It's not funny. 382 00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:10,760 I shouldn't laugh. 383 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:15,320 I'm not amused. I don't like to see animals in pain. 384 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:17,320 But they do have to learn. 385 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:20,320 And quite quickly, 386 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,400 they got the message. 387 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,080 Well, look at them all now, in the middle. 388 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,640 Yeah. - Their escape plans are in tatters 389 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,040 because of my security. 390 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:30,720 Eat. 391 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,800 Get your mouths hardened and then you can go and eat brambles. 392 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:39,280 Back at Number 10, 393 00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:42,400 Charlie was taking part in a highbrow think-tank discussion. 394 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,320 But you went through the list of grants there? 395 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:46,560 Hmm. 396 00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:49,080 - And you haven't listed them all? No. 397 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:50,960 - And all the schemes? No. 398 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:55,240 You do need a PhD now in grant applications if you're a farmer. 399 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:57,640 Meanwhile, out in the garden, 400 00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,920 President Ricky was in full schmooze mode. 401 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:03,680 How are you? Rishi, very nice to see you. 402 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:05,880 So what are you guys... Is this all from the farm? 403 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:09,200 Yeah, from the farms. We've got a Fenland Flag sausage. 404 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:12,760 And then we've got our traditional butcher's sausage, our Great Bramblebee. 405 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:14,320 - Yeah? That's... - And then some bacon going as well. 406 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,440 Oh, my God! It's been smelling. We were having Cabinet up there. 407 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,440 Literally, that's the Cabinet room there. 408 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:22,480 And everyone was just distracted and smelling your stuff coming through. 409 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:23,440 It's great! 410 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:25,800 - Look at this. 411 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,880 Then, in the actual Cabinet office... 412 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:29,880 How are you? 413 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,400 Kaleb got to meet the Prime Minister. 414 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:34,320 Thanks for coming. Kaleb! How are you? 415 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,000 This was his big moment 416 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:40,560 to talk about attracting youngsters into farming. 417 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,080 - Are you okay? - I'm very well, thanks. 418 00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:45,320 - You've got lovely hair. - Er, me? 419 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,160 - Had you heard otherwise? - No, no, no. 420 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:50,480 - It was just a general comment. - I just like hair. 421 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,320 When the conversation moved outside, 422 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,240 Kaleb finally did talk about young farmers. 423 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:57,640 The thing is in my head... 424 00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:01,200 But he made a bit of a meal about getting to the point. 425 00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,920 You know, farming's not a job. It's a way of life. 426 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,800 That is it. There's no other option there. It's a way of life. 427 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:09,200 You don't get up and go: "I've gotta go to work today." 428 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,320 I never ever wake up and go: 429 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:13,800 "I've really gotta work, I've got an 8 to 5 job. 430 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,080 I can't wait to finish." 431 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,440 Halfway through the day, you go: "Oh, I wanna go home." 432 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,960 I never do that. I wake up and go: "Right, what am I doing today?" 433 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:24,080 Yesterday... The day before, sorry. I was out there milking cows... 434 00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:26,160 Then I went out there and started mowing for silage. 435 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:29,080 And then I was spraying. No day is the same. 436 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:31,280 - Everyone should have a dream. - That's true. 437 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:33,040 A dream is somewhere to go and to get to. 438 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,000 As soon as you accomplish that dream, if you do it in 2, 3 or 5 years, 439 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:37,760 you've done it, set another dream. 440 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,480 And the thing I say all the time is dreams don't work unless you do... 441 00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:47,560 While Kaleb was bringing the country to a grinding halt, 442 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,080 Lisa and I had gone up to the mushroom bunker 443 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:52,880 to see if any more had fruited. 444 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:55,760 Oh shit. 445 00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:59,000 - Oh, my God. Have they not grown? 446 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,200 Oh, my God. What's wrong? 447 00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:07,720 What the...? 448 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:11,480 Look! How many have we got? Thousands! 449 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:13,200 Oh, my God. So those are those. 450 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,320 It's incredible. 451 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:18,520 Oh, my God. 452 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,080 Wow. Jesus. 453 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:22,560 These are ready. 454 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:24,160 They're very ready. 455 00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:26,400 Right. 456 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:31,440 - 24 hours ago, that didn't exist. I know. 457 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:34,520 Where does the matter come from that's made it? 458 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,240 In 24 hours? 459 00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:37,520 Look at it. 460 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:40,200 You need to get selling mushrooms. 461 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:46,080 What's more, the extraordinary lion's mane mushrooms 462 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,080 had started to appear. 463 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:50,520 Oh wow! - It's like a sponge 464 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:52,720 that's mated with a cauliflower. 465 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:54,400 And that's a mushroom. 466 00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:59,240 The man said that he reckons that they're space penises. 467 00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:02,600 That does look like it's from space. That really does. 468 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:10,200 There was no way we could fit even a tenth of this lot 469 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:12,200 into the farm shop. 470 00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:16,040 So I had to abandon my plans for the day 471 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:19,840 and man a hastily erected mushroom stall. 472 00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:24,120 Can I interest you in the new Diddly Squat range? 473 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:27,360 Grey oyster mushrooms. These are not like you get at the supermarket. 474 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,480 Or lion's mane mushrooms. 475 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:33,800 May I have some of both? - Yes, of course. 476 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:38,360 That's 427 grams. 477 00:22:39,120 --> 00:22:42,080 - That would be £12,81. Okay. 478 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:43,040 Ooh! 479 00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:45,280 Just out of curiosity... 480 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,400 Are you selling Space Penises? 481 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:02,760 Up in Piggy Wood, it had now been 11 weeks 482 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:04,920 since Ajax the boar had done... 483 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:07,600 boar things with the sows. 484 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:09,520 These are the four in question, 485 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:11,200 - hopefully pregnant. - Yeah, yeah. 486 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:16,560 So a local pig expert had come round to scan them. 487 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:19,480 And the news was good. 488 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:21,320 They're all pregnant. 489 00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:23,360 - They're all pregnant? - All up the duff? 490 00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,440 So we don't have to sell them. If they hadn't have been up the duff, 491 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:30,040 they're just eating food for no reason and they'd have to be bacon. 492 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:31,800 - Gerald! Hello, Jeremy. 493 00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:33,560 Hello, Gerald! Hello, hello! Ooh, sorry. 494 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:37,680 You all right? - Yeah. 495 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:39,440 Lovely piggies. 496 00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:40,680 - Aren't they great? - Yeah. 497 00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:42,440 You ever kept pigs? 498 00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:46,440 - No, this is the mothers. - Yeah. 499 00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:50,120 I've heard stories about sows and boars. They can be nasty, can't they? 500 00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:51,640 What can? 501 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:56,120 Sows and... When they got below the right stuff with the combine 502 00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:59,840 then you... When they got things coming out the side. 503 00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:04,840 Gerald? - Yes, my love. 504 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:08,800 When you planted all these trees, was it 60 years ago or so? 505 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:10,080 - You planted these trees? - Yeah. 506 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:11,280 - 60 years ago. - No way! 507 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:12,240 Yeah. 508 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:15,880 This was all... 509 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:17,800 All the way up there. 510 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:22,400 They grazed right to the... These were all... And all that. 511 00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:25,080 So these trees are younger than you? 512 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:26,040 Yeah. 513 00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,920 - This is Gerald's wood. 514 00:24:29,120 --> 00:24:31,280 You used to get the old shovel like that. 515 00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:33,040 - Wow, Gerald. - And then, 516 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:34,920 drop the thing and then heel 'em in. 517 00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:38,480 I went round with the... 518 00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,880 Bend it with a pole with all the fluid in there. 519 00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:44,040 As the years went on, like, 520 00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:47,480 there was all those Wellingtonias, all that. 521 00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:49,560 They were original wood, they were. 522 00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:51,920 - All right. 523 00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:53,200 At least once a fortnight, 524 00:24:53,360 --> 00:24:56,680 got the... 525 00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:58,080 Stinging nettles. 526 00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:00,120 Similar to that, it was. 527 00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,840 That's when bosses were bosses and you didn't say no to 'em. 528 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:06,320 - Yeah. 529 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:13,680 I'm really chuffed. I did not know that you'd done this. 530 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:15,320 That's brilliant. 531 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:18,360 So it shall become known-- We shall rename it Gerald's Wood. 532 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:24,200 We used to fill it up right in a little... 533 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,440 We were now well into June, 534 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:32,240 and life on the farm was a smorgasbord of busyness. 535 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,920 Up in a field called Downs Ground, 536 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:44,560 I took part in my first ever grass harvest. 537 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:49,400 This involved wrapping bales of grass in plastic sheeting, 538 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:52,360 which we'd feed to the cows in the winter. 539 00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:58,240 So we're collecting silage, yes? 540 00:25:58,400 --> 00:25:59,200 Silage, 541 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:03,200 is grass that has been put in a bag which is wet 542 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:06,440 and it's gonna ferment with all the sugars that naturally come off the grass, 543 00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,360 which is good for the cows with high sugar content. 544 00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:14,600 Kaleb was still annoyed that when my pigs had been in this field, 545 00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,520 they'd made a bit of a mess of it. 546 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:24,720 Why have we got "Jeremy Keep Out"? 547 00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:27,800 'Cause you keep fucking up this field. 548 00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:31,560 But nevertheless, it looked like we were getting a good crop. 549 00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:38,920 I quite like being a grass farmer. 550 00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:41,840 It's quite sort of mathematical and pleasing. 551 00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:43,040 You think: "I've done that right." 552 00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:45,880 It's like you know when you mow your lawn and you don't have to go over 553 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:47,720 a bit you've already done? 554 00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:51,120 I wonder if he mows his lawns. 555 00:26:53,120 --> 00:26:54,120 All done. 556 00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:57,200 As soon as the grass harvest was finished... 557 00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:00,160 So we need to have a look at the fertiliser spreader. 558 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:03,000 It was time for the annual Red Tractor inspection, 559 00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:07,520 where we have to prove the farm is clean and well run. 560 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:09,800 Yeah. That's fine. That's fine. 561 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,400 And given that Kaleb was now farm manager... 562 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,680 One, six, six, eight, zero. 563 00:27:16,120 --> 00:27:17,000 Eight, zero. 564 00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:20,520 Things this time round were very unstressful. 565 00:27:21,120 --> 00:27:23,440 The NSF record book. That's great. 566 00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:25,520 It's all here. 567 00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:28,360 You've got your First Aid box up here, which is great. 568 00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:29,400 Correct signage. 569 00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:30,840 Yeah. Lovely. 570 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:32,240 Sand bucket there. That's great. 571 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:33,640 - How are you doing? - Morning. 572 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:35,520 You and mushrooms! 573 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:37,840 Everywhere, he just appears with mushrooms! 574 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,120 I just live underground now. 575 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:44,480 Yep, no matter how busy Kaleb was... 576 00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:49,760 The mushrooms were keeping me busier. 577 00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:09,600 So this is the Forth Road Bridge I've created 578 00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:14,160 because all day I've been selling mushrooms, constantly, 579 00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:16,160 and we still have this many, 580 00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:19,240 and tomorrow morning, there'll be this many again, 581 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,920 and the next day, and the next day. 582 00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:26,240 In fact, I had so many mushrooms 583 00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:30,160 that besides selling them in the shop and the burger van... 584 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,160 I was now hawking them round local pubs, 585 00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:36,960 and even rival farm shops. 586 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:39,680 I had some last night. 587 00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:41,840 - I cannot tell you how good they are. Yeah. 588 00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:44,400 I mean, I cooked some last night. They're amazing. 589 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:47,320 Jesus. I had these last night. They're fantastic. 590 00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:50,560 Even though my incredibly varied sales patter 591 00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:53,200 was shifting some decent quantities... 592 00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:54,560 Five. We'll have 5 kilos. 593 00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:55,920 1.2. 594 00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:57,360 6.1 kilos. 595 00:28:57,560 --> 00:29:00,200 I was still barely scratching the surface. 596 00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:04,000 For fuck's sake... 597 00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:14,040 However, there was still time amongst all the madness 598 00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,960 to pause for the occasional treat. 599 00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:19,840 I've got a big surprise for you. 600 00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:22,480 Is it a proposal? 601 00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:30,120 Every time you say you've got a surprise, I'm like: he's gonna propose! 602 00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:32,200 - Every time! 603 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:36,440 Remember the tree fell down? 604 00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:39,360 - The big beautiful one? We put it back up again. 605 00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:40,400 Come and have a look. 606 00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:45,440 Look at that. 607 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:47,880 That's the tree we put back up. 608 00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:50,560 Wow. 609 00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:53,600 I'm so happy. Yeah! 610 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:55,960 'Cause it had been down for 6 months. 611 00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:58,160 And it's alive! 612 00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:00,160 But do you know what's weird? 613 00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:03,360 Is that the little branches are growing from absolutely everywhere. 614 00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:04,880 I know. It's incredible. 615 00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:07,160 That is what's called "bursting" back into life, isn't it? 616 00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:08,240 It sure is. Yeah. 617 00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:10,760 Well done. That's really nice. 618 00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:11,920 - I'm really happy with that. - Yeah. 619 00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:14,960 I'll think about the proposal, okay? I'm not ready yet. 620 00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:20,480 However, Mother Nature's ability to mend itself 621 00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:23,480 isn't always a source of joy. 622 00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:27,960 Sometimes, it can be downright annoying. 623 00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:30,960 A point brought into sharp focus... 624 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:32,520 Oh, Christ Almighty. 625 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:36,640 ...when Kaleb and I decided to resume work on the dam. 626 00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:38,960 I mean, is this... 627 00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:41,080 We just can't get to it anymore. 628 00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:44,640 We're gonna have to come with a chainsaw and cut all this back. 629 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:47,360 When were we last here? 630 00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:50,720 It wasn't that long ago. 631 00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:53,800 And now a jungle has happened. 632 00:30:56,600 --> 00:31:00,400 Happily, though, this meant I had an excuse to fire up WALL-E... 633 00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:06,360 My most favourite machine in the world. 634 00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:10,160 Oh! I'm back. 635 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,160 The emotional support unit. 636 00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:18,640 The machine of destruction. 637 00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:20,280 Look at it. 638 00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:22,080 Mincing. 639 00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:26,960 Atomising. 640 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:34,320 - What is...? - What? Chainsaw trousers. 641 00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:36,200 - Are those just the front? - Yeah. 642 00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:38,520 So if you're through like this and you hit yourself, 643 00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:41,120 they hit this and it tangles it up and stalls the engine. 644 00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:43,400 It is "Brokeback". 645 00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:45,400 What's that? 646 00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:48,440 Yes! Good dogs. Good dogs. 647 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:50,360 Sit, sit. 648 00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:52,960 Sit, sit. 649 00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:54,880 Sit! 650 00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:58,160 Sit, sit. 651 00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:02,280 No, it's gone. And that one's gone as well now. 652 00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:08,840 Having cleared a new path to the dam site, 653 00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:12,960 we got into a construction-worker state of mind 654 00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:15,400 and moved onto the next job. 655 00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:17,160 Lunch! 656 00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:26,520 That looks better now, doesn't it? 657 00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:30,240 I've had a thought. 658 00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:32,960 Why are we using that tube 659 00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:35,480 when we could use these sleepers instead? 660 00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:39,160 I see. Just put the sleepers across and then put the... 661 00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:41,920 If we put the sleepers across there... Do you see what I mean? 662 00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:44,840 Yeah, yeah, yeah. We dig out a hole. 663 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:47,040 Put some posts in, like this is... Exactly like behind of this. 664 00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:48,000 Exactly. 665 00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:51,440 Put some posts in. You slot one in, then another, then another. 666 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:55,640 Then all you have to do, with the clay, is back up the sleepers. 667 00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:57,200 And then... 668 00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:03,000 The water simply comes over the top of the sleepers. 669 00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:06,600 Why didn't we do that before? 670 00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:10,000 I've just got it in my head. We don't need a pipe, do we? 671 00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:13,200 We'll take the pipe out the way then, use it somewhere else. 672 00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:16,880 - Take it back to the farm. - We'll drive that back to the farm. 673 00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:24,480 Unhook it. 674 00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:28,160 - You know what I've just worked out? What's that? 675 00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:34,120 We are now exactly back to where we began in January. 676 00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:36,400 Pipe at the top of the field. 677 00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:39,040 Nothing done down there. 678 00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:42,160 We're never gonna finish this fucking dam. 679 00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:49,040 However, now we had the sleeper plan in place, 680 00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:52,280 I was much more optimistic that we would. 681 00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:54,800 Pull it through. Is that proud enough? 682 00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:58,040 For the first time ever, I want to leave 683 00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:01,080 further ahead than we were when we got here. 684 00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:04,760 Having prepped the site 685 00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:07,960 and rammed some supporting posts into the mud, 686 00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:11,440 it was time to place the sleepers. 687 00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:13,760 - Ready? - Go. 688 00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:16,120 Right. Digger man. 689 00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:20,920 Butt-crack alert! Butt-crack alert! 690 00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:23,440 - Warning, warning. 691 00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:28,280 Down. More revs. 692 00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:30,360 Using the digger scoop, 693 00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:35,000 I then pushed the foundation sleeper firmly into place. 694 00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:37,560 However... 695 00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:40,160 It floats! 696 00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:42,400 We hadn't thought of that, had we? 697 00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:44,960 I'll stand on it forever. 698 00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:51,160 Did you not bring any nails then at all? 699 00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:52,920 It's not... You'll never... 700 00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:56,280 If you put a nail in over the top of the sleeper, 701 00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:58,600 you're creating a bigger crack, the water will get through. 702 00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:01,160 I just wanna put a nail there so I can get off it and then pack it. 703 00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:05,000 But when the next goes on top, there'll be a gap between them. 704 00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:08,160 We need some clamps. 705 00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:11,840 - Something like clamps? - Or we can just get a big screw. 706 00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:15,760 - To go through a sodden railway sleeper? - Yes. 707 00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:18,360 We've gotta go to StowAg. 708 00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:21,160 I'm not suggesting we put another sleeper on 709 00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:25,400 until that one is securely fastened in place. 710 00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:26,960 Look. 711 00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:30,160 Why isn't that in a book somewhere that wood floats? 712 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:33,760 Could you rest that on top? - Can you stand on it then? 713 00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:37,800 You got it? There you go. 714 00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:39,160 There we go. 715 00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:41,560 Right. 716 00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:45,840 Another afternoon's work. 717 00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:47,680 And what we've done is... 718 00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:51,440 Nothing of any great worth. 719 00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:55,600 I'm not going to be defeated by this dam though. 720 00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:56,920 I'm just not. 721 00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:02,600 It would, however, be a while before I could get back to the dam 722 00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:06,680 because, predictably, there were more mushrooms to shift. 723 00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:09,800 Shit! 724 00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:15,960 However, Lisa had had a brainwave. 725 00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:19,360 She reckoned that if we dried the lion's mane mushrooms 726 00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:21,680 in the Diddly Squat dehydration unit 727 00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:26,160 and sold them as a powder, she'd make more money than I was 728 00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:28,680 selling them as actual mushrooms. 729 00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:33,320 - You can sell a hundred grams for £3. - Yeah. 730 00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:35,600 - And they last five days? Mm-hmm. 731 00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:38,320 I can sell a hundred grams 732 00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:41,760 for £30, and it lasts for a year. 733 00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:46,160 So lion's mane... I went into Chippy, to the health-food shop, 734 00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:48,480 I asked them how much they sell their lion's mane for. 735 00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:52,480 And they say they get it in once a week and it's sold out on the day it arrives. 736 00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:54,400 Well, it says here: 737 00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:56,360 "Lion's mane mushroom powder, 738 00:36:56,520 --> 00:37:00,360 - 30 servings, for £40!" Yes. 739 00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,200 -£40! Yes. 740 00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:07,640 I put it in my coffee, and it's like having spearmint through your head. 741 00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:11,640 Your whole mind just opens up. You're really clear-thinking. 742 00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:15,320 The mornings I don't take it, I notice the difference. It's amazing. 743 00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:17,200 Hold on. It says here that it's good 744 00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:21,280 - for your focus, memory and digestion. - Yeah. 745 00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:24,560 Right. This is the nutrition values on it, yeah? 746 00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:25,520 Yeah. 747 00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:27,960 - Total fat: nought. Excellent. 748 00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:29,520 -nought. - Excellent. 749 00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:31,280 Total carbohydrate: nought. 750 00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:34,840 Total sugars: nought. Added sugars: nought. 751 00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:38,200 nought. There's nothing in it. 752 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:39,400 Excellent. 753 00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:43,960 How can it help your memory, focus and digestion when it contains nothing? 754 00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:45,320 The magic of mushrooms. 755 00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:49,480 Yes, I know. But if you add butter, there's a point to it. 756 00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:51,200 How can people... Why? 757 00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:53,400 Are you complaining or are you growing mushrooms? 758 00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:57,280 I'm going to struggle to say: "Would you like to buy 759 00:37:57,480 --> 00:38:00,320 this mushroom powder?" "What's in it?" "Nothing." 760 00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:03,040 - Whatever. Honestly, Lisa. 761 00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:05,640 Do your friends eat this shit? 762 00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:09,880 Anyone who's everyone takes lion's mane. 763 00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:11,880 I don't understand this at all. 764 00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:13,040 Hello. 765 00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:14,560 Hello, cheerful! 766 00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:17,120 Welcome to a world where Lisa is planning on selling 767 00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:20,520 50 grams for £40. 768 00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:21,480 Wow. 769 00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:24,640 - What are you doing? This is my little dehydrator. 770 00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:28,560 Yeah? - So this here was a full tray 771 00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:32,280 and it goes down next to nothing. Then I'll just blend it up, 772 00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:36,680 stick it in little bags, put a "best within 12 months"... 773 00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:39,200 You're gonna sell powder in baggies from a Range Rover? 774 00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:40,680 So you... Okay. 775 00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:43,480 How do you know it lasts a year? 776 00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:47,160 Because once it's dried and powdered, it has twelve months. 777 00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:49,880 'Cause the stuff I buy is dried and powdered and that's 12 months. 778 00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:53,200 So how do you think that they know? They've tested it. 779 00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:55,840 - They've done their testing, yeah. - They've done their testing. 780 00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:58,560 And ours is even better because it comes from down the road. 781 00:38:58,760 --> 00:38:59,760 No, no. They've done their testing. 782 00:38:59,960 --> 00:39:02,600 - Uh-huh. - So they've validated... 783 00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:04,920 Yeah. Yeah. - And verified the fact that... 784 00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:06,840 Because dehydrating, you're taking all the moisture out. 785 00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:07,960 Yes. 786 00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:09,600 - You remove the water content... - Yes. 787 00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:12,080 - So it doesn't grow... - It doesn't grow mould... 788 00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:13,280 - Bacteria. - Exactly. 789 00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:17,840 So you've done your Hazard Analysis and Critical Control Point checks? 790 00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:20,360 HACCP. It's basic food standards. 791 00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:22,160 But no. No, no. This is from... 792 00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:24,960 This is from farm to farm, so you don't have to do that. 793 00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:26,400 - Because... No, no, no. 794 00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:28,120 That's if you're selling to the wider market. 795 00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:31,080 - Charlie, I am allowed 796 00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:33,200 to grow tomatoes here and sell them in the shop. 797 00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:36,640 And you're allowed to do that within a farm shop thingy. 798 00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:39,280 - No. - Once it's dried, it's dehydrated. 799 00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:42,680 - There's nothing in it but powder. But how do you know it's dry? 800 00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:45,040 Because it'll go into a powder. 801 00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:46,920 But after 3 weeks, it might be full of mould. 802 00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:49,160 You've sold it to somebody and then it's mouldy. 803 00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:52,160 So it didn't last a year, it will have lasted 3 weeks... 804 00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:55,120 Listen. Okay. So what's your solution, Charlie? 805 00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:58,640 Well, you'll have to test it. And then... Whoa, whoa. No, test it. 806 00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:01,640 There'll be a laboratory. We'll find out who tests it. 807 00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:04,080 Or we could just sell them as mushrooms. 808 00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:08,400 No, that's a waste, though. Lion's mane in your tea in the morning... 809 00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:11,040 - But nobody wants that. While we're doing... 810 00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:12,840 How many men do that? None. 811 00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:16,760 Not men that you know because you were born two millenniums ago. 812 00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:18,760 This millennium people, they know all about it. 813 00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:20,880 Okay, as a solution... 814 00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:22,480 Why do you need to put a year on it? 815 00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:24,880 - You just put six weeks, two months. Okay. 816 00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:27,160 - And that... And that covers my arse? 817 00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:28,680 Yeah. - Okay. 818 00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:30,560 But you'll have to test it for that long. 819 00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:31,560 Okay. 820 00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:34,000 Right. Okay. Onwards. I shall go and flog 'em. 821 00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:36,640 I might as well just keep on drying here, yeah? 822 00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:40,160 Okay. You need record what you're doing. 823 00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:41,120 Okay. 824 00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:42,960 "I have dried this for two hours." 825 00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:44,120 I do a video, yeah. 826 00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:46,640 - Good. I'm going to take videos. 827 00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:48,600 Okay. So, first of all, video. 828 00:40:49,520 --> 00:40:51,840 First of all, I washed the mushrooms... No, I didn't. 829 00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:55,320 First of all, I cut them off at the base, then I washed them in... 830 00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:57,520 There in a fridge, in a... 831 00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:01,320 First of all, I cut the bottom off and then I washed them. 832 00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:05,800 And the whole kitchen has been, erm, certified. 833 00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:11,920 As we came to the end of June, 834 00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:14,760 everything on the farm was looking wonderful. 835 00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:19,640 But, there was a big but, 836 00:41:20,280 --> 00:41:22,640 because Charlie was not a happy man. 837 00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:27,760 Put simply, the weather had not been playing ball. 838 00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:32,120 March had been the wettest for 40 years. 839 00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:36,160 May had been freezing. 840 00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:41,360 And June had been the hottest on record. 841 00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:45,840 This looks a mess. But why? 842 00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:49,640 And already Charlie could see the effects of all this turbulence 843 00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:54,640 by examining what remained of Kaleb's oilseed rape. 844 00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:59,160 You know, it hasn't pollinated brilliantly. It hasn't, erm... 845 00:41:59,320 --> 00:42:00,920 We've got quite a few misses. 846 00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:03,600 That's probably when it was cold and miserable in April. 847 00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:04,560 Yeah. 848 00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:07,200 It hasn't thrived, has it? No. 849 00:42:08,840 --> 00:42:11,640 - So we're half a tonne an acre down. - Yeah. 850 00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:14,600 Across 25 acres. 12 tonnes. 851 00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:15,800 Yeah. 852 00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:17,600 £5,000. 853 00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:20,320 That's a hit, isn't it? 854 00:42:20,480 --> 00:42:22,400 It'll be a challenge in this crop 855 00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:23,920 - to make a profit. - Yeah. 856 00:42:26,360 --> 00:42:29,040 And once his happiness hoover was switched on, 857 00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:32,560 he was sucking it up from everywhere. 858 00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:36,800 But they're not animals but they're definitely not plant... 859 00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:38,120 - Oh, here we go. Hello. 860 00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,480 This is bound to be good news, everybody. 861 00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:42,200 Why've you brought me barley? 862 00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:45,040 - So, I've just been for a crop walk. - Yes. 863 00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:49,640 The spring barley, you know it went in a bit later. 864 00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:50,680 Yeah. 865 00:42:50,880 --> 00:42:53,400 It's now putting up all these little shoots here, look. 866 00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:55,880 Don't tell me that's bad to have all... 867 00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:58,400 Well, it might stuff your malting barley. 868 00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:01,520 You might not be able to make beer out of it. 869 00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:05,920 Because you've got these very early mature ones 870 00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:08,880 and then there's still enough oomph in the soil 871 00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:11,640 to throw out these little tillers. 872 00:43:11,840 --> 00:43:15,280 And those late maturing ones will be a problem at harvest. 873 00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:19,520 'Cause we're gonna have some immature fat grains 874 00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:20,680 - in with the mature grains. - What-- 875 00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:23,080 You can't physically go and take all these out. 876 00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:26,560 - So, you know... What do we do? 877 00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:29,920 There's nothing we can do. We just have to hope 878 00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:32,280 that it's warm and dry, and they mature at harvest. 879 00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:36,040 Otherwise, there's no Hawkstone... from here. 880 00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:39,080 - Are you saying that this won't make... - Well... 881 00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:40,840 What weather do we need? 882 00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:44,320 We just want not too hot, so these don't mature too early. 883 00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:47,840 Goldilocks temperature. Just right. 884 00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:49,680 - Like today. - Like today. 885 00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:51,560 - Until... - For the next six, eight weeks. 886 00:43:51,720 --> 00:43:52,520 Eight weeks. 887 00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:55,560 If the weather plays ball, we've got half a chance. 888 00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:58,520 If it doesn't, I'm really worried. 889 00:43:58,720 --> 00:44:00,240 Yeah, we know all about that. 890 00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:01,440 Do you know about that? 891 00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:04,040 We've got barley and we've got... 892 00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:06,160 And how is your spring barley doing? 893 00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:07,440 Seems to be okay I think. 894 00:44:07,600 --> 00:44:09,680 Are you listening to this? Their spring barley's all right. 895 00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:10,680 Where are you? 896 00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:14,160 - Market Harborough. Leicestershire. - Leicestershire, yeah. 897 00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:16,760 So what would you say about our spring? 898 00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:18,800 The lower shoots are your problem. 899 00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:20,720 The lower shoots are the problem. Exactly. 900 00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:22,200 Not what you want to be hearing. 901 00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:23,200 No. 902 00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:26,840 Shit... 903 00:44:29,040 --> 00:44:30,920 Charlie's gloomy arable forecast 904 00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:33,800 put something of a dampener on proceedings 905 00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:37,320 as the farm manager and I met for a whiteboard catch-up. 906 00:44:39,240 --> 00:44:42,240 And found that Kaleb's outgoings had now gone through 907 00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:45,520 the £100,000 barrier. 908 00:44:47,240 --> 00:44:49,400 It's... it's scary. 909 00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:51,640 We're having to spend 102,000 910 00:44:51,800 --> 00:44:54,240 - and we can't control the outcome. - Yeah. 911 00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:56,640 Geopolitical events, weather. 912 00:44:57,440 --> 00:44:59,960 - The price at the end of the day. Yeah, exactly. 913 00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:03,080 It's like going to a casino. If it's a £2 minimum bet, 914 00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:04,960 - you'll have a punt. Yeah. 915 00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:09,080 A fun night out with your friends. If it's a £50,000 minimum bet, 916 00:45:09,240 --> 00:45:10,680 - you're not gonna bet. - No! 917 00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:14,080 How much would we spend five years ago? 918 00:45:14,240 --> 00:45:17,240 Probably half that, didn't we? 'Cause the fertiliser price has doubled. 919 00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:21,560 78,000... Can you imagine spending £78,000? 920 00:45:21,720 --> 00:45:24,320 - On something you throw on the ground! - Yeah! 921 00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:27,160 You can't even measure its success. 922 00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:29,920 I've got four tonnes left over, yeah? Do you know why that is? 923 00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:33,400 Because every time I come to the end of the run, I've turned it off quicker. 924 00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:35,280 Seed costs have gone up... 925 00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:38,520 by 35%, 40%. 926 00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:43,160 Chemicals probably... You know, they've gone up. 927 00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:47,640 I mean, for example, glyphosate used to be £40 for a 20 litre can. 928 00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:50,240 - Yeah. -£162 now. 929 00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:54,680 £162 for a 20 litre can of glyphosate. 930 00:45:54,840 --> 00:45:56,800 - That's weed killer basically? - Yes. 931 00:45:57,480 --> 00:45:59,720 Christ. These figures are terrifying. 932 00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:05,240 The only positive is that while my side of the board was also in the red, 933 00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:10,040 some of my schemes did look like they'd soon be making a profit. 934 00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:12,320 Honey, that... 935 00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:15,400 - That will start coming back in again. - A couple of weeks. 936 00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:17,240 Er... Mushrooms... 937 00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:19,360 Yeah. - That could go green. 938 00:46:19,560 --> 00:46:21,000 - Yeah. Mustard, who knows? 939 00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:23,320 - That should be good money. It should go green. 940 00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:25,720 Pigs are costing so much. What's going on? 941 00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:29,080 No, to be honest, this is the total loss at the moment. 942 00:46:29,240 --> 00:46:32,320 But by the time all those that we're selling are sold... 943 00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:34,040 - Yeah. - ...and sold through the shop... 944 00:46:34,240 --> 00:46:36,760 We should. - That should go green. 945 00:46:36,920 --> 00:46:40,360 Hang on. Why is Wildfarm on my side of the board? 946 00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:41,920 Well, it's your field. 947 00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:45,080 Yeah, but I thought it was your experiment? 948 00:46:45,240 --> 00:46:46,280 Yeah, on your field. 949 00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:48,600 - How is it fair you make the decision... - Yeah. 950 00:46:48,760 --> 00:46:50,040 - And it's on my side? - I know. 951 00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:51,920 - It should be on your side. - No. 952 00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:07,480 I'm fucking crying! 953 00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:08,840 What's going on? 954 00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:10,320 Never... 955 00:47:11,080 --> 00:47:13,800 With Kaleb's side of the board looking so shaky, 956 00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:18,600 it was vital that my unfarmed project succeeded. 957 00:47:19,200 --> 00:47:21,120 So we had to get a shift on, 958 00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:23,440 making sure the shop and the burger van, 959 00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:26,600 newly liberated from their council shackles, 960 00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:31,320 were ready and able to deal with the summer-holiday tourists. 961 00:47:31,520 --> 00:47:33,120 Check on, one burger, one bacon. 962 00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:34,680 Thank you so much. 963 00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:36,880 Go. Measuring. 964 00:47:37,040 --> 00:47:40,200 This meant getting cracking with the car park. 965 00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:41,720 What are we on now? 966 00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:44,760 45. We'll go 68. 967 00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:47,520 I didn't think this would be difficult. 968 00:47:47,720 --> 00:47:48,760 There. 969 00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:50,200 Or expensive. 970 00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:51,640 53 metres. 971 00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:53,360 Or time consuming. 972 00:47:53,560 --> 00:47:54,720 Right here. 973 00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:56,760 But I was wrong. 974 00:47:57,320 --> 00:47:58,640 Very wrong. 975 00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:06,200 £80,000? 976 00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:07,720 Why don't we do it? 977 00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:11,320 We'll do it in two days. - No.