1 00:00:04,483 --> 00:00:07,243 WASHING MACHINE WHIRS 2 00:00:14,803 --> 00:00:16,723 THEY LAUGH 3 00:00:16,723 --> 00:00:18,883 Oh. What time do you reckon it is now, then? 4 00:00:18,883 --> 00:00:20,283 About 6.30? 5 00:00:20,283 --> 00:00:21,723 SIMON LAUGHS 6 00:00:21,723 --> 00:00:22,883 I've got a question for you. 7 00:00:22,883 --> 00:00:25,043 Do you think it's too early to put the washing on? 8 00:00:25,043 --> 00:00:27,043 Yes! 9 00:00:27,043 --> 00:00:29,723 Did you hear Ray go for a piss in the night? 10 00:00:29,723 --> 00:00:31,243 No, gutted I missed that. 11 00:00:31,243 --> 00:00:32,683 Oh, it went on for ages. 12 00:00:34,803 --> 00:00:37,163 I thought there was a horse in there with him. 13 00:00:37,163 --> 00:00:39,643 Apart from that, how's it going? 14 00:00:39,643 --> 00:00:41,403 I'm having a nice time. 15 00:00:41,403 --> 00:00:42,923 Oh, yeah? I am! 16 00:00:42,923 --> 00:00:44,443 Stop worrying. 17 00:00:44,443 --> 00:00:46,643 There they are. Hiding. 18 00:00:49,603 --> 00:00:51,883 Morning. Morning. Morning. 19 00:00:53,243 --> 00:00:54,523 Did you sleep well, Donna? 20 00:00:54,523 --> 00:00:55,563 Er, yeah. 21 00:00:55,563 --> 00:00:56,603 Thanks. 22 00:00:56,603 --> 00:00:58,283 You? No, never do. 23 00:00:59,763 --> 00:01:04,283 Oh. My mind is always incredibly busy in the middle of the night. 24 00:01:04,283 --> 00:01:05,923 Oh, sorry to hear that. 25 00:01:05,923 --> 00:01:07,283 No, no, no, not at all. 26 00:01:07,283 --> 00:01:09,523 I absolutely love it. 27 00:01:09,523 --> 00:01:10,803 Are you wearing lip-gloss? 28 00:01:10,803 --> 00:01:12,403 No, it's Canesten. 29 00:01:12,403 --> 00:01:15,883 I have a very strict cosmetic regime first thing in the morning, 30 00:01:15,883 --> 00:01:18,803 because I have a high level of skin yeast. 31 00:01:18,803 --> 00:01:20,723 Oh. If I didn't use it, my face 32 00:01:20,723 --> 00:01:22,843 would be as red as a fire engine. 33 00:01:22,843 --> 00:01:23,883 Ding, ding! 34 00:01:26,563 --> 00:01:29,243 Right. Well, best crack on. Yep. 35 00:01:29,243 --> 00:01:32,003 There's a breakfast cookie in the kitchen as big as a baby's 36 00:01:32,003 --> 00:01:34,203 face, and it's got my name on it. 37 00:01:34,203 --> 00:01:35,723 THEY LAUGH 38 00:01:42,883 --> 00:01:45,003 Is he ever in a bad mood? 39 00:01:45,003 --> 00:01:46,283 Never. 40 00:01:46,283 --> 00:01:48,803 Oh, dear. Do you want to try and get a bit of extra kip? 41 00:01:50,003 --> 00:01:51,043 Definitely. 42 00:01:52,443 --> 00:01:55,043 WASHING MACHINE RESUMES SPINNING 43 00:02:00,723 --> 00:02:03,603 Sis, your cardi's here, love. 44 00:02:04,603 --> 00:02:05,963 Feel it. 45 00:02:16,203 --> 00:02:18,883 Alan Titchmarsh has moved to the island, Donna. 46 00:02:18,883 --> 00:02:20,603 Oh, has he? 47 00:02:20,603 --> 00:02:23,763 Yeah. We saw him in Morrisons down one of the aisles, 48 00:02:23,763 --> 00:02:25,483 didn't we, Ray? Yeah. 49 00:02:25,483 --> 00:02:28,043 We asked him which slug pellets he recommended. 50 00:02:28,043 --> 00:02:31,283 Lots of famous people have lived on the island at one time or other, Donna. 51 00:02:31,283 --> 00:02:34,203 Charles Dickens, Mahatma Gandhi. 52 00:02:34,203 --> 00:02:36,083 Phill Jupitus. 53 00:02:36,083 --> 00:02:39,283 Ooh. Shaw Taylor from Police 5. 54 00:02:39,283 --> 00:02:40,603 Oh, I don't know him. 55 00:02:40,603 --> 00:02:43,163 Oh, we ran into him in Tottenham once. 56 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,363 He had aged. 57 00:02:44,363 --> 00:02:45,963 Yeah. Don't know who that is. 58 00:02:45,963 --> 00:02:48,683 Hey, keep 'em peeled. 59 00:02:48,683 --> 00:02:50,843 Sorry. I don't know what that is, Ray. 60 00:02:50,843 --> 00:02:53,803 Just nod along. Otherwise, this'll go on all afternoon. 61 00:02:53,803 --> 00:02:56,803 Have you ever lived near anyone famous, Donna? 62 00:02:56,803 --> 00:02:59,603 Uh, no. No, not really. 63 00:02:59,603 --> 00:03:03,363 I suppose Anne Hegerty from The Chase lived in the next village. 64 00:03:04,683 --> 00:03:06,003 What? 65 00:03:10,003 --> 00:03:11,163 What? 66 00:03:11,163 --> 00:03:12,843 Why didn't you mentioned this before? 67 00:03:12,843 --> 00:03:14,323 We love The Chase. 68 00:03:14,323 --> 00:03:16,763 Oh, I didn't know. Yeah, we recorded them all 69 00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:19,483 and we watch them in the evening, don't we, Sue? Yeah. 70 00:03:19,483 --> 00:03:22,083 I can't believe you know Anne Hegerty! 71 00:03:22,083 --> 00:03:24,203 We've got some episodes to catch up on. 72 00:03:24,203 --> 00:03:25,963 We can watch them tonight. 73 00:03:25,963 --> 00:03:27,883 Well, that's our evening sorted. 74 00:03:27,883 --> 00:03:30,163 Yep. I'm definitely going to bed early. 75 00:03:30,163 --> 00:03:32,003 Hiya. Hello! 76 00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:33,523 Hi, Garthy! 77 00:03:33,523 --> 00:03:34,963 Lunch is on its way, Rose. 78 00:03:34,963 --> 00:03:36,963 Shepherd's pie and a pud-pud. 79 00:03:36,963 --> 00:03:39,043 Thanks, Garth. 80 00:03:39,043 --> 00:03:42,123 Oh, Garthy, this is Donna, Simon's girlfriend. 81 00:03:42,123 --> 00:03:45,043 They're over for the weekend, and Donna's never 82 00:03:45,043 --> 00:03:46,803 been to the island before. 83 00:03:46,803 --> 00:03:48,923 Ooh, get out while you still can! 84 00:03:48,923 --> 00:03:50,363 We're all a bunch of odd-bods! 85 00:03:50,363 --> 00:03:52,283 THEY LAUGH 86 00:03:57,563 --> 00:04:01,003 Just to let you know, she was a little bit weepy yesterday. Oh. 87 00:04:01,003 --> 00:04:02,883 But she had some tomato soup 88 00:04:02,883 --> 00:04:05,043 and Jane sang Whitney Houston for her 89 00:04:05,043 --> 00:04:07,363 and she seemed to brighten up a bit. Oh, that's good. 90 00:04:07,363 --> 00:04:08,963 Well, I must thank Jane. 91 00:04:08,963 --> 00:04:12,043 Give me 20 minutes, I'd know how to thank her. 92 00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:13,803 Oh, more like 20 seconds, Donna. 93 00:04:13,803 --> 00:04:15,363 YOU should be so lucky, Ray. 94 00:04:15,363 --> 00:04:18,643 Jane was nearly a member of Brotherhood Of Man. Really? 95 00:04:18,643 --> 00:04:20,243 Yeah. I didn't know that. 96 00:04:20,243 --> 00:04:23,243 In the audition, she got down to the last 150. 97 00:04:23,243 --> 00:04:25,923 Now, can I get anyone a drinky-poo? 98 00:04:25,923 --> 00:04:28,363 Oh, no. We're all fine, thank you. 99 00:04:28,363 --> 00:04:30,403 Aw, well, I'll leave you all to it, then. 100 00:04:30,403 --> 00:04:33,203 All right, love. See you in a tick-tock. See you, Garth. 101 00:04:36,003 --> 00:04:38,283 Oh, Garth's got terrible halitosis, 102 00:04:38,283 --> 00:04:40,963 but he's a fantastic ballroom dancer. 103 00:04:40,963 --> 00:04:43,883 I can't get my head round that he's married with six kids. 104 00:04:43,883 --> 00:04:46,003 Why do you think he's gay, Ray? 105 00:04:46,003 --> 00:04:49,323 Well, let's think, he's a male nurse, 106 00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:52,603 and he says "tick-tock" and "pud-pud" every half hour. 107 00:04:52,603 --> 00:04:54,523 Come on, behave, Sue. 108 00:04:54,523 --> 00:04:56,283 Can I give Simon his present, Sue? 109 00:04:57,563 --> 00:05:00,963 - Oh, course! - Oh, yes, please. Here we go. 110 00:05:00,963 --> 00:05:02,523 Oh, blimey. 111 00:05:02,523 --> 00:05:04,643 Bloody hell! 112 00:05:04,643 --> 00:05:05,683 HE LAUGHS 113 00:05:07,123 --> 00:05:11,243 Now, obviously, I bought it for her, 114 00:05:11,243 --> 00:05:14,123 but she did give me the money. 115 00:05:14,123 --> 00:05:16,763 Ooh. Do you want to sit here, Ray? 116 00:05:16,763 --> 00:05:18,763 No, no, you're all right, Sue. 117 00:05:35,003 --> 00:05:36,163 Erm... 118 00:05:37,163 --> 00:05:39,123 What an extraordinary nose. 119 00:05:40,963 --> 00:05:44,083 - What is it, Mum? - Well, it's for the garden. 120 00:05:44,083 --> 00:05:46,883 We thought it'd be a bit of fun, didn't we, Rose? 121 00:05:46,883 --> 00:05:48,523 Look at his little face. 122 00:05:48,523 --> 00:05:50,323 It's what you wanted, isn't it? 123 00:05:50,323 --> 00:05:52,883 Erm... What am I meant to do with it? 124 00:05:52,883 --> 00:05:55,163 Well, we thought you could put it in the back garden. 125 00:05:55,163 --> 00:05:56,563 What, buried? 126 00:05:56,563 --> 00:05:57,923 Oh, shut up. 127 00:05:57,923 --> 00:05:59,923 If it was left to you, he wouldn't have a present. 128 00:05:59,923 --> 00:06:01,843 Well, that would have been preferable. 129 00:06:01,843 --> 00:06:03,683 Do you like it, Donna? 130 00:06:03,683 --> 00:06:06,323 Er, yes, Auntie Rose. It's really nice. 131 00:06:06,323 --> 00:06:07,843 You like it, Simon? 132 00:06:07,843 --> 00:06:10,003 Oh, he absolutely loves it. 133 00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,203 Have you kept the receipt? 134 00:06:11,203 --> 00:06:13,723 Well, you're only 40 once. 135 00:06:13,723 --> 00:06:15,403 Thanks, Auntie Rose. 136 00:06:15,403 --> 00:06:19,003 Dad, do you want to sit here? David, I'm perfectly fine, thank you. 137 00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:21,203 Trolley dolly's here! Oh, come on... 138 00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:25,123 Your lunch is here, Rose, so we'll get out of your hair. 139 00:06:25,123 --> 00:06:27,683 Yeah. Lovely to see you, Auntie Rose. 140 00:06:27,683 --> 00:06:29,363 Happy birthday for tomorrow. 141 00:06:30,563 --> 00:06:33,123 Lovely to meet... Bye-bye! 142 00:06:38,963 --> 00:06:41,163 I'll see you soon, love. 143 00:06:41,163 --> 00:06:43,283 Bye-bye, Garthy. Thank you. 144 00:06:43,283 --> 00:06:44,403 Oh, bye, Sue. 145 00:06:44,403 --> 00:06:46,523 David. Ciao, Raimondo. 146 00:06:47,923 --> 00:06:49,523 Is he winding me up? 147 00:06:51,443 --> 00:06:52,483 Go on. 148 00:06:54,283 --> 00:06:55,323 Bye, Edith. 149 00:06:57,763 --> 00:06:59,043 Bye, Carol. 150 00:06:59,043 --> 00:07:02,043 Bye, Betty. Bye, Freda. 151 00:07:02,043 --> 00:07:03,443 Piss off. 152 00:07:04,523 --> 00:07:07,083 Oh, dear. Sorry about that, Donna. 153 00:07:07,083 --> 00:07:08,323 FEEDBACK 154 00:07:08,323 --> 00:07:10,723 Oh, it's Jane! Freda's my favourite. 155 00:07:10,723 --> 00:07:12,803 TAPS MIC 156 00:07:12,803 --> 00:07:14,083 Hello, Jane. 157 00:07:14,083 --> 00:07:15,883 Oh, hi, Sue. 158 00:07:15,883 --> 00:07:17,243 Hi, Ray. 159 00:07:17,243 --> 00:07:18,683 Er, hello, Jane. 160 00:07:19,883 --> 00:07:23,163 Oh, Jane, thank you so much for singing to my sister. 161 00:07:23,163 --> 00:07:24,563 You did cheer her up. 162 00:07:24,563 --> 00:07:27,003 Oh, that's what I'm here for. 163 00:07:27,003 --> 00:07:28,803 How's it going with you, love? 164 00:07:28,803 --> 00:07:31,563 I've just been booked to do a little rock and roll gig 165 00:07:31,563 --> 00:07:33,483 in a pottery museum next week. 166 00:07:33,483 --> 00:07:35,243 Oh, how lovely. 167 00:07:35,243 --> 00:07:37,203 And, wait for this, 168 00:07:37,203 --> 00:07:39,763 I've started life modelling as well. 169 00:07:40,923 --> 00:07:41,963 Oh, really? 170 00:07:43,283 --> 00:07:45,563 What... ..nude? 171 00:07:45,563 --> 00:07:47,683 Yes. Oh! 172 00:07:47,683 --> 00:07:49,963 Oh, I don't know how you do that, Jane. 173 00:07:49,963 --> 00:07:53,963 I mean, I know you're gorgeous, but don't you get embarrassed? 174 00:07:53,963 --> 00:07:55,523 No, you know me. 175 00:07:55,523 --> 00:07:57,163 I'm quite the exhibitionist. 176 00:07:57,163 --> 00:07:58,843 I love being naked. 177 00:07:58,843 --> 00:08:00,203 Any excuse. 178 00:08:00,203 --> 00:08:01,883 Around the house. 179 00:08:01,883 --> 00:08:06,043 Although I am lodging at the minute, so I have to keep a lid on it. 180 00:08:06,043 --> 00:08:07,203 Oh! 181 00:08:08,483 --> 00:08:10,403 Right. 182 00:08:10,403 --> 00:08:13,043 I think we best go soon. Bye, Jane. 183 00:08:13,043 --> 00:08:14,203 See ya. 184 00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:16,283 Ta-ra. Bye. 185 00:08:16,283 --> 00:08:19,163 We should go and see Alan Titchmarsh's house on the way 186 00:08:19,163 --> 00:08:21,323 home, shouldn't we, Ray? 187 00:08:21,323 --> 00:08:23,243 Ray! 188 00:08:23,243 --> 00:08:24,403 Really? 189 00:08:24,403 --> 00:08:26,683 Well, we're going that way anyway. 190 00:08:28,443 --> 00:08:29,683 Fine. 191 00:08:29,683 --> 00:08:31,723 Are you up for that, David? Oh, yes. 192 00:08:31,723 --> 00:08:34,043 I agree to that plan with open arms. 193 00:08:34,043 --> 00:08:37,123 Oh, Mum, me and Donna, we're going to pop into Ventnor. 194 00:08:37,123 --> 00:08:40,123 Oh, no, no, no, no. You do whatever you want. 195 00:08:40,123 --> 00:08:42,803 Change of plan. We'll go to Ventnor instead. 196 00:08:42,803 --> 00:08:44,683 No. It's all right, you go. We'll get the bus. 197 00:08:44,683 --> 00:08:46,163 Oh, don't be silly. 198 00:08:46,163 --> 00:08:48,723 We don't have to go to Alan Titchmarsh's. 199 00:08:48,723 --> 00:08:52,243 We can drop you in Ventnor and sit and wait in the car for you. 200 00:08:52,243 --> 00:08:54,843 No, don't do that. Go and have a look at Alan Titchmarsh's house, 201 00:08:54,843 --> 00:08:56,163 and we'll go to Ventnor. 202 00:08:56,163 --> 00:08:59,083 It's all right. We'll take you and then we'll wait in the car for you. 203 00:08:59,083 --> 00:09:01,483 No, you can't sit in the car. I just said we'll get the bus. 204 00:09:01,483 --> 00:09:04,243 No, we don't mind waiting in the car, do we? Ray! 205 00:09:04,243 --> 00:09:07,843 No. Have a wander round Ventnor. We don't, we don't mind. 206 00:09:07,843 --> 00:09:10,243 And then we'll wait for you in the car. 207 00:09:10,243 --> 00:09:12,843 Honestly, don't worry about us. We'll get the bus, Sue. 208 00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:15,283 Yeah, don't change your plans for us. 209 00:09:15,283 --> 00:09:17,403 No, no, no. You can do whatever you want. 210 00:09:17,403 --> 00:09:18,763 It's your weekend. 211 00:09:18,763 --> 00:09:20,963 I mean, you don't even have to have your birthday lunch 212 00:09:20,963 --> 00:09:22,923 with us tomorrow if you don't want to. 213 00:09:22,923 --> 00:09:24,123 How have we jumped to that? 214 00:09:24,123 --> 00:09:27,003 The whole point of us coming over was for my 40th. Jesus. 215 00:09:27,003 --> 00:09:29,363 Tell him, Ray. Listen to your mother. 216 00:09:29,363 --> 00:09:31,803 Go and have a wander in Ventnor, and we'll sit in the car 217 00:09:31,803 --> 00:09:32,843 and wait for you. 218 00:09:32,843 --> 00:09:34,723 Right, forget it. We're not going to Ventnor. 219 00:09:34,723 --> 00:09:37,003 I can't be bothered. It's too much like hard work. 220 00:09:37,003 --> 00:09:38,963 Don't be like that, Simon! 221 00:09:38,963 --> 00:09:40,923 Now, let's all just get in the car 222 00:09:40,923 --> 00:09:43,243 and go to bloody Alan Titchmarsh's house. 223 00:09:44,563 --> 00:09:46,163 Hey, don't slam the boot, Simon. 224 00:09:46,163 --> 00:09:47,843 Already done it, Ray. 225 00:09:47,843 --> 00:09:51,523 # A mile and a half on a bus takes a long time 226 00:09:51,523 --> 00:09:56,763 # The odour of old prison food takes a long time to pass you by 227 00:09:59,243 --> 00:10:02,883 # Day upon day of this wandering gets you down... # 228 00:10:05,523 --> 00:10:07,323 This is it, Dad. 229 00:10:07,323 --> 00:10:08,363 Are you sure? 230 00:10:09,563 --> 00:10:11,403 Yeah. This is the one. 231 00:10:13,243 --> 00:10:15,363 I wonder what his garden looks like. 232 00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:20,403 I imagine it's very well looked after. 233 00:10:20,403 --> 00:10:21,843 Mm. 234 00:10:32,323 --> 00:10:35,243 Monty Don's wife is called Sarah Don. Ooh. 235 00:10:36,763 --> 00:10:39,283 What's THAT got to do with anything? 236 00:10:39,283 --> 00:10:40,803 Right. We've seen it now. 237 00:10:40,803 --> 00:10:42,123 Can we go? 238 00:10:42,123 --> 00:10:45,763 Oh, David, do you want to just film it for Lyn? 239 00:10:45,763 --> 00:10:48,843 Oh, I'd love to. Oh, for f... Why are you filming it for Lyn? 240 00:10:48,843 --> 00:10:50,763 Because she likes Alan Titchmarsh. 241 00:10:50,763 --> 00:10:52,403 Does she like his gate? 242 00:10:52,403 --> 00:10:53,563 Who's Lyn? 243 00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:57,723 Oh, this is insane. 244 00:11:04,483 --> 00:11:06,003 The gates are opening. 245 00:11:06,003 --> 00:11:07,963 Oh, right, well, we definitely have to go, then. 246 00:11:07,963 --> 00:11:09,123 I'd quite like to see him. 247 00:11:09,123 --> 00:11:12,003 Bloody hell, and you have a go at him for stalking Clare Balding. 248 00:11:12,003 --> 00:11:14,763 Come on. We're here now, we might as well. Don't you join in! 249 00:11:14,763 --> 00:11:18,803 Oh, this is horrible. Can we all not just stare at the gate, please? 250 00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:21,123 Oh, bloody hell. Who's this? 251 00:11:24,123 --> 00:11:25,763 Mrs Titchmarsh... 252 00:11:28,123 --> 00:11:29,723 Can I help you? 253 00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:31,803 Erm, we're lost. 254 00:11:31,803 --> 00:11:34,803 Right. Well, this is a private road, so can you please turn 255 00:11:34,803 --> 00:11:36,123 round and leave? 256 00:11:36,123 --> 00:11:38,083 We're fed up with all this. 257 00:11:50,683 --> 00:11:53,203 So what are you two doing for Christmas, then? 258 00:11:53,203 --> 00:11:55,283 I've no idea. It's six months away. 259 00:11:58,243 --> 00:12:00,483 You all right, Ray? Do you need a lie down? 260 00:12:00,483 --> 00:12:02,763 Oi, I should worry about yourself, you cheeky git. 261 00:12:02,763 --> 00:12:04,123 THEY LAUGH 262 00:12:04,123 --> 00:12:06,043 I'll tell you what. 263 00:12:06,043 --> 00:12:08,483 Isle of Wight's a stunning place, isn't it, Donna? 264 00:12:08,483 --> 00:12:10,843 We wouldn't live anywhere else, would we? No. 265 00:12:13,163 --> 00:12:15,163 Will you be careful with that stick, please? 266 00:12:15,163 --> 00:12:16,483 Sorry, Dad. 267 00:12:16,483 --> 00:12:18,203 It annoys me, Donna, when people say 268 00:12:18,203 --> 00:12:20,363 the Isle of Wight's got nothing going for it. 269 00:12:20,363 --> 00:12:21,763 Oh, yeah. 270 00:12:21,763 --> 00:12:23,403 Look at the scenery. 271 00:12:23,403 --> 00:12:27,203 Sandy beaches, lovely walks, beautiful weather. 272 00:12:27,203 --> 00:12:28,883 Come on, love. 273 00:12:28,883 --> 00:12:30,323 We've got a garlic farm. 274 00:12:30,323 --> 00:12:32,723 The world's oldest amusement park. 275 00:12:32,723 --> 00:12:34,803 Three maximum-security prisons. 276 00:12:34,803 --> 00:12:36,883 You should work for the tourist board, David. 277 00:12:36,883 --> 00:12:38,443 I see what you're doing, Donna. 278 00:12:38,443 --> 00:12:40,843 Very nice. Very nice indeed! 279 00:12:52,763 --> 00:12:56,763 You swing that stick near me again and I'll ram it up your arse. 280 00:12:56,763 --> 00:13:00,203 Simon, you won't know this, but David's joined a dating app. 281 00:13:00,203 --> 00:13:01,483 Oh, have you? 282 00:13:01,483 --> 00:13:04,123 Oh, you can't imagine your younger stepbrother as a Casanova, eh? 283 00:13:04,123 --> 00:13:05,763 Well, I might surprise you. 284 00:13:05,763 --> 00:13:08,323 Oh, go on, then, Peter Stringfellow, how are you getting on? 285 00:13:08,323 --> 00:13:11,603 Well, I got a message to say that a girl 286 00:13:11,603 --> 00:13:13,843 had liked my profile picture. 287 00:13:13,843 --> 00:13:15,403 Oh, you didn't tell me that. 288 00:13:15,403 --> 00:13:17,403 That's so exciting. 289 00:13:17,403 --> 00:13:20,283 Um, I got in contact with her and told her all about myself. 290 00:13:20,283 --> 00:13:22,923 Then a couple of days later, she sent me a message. 291 00:13:22,923 --> 00:13:24,163 Get in there, boy. 292 00:13:24,163 --> 00:13:25,443 What did she say? 293 00:13:25,443 --> 00:13:27,963 Well, she, er, thanked me for my message, 294 00:13:27,963 --> 00:13:29,443 but told me she'd made a mistake 295 00:13:29,443 --> 00:13:31,563 and accidentally liked the wrong profile. 296 00:13:31,563 --> 00:13:33,683 Oh. Oh, right. 297 00:13:33,683 --> 00:13:35,483 Well, it's her loss, son. 298 00:13:35,483 --> 00:13:36,643 Exactly. 299 00:13:36,643 --> 00:13:38,283 And it's all good practice. 300 00:13:38,283 --> 00:13:40,123 Yeah. 301 00:13:40,123 --> 00:13:41,963 Oh, they're back, Ray. 302 00:13:41,963 --> 00:13:43,763 Are they? Who's back? 303 00:13:43,763 --> 00:13:45,283 We've got new neighbours. 304 00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:47,923 Young couple with a little boy, Donna. 305 00:13:47,923 --> 00:13:49,603 We're not seeing eye to eye. 306 00:13:49,603 --> 00:13:51,323 Why not? 307 00:13:51,323 --> 00:13:52,883 Because they want to grow the hedge. 308 00:13:52,883 --> 00:13:55,003 And? Ray cut it down. 309 00:13:55,003 --> 00:13:57,283 It was spoiling our view of the cows. 310 00:13:57,283 --> 00:13:59,083 You cut their hedge down? Yeah. 311 00:13:59,083 --> 00:14:01,643 He started complaining about his lack of privacy because now 312 00:14:01,643 --> 00:14:02,963 we could see into his garden. 313 00:14:04,123 --> 00:14:07,803 So Ray said, "We're not looking at you, we're looking at the cows." 314 00:14:07,803 --> 00:14:09,523 I mean, why would we want to look at them? 315 00:14:10,883 --> 00:14:13,043 So they went on holiday this week. 316 00:14:13,043 --> 00:14:14,803 Ray chopped the hedge down again. 317 00:14:14,803 --> 00:14:16,523 Bloody hell, you can't do that! 318 00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:18,483 More and more of them are coming over here 319 00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:20,683 from the mainland and taking over. 320 00:14:20,683 --> 00:14:22,563 But you're basically from Up North. 321 00:14:22,563 --> 00:14:25,203 And he works in Portsmouth. So? 322 00:14:25,203 --> 00:14:29,563 Well, when he gets back in the evening, he starts mowing the lawn. 323 00:14:29,563 --> 00:14:31,203 Can I have a lolly, Daddy? 324 00:14:33,483 --> 00:14:35,923 Daddy? Can I have a lolly, Daddy? 325 00:14:35,923 --> 00:14:38,123 Can I have a lolly, Daddy, PLEASE?! 326 00:14:52,523 --> 00:14:55,403 I can't believe Ray cut down their hedge. 327 00:14:55,403 --> 00:14:57,003 That's genuinely amazing. 328 00:14:57,003 --> 00:14:59,363 They're probably a perfectly reasonable family who've 329 00:14:59,363 --> 00:15:01,003 moved to the island for a quiet life 330 00:15:01,003 --> 00:15:02,803 and now they have to deal with him. 331 00:15:02,803 --> 00:15:04,443 He's got a lot of time on his hands. 332 00:15:04,443 --> 00:15:07,523 Well, do a wordsearch - don't destroy other people's gardens! 333 00:15:18,563 --> 00:15:19,963 Nothing on, as usual. 334 00:15:19,963 --> 00:15:22,283 Apart from what WE were watching. 335 00:15:22,283 --> 00:15:24,643 Do you want to watch an episode of The Chase? 336 00:15:27,323 --> 00:15:29,563 SUE HUMS 337 00:15:29,563 --> 00:15:31,883 Sue, let me do the tea tonight. 338 00:15:31,883 --> 00:15:35,163 No, no. I won't have it. 339 00:15:35,163 --> 00:15:38,403 Oh, come on, I've got those nice bits from the farm shop. 340 00:15:38,403 --> 00:15:40,323 Well, it's really kind of you, Donna, 341 00:15:40,323 --> 00:15:42,923 but Ray likes his tea in a certain way. 342 00:15:42,923 --> 00:15:47,083 Please. I'd like to, it'll give you a break. 343 00:15:47,083 --> 00:15:48,323 Oh. 344 00:16:02,923 --> 00:16:04,563 Andre's at the window. 345 00:16:08,723 --> 00:16:10,843 When did HE get here? 346 00:16:10,843 --> 00:16:11,883 TRICKLING 347 00:16:14,123 --> 00:16:16,163 Don't make eye contact, 348 00:16:16,163 --> 00:16:18,083 he'll want to join us for tea. 349 00:16:35,803 --> 00:16:39,203 I got Ray an organic sausage roll from the farm shop, 350 00:16:39,203 --> 00:16:41,923 because I know how much he loves his sausage rolls. 351 00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:45,283 Well, um... 352 00:16:45,283 --> 00:16:48,763 The thing is, Donna, Ray's very particular. 353 00:16:48,763 --> 00:16:51,443 He doesn't really like trying new food. 354 00:16:51,443 --> 00:16:54,323 Sue, please, go and sit down and relax. 355 00:16:58,483 --> 00:17:00,003 Is he still there? 356 00:17:01,363 --> 00:17:02,523 Yes. 357 00:17:02,523 --> 00:17:03,883 TRICKLING 358 00:17:06,643 --> 00:17:08,763 He's finished filling the watering can, 359 00:17:08,763 --> 00:17:11,043 so now he's literally just staring at us. 360 00:17:26,843 --> 00:17:28,043 He's gone. 361 00:17:28,043 --> 00:17:29,603 Well, that wasn't stressful, was it? 362 00:17:29,603 --> 00:17:31,003 Bloody hellfire. 363 00:17:42,443 --> 00:17:44,083 What are YOU doing in HERE? 364 00:17:45,083 --> 00:17:46,443 Donna's making supper. 365 00:17:47,523 --> 00:17:49,243 Why aren't YOU doing it? 366 00:17:49,243 --> 00:17:51,363 Because she kindly offered. 367 00:17:51,363 --> 00:17:52,843 Right. 368 00:17:52,843 --> 00:17:54,163 What's she making? 369 00:17:54,163 --> 00:17:56,723 She's making some sandwiches with those little nice bits 370 00:17:56,723 --> 00:17:58,803 she got from the farm shop. 371 00:17:58,803 --> 00:18:00,603 What nice bits? 372 00:18:00,603 --> 00:18:02,403 That nice bread and cheese. 373 00:18:02,403 --> 00:18:04,843 Well, I hope she's not using the Spanish stuff, Sue. 374 00:18:04,843 --> 00:18:07,163 That cheese she gave us, it ponged the whole house out. 375 00:18:07,163 --> 00:18:10,323 Her mum got you that, it's from the town she grew up in! 376 00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:11,763 And? I'm from Oldham, 377 00:18:11,763 --> 00:18:14,363 but I'm not forcing you to eat Eccles cakes, am I? 378 00:18:16,123 --> 00:18:18,403 Sue? Mm? Where do you keep your chopping board? 379 00:18:18,403 --> 00:18:21,123 Oh, let me get it for you. No, it's all right, just tell me. 380 00:18:21,123 --> 00:18:22,963 No, no, I'll get it. 381 00:18:24,683 --> 00:18:26,443 SUE HUMS 382 00:18:28,123 --> 00:18:30,123 We got this from John Lewis. 383 00:18:30,123 --> 00:18:31,883 When we went to the mainland 384 00:18:31,883 --> 00:18:33,723 to buy Ray's cycling helmet. 385 00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:38,563 Oh... 386 00:18:38,563 --> 00:18:41,403 Um, are those olives in that bread, Donna? 387 00:18:41,403 --> 00:18:43,563 Um, yeah. 388 00:18:43,563 --> 00:18:46,443 Ray won't eat it, then, he doesn't like olives. 389 00:18:46,443 --> 00:18:48,523 He says they're tasteless. 390 00:18:48,523 --> 00:18:49,763 Oh, OK. 391 00:18:49,763 --> 00:18:51,523 Would you like to use OUR bread? 392 00:18:52,803 --> 00:18:54,163 If you want. 393 00:19:01,003 --> 00:19:03,483 Oh, that's very fancy cheese. Ah, yeah. 394 00:19:03,483 --> 00:19:04,803 It's delicious. 395 00:19:04,803 --> 00:19:07,363 The man in the shop said it's produced in the New Forest 396 00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:09,523 and they only use local free-range cattle. 397 00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:11,163 Oh, well, Ray won't eat that, then. 398 00:19:12,483 --> 00:19:14,283 Oh, OK. 399 00:19:19,603 --> 00:19:21,723 And I wouldn't bother putting any salad in Ray's. 400 00:19:21,723 --> 00:19:22,923 He doesn't eat salad. 401 00:19:22,923 --> 00:19:25,443 Or tomatoes. Or cucumber. 402 00:19:25,443 --> 00:19:26,803 And definitely not cress. 403 00:19:26,803 --> 00:19:28,843 Sue, do YOU want one of these sandwiches? 404 00:19:28,843 --> 00:19:31,443 Well, do you know, I think I might have the same as Ray. 405 00:19:31,443 --> 00:19:34,363 OK, do you want to make your own, and I'll do ours? 406 00:19:34,363 --> 00:19:36,043 Only if it's easier, Donna. 407 00:19:36,043 --> 00:19:38,083 I don't want to get in your way. 408 00:19:47,163 --> 00:19:49,643 It's been a lovely day, hasn't it, Donna? 409 00:19:56,203 --> 00:19:57,723 # Ta-da! # 410 00:19:57,723 --> 00:20:00,043 Ah, a Saturday sarnie sensation! 411 00:20:00,043 --> 00:20:01,803 Stop showing off, David. 412 00:20:01,803 --> 00:20:04,243 Yep, yep, there's a time and a place. 413 00:20:05,283 --> 00:20:07,283 Donna made yours. 414 00:20:07,283 --> 00:20:09,923 Wunderbar, Frau Cockfield. 415 00:20:09,923 --> 00:20:11,843 Stop trying to sound German, David. 416 00:20:11,843 --> 00:20:14,083 Sorry, everyone, I got carried away. 417 00:20:14,083 --> 00:20:18,243 I made our sandwiches and Donna bought you this sausage roll 418 00:20:18,243 --> 00:20:20,603 because she knows you like them. 419 00:20:20,603 --> 00:20:21,843 Right. 420 00:20:21,843 --> 00:20:24,243 It cost £4.50. 421 00:20:24,243 --> 00:20:25,843 £4.50? Mm-hm. 422 00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:44,963 It's not for me. 423 00:20:50,603 --> 00:20:52,443 Oh. You didn't enjoy your sausage roll, then? 424 00:20:52,443 --> 00:20:55,363 No, thank you. That's a shame. I thought you'd enjoy it. 425 00:20:55,363 --> 00:20:57,203 Oh, God, no. 426 00:20:57,203 --> 00:20:59,683 I didn't like the sausage roll, Simon. 427 00:20:59,683 --> 00:21:02,563 I'm sorry about that, but I'm honest and I speak my mind. 428 00:21:02,563 --> 00:21:04,723 Honestly, they're really nice, you should try it. 429 00:21:04,723 --> 00:21:07,323 I like those ready-to-eat mini sausage rolls, 430 00:21:07,323 --> 00:21:09,283 I thought Sue would've told you about that. 431 00:21:09,283 --> 00:21:11,283 But these don't have processed meat in them. 432 00:21:11,283 --> 00:21:12,763 I LIKE processed meat! 433 00:21:12,763 --> 00:21:14,563 Just try it for Donna. 434 00:21:14,563 --> 00:21:17,163 I've tried it, Sue, and I do not like it! 435 00:21:27,643 --> 00:21:29,763 Look at Peanuts enjoying it! 436 00:21:29,763 --> 00:21:31,123 Aww! 437 00:21:40,523 --> 00:21:41,803 Oh! 438 00:21:45,283 --> 00:21:47,563 DOORBELL RINGS Who's that? 439 00:21:55,003 --> 00:21:56,483 It's Ian from next door. 440 00:21:56,483 --> 00:21:57,523 Oh. 441 00:21:59,083 --> 00:22:00,883 What does HE want? 442 00:22:00,883 --> 00:22:03,203 DOORBELL RINGS It'll be about the hedge. 443 00:22:04,803 --> 00:22:06,963 Can you answer it? I'm watching this. 444 00:22:06,963 --> 00:22:08,803 Don't worry, I'll pause it for you. 445 00:22:10,323 --> 00:22:13,563 Fine, if no-one else can be bothered. 446 00:22:19,083 --> 00:22:20,203 Hello, Ian. 447 00:22:20,203 --> 00:22:24,283 Sorry, I can't open the door, because, um, Peanuts will get out. 448 00:22:24,283 --> 00:22:26,923 Yeah, look, sorry, we've just got back from holiday 449 00:22:26,923 --> 00:22:29,243 and my hedge has been cut down again. 450 00:22:29,243 --> 00:22:30,603 Oh, right. 451 00:22:33,243 --> 00:22:35,443 Do you know anything about that? 452 00:22:35,443 --> 00:22:36,723 No. 453 00:22:38,763 --> 00:22:40,083 Are you sure? 454 00:22:41,323 --> 00:22:43,043 Yeah. 455 00:22:43,043 --> 00:22:45,883 Well, you can understand why I might assume that it would be you. 456 00:22:45,883 --> 00:22:47,683 No, it's not us. 457 00:22:49,363 --> 00:22:51,043 You're lying to me, aren't you? 458 00:22:51,043 --> 00:22:52,443 No. 459 00:22:52,443 --> 00:22:54,563 Yes, you are. No, I'm not. 460 00:22:54,563 --> 00:22:58,803 If this happens again, I'm going to be taking it further, OK? 461 00:22:59,843 --> 00:23:01,363 OK. 462 00:23:01,363 --> 00:23:04,843 And can you stop correcting my son over the fence, please? 463 00:23:04,843 --> 00:23:06,443 OK. 464 00:23:06,443 --> 00:23:07,923 Bye. 465 00:23:23,363 --> 00:23:25,603 Would anybody like a Mini Magnum? 466 00:23:34,763 --> 00:23:37,723 Aw, thank you, love. 467 00:23:37,723 --> 00:23:39,203 Where's Ray gone? 468 00:23:39,203 --> 00:23:42,403 He's gone off on his electric bike for a breath of fresh air. 469 00:23:42,403 --> 00:23:44,043 Oh, right. 470 00:23:46,203 --> 00:23:47,523 Garden looks great, Mum. 471 00:23:47,523 --> 00:23:49,083 Oh, it does now. 472 00:23:49,083 --> 00:23:51,483 It didn't when you used to play football on it. 473 00:23:51,483 --> 00:23:53,843 It was like a mud patch. Yeah! 474 00:24:00,843 --> 00:24:03,243 I'm not going to think about it now 475 00:24:03,243 --> 00:24:06,043 but there's so much to do for tomorrow, your lunch. 476 00:24:06,043 --> 00:24:09,243 Mum, try not to get too stressed - it's meant to be a fun day. 477 00:24:09,243 --> 00:24:10,563 Yeah. 478 00:24:11,603 --> 00:24:14,723 I can't believe you're going to be 40. 479 00:24:14,723 --> 00:24:16,763 Oh, don't, I know. 480 00:24:20,483 --> 00:24:22,643 We're thinking of moving. 481 00:24:22,643 --> 00:24:23,883 What? 482 00:24:23,883 --> 00:24:27,083 Well, we'll stay on the island, obviously, 483 00:24:27,083 --> 00:24:29,403 but probably closer to the town. 484 00:24:29,403 --> 00:24:30,963 Why? 485 00:24:30,963 --> 00:24:34,043 Ray thinks it'd be better if we were nearer the shops. 486 00:24:34,043 --> 00:24:36,843 What about the garden? All the hard work you've put into it? 487 00:24:36,843 --> 00:24:38,363 You love it here! 488 00:24:38,363 --> 00:24:41,883 Yeah, I know, but it's such hard work these days, 489 00:24:41,883 --> 00:24:43,443 you know, at our age. 490 00:24:43,443 --> 00:24:46,563 And Ray doesn't see the sense in us staying. 491 00:24:47,763 --> 00:24:49,363 Right, but what do YOU think? 492 00:24:52,203 --> 00:24:54,043 I think he's probably right. 493 00:24:58,643 --> 00:25:00,443 You lied to me. 494 00:25:00,443 --> 00:25:01,483 What? 495 00:25:02,523 --> 00:25:04,723 When you were a little boy... 496 00:25:05,963 --> 00:25:09,603 ..you promised me you'd stay four years old forever. 497 00:25:09,603 --> 00:25:14,123 I sat you on that kitchen worktop, and you looked me in the eyes, 498 00:25:14,123 --> 00:25:16,163 and you promised me. 499 00:25:16,163 --> 00:25:17,963 Sorry, Mum. SUE CHUCKLES 500 00:25:20,443 --> 00:25:21,643 Ooh! 501 00:25:27,003 --> 00:25:29,363 All right? All right, love? 502 00:25:29,363 --> 00:25:31,203 Yeah, you? Yeah. 503 00:25:31,203 --> 00:25:32,403 All right, Simon? Yeah, good. 504 00:25:32,403 --> 00:25:33,963 How was your cycle ride? 505 00:25:33,963 --> 00:25:35,403 Oh, it was great. 506 00:25:35,403 --> 00:25:38,883 I went to Totland Bay and took some photographs. 507 00:25:38,883 --> 00:25:41,523 Fancy going and watching another episode of The Chase? 508 00:25:41,523 --> 00:25:43,003 Yeah, why not? 509 00:25:43,003 --> 00:25:44,603 Nice helmet. 510 00:25:44,603 --> 00:25:46,243 Shut up. 511 00:25:48,043 --> 00:25:51,403 Holocene by Bon Iver 512 00:25:52,603 --> 00:25:57,323 # We smoked the screen to make it what it was to be 513 00:26:03,563 --> 00:26:07,523 # Now to know it in my memory 514 00:26:11,843 --> 00:26:18,483 # And at once, I knew I was not magnificent 515 00:26:28,483 --> 00:26:35,163 # High above the highway aisle... #