- Dear Santa, hi.
I know I'm probably too old to still be writing to you,
but it's tradition and I enjoy it.
For Christmas this year, I would really like a phone.
I've asked my parents before,
but dad says he doesn't want me to spend my whole life
on social media.
I'm almost 14, but he treats me like a child.
Dad hates Christmas.
He always spoils it by taking us to some boring ski resort,
"To escape the madness," he says.
If I'm not allowed a phone,
maybe you could help me with something else.
I know it's not something the elves can make,
but I would really like a boyfriend.
Can you magic up a love potion?
All my love, Holly.
- Settle down please.
Shh!
Thank you, now, as a reward
for your good behavior,
I'm sure you'll be thrilled to hear
that there is no home homework to be set this weekend.
That and the fact
that I shall be taking a few extra days off next week
so I won't be here to mark it.
- Yes, good for you, sir.
- But that's not to say we can't leverage the onslaught
of Christmas consumerism and learn something.
So who here believes in Santa?
- No way.
- Sadly, it is the nature of physics
to hear the loudest of voices
over the most comprehensive ones.
Who can use their knowledge of physics
to come up with a plausible rebuttal
as to why Santa may or may not exist?
- Duh.
- Is that your answer, Doug?
- One man cannot possibly travel the world in one night
with stopping to deliver millions of presents to boot.
- Scientifically speaking.
- Reindeer cannot fly.
- Yeah, but it's more than one night
if you consider all the time zones.
- Yes. - Good point.
- He would have about 31 hours,
assuming he travels around the world from east to west.
- Okay, well, let's work out
how many children he'd need to visit, shall we?
Now, there are about 1.9 billion
in the world under the age of 18,
but let's assume for argument's sake that he only delivers
to those who believe.
So we'll cut that in half.
Subtract babies who have no real understanding yet,
as well as non-Christian faiths and cynical teens.
That leaves us with about 300 million.
- Don't forget the naughty list.
- What, no, you're joking, right?
- Dear Father Christmas, there are toys I want.
The only toy I want is a wooden go-kart,
but what I really want is for my dad to like Christmas
as much as me.
I'm scared he is on the naughty list.
- Let's assume that one in five are delinquent enough
to make the naughty list.
Santa would have to deliver presents
to 240 million children in 31 hours.
Now, that works out at-
- 2,150 per second.
- Excellent, Alfie.
There you have it,
we now have a scientific argument
as to why Santa's task is impossible.
You might wanna jot that down, Doug.
- If that was the only equation, it would be impossible.
But as Einstein said, time is only relative to speed.
- And?
- Well, Sir, Santa could be roaming the earth
at a different speed of time to the rest of us
in a sort of parallel time dimension.
This would mean that 31 hours in our time could be months
or even years if time is moving at a slower speed
in Santa time.
- Hey beanie brain, explain how the reindeer fly?
Ever seen one do that?
- Just because you haven't seen something,
doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
- Okay, well explain how he gets into all of those houses.
Not everyone's got chimneys.
Does he just break in?
- I know you're not asking with any degree of sincerity,
but it'll be too risky to go down the chimneys.
He uses the magic key, then goes through the front door.
- Oh my God! - Shh!
- I need your help also.
I bet my friend that you're real and need to prove it
by you bringing me a dragon.
Lots of kids at school have stopped believing in you
and tease are ones that do,
so I would like muscles to protect everyone
from the bullies who don't believe.
- Alfie, a minute.
I'm sorry if my attempt
at a fun exercise put you in a tough spot earlier.
- No worries Mr. Snowdon.
I enjoyed it.
Are you gonna take the extra time to put up your tree
and make some cookies maybe?
- Actually, I'm taking my family away from the stress
of the festive season.
We do it every year to a ski resort.
No Black Friday sales
or lining up to sit in Santa's lap for us.
- Oh, Snowdon, I thought you'd be on the slopes by now.
- Oh, I had a little student damage control to take care of.
- Is Doug still pushing your button?
- Actually, I made the mistake of assuming
that the whole class didn't believe in Santa Claus.
- They're not all jaded by 15 you know?
- I know that now.
- Especially after that key video went viral last year.
- Key video?
- Here we go.
- You must have seen it on social media.
- I don't really do social media
or Santa stories for that matter.
- Oh come on, the 10 year old boy from London,
he claims Santa left his magical key behind.
The kid then records himself using it
to get into every house down his street.
- Yeah, his dad's doing time for burglary now.
- Don't listen to him.
As a parent, you really must watch it.
I've sent it to you.
So, bah humbug.
- All right.
- No key can open every door.
I have to agree with the coach,
that is just blatant burglary.
- Hey, give that back, it's mine!
- I would like muscles to protect everyone from bullies
who don't believe.
I believe you're a loser.
- You can wait for your mother in the principal's office.
- You better hope he is real
'cause you're gonna need those muscles.
♪ Christmas the reindeer fly ♪
- Seriously, Christmas music on every station.
♪ Not sure if Christmas ♪
- Ugly and garish.
Complete waste of money and electric.
♪ Make your list and check it twice ♪
- Oh, joy, the high street.
Man dressed as an elf.
Must be 50 years old, get a grip.
Black Friday, what's next?
Scarlet Wednesday, mauve Monday.
We don't even have Thanksgiving over here.
It's just more American rubbish.
Oh, I can't wait to get away.
Oh, Bob Johnson.
It's no wonder Doug's such a nightmare, awful family.
I feel sorry for his wife, whichever one he's on now.
What is he wearing?
He's an embarrassment.
- Free car, free tree with any car.
Not a free car, or I'll have you buy a tree for 24 grand,
you can have a free car.
Come on now, Johnsons.
- Terrible man.
- You know about someone who wants a bargain, sir?
No, then free tree with any car you buy,
only here at Johnsons.
- I hate Christmas.
I hate Christmas.
Oh, for God's sake.
- Harry and Hailey.
I know, of course they're not.
- Holly, you should be packing.
- Holly, hang up the phone. - Mom!
Talk to you later.
- Michael got in a fight with Brad at school.
- Oh, that boy is just like his father.
- Give Michael more credit than that.
- I'm serious, the Johnson's are all the same.
Brad's been bullying Michael for years.
His older brother, Doug's just as bad.
You can't even get me started on the father.
I've just seen him outside giving away free Christmas trees
in the freezing cold.
He's the most obnoxious man on the planet.
- Can I go to the post office after dinner?
- I hear you had a bad day.
- It wasn't my fault.
- Well, one thing's for sure,
Brad Johnson will definitely be on the naughty list.
- I think we should go now.
What if they close? - Here, I'll take it.
- Don't read it. - I won't.
- This time tomorrow,
we will be far away from here when none of this will matter.
Dad?
- Oh, let me eat.
Last meal I'll get before you lot abandon me.
- You were the one who wanted to stay at home.
- With good reason.
- All right, now, before we serve up,
let's all go around the table and say one positive thing
that happened today.
Fine, I'll start.
I think it's pretty amazing given our hectic schedules
that I've managed to cook this meal.
- Whatever, I've been reading up on how bad meat is
for the planet.
I'm gonna go vegan.
That's my positive thing.
Best decision I've made really.
- I've spent all afternoon in the kitchen on this meal,
so you'll eat it and you can go vegan tomorrow.
- All right then, tonight, I breathe a sigh of relief
that our non Christmas holiday begins soon.
What I mean is this time tomorrow,
we'll be up in Scotland in front of a roaring fire
after a long drive.
That reminds me, I want us up extra early tomorrow
so we can beat the traffic.
- Dad, are you sure my letter went to the right place?
- Yes.
- But I didn't see you put it in.
- Santa will get it.
- See, another positive thing.
- Even if this dinner is stone cold,
by the time I get to eat it, I've still got teeth to chew.
How's that?
- Do we have to ski when we go?
- Michael, that's all we're gonna do.
Just us swishing down those glorious Scottish slopes,
not a Christmas tree in sight.
- Aren't the ski slopes full of pine trees?
- Well, yes, they are.
- Now, about the resort,
apparently there was a mix up and they overbooked.
- What are you saying?
- Don't worry, we got the same rate at the other resort.
- Other resort?
- The Crazy Reindeer.
- Odd name, still in Glenshee?
- A bit further north.
- How much?
- Further north and east.
- Where exactly is that?
- Lapland, Finland.
- Isn't that like Santa's resort or hometown or something?
- That's absolutely unacceptable.
I'll call them.
- Don't worry darling, stay positive.
The kids are gonna love Lapland.
The Crazy Reindeer looks amazing.
- I just don't understand.
Yes, thank you, Holly.
I know what Lapland is.
I just don't understand why we're going there.
- Because the boring place is booked up.
- Our flight leaves at 11:00 AM.
- We're going on a plane?
- No, that's not good.
The reason we go to the Scottish ski resort
is so we don't have to fly.
- You don't have to fly, pilot does.
Without airplanes, we'd never have won the war.
- How come we've never seen this book before?
- It was a special gift to me
when I was stationed in Turkey.
- What's it about?
- How Father Christmas got his start.
- Lapland is such a long way away.
We have to fly over Denmark, Norway, and Sweden.
- I was on a secret mission in Demre
which is the town where St. Nicholas came from.
- I thought this was about Father Christmas.
- His real name is St. Nick.
- Would you like me to read it to you?
St. Nicholas was devoted to the church
and caring for the children in the community.
Every day, he worked to make toys
that would accumulate until Christmas day
when he would give them as presents to the children
to celebrate the birth of Jesus.
It occurred to him that there must be more children
who could use some Christmas cheer.
So he made the adults promise to keep up his work
while he traveled and to never break the secret
or the children would not behave.
But he was getting on in age
and thought there had to be a more efficient way.
His travels took him further north
and he finally found a local craftsman to create a sleigh
to navigate the wintery terrain.
He saw the magical lights as a sign to continue.
For the next several months, with the elves,
he worked to create more toys than anyone could imagine.
And when Christmas came,
they used the magic of the lake
to help train the reindeer to fly.
St. Nicholas knew he'd finally found his purpose
and realized his dream of delivering toys
to all the children of the world.
- I wish I had a phone to take a picture.
- We have a perfectly good camera, Holly.
- It's packed tight in your luggage.
- I never fly without them.
- You know there's no logical proof
that good luck charms actually work, don't you dad?
- Don't ruin it for the kids.
It's not their fault that you hate Christmas,
and it wasn't easy for me either.
- Fine.
Taxi's gonna be here any second.
Grab the cases into the taxi.
♪ Run up on me watch ya fall to ya knees ♪
♪ Tip my hat when it's time for the kill ♪
♪ Ain't no beefs when you're really real ♪
♪ I am the boss ♪
♪ I am the Don ♪
- Come on, come on, come on.
♪ Got my own ish ♪
♪ I don't need your farm ♪
♪ Life was so hard it made me weep ♪
- Where are we off to?
- The homeless shelter.
- Holly, airport please.
- Well, where does he think we're going
with all this luggage?
- We're actually running a bit late,
so if you go up to the corner, take a right,
take the parallel route along the road through the town,
that should shave off about nine and a half minutes.
- You know there's roadworks along that route?
- Could we get going immediately please?
We're not gonna make this.
- It's okay, don't worry.
- Don't let this old woman cross, thank you.
- Kids, come on, car's waiting.
- Where are your jumpers?
- We're saving them for the trip.
- It's fine, the important thing is we're all together.
- Santa, make way for the Johnsons.
♪ Santa I've been good this year ♪
- You've actually brought us into roadworks.
- I did say there would be roadworks on this road.
- We'll be fine.
We'll get there on time.
It's all okay.
- Do you want me to turn around?
- No.
- This isn't funny, Michael.
Finally, Lapland.
♪ On the first day of Christmas ♪
♪ My true love gave to me ♪
♪ A partridge in a pear tree ♪
♪ On the second day of Christmas ♪
♪ My true love gave to me ♪
♪ Two turtles doves and a partridge in a pear tree ♪
- Go on then kids, lovely.
- Okay, we need to move, come on.
- Oh, blimey.
- That's it, that cost almost as much as our flight.
Right, come on, let's get a move on.
Jane, we haven't got time.
- Lovely, cheers, mate. - Thanks, have a great trip.
- Nice one, see you later. - Thank you.
- Come on kids, shut that door.
I've got all those things.
- Ready? - Ready.
- Come, on guys, focus, we are going to miss the flight.
- Kev, are you all right.
- Kevlar?
It is you, Happy Christmas!
- What's up, Mr. Snowdon.
Please excuse us, we're in a hurry.
- Where are you heading?
- Lapland.
- Us too! - Us too!
- Where are you?
- The Crazy Reindeer.
- Do they call it Lapland
'cause everyone sits on Santa's lap?
- Why the long face Kev?
- He hates to fly.
- He's terrified.
- You gotta be brave for the kids, Kev.
Never let 'em see you sweat.
- We better get going.
- You should go first class, never have to wait that way.
- Oh, honey, see if they could check in with us.
- Great idea.
- No thank you, we're fine.
- Have a nice flight!
- No need to worry, Snowdon,
plane wouldn't dare go down with the Johnsons on board.
- Will we miss our flight?
- Right now Michael,
that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.
♪ Three french hens ♪
♪ Two turtle doves ♪
♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪
- I'll be amazed if they haven't given our seats away,
the amount of time it took to get here.
- Jane, Holly.
- Have a nice flight. - Michael.
- Have a nice trip. - Thanks.
- Thank you.
Have a nice flight. - Thanks.
- Let me try.
No need to be rude.
- Precisely.
- Can you not enter it manually?
My family are waiting for me just there.
- Step aside, please, sir.
- All passengers gonna Lapland,
your plane is ready to depart.
- Wait, she's got my ticket.
- Empty your pockets in the tray, please.
- Look, I've already been through security.
I fail to see what this has to do with my ticket.
Final call to passengers
on flight FA23.
- Sir, that is my flight they're calling now.
- You got a metal plate in your head?
- What?
No, I told you I've got no metal on me.
- Hands up please, I'm just gonna frisk you down.
- Dad, hurry up.
- Yeah, well, I'm kind of busy here right now, Michael.
- Have you got a pacemaker?
- Why'd you insist on calling me an invalid?
Great dad, really lucky.
- Come on kids,
look at this.
Oh wow!
- All right, all you crazy reindeers.
Listen up for a rundown of last minute openings
in our event calendar.
- Terrific.
- Who here has ever seen a reindeer?
- Dad, we have to go reindeer spotting.
It would be so cool to see an actual wild reindeer.
- No, we're only here for three days
and there's lots of skiing to do.
We're not interested
in overpriced excursions and diversions.
- We do reindeer tours and Santa tours.
- Dad, we have to go and see Santa.
- Not for 50 euro a head we don't.
- What he means is Santa will visit us at Christmas.
- Dad, what is the whole point in coming to Lapland
if we're not gonna go and sit on Santa's lap?
- Michael, this is the Snowdon's annual skiing trip,
and that's not even why it's called Lapland.
They're just leveraging their marketing
to take every penny I have.
Finally, you are here.
Now, I'd like to book the full ski package for three days
with lift pass included.
- You do realize there's no snow on the slopes.
- What?
But that's the whole reason we're here.
- Global warming, the snowfall gets thinner
and thinner every year.
- See, that's why we shouldn't eat meat.
- We came to ski.
At least tell me there's artificial snow on the slopes.
- Authenticity is at our core.
- Yes, I can see that.
- We don't believe in for fake snow.
Santa works magic.
- Does he, then can you tell me
how Santa is gonna get my family and myself up there skiing
if you don't have any snow?
- Easy peasy, we have dry slopes.
- It looks like an old time airplane runway.
- Oh, the principle's the same.
I understand a lot of people train on dry ski slopes.
- We're here for holiday, not training.
- Oh, come on, Michael, you're gonna love it.
- Does it work like real snow?
- Well, the key is to find the right balance
between your aerodynamic lean and your ability to steer.
- Let him get it out of his system
and we'll do the fun stuff later.
Okay, well, why don't we just give it a go
and then you can give us some pointers afterwards.
- Fine, I'll try.
- That's the spirit, Holly.
Now remember, you are a force in motion.
Now, this, that's it.
- Feel kind of stuck.
- Go, lean into it.
- Oh!
- Ooh!
- Oh no, Holly.
- We don't push other skiers over.
- She was stuck.
- Oh, thank you.
- What happened?
We went over it 100 times.
- It's actually a lot more difficult on dry slope.
Maybe we should book you guys in for some lessons.
- Oh, thank you, but we're not beginners.
We ski every year.
- Not by choice.
- Okay, let's see what you've got.
- Okay, just copy me.
Do you think we could wet it a bit or perhaps some ski wax?
Jane, did you bring the ski wax?
Okay, Snowdons, we're here to have fun,
so let's see who can get to the bottom first, shall we?
- This is a bunny slope.
There's no racing.
- Well, we're certainly not gonna be hopping down are we?
- Can we go?
This is so boring.
What were those giant inflatable ring tire things
that we saw the other kids going down on?
- Michael, we're not floating down a river.
We are skiing.
- Not yet.
- Guys, I get paid by the hour.
- All right then, let's do this.
First one to the bottom gets a prize.
Okay, we need to race again
because you all went before I did.
- I've already told you guys no racing.
- This is the bunny slope.
- I've had enough, you're on your own.
- What's going on?
- Our instructor just quit.
- Look, just trust me, okay.
By the time we finish here,
the Snowdons will be ready for the Winter Olympics.
- I definitely do not want to be an Olympian.
- I need the toilet.
- It's time to hang up the skis.
- No, I want to go again.
We're all gonna go again and we're gonna enjoy it.
Just one more time and then we'll leave.
This way. - Yay.
- Come on, we're having fun.
- Mom, can I go to the shop?
- Yeah, of course, Hol.
- I didn't mean to-
- Oh, why would you do that?
- I'm an idiot.
- You'd be an idiot if you ran away.
- Now, I think it's blatantly obvious to all of us
that the bunny slope was far too lame for skiers
of our caliber.
Now remember, just lean into it
and you'll soon be swishing down there like me.
- So you brought more ski wax then?
- Come on, frowns upside down.
It's a new day and nothing could possibly go wrong.
- Snowdons, who knew skiing without snow
could be so much fun.
- Certainly not us.
- Hey, Holly. - Hi, nice hat.
- I think we'd better go and find your mum.
- You take Michael.
I wanna go again.
Doug said he'd teach me how to parallel turn.
- Don't worry, Mr. Snowdon, I'll keep an eye on her.
♪ Christmas is coming ♪
♪ The snowflakes will be falling ♪
♪ It's the most wonderful time ♪
- It's so nice to see a familiar face.
- Oh, hi, or should I say home?
Are you okay?
- Oh, nothing I haven't dealt with every day.
Sorry, is it okay if I join you?
- Of course.
I wonder if he's on the menu.
- I don't mean to vent,
but this was supposed to be a family holiday
and Bob's off with his boys every day leaving me alone
to sit and read a book.
Not as if I don't like the peace and quiet,
but he just assumes that because I am woman,
I couldn't possibly have an interest in anything they do.
I mean, I don't ski,
but he could at least come and sit with me.
- I completely understand.
- And then having spent the whole day apart,
every evening, he's down at the hotel bar
without even thinking if I might like to come
or bring me back a glass of wine.
Sorry, I don't have the testosterone to keep up.
- Kevin isn't winning any points right now either.
This place is a wonderland for the kids,
but he won't have any part of it.
I mean, just because he doesn't like Christmas,
doesn't mean no one else does.
- Come on, Kev,
you have to admit, us Johnsons are natural sportsmen,
fastest father and son duo here.
- We could actually go a lot faster if we wanted to.
- Only one way to find out,
race, race, race, race, race, race.
- Between you and I,
I arranged this trip and told Kevin
that our usual ski resort overbooked.
The kids are growing up so fast.
- Well, I don't have any problem with Bob in that regard.
He's just a big kid and he spares no expense,
especially at the holidays.
- Oh, I wonder how Holly's doing with all that testosterone.
- It stinks there's no snow.
- Imagine how pretty it would be.
- Speaking of, I got you something.
- What?
- That's really sweet.
- Okay, if we keep to this side of the slope,
we'll cut off that part of it.
No one's choosing to ski there because it's slower,
but with our extra wax, there'll be less friction
so it won't be a problem for us.
- Dad, we're sliding, simple as that.
- Well, not exactly, Michael.
- Hey, Kevlar, we doing this or what?
- Good luck.
- Ride like the wind, Brad.
Relax Kevlar, it's only good fun.
- We take our skiing seriously.
- Why? - Lean into it, Michael!
- Come on, that's it.
- Yes, Michael, yes, yes, Michael!
- Yes!
- That's not fair!
You boy cheated.
He missed the last two.
- Yes, Brad!
- You cheated. - No I didn't.
- Yes, you did.
- He certainly did.
- I don't see any rules posted anywhere.
- He's got a point.
It was a no rules race to the bottom, Brad wins!
- Michael!
- What a sore loser.
- You have no respect for others.
You're a horrible child.
- Don't speak to my son like that.
It's not his fault your boy can't compete.
He's a bully just like you.
You don't intimidate me.
- Is that so?
Yeah.
- Are you okay, dad?
- Come on, Brad,
these losers aren't worth our energy.
♪ Dashing through the snow ♪
♪ In a one horse open sleigh ♪
♪ O'er the fields we go ♪
♪ Laughing all the way ♪
♪ Bells on bob tail ring ♪
- Kev, this is not who we are.
You've been dealing with this need
to be better than the Johnsons for so long.
I won't let it ruin our holiday.
- Yeah, well you didn't see them, Jane,
just blatant in your face.
- It was pretty brutal, mom.
- Okay, so maybe it was, but it's over, look around.
- All right, let's see if sugar will shift our mood.
♪ In a one horse open sleigh ♪
Okay, what does everyone fancy?
- Oh, these ones look good over here.
- Cookies? - Cookies, definitely.
- Cookies all round, okay. - Cookies.
- Four boxes of cookies please.
♪ The First Noel ♪
- Where have these been all my life?
I might actually start to like Christmas
if I had these to look forward to.
- Hello dear, would you like to see Santa?
- Yeah, I've never seen him before.
- No.
- Oh, we'll figure something out.
- He doesn't like anything Christmasy.
- That's not true.
I like these cookies.
- How about you sweetheart,
would you like to see Santa's reindeer?
- Real reindeer?
I'd love to.
- We have zoos back in England, thank you.
- But I wanna see one of Santa's reindeer.
Mom, come on.
- We're in Lapland.
- Yeah, what is the point of coming here?
- That's enough!
- It's their holiday too.
- I said no, and that's final.
- Come on, kids.
- We don't need to see Santa.
We're not going to see any reindeer
and we're certainly not having any more ski races.
Worst dad ever more like.
- Yoo-hoo!
- Gotta give him an A for effort, right?
- More like an F for effort.
- We both know he would've won.
- All in good fun, it was just a game.
- Someone could have got really hurt.
- Mom, can we just go?
- Come on.
- I was just making friends with her.
Did you really have to go-
- Some people are too sensitive.
- Or too competitive.
- It was just boys having fun.
- Not every boy
in every sport has to be a matter of life and death.
- I'm going for a drink.
- How do you think I feel?
This is my first real chance at a boyfriend
and you're ruining it.
- You can do a lot better than Doug Johnson,
not to mention he's two years older than you.
From now on, I don't want you anywhere near him.
- She's got a point.
You moan about Bob,
but at least he lets his kids have some fun.
- You can't seriously be okay with her interest
in Doug Johnson.
- It's a harmless crush.
I'm okay with her being happy.
- Are you guys fighting?
- No. - No, it's okay, come on.
Back to bed.
- If you want what's best for your kids,
how about making this happy holiday a little less
like a military camp?
- I just don't appreciate being scammed
by all these stupid Christmas overpriced add-ons,
which is why I like the resort we usually go to.
- But there's nothing there, but skiing.
- Exactly.
- God forbid, you add on some happy family memories.
Saving a few pennies is useless
if the entire trip is a failure.
You're essentially wasting thousands.
Where are you going?
- To the doghouse, where I'm welcome.
- I'm serious, next time you're in the UK,
come and see Johnson's autos.
I'll set you up with a sweet ride,
even arrange for shipping.
- Perfect, I can't even drown my sorrows
without him turning up.
Ow! - Sorry Kevlar,
don't have me own strips sometimes.
Nah, put your money away, I'm buying.
- No, I'm not owing you any.
- Relax, I'm trying to make it up to you.
By the way, Beth told me what Jane did.
You can milk that for a year of paybacks.
- What are you talking about?
- Switching your resort reservations to come here.
I mean, it certainly wouldn't bother me.
We go all out at Christmas,
but for someone like you, that's a pretty traumatic trick.
- I'm so out of touch with my family,
it's a wonder they don't leave me.
- Don't be so hard on yourself.
I get sent to the dog pretty regular.
That's what pubs were meant for.
Look, what I've learned is everyone needs a little time out.
That and an apology go a long way.
So I do wanna apologize.
Brad's testosterone certainly doesn't need encouraging
and I just like to see the kids enjoy themselves.
- Thank you, I appreciate that.
And I want my kids to have fun too.
I'm just horrible at it.
- We can be a little over the top,
an excitable gene pool.
Do you think I got into car sales for my love of vehicles?
No, it was the only job that would pay someone like me
to be loud and obnoxious.
- At least you found your niche.
- I'm no parenting expert,
but I do know that happy kids make a happy wife
and that makes a happy life.
What makes your kids happy?
- Everything here in Lapland.
- Problem solved, you're already here.
- What?
- I was just thinking, we never finished our race.
Well, I don't think it would've been much of a contest.
- Michael would've won if Brad hadn't have cheated,
and I do believe I got to the bottom before you.
- Well, I guess we'll never know.
- I know, and any rematch would prove it.
- What do you have in mind?
- Last day of the holiday,
winner gets to brag the whole way home.
- How about 100 pounds?
- What, no, Michael would kill for 100 pounds.
- Let the adult take.
- Oh, I'd rather keep it innocuous.
- Thought you didn't like me being obnoxious.
- All right then, rematch day after tomorrow,
back on the dry slope.
- Why don't we surprise 'em
with something a little different?
- Oh, here we go.
I'm not signing up for anything dangerous or embarrassing.
- All I'm saying is it's your chance to end
on a happy note.
- You're on, excuse me, could we have the same again please?
- Cheers!
Oh no, 6:00 AM, fine.
I will be back here at 6:00 AM.
Ow!
- A ho-ho morning to you.
- Hi, morning, I'd like to buy some tickets for my family
for the Big Santa tour.
- You are going to be on someone's nice list.
How many?
- Oh four, including me.
- Here we go.
How about next Tuesday at 11:00 AM?
- I was hoping for today or maybe tomorrow at the latest.
- These tours are supposed to be booked
when you make the reservation.
The opening Tuesday
is only because a family had to cancel their trip.
So can I put you down for Tuesday?
It won't last long.
- No, we're going home in two days.
Please, could you just squeeze us in today?
- Sorry sir, that's all I have.
Like I said,
you should have made the reservation when you arrived.
- And for a minute there,
I actually thought I might deserve a chance
at owning that mug.
Now would be the time to prove your luck.
- Is this the number one?
- I don't think this is a bus stop.
- I haven't seen a set of those in ages.
I wonder why no one wears them anymore.
- They're actually my dad's.
- I see.
- I don't suppose you have any tickets left
for today's Santa tour?
- Of course, no children should come to Lapland
and not visit Santa.
- Thank you so much!
You have no idea how much this means.
- The bus will pick you up here at midday.
- Got it, thank you again so much.
My family are gonna be over the moon!
- Is that okay?
Where have you been?
What are you wearing?
- Actually.
- Don't look now, Bob Johnson is here.
- Off to Tinseltown before the Santa tour.
- Don't forget tomorrow.
- Don't you worry.
- What's tomorrow?
- A rematch on the dry slope with no cheating this time.
And the winner gets bragging rights and 100 pounds.
All right, come on Snowdons, eat up and cheer up.
We are on the noon tour to see Santa.
- Hey, really? - Hmm, hmm.
- Can we go see the reindeer?
- Yes, we can go and see the reindeer.
- Oh my gosh, yes.
- Oh my god, dad, thank you so much.
- Michael.
- I dunno what got into you last night,
but we should buy a case of it.
- Oh, I better get out of my pajamas.
See you in a minute.
Oh wow, it's quite busy.
This is gonna be fun.
- Can we sit up front?
- Well, it's not assigned seat,
so we'll just have to see what's available.
Just say hello.
- Must be nearly 12.
I think my watch needs a service.
- Well, maybe the bus is just a bit late.
- Oh, maybe, but the time slots were so specific.
You think they'd be prompt.
- Oh, here it is.
- Welcome to Lapland's Premier Santa Tours.
Thank you.
- Here we go!
- Gonna see Santa and the reindeer.
- Thank you.
Sorry Ms, this is for another tour group.
Right there, it says, "The Santa Tour".
- Right, that's what this is.
- Sorry Ms., this is Santa Tours with an S and no the.
I'm sure your bus will be along shortly.
- Where did you get these tickets?
- The old stick lady from the market.
- Really?
- I didn't want to.
The hotel's had sold out till next week.
I was trying to do the right thing.
Gimme a break.
- I told you at the welcome meeting.
You just don't listen.
- Are we still going to see Santa?
- Definitely, we're just going
on a different bus, that's all.
- I'm sure it'll be fine.
- It will be fine, and here very soon.
- Is there a number to call?
- I suppose I could go and ask the smiley woman
on reception for help.
- All aboard the Santa Tour Express.
- I don't think there's anything express about this.
- Hurry up.
- Wait, is it safe?
- Of course, I'm sure it is.
I don't understand,
where are the other passengers going to sit?
- Oh, it's just you folks today.
- Are we going to the North Pole?
- We certainly are.
And it's a long ride, so make yourself snug.
- I spy a Christmas tree forest.
- We'll be there in no time.
- This is so cool.
- It's kind of creepy.
Are we here?
If we go any further,
the North Pole's gonna get closed.
- The NP never closes.
Come with me.
- Me?
Okay, just stay calm.
- Time to call the others.
We go the rest of the way on foot.
♪ Way up North ♪
♪ They're making toys for every little girl and boy ♪
♪ Who mailed him letters ♪
♪ 'Cause they've been better ♪
♪ So much better than the year before ♪
- How much further is it?
- Oh, not long now, dear.
- I can't believe we're in the North Pole.
♪ Santa's crossing off every wish ♪
♪ Even moms and dads have made the list ♪
♪ Can you hear the sleigh bells it's Christmas time ♪
- Hurry now dears, Santa doesn't have all day.
- This is awesome. - Yeah.
- Oh wow, that's all right, isn't it?
- Oh!
- Shh.
Are you're excited to see Santa?
- Michael!
- Where's he going?
- To see Santa of course.
Holly will get her turn too.
- Oh, how did you?
- That was awesome.
- What happened?
- I saw Santa.
He's really nice.
Not as big as I thought he'd be.
- You couldn't have.
- You were only gone for two seconds.
- I did too.
We talked about a lot of things.
- Let me look.
- You can't go by yourself.
- Oh, she has to,
no grownups are allowed.
- You have the same raincoat as in grandpa's book.
And he showed me his magic snow globe.
- Do you have any pictures of what goes on in there?
How do we know it's safe?
- It's completely safe.
He's actually really sweet.
He gave me this present for the house.
Santa said we can't open it till Christmas day.
- Who'd like to go and see if they can spot a reindeer?
- Thanks for letting us come, dad.
- Well, don't worry,
grownups are allowed to spot reindeer.
- Kids only.
- Who can tell me the names of Santa's reindeer?
- Cupid, Comet, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Donner, Vixen.
- And Rudolph. - Well done.
If you spot one, they love to snack,
and they'll come out if you are quiet.
- 3:00 PM. - Come on.
- Yeah, don't worry about me, I'll catch you up.
- Oh, for goodness sake, don't get lost.
- Jane!
Holly!
Michael!
Snowdons!
♪ Dashing through the snow ♪
♪ In a one horse open sleigh ♪
♪ O'er the fields we go ♪
♪ Laughing all the way ♪
♪ Bells on bob tail's ring ♪
♪ Making spirits bright ♪
♪ What fun it is to laugh and sing ♪
- That's weird.
♪ A sleighing song tonight ♪
- It's very weird, Jane!
♪ Jingle bells jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh what fun it is to ride ♪
♪ In a one horse open sleigh ♪
♪ Jingle bells jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh what fun it is to ride ♪
- Good afternoon, I don't suppose you know
where my family are, do you?
No, thank you, you've been helpful.
Holly, Michael, Jane!
It's still 3:00 PM.
It's like I'm not the only anything frozen.
Can't believe my entire survival
is counting on your luck, dad.
Northern Point.
Hello!
Finally, civilization.
Hello, hi!
Hello in there!
Hello, can you hear me in there?
North Pole, what is happening?
Look, is this some sort of sick joke?
Are you behind this Bob Johnson?
Please, where am I?
Come on, you can come out now.
This isn't funny anymore.
Ho, ho, ho, what a hilarious jape.
Oh, please, please, please.
Hello?
What on earth?
What is this?
Sorry, sorry, do you speak English.
- Mr. Snowdon?
Sorry to scare you.
- Alfie, what are you doing here with?
- Corky gets a bit overexcited,
so she works here alone.
- Well, I have to say, it's nice to see a familiar face.
I've been wandering around that forest for hours.
My family are gonna be worried senseless about me.
My watch, oh, 3:01.
Well, my watch does seem to be thawing out finally.
- Your watch wasn't frozen.
Frankly, I'm surprised you even entertained such a notion.
For the mechanism to freeze,
it needs to be surrounded by a liquid of mostly water.
- Okay, yes, sorry, my head has been a bit foggy,
to say the least, but you're absolutely right,
it's more likely to be the intensity
of the magnetic force you have this far up north.
- Let's get you some hot cocoa to warm up.
- I like your costumes.
Are you both working here for the holidays?
- This may be hard to believe, but we're actually elves.
- Right.
- I was in your class to monitor the behavior
of certain individuals.
- Look, I appreciate the charade,
but I really need to be getting to my family.
- I have no idea where they are.
It wasn't my turn to watch them.
- Well, that's uncalled for.
- Oh, hardly, Father Christmas watches everything,
especially now as the holiday season is in full swing.
- Fine, at least tell me the way back
to The Crazy Reindeer.
- Now that's uncalled for,
just because they fly and eat carrots,
doesn't mean you can act cruel.
- Sorry, you mentioned maybe some hot cocoa.
- I have a mind to send you on your way.
But seeing as you are on my list,
guess I am partly to blame, follow me.
- Oh, nice to meet you Corky.
- Right this way.
- Is this an orphanage?
- You really don't see how you come off, do you?
- Well, what else could it be?
- Sleeping quarters for the elves.
Oi!
- Look, I appreciate the spirit of all this.
I really do, but I need to get back to Jane and the kids.
They're gonna be worried sick.
Do you have a telephone?
- They don't even know you're gone yet.
- Of course they do.
I've been gone for hours.
We were led into the woods by this mad old woman
with a stick. - Be nice!
- All right, she wasn't that old, but I bumped my head.
I woke up.
It was snowing.
I saw a reindeer.
I got lost in the woods.
Found this place.
You're all dressed as elves
and now you've brought me into a massive doll's house.
Where are you taking me?
Who's in charge of this operation?
- Santa of course.
- I just need the quickest route to the lodge,
then I can get the bus back to The Crazy Reindeer hotel.
I'm no happier about its name than you by the way.
- Right this way sir, Santa will know what to do.
Go on, in there.
- So you are telling me Father Christmas,
the real Saint Nick, grandfather Frost
and all his other festive names is behind that door?
All right then.
Knock, knock jolly old fat man.
- What's the meaning of this?
Alfie, explain yourself.
- Nice gig if you can stomach it.
I'm looking for a phone or perhaps a lift back
to The Crazy Reindeer.
- Blitz has been up the eggnog again has he?
- Apparently it's a hotel.
- Kevin Snowdon, as I live and breathe,
you still got your magnetic robot model.
- I'd forgotten all about that.
That was the best Christmas I ever had before my mum...
Have you been speaking to my wife?
Is this her doing?
- I'm gonna make you some hot cocoa.
- I'd say make yourself at home,
but I can see you're in a hurry.
- Green jacket, just like Michael said.
- He's a cute boy.
- What are those things?
- My keys, yes, they have a key now.
It's gonna take me decades to wipe out
that near catastrophe thanks to that social media nonsense.
- Listen, do you have a telephone that I could use?
- No phones at the North Pole?
- I've lost my family.
Alfie said you'd help me.
- He also said they don't even know you've gone.
- I need to get back to them.
Please, can we just stop the pedantics?
- I'm not a linguist or a scientist,
but I do know that here at the North Pole,
the way you harried civilians measure time
is very different.
I only have to turn that over once every three months.
One turn is equal to one hour of your time.
Here, time runs at one 2000th of your speed.
- All right then, how do those work?
- Elf magic, I left one behind once.
I had to make a special trip back to London
while the boy was asleep to swap it for a replica.
Poor lad must have thought he was going mad.
- Top marks. - Thank you, sir.
- What's through there?
- My letters.
- Of course, and how many have you received?
- This year or all together?
- All together.
- Behind that door,
I have every letter ever written to me since 341 AD.
- And what are those you've grabbed?
- You'll see, I may be a hoarder,
but when you deal in belief,
you sometimes have to refer to things from the past.
This still tears me up to this day.
- I don't believe it.
- Better rethink your words.
Dear Santa, I don't want any presents this year.
My mum died and I need her back.
Dad cries every day.
So do I.
But I try not to let him see.
We both miss her so much.
I don't think we'll get through Christmas without her.
Please use your magic to bring back my mum, love, Kevin.
- I was only nine.
- Michael's age.
- I suppose you get a lot of letters like that asking you
to do the impossible.
- I do, it's what keeps me going.
There's real magic here at the North Pole.
Time goes so slowly, you can hardly see it moving.
And the reindeer really can fly.
But however slowly time goes, I can't make it go backwards.
That Christmas wish and all the others like it
that I couldn't fulfill, keep me awake at night.
You never wrote to me again after that.
I understand why, but I couldn't say, it's not my place.
- I was convinced you were a fraud.
So angry, I wanted you hurled into jail.
- Got a couple more here I had rushed over from London.
"My dad hates Christmas.
"He always ruins it by taking us to a boring ski resort."
- Holly.
- "What I really want is for my dad to like Christmas
"as much as me." - Michael.
I really am a terrible dad.
- No, no you're not.
You just need to open your eyes
and see what a wonderful family you've got in front of you.
The past will never be the present.
It's nearly two minutes past three.
We better get you back.
Alfie!
He really is my favorite elf.
- He's my favorite student.
I bet he could tell you exactly
how many letters you get sent every year.
- Last year was a record.
We had over 250 million, not including emails.
- We also estimate that about 10 million got lost
in the post.
- Like I said, Mr. Snowdon,
your calculations were quite close.
Your deductions for the naughty list
was way too high though.
Tell him how many were on it last year.
- 27.
- That's not possible.
- No children are bad deep down.
They're just frustrated or anxious.
- Even Doug is a good kid.
His image is just a front.
I saw him in the playground once after school
with his little brother.
He was crying,
but Doug was calm and made him feel better.
He was there when it mattered the most.
- Well, that is a surprise.
- We must get young Kevin back.
- Everyone's young in his eyes.
- Are we in a different building?
Hey, Michael's got one of these on his Christmas list.
How much are they?
- It's not for sale.
- What do you mean?
You must have plenty.
- Everything we make is a gift on my list
for a child somewhere in the world.
Nothing is for sale or left as extra.
- Oh, so you mean someone else has a wooden go-kart
on their list other than Michael.
- Come on, I don't normally take people through here,
but it's the quickest route.
- Oh!
- Don't overthink it.
The doors lock differently here.
- Oh.
Oh, 3:02.
Well, what's that?
- For the reindeer, so they don't go crazy.
- I thought reindeer only ate carrots.
- A rumor started by the Easter Bunny.
- Oh, can you let Jane and the kids know I'm on my way?
- No need, come back at any time.
- There's no way
that could have been my letter from all those years ago.
And I'm lost again.
Ah.
Oh!
Oh, oh!
- Kev, I told you not to get lost.
- Jane, were you not worried about me?
- You were only gone a few minutes.
- 3:03.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I guess the altitude's maybe a bit foggy.
- Oh, come on.
We could all use a cozy night in by the fire.
Let's catch up with the kids and maybe spot a few reindeer.
- Truly spectacular, and they've definitely done a number
on my watch.
- I can't believe we actually got to meet the real Santa.
Did you see the magic snow globe?
- It's actually called an hourglass,
but yeah, it was pretty awesome.
- What color jacket did you say he wore?
- Green, just like the one in grandpa's book.
- But he had his red one on a hook behind his desk
and he also had the magic key in a glass cabinet.
- Thank you for a lovely day.
- Seems to be going on forever.
- They probably chickened out.
- Be nice, Bradley.
- Yeah, Bradley.
- Seems our men are up to something.
- He promised he wasn't going to do anything crazy.
- Good job your skis got banged up.
- I agree, otherwise we wouldn't have rented these.
- What are those?
- These are the real surprise, Michael.
- It's all a bit of fun. - Yes.
- Johnsons, Snowdons, giant rubber donuts.
- Let's have a race.
I promise, I won't cheat this time.
- Boys, be nice.
- No bumping.
- Or cutting in front.
- Just bounce or slide.
- Which one is it?
- Dunno, I've not done it yet.
- Oh!
- It's all about weight distribution, isn't it?
You might as well give that 100 pound now.
- I've put all my faith
into a donut full of hot air, haven't I?
- Relax, remember what I said, happy kids, happy wife.
- Ready? - Steady.
- Go!
- Yes, come on!
- Woo! - Woo!
- Who won?
Call it a draw.
- Wait.
- Look, that's the coat we saw him wearing.
- Wait a minute, isn't that?
- Who?
- I don't usually believe in dejavu, but-
- Wait, you're right, isn't that?
- Grandma Elf from the tour?
- Oh, Christina would not like to hear you call her that.
She gave me this book.
I met her in a small shop in Turkey.
We'd been marching three days
and she came running out into the street calling for help.
So of course, we all went in and were instantly taken
by the smell of hot chocolate and ginger cake.
Never did find out what she wanted help for,
but boy, did she help us.
- So you didn't help her?
- Well, we stayed for over an hour
while she poured cake and cocoa down our gullets
and then we left.
And I realized how selfish we were,
so I ran straight back in and she thanked me for our company
and she gave me this book.
Turkey is no country for marching across,
but flying, now, that's another story.
- It's time for bed.
- Yes, mum's right.
Santa won't be visiting unless you're both asleep.
- Carrots, reindeer only eat moss.
- I'm pretty sure they'll eat anything we put out.
- Actually, Holly is right, reindeer won't eat carrots.
That was just a rumor started by the Easter Bunny.
- Well, I better go in the garden and dig some up then.
Come on, guys.
- Night you two.
- Night grandad. - Night.
- Love you. - Love you, dad.
- Thank you for this.
It did bring me luck.
- What happened to you in Lapland?
I haven't seen you this happy at Christmas since.
- I miss her too.
Try as I might,
I'll never forget that first Christmas without her.
And you were a saint for putting up with the way I behaved.
- A saint?
For so many years, I thought I'd failed,
but seeing you with your kids made me think,
"Old man, at least you got one thing right."
- I love you.
- Right, you two better get to bed so Santa could come.
- Chess set.
- That's really cute.
- Wow!
- Oh my gosh,
thank you, dad.
- You're welcome, you deserve it.
- To Michael, for you and your dad, love, Santa.
- Yes, best Christmas ever.
- I dreamt about that thing.
- Oh, I almost forgot, where is it?
It's just like the one Santa had.
- Are you all right, Kev?
- Hmm, hmm, yeah, yeah.
- Kids, why don't you go and get your dad a hot drink.
- Yeah, come on. - Yeah.
- Here at the North Pole, time is very different.
I have every letter ever written to me since 341 AD.
Please use your magic to bring back my mum.
- This may be hard to believe, but we're actually elves.
- It wasn't a dream.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas to you.
Merry Christmas everyone.
Can anyone explain to me the principles
behind Einstein's theory of relativity?
- Dear Santa, thank you so much
for making last Christmas the best ever.
I dunno how you did it,
but I even got a boyfriend,
and dad found his festive spirit.
He's declared a new Christmas time tradition
with our family friends, the Johnsons.
I will always write and believe in you.
All my love, Holly.
♪ You better hang up mistletoe ♪
♪ I'm on my way through the snow ♪
♪ Hitch a ride on a sleigh ♪
♪ Whatever it takes ♪
♪ There's no holding me back ♪
♪ I need to get to you real fast ♪
♪ Christmas wouldn't be the same ♪
♪ Oh I just gotta say ♪
♪ You bring out the holly jolly me ♪
♪ Oh you're all I need ♪
♪ This Christmas this Christmas ♪
♪ You bring out the holly jolly me ♪
♪ Oh you're all I need ♪
♪ This Christmas this Christmas ♪
♪ We won't be going outside no way ♪
♪ Stay cozy by the fireplace ♪
♪ Pretty papers and bows ♪
♪ Silver and gold ♪
♪ Excitement in the air ♪
♪ So happy to be with you my dear ♪
♪ Christmas wouldn't be the same ♪
♪ Oh I just gotta say ♪
♪ You bring out the holly jolly me ♪
♪ Oh you're all I need ♪
♪ This Christmas this Christmas ♪
♪ Yeah you bring out the holly jolly me ♪
♪ Oh you're all I need ♪
♪ This Christmas this Christmas ♪
♪ Oh this Christmas ♪
♪ Holly jolly holly jolly ♪
♪ You bring out the holly jolly me ♪
♪ Yeah let me hear you ♪
♪ Bring out the holly jolly me ♪
♪ Yeah it's true ♪
♪ Holly jolly me ♪
♪ You bring out the holly jolly me ♪