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[theme music playing]
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[birds chirping]
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[fly buzzing]
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[tense music]
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[insects buzzing]
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[water splashing and wind whistling]
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[cicadas buzzing]
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[engine whirring]
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[Jeremy] Driest February ever.
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- Wettest March for 40 years.
- [Kaleb] Yeah.
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[rain splashing]
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Then it didn't rain at all
but was cold in May.
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Then it went to the hottest June ever.
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[cicadas buzzing]
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- Since then, it's been...
- [Kaleb] The wettest July.
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[rain splashing]
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- The wettest July and the coldest.
- [Kaleb] Yeah.
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[soft music]
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[Jeremy] Given that the weather
had done the exact opposite
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of what we needed all year long,
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we were praying
for an old-fashioned autumn
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with lots of warm sunshine.
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But no.
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The crucial harvesting month
was also refusing to play ball.
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Today was meant to be sunny. Look at it.
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[ominous music]
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[Jeremy] And now Kaleb
had killed the crops off
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to ready them for the combine,
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the clock was ticking.
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[tense music]
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The longer they sat in the field
too wet to harvest,
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the more they would deteriorate.
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We need under 15.
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[Kaleb] 18.4.
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Shit.
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[Charlie blows]
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[Charlie] We're probably okay at nine.
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18.3.
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[Jeremy] It has to be less than nine.
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17.5. Bollocks.
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Hi. Have you done a moisture test?
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[Charlie] I can feel it's wet already.
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18.6.
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This year's an absolute pig.
It just won't dry at all.
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- What is it?
- [Kaleb] 17%.
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I think I've broken a record of how
many times I can moisture test a field.
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Moisture test, moisture test,
then moisture test again.
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Then do another moisture test.
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Get to the end of the day
and go, no, it's not gonna go today.
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[Jeremy] To add to the pressure,
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Andy Cato was now worried about how well
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his wild-farmed wheat field
would perform...
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- [Andy] Morning.
- [Jeremy] How are you?
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[Jeremy] Because he feared
he'd been too conservative
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with the nitrogen fertiliser.
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[Andy] I don't think
we've got it quite right here.
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We've ended up using an absolutely
miniscule amount of nitrogen here,
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about 11 kilos.
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How much have you put
on that field over there?
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- No idea.
- A couple of hundred maybe?
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- Kaleb knows.
- Yeah.
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So a couple of hundred kilos on that,
and 11...
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I don't know, but I guess
it'd be somewhere around there.
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[Andy] But I think we haven't quite got
the balance quite right in this field.
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We've undercooked it a bit.
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It's just a little bit lacking in energy.
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[soft music]
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[Jeremy] After sitting on our hands
for day after frustrating day,
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conditions did finally start to improve.
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It sounds better.
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[machine grinding]
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[Kaleb] Oats...
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We need under 15%.
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15% now!
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So by the time Simon gets here,
that'll be fit to go.
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[Jeremy] As usual, Charlie
had gone on holiday for the harvest.
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This meant Kaleb was fully in charge.
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So, while we waited
for the combine to arrive,
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he summoned me to his office
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for what he said
was an important meeting.
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[Kaleb] Hey-up.
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So this is...
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[Kaleb] Welcome to my office!
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Well, how long have you had this?
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[Kaleb] Well,
since you made me farm manager.
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- [Jeremy] Well, that's months ago.
- [Kaleb] I know!
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I just cleared a bit of space and...
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Who's done your interior decoration?
Nicky Haslam, is it?
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No, me!
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- [Jeremy scoffs]
- It's a work's office.
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- [chuckling] It's not an office.
- It's good!
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I found this table
out the old shed at the back there.
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And this one here is actually
just like a dresser with some...
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The electric's not the best in here.
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It's the shittest office
I've ever been in.
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- It's not! It's dry.
- You've got a washing machine, though.
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Yeah, and a tumble dryer.
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[Kaleb] Anyway, more importantly.
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- Charlie's in the U.S. of A.
- I know.
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Harvest is around the corner,
so obviously he's gone away.
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- [Kaleb] Exactly. So he's gone away.
- Yeah.
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But as farm manager now,
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it makes me responsible
for the health and safety on this farm.
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Oh, God...
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Ten minutes. That's all it's gonna take.
I've gotta go through this folder.
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- What is it?
- You can read it if you want.
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Read all the risk assessments
that I've done.
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- Have you done risk assessments?
- [Kaleb] Yeah.
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I had to. It's on my head.
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If you injure yourself now,
do you know whose fault it is?
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Mine. I go to prison.
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And this face isn't for prison.
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The other day we were carting stone
for the car park, yes?
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[Jeremy] Yeah.
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What happened when you pulled up
to the drive off the car?
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- Oh, the trailer came up.
- [Kaleb] Yeah.
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- That's quite dangerous, though.
- [Jeremy] Why is it dangerous?
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- [Kaleb] The overhead power cables...
- There aren't any.
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Okay, there isn't any,
but if there was...
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Well, there isn't.
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[Kaleb] You could have taken them out
and killed yourself or somebody else.
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But there isn't.
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Do you know the correct way to get out
of a tractor if you've hit a power cable?
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- No.
- [Kaleb] The correct way
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to get out of a tractor
if you've touched a power cable,
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because it will shoot
through your tractor,
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is to bunny hop.
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Open the door, top step, and just jump
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as far as you can away from it.
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- I can't bunny hop.
- [Kaleb] You'd probably break your leg.
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And my knees are not up to any...
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[Jeremy] I'll sit in it
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because the rubber tyres
will insulate me.
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But you can't ring me then
because there's no signal.
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Why not?
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Because the electricity
will knock out your signal.
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People will miss me after a while.
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- No, I wouldn't.
- [Jeremy chuckles]
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Anyway. Have you got
What3Words on your phone?
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- [Jeremy] Yeah.
- OK.
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Just in case of an accident,
you can tell me what specific three words
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and I know where you are.
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I don't understand What3Words.
I thought you had to choose the words.
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[Kaleb] No.
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It said, "You choose three words
for wherever you are."
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But I thought if I send that to you,
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how do you know
what three words I've chosen?
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I'm gonna warm this one up.
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[Jeremy laughs]
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I genuinely... I promise!
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So, basically...
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Honestly.
I've got it on the phone and it said...
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- Whatever... Walnut, toffee, cat.
- Yeah.
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[Jeremy] Well, I don't want those words.
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- Somebody else has chosen them.
- [Kaleb] Yes.
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Well, I don't like that.
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I write newspaper columns.
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Nobody chooses the words for them.
I choose the words.
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Yeah, so the person
who wrote this What3Word programme
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chose the words for each place.
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- [Jeremy] Well, I've got it anyway.
- Good.
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All right. At random.
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"No smoking when refuelling"?
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- [Kaleb] No.
- I never knew that.
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I always used to light up
when I was filling up the car.
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Always.
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I wish you did.
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[upbeat music]
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[Jeremy] A couple of hours later,
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Kaleb met up with Simon and his combine
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to harvest the oats
he'd planted in the fields
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where the rape had failed.
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[Kaleb on radio]
Have you got a walkie-talkie, Simon?
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[Simon on radio] Yeah, I've got it.
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[Jeremy] And I suspect
he was hoping to get it all done
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without my help.
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I think he's hoping I won't find him
but I shall.
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Then I shall offer my assistance.
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And he will be happy.
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[Jeremy over loudspeaker]
Good news! I'm here to help.
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[Kaleb sighing] Oh no...
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[Kaleb on radio] You can have
this trailer, I'll have the other one.
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[Jeremy] The trailer
Kaleb wanted me to use
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00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:11,320
was only half full.
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So I had to hook it up
and then carry on filling it.
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[Jeremy] Genuinely,
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I still don't know
how to hook a trailer up.
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Up. Go up.
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- [Jeremy] Is that right?
- [Kaleb] No.
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Use your joystick.
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Unlock it on the little button,
the hydraulics...
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You need the hydraulics.
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Use that little...
194
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Is it locked or not?
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- I don't bloody know.
- Is it locked on the little button?
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What?
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Are we ready?
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Roll forward a little bit more.
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What? Backwards?
200
00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,720
You've gotta go forward
a little tiny bit. Whoa!
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00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:56,640
How can they refuel a fighter jet
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00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,080
in mid-air at 30,000 feet
203
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and yet somehow,
farmers have not yet invented
204
00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:03,600
- an easier way...
- No, you rolled forward again.
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00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,880
I had to roll forwards!
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00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:09,000
- [Jeremy] Whoa. Shit.
- Yeah!
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Now we're cooking!
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Only took fucking three hours.
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Right. There you go.
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00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,760
Do you wanna try
your hydraulics before we go?
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00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:20,440
[Jeremy] How do I try hydraulics?
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00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:23,520
- [Kaleb] Unlock the hydraulics.
- I have unlocked it.
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00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:25,200
I think.
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00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:27,320
[button clicking]
215
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:29,840
Go down.
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00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:31,320
No, no, no. Go down.
217
00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:33,240
[buttons clicking]
218
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,440
[machine whirring]
219
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:36,520
[Kaleb screams]
220
00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,240
[Kaleb] Oh, you fucking...
221
00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:42,440
[button clicking]
222
00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:47,240
I honestly... I can't. I can't stand him.
223
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:50,440
[Simon] Give him a shovel and some bags.
That's what did with the students.
224
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,080
Make them shovel it up again.
225
00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:53,240
[both] No!
226
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Fucking hell.
227
00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:56,960
Right. That is up, there.
228
00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:58,160
[Kaleb shouting] No, stop!
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00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:01,440
- [button clicking]
- [Jeremy sighs] Shit.
230
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,280
Can we have an agreement...
231
00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,360
From now on then, you plug it in.
232
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,960
When you plug those hoses in,
can they always be the same?
233
00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:13,400
Yes. That's what I always do.
But your tractor's shit, for one.
234
00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:15,720
You're incapable of driving it, for two.
235
00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:17,240
It's not me.
236
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:20,040
Well, it is. Every time you jump in it,
you press the wrong one.
237
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,520
That's because every time I get in it,
238
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each button does a different thing.
You would agree with that.
239
00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:27,600
Yeah, because it's a shit tractor.
240
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,160
[engine whirring]
241
00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:34,040
[Jeremy] Luckily, my godson was doing
work experience on the farm that week,
242
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:37,120
so he got to experience the joy
243
00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,520
of shovelling up my spilled oats...
244
00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:41,880
[Jeremy] Here we go.
245
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:43,120
Coming in.
246
00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:48,120
[Jeremy] While I headed over to Simon
to take the rest of his load.
247
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:52,200
Now, let's not muck it up, Jeremy.
Let's not muck it up.
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00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:54,160
[tense music]
249
00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:05,120
[Kaleb] He's nervous now.
He's all over the place.
250
00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:08,760
[Kaleb on radio] Go over,
left a little bit. Go left! Go left!
251
00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:12,800
[Kaleb] All of that just went over.
Look how much...
252
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,520
[Kaleb on radio] You've just spilt loads.
253
00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:15,760
[Jeremy] What?
254
00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:17,560
[Jeremy on radio]
What have I done wrong now?
255
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:20,480
[Kaleb] You've just spilt loads
and loads over the left-hand side.
256
00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:22,120
You were too close.
257
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:25,880
Oh, I don't understand.
I don't understand anything.
258
00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:28,360
[upbeat music]
259
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:31,520
[tractor honking]
260
00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,880
[Jeremy] When it was time
to take my next load,
261
00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:38,120
Simon made a rather humiliating decision.
262
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:45,080
[Jeremy] Erm, I'm loading
while stationary.
263
00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:47,840
I know you can see it at home
and you're laughing at me,
264
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,760
but the important thing is:
265
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,280
Kaleb's not here to see it.
266
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:55,320
[music continues]
267
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:05,840
[Jeremy] But even though I'd lost
whatever harvesting skills I'd once had,
268
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:09,880
we did manage, that day,
to get both fields of oats harvested
269
00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:12,800
and in the shed.
270
00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:15,760
Eat your heart out Mac Scotland.
271
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:18,480
We can have
some Mac Chipping Norton porridge.
272
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,200
[upbeat music]
273
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:25,640
[Jeremy] However, we couldn't savour
the normal joy of harvesting
274
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:29,840
because once again,
the weather reared its ugly head.
275
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:32,960
So now we'll go into the Met Office.
276
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:35,480
They're saying 10 o'clock tonight rain.
277
00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:37,480
Er, mine's saying 9 o'clock.
278
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:40,240
Have you got this particular app of doom?
279
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:41,680
Is that the Norwegian?
280
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,200
- [Jeremy] Which one's that one?
- [Andy] Rain today.
281
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,200
I've just been looking
at the BBC Met Office.
282
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:47,880
That Norwegian one is very good.
283
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:51,120
- Yeah.
- They're all saying now 10 o'clock.
284
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:52,640
- 10 o'clock?
- 10 o'clock.
285
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:54,840
Holy shit. Look at that.
286
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:56,720
That is coming.
287
00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:59,520
And it's going to get medieval
on our bottoms.
288
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:04,360
[Jeremy] With every app
saying wind and rain was on the way,
289
00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:07,400
Kaleb made a late-afternoon decision.
290
00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:12,040
I think we finish this field off,
because we're here anyway...
291
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:13,280
You're the farm manager.
292
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:15,840
And then we move down to the Wildfarmed.
293
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,120
Yeah. OK. Well, that'll keep Andy happy.
294
00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:19,800
[Kaleb] Yes. And get that done.
295
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,560
I think the problem
that Andy's worrying about, yeah?
296
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,400
Our wheat now
will be fine against the weather.
297
00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:26,680
It'll take a little bit of battering
before it loses the milling quality.
298
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,280
Yeah. You mean before you can make it...
299
00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:31,480
Well, you can make it into bread,
not cow food.
300
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:33,240
Exactly. Or chicken food.
301
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:37,520
The problem I think he's worried about
is that that's such an old variety
302
00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:39,680
that he's worried
about it losing the milling quality.
303
00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:42,760
- Which it might in bad weather.
- [Kaleb] Yes.
304
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:49,480
[Jeremy] Andy had predicted
that because he'd been too cautious
305
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:51,000
with the fertiliser,
306
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:54,880
his field wouldn't produce
a massive yield.
307
00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:57,600
And he wasn't wrong.
308
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:02,360
[Jeremy] I mean, a third of the field
309
00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:05,440
and it's less than half the trailer full.
310
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:08,000
Well, we're easily gonna get
this field done.
311
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:09,000
Yeah.
312
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,080
It's pretty low, isn't it?
313
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:13,720
[Kaleb] Is it worth doing?
314
00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:15,800
[Jeremy] Yeah. You're just being awkward.
315
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,960
You've been awkward all year
about somebody stealing your field.
316
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,760
Well, you shouldn't have let
someone else drill my field.
317
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,760
You're always going to be negative
so I'm not gonna listen to you.
318
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:25,800
Because I look after fellow Doncastrians.
319
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:27,080
Doncastrians?
320
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:29,040
- That's what we're called.
- Dear Lord!
321
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,480
- He's from Donny, I'm from Donny.
- I bet you're in some sort of cult!
322
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:34,800
Doncaster has given the world...
323
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,400
Kevin Keegan, Diana Rigg,
324
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,680
and now we're saving farming.
325
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:45,000
I'm not being horrible,
but I have no idea what you're on about.
326
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:46,680
- Never heard of Kevin Keegan?
- No!
327
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:48,840
Was he a Prime Minister?
328
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:51,720
- No, he was captain footballer.
- [Kaleb] Oh!
329
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:53,600
- Ah...
- [Jeremy sighs]
330
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,520
[soft music]
331
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,520
[Jeremy] Working without a break
into the night,
332
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:15,480
we got Andy's wheat in
just before the rain came.
333
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,760
[pitter-patter of the rain]
334
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:24,680
And the next day,
this new-age mix of wheat and beans
335
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:26,720
went off to be milled.
336
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:29,360
[soft music continues]
337
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:32,960
This meant we could turn our attention
to the problem child...
338
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,560
the oilseed rape.
339
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,240
[Jeremy] Now,
let's just remind ourselves...
340
00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:44,480
there's a saying which says
if you haven't got your rape planted
341
00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:46,200
by the time of the Moreton Show,
342
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:49,360
which is a farming show near here,
343
00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:52,400
which is early September,
don't plant it because you're too late.
344
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:55,360
We didn't get our rape
in by the Moreton Show.
345
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:57,640
We advised Kaleb not to plant rape.
346
00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,960
He went ahead and planted it anyway.
347
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:01,760
Most of it failed.
348
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:05,360
This field didn't fail.
349
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,640
We're waiting to see what the yield is.
350
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,360
How many fields have we got?
Have we got two fields of it, haven't we?
351
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,720
We normally put
about 100 hectares in, yeah?
352
00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:15,320
Of oilseed rape.
353
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,120
And this year we've got 20.
354
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:19,120
Yeah. How much failed?
355
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,880
- Only one field. 80 hectares.
- No, two fields failed.
356
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,200
- No, one field's failed.
- Oh.
357
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,360
Say sorry.
358
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,120
I'm sorry you planted the wrong crop.
359
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:31,120
No, say sorry.
360
00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:32,760
Sorry your mistake
was bigger than it was.
361
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:33,720
Be nice for one minute.
362
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:36,160
- [Jeremy] You've done a very good job.
- Thank you.
363
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:37,160
[Kaleb chuckling]
364
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:39,440
There we go.
365
00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:41,960
- [Jeremy] What do we want it to be?
- [Kaleb] Underneath nine.
366
00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:44,840
Twelve!
367
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:46,840
I reckon another two hours
and we'll be going.
368
00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:50,640
[Jeremy] So, a couple of hours later,
369
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:54,200
we came back to do another moisture test.
370
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,080
- [Jeremy] What was it this morning?
- It was 12%.
371
00:16:57,240 --> 00:17:00,080
- [Jeremy] We need it to be less than 9.
- Yes.
372
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,720
I don't remember very much
from the years I've been farming
373
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:05,240
but the one thing I do remember,
and this was on television,
374
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:06,960
is Charlie said to me
375
00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:11,000
that a contractor, Kaleb or Simon,
will always say,
376
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:12,720
"Oh it's fine,
don't worry about the moisture."
377
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:16,880
And Charlie said,
"Never ever let them harvest it
378
00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:17,920
"if it's too wet.
379
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,520
"Never ever let them do that."
380
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:24,880
So if it's over 9,
I mustn't let him combine it.
381
00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:29,240
[Kaleb] What is it?
382
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:30,760
So it's 10. So it's still too wet.
383
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:34,200
You can make the decision now
because you just say "I'm a contractor".
384
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,680
So, what are we gonna do?
385
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:38,280
Do you want me
to get this off today at 10%,
386
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:40,000
take a little bit of the drying charge?
387
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,400
Or wait until the end of the week
when our wheat's ready?
388
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,960
If we lose the Hagberg on the wheat,
we're gonna lose the milling quality.
389
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:49,080
The last thing we want is to harvest this
when our wheat's ready.
390
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:50,560
So you make the call. Go for it.
391
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:53,800
You'll go, "You're just a contractor.
Nah, nah, nah."
392
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:55,920
Go on. Call it.
393
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,800
Charlie said don't harvest...
394
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,880
[Kaleb] Yeah, I know what Charlie said.
But this is your decision now.
395
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,080
Call it. By the time we get going...
396
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:06,800
I can't call it when you keep talking.
397
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,920
[Kaleb] All right.
Go on then. I'll shut up.
398
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:11,240
[Kaleb in mocking tone]
"I'm just a contractor."
399
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,320
So there's probably 5 or 6 hours
400
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:16,640
- in total to get the rape in.
- [Kaleb] Yeah.
401
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:17,880
And the wheat...
402
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:19,720
[Kaleb] It's gonna be ready
on Wednesday afternoon.
403
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,760
I guarantee that wheat
will be fit Wednesday afternoon.
404
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:25,080
Make the call.
405
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:29,080
I cannot believe
Charlie's gone on holiday.
406
00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:30,640
Can you please just make the decision?
407
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:33,400
- I can't make a decision...
- I'm doing it for you then. We're going.
408
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:35,800
- [Kaleb] Ready?
- Charlie told me not to do this.
409
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,040
I'm calling Simon. We're calling it.
410
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:40,960
[upbeat music]
411
00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:43,960
[engine whirring]
412
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:47,800
[Jeremy] When Simon arrived,
I went off to do mushroom business
413
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,920
leaving Kaleb waiting anxiously
to find out
414
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:56,920
whether his rape gamble had paid off.
415
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,680
[Kaleb on radio] Simon, do you copy?
416
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:02,320
[Simon on radio] Yeah, I've got you.
417
00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:03,920
[Kaleb on radio] Are you getting on well?
418
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:05,880
Erm, yeah. Well, yes.
419
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:08,160
[Simon on radio]
We're only a quarter full.
420
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,240
Quarter full?
421
00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:15,320
At the moment it's saying
a quarter of a tonne to the hectare.
422
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:18,560
Shitting hell.
423
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:23,320
[Simon on radio] A lot of these plants
just haven't got any pods on at all.
424
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:26,560
That's the trouble with rape:
it's a volatile crop.
425
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:32,800
[upbeat music]
426
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:42,800
[Jeremy] I returned when they were
on the second and final field of rape.
427
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,040
[Jeremy] How was, how was, er...
428
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,080
- [Kaleb] That was shockingly bad.
- How bad?
429
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:49,080
[Kaleb] Really bad.
430
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:51,480
No, what was the yield?
431
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:54,920
Oh, like, averaged on 300 kg a hectare.
432
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:56,640
You're joking?
433
00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:58,240
Has that trailer got
the first field in it?
434
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,560
Yeah. I wouldn't go
and have a look if I was you.
435
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:02,800
Don't do it to yourself, honestly.
436
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:10,800
- [Kaleb] See what I mean?
- [Jeremy] Yeah. 25 acres?
437
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,320
- [Kaleb] Yeah.
- [Jeremy] Shit.
438
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:16,080
[Jeremy] Once again,
439
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:19,800
it was the weather
that had dealt the killer blow.
440
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,680
[Kaleb] That's a rape stalk.
Where's all the pods gone?
441
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:25,720
[Jeremy] Oh shit. There's no pods at all.
442
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,200
And look.
If you look this way, behind you.
443
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,760
Can you see it? It's a little bit thinner
and it's going like that in the wind.
444
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:35,320
It's got so brittle
and that storm and the rain come in,
445
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:38,160
it's knocking out
the rapeseed that we want.
446
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:39,920
Honestly...
447
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:42,400
I mean, I am pissed off,
you are pissed off.
448
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:44,280
I mean, I can see you're pissed off.
449
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,480
[Kaleb] I'm just fed up.
450
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,560
[Jeremy] I mean, I'd normally taunt you
451
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:52,320
and say you were told not to plant rape.
452
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:53,920
[Kaleb] I'm not in the mood.
453
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,200
[Jeremy] I mean, you know...
454
00:20:58,640 --> 00:20:59,520
Cheer up.
455
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:01,760
- [Kaleb] Oh, I've just had enough.
- What?
456
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:04,240
[Kaleb] Well, you put
all that time and effort in, and money.
457
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,680
I know it's not my money.
Okay, you know.
458
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:10,080
The 'oo-ar' bit's a joke and that lot.
But it's still...
459
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:13,800
I still don't want it to do badly,
you know?
460
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:17,080
I'll get you a beer.
461
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:19,760
Yeah.
462
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:22,040
Aw, mate.
463
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:23,960
[both chuckling]
464
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,040
- It's annoying though, isn't it?
- [Jeremy] Yes.
465
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,400
- And we're in this together, aren't we?
- [Jeremy] Yeah.
466
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:32,040
I'll go and get the trailer.
467
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,080
I'll drop this one off
and then I'll meet you back here, yeah?
468
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:35,080
[Jeremy] Yeah.
469
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,400
[soft music]
470
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:49,880
[Jeremy] Once the rape was in,
there was a harvesting pause,
471
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:53,760
so I went to London
to see my new granddaughter...
472
00:21:55,640 --> 00:22:00,440
Leaving Kaleb in charge
of the now very pregnant pigs.
473
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:03,960
[pig grunting softly]
474
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:12,320
[Kaleb] She's very close.
475
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,280
She's extremely close. I reckon tonight?
476
00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:17,960
[grunting continues]
477
00:22:18,120 --> 00:22:19,640
She wants comfort.
478
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:25,520
A bit like going into
the maternity centre with the other half.
479
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,040
Hold their hand...
480
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,320
Massage their back.
[chuckling]
481
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:36,720
Scratch around their ears.
482
00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:40,200
You're okay. Yeah.
483
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:42,440
Yeah, you're good.
484
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,000
Calms her down, look.
485
00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:52,240
[soft grunt]
486
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:58,680
[Jeremy] The next day,
the piglets started to appear.
487
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:01,840
[pig grunting]
488
00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:05,800
Lots of them.
489
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:12,880
In fact there were so many...
490
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:14,600
[piglets squeaking]
491
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,520
that Dilwyn the vet had to come along
492
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:22,000
to do a bit of social engineering.
493
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:23,720
[Kaleb] Fifteen, sixteen in here.
494
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:25,000
Yeah, that's too many.
495
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:28,560
[Dilwyn] She'll be struggling
to rear more than twelve.
496
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:30,640
- [Kaleb] Yeah.
- [Dilwyn] Twelve, thirteen.
497
00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:33,640
I think the best thing to do
is to get the smaller ones
498
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:34,960
and put them over there.
499
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:36,160
[piglets squeaking]
500
00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:37,560
She is farrowing outside.
501
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:38,640
[Kaleb] Yeah.
502
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,960
[Dilwyn] Put them over there.
That'll give them a chance.
503
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:43,000
[Kaleb] Yeah.
504
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:45,040
Look at that.
505
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:47,640
[Dilwyn chuckles] Yeah, look at that.
They are minute.
506
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:48,680
[Kaleb] They're tiny.
507
00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:50,160
[Dilwyn] They are absolutely.
508
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:52,800
Look, a mother.
509
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:56,280
[pig grunting softly]
510
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,200
[pig honking]
511
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,480
[piglets squeaking]
512
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:07,960
[Kaleb] That's having a good feed now.
513
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:16,400
It's wicked, isn't it, when you see that.
514
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:23,040
[soft music]
515
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:26,640
[Jeremy] When I returned,
Lisa and I rushed over to Pig City
516
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,280
to say hello to the new arrivals.
517
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:31,520
Oh...
518
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:34,240
[Jeremy] This is amazing!
519
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,480
[Lisa] Look at the size of that one.
520
00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:39,200
They're heavy already!
521
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:43,200
And here you are. Sucking straw.
522
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,760
[Jeremy] Oh, my God! There's loads!
523
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:49,160
Well done!
524
00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:51,840
We're not going
to call you Swizz anymore.
525
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:55,360
In March, Swizz gave birth to three.
526
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:58,080
- [Lisa] That's right.
- [Jeremy] This time, eleven.
527
00:24:58,240 --> 00:24:59,440
- [Lisa] No!
- [Jeremy] Yes.
528
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:01,360
- [Lisa] Swizz!
- [Jeremy] Eleven.
529
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,800
[Jeremy] So the total number of pigs
we had in March
530
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,080
- was 28 piglets.
- Yeah.
531
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:09,400
This time, 53.
532
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:12,040
Whoa. I think that's because they're fit
running up and down that hill.
533
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:13,720
[Jeremy] I think it's because
they're happy because of the woods.
534
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:15,000
[Lisa] I think so.
535
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:18,640
But, this is the main thing for me,
you know my pig ring?
536
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:19,840
[Lisa] Yes.
537
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:21,280
[Jeremy] Has it worked?
538
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:23,760
Last time,
539
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:25,960
28% were squashed by their mothers.
540
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:27,960
- Ooph.
- [Jeremy] This time,
541
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:29,600
13%.
542
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:31,000
Oh, that's very good.
543
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:33,160
- That's excellent.
- [Kaleb] Hey.
544
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,080
[Jeremy] Dude! Have you seen
how many piglets we've got?
545
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:38,280
Have I seen?
I was here helping deliver them.
546
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:41,400
[Kaleb] I'll tell you what, though.
I hate to admit this, yes?
547
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:44,600
Clarkson's Ring? It works.
548
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:45,720
[Jeremy] Yeah.
549
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:50,320
I mean, you can just see,
she's pushed up here against the ring
550
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:53,120
and the piglets can run behind her.
551
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:55,760
I mean, that's extraordinary.
552
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:59,160
[piglets squeaking]
553
00:25:59,360 --> 00:26:02,320
[soft music]
554
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:04,920
[Jeremy] We then had to break off
from pig midwifery
555
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:08,320
because it was time
to harvest the barley.
556
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:13,360
And as Charlie had feared...
557
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:16,120
[Charlie] You know
it went in a bit later?
558
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:17,120
Yeah.
559
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:19,960
[Charlie] It's now putting up
all these little shoots here, look.
560
00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:23,600
And those late-maturing ones
will be a problem at harvest.
561
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,360
[Jeremy] There were signs
that the erratic weather
562
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:29,680
had ruined this crop as well.
563
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:33,960
This is the barley.
And the problem we've got here, look...
564
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,960
[Kaleb] Look at the green in that.
That's a green one.
565
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:39,960
It shouldn't be doing that.
566
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:44,840
[epic music]
567
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:49,600
[Jeremy] The winter wheat
was next in line for a haircut.
568
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:53,120
[epic music continues]
569
00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:01,320
[Kaleb] Breakfast, lunch and dinner.
570
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:11,600
[Jeremy] And then, Kaleb headed over
to the last of the big crops...
571
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:15,960
Durum wheat. Here we come.
572
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:23,880
Where he was teamed up
with the assistant combine driver.
573
00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:28,720
- You all right, mate?
- You all right?
574
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:31,200
- [Gerald] Yeah.
- [Kaleb] Good.
575
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:33,600
Yeah, you can't...
576
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:35,200
Them bloody things,
you don't wanna be...
577
00:27:35,360 --> 00:27:38,240
They'd be better off if you could...
[Gerald speaking indistinctly]
578
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,600
It's all right. Don't worry about it.
I thought I'd jump in and see you.
579
00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:42,080
Yeah, that's fine.
580
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:44,320
[Gerald speaking indistinctly]
581
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:47,400
You must... Haven't even got time
to fart, I should think.
582
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:50,440
They still don't know how to come in,
which way to come in, do they?
583
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:53,400
You know, we can't get
the rest tipped in this trailer yet.
584
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:55,400
It's still drying and what.
585
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:57,640
Only went to Romania, didn't it?
586
00:27:58,360 --> 00:28:00,160
- Pardon?
- It's all Mrs Hasting.
587
00:28:00,360 --> 00:28:02,960
Simon is still in that place.
588
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:08,160
[Gerald speaking indistinctly]
589
00:28:08,360 --> 00:28:09,360
[Gerald chuckling]
590
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:11,720
Yeah, that was farming, wasn't it?
591
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:12,680
Yeah.
592
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:15,960
[upbeat music]
593
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:21,360
[Jeremy] An exhausted Kaleb
finished a couple of days later.
594
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:24,560
But there was
very little time to relax...
595
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:26,080
[Kaleb] Hey!
596
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:28,440
[Jeremy] Because Charlie had returned...
597
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:31,600
[Kaleb] You haven't got a tan.
Your limbs are all intact.
598
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:33,320
[Charlie] I'm all here.
599
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:37,480
[Jeremy] ...And immediately wanted
a catch-up on the crops.
600
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:38,880
I got the spring barley in.
601
00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:41,120
- [Charlie] Good.
- [Kaleb] I hope that makes malting.
602
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:42,080
[Charlie] Yeah.
603
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,480
[Kaleb] That's the one
that's worrying me the most.
604
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:47,520
[Charlie] Er, the durum,
that must make pasta grade.
605
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:49,360
- Yeah.
- [Charlie] Because Canada's having
606
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:50,840
a shocker again. It's really hot.
607
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,480
- [Charlie] So the price of durum...
- What is the price of durum?
608
00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:56,640
Really good.
609
00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:58,560
- [Charlie] £500, £600 a tonne.
- OK, yeah.
610
00:28:58,760 --> 00:28:59,760
[Charlie] You go that side.
611
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:03,640
[Jeremy] While Charlie and Kaleb
were collecting samples
612
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:07,000
to ascertain the quality
of what we'd harvested,
613
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:10,080
I was pulling together
the last bits of revenue
614
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:12,440
from farming the unfarmed,
615
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:15,200
with one unexpected income stream
616
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:18,960
coming from what traditionally
is our most jinxed crop.
617
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:20,560
[Lisa] Heel, heel.
618
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:22,400
[Jeremy] Potatoes.
619
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:26,200
[Lisa] Arya, no, that's my potatoes! No!
620
00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:28,560
Get off my potatoes! Go on this way.
621
00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:31,040
No. You eejits. Go on. This way.
622
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:33,800
[Jeremy] Basically, Lisa had commandeered
623
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:36,400
one of the fields
I'd earmarked for mustard
624
00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:38,600
and planted spuds in it,
625
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:43,320
because she wanted
to have another crack at making crisps.
626
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:46,920
Do you know how many crisps
people eat in England every year?
627
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:48,480
- No.
- Six billion.
628
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:51,280
- Six billion packets of crisps?
- [Lisa] Packets.
629
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:54,640
- It's small wonder Lineker's so rich.
- [Lisa] Yeah, exactly.
630
00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:57,080
[Jeremy] This all sounded very exciting.
631
00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:00,600
But working out how we stood financially
632
00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:04,480
triggered another bout
of Diddly Squat maths.
633
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:07,760
So we've got 50 tonnes. That's...
634
00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:12,720
Well, one tonne is a hundred
thousand kilos, isn't it? Yeah.
635
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:13,720
Is it?
636
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:15,480
- What's one tonne?
- [Lisa laughing]
637
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:17,880
- [crew man] A thousand kilogrammes.
- A thousand kilogrammes is one tonne.
638
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:18,840
Right.
639
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:21,560
So it's half a million grammes
640
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:24,720
divided by 120.
641
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:26,520
So you should be getting...
642
00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:28,000
Four million...
643
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:31,120
No, 4,200 packets of crisps out of here.
644
00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:33,160
[stuttering] How do you... No!
645
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:35,280
There's a million grammes in a ton.
646
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:37,320
So it's 50 million.
647
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:39,560
- I may have got my decimal point wrong.
- I think you might have.
648
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:41,600
- 400,000 packets of crisps.
- [Lisa] No.
649
00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:43,120
No. That'll be 4,160,000...
650
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:45,520
[Jeremy] Lisa, your business plans
are worse than mine.
651
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:46,480
[Lisa] No.
652
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:47,960
- Let's see your numbers on mustard.
- I haven't done them.
653
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:49,400
How do you know you're going to be ahead?
654
00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:50,440
It's in my mind...
655
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:52,160
[Jeremy] Eventually, we agreed
656
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:55,680
the potatoes would bring in...
something or other.
657
00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:59,920
And then, I set off with my trailer,
658
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:04,120
to harvest the mustard fields
Lisa hadn't commandeered.
659
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:12,920
Ooh. This is gonna be tight.
660
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:21,040
[Jeremy] I think that will
just about get the tractor through,
661
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:24,240
but what about the trailer?
662
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:32,000
[Jeremy] Erm...
663
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:37,640
[cracking and clanking]
664
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:39,520
Shit...
665
00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:48,440
What the hell am I going to do now?
666
00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:55,720
Well, how are we gonna get
the combine in?
667
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:57,120
Well, how are you gonna get
the tractor moved?
668
00:31:57,280 --> 00:31:59,880
- I can get that out the way.
- Go on then. Can you move this?
669
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:02,920
Because I'm properly stumped on that one.
670
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:07,880
- [clanking]
- [Jeremy sighs]
671
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:09,640
[Jeremy] Don't do that!
672
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:11,360
[whirring]
673
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:12,480
Oh...
674
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:17,880
I did not think of doing that.
675
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:22,320
I did not think of doing that.
676
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:27,560
Bollocks.
677
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:30,200
Stu...
678
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:32,280
Fucking hell.
679
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:35,800
Theres's drivers
and there's screwdrivers.
680
00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:37,800
And you're a screwdriver.
681
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:40,760
No, I forgot I could lift it up.
That would have got it through.
682
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:42,640
- Yeah.
- But I forgot I could lift it up.
683
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:45,320
How are we gonna get that in, though,
more importantly?
684
00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:47,480
[Jeremy] Erm...
685
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:53,280
[Jeremy] The problem with planting crops
on ground that's not usually farmed,
686
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:56,000
and I should have realised this,
687
00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:57,600
is that none of the gates
688
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:00,920
are designed for modern farm machinery.
689
00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:08,080
So, Simon and Kaleb
had to make a long and irritating detour.
690
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:10,280
[Kaleb] Jesus Christ.
691
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:12,280
[Simon] Yeah.
692
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:17,080
[Jeremy] And then,
to get into the actual mustard field,
693
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:19,720
we had to smash a fence down.
694
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:26,960
[Simon] Er, right.
What are we doing here?
695
00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:31,640
[Jeremy] This was the field where,
five months earlier,
696
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:36,400
Kaleb had been less than impressed
by my planting skills.
697
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:39,160
[Kaleb] Look, you started drilling here,
and then you come along.
698
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:40,760
Fucking great miss.
699
00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:43,320
Oh look, another miss.
700
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:46,240
[Jeremy] But, now we were here,
701
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:50,200
to me,
the results looked pretty impressive.
702
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:53,320
[epic music]
703
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:57,440
So, once Simon had finished combining,
704
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:02,960
I brought my trailer in,
ready to receive my load.
705
00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:08,840
There's the fan.
706
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:12,520
And here comes the mustard.
There it is, look at that!
707
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:14,680
There's tonnes of it!
708
00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:22,680
Is that it?
709
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:27,040
Right...
710
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:36,120
Well, I guess I better cancel
the speedboat order.
711
00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:40,680
[Jeremy] Having readjusted
my financial expectations,
712
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:44,200
I set about turning
the few seeds I did have
713
00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:46,760
into a delicious mustard.
714
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:48,600
What I've done so far
715
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:53,680
is put 1.3 litres of vegetable oil
in there.
716
00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:57,160
I'm now going to add, for 40 jars,
717
00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:01,680
2.2 litres of cider vinegar.
718
00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:05,840
I can see why James May decided
to do a cookery show.
719
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:09,080
You just sit down and put things in jars.
720
00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:13,200
Bee juice.
721
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:15,360
Cider!
722
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:18,560
Ah! 400 millilitres.
723
00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:21,360
I may have overdone it with the cider
but it'll be fine.
724
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:23,840
Light, soft brown sugar.
725
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:28,160
For the whisking, apparently,
I have to be quite frantic. So...
726
00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:30,400
I need a hat. Oh, here's a...
727
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:32,760
Apparently, this is a hat.
728
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:35,040
[liquid slushing]
729
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:42,040
Now, my mustard seeds
now need to be cracked
730
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:44,680
to let the stuff out of them.
731
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:47,400
And I have a mustard cracker.
732
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:50,280
You just put the seeds in...
733
00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:58,160
[crew man] Gotta take the lid off.
734
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:12,000
Why've they put a bloody...
735
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:14,160
Look at them.
736
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:27,680
Now, being careful to take the lid
off your mustard cracker,
737
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:30,800
pour these into the top.
738
00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:35,520
There we go. Lovely.
739
00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:36,760
Ready?
740
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:38,680
[machine whirring]
741
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:44,640
Right.
Now, that doesn't look very different,
742
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:46,640
but they have been cracked.
743
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:51,360
And whisk away.
744
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:55,840
[Jeremy] Once the finished mustard
had been decanted into jars,
745
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:59,920
I took all, erm... 36 of them
746
00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:01,920
up to the farm shop.
747
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:04,600
[Lisa] Wooh!
748
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:06,000
- [Lisa] Who thought!
- [Jeremy] Check it out.
749
00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:07,800
[Lisa] "Jeremy's Hot Seed."
750
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:10,440
Well, you know, it's mustard seed.
Look. Cider and honey mustard.
751
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:11,800
[Lisa] "Hot seed"...
752
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:13,360
Those are cherries.
753
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:15,880
"Jeremy's Hot Seed"
with a cherry either side.
754
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:17,920
[Jeremy] Yeah, I don't know why.
755
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:19,480
Is that an apple?
756
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:21,960
It could be apples.
Yeah, it's apples. They're apples.
757
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:23,520
And they're £6.
758
00:37:23,680 --> 00:37:24,840
But we need to explain...
759
00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:27,040
Hm... No, for this size...
760
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:29,520
No, I've really done the maths on this.
761
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:32,600
£6. £7 in Dalesford.
762
00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:36,640
It's quite small...
Okay. £6, £5.50 each?
763
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:39,160
No, it's £6!
If you wanna lose money, it's £5.50.
764
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:40,760
- It's £6.
- Okay.
765
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:42,480
- I promise you, it's £6.
- Okay.
766
00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:45,800
[Jeremy] We were supposed
to have grown... Erm...
767
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:48,960
Are those Christmas balls local?
768
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:50,360
[Lisa] Erm...
769
00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:53,600
[soft music]
770
00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:54,640
[Jeremy] The next morning,
771
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:58,120
Charlie came to see me
with some important news,
772
00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:01,560
because he'd had the results
from the quality tests
773
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:03,160
on our crops.
774
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:05,800
- [Charlie] Morning, Jeremy.
- Charlie, how are you?
775
00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:07,920
[Jeremy] And I must be honest,
776
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:09,600
I was quite nervous.
777
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:13,640
The milling wheat...
The winter wheat is milling wheat.
778
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:15,360
Yeah, it's made the grade.
779
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:17,880
Your durum wheat is exceptional.
780
00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:19,800
- [Jeremy] Ooh!
- On some counts.
781
00:38:20,760 --> 00:38:23,160
And not quite so exceptional on others.
782
00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:28,440
- [Charlie] 15% moisture. Spot-on.
- [Jeremy] Yeah.
783
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:31,160
- Protein: 15.4.
- Yeah.
784
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:33,200
- Exceptional.
- Yeah.
785
00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:36,200
[Charlie] Hagberg.
It's meant to be 250.
786
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:38,080
It's 133.
787
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:45,000
So, that's how elastic
the dough would be.
788
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:48,160
It gives it a nice elasticity.
So, stretchy dough.
789
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:49,800
[Charlie] You know how pasta...
790
00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:52,800
I'd love to pretend
I knew what that meant.
791
00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:56,320
It can't be used.
792
00:38:57,080 --> 00:39:00,600
- So we can't make pasta out of it.
- [Charlie] We can't make pasta out of it.
793
00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:03,640
So we just have to feed it
to the cows that we don't have.
794
00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:05,400
Yeah.
795
00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:08,800
[groaning]
How many tonnes did we have?
796
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:10,560
[Charlie] We had about 150.
797
00:39:12,360 --> 00:39:13,520
[Jeremy] 150 tonnes,
798
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:16,000
and we should have got
£400 a tonne for it.
799
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:18,440
- Yeah.
- [Jeremy] That's £60,000.
800
00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:20,120
And we're actually going to get...
801
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:21,440
What do we get?
802
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:24,480
Probably, with feed wheat today,
we'd make 175.
803
00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:28,320
26,250.
804
00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:32,680
So we've lost £33,750.
805
00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:36,400
- [Charlie] So...
-£33,750.
806
00:39:38,280 --> 00:39:39,520
Because it rained.
807
00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:41,440
[sighs]
808
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:43,480
[Charlie] It doesn't stop I'm afraid.
809
00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:44,680
- So we've got...
- What, it gets worse?
810
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:46,760
We've got the barley results back.
811
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:50,320
So the barley...
812
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:52,960
Well, it won't germinate.
813
00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:55,960
Because some of it,
as it says, it's just dead.
814
00:39:56,840 --> 00:39:59,120
So it doesn't have
the required germination.
815
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:00,560
So what does it mean?
816
00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:03,200
[Charlie] It means
we can't use it for malting barley.
817
00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:06,960
Fucking hell.
818
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:09,480
How are we gonna make the beer?
819
00:40:12,440 --> 00:40:13,520
Erm...
820
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:15,640
[Jeremy] And again,
just forgetting the beer for the moment,
821
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:18,600
what would we have achieved
had we sold it?
822
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:21,800
There are about 180 tonnes of barley.
823
00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:23,760
And it would have gone for...
824
00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:26,160
[Charlie] 235.
825
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:27,360
- A tonne.
- [Charlie] Yeah.
826
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:30,000
So we'd have got £42,000,
827
00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:31,760
if we could have sent it
down to Hawkstone.
828
00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:32,680
Yeah.
829
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:35,520
- And what are we going to get?
- 160?
830
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:38,480
As animal feed again?
831
00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:41,880
- 28,000, so we've lost...
- 14,000.
832
00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:44,160
14,000.
833
00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:47,360
So we've lost 14,000 on the barley.
834
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:49,520
- 30,000...
- 34,000.
835
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:53,600
34,000 on pasta wheat.
836
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:55,920
Barley is a problem.
837
00:40:56,080 --> 00:40:58,520
That is a big problem.
I've gotta ring the brewery now.
838
00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:02,800
[Charlie] Your durum wheat,
unless we can improve that a little bit,
839
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:05,400
which it might improve in store,
it sometimes does,
840
00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:08,200
it's feed wheat.
841
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:11,360
But I'm not in full despair of this yet.
842
00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:14,760
Oh, it's all fucking terrible news.
843
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:16,200
[Charlie] So, we've... I...
844
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:18,440
Yeah.
I'm not enjoying this job this year.
845
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:26,480
[Jeremy] To cheer myself up
after this dire forecast,
846
00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:31,320
I decided it was time
to spring a nice surprise on Lisa.
847
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:36,360
So, on a lovely sunny day,
I drove us over to see Tim,
848
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:38,440
the cow farmer.
849
00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:42,200
Follow me.
850
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:45,800
- I like a little bit of a run-out. Aw!
- [Jeremy] I know.
851
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:47,400
- [Jeremy coughs]
- [Lisa gasps]
852
00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:50,480
No...
853
00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:53,160
[Jeremy] Pepper!
854
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:55,920
- [Lisa] Aw! No way!
- [Jeremy] Yeah.
855
00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:58,760
- We haven't seen her for a year
- Of course it is. Look at her face.
856
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:01,200
- [Jeremy] And the really big surprise.
- [Lisa] Yeah?
857
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:03,640
That is Pepper's calf.
858
00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:06,880
[Lisa] I don't understand.
859
00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:08,600
[Jeremy] Pepper got pregnant.
860
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:11,360
- This is Pepper's calf.
- Aw!
861
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:13,920
Little...
[Lisa gasps]
862
00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:17,440
- [Lisa] You are the cutest little thing.
- [Jeremy] You are a sweetheart.
863
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:20,680
[Lisa] Look at the little Diddly Pepper!
864
00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:23,560
[Jeremy] Really good-looking calf.
865
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:27,840
Oh, look at her little...
She's got her little snubby face!
866
00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:32,560
[Lisa gasps] Pepper, well done.
You look fantastic as well.
867
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:33,880
[Lisa gasps]
868
00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:37,200
[Jeremy] No,
because when I said to Charlie,
869
00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:39,440
what will happen to Pepper
when all the mothers...
870
00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:40,600
Could we send them back to Tim?
871
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:44,280
He said, "I wouldn't ask questions
that you don't wanna hear the answer to."
872
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:48,640
[Jeremy] Imagine my surprise when,
nine months later...
873
00:42:49,640 --> 00:42:51,880
[Lisa] That's the best surprise
you could have given me.
874
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:53,520
Aw!
875
00:42:53,680 --> 00:42:54,520
[Jeremy] Tim!
876
00:42:55,640 --> 00:42:57,640
How the bloody hell did you do that?
877
00:42:57,840 --> 00:42:59,280
[Tim] The same bull that was at yours.
878
00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:00,480
- [Lisa] No.
- [Jeremy] The same bull?
879
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:02,360
- [Lisa] Maestro?
- [Tim] Yeah, Maestro.
880
00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:04,600
- [Jeremy] Breakheart?
- [Tim] Breakheart Maestro.
881
00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:07,560
What, you mean we brought her back here
and she got up the duff immediately?
882
00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:09,000
Yeah. About a month afterwards.
883
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:11,400
[Lisa] That's a bit rude,
to be honest, Tim.
884
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:14,400
- She didn't like Oxfordshire, yeah?
- She didn't like Oxfordshire.
885
00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:18,120
She's moved back into Northamptonshire.
Yeah, she doesn't like...
886
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:20,800
She doesn't like
the Oxford District Council.
887
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:22,680
- [Tim] Yeah, so a little heifer calf.
- [Lisa] That's amazing.
888
00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:25,080
And Rose and Harry
have called her Tabatha.
889
00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:27,600
- [Jeremy] Tabatha?
- [Tim] Or Tabby for short. Yeah.
890
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:30,360
- [Tim] She's quite a character.
- [Jeremy] Is she?
891
00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:33,400
- Pepper and Tabby.
- Pepper and Tabby, yeah.
892
00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:36,160
- [Lisa] So gorgeous.
- [Tim] And she's a really good mum.
893
00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:38,640
- [Jeremy] I'm just so thrilled.
- [Lisa] I know...
894
00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:43,560
Now everything's shit, apart from that.
895
00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:45,720
That's fantastic.
896
00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:50,280
The world's most famous cow is now a mum.
897
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:55,960
[soft music]
898
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:07,440
[Jeremy] A week later,
all the results from the harvest were in,
899
00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:13,520
which meant it was time
for the grand whiteboard finale.
900
00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:16,960
- [Jeremy] Well, here we are.
- [Kaleb] Big moment.
901
00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:19,600
[Jeremy] Kaleb and I
therefore met in the office
902
00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:22,320
to find out who'd won.
903
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:25,040
[Jeremy] So...
904
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:29,080
By farming
the unfarmed land of the farm...
905
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:35,520
I made £27,614.
906
00:44:35,680 --> 00:44:36,520
[Kaleb] Profit?
907
00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:37,920
- Profit.
- [Kaleb] Wow.
908
00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:40,040
[Jeremy] That is an awful lot of work
909
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:44,200
for not quite enough money
to buy a Mini Countryman.
910
00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:46,360
I could earn more than that
911
00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:49,040
by making people cups of coffee
on Paddington Station.
912
00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:51,800
- But...
- It's still a profit, though.
913
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:54,600
You've done better
than I thought you would have.
914
00:44:55,240 --> 00:44:56,160
Look at the cows.
915
00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:58,400
The cow. That, honestly...
916
00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:01,120
that is, as a cow farmer,
917
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:02,440
that is amazing.
918
00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:05,800
- How many cows was that?
- That was from five.
919
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:07,400
£5,000 a cow.
920
00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:10,280
The average beef farmer now
would be getting, as a fat cattle,
921
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:11,920
maybe £1,800.
922
00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:14,640
Well that is because
we got the burger van.
923
00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:16,000
Yeah, we have an outlet for them.
924
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:17,000
Yeah.
925
00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:19,600
Mushrooms, look at that.
926
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:22,760
That's... I mean,
we should definitely do more mushrooms.
927
00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:24,880
- [Jeremy] Look at that.
- But not like eat more mushrooms.
928
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:27,800
Nearly £7,000 profit on mushrooms.
That was a good idea.
929
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:28,840
The goats...
930
00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:31,600
- Are you gonna keep the goats?
- Yeah, of course.
931
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:32,800
You should slaughter them.
932
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:34,480
What do you mean "slaughter them"?
933
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:36,520
- You should kill them, and then eat them.
- No!
934
00:45:36,720 --> 00:45:38,640
- No!
- They're 29 boy goats.
935
00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:40,760
- You can't do anything with them.
- No. I like them.
936
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:43,080
- Nettles, total disaster.
- Yeah, let's not do that.
937
00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:48,080
- The venison...
- I think we should keep doing it,
938
00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:50,680
because there's so many deer around.
939
00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:54,520
I mean, the upshot is,
it didn't lose money.
940
00:45:54,720 --> 00:45:58,360
You got a profit of £27,014,
but it was a lot of work.
941
00:45:58,560 --> 00:45:59,480
- [Charlie] Hello.
- All right, Charlie.
942
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:01,680
- [Charlie] Hi. How are you?
- Just doing my numbers.
943
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:02,640
[Charlie] That's very good.
944
00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:04,520
[Jeremy] Look at this.
945
00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:07,760
A 30% uplift on farming the unfarmed.
946
00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:08,840
That's a 50% uplift.
947
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:12,120
- No.
- [Charlie] Yes.
948
00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:14,600
- [Jeremy] Why is it?
- Because you've made 27,000,
949
00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:17,160
and you've spent 50...
950
00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:18,560
- [Jeremy] 53.
- Just under 54.
951
00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:19,680
[Charlie] So...
952
00:46:20,720 --> 00:46:21,840
If you gave me a pound,
953
00:46:22,040 --> 00:46:23,640
I've given you £1,50 back.
954
00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:25,880
- That's exactly what's just happened.
- Oh.
955
00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:29,520
- Oh, I've...
- [Kaleb] I'm so fucking confused.
956
00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:31,560
I don't get it. Anyway.
957
00:46:32,160 --> 00:46:33,960
We haven't lost money.
That's the important thing!
958
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:35,840
- He's made a profit!
- I've made a profit.
959
00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:38,440
[Jeremy] With my side out of the way,
960
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:42,240
it was now time for Charlie
to let Kaleb know how he'd done.
961
00:46:42,680 --> 00:46:43,760
[Jeremy] Right. Green or red?
962
00:46:44,560 --> 00:46:46,480
You want the red one first.
963
00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:51,360
So, contractors,
this is paying you, paying Simon,
964
00:46:52,080 --> 00:46:53,040
and hiring.
965
00:46:53,440 --> 00:46:57,360
£46,279.
966
00:46:58,600 --> 00:46:59,440
OK?
967
00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:01,680
So that gave you a total cost...
968
00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:04,080
183,000.
969
00:47:04,280 --> 00:47:07,320
- 100...
- [Charlie] £183,011.
970
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:09,800
- 0,1,1.
- 180?
971
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:10,800
So that's how much...
972
00:47:10,960 --> 00:47:13,600
It's mad to think
you've gotta spend that to grow food.
973
00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:15,560
That, all that cost, is to simply...
974
00:47:15,720 --> 00:47:17,200
[Jeremy] I know. And then,
975
00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:20,600
we haven't... Now my heart's
really going to pitter-patter.
976
00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:22,240
- [Kaleb] So is mine.
- [Charlie] So, rapeseed.
977
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:24,000
- Green pen, isn't it?
- [Charlie] Green pen.
978
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:27,320
Rape, we actually...
There was more of it than...
979
00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:29,880
[Charlie] £10,172.
980
00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:33,040
[Jeremy] So, it looks like
you were right to plant rape.
981
00:47:33,440 --> 00:47:34,440
[Kaleb] Right and wrong.
982
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:37,200
One field was very, very poor, yes?
983
00:47:37,360 --> 00:47:40,560
But luckily,
and I thank Berry Hill South for this,
984
00:47:40,720 --> 00:47:42,480
we had a really good harvest in there.
985
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:45,320
- And the yield...
- Was really high.
986
00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:48,080
- The one that looked awful...
- Was good.
987
00:47:48,240 --> 00:47:51,400
- And the field that looked...
- But if you hadn't grown rape,
988
00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:53,600
you would have planted something else
989
00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:56,080
which would have been
even more profitable than that.
990
00:47:56,280 --> 00:47:59,800
Yes. But luckily, I covered my costs
and made a little bit on the rape.
991
00:47:59,960 --> 00:48:00,760
[Jeremy] No, you have.
992
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:03,440
Okay, good. All right.
What have we got next?
993
00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:04,800
- Wheat.
- [Kaleb] Wheat.
994
00:48:04,960 --> 00:48:07,480
Er, the good news: it made milling.
995
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:08,760
And we put... Yes.
996
00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:10,320
[Charlie] Yeah, the winter wheat...
997
00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:12,520
- So that's bread, it's human food.
- Bread wheat.
998
00:48:12,720 --> 00:48:16,320
[Charlie] £93,204.
999
00:48:16,720 --> 00:48:19,040
[Jeremy] And that's at £250 a tonne.
1000
00:48:19,240 --> 00:48:20,440
£250 a tonne, yeah.
1001
00:48:21,160 --> 00:48:22,240
Come on, let's keep going.
1002
00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:24,560
- Oats made milling.
- [Kaleb] Yeah.
1003
00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:28,720
[Charlie] There's been a real disaster
in Northern Europe this year with oats.
1004
00:48:28,920 --> 00:48:31,040
What a rotten bit of luck for the Finns.
1005
00:48:31,240 --> 00:48:35,000
[Charlie] £26,835.
1006
00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:37,880
Then we come down to grass seed,
which was your haylage field
1007
00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:39,200
- at the top.
- Yup.
1008
00:48:39,360 --> 00:48:42,560
[Charlie] 4,890.
1009
00:48:42,720 --> 00:48:44,200
[Jeremy] How many cuts
did you get, in the end?
1010
00:48:44,400 --> 00:48:46,000
- [Kaleb] Three.
- You did get three?
1011
00:48:46,440 --> 00:48:48,000
But it didn't make any hay.
1012
00:48:48,200 --> 00:48:50,200
So we won't be able to sell any
to Amanda Holden.
1013
00:48:50,400 --> 00:48:51,520
No, unfortunately not.
1014
00:48:51,720 --> 00:48:53,760
- Andy Cato's field?
- [Kaleb] Wildfarmed.
1015
00:48:53,960 --> 00:48:57,320
[Charlie] £7,206.
1016
00:48:57,680 --> 00:49:00,600
It's not as good as our best wheat field,
but it's better than our worst.
1017
00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:01,960
[Jeremy] So that's made a profit.
1018
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:03,840
If that was winter wheat,
we'd have got...
1019
00:49:04,040 --> 00:49:06,280
No, no. Ah, ah. If I might.
1020
00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:08,000
Let's be positive.
1021
00:49:08,720 --> 00:49:13,400
Okay, you might have earned more
if we'd have farmed your way.
1022
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:15,440
But we haven't lost any money.
1023
00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:18,000
And we might, and hopefully we have...
1024
00:49:18,160 --> 00:49:19,840
- [Kaleb] Improved the soil.
- Improved the soil.
1025
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:21,960
And that is something I'm...
1026
00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:25,720
I don't wanna sound like some
virtue-signalling idiot on Instagram,
1027
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:29,760
but I do care about the soil.
So that's... good.
1028
00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:31,840
[Jeremy] Durum wheat? Pasta?
1029
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:37,480
You didn't think it was gonna make it,
did you?
1030
00:49:37,640 --> 00:49:39,040
No, and it has.
1031
00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:41,280
- Has it?
- [Charlie] So...
1032
00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:44,200
it got up to 170 Hagberg,
1033
00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:47,840
but because this year's
been so difficult, you know,
1034
00:49:48,040 --> 00:49:50,280
we've worked with Matthew,
they've milled it and made a grist,
1035
00:49:50,480 --> 00:49:52,120
so it's made pasta.
1036
00:49:52,520 --> 00:49:54,440
- Yes!
- [Jeremy] That is good news.
1037
00:49:54,640 --> 00:49:57,920
- [Kaleb] We got milling on the wheat.
- [Jeremy applauds]
1038
00:49:58,120 --> 00:50:02,560
[Charlie] £60,165.
1039
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:05,200
- We are going to...
- [Kaleb] 60,000...
1040
00:50:06,560 --> 00:50:08,160
[Charlie] 1, 6, 5.
1041
00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:10,720
1, 6, 5!
1042
00:50:11,120 --> 00:50:15,040
That looks like a good round number,
doesn't it there? Look at it!
1043
00:50:15,240 --> 00:50:16,800
Jesus Christ. It's fantastic.
1044
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:20,440
- [Charlie] However, spring barley...
- [Jeremy] Here it is.
1045
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:22,960
We can't use it to make Hawkstone beer,
can we?
1046
00:50:23,120 --> 00:50:26,120
It's the finest quality animal feed.
1047
00:50:26,280 --> 00:50:27,480
[Jeremy chuckles]
1048
00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:30,960
[Charlie] 25,526.
1049
00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:34,200
[Kaleb] But if we got malting
on the spring barley,
1050
00:50:34,400 --> 00:50:35,680
we would have made £60,000?
1051
00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:37,640
Pretty much double.
1052
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:40,280
[Jeremy] Okay.
1053
00:50:40,480 --> 00:50:42,000
Now can we do the adding up?
This is the important thing.
1054
00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:45,600
- [Kaleb] So, green pen, bottom right.
- You've gotta beat 27,600.
1055
00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:46,920
So, 200...
1056
00:50:48,240 --> 00:50:49,240
What?
1057
00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:53,280
[Charlie] And 27,998.
1058
00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:58,080
- [Kaleb cackles]
- So your total, at the top, is 44,000...
1059
00:50:58,280 --> 00:50:59,280
[Jeremy] He's beating me.
1060
00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:01,320
[Charlie] 987.
1061
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:03,320
[Jeremy] Well, there you go.
1062
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:04,600
[Kaleb] Wooh!
1063
00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:08,280
Well done.
First year of being farm manager
1064
00:51:08,480 --> 00:51:09,880
and you've kicked my arse completely.
1065
00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:11,440
But we're a team.
1066
00:51:11,640 --> 00:51:14,960
[Jeremy] So if we add
those two together... 40, 50...
1067
00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:16,240
[Charlie] 72,5.
1068
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:18,600
- [Kaleb] 72.
- [Jeremy] £72,000.
1069
00:51:18,800 --> 00:51:20,600
- Well, I mean, that is pretty...
- [Charlie] A thousand acres.
1070
00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:22,640
It's £72 an acre.
1071
00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:24,960
We can go to the pub today then.
1072
00:51:25,120 --> 00:51:26,880
[Charlie] But, Kaleb, as you know,
1073
00:51:27,240 --> 00:51:29,560
farms always demand cash, don't they?
1074
00:51:29,760 --> 00:51:31,360
And we've started next year's cycle.
1075
00:51:31,520 --> 00:51:34,360
So actually, I need all of that
to fund the seed,
1076
00:51:34,520 --> 00:51:36,040
- the fertiliser and the sprays.
- What?
1077
00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:39,120
- So we can't go to the pub?
- [Charlie] No.
1078
00:51:39,320 --> 00:51:42,000
- What, you need every single penny?
- [Charlie] Every single penny.
1079
00:51:43,280 --> 00:51:47,000
The seed, ferts and sprays. That's not
even covering the contracting charge.
1080
00:51:48,240 --> 00:51:50,000
[Kaleb] So, I'll take you
for a pint then.
1081
00:51:50,160 --> 00:51:51,560
[Jeremy chuckles]
1082
00:51:51,760 --> 00:51:52,720
I'll tell you something else.
1083
00:51:52,880 --> 00:51:55,720
If I hadn't have farmed the unfarmed,
we'd be in trouble.
1084
00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:57,080
[Charlie] Yeah.
1085
00:51:57,880 --> 00:51:58,920
[Jeremy] The other thing as well
1086
00:51:59,520 --> 00:52:03,720
is that, again, I'm in the fortunate
position of having other income streams.
1087
00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:10,080
But if you're a normal farmer
and this is your full-time and only job,
1088
00:52:11,200 --> 00:52:14,640
you get two years
where you don't make any money...
1089
00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:16,320
- Yeah.
- You're screwed.
1090
00:52:16,480 --> 00:52:17,360
It's really tough.
1091
00:52:17,560 --> 00:52:21,200
Because of the fluctuations
we saw in the price of wheat
1092
00:52:21,400 --> 00:52:24,000
- and in the price of fertiliser...
- [Kaleb] Yeah.
1093
00:52:24,200 --> 00:52:26,640
You don't know where you are.
You can't plan.
1094
00:52:26,800 --> 00:52:31,320
Literally a butterfly can flap its wings
in China and you go bankrupt.
1095
00:52:31,520 --> 00:52:33,400
It's that nuts.
1096
00:52:34,480 --> 00:52:37,840
You used to have
a relatively stable income
1097
00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:40,480
in terms of subsidies but they're going.
1098
00:52:40,680 --> 00:52:42,720
- It's really hard to...
- [Kaleb] I'd like to think
1099
00:52:42,920 --> 00:52:45,720
the future of farming is bright and light
for young generations coming in.
1100
00:52:45,880 --> 00:52:47,240
Especially me! I'm 25 years old.
1101
00:52:47,400 --> 00:52:49,280
I've got maybe potentially
60 harvests left.
1102
00:52:49,440 --> 00:52:50,360
How? How?
1103
00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:53,000
I don't know! I honestly don't know.
1104
00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:54,400
- How?
- [Kaleb] But I want to stay positive
1105
00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:56,520
because I love what I do.
1106
00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:02,360
I'm gonna speak to the president again.
The Prime Minister, sorry.
1107
00:53:02,840 --> 00:53:04,960
- [chuckling] President!
- [Kaleb] Fucking hell.
1108
00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:07,520
President...
1109
00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:13,320
[Jeremy] It was hard,
giving Charlie every penny we'd made
1110
00:53:13,480 --> 00:53:17,040
to buy seed and fertiliser
for the following year.
1111
00:53:17,520 --> 00:53:19,480
["Where Do The Children Play?"
by Cat Stevens playing]
1112
00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:22,400
Because it meant we'd been through a lot
1113
00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:24,920
to earn nothing at all.
1114
00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:28,120
♪ Well I think it's fine ♪
1115
00:53:29,560 --> 00:53:32,320
♪ Building jumbo planes ♪
1116
00:53:33,720 --> 00:53:35,640
♪ Or taking a ride ♪
1117
00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:39,360
♪ On a cosmic train ♪
1118
00:53:42,480 --> 00:53:45,440
♪ I know we've come a long way ♪
1119
00:53:46,200 --> 00:53:48,800
♪ We're changing day to day ♪
1120
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:56,440
♪ But tell me,
where do the children play? ♪
1121
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:01,400
♪ When you crack the sky ♪
1122
00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:05,200
♪ Scrapers fill the air ♪
1123
00:54:06,760 --> 00:54:09,560
♪ But will you keep on building higher ♪
1124
00:54:09,720 --> 00:54:12,080
♪ Til there's no more room up there? ♪
1125
00:54:13,560 --> 00:54:16,560
♪ I know we've come a long way ♪
1126
00:54:16,760 --> 00:54:20,000
♪ We're changing day to day ♪
1127
00:54:20,520 --> 00:54:25,520
♪ But tell me,
where do the children play? ♪
1128
00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:37,800
[Jeremy] Yup.
It had been yet another tumultuous year.
1129
00:54:39,320 --> 00:54:41,440
But, as is now customary,
1130
00:54:41,600 --> 00:54:45,280
Team Diddly Squat gathered
to mark its passing...
1131
00:54:45,440 --> 00:54:46,800
[all laughing]
1132
00:54:47,400 --> 00:54:49,240
With a picnic in the woods
1133
00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:52,720
next to one of my lesser triumphs.
1134
00:54:54,200 --> 00:54:55,920
Dam's not quite finished.
1135
00:54:56,400 --> 00:54:57,880
[Kaleb chuckling] Look at it!
1136
00:54:58,040 --> 00:55:00,520
- [Jeremy] You know we've gone backwards.
- [Charlie] I was about to say.
1137
00:55:00,720 --> 00:55:02,440
- Have you actually started it?
- [Lisa] It's such a mess.
1138
00:55:02,600 --> 00:55:04,440
That is a disgrace, to be honest.
Both of you.
1139
00:55:04,600 --> 00:55:07,240
It's like a pair of children
have been playing down there, innit?
1140
00:55:07,400 --> 00:55:08,600
- Yeah.
- What?
1141
00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:09,760
[all laughing]
1142
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:11,920
[Lisa] That's exactly what it is.
1143
00:55:12,120 --> 00:55:13,480
[Lisa and Jeremy] Wow!
1144
00:55:13,680 --> 00:55:14,920
[Lisa laughing]
1145
00:55:15,520 --> 00:55:17,440
[Jeremy] Dogs are still untrained.
1146
00:55:17,600 --> 00:55:19,840
- [Lisa] You are filthy!
- [Jeremy] No, go away. Go away.
1147
00:55:21,640 --> 00:55:23,440
[Jeremy] I was thinking the other day.
1148
00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:27,040
Farmers moan. Often with good reason.
1149
00:55:28,840 --> 00:55:31,360
Bloody difficult. Don't get much pay.
1150
00:55:31,800 --> 00:55:34,840
Get lambasted by everybody
for harming the environment.
1151
00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:38,040
Why are they fighting
to keep the industry going?
1152
00:55:39,280 --> 00:55:40,560
You know, why would you?
1153
00:55:40,720 --> 00:55:43,960
And then I remembered you saying
four years ago,
1154
00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:46,560
"It's a way of life, farming."
1155
00:55:46,960 --> 00:55:48,520
- You'd agree.
- [Gerald] Yeah.
1156
00:55:49,240 --> 00:55:51,320
[Jeremy] Yeah. I mean,
you know, in the first year I went,
1157
00:55:51,520 --> 00:55:54,120
"Shall I go back to London
or shall I stay here?"
1158
00:55:54,680 --> 00:55:56,000
It doesn't even enter my head...
1159
00:55:56,160 --> 00:55:58,240
- Oh, fuck.
- [Jeremy laughing]
1160
00:55:58,440 --> 00:55:59,960
[all laughing]
1161
00:56:00,480 --> 00:56:02,360
[Jeremy] It doesn't even
enter my head now.
1162
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:05,160
I mean, I've gotta go to London
next Tuesday...
1163
00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:08,840
I'm already dreading it and trying
to think of excuses for not going.
1164
00:56:09,240 --> 00:56:11,080
- You know you went away to Africa?
- [Jeremy] Yeah.
1165
00:56:11,240 --> 00:56:12,840
- I hate to admit this.
- [Jeremy] Yeah.
1166
00:56:13,040 --> 00:56:14,840
I kinda missed you.
1167
00:56:16,920 --> 00:56:19,480
The plane's gonna crash
just as you say that.
1168
00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:21,160
When you said "kind of"...
1169
00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:22,560
Really?
1170
00:56:22,720 --> 00:56:24,920
I missed him as a person,
not his helping on the farm.
1171
00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:27,720
- What do you want, Kaleb?
- Our little cup of teas,
1172
00:56:27,920 --> 00:56:30,640
our little chats, our meal out
on the weekend, our chit-chats,
1173
00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:33,080
farming chats, and...
1174
00:56:34,360 --> 00:56:35,760
- You do need that community around.
- Yeah.
1175
00:56:35,920 --> 00:56:38,880
You do need that sort of...
Otherwise, it's quite a lonely...
1176
00:56:39,040 --> 00:56:40,240
[Jeremy] I know.
1177
00:56:40,440 --> 00:56:43,120
And we've had the usual year of rows,
difficulties,
1178
00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:46,400
bad weather, disappointments, deaths.
1179
00:56:46,600 --> 00:56:49,360
The pigs were just awful.
Baroness and so on.
1180
00:56:49,520 --> 00:56:51,320
But, let us look at it this way.
1181
00:56:53,000 --> 00:56:55,400
I became a grandfather
for the first time,
1182
00:56:55,560 --> 00:56:57,280
since we were last here.
1183
00:56:57,480 --> 00:56:59,040
You became a father again.
1184
00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:00,960
And you,
1185
00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:04,480
the G Dog, beat the Big C.
1186
00:57:04,640 --> 00:57:05,520
Yeah.
1187
00:57:05,680 --> 00:57:06,880
- [Jeremy] We can drink to that.
- Yeah.
1188
00:57:07,040 --> 00:57:08,480
- Cheers.
- [Jeremy] Well done, mate.
1189
00:57:08,640 --> 00:57:10,680
- [Jeremy] Well done, well done.
- Cheers. Thank you.
1190
00:57:10,880 --> 00:57:12,680
- Well done.
- Thank you.
1191
00:57:13,040 --> 00:57:14,760
- And thank you.
- [Lisa] You're welcome.
1192
00:57:14,920 --> 00:57:18,600
Thank you everybody for helping
to make this the best job in the world.
1193
00:57:18,760 --> 00:57:21,160
I would like to thank everybody,
1194
00:57:21,320 --> 00:57:24,440
all the film crew
and all of my friends here.
1195
00:57:24,600 --> 00:57:28,320
All of you have been so kind
to me and my family.
1196
00:57:29,600 --> 00:57:31,000
Thank you very much.
1197
00:57:31,160 --> 00:57:33,600
- [Jeremy] Gerald, that's brilliant.
- [Lisa] We're here for you all the time.
1198
00:57:34,160 --> 00:57:35,000
That's good.
1199
00:57:35,200 --> 00:57:36,000
[all] Cheers.
1200
00:57:36,160 --> 00:57:37,360
Cheers, guys.
1201
00:57:37,760 --> 00:57:40,560
["Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves"
by Cher playing]
1202
00:57:43,040 --> 00:57:45,920
{\an8}♪ I was born in the wagon
of a travelin' show ♪
1203
00:57:46,080 --> 00:57:48,520
{\an8}♪ My mama used to dance
for the money they'd throw ♪
1204
00:57:49,120 --> 00:57:52,760
♪ Papa would do whatever he could ♪
1205
00:57:54,040 --> 00:57:56,520
♪ Preach a little gospel ♪
1206
00:57:56,720 --> 00:57:59,680
♪ Sell a couple bottles of Doctor Good ♪
1207
00:58:01,960 --> 00:58:04,280
♪ Gypsies, tramps, and thieves ♪
1208
00:58:04,480 --> 00:58:06,120
♪ We'd hear it
from the people of the town ♪
1209
00:58:06,320 --> 00:58:10,240
♪ They'd call us
gypsies, tramps, and thieves ♪
1210
00:58:10,400 --> 00:58:13,280
♪ But every night
all the men would come around ♪
1211
00:58:14,040 --> 00:58:16,240
♪ And lay their money down ♪
1212
00:58:18,040 --> 00:58:20,400
♪ I never had schoolin'
but he taught me well ♪
1213
00:58:20,600 --> 00:58:23,600
♪ With his smooth southern style ♪
1214
00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:25,760
♪ Three months later,
I'm a gal in trouble ♪
1215
00:58:25,960 --> 00:58:29,800
♪ And I haven't seen him for a while ♪
1216
00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:37,120
♪ I haven't seen him for a while ♪
1217
00:58:39,440 --> 00:58:42,400
{\an8}♪ She was born in the wagon
of a travelin' show ♪
1218
00:58:42,560 --> 00:58:45,160
{\an8}♪ Her mama had to dance
for the money they'd throw ♪
1219
00:58:45,360 --> 00:58:49,880
{\an8}♪ Grandpa'd do whatever he could ♪
1220
00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:52,480
{\an8}♪ Preach a little gospel ♪
1221
00:58:52,640 --> 00:58:56,440
{\an8}♪ And sell a couple bottles
of Doctor Good ♪
1222
00:58:57,920 --> 00:58:59,960
{\an8}♪ Gypsies, tramps, and thieves ♪
1223
00:59:00,680 --> 00:59:02,360
♪ We'd hear it
from the people of the town ♪
1224
00:59:02,520 --> 00:59:06,400
♪ They'd call us
gypsies, tramps, and thieves ♪
1225
00:59:06,600 --> 00:59:10,160
♪ But every night
all the men would come around ♪
1226
00:59:10,320 --> 00:59:12,520
♪ And lay their money down ♪