Oh hey, um... Can I get a...
Por, ah, sorry.
Can I por favor get a shot of, um...
Rum, or...
Is it, uh, ron...
Do you know?
What?
Never mind, never mind. I just thought, maybe, uh...
You look, uh...
Mexican?
Like you party.
The kind of guy who has a good time.
You want to dance?
Um...
Look, I'm just passing through, um...
So you'll never see me again, if you're embarrassed by your moves.
-I'm not embarrassed by my moves! -You know,
like dad dancing, or, I don't know.
My YMCA is... is pretty excellent.
So are you here with, um...
-With friends, or...? -Stopover.
I fly to Buenaventura in the morning.
Whoa, Colombia?
Brave guy.
Yeah, I, um...
I should find my friends.
Should I find my friends?
Okay!
Oh God...
-What? -What is that?
That piece of Tupperware strapped to your chest like a--
This right here is my travel money belt, okay?
-Mm-hm. -It holds my money,
-my passport-- -So do pockets.
It's retro-chic.
Okay!
Hola! What can I get you?
Cheers, stranger.
Cheers.
When in Mexico...
I didn't catch your name.
What?
I didn't...
Jonah!
Mateo.
-Yeah? -Yeah?
-Yeah. -Alright.
-Oh, do you...? -Nah, I'm good.
You can use the shower, if you want.
Cool. I'm good. Yeah.
-I'm going to use the shower. -Yeah.
Yeah...
Um... Hey.
Hey.
Yeah, I'm going to head out.
Cool.
Um...
-I'll see you around? Yeah. -Yeah.
Thank you for calling the US Embassy in Mexico.
Our offices are now closed until Tuesday,
due to the Independence Day celebrations.
Please call back later.
There were these kids, on scooters?
They must have distracted me.
Yeah, entiendo.
Okay. I have a flight in the morning
that I need to be on, I need my passport back.
You should never let them touch you.
I didn't let-- Nobody touched me, okay?
I don't know how, but nobody touched...
me.
Wow, you picked up Spanish real quick.
I'd be careful,
he's going to steal more than your virginity, buddy.
I'm going to take this. I'm pretty sure I paid for it.
Where's my money, and where's my passport?
You have ten seconds, or I'm going to the police.
Yeah...
Your cards got declined, um... pretty quick.
-Where's my passport? -Have a shot.
On me.
What are you doing?
I'm calling the police.
Who do not speak English.
Fine, I'll just go in person, and make sure you go to prison.
Whoa whoa whoa, let's not be hasty, bro.
Oh, you taking off your shorts was hasty, bro.
Listen. You can go to the police, and maybe they'll arrest me.
Maybe. Spend ten minutes in a cell,
but that kind of real estate be overcrowded
so they'll let me out anyway,
and you still miss your flight tomorrow.
Plus, they'll be asking questions.
"Why were you in his room anyway?"
-Are you slut-shaming me? -What do you expect,
making love to guys you just met?
Oh, it was a mutual jerk-off, and a pretty average one at that.
You can call the police, or I can just get you your passport.
Fine.
-Let's go back to yours then. -Yeah, it's, um...
It's not at mine. I kind of gave it to this girl Khaleesi, you know?
What?! No no no, I definitely do not know.
-Call her! -We're not friends on that level.
Never really sure when to cross over into the number exchange.
Right, no, I get you.
You're just at the "passing on stolen goods" kind of level? Hm?
Where do we find her?
Let me finish my drink first.
Can we go now? Bro?
So is this your thing?
You find unsuspecting cute guys at bars?
Screw them, and then rob them?
They don't have to be cute.
If Khaleesi doesn't hand it over, I'm going to the police.
Worst case, you reschedule your flight.
The Colombians won't miss you.
I have zero dollars to my name since you stole the last of my savings,
and I'm pretty sure my insurance won't cover robbery by rubdown.
-That's what the kids are calling it? -And by the way, yeah,
the Colombians will miss me. I'm going to meet my soulmate.
Wait here.
Oh, no, no, no. Fool me once.
You're looking for something?
Yeah, um, hi. We're here to see Khaleesi.
Oh, no, no, no.
She is in a spiritual session. Juanita will help.
Come. I'll bring your boyfriend.
He's not my boyfriend.
Oh no, no, no, we're not here--
Juanita knows why you're here.
Whoa!
That's actually very impressive, Juanita.
Misdirection, the art of distraction.
Think deeply about an aspect of your life you want clarity on.
Fine.
-How is this night going to end? -Ah!
Let's start with romance.
The wheel of fortune. Very promising!
There's a big turning point ahead in your love life.
Right! Yeah, no, it is, but it's not him.
I'm en route to see my soulmate.
That's actually why I need to see Khaleesi.
Right?
-What? -Well, I just feel kind of... used.
You feel used? You're ridiculous.
Look, Juanita, I already know my future,
okay, because I took the test.
So your cards are going to say, my soulmate and I are in Colombia,
in a very nice house,
with a couple of kids, maybe a dog...
Happily ever after.
What's so funny?
Some of us want more. Some of us want love.
The kind of love that you would take a bullet for.
You need a test for that?
To get more out of your life?
Perhaps we leave it to Juanita to ask the questions, yes?
Yes. Leave it to Juanita.
You need a test for that? To get more out of your life?
Maybe turn over another card?
Oh. I see.
See what?
Perhaps this soulmate's finances are at risk.
Oh, no, no, no.
No, that's where you're wrong, Juanita.
Miguel is a quantitative financial analyst.
Really? You're uprooting your life for this guy?
For Mundane Marco?
It's Miguel, okay?
And let's do another card, boom, that one, huh?
-Uh-oh. -Uh-oh?
The death card doesn't necessarily mean death.
Death card? What do you mean, death card?
What happened to wheel of fortune, "very promising"?
You asked how this night was going to end.
How is your life insurance?
Okay, fine, fine, thank you very much Juanita,
this was all very insightful, but I think it's Jonah's turn, hm?
Right? Maybe a little palm read?
Those hands touch a lot that doesn't belong to them.
-He wasn't complaining when they-- -Juanita.
Hello there, Khaleesi. Recognize me?
How about now?
I want my passport back.
I already passed it on.
You... You what?!
Then unpass it on.
There's a flight leaving at 8 am and I have to be on it.
-It's 3k. -Three thousand dollars!
So I can buy back my passport, with my face on it,
because it's mine? How about no.
You need to go.
Oh no, no, no. I'm not going anywhere without my passport.
How would you like it if I took your stuff, huh?
Like this!
Or...
-Or how about these? Incense? -Don't!
-Jonah, catch. -No, stop.
-What about these things? -Mateo, stop, stop!
-I don't even know what these are. -Don't do that.
-Or how about the crystal ball?! -No, no!
Not so fun now, when the shoe's on the other foot, is it?
Sto--
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I don't know what came over me.
How do you say sorry in Spanish?
-Run. -Run?
Run!
Ey!
Ey! You not pay Juanita!
Hey! Jonah!
Jonah, I can't get a grip!
-Who wears flipflops on a night out? -We were at the beach.
-Did we lose them? -Yeah.
I think we lost them.
I don't even know what came over me!
What was that?
Oh my God.
Alright, so, Khaleesi,
she said she'd passed my passport on. Do you know where?
Okay. They're not going to give it to us without three grand,
which neither of us have.
What about Manuel?
Miguel. What about him?
Well, you know... Can't he wire us the money?
Oh yeah, of course, why didn't I think of that?
"Hey Miguel.
Yeah, I know we haven't met yet,
but this guy seduced me to sleep with him, only to rob me,
and you wouldn't happen to have three grand I could give him, would you?
-Hello? Miguel?" -Well, if he's your soulmate, sure.
I'm not asking him.
You know, I have an idea.
You could sleep with someone else and rob them too?
I can get us the cash, but it's like, I don't know, an hour's walk.
Unless you have that grand old better idea.
No.
No, no, no, no.
This is the bed you made.
I'll let you have the pretty one, with the basket and the little bow.
What are you doing?
Hey, hey. No, no, no, we're just borrowing.
Uh, we'll bring them back?
Uh...
Look, here, uh...
You have these, as a deposit.
Okay? Depósito. See?
You want to help?
Gringo.
Here, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, cool, okay?
You get those, I have these. Deal?
Deal. Okay. Hasta luego!
We had a deal!
Where are the brakes on this?
Hey, Jonah.
What is this place?
What are we doing here?
-You ever raced a cockroach? -Raced a cockroach?
Is that some sort of sex thing?
I feel I need to say,
what you said before about me sleeping with you to mug you?
I didn't.
Well, we just got chased by police
and stole some kids' bikes because you did.
I did mug you and I did sleep with you,
but I didn't do the latter for the former.
I don't know what you're saying.
I didn't sleep with you to mug you.
I slept with you, and then I mugged you.
Right. Right, well I'm glad we cleared that up.
Never mind.
Okay.
I can't see a thing.
Jonah?
Take off your shirt.
What? Why? No.
Just take it off.
No, I'm not, I get self-conscious.
I've seen your O-face, so we're past that.
Fine. Do you mind explaining to me
how this helps me board my flight in eight hours?
What do you-- Ah! What is that? That is cold. And wet.
-It's paint. -Paint? Good.
-Why are you painting me? -Okay. You're all good.
Ready?
Yeah, this is great, but what are we doing here?
My guy's not here yet.
-Your guy's not here yet? -No.
Alright.
I'm Jonah.
Hi, Jonah.
There he is.
Yo. He's here.
Give me your hand.
You going to read my palm?
How much can you give me?
There you go.
This is only 200. That watch is at least three.
Then you'd better win, so we can buy it back. Come on.
Blue wins!
Here are your winnings!
So you literally meant cockroach racing?
-Uh-huh! -Place your bets!
Wait, whoa! Hold on, one more bet, one more bet.
That's all we got. That's all we got.
Pick one. Put it in there.
I'm not doing that.
Want your passport back?
Fine. Alright, what do I do?
-Pick one, and put it in. -Any one?
-Any one. -Okay.
Alright.
Damn it!
That's gross! Damn it! Alright.
-We got the pink one. -We got the pink one.
Get ready!
Come on...
Go! Go, go, go!
Come on, baby! Come on, baby!
-You won! -You won!
We won!
You won!
So you're just passing through, huh?
I am.
Just been passing through for... for a couple of years.
Right.
And before you turned into the Artful Dodger?
Well, I was just kind of, backpacking, you know?
I landed here,
hotels were cheap,
booze was cheap, so I just kind of stayed.
And are you content with that?
I'm not so much "carpe diem" as "just get through the diem".
What would you do?
If you weren't here right now, what would you do?
I'd be back with the sexy Spaniard at the bar before you came crashing in
-and stole his drink. -Seriously.
What's the fantasy?
A farm.
A farm?
Oh no, no, no, this is stupid.
Oh, I'm sorry.
No, I was just picturing you in the overalls and the straw hat...
-Is this turning you on? -It made me smile a little bit, yeah.
Yeah, a little bit. Go on. I want to hear.
Uh...
I just...
My mom,
until she passed,
we used to have this little patch of dirt on our balcony, and...
I don't know, it was like this little piece of tranquility,
in a sea of concrete.
I just want to grow stuff.
Fruits of my labor, you know?
Like... Like there's this earth,
and these things, they just grow, and survive,
no matter the politics, or the crime, and...
And like oceans and stars, and...
And we're worrying about swiping left or right,
or how many likes we get, and there...
There's like this...
There's like this... tree.
I'm really high.
Do it.
Get yourself a farm.
Where there's a will, there's a way.
Oh, my head is spinning.
You know what you said before, about...
About the house, and the kids?
Is that why you took it?
I mean...
What, you, you never thought about taking it?
What's the point?
What's the point?! You don't believe in love?
Just... Just not for me.
Let's do this. Come on.
Blue wins!
-We're still up a thousand dollars. -Okay, we're good.
-Place your bets! -Maybe we shouldn't...
A thousand?
She just bet a thousand dollars?
-You just bet a thousand dollars? -Okay.
-But that's all we have left! -You got to go all in.
I can't go all in. I can't bet a thousand dollars on a cockroach.
Come on, Juanita gave you the wheel of fortuna.
-Juanita! -Mm-hm.
Wheel of f...
Okay, fine. Fine. Fine, yeah.
A thousand dollars on Rosada, por favor.
-I can't watch. -Go, go, go!
Come on, come on...
It's his house, it's his house, take it home.
-Come on. It's good. -It's good?
It's good.
-Wait, no! No, no, what? What?!
-What's happening? -What?!
Oh my God, interference!
What... What is... What is that?
-What is she doing? -Azul is eating Rosada!
Rosada...
Hey, you!
Have you seen two gringos?
A black guy and a white guy, quite tall?
Yeah, they've gone up there!
Let's go.
Come on, look.
Let's go, come on.
How did they even know that we'd be there?
And it's only a broken crystal ball, I'm not exactly criminal número uno.
-I won't survive in a Mexican jail. -Oh no?
I think you'd look cute in an orange jumpsuit.
It's not funny.
Alright. What now, where to?
Nothing and nowhere.
You know, seeing how we lost all our money, and...
I don't think they're going to accept kids' fireworks as payment.
Our last chance is... to steal it back.
Be quiet!
What is this place?
A less legit version of the US embassy.
What, you want me to walk in there all by myself?
Fine.
Fine, I'll just do it.
Can't we both go?
You stay here and keep watch.
Watch what?
Screw this.
Are they not here yet?
What do we actually pay the cops for?
-Did you get it? -Jesus!
I thought I told you to wait outside.
What the hell is this place?
That's a bazooka!
This is like the mafia equivalent of Costco.
Keep your voice down!
Here. Make yourself useful. Go!
-Oh, I got it! I got it! -Sh!
I can't believe it's me!
I always hated this photo, but now I could just...
We did it!
-Can I just-- -What?
What do you think is going to happen?
You're going to rock up to Buenaventura, and...
Be with my soulmate. I don't know what you're asking.
You. You're going to, what, just become this other person?
You've known me for eight hours.
And in those eight hours, I can see you're a total mess.
Give me my passport!
Bye then.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
Are we trapped?
-We're going to die! -Shut up for a second!
-It's the police! -The police?
-The police are here? -With guns!
Okay...
I'm turning myself in. I'll wash dishes.
-I'll pay for that crystal ball. -No, no, no, no...
First of all, they're not after you, not everything is about you.
Second of all, they're corrupt. And I owe them quite a lot of money.
And third of all--
I can't believe you made me think the police were after me this whole time.
Keep it down!
I should've gone back to my room, jerked off and gone to Colombia.
Then why didn't you? Huh, Mateo? Why are you here?
I'm here because you've apparently ripped off
every single person in this town!
Why were you at the bar?
Why did you hook up with me?
-You're delaying going to meet him. -Oh, that's ridiculous.
No, what's ridiculous is that you have a soulmate,
the perfect person for you,
and you waste a night on a piece of crap like me.
You should be running, swimming, if it'll get you there faster.
-Keep it down! -But you're not.
You have to face the fact that this grown-up Mateo
you think is waiting for you, isn't that great.
Maybe this drunken mess, who can't commit to anything,
much less a relationship, is actually your best self.
Why are you so angry with me?!
Because I want you to stay!
I want you to stay with me.
What the hell is going on?
Jonah!
Hey, Natalia.
You got my money?
Her too? Really?
Whoa, whoa.
Ah, look who we have here!
Oh hey, you're here.
What are these idiots doing here? Who are they?
-What did he say? -He said--
Finish them!
-Finish them. -Mm-hm. I got that.
Three hours till takeoff...
Are you laughing or crying, Jonah?
-Hey. -Why are you laughing?
Juanita was right.
"There will be a big turning point in your love life."
Hey!
I hope my soulmate can accept that.
-What did you say? -Oh my God!
Ah, it's just a stupid thing I say.
You took the test?
Yeah.
I was actually on my way to see him.
Sophia! Sophia, get in here!
Yeah, what is it?
This muchacho took the test. Says he has a match.
Mm-hm.
If you look at...
Grab my...
See?
Oh my God!
What's his name?
Miguel.
-Miguel! -Miguel!
How sweet!
I took the test too.
But look.
Well I'm sure your alma gemela will take the test soon.
Of course, yeah!
What...
What are you...
You're, you're letting me go? We can go?
-We're going to live! -No!
He stays.
You...
You have a soulmate.
He's just a thieving piece of shit.
Go.
-Jonah... -No, no, no, no.
You have a whole future waiting for you.
Go meet Miguel, and live a long, happy life, and...
and don't come back.
-I can't... -Go, Mateo.
Go!
The wheel of fortune.
Turn around.
And get down!
Hey.
Sophia!
I don't want to watch.
Jonah!
Misdirection!
-I told you not to come back for me! -Stop trying to tell me what to do!
Come on!
Jonah!
Jonah, you're shot!
How can I have been shot? Come on.
Okay, we need to get you to a hospital.
No. No hospitals. Come on.
Get on your bike.
This is our ET moment.
I'd prefer Top Gun.
-Stop whining. -Hurry up!
Really?
You know I didn't mean it literally, right?
About wanting a guy who'd take a bullet for me?
Yeah, baby!
Ow!
What?
Yeah, I really smell.
You do.
Is that shower offer from earlier still on the table?
Not a chance.
So is this where you ask me to stay, and we can burn the city up together?
I think we've done enough damage, you know?
Goodbye, Mateo.
You're going to run after the taxi, right?
You can turn around now!
Stop, stop, stop!
Here. A Spanish dictionary.
You need to be able to speak to Miguel.
Don't screw it up.
But he has a really boring job.
You know, boring might be good for you.
Sometimes, choosing love is choosing to let it go.
Or, um...
Uh, cerveza, that's how you say beer, right?
I guess we'll find out.
You really should be more careful, you know?
There are some dodgy people in this town.
What are you doing?
Just passing through.
You see, I was on my way to meet someone.
On my way to... find myself.
Because I thought that this person could help me find me.
But then I realized...
only I can do that.
So I got off the plane,
and it's the first real choice I ever made.
What about you?
Uh...
I'm just passing through too, you know?
While I sort my shit out.
Hm.
Maybe...
Maybe we could pass through together.
Whoa!
Really?!
What was that?! You have to give me a forewarning, you can't j--