BIRDSONG
MR BRAITHWAITE: Grab onto that chain.
That's it. Lean back and you can get onto that beam.
- Are you sure it's safe? - Course it's safe!
Mind the scythes...
That's it.
Out along the beam there...
Watch this bit, there's spikes underneath.
Right, now can you see 'em?
It's too dark.
Here.
- Ow! - Have a look up the back there.
HE WINCES
Yeah, I think these are beehives.
See if you can pull one free.
RAT SQUEAKS - Ah!
Got it?
CHICKENS CLUCK
Pull it out towards the edge!
What is going on?
Come down from there at once!
What?
Get down! Henry!
What are you thinking of? It's dangerous!
Look at all this stuff.
Why'd you even have bear traps?
We don't have bears!
Not anymore.
MRS BRAITHWAITE: Oh, look at the state of you.
I came out specifically to tell you not to get dirty
cos I've said you'll go to tea today
with Lady Bloomsbury Barton at Bloomsbury Barton Manor.
Sorry, what, pardon?
You heard me, and you should be very honoured
very grateful to be invited.
Who's Lady Blooms...
Lady Bloomsbury Barton owns all the land around here.
We're her tenants and she's asked to meet you.
She hosts an annual charity garden party at the manor.
Whenever we have foster children to stay here at Scatterbrook
- she likes to get them involved. - Oh, my gosh!
That sounds rubbish.
MRS BRAITHWAITE SCOFFS Nonsense!
It'll do you good.
CROWS CAW
JOHN: He's not here.
I wanted to show Worzel my binoculars.
They're gonna blow his mind.
Mr Braithwaite must have moved him to another field.
He wouldn't stay in another field.
He'd march straight back to Ten Acre.
Hold on... there he is!
Let's go.
WORZEL MUTTERS - Hey, Worzel!
It's us! It's alright.
It's us!
Worzel!
How do, chillens? Lovely day.
I got these.
You look through them and they make far away objects
look up close.
Binoculars, you mean?
Oh.
I'm a scarecrow, not a caveman.
I knows what binoculars are.
What's been happening, Worzel? Scared many crows lately?
All crows scared what needs to be scared.
I sometimes think I'm too good at my job.
The wise ones don't even come close to Ten Acre Field no more.
Fact, I been thinking of getting another job on the side.
Oh yeah? What sort of thing?
- Bit of part-time modelling. - Ha!
Rude.
You mean making models? Like model aeroplanes?
No, actually, wise guy, I mean proper modelling
on the cat-walk. Look.
"Garden Party Fundraiser, Saturday 21st
- at Bloomsbury Barton Manor." - Read on, read on.
SUSAN: "Raffle and tombolas..."
WORZEL: Down a bit, down a bit.
That bit.
"Scarecrow Competition.
Prize for the best looking scarecrow."
"Best looking scarecrow". It's got me written all over it.
Or I've got it written all over me.
That's where we're going now for tea
with Lady Something-Or-Other.
You're going for tea at the big house?
Wait a minute!
- Worzel... - Ah, da, da...
- We... - Ah, bababa...
- But Worzel... - Daaaa!
I've just had the most brilliant brainchild.
Ew.
You could take me up the manor and enter me
for the competition!
But we didn't really make you.
You didn't nearly make me. Green Man made me.
But I can't just troll up there by myself and say
"Put me down for the competition."
They'd have the screaming abdabs.
But if you won, we couldn't accept the prize.
You're not getting the prize, I am.
What is the prize?
Don't know, don't care.
You may not have heard, but scarecrows is mad for prizes
crazy for 'em.
Whatever that prize is, I wants it.
Er, I don't know, Worzel.
Are you sure this is a good idea?
What could possibly go wrong?
Well, I'm up for it.
One.
- Go on then. - Two!
Excellent. And if the prize is something sharable
like biscuits, or a cake
- you're not having none. - Deal.
Let's get up there now.
I'll go into a sulk and you can carry me.
WOOD CREAKS - How far is it?
About a mile or so yonder.
Well, then you can walk with us
and we'll carry you when we get there.
Darn it.
Thought I might get a free carry all the way.
JOHN: How's your pet robin?
WORZEL: Winter George? He's nobody's pet.
I shouldn't let him hear you calling him that
he barely tolerates me.
'Ere, I'll give him a call.
HE SMACKS HIS LIPS
HE WHISTLES
ROBIN SINGS - Here he comes.
Oh!
WORZEL LAUGHS Look at him, he's had a shower.
Thinks he looks all handsome, like Mr Darcy!
You're just a ragged robin, my friend.
'Ere, we're on up to the big house.
I'm entering a modelling competition.
- Gonna win a prize. - ROBIN SINGS
Once again...
rude.
Hang on, there's someone I wants to see.
Psst! Earthy!
It's me, Worzel.
'Ello, Worzel!
Is the coast clear? Any gardeners around?
Not yet, all safe!
You remember Earthy Mangold?
Yeah. Hello!
What's new, Earthy?
The buds on the blackthorn, the spiders' webs.
- And what's old? - The chalk, the church
the songs of the birds.
Perfect. Guess where we're off to?
- Where? - We're on up to the big house.
I'm entering a modelling competition.
Oh, Worzel. Do be careful.
- Are you sure that's wise? - That's what I said.
You can't go round fraternising with 'umans
present company expected!
There's rules, Worzel.
I'd hate to hear you'd been found out and got dismantled.
Ha! Dismantled!
Thing you got to remember about 'umans
they only sees what they wants to see.
Their brains isn't big enough to understand
walking, talking scarecrows.
I'm practically invisible to 'umans.
Uh... hello?
Well, not to these two, obviously
but they're young 'uns, their brains haven't fully
developed yet, no offense!
- Is there a prize? - Certainly is!
Big one as well, probably.
I'll bring it by and show you if it's not too big.
Cheerio then! Mind how you go.
Be careful, Worzel. I mean it!
Don't you worry about me. I'm a very shrewd scarecrow.
Worzel! I'm caught!
Come here.
Here you go.
You were being very showy-offy back there.
"Showy-offy" isn't a word.
Vain then. Boastful.
Somebody's swallowed a thesaurus.
Big-headed.
You too, huh?
You were acting like you've already won.
- Pfft! - What was that?
Pffffft!
And again. I hope you don't have to eat humble pie.
Oh, will there be pie? I quite fancy a bit of pie.
HE PLAYS WIRE LIKE A JAW HARP
WORZEL CONTINUES PLAYING
Come on, you better start sulking before anyone sees you.
- We'll carry you from here. - Hang on a sec.
Some scarecrows there already.
Do you recognise any of 'em?
JOHN: Can't see from here.
Perhaps I should take a closer look.
Check out the competition, see who I'm up against.
I don't think you should.
Come on, we'll creep around the rhodi-dum-dums
take a quick peek.
DISTANT CHATTER
Here, lend me your "magical eye tubes".
Don't recognise none of 'em.
They looks like they been made by children!
Well, they probably have.
That one's called "Scarecrow Sam".
What kind of a name is that? Couldn't scare a titmouse.
They're having a laugh.
Well, hello there!
Oh, hello.
WORZEL: I'm not gonna have no trouble beating this lot.
I'm better looking than all of 'em.
Gummidge...
I'll wear my special-occasions cravat just to seal the deal.
- Worzel. - Clinch victory...
Ah!
Oh, how wonderful!
What a very clever costume!
You've dressed as a scarecrow!
Because of the scarecrow competition. Haven't you?
Um...
Yes.
Yes, that's right, he has.
This is our friend.
A man.
Yes.
Who has dressed as a scarecrow.
What a scream.
But you're two days early. The party's on Saturday.
Oh yes, we know.
I'm Susan. This is my brother, John.
We're staying with the Braithwaites
at Scatterbrook Farm.
Oh, my dears, you've come for tea!
I'd totally forgotten.
You're so very welcome, and you've brought a friend.
- Yes. - Whose name is...
Worzel Gummidge.
How unusual.
You can call me Worzel. Or Gummidge.
Or Worzel Gummidge.
Delighted to meet you, Mr Gummidge.
Or Mr Gummidge.
Come on into the house and have some tea
and I'll lay on a Battenberg.
Charmed, I'm sure.
Are you a scarecrow fan, Mr Gummidge?
You could say that, Your Ladyness.
I'm from the Scarecrow Appreciation Society.
- The SAS? - Exactly.
I'm not supposed to talk about it.
Fascinating...
Fascinating.
HE MOUTHS SILENTLY
LADY BLOOMSBURY BARTON: A nice cup of tea and a slice of cake
- Mr Gummidge? - Not for me!
I will have a glass of milk though, if I may.
Fresh, is it?
Of course.
Could you pour it for me? I fear a spillage.
More than that.
Right up to the top.
More. More.
There we go. Ah, cheers.
Ah... Good stuff.
Brr...
Where do you live, Mr Gummidge?
In... doors.
In a house, you mean?
WORZEL: In a house, yes, that's right.
Where is your house?
Well, I haven't brought it with me, have I?
- I left it at home. - I mean, where are you from?
Well, most of me's from right here in Scatterbrook.
LADY BLOOMSBURY BARTON: Most of you?
Well, not my arms. My arms is new.
What happened to your old arms?
Fell off.
- Can we change the subject? - Yes, yes, of course.
How long have you lived at Bloomsbury Barton Manor
- Lady... - Has somebody farted?
Seriously, has somebody guffed?
Oh!
Oh, have you broken wind?
Oh! Have you let one go?
- Urgh... - WORZEL: Oh!
Smells like someone's pushed air through poo.
Somebody's whispered a bum-secret?
Can I open the window? Let some fresh air in?
Oh!
Ooh, that's better.
Meaty one, that, weren't it?
I reckon it was her, she's blushing.
Anyway, let's forget it ever happened.
Soon as the air clears. Do continue, m'lady.
I've lost my thread.
I'll find it!
He's an outdoors man.
Is that your thread?
It's the only one down there.
You might want to think about getting a new one.
What a unique person you really are, Mr Gummidge.
Do say you'll come back again on Saturday for the party
and do come in costume. It'll make the day perfect!
I wouldn't miss it for the world.
It'll be your pleasure and privilege to have me there.
Scream! SHE CHUCKLES
There is just one thing, Your Grace.
When I win the competition, will I be required to make a speech?
- Win the competition? - Yes.
And what's the prize?
Oh! You're joking.
You are funny.
Am I?
Of course you can't enter the competition, Mr Gummidge.
- Can't enter? - Of course not!
It's a competition for homemade scarecrows
not "real" scarecrows.
And anyway, you're far too good looking.
Nobody else would stand a chance!
Don't worry, if you turn up in costume on the day
I'll buy you a raffle ticket.
You heard her! "Too good looking" she said.
"Nobody else would stand a chance."
Yeah, alright, Worzel.
You wait till I tell Earthy.
And a prize just for showing up!
She said she'd buy you a raffle ticket.
I know! My very own raffle ticket.
And me in the big house!
Who'd have thought I'd actually get to go inside the big house?
Well, I'm glad you had a good day, Worzel.
- Why, thank you. - See you tomorrow?
Indubitably. Cheerio!
Hello.
Nice weather.
Are you from Scatterbrook?
Haven't seen you before.
Hello?
DOOR OPENS
Good morning, Mr B.
Look at all this rubbish left up on the track.
Nothing to do with you two, is it?
No.
Didn't think it could be.
And gates left open up there too.
Have we had trespassers in the night?
Seems like it.
You didn't see anybody hanging around yesterday, did you?
Actually, there was an old bloke up the lane
when we were coming home.
Oh yeah, he was weird.
MR BRAITHWAITE: Yeah?
Describe him.
Well, he was old. Had a big beard.
Ragged clothes, tied with rope.
With twigs and leaves in them!
Did he have a pack on his back?
Yeah! A massive one.
That sounds like old Jack Woodwose.
You hear that, Renie?
Sounds like Mr Woodwose is back.
No! He can't still be around?
Well, kids seen someone sounds just like him.
Where was he?
On the track, up Ten Acre Field.
Right. Well, let's go and see if we can find him.
HE CHUCKLES
He's a hedge-layer.
Travels round the county, always on foot
repairs old hedges and lays new ones.
Turns up once every few years, but never takes any payment.
Yeah, he's a strange old fella.
Thinks he's invisible.
Well, I'll be...
There he is!
Ha-ha!
Mr Woodwose!
I see you there.
There you are.
Standing here next to this hedge
that presumably is your handiwork?
HE MUTTERS
MR BRAITHWAITE CHUCKLES Beautiful work, Jack.
Been meaning to do this for a couple of years.
I don't understand. What's he doing?
Chopping it down?
No, no, look. Come here.
He doesn't cut 'em right through, just halfway.
That way, they'll carry on growing together to make a fence
that'll only keep getting stronger and never rot.
Oh, er, I made this up for you.
Few sandwiches and bits.
Ah... Right, well, I'd best be off.
Someone keeps taking that old scarecrow from Ten Acre Field.
I've got to find him and fix him to his stake.
- Couple of nails should do it. - BOTH: No!
What's that?
He wouldn't want to...
I-I don't think he should...
Sorry, "he"?
It's a scarecrow, not a person.
I know, exactly. And scarecrows need to move, don't they?
To scare the birds.
Yeah, if he was fixed to his post
he wouldn't be able to swing around in the wind.
- "It". - It.
Come on then. I'll give you a lift back.
We'll go look for Worz... that scarecrow.
MR BRAITHWAITE: Right, well, keep an eye out
for those trespassers.
Oh, and, er, shut any gates that you see open!
Cheerio, Jack!
Where will Worzel be if he's not in Ten Acre?
At the allotments telling Earthy Mangold how great he is.
...and she turned to me, with tears in her eyes
and she said, "Oh, Mr Gummidge..."
Yeah.
"Oh, Mr Gummidge," she said, "It wouldn't be fair.
You're too good looking."
I said, "Fair enough."
I can't believe you went inside the big house.
Oh, yeah! Just went right on in through the door.
Do it again, do going through a door!
- Push or pull? - Push.
- "Hello there!" - SHE LAUGHS
It was easy, really, I just went right on through.
Indoors to a room. Sat down at a table.
On a chair?
Oh, you're hop-dang right on a chair.
Just sat right down on it, no trouble at all.
SHE GIGGLES - Hey, Worzel!
How do?
I was just telling Earthy how great I am.
You don't say?
Sorry, Earthy, he's a massive show-off.
Oh, I don't mind.
It's exciting to hear stories of indoors.
Do the door thing one more time
but this time... pull.
You have to imagine the walls and the...
What's it called? The lid.
- Ceiling? - Ceiling!
You have to imagine all of that.
"How do you do?"
- Ooh! - THEY LAUGH
Worzel? The farmer's noticed that you're not in your field.
He's out looking for you. You'd better get back.
Toodle-pip, scarecrow!
Bye, Worzel!
Bye, chillens!
Look at this!
Who's done this?
The farmer found a load as well.
He said there must have been trespassers in the night.
Trespassers, eh?
Don't like the sound of that one little bit.
Did he get a look at 'em?
Don't know. Why, do you know who it is?
Gates left open?
Yeah! That as well.
Who is it?
Are they scarecrows?
If you can call 'em that.
There's this travelling band what fancy themselves
as a biker gang, led by Soggy Bogart.
Now there's a proper show-off.
I don't reckon he's scared a crow in years.
SUSAN: That sounds terrifying. Scarecrows on motorbikes?
Oh, they don't have bikes.
None of them have never even sat on a motorbike before.
They just pretend.
Anyway, I'm not scared of Soggy Bogart.
I remember when he was a young'un
before he went off the rails.
He used to wear teddy-bear pyjamas.
THEY LAUGH
DISTANT REVVING SOUND
JOHN: What is it?
DISTANT REVVING SOUND - It's them.
Here. Go stand over there.
And put your arms out.
DISTANT REVVING SOUND
SCARECROWS MAKE REVVING SOUNDS
Woo!
Well, well, well...
Well. Look who it isn't!
Worzel Gummidge.
Or should I say...
Worzel Bummidge!
SCARECROWS LAUGH
What have we here?
New scarecrows in town?
Ha-ha! Not very scary, are you?
How do, Soggy?
Don't call me Soggy.
No one calls me that no more.
Why not? That's your name, ain't it?
Soggy Bogart.
Not no more. I changed it.
To what?
Harley Davidson!
HE LAUGHS
Right.
You still up Ten Acre Field then?
Oh, aye, s'where I belongs.
You won't catch me standing still.
I's gotta keep movin'. Keep right on movin' on.
Right, gang?
Yeah! That's right.
Yeah, keep movin' on, yeah!
Right, well, if you're ever moving past Ten Acre Field
nick over for a cup of splosh.
What, tea?
No, thanks.
We drinks fizzy drinks! Right, gang?
- Yeah, fizzy drinks! - Yeah! With sugar in!
Oh right, well, I aren't got no fizzy drinks
but you're welcome up Ten Acre anyway.
Tea's for old ladies.
SCARECROWS LAUGH
Here, Soggy.
You still got them teddy-bear pyjamas?
The name's Harley Davidson.
And I only wore them jammys for one summer.
And they weren't teddy bears.
What were they?
Just bears.
SCARECROWS MAKE REVVING SOUNDS
What you lot doing here anyway?
Heard there was a competition.
- Not heard of no competition. - What? Funny, that.
What with it being in your manor an' all.
Says here, "Prize for the winner."
Aye, for fake scarecrows, homemade ones.
- So you have heard of it? - Heard of that one, yeah.
But like I say, it's not for the likes of us real scarecrows.
Who's to know?
We'll just place ourselves among the fake ones.
Ah, what even is the prize? Tin of shortbread?
You mean you ain't heard?
Heard what?
Prize is a trophy.
Silver trophy.
- Is it? - Yeah.
And you got to be in it to win it.
Oh!
I'm a poet and I didn't even realise that I am one.
Right, gang?
Yeah, didn't realise he was.
Didn't have a clue.
HE MAKES REVVING SOUND
SCARECROWS MAKE REVVING SOUNDS
Smell ya later, Bummidge!
SCARECROWS MAKE REVVING SOUNDS
Muddy boots!
He's gonna win it, isn't he?
A silver trophy!
I thought he was horrible and mean.
Yeah but you gotta admit, he looks a million dollars.
You think?
A silver trophy! It's not fair.
Forget about it, Worzel.
Yeah, come on. It's only a glorified beauty pageant.
- Who cares? - Harrumph.
Did you just say "harrumph"?
I most certainly did, mumble grumble.
We'll come by tomorrow, pick you up on the way.
Can if you like. I'm not even bothered, mumble grumble.
- See you then. Try and cheer up. - Huh!
What? There's nothing even wrong mumble grumble grumble.
I want a silver trophy...
HE GRUMBLES
...leather jackets and their charisma...
What about me?
Stupid.
Mumble grumble.
MALE VOICE: Who's that grumbling?
Who's there?
MALE VOICE: I can hear someone mumbling and grumbling.
That's me.
Worzel Gummidge, the Scarecrow of Scatterbrook.
What have you got to grumble about?
Lots!
You're not helping by hiding while you're talking to me.
So show your fizzog!
I'm right here.
Oh!
Hello, Mr Green Man, sir. I didn't mean to be rude.
Why were you grumbling?
Oh, nothin'...
just my shoulder.
What's wrong with your shoulder?
It's not very stiff and it hardly even creaks
when I move it.
How far can you lift it?
- All the way up. - Ah.
That's no good.
I'll see if I can... THE GREEN MAN GRUNTS
I'll try and stiffen it up a bit.
Thank you, Mr Green Man, sir.
I didn't mean to be rude, sir. I didn't realise it was you.
Then why did you answer me?
Huh?
If you didn't know who was addressing you
why did you answer?
You're not supposed to talk to humans, Worzel.
I... I thought you was a scarecrow.
And those children?
You thought they were scarecrows too?
Matter of fact, I did when I first met 'em.
How do you know about the children?
How could I not know?
A thousand little birds told me.
A million leaves whispered it on a million breezes.
How could I not find out? Hmm?
Nature loves to gossip.
But they're good kids!
They are almost like scarecrows.
And the lady at the big house?
You've been breaking the rules, Worzel.
I've had a complaint.
About me? Who from?
The farmer. He says you've been going abroad.
Abroad?
Oh, you mean in the old-fashioned sense like
"away from home", not Tenerife.
- Concentrate, scarecrow! - Sorry.
The farmer wants to fix you to your stake.
Oh, please don't, sir.
I don't know as I could stand it.
I needs to move in order to do me job proper!
Does that job involve going to have tea up at the big house?
I'm not going to fix you to your stake this time, Worzel
but I want your word, you're to stay here
in Ten Acre Field, and scare crows.
- But... - No "buts".
You've got a job to do, and a very important job it is too.
D'you hear me?
No more speaking to humans.
- But... - Worzel.
No good will come of you speaking to those children.
They're young enough now, they'll forget about you.
They'll imagine it was all a dream.
Try your shoulder now.
That's a bit better.
Bit better?
Think so, yes. Thank you.
MUSIC: "Ripening Corn" by The Unthanks
♪ Oak and ash and sycamore ♪
♪ Barley, wheat and ripening corn ♪
♪ Breezes sing their whispering sound ♪
♪ Brooms stand quietly in their ground ♪
♪ Oak and ash and sycamore ♪
♪ Barley, wheat and ripening corn ♪
Worzel?
W-What's up?
It's us.
We're heading down to the manor today, remember?
The big house? For the garden party.
Don't sulk, Worzel, please.
Are you worried about being seen?
If you button up, people will think you're in costume
like Lady Thingy did.
Or is it you don't want to see somebody else win the trophy?
JOHN: Oh, please, Gummidge.
You won't get your raffle ticket if you don't go.
Come on, let's leave him. We'll come back later.
No!
I want to know why he's not talking to us!
We'll come back later, John. Give him time to cheer up.
BRASS MUSIC PLAYS: "English Country Garden" folk tune
INDISTINCT CHATTER
Is Mr Gummidge with you?
- Um, no, he was... - Sulking.
He was feeling unwell.
Oh, poor thing! What a shame.
I was going to ask him to judge the competition for me.
You were going to ask Worzel to judge the competition?
What with his being such an expert.
Do you think he would have agreed?
He would have loved that. Oh, my God.
Well, you'd better take his raffle tickets
and maybe you can help me choose a winner, hm?
Come along.
INDISTINCT CHATTER
Oh! This is a fun one!
Isn't it?
Really... really fun.
Well done. What's his name?
Scarecrow Sam.
Scarecrow Sam!
How did you come up with that name?
What a very, very good name.
This one's a contender.
Mark this one down for a contender.
- Mm-hm. - Next?
Ooh, terrifying.
Look at this one! Nice use of a football for a head.
Look at the way its eyes seem to follow you around.
- Very scary. - Mm...
Now, this is one of the strange creations
that turned up in the night.
JOHN: Oh, dear.
Oh dear, oh dear.
What's its name? Is it Harvey?
No, Harley.
Looks like...
Soggy.
Soggy Bogart.
- Mm-hm. - Well, I don't like it.
What would Mr Gummidge say?
"Utter shambles. Couldn't scare a meadow pipit."
Next!
Hmm...
Oh, sorry.
I didn't realise these were supposed to be scarecrows.
Thought somebody had dropped some rubbish.
Next!
SUSAN: Ooh, look at this one!
"Scarecrow Simon". How simply terrific and marvellous!
HE GRUMBLES
PUPPETS SQUEAK
Give me my sausages!
Thank you Mike and Jenny from the Raptor Centre
for their wonderful falconry display earlier.
Oh, and if you could all keep an eye out for a...
Uh, what was it?
White-tailed eagle.
A white-tailed eagle!
And probably best to keep pets and babies indoors
until it's safely recaptured.
Thank you, everyone
for making the scarecrows for the scarecrow competition.
I hope you've all had a jolly good chance to look at them.
And have we decided upon a winner?
CROWD MURMURS
We've decided that the best looking scarecrow...
And by far the most scary...
- The one with the coolest name... - Is...
BOTH: Scarecrow Sam!
CROWD CHEERS - APPLAUSE
WOMAN: Everybody say cheese!
ALL: Cheese! - CAMERA CLICKS
LADY BLOOMSBURY BARTON: Now, it just remains for us
to draw the raffle.
Everybody got their tickets ready?
It's a pink ticket, number 441.
Yes! 441!
Oh, well done! Well done.
APPLAUSE
First choice of anything on the prize table.
Look, Worzel!
A whole book of raffle tickets! I chose it for you.
It wasn't even supposed to be a prize.
They left it on the prize table by mistake.
Look at all the colours!
It was hilarious, she asked us to judge the competition!
Guess who we chose as the winner.
You'd be proud of us. Guess who we chose!
Still not talking, huh?
I don't get it. What have we done?
HORN HONKS
Here.
You can look at it when we've gone.
You kids seen my cows?
No. What's happened?
Gates left open, they've wandered off!
The entire dairy herd, don't know what direction they went.
I'm gonna look down the lane.
Could you head on over the hill, see if they're up
- at Church Farm? - Yeah, we'll go now.
THUNDER RUMBLES
JOHN SIGHS
It's Soggy and the Trubblemakers.
Should have known they wouldn't just disappear.
We humiliated them back there at the manor.
They're gonna want revenge.
DISTANT REVVING SOUNDS
SCARECROWS MAKE REVVING SOUNDS
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear...
Oh dear.
"Utter shambles", am I?
"Couldn't scare a meadow-pipit", huh?
Get lost, Soggy.
You're not allowed to speak to humans.
It's against the rules.
Rules shmules, right, lads?
SCARECROWS CHEER - Yeah, shmules.
I ain't scared of yous.
What have you done with Mr Braithwaite's cows?
What have you done with my trophy?
It's not your trophy. You didn't win.
SOGGY CHATTERS IN DISTANCE
What's that Scarecrow Sam got on me, eh?
Can he do all this, eh?
ROBIN SINGS
What's that? What you saying?
Stop shouting in my ear!
Slow down, I can't understand you!
ROBIN SINGS
The kiddos? Where?
ROBIN SINGS
But I aren't supposed to talk to 'em no more
the Green Man said so.
You're right. Good guff, you're right!
What am I doing wasting time?
THUNDER RUMBLES
Where's. My. Trophy?
We. Don't. Have it.
Not my problem-o. Hand it over.
How can we if we haven't got it?
Like I said, not my problem-o. "Comprenday"?
WORZEL: Here I come!
WORZEL GRUNTS
SCARECROWS LAUGH
Stop laughing, you bully!
Are you alright, Worzel?
Yeah...
Went down on me face.
I come to rescue you.
SOGGY SCOFFS Hear that, lads?
Bummidge here thinks he's Luke Skywalker.
Pah!
Don't you "pah" me.
I'll "pah" whosoever I like.
Pfft!
Did you just "pfft" me?
What if I did?
I'll pull your head off.
I'll just put it back on again.
Not before we've played skittles with it.
HE GASPS You bounder!
What will you use for skittles?
Never mind what we'll use for skittles.
We'll find something.
You'll never find ten things the same size and shape
to use as skittles around here.
Oh yes, we will.
And we'll knock 'em all over by rolling your head in 'em.
Stop arguing!
I want my trophy!
SCARECROWS GROWL
You let us go, Soggy!
EARTHY: Worzel!
Is that you?
Are you there?
Oh!
There you are!
I came to find you.
Oh. Hello, everyone.
Well, now.
Who have we here?
- How do, my pretty? - I'm warning you, Soggy!
The name's Harley Davidson
and I'll thank you to remember it!
EARTHY: Soggy?
Soggy Bogart? Is that you?
It is you, Soggy Bogart!
I used to babysit for you when you were a baby scarecrow.
Don't you remember me?
Hello, Miss Mangold.
I used to tuck you in and tell you a bedtime story, didn't I?
SCARECROWS GIGGLE - Yes.
You had a favourite one that you always asked me to tell.
About a teddy bear, I think.
Over and over again, you wanted that story.
SCARECROWS SNIGGER - Teddy Bodkin.
Teddy Bodkin!
SCARECROW SNORTS
In your favourite Teddy Bodkin pyjamas.
SCARECROWS SNIGGER
How is your mother?
Oh, she's very well, thank you, Miss Mangold.
EARTHY: Is she?
And how do you think she'll be when she finds out
- what you've been up to? - SCARECROWS SNICKER
Don't know.
I do. She'll be very upset.
She'll be disappointed with you, won't she?
Yes.
Please don't tell her, Miss Mangold.
Speak up.
Please don't tell her, Miss Mangold.
SCARECROWS GIGGLE
And I don't know what you scarecrows are sniggering about.
I know most of your mothers too.
Oswald Pollypop, don't think I didn't notice you
skulking back there.
And you, Jackie Pudding.
SHE INHALES What would your mothers say?
Don't know, Miss Mangold.
What are you gonna do about it, Jackie Pudding?
Bring the cows back.
I think you need to, before evening milking.
Where are they?
In the bottom meadow, but...
But what?
Well, it was Jackie Pudding's idea!
She found a pot of paint!
It was your idea to do swears.
SUSAN: Swears?
- Swearwords? - He made us paint swears.
On what?
COWS MOO
Oh... Soggy.
What have you done?
JOHN: Look!
"Burp."
I saw that one. Very rude.
I done that one. Sorry.
"Shut up".
JOHN: "Cud muncher".
I should never have wrote that.
It's an terrible thing to call a cow.
HE GASPS "Pat factory"!
THEY GIGGLE - Poor animal.
And over there, "Leather milk balloon".
THEY SNICKER - Dreadful.
THEY LAUGH
Look at that one!
THEY LAUGH
Well, I'm surprised at you.
You find that kind of filth
and potty-talk amusing, do you?
I don't see what's funny about writing "udders"
and an arrow on a cow.
THEY HOWL WITH LAUGHTER
We all know where the udders are.
"I like grass."
Well, I hate to spoil the great, big funny joke
but isn't it getting close to evening milking time?
Oh, God, he's right.
How are we gonna clean the cows?
I know.
Follow me.
EARTHY LAUGHS - THEY LAUGH
Right, come on. Get this lather off here...
WORZEL: They're not a bad lot, really, are they?
EARTHY: It's just a phase.
I had a phase once. I remember it clearly.
JOHN: Where will they go now?
I'm gonna invite them all back to live in the allotments.
There's plenty of patches need protecting
and I can keep an eye on them.
Good idea. Get 'em back to basics.
We better get these cows back up the hill.
Thanks for everything, Earthy. You saved the day.
We'll leave you here.
See you tomorrow?
What is it, Worzel?
I'll say goodbye.
Don't worry.
That's the hedge layer.
That's old Mr Woodwose.
He's harmless.
I'll say goodbye.
You mean goodnight?
We'll see you tomorrow, won't we?
- Ouch! - Oh!
Mind out for splinters.
Off you pop then.
Off you pop.
THE GREEN MAN: Worzel.
What you got to say for yourself?
It's hard to come up with something on the spot, sir.
You gave me your word.
You said you'd stay in Ten Acre Field
and you wouldn't talk to humans.
Sir, I'll never leave Ten Acre Field again
if that's what you wants.
You can nail me to me stake and set it in concrete
but please don't stop me talking to those chillens.
They're... important.
They're children.
Exactly.
They're the future.
Come, Worzel.
Let's go for a walk.
THE GREEN MAN: Of all the scarecrows I ever made
there's not been one as good at their job as you.
Oh, thank you, sir.
And not one of them has caused me half as much trouble.
I've never known a scarecrow so quick to break the rules.
I can't help myself sometimes. Everything's all so exciting.
You're a free spirit, Worzel. That's my fault, cos I made you.
But you can't go gallivanting across the countryside
at the drop of a hat.
You've got a job to do.
I loves scaring crows, sir, I do
but I get distracted, and before I know it
I've wandered off and started poking my nose in
where I think it might be wanted.
You're much more than a scarer of crows.
You're my eyes and ears out here in the fields.
I need you to watch out, spot the changes.
But talking to humans is not allowed.
That's the way it's always been.
Does that mean it always has to be?
I mean...
Ways can change, can't they?
You remember not long back when the redcoats on the horses
chased the foxes all over the county?
They said, "It's the way it's always been."
But eventually they realised it was old-fashioned and cruel
and now they don't do it no more.
What good can come of talking to them?
Because 'umans and nature need to work together.
Like you laying the hedges.
Now's not the time for not talking.
Chillens learned me that when The Tree of Tree was sick.
"Speak to the crows", they said, "make a deal."
And it was hard, but they was right.
And you think humans is ready to discover that scarecrows
come alive and walk and talk?
Not all of them, no.
But what if there were some special ones, like my friends
what could see things that others can't?
I'm worried, sir.
Worried about the weather and the seasons
and all the plastic everywhere.
I's worried about the hedges and the ditches
and the bees and the flowers.
They're all having a tough time of it, sir.
You think two children can turn it all around?
Well...
They'll do their bit, and spread the word
and little by little, we'll get things back on track.
You're not as silly as you look, are you, Worzel?
Well, to be fair, sir, it would be difficult.
What did I make your brains out of, can you remember?
- Conkers, sir. - Conkers! That's right, yes.
Well...
Those conkers serve you well.
Come on, Worzel.
Let's get you home.
Sir...
maybe it wouldn't be so against the rules
if we was to make them "honorororary" scarecrows?
How would you do that?
By giving 'em scarecrow names.
See, they got these peculiar 'uman names
but if I could call 'em by their scarecrow names
it would make it more official.
- What would their names be? - Well...
Susan would be Soopie Lupinstraw
and John'd be Johnny-John Barleyjohn.
THE GREEN MAN CHUCKLES Yeah, of course.
- Maybe that's the answer. - You think it could be?
I think you might be right about those children.
There's something special about them.
But you won't go just talking to anyone willy-nilly.
Copy that.
No posh ladies in big old houses.
Ten-four.
Go well then, Worzel Gummidge.
Guardian of the Levels
Sentinel of the Seasons
Scarecrow of Scatterbrook.
...and once the Blossom Fairy had fluttered away
Teddy Bodkin decided it was time for all the other toys
to go to bed.
Night night, toys.
Night night, Teddy Bodkin.
Night night.
Night night, toys.
Night night...
Teddy Bodkin.
MR BRAITHWAITE: Hey! Won't be long now.
Come on! Come on, girls!
Hey!
That's better... Come on!
MUSIC: "The Scarecrow Knows" by The Unthanks