HAZAN KOSHER MEATS
-Ali, what the fuck! -Bro, we're getting smashed back here.
Sorry, but if you hadn't been late, we'd have taken my Uber for a smooth ride.
It's my father's fault! He made me do a delivery across town.
He knew about the meeting. He sabotages me--
Forget Dad, Joseph! We'll be on time. Relax, okay?
Can we rehearse one more time?
It needs to be spontaneous. You know what to say. Trust yourself.
"Sweetch is three words..."
Fuck, dude! You're hurting me.
Jeez, come on.
I'm not sure about the suit.
Trust me. I make suits all year long.
I swear you'll impress them.
It's over the top, bro.
Are you crazy?
Why do you always give me the weird suit?
-You're classy and I look like shit. -Are you nuts? You've got style.
It has pagoda shoulders, a notched lapel.
-It's fitted to... -Yeah, right. Shut up.
A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
BÉNÉDICTE HAZAN BORN ROZENBERG
It's been tough.
Since you left...
The butcher shop...
The children... It's complicated.
It's complicated.
Here.
I'll put this here.
If you could help me...
Give me a sign, my love.
Mr. CEO!
-If you wouldn't mind, sir. -Thanks, bro.
-Looking good. -Really?
How do I look?
-Like a mensch. -An ugly one?
-No, but lose the shoes, though. -Crap.
Okay.
Last time I wear those pieces of shit.
-Here. -Thanks.
It's my developer. Where are you?
Seriously?
-Seriously? -I'm here.
I jeopardize my license and you dress him like that?
Look at him, it's even worse than his bar mitzvah suit.
What do you know about fashion? Uber driver.
That dick is ditching me.
-Are you kidding? -No.
Fabiano says he won't come, he says...
After six months, he ditches at the last minute.
Whatever, we don't give a fuck.
We do give a fuck, he's the tech guy.
I can't go in without him, forget it.
We're getting into the technical part. I don't want to bore you--
Excuse me, but that part is essential to us.
We'd like to hear from your developer.
Right. Hello, everyone. Mark Zuckerberg, nice to meet you.
Excuse me?
Nice to meet you.
-Mark who? -Yeah, right.
Mark Zuckernberg.
People get us mixed up, but we're acquainted--
Okay, right, stop it.
I concocted the app in...
JavaScript.
Right, I concocted the app in JavaScript for maximum fluidity--
In JavaScript?
Not in Python?
But Python is today's standard.
Well, I'm going to be honest.
I don't like snakes. They scare the shit out of me.
I skipped a ton of vacations because I was afraid of snakes.
Stop it.
Let's get to the point.
I am very proud to present you this little miracle:
Sweetch.
Sweetch will help you convince your correspondent
that you have no signal.
A kind of "tunnel effect" if you will,
available on your phone at any time.
Not too shabby, huh?
Okay, here's a simulation.
"Hey, baby. Am I going to see you tonight? I need to know.
You can't leave me hanging like that. You are a pain in the ass, you scumbag."
"Sorry, honey, I'm a little tied up.
Hold on, I'm about to enter a tunnel."
The word "tunnel" will activate the Sweetch application,
and here's what the person will hear.
Uh... Listen, honey... I think...
...something like that...
I really suck at this, but the app is awesome.
Thank you, sir.
-No. -No, Mr. Hazan, thank you.
Thank you, Mr. Hazan.
We got the idea. Unfortunately, we're going to pass.
There you go.
All right, all right, I'll pay.
...my dad. Give me what you owe me by the end of the week.
-Your dad's been my supplier for 30 years. -Or we call it quits.
-Hi, Waldman. -Hi.
Do you know what time it is?
Where were you?
Your sister shouldn't unload the truck alone.
I'm stuck with my arthritis.
I don't mind, Dad.
Well, I do, honey.
You know where I was, Dad.
-I had a meeting. -Really?
Hence the HVAC salesman outfit, right?
Put on your protective shoes when you're here.
He just came in, come on!
How did it go?
A disaster.
Hey, Bubbeleh.
How did it go?
Why are you even asking? Can't you see his face?
Of course, he failed with his "tunnel" app.
When you don't want to talk, you hang up.
Did I ask you anything?
No, so, mind your own sausages.
How many times does he have to fail?
He has an amazing trade.
Why persist with this bullshit?
Can't you lay off him? Don't you see he's upset?
He's been upset for 35 years.
I'm yelling to snap him out of it.
You realize it's not working?
I hope you'll find me a smarter cookie,
because your brother...
This meeting being exactly one year after my mother's death
seemed like a sign.
I thought planets were aligned, it was going to work.
I would move on from the shop.
-Baby. -No. I'm okay.
Don't worry.
Fuck! Fuck!
What the fuck are you doing?
I'm really sorry.
I thought that Uber was your brother, with his curls.
-You sit down now! -Sorry.
-Sit. -Sorry.
I have a hearing and I stink.
It's horrible. I'm sorry, sir, it's everywhere.
Stop it!
Sit down. We are telling my family. Now!
Yes, we are telling them everything.
I'll talk to Ali.
It's been a year. What's the holdup?
It's complicated, you're his little sister.
When we met, you were yea big. I made you jump on my lap. Now--
Now you fuck me.
-Come on, I didn't mean that. -What?
-Own it. -Yes.
But the point is, I love you.
That's what I meant.
And I can't stop telling gross stories to your brother.
Why gross?
It's just...
I tell him gross stories about the chicks I'm supposed to screw.
Like what?
Last time I said...
I found...
tomato skin on the condom.
-You're gross. Why do you do that? -No idea.
I don't know why.
It's even more complicated to tell him I'm dating his little sister
because he can't unsee that stuff now.
You'd rather pass for a disgusting slob than fess up?
-Yes. -Yes?
Yes.
No, I--
-I can tell him, no problem. -No.
I should tell him, he's my bro.
Well, your brother. Fuck, my buddy. You see how complicated it is.
And then there's your parents.
And since your other brother is in jail--
I haven't talked to him in three years. Start by telling Ali.
Babe, if you don't mind, I finished my noodles, I'll take one.
Here. This one's beautiful.
Dipped in a little sauce...
-Delicious. -Yeah?
My love.
With all the sneakers I'll bring to Japan, I calculate
if you sell all the pairs at the market price
it's worth almost €40,000.
It's going to be great for the store.
And tell me,
how much do you think...
this pair is worth?
A lot.
This one is priceless. I can't wait to be with you.
I'm fed up with my family.
I feel like I'm carrying everybody on my shoulders.
How are things going with your Dad?
He pretends he doesn't understand I'm gonna leave, but...
you know, it's gonna be okay. I'm sure.
You will love Tokyo.
I love you. I miss you.
-I have to go, I'll call you later? -Okay.
-Kisses. -Kisses.
Aïda will never end up with a guy like me.
Don't be silly.
Nobody frets over mixed couples anymore.
That's not the issue, Grandma.
She's amazing, she succeeds in everything she does, and I...
And I fail in everything I do.
Because the deal is sealed, I'll be a butcher.
Be patient, Bubbeleh. Your time will come.
You see this one?
The name's Georges.
Yeah.
That moron was growing downward.
I tried everything, nothing worked.
Then one day, all of a sudden,
it just clicked,
he started growing up.
One day you'll be the greatest.
Like Georges.
I'm looking forward to being the greatest bonsai.
Sorry we have to do this now.
It's not the best time.
But I'm leaving, so...
Well...
Don't "well" me. I'm leaving, that's it.
Let's start with the books.
Our balance sheet is a disaster.
MEDICATION
Cut it out, Dad. The doctor said you aren't sick.
Dad.
Your mother supposedly wasn't sick either.
She never took a pill.
You saw where it got her.
As I was saying...
this year has been disastrous, it's never been worse.
It will blow over, it's just a rough patch.
No, that's not it.
Really, Ms. Know-It-All?
Dad, wake up.
Since Mom is gone, it's a disaster.
We are 100 % over budget.
Our assets will be seized in no time.
"Seized"? Don't exaggerate.
I suppose you read the balance sheet?
-Skimmed it. A little. -Yeah.
At this rate, in six months, the shop won't be worth a dime.
Losing the shop means losing the apartment.
-Where will we live? -What are you talking about?
How can this gem
located in the Marais
be worthless overnight?
Can you explain?
Yes.
You will sell your lease--
No!
I'm not selling the butcher shop. Never.
All right?
It's your decision, Dad. I'm leaving next week anyway.
Leave, then. Don't worry about a thing.
You're not the only one with solutions.
I thought about this, too.
Yeah.
I'll sell the country house for cash.
-Dad. -Yes.
Cash flow is not the issue, it's the management.
She knows it all indeed. "It's the management."
And I have a lawyer
who gave me papers to sign.
The shop...
is yours.
You just need to sign.
What? It's all mine now?
From now on, you are the boss
of Hazan Meats.
You don't look so happy.
Of course I'm happy.
But I need to do some thinking.
About what?
About your tunnel app? Whatever that is?
Think about what, Joseph?
You're right.
Okay, guys. I want to make a toast.
Let's raise our glasses to Aure's departure for Tokyo.
-Cheers. -Yes.
-And to Joe, the butcher. -Give me a break.
To inherit a business is my dream.
You can have it, bro.
Be a butcher and live the dream.
We're about to file for bankruptcy.
I'll only buy your meats.
Thanks, that's nice of you.
Look at these babes.
Look. Look.
Come with me, please.
Be my wingman, come on.
Say nice things about me.
I'm really not in the mood for that.
What are you in the mood for?
The girl you met last week?
No, I'm over her.
Why?
Last time, we fucked a little and...
Her dog came in, he started to...
smell my ass a bit.
Yes, dude, he licked my balls.
Oh, dude.
I see she's turned on, so, I let it happen.
And I get turned on, too.
A doggie tongue in your pooper feels nice.
-What a freak! You liked it? -Yeah.
I'm not into bestiality though, so, I dumped her the next day.
You always get into freaky shit.
Yeah, I don't know why.
Olive, you're on.
-Me? -Yeah.
-Come on. -Are you going to bring up Mélanie?
Not fair. She's the mother of my son, of course I bring her up sometimes.
Four years and you're still miserable.
-I'm not miserable. -Yes, you are.
-Yeah, whatever. -You are.
I don't need help to tap that, you'll see.
You should tell him about Aïda.
Not now, not after that pooper story.
He won't kick you when you're down.
-No. Get off my back. -Do it, dude.
I'll tell him, but not now. Thank you.
Mission accomplished.
Got the number.
No way, dude!
Not!
I left my country
I left my house
And I left my blue sky
I left my house
My family, my sad life
Facing the horizon
Oh, Gérard!
Be nice.
I'm old, but not deaf.
Quit slaughtering my ears. I'm trying to sleep!
That mother-in-law.
Always breaking my balls.
All right. I'm done.
-Tons of guys are worse than you. -Awesome.
-Really. -I'm a loser.
I told you already. Don't say that about yourself.
Isn't that Clémentine Cendron? With the hat.
-She's a pain in the ass. -Cute.
-Turn around. She's scary. -She's not bad.
Really?
She always speaks an inch away from your face.
But she's hot.
-Her breath stinks. -Maybe she's changed.
-Hey, guys! -Motherfucker!
-Okay. -It's been a while.
-Yeah, it's been a while. -Yeah.
-How are you? -Good.
What's up?
I was an influencer in the States for ten years.
Great.
-Okay. -What about you?
I'm a butcher.
Butcher!
What about you, "Oliver"?
I'm in fashion.
No way! That's awesome. Let's follow each other on Insta.
-I'm not on it. -What?
Everybody's on it. I don't get it.
We're more into confidential stuff.
Underground style.
So, you're smoking weed, just like that?
California style.
-The States. -I'm not worried.
My dad is going to become the Minister of Health and legalize it.
In three months, tons of coffee shops will open in Paris.
They are going to pop all over. It will be a huge business.
I'm a consultant for my dad.
-But shush-- -Clem!
Coming! Gotta go.
Bye-bye, babes. Find me on Insta.
My handle is @clemcendron.
Your name.
Right.
Simple.
You think this legalization business is for real?
What are you talking about? Can't you see she's batshit crazy?
Did you see her teeth? She's an alcoholic.
-Her teeth are brown. -I believed her.
-She's insane. -All right.
Why would you listen to her? You freak.
-It's gonna start again soon. -I know. What's he doing?
-What's his name again? -Limoge.
Mr. Limoge?
This barn is beautiful indeed.
A bit cluttered, but beautiful. Can I see the kitchen again?
That won't work, I have to open my shop.
Just five minutes.
No, I'm sorry. Come back next week. Before 9:00 a.m. or during lunch break.
Well, I'm here now.
Oh, darn.
Hunting season started already?
-No. -Yes.
-No? -Well, no.
Yes, but discreetly.
-Discreetly? Not really. -Yes.
-It's quite noisy. -No.
It's...
Shit.
Okay, I get it.
What?
-During lunch break, huh? -No.
You think I'm a sucker.
-No. -You crook.
-Mr. Limoge, wait. -The nerve.
Fucking clay pigeon shooting.
Minister of the Interior: Lancret.
We can switch from kosher to halal.
You can also do half-kosher half-halal.
It could be huge.
Could also be a shitty idea.
I don't know what to do with that butchery.
Fuck.
Lassaire: Minister of Transportation.
He hates us Ubers.
I can always sublet the place.
Rochain: Agriculture.
You're not going to list them all.
-Evaux for Ecology. -We don't care.
Cendron for Health.
-Fuck. -What?
-Who? -You said what?
Rochain: Agriculture.
-We don't care. -No, the Health dude.
Cendron: Minister of Health.
-Let me see. -Here.
-Is it Cendron? -Is it?
The Cendron?
Is it?
That crazy broad spoke the truth?
They're legalizing.
-We have the info. -It means yes?
-Some crazy shit. -I didn't know.
What's going on? Do you guys care to explain?
Joe?
-I never would have believed it. -Weed will be legalized.
Of course it will. One day.
-So? -You don't get it. Not one day.
This guy, Cendron, the Minister of Health, is legalizing that shit.
By cornering the market...
-That's a shitload of money. -...now.
Totally huge.
Is that your genius idea? Becoming a drug dealer?
Not a dealer.
Well, it's going to be legal.
Fuck. I got the idea for the shop, bro. Are you guys ready?
Hazan Meats...
becomes...
Hazan Weeds.
I reckon it's brilliant.
Are you insane? You think Dad will let you do that?
-What are you talking about? -Dad is out of the picture.
The shop is mine. Once I sign this, it's mine.
He won't have a say.
Are we in or not?
The four of us, are we in?
-I'm all over it, bro. -There, we got one.
-I'm with you. -Dude. Aure?
No, I'm going to Japan. Obviously, I'm not in.
Forget it, she doesn't get it.
Hey, bro. You're a genius, are you in?
-No. -What's that?
No way, being the Arab of the gang, I'll be the first to go down.
My brother is in jail for that, too.
I have a record, but I'm all over it.
But you're all over moronic ideas.
I'm talking about a state-regulated business.
Shit.
I'm so disappointed. I wanted to do it as a family.
I'm here, bro.
Of course.
Thank God.
Gérard.
Excuse me.
I learned the kaddish, and if you and Joe don't mind,
I'd like to recite it this time.
No, thanks. I'd rather keep it within the family.
Well, since Béné was like a mother to me...
No. That's nice of you, but I asked Gilbert.
Amen.
You'll come visit me in Tokyo?
Yeah, as soon as I'm free. I promise.
That means never, then.
Are you telling them about her?
I'm leaving in five days. There's no time.
At least I won't have to hide there.
Unlike you and Joseph.
Nope. We're telling everyone this week.
-Seriously? -Yes.
Wow. Sweet.
Your dad could have let me do it.
Gilbert ruined it with his pronunciation.
I wanted to throw the book in his face. A disgrace.
That's my dad. He never would have let you do it.
He'll lose it when you tell him about the shop.
-I'm not telling him yet. -Really?
No. I gave him the papers earlier.
After the attorney, when it's officially mine,
I'll tell him tactfully.
-Tactfully. -Yeah.
Tactful, that's what he'll be about it.
-Mr. Hazan? -Yes.
Can I see you for a second?
Go ahead. I'll catch up with you.
-Hello. -Hello.
Sorry to bother you today, but--
Please, go ahead.
Your mother's plot hasn't been paid for.
How come? That's impossible.
My father must have...
I can never get a hold of him, he always slips away.
He just never paid the lease.
So...
I'm sorry, but...
if I'm not paid by the evening...
I'll have to move your mother to the paupers' area.
The what area?
-Paupers. -What's that?
Well, that's the common grave.
You won't do anything, okay?
You leave my mother where she is. I'll handle it.
-Why did you do that to me? -What?
The plot.
Shit. He told you? I told him to keep quiet.
Do you realize I had to pay so he wouldn't have her exhumed?
-Come on. -Exhumed!
I'll pay so I won't owe anything.
Are you stupid? I don't give a fuck about money.
-That's how you talk to your father? -Yes, you're a fucking moron.
-Don't say that. -You're fucking up.
You're sinking the shop, skipping the plot payments.
Are you kidding me?
Keep it down. I've got it under control.
What? You've got nothing under control.
Tell me.
Come here.
Did you come here to lecture me?
Is that it? You worthless brat.
-Brat? -Yes, you're a brat.
I'd like that. How am I spoiled? With the fucking butchery?
Shut your mouth!
You don't want to be a butcher? Look.
Here. You won't be.
Stupid brat.
Subtitle translation by Nadège Traoré-Dulot