1 00:00:06,123 --> 00:00:09,483 [theme music playing] 2 00:00:21,443 --> 00:00:23,363 [intriguing music] 3 00:00:30,003 --> 00:00:32,363 [a car approaches] 4 00:00:38,803 --> 00:00:40,643 [Kaleb] No one's gonna see us? 5 00:00:40,803 --> 00:00:42,763 They will, but they won't know what we're doing. 6 00:00:43,403 --> 00:00:45,763 [Jeremy] We've gotta start, Alan says, 7 00:00:45,923 --> 00:00:47,243 -from about there. -[Kaleb] Yeah, the corner... 8 00:00:47,403 --> 00:00:48,203 [Kaleb] Yeah. 9 00:00:48,363 --> 00:00:49,443 -[Jeremy] That corner, yeah? -Yeah. 10 00:00:52,403 --> 00:00:55,723 We've gotta call Lisa, because we can't see where we're headed for. 11 00:00:56,323 --> 00:00:57,483 [Kaleb groans] 12 00:00:57,683 --> 00:00:59,323 Hello, hi. 13 00:00:59,523 --> 00:01:01,043 Could you drive over to the barn, 14 00:01:01,243 --> 00:01:04,923 and then turn round and point the car at me, 15 00:01:05,043 --> 00:01:06,843 -and then I can see where I'm headed? -[Lisa] Gotcha. 16 00:01:10,603 --> 00:01:12,603 [Jeremy] All right, K, can you hear me? 17 00:01:12,803 --> 00:01:15,323 Yeah, loud and clear. All right, drop her down, then. 18 00:01:17,963 --> 00:01:19,443 [Kaleb] Just aim for them lights, yeah? 19 00:01:19,603 --> 00:01:20,403 [Jeremy] Yeah. 20 00:01:21,523 --> 00:01:22,563 [Kaleb] All right, go. 21 00:01:22,763 --> 00:01:24,163 [engine revving] 22 00:01:31,163 --> 00:01:32,443 [Jeremy] How's it looking? 23 00:01:32,963 --> 00:01:34,363 [Kaleb] Yeah, good. 24 00:01:35,683 --> 00:01:37,323 Slowly, slowly, slowly. 25 00:01:48,043 --> 00:01:49,843 [Jeremy] I don't wanna talk too loudly in here, 26 00:01:50,603 --> 00:01:52,443 'cause the walls have ears, as we know. 27 00:01:53,523 --> 00:01:57,483 We've gotta get power and water to the restaurant. 28 00:01:57,643 --> 00:01:58,443 Yeah. 29 00:01:58,643 --> 00:02:01,043 [Jeremy] The problem is, if we go out now, 30 00:02:02,243 --> 00:02:04,243 OK, and dig that trench, 31 00:02:04,923 --> 00:02:05,723 people are going to see. 32 00:02:07,483 --> 00:02:08,603 But after dark, 33 00:02:08,803 --> 00:02:11,203 if you just see tractor lights, you're just gonna assume.. 34 00:02:11,403 --> 00:02:13,083 "He's working late. Drilling the--" 35 00:02:13,763 --> 00:02:15,163 -Fertilising. -Yeah. 36 00:02:15,643 --> 00:02:16,563 [Jeremy] How much is that pipe? 37 00:02:16,723 --> 00:02:18,203 -It's about a pound a metre, isn't it? -Yeah, yeah. 38 00:02:18,403 --> 00:02:20,603 If we go straight across the field... 39 00:02:20,803 --> 00:02:23,283 [Kaleb] We could have had this whole idea before we planted our spring barley. 40 00:02:23,483 --> 00:02:24,923 It's all coming up, looking lovely. 41 00:02:25,123 --> 00:02:27,843 You don't even like the hounds and the horses over the ground 42 00:02:28,003 --> 00:02:29,083 when you're planting it. 43 00:02:29,203 --> 00:02:32,403 [Gerald speaking indistinctly] 44 00:02:32,563 --> 00:02:35,003 Great big horses running along it 45 00:02:35,203 --> 00:02:36,443 and making it bumpy as hell. 46 00:02:36,603 --> 00:02:39,563 I literally don't know what you two are talking about. 47 00:02:39,763 --> 00:02:44,443 Unless there's sort of a hundred of 'em, I mean, like this, with his feet marks. 48 00:02:44,643 --> 00:02:46,163 You don't have any more rain now. 49 00:02:46,363 --> 00:02:49,723 It's dry... [Gerald speaking indistinctly] 50 00:02:53,643 --> 00:02:54,883 [Jeremy] How are we doing? 51 00:02:55,083 --> 00:02:57,083 A third of the way, I'd say. 52 00:02:57,883 --> 00:03:00,083 There it is. The barn. 53 00:03:00,283 --> 00:03:01,963 Soon to be restaurant. 54 00:03:04,603 --> 00:03:05,403 Stop! 55 00:03:07,083 --> 00:03:09,603 My hands... my hands... 56 00:03:11,043 --> 00:03:11,923 Go on! 57 00:03:12,123 --> 00:03:15,163 [soft music] 58 00:03:16,083 --> 00:03:17,003 [Jeremy] This is ridiculous. 59 00:03:17,163 --> 00:03:18,403 We're trying to do 60 00:03:18,603 --> 00:03:19,883 ecological farming, 61 00:03:20,043 --> 00:03:21,843 start a restaurant so we can make 62 00:03:22,043 --> 00:03:22,843 the cows profitable, 63 00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:24,643 and we support local farmers, 64 00:03:25,283 --> 00:03:26,803 and we're having to do this at night 65 00:03:27,003 --> 00:03:28,523 so the village doesn't see us. 66 00:03:28,723 --> 00:03:30,923 [music continues] 67 00:03:33,643 --> 00:03:35,723 [Jeremy] We had no choice, though. 68 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:38,763 We had to resort to stealth and secrecy, 69 00:03:38,923 --> 00:03:42,443 because after the local authority refused to give us permission 70 00:03:42,603 --> 00:03:45,443 for even a simple farm track, 71 00:03:45,643 --> 00:03:49,363 we'd begun to think they really were on the war path. 72 00:03:50,803 --> 00:03:52,443 [Jeremy] What the--? 73 00:03:52,643 --> 00:03:55,323 What the bloody hell's all that lot? 74 00:03:57,523 --> 00:03:59,923 Holy cow. Look at it. 75 00:04:01,403 --> 00:04:05,163 This is presumably to stop parking at the shop. 76 00:04:05,323 --> 00:04:08,283 But look how far they've gone. 77 00:04:08,483 --> 00:04:09,683 What the? 78 00:04:09,843 --> 00:04:12,803 You can't block of the entrance to my own field. 79 00:04:12,963 --> 00:04:16,403 Whoever's done this has gone mad. 80 00:04:16,603 --> 00:04:18,163 I think we'll go and find Charlie Ireland. 81 00:04:18,363 --> 00:04:19,803 He'll know what to do. 82 00:04:24,843 --> 00:04:26,083 [Jeremy] Have you seen? 83 00:04:26,243 --> 00:04:29,363 -I am... flabbergasted. -I know. 84 00:04:29,523 --> 00:04:31,123 [Charlie] The-- the-- 85 00:04:31,283 --> 00:04:34,363 I mean... Talk about being aggressive. 86 00:04:34,563 --> 00:04:37,283 You know, no consultation. Nothing. 87 00:04:37,403 --> 00:04:38,243 [Jeremy] No. 88 00:04:38,923 --> 00:04:41,043 There's two kilometres of them. 89 00:04:42,723 --> 00:04:44,523 This is quite literally as far as the eye can see. 90 00:04:44,683 --> 00:04:47,923 Somebody's been along and sprayed where to mark them. 91 00:04:48,083 --> 00:04:48,963 [Jeremy] Where to put them. 92 00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:51,243 And they've also put them in front of the gates. 93 00:04:51,403 --> 00:04:53,403 Yes, I noticed that. I thought, "Well, how am I gonna get into my f--" 94 00:04:53,563 --> 00:04:55,563 [Jeremy] We can't get the tractors into the fields. 95 00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:57,683 -Oh look, illegal! -Illegal! 96 00:04:57,843 --> 00:04:59,923 -[Charlie] You can't stop there. -[Jeremy] You can't stop there. 97 00:05:00,083 --> 00:05:01,923 No, no. You can't stop there. 98 00:05:02,123 --> 00:05:04,563 The council has made it absolutely plain 99 00:05:04,723 --> 00:05:07,923 that that elderly gentleman can't be dropped off by the bus 100 00:05:08,083 --> 00:05:10,363 and he has to travel two kilometres down there... 101 00:05:10,523 --> 00:05:11,843 Just to go down there! 102 00:05:13,283 --> 00:05:14,843 [car honking] 103 00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:17,843 [Jeremy] Gerald? No. Someone disguised as Gerald. 104 00:05:18,043 --> 00:05:19,123 -No, it is Gerald. -[Charlie] It is. 105 00:05:19,283 --> 00:05:20,843 -And Mrs Gerald. -Well, he can't stop. 106 00:05:20,963 --> 00:05:21,803 No, he can't! 107 00:05:21,963 --> 00:05:23,243 [Charlie laughs] 108 00:05:23,403 --> 00:05:25,683 Normally we would have had a conversation with Gerald. 109 00:05:26,603 --> 00:05:28,363 But he can't stop. 110 00:05:28,563 --> 00:05:32,523 So, what this leads me to think is what else are they thinking? 111 00:05:32,683 --> 00:05:33,683 What are they going to do? 112 00:05:33,843 --> 00:05:34,723 Because they won't stop here. 113 00:05:34,883 --> 00:05:37,363 This is just the first stage 114 00:05:37,563 --> 00:05:40,363 of total action against the site. 115 00:05:41,963 --> 00:05:43,283 [intriguing music] 116 00:05:45,003 --> 00:05:47,483 [Jeremy] Our immediate worry was that though we'd been told 117 00:05:47,643 --> 00:05:51,403 we were completely within our rights to turn the barn into a restaurant, 118 00:05:52,003 --> 00:05:55,163 we were obliged to inform the council, 119 00:05:55,323 --> 00:05:59,123 which would give them the opportunity to try and stop us. 120 00:05:59,283 --> 00:06:00,403 ...detail of how we get there... 121 00:06:00,563 --> 00:06:05,323 [Jeremy] So, Charlie and I agreed the best tactic was speed. 122 00:06:05,883 --> 00:06:10,083 So, what we will do is send an email 123 00:06:10,243 --> 00:06:12,323 notifying the council of our plans. 124 00:06:12,763 --> 00:06:16,123 We will then need to go hell for leather 125 00:06:16,283 --> 00:06:19,203 to get the restaurant built, fitted 126 00:06:19,363 --> 00:06:22,363 and serving food within two days. 127 00:06:22,563 --> 00:06:25,283 Our hope is that by the time 128 00:06:25,443 --> 00:06:28,683 the email notification has got through the chain of command 129 00:06:28,843 --> 00:06:29,963 at the council, 130 00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:31,763 we'll be up and running, 131 00:06:31,923 --> 00:06:35,883 serving food before the council have got time to object. 132 00:06:36,083 --> 00:06:38,283 [military music] 133 00:06:39,083 --> 00:06:41,043 [Jeremy] With the plan sorted out... 134 00:06:41,243 --> 00:06:43,003 -You've got three pillars. -[Alan] Yes. 135 00:06:43,163 --> 00:06:44,523 [Jeremy] The kitchen takes up the first... 136 00:06:44,683 --> 00:06:48,803 [Jeremy] I sat down with Alan to go through the building work. 137 00:06:49,003 --> 00:06:50,523 What do you recommend for flooring here? 138 00:06:50,683 --> 00:06:51,923 [Alan] You can level it out. 139 00:06:52,083 --> 00:06:53,523 Put a bit of hardcore down. Put some pallets down. 140 00:06:53,683 --> 00:06:55,243 Put some inch marine ply on the top. 141 00:06:55,403 --> 00:06:57,483 Keep it rustic. We get a lovely finish there. 142 00:06:57,683 --> 00:07:00,163 -And then this is gonna be turfed. -Yeah. 143 00:07:00,363 --> 00:07:03,843 What I'd like to do is between each of these pillars on the front, 144 00:07:04,003 --> 00:07:06,363 security chain link, you know... 145 00:07:06,523 --> 00:07:07,963 -Yeah. -Things that you pull down. 146 00:07:08,163 --> 00:07:09,923 Padlock them. And it becomes a secure unit. 147 00:07:10,083 --> 00:07:10,883 Yeah, yeah. 148 00:07:11,083 --> 00:07:15,883 So what we're gonna need is a hatch here, through to Lisa's VIP dining room. 149 00:07:16,043 --> 00:07:17,643 [Alan] How many people are we getting in there? 150 00:07:17,803 --> 00:07:18,603 [Jeremy] They reckon four. 151 00:07:18,803 --> 00:07:20,003 It's not four of me and you, that's for sure. 152 00:07:20,163 --> 00:07:20,963 [Jeremy] No, well, that... 153 00:07:21,163 --> 00:07:22,163 -Fucking 'ell. -I know. 154 00:07:22,363 --> 00:07:24,243 [Alan] That door opens inwards. We're gonna have to turn that round. 155 00:07:24,443 --> 00:07:27,123 'Cause if that opens inwards it'll knock the fucking table over. 156 00:07:27,323 --> 00:07:28,363 That's true. 157 00:07:28,563 --> 00:07:29,363 That'll have a new roof on it. 158 00:07:29,523 --> 00:07:31,483 [Jeremy] And a little window. Are you gonna put glass in this? 159 00:07:31,683 --> 00:07:32,523 No, shutters. Wood. 160 00:07:32,723 --> 00:07:33,883 Oh, OK. 161 00:07:34,083 --> 00:07:35,603 What we're gonna do with the wall inside, 162 00:07:35,803 --> 00:07:37,643 see, a lot of people just paint it with lime wash. 163 00:07:37,803 --> 00:07:38,803 That kills everything. 164 00:07:39,003 --> 00:07:40,123 If you leave the natural stone there... 165 00:07:40,283 --> 00:07:41,923 -Yeah, exactly. -Give it a good clean finish. 166 00:07:42,483 --> 00:07:45,083 [Jeremy] On top of this already lengthy job list, 167 00:07:45,243 --> 00:07:48,683 Alan would also have to install and plumb in the kitchen. 168 00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:52,403 So, I was not looking forward to giving him the timetable. 169 00:07:52,603 --> 00:07:55,043 Now, the big problem we've got 170 00:07:55,203 --> 00:07:59,443 is that we're going to tell the council that this is happening. 171 00:07:59,603 --> 00:08:03,643 We then need to have it fully operational in... 172 00:08:03,803 --> 00:08:04,603 Yeah, go on. 173 00:08:05,283 --> 00:08:06,803 Two days. 174 00:08:07,003 --> 00:08:08,323 -Fucking 'ell! -I know. 175 00:08:09,883 --> 00:08:11,403 -You remember Challenge Anneka? -Yeah. 176 00:08:11,563 --> 00:08:12,723 It'd be a bit like Challenge Anneka. 177 00:08:12,883 --> 00:08:14,523 'Cause as soon as we tell them, 178 00:08:14,683 --> 00:08:16,443 before they have a chance to come round and say 179 00:08:16,603 --> 00:08:18,203 "That's not viable, you can't do it," 180 00:08:18,403 --> 00:08:21,003 we have to say, "It is viable, look, we've done it." 181 00:08:21,203 --> 00:08:22,603 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got ya. 182 00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:27,163 [Jeremy] So for the next ten days, I want that site to be dead quiet. 183 00:08:27,323 --> 00:08:28,523 -[Alan] Nothing? -Nothing doing. 184 00:08:28,723 --> 00:08:32,723 [Jeremy] And then as soon as we send the email, we go. 185 00:08:35,003 --> 00:08:37,803 [Jeremy] We needed ten days before sending the email 186 00:08:37,963 --> 00:08:42,923 so that Alan could round up a workforce and find all the materials. 187 00:08:44,323 --> 00:08:49,243 I also needed some time to get some pressing farming jobs out of the way, 188 00:08:49,403 --> 00:08:52,083 like helping Viktor, our Ukrainian bee man, 189 00:08:52,243 --> 00:08:56,763 build some new hives close to the pollen-rich echium. 190 00:08:57,443 --> 00:08:59,243 Ukraine? Family OK? 191 00:08:59,403 --> 00:09:01,043 Yeah, they're OK. 192 00:09:01,203 --> 00:09:03,883 Yeah, they're OK. They're alive, that's the main thing. 193 00:09:04,403 --> 00:09:07,683 Rockets flying around... but they are toughies. 194 00:09:08,003 --> 00:09:09,523 Well, let's keep our fingers crossed. 195 00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:10,483 Yeah. 196 00:09:10,683 --> 00:09:11,563 [bees buzzing] 197 00:09:12,123 --> 00:09:13,043 OK. 198 00:09:13,243 --> 00:09:15,523 Don't sting me. Don't sting me. 199 00:09:16,363 --> 00:09:18,803 So they'll have to do a waggle dance here, won't they? 200 00:09:19,043 --> 00:09:22,003 [Viktor] Well, they do waggle dance when they find source of nectar. 201 00:09:22,163 --> 00:09:23,803 [Jeremy] Exactly. So when the echium grows, 202 00:09:24,043 --> 00:09:26,563 what will happen is one of the bees that finds it 203 00:09:26,763 --> 00:09:30,123 will come back and do this really complicated little dance 204 00:09:30,283 --> 00:09:32,043 outside the hive. 205 00:09:32,243 --> 00:09:34,563 -[Viktor] Yeah. -And then that shows the others 206 00:09:34,763 --> 00:09:38,203 how far away the echium is and in what direction. 207 00:09:38,363 --> 00:09:40,523 -That's right, isn't it? -Yeah. 208 00:09:42,083 --> 00:09:45,083 -Look at that. Dripping with honey. -[Viktor] Dripping, yeah. Nice. 209 00:09:45,243 --> 00:09:47,163 [Jeremy] That's stunning, isn't it? 210 00:09:47,363 --> 00:09:50,403 God, they're good animals. Creatures. Beasts. 211 00:09:50,563 --> 00:09:52,563 [lively music] 212 00:09:53,003 --> 00:09:55,763 [Jeremy] Then, there was the annual inspection needed 213 00:09:55,923 --> 00:09:58,323 to renew my Red Tractor certificate. 214 00:09:58,803 --> 00:10:01,163 [man] I assume we've had a bit of a spillage. 215 00:10:01,323 --> 00:10:03,243 It's gonna want a sweep-up. 216 00:10:03,443 --> 00:10:08,203 [Jeremy] A quality Kitemark which requires a farm to be clean and well run. 217 00:10:08,363 --> 00:10:10,923 Right, if we can just close the door up to make sure it seals up, 218 00:10:11,083 --> 00:10:11,883 that would be great. 219 00:10:12,043 --> 00:10:12,803 Sure. 220 00:10:13,043 --> 00:10:14,443 [pushes button] 221 00:10:14,563 --> 00:10:16,883 Oops, sorry. I pushed the wrong button. 222 00:10:17,043 --> 00:10:18,523 [pushes button] 223 00:10:18,683 --> 00:10:19,683 [pushes button] 224 00:10:19,803 --> 00:10:21,803 I really have pushed the wrong button. 225 00:10:22,563 --> 00:10:23,763 Oh? 226 00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:25,283 [pushes button] 227 00:10:25,483 --> 00:10:30,283 [pushes button] 228 00:10:31,483 --> 00:10:33,363 No, can't help you with that at the moment. 229 00:10:33,563 --> 00:10:36,363 [man] How often are you checking the cattle? 230 00:10:36,523 --> 00:10:37,323 -[Jeremy] Checking on them? -Yeah. 231 00:10:37,483 --> 00:10:38,763 -Every day. -Yeah. 232 00:10:38,923 --> 00:10:40,283 -Twice a day. -Right. 233 00:10:40,443 --> 00:10:43,563 No, I know where they are at any given moment. 234 00:10:44,523 --> 00:10:45,803 [Jeremy] Cows? 235 00:10:47,243 --> 00:10:48,683 Cows? 236 00:10:50,683 --> 00:10:52,923 Where the hell are they all? 237 00:10:55,283 --> 00:10:57,643 -They could have gone for a drink. -[man] Yeah. 238 00:10:59,963 --> 00:11:01,243 [Jeremy] No. 239 00:11:01,443 --> 00:11:03,083 [Jeremy] Cows? 240 00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:09,163 -[Jeremy] This is really embarrassing. -Yep. 241 00:11:09,843 --> 00:11:12,923 [Jeremy] When the inspector left, I wasn't 100% sure 242 00:11:13,083 --> 00:11:15,323 I'd get my Red Tractor stickers. 243 00:11:16,923 --> 00:11:18,003 But I did. 244 00:11:18,163 --> 00:11:21,163 And the next day I was collared by an excited Kaleb, 245 00:11:21,843 --> 00:11:23,883 who had some more good news. 246 00:11:25,123 --> 00:11:26,323 I've got something to show you. 247 00:11:26,963 --> 00:11:28,123 Oh, phone. Right. 248 00:11:28,963 --> 00:11:32,003 [Jeremy] For the last few weeks, whenever anyone got their phone out, 249 00:11:32,163 --> 00:11:34,363 my heart was in my mouth, 250 00:11:34,523 --> 00:11:38,123 because we'd all been on filming duty with Pepper and the bull, 251 00:11:38,283 --> 00:11:41,483 anxiously watching to see if they'd get it on. 252 00:11:42,683 --> 00:11:47,043 So far, the bull had managed a bit of drinks-party chat. 253 00:11:49,403 --> 00:11:50,683 But that was it. 254 00:11:50,843 --> 00:11:54,803 The rest of the time, he was swiping right elsewhere. 255 00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:03,483 [groans] 256 00:12:03,923 --> 00:12:06,403 Nevertheless, I lived in hope. 257 00:12:08,123 --> 00:12:09,963 -I've got a video evidence... -No? 258 00:12:10,123 --> 00:12:11,483 -Of the bull... -No? 259 00:12:11,643 --> 00:12:13,603 Jumping on Pepper. 260 00:12:15,683 --> 00:12:18,283 Oh, she's not-- No, look, is that foreplay? 261 00:12:18,443 --> 00:12:21,283 -Ooh, he's on! He's on! -Ready? And then... 262 00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:23,883 -Done. -What? 263 00:12:24,043 --> 00:12:25,403 There you go! 264 00:12:25,563 --> 00:12:26,483 -He never got it in. -He did. 265 00:12:26,643 --> 00:12:27,443 He didn't! 266 00:12:27,603 --> 00:12:29,443 I can zoom in on, if you want me to. 267 00:12:29,603 --> 00:12:31,443 He didn't get it in. 268 00:12:31,603 --> 00:12:32,563 Watch. 269 00:12:33,683 --> 00:12:36,323 [Jeremy] So, foreplay over. On he goes. Not in, not in. 270 00:12:36,483 --> 00:12:37,803 -[Kaleb] In. -[Jeremy] Is he? 271 00:12:37,963 --> 00:12:40,323 [Kaleb] Yeah, yeah, look at his little hips moving. 272 00:12:40,483 --> 00:12:41,923 See that little jump at the end? 273 00:12:42,083 --> 00:12:44,083 [Jeremy] Well, that's the fastest sex in history. 274 00:12:44,243 --> 00:12:45,883 [Kaleb] Rabbits are faster, aren't they? 275 00:12:46,083 --> 00:12:48,363 That was him pumping the good stuff into Pepper. 276 00:12:49,123 --> 00:12:52,443 That's good news. He took her virginity. 277 00:12:52,643 --> 00:12:54,323 I've seen him serving five in the last week. 278 00:12:54,483 --> 00:12:55,483 I've seen him do two. 279 00:12:55,643 --> 00:12:57,963 And I just thought, "He's never gonna do Pepper." 280 00:12:58,123 --> 00:13:00,363 Thought he was gonna do the dogs before he did Pepper. 281 00:13:00,563 --> 00:13:02,203 This is brilliant. 282 00:13:02,843 --> 00:13:05,483 [soft music] 283 00:13:11,843 --> 00:13:15,003 [Jeremy] Ten days had passed since my meeting with Alan. 284 00:13:15,163 --> 00:13:17,563 And this evening, Charlie would send an email 285 00:13:17,723 --> 00:13:20,443 telling the council of our plans. 286 00:13:21,283 --> 00:13:23,763 Then, tomorrow, the frantic restaurant build, 287 00:13:23,923 --> 00:13:26,483 our last chance of success, 288 00:13:26,643 --> 00:13:28,443 would begin. 289 00:13:28,843 --> 00:13:30,363 [Alan] We're gonna lay 'em on the floor, aren't we? 290 00:13:30,523 --> 00:13:33,923 [Jeremy] In the yard, Alan had assembled his materials. 291 00:13:34,083 --> 00:13:35,043 [Alan] The pallets are brilliant, aren't they? 292 00:13:35,203 --> 00:13:37,403 That's really what you call recycling, this is. 293 00:13:37,563 --> 00:13:41,163 [Jeremy] But he was still unhappy about the timetable. 294 00:13:41,523 --> 00:13:43,243 We need a fucking wand. 295 00:13:43,803 --> 00:13:45,363 Whose wand? 296 00:13:45,523 --> 00:13:48,243 Oh, a magic wand. Well, it was your idea, so. 297 00:13:48,403 --> 00:13:50,363 Yeah, but we always agreed it was gonna be a couple of weeks, 298 00:13:50,523 --> 00:13:52,323 not fucking two days. 299 00:13:53,003 --> 00:13:54,283 It's all right! 300 00:13:54,443 --> 00:13:55,683 Are you coming up to help us? 301 00:13:55,843 --> 00:13:56,643 Yeah. 302 00:13:56,843 --> 00:13:58,603 [Alan] Let's get them pallets up. 303 00:13:58,763 --> 00:14:00,163 [Jeremy] I'll bring these up. 304 00:14:00,323 --> 00:14:01,923 Early. Let's have an early kick-off. 305 00:14:02,083 --> 00:14:03,723 -What time? -About six o'clock. 306 00:14:03,883 --> 00:14:05,483 -All right. -Long old day. You know what I mean? 307 00:14:05,683 --> 00:14:06,643 Yeah. 308 00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:18,803 OK. 309 00:14:19,603 --> 00:14:23,003 That's it done. Now... sent it. 310 00:14:24,603 --> 00:14:26,963 [Jeremy] The council now knows. 311 00:14:28,323 --> 00:14:33,283 So I've got 48 hours to turn the Lowland Barn into a restaurant. 312 00:14:34,923 --> 00:14:37,923 [upbeat music] 313 00:14:48,243 --> 00:14:49,443 [Alan] First things first. 314 00:14:49,643 --> 00:14:51,563 This job, to get this kitchen in tomorrow, 315 00:14:51,723 --> 00:14:52,923 depends on getting this floor down. 316 00:14:53,843 --> 00:14:55,643 So the kitchen units can go in Friday morning. 317 00:14:55,843 --> 00:14:57,763 Otherwise we're done for, you ain't gonna be open. 318 00:15:01,323 --> 00:15:02,163 [Jeremy] Shit. 319 00:15:03,083 --> 00:15:06,723 [Jeremy] Having loaded up the pallets that would form the base of the floor, 320 00:15:06,883 --> 00:15:09,803 I set off to the restaurant as quickly as possible. 321 00:15:10,963 --> 00:15:14,203 But getting there was harder than I thought. 322 00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:18,283 [Jeremy] Oh well, now, this isn't very good, is it? 323 00:15:18,443 --> 00:15:21,683 Because I'm in a tractor and there's a bus coming. 324 00:15:22,443 --> 00:15:24,123 Oh shit. 325 00:15:29,043 --> 00:15:30,443 [Jeremy chuckling] 326 00:15:30,643 --> 00:15:32,203 Sorry about this! 327 00:15:37,723 --> 00:15:39,363 Sorry! Well done, council. 328 00:15:39,523 --> 00:15:42,083 You've really improved everything here. 329 00:15:47,563 --> 00:15:51,083 Yeah, I'm not sure they've thought this through. 330 00:15:52,723 --> 00:15:54,123 [upbeat music] 331 00:15:58,283 --> 00:16:00,643 That's some tool, ain't it, to bring a few pallets? 332 00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:05,163 Go careful. Don't break 'em all, then. 333 00:16:05,323 --> 00:16:06,403 [worker] Yeah. 334 00:16:07,843 --> 00:16:09,283 Steady, so you don't break 'em. 335 00:16:11,643 --> 00:16:14,083 Fucking 'ell. Get out of the way. You know what he's like. 336 00:16:14,283 --> 00:16:15,483 [Jeremy] Are they all off? 337 00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:16,883 [Alan] Yeah, we got 'em now, haven't we? 338 00:16:17,083 --> 00:16:18,883 [Jeremy] I've gotta back this out of here now. 339 00:16:19,363 --> 00:16:21,883 [Alan] What do you reckon? Can you reverse round there? 340 00:16:22,083 --> 00:16:25,403 [Jeremy] I'm not going... Bloody hell. This is gonna be a bit awkward, this. 341 00:16:26,283 --> 00:16:27,763 No, 'cause if I back... No, there's no way. 342 00:16:27,923 --> 00:16:31,483 I've got to go out forward. I've got to go, I can't reverse. 343 00:16:36,843 --> 00:16:38,883 Come on, Lambo. You can get round here. 344 00:16:41,603 --> 00:16:42,763 He ain't gonna hit that post, surely? 345 00:16:44,163 --> 00:16:45,803 Let's have a wager. 346 00:16:46,403 --> 00:16:48,163 [Jeremy] As it happens, I didn't hit the post. 347 00:16:49,043 --> 00:16:52,083 -'Cause I didn't get that far. -[crashing sound] 348 00:16:52,283 --> 00:16:53,723 -[Alan] What's that? -[Kaleb] Wait. Whoa! 349 00:16:54,923 --> 00:16:56,283 Ow! Stop! 350 00:16:57,043 --> 00:16:57,843 What? 351 00:16:58,043 --> 00:16:59,523 [Kaleb] Oh fucking... Look at this. 352 00:16:59,683 --> 00:17:03,523 You've wrapped a load of wire around the bearings of the trailer's wheel. 353 00:17:06,523 --> 00:17:08,363 Just look what you have done. 354 00:17:08,563 --> 00:17:10,723 [Kaleb] Look at all the metalwork under there. 355 00:17:10,843 --> 00:17:12,923 -[Jeremy] Oh shit! -[Alan and Kaleb] Yeah! 356 00:17:13,083 --> 00:17:17,003 [Kaleb] 'Cause it wrapped round the drum of the brakes and everything. 357 00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:18,843 [Jeremy] So there's obviously an old metal fence in there. 358 00:17:19,043 --> 00:17:20,843 -[Alan] Yeah, it must have been. -[Kaleb] Not anymore. 359 00:17:21,043 --> 00:17:22,803 -It's not a fence now. -[Kaleb] No. 360 00:17:22,963 --> 00:17:25,363 -Why didn't you just wait for me? -Where were you? 361 00:17:25,523 --> 00:17:27,603 -Well, honestly, I would have-- -Where were you? 362 00:17:27,763 --> 00:17:28,563 I was getting the loader. 363 00:17:28,723 --> 00:17:30,603 And I almost got stuck 'cause the bus was there. 364 00:17:30,843 --> 00:17:32,323 [Kaleb] Fucking hell. 365 00:17:32,523 --> 00:17:34,443 Alan, let Jeremy do that. You better get back to work. 366 00:17:34,603 --> 00:17:35,363 [Jeremy] Yeah, you do need to get back to work. 367 00:17:35,563 --> 00:17:36,963 Yeah, I do, 'cause we're gonna be late. 368 00:17:40,723 --> 00:17:44,803 -[Kaleb] Why couldn't you just wait? -Because we haven't got time to wait. 369 00:17:44,963 --> 00:17:46,963 [Kaleb] Yeah, but now, we're doing this. 370 00:17:48,083 --> 00:17:49,443 [upbeat music] 371 00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:53,523 [Jeremy] With me banned from all large equipment... 372 00:17:56,803 --> 00:17:59,003 the work finally kicked into gear. 373 00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:02,683 [Jeremy] Lovely job. 374 00:18:09,003 --> 00:18:12,283 [Jeremy] Interrupted only by Charlie... being Charlie. 375 00:18:13,363 --> 00:18:16,083 Who's got the health and safety policy? 376 00:18:16,283 --> 00:18:17,603 [Jeremy] What are you saying? 377 00:18:17,803 --> 00:18:20,363 [Charlie] The guy with the cutting blade 378 00:18:20,563 --> 00:18:23,603 should really have a bit more protective kit on. 379 00:18:23,843 --> 00:18:27,043 You know, the glasses, sparks, gloves. You know, it's just... 380 00:18:27,243 --> 00:18:28,843 Well, he's... Er... 381 00:18:29,003 --> 00:18:30,563 He does this every day of his... 382 00:18:30,723 --> 00:18:32,763 What am I supposed to say to him? "Can you wear PPE?" 383 00:18:32,923 --> 00:18:33,763 Yes. 384 00:18:36,083 --> 00:18:39,843 [Jeremy] Despite Mother Hen's fears, nobody lost their limbs. 385 00:18:40,683 --> 00:18:44,603 But even so, at the end of the day, we were way behind schedule. 386 00:18:46,483 --> 00:18:49,683 [Alan] We're gonna have to put planks across that new turf, aren't we? 387 00:18:49,843 --> 00:18:53,003 [Jeremy] The only good bit of news is that nobody seemed to have noticed 388 00:18:53,203 --> 00:18:54,803 what we were up to. 389 00:18:56,843 --> 00:18:57,683 [Jeremy] Right. 390 00:18:57,843 --> 00:19:00,443 I haven't heard from the council. 391 00:19:01,123 --> 00:19:02,123 So, that's good. 392 00:19:02,283 --> 00:19:07,003 And it's been 23 hours since they were informed 393 00:19:07,203 --> 00:19:09,963 that they're getting a restaurant out here 394 00:19:10,123 --> 00:19:12,283 in the middle of our farm. 395 00:19:21,803 --> 00:19:25,043 [lively country music] 396 00:19:26,963 --> 00:19:27,763 [Jeremy] The next morning, 397 00:19:27,923 --> 00:19:30,443 Alan's team were back at the site bright and early. 398 00:19:31,523 --> 00:19:34,123 But once again, I wasn't. 399 00:19:34,283 --> 00:19:37,283 Because as I was trying to leave the farmyard, 400 00:19:37,443 --> 00:19:41,603 I got news that there were issues at the old hen houses. 401 00:19:42,443 --> 00:19:46,563 There should be about 50 or maybe 60 hens in here. 402 00:19:48,363 --> 00:19:49,363 Shit. 403 00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:51,243 That's not good news. 404 00:19:51,443 --> 00:19:52,283 Oh no. More. 405 00:19:53,203 --> 00:19:56,603 [Jeremy] In fact, there were exactly none. 406 00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:58,563 A fox can't get through here at all. 407 00:19:59,523 --> 00:20:01,523 A mink can. 408 00:20:02,363 --> 00:20:04,803 [Jeremy] Then, as I was heading for my car... 409 00:20:04,963 --> 00:20:06,323 Everything, everything... 410 00:20:06,483 --> 00:20:10,203 [Jeremy] Lisa told me there was a problem with the water pressure. 411 00:20:10,363 --> 00:20:14,483 We cannot run out of water. The whole prep kitchen's just out there. 412 00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:17,363 -Oh, that's very, very low. -[Jeremy] Shit. 413 00:20:17,563 --> 00:20:20,483 [man] Is there any pressure on the gauge on the RO? 414 00:20:20,603 --> 00:20:23,283 I don't know what the RO is and I don't know where the gauges are. 415 00:20:23,483 --> 00:20:25,723 [man] Right. I'll get somebody out to you today. 416 00:20:25,843 --> 00:20:27,323 We're opening a restaurant. 417 00:20:27,523 --> 00:20:30,283 You know, "today" isn't really gonna help us, I don't think. 418 00:20:30,483 --> 00:20:32,963 I mean, like "now" would really help. 419 00:20:33,763 --> 00:20:35,123 Fucking Brexit. 420 00:20:35,283 --> 00:20:37,363 We'd have had a Pole here like-- [mimics vibration] 421 00:20:37,523 --> 00:20:38,603 And he would have done like that. 422 00:20:38,803 --> 00:20:40,683 Well, it wouldn't have broken in the first place, would it? 423 00:20:41,563 --> 00:20:43,683 [Jeremy] Finally, though, I was in my car 424 00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:47,763 and heading down the farm drive to the restaurant site. 425 00:20:50,363 --> 00:20:54,603 [Jeremy] Literally... Look at this. This is... Who are you? 426 00:20:54,763 --> 00:20:58,203 [man] Hi. I'm collecting from you today. Courier. 427 00:20:58,363 --> 00:21:00,963 [Jeremy] Somebody up there will sort you out. Thanks. 428 00:21:01,123 --> 00:21:02,523 And you are? 429 00:21:02,683 --> 00:21:05,323 Delivering something from Station Mill Antiques. 430 00:21:05,483 --> 00:21:08,443 [Jeremy] Station Mill Antiques? OK, good, thank you. 431 00:21:10,283 --> 00:21:12,483 And you're Jack Carling. You're working for us. 432 00:21:12,603 --> 00:21:15,323 And who's this one in the pickup truck? 433 00:21:15,923 --> 00:21:17,803 Morning. What are you here to do? 434 00:21:17,963 --> 00:21:19,523 The young girl's hurt her foot. 435 00:21:19,723 --> 00:21:22,803 [Jeremy] So, one of the employees has hurt her foot? Lovely. Thank you. 436 00:21:22,963 --> 00:21:24,843 -Here we go. -[Paddy] I need... 437 00:21:25,003 --> 00:21:26,083 -Paddy! -I'm sorry... No, don't worry. 438 00:21:26,243 --> 00:21:27,323 No, it's all right. Everyone else is- 439 00:21:27,483 --> 00:21:28,363 Can I bring a man with a gun? 440 00:21:28,563 --> 00:21:32,243 The foxes have destroyed our chickens in that coppice. 441 00:21:32,363 --> 00:21:33,763 -Tonight. -Yeah. 442 00:21:33,923 --> 00:21:34,923 I don't think it's a fox. 443 00:21:35,083 --> 00:21:36,723 -What do you think it is? -Mink. 444 00:21:36,843 --> 00:21:39,843 -Can I still try and shoot it tonight? -Yes, yes, yes. 445 00:21:40,043 --> 00:21:41,843 Yeah, thanks, Paddy. 446 00:21:42,483 --> 00:21:44,443 [Jeremy laughs] 447 00:21:44,603 --> 00:21:46,283 Welcome to farming! 448 00:21:51,363 --> 00:21:53,163 [Kaleb] Oh shit. 449 00:21:53,363 --> 00:21:55,563 If you can back up again, or get over a little bit, 450 00:21:55,723 --> 00:21:57,883 I can try and come out this way and then go round there. 451 00:21:58,043 --> 00:21:59,403 I've gotta go round there. 452 00:21:59,603 --> 00:22:00,523 [Jeremy] Hi, Alan. 453 00:22:00,683 --> 00:22:01,883 [Alan] Hello, mate. All right? 454 00:22:02,083 --> 00:22:05,043 We're running out of water. Header tank's got about that much in it. 455 00:22:07,003 --> 00:22:09,203 [Jeremy] And then we discovered a possible reason 456 00:22:09,363 --> 00:22:12,283 why the water pressure was so low. 457 00:22:12,963 --> 00:22:14,523 Someone left the sprinkler on and soaked the floor, 458 00:22:14,683 --> 00:22:16,763 so we've got to dry it out first. 459 00:22:16,963 --> 00:22:18,363 [Jeremy] Shit ! 460 00:22:18,963 --> 00:22:21,563 So when do you think we can get the kitchen fitters in? 461 00:22:21,763 --> 00:22:25,243 [man] So, we've got to get it decent enough... dry enough... 462 00:22:25,403 --> 00:22:26,563 [Jeremy] Fucking hell. 463 00:22:27,203 --> 00:22:29,083 -[Kaleb] Is that the kitchen? -Yes. 464 00:22:29,243 --> 00:22:30,203 -Oh shit -Yeah. 465 00:22:30,403 --> 00:22:31,923 I thought the kitchen would have been in by now. 466 00:22:32,083 --> 00:22:33,763 No, I've been waiting for the flooring to be finished. 467 00:22:33,963 --> 00:22:35,163 Shitting 'ell. 468 00:22:35,363 --> 00:22:38,443 ["Take The Long Way Home" by Supertramp playing] 469 00:22:38,603 --> 00:22:41,803 [Jeremy] The issues and delays were a constant nuisance. 470 00:22:42,003 --> 00:22:43,363 I've gotta come round here, you see? 471 00:22:44,003 --> 00:22:46,403 [Jeremy] But this is Team Diddly Squat... 472 00:22:46,603 --> 00:22:48,323 The tables are only going in and... 473 00:22:48,963 --> 00:22:52,083 [Jeremy] And we were determined to catch up. 474 00:22:52,283 --> 00:22:55,363 [music continues] 475 00:23:00,283 --> 00:23:02,483 [Jeremy] I'm sending a tweet about the restaurant opening. 476 00:23:02,683 --> 00:23:04,443 I'm four letters over. 477 00:23:04,643 --> 00:23:06,283 [music continues] 478 00:23:14,843 --> 00:23:18,923 Did you see the first series of Clarkson's Farm? 479 00:23:19,083 --> 00:23:19,923 No. 480 00:23:21,523 --> 00:23:23,963 [Jeremy] This is covered, unless there's a westerly blowing, 481 00:23:24,163 --> 00:23:26,603 in which case everyone gets drenched. 482 00:23:28,243 --> 00:23:29,643 Lavatories are an issue. 483 00:23:30,283 --> 00:23:32,003 They're a quarter of a mile away. 484 00:23:36,043 --> 00:23:38,243 This whole menu is basically a beef menu. 485 00:23:41,963 --> 00:23:44,363 We've got a deep-fried croquette, beef, 486 00:23:44,563 --> 00:23:46,363 bone marrow on courgettes. 487 00:23:46,523 --> 00:23:48,523 We've got an empanada with, um... 488 00:23:48,723 --> 00:23:49,763 [Jeremy] We're calling that a pasty. 489 00:23:49,963 --> 00:23:52,043 Yeah, a pasty. It is a pasty. 490 00:23:52,203 --> 00:23:54,083 It's just I'm used to spending time with this one. 491 00:23:54,843 --> 00:23:56,003 I'm Argentinian. 492 00:23:56,163 --> 00:23:56,963 -[Jeremy] You're Argentinian? -Yeah. 493 00:23:58,083 --> 00:24:00,523 [laughter] 494 00:24:02,843 --> 00:24:04,323 [Alan] That's near enough. That'll do. Lovely. 495 00:24:05,683 --> 00:24:07,283 [Jeremy] Are you ready for the VIP suite? 496 00:24:07,443 --> 00:24:08,243 [Pip] Yeah. 497 00:24:08,403 --> 00:24:11,483 [Jeremy] This is when David Beckham comes, or Simon Cowell. 498 00:24:11,683 --> 00:24:13,843 [Pip] So this is very intimate, yeah. 499 00:24:14,003 --> 00:24:16,163 -You just need people my size in here! -Exactly. 500 00:24:19,163 --> 00:24:21,683 Look at that! Four knives to wash up. 501 00:24:21,843 --> 00:24:23,243 Stupid. 502 00:24:24,243 --> 00:24:26,283 I'm just gonna put them on the chairs for the moment. 503 00:24:26,483 --> 00:24:28,043 Look at that, Alan. 504 00:24:28,203 --> 00:24:29,323 [Alan] Oh, brilliant. 505 00:24:35,843 --> 00:24:38,483 [Jeremy] By six o'clock, amazingly, 506 00:24:38,683 --> 00:24:42,843 Alan's guys and the landscape boys had finished all their work. 507 00:24:43,483 --> 00:24:46,403 So, Pip's kitchen team could start. 508 00:24:48,363 --> 00:24:50,203 [music ends] 509 00:24:50,883 --> 00:24:52,923 I've gotta be honest, that was impressive. 510 00:24:53,083 --> 00:24:54,203 'Cause it's just... 511 00:24:54,363 --> 00:24:57,403 We had to do it in two days, and you said "Oh, that's gonna be tight." But... 512 00:24:57,603 --> 00:24:59,083 We've done it, haven't we. Brilliant, yeah. 513 00:24:59,283 --> 00:25:01,163 And then now look who's arriving. 514 00:25:01,363 --> 00:25:05,363 None other than Kaleb Cooper, with all the tables and chairs. 515 00:25:12,123 --> 00:25:15,523 Annoyingly, that's quite impressive, that reversing. 516 00:25:16,603 --> 00:25:19,363 I wonder if he reversed out of his mother's womb? 517 00:25:19,523 --> 00:25:22,283 I bet he did, with a trailer attached to the back of him. 518 00:25:24,283 --> 00:25:26,483 [Jeremy] As we unloaded the furniture... 519 00:25:27,963 --> 00:25:29,763 We noticed a strange gathering 520 00:25:29,963 --> 00:25:33,163 moving towards us through the barley. 521 00:25:33,363 --> 00:25:35,483 [intriguing music] 522 00:25:37,603 --> 00:25:41,523 [Jeremy] At first, Kaleb thought it was a council hit squad. 523 00:25:43,843 --> 00:25:47,523 But actually, it was something I'd arranged. 524 00:25:47,723 --> 00:25:48,643 You got it? 525 00:25:48,803 --> 00:25:49,883 Yeah. 526 00:25:50,603 --> 00:25:52,203 [choir singing "Jerusalem"] 527 00:25:52,363 --> 00:25:56,003 ♪ Bring me my Bow of burning gold ♪ 528 00:25:56,203 --> 00:25:59,283 [Jeremy] A little treat for a job well done... 529 00:26:00,443 --> 00:26:01,603 Motivation. 530 00:26:01,803 --> 00:26:03,523 This is wicked. Come on, let's do this! 531 00:26:04,243 --> 00:26:09,563 ♪ Bring me my Spear O clouds unfold ♪ 532 00:26:10,963 --> 00:26:13,163 [Jeremy] ...the Cotswolds Male Voice Choir... 533 00:26:13,363 --> 00:26:17,043 ♪ Bring me my Chariot of fire ♪ 534 00:26:17,243 --> 00:26:19,603 ♪ I will not cease ♪ 535 00:26:19,763 --> 00:26:21,483 [Jeremy] ...singing "Jerusalem"... 536 00:26:21,643 --> 00:26:22,923 ♪ From Mental Fight ♪ 537 00:26:23,883 --> 00:26:28,963 ♪ Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand ♪ 538 00:26:29,163 --> 00:26:30,883 [Jeremy] ...with a twist... 539 00:26:31,083 --> 00:26:37,683 ♪ Till we have built a restaurant ♪ 540 00:26:37,883 --> 00:26:40,843 ♪ In England's green ♪ 541 00:26:41,003 --> 00:26:42,043 [Lisa] I love that! 542 00:26:42,243 --> 00:26:46,483 ♪ And pleasant Land ♪ 543 00:26:46,683 --> 00:26:48,763 [whistling and applauding] 544 00:26:51,843 --> 00:26:54,123 [intriguing music] 545 00:27:01,563 --> 00:27:04,523 [Jeremy] Our first guests would be arriving in five hours, 546 00:27:05,163 --> 00:27:07,283 and I was praying that Clarkson's Farm 547 00:27:07,443 --> 00:27:09,763 wouldn't turn into one of those reality shows 548 00:27:09,923 --> 00:27:13,443 where everything goes wrong against the clock. 549 00:27:14,763 --> 00:27:17,523 But, two hours later... 550 00:27:17,723 --> 00:27:18,843 What's that? 551 00:27:19,043 --> 00:27:21,763 It looks like rat poison. Get that water cleared up. 552 00:27:21,963 --> 00:27:24,603 [clanking] [drilling] 553 00:27:24,803 --> 00:27:26,403 Where do you want the washing-up liquid? 554 00:27:27,483 --> 00:27:28,923 And that. 555 00:27:32,323 --> 00:27:33,723 What the fuck is all this? 556 00:27:36,723 --> 00:27:39,323 [Pip] I told him to get bigger spoons. 557 00:27:39,523 --> 00:27:42,083 We're going to get a fridge in, but we cannot have 558 00:27:42,243 --> 00:27:44,003 that walk-in fridge down here. 559 00:27:44,203 --> 00:27:46,603 We need another fridge in here then. Compromise. 560 00:27:46,763 --> 00:27:49,323 [Jeremy] We're opening in two and three-quarter hours. 561 00:27:49,483 --> 00:27:52,603 I just thought that was the idea, to put it down here. 562 00:27:52,763 --> 00:27:54,203 [Jeremy] No. No way. No way. 563 00:27:56,163 --> 00:27:59,003 [clanking and drilling continues] 564 00:28:03,603 --> 00:28:06,163 [Pip] This needs to fill, this shit needs to come out and get it hot, though. 565 00:28:08,603 --> 00:28:09,603 There's a film crew here, 566 00:28:09,763 --> 00:28:13,683 so we've got 3,000 gallons of water unnecessarily hanging around. 567 00:28:13,883 --> 00:28:16,803 Shit, there's paint! What the fucking hell? 568 00:28:16,963 --> 00:28:18,603 Who's left fucking paint here? 569 00:28:19,323 --> 00:28:20,883 [overlapping conversations] 570 00:28:21,043 --> 00:28:22,843 [woman] Hi. Can I help you? Do you wanna come round here? 571 00:28:23,043 --> 00:28:24,363 What's your name? 572 00:28:24,523 --> 00:28:26,323 -Zoe Townsend. -Zoe. There we are. 573 00:28:26,523 --> 00:28:29,163 [Jeremy] The guests have arrived. We are clearing now. 574 00:28:29,323 --> 00:28:30,243 Clear, everyone. 575 00:28:30,403 --> 00:28:33,003 Everyone, no matter how important you are, start clearing up. 576 00:28:35,283 --> 00:28:36,243 [Jeremy] What's happening? 577 00:28:36,443 --> 00:28:39,123 You swept there a minute ago, I know you did. 578 00:28:40,883 --> 00:28:43,123 [Jeremy] Unaware of the chaos at the site, 579 00:28:43,283 --> 00:28:47,523 our first guests were being greeted by our front-of-house manager. 580 00:28:48,283 --> 00:28:49,443 [Gerald] That's the same as me. 581 00:28:49,603 --> 00:28:52,323 I walked in the sun, now I'm driving in it. 582 00:28:52,483 --> 00:28:54,523 It don't really work properly, you know what I mean? 583 00:28:54,723 --> 00:28:57,403 [Jeremy] They would then be taken to the restaurant 584 00:28:57,563 --> 00:29:00,123 in a tractor-and-trailer combo driven by Kaleb, 585 00:29:01,003 --> 00:29:04,603 who'd really smartened himself up for the big day. 586 00:29:07,563 --> 00:29:11,243 Not that the big day was ready to happen just yet. 587 00:29:12,763 --> 00:29:14,163 [Jeremy] I haven't got time for this. 588 00:29:14,363 --> 00:29:16,763 We've got people here now and we've got two sittings to get-- 589 00:29:16,923 --> 00:29:18,403 -Charlie, hi. -How can I help? 590 00:29:18,563 --> 00:29:19,483 [Jeremy] Fancy unwrapping some plates? 591 00:29:19,683 --> 00:29:21,843 Looks good. They sent the weather. 592 00:29:22,003 --> 00:29:24,803 [Jeremy] It was just beyond a tip ten minutes ago, they say, 593 00:29:24,963 --> 00:29:27,043 "Our first guests have arrived." Nothing's been cooked. 594 00:29:28,803 --> 00:29:30,203 We'll have to put on the menu: 595 00:29:30,403 --> 00:29:34,563 "Some of these dishes may contain Jeremy Clarkson's forehead sweat." 596 00:29:36,363 --> 00:29:37,883 [Pip] No, no. What are you doing? 597 00:29:39,083 --> 00:29:41,083 Where's fucking Lisa gone? 598 00:29:44,763 --> 00:29:46,363 [Lisa] Wow. Perfect. 599 00:29:46,563 --> 00:29:49,723 [Jeremy] Pip? From now on, we're not bringing cars down here. 600 00:29:49,883 --> 00:29:52,163 But how are we gonna get the food from the trailer to here? 601 00:29:52,323 --> 00:29:56,163 [Jeremy] We're not gonna use a car. So we'll have to use... Tractor? 602 00:29:56,323 --> 00:29:58,643 Impossible. Too long, if you wanna open. 603 00:30:02,843 --> 00:30:05,283 Is that Chris's van? Fucking hell. 604 00:30:05,483 --> 00:30:06,283 [man] Um, Jeremy? 605 00:30:06,443 --> 00:30:08,083 One of the plugs has gone, which is really important 606 00:30:08,243 --> 00:30:10,483 to where they're cooking all the pasta. Electrician's ten minutes away. 607 00:30:12,003 --> 00:30:13,203 [Kaleb] All right, hurry up then, 608 00:30:13,403 --> 00:30:16,483 they're all getting a bit hot and a bit-- you know. 609 00:30:16,643 --> 00:30:19,323 All right then. Bye-bye. He's panicking. 610 00:30:19,523 --> 00:30:21,643 There is a little bit of a delay. 611 00:30:21,803 --> 00:30:23,523 There's an electrical problem down the other end. 612 00:30:23,723 --> 00:30:26,563 [Gerald's phone ringing] 613 00:30:31,603 --> 00:30:32,523 Hello? 614 00:30:33,883 --> 00:30:36,123 Up at the farm shop, and there's people here. 615 00:30:36,283 --> 00:30:39,963 Somebody's gonna go whoosh... But, you know. 616 00:30:40,163 --> 00:30:42,923 There's been a small delay. It's an electrical problem, I hear. 617 00:30:43,083 --> 00:30:45,603 So there will be a little bit of a wait to get on. 618 00:30:51,043 --> 00:30:52,763 How long are you gonna be? 619 00:30:52,923 --> 00:30:53,923 Five minutes. 620 00:30:54,483 --> 00:30:56,283 Can I put this in the back of my car and take it away? 621 00:30:56,483 --> 00:30:58,323 [woman] I think we need to mop first. 622 00:30:58,723 --> 00:31:01,923 We can't, the guests are here. Fuck it, it's a farm. 623 00:31:02,123 --> 00:31:04,123 [sighs] 624 00:31:08,083 --> 00:31:09,163 Never again. 625 00:31:09,763 --> 00:31:10,603 Who are you waiting for? 626 00:31:10,763 --> 00:31:12,603 [man] I need to drop off these for the waitresses. 627 00:31:12,763 --> 00:31:14,123 Well, here's a tip. 628 00:31:14,283 --> 00:31:16,563 If you've got a job to do, get out the car and fucking run, 629 00:31:16,723 --> 00:31:17,963 because we need to move this car. 630 00:31:20,203 --> 00:31:23,803 Oh, fucking hell, there's another one coming down. Who's this? 631 00:31:24,003 --> 00:31:26,043 What the fuck are you doing? 632 00:31:27,163 --> 00:31:28,483 -What? -We've got your food. 633 00:31:28,643 --> 00:31:30,083 Good. Drop it off. 634 00:31:31,603 --> 00:31:34,483 [Jeremy] At this point, I realised that my inner Gordon Ramsay 635 00:31:34,643 --> 00:31:38,643 was doing more harm than good. So I made a decision. 636 00:31:39,403 --> 00:31:42,123 I'm gonna move myself now. 637 00:31:46,843 --> 00:31:49,563 I just love the way our host is leaving, 638 00:31:49,723 --> 00:31:52,363 about five minutes after the restaurant was meant to open. 639 00:31:55,483 --> 00:31:56,963 Well, all hands on deck. 640 00:31:57,163 --> 00:31:58,603 [overlapping conversations] 641 00:31:59,123 --> 00:32:02,683 [Kaleb] I've got some water, everyone. Anyone want some water? 642 00:32:02,843 --> 00:32:05,123 There we go. There we go. 643 00:32:05,323 --> 00:32:06,803 I keep saying "five minutes" and "five minutes" 644 00:32:06,963 --> 00:32:09,363 and then people are just thinking, "He's talking shit now." 645 00:32:09,883 --> 00:32:12,963 [Pip] Whoa. Tom, what's going on? 646 00:32:14,243 --> 00:32:17,843 Can we just hurry up? Take that out. 647 00:32:18,043 --> 00:32:19,723 Move this all down there. 648 00:32:19,923 --> 00:32:21,363 The pasta cooker is not working? 649 00:32:21,563 --> 00:32:24,683 Yeah. There's a fault on it. There's a problem on the appliance. 650 00:32:24,883 --> 00:32:26,243 OK. So you're just going? 651 00:32:26,403 --> 00:32:28,083 Well, there's nothing we can do. 652 00:32:28,843 --> 00:32:30,483 [Pip] Nine. Nine of them. 653 00:32:31,843 --> 00:32:32,803 Come on. 654 00:32:33,003 --> 00:32:34,203 I'm gonna load everyone up, fuck it. 655 00:32:35,083 --> 00:32:38,723 [Kaleb] You have to walk right to the end and then come back down to this side. 656 00:32:38,923 --> 00:32:40,203 [lively music] 657 00:32:42,043 --> 00:32:45,443 [Jeremy] As it happened, Kaleb had made the right call, 658 00:32:45,603 --> 00:32:48,363 because as he ferried the guests to the site, 659 00:32:51,483 --> 00:32:54,043 Pip's team, clearly used to this kind of pressure, 660 00:32:55,403 --> 00:32:58,603 had started to make actual food. 661 00:32:58,763 --> 00:33:01,323 [Pip] Olive oil, lemon juice. Six, seven, eight. 662 00:33:04,003 --> 00:33:07,723 [Jeremy] Then, having taken a calm pill, I came back. 663 00:33:08,523 --> 00:33:09,803 Welcome, everybody. 664 00:33:10,883 --> 00:33:14,603 Slightly unusual way to arrive at a restaurant, I know. 665 00:33:14,763 --> 00:33:17,603 But anyway, I'll get you off the back. 666 00:33:17,803 --> 00:33:19,243 And there we are. 667 00:33:21,523 --> 00:33:23,963 [Jeremy] Put that away. 668 00:33:24,123 --> 00:33:24,963 [Kaleb] What? 669 00:33:26,003 --> 00:33:26,963 [Pip] Yeah, ready. Go. 670 00:33:28,563 --> 00:33:30,683 [woman] Hello, guys. How's it going? 671 00:33:32,363 --> 00:33:34,403 [guest] Wow. Thank you. 672 00:33:34,923 --> 00:33:36,683 [woman] I hope you guys are ready for a feast. 673 00:33:38,323 --> 00:33:40,403 [Pip] OK, just one more portion. 674 00:33:43,243 --> 00:33:46,043 [Jeremy] The diners tucked in, to the accompaniment of either me, 675 00:33:46,243 --> 00:33:48,283 in Basil Fawlty mode... 676 00:33:48,483 --> 00:33:49,443 -How are you? -Hello. 677 00:33:49,603 --> 00:33:51,123 Good, good. Nice of you to come. Thank you. 678 00:33:51,323 --> 00:33:53,603 Hello. Welcome. Thank you for coming. 679 00:33:53,803 --> 00:33:58,163 [Jeremy] Or Charlie, telling them more than they needed to know about wheat... 680 00:33:58,363 --> 00:34:00,683 Germ wheat in the pasta. 681 00:34:00,843 --> 00:34:03,123 I'm particularly proud of the germ wheat, 682 00:34:03,283 --> 00:34:05,443 'cause it normally grows in Italy. 683 00:34:05,643 --> 00:34:09,803 And I grew it below Bury Hill south. 684 00:34:10,203 --> 00:34:11,563 [Jeremy] Was that fine? Were you all... 685 00:34:11,723 --> 00:34:14,123 -[woman] Absolutely delicious. -Good. Thank you. Thank you. 686 00:34:14,323 --> 00:34:16,883 The hardest thing was getting the germ wheat from Italy, 687 00:34:17,683 --> 00:34:21,043 as the seed, through customs. It sat at Calais for ten days. 688 00:34:23,523 --> 00:34:24,963 [lively music] 689 00:34:25,163 --> 00:34:26,243 One on there as well. 690 00:34:26,923 --> 00:34:28,203 -[man] Yeah. -[Pip] Yeah. 691 00:34:32,043 --> 00:34:34,523 -How are you doing in there, guys? -[woman] Amazing. 692 00:34:34,683 --> 00:34:36,203 - It's really nice. - Yummy. 693 00:34:37,123 --> 00:34:39,203 [Jeremy] Inevitably, the moment then arrived 694 00:34:39,403 --> 00:34:41,243 when someone needed to visit the loos, 695 00:34:41,883 --> 00:34:46,323 which were at the farm shop on the other side of the field. 696 00:34:46,483 --> 00:34:49,683 Recognising that this might be an issue... 697 00:34:50,683 --> 00:34:54,203 I'd laid on a rapid-response delivery system. 698 00:34:54,403 --> 00:34:55,603 [laughter] 699 00:34:55,803 --> 00:34:58,003 [man] We're all too scared to go now. 700 00:34:58,163 --> 00:35:00,883 [Jeremy] But sadly, the process was slowed down somewhat 701 00:35:01,043 --> 00:35:03,683 by Charlie being Charlie again. 702 00:35:03,883 --> 00:35:07,083 You need to get your protective equipment on to use... 703 00:35:07,203 --> 00:35:08,043 It's serious. 704 00:35:08,203 --> 00:35:11,243 [woman] Look, she's got to put a helmet and a suit on! 705 00:35:11,483 --> 00:35:13,363 [Charlie] Yeah, and then there's the hat. OK. 706 00:35:13,523 --> 00:35:16,403 Sorry, we're just following health and safety rules. 707 00:35:16,603 --> 00:35:17,723 [engine revving] 708 00:35:17,923 --> 00:35:18,963 [woman screams] 709 00:35:21,963 --> 00:35:23,443 Oh hell. 710 00:35:24,883 --> 00:35:25,843 [chuckles] 711 00:35:26,043 --> 00:35:28,323 [lively music] 712 00:35:28,523 --> 00:35:29,723 [Jeremy] Loo breaks aside, 713 00:35:29,963 --> 00:35:33,803 people did seem to be enjoying themselves and our food. 714 00:35:36,803 --> 00:35:38,203 And throughout the afternoon, 715 00:35:38,403 --> 00:35:41,683 a steady stream of guests came and went. 716 00:35:43,163 --> 00:35:44,443 Aw. Thank you very much. 717 00:35:44,643 --> 00:35:46,683 I don't blame him. 718 00:35:46,883 --> 00:35:49,683 Forward, forward. Mind now. Watch out. Come on, forward. 719 00:35:50,923 --> 00:35:53,683 [Jeremy] David Beckham actually did turn up. 720 00:35:56,643 --> 00:35:59,363 As did Diddly Squat friends, such as Georgia, 721 00:35:59,523 --> 00:36:01,323 from the National Farmers' Union. 722 00:36:01,523 --> 00:36:03,483 It's quite amazing to see it all come together, though. 723 00:36:04,043 --> 00:36:06,523 [Jeremy] And Tim and Katy, who'd sold us our cows 724 00:36:06,683 --> 00:36:09,643 and wanted to see what they tasted like. 725 00:36:09,843 --> 00:36:12,523 Hey! How are you? What did you say to me about Pepper? 726 00:36:12,683 --> 00:36:15,683 You said I've got to look after Pepper, didn't you? 727 00:36:15,883 --> 00:36:17,843 Exactly. And Pepper is having a great time. 728 00:36:18,003 --> 00:36:20,643 She's got a boyfriend. She's got lots of lovely grass. 729 00:36:20,843 --> 00:36:22,643 She's incredibly happy, Pepper. 730 00:36:24,523 --> 00:36:25,523 [Charlie] The pasta's from the germ wheat. 731 00:36:25,683 --> 00:36:28,203 So it's gone down to be milled at Matthew's Mill. 732 00:36:28,363 --> 00:36:31,323 And they've got a special double-O flour thing. So that's... 733 00:36:34,363 --> 00:36:38,443 [Jeremy] As the evening light became golden on this perfect, 734 00:36:38,603 --> 00:36:39,523 warm summer's day... 735 00:36:39,683 --> 00:36:41,563 [soft music] 736 00:36:43,683 --> 00:36:48,003 [Jeremy] ...I kept pinching myself that we'd actually done it. 737 00:36:49,323 --> 00:36:51,363 That we'd opened a restaurant 738 00:36:51,523 --> 00:36:56,403 in the face of such a relentless barrage of opposition. 739 00:36:57,683 --> 00:36:59,923 [man] But the fact is, ultimately you're not a farmer. 740 00:37:00,083 --> 00:37:01,643 You're a media personality. 741 00:37:01,843 --> 00:37:03,363 One man in the village 742 00:37:03,523 --> 00:37:08,163 has started a "Stop Diddly Squat" crowdfunding thing. 743 00:37:08,843 --> 00:37:10,163 [Jeremy sighs] 744 00:37:10,363 --> 00:37:12,803 The applicant's conduct is shameful. 745 00:37:13,003 --> 00:37:15,523 It indicates a "give me an inch and I'll take a mile" attitude. 746 00:37:15,683 --> 00:37:18,323 [man] All those in favour of refusal, please show. 747 00:37:20,163 --> 00:37:21,683 They simply say at the top... 748 00:37:21,883 --> 00:37:23,883 Oh, "Hereby refuses the application." 749 00:37:24,043 --> 00:37:26,003 [Lisa] They can't refuse the car park, surely. 750 00:37:26,203 --> 00:37:27,123 You can appeal. 751 00:37:27,323 --> 00:37:28,203 The Secretary of State. 752 00:37:28,403 --> 00:37:32,603 It is going to be half a million, isn't it, when all is said and done? 753 00:37:32,803 --> 00:37:36,483 Have you ever heard of a farmer being turned down for a farm track? 754 00:37:36,643 --> 00:37:38,043 -Never. -[Jeremy] Never. 755 00:37:41,843 --> 00:37:45,203 [Jeremy] And since there was still no sign of a council official 756 00:37:45,363 --> 00:37:49,403 coming over the hill, Charlie and I decided to celebrate 757 00:37:49,563 --> 00:37:52,723 with some of our own ice-cold beer. 758 00:37:53,563 --> 00:37:57,163 So, I was talking to Tim, you know, the cow farmer, earlier, 759 00:37:57,323 --> 00:37:58,963 who was looking at the barn. And he said, 760 00:37:59,123 --> 00:38:01,803 "I've got a barn," broadly speaking, "exactly the same as this, 761 00:38:01,963 --> 00:38:03,043 "and I'm half a mile from Silverstone 762 00:38:03,203 --> 00:38:06,443 "where there's a constant throughput of people. 763 00:38:06,603 --> 00:38:08,683 "Could I do it?" 764 00:38:08,883 --> 00:38:12,963 And it made me think, do you think farmers are gonna watch this and go, 765 00:38:13,123 --> 00:38:14,363 "That's a really good idea"? 766 00:38:14,563 --> 00:38:18,203 [Charlie] Since you launched the whole thing on Twitter, farmers have said, 767 00:38:18,403 --> 00:38:20,203 "What are you doing? How the hell are you doing that?" 768 00:38:20,443 --> 00:38:22,363 Let's face it, it's not easy. 769 00:38:22,563 --> 00:38:25,243 But if they invest the time and the effort, absolutely. 770 00:38:25,483 --> 00:38:27,083 There are loads of these views. 771 00:38:27,203 --> 00:38:29,083 You know, lots of people have got wonderful places, 772 00:38:29,243 --> 00:38:32,003 special places, amazing buildings. 773 00:38:32,203 --> 00:38:33,123 [Jeremy] Open two nights a week. 774 00:38:33,243 --> 00:38:34,683 [Charlie] Two or three nights a week. 775 00:38:34,883 --> 00:38:37,323 You know, May, June, July, August, September. 776 00:38:37,483 --> 00:38:40,123 -It doesn't have to be... -That's how they operate in Cornwall. 777 00:38:40,243 --> 00:38:43,083 You know, those little seaside places, they're open May, June... 778 00:38:43,203 --> 00:38:44,963 They work like stink in the summer. 779 00:38:45,803 --> 00:38:47,843 -It's really rewarding. -It is. 780 00:38:48,403 --> 00:38:50,803 [Charlie] We haven't had a negative comment. They've all been thrilled. 781 00:38:50,963 --> 00:38:52,483 They love the food. 782 00:38:52,683 --> 00:38:56,563 Everybody's going home with a suntan, a little bit of a beer buzz, 783 00:38:56,683 --> 00:38:58,443 very full of beef. 784 00:38:58,883 --> 00:39:02,123 -[Charlie] You should be chuffed. -[both laugh] 785 00:39:02,243 --> 00:39:03,683 [Jeremy] We all can be. 786 00:39:03,883 --> 00:39:05,923 I mean, honestly, it wasn't me. 787 00:39:06,083 --> 00:39:07,843 I didn't even have the idea. Alan... 788 00:39:08,003 --> 00:39:09,923 No, I had the idea for the restaurant, 789 00:39:10,083 --> 00:39:11,483 which made you roll your eyes, and then-- 790 00:39:11,643 --> 00:39:13,723 I did roll my eyes. I take it all back. 791 00:39:13,923 --> 00:39:16,243 -[Jeremy] Anyway. Well done, you. -Thank you. And you. 792 00:39:16,483 --> 00:39:18,203 [soft music] 793 00:39:20,323 --> 00:39:23,643 [Jeremy] As we now had our own restaurant, the next day, 794 00:39:23,803 --> 00:39:28,603 I gathered the whole Diddly Squat clan together, in the sunshine, 795 00:39:28,803 --> 00:39:30,403 for a victory lunch. 796 00:39:32,643 --> 00:39:34,163 Why have you got all the steak tartare? 797 00:39:34,363 --> 00:39:36,003 -[Kaleb] You introduced it to me. -You like it, then? 798 00:39:36,203 --> 00:39:38,043 -I really like it. -It's alive. 799 00:39:38,203 --> 00:39:39,923 [Jeremy] It's not alive! 800 00:39:40,123 --> 00:39:42,203 -It looks very much alive. -[Jeremy] Then you have that. 801 00:39:45,003 --> 00:39:47,203 I would like to say thank you, to you all. 802 00:39:47,403 --> 00:39:49,363 Really, and I mean thank you very much to all of you. 803 00:39:49,563 --> 00:39:50,523 [Alan] Fantastic. 804 00:39:50,683 --> 00:39:52,403 -[Gerald] Cheers, guys. -Cheers, guys. 805 00:39:52,603 --> 00:39:53,923 -Alan, you're a rock star. -Thank you. 806 00:39:54,443 --> 00:39:55,523 Thank you for getting this built. 807 00:39:55,683 --> 00:39:56,723 -Thank you. -You really are. 808 00:39:57,683 --> 00:40:00,243 [Jeremy] You screwed yourself, though, so much this year. 809 00:40:00,483 --> 00:40:03,203 You've let the building trade down by building that in two days. 810 00:40:03,723 --> 00:40:06,603 Every builder's gonna go, "What were you thinking of? 811 00:40:06,723 --> 00:40:08,043 "That should have been three months." 812 00:40:08,203 --> 00:40:09,563 We've showed our hand, haven't we? 813 00:40:10,363 --> 00:40:11,403 But come and look at that. 814 00:40:11,603 --> 00:40:13,083 -[Lisa] I know. -[Alan] Yes, look at the view. 815 00:40:13,203 --> 00:40:14,043 I mean, look at that. 816 00:40:14,203 --> 00:40:15,443 [Alan] Oh, it's unbelievable. 817 00:40:15,603 --> 00:40:16,923 [Jeremy] We are lucky. 818 00:40:17,843 --> 00:40:19,923 We are very, very lucky. 819 00:40:20,683 --> 00:40:21,963 [Alan] Yeah, we are. 820 00:40:23,203 --> 00:40:24,963 [soft music] 821 00:40:31,923 --> 00:40:34,523 [Jeremy] We could also celebrate the fact that even though 822 00:40:34,683 --> 00:40:37,203 we'd all been busy with the council and the restaurant 823 00:40:37,363 --> 00:40:39,043 and the village nimbies, 824 00:40:39,203 --> 00:40:40,363 we'd still managed 825 00:40:40,563 --> 00:40:43,203 to reach the end of another farming year. 826 00:40:43,403 --> 00:40:45,563 [soft music] 827 00:41:07,403 --> 00:41:10,723 All that remained was to gather in the harvest. 828 00:41:12,003 --> 00:41:15,203 But as that was still a week away, 829 00:41:15,443 --> 00:41:20,323 there was time to spring a little surprise on Kaleb. 830 00:41:22,883 --> 00:41:25,963 You know it was your birthday a couple of weeks back? 831 00:41:26,123 --> 00:41:27,523 -You haven't given me a present yet. -Exactly. 832 00:41:27,683 --> 00:41:29,603 -Well, I've got you a present. -Have you? 833 00:41:29,723 --> 00:41:32,083 Yes, I have. And it's just round here. 834 00:41:32,243 --> 00:41:33,203 Ready? 835 00:41:34,003 --> 00:41:34,803 Ta-da! 836 00:41:41,843 --> 00:41:42,963 [Kaleb] I've never been up. 837 00:41:43,163 --> 00:41:47,003 I know you haven't. You've never been off the ground at all. 838 00:41:47,203 --> 00:41:48,363 Is it safe? 839 00:41:48,563 --> 00:41:52,083 That, Agusta 109, king of helicopters. 840 00:41:52,243 --> 00:41:56,843 And the actual chopper they used in James Bond, the most recent one. 841 00:41:57,003 --> 00:41:59,843 -I've never watched James Bond. -I'm sorry? 842 00:42:00,003 --> 00:42:02,243 I've never watched a James Bond film. 843 00:42:03,203 --> 00:42:04,683 So it doesn't mean anything. 844 00:42:04,883 --> 00:42:07,963 -You've never watched a James Bond film? -No. 845 00:42:08,123 --> 00:42:09,643 And you've never been in up... 846 00:42:09,843 --> 00:42:11,003 I've never been in the air. 847 00:42:11,163 --> 00:42:13,323 You're effectively gonna take my air virginity. 848 00:42:14,643 --> 00:42:17,963 -I thought you'd be happy! -I am happy. I'm just shitting it. 849 00:42:19,243 --> 00:42:20,083 [Jeremy] G-Dog! 850 00:42:20,243 --> 00:42:23,043 -Gerald. -Do you wanna come for a helicopter ride? 851 00:42:23,483 --> 00:42:25,323 [Gerald speaking indistinctly] 852 00:42:25,523 --> 00:42:28,203 [continues speaking] 853 00:42:28,403 --> 00:42:30,203 That'll take your curls off. 854 00:42:30,403 --> 00:42:34,883 [Jeremy] Assuming that was a "no", I helped strap in the nervous foetus, 855 00:42:35,043 --> 00:42:39,203 who then got a relaxing pre-flight brief from the pilot. 856 00:42:39,403 --> 00:42:41,643 That red tape on the big windows, 857 00:42:41,803 --> 00:42:43,643 if you pull that, the window would come out, 858 00:42:43,803 --> 00:42:46,043 if you had to climb out the window. 859 00:42:46,203 --> 00:42:49,643 And if you get out when it's running, I'll be letting you out... 860 00:42:49,843 --> 00:42:51,323 [laughing] 861 00:42:51,523 --> 00:42:52,523 And if you see any of the jet fighters 862 00:42:52,683 --> 00:42:54,523 from the Fairford air show coming, let me know. 863 00:42:54,683 --> 00:42:55,843 For what reason? 864 00:42:56,003 --> 00:42:57,043 We may not have seen them. 865 00:42:57,203 --> 00:43:00,123 [Jeremy] if you see another plane coming towards us, don't think, 866 00:43:00,243 --> 00:43:02,363 "Oh well, they're bound to have seen it," 'cause they might not have done. 867 00:43:02,523 --> 00:43:03,963 When I'm in a car my other half doesn't go, 868 00:43:04,123 --> 00:43:05,443 "There's a car to the left of me." 869 00:43:05,643 --> 00:43:07,523 [rotors] 870 00:43:14,803 --> 00:43:15,923 I feel sick. 871 00:43:16,923 --> 00:43:18,683 [Jeremy] We haven't even taken off yet. 872 00:43:20,843 --> 00:43:22,243 [Kaleb] Holy shit. 873 00:43:22,683 --> 00:43:24,723 [Jeremy] Oh, Kaleb has lift off! 874 00:43:25,203 --> 00:43:29,243 Kaleb Cooper has left the ground for the first time in his life! 875 00:43:31,403 --> 00:43:32,523 What's he doing? 876 00:43:32,683 --> 00:43:33,683 [Jeremy] It's all right, it just bobbles about. 877 00:43:33,883 --> 00:43:35,003 Why does it bobble about? 878 00:43:36,363 --> 00:43:37,683 [Kaleb] Oh! 879 00:43:38,883 --> 00:43:40,643 Look. There's the farm. 880 00:43:40,843 --> 00:43:42,923 You can name the fields then. 881 00:43:43,123 --> 00:43:44,243 That is... 882 00:43:44,403 --> 00:43:45,243 Taylor's. 883 00:43:45,403 --> 00:43:49,003 Taylor's. Seen from the air for the first time ever. 884 00:43:49,203 --> 00:43:50,643 [classical music] 885 00:43:50,803 --> 00:43:53,203 [Jeremy] As we flew over neighbouring farms, 886 00:43:53,363 --> 00:43:58,203 Kaleb realised that helicopters were actually quite useful. 887 00:43:58,363 --> 00:44:00,363 [Kaleb] He missed a bit down there, look. 888 00:44:01,243 --> 00:44:03,403 What happened to that field? Look. I know who farms it. 889 00:44:03,603 --> 00:44:06,923 Should I start taking pictures and send it all to the farmers? 890 00:44:07,083 --> 00:44:09,323 "What have you done there, then, mate?" 891 00:44:10,283 --> 00:44:14,323 Look how close his N2 tramlines are, look. You see that? You see that? 892 00:44:14,523 --> 00:44:15,923 [laughs] 893 00:44:16,083 --> 00:44:17,923 [Jeremy] This is the first time I've ever been in a helicopter 894 00:44:18,083 --> 00:44:21,163 with someone that only comments on the mistakes farmers have made. 895 00:44:21,363 --> 00:44:24,203 [classical music continues] 896 00:44:26,683 --> 00:44:28,563 -Look at the view that way. -It's amazing. 897 00:44:33,283 --> 00:44:34,683 [Jeremy] You're loving it, aren't you? 898 00:44:36,083 --> 00:44:37,243 [Kaleb] It is cool. 899 00:44:39,203 --> 00:44:40,563 Right, back to the farm, then. 900 00:44:41,523 --> 00:44:45,803 [Jeremy] Which meant it would soon be time for my highlight of the ride. 901 00:44:47,563 --> 00:44:49,563 Seven months had passed since Kaleb 902 00:44:49,723 --> 00:44:53,323 had failed to plant a big strip in one of the fields. 903 00:44:53,803 --> 00:44:55,003 Drilled. 904 00:44:55,163 --> 00:44:56,843 -Drilled. -Not drilled. 905 00:44:57,003 --> 00:44:59,763 -It is drilled. -You haven't drilled it. 906 00:45:00,803 --> 00:45:03,403 [Jeremy] And now, my reminder of this little cock-up 907 00:45:03,563 --> 00:45:05,883 was ready to be unveiled. 908 00:45:06,323 --> 00:45:10,203 If you look out of this window here, in Big Ground, yeah? 909 00:45:12,883 --> 00:45:15,083 -Who wrote that? -I did. 910 00:45:17,643 --> 00:45:21,243 [Jeremy] I did that. In wildflowers. Cause you missed it. 911 00:45:25,723 --> 00:45:29,403 -[Kaleb] I can't believe you wrote that. -I certainly did. 912 00:45:30,043 --> 00:45:31,243 [Kaleb] Holy shit. 913 00:45:34,563 --> 00:45:36,283 [soft music] 914 00:45:36,483 --> 00:45:39,523 [Jeremy] It would have been great to move from this birthday treat 915 00:45:39,683 --> 00:45:42,683 straight into the joy of harvesting. 916 00:45:44,163 --> 00:45:47,683 But first, there was one heart-in-the-mouth job 917 00:45:47,843 --> 00:45:49,603 that need taking care of. 918 00:45:53,083 --> 00:45:57,323 Five weeks had passed since Pepper and the bull had done their thing, 919 00:45:57,483 --> 00:45:59,163 and today we'd find out 920 00:45:59,323 --> 00:46:01,363 whether she was going to be a mum... 921 00:46:02,083 --> 00:46:03,123 or meat. 922 00:46:06,363 --> 00:46:07,483 [Lisa] Hello, little one. 923 00:46:09,083 --> 00:46:12,163 All right, this is it. This is... Don't... 924 00:46:12,323 --> 00:46:15,163 Everybody, positive waves. 925 00:46:15,363 --> 00:46:17,763 I've got her life in my hands. 926 00:46:17,963 --> 00:46:21,123 OK, see if I can find a baby for you. 927 00:46:21,283 --> 00:46:22,083 [Jeremy] Please find one. 928 00:46:24,563 --> 00:46:26,243 [Dilwyn] Right, let's see what we've got. 929 00:46:39,723 --> 00:46:41,403 [mooing] 930 00:46:41,563 --> 00:46:44,603 She is not in calf. 931 00:46:52,163 --> 00:46:54,123 That's it now, isn't it? 932 00:46:55,643 --> 00:46:57,323 Put her for the restaurant. 933 00:46:59,803 --> 00:47:01,643 She's definitely, definitely, definitely not? 934 00:47:02,483 --> 00:47:05,123 [Dilwyn] No. And she's now fat. 935 00:47:05,283 --> 00:47:06,683 What does that mean? 936 00:47:06,843 --> 00:47:07,963 She doesn't produce anything. 937 00:47:08,123 --> 00:47:11,203 -So these cows, they are producing milk. -Milk. Got you. 938 00:47:11,363 --> 00:47:13,403 And they're also maintaining their pregnancy at the moment. 939 00:47:13,563 --> 00:47:16,563 So they're working. Whereas Pepper isn't working. 940 00:47:16,723 --> 00:47:19,723 She's just eating the same amount and just putting down fat. 941 00:47:21,043 --> 00:47:22,483 Shall I ring Mutchmeats then? 942 00:47:22,643 --> 00:47:23,563 Oh god. 943 00:47:25,523 --> 00:47:27,923 [Kaleb] Look at that one. That one's producing you money. 944 00:47:29,443 --> 00:47:30,723 And the one on the left and right there. 945 00:47:30,923 --> 00:47:33,083 Yeah, but Jeremy's always been-- It's always been his favourite cow. 946 00:47:33,243 --> 00:47:35,603 -It is my favourite cow. -[Kaleb] Well, choose another one. 947 00:47:35,763 --> 00:47:36,563 [laughter] 948 00:47:38,483 --> 00:47:41,403 Oh God. What am I gonna do? Well, let's let them out while we... 949 00:47:48,083 --> 00:47:50,003 [mooing] 950 00:48:01,083 --> 00:48:02,683 [Kaleb] What are you gonna do? 951 00:48:04,363 --> 00:48:07,403 So, the first cow... 952 00:48:08,003 --> 00:48:09,563 we've nearly finished. 953 00:48:10,283 --> 00:48:12,083 The second cow is ready to... 954 00:48:12,243 --> 00:48:14,683 -Go straight into the restaurant. -Go to the restaurant. 955 00:48:14,843 --> 00:48:18,643 So, if we're gonna have to send a third cow off, which we are... 956 00:48:19,643 --> 00:48:21,563 You know, get it in early next week. 957 00:48:21,723 --> 00:48:25,283 28 days hanging. We pick the one that's not pregnant. 958 00:48:25,443 --> 00:48:28,043 [Jeremy] Yeah, you pick the one that can't get pregnant. 959 00:48:28,203 --> 00:48:29,683 So she's the right weight to go, isn't she? 960 00:48:29,843 --> 00:48:31,003 [Kaleb] She's the right weight, where the other ones 961 00:48:31,163 --> 00:48:33,163 need at least another two, three months. 962 00:48:34,443 --> 00:48:35,923 [Lisa] It's gonna have to be her, isn't it? 963 00:48:36,083 --> 00:48:36,883 [Kaleb] Yeah. 964 00:48:37,043 --> 00:48:39,523 You've spent a lot of money on that cow already now, 965 00:48:39,683 --> 00:48:44,163 so technically, in terms of a beefer, that one would be going. 966 00:48:44,363 --> 00:48:45,643 [Lisa] You shouldn't have favourites. 967 00:48:45,803 --> 00:48:47,123 You shouldn't have favourites, really, no. 968 00:48:48,203 --> 00:48:49,843 [Jeremy] Oh God. 969 00:48:50,803 --> 00:48:53,323 I think he might choose himself in a minute. 970 00:48:58,443 --> 00:49:00,003 She's not pregnant. 971 00:49:00,163 --> 00:49:01,523 -[Charlie] Again? -Hmm. 972 00:49:02,483 --> 00:49:06,083 [Charlie] Oh. I mean, we're paying for the bull. 973 00:49:06,443 --> 00:49:08,323 And he really needs to go back, 974 00:49:08,523 --> 00:49:09,923 because he's done his job on everything else. 975 00:49:10,083 --> 00:49:11,723 [Jeremy] Yeah, no, we're not paying any more for the bull. 976 00:49:11,923 --> 00:49:15,803 [Charlie] The reality is, the likelihood of her getting pregnant is low. 977 00:49:16,723 --> 00:49:18,963 So, what's her usefulness on the farm? 978 00:49:20,323 --> 00:49:22,923 [Jeremy] I mean, look, she's looking at me. 979 00:49:23,123 --> 00:49:24,883 No, she's looking. 980 00:49:26,283 --> 00:49:27,963 [Jeremy] Oh God. 981 00:49:36,963 --> 00:49:38,283 Fuck it. 982 00:49:39,083 --> 00:49:40,403 [Jeremy] Lisa? 983 00:49:41,363 --> 00:49:43,043 We've got a pet cow. 984 00:49:43,803 --> 00:49:46,243 ["Ramble On" by Led Zeppelin playing] 985 00:49:49,203 --> 00:49:52,163 ♪ Leaves are falling all around ♪ 986 00:49:53,643 --> 00:49:57,003 ♪ It's time I was on my way ♪ 987 00:49:59,523 --> 00:50:03,243 ♪ Thanks to you I'm much obliged ♪ 988 00:50:04,163 --> 00:50:07,043 ♪ For such a pleasant stay ♪ 989 00:50:10,883 --> 00:50:14,443 ♪ Ah, sometimes I grow so tired ♪ 990 00:50:15,283 --> 00:50:17,563 ♪ But I know I've got one thing I got to do ♪ 991 00:50:17,763 --> 00:50:19,043 ♪ Ramble on ♪ 992 00:50:20,083 --> 00:50:22,323 ♪And now's the time, the time is now ♪ 993 00:50:22,523 --> 00:50:24,443 ♪ To sing my song ♪ 994 00:50:24,603 --> 00:50:27,243 ♪ I'm goin' 'round the world, I got to find my girl ♪ 995 00:50:27,443 --> 00:50:29,283 ♪ On my way ♪ 996 00:50:29,483 --> 00:50:31,923 ♪ I've been this way ten years to the day ♪ 997 00:50:32,123 --> 00:50:33,443 ♪ Ramble on ♪ 998 00:50:34,323 --> 00:50:37,323 ♪ Gotta find the queen of all my dreams ♪ 999 00:50:40,363 --> 00:50:42,403 ♪ I ain't tellin' no lie ♪ 1000 00:50:49,403 --> 00:50:52,523 ♪ I guess I keep on rambling ♪ 1001 00:50:52,683 --> 00:50:56,083 ♪ I'm gonna, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 1002 00:50:56,283 --> 00:50:59,603 ♪ Sing my song I gotta find my baby ♪ 1003 00:51:00,283 --> 00:51:02,603 ♪ I gotta ramble on, sing my song ♪ 1004 00:51:02,803 --> 00:51:05,083 ♪ Gotta work my way around the world baby, baby ♪ 1005 00:51:05,483 --> 00:51:06,723 ♪ Ramble on, yeah ♪ 1006 00:51:07,563 --> 00:51:10,923 ♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, my baby ♪ 1007 00:51:12,323 --> 00:51:14,763 ♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo ♪