1 00:00:01,270 --> 00:00:03,270 Emily: Da‐ad? 2 00:00:03,270 --> 00:00:05,400 Da‐ad? 3 00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:07,150 Emily? 4 00:00:07,150 --> 00:00:08,560 I had a dream. 5 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:12,280 [ Whispering ] I know how you're gonna die. 6 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:13,400 What?! [ Clatter ] 7 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:14,240 [ Screaming ] 8 00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:15,700 Aah! 9 00:00:15,700 --> 00:00:17,240 What's ‐‐ What's happening? What's happening? 10 00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:18,830 She just said she knows how I'm gonna die. 11 00:00:20,700 --> 00:00:22,120 Do we have life insurance? 12 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:23,910 [ Groans ] 13 00:00:23,910 --> 00:00:25,460 Can I have my iPad? 14 00:00:25,460 --> 00:00:28,170 I want to look at pictures of mummies. 15 00:00:28,170 --> 00:00:29,790 Can she? 16 00:00:29,790 --> 00:00:31,130 What? No! 17 00:00:31,130 --> 00:00:32,210 Go to bed! 18 00:00:32,210 --> 00:00:34,470 Can I at least have a Popsicle? 19 00:00:34,470 --> 00:00:36,300 Can she? 20 00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:37,890 Uh, no? No! No. 21 00:00:37,890 --> 00:00:39,640 No. Bed. 22 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,810 If you wake your sister, no more "National Geographic for Kids." 23 00:00:43,980 --> 00:00:45,690 Bill, did you just threaten to punish her 24 00:00:45,690 --> 00:00:47,100 by taking away geography? 25 00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:48,400 Yep. 26 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:51,230 And I'll do it, too. 27 00:00:51,230 --> 00:00:54,610 Her obsession with Ancient Egypt is very weird. 28 00:00:54,610 --> 00:00:57,740 I love her, but she is just strange. 29 00:00:57,740 --> 00:01:00,070 You know, she names all her bananas 30 00:01:00,070 --> 00:01:01,990 and then does their screams while she eats them. 31 00:01:05,710 --> 00:01:06,790 Are we bad parents? 32 00:01:06,790 --> 00:01:08,710 Ohh. 33 00:01:08,710 --> 00:01:09,750 Probably. 34 00:01:11,710 --> 00:01:13,380 She has zero friends. 35 00:01:13,380 --> 00:01:15,340 You know, I wish she could just make one. 36 00:01:15,340 --> 00:01:17,840 Must be why her teacher's making us come in for this conference. 37 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:19,260 Yeah, it's gotta be bad news, right? 38 00:01:19,260 --> 00:01:20,510 Or else the teacher would just text us. 39 00:01:20,510 --> 00:01:22,560 It's like, why don't people just text bad news? 40 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:24,600 Yeah, what, do you want to stare at us while we get bad news? 41 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:25,730 I mean, t‐that's psycho. 42 00:01:27,770 --> 00:01:29,810 Our daughter's insane, and the teacher's psycho. 43 00:01:29,810 --> 00:01:31,810 Well, we figured it out. Great 2:00 a. m. talk, sweetie. 44 00:01:33,570 --> 00:01:35,740 [ Grunts ] [ Grunts ] 45 00:01:35,740 --> 00:01:36,780 [ Door slams, girl crying ] 46 00:01:36,780 --> 00:01:37,820 [ Groans ] 47 00:01:37,820 --> 00:01:39,320 And she woke the baby. 48 00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:41,620 Okay, that's it! No more Egypt! 49 00:01:41,620 --> 00:01:42,700 [ Clunk ] Aah! 50 00:01:42,700 --> 00:01:48,210 ♪♪ 51 00:01:48,210 --> 00:01:49,870 [ Sighs ] 52 00:01:51,170 --> 00:01:52,090 [ Sighs deeply ] 53 00:01:53,630 --> 00:01:54,800 [ Exhales sharply ] 54 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,170 I hate the sunrise. 55 00:01:58,970 --> 00:02:00,260 Yeah, me, too. 56 00:02:00,260 --> 00:02:02,430 I'm already exhausted, and nothing's even happened yet. 57 00:02:04,890 --> 00:02:06,850 Hey, look at this Facebook reminder. 58 00:02:06,850 --> 00:02:09,190 10 years ago today ‐‐ whitewater rafting in Belize. 59 00:02:09,190 --> 00:02:10,190 Oh. 60 00:02:10,190 --> 00:02:11,650 Wait, who's that guy you're kissing? 61 00:02:11,650 --> 00:02:13,730 That's you. 62 00:02:13,730 --> 00:02:15,820 Wow! I have so much hair. 63 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:19,700 I know. 64 00:02:19,700 --> 00:02:20,860 I know. 65 00:02:24,530 --> 00:02:26,080 But this is better. 66 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:27,370 Right? 67 00:02:27,370 --> 00:02:28,540 Hmm? 68 00:02:28,540 --> 00:02:30,160 Oh, yeah, yeah, definitely. 69 00:02:33,330 --> 00:02:42,050 ♪♪ 70 00:02:43,510 --> 00:02:46,350 Oh. Whatcha drawing? 71 00:02:46,350 --> 00:02:47,520 My birthday party. 72 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:49,230 Yeah? You better leave room for your friends. 73 00:02:49,230 --> 00:02:50,310 No, I'm done. 74 00:02:52,190 --> 00:02:53,940 Good morning, my angels. 75 00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:54,810 ‐Good morning, Mom. ‐Morning. 76 00:02:54,810 --> 00:02:55,820 Hi, Grandma. 77 00:02:55,820 --> 00:02:57,020 Hi, Grandma. 78 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:00,650 My medications are interacting with each other 79 00:03:00,650 --> 00:03:02,780 in a very pleasant way this morning. 80 00:03:05,740 --> 00:03:07,790 Here you go, kids. Yummy! 81 00:03:07,790 --> 00:03:10,580 Or ‐‐ Or maybe they'd like some of my bran cereal. 82 00:03:10,580 --> 00:03:12,960 Please, not this again. I can't. Give me strength, Jesus. 83 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:14,960 I'm sorry, but, like all Americans, 84 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,340 these kids need more fiber. 85 00:03:17,340 --> 00:03:19,210 What are they? 50‐year‐old cops? They'll be fine. 86 00:03:21,420 --> 00:03:24,840 Oh, you laugh, but if you don't eat enough fiber, 87 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:26,550 I know how you're gonna die. 88 00:03:30,730 --> 00:03:33,560 Look, Mom, if we give them bran, they won't eat it, okay? 89 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:35,100 Watch. 90 00:03:35,100 --> 00:03:35,940 See? 91 00:03:40,230 --> 00:03:41,690 You see? 92 00:03:41,690 --> 00:03:44,740 Are we just going to let her throw her cereal? 93 00:03:44,740 --> 00:03:46,530 Yes, that's ‐‐ that's what 2‐year‐olds do. 94 00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:48,280 [ Gasps ] But they might not, 95 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:52,910 if we team up together to establish consequences. 96 00:03:52,910 --> 00:03:55,330 Oh! Like how you used to threaten to take my dog away? 97 00:03:55,330 --> 00:03:57,460 Exactly! That worked! 98 00:03:57,460 --> 00:03:59,210 Through fear! 99 00:03:59,210 --> 00:04:02,970 Okay, Bill, what's your generation's enlightened way 100 00:04:02,970 --> 00:04:04,880 of stopping the bran bandit? 101 00:04:09,890 --> 00:04:11,140 Here you go, sweetie. 102 00:04:11,140 --> 00:04:12,430 See? 103 00:04:12,430 --> 00:04:13,730 My pops! 104 00:04:15,850 --> 00:04:16,850 Mm‐hmm. 105 00:04:16,850 --> 00:04:17,860 Mm‐hmm. 106 00:04:23,780 --> 00:04:25,070 Good, Lulu. 107 00:04:25,070 --> 00:04:27,820 Grandma can't take you away. 108 00:04:27,820 --> 00:04:30,830 Prepare to be e‐mailed several articles. 109 00:04:33,870 --> 00:04:36,710 Hey, remember when my mom moved in with us two years ago 110 00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,170 because she was sick? 111 00:04:38,170 --> 00:04:39,630 Then she got better and never left? 112 00:04:39,630 --> 00:04:41,550 It was the worst miracle. 113 00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:44,470 Honey, I love her, 114 00:04:44,470 --> 00:04:46,550 but we cannot let her negativity get to us. 115 00:04:46,550 --> 00:04:48,140 No, no, don't worry. 116 00:04:48,140 --> 00:04:50,050 We will never treat the kids the way she treats us, okay? 117 00:04:50,050 --> 00:04:52,470 Look, let‐‐ let's just make a conscious decision 118 00:04:52,470 --> 00:04:54,310 to be positive, huh? 119 00:04:54,310 --> 00:04:56,310 You know what? I like it. 120 00:04:56,310 --> 00:04:58,650 How about this ‐‐ how about we both say something 121 00:04:58,650 --> 00:05:00,980 that we're grateful for, okay? Okay. 122 00:05:00,980 --> 00:05:02,820 I love yo‐‐ I love Dan, the guy who trims our trees. 123 00:05:02,820 --> 00:05:03,780 Huh? Oh. 124 00:05:04,990 --> 00:05:06,240 Yeah, he's good. 125 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,910 Okay. Here you are, kiddo. Let me grab your backpack. 126 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:12,410 Oh, Bill, did you get her lunch? 127 00:05:12,410 --> 00:05:13,740 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 128 00:05:13,740 --> 00:05:15,750 Bill, I don't remember rushing around like this 129 00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:17,160 when I was raising you. 130 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:18,710 I guess I was organized. 131 00:05:20,840 --> 00:05:21,880 Thanks, Mom. 132 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,170 Hey, babe, is this a leak? 133 00:05:24,170 --> 00:05:27,340 You know, I did not marry a contractor to live like this. 134 00:05:28,550 --> 00:05:30,260 We gotta hide that bucket. Chuy's coming over. 135 00:05:30,260 --> 00:05:31,890 What? Why? 136 00:05:31,890 --> 00:05:34,270 Because I couldn't get any of my other brothers to drive me to work. 137 00:05:34,270 --> 00:05:35,810 Oh, come on. Don't let him in the house, okay? 138 00:05:35,810 --> 00:05:38,060 I can't deal with his upbeat negativity. 139 00:05:38,060 --> 00:05:41,230 He really is caring and helpful... 140 00:05:41,230 --> 00:05:44,530 [ Whispering ] and annoying and so freakin' awful. 141 00:05:44,530 --> 00:05:46,940 I love him. 142 00:05:46,940 --> 00:05:49,160 That lines up. [ Car door closes ] 143 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:51,120 [ Sighs ] Crap. He's in the driveway. 144 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:53,080 Oh, just go. Just go. Get out the door. Don't worry about ‐‐ Okay. 145 00:05:54,490 --> 00:05:56,410 ‐Hey! ‐Hey! 146 00:05:56,410 --> 00:05:58,160 What's going on there, bud? Good to see you, Chu. 147 00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:00,370 I know you guys are too proud to ask for help, 148 00:06:00,370 --> 00:06:01,960 so my wife, Brie, and I 149 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:03,880 put together a charity box for you. 150 00:06:05,170 --> 00:06:07,880 Chuy, we both work for the family business. 151 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:09,380 I make the same as you do. 152 00:06:09,380 --> 00:06:11,890 Come on, Jo. It's me, your brother! 153 00:06:11,890 --> 00:06:13,510 The car is "in the shop," 154 00:06:13,510 --> 00:06:15,310 you're still living with Bill's mom. 155 00:06:15,310 --> 00:06:16,890 No, she lives with us. 156 00:06:16,890 --> 00:06:18,890 It's unclear. No, it isn't. 157 00:06:18,890 --> 00:06:20,980 And I checked your recycling. 158 00:06:20,980 --> 00:06:23,520 There were 12 beer cans in there. 159 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:25,150 So? [ Scoffs ] 160 00:06:25,150 --> 00:06:28,070 Look, I've been known to enjoy a cerveza on a Friday night 161 00:06:28,070 --> 00:06:29,990 after the kids go to bed, 162 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:32,820 but each of you is drinking almost a beer a night. 163 00:06:33,990 --> 00:06:37,290 Okay, well, most of those are Jo's. 164 00:06:37,290 --> 00:06:40,710 I can barely see you guys behind all these red flags. 165 00:06:40,710 --> 00:06:42,540 Okay, well, you should probably be getting off to work, huh? 166 00:06:42,540 --> 00:06:43,670 Time is money. 167 00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:45,500 No, no, no. Time is time. 168 00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:47,250 Maybe if you knew that, you'd have money. 169 00:06:49,220 --> 00:06:52,470 ♪ Z, Y, X, W, V, U, T... ♪ 170 00:06:52,470 --> 00:06:53,970 Oh, whatcha doing, sweetie? 171 00:06:53,970 --> 00:06:56,310 The alphabet backwards. 172 00:06:56,310 --> 00:06:57,850 Oh. 173 00:06:57,850 --> 00:06:59,730 Aren't you gonna correct her? 174 00:06:59,730 --> 00:07:01,520 They won't. I've tried. 175 00:07:02,850 --> 00:07:05,400 We will just see what her teacher has to say about it 176 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:06,940 today at her conference. 177 00:07:06,940 --> 00:07:09,280 Oh, so, you're gonna let the teacher parent your child for you? 178 00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:10,780 [ Chuckles ] 179 00:07:10,780 --> 00:07:11,780 Maybe. 180 00:07:13,490 --> 00:07:17,410 See, Chuy, this is the attitude I was texting you about. 181 00:07:17,410 --> 00:07:19,370 Okay, no, look, I got it, alright? 182 00:07:19,370 --> 00:07:21,410 Hey. Hey, you. 183 00:07:21,410 --> 00:07:23,210 Is everything alright at school? Hmm? 184 00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:24,580 Have you been disruptive? 185 00:07:24,580 --> 00:07:25,920 I don't know, Dad. 186 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:28,250 Have you been disruptive? 187 00:07:28,250 --> 00:07:29,380 Boop! 188 00:07:29,380 --> 00:07:37,430 ♪♪ 189 00:07:37,430 --> 00:07:38,560 I can't believe we're here 190 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,720 and my brother Gary's on a yacht in Italy. 191 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:43,440 Eight of my brothers are in court, on opposite sides. 192 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:47,360 I don't want to go to some dumb conference 193 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:49,440 and hear that we're bad parents. 194 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:50,530 This sucks. 195 00:07:50,530 --> 00:07:52,030 Doesn't have to suck for both of us. 196 00:07:52,030 --> 00:07:53,780 [ Muffled ] Oh, nice try. You're going. 197 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,660 Okay, you know what? We need a plan. 198 00:07:58,660 --> 00:08:00,580 Can I make a positive suggestion? 199 00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:02,250 Okay? Okay. 200 00:08:02,250 --> 00:08:04,210 Uh... 201 00:08:04,210 --> 00:08:06,920 you tend to need... everyone to like us, 202 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,670 so would you mind not holding my hand in there, 203 00:08:08,670 --> 00:08:10,050 just to make us look good? 204 00:08:11,260 --> 00:08:13,340 Okay. Can I make a positive suggestion? 205 00:08:13,340 --> 00:08:14,760 Sure. 206 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:16,800 You get very emotional whenever we talk about the children, 207 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:18,430 so don't start crying 208 00:08:18,430 --> 00:08:20,430 and then turn this into your personal therapy. 209 00:08:20,430 --> 00:08:22,560 Alright, alright, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. 210 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:24,480 Just being positive again ‐‐ 211 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,900 don't laugh when she hasn't made a joke. 212 00:08:26,900 --> 00:08:29,060 You do that, and it's weird. 213 00:08:29,060 --> 00:08:30,860 Know what I mean? 214 00:08:30,860 --> 00:08:31,860 Okay. 215 00:08:31,860 --> 00:08:34,110 Also, being super positive ‐‐ 216 00:08:34,110 --> 00:08:36,320 don't volunteer me to make tacos for the class, 217 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:37,950 or I will freak out. 218 00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:40,740 Okay. Alright. That feels like enough positivity for n‐‐ 219 00:08:41,700 --> 00:08:42,830 Oh, God. It's time. 220 00:08:45,830 --> 00:08:47,960 Alright. Let's not overthink this. 221 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,920 We will listen, not talk. 222 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:51,460 It's about Emily, not us. 223 00:08:51,460 --> 00:08:53,090 Great. Listen, don't talk. Got it. 224 00:08:53,090 --> 00:08:54,720 What's more important? You know, Emily's independent. 225 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:56,300 Friends or character? Americans are independent. 226 00:08:56,300 --> 00:08:57,760 Actually, that's why we celebrate Independence Day. 227 00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:00,220 And what is "unusual"? I mean, wasn't Einstein unusual? 228 00:09:00,220 --> 00:09:01,600 Right. Wasn't Picasso? 229 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:02,850 Wasn't, uh... who's that fellow? 230 00:09:02,850 --> 00:09:04,350 Armie Hammer? 231 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,390 First of all, hello. 232 00:09:07,390 --> 00:09:09,520 [ Laughs ] 233 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:11,480 Not a joke. 234 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,440 Please, have a seat. 235 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:15,950 You seem nervous I called you in. 236 00:09:15,950 --> 00:09:18,030 Of course I'm nervous. My daughter knows how I'm gonna die. 237 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:23,990 Well, I felt it important, given Emily's... 238 00:09:23,990 --> 00:09:26,540 quirks, that you hear in person ‐‐ 239 00:09:26,540 --> 00:09:28,830 Oh, boy. Here we go. 240 00:09:28,830 --> 00:09:30,580 ...that I think Emily is... 241 00:09:32,290 --> 00:09:34,050 ...great. 242 00:09:34,050 --> 00:09:35,460 Alright, listen, where do you get of‐‐ 243 00:09:35,460 --> 00:09:37,050 Wait, what? 244 00:09:37,050 --> 00:09:39,050 Wow. That's terrific. 245 00:09:39,050 --> 00:09:40,510 That's actually a gigantic relief. 246 00:09:40,510 --> 00:09:41,970 Also feels a bit like you could have texted it. 247 00:09:41,970 --> 00:09:42,760 Yeah. 248 00:09:44,180 --> 00:09:46,600 So, she gets along with other kids? 249 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:48,890 No. [ Scoffs ] 250 00:09:48,890 --> 00:09:52,020 But her best friend is her imagination. 251 00:09:52,020 --> 00:09:54,230 She actually reminds me of a student I had years ago 252 00:09:54,230 --> 00:09:55,860 who wound up going to Harvard. 253 00:09:55,860 --> 00:09:58,240 Neat. Good for him! 254 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:00,360 Yeah, well, he was crushed by an avalanche. 255 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:01,910 Girl, he dead. 256 00:10:05,910 --> 00:10:08,370 Oh, no. Sorry for your loss. 257 00:10:08,370 --> 00:10:10,580 Anyway, Emily. 258 00:10:10,580 --> 00:10:13,920 She struggles a bit socially, but still, she's happy, 259 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:15,710 so you must be great parents. 260 00:10:15,710 --> 00:10:17,170 [ Gasps ] 261 00:10:17,170 --> 00:10:18,760 Ohh! 262 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,800 Oh! 263 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:22,340 You know, uh, this morning, 264 00:10:22,340 --> 00:10:24,640 my mom said that I was raising my kids wrong, 265 00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:26,350 but she's wrong. 266 00:10:26,350 --> 00:10:27,430 She... 267 00:10:29,270 --> 00:10:30,480 [ Voice breaking ] ...was wrong about me. 268 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:31,690 I'm sorry. 269 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:35,270 Mrs. Shaw, thank you so much. 270 00:10:35,270 --> 00:10:36,570 My pleasure. 271 00:10:36,570 --> 00:10:38,240 We're actually having 272 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:39,860 an international food day, if you want to volunteer. 273 00:10:39,860 --> 00:10:42,360 Oh. Nope. Sorry. No, I can't. Gotta work. Sorry. Busy. 274 00:10:44,030 --> 00:10:46,370 Emily's great! Positivity works! 275 00:10:46,370 --> 00:10:48,790 Ohhh! [ Laughs ] 276 00:10:48,790 --> 00:10:50,210 [ Gasps ] 277 00:10:50,210 --> 00:10:51,750 I can't wait to rub it in my mom's face. 278 00:10:51,750 --> 00:10:52,920 Me, too. 279 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,130 Hi! 280 00:10:54,130 --> 00:10:55,170 Hi! 281 00:10:55,170 --> 00:10:56,460 Oh, who's that? 282 00:10:56,460 --> 00:10:57,250 No clue. 283 00:10:57,250 --> 00:10:58,670 ♪♪ 284 00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:05,180 You're probably wondering why we invited you in. 285 00:11:05,180 --> 00:11:06,390 You need money. 286 00:11:07,890 --> 00:11:10,810 You see, today, we've decided to be positive. 287 00:11:10,810 --> 00:11:11,890 Interesting. 288 00:11:11,890 --> 00:11:13,650 And at our conference, 289 00:11:13,650 --> 00:11:15,940 the teacher said she loves Emily. 290 00:11:15,940 --> 00:11:17,900 Mm‐hmm. And the teacher added 291 00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:21,190 that Emily reminds her exactly of a student who went to ‐‐ 292 00:11:21,190 --> 00:11:22,450 Wait. Hold on a second. I forget. 293 00:11:22,450 --> 00:11:23,610 Do you remember where it was, Jo? 294 00:11:23,610 --> 00:11:24,820 Mm...Harvard. 295 00:11:27,370 --> 00:11:28,990 Harvard. 296 00:11:28,990 --> 00:11:30,620 That's a college, Mom. 297 00:11:32,910 --> 00:11:36,000 And just for reference, dear brother, 298 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,790 where was it, again, that you went? 299 00:11:39,130 --> 00:11:40,880 University of Longmont. 300 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:43,050 Well, in spite of both of you 301 00:11:43,050 --> 00:11:46,220 thinking that we do everything wrong, 302 00:11:46,220 --> 00:11:48,010 the teacher said that we are great parents. 303 00:11:49,220 --> 00:11:49,970 Great... 304 00:11:51,350 --> 00:11:52,140 ...parents. 305 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:57,480 This wine tastes cheap. 306 00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:59,400 Yeah, well, last Christmas, you gave it to us. 307 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:02,150 Mom, look! 308 00:12:02,150 --> 00:12:04,150 Oh, my God! What happened?! 309 00:12:04,150 --> 00:12:05,780 Why is that outside her body?! 310 00:12:05,780 --> 00:12:07,240 I don't know! Why?! 311 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:10,620 Bill, get Lulu! We have to go to the ER now! 312 00:12:10,620 --> 00:12:12,750 ♪♪ 313 00:12:12,750 --> 00:12:14,290 It's a prolapsed rectum. 314 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:19,790 Well, now we have the wedding toast. 315 00:12:19,790 --> 00:12:21,630 Oh, my God. Is she gonna be okay? 316 00:12:21,630 --> 00:12:22,760 What happened? 317 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:24,130 Well, a prolapsed rectum is, 318 00:12:24,130 --> 00:12:25,840 for lack of a more graceful description, 319 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:27,800 when your entire butt falls out of your body. 320 00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:34,520 Okay, so anyone's butt can just fall out at ‐‐ at any moment? 321 00:12:36,060 --> 00:12:37,730 Yes. 322 00:12:37,730 --> 00:12:40,070 That is such a design flaw! 323 00:12:40,070 --> 00:12:42,940 I should know! I'm an engineer! 324 00:12:42,940 --> 00:12:45,570 What kind of life is this?! 325 00:12:45,570 --> 00:12:47,700 Bill, calmate. 326 00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:49,070 Are we looking at surgery? 327 00:12:49,070 --> 00:12:50,410 No, if she relaxes for an hour, 328 00:12:50,410 --> 00:12:52,450 everything should naturally go back into her body, 329 00:12:52,450 --> 00:12:54,540 and then you just need to make sure she gets enough fiber. 330 00:12:56,250 --> 00:12:58,880 Do not tell that to my mother. 331 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:00,380 I...won't. 332 00:13:01,750 --> 00:13:03,420 So, it won't happen again? 333 00:13:03,420 --> 00:13:05,010 Oh, no, it could easily happen again, 334 00:13:05,010 --> 00:13:06,300 and you'll never know when or where, 335 00:13:06,300 --> 00:13:09,180 but also, maybe it won't. 336 00:13:09,180 --> 00:13:11,760 Okay, so, on top of everything else that's going on, 337 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:13,720 we're essentially living with a butt time bomb. 338 00:13:15,060 --> 00:13:16,020 Yes. 339 00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:19,690 For your daughter's file, can you tell me what happened? 340 00:13:19,690 --> 00:13:21,270 We don't know exactly. 341 00:13:21,270 --> 00:13:23,190 We were in the other room, she screamed for us ‐‐ 342 00:13:23,190 --> 00:13:25,610 Yeah, you know how kids are constantly screaming and it's usually nothing? 343 00:13:25,610 --> 00:13:28,110 So, you typically ignore her screams? 344 00:13:28,110 --> 00:13:31,070 No. I mean, we're not helicopter parents. 345 00:13:31,070 --> 00:13:33,080 Right, but at the same time, we're not free‐range parents. 346 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,250 We have no style. We're ‐‐ We're kind of nothing parents. 347 00:13:35,250 --> 00:13:36,710 Yeah, yeah, we're just sort of there, 348 00:13:36,710 --> 00:13:38,870 yet at the same time... not. 349 00:13:38,870 --> 00:13:40,880 Why are you writing so much? 350 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:44,340 Don't worry. This is just information for Jane. 351 00:13:44,340 --> 00:13:45,800 Who's Jane? 352 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:47,720 Hi, I'm Jane Costa. I'm a social worker. 353 00:13:50,180 --> 00:13:52,760 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Social worker? 354 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:54,930 Do I need to call my attorney? 355 00:13:54,930 --> 00:13:57,930 [ Softly ] Do I need to Google attorneys and pick one really fast? 356 00:13:57,930 --> 00:14:00,100 No, I just have to ask you a few questions 357 00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:02,480 and make sure there are no parenting issues. 358 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:04,320 Okay. 359 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:07,400 Your kids have been to the ER three times already this year. 360 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:08,700 Oh, that's it? 361 00:14:10,610 --> 00:14:13,280 Can you explain the reason for all these visits? 362 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:15,330 Well, the first visit was pinworms. 363 00:14:15,330 --> 00:14:17,620 If we say anything more about it, I'll throw up. 364 00:14:17,620 --> 00:14:20,040 The next visit... 365 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:21,960 well, Lulu had a temperature of 107. 366 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:23,210 It was actually a hospital record. 367 00:14:23,210 --> 00:14:24,380 [ Chuckles ] 368 00:14:24,380 --> 00:14:26,760 Not that we...care about those sorts of things. 369 00:14:28,130 --> 00:14:30,180 Uh, the third visit was... again, pinworms. 370 00:14:30,180 --> 00:14:32,140 Do you have a garbage pail? 371 00:14:33,550 --> 00:14:35,100 Is there a problem? 372 00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:37,020 I mean, it's clear nothing criminal took place. 373 00:14:37,020 --> 00:14:39,980 Maybe just a little bit of negligent parenting. 374 00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:41,440 Excuse me? No, you know what? 375 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,730 Hearing it out loud, I'm beginning to see her side of this. 376 00:14:45,570 --> 00:14:47,570 No. 377 00:14:47,570 --> 00:14:49,780 How old are you, Jane? 378 00:14:49,780 --> 00:14:50,780 23. 379 00:14:50,780 --> 00:14:53,110 And do you have children, Jane? 380 00:14:53,110 --> 00:14:54,570 It's not good when she starts saying your name like that. 381 00:14:54,570 --> 00:14:55,740 Not now, Bill. Okay. 382 00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:59,040 No offense ‐‐ this isn't about me. 383 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:00,210 It's about you. 384 00:15:00,210 --> 00:15:02,710 Oh, but this is about you, 385 00:15:02,710 --> 00:15:05,040 because you have no idea what life is. 386 00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:06,090 I'm sorry? 387 00:15:06,090 --> 00:15:08,300 10 years ago, I was you. 388 00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:10,760 No responsibilities, life was easy, 389 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:13,550 and now I haven't used a bathroom by myself 390 00:15:13,550 --> 00:15:15,090 in six years! 391 00:15:15,090 --> 00:15:17,600 That's a little bit on me, actually. 392 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:21,850 You have no idea the pressure of raising kids, 393 00:15:21,850 --> 00:15:24,690 knowing that you can't possibly do everything right, 394 00:15:24,690 --> 00:15:26,060 but you have to do it anyway, 395 00:15:26,060 --> 00:15:27,570 while your mother‐in‐law questions 396 00:15:27,570 --> 00:15:29,610 every single thing you do. 397 00:15:29,610 --> 00:15:31,740 That's kind of a cheap shot. 398 00:15:31,740 --> 00:15:34,030 And still, you make sure 399 00:15:34,030 --> 00:15:35,740 that your beautiful child is safe, 400 00:15:35,740 --> 00:15:37,280 and you send her out into the world, 401 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,870 and no one at school will be friends with her, 402 00:15:39,870 --> 00:15:43,620 and then her organs just go flying out of her body! 403 00:15:43,620 --> 00:15:47,380 So, God forbid, if in the middle of all this chaos, Jane, 404 00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:50,300 you have a sip of wine and something bad happens! 405 00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:52,630 Well, let me tell you, that is not negligence! 406 00:15:52,630 --> 00:15:54,630 It's called life! 407 00:15:54,630 --> 00:15:56,390 I don't even know what time it is anymore. 408 00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:57,640 3:00 a. m. 409 00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:59,640 It's 3:00 a. m., Jane! 410 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:01,930 So, if my daughter's butt is back in her body, 411 00:16:01,930 --> 00:16:03,770 we would very much like to go home now, Jane! 412 00:16:05,140 --> 00:16:06,350 Yeah! 413 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:16,780 ♪♪ 414 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,120 Hey. How we doing? 415 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:24,790 Everything's back where it's supposed to be. 416 00:16:24,790 --> 00:16:25,830 She's good to go. 417 00:16:25,830 --> 00:16:27,710 Ah, thank you, Doctor. 418 00:16:27,710 --> 00:16:30,420 I heard you yelled at Jane. 419 00:16:30,420 --> 00:16:32,960 Yeah. Sorry. I snapped. 420 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:34,550 I'm a parent. I understand. 421 00:16:34,550 --> 00:16:35,970 Sometimes you just need to yell at a stranger. 422 00:16:37,510 --> 00:16:39,010 Besides, she made a big error 423 00:16:39,010 --> 00:16:41,640 in the softball game last weekend, so...good. 424 00:16:45,180 --> 00:16:47,060 Hey. Look what we got you. 425 00:16:47,060 --> 00:16:48,060 [ Gasps ] 426 00:16:48,060 --> 00:16:49,560 His name is Samuel, 427 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:51,520 he lives in Antarctica, 428 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:54,110 and his main predator is seals. 429 00:16:55,740 --> 00:16:58,030 Okay, kiddo. Time to go. 430 00:16:58,030 --> 00:17:00,490 It was fun watching a movie with you, Kimmy. 431 00:17:00,490 --> 00:17:03,240 Thanks for teaching me about mummies. 432 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:06,370 No problem. They're very interesting. 433 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:10,920 Can you come play with me sometime? 434 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:12,300 That would be fun. 435 00:17:12,300 --> 00:17:13,000 Bye. 436 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,300 Bye. 437 00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:18,760 Dad. 438 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,060 I get to go home, but Kimmy has to stay here, 439 00:17:22,060 --> 00:17:24,270 and I don't want her to be alone. 440 00:17:28,730 --> 00:17:30,520 Sammy will take care of you. 441 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:31,770 Thank you. 442 00:17:33,150 --> 00:17:35,150 Guess we're doing something right. 443 00:17:35,150 --> 00:17:36,990 [ Voice breaking ] Hey, keep him away from seals, Kimmy. 444 00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:38,400 Oh. Okay. 445 00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:50,460 ♪♪ 446 00:17:53,380 --> 00:17:55,050 Life is so weird. 447 00:17:55,050 --> 00:17:58,470 We're positive, and then a butt disaster happens. 448 00:17:58,470 --> 00:18:02,140 Then we're negative, and Emily finally makes a friend. 449 00:18:02,140 --> 00:18:04,390 People who don't have children are stupid 450 00:18:04,390 --> 00:18:05,680 and understand nothing 451 00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:07,770 and are also very, very lucky. 452 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:11,940 Hey. Let's be grateful. 453 00:18:11,940 --> 00:18:13,730 Seeing all those kids in the hospitals ‐‐ 454 00:18:13,730 --> 00:18:15,400 No, I know. I know. Ohh. 455 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:16,320 We're blessed. 456 00:18:17,820 --> 00:18:19,070 Hey. Hmm? 457 00:18:20,820 --> 00:18:22,280 [ Police siren chirps ] 458 00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:23,450 The universe hates us! 459 00:18:29,250 --> 00:18:30,580 Sir, have you been drinking tonight? 460 00:18:30,580 --> 00:18:32,130 You reek of alcohol. 461 00:18:32,130 --> 00:18:33,130 Oh, right. No. 462 00:18:33,130 --> 00:18:34,920 Uh, about nine hours ago, 463 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:37,050 my wife threw a glass of white wine on me. 464 00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:38,670 By accident. [ Chuckles ] 465 00:18:40,010 --> 00:18:40,930 Uh‐huh. 466 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:46,390 Hey, have you ever heard of a prolapsed rectum? 467 00:18:47,850 --> 00:18:49,100 Sir, please step out of the car. 468 00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:51,690 ♪ Oh ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪ 469 00:18:51,690 --> 00:18:52,810 ♪ Oh ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪ 470 00:18:52,810 --> 00:18:55,900 ♪ Woman, I can do anything you like ♪ 471 00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:57,940 ♪ I can do anything you need ♪ 472 00:18:57,940 --> 00:18:59,740 ♪ Ain't I got a better body ♪ 473 00:18:59,740 --> 00:19:01,650 ♪ Than the magazines you read? ♪ 474 00:19:01,650 --> 00:19:05,950 ♪ None of them boys know the first thing about your fantasy ♪ 475 00:19:05,950 --> 00:19:08,870 ♪ And if they tried, they cannot do it just like me ♪ 476 00:19:08,870 --> 00:19:10,910 ♪ I know you certainly been gone ♪ 477 00:19:10,910 --> 00:19:12,330 ♪ And it's been much too long ♪ 478 00:19:12,330 --> 00:19:18,210 ...M, L, K, J, I... 479 00:19:18,210 --> 00:19:19,590 I... 480 00:19:19,590 --> 00:19:20,800 H! 481 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:22,550 H! 482 00:19:22,550 --> 00:19:23,630 Uh... 483 00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:27,510 G, F, E, D... G, F, E, D... 484 00:19:27,510 --> 00:19:29,350 C, B, A! C, B, A! 485 00:19:29,350 --> 00:19:30,850 Yay! Yay! 486 00:19:30,850 --> 00:19:32,730 Whoo‐hoo! Whoo! 487 00:19:34,350 --> 00:19:36,900 I always do the alphabet backwards. 488 00:19:42,900 --> 00:19:46,160 And I will never correct anything she does. 489 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:48,160 I mean, we're great parents. 490 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,700 Who are you to tell me what's right or wrong? 491 00:19:51,950 --> 00:19:53,660 I'm a police officer. 492 00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:56,460 How about I drive home? 493 00:19:56,460 --> 00:19:57,790 ♪♪ 494 00:20:03,420 --> 00:20:05,220 Hey, we did it. 495 00:20:05,220 --> 00:20:06,760 We made it home. 496 00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:08,550 [ Laughs ] 497 00:20:08,550 --> 00:20:09,640 It's not a joke. 498 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:13,350 I hate the sunrise. 499 00:20:13,350 --> 00:20:15,690 The worst. Ugh. 500 00:20:15,690 --> 00:20:17,560 [ Both laugh ] 501 00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:20,230 Look at everything that happened just today, huh? 502 00:20:20,230 --> 00:20:21,570 That was, uh... 503 00:20:21,570 --> 00:20:22,900 Oh, that was, uh... 504 00:20:22,900 --> 00:20:24,450 so much life. 505 00:20:24,450 --> 00:20:25,950 [ Sighs ] 506 00:20:25,950 --> 00:20:27,160 Too much life. 507 00:20:28,370 --> 00:20:29,990 I, um... 508 00:20:29,990 --> 00:20:31,870 I have no idea what I'm doing. 509 00:20:33,620 --> 00:20:35,210 Me either, babe. 510 00:20:35,210 --> 00:20:38,840 But I know we can get through anything together. 511 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,000 Mwah. 512 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,880 ♪♪ 513 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:46,430 [ Keys clatter ] 514 00:20:47,930 --> 00:20:49,390 Good morning! 515 00:20:49,390 --> 00:20:50,680 Night. Good night. 516 00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:56,600 Hey! I thought you were trying to be positive. 517 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:59,810 ♪♪ 518 00:20:59,810 --> 00:21:01,020 Yeah! 519 00:21:02,900 --> 00:21:04,780 ♪♪