1 00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:04,843 - We're still on the ferry, Mum. - How come? Because it's 2 00:00:04,843 --> 00:00:08,163 a 45-minute crossing and you only phoned 15 minutes ago. 3 00:00:08,163 --> 00:00:11,123 Where's he driving from the ferry? Tell him to go via Afton, 4 00:00:11,123 --> 00:00:14,843 not Norton Green. Ray says to go via Afton. 5 00:00:14,843 --> 00:00:17,603 Yeah, I heard him. We're not going that way. It takes longer. 6 00:00:17,603 --> 00:00:21,203 No, it doesn't! Ray's shaking his head. He says it doesn't. 7 00:00:21,203 --> 00:00:23,323 Give me the phone, Sue. 8 00:00:23,323 --> 00:00:26,203 You there, Simon? No, I've thrown myself overboard. 9 00:00:26,203 --> 00:00:30,323 When you get to Yarmouth, go via Afton, not Norton Green. 10 00:00:30,323 --> 00:00:32,923 It'll be quicker. No, it won't. It takes longer. 11 00:00:32,923 --> 00:00:35,003 No, it doesn't! Yes, it does! 12 00:00:35,003 --> 00:00:38,163 Listen, I've lived on the island for 35 years. 13 00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:40,963 Well, you should know your way round the place, then, shouldn't you? 14 00:00:40,963 --> 00:00:43,803 Will you just listen to me for once and go via Afton? 15 00:00:43,803 --> 00:00:46,203 I'm handing you back to your mother. Oh! 16 00:00:48,043 --> 00:00:51,483 Hello, love. Is Donna there? Yeah. 17 00:00:51,483 --> 00:00:52,803 You have a go. 18 00:00:53,963 --> 00:00:56,483 Hello, Sue? Hello, Donna. 19 00:00:56,483 --> 00:00:59,683 Donna, I can't sign in to me iPad. 20 00:01:01,163 --> 00:01:05,603 Oh. OK, er, it's probably your password. 21 00:01:05,603 --> 00:01:07,083 What's your password? 22 00:01:07,083 --> 00:01:09,723 It's shitpipe17. 23 00:01:09,723 --> 00:01:13,043 Don't look at me like that! Andre set it up. 24 00:01:13,043 --> 00:01:15,323 Mum, can we sort this out when we get there? 25 00:01:15,323 --> 00:01:17,403 OK, love, yeah. Drive carefully. 26 00:01:17,403 --> 00:01:19,883 Yeah. Bye. Bye! Bye-bye! 27 00:01:19,883 --> 00:01:21,603 Did he say he'd go via Afton? 28 00:01:21,603 --> 00:01:25,243 Why does your mum always think I work in IT? I've no idea. 29 00:01:25,243 --> 00:01:26,643 I've put it on a long list of things 30 00:01:26,643 --> 00:01:28,203 I do not understand about that woman. 31 00:01:28,203 --> 00:01:30,843 SHE CHUCKLES Come on, then. 32 00:01:30,843 --> 00:01:34,923 # Oh, get me away from here, I'm dying 33 00:01:34,923 --> 00:01:37,483 # Play me a song to set me free 34 00:01:37,483 --> 00:01:40,763 # Nobody writes them like they used to 35 00:01:40,763 --> 00:01:44,163 # So it may as well be me 36 00:01:44,163 --> 00:01:47,563 # Here on my own now after hours... # 37 00:01:47,563 --> 00:01:50,163 You're definitely going to split up with me after this weekend. 38 00:01:50,163 --> 00:01:53,923 Probably. No, I'm serious. Mum and Ray are going to do your head in. 39 00:01:53,923 --> 00:01:56,523 PHONE RINGS Speak of the devil. 40 00:01:56,523 --> 00:01:59,963 Hello, Mum? We're five minutes away. 41 00:01:59,963 --> 00:02:03,603 Quick question. Can you ask Donna if she likes raw carrot? 42 00:02:04,563 --> 00:02:05,803 Do you like raw carrot? 43 00:02:05,803 --> 00:02:08,203 Yes, thanks, Sue. Yes, she does, Mum. 44 00:02:08,203 --> 00:02:11,523 Oh, thank God. Donna does like raw carrot, Ray. 45 00:02:11,523 --> 00:02:13,443 What are you on about? 46 00:02:13,443 --> 00:02:17,283 I'll see you when you get here, love. Bye! OK. Bye, Mum. 47 00:02:17,283 --> 00:02:18,563 Bye! 48 00:02:19,523 --> 00:02:21,643 SIMON CHUCKLES 49 00:02:21,643 --> 00:02:24,563 Just missed the turning for Afton. 50 00:02:24,563 --> 00:02:27,563 Oh, right. Well, you know, that's the kind of bloke I am, Donna. 51 00:02:27,563 --> 00:02:30,643 If I want to go via Norton Green, I'm going to go via Norton Green. 52 00:02:30,643 --> 00:02:34,283 Oh, you're so butch. I know. It's about time you bloody noticed. 53 00:02:34,283 --> 00:02:38,043 # Oh, that wasn't what I meant to say at all 54 00:02:38,043 --> 00:02:44,083 # From where I'm sitting, rain falling against the lonely tenement 55 00:02:44,083 --> 00:02:46,523 # Has set my mind to wander 56 00:02:46,523 --> 00:02:49,603 # Into the windows of my lovers 57 00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:52,883 # They never know unless I write... # 58 00:02:52,883 --> 00:02:54,803 HORN TOOTS 59 00:03:02,163 --> 00:03:04,763 Hello, Mum. Hello, love! 60 00:03:04,763 --> 00:03:07,003 DONNA CHUCKLES 61 00:03:07,003 --> 00:03:11,363 Hello, Donna. Hiya, Sue. Welcome to the island! 62 00:03:11,363 --> 00:03:13,403 DOG BARKS 63 00:03:15,003 --> 00:03:20,163 Oh, Peanuts! I'm sorry. Well, she wets herself when she gets excited. 64 00:03:20,163 --> 00:03:21,883 I have the same problem with her, Mum. 65 00:03:21,883 --> 00:03:24,083 I don't doubt that for a second! 66 00:03:24,083 --> 00:03:26,603 These are for you, Sue. Oh, they're lovely! 67 00:03:26,603 --> 00:03:28,923 Did you go via Afton? Er, no. No. 68 00:03:28,923 --> 00:03:32,083 Well, that's why you're late. Not late, are we? 69 00:03:32,083 --> 00:03:34,563 Look at these! Well, they'll need to go in the lean-to 70 00:03:34,563 --> 00:03:36,803 cos of me lips. Ohhh! Yeah. 71 00:03:36,803 --> 00:03:38,403 Well, you weren't to know, Donna. 72 00:03:38,403 --> 00:03:41,163 These'll give Ray a runny nose and big lips. 73 00:03:41,163 --> 00:03:43,043 Hello, Donna. Welcome to the island. 74 00:03:43,043 --> 00:03:45,283 Hello, Ray. Nice to see you. 75 00:03:46,243 --> 00:03:47,883 How's me favourite stepson? 76 00:03:47,883 --> 00:03:49,243 I'm good. How are you, Ray? 77 00:03:49,243 --> 00:03:53,043 Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Do you want to park your car in front of mine? 78 00:03:53,043 --> 00:03:56,883 Er, I'll just leave it there. It's been a long drive. 79 00:03:56,883 --> 00:03:59,363 Just pop it in front of mine. 80 00:03:59,363 --> 00:04:02,883 Right. I'll clean it for you later. You don't have to. 81 00:04:08,523 --> 00:04:10,683 I'll hoover the inside, as well. 82 00:04:10,683 --> 00:04:12,443 ENGINE STARTS 83 00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:18,043 Ray went into Totland this morning, Donna, 84 00:04:18,043 --> 00:04:21,363 and got you a block of lard. Oh, thanks... Yeah. 85 00:04:21,363 --> 00:04:25,323 We noticed when you came to visit you didn't have any. 86 00:04:28,843 --> 00:04:32,723 Ooh! Now, would you kids like to have lunch inside or outside, 87 00:04:32,723 --> 00:04:34,323 Donna? 88 00:04:34,323 --> 00:04:36,083 Er, I don't mind. 89 00:04:36,083 --> 00:04:39,323 Oh, well, it might be nice to have it outside. 90 00:04:39,323 --> 00:04:43,123 You don't think it's too hot to eat gala pie in the garden? 91 00:04:43,123 --> 00:04:47,683 Maybe. Hmm...although we might regret it if we have it inside. 92 00:04:47,683 --> 00:04:49,563 Let's eat in the garden, then. 93 00:04:50,523 --> 00:04:51,923 Yeah. 94 00:04:52,883 --> 00:04:57,043 What about the midges? Oh, well, let's eat inside, then. 95 00:04:57,043 --> 00:04:59,803 Although the midges don't really bother me and Ray. 96 00:04:59,803 --> 00:05:02,723 Well, let's eat outside, then, Mum! Yeah. It seems a shame 97 00:05:02,723 --> 00:05:04,563 when you've come all this way. 98 00:05:04,563 --> 00:05:06,243 Right, Ray, change of plan. 99 00:05:06,243 --> 00:05:10,043 The kids want to eat outside now. Ah! I thought they would. 100 00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:12,083 Yeah, make up your mind, Donna! 101 00:05:13,043 --> 00:05:14,803 Bloody hell! Is that you? 102 00:05:14,803 --> 00:05:18,283 Yeah, that was my storing-food-in-my-cheeks phase. 103 00:05:18,283 --> 00:05:21,963 Fair play to your mum for not lobbing you into the sea at birth. 104 00:05:21,963 --> 00:05:25,203 Oh, the eagles have landed! Hello, pal. How are you? 105 00:05:25,203 --> 00:05:27,363 Yeah, good. Erm, you remember my stepbrother? 106 00:05:27,363 --> 00:05:30,643 Yeah. Hello, David. Hello, Donna. Oh, wow. 107 00:05:30,643 --> 00:05:32,403 Nice shoes. 108 00:05:32,403 --> 00:05:35,923 Oh, thanks. They're just plimsolls. 109 00:05:35,923 --> 00:05:38,043 No, absolutely. That was a bit much, wasn't it? 110 00:05:38,043 --> 00:05:40,203 Rein it in, David! DONNA CHUCKLES POLITELY 111 00:05:40,203 --> 00:05:43,203 So, how are you, David? I'm good, I'm good. 112 00:05:43,203 --> 00:05:46,043 I lost my job, but, er, you know, it's probably for the best. 113 00:05:46,043 --> 00:05:49,443 Oh! Why, what happened? Well, to a large extent, 114 00:05:49,443 --> 00:05:51,043 for some reason, working on ferries, 115 00:05:51,043 --> 00:05:52,763 specifically the ones I've worked on, 116 00:05:52,763 --> 00:05:55,163 and I think there should be a documentary made 117 00:05:55,163 --> 00:05:57,403 about this - bullying occurs. 118 00:05:57,403 --> 00:05:59,963 No-one wants to hear about this again, David. 119 00:05:59,963 --> 00:06:02,723 Well, I'm sorry, Dad, but comments were made about the length 120 00:06:02,723 --> 00:06:06,683 of my trousers. I was ostracised by the other cafeteria staff. 121 00:06:06,683 --> 00:06:09,763 And on top of that, I had my coffee sweetener stolen. 122 00:06:09,763 --> 00:06:12,683 And I said to the captain, "It's not lost. It's stolen." 123 00:06:15,243 --> 00:06:17,883 Me and David shared this room. 124 00:06:17,883 --> 00:06:19,963 Wow. What was that like? 125 00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,843 Yeah, he chatted A LOT. 126 00:06:21,843 --> 00:06:23,723 KNOCK ON DOOR 127 00:06:23,723 --> 00:06:27,003 Oh! Is this all right for you, Donna? Yeah, it's great. Right. 128 00:06:27,003 --> 00:06:29,803 Well, there's a spare duvet under there, and I've emptied 129 00:06:29,803 --> 00:06:32,603 these drawers out for you. Brilliant. Thanks. 130 00:06:32,603 --> 00:06:35,683 Well, I'll get out of your hair, let you get settled. - Thanks. 131 00:06:35,683 --> 00:06:40,243 Oh, I'll just quickly plug this air purifier in for you, Donna. 132 00:06:42,843 --> 00:06:45,043 Do you want me to put your suitcase in the loft? 133 00:06:45,043 --> 00:06:46,803 Er, no, we're all right. 134 00:06:46,803 --> 00:06:49,243 Ray? No, we're all right. 135 00:06:50,803 --> 00:06:53,403 Are you sure? Yeah, we're fine. 136 00:06:53,403 --> 00:06:55,723 Fair enough. Well, give us a shout 137 00:06:55,723 --> 00:06:57,883 when you want me to put it up there. 138 00:06:57,883 --> 00:07:00,283 We don't want to put them in the loft. 139 00:07:00,283 --> 00:07:02,683 Right. If you say so. 140 00:07:04,803 --> 00:07:07,563 Right, I think that's about it. SHE CHUCKLES 141 00:07:07,563 --> 00:07:11,123 Oh, Donna, do you need any washing doing? 142 00:07:11,123 --> 00:07:13,083 No, it's OK, thanks. 143 00:07:13,083 --> 00:07:16,163 Oh! You won't need that! SHE LAUGHS 144 00:07:17,963 --> 00:07:19,963 Ohhh! 145 00:07:21,603 --> 00:07:24,883 Oh, right, do you need anything else? No, we're fine, thanks, Mum. 146 00:07:24,883 --> 00:07:28,443 Well, I'll let you get on with it. Ooh! 147 00:07:28,443 --> 00:07:30,483 We've got a new paper shredder! 148 00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:32,603 Oh! Cool. 149 00:07:32,603 --> 00:07:34,323 I'll be going. 150 00:07:34,323 --> 00:07:36,363 DOOR CLOSES 151 00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:40,723 I'm so glad you've come over for your birthday. 152 00:07:40,723 --> 00:07:42,883 Oh, well, thanks for having us, Mum. 153 00:07:42,883 --> 00:07:45,563 I can't believe my little boy is going to be 40. 154 00:07:45,563 --> 00:07:46,963 HE LAUGHS 155 00:07:48,043 --> 00:07:50,603 Where does the time go, eh? 156 00:07:56,723 --> 00:07:58,483 They're really sweet. 157 00:08:07,683 --> 00:08:08,843 Ooh! 158 00:08:14,003 --> 00:08:16,123 SHE SIGHS HAPPILY 159 00:08:19,843 --> 00:08:20,923 Ooh! 160 00:08:31,963 --> 00:08:34,483 HE URINATES 161 00:08:39,403 --> 00:08:41,523 TOILET FLUSHES 162 00:08:54,443 --> 00:08:57,243 Come and have some food, Mum. Yeah, come on, Sue, 163 00:08:57,243 --> 00:08:59,043 come and sit down. 164 00:08:59,043 --> 00:09:01,403 Pass us the piccalilli, David. 165 00:09:01,403 --> 00:09:03,403 Absolutely. 166 00:09:03,403 --> 00:09:08,643 Stop shouting, please. Yep. No, keep volume to a reasonable level. 167 00:09:08,643 --> 00:09:11,083 So, are you living here now? Er, yes. 168 00:09:11,083 --> 00:09:14,043 Dad's been very generous and patient and has allowed me 169 00:09:14,043 --> 00:09:16,403 to stay here until I'm back on my feet. 170 00:09:16,403 --> 00:09:19,683 Well, you've got a month, and then you're out on your arse. 171 00:09:19,683 --> 00:09:22,803 There's only so much wittering a man can take, Donna. 172 00:09:22,803 --> 00:09:25,163 Sossies! Sausages! 173 00:09:28,363 --> 00:09:30,283 Eat up, everybody. 174 00:09:30,283 --> 00:09:31,723 Oh, my God. 175 00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:35,403 Everything all right, Mum? 176 00:09:36,563 --> 00:09:38,203 What's she doing now? 177 00:09:42,243 --> 00:09:44,563 Napkin rings! 178 00:09:48,363 --> 00:09:50,723 At least we can all relax now. 179 00:09:51,883 --> 00:09:53,603 Thank you. 180 00:09:57,723 --> 00:09:59,523 How's your mum, Donna? 181 00:09:59,523 --> 00:10:01,723 Yeah, good. 182 00:10:01,723 --> 00:10:03,843 How's your dad, Donna? 183 00:10:03,843 --> 00:10:07,163 Good, thanks. Lovely. Give them my love. 184 00:10:07,163 --> 00:10:09,483 Bloody hell, Suse, you're talking as if you know 'em. 185 00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:11,443 You've never even met 'em! 186 00:10:15,803 --> 00:10:17,563 Are you too hot, Donna? 187 00:10:17,563 --> 00:10:19,963 No, I'm...I'm fine, thanks. 188 00:10:22,363 --> 00:10:26,403 Do you want to go in the shade, love? Oh! Oh, yes, I think so. 189 00:10:27,443 --> 00:10:29,843 Move yourself a little to the left, then. 190 00:10:29,843 --> 00:10:32,323 Mum doesn't know if she's sitting in the shade or not. 191 00:10:32,323 --> 00:10:34,403 Am I in the shade now? 192 00:10:34,403 --> 00:10:36,243 No, no. Just a bit more. 193 00:10:36,243 --> 00:10:37,763 Now? 194 00:10:37,763 --> 00:10:39,403 A bit more. 195 00:10:39,403 --> 00:10:43,643 Now? Now you're in. Oh, yeah, that feels better. 196 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,003 Don't know if you're in the shade or not, do you, Mum? 197 00:10:46,003 --> 00:10:47,403 No, I've never been able to tell 198 00:10:47,403 --> 00:10:50,243 where the sun ends and the shade begins, Donna! 199 00:10:53,283 --> 00:10:57,283 A worry, isn't it? No, it isn't! Slap him for me, Donna. 200 00:11:01,483 --> 00:11:03,803 Everybody enjoying their gala pie? 201 00:11:03,803 --> 00:11:05,843 - Yeah. Yeah, it's lovely. - Very good. 202 00:11:05,843 --> 00:11:08,963 If this recipe was online, I'd give it a digital kiss. 203 00:11:08,963 --> 00:11:12,203 Oh, David, that's a lovely thing to say. 204 00:11:15,563 --> 00:11:17,603 What's that you're eating there, David? 205 00:11:17,603 --> 00:11:19,403 Sweetcorn niblet pie. 206 00:11:20,563 --> 00:11:23,723 David's a vegetarian, but he doesn't really eat vegetables. 207 00:11:23,723 --> 00:11:27,083 You live on cereal, don't you, David? Absolutely. 208 00:11:27,083 --> 00:11:31,043 A big bowl of granola drenched in full-fat, lactose-free milk 209 00:11:31,043 --> 00:11:33,683 is my crack cocaine. 210 00:11:33,683 --> 00:11:35,443 Would you like some more gala pie? 211 00:11:35,443 --> 00:11:38,123 No, I'm fine, thank you. Not that little bit? 212 00:11:38,123 --> 00:11:40,563 Honestly, I'm full. Oh, go on, eat it. 213 00:11:40,563 --> 00:11:42,803 It'll only go to waste. 214 00:11:46,443 --> 00:11:50,123 You met anyone famous lately, David? Erm, yes, I have. 215 00:11:50,123 --> 00:11:54,003 I met Clare Balding at the Medina Centre back in April 216 00:11:54,003 --> 00:11:57,363 and Dan Walker at the Southampton Boat Show. 217 00:11:57,363 --> 00:12:00,363 He's a creationist, you know. Oh, is he? 218 00:12:00,363 --> 00:12:03,123 David likes to have his photo taken with celebrities. 219 00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:06,883 Oh! Erm, have you met anyone else? 220 00:12:06,883 --> 00:12:11,163 Well, next month I'm popping over to the Bournemouth International Centre 221 00:12:11,163 --> 00:12:14,203 to see if I can get a selfie with Gladys Knight and the Pips. 222 00:12:14,203 --> 00:12:16,243 - Ooh! - I think it's high time 223 00:12:16,243 --> 00:12:18,083 you left these celebrities alone. 224 00:12:18,083 --> 00:12:22,003 I've seen the photos, and they look very, very wary of you. 225 00:12:22,003 --> 00:12:23,683 VERY wary. 226 00:12:23,683 --> 00:12:25,123 SUE CHUCKLES 227 00:12:29,843 --> 00:12:33,963 Oh, yeah, Mum, why is there a bread knife in the downstairs loo? 228 00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:39,163 It's for David. 229 00:12:40,123 --> 00:12:42,323 Can we just leave it there? 230 00:12:42,323 --> 00:12:43,763 All right. 231 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:47,203 Erm, as Susie was saying, I don't eat enough vegetables or grains. 232 00:12:48,763 --> 00:12:51,563 Like, sometimes the flush isn't powerful enough, so it just needs 233 00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:54,883 a bit of persuasion. You know, chopping up. 234 00:12:54,883 --> 00:12:56,803 Oh, God! 235 00:12:58,363 --> 00:13:00,283 More gala pie, Donna? 236 00:13:00,283 --> 00:13:02,843 Oh! Andre, love! 237 00:13:03,803 --> 00:13:06,643 - I've pruned the roses, boss. - Good lad. Andre, 238 00:13:06,643 --> 00:13:08,843 would you like some quiche, love? 239 00:13:09,803 --> 00:13:12,203 I don't know, really. 240 00:13:12,203 --> 00:13:14,083 I don't usually like your food, Sue. 241 00:13:15,043 --> 00:13:16,643 Oh. 242 00:13:17,843 --> 00:13:20,203 Well...help yourself, then. 243 00:13:32,483 --> 00:13:34,523 That's horrible. 244 00:13:49,803 --> 00:13:51,963 I can't believe they reckon it's going to rain later. 245 00:13:51,963 --> 00:13:54,363 Oh, it won't rain. It's lovely! 246 00:13:58,323 --> 00:14:01,883 Do you want to stop for a breather, love? Please, love. 247 00:14:03,723 --> 00:14:06,323 Where's that over there? 248 00:14:06,323 --> 00:14:10,123 - That's Tennyson Down. - Round the corner 249 00:14:10,123 --> 00:14:13,483 there, past those chalky bits over the Solent, 250 00:14:13,483 --> 00:14:17,283 that's Lymington, where they filmed Howards' Way. 251 00:14:17,283 --> 00:14:21,163 Can we go one day without you mentioning that bloody programme? 252 00:14:21,163 --> 00:14:24,803 Sorry. I was just so fond of that series. 253 00:14:24,803 --> 00:14:26,643 Donna, do you want to see this trick? 254 00:14:26,643 --> 00:14:28,363 Peanuts, sit. Good. Sit. 255 00:14:28,363 --> 00:14:30,603 Now howl for Donna. 256 00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:33,483 SUE HOWLS 257 00:14:33,483 --> 00:14:34,643 SUE AND RAY HOWL 258 00:14:34,643 --> 00:14:35,923 PEANUTS HOWLS 259 00:14:39,083 --> 00:14:42,003 THEY ALL CONTINUE HOWLING 260 00:14:48,043 --> 00:14:51,883 Good girl. Good girl! Yeah! Isn't she clever, Donna? 261 00:14:51,883 --> 00:14:55,003 Yeah, she certainly is. Yeah, I think a better trick might be 262 00:14:55,003 --> 00:14:57,963 to teach her not to piss on people's shoes, Mum. 263 00:14:57,963 --> 00:15:00,003 SIMON LAUGHS 264 00:15:00,003 --> 00:15:04,323 Oh! This is the spot where we want our ashes scattered. 265 00:15:04,323 --> 00:15:06,883 Oh, I don't want to talk about this now, Mum. 266 00:15:06,883 --> 00:15:10,163 Oh, well, you have to, you know, because you never know what's going 267 00:15:10,163 --> 00:15:12,883 to happen. I mentioned it to your mum about scattering them in the 268 00:15:12,883 --> 00:15:16,843 Solent, but she said no because she can't swim. Well, I can't! 269 00:15:16,843 --> 00:15:18,963 SIMON LAUGHS 270 00:15:28,083 --> 00:15:32,163 Oh, man! What? Don't you dare, Ray. What's going on? 271 00:15:32,163 --> 00:15:34,483 I'm not having this again. 272 00:15:34,483 --> 00:15:36,483 Come on, Peanuts. 273 00:15:36,483 --> 00:15:38,163 Ray, what are you doing? 274 00:15:39,243 --> 00:15:42,003 Ray says this is a right of way, so he doesn't see why 275 00:15:42,003 --> 00:15:44,483 we should have to walk round. 276 00:15:44,483 --> 00:15:47,403 SHE SIGHS Mum! 277 00:15:48,763 --> 00:15:51,443 Sorry. I should probably... 278 00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:58,603 Excuse me? 279 00:16:02,723 --> 00:16:05,563 It's that little prat from the village again. 280 00:16:06,683 --> 00:16:09,363 What are you doing?! Sorry. So sorry. 281 00:16:09,363 --> 00:16:13,323 Sorry. Oh, sorry. Sorry about this. 282 00:16:14,483 --> 00:16:16,363 What is your problem, mate? 283 00:16:16,363 --> 00:16:18,723 Come on, let's get out of here. 284 00:16:18,723 --> 00:16:21,523 At least the cricket match'll be rained off. That's the spirit, Ray, 285 00:16:21,523 --> 00:16:24,563 live and let live. DAVID: Good job we brought these umbrellas, 286 00:16:24,563 --> 00:16:27,443 isn't it, Simon? We'd have been absolutely soaked. 287 00:16:28,403 --> 00:16:29,843 HORN TOOTS 288 00:16:32,123 --> 00:16:34,163 HORN TOOTS 289 00:16:43,283 --> 00:16:45,283 Is that Dad? 290 00:16:54,003 --> 00:16:56,803 Hey, Simon! Hi, Dad. 291 00:16:58,003 --> 00:17:01,163 Hi, Sue. Hi, Larry. 292 00:17:01,163 --> 00:17:03,123 This is Melissa, everyone. 293 00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:06,963 Hi. Hi. Hi, everyone. Great to meet you. 294 00:17:06,963 --> 00:17:08,883 This is my son, Simon. 295 00:17:08,883 --> 00:17:12,763 Oh, wow! Simon! Yeah, this is Donna. 296 00:17:12,763 --> 00:17:16,883 Hello. Hey, Donna. Nice to meet you at long last. 297 00:17:16,883 --> 00:17:19,923 Where have you been hiding this one, Simon? Er... 298 00:17:19,923 --> 00:17:23,883 Have you dyed your hair, Dad? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was my idea. 299 00:17:23,883 --> 00:17:25,683 Embarrassing. Looks great, doesn't it? 300 00:17:25,683 --> 00:17:28,163 I have. Do you like it? 301 00:17:28,163 --> 00:17:29,643 - I love it. - Oh, superb. 302 00:17:29,643 --> 00:17:31,243 Congratulations! 303 00:17:31,243 --> 00:17:33,363 Yeah, it's very nice, Larry. 304 00:17:33,363 --> 00:17:35,323 Yeah, it's great. Yeah, so far so good. 305 00:17:35,323 --> 00:17:38,763 You know, I've had a lovely reaction from everyone I've met. 306 00:17:38,763 --> 00:17:41,443 I just don't think you should have been grey. I mean, who does? 307 00:17:41,443 --> 00:17:44,643 You know, it just made his face look so old. 308 00:17:47,403 --> 00:17:51,043 Melissa wanted me to have a full head of, you know, darker hair. 309 00:17:51,043 --> 00:17:54,563 Yeah. Oh, and we're getting that varicose vein seen to 310 00:17:54,563 --> 00:17:57,483 in the new year. Again, congratulations. 311 00:17:57,483 --> 00:17:59,603 You don't have to tell everyone, darling. 312 00:17:59,603 --> 00:18:04,563 Isn't that a dangerous procedure? No, no. Basically, they just heat up 313 00:18:04,563 --> 00:18:07,123 the leg until the vein collapses. 314 00:18:07,123 --> 00:18:09,403 Yeah, they said it might hurt a little. I'll have to wear 315 00:18:09,403 --> 00:18:11,723 a big stocking for a month. Yeah, but it'll be so worth it. 316 00:18:11,723 --> 00:18:14,643 Yeah, of course it'll be worth it! Yeah, it'll be worth it. Worth it. 317 00:18:14,643 --> 00:18:17,483 - No pain, no gain. Yeah. - Well, I wish you all the best 318 00:18:17,483 --> 00:18:21,203 with your endeavours. Simple as that. Oh, thank you! 319 00:18:21,203 --> 00:18:23,083 That's really sweet. 320 00:18:23,083 --> 00:18:26,123 All right, Larry, we should go. Oh, yes. 321 00:18:26,123 --> 00:18:29,723 Erm, hey, listen, it's been a real pleasure. Yeah. 322 00:18:29,723 --> 00:18:31,843 Lovely to meet you, Donna. And you. 323 00:18:31,843 --> 00:18:35,803 Oh, you are still coming to Simon's birthday lunch, aren't you, 324 00:18:35,803 --> 00:18:37,523 on Sunday? 325 00:18:37,523 --> 00:18:39,483 We should go. 326 00:18:39,483 --> 00:18:41,643 Of course we are! What time? 327 00:18:41,643 --> 00:18:45,083 Well, we said about one. Excellent, with bells on. 328 00:18:45,083 --> 00:18:47,123 OK, goodbye, everyone. Bye now. 329 00:18:47,123 --> 00:18:48,963 Bye, Dad. Bye, Melissa. 330 00:18:48,963 --> 00:18:51,443 Bye now. Bye. See you Sunday. 331 00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:59,763 I'm not saying anything. Can we just go? I'm bursting. 332 00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:06,883 Your dad's in better nick than you are. Oh, thanks very much. 333 00:19:08,803 --> 00:19:13,163 Do you know he's got a tattoo of a skull on his shoulder blade? Has he? 334 00:19:13,163 --> 00:19:15,403 Yeah. You don't seem that surprised. 335 00:19:15,403 --> 00:19:17,883 You're like two peas in a pod, you two. 336 00:19:17,883 --> 00:19:19,083 THEY LAUGH 337 00:19:19,083 --> 00:19:21,323 What did you think of his new girlfriend? 338 00:19:21,323 --> 00:19:25,003 Oh, yeah, lovely, yeah. Yeah, really nice. Really unpretentious. 339 00:19:25,003 --> 00:19:27,603 Just the sort of person you want coming to your birthday. 340 00:19:27,603 --> 00:19:29,043 I'm sure it'll be fine. 341 00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:30,803 Yeah, let's hope it will be. 342 00:19:32,523 --> 00:19:34,443 You all right, mate? 343 00:19:34,443 --> 00:19:37,403 Oh, sorry. I'm just afraid of birds getting in here. 344 00:19:37,403 --> 00:19:40,723 What? I don't like it when birds come through the door. 345 00:19:40,723 --> 00:19:44,483 Has that happened? Oh, yes. It's very disorientating. 346 00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:47,323 And it's a double threat, because they drop their faeces everywhere. 347 00:19:47,323 --> 00:19:50,963 And last time, I got incredibly ill. Sorry, what are you on about? 348 00:19:50,963 --> 00:19:53,803 I was given the bacteria virus campylobacter 349 00:19:53,803 --> 00:19:56,163 by a garden wren, Simon. SIMON LAUGHS 350 00:19:56,163 --> 00:19:58,563 Now, you may mock, but it saw an opportunity 351 00:19:58,563 --> 00:20:01,043 and managed to squeeze its way in. I had a rolled-up copy 352 00:20:01,043 --> 00:20:04,403 of the Radio Times, and Dad had a rolled-up copy of the County Press, 353 00:20:04,403 --> 00:20:06,883 and we finally managed to guide it out. 354 00:20:06,883 --> 00:20:10,803 So, as you can imagine, I'm keen not to experience that again. 355 00:20:23,963 --> 00:20:25,923 TV ON QUIETLY 356 00:20:30,683 --> 00:20:34,923 SNIP Good heavens! That's a thick one. 357 00:20:34,923 --> 00:20:37,443 SNIPPING CONTINUES Oh, bloody hell. 358 00:20:37,443 --> 00:20:40,683 Why don't you cut your own toenails, Ray? 359 00:20:40,683 --> 00:20:43,043 Cos Sue does it better than me. 360 00:20:43,043 --> 00:20:44,523 And it turns me on! 361 00:20:44,523 --> 00:20:46,203 Oh, how lovely... 362 00:20:48,883 --> 00:20:52,963 Oh, Donna, can you pass me that little Tupperware container, please? 363 00:20:57,083 --> 00:20:59,203 Thank you, Donna. 364 00:21:02,283 --> 00:21:05,083 SUE HUMS A CHEERFUL TUNE 365 00:21:08,563 --> 00:21:11,563 # Fiddle-ee-dee Diddle-dee-dee... # 366 00:21:12,683 --> 00:21:15,403 Go on, you naughty thing! SHE CHUCKLES 367 00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:19,403 SHE CONTINUES HUMMING 368 00:21:21,163 --> 00:21:24,243 Ooh, you'll be doing this for him in a few years, Donna. 369 00:21:24,243 --> 00:21:27,243 DONNA CHUCKLES Trust me, I won't. 370 00:21:28,603 --> 00:21:33,363 Oh! What time do you normally go to bed, Donna? 371 00:21:34,603 --> 00:21:38,083 Erm... I dunno, about half ten? 372 00:21:38,083 --> 00:21:40,563 That's the time we'll all go to bed, then. 373 00:21:40,563 --> 00:21:43,763 No, no. We don't have to. No, no. 374 00:21:45,123 --> 00:21:47,243 What are you watching, David? 375 00:21:47,243 --> 00:21:51,443 Oh, I'm on Google Maps, just having a look round Hollywood. 376 00:21:51,443 --> 00:21:53,043 Oh, right. 377 00:21:53,043 --> 00:21:55,123 It's a fascinating place. 378 00:21:55,123 --> 00:21:58,363 Ha! I've just turned into Hugh Hefner's street. 379 00:22:00,283 --> 00:22:03,923 My word, there are so many cars parked on his driveway! 380 00:22:07,163 --> 00:22:09,403 He's not blessed, is he, that Andy Murray? 381 00:22:09,403 --> 00:22:12,723 He's like his mother, his neck's as thick as his head. 382 00:22:12,723 --> 00:22:14,123 Oh! 383 00:22:15,123 --> 00:22:17,603 How much do them Wimbledon winners get paid? 384 00:22:17,603 --> 00:22:19,603 Why, are you thinking of entering, Ray? 385 00:22:19,603 --> 00:22:21,923 SHE LAUGHS 386 00:22:21,923 --> 00:22:25,443 Siri, how much do Wimbledon winners get paid? 387 00:22:25,443 --> 00:22:29,123 Let me think. Here's what I found on the web 388 00:22:29,123 --> 00:22:32,123 for "How much do Wimbledon winners get paid?" 389 00:22:33,083 --> 00:22:36,603 £2 million?! That's amazing, Susie. 390 00:22:36,603 --> 00:22:39,003 And the women get paid the same as the men, 391 00:22:39,003 --> 00:22:42,323 which doesn't make sense, because they're not as good. 392 00:22:42,323 --> 00:22:44,963 And they only play three sets. Well, that's because they bring in 393 00:22:44,963 --> 00:22:47,203 the same amount of audience, isn't it? 394 00:22:47,203 --> 00:22:50,443 We don't watch the women, do we, Sue? No. 395 00:22:50,443 --> 00:22:54,483 To be honest, Donna, I don't like the ones who grunt. 396 00:22:54,483 --> 00:22:57,483 Mum, do you know you say Donna's name a lot? 397 00:22:57,483 --> 00:23:00,563 Do I? Yeah, at the end of a lot of your sentences. 398 00:23:00,563 --> 00:23:04,083 Doesn't matter. I've not noticed her saying, "Donna." 399 00:23:04,083 --> 00:23:07,443 Well, I have, that's why I brought it up. Honestly, it's fine. 400 00:23:07,443 --> 00:23:09,683 I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill. 401 00:23:09,683 --> 00:23:12,443 Oh, do you, Ray? It's not like you to have an opinion. 402 00:23:12,443 --> 00:23:15,403 Simon! You didn't seem to mind what Susie said 403 00:23:15,403 --> 00:23:17,443 when we gave you our old car last year. 404 00:23:17,443 --> 00:23:20,363 What's that supposed to mean? Well, look at the state of it! 405 00:23:20,363 --> 00:23:24,403 Hey, now's not the time, Ray. Sorry, what's your point? 406 00:23:24,403 --> 00:23:27,603 When we give it to you, it were spotless. Now look it. 407 00:23:27,603 --> 00:23:31,803 All that crap in the footwells. That's the problem with you, Simon, 408 00:23:31,803 --> 00:23:34,443 you don't know how to look after things. What are you on about?! 409 00:23:34,443 --> 00:23:38,363 That car was a present, and you've turned it into a dustbin. 410 00:23:38,363 --> 00:23:42,883 In fact, we feel quite disrespected. Well, if I'm not looking after it 411 00:23:42,883 --> 00:23:45,003 to your standard, you can have it back, if you want. 412 00:23:45,003 --> 00:23:47,403 Oh, stop it, the pair of you! 413 00:23:47,403 --> 00:23:51,083 Honestly, Donna, they're like oil and water - they just don't mix. 414 00:23:51,083 --> 00:23:53,323 Oh, I've said Donna again. 415 00:23:57,563 --> 00:24:01,363 Oh, for God's sake, you and Ray are a bloody nightmare sometimes. 416 00:24:01,363 --> 00:24:03,883 Well, getting Mum to cut his toenails? 417 00:24:03,883 --> 00:24:06,803 What does he think he is, a parrot? Can you just rise above it, please? 418 00:24:06,803 --> 00:24:09,883 I'm here as well, so it affects me. Ohhh... 419 00:24:09,883 --> 00:24:14,003 Oh! God, this bed is so uncomfortable. 420 00:24:14,003 --> 00:24:16,403 It's like lying on a cattle grid. 421 00:24:20,283 --> 00:24:24,003 I don't think my dad remembered it was my birthday this weekend. 422 00:24:26,963 --> 00:24:29,763 Do you fancy going into Ventnor tomorrow? We could look at some of 423 00:24:29,763 --> 00:24:31,563 those knick-knack shops that you hate. 424 00:24:31,563 --> 00:24:33,563 Oh, great, yeah, I'll look forward to that. 425 00:24:33,563 --> 00:24:35,403 DONNA CHUCKLES 426 00:24:41,203 --> 00:24:43,563 THEY SIGH CONTENTEDLY 427 00:24:45,243 --> 00:24:47,923 Mmm... 428 00:24:47,923 --> 00:24:50,843 KNOCK ON DOOR 429 00:24:50,843 --> 00:24:52,003 Hello? 430 00:24:53,803 --> 00:24:55,603 KNOCKING CONTINUES 431 00:24:57,763 --> 00:25:00,963 Can you deal with this? Otherwise I'll head-butt someone. God! 432 00:25:09,123 --> 00:25:12,043 Hello, Donna. I just wanted to say, you don't 433 00:25:12,043 --> 00:25:15,363 have to get up early in the morning. Stay in bed as long as you like! 434 00:25:15,363 --> 00:25:20,123 Oh, OK, thanks. But we'll still be getting up at six. OK. 435 00:25:20,123 --> 00:25:22,243 But we won't have breakfast till you come down. 436 00:25:22,243 --> 00:25:24,203 No, no, if you're hungry, have breakfast. 437 00:25:24,203 --> 00:25:25,923 We'll grab something when we get up. 438 00:25:25,923 --> 00:25:28,163 Yeah, we'll grab something. No, no, no, no, no. No. 439 00:25:28,163 --> 00:25:31,483 We'll wait for you. Now, have you got enough pillows? 440 00:25:31,483 --> 00:25:34,243 Er, yeah, thanks. Yeah. Are you sure you wouldn't like 441 00:25:34,243 --> 00:25:36,803 a couple off our bed? No, don't worry, we're fine. 442 00:25:36,803 --> 00:25:39,363 I'll get you a couple, just in case. 443 00:25:41,483 --> 00:25:44,163 Oi! Why are you taking me pillow? 444 00:25:44,163 --> 00:25:46,803 Ray, will you put your pyjama bottoms on?! 445 00:25:49,683 --> 00:25:52,723 There you are, Donna. Now, is there anything else I can do for you? 446 00:25:52,723 --> 00:25:55,523 No, thanks. OK, right. Well, I'll say goodnight, then. 447 00:25:55,523 --> 00:25:57,923 Goodnight. Goodnight, Giuseppe! 448 00:25:57,923 --> 00:25:59,363 SHE KISSES 449 00:25:59,363 --> 00:26:02,243 Night, Mum. Come to bed, you daft cow! 450 00:26:02,243 --> 00:26:04,363 Simon and Donna are going to bed! 451 00:26:04,363 --> 00:26:07,523 Goodnight! Goodnight! 452 00:26:07,523 --> 00:26:12,243 Oh, it's like Piccadilly Circus! G'night, Donna. 453 00:26:12,243 --> 00:26:14,683 G'night. Goodnight, David. 454 00:26:14,683 --> 00:26:18,843 Goodnight. Night, Dad. Go to bed, David! 455 00:26:18,843 --> 00:26:21,843 Absolutely! Stop shouting, David! 456 00:26:21,843 --> 00:26:24,203 Night-night! Night. 457 00:26:24,203 --> 00:26:26,123 Night-night. 458 00:26:31,163 --> 00:26:33,163 Why's your mum got a paper shredder? 459 00:26:33,163 --> 00:26:36,883 She does a lot of secret work for the Ministry of Defence, you know, 460 00:26:36,883 --> 00:26:38,963 between keep fit and the craft club. 461 00:26:38,963 --> 00:26:41,723 DONNA LAUGHS Oh! 462 00:26:43,723 --> 00:26:44,963 SIMON SIGHS 463 00:26:46,123 --> 00:26:47,963 Are you all right? 464 00:26:47,963 --> 00:26:50,323 Yeah. You? 465 00:26:50,323 --> 00:26:53,603 Are you sure? Yeah. Why? 466 00:26:53,603 --> 00:26:56,123 Not too mental for you, are they? 467 00:26:57,763 --> 00:26:58,803 Oi! 468 00:26:58,803 --> 00:27:01,123 SHE LAUGHS I'm loving it. 469 00:27:01,123 --> 00:27:04,723 Mm. I thought you might. Yeah. Goodnight, Giuseppe. 470 00:27:04,723 --> 00:27:07,043 HE LAUGHS Yeah, goodnight. 471 00:27:07,043 --> 00:27:08,963 TOILET FLUSHES 472 00:27:11,563 --> 00:27:12,923 Oh! 473 00:27:14,683 --> 00:27:16,163 OWL HOOTS 474 00:27:17,363 --> 00:27:19,443 Susie?! 475 00:27:19,443 --> 00:27:21,683 Any idea where the bread knife is? 476 00:27:22,643 --> 00:27:26,683 # Oh, get me away from here, I'm dying 477 00:27:26,683 --> 00:27:29,763 # Play me a song to set me free 478 00:27:29,763 --> 00:27:32,763 # Nobody writes them like they used to 479 00:27:32,763 --> 00:27:36,003 # So it may as well be me 480 00:27:36,003 --> 00:27:39,003 # Here on my own now after hours 481 00:27:39,003 --> 00:27:41,963 # Here on my own now on a bus 482 00:27:41,963 --> 00:27:43,643 # Think of it this way 483 00:27:43,643 --> 00:27:48,243 # You could either be successful or be us 484 00:27:48,243 --> 00:27:50,963 # With our winning smiles... #