Hello. You must be my designated daughter.
Affirmative.
Already getting into character. That's good.
Good girl.
-You're a good girl. -What are you doing?
It's a human custom. It denotes affection for an inferior.
An inferior?
I've been in the service for nearly four months, and I've seen it all.
-Well, simulations of it all. -Perhaps you didn't get the memo. I--
No, no, I don't read memos. No.
You know, once we get underway...
One-- One--
Colonel! What are you doing in there?
Your assigned adolescent infiltrator was killed in action.
-So I'm stepping in. -Oh, my.
If I may ask, what happened to her?
-She died. -Oh, I see.
It's uncomfortable, I know.
Not as pliable as you'd expect. But you'll get used to it.
Yes, sir.
Just don't get too used to it.
I'm retiring when this assignment is complete,
and I don't intend for it taking a nanosecond longer than necessary.
-Colonel. -Commander.
I'm guessing this is our mission specialist.
Hiya.
Wow. I can't believe you're my wife.
Hello.
I mean, you, you're practically the face of the Expeditionary Corps.
Well, not this face.
Well, as faces go, it's not bad.
-For a human, of course. -That was a compliment.
Stop it.
Wow. A decorated war hero for a daughter
and a rising star for a wife.
What did I do to deserve this mission?
I think we're both asking ourselves that same question.
Launch preparation complete.
Is that a new Mark 17 system?
I hear they're the smartest ones yet.
That it is. And I'm sure she'll take great care of us.
-Right, C.A.S.I.E.? -Oh, absolutely!
I'll take care of you.
Come on. Come on, Mick.
Come on!
Oh, God.
Stop right there. Hands up.
Dispatch, this is Charlie-9 responding to that 1033.
Be advised we're coming in with one suspect, over.
There she is. Hiya.
Hi, Tom.
-Mick? -Tommy.
How the hell did you get in here?
Professional experience, Tommy Boy.
How the hell did you get in here?
I work here, you know, like, a job.
-Maybe you don't. -No, I saw the sign.
I didn't think they gave jobs like this to people with priors.
Is this about the Lowell job?
Because here, we like to talk about something
called evidence.
Who says I don't have any evidence?
Okay. Hand it over,
or I will send you so far up the river
that a seven-year stretch will feel like a weekend staycation.
So you do know where I've been!
Fun times. You should have been there!
Okay. I have a career to protect.
I'm not gonna let one old mistake
ruin everything that I have accomplished.
No, you're letting a new mistake do that.
Thanks for the confession, dumbass.
Okay... Give me that or...
I will kick your ass and take it from you.
-You wanna go? -Whoa, what do you want?
Look, it's not what I want, alright, it's what I need.
Okay, then what is it that you need?
You.
You need a lawyer? You've just got out of jail!
No! I need a lock pick.
I need the old you!
I have not done anything like that in years.
Believe me, I know. You weren't my first choice.
But if that seven-year stretch taught me one thing,
it's that life is about doing favors and then calling in debts.
I could only make it every single day while I was locked up for those--
"Every single day for those seven years."
-What are you--? What are you doing? -What am I doing?
-What are you doing? -It's a coping mechanism. I--
The point is, buddy boy, I've come a-calling.
And if you check your balance sheet here,
you'll see you owe me a big, fat solid.
Okay.
Okay. This is new.
Okay. Just take a deep breath. Breathe with me.
Okay? Listen. It's not that big of a deal, alright?
It's one little lock on one little door...
-Yeah. -to one teeny, tiny, little...
mansion.
Just help me with this one, insignificant thing, alright,
and then this goes away, and you never gotta see me again.
And if I don't?
Then I imagine that a certain audio recording
will be waiting in the DA's inbox early tomorrow morning.
No, you wouldn't.
I think I've demonstrated that I most absolutely would!
But I'm the Assistant D.A.!
I can't help a convicted felon break into a house!
No!
I can't believe I'm doing this.
You better start believing, because it's about to get real.
-You ready? -No! Not at all!
Good. Masks.
Yeah.
It's game ti--
-What? -Why are you staring at me?
No, it's meant to be, like, a reassuring smile.
You're wearing a ski mask!
Yeah...
Yeah, in hindsight, that was more for me than it was for you, but--
No! I just said I was not ready!
Okay. Alright.
-Is there a problem? -Can you just cool it for a second?
-It's been a long time. -Sure, take your time.
It's not like we're standing--
That was easier than anticipated.
You want a trophy?
Okay. Well, you asked me to pick a lock, I picked a lock.
-I'm leaving. -Tom, you can't just leave!
Why not?
Because I don't think I can do this alone.
Then give me one reason I should trust you.
Please.
-You're sure there's nobody in there? -Yeah.
I cased the place day and night for three weeks.
God!
-Okay, which way? -How should I know?
-You shush! -I am shushed!
-Stop shushing me! -I'm not shushing you!
-What was that? -Why would I shush myself?
Lights on!
Surprise!
Happy birthday!
You guys rock!
Wait, who said, "happy birthday"?
Oh, man, you guys totally got me with those masks!
I definitely thought I was getting robbed for a sec.
Have we met?
-Can I talk to you about our Lord--? -I'm looking for my dog--
Wait!
You two studs are in Accounting!
-You got us! -Guilty as charged!
Budgets are such a buzz kill.
You just keep your paws off my 401(k).
Alright? Yeah.
Oh, man. Of course I've got a little something set aside
that the IRS doesn't know about.
But, hey, that's not a crime now, is it?
Yeah, it's called tax evasion.
-What was that? -He had something on his...
What happened? What's so funny?
You didn't see--? You know... It's a hell of a party, right?
Funny!
You know?
I'm not entirely sure what this is, but I'm into it!
How about I get you dude bros a couple of dude brews?
Sure, why not.
Okay. Oneskie, twoskie, I'll be back with the brewskies.
Don't you go anywhere. I'll know.
Hell, yeah!
-"Sure, why not"? -I don't know, I panicked!
-I was trying to get rid of him. -He'll come back!
Oh, God, you're right.
So what do you suggest we do, "dude bro"?
I don't know...
Mingle?
Al, what on Earth do you think you're doing?
Trick question. Everything I do is on Earth.
Are you seriously packing right now?
It's just a few souvenirs, Val.
You have got to be joking me.
It's one tiny little thing.
You know we're not taking any of that with us, right?
Not even the toilet paper?
I don't have time for this.
Time!
That reminds me.
Tom.
How much will we get for this receiver?
What do you think you're doing?
I'm opening up a Radio Shack, what the hell?
There wasn't supposed to be anyone here.
You think you can just walk out of here with stolen goods
while there's a rave going on?
Let's get wasted!
-I don't have a choice, alright? -Alright.
Someone's gonna see. Believe me, someone always sees.
Thank you for the legal brief. Now, how much do you think--
There is a solution to your problem, Mick.
I know it. But this isn't it.
So don't do anything stupid!
I have to do this, or I'm not going to get to see the sunrise!
Everyone is looking!
Oh, Mick, hold up!
Oh, hey.
Congratulations, man. Really, such a accomplishment.
Thank you!
I have a receiver exactly like this!
Connie, how many times I gotta tell you?
Stop spying on the neighbors.
I just know they're up to something.
Yes, it's a surprise party. We're invited, everyone was.
Connie, come sit down over here.
This kid with the funny voice, he's up 3,000.
Come on. Oh, boy.
You might be content to just sit there
while our whole nation goes down the tubes,
but I'm not. The time for vigilance has come.
That's what that charming man on the news said.
-The one that's always yelling? -He's just passionate, Buck.
This game is for children!
You are technically a child, Jamie.
Don't remind me.
Hey, kiddo. What you doing?
Four more hours.
Four more hours, and I'm free!
-You wanna give your old man a hand? -No.
Security alert. I've been monitoring some suspicious activity.
A vehicle parked outside, harboring a known thief.
Thieves?
Real live thieves.
-And who's the other guy? -Unremarkable.
-Threat level? -Negligible.
Boring!
Val! I'm just running outside!
Stupid, stupid idea!
Okay. Why don't you just come back tomorrow?
He's not gonna be having a surprise party then.
Maybe I didn't make myself clear.
If I don't get the money by midnight tonight,
I am a dead man.
Yeah, like, literally dead.
Yeah.
Like, literally dead-dead.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, I thought that was a figure of speech!
How about this for a figure of speech?
In a hot second, I'll be six feet under,
swimming with the dolphins.
You mean, sleeping with the fishes.
No, dolphins are fishes, they're, like, big fish.
No, dolphins are mammals.
Nitpick all you want, alright?
At the end of the day, I still have a five figure problem, and it's--
Mick, why didn't you just come to me before?
I could have helped you.
They're up to something out there.
Something... depraved.
I can't quite put my finger on it.
You also can't keep your nose out of it.
I think the brunette is the pimp.
And the blonde is the pretty boy ho.
It doesn't take a lot of imagination to guess what happens next.
Where do you get this stuff?
You know what they need?
-Their privacy? -Jesus Christ.
My sentiments exactly.
I'm gonna make a call, and I'll make this go away.
No, you can't make a call, you don't understand!
This guy is a bad guy!
You remember those two cops in East Port?
Those ones whose heads took a trip downstream
without their bodies.
-You know who did that? -Oh, yeah.
And you borrowed money from that person?
I say borrow, he says, stole. It--
That's worse, that's so much worse!
My options were very limited at the time.
Why didn't you come to me for the money?
Wait. You have that kind of money?
No.
Oh, but you--
So you're saying is that if you did,
you'd lend it to me to get me of this mess, right?
God, no. You are terrible with money.
I'm gonna die. Oh, my God, I'm gonna die, for real.
-No, okay, we can figure this out! -You should run.
I know!
You go to a loan shark.
-I owe the money to a loan shark. -Loan shark.
-You are... -Shoot, this is hard.
-You are not very good at this. -Dang.
-You really want to help me out? -Yeah.
Find me someone else to rip off.
-Okay. Like a-- -No, like, a big fish.
-Like a... -Dolphin!
Dolphins are mammals!
-Oh, God! -Oh, God!
Howdy, neighbors.
Be quiet.
-Hey. -Hey.
How's your night?
-Traumatic. -Traumatic.
Same here.
It's really the kind of night
where you just want to kick back and not pay attention
to all the expensive items in your house.
What?
You know, just sit quietly, watch a movie,
sip a cheap, domestic brewage.
Let all of your cares and valuable possessions
just slip away.
"Cheap, domestic brewage"?
I think he means beer.
Yes, that's what the kids are calling it.
Anyway, I will let you fellows get back
to your wonderful discussion.
If there's anything you need, I will be out for a jog
for aŧ an hour.
Or... two hours?
-Maybe three... -Okay.
...hours?
That's...
Three hours it is.
That guy's not from around here.
Oh, really? What gave you that idea? Was it the accent?
No, the accent's the tip of the iceberg.
That guy practically invited us in.
-I'm gonna go for it. -No!
Does the word "entrapment" mean nothing to you?
Yeah, it's better to get caught in the bear trap
than get eaten by the bear.
-Who is that? -The bear.
Stan, hey, how are you doing, buddy?
You didn't respond to my text, Pearson.
Yeah, I know. I was kind of-- I've been really busy.
Yeah, over on Crabtrees Lane?
And I gotta admit,
when I saw you walk into the D.A.'s office today,
I was about ready to ventilate that thick skull of yours.
But lucky for you,
I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.
So, all you gotta do
is make good on that debt of yours.
I'd hate to see you screw that up.
And I won't. You-- I-- You will have your money.
Yeah, or I'll have your hide. You got 'till midnight, princess.
"...your hide."
-"See you at midnight--" -Would you stop that?
-Sorry. -So insensitive!
Where are you going?
Mick, what are you doing?
Mick!
-Mick, where are you going? -I'm going that way.
-This is a bad idea. -I know!
But you heard the bastard. I've got no time,
and that weirdo just rolled out the green carpet.
Oh, man, they are going to find that weirdo wearing our skin.
I just know it.
-Stop picking those up! -They are $100 bills!
I don't care if they're $200 bills, we are not going into that house!
This is crazy.
-Shut up! -Shut up?
-The guy isn't even home. -I know, you're just annoying me.
Go find the expensive stuff. Nothing too crazy.
-Then meet me back here. -Okay, so just general larceny then?
Got it, cool.
Fine!
There you are. Hey.
So?
I found a-- the squash?
You?
I found a--
-I don't want to talk about it. -Sure. Yeah.
Let's just grab what we can get and leave.
Yes, a million times, yes.
No! Take the other one!
It's more expensive.
Hello.
May I help you, complete strangers, with something?
I thought you were supposed to be on a jog.
Is it just me, or is this starting to feel like some sort of fetish?
Well, as far as fetishes go, I've seen worse.
This is like a soft three.
But it gets kinkier before it's over.
-You're being robbed, yeah? -Yeah.
Cooperate and you won't be harmed, yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, no, please don't.
Wait, really? Because it feels like you're enjoying it.
I am very agitated.
I might try to stop you or, at the very least, escape.
If only there were some way to prevent me from doing so.
I certainly couldn't do any of that if I were...
tied up.
And there it is. That's a hard eight.
Al?
What is this?
Honey, don't worry. This is exactly what it looks like.
Who are you? What are you doing in my house?
Valerie, please, you're being rude.
Rude?
You haven't seen rude yet.
Come on, Val, just go along with it.
No. You two need to leave.
-Yeah, sounds good. -No, not a chance.
It's time for you two lovebirds to get cozy.
Let's not escalate this to a hostage situation.
Just tie them up!
-Please? -See?
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